


Herding Cats

by childishGambino



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Gen, Hivebent, Kissing, M/M, Memo, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog, Polyamory, Rare Pairing, Shipping, Sloppy Makeouts, all of them - Freeform, haha okay i guess that's another tag, rarepairs, ship all the trolls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-01
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-10-31 23:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 464,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/349720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childishGambino/pseuds/childishGambino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an alternate session of SGRUB, something goes wrong, and the timeline is doomed. Nepeta Leijon is given the opportunity to give the universe a second chance. All she has to do is complete one simple task: Ship all the trolls. All of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Choice

Chapter 1

The Choice

"The furocious huntress stalks silently through the bushes, closely observing her purrey."

In truth, there were no bushes. In fact, the girl muttering the completely fictitious narrative sentence was perched behind an unusually large tea kettle, peering over its lid at a cotton candy imp, who was completely oblivious to her presence.

"Sensing the purrfect time to make her move..." she said, unsheathing her claws.

"She strikes!" With that, the girl dramatically vaulted over the top of the tea kettle, sending the lid flying into a bank of little cubes. The imp turned to face its assailant, but before it could begin to act, the girl had brought down her claws through it, slicing the creature into seven long, flat pieces. They flopped to the ground before disappearing entirely, leaving only a modest amount of grist, which the huntress collected eagerly.

For Nepeta Leijon, the day seemed just like any other in the game. And yet, at the very edges of her perception, she could tell that, ever so subtly, something about it was different.

It was almost like it was... louder.

**HEY KID.**

She almost ignored the strange bit of speech that just popped into her head. Who could it be? It wasn't any voice she recognized.

**THE LITTLE CAT GIRL.**

But there it was again. If it wasn't a memory, then was it a... a voice in her head? Was she going crazy? Oh god, she really didn't want to be going crazy.

**YER THE ONE WHO CARES ABOUT ROMANCE RIGHT.**

No, if it was her own head, she wouldn't be asking herself such silly questions. Of course she liked romance! It was practically her favorite thing in the world!

**I SEEN THE SCRIBBLES IN YER CAVE.**

So if it wasn't her, it must be someone watching her. She looked up at nothing in particular and pointed to herself.

**YEAH YOU. THE LITTLE BROAD WITH THE CAT HORNS POINTIN AT HERSELF.**

Okay, it could see her, but could it hear her?

"What do you want?" she asked. At first she felt a little silly talking to nothing in particular, but then she remembered she does that all the time anyway when she's roleplaying. Then that just made her feel a little sillier.

**I WANT YOU TA STOP MESSIN AROUND AND KISS THE BOY.**

"What boy?"

**THE ONE ALL OVER YER WALLS. THE SHOUTY RUNT WITH THE NUBBY HORNS.**

A look of desperate terror came over her face. "You know about that?! Listen, you can't tell anyone about it! I mean nopawdy!"

**WHOA WHOA TAKE IT EASY KID. I AINT TELLIN ANYBODY ABOUT YER LITTLE CRUSH.**

She sighed in relief. The last thing she needed was her OTP getting out. "Thank you," she said.

**ONLY OTHER KID I TALKED TO WAS SOME RUNT IN A WHEELCHAIR.**

"You mean Tavros?" she asked, then realized what a silly question it was. Of course it was Tavros. And considering the voice hadn't even asked for her name yet, it probably didn't even know who Tavros was.

**I TOLD HIM TA KISS THE GIRL BUT HE WOULDNT LISTEN.**

"Wait, what? Kiss who? Vwiskers?" Certainly not Vriska... right?

**THE WHOLE SPECTACLE WAS EMBARRASIN. I DONT EVEN WANT TA TALK ABOUT IT.**

Her shoulders slumped. "Well, then, what do you want?"

**I WANT YA TA GO AND KISS THAT BOY.**

A streak of olive painted itself across her cheeks. "What? But I can't just kiss him!"

**YER IN LOVE WITH THE LITTLE RUNT RIGHT**.

"Well, yeah..." she said, her blush intensifying ever so slightly.

**THEN WHAT ARE YA WAITIN FOR. JUST GO KISS THE BOY.**

"But I _can't_! You don't understand! If I just kiss him, he'll think I'm weird, and things will get all awkward between us and he'll never speak to me again!" Her face was burning green, and she was suddenly a little upset that she didn't know exactly which way she should be shouting.

**WELL THEN YA GOTTA USE YER FEMININE WILES TO SEDUCE HIM.**

"Feminine w..." What the hell was it talking about? "What the hell are you talking about?"

**ALRIGHT ALRIGHT MAYBE YER NOT QUITE OLD ENOUGH TA GET THAT YET.**

The voice was starting to get on her nerves. "Then what should I do?"

**ALRIGHT LOOK KID. YER THE HERO A HEART RIGHT.**

"Yes!" she proclaimed, striking a heroic pose. "I am the Rogue of Heart! Even though I'm not really sure what that means yet."

**THEN JUST DO THE HEARTY THING AND MAKE THE RUNT FALL IN LOVE WITH YA.**

"What hearty thing? Could you be a little more descriptive?"

**JUST DO THE HEARTY THING.**

"Okay..." she said. She then tried to do the hearty thing.

**DO THE HEARTY THING.**

She is still attempting to do the hearty thing.

**DO THE HEARTY THING DO THE HEARTY THING DO THE HEARTY THING DO THE HEARTY THING.**

She is having trouble bringing herself to do the hearty thing.

**YOU DO THE HEARTY THING THIS INSTANT.**

She cannot do it. She cannot do the hearty thing.

**WHAT THE HELLS THE MATTER WITH YOU YA LITTLE RUNT.**

"I don't know _how_ to do the hearty thing, okay?! I don't even know what the hearty thing _is_!"

**WELL THEN FIGURE IT OUT.**

"Well, how?!"

**JUST FIND ONE A THE LITTLE SALAMANDERS OR WHATEVER WEIRD LITTLE CREATURES YA GOT WANDERIN AROUND YER PLANET AND TALK TO EM.**

"Do I have to? That sounds silly." 

**YOU WANNA KISS THE BOY RIGHT.**

"Well... yeah."

**THEN FIGURE OUT HOW TA DO THE HEARTY THING.**

"Okay, fine!" She began to march off, but she stopped and turned around. "But just fur the record, I _think_ you could affurd to be a little more pawlite!"

***

"The brave Rogue... ventures deeper into the Denizen's lair... and even though it's dark and spooky and creepy... she isn't scared!"

Nepeta Leijon was scared out of her goddamned mind.

She _had_ been doing her quests, and the voice seemed to be pleased, although it was constantly urging her to just use her heart powers and kiss the boy. But she insisted that it wasn't time yet, and that she had to master her heart powers if she wanted to guarantee her success. That always seemed to quell its... enthusiasm for romance, at least temporarily.

But now she had almost mastered her powers, and all of her quests were complete but one: confronting the Denizen. The consorts, whatever they were (axolotls, she almost remembered?), assured her that she was ready to challenge the beast. And although she had ascended to the top of the echeladder, and bought all the most powerful fraymotifs boondollars could buy, and even spent an enormous amount of grist combining items with her claws until they were so sharp and so deadly that the air itself seemed to cut itself upon them, standing in this tunnel, peering into the darkness beyond, she didn't feel ready at all.

But she pressed on anyway, if not for her own sake, then for his.

As she pushed herself further through the brown passageways--this deep below the surface, the sugary cubes had been crushed into a dark and bitter molasses--she expected to encounter monsters, or puzzles, but she found neither. Even after she was certain the journey itself was harmless, she still carried herself with trepidation, knowing that the true threat waited at the end.

After what seemed like days, the path began to straighten and widen, and, forcing herself to continue, Nepeta found herself in a massive spherical chamber. The enormous structure certainly wasn't natural, but its inner surface was warped with the tensions of eons, and massive caramel stalactites loomed from above, some even having grown into the floor itself to form great columns around the center of the chamber. She would have guessed the place was hundreds of thousands of years old if she hadn't known it was created a little over a week ago.

A massive shadow loomed at the bottom of the chamber, slowly rising and falling with the motion of breathing. A low rumble echoed periodically throughout the room, reverberating off the walls until it seemed to come from every direction at once. It was her Denizen, and it was asleep.

She stepped forward nervously, fruitlessly hoping to get a better look at the creature. "Hello? Are you there?" she asked quietly. "Are you awake?" The Denizen continued to sleep.

Well, if she was asleep, then Nepeta would just have to wake her up. "Psyche!" she shouted. "Wake up!" The sound suddenly halted, and she saw the shadow in the middle of the chamber slowly rise.

Suddenly, the walls of the chamber began to glow, flooding the entire room with a pink-white light. And there, in the center of the chamber, towered an enormous figure, shaped like a troll, but without horns or hair or even arms. Her entire figure was smooth and white, as if she were carved from marble, except for her eyes, which burned internally with an intense pink fire. But her most notable feature was the two massive insectoid wings that sprouted from her back. They as well were pink, the same fuschia as emanated from her eyes and from the chamber's edge, but were inlaid with patterns in a thousand other colors, golds and greens and blues and every color from the hemospectrum and beyond. They drew hearts--an utterly massive, uncountable number of hearts--of all sizes and colors, connected by an inscrutable maze of lines.

It was Psyche, the Denizen of Heart, and Nepeta had just stepped into her demesne.

Every bone in her body screamed out for her to run, to escape, to leave this place while she still had her life and never return, but she made herself stay. Her stomach churned, her blood boiled, and all her muscles went numb but the ones in her legs, but she forced herself to stay. Every single piece of her gnashed and wailed and bellowed at her to leave, for his sake.

Every piece but one: her heart. And her heart told her that for his sake, she had to stay.

So she stood her ground. She remembered the advice of the consorts, that she would have to issue a challenge. Conjuring all her strength, she raised an arm to point her claws at the Denizen, and cried with all the fake bravado she could muster, "Psyche! I, Nepeta Leijon, Rogue of Heart, have come to challenge you for dominion over this planet, the Land of Little Cubes and Tea!"

Acknowledging her command, Psyche leaned forward and lowered her gaze to meet the little troll's. Looking directly into her face, she was beautiful, almost, in a terrifying sort of way. Although she had followed her consorts' advice, she still feared she may have done something wrong, and that any moment Psyche would flare her nostrils and incinerate her in a gout of pink flames, or maybe flick her eyelids and rip her soul into a million pieces. But instead, she opened her mouth, and spoke.

"Very well, Rogue. I accept your challenge." Her voice was filled with unimaginable power, but it didn't boom, didn't thunder, didn't cause the ground to shake, but instead seemed to quake _inside_ her, sending convulsions throughout her every bone, every nerve, every vein. " What are your terms?"

Her terms? She was shocked that Psyche was acknowledging her almost as an equal, but she rationalized that perhaps, after all of her questing and developing her powers, she had begun to rival even the Denizen in power. Nonetheless, she didn't allow herself to lower her guard.

"We will have a contest of strength. A strife!" she began, figuring that a boss fight was what the designers of this game had in mind. "If I win, you will release your grip of tyranny on the people of this land, and you will grant me mastery of my pawers as a Hero of Heart! And if I lose..." she hesitated. She wasn't sure what would happen if she lost. "If I lose, you may do with me what you will!"

Psyche raised her head, but did not avert her gaze from the Rogue, as if taking her challenge with contempt. "A contest of violence. How typical for your species." Her wings moved behind her, and Nepeta saw some of the hearts and lines begin to glow, all in the colors of the hemospectrum, and she could almost see a story form within them, a story of thousands of years of death and bloodshed and conquest. "I will accept these terms, but if you would listen, I would offer an alternative."

Another set of terms? Did the Denizen not want to fight her? In truth, even though it looked as if she might be bargaining from a position of strength, Nepeta did not truly want to fight the Denizen. "Furry well, I'll hear them," she said, lowering her claws.

"Interesting. Perhaps you are different from the rest," Psyche said, once again lowering her gaze to meet the troll's head on, and the faintest of smiles appeared on her marble lips. "My terms are as follows. Instead of any sort of physical conflict, I will ask only that you make The Choice. Depending on The Choice you make, I shall give you a Task. Complete this Task, and I will accede to your demands."

An unusual request, but Nepeta supposes it can't be harder than fighting her. "What is The Choice?"

"I cannot tell you until you have accepted my terms."

"Okay, fine. And if I succeed in this Task, you'll give me efurrything I asked fur?"

"Once you have made The Choice and accepted The Task, I will release my hold on the consorts of this world. And once you have completed The Task, I will grant you mastery of the powers of Heart." Psyche once again leaned back and raised her head slightly, and her mouth curled into what almost appeared to be a smirk. "In addition, once you have finished, I can guarantee you the thing you truly came here for, though you did not ask for it."

Nepeta gasped as slightly as she could manage. "You mean..."

"Yes. The heart of the boy."

Inside her head, she squealed and shouted for joy, but then she stopped to consider what Psyche had said. "I want his heart, yes... but I don't want it taken furom him by furce!"

Psyche chuckled, sending a shiver through her entire body. "I did not say I would give it to you. I said only that I can ensure that you would have it."

Nepeta furrowed her brow. How could Psyche guarantee he would love her without some sort of potion or magical spell? Nonetheless, she seemed confident in what she said. "Okay. And what catpuns if I fail this Task?"

 "Then you and your entire timeline shall be doomed."

"What?! No! Furget that! That's too much!"

"Allow me to clarify," Psyche said, and her smile vanished. "In truth, your timeline is already doomed. I cannot specify where or when it happened, but at some point in time, it strayed too far, and the events meant to guarantee its existence never took place."

"W...what? So this entire timeline is doomed? What does that mean?"

"It means this iteration of this universe has failed to guarantee its own creation. As such, its existence is a paradox. And in time, it will be dealt with in the same way that all paradoxes are dealt with: it will slowly be destroyed, inch by inch, and every piece will be cast into the Furthest Ring."

An insurmountable sense of dread came over Nepeta. "Well, then... what can we do? How are we suppawsed to stop this timeline from not existing?"

"There are ways of temporarily and even permanently protecting a doomed timeline from the mechanisms that dispose of them. Should you accept the Task, I will protect your universe for its duration. And should you succeed, I can ensure its permanent existence, as a branch of sorts."

Hearing those words, Nepeta's decision was already made. "If that's the case, then I have no choice but to accept!"

Psyche leaned back once more, her back standing straight up, and a smile once again returned to her face. "Very well. I will now give you The Choice." With that, all the light in the chamber seemed to redirect and point itself directly at Nepeta, casting faint shadows in every direction around her.

"As a Hero of Heart, you are blessed with power over the hearts and souls of other living beings. With your powers, you may read the hearts of others, ease them when they are troubled and mend them when they are broken. You may even stir emotions in them directly, be them joy, or sadness, or hatred, or even love. You could, with practice, control one's every feeling, dictating their every emotion as a conductor directs an orchestra."

The smile on Psyche's face becomes a frown, and Nepeta thinks she can almost see sadness in the fires of her eyes. "Right now, you twelve, you and all your friends, are suffering. You are all coming of age, coming to realize how much you rely on each other, how much you need each other, and how much you love and how much you hate each other. Each of you has suffered all the pains of love, those of the love rejected, the love false, the love inadequate, and perhaps most painful of all, the love unrequited." True enough, she thought, and her gaze fell to the ground.

Psyche continued. "As a Hero of Heart, you can bring peace to the hearts of you and your friends, but how you do so is only for you to decide. So The Choice is this: with your powers of Heart, will you bring your friends peace swiftly and directly, shaping their emotions as you see fit? Or will you use your powers only to guide them, and wait for them to find peace of their own free will?"

Nepeta considered her quandary carefully. "So I can use my pawers just to help my furiends, or I can use them to just plain make them happy? Like mind control?"

"Not mind control, exactly. You would control their emotional states, making them feel love or indifference where none existed before. Their reactions would be entirely their own."

Psyche's answer wasn't entirely convincing. "How is that not mind control?"

"If you see no difference, then I cannot tell you otherwise."

"Well, I don't want to just furce my furiends to fall in love with each other against their will! Howefur you dress it up, it doesn't sound right!"

"So you have made your decision?"

She hesitated. She really didn't want to manipulate her friends into loving each other, but at the same time, there was one stupid, selfish little thing she had to wonder about.

"Before I answer, can I ask... does he love me?"

Psyche's features softened, and the sadness Nepeta swore she saw in her eyes returned. "No," she said, and Nepeta's heart sank. "But he may, in time. And whatever decision you make, should you complete your Task, I can assure you he will reciprocate your affections."

The answer was heartening, but vague, so she extended the question. "What do you mean, you can assure me?"

"It is not a vow to act, nor a prophecy of things to come. It is merely a promise. A highly educated guess, if you will, that after your Task is complete, his feelings for you will be the same as yours for him."

"Well... I guess that'll have to be good enough."

"So you have made your decision?" she repeated, the intonation identical to the first.

"Yes I have," Nepeta said, her voice unwavering. "I'll only use my pawers to guide my furiends and help them, and nefur to manipulate them!" The amount of certainty with which she said it almost frightened her.

"Very well," Psyche said, and leaned back to her full height once more. She closed her eyes, as if processing her decision. For a brief, lingering moment, Nepeta thought she may have made the wrong decision. Then Psyche's eyes opened once more, and she returned her gaze to the troll. "You have chosen wisely. I will now give you The Task." Nepeta was relieved but still nervous, wondering what labor her Denizen had in store for her.

"Your task is this. In your society, romance is divided into four quadrants. I am only interested in two in particular: those you call matespritship and moirallegiance." All the hearts faded from her wings but twelve, all in very familiar colors, and a dizzying lattice of red and white lines connected them. "For you and each of your friends, you must find both a matesprit and a moirail. Once you have found a suitable match for each, The Task will be complete."

Nepeta blinked, then suddenly realized what Psyche was asking her to do. "So... you want me to ship them?"

Psyche's face was emotionless, but nonetheless she was visibly confused. "I do not understand your question."

"I mean... you want me to put them all in relationships."

"If that is what you mean by 'shipping,' then yes."

She almost couldn't believe it. "But I've already been doing that anyway!"

"You have been speculating possible relationships between your friends, but you have done nothing to make them reality," Psyche said, her brow furrowed, and Nepeta suddenly felt she might not have been taking this seriously enough. "With the powers you have gained on your quests, there is nothing stopping you from doing so, save only the restrictions you have placed on yourself by The Choice you have made."

"Hey, yeah! With my Heart pawers, I'll be able to help efurryone with their relationships! That's great!" Even though she knew it wouldn't be easy, Nepeta was genuinely excited that she'd actually be able to make her ships really happen.

"There are a few more conditions," Psyche said. "Firstly, you must abide by the restrictions of The Choice you have made. Second, you must not tell any of your friends the terms of this Task." She leaned forward once more, staring into Nepeta's eyes intently. "And lastly... the boy you love... you must save your relationship with him for last. And you must not tell him or anyone else your true feelings for him until it is time."

Nepeta hesitated once more. She couldn't tell him until she'd dealt with everyone else? But maybe that was what it took for him to love her. And maybe if she told him why she was doing this, he would be horrified that it was all for such a silly reason.

Her decision was made. "I accept."

"Very well. I wish you the best of luck on your endeavor," Psyche said, standing straight once more. "Now if you wish, I may transport you back to the entrance to my lair. I understand it is a long and arduous trek to reach this place from the surface."

"Wait, befur you do that," Nepeta started, and she swore she saw Psyche cock her head the slightest bit, "can I just ask you a question?"

"I suppose. What is it?"

"Why are you doing this?"

Psyche's features softened once more, and Nepeta saw the fire in her eyes dim to a glow. "I have seen what fate has in store for you and your friends, what happens in the proper timeline. It is... cruel." She cast her gaze downward for a moment, then returned it to meet the troll's, a faint smile once again gracing her face. "I suppose I just wanted to see a timeline in which you are all happy, because I believe that you all deserve as much."

"Oh," Nepeta said, and returned Psyche's smile with a beaming grin of her own. "Well, thank you!" Any trace of fear she felt for the Denizen was gone, replaced with respect.

"The pleasure is mine, truly," Psyche said, her smile growing larger. "Now I think you should run along. You have a Task to complete."

"Of course!" Nepeta said, and turned to leave, but then suddenly remembered the Denizen's previous offer. "Er, well, if you could just take me to the surface..."

No longer worried about maintaining her imposing image, Psyche chuckled. "Of course, my dear. Once again, I wish you the best of luck."

"Thank you! I won't let you down, I swear!" Nepeta said, locking her legs together and giving the Denizen a salute. "Oh, and, uh, goodbye, Psyche! It was really nice meeting you!"

"And you as well, Nepeta. Goodbye."

The pink light of the chamber pooled and intensified around Nepeta, and brightened until all she could see was light. Then, as suddenly as it began, the light faded, and she found herself standing once again at the entrance to the Denizen's lair.

***

In the axolotl village, the consorts were celebrating Nepeta's triumph over the Denizen. Once again the tea flowed freely from the Nine Great Kettles, and the axolotls could thrive as they had once before (even though she knew the kettles had been stopped up since the planet existed). "The Rogue has won! Our Hearts are mended!" the eager throng of amphibians cried as they showered her with praise and sugary confetti. She considered telling them that Psyche hadn't truly been defeated, and that her Task was not yet complete, but she decided against it. May as well let the axolotls have their fun.

Before her thoughts could turn to other matters, a loud voice turned her thoughts to it for her.

**HEY KID.**

"Yes?" she asked, figuring the crowd of consorts couldn't hear her over their celebration.

**CAN YOU DO THE HEARTY THING YET.**

"I sure can!"

**WELL DO THE HEARTY THING.**

"Why, whatefur do you mean?"

**I MEAN MAKE THE SHOUTY RUNT WANNA KISS YA.**

"Well, I'm going to make him want to kiss me, but I'm not gonna use my heart pawers to do it!"

**WELL THEN WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO.**

"I'm gonna use my feminine wiles to seduce him, of course!"

**HAHA YEAH NOW YER GETTIN IT KID.**

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some shipping to do!"

**GO GET EM KID.**

Nepeta indulged the axolotls in one last round of heroic theatrics, then left them to their business. Her Task clear in her mind, she took off for the gate back to her hive.

She had an important job to do.


	2. The Face That Launched a Thousand Ships

Chapter 2

The Face That Launched a Thousand Ships

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.  
  
CAC: :33 < *the rogue of heart flutters to the ground on her beautiful olive wings, throwing purretty gr33n sparkles efurry which way*  
CAC: :33 < hi efurryone! *she retracts her wings back into her adorable pink coat*  
CAC: :33 < now you all know how much i love shipping, but until now its just b33n a hobby  
CAC: :33 < but now that were the only twelve trolls left in the WHOLE MEWNIVERSE, shipping has become more impurrtant than efur!  
CAC: :33 < and its supurr impurrtant that efurrypawdy gets along so that our numbers dont dwindle any further!  
CAC: :33 < so now im ameowncing my intention to ship ALL THE TROLLS  
CAC: :33 < all of them!  
CAC: :33 < efurryone will have matespurrits and meowrails and well all get along and be the best team efur!  
CAC: :33 < so if anypawdy n33ds any red relationship advice, f33l fr33 to talk to me!  
CAC: :33 < ill be happy to put my shipping expurrtise to good use!  
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 2:08 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PAG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha.  
PAG: Seriously, Leijon? You just couldn't keep your stupid little matchm8ker game to yourself?  
PAG: What, did you run out of room to draw in your cave?  
PAG: Or do you seriously think that doodling stick figures all over the walls like a gru8 with a dented think pan suddenly m8kes you an expert on rel8ionships????????  
CAC: XOO < rraawwwwrrr shut up vwiskers, this is serious!!!  
CAC: :33 < ive b33n doing my quests and i know more about heart than youll efur know about light, even after you cheated your way to the top!  
PAG: Of course you do, sweetie. Of cooooooourse you do.  
PAG: 8ut do you honestly think any8ody's gonna w8ste their time talking to you about their rel8ionship pro8lems when we've got g8es to clear and denizens to kill????????  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, oh man, our gloooooooorious leader's pro8a8ly gonna flip his shit when he catches wind of this!  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: YOU KNOW, NORMALLY THAT WOULD BE A COMPLETELY ACCURATE ASSESSMENT OF MY REACTION TO THIS.  
CCG: MY SHIT WOULD DEFINITELY BE SIMULTANEOUSLY RISING AND ROTATING IN AN EXTREMELY AGITATED MANNER.  
CCG: EXCEPT THAT FOR THE PAST WEEK, YOU ASSHOLES HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY FUCKING NEGLECTING YOUR IN-GAME DUTIES SO THAT YOU COULD WASTE MY TIME TALKING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS  
CCG: SO I'M KIND OF FUCKING RESERVING JUDGMENT FOR NOW.  
PAG: Wh8t????????  
PAG: So my plan for every8ody to god tier is a no-go, 8ut Spastic Cave Girl's 8ig Shipping Adventure gets an instant thumbs-up?!  
CCG: WELL SORRY IF MURDEROUS PSYCHOTIC SPIDERTROLL'S FANTASTIC FUCKING SUICIDE PACT DIDN'T FLY RIGHT TO THE TOP OF MY TO-DO LIST!  
CCG: IT'S ON THERE, THOUGH, RIGHT UNDER PEELING MY SHAME GLOBES OFF WITH A MAGNESIUM COAGULATE SHREDDER.  
PAG: Oh gr8, thanks for that lovely mental image, Karkat!!!!!!!!  
PAG: God, am I the only one who actually gives a shit a8out winning this stupid game????????  
CCG: NO, WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WINNING THIS STUPID GAME.  
CCG: BUT AS LONG AS THE REST OF THESE ASSHOLES KEEP PESTERING ME ABOUT THEIR STUPID PERSONAL DRAMA, I'M GOING TO BE ACCOMPLISHING EXACTLY FUCK ALL.  
CCG: SO IF DELEGATING RELATIONSHIP BULLSHIT DUTY TO FUCKING NEPETA OF ALL PEOPLE IS THE ONLY WAY TO SPARE US ALL THE INDIGNITY OF OWING OUR COLLECTIVE ASSES TO A DERANGED FAIRY LUNATIC WITH AN ORANGE HOODIE AND DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR, THEN THAT'S JUST A RISK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE.  
CCG: EVEN IF IT ENDS UP BEING A FUCKING HORRIBLE IDEA.  
CAC: :33 < itll be amazing, youll s33!  
CAC: :33 < already the relationship charts and compawtibility grids are unfolding in my mind!  
CAC: :33 < i have so many ships in the fire, you dont even know!  
CAC: :33 < or in the water, i guess  
CCG: OH MY GOD THIS IS GOING TO BE A TRAINWRECK.  
FUTURE cuttlefishCuller [FCC] 6:12 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCC: Well, I )(appen to t)(ink it's a GR---EAT ID---EA!  
PAG: Well, I happen to not give a shit what you think, Peixes!!!!!!!!  
FCC: VRISKA, S)(UT T)(-E GLUB UP!!!! >38O  
FCC: ANYWAY! Since we're all one big team now, we all need to work toget)(er!  
FCC: And w)(at betta way to make us do t)(at t)(an to ensnare us all in an elaborately woven net of relations)(ips?  
FCC: We'll be an unbreakable battle fleet, twelve mig)(ty s)(ips strong, unified in a single goal, cras)(ing t)(roug)( t)(e end game in an unstoppable wave of destruction!  
FCC: Wit)( t)(e occasional stop for fist bunps and sloppy makeouts, of course.  
CCG: HUH, I ACTUALLY DIDN'T OF IT THAT WAY.  
CCG: EXPLOITING OUR SPECIES' NATURAL TENDENCY FOR OBSESSING OVER RELATIONSHIP BULLSHIT TO FORCE US TO WORK AS A COHESIVE UNIT INSTEAD OF A BUNCH OF PAIL-CHASING WIGGLERS.  
CCG: IF IT WORKS, IT'S MORE THAN A LITTLE BRILLIANT.  
CCG: IT'S ALMOST... DEVIOUS, ACTUALLY.  
FCC: Y-EA)( it is! 38D  
CAC: :33 < guys, i just want efurrypawdy to be happy and work together!  
CAC: :33 < this isnt some big scheme to make you all dance at my clawtips like adorable shadow pawppets!  
FCC: S)(OR-E it isn't, Nepeta!  
FCC: *GLUBS SUSPICIOUSLY...*  
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 2:22 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: ii hate two admiit iit, but vk iis probably riight.  
FTA: thii2 ii2 the 2hiitiie2t iidea ii've ever heard.  
PAG: And just how much do you h8 to admit it, Sooooooolluuuuuuuux?  
FTA: ii hate it 2o fuckiing much that ii  
FTA: oh waiit, ii don't giive a 2hiit enough about you two tell you how much.  
PAG: 8ah, fuck you too!!!!!!!!  
FTA: whatever.  
FCC: Sollux, w)(y do YOU )(ave suc)( a problem wit)( t)(is?? It's just a little )(armless s)(ipping!  
FTA: the problem ii2 ii'm fiine the way my 2hiips are riight now.  
FTA: and ii don't want 2ome crazy roleplayiing broad wreckiing my liife iin the name of her weiird real liife fanfiiction 2hiit.  
CAC: :33 < im taking purrent ships into consideration!  
CAC: :33 < and im not gonna go around forcefurry sinking them with my heart pawers like some kind of sepurration ninja vice grip pinching your hate stem!  
CAC: :33 < if i really want to sink your ship, ill just start with some purrobing questions, and only resort to romantic comedy-esque shenanigans if things become despurrate  
CAC: :33 < and furankly, if your relationship cant stand up to a few simple questions, maybe it just wasnt meant to be in the furst place!  
PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] 3 DAYS AGO responded to memo.  
PCA: yeah wwhats the fuckin problem sol  
PCA: you scared your little liaison wwith my ex moirail is gonna collapse like the house a fuckin bullshit cards it is  
FTA: haha wow, ed'2 accu2iing ME of beiing iin2ecure.  
FTA: 2eriiou2ly, iit'2 liike you pulled thii2 argument 2traiight from the defiiniitiion of hypocrii2y.  
FTA: ju2t fliipped through the diictiionary untiil you found a piicture of your2elf, de2perately clutchiing a paiir of goggle2.  
FCC: O)( for cod's sake, you two, don't start t)(is again!  
PCA: pipe dowwn fef this practically doesnt evven concern you at this point  
FCC: )(A)(A)(A WOW, ---ERIDAN, YOU'R---E SO GLUBBING FUNNY!!!!  
FCC: Well fluke t)(is, I'm outta )(ere!  
FCC: And for t)(e record, it's still a fantastic idea!!!  
FCC: GLUB GLUB GLUB! >38U  
FCC ceased responding to memo.  
FTA: wow, way two go, ed. really worked the charm on that one.  
PCA: shut your fuckin mouth mustardblood this wwouldnt evven be an issue if you hadnt poisoned her against me wwith your bullshit dyin and revvivvin gambit  
FTA: oh yeah, ii DELIIBERATELY got my2elf kiilled by beiing 2tuck on alterniia whiile a dyiing horrorterror melted my fuckiing braiin.  
FTA: whatever, ii 2aiid my piiece, ii'm not goiing two 2tiick around to argue wiith a delu2iional hiip2ter 2ea douche.  
FTA ceased responding to memo.  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, wow.  
PAG: That has to 8e the most pathetic display of romantic incompetence I've ever seen.  
PCA: oh PLEASE vvris like youre any fuckin better  
PCA: i see the wway youre blackflirtin wwith sol and i dont knoww if youre actually wwaxin for him or if youre just tryin to make me jealous but either wway its flippin LAUGHABLE  
PAG: Oh my God, Ampora, you're so full of shit that any moment now, you're going to go off like a time 8om8 and paint your whole shitty planet purple.  
CCG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.  
CCG: LOOK, WHATEVER GODAWFUL QUADRANT THIS IS, COULD YOU TWO ASSHOLES WORK IT OUT SOMEWHERE ELSE?  
PCA: look kar i really need to talk to you  
PCA: im just sittin on my lousy fuckin planet killin angels and drinkin faygo and i got fuckin nobody to talk to about all this searious shit thats happenin to me cmon  
CCG: OKAY SHITSTAIN, YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO YOU?  
CCG: FINE, HERE ARE SOME GENUINE, HONEST-TO-FUCKING-HATE WORDS STRAIGHT FROM MY LIPS TO YOUR STUPID SEA-DWELLER HEADFINS:  
CCG: STOP KILLING YOUR FUCKING CONSORTS, STOP WASTING OUR GRIST UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO KILL SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING DROPS IT,  
CCG: AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, STOP DRINKING THAT CLOWN PISS YOU CALL FAYGO, YOU MISERABLE PILE OF FUCK.  
PCA: okay seariously  
PCA: wwhys evverybody alwways talkin shit on faygo  
PCA: its just soda  
PCA: ivve been messin wwith the alchemiter and some a these flavvors are pretty fuckin good  
CCG: NO NO NO I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS SHIT AGAIN.  
CCG: IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE, ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE FUTURE.  
CCG: AND I'VE BEEN TALKING TO YOU ABOUT YOUR STUPID FUCKING PROBLEMS AND DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET YOU TO STOP DRINKING THAT GODAWFUL SLUDGE FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS.  
CCG: HEY, HERE'S A FANTASTIC FUCKING IDEA! WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO NEPETA?  
CCG: I'M SURE SHE'S ECSTATIC AT THE THOUGHT OF LISTENING TO YOUR PATHETIC WHINING.  
CAC: :33 < er...  
CAC: :33 < i mean, i will if i have to!  
PCA: ugh  
PCA: i was hopin to avvoid returnin to the scene a that particular crime against the quadrants for the rest a my days  
PAG: W8, what?  
PAG: Oh my God, Eridan, did you seriously try to hook up with Nepeta????????  
PAG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
PCA: look it made sense at the time ok  
CAC: :33 < okay lets talk about something else now!  
CAC: :33 < anything else  
PCA: cmon nep you didnt evven givve me a fuckin chance  
CAC: XOO < WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!  
PCA: yknoww youd think after savvin a girls life and bringin her lusus back from the fuckin dead shed be a little fuckin GRATEFUL  
CAC: XOO < NO NO NO NO NO  
CAC banned PCA from responding to memo.  
CCG: NEPETA, I AM SO SORRY, I HAD NO IDEA.  
CCG: I THOUGHT HITTING ON A BRAIN-DAMAGED CAT GIRL WAS BENEATH EVEN HIM, BUT I GUESS HE JUST TOOK A FLYING LEAP UP THE DOUCHELADDER EVER SINCE FEFERI DROPPED HIM LIKE A SACK OF SHITTY HIPSTER POTATOES.  
CAC: XOO < THIS IS STILL A THING WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT!!!  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, if you actually want to get that guy's rel8ionship 8ullshit under control, you're gonna need all the luck in the world.  
PAG: Too 8ad it's all mine!!!!!!!! >::::D  
CAC: :33 < yeah, i think ill deal with him later  
CAC: :33 < like  
CAC: :33 < furever later  
PAG: Some people just can't 8e helped.  
PAG: And some people are just so awesome, they don't NEED any help!  
CCG: LIKE NOT YOU.  
PAG: Like m--oh fuck you Karkat!!!!!!!!  
CCG: SO I TAKE IT YOU'RE THE FORMER, THEN.  
PAG: Look, unlike the rest of you gru8s, I can sort out my own rel8ionship affairs without the help of some pathetic kittycat roleplayer girl!  
CAC: :33 < really? so youve already got efurrything figured out?  
PAG: Yep, I've got a 8ig secret plan and everything!  
PAG: And once it all unfolds, everything will fall into place and I'll fill all the quadrants!  
PAG: All of them!!!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < ok, so whats this big secret plan of yours?  
PAG: Well, if I TOLD you, it wouldn't be very secret, would it????????  
CAC: :33 < well, could you spare a few details in purrivate?  
CAC: :33 < maybe we could work on it together!!  
PAG: No, I can't divulge a single 8it, 8ecause if I do, you'll pro8a8ly just screw it up!!!!!!!!  
CCG: HEY NEPETA, I'LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE HINT.  
CCG: THE SECRET PLAN IS SHE HAS NO SECRET PLAN, BECAUSE SHE'S SECRETLY COMPLETELY FULL OF SHIT.  
PAG: Shut the fuck up, Karkat!!!!!!!!  
CCG: WHY, WHAT'S YOUR ACTUAL PLAN, TO SWEEP EVERYONE OFF THEIR FEET WITH YOUR WINNING PERSONALITY?  
CCG: IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE, VRISKA, EVERYONE KIND OF FUCKING HATES YOU. AND NOT EVEN IN A CALIGINOUS WAY.  
CCG: MOST OF US EITHER WANT TO MURDER YOU OR JUST KIND OF FIND YOU ANNOYING.  
PAG: What the fuck do you know???????? There are people who like me!!!!!!!!  
CCG: NAME FUCKING ONE.  
PAG: Kanaya likes me!  
CCG: SHE'S YOUR MOIRAIL, SHE'S OBLIGATED TO LIKE YOU.  
CCG: AND FRANKLY I DON'T EVEN THINK SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR MOIRAIL ANYMORE, SO SHOWS YOU HOW MUCH THAT'S WORTH.  
PAG: What? 8ullshit!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Anyway, Tavros likes me! I know he does!  
CCG: YOU THREW HIM OFF A GODDAMNED CLIFF, YOU FUCKING IDIOT, WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE LIKE YOU.  
PAG: Oh come oooooooon, I m8de it up to him!  
CCG: NEWS FLASH, VRISKA: GIVING SOMEBODY WHOSE LEGS YOU BROKE A WHEELCHAIR DOESN'T COUNT AS "MAKING IT UP" TO THEM.  
CCG: EVEN IF IT IS A REALLY BADASS WHEELCHAIR.  
PAG: What the fuck ever! He totally loved it, and now we're adventuring together and 8eing awesome, so you can just deal with it!!!!!!!!  
CCG: HOLY SHIT, VRISKA, YOU ARE COMPLETELY DELUSIONAL.  
CCG: HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT. AT ALL.  
CCG: NOT EVEN A LITTLE.  
CCG: OR ARE YOU FORGETTING THAT HE TOLD ME ABOUT THE PUPA PAN INCIDENT?  
CAC: :33 < the what?  
PAG: K8rk8t, if y8u s8y an8ther w8rd, y8u'r8 g8ing to f8nd y8urs8lf sl8tting y8ur thr8at with y8ur 8wn s8ckl8!!!!!!!!  
CCG: AHAHAHA, OKAY FINE.  
CCG: I'LL JUST SAY THIS: IT'S AS EXACTLY AS PATHETIC AS IT SOUNDS.  
PAG: F8ck y8u!!!!!!!!  
CCG: OKAY, SO ANYBODY ELSE? OR IS IT JUST THOSE TWO?  
PAG: Karkat, I'm not gonna sit here and name aaaaaaaall the people who like me just for your amusement!!!!!!!!  
CCG: SO THAT'S A NO.  
CAC: :33 < i like you, vwiskers!  
CCG: WHAT, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU LIKE HER.  
CAC: :33 < beclaws even though she acts mean and nasty all the time, i know d33p down shes really a good purrson!  
CCG: NO SHE FUCKING ISN'T, SHE'S A HORRIBLE PERSON.  
CCG: SHE'S A MASS MURDERING BITCH WHO FEEDS PEOPLE TO SPIDERS AND MAIMS HER OWN FRIENDS FOR HER AMUSEMENT.  
PAG: Yeah, all those things Karkat just said are true, and I don't even care, 8ecause they're all reasons why I'm completely awesome!  
CAC: :33 < well if youre such a bad purrson, then why did you help tavros?  
CAC: :33 < and why did equius tell me you were planning to steal aradias robot body and give it to her yourself?  
CAC: :33 < why would you do ANY of that unless you felt bad fur what you did to them??  
PAG: I have my reasons and they're my own, okay?! So just can it!  
CAC: :33 < vwiskers, i just want to help!  
PAG: What are you gonna do, w8ve your magic fairy shipping wand and hope some8ody falls in love with me?  
CAC: :33 < no!! theres no magic involved whatsoefur!  
CAC: :33 < im just going to use my shipping pawers to s33 people youd be compawtible with that you might not even have thought of  
CAC: :33 < then ill use my status as a neutral purrty to subtly push and prod you towards each other!  
CCG: AND, FAILING THAT, SHE WILL APPARENTLY RESORT TO ROMANTIC COMEDY-ESQUE SHENANIGANS.  
CAC: :33 < yes, thank you karkitty!  
CCG: SO PLEASE FAIL THAT, BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS FUCKING AMAZING IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY.  
PAG: It sounds fucking stupid is what it sounds like!!!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < itll be pawesome, youll s33!  
CAC: :33 < ill pair all you trolls together so hard, you wont even know what hit you!  
CAC: :33 < and then, after its all said and done and youre rolling in a big pile of all the red f33lings you could ever want, youre gonna look back and think, "man, how stupid i was to deny nepetas pawesome heart pawers????????"  
PAG: Yeah, if I ever find myself using idiotic cat puns, I'll just hang myself, thanks.  
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 5 DAYS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGC: >8D  
FGC: HOW TH1CK 4ROUND W4S YOUR N3CK 4G41N VR1SK4?  
PAG: What?  
FGC: H3H3H3  
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] 2:00 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PGA: Thirteen And One Quarter Inches  
FGC: 4H, TH4NK YOU K4N4Y4  
PGA: Always Glad To Help  
PAG: Hey, wh8t the h8ll!!!!!!!!  
FGC: DONT WORRY VR1SK4, 1LL M4K3 1T SHORT3R TH4N TH4T  
FGC: 1 KNOW YOU L1K3 1T 4 L1TTL3 SNUG >8]  
FGC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
FGC ceased responding to memo.  
PAG: Gr8, Kanaya, thanks a lot for giving out the circumference of my neck to our resident noose enthusiast! Really fucking appreci8 that!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Why don't you just give out important details of my anatomy to any nutjo8 who asks????????  
PGA: Really Vriska How Do You Know She Isnt Simply Making You A Nice Ascot  
PGA: Or Perhaps A Striking Cerulean Cravat  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, or maybe a cat collar with a little bell on it!!  
PAG: Arrrrrrrrgh, shut uuuuuuuup!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Look, this whole shipping plan is stupid, okay? It's stupid and it's dum8 and it's all a 8ig w8ste of time!!!!!!!!  
PGA: You Have Voiced This Opinion Several Times In This Very Memo  
PGA: And Yet Here You Are Still Responding  
PGA: You Realize You Could Just Sign Off At Any Time Right  
CAC: :33 < yeah vwiskers, why are you still here if you think my idea is so dumb??  
CAC: :33 < i think maybe youre sticking around beclaws you want some advice!  
PAG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha, yeah right!!!!!!!!  
PAG: I'm fine! I've got my romantic life under control!  
PAG: I don't need your help finding a moirail, 8ecause I already have one!  
PAG: And I don't need your help finding a m8sprit, 8ecause I've got irons in the fire, okay?!  
PAG: Frankly, the fact that any of these other douche8ags need any advice at all is kind of em8arrassing!  
CCG: AND JUST HOW ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE TAVROS FORGET THAT YOU'RE A NARCISSISTIC PSYCHOPATH WHO BROKE HIS LEGS AND MAKE HIM FLUSHED FOR YOU?  
PAG: I never said it was Tavros!  
PAG: And even if it was, it's none of your fucking 8usiness!!!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < i know youre already in a meowrallegiance with kanaya  
CAC: :33 < but is it working out?  
CAC: :33 < you dont sound like youre furry happy with her ://  
PAG: What? We're gr8! Never 8een 8etter!  
PAG: So why don't you just 8ug off and keep your stupid catgirl snout out of my love life!!!!!!!!  
PGA: Really  
PGA: Are Those The Particular Words You Would Use To Describe The State Of Our Relationship  
PAG: Yeah, I don't know, whatever!  
PGA: Thats Interesting  
PGA: Considering That In The Past Several Days You Havent Attempted To Contact Me Once  
PGA: And A Grand Majority Of My Attempts At Communicating With You Have Been Ignored  
PAG: So what, just 8ecause you're my moirail means you always need to 8e 8ugging and fussing and meddling in my affairs????????  
PGA: Not Always  
PGA: But Its Generally Assumed That There Is Some Sort Of Bare Minimum Of Imposition Involved Which We Have Collectively Failed Utterly To Meet  
PAG: God, Kanaya, why don't you just air out all our dirty laundry while you're at it?  
PGA: I Would Prefer To Discuss This Sort Of Thing In Private  
PGA: If Only There Were Some Specifically Designated Person With Which I Could Express My Feelings  
PAG: What the hell is that supposed to mean????????  
PGA: Urrgh Just  
PGA: Nevermind  
PGA ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WOW.  
CCG: NEPETA, I THINK YOU AND YOUR SWEATY STACK OF SHIT MOIRAIL NEED TO STEP UP YOUR GAME, BECAUSE THESE TWO ARE ABOUT TO GIVE YOU SOME SERIOUS COMPETITION FOR BEST PALEMATES IN FUCKING PARADOX SPACE.  
PAG: Sh8t the f8ck 8p K8rk8t!!!!!!!!  
PAG: W8ll, gr8 j8b, Nep8ta!!!!!!!! W8y to g8!!!!!!!!  
PAG: G8d, I tho8ght y8u wer8 try8ng t8 h88k pe8pl8 8p, not 8r8k th8m 8p!!!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < im not!!! :((  
CAC: :33 < kanaya, if youre still reading this, just talk to me in two hours, okay?  
PAG: 8h ye8h, t8lk to h8r s8me m8re, th8t'll r8ally h8lp!!!!!!!!  
CCG: YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT, DO EXACTLY THAT.  
CCG: IN FACT, JUST DEAL WITH ALL OF VRISKA'S BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW.  
PAG: Wh8t!!!!!!!! Why????????  
CCG: BECAUSE IF THIS IS GOING TO BECOME AN ACTUAL THING, I DON'T WANT YOU CONSTANTLY FLOODING THESE MEMOS WITH YOUR SELF-OBSESSED BULLSHIT.  
CCG: SO NEPETA, AS YOUR LEADER, I AM ORDERING YOU TO SHIP THE FUCK OUT OF VRISKA THIS INSTANT.  
CCG: SHOWER HER WITH SO MANY SHIPS THAT SHE WON'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO WITH THEM.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, sir yes sir!!  
PAG: N8!!!!!!!! Th8s is 8ullsh8t!!!!!!!!  
PAG: I 8lready t8ld y8u I d8n't w8nt your f8cking h8lp, 8kay????????  
PAG: So just ST8Y TH8 F8CK O8T 8F M8 L8F8!!!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < ill show you vwiskers!  
CAC: :33 < ill make you happy even if i have to drag you kicking and screaming the whole way!  
PAG: W8ll, y8u W8LL!!!!!!!!  
PAG: S8 j8st F8CK 8FF!!!!!!!!!  
PAG ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < okay, vwiskers is now purriority number one!  
CAC: :33 < all other shipping activities are to be suspended until opurration: closing the serket is complete!  
CAC: :33 < this wont be easy, but i think i know juuuust where to start...  
CAC: :33 < *the rogue unfurls her wings and flies away, an epic shipping gambit already being furmulated in her mind*  
CAC ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: OH MY GOD THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING HILARIOUS.  
CCG ceased responding to memo.  
CAC closed memo.  


***

Nepeta had her work cut out for her, that much was certain. She knew from the moment the idea for her great work entered her head that it wouldn't be easy, but starting with Vriska of all people? This was going to take all of her strengths as a shipper, she knew. It would take perseverance, and empathy, and more than a little cunning...

And perhaps most important of all, it would take refreshments.

Nepeta spun and leapt from her seat, plucking a few of her land's sugary cubes from her desk (the little things seemed to get everywhere) before traipsing over to her tea set. The conversation with the spidertroll (and weren't there some other people in there too? She had very nearly forgotten) had left her mentally drained, and she desperately needed the precise mixture of caffeine and sugar that only her kettle could provide. She poured herself a cup of the mystery brew--she wasn't sure exactly what kind it was, as she'd collected it directly from one of the many streams and rivers that flowed throughout her planet--and plunked two of the cubes in before taking a long sip. The beverage's effect was nigh-instantaneous, and she felt a pleasant energy surging through her body in great waves.

So enthralled was she in her tea-drinking ritual that she very nearly didn't notice a new Trollian window popping up on her grubtop. But seeing the line of jade text appear on the screen... and then another... and then another (oh, Kanaya) immediately snapped her out of her trance. Once again bright and alive and full of energy, and now faced with a friend in desperate need of a pleasant conversation, she practically pounced into her chair, ready to tackle anything paradox space could throw at her.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
GA: I Apologize For Leaving Your Memo So Melodramatically  
GA: I Had Wished To Speak With Vriska But I Afraid I May Have Allowed My Frustration With Her To Get The Best Of Me  
GA: In Any Case I Continued To Read It Until The End  
GA: And While I Can See That It Will Most Likely Be An Arduous Task I Agree With Karkats Assessment That You Should Deal With All Of Her Quote Self Obsessed Bullshit End Quote First  
GA: If This Is In Fact Your Intended Course Of Action I Will Be Happy To Assist In Any Way I Can  
GA: Nepeta Are You There  
AC: :33 < yes sorry!!! i was just getting some tea  
GA: Oh Of Course  
GA: I Can See Why You Would Require Refreshments After Such A Long And Enervating Conversation  
AC: :33 < yeah, it was a doozy!  
AC: :33 < i wanted to talk about some of my ships and how id be going around asking people questions  
AC: :33 < but the whole thing just degenerated into vwiskerschat!  
GA: Yes Vriskachat Is A Thing That Tends To Happen  
GA: Any Conversation That Goes On Long Enough Tends To Be Pulled Into The Insurmountable Gravitational Pull Of Her Ultramassive Ego  
GA: And Then Falls Into The Event Horizon From Which No Light Or Meaningful Discussion Can Escape  
GA: Its Sort Of Like The Coriolis Effect  
GA: With The Bonus Punchline That This Comparison Implies The World Revolves Around Her Thus Once Again Referencing Her Overly Uncritical View Of Herself  
AC: :33 < ://  
AC: :33 < you sound like youre purretty mad at her  
GA: Sorry  
GA: I Just Havent Had An Opportunity To Discuss This With Anyone  
GA: Most People Arent Overly Eager To Talk About Vriska Believe It Or Not  
AC: :33 < yeah, i can s33 why  
AC: :33 < after that confursation im not really too excited to talk about her even more  
AC: :33 < but i have my orders so i guess i have to!  
GA: Of Course  
GA: Everyone Has An Important Job To Do  
AC: :33 < yes!  
AC: :33 < even if you have to make up a job fur yourself to do!  
AC: :33 < but is it okay if we talk spurrcifically about your meowrallegiance with her?  
GA: I Suppose So  
GA: It Is The Proverbial Earmammoth In The Block At This Point  
GA: And Until We Deal With It It Will Burden Us With Its Demanding Diet And Large And Difficult To Dispose Of Leavings  
GA: Not To Mention Causing General Distress To Hive Guests With Its Oversized Posterior And Its Abnormally Shaped Ashen Reproductive Organs  
GA: What Spurrcifically Did You Want To Talk About  
GA: I Mean Specifically  
AC: :33 < h33 h33! X33  
AC: :33 < anyway, i just wanted to ask how it was working out  
AC: :33 < no offense, but it s33ms pretty dysfunctional  
GA: No Its True  
GA: It Wasnt Even Really Working Out Before The Game Started  
GA: But Since We Entered Things Have Only Gotten Worse  
GA: We Hardly Ever Speak And What Few Conversations We Do Have Are Brief And Confrontational  
GA: I Think  
GA: I Think She Might Resent Me For All The Times I Tried To Hold Her Back  
AC: :33 < im not sure thats true!  
GA: You Arent  
AC: :33 < well, she s33med really upset when you left the memo  
AC: :33 < she s33med really afuraid that you were actually going to break up with her  
AC: :33 < so i think she still cares about you, shes just confused  
GA: Really  
GA: Well  
GA: Maybe Its My Fault  
GA: I Think Ive Been Much Shorter With Her Ever Since  
GA: Well Since She Started Pursuing Tavros  
AC: :33 < is it okay if i ask what the deal with that is?  
GA: I Suppose  
GA: Shes Been Infatuated With Him For Some Time Now  
GA: But She Cant Seem To Decide If Her Feelings For Him Are Red Or Black  
GA: And He Hasnt Reciprocated Any Of Her Advances Of Any Color  
GA: Which Isnt Really Helping Matters  
GA: Youd Probably Be Better Off Asking Him About It  
GA: I Try My Best To Ignore The Whole Situation  
AC: :33 < yeah, ill purrobably talk to him after this  
AC: :33 < but fur now, i guess i should ask...  
AC: :33 < do you want to try to work things out with vwiskers?  
GA: I  
GA: Well  
GA: I Do  
GA: But In Truth  
GA: I Dont Think  
GA: I Want To Be Her Moirail Anymore  
AC: :33 < really??  
GA: Yes  
AC: :33 < but you still want to be furiends with her?  
GA: I  
GA: Yes  
AC: :33 < well thats purrobably pawssible!  
GA: Im Not So Sure  
GA: Im Afraid That If I Terminate My Relationship With Her That Shell Hate Me  
GA: And I Just  
GA: I Dont Want Her To Hate Me  
AC: :33 < kanaya, stop me if im wrong here  
AC: :33 < but do you really just want to be furiends with vwiskers?  
GA: Uh  
GA: What Do You Mean  
AC: :33 < i mean, do you want to be anything...  
AC: :33 < more?  
GA: I  
GA: Um  
GA: Im Not Sure If I Should  
GA: Well  
AC: :33 < kanaya, i just want to help you!  
AC: :33 < but in order fur me to help you, i n33d you to talk to me!  
AC: :33 < i wont tell a soul, i swear!  
AC: :33 < i guarantee you one hundred purrcent shipper-patient purrivilege!  
AC: :33 < so please just talk to me!  
GA: Okay Okay  
GA: Im  
GA: Im Flushed For Her  
GA: Im As Flushed For Her As The Rivers Of Lopah And I Have Been Ever Since Probably The First Night I Met Her  
GA: And The Only Reason I Ever Wanted To Be Her Moirail Was To Be Close To Her And It Seemed To Be The Best I Could Do  
GA: But All I Ever Did Was Bug And Fuss And Meddle In Her Affairs And Never Tried To Stop Her From Doing Dangerous Things Because I Didnt Want Her To Regard Me As An Enemy  
GA: But In Being So Permissive I Just Let Her Destroy Her Own Life And Now She Probably Hates Me Even More  
GA: And The Pupa Pan Incident Was Just The Culmination Of Just How Much Ive Completely Ruined Everything Between Us And I Just  
GA: All I Want Is For Her To Not Hate Me  
GA: All I Want Is For Her To  
GA: To Love Me  
GA: God What Is Wrong With Me  
AC: kanaya, kanaya, it's okay!!  
AC: theres nothing wrong with you!  
AC: and youre not a bad person for becoming her moirail just to be close to her!  
AC: you were young and in love and neither of you really knew what it meant to be in a relationship like that!  
AC: and even if you hadnt been flushed for her it wouldve been unfair to put such a nice and compassionate and well-adjusted troll in a moirallegiance with someone as dangerous as her!  
AC: but its just cruel to ask you to be stern and temperate and even-handed with someone when your heart blinds you to all of their flaws and only lets you see all the wonderful things about them!  
AC: and it shouldnt have gone on, but the only reason it did is because people think its only about keeping dangerous trolls in line, when its really so much more than that!  
AC: its about understanding someone completely, all of their strengths and all of their flaws, and always wanting to help them, even if you have to hurt them to do it!  
AC: and its not fair to ask you to be someones moirail if you cant bring yourself to hurt them even a little!  
AC: and i think you deserve to be her matesprit, and i think she deserves to have a matesprit like you, because youre one of the kindest and gentlest and most considerate trolls ive ever known!  
AC: and i know she probably loves you too, even if she just doesnt know it yet!  
GA: She Does  
AC: yes!!!  
GA: How Do You Know  
AC: because even after everything youve endured, after everything shes put you through, you dont hate her, and she knows it!  
AC: and even after all the bugging and fussing and meddling youve subjected her to, she hasnt tried to end your relationship!  
AC: and maybe at times shes said she hates you, but she just meant she hates you as a moirail!  
AC: and if she hates you as a moirail, what else could be keeping her from just up and leaving you?  
GA: You Mean  
GA: You Think That Her Trepidation To End Our Pale Relationship May Be Caused In Some Part By Her At Least Subconsciously  
GA: Reciprocating My True Feelings For Her  
AC: exactly!!!  
GA: Hm  
GA: I Hadnt Thought Of It That Way  
AC: shell love you back, i know she will!  
AC: just trust me!  
GA: Yes  
GA: I Think Trusting You Is The Right Thing To Do  
GA: I Dont Know Exactly How Much Of What You Just Said Is True  
GA: But I Think I Needed To Hear All Of It  
GA: So  
GA: Thank You Nepeta  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, no purroblem!  
AC: :33 < im always happy to help a furiend in n33d!  
GA: I Appreciate It  
GA: And Im Really Sorry For Being So Melodramatic About This  
AC: :33 < romance is serious business! its okay to be melodramatic about it!  
GA: Yes I Suppose So  
GA: Ill Admit At First I Wasnt Certain Exactly How Seriously To Take You On This Whole Ordeal  
GA: But It Seems I Underestimated Your Understanding Of Troll Romance  
GA: So I Think Youll Make A Great Matchmaker  
GA: For What Little My Word Is Worth  
AC: :33 < its worth a lot, kanaya! thank you!  
AC: :33 < so i guess i should talk to tavros now  
AC: :33 < and then i guess ill have to talk to vwiskers...  
GA: I Wouldnt Suggest Speaking To Vriska Immediately  
GA: She Has Probably Recovered From Her Previous Doldrum And Currently Believes She Is Infallible  
GA: And Shes Pretty Much Impossible To Deal With When Shes Like That  
AC: :33 < ugh, yeah, youre right  
GA: I Would Suggest Finding Another Point In Time To Bother Her When She Is More Emotionally Susceptible  
AC: :33 < yeah, but when will that be?  
GA: Its Impossible To Say For Certain  
GA: But Such A Vulnerable Mood Could Be Triggered By Any Sufficiently Distressing Occurrence  
AC: :33 < would it be pawssible fur such an event to be...  
AC: :33 < engin33red?  
GA: Um  
GA: If Youre Implying The Course Of Action I Believe Youre Implying  
GA: I Think That Would Be Adequate  
AC: :33 < would you be willing to do that?  
GA: If Thats What It Takes  
GA: Then Yes  
AC: :33 < kanaya, if youre not okay with it, i wont ask you to do it  
GA: No  
GA: I Think Such A Drastic Action Might Be Necessary  
GA: Even If It Pains Me To Do it  
AC: :33 < okay, but dont do anything yet  
AC: :33 < let me talk to tavros first, okay?  
GA: Of Course  
AC: :33 < and then together we can furmulate a plan to sw33p miss serket off her f33t and make her horns ofur h33ls flushed fur you!  
AC: :33 < it will be CLAWRIOUS  
GA: Uh Wow  
AC: :33 < what?  
GA: I Just Never Imagined You Could Be So  
GA: Devious  
AC: :33 < why does efurryone k33p saying that??  
AC: :33 < im not devious!!!  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < okay maybe i am  
AC: :33 < but sometimes people are so good at deceiving themselves that you have no choice but to deceive them to make them s33 the truth!  
GA: And See  
GA: That Was A Genuinely Compelling Observation On An Aspect Of Troll Nature  
GA: Nepeta What The Hell Happened To You  
AC: :33 < what happened is  
AC: :33 < someone gave me a choice!  
GA: Thats A Really Cryptic Answer  
GA: I Wasnt Even Aware That You Were Capable Of Being Cryptic  
AC: :33 < okay, talk to you later, kanaya!  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA].  
  
GA: I Suddenly Dont Understand Anything  
  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 

Nepeta slumped back in her chair. Being emotionally supportive was exhausting work! She'd actually worked up quite a sweat, so she yanked her cat hood off and messed up her hair to shake some of it out. Hoping to quench her sudden thirst, she reached again for her tea cup, but being so caught up in the conversation, she must not have noticed she'd drained it to the last drop. In brazen defiance of every known code of etiquette, she walked over to the tea set, snatched the kettle, and set it down right next to her grubtop. It was going to be a long day.

Before she even thought of speaking to Tavros, she poured herself a cup of brew and took a long, greedy sip. Once again the righteous elixir filled her with zest, and she almost felt herself being buoyed up the wings of a million invisible butterflies, or something equally adorable. Ready to ship once again, she opened the Trollian window, mentally preparing herself for whatever romantic drama bomb Tavros could throw at her.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT].  
  
AC: :33 < *ac hops up on tavroses shoulders and nuzzles against his big cool horns*  
AT: oH, uH, hI nEPETA,  
AC: :33 < hi tavros!  
AC: :33 < *she says, and then stops roleplaying beclaws she wants to talk about serious stuff*  
AT: aH, yES, i SUPPOSE IT'S HARD TO BE SERIOUS WHEN,  
AT: yOU'RE PRETENDING TO BE A CAT,  
AC: :33 < it really is!  
AC: :33 < anyway, i guess i should ask first  
AC: :33 < did you read my memo?  
AT: iF YOU MEAN THE ONE ABOUT SHIPPING, tHEN YES,  
AT: i READ THAT ONE A WHILE AGO,  
AT: vRISKA WAS YELLING AT ME NOT TO LISTEN TO YOU, iF YOU TALKED TO ME,  
AT: wHICH YOU ARE NOW, aND,  
AT: i GUESS, uH, i AM ANYWAY,  
AT: sO THEN i SAW YOUR MEMO, aND i READ IT,  
AT: aND THERE WERE SOME OTHERS TOO, bUT THEY WERE LOCKED, oR SOMETHING,  
AT: bUT YES, i READ IT,  
AC: :33 < okay, good  
AC: :33 < well thank you fur listening to me even though vwiskers told you not to!  
AT: yOU'RE WELCOME, i GUESS,  
AT: jUST, uH, pLEASE DON'T TELL HER,  
AC: :33 < i wont tell her a thing, i purromise!  
AT: oKAY, tHANK YOU, fOR PROMISING THAT,  
AT: sO i GUESS, uHH, wE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT vRISKA NOW,  
AC: :33 < unfurtunately, yes  
AC: :33 < whats going on with you and her?  
AT: wELL, uH, i THINK SHE'S, uHH,  
AT: fLUSHED FOR ME,  
AT: oR MAYBE THE OTHER ONE,  
AT: tHE BLACK ONE,  
AT: aND IT'S, uH, kIND OF UNCOMFORTABLE, rEALLY,  
AC: :33 < i can s33 why it would be  
AC: :33 < do you have any f33lings fur her?  
AT: tHAT'S KIND OF THE THING THAT MAKES IT UNCOMFORTABLE,  
AT: i MEAN, i KIND OF LIKE HER, bUT NOT REALLY, uH,  
AT: lIKE THAT,  
AT: aND i KIND OF HATE HER TOO, i GUESS,  
AT: bUT NOT REALLY ALL THAT MUCH, eiTHER,  
AC: :33 < you dont hate her all that much?  
AC: :33 < really?  
AT: yES, i KNOW, sHE DID THE, uH  
AT: tHE THING WITH,  
AT: mY LEGS,  
AT: bUT, wELL, sHE FEELS REALLY BAD ABOUT IT,  
AT: i CAN TELL, eVEN THOUGH SHE NEVER, uH, aCTUALLY SAYS IT,  
AT: aND SHE TRIED TO MAKE IT UP TO ME, iN HER, uHH,  
AT: wELL, hER WEIRD, mESSED UP SORT OF WAY,  
AC: :33 < does this have something to do with the pupa pan incident i k33p hearing about?  
AT: uHHHHHH,  
AT: cAN WE, uHHH,  
AT: nOT TALK ABOUT, tHAT, uH,  
AT: pARTICULAR THING,  
AC: :33 < okay okay fine  
AC: :33 < so i guess i should ask  
AC: :33 < do you like her?  
AT: wELL, uH,  
AT: i LIKE THINGS, aBOUT HER  
AT: i MEAN, wE GO ON ADVENTURES, aND THOSE ARE FUN,  
AT: aND i LIKE THE WAY SHE LIGHTENS UP, wHEN WE DO THAT,  
AT: bUT ALL THE OTHER TIMES, sHE'S JUST REALLY INTENSE,  
AT: lIKE, sHE'S MEAN, aND NASTY, aND INSULTING,  
AT: eVEN WHEN i TRY TO BE NICE TO HER,  
AT: aND OTHER TIMES, sHE GETS REALLY HARD ON HERSELF,  
AT: aND IF i TRY TO HELP HER, sHE GETS REALLY MAD,  
AT: iT'S JUST, iT'S REALLY,  
AT: fRUSTRATING, i GUESS,  
AC: :33 < hmmm, interesting  
AT: iS IT,  
AC: :33 < kind of!  
AC: :33 < anyway, do you think youre flushed fur her?  
AT: i'M, uH, pRETTY SURE i'M,  
AT: wELL, nO,  
AT: i'M DEFINITELY SURE i'M NOT,  
AC: :33 < okay, thats good actually!  
AT: uH, iT IS,  
AC: :33 < yes!  
AC: :33 < ive got another ship fur her flushed quadrant in mind!  
AT: uH, wHO IS IT,  
AC: :33 < i cant tell you that yet!  
AC: :33 < look, i n33d to deal with all of vwiskers relationship stuff furst  
AC: :33 < but since shes so dumb about stuff like this, im purrobably gonna have to spurring some sort of elaborate trap on her  
AC: :33 < and itd purrobably really help if you were in on it!  
AC: :33 < so would you be willing to help me?  
AT: sO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU,  
AT: wITH SOME SORT OF,  
AT: sNEAKY ROMANCE AMBUSH,  
AT: oN vRISKA,  
AC: :33 < yes!  
AT: tHAT'S KIND OF, a WEIRD THING,  
AT: fOR YOU TO BE PLANNING,  
AC: :33 < what do you mean?  
AT: iT JUST SEEMS,  
AT: rEALLY, uH,  
AC: :33 < please dont say devious!  
AT: uH,  
AT: i WASN'T GOING,  
AT: tO, UHH,  
AT: sAY THAT,  
AC: :33 < then what were you gonna say?  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: iT'S NOT IMPORTANT,  
AC: :33 < well then, will you help me?  
AT: wELL, iF WE PERFORM THIS,  
AT: sNEAKY, bUT DEFINITELY NOT DEVIOUS,  
AT: rOMANCE ATTACK ON vRISKA,  
AT: iS SHE GOING TO TRY TO, uH,  
AT: rETALIATE, aGAINST US,  
AT: oR, pARTICULARLY, uH,  
AT: mE,  
AC: :33 < no! i wont let her hurt anyone!  
AC: :33 < anyway, were gonna wait to do it until a point in time when shes more emotionally susceptible  
AC: :33 < so shell purrobably be too busy beating herself up to beat anypawdy else up!  
AT: oH, oKAY,  
AT: tHAT IS DEFINITELY,  
AT: sOME WORD THAT ISN'T DEVIOUS,  
AC: :33 < ill admit that purrt is kind of devious  
AT: oKAY, gOOD,  
AT: bECAUSE IT IS,  
AC: :33 < so will you help me?  
AT: i THINK i WILL, YES,  
AT: vRISKA REALLY DOES NEED HELP,  
AT: aND SHE PROBABLY WON'T GET ANY, uNLESS IT'S FORCED UPON HER,  
AT: oKAY, tHAT SOUNDED KIND OF DIRTY, aND i SUDDENLY WISH i HADN'T SAID IT,  
AT: bUT YES, i'LL HELP YOU,  
AC: :33 < thats great! thank you tavros!  
AC: :33 < tell you what, ill talk to kanaya  
AC: :33 < shes my other accompawlice in all this  
AC: :33 < and then well all work together to make a big sneaky plan to get through all of her dumb emotional purroblems and ship ALL of her ships!  
AC: :33 < ALL OF THEM  
AC: :33 < well, actually just half of them  
AT: yES, iT IS PROBABLY BEST,  
AT: tO JUST DO THE HALF,  
AC: :33 < yeah, i dont really care about the other two quadrants anyway!  
AC: :33 < though, i might have an idea fur one of them...  
AT: uH, wHAT,  
AC: :33 < well talk about it later!  
AC: :33 < ive gotta go talk to kanaya!  
AT: cAN i ASK ONE QUESTION, rEALLY QUICKLY,  
AC: :33 < uh, sure  
AT: iS KANAYA, nOT HAPPY WITH HER,  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < she doesnt want to be vwiskers meowrail anymore  
AC: :33 < but i cant say any more about it until i talk to her!  
AT: oKAY, tHAT'S FAIR, i GUESS,  
AT: i MEAN, iT'S TERRIBLE, kIND OF,  
AT: bUT i GUESS, yOU HAVE A SHIP IN MIND, oR SOMETHING,  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, you could say that!  
AC: :33 < talk to you soon tavros!  
AT: tHAT'S KIND OF, uH,  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT].  
  
AT: a CRYPTIC ANSWER,  
AT: oH, uHH, oKAY,  
  
adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 

Already the gears were turning in Nepeta's head. Soon, with the help of Tavros and Kanaya, she would plot the sneakiest, most devious (but benevolently so!) shipping attack paradox space had ever known. Vriska would be shipped so utterly and so thoroughly that envelopes full of tiny pieces of her would be spread all throughout the incipisphere. Nepeta would bury her in so many ships, people would think Her Imperious Condescension herself had given the order to conquer her. Working with her friends, she would formulate the perfect plan.

But first, she needed to use the load gaper. All that tea just goes straight through a girl.


	3. Serket Breaker

Chapter 3

Serket Breaker

"It's done," Kanaya said with a sigh as she shut her grubtop.

The three of them, Nepeta, Tavros, and Kanaya, had assembled in Nepeta's hive on the Land of Little Cubes and Tea. They were seated at a small, circular table with one of the planet's native tea sets laid out at its center. Together they had spent the past day planning their sneaky romance ambush on Vriska, and now it was time to put it into action.

"You let her down easy, right?" Nepeta asked, then took an anxious sip of tea.

"I should hope so," said Kanaya, but not without a twinge of guilt in her voice. "I made it clear that I was terminating our moirallegiance because I believed it was harmful to both of us, and specifically not because of any personal dissatisfaction with her."

"Still, I'm sorry to make you do that," Nepeta said.

"It's fine, really. Had I not ended the relationship now, it only would have slowly faded anyway." Kanaya sighed once more and averted her gaze from the table. "Still, I hope she believed me. More than anything, I don't want her to hold it against me."

"Uh, Kanaya," Tavros started, startling the two girls, though not visibly. "I think that if your, uh, moirallegiance wasn't working, it's a good thing that you're ending it. And I think, eventually, at least, she'll realize it was the right thing to do, even if she does hold it against you. I mean, at first."

"Thank you, Tavros," Kanaya said, and bowed to him slightly.

"You, uh... you really like her, right?"

Kanaya drew in her breath. "More than I can express in words."

"That's good," said Tavros, and he cast his vision down at the table. "I think Vriska, uh, probably deserves a matesprit like you, and not a lousy one, like me."

Kanaya leaned over the table towards Tavros, her hands perched on its edge. "Tavros, I think you'll make a fine matesprit. You just need to find the right person."

Tavros looked her in the eye. "Thanks, Kanaya," he said, then averted his gaze once more. "For saying that, I mean. I don't know if it's true, but..."

His self-deprecation was interrupted by an alert from Nepeta's grubtop. "Guys, it's Vwiskers!" she said, and set her tea cup down, settling both hands on the keyboard to deal with the undoubtedly emotional spidertroll.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
AG: Nep8ta, wh8t the f8ck did y8u s8y to h8r!!!!!!!!  
AC: :33 < vwiskers, what are you talking about?  
AG: You kn8w what the f8ck I'm t8lking a88ut!!!!!!!! I mean Kan8ya!!!!!!!!  
AG: She just 8r8ke 8p with m8!!!!!!!!  
AC: :33 < oh no! :((  
AC: :33 < i talked to her, but i told her not to do anything yet!  
AG: 8ullsh8t!!!!!!!! I KN8W you p8t her up to th8s!!!!!!!!  
AC: :33 < i swear i didnt!!  
AC: :33 < what did she say?  
AG: Some cr8p a8out how it w8s 8ad for 8oth of 8s and how she'd 8een "negl8ctful in her d8ties as a m8ir8il" or some crap like th8t.  
AG: And she kept s8ying, "Vr8ska, I don't h8 you, I d8n't h8 you."  
AG: 8ullshit!!!!!!!! If she d8esn't h8 me, why w8uld she 8r8k up w8th me????????  
AC: :33 < i dont know, but i know she doesnt hate you!  
AG: Of c8urse she h8tes me! Why w8uldn't she h8 me?  
AG: She's alw8ys 8ugging and fussing and m8ddling with me, 8nd she pro8a8ly just got s8ck of it and s8id, "F8ck it, I'm d8ne with Spidertr8ll!!!!!!!!"  
AG: "Just k8ck her to th8 cur8, just l8ke ev8ry8ody else alre8dy h8s!!!!!!!!"  
AC: :33 < its not like that at all!!  
AG: Th8n why????????  
AG: I figured of 8ll the trolls in the w8rld, at least Kanaya would alw8ys 8e a8le to put 8p with me.  
AG: And even though she w8s always 8ugging me and messing with my pl8ns........  
AG: I already kind of miss her.  
AG: ::::(  
AC: :33 < vwiskers, i think you really n33d someone to talk to right now  
AC: :33 < i mean, in purrson  
AC: :33 < so why dont you come ofur to my hive?  
AC: :33 < we can drink tea and talk about your purroblems  
AC: :33 < and itll be pleasant and relaxing and i think itll be really helpfur!  
AG: No!!!!!!!! I'm not going over to your stupid hive to have a little tea party with you!!!!!!!!  
AC: :33 < then what are you gonna do?  
AG: I don't know, I'll........  
AG: ........I'll just sit on LOMAT and fucking mope to myself, I guess, since every8ody hates me.  
AC: :33 < vwiskers, i already told you i like you  
AG: 8ullshit.  
AC: :33 < im serious!  
AG: Well........  
AG: This isn't a part of some stupid trick, is it?  
AC: :33 < vwiskers, all i want is to share a warm befurage with you and help you with your relationship purroblems  
AG: ........  
AG: Okay, fine.  
AC: :33 < yes!!! thank you vwiskers!  
AC: :33 < you wont regret it, i swear!!  
AG: I'll 8e the judge of that!  
AG: Just to 8e clear, I'm only doing this 8ecause I literally have no8ody else to talk to.  
AG: So don't think we're suddenly friends or something, okay?  
AC: :33 < whatefur you say, vwiskers  
AG: I'll 8e over in a little 8it.  
AC: :33 < thats fine!  
AC: :33 < efurrything will be ready when you get here  
AG: And if you tell any8ody a8out this, I swear I'll kill you.  
AC: :33 < ill k33p that in mind!  
AG: And Nepeta?  
AC: :33 < yeah?  
AG: ........  
AG: Thanks.  
AC: :33 < hey, no purroblem!  
AC: :33 < anything to help a furiend in n33d!  
AG: Yeah, whatever.  
AC: :33 < s33 you in a bit!  
AG: Eh.  
  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 

"Alright, she'll be here in a bit!" Nepeta said, closing the chat window. "And that means you guys need to get out of here!"

"Okay," said Tavros, and backed his rocket chair away from the table. "I really hope this works..."

Kanaya rose and began to leave, but stopped and turned to Nepeta. "Nepeta... are you sure you're ready to do this?"

"Please," Nepeta said, and she cracked her knuckles. "I was hatched fur this kind of thing."

***

Nepeta had been tidying up the cave--picking up loose hides, wiping up the blood smears all over the floors, even sweeping all the little cubes into a great big pile (and then captchaloguing it--didn't want to send any pale signals here)--when she glanced out the window and saw a faint trail of cerulean sparkles growing in the distance. Vriska was here.

As she approached the front door--she was suddenly glad she'd added a door to what was once simply a giant hole--she briefly wondered if she was doing the right thing. She'd broken up Vriska's moirallegiance just to put her in a vulnerable mood--and if she was wrong about her feelings about Kanaya, she'd have ruined their relationship forever. But her heart told her she was right, and if she couldn't trust her heart, what could she trust?

Nepeta took a deep breath and opened the door. Outside she saw Vriska fluttering to the ground, so she ran out and waved to her enthusiastically. "Hi, Vwiskers!" Vriska withdrew her wings back into her jacket--she'd swapped her Thief of Light attire for her original outfit, slightly modified to accommodate her new protrusions--and threw a single arm in the air briefly in a halfhearted wave.

"So how was your trip?" she asked, just trying to make conversation.

"Well, I didn't see Kanaya, so that's..." Vriska started, but trailed off, her thought dying somewhere in the gap between bitterness and regret. Nepeta immediately felt bad for asking.

"Look, let's... go in my hive, and you just make yourself at home," Nepeta said, desperate to change the subject. "I'll make you some tea." She grabbed Vriska's wrist, as if to make the invitation binding, and half-dragged her into her hive.

"I guess this place isn't bad for a hole in the ground," Vriska said as she took a seat at the table, and Nepeta was glad she was at least trying to be polite.

"I tried to clean up a little, but I guess some of the bloodstains have set in," she said, and laughed to herself, earning her a cocked eyebrow from Vriska. She went ahead and poured them both a cup of tea, dropping two little cubes into her cup. "Would you like any sugar?"

Vriska picked up her cup and took a quick swig. "No thanks. It's too sweet already."

"Yeah, it's all a little sweet around here," Nepeta admitted, taking a sip of hers. She shivered a little as the sugary brew took its usual effect on her. They both continued drinking, and an awkward silence settled over the table.

Vriska was the one to break the silence. "So what are we supposed to talk about?"

Nepeta had been nursing her cup of tea close to her mouth, but now she set it down and put her curled her hands together on the table. "Well, we're suppawsed to talk about your purroblems."

"Well, you know what my _purroblem_ is," Vriska said, emphasizing the pun mockingly. "It's Kanaya breaking up with me."

"Well, maybe I should ask..." Nepeta started, carefully considering how to phrase the next question. "Why is that a purroblem?"

Vriska glared at her, "What you mean, why is that a _purroblem_? She's my moirail! We're not supposed to just break up!"

"Look, did Kanaya say why she wanted to end your meowrallegiance?" Nepeta asked.

"Yeah, but she just said some bullshit about being bad for both of us," Vriska said, looking away and flipping her arms in the air in frustration, "and about how she was a bad moirail or something. Whatever!"

"Do you think she was a bad meowrail?" Nepeta asked with genuinely curiosity.

"I don't know," Vriska said, and crossed her arms, still not making eye contact. "What's a good moirail supposed to do, anyways? Stop me from doing bad things? Because she sure didn't do that!" She rolled her eyes, trying to seem dismissive, but still obviously hurt.

"That's the common conception," Nepeta said, "but I think there's more to it than that."

"Like what?" Vriska said, once again looking Nepeta in the eyes. "Am I supposed to stop her from doing bad things, too? Stop Little Miss Well-Adjusted over in her tower in the middle of the fucking desert from subjecting the world to her awful rainbow drinker fanfiction?"

"No!" said Nepeta a little too loudly, startling Vriska, if only momentarily. "It's about more than just holding each other back! It's about listening to each other and understanding each other, and knowing all the good and bad things about each other! And it's about always wanting your moirail to improve and never taking any stupid excuses, and always wanting to help them, even if you have to hurt them a little to do it!"

Vriska was taken aback by her sudden speech and scrambled to react to it. "Well, we weren't that, okay?!" she said, her voice suddenly taking on a sharp edge. "But even if we weren't... God, I don't know." She leaned over the table, staring into her teacup.

"Vriska, your moirallegiance was a sham to begin with," Nepeta said, her voice filled with scorn she wasn't aware she was capable of. "Kanaya ending it was just a formality."

"You don't understand!" Vriska shouted, suddenly rising from her seat and looking Nepeta dead in the eyes. "Kanaya was the only person I had left!" She continued to stare for a moment, then broke off, pacing around with her hands clenched in front of her. "After all the stupid things I've done, she was the only person who actually cared about me. Now that she's gone, I don't have anything." She let out a disgusted sigh. "Even Tavros doesn't want me, and I've practically been throwing myself at him."

"Vriska, there are still people who care about you," Nepeta said, knowing she was right.

"Bullshit!" Vriska turned to her and shouted. "Like who? And don't even say it's you! A day ago you hated me just as much as everybody else, and now the only reason you care is because of your stupid little shipping game!"

"It isn't a game, Vriska!" Nepeta shouted, and rose from her seat as well. "I seriously want to help you!"

"Well, you can't!" Vriska fired back, and turned away from her, facing the wall. "It's too late for me. I just..." She looked at the ground and sighed. "I fucked up. I did too many bad things, and now everybody hates me."

Nepeta slowly walked toward her. "It doesn't matter how many bad things you've done, Vriska."

"Of course it does!" Vriska shouted, still staring at the ground. "I'm just a bad person. I'm a fucked up little ball of hate that can't feel anything but black for anybody."

"You're not a bad person, Vriska," Nepeta said, and laid a hand on Vriska's shoulder.

She slapped it off. "Yes I am!"

"No you're _not_!" Nepeta shouted, and whirled Vriska around, grabbing both her shoulders and looking her in the eyes. "You're a good person, I know you are! And you know how I know? Because if you were a bad person, you wouldn't feel bad about all the bad things you've done! But you feel horrible, and it eats you up inside, and you want to make up for it! And I know you want to be a good person, but you wouldn't want to be a good person unless you already _were_ a good person!"

Nepeta released Vriska's shoulders, and she took a step back. It didn't look like she had a response ready, so Nepeta kept going. "Vriska, it's not your fault the way you are. You were doomed to be messed up from the minute your lusus picked you. I can't imagine how awful it was, being forced to drag trolls to their deaths every day just to avoid being culled. But I think in order to cope, you sort of had to... cut yourself off. You didn't let yourself get attached to anyone, because you knew there was always the possibility that you'd have to kill them just to survive. Or you'd have to kill one of their friends, and then they'd hate you, and you'd have to kill them too. So if anybody tried to get close to you, you'd just drive them away with petty little barbs and insults, and eventually you internalized it that if anybody made a red advance toward you, they were either mocking you or trying to get you killed.

"And that worked, kind of, when you were on Alternia. But you're not on Alternia anymore, and you don't have to kill anyone anymore." Nepeta reached out and grabbed Vriska's hand, then clasped her other hand over it. She expected her to pull away, but her only reaction was to look down at it. "You don't have to be that person anymore, Vriska. You can be the person you've always wanted to be."

Vriska looked up at her, her face full of pain and regret and more than a little bewilderment. "How?" she asked, her voice cracking a little.

"You just need someone to help you," Nepeta said, and she allowed the faintest smile to grace her lips.

"Like who? You?" Vriska asked, then glanced down at their hands. Nepeta suddenly felt a little embarrassed at how supportive she was being, and she released her grip on Vriska's hand. She hoped this didn't count as pale infidelity, then briefly tried to recall if pale infidelity was even a thing. Whatever, she had more important things to worry about.

"No, not me," Nepeta said, her mouth still curled in an enigmatic smile, "but I've got someone in mind." She wandered over to the door and loudly called, "Oh, Tavros!"

Vriska's expression instantly hardened into one of concern. "Wait, _what_?"

As Tavros drifted into the room on his rocket chair, it changed again, from concern to anger, and she glared at Nepeta furiously. "Nepeta, what the fuck is this?! You said it would be just the two of us!"

"Just give me ten minutes, Vriska, okay?" Nepeta pleaded, hoping she hadn't squandered what goodwill she'd managed to accumulate with her. "Just ten minutes, and then you can do whatever you want. You can even kill me, I don't care!"

Vriska's glare deepened. "I'll give you eight."

"Fine," said Nepeta. "Now please, both of you come to the table."

Vriska took her seat once more, and Tavros slid up at the place across from her. Nepeta settled herself to the side between the two of them. "Uh, hi, Vriska," Tavros said with a little wave.

Vriska just crossed her arms and looked away. "Whatever."

"Now look," said Nepeta, and she curled her hands together on the table's surface. "I don't really know what's going on between you two, and I'm not sure either of you knows what's going on between you two either. So I want all three of us to get to the bottom of it together. And that's why," and she paused to take a deep breath, "I want to be your auspistice."

" _What_?!" Vriska screamed, and she slammed her fists on the table as she rose from her seat, knocking her teacup over. "No! This is bullshit! We don't need an auspistice!"

"Vriska, please--" Nepeta started, but didn't get to finish.

"No, fuck you!" Vriska interrupted, her eyes suddenly full of anger--and fear. "I thought you were trying to help me! So why the fuck do you want to want to tear me and Tavros apart?!"

"I'm not trying to tear you apart!" Nepeta shouted, rising from her seat to try to meet Vriska at eye level. "I just want to see how you two actually feel about each other! Because right now, just based on what I've heard, your relationship is unstable and uneven and a burden on both of you!"

"It's not a..." Vriska started, but the rest of the sentence couldn't escape her throat for some reason. "I mean..."

"Vriska, I just want you both to get your feelings out in the open," Nepeta said. "Then we'll know what kind of relationship you two have, instead of having to guess."

"Uh, Vriska," Tavros started, and the two girls turned their heads to him. "I think it's a good idea."

"Well, of course _you_ would," Vriska said and sat down once again, slumping back in her chair. "You've never given a shit about me from the very beginning."

Nepeta sat down once more. "Tavros, is that true?" She grabbed an empty teacup and filled it with tea.

"No," Tavros said, and Nepeta deposited the teacup in front of him. He idly picked up a cube and dropped it in.

"Bullshit!" said Vriska, and she leaned over the table towards him. "I've made eight thousand passes at you, red and black both, and you haven't returned a single one!"

"Vriska, I," he stammered, "I have a lot of feelings, about you. But, I mean, they're all, uh, conflicted." He picked up his teacup and took a sip.

Nepeta looked over to him. "What kind of feelings, Tavros?"

"Well," Tavros said, and looked at Vriska, forcing himself to maintain eye contact and occasionally failing. "There are a lot of things I, uh, like about you. I mean, you're brave, and you're confident, and you can be nice, when you want to be. Like, when we go on adventures together, it's fun, because you're not so wound up and angry, like you usually are."

He looked down into his teacup. "I mean, a lot of the time, you're mean and nasty, even when people are just trying to be nice to you. And you always act like a loner, like you don't need anybody, and you push people away, and then you complain about how everyone hates you."

Tavros kept looking down at the table. "But I think..." he started hesitantly, "I think the thing I like least about you... is sometimes, you get in these moods, where you hate yourself, and everyone else, and if anybody tries to help you, you just snap at them, and push them away, and I wish..." He looked up at her. "I wish there was something I could do about it." She returned his glance for a moment, then looked away.

"Thank you, Tavros," Nepeta said, then turned her attention to Vriska. "What about you, Vriska? How do you feel about Tavros?"

Vriska glared at her. "You really want to know? Fine," she said, and turned to Tavros. "Tavros, I hate you. I've hated you since the first day I met you. I hate you because you're weak, and you're stupid, and you're naive, and you're a coward, and you play games for girls, and you believe in stupid shit like fairies. But the thing I hate most about you," and Nepeta could see her arms shaking from how hard she was clenching her fists, "is that after all the hate I've poured into you, you've never hated me back. Never!"

She leaned back from the table and looked away. "And I hate it, because you make it so hard to hate you! You're always so nice and agreeable and never wanting to fight with anybody. You didn't even fight the monsters on your planet! And you're always trying to be nice to me and help me, even when I treat you like shit! And I thought, maybe..." She looked at him briefly, then cast her gaze back down into her teacup. "I thought I might like you. And I thought, maybe, you might like me too. So I tried it. I gave you a shot at being my matesprit, and you just... you fucking blew it!"

Tavros had been looking at her, but he nervously glanced into his teacup. "Vriska, it was just... it was so sudden, and weird, and there's just... there's so much about you that I just, I can't get past."

"I know, I know," Vriska said and leaned her head back over her chair, staring at the ceiling. "No matter what happens, I'll always be the bitch who broke your legs. I don't even know what I was thinking." She sighed. "God, I still don't even know what I'm thinking. There's too much I hate about you for me to like you. And I can't hate you, because you won't hate me back. You're too weak to be my matesprit, and too nice to be my kismesis."

"I'm sorry, Vriska," Tavros said.

"Don't be sorry!" Vriska shouted, and she threw herself upright, clamping her hands on the table and leaning over it towards Tavros. "That's your problem, that you're sorry! You're the sorriest troll I've ever seen!" She took her hands off the table and leaned back into her chair. "I thought if I helped you enough, I could make you stronger, and maybe you'd be good enough to be my matesprit. And I thought if I insulted you enough, you might actually grow a spine and hate me back. But I guess it didn't work."

Nepeta felt the need to interrupt. "So you did both? At the same time?"

"Yeah, I know, it was stupid," Vriska said. "But whenever I tried to help him, I'd just get so frustrated, and ended up insulting him. And whenever I insulted him, he'd just take it, and I'd feel bad about it and want to help him again."

"Do you still want to help him?" Nepeta asked.

Vriska hesitated, flipping her overturned teacup back upright. Nepeta filled it before she finally answered. "Yeah, kind of. I just... I feel bad for him, I guess, I don't know."

Nepeta grinned mischievously and took a long sip of tea. "Then maybe... the two of you should be moirails!"

Vriska's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, and even Tavros seemed taken aback by the suggestion. "What?! Are you fucking kidding me?!" Vriska yelled.

"Think about it, Vriska!" Nepeta said. "You like Tavros, right?"

"Well, kind of, but--" Vriska started, but Nepeta completed her thought.

"But you hate that he's weak, and that he's too nice. But you want to change those things, and you want to help him change, right?"

"I guess," said Vriska, still not keen on the idea.

Nepeta turned to Tavros. "And what about you, Tavros? You like Vriska, don't you?"

"Uh, yeah..." Tavros said, trailing off because he knew he'd probably just get interrupted.

"But you hate that she's always so mean, and that she beats herself up over stuff. And you want that to change, right?"

"Yeah, I..." Tavros started, then looked up at Vriska. "I want to help you, like you've been trying to help me."

"So you both want to help each other," Nepeta said, reaching her arms out to point her hands at the two of them. "So you should be moirails! You both hate each other enough to see what's wrong with each other, and you like each other enough that you want to do something about it! It's perfect!"

Vriska seemed to be warming up to the idea, but she was still a little hesitant. "So wait, what exactly would a moirallegiance between us entail?" she asked, then took a swig of tea. "I mean, I've had a moirail before, but this seems... different somehow."

"Look, all you have to do," Nepeta said as she poured herself another cup of tea, "is talk to each other about each other's problems, and about what you think you should do to fix them."

"But it can't be that simple, can it?" Vriska asked. "I mean, what if I try to tell Tavros what to do, how I honestly think he could improve, and he doesn't listen to me?"

"And what if," Tavros interjected, "what if I try to help Vriska, and she just insults me, or tells me I'm stupid?"

"Well," Nepeta said, "you just have to promise each other that you'll listen to each other and give each other equal say, and you have to promise that you'll at least try to follow each other's advice."

"Okay, fine," Vriska said, and turned to fully face Tavros. "Tavros... if you promise that you'll try to listen to my advice and let me help you, then I promise I'll hear you out and try not to be so mean to you."

"Okay, I promise," Tavros said with surprisingly little hesitation. Vriska responded by reaching her fist out over the table. Tavros extended a fist of his own, and they both pushed them together in a gentle bunp.

"Yes!" Nepeta shouted, and she jumped out of her chair and clapped to herself. "I'm so happy fur you two! I just know you'll be great together!"

"Yeah, I guess," Vriska said, and leaned back in her chair and sighed.

"You don't sound very happy, Vriska," Tavros said with a look of concern.

"Look, it's..." Vriska started, not certain how to say what she was feeling. "It doesn't have anything to do with this. It's just... Kanaya." She leaned forward and crossed her arms on the table. "I still don't get why she dumped me."

"Do you still want to be her moirail?" Tavros asked.

Vriska shook her head. "No, I think she was right about our moirallegiance not working out. But still... something about the way she said it made it seem so final. Like things between us could never be the same again." She slid her teacup closer to herself and stared into it sullenly. "And she kept saying she didn't hate me. What did she mean?" She sloshed her tea around a bit, then took a sip.

Nepeta smirked and asked, "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Vriska cocked her eyebrow at Nepeta. "You don't mean..."

Before she could finish her thought, Kanaya stepped into the room. She was wearing a long, sleeveless cerulean dress with a high black collar and a black belt around her waist. On her arms she wore long cerulean gloves tipped in black, with the fabric extending across her hands to wrap around her middle fingers. Emblazoned on her chest was her symbol in jade, snared atop an octagonal black spider web.

Vriska rose from her seat and stepped away from the table towards her. So many emotions were running through her head, anger and relief and regret and sorrow and something else she couldn't identify. All she could manage to say was, "Kanaya?"

Kanaya clasped her hands together at her waist. "Vriska," she said, then closed her eyes while she took a quiet breath. "Everything I said to you before was true. I truly believe that our moirallegiance was poisonous to both of us. And I believe that was mostly my fault. I never served my role properly, never cared for you the way a moirail should have. And I ended it because I believe you deserve someone who will be a better moirail than I have been."

Vriska gave her a pleading look. "But why? What made you do this? Was it something I did? Something I said?"

Kanaya looked to the ground. "It wasn't caused by any wrongdoing on your part." She looked up at Vriska, conviction burning in her eyes. "I don't hate you, Vriska. You must believe me when I say that."

Vriska's expression was unchanged. "Then why?" she asked, her voice soft and desperate.

"I..." Kanaya started, then averted her gaze once more to the ground. "There's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but until I spoke with Nepeta, I couldn't bring myself to do it." She looked over to Nepeta, who gave her a silent nod. She placed a hand over her chest, took a deep breath, and looked directly into Vriska's eyes.

"I'm flushed for you."

Vriska's eyes widened, but the look on her face wasn't one of surprise, but of _understanding_. It was as if the last piece in a thousand-piece puzzle had been put in its place, but before that moment, her mind could only focus on that one single gap, completely unable to infer the picture from the hundreds of other hints. But now the image was complete, and she could ignore it no longer, and it was so _obvious_ that she felt like a fool for never having seen it.

With the initial revelation out of the way, the rest came, Kanaya thought, almost embarrassingly easily. "I have been since probably the moment I met you, and I've always wanted to tell you, but I could never find the courage. And I thought maybe as your moirail, I could make you love me the same way, but all I was doing was hurting you. And I saw that our relationship was degenerating, and I couldn't stand the thought of the two of us slowly drifting apart, so I..." She choked up suddenly, and she could see jade tears welling up at the edges of her vision.

"Kanaya..." Vriska started, but couldn't find the words to continue, so she simply opened her arms towards Kanaya. She fell into them and clung desperately to Vriska, burying her head in her shoulder, and Vriska found herself returning the embrace a little more tightly than she expected to.

"I don't hate you, Vriska," Kanaya said, straining to keep her composure. "That's why I've been such a bad moirail. And I just..." She stifled a sob. "I just hope you don't hate me for it."

"I don't hate you, Kanaya," Vriska said, her voice soft and earnest. "I don't think I can."

Kanaya sniffled. "Really?"

"I mean, when you first told me you were breaking up with me, I tried to get mad at you," Vriska said, looking down over Kanaya's shoulder and sighing wistfully. "But then I remembered all the little things about you that I loved. I loved how you were always encouraging me and reassuring me, no matter how badly I screwed up. And I loved how whenever I tore up one of my jackets or my FLARPing outfit, you'd always get so excited to make a new one with your little fetish for tailoring, and you'd always retake my measurements, even though I'm sure you had them memorized. And I loved how you'd occasionally just demand I let you wash my hair, and then you'd spend half an hour just brushing it while we talked about nothing at all."

Kanaya ran her fingers through Vriska's hair. "Your hair is filthy, by the way," she said, starting to regain her composure.

Vriska laughed. "I know. But I don't want to wash it. I like the way you do it too much."

She looked down at the floor and sighed again. "After that, I realized I couldn't be angry with you. Instead, I was scared. I was terrified that you hated me," she said, her grip on Kanaya tightening the slightest bit, "and that I was going to lose all that forever. Because even though I hated the way you were always bugging me as my moirail, there was always something I liked about you. And it took me until just now to realize what it is."

Kanaya gasped slightly. "You mean..."

Vriska gently unwrapped Kanaya's arms from around her and stepped back, then took her hands. "Kanaya... I'm flushed for you too."

Kanaya's heart soared in her chest. "Really?" she asked, as if it were too good to be true.

"Yes, really," Vriska said, and smiled, and Kanaya realized all over again just how _pretty_ Vriska was when she genuinely smiled.

An atom bomb of emotions exploded in Kanaya's head, and there were suddenly a thousand different things she wanted to say, and she tried her best to say all of them. "Vriska, I'm so happy, and I'm overjoyed, and I've waited so long for this, and there's so much I want to--"

"Kanaya," Vriska said, and Kanaya was instantly silent. She lowered both of their sets of hands, and her smile curled into a smirk. "Shut up and kiss me."

So Kanaya did. She released Vriska's hands and threw her arms around her shoulders, and she kissed her, suddenly and violently and passionately. Vriska was shocked at first by the intensity of it, but soon she was returning Kanaya's affection perfectly in kind, and they shuffled awkwardly about the room until Kanaya pinned them both against the cave wall. Nepeta cheered and clapped the entire time, and by the time Tavros joined in the applause, they were both embarrassed enough to stop. 

Vriska leaned against the cave wall and panted, her cheeks streaked with cerulean and her lips smeared with Kanaya's matching lipstick. "Wow."

Kanaya's face was likewise glowing jade, and she covered her mouth, suppressing a laugh. "Sorry," she said, but obviously not sorry, "I've been waiting a long time for that."

Vriska just grinned. "If I'd known you were such a good kisser, I would have done it sooner, moirails or not."

Kanaya let herself laugh this time, but suddenly stopped and frowned, and her shoulders slumped. "But really, Vriska, I'm sorry to have put you through that."

Vriska kicked herself up from against the wall and grabbed Kanaya's shoulder. "Stop apologizing," she said, looking her in the eyes. "It was both of our faults. Probably even mine more than yours. I was a pretty lousy moirail too."

"Yes, I suppose that's true," Kanaya said, her frown flattening into a near-smirk. "But I think it was simply an issue of compatibility."

"Yeah, I think you're right," Vriska said. She looked at the ground and laughed to herself. "This is gonna sound corny as hell, but honestly, I can't think of anything I want to change about you."

Kanaya laughed. "You're right," she said. "That did sound corny as hell."

"Hey!" Vriska gawked with mock offense, and lightly punched her arm. "Whose side are you on?"

"Yours. From now on," Kanaya said, and wrapped her arms around Vriska, leaning in to kiss her again. This time it was calmer and more controlled, but still lingered with passion. Kanaya grinned and said, "Tell you what. Why don't we go to my hive and I'll make you some new clothes?" She fingered the roughly torn holes in the back of Vriska's jacket. "Maybe something that will accommodate your wings a little better."

"And then what?" Vriska asked with a smirk.

"And then we can both have a dip in the ablution trap, and I'll wash your hair for you, just the way you like," Kanaya said as she brushed her hands through Vriska's hair.

"And _then_ what?" Vriska repeated, still smirking.

"Well, I can't imagine there's much more we could do after that," Kanaya said, and suddenly a devilish grin painted itself on her face. "Though I can think of a few things that might be better done before we participate in any ablutions..."

Vriska's face suddenly turned bright cerulean, and she laughed as she tried desperately to cover her blushing cheeks. "Good lord, Kanaya Maryam, I had no idea you could be so raunchy!"

"I told you," Kanaya said, "I've been waiting a long time for this."

Vriska looked her in the eyes. "I would love that. But there's something else I have to do first. Something for Tavros."

Kanaya removed her arms from around Vriska and clasped both of her hands in her own. "I understand. For what little I know on the subject, I think you'll be great moirails."

"That means more than you realize, Kanaya," Vriska said, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before she walked back to the table. She pulled the unused chair next to Tavros out, turned it toward him, and sat down.

"Tavros, before anything else, there's something I want to do for you, if you'll let me," she said, her voice completely lacking its previous sharp edge, and filled with genuine sweetness, not the usual saccharine venom of deception. "I want to try to make up for the awful things I've done to you. Maybe not everything, but at least the one worst thing I can think of." She put his hands together and clasped them with her own. "I want you to walk again. And I want you to fly. And I don't mean in your dreams, or in a little rocket car, I mean really fly. But in order for me to help you, you have to trust me." She looked into his eyes, desperate and pleading. "Can you trust me?"

Tavros was silent for a moment, not out of hesitation, but more out of surprise at how this whole chain of events had turned out. Vriska Serket, the girl who broke his legs in a fit of romantic hatred, was now asking him to trust her, and even better, he _did_ , completely and utterly. And most amusing of all, he found himself mentally kicking himself for not letting her murder him on a slab of cold stone earlier.

"Yes," he said, without a trace of doubt in his voice. "I trust you, Vriska."

"Thank you," she said, and she let go of his hands, but not before giving him another fist bunp. She rose from her chair and turned to Nepeta.

"Nepeta..." she started, then gave her a menacing grin. "That was more than eight minutes."

Nepeta gasped and covered her mouth. "Oh no! I'm sorry, Vwiskers, I--"

Vriska gave her a dismissive wave. "I'm just kidding, I don't care about that. I owe you one, Nepeta." She looked to Tavros, and then to Kanaya. "Well, two, actually."

"You don't owe me anything," Nepeta said. "I strongarmed Kanaya into breaking up your meowrallegiance, and then I spurrung this whole ambush on you."

"I'm only counting that as one," Vriska said, crossing her arms.

"Okay, fair enough," Nepeta said with a grin.

"Look, I..." Vriska started, then looked down, fidgeting with the cuffs of her jacket. "Thanks for giving me a chance. I don't think something like this ever would have happened for me without your help."

"It's no purroblem, Vwiskers, really," Nepeta said with a little wave.

"No, really," Vriska said, looking up at her, "you have a gift for this kind of thing. At this rate, you'll have us all shipped up in no time."

"Thank you, Vwiskers," Nepeta said, touching her hand to her chest. "It means a lot coming furom one of my most vocal critics."

Vriska laughed. "Yeah, right. And I'll try not to fill your memos with any more of my self-obsessed bullshit."

Nepeta laughed back. "Hey, as long as you're nice about it, you can say whatefur you want."

"Sure," said Vriska. "Anyway, I think we should go now." She turned to Kanaya. "Kanaya, after I'm done with this, I'll come straight to your hive."

"I'll make sure everything is ready for you," Kanaya said with a slight bow. "Just troll me once you're on your way."

"Of course," said Vriska, and they exchanged a loving wave. She turned to Tavros. "You ready to go, palemate?"

"Yeah, just, uh..." Tavros turned to Nepeta. "Thanks a lot for helping us. Vriska and I both, I mean."

"It's my pleasure, really," Nepeta said, struggling to remain humble. "I just really hope this works out fur you two."

"I think it will," Tavros said with a grin, then backed his rocket chair away from the table. "Okay, I'm ready to fly," he said to Vriska as he hovered toward the hive's entrance.

Vriska hustled up to his side. "Well, you better get ready to walk!" she said with a grin, and they fist bunped once more. She turned her head back to Nepeta. "Thanks again, Nepeta!"

"Bye, you two!" Nepeta shouted to them and waved. "Don't have too much fun!"

The two left, and Nepeta turned her attention to Kanaya. "Nepeta," Kanaya said, and she placed a hand on Nepeta's shoulder. "Thank you so much for this."

"Always glad to help," Nepeta said with a smile, but then tilted her head down and frowned just the slightest bit. "I know how hard it can be, loving someone without them loving you back."

"Nepeta," Kanaya said with a look of concern, "is there someone you feel that way about?"

Nepeta shook her head and gently removed Kanaya's hand from her shoulder. "It's not impurrtant." She looked back up and smiled. "Anyway, you should get back to your hive. You've got a big date to worry about!"

Kanaya laughed softly. "Yes, I suppose so. I hope I didn't get too... graphic when I was describing my plans," she said, and her cheeks faintly glowed jade.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Nepeta said with a laugh. "If I had to wait that long, I'd purrobably have some puretty graphic ideas too!"

Kanaya just nodded and grinned. "Well, if you ever need to talk to someone about your own relationship problems, you may feel free to confide in me."

"Thanks, Kanaya," Nepeta said. "It means a lot, really."

"It's no problem at all," Kanaya assured her. "Anyway, I suppose I should get going."

"Yes, you should!" said Nepeta, and slid an arm around Kanaya's shoulder as she walked her to the entrance. "I think you've got a long night ahead of you!" she said with an impish grin.

Kanaya blushed once more. "Yes, I... think you're right." They reached the door. "Anyway, goodbye, Nepeta. I hope to talk to you again soon."

"Of course! Just keep me updated on the memos!" Nepeta said and opened the door for her.

"I would be happy to," Kanaya said as she stepped out the door. Before she left for good, she turned back once more. "And again, I can't thank you enough for this."

"You're welcome, Kanaya," she said, then added with a smirk, "and I encourage you to have entirely too much fun!"

Kanaya just laughed. "I will take your advice to heart. Once again, farewell."

"Bye, Kanaya!" Nepeta shouted, and gave one last wave and shut the door. As she strutted back into her hive, an immense feeling of satisfaction came over her. It really did feel good to help people with their relationship problems, she thought. Perhaps her ends weren't entirely selfless, but did it matter if the means were good? She pondered the dilemma for a moment, but soon her mind turned to more important matters.

She suddenly realized she was utterly parched.

Well, nothing a nice cup of tea couldn't fix.

***

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CG: NEPETA, HELP ME THE FUCK OUT HERE.  
AC: :33 < uh, sure, karkitty  
AC: :33 < what is it?  
CG: OKAY, JUST HEAR ME OUT FOR A MINUTE.  
CG: A FEW HOURS AGO, VRISKA TROLLED ME ABOUT SOME BULLSHIT PROBLEM OF HERS.  
CG: APPARENTLY KANAYA BROKE UP WITH HER, OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT.  
CG: SO I DID WHAT ANYONE WOULD DO: I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF AND CALLED HER AN IDIOT.  
CG: THEN I TOLD HER IF SHE REALLY NEEDED ADVICE, SHE SHOULD TALK TO YOU.  
CG: THEN AN HOUR OR TWO LATER, I JUST HAPPEN TO BE PASSING THROUGH LOSAZ  
CG: AND WHO SHOULD I SEE BUT VRISKA, BEING ALL PALE WITH FUCKING TAVROS OF ALL PEOPLE.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, THEY WERE FIST BUNPING LIKE NOBODY'S GODDAMNED BUSINESS.  
CG: AND ALSO, HIS LEGS WORK NOW??  
CG: SO I ASKED HER WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, AND SHE SAID, AND I QUOTE  
CG: "I TOOK YOUR ADVICE."  
CG: SO I GUESS WHAT I'M ASKING IS  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO VRISKA?  
AC: :33 < i shipped her!  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
CG: HER AND TAVROS?  
AC: :33 < yep! theyre meowrails now!  
CG: SEE, AT FIRST GLANCE, THAT LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING HORRIBLE IDEA.  
CG: AND WHEN I FIRST SAW IT, I HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT PARADOX SPACE MIGHT BE PLAYING SOME SORT OF HILARIOUS TRICK ON ME.  
CG: BUT APPARENTLY SHE'S SOMEHOW BECOME LESS OF A HORRIBLE FUCKING PERSON THAN SHE WAS JUST HOURS AGO.  
AC: :33 < she was nefur a horrible purrson, karkitty!  
CG: YES SHE FUCKING WAS, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS.  
CG: SHE WAS A HORRIBLE EVIL BITCH TO LITERALLY EVERYONE SHE EVER INTERACTED WITH.  
AC: :33 < but that was all just an act!  
AC: :33 < she had to act that way to cope with being furced to kill people efurryday just to avoid being culled!  
AC: :33 < she wouldnt let herself get close to anypawdy beclaws she was afuraid shed end up hurting them  
AC: :33 < so she pushed efurrypawdy away with petty hatred  
AC: :33 < and eventually she just internalized it that she couldnt f33l anything but black fur anypawdy, and that she wasnt worth any red f33lings at all!  
CG: OH.  
CG: THAT'S, UH  
CG: SURPRISINGLY CLOSE TO MY OWN THEORY.  
CG: I FIGURED THAT THE HATE SIDE OF HER BRAIN WAS SO OVERWORKED THAT IT EVENTUALLY JUST GAVE OUT, AND ALL SHE COULD MANAGE WAS A PATHETIC, WATERED DOWN VERSION OF TRUE CALIGINOUS HATE  
CG: AND ON THE FLIP SIDE, THE PITY LOBES OF HER BRAIN HAD ATROPHIED COMPLETELY FROM DISUSE.  
AC: :33 < pity?  
CG: YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE SMORGASBORD OF EMOTIONS RESPONSIBLE FOR RED ROMANCE, AMONG OTHER THINGS.  
AC: :33 < karkitty, thats silly  
AC: :33 < redrom isnt about pity, its about love!  
CG: OH GOD.  
CG: LOOK, I'M NOT ABOUT TO GET INTO THE WHOLE SCHISMATIC DEBATE WITH YOU, OKAY?  
CG: LET'S JUST SAY YOU'RE ENTITLED TO YOUR DISGUSTINGLY SACCHARINE OPINION, AND I'M ENTITLED TO MINE.  
AC: :33 < okay fine  
AC: :33 < can i continue?  
CG: SURE, THIS IS ACTUALLY KIND OF INTERESTING.  
AC: :33 < anyway, shed convinced herself that she was a bad purrson, and that nobody would ever have red f33lings fur her because efurrypawdy hated her  
AC: :33 < so all i had to do was show her she was wrong!  
AC: :33 < i showed her she wasnt a bad purrson, and that all she had to do was just reach out to people!  
AC: :33 < and i showed her that there were people who had red f33lings for her, like tavros and kanaya!  
CG: WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED WITH KANAYA?  
AC: :33 < theyre matespurrits now!  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: I... WHAT?  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
AC: :33 < yep! kanaya had b33n flushed fur vwiskers furom the furry beginning!  
AC: :33 < and vwiskers actually became flushed fur her too at some point, she just didnt realize it!  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?  
AC: :33 < well, vwiskers didnt even know herself  
AC: :33 < and kanaya nefur told anyone about her f33lings, as fur as i know  
CG: NOT EVEN ME? THE RELATIONSHIP GUY?  
CG: I FEEL A LITTLE BETRAYED FOR SOME REASON.  
AC: :33 < well, im sure if she wanted to tell anypawdy about it, it would have b33n you!  
AC: :33 < but i was the furst one to just ask!  
CG: HUH.  
CG: OKAY, SO THAT'S KIND OF WEIRD, BUT IT'S FINE, I GUESS.  
CG: BUT VRISKA AND TAVROS??  
CG: AS PALEMATES????  
AC: :33 < i know it sounds like a horrible idea  
AC: :33 < but vwiskers really did care about tavros!  
AC: :33 < all the time when she was flipping betw33n black and red, she always wanted to help him!  
AC: :33 < and he really wanted to help her, too!  
AC: :33 < all he wanted was fur her to be nicer, and not to hate herself so much!  
AC: :33 < so even though she thought she was flushed or black fur him, i knew they were both pale fur each other!  
AC: :33 < and all i had to do was show them that!  
CG: AND EXACTLY HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?  
AC: :33 < i pawspisticed fur the two of them!  
CG: HAHAHAHA, THAT'S HILARIOUS.  
CG: OKAY, SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO.  
AC: :33 < seriously, thats what i did!!  
CG: BULLSHIT.  
CG: I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU, NEPETA LEIJON, ARE CAPABLE OF ANY SORT OF ASHEN ADVANCES TOWARD ANYONE.  
AC: :33 < its true! you can ask kanaya, she can back me up!  
CG: OH, I FUCKING WILL, BELIEVE ME.  
CG: ANYWAY, ENOUGH ABOUT THE SPECIFICS OF ALL THIS SHIPPING BULLSHIT.  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN GET ANY OF THIS THROUGH VRISKA'S INCH-THICK SKULL IN THE FIRST PLACE?  
AC: :33 < well, i knew i would nefur be able to get through to her in one of her normal moods  
AC: :33 < so, to tell the truth  
AC: :33 < i made kanaya break up with her just to make her emotionally susceptible  
AC: :33 < beclaws i knew she really cared about kanaya  
AC: :33 < so when i dealt with her, she was really depurressed, but open to change  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
CG: YOU BROKE HER AND KANAYA UP JUST TO GET HER IN A VULNERABLE STATE?  
AC: :33 < im not purroud of it, karkitty!  
CG: YOU SHOULD BE, THAT IS FUCKING DEVIOUS.  
AC: :33 < yes yes i know!  
AC: :33 < anyway, once she was like that, i invited her ofur to my hive  
AC: :33 < under the purretenses of a pleasant confursation ofur warm befurages  
AC: :33 < and when she got there, i confuronted her on her f33lings and got to the root of her purroblems  
AC: :33 < and when she tried to tell me she was a bad purrson, or that she couldnt love anyone, or that efurrypawdy hated her, i refuted her points!  
AC: :33 < and i told her all the reasons why she really is a good purrson!  
AC: :33 < and after that, she was a little more willing to listen  
CG: OKAY, SO LET ME SEE IF I'VE GOT THIS STRAIGHT.  
CG: FIRST, YOU MEDDLED WITH HER LOVE LIFE JUST TO GET HER IN A MOPEY, SELF-HATING MOOD  
CG: AND THEN YOU INVITED HER OVER FOR A TEA PARTY.  
CG: AND THEN WHEN SHE GOT THERE, YOU JUST COMPLETELY FUCKING ANNIHILATED HER WITH PRAISE AND ENCOURAGEMENT.  
CG: YOU TOOK VRISKA SERKET AND LOVINGLY RIPPED HER APART, PIECE BY EVERLOVING PIECE, AND RECONSTRUCTED HER IN THE IMAGE OF A GIRL WHO'S SURPRISINGLY NOT BITCHY.  
AC: :33 < i didnt reconstruct her, karkitty!  
AC: :33 < she was always like that!  
AC: :33 < she was just afuraid to show it!  
AC: :33 < and all i had to do was show her it was okay to love people!  
CG: OKAY, ALLOW ME TO CORRECT MYSELF.  
CG: YOU COMPLETELY FUCKING ANNIHILATED THE HARD OUTER SHELL OF THE CREATURE WE KNOW AS VRISKA SERKET WITH HEARTFELT ADULATION.  
CG: AND ONCE YOU WERE DONE, ALL THAT WAS LEFT WAS THE BEAUTIFUL, GLISTENING, SURPRISINGLY NOT BITCHY PEARL THAT WAS HIDDEN UNDERNEATH IT ALL ALONG.  
CG: AND THEN YOU TOOK HER WEIRD, CONCUPISCENT FEELINGS TOWARDS TAVROS AND STRAIGHTENED THEM OUT INTO A MOIRALLEGIANCE, APPARENTLY UNDER THE GUISE OF AN AUSPISTICE  
CG: (I STILL DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU ON THAT, BY THE WAY)  
CG: AND THEN YOU SOMEHOW MADE HER REALIZE THAT SHE WAS FLUSHED FOR HER FORMER MOIRAIL, WHO WAS ALSO FLUSHED FOR HER, AND THEY PROCEEDED TO HAVE SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.  
AC: :33 < yep!  
CG: AND THAT IS ALL EXACTLY HOW IT WENT DOWN.  
AC: :33 < puretty much  
CG: AND YOU'RE TELLING ME ALL OF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.  
CG: IN CONFIDENCE.  
AC: :33 < yeah, i guess so!  
CG: HOLY SHIT.  
CG: <3  
AC: :33 < hmmmm?  
CG: UHHH, NOTHING.  
CG: WELL, LOOK, GOOD JOB ON THAT AND ALL.  
CG: I MEAN, TOP OF THE LINE SHIPPING, REALLY.  
CG: AND, UH, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, I GUESS.  
AC: :33 < so you want me to k33p doing my shipping thing?  
CG: YES, ABSOLUTELY.  
CG: IN FACT, AS YOUR LEADER, I ORDER YOU TO KEEP DOING IT.  
CG: JUST SHIP THE FUCK OUT OF ALL OF THESE TROLLS.  
AC: :33 < even you?  
CG: UH  
CG: WELL  
AC: :33 < dont worry karkitty, ive got somepawdy special in mind fur you!  
CG: THAT IS  
CG: ACTUALLY FUCKING TERRIFYING FOR SOME REASON.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < anyway, im gonna repurrt the success of opurration: closing the serket on the shipping wall  
AC: :33 < so hopefurry ill s33 you there!  
CG: UH, YEAH, SURE.  
AC: :33 < ok, bye karkitty!  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG].  
  
CG: I SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND JACK SHIT.  
CG: AND SOMEHOW THAT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  



	4. A Thief in the Light, a Prince in the Shadows

Chapter 4

A Thief in the Light, a Prince in the Shadows

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.  
  
CAC: :33 < *the rogue of heart sits at her shipping desk, reviewing her relationship charts*  
CAC: :33 < *s33ing you enter, she looks up and says*  
CAC: :33 < oh hello again! welcome to the second memo!  
CAC: :33 < furst of all, thanks to sollux for setting up the tempurral locks!  
CAC: :33 < im not really sure how they work, so ill let him explain it  
PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] 22 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PTA: iit'2 not that hard to under2tand, really.  
PTA: ba2iically anybody further iin the future than 30 miinute2 can't re2pond two the memo.  
PTA: and anybody further iin the pa2t than 30 miinute2 can't even viiew iit.  
CAC: :33 < yes! thank you sollux  
PTA: hey, don't thank me.  
PTA: ff wa2 the one twii2tiing my arm iintwo doiing it, for whatever rea2on.  
PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 12 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCC: Because NO SPOIL-ERS!  
PCC: T)(AT'S C)(---EATING!!  
PTA: that ii2 2uch a 2hiity rea2on that iit'2 hone2tly kiind of adorable.  
PCC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC--E IS S)(ITTY AND ALSO ADORABL--E!!  
PTA: eheh yeah, iit kiind of ii2.  
PCC: Glub glub glub!! 38D  
PCC: ANYWAY, the R-E-EL reason is just to avoid weird time s)(it in general!  
PCC: I don't want a sc)(ool of stupid past and future Carpkats invading t)(ese memos too!  
PTA: ugh, yeah, kk ii2 ju2t 2o 2tupiid 2ometiime2.  
PTA: ii offerred two 2et up blockiing on hii2 2hiitty memo2, but he gave me 2ome bull2hiit excu2e about not wantiing two 2top any future 2elve2 from 2endiing back u2eful adviice.  
PTA: truth ii2 ii thiink he get2 off on yelliing at hiim2elf.  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 24 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCG: THAT IS SUCH A HEINOUS FUCKING ACCUSATION THAT I'M HONESTLY NOT SURE WHERE TO BEGIN.  
PCG: SO I GUESS I'LL START HERE:  
PCG: IF YOU'RE HONESTLY INSINUATING THAT I HAVE ANY SORT OF CALIGINOUS INCLINATIONS TOWARD MY TEMPORALLY DISPLACED SELVES, YOU MUST HAVE YOUR HEAD LODGED SO FAR UP YOUR NOOK THAT YOU MUST BE GENTLY EXFOLIATING YOUR FACE WITH YOUR OWN FECES AS WE SPEAK.  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 18 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG: HEY PAST ME, JUST AN UPDATE.  
PCG: OH GOD, YOU'RE NOT ABOUT TO PROVE HIS POINT, ARE YOU?  
FCG: NO, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT HERE IN THE FUTURE, SOLLUX'S HEAD HAS MOVED EVEN FURTHER UP HIS DIGESTIVE TRACT, AND HIS STUPID BESPECTACLED FACE IS STEWING IN HIS OWN DIGESTIVE ACIDS AT THIS VERY MOMENT.  
PCG: EXCELLENT, AN EXCHANGE WITH ONE OF MY FUTURE SELVES HAS RESULTED IN ME RECEIVING PERTINENT FUTURE INFORMATION WITHOUT ANY EXCHANGE OF HOSTILITIES WHATSOEVER, PLATONIC OR OTHERWISE.  
PCG: SCORE ANOTHER ONE FOR KARKATS EVERYWHEN.  
FCG: RIGHT, THE SCORE NOW STANDS AT KARKAT 563, SOLLUX ASSHOLE.  
PTA: wow, you iin2ulted me two tiime2 42 miinute2 apart.  
PTA: hell2 of u2eful exchange of iinformatiion there, bro.  
PTA: fuck iit, relea2e the floodgate2, let'2 ju2t have fiifty fuckiing kk2 iin every memo.  
PCG: IT'D BE A HELL OF A LOT FUCKING BETTER THAN FIFTY FUCKING SOLLUXES IN EVERY MEMO.  
PCG: JUST AN ENDLESS YELLOW STREAM OF ALTERNATING BLOATED HACKER AUTOFELLATIO AND MISERABLE WHINY SELF-FLAGELLATION.  
FCG: OR HEY, HOW ABOUT FIFTY SOLLUXES AND FIFTY FEFERIS?  
FCG: TAKE THE TWO MOST ANNOYING FUCKING QUIRKS IN EXISTENCE, PAINT THEM IN EYE-SEARING STRIPES OF MUSTARD AND GRAPEFRUIT, AND UNLEASH THEM UPON THE ENTIRE TIMESTREAM LIKE A SUICIDE-INDUCING PLAGUE.  
PCG: HOLY FUCK, I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A DOOMSDAY SCENARIO ON OUR HANDS.  
PCG: HEY ARADIA, ARE THERE ANY TIMELINES WHERE OUR MEMOS GET FLOODED WITH LITTLE MISS FISH PRINCESS AND THE BIPOLAR WONDER'S CONSTANT INSUFFERABLE FLIRTING AND WE ALL GO BLIND?  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAA: n0  
CAA: thats stupid  
CAA ceased responding to memo.  
PCG: OH.  
PCG: THAT WAS A JOKE, BUT OKAY.  
PCC: Ug)(, Karcrab, S)(UT UP!!!  
PCC: Multiples of you are bad enoug)( w)(en t)(ey're fig)(ting wit)( eac)( ot)(er, but some)(ow you're even WORS-E w)(en you agree on t)(ings!  
PCC: And I'd rat)(er talk to a )(UNDR-ED Solluxes t)(an ANY two of you!!  
CAC: :33 < karkitty, i have to agr33  
CAC: :33 < this whole thing is getting kind of silly!  
PCG: OH, WHAT, SO VRISKA GETS A FREE PASS TO SPOUT HER SOCIOPATHIC DRIVEL ALL OVER YOUR MEMOS, BUT AS SOON AS A FEW KARKATS TRY TO DOUBLE TEAM A SMUG PRICK OF A PROGRAMMER, IT'S SUDDENLY A PROBLEM?  
FCG: YEAH, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE, SOLLUX WAS SPREADING SOME PRETTY VICIOUS FUCKING LIBEL ABOUT US.  
FCG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO, JUST SIT HERE AND TAKE IT?  
PCG: OR IS THIS THE PLACE WHERE PEOPLE ARE JUST ALLOWED TO MAKE BASELESS SPECULATION ON WHATEVER IDIOTIC KISMESISSITUDES THEY CAN THINK OF?  
PCG: BECAUSE HERE'S ONE: NEPETA <3< BASIC FUCKING DECENCY.  
CAC: XOO < rawwrrr shut uuuuuup!!!!  
CAC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
CAC banned FCG from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < im trying to make an impurrtant ameowncement, but you k33p pushing it back with your stupid time shit!!  
FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 21 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCT: D --> Language, Nepeta  
CAC: :33 < oops, sorry equius :((  
CAC: :33 < oh, that reminds me!  
CAC: :33 < i n33d to talk to you about something!  
FCT: D --> Yes, I know  
FCT: D --> We have already di%ussed it from my perspe%ive  
CAC: :33 < ugh, s33?  
CAC: :33 < these self-furfilling time loops are exactly the kind of crap im trying to avoid!!  
FCT: D --> Nepeta  
CAC: :33 < i know, language, sorry!!  
CAC: :33 < is that all you came here fur, to tell me to watch my meowth?  
FCT: D --> Well  
FCT: D --> That, and possibly to remind you to speak to me  
FCT: D --> Time 100ps are admittedly not my area of e%pertise  
CAC: :33 < ok, ill talk to you after i close this memo  
CAC: :33 < unless you want to stick around fur some shipping advice!  
FCT: D --> No  
FCT: D --> Abso100tely not  
CAC: :33 < come oooooon!  
FCT: D --> I refuse to take any further part in this f001ishness  
FCT ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < fine, whatefur!  
CAC: :33 < anyway, i have an impurrtant ameowncement to make!  
CAC: :33 < i hereby ameownce that opurration: closing the serket was a total success!  
CAC: :33 < all of her ships have been completely and utterly shipped!  
CAC: :33 < and i dont really know why she hasnt respawnded yet!  
CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAG: Yeah, yeah, I'm here!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Sorry, I'm just a little lightheaded right now.  
CAG: Lost quite a 8it of 8lood recently, haha.  
CAC: :33 < oh no really???  
CAC: :33 < what happened?  
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGA: Basilisk Ambush  
CAG: Right, that was it, 8asilisk am8ush.  
CAG: Sneaky 8astards, those 8asilisks.  
CAC: :33 < kanaya! care to break the news yourself?  
CGA: With Pleasure  
CGA: Vriska And I Are No Longer Moirails  
CGA: We Are Now Matesprits  
PCC: 38O  
PCC: R-E-E-E-ELY??  
CAG: Ohhhhhhhh yessssssss.  
CAG: >::::D  
PCC: W)(ale, t)(at's FINTASTIC!!  
PCC: I am SO )(APPY for you two!!!  
PTA: ff, ii'm okay wiith beiing happy for ky, but do you really have two be happy for vk?  
PCC: Y-ES I DO!!!  
PCC: It is a joyous occasion, and I am -EXCIT-ED for ALL PARTI-ES INVOLV-ED!!!  
PCC: And if you've got a problem wit)( it, you can just GLUB OFF!  
PCC: >38U  
CAG: Yeah, Sollux, why don't you just hop off my 8ulge already????????  
PTA: oh, for fuck'2 2ake.  
PTA: for the la2t tiime, II AM NOT FUCKIING FLIIRTIING WIITH YOU.  
CAG: Oh, suuuuuuuure you aren't.  
PCC: NOBODY CAR-ES ABOUT T)(IS RIG)(T NOW.  
CAC: :33 < yeah, i have to agr33 with fefurry  
CAC: :33 < this isnt the time or the place fur blackrom, guys!  
CAC: :33 < or platonic hate or whatefur stupid thing it is!  
PTA: ugh, whatever. fuck thii2, ii'm out.  
PTA ceased responding to memo.  
PCC: W)(AL-E FIN-E TH-EN, YOU BIG POUTY J-ERK! 38P  
PCC: So )(ow did you two become flus)(ed for eac)( other?  
CGA: Well  
CGA: To Tell The Truth  
CGA: I Have Been From The Very Beginning  
PCC: Reely? 38?  
CGA: Yes  
CGA: I Never Really Wanted To Be Vriskas Moirail In The First Place  
PCC: T)(at... explains a lot, actually!  
CGA: And While I Ended Up Being A Pretty Terrible Moirail To Her Overall  
CGA: I Nonetheless Must Have Succeeded In Ingratiating Myself With Her In My Own Way  
CGA: As When I Confessed My Affection For Her She Reciprocated With Remarkably Little Hesitation  
CAG: God, Kanaya, you m8ke it sound like I just hopped into your w8ing arms!!!!!!!!  
CGA: Well  
CGA: You Kind Of Did  
CAG: I didn't even!!!!!!!!  
PCC: )(-E )(-E )(-E!  
CAG: Look, 8efore, Kanaya was just my moirail.  
CAG: I regarded her as a nuisance at 8est.  
CAG: 8ut there were all these little things I kind of liked about her.  
CAG: And in retrospect, all of those things were a little redder than I should have expected from a palem8.  
CAG: 8ut I was totally 8lind to it all, 8ecause I'd convinced myself I was a 8ad person and I wasn't worth any8ody's red feelings.  
PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] 20 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PTA: who 2ay2 you 2tiill aren't?  
CAG: Can it, Captor!!!!!!!!  
PTA: eheheh, fuckiing owned.  
PTA ceased responding to memo.  
CAG: Not flirting with me my ass!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Anyway, Nepeta sprang this incredi8ly devious romance am8ush on me, of which I won't reveal too many details in case she wants to do it to some8ody else.  
CAC: :33 < that purrobably wont be necessary  
CAC: :33 < im k33ping my claws crossed, anyways!  
CAG: And she 8asically completely wrecked my shit and showed me what a tool I was 8eing for thinking like that.  
CAG: So when Kanaya confessed to me, I realized I could pretty much have all the things I liked a8out her and none of the stupid moirail stuff I h8ted a8out her.  
CGA: And We Could Kiss Too  
CAG: Oh god, YES.  
CAG: I'll admit when I first said I was flushed for her, I was maaaaaaaay8e 88% certain.  
CAG: 8ut the kiss sealed the deal pretty much forever.  
CAG: Just a heads up to any potential kismesisses: Kanaya Maryam is an amazing fucking kisser.  
CAG: And a really good 8iter too, incidentally.  
CGA: Vriska That Is Not Information For A Public Forum  
CAG: Whoops, sorry.  
CGA: No Youre Not  
CGA: But Its Okay  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah, you're right.  
PCC: W)(ale, I am R-E-ELY --ECSTATIC for you two!  
PCC: And I'm glad somet)(ing good came of your moirallegiance, even if it wasn't w)(at you were expecting!  
PCC: But Vriska, if Nepeta really did s)(ip ALL of your s)(ips, then w)(o's your morayeel now?  
CAG: Well, I'll just let him introduce himself!  
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAT: uH, oKAY,  
CAT: i AM THE MOIRAIL,  
CAT: iT'S ME,  
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 4 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGC: WH4T!!!!!!!  
FGC: YOU H4V3 GOT TO B3 FUCK1NG K1DD1NG M3!!!  
CAG: Ugh, I kneeeeeeeew this was going to happen.  
FGC: L1K3  
FGC: 1S TH1S 4 TH1NG TH4TS 4CTU4LLY H4PP3N1NG?  
FGC: N3P3T4, D1D YOU S3R1OUSLY M4K3 TH3S3 TWO MO1R41LS???  
CAC: :33 < i know it sounds weird, but yes!  
FGC: WHY WOULD YOU 3V3R DO TH4T  
FGC: 3V3R  
CAC: :33 < maybe you should just ask them!  
FGC: F1N3 1 W1LL!  
FGC: VR1SK4, WH4TS YOUR 4NGL3 1N 4LL TH1S?  
CAG: What angle? There's no angle!  
FGC: YOUR D3L1C1OUS BLU3B3RRY T3XT C4NNOT COV3R TH3 FOUL ST3NCH OF YOUR L13S, M1SS S3RK3T!  
CAG: Ugh, I'm not lying, I'm serious!!!!!!!!  
CAG: All I ever wanted was for Tavros to 8e stronger.  
CAG: Nepeta helped me realize that after she completely destroyed me with all her caring words and self-affirming things to say.  
FGC: WH4T, D1D SH3 4USP1ST1C3 FOR YOU TWO OR SOM3TH1NG?  
CAG: Uh, yeah, that's exactly what she did.  
FGC: VR1SK4 WH4T D1D 1 JUST S4Y 4BOUT YOUR ST1NK1NG L13S  
CGA: Actually Nepeta Really Did Auspistice The Two Of Them  
CGA: And She Was Surprisingly Competent At It Given Her What I Would Assume Is Complete Inexperience  
CAC: :33 < thank you, kanaya!  
CAC: :33 < it means a lot coming furom the master  
CGA: Your Approach Was Undoubtedly Unorthodox  
CGA: But Then Again I Have Never Heard Of An Ashen Entanglement Where Moirallegiance Between The Feuding Parties Was The End Goal Or Indeed Even The End Result  
CGA: So I Believe Your First Auspisticism May Have Actually Set A Precedent Of Some Sort  
CAC: :33 < wow!!  
FGC: TH1S 1S SO COMPL3T3LY R1D1CULOUS  
FGC: T4VROS WHY TH3 H3LL WOULD YOU GO 4LONG W1TH TH1S??  
CAT: wELL, vRISKA REALLY WANTED TO HELP ME,  
CAT: aND THERE WERE THINGS i KIND OF LIKED ABOUT HER,  
CAT: bUT THERE'S A LOT THAT'S REALLY, mESSED UP ABOUT HER,  
CAT: aND, tHE TRUTH IS, i WANTED TO HELP HER TOO,  
FGC: SH3S TH3 R34SON YOU N33D H3LP 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3!!!  
FGC: 1 M34N  
FGC: WH4T WOULD 4R4D14 TH1NK?  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAA: im 0k with it  
FGC: UGH  
FGC: 1 SHOULD H4V3 S33N TH4T ON3 COM1NG  
CAA: believe it 0r n0t i have 0ther things t0 w0rry ab0ut than the relati0nship status 0f my teammates  
CAA: like just as an example the fact that this entire timeline is d00med  
CAA: like even m0re d00med than usual  
CAA: and yet despite that immutable fact it isnt being disp0sed 0f in the manner d00med timelines usually are  
CAA: meaning this timeline has p0ssibly attracted the attenti0n 0f s0me unspeakably p0werful extradimensi0nal entity wh0 is pr0bably manipulating it t0 its 0wn inscrutable ends as we speak  
FGC: UH  
CAA: but d0nt let me interrupt y0u  
CAA: clearly the fact that 0ne tr0ll is n0w in a relati0nship with an0ther tr0ll is m0re imp0rtant  
CAA: ill simply put 0ff b0thering any 0f y0u ab0ut the inc0mprehensibly p0werful 0therw0rdly being c0ntr0lling the fate 0f 0ur entire existence until y0uve res0lved this issue  
CAA: s0 s0rry t0 have tr0ubled y0u with my insignificant pers0nal pr0blems  
CAA: ribbit  
CAA banned herself from responding to memo.  
FGC: ...  
FGC: W3LL NOW 1 F33L STUP1D >8[  
CAC: :33 < terezi, you kind of are being stupid!  
FGC: >8O!!!  
FGC: N3P3T4, 1 3XP3CT3D TH1S K1ND OF S4SS FROM VR1SKA, BUT NOT YOU!  
CAC: :33 < you arent even giving vwiskers a chance!  
CAC: :33 < thats the purroblem, nopawdy was willing to give her a chance!  
CAC: :33 < how is she efur suppawsed to change if efurrypawdy just assumed she was irred33mable?  
FGC: 1 W4S TH1NK1NG 4 SHOCK COLL4R, M4YB3?  
CAC: XOO < no, thats dumb!!  
CAC: :33 < she n33ded somepawdy to help her  
CAC: :33 < and tavros wanted to help her!  
CAC: :33 < and she really wanted to help him too!  
CAC: :33 < and maybe their reasons werent entirely pale, but i convinced them the best way to help each other was being meowrails!  
CAC: :33 < in fact, im purretty sure vwiskers has already helped him in a really big way!  
CAG: Yeah, we took care of that first thing.  
CAG: And now my little Pupa really can fly!  
CAG: <>  
CAT: vRISKA, i BELIEVE WE AGREED,  
CAT: yOU WOULDN'T USE, tHAT PARTICULAR ALLUSION YET,  
CAG: Oh right, sorry.  
FGC: SO YOUR F1RST 4CT 4S H1S MO1R41L W4S TO P1N H1M TO 4 ROCK 4ND ST4B H1M TO D34TH?  
FGC: R34LLY PROM1S1NG W4Y TO ST4RT  
CAT: tEREZI, i DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND,  
CAT: tHIS TRANSFORMATION IS, sYMBOLICALLY SPEAKING, hIGHLY SIGNIFICANT,  
FGC: WH4T, HOW  
CAT: lOOK, tHINK OF IT THIS WAY,  
CAT: bEFORE, kANAYA TOLD ME i SHOULD GIVE MY CONFIDENCE A NAME, sO i NAMED IT rUFIO,  
CAT: bUT THE THING IS, rUFIO WAS NOT REAL,  
CAT: hE WAS IMAGINARY, a FAKE,  
CAT: lIKE A MADE UP FRIEND, tHE WAY FAIRIES ARE,  
CAT: bUT THE THING IS, aFTER DOING THIS,  
CAT: i HAVE THESE BIG FLAPPY WINGS, aND ALL THESE COOL WIND POWERS,  
CAT: sO BASICALLY, fOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, i AM A FAIRY,  
CAT: wHICH MEANS i AM A FAKE, mADE UP THING, bUT ACTUALLY REAL,  
CAT: aND THIS IS KIND OF A LOGICAL LEAP, bUT i THINK IT'S FAIR TO ASSUME,  
CAT: i AM rUFIO,  
CAT: iT'S ME,  
CAT: }:)  
FGC: ...  
FGC: WH4T  
CAT: wELL, bASICALLY, wHAT THAT MEANS IS,  
CAT: i AM THE ACTUAL, pHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF MY OWN CONFIDENCE,  
FGC: T4VROS TH4T 1S TH3 DUMB3ST TH1NG 1 H4V3 3V3R H34RD  
FGC: LOOK, VR1SK4 OBV1OUSLY H4S SOM3 K1ND OF 1NS1D1OUS H1DD3N 4G3ND4 H3RE, 4ND YOU 4R3 PL4Y1NG R1GHT 1NTO H3R H4NDS  
CAG: I don't have any insidious hidden agenda!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Look, I just........  
CAG: I like helping him, okay?  
CAG: I kind of........ get off on it in a weird way, honestly.  
FGC: BL4R!!!!!  
FGC: VR1SK4 TH4T 1S FUCK1NG D1SGUST1NG, WHY WOULD YOU T3LL M3 TH4T  
CAG: 8ecause I have no reason to lie a8out something like this!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Why would I want ANYONE to think I have a 8izarre fetish for helping adora8le dorky kids 8ecome 8adass immortal demigods unless it was true????????  
FGC: W3LL  
FGC: 1 4M 4DM1TT3DLY H4V1NG D1FF1CULTY CONC31V1NG 4 PL4N WH1CH H1NG3S UPON BOTH TH4T B31NG F4LS3 4ND 4NYON3 3LS3 TH1NK1NG 1TS TRU3  
CAG: Even if I COULD think of a plan like that, I would deli8er8ely not act on it, 8ecause simply 8y definition, it would have to 8e a really shitty, stupid plan.  
FGC: OK4Y F1N3  
FGC: 1LL 4SSUM3 YOUR3 B31NG G3NU1N3  
FGC: FOR NOW  
FGC: BUT T4VROS, 4R3 YOU R34LLY OK4Y W1TH TH1S??  
FGC: 1 M34N  
FGC: SH3 BROK3 YOUR L3GS, FOR FUCKS S4K3!  
CAT: tEREZI, tHAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER ANYMORE,  
CAT: i MEAN, yEAH, vRISKA HURT ME BEFORE,  
CAT: bUT IN MY OWN WAY, i KIND OF HURT HER, tOO  
CAT: bUT nOW WE'RE MOIRAILS,  
CAT: aND ALL THAT MATTERS IS, sHE DID SOMETHING AWESOME FOR ME,  
CAT: aND NOW i WANT TO DO AWESOME THINGS FOR HER,  
CAG: Aaaaaaaaargfsdkhflkhgfssdffa  
CAG: Tavros, you have to WARN me 8efore you say something as cool and adora8le and 8adass as that!!!!!!!!  
CAG: <>>>>>>>>!!!!!!!!  
CAT: hAHA, oKAY,  
CAT: <>  
FGC: OK4Y OK4Y GOD  
FGC: 1 TH1NK 1M GO1NG TO B3 S1CK  
FGC: G3T 4 P1L3 4LR34DY  
PCC: O)( my COD, you two are SO GLUBBING ADORABL---E!!!!  
PCC: I just KNOW you'll be GR-EAT morayeels!  
PCC: And Vriska, don't take t)(is t)(e wrong way, but I t)(ink just getting your s)(ips toget)(er )(as made you a muc)( nicer person already!  
CAG: No, you're a8solutely right.  
CAG: It's kind of hard to 8e in a 8ad mood after a ridiculous cat girl just waltzed into my life and gave me everything I ever wanted 8ut was too afraid to ask for.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33! youre welcome, vwiskers!  
FGC: UUUUGH F1N3  
FGC: 1LL L3T TH1S L1TTL3 TR4V3STY OF JUST1C3 BY FOR NOW  
FGC: BUT VR1SK4  
FGC: 1F TH1S TURNS OUT TO B3 Y3T 4NOTH3R OF YOUR W1CK3D SCH3M3S  
FGC: 1M M4K1NG 4 NOOS3 3SP3C14LLY FOR YOU  
FGC: >8]  
CAG: And how can you do THAT when you don't even know how thick around my neck is????????  
FGC: UH  
FGC: HOW TH1CK 4ROUND 1S YOUR N3CK 4G41N  
CGA: I Told You That Yesterday Four Days From Now  
FGC: ...WH4T?  
CAG: Oh hey, that reminds me!  
CAG: Kanaya, when am I going to get that striking cerulean cravat?  
CAG: I need something to cover up all these 8ite marks on my neck.  
FGC: OH GOD WH4T  
CGA: You Mean The Bite Marks From The Recent Basilisk Ambush  
CAG: Yes, of course that's what I mean!!!!!!!!  
CGA: Well I Suppose I Could Bring My Tailoring Supplies To Your Hive And Make One For You Almost Immediately  
CAG: That would be gr8, thank you!  
CGA: And In The Unfortunate And Extremely Unlikely Event That Another Basilisk Ambush Should Occur  
CGA: You Can All Rest Assured That It Will Be Attended To Immediately And That Not A Single Drop Of Blood That May Be Spilled Will Go To Waste  
CGA: <3  
CAG: <33333333  
FGC: BL444444R!!!!!!  
FGC: VR1SK4 1F YOUR PL4N W4S TO D1SGUST M3 1NTO NOT W4NT1NG TO T4LK TO YOU 4NYMOR3  
FGC: TH3N 1TS WORK1NG >8[  
CAG: I keep telling you, I don't have a plan!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Look, I realize I've done a lot of 8ad things, 8ut I'm trying to 8e a 8etter person now.  
CAG: And I'm........  
CAG: I'm really sorry for 8linding you, Terezi.  
CAG: And I'm sorry for what I did to Tavros and Aradia, too.  
CAG: And it's pro8a8ly too much for me to ask you to forgive me........  
CAG: 8ut can you at least give me a chance to m8ke it up to you?  
FGC: ...  
FGC: 1LL TH1NK 4BOUT 1T  
CAG: That's all I can ask.  
CAG: Thank you.  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: UGH.  
CCG: THIS IS SO WEIRD.  
CAG: What's weird?  
CCG: THIS WHOLE "YOU BEING NICE" THING.  
CCG: I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER GET USED TO IT.  
CAG: Well, it's a permanent thing, so you'd 8etter!!!!!!!!  
CAG: And if you can't deal with that........  
CAG: Well, sorry, I guess.  
CCG: IT'S JUST  
CCG: SO BIZARRE.  
CCG: JEGUS  
CCG: I MEAN  
CCG: WAIT, WHAT DO I MEAN?  
CCG: I'M SO OVERWHELMED, I HAVE TO MAKE UP NEW WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW UNNERVING THIS IS.  
FGC: J3GUS  
FGC: >8D  
FGC: 1 L1K3 1T  
FGC: J3333GUUUS  
FGC: H3H3H3H3H3  
CGA: Okay Vriska If You Were Serious About That Thing With The Cravat Ill Be Over There As Soon As Possible  
CAG: Of course I was serious!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I never joke a8out fashiona8le accessories.  
CAG: Just, in the unfortun8 and extremely unlikely event of a 8asilisk am8ush, could I ask you not to spend toooooooo much time cleaning up after it?  
CAG: I've got a 8ig day planned with Tavros.  
CAT: yES, wE HAVE A LOT OF ADVENTURING TO DO,  
CAT: aND THEN, aFTER THAT,  
CAT: wE'LL HAVE OUR FIRST FEELINGS JAM,  
CAT: }:D  
PCC: Oh S)(-ELL yes.  
CGA: Yes Thats Fine  
CGA: I Dont Want To Keep You All To Myself  
CGA: Well I Mean I Do  
CGA: But Im Just Trying To Be Considerate Here  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, it's okay, Kanaya.  
CAG: See you soon.  
CGA: I Will Be There Immediately  
CAG: <3  
CGA: <3  
CGA ceased responding to memo.  
CAT: sO i SUPPOSE,  
CAT: i SHOULD TAKE MY TIME GETTING THERE,  
CAG: Yeeeeeeeeah, pro8a8ly.  
CAG: 8ut hey! There'll still 8e plenty of time for adventuring!  
CAG: We'll do some quests, kill some 8easties, get some loot, may8e even gear you up to kill your Denizen!  
CAC: :33 < hey wait, dont kill your denizen!  
CAG: Huh? Why not????????  
CAC: :33 < well, i mean  
CAC: :33 < just talk to it furst, okay?  
CAG: Um........ okaaaaaaaay????????  
CAC: :33 < just trust me!  
CAT: yES, i BELIEVE THAT TRUSTING HER,  
CAT: iS THE RIGHT THING TO DO,  
CAG: Okay, okay, fine.  
CAG: So I'll see you soon?  
CAT: yES, i'LL DEPART IMMEDIATELY,  
CAT: bUT i WON'T, uH, cOME IN YOUR HIVE,  
CAT: uNTIL i SEE kANAYA LEAVE,  
CAG: Again, pro8a8ly a good idea.  
CAG: I'd h8 for you to stum8le onto the aftermath of a 8asilisk am8ush.  
CAT: hAHA, rIGHT,  
CAT: sEE YOU SOON, vRISKA,  
CAG: Later, palem8!!!!!!!!  
CAG: <>  
CAT: <>  
CAT ceased responding to memo.  
CAG: Now, if there are no o8jections, I need to prepare my hive for an impromptu tailoring session.  
FGC: Y34H Y34H, TH3 PROS3CUT1ON R3STS  
FGC: GO DO WH4T3V3R UNSP34K4BLY D3PR4V3D TH1NGS YOUR3 GO1NG TO DO W1TH K4N4Y4  
FGC: BUT JUST R3M3MB3R  
FGC: 1N TH3 1NC1P1SPH3R3  
FGC: WH3N YOU CROSS TH3 L1N3  
FGC: YOUR N3CK 1S M1N3  
FGC: >8]  
CAG: Okay, Terezi, I get it!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Jegus, hop off my 8ulge already!!!!!!!!  
FGC: H3H3H3H3H3  
FGC: J3GUS  
FGC: 1T N3V34 STOPS B31NG 4 FUNNY TH1NG TO R34D  
CAG: It DOES seem like an awfully funny word.  
CAG: Jeeeeeeeeguuuuuuuus.  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, it's even funny to type!  
CCG: FUCK, WOULD YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT JEGUS ALREADY.  
CCG: IT'S NOT A WORD. IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE A WORD.  
CCG: IT'S A STUPID MADE UP THING THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, OR EVEN COME CLOSE TO MEANING ANYTHING.  
PCC: J-EGUS, Karcrab, you are R-E-ELY getting worked up about Jegus!  
CAG: W8, is it a proper noun?  
CCG: IT'S NOT ANYTHING, JUST SHUT UP.  
PCC: I don't know, it just felt like it s)(ould be carpitalized!  
FGC: L3TS JUST S4Y J3GUS 1S 4 P3RSON FOR NOW  
FGC: 4ND W3 C4N WORK OUT TH3 R3ST OF TH3 D3T41LS L4T3R  
CCG: I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU.  
PCC: Okay, okay, let's stop being retarded for a minute!  
PCC: Vriska, I )(ope your first feelings jam goes SWIMMINGLY!  
PCC: And I wis)( you t)(e B-EST of luck in ALL your s)(ips!  
CAG: Well, thank you, Feferi!  
CAG: 8ut I can assure you, the luck is already all mine! >::::D  
PCC: Oh, of COURS-E! )(ow silly of me to forget!  
PCC: But )(-EY! After your sc)(edule clears up, do you t)(ink maybe we could... )(ang out or somet)(ing?  
PCC: I mean, wit)(out Sollux, since )(e's suc)( a big )(ard)(ead!  
CAG: Feferi, correct me if I'm wrong here........  
CAG: 8ut are you asking to 8e frieeeeeeeends with me????????  
PCC: No, I'm asking to be FRONDS wit)( you!!  
PCC: But t)(e only difference is spelling.  
CAG: Why, this is so scandalous, I can scarcely 8elieve it!!!!!!!!  
CAG: 8ut yeah, that sounds cool.  
PCC: AW-ESOM-E! 38D  
FCC: But for now, I'll just reef you to your devices!  
CAG: Yeah, I'm 8ooked all day today, so just hit me up tomorrow.  
CAC: :33 < well vwiskers, have fun!  
CAC: :33 < and if you efur n33d any advice with your relationships, f33l fur33 to talk to me!  
CAG: Sure thing, Nepeta.  
CAG: And thanks again for m8king all this happen for me.  
CAC: :33 < well, thank you fur giving me a chance to help you!  
CAG: Well, thank YOU for giving me a chance at all!  
CAC: :33 < well, thank YOU fur...  
CAC: :33 < i cant think of anything after that ://  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, don't worry a8out it.  
CAG: Oh hey, Kanaya's here already!!!!!!!  
CAG: L8er!  
CAG ceased responding to memo.  
FGC: J3GUS  
FGC: N3P3T4 WH4T D1D YOU DO TO H3R  
CAC: :33 < i just gave her a chance!  
FGC: BULLSH1T  
FGC: SH3S L1K3 4 COMPL3T3LY D1FF3R3NT P3RSON NOW  
FGC: OR 4T L34ST SH3S 4CT1NG L1K3 ON3  
CAC: :33 < terezi, she was a nice purrson all along!  
CAC: :33 < she just n33ded somepawdy to crack her hard outer shell to reveal the beautiful, glistening, surpurrisingly nice purrl that was hidden underneath all along!  
FGC: BL44444R!!!  
FGC: 1 DONT W4NT TO 1M4G1N3 VR1SK4 4S 4 B34UT1FUL GL1ST3N1NG 4NYTH1NG!!!  
CCG: ALRIGHT LOOK, NOW THAT SPIDERTROLL IS DONE SPOUTING HER SELF-OBSESSED BULLSHIT, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO ISSUE MY FUCKING ORDERS HERE.  
CCG: NOT THAT ANYONE IS EVEN PROBABLY STILL READING THIS AFTER BEING FORCED TO SIT THROUGH ALL THAT DISGUSTINGLY SAPPY DRIVEL.  
FCC: Well, I t)(oug)(t it was sweet!  
CCG: YOU THOUGHT YOUR CHTHONIC ABOMINATION OF A LUSUS WAS SWEET.  
CCG: SO YOUR OPINION MEANS PRECISELY FUCK ALL.  
FCC: Well, GLUBBING FIN-E T)(-EN! >38U  
CCG: AS COMPLETELY IDIOTIC AS IT FEELS TO MAKE THESE WORDS COME FROM MY FINGERS  
CCG: NEPETA, KEEP SHIPPING ALL THESE TROLLS.  
CCG: JUST SHIP THE FUCK OUT OF ALL OF THEM.  
CAC: :33 < sir yes sir!  
CAC: :33 < any purrticular trolls you want me to ship furst?  
CCG: NO, NOT REALLY, JUST DO WHATEVER.  
CAC: :33 < alright!  
CAC: :33 < then starting now, ill start doing random shipping sw33ps!  
CAC: :33 < so if i come out of nowhere and ask you about your f33lings, dont fureak out and assume ive got some zany plot in store fur you!  
CAC: :33 < its all one hundred purrcent random, i assure you!  
FGC: WH4T TH3 H3LL 1S 4 SH1PP1NG SW33P  
CAC: :33 < its just where i ask you who you might be interested in fur a matespurrit or a meowrail!  
CAC: :33 < its all compawletely confurdential, i wont tell anypawdy!  
CAC: :33 < well, maybe i will if two people really like each other and are just too dumb to tell each other!  
CCG: I HATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT THE IDEA OF "RANDOM SHIPPING SWEEPS" IS SOMEHOW LESS RETARDED THAN IT SOUNDS.  
CCG: BUT IT SOUNDS ABOUT AS RETARDED AS A GRUB ON SOPOR, SO DON'T READ TOO MUCH INTO THAT.  
FGC: Y34H, 1T ST1LL SOUNDS PR3TTY STUP1D >8/  
PCC: It's a GR-EAT idea!  
PCC: We all just need somebody to talk to about our feelings!  
PCC: And w)(o betta t)(an a searious s)(ipper on a searious mission to s)(ip t)(e fuck out of ALL of t)(ese trolls??  
CAC: :33 < exactly!!  
FGC: LOOK N3P3T4  
FGC: YOUR3 MY FR13ND 4ND 4LL  
FGC: BUT TH1S WHOL3 SH1PP1NG QU3ST 1S S3R1OUSLY TH3 DUMB3ST FUCK1NG TH1NG  
CCG: HEY, LAY THE FUCK OFF, TEREZI.  
FGC: WH4T!!!!  
CCG: LOOK, I REALIZE IT SOUNDS STUPID AS HELL, BUT NEPETA KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK SHE'S DOING.  
CCG: I MEAN, YOU SAW WHAT SHE FUCKING DID WITH VRISKA, DIDN'T YOU??  
CCG: THERE WAS A SERIOUSLY DEGENERATE TRIANGLE GOING ON THERE, AND SHE HANDLED IT WITH A MATCHMAKER'S DEFTNESS THAT WOULD LEAVE TROLL WILL SMITH GREEN IN THE FACE WITH ENVIOUS RAGE.  
FGC: 1M ST1LL NOT SO SUR3 4BOUT VR1SK4  
CCG: OH, WILL YOU JUST GET OVER YOUR MASSIVE HATEBULGE FOR HER ALREADY??  
FGC: >8O!!!!!  
FGC: 1TS NOT 3V3N L1K3 TH4T!!!  
CCG: WELL THEN WHAT THE HELL IS IT?  
CCG: IT DOESN'T TAKE A SEER OF FUCKING MIND TO SEE SHE'S DISGUSTINGLY SERIOUS ABOUT ALL THIS SAPPY ROMANCE SHIT.  
CCG: AND I KNOW YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A FUCK THAT SHE BLINDED YOU.  
CCG: SO WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE BUT AN ENORMOUS, THROBBING BLACKCRUSH?  
FGC: W3R3NT YOU TH3 ON3 COMPL41N1NG 4BOUT 4BSURD C4L1G1NOUS SP3CULAT1ON JUST MOM3NTS 4GO?  
CCG: THAT WAS PAST ME, HE'S COMPLETELY FULL OF SHIT.  
CCG: FUTURE ME IS OBVIOUSLY ONLY AGREEING WITH HIM IN THE FUTURE TO MAKE SOLLUX LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE.  
FGC: UGH WH4T3VER  
FGC: JUST DO WH4T3VER TH3 H3LL YOU W4NT N3P3T4  
FGC: NOT L1K3 1 C4N STOP YOU  
CAC: :33 < youll be singing a diffurent tune after ive shipped you!  
FGC: Y3S 1 W1LL  
FGC: 1T W1LL B3 4 STUP1D 1D1OT TUN3 FOR STUP1D 1D1OTS  
FGC: >8P  
FGC ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: NEPETA, DON'T LISTEN TO HER, SHE'S JUST PISSED OFF ABOUT VRISKA.  
CAC: :33 < yeah, i figured shed be like that  
CAC: :33 < but i dont care about anypawdys stupid little grudges!  
CAC: :33 < im here to help efurrypawdy!  
PCC: You know, Carpkat, you were AWFULLY quick to Nepeta's defense back t)(ere...  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?  
PCC: O)(, not)(ing...  
PCC: Glub glub glub! 38D  
PCC ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?  
CCG: WHATEVER, YOU HAVE YOUR ORDERS.  
CCG: I'M DONE HERE.  
CCG ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < alright!  
CAC: :33 < look out, trolls, beclaws the rogue of heart is now officially on the purrowl!  
CAC: :33 < *the rogue hurries you out of her shipping office and shuts the door, eager to return to her shipping plans*  
CAC ceased responding to memo.  
  
CAC closed memo. 

***

Nepeta pondered for a moment. Now she had free license to ship whoever she wanted, and all sorts of ships were already forming in her head. But suddenly, she remembered something more important: she still had to talk to Equius! Didn't want to cause a paradox or something silly like that. She quickly opened a new Trollian window and started a conversation with her moirail.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT].  
  
AC: :33 < *ac is laying on cts robotics pile, playing with some loose wires furom a ropawtic arm*  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
AC: :33 < *s33ing ct, she drops the arm and happily pouncegr33ts him!*  
CT: D --> If there is a point to this harassment, please get to it  
AC: :33 < sh33sh, equius, why are you so grumpy??  
CT: D --> I am merely  
CT: D --> Irritated  
CT: D --> That you would publicly engage in this "shipping" nonsense without my e%press consent  
AC: :33 < oh, i didnt even think about that  
AC: :33 < sorry :((  
CT: D --> I forgive you  
CT: D --> But please be more considerate in the future  
AC: :33 < okay  
AC: :33 < but you know karkitty ordered me to k33p shipping, right?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> I understand he commanded you to focus your efforts on Vriska  
CT: D --> And while I would rather you not associate with the cer00lean-b100d at all  
CT: D --> It is not my intent to foment sedition  
AC: :33 < to what??  
CT: D --> Just do the Vriska thing  
AC: :33 < oh, i already did!  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < i already found her a matespurrit and a meowrail  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> You just started yesterday  
CT: D --> It's 100dicrous that you could fill her quadrants so quickly  
AC: :33 < well i did!  
AC: :33 < now kanaya is her matespurrit and tavros is her meowrail  
CT: D --> But that's  
CT: D --> Give me a moment  
AC: :33 < okay  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> As preposterous as it sounds, apparently you aren't lying  
AC: :33 < of course im not lion!!  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> Vriska is one of the most distin%ly unlikable people I have ever had the displeasure of knowing  
CT: D --> Or at least was  
CT: D --> How did you do that  
AC: :33 < thats what i wanted to talk to you about, actually  
CT: D --> Really  
AC: :33 < yeah  
AC: :33 < s33, i was talking to vwiskers  
AC: :33 < trying to help her with her purroblems  
AC: :33 < and things got kind of  
AC: :33 < uh  
AC: :33 < pale  
CT: D --> Oh  
AC: :33 < yeah ://  
CT: D --> Oh my  
AC: :33 < im sorry, equius! :((  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Did she, um  
CT: D --> Reciprocate  
AC: :33 < no, not really!  
AC: :33 < it was all on my end!  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> And it was just once, right  
AC: :33 < yes!  
AC: :33 < well, actually  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < befur that, i got kind of pale with kanaya, too  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> E%cuse me for a moment  
CT: D --> I'm suddenly perspiring  
AC: :33 < im really sorry!  
AC: :33 < i just wanted to help them so badly!  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> Do you find my ability as a moirail to be  
CT: D --> Inadequate  
AC: :33 < no!! its not like that at all!!!  
AC: :33 < nopawdy could EFUR replace you as my meowrail!  
AC: :33 < beclaws i know nopawdy understands me the way you do!  
AC: :33 < i was just trying to help them, thats all!  
AC: :33 < i just got a little carried away  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> You were simply following orders  
AC: :33 < yes!  
CT: D --> And you felt that applying your skills as a moirail was the best way to e%ecute your mission  
AC: :33 < i guess, kind of  
CT: D --> That is a%eptable  
AC: :33 < really?  
CT: D --> Your intentions were pure  
CT: D --> You were simply carrying out your orders in the way you felt best suited your e%pertise  
CT: D --> So yes, it's fine  
AC: :33 < well, thank you fur being so understanding, equius!!  
CT: D --> You're welcome  
CT: D --> Besides, I believe most of our teammates could benefit from the skills of an e%pert moirail  
CT: D --> Even if only temporarily  
CT: D --> And I believe you will find that as moirails go, you are simply the best there is  
AC: :33 < but how can i be the best meowrail  
AC: :33 < when clearly YOURE the best meowrail??  
CT: D --> No, you are tr00ly the best moirail  
CT: D --> It's you  
AC: :33 < lets just compurrmise and say were BOTH the best meowrails!  
CT: D --> Yes, that is a%eptable  
AC: :33 < yes! another misunderstanding conquered!  
CT: D --> E%cellent  
AC: :33 < <>  
CT: D --> <>  
CT: D --> Anyway, is that all you wished to di%uss  
AC: :33 < well, i guess you havent read the latest memo yet  
AC: :33 < but karkitty told me to k33p shipping!  
AC: :33 < so maaaaybe  
AC: :33 < i could start with you!  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> This is una%eptable  
AC: :33 < come oooon!!  
CT: D --> If you abso100tely must ship me  
CT: D --> You will do it last  
AC: :33 < i cant do that!!  
AC: :33 < what about second to last?  
CT: D --> That is  
CT: D --> Unusually specific  
CT: D --> But fine  
AC: :33 < okay, i wont ship you yet  
AC: :33 < but can we at least talk about who i MIGHT ship you with?  
CT: D --> Why  
AC: :33 < beclaws therell be less options if you wait fur so long!  
AC: :33 < you might have to choose betw33n tavros and sollux, or something like that!  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> I have told you at length not to bring up this nonsensical pairing between me and the mudb100d  
AC: :33 < i think youd be cute together!!  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You will stop  
CT: D --> I command you to stop  
AC: :33 < okay fine!  
AC: :33 < ill admit its a crack ship anyway  
CT: D --> It tr00ly perple%es me how you form001ate these absurd pairings  
CT: D --> Why can't you ship me with Aradia, for e%ample  
CT: D --> Or perhaps the indigo b100d  
AC: :33 < beclaws those are both cr33py and weird!!  
CT: D --> No they aren't  
AC: :33 < yes they are!  
CT: D --> No  
AC: :33 < yes  
CT: D --> No  
AC: :33 < yes  
CT: D --> They aren't  
AC: :33 < yes they totally are!!!  
CT: D --> How are they creepy or weird  
AC: :33 < you tried to put a chip in aradias heart to make her flushed fur you!!  
CT: D --> That was  
CT: D --> Admittedly out of line  
AC: :33 < anyway, she spends more time slapping you than kissing you!  
CT: D --> Some of those slappings were a%idental  
AC: :33 < whatefur, just admit it!  
AC: :33 < shed rather be your hissmesis than your matespurrit!  
CT: D --> No  
AC: :33 < yessss yes yes yes!!!!  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> What about the indigo b100d  
AC: :33 < you dont even like anything about gamz33!  
AC: :33 < all you care about is his stupid blood!  
CT: D --> His b100d is not "stupid"  
CT: D --> It is the highest, purest b100d a landdweller can possess  
CT: D --> It is tr00ly  
CT: D --> E%quisite  
AC: :33 < cr333333py!!!  
CT: D --> It is not creepy  
CT: D --> It is the way of our society  
AC: :33 < our society doesnt exist anymore, equius!!  
CT: D --> So you would have us di%ard all of our e%isting traditions  
AC: :33 < no, just the stupid ones like the hemeowspectrum!!  
CT: D --> The hemospe%rum is not stupid  
AC: :33 < yes it is!!  
AC: :33 < its stupid and its unfair and you and that cr33p eridan are the only ones who even give a shit about it anymore!!  
CT: D --> Nepeta, watch your language  
AC: :33 < ugh, sorry  
CT: D --> I refuse to di%uss this any further  
AC: :33 < well, we have to di%uss it eventually!  
CT: D --> Fine  
CT: D --> Later  
CT: D --> But if you would not ship me with either of those two  
CT: D --> Who would you ship me with  
CT: D --> And if you say the fudgeb100d, I am di%onne%ing  
AC: :33 < i wasnt going to!  
AC: :33 < actually, befur i dealt with vwiskers, my top ship fur your matespurrit was kanaya!  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> Really  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
AC: :33 < beclaws shes really nice and classy and supurr pawlite!  
AC: :33 < and you guys could do all sorts of supurr classy stuff together!  
CT: D --> As silly as those reasons are  
CT: D --> I occasionally interact with Kanaya as her server player  
CT: D --> And she is a%ually quite pleasant company  
CT: D --> And though she is merely a jadeb100d  
CT: D --> She does carry herself with unusual grace  
CT: D --> And her position as keeper of the Matriorb is respe%able in its own right  
CT: D --> Nepeta, as f001ish as this may sound  
CT: D --> That would a%ually be an a%eptable ship  
AC: :33 < yeah, s33?  
AC: :33 < im better at this than you think!  
CT: D --> But now she is with that cer001ean h001igan  
CT: D --> So it hardly matters  
AC: :33 < well, there are others!  
CT: D --> Like who  
AC: :33 < hmmmmmm  
AC: :33 < what about terezi?  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I find her fi%ations on roleplaying and punitive violence to be distasteful  
CT: D --> And frankly  
CT: D --> Her olfactory habits are a bit  
CT: D --> Disturbing  
AC: :33 < yeah, she is kinda weird  
AC: :33 < ooh ooh hey!!  
AC: :33 < what about  
AC: :33 < you and fefurry?  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> The seadweller  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
CT: D --> Surely you have been sch001fed on the eternal b100d feud between landdwellers and seadwellers  
AC: :33 < yeah, but who cares about that!  
AC: :33 < shes really nice and sw33t and she has a great sense of humor  
AC: :33 < and shes like a purrincess so shes supurr classy and noble purretty much by default!  
CT: D --> She is not a princess, she is an heiress  
CT: D --> She stands in line to inherit the entirety of the Alternian empire  
CT: D --> Due to her royal tyrian b  
CT: D --> Oh god  
AC: :33 < what?  
CT: D --> Her b100d  
CT: D --> I hadn't even thought about it  
CT: D --> It's just so  
CT: D --> E%quisitely purple  
AC: :33 < yeah yeah, who cares about her stupid blood?  
AC: :33 < she also has an apurreciation for fauna, just like you!  
CT: D --> My goodness  
CT: D --> The mere thought is making me sweat  
AC: :33 < i guess shes in some kind of relationship with sollux right now  
AC: :33 < but im not sure if theyre matespurrits or meowrails  
CT: D --> Fiddlesti%  
CT: D --> I already require a fresh towel  
AC: :33 < are you even listening to me??  
CT: D --> Yes, sorry, it's just  
CT: D --> I'm having such  
CT: D --> 100rid thoughts about her b100d  
AC: :33 < ugggghhh, you and your cr33py blood fetish again!  
CT: D --> It's unthinkable  
CT: D --> She's a seadweller  
CT: D --> A mortal enemy of landdwellers  
CT: D --> But her tyrian b100d is so  
CT: D --> So pure  
AC: :33 < yknow, with her impurrial blood  
AC: :33 < im puretty sure shes naturally dispawsed to being...  
AC: :33 < commanding  
CT: D --> Hrrrrrk  
CT: D --> Oh god  
CT: D --> This towel is abso100tely drenched already  
CT: D --> Shit  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> Oh goodness, pardon my language  
CT: D --> This is just  
CT: D --> So OBSCENE  
AC: :33 < ugh, okay, just stop!!!  
AC: :33 < i was just joking!  
AC: :33 < god, you are so weird!  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Let's stop talking about this now  
AC: :33 < well, thats all we really had to talk about  
AC: :33 < oh, except you n33d to read my latest memo!  
CT: D --> Why  
AC: :33 < beclaws you reminded me to talk to you in the memo  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> A time 100p  
AC: :33 < at least, i think thats why  
AC: :33 < i dont get this weird time shit at all!  
CT: D --> Language, Nepeta  
AC: :33 < oops, sorry :((  
CT: D --> Were you using any of this e%cremental language in your memo  
AC: :33 < uh  
AC: :33 < well  
CT: D --> Gracious, Nepeta, what will I do with you  
CT: D --> I can't stop you from col100ding with lowb100ds  
CT: D --> But don't let their foul vernacular pol100t your speech  
CT: D --> I suppose I'll have to admonish past you in the near future  
AC: :33 < yeah, thats actually what you did  
AC: :33 < or do, i guess  
CT: D --> Oh  
AC: :33 < ugh, now i dont know if you respawnded to my memo to remind me to talk to you or to tell me not to cuss!  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Now I don't either  
AC: :33 < time loops are so stupid!!  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> That 100% to be something we agree on 100%  
AC: :33 < well, i guess ill leave you to do that  
CT: D --> Very well  
CT: D --> But should you ever need emotional support  
CT: D --> You can always 100k to me  
AC: :33 < of course! thats what meowrails are fur!  
AC: :33 < <>  
CT: D --> <>  
AC: :33 < talk to you later, equius!  
CT: D --> And I will talk to past you immediately, Nepeta  
CT: D --> Goodbye  
  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 

Nepeta closed the Trollian window with a satisfied sigh. Now that her conscience was clean of possible pale infidelities and Equius had at least mostly approved of her actions, she was free to ship whoever she wanted. She briefly pondered her next move. Should she find a matesprit for Tavros? How about a new moirail for Kanaya? Maybe she should nail down just what's going on between Sollux and Feferi before it complicated things.

But before she could put any of her thoughts into action, a new Trollian window popped up on her screen, dashing her hopes. And as she processed the lines of purple dialogue filling the window, a single thought popped into her mind: _Oh god, not this asshole._

(And then another: _Language, Nepeta._ )


	5. Hope Springs Eternal

Chapter 5

Hope Springs Eternal

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CA: alright i knoww youre done talkin to your swweaty asshole moirail by noww so i need to fuckin talk to you about somethin  
CA: an dont evven pretend like youre not there  
CA: honestly wwhere the fuck else wwould you evven be  
CA: by my wwatch you literally just finished gabbin to him about wwhatevver musclebeast leavvins you twwo jaww about seconds ago  
AC: :33 < ugh  
AC: :33 < howd you know i just finished talking to equius?  
CA: cause he said hed just finished talkin to you 21 minutes in the future on your ridiculous fuckin memo  
CA: and that wwas 21 minutes ago  
CA: and 21 - 21 = 0 meanin that particular thing is happenin right fuckin noww  
CA: wwoww imagine that the seadwweller is capable a elementary temporal reasonin and basic fuckin arithmetic  
AC: :33 < so you were just counting down the minutes until you could talk to me?  
AC: :33 < you are so cr33py  
CA: oh PLEASE nep dont evven assume your of anythin more than marginal fuckin importance to me  
CA: i just made a mental note to contact you later wwhile i movved on to more important things i had to do OF WWHICH THERE ARE SEVVERAL  
AC: :33 < like what?  
AC: :33 < killing angels and drinking soda?  
CA: none a your fuckin business alright  
CA: as a proper seadwweller ivve alwways got to be makin neww schemes  
CA: its nothin a fuckin olivve blooded dreg wwould understand  
AC: :33 < ugh, whatefur  
AC: :33 < why didnt you respawnd to the memo?  
CA: that wwhole thing wwas fuckin disgustin  
CA: i dont knoww wwhy vvris of all peoples spillin her fuckin guts out about all her red feelins but the wwhole thing made me wwanna retch  
CA: seariously nep wwhat the fuck did you do to my former kismesis  
CA: she used to be a proper fuckin scourge a the seas and noww shes more like a wwiggler storybook princess  
AC: :33 < i just convinced her to try being nice  
AC: :33 < maybe YOU should try it sometime!  
CA: yeah fuckin right  
CA: the day you sea me bein nice is one day before you sea me swwingin from my hivve by my fuckin neck  
AC: :33 < well, it worked fur vwiskers!  
AC: :33 < she tried it, and now shes got a loving matespurrit and a pawesome meowrail!  
AC: :33 < hows being a big stupid jerk working fur you?  
CA: god nep youre gettin really wworked up ovver this  
CA: i mean im flattered but honestly i got important fuckin things i wwanted to talk to you about here  
AC: :33 < why would you be fl  
AC: :33 < uuurrrghrgrhhggh  
AC: XOO < ERIDAN I AM NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU!!!  
CA: please nep wwere not evven fuckin talkin about this right noww  
AC: :33 < ugh  
AC: :33 < fur once we agr33 on something  
AC: :33 < so what do you want  
CA: alright look  
CA: i saww wwhat you did to vvris  
CA: and by saww it i mean i literally saww the wwhole sappy fuckin disgustin spiel  
AC: :33 < what?  
AC: :33 < how did you s33 it?  
CA: because im your fuckin servver player remember  
CA: i can sea evverythin that goes on inside your fuckin hivve  
CA: or did you actually fuckin forget about howw i brought you into the game and savved your fuckin life  
CA: YOURE FUCKIN WWELCOME BY THE WWAY  
AC: :33 < argh, i actually completely furgot about that!! XPP  
CA: wwoww THATS a fuckin surprise  
AC: :33 < but why were you watching me?  
AC: :33 < do you watch me all the time, you big cr33p??  
CA: ugh please  
CA: i check on it occasionally and most a the time youre not evven there  
CA: an evven wwhen you are youre usually doin somethin like paintin on your wwalls or trollin on your grubtop  
CA: an then i swwitch it off cause believve it or not i dont get off on wwatchin an autistic cattroll do boring shit  
CA: AND NO I DONT WWATCH YOU IN THE HYGIENEBLOCK GIVVE ME A LITTLE FUCKIN CREDIT HERE  
CA: but yesterday i saww you wwith tavv an kan an you wwere wworkin on some kinda big devvious plot  
CA: so can you blame me for wwantin to sea that shit go dowwn  
AC: :33 < yes i can!  
AC: :33 < in fact, here i am blaming you right now!  
CA: ok nep is that gesture really necessary  
AC: :33 < aha! youre watching me right now!  
AC: :33 < youre such a big cr33py weirdo jerk!!  
CA: really fuckin mature nep  
CA: howw wwould you like it if i sent a screenshot a this to your swweaty palepal  
CA: im sure hed disapprovve a these lewwd hand formations  
CA: wwait i mean 100d  
AC: :33 < hed purrobably understand since its directed at you!  
CA: alright fine  
CA: howw about i send him some evvidence i collected a you wwaxin pale for vvris instead  
AC: :33 < what!!!  
CA: i havve the screenshots nep  
CA: you holdin her hand and lookin like youre about twwo seconds awway from tacklepouncin her into a fuckin pile  
CA: really scandalous stuff i can assure you  
AC: :33 < eridan, are you seriously trying to blackmail me???  
CA: blackmails such an ugly wword  
CA: wwait wwhat am i sayin blackmails a beautiful fuckin wword  
CA: so yes im blackmailin you  
AC: :33 < well too bad!!  
AC: :33 < beclaws thats what i was talking to equius about and he completely understood!  
CA: oh please  
CA: nep thats such a fuckin transparent bluff  
AC: :33 < send it to him, s33 if i care!  
CA: im wwarnin you nep this wwill completely destroy you  
AC: :33 < just do it, ampurra  
CA: wwell dont say i didnt wwarn you  
CA: sendin it noww  
AC: :33 < good!  
CA: ok  
CA: uh wwoww  
CA: holy shit nep i had no idea eq wwas capable a bein so fuckin rude  
CA: like hes threatenin to rip my fuckin throat out for evven snoopin on you like that  
CA: aaand he just blocked me  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, told you so!  
CA: wwell shit  
AC: :33 < dont you mean  
AC: :33 < whale shit??  
CA: look nep leavve the nautical puns to the fuckin seadwwellers alright  
AC: :33 < i guess i just took the WIND OUT OF YOUR SAILS  
AC: :33 < and now youre DEAD IN THE WATER  
CA: ugh  
AC: :33 < you shouldve known that LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS  
CA: ok holy shit just fuckin stop already please  
AC: :33 < and why should i, eridan?  
AC: :33 < or would you purrfur i just block you instead?  
AC: :33 < beclaws i dont really f33l like doing anything fur you right now!  
CA: alright look  
CA: extortion didnt wwork  
CA: but im not too proud to beg  
CA: so please nep youvve gotta fuckin help me  
AC: :33 < why?  
CA: because im a miserable fuckin wwreck  
CA: all i evver did since the beginnin a this fuckin game wwas alienate evverybody around me  
CA: an noww im stuck on this shitty fuckin planet killin fuckin angels wwith this shitty fuckin gun and nobodys evven wwillin to givve me the time a fuckin night  
CA: an i cant fuckin take it anymore  
CA: im so lonely nep  
CA: please  
AC: :33 < well...  
AC: :33 < why do you want my help?  
AC: :33 < im just a stupid kittycat shipper cave girl, arent i?  
CA: nep no i  
CA: look just hear me out here alright  
CA: i saww the wway you handled vvris  
CA: and it wwas the most amazin fuckin thing ivve evver seen  
CA: you wworked your heart magic on her like a proper fuckin wwizard a the quadrants  
CA: wwait i mean  
CA: you wworked your heart science on her like a proper fuckin empiricist a the quadrants  
CA: wweavvin black into pale and pale into red like a fuckin alchemist  
CA: wwait shit alchemys just the fake magic vversion a chemistry  
AC: :33 < whats your point here?  
CA: my point is i saww what you did for kan and vvris  
CA: an i wwant you to do that for me and fef  
CA: i wwant you to make her flushed for me  
AC: :33 < i cant make fefurry do anything!  
CA: wwhy the fuck not  
CA: you did it to vvris didnt you  
AC: :33 < i didnt make vwiskers do anything either!  
AC: :33 < i didnt use some magic spell to make her fall fur kanaya or something stupid like that!  
CA: oh come on nep im not suggestin you used any kinda magic  
CA: but clearly you did somethin  
AC: :33 < look, vwiskers always liked kanaya  
AC: :33 < she just didnt think she was flushed fur her  
AC: :33 < beclaws she didnt think she could have red f33lings fur anypawdy!  
AC: :33 < all i did was show her that she already did  
AC: :33 < fur kanaya and tavros both!  
CA: ok so do that for fef  
AC: :33 < but i dont know if fefurry actually likes you like that!  
CA: sure she does  
CA: i mean kan broke up her moirallegiance wwith vvris cause she wwanted to be her matesprit right  
CA: wwho says fef isnt doin the same thing  
AC: :33 < i think fefurry wouldve b33n a little more furthcoming about it than that  
CA: wwhat the fuck does that evven mean  
AC: :33 < it just s33ms like shed be a little more direct!  
AC: :33 < i mean, kanayas always kind of cagey and withdrawn  
AC: :33 < but fefurry purretty much wears her heart on her sl33ve  
AC: :33 < oh wait, she doesnt even have sl33ves!  
AC: :33 < if she liked you like that, i dont think shed really have any reason withhold it furom you  
CA: so youre sayin she doesnt lovve me  
CA: or pity me or wwhatevver fuckin wword wwere usin here  
AC: :33 < im not saying that!  
AC: :33 < im just not sure if shes flushed fur you  
CA: howw is that any fuckin different from wwhat i just said  
AC: :33 < theres other kinds of love besides flushed love!  
CA: I DONT WWANT ANY OTHER KIND OF FUCKIN LOVVE  
CA: all i wwant is for her to be my matesprit  
CA: i just  
CA: im so flushed for her it physically fuckin hurts  
CA: please nep youvve got to at least try to get her to lovve me  
AC: :33 < alright, look  
AC: :33 < ill talk to her, okay?  
AC: :33 < ill s33 if she could maybe be flushed fur you  
CA: wwhat youre just gonna ask her about me  
CA: that seems kinda obvvious  
AC: :33 < i wont just ask about you!  
AC: :33 < itll be a random shipping sw33p  
AC: :33 < just not so random  
AC: :33 < ill ask her about both her quadrants and s33 who she might be interested in in general  
CA: alright fine  
CA: just dont go plantin any ridiculous shippin ideas in her head  
AC: :33 < ill do my best!  
CA: oh and  
CA: uh  
CA: thanks nep  
AC: :33 < yeah, no purroblem, i guess  
AC: :33 < ill just open another window now  
AC: :33 < brb  


arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].  
  
AC: :33 < *AWOOOOOGA! AWOOOOOGA!*  
AC: :33 < attention citizen!  
CC: Glub??  
AC: :33 < you are now being subjected to a random shipping sw33p!  
AC: :33 < do not attempt to resist!!  
CC: O)( no, not a random s)(ipping sweep!  
CC: Now all my )(ig)(ly illicit and dubiously legal s)(ips are S)(OR-E to be confiscated!!!  
AC: :33 < we will now conduct a full body search!  
AC: :33 < please remove your clothes!!  
CC: 38O!!!!!  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, just kidding!  
CC: W)(ale I s)(ould s)(ore )(OP-E so!!!!  
CC: W)(ere would I even keep a s)(ip in my clot)(es??  
AC: :33 < are you kidding me??  
AC: :33 < you could hide a whole fl33t in that goofy skirt of yours!  
CC: )(--EY!  
CC: It's a little somet)(ing called STYL-E!!  
CC: And t)(is skirt was totally IN t)(e day everybody on Alternia died!  
CC: W)(ic)( means it'll stay IN pretty muc)( forever!!!  
AC: :33 < okay okay, enough talk about fashion  
AC: :33 < i have some shipping to do!  
CC: Very w)(ale.  
CC: I t)(row myself upon t)(e mercy of t)(e s)(ipping court!  
AC: :33 < the shipping court HAS no mercy!  
CC: O)( no!!! 38C  
AC: :33 < now, to begin  
AC: :33 < i suppawse we should start with the pawbvious question  
AC: :33 < whats up with you and sollux?  
CC: Yea)(, I guess t)(at is t)(e obvious place to start.  
CC: I mean, I R-E-ELY like Sollux. I do!!  
CC: But I'm not reely s)(ore w)(at quadrant we're in!  
AC: :33 < really?  
CC: Yea)(! I mean...  
CC: I've asked )(im about it, but )(e's never given me a straig)(t answer.  
CC: I T)(INK )(e wants to be matesprits, but )(e's never tried to make it offis)(ial!  
AC: :33 < huh, that's weird  
AC: :33 < what do you want to be?  
CC: T)(at's t)(e t)(ing. I don't reely )(AV-E a preference!  
CC: I'd be )(appy being matesprits OR morayeels!  
AC: :33 < really?  
AC: :33 < youd be okay with being his meowrail?  
CC: I wouldn't just be OKAY wit)( it!  
CC: I'd LOV-E to be )(is morayeel!  
AC: :33 < wow, thats a really rare attitude to s33!  
AC: :33 < it s33ms like most trolls think meowrallegiance is worse than matespurritship somehow  
CC: W)(ale, most trolls are just DUMB!  
CC: Moirallegiance is just as good as matesprits)(ip! Maybe even B-ETTA!  
AC: :33 < oh, i agr33!!  
AC: :33 < i think equius has done more fur me than any matespurrit ever could!  
AC: :33 < i mean, sometimes we get on each others nerves  
AC: :33 < but were both a meowllion times better off fur being together!  
CC: --EXACTLY!!  
CC: I reely envy you sometimes, Nepeta! You and -Equius are suc)( GR-EAT morayeels!  
CC: I wis)( I could )(ave somet)(ing like t)(at wit)( Sollux...  
AC: :33 < really?  
CC: But I'd love to be )(is matesprit, too!!  
CC: I just t)(ink )(e reely needs a morayeel.  
CC: We're )(appy toget)(er most of t)(e time, but sometimes )(e's so mopey and miserable, it just drives me CRAZY!  
AC: :33 < yeah, hes really moody sometimes  
AC: :33 < maybe ill talk to him about it when his shipping sw33p comes up!  
CC: O)( COD, )(e's not gonna like T)(AT...  
AC: :33 < well he can just deal with it!!!  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, Y-EA)(! T)(AT'S t)(e spirit!!  
CC: Glub glub glub!! 38D  
AC: :33 < well, i guess well leave that in the air fur now  
AC: :33 < now, to move on to the next most purressing issue...  
CC: -Eridan?  
AC: :33 < yeah ://  
CC: *SIIIG)(...*  
CC: I suppose it's inevitable.  
CC: Are any of t)(ese t)(oug)(ts going to find t)(eir way to )(im, by any c)(ance?  
AC: :33 < only if you think itll help  
CC: ...  
CC: You know, maybe it will.  
CC: I just don't t)(ink I could ever be in a romantic relations)(ip wit)( )(im.  
AC: :33 < really?  
AC: :33 < why not?  
CC: W)(ale, it's just...  
CC: Before t)(e game, I tried R-E-ELY )(ard to be a good morayeel.  
CC: But )(e foug)(t me every step of t)(e way!  
CC: And it just got -EX)(AUSTING trying to keep )(im out of trouble w)(ile )(e was constantly resisting!  
CC: I mean, I t)(oug)(t )(e )(AT-ED me!  
CC: I figured )(e was just -ENDURING me in t)(e way only a particularly dangerous morayeel can.  
CC: After we entered t)(e game, I figured ending our moirallegiance would be doing )(im a FAVOR!  
CC: W)(en )(e confessed )(e was flus)(ed for me, I was )(onestly s)(ocked!  
AC: :33 < so you dont want to be his meowrail?  
CC: Definitely not.  
AC: :33 < could you s33 yourself being his matespurrit?  
CC: I... w)(ale...  
CC: Did )(e put you up to t)(is?  
CC: Is )(e suggesting I broke up wit)( )(im as a part of some Kanayaesque quadrant-flipping gambit?  
AC: :33 < is kanayaesque a word now?  
CC: Y-ES! Please update your dictionary.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, furst thing!  
AC: :33 < anyway no, im just curious  
CC: W)(ale, t)(e t)(ing is...  
CC: T)(is is going to sound )(orrible of me, but...  
CC: After everyt)(ing )(e put me t)(roug)( as )(is moirail, it's INCR-EDIBLY )(ard not to resent )(im for it.  
CC: I mean, I looked after )(im for SW-E-EPS, and it was like )(e didn't even care about me!  
CC: No matter )(ow )(ard I tried to crack )(is s)(ell, )(e was ALWAYS walling me out wit)( )(is endless emotional t)(eatrics!  
CC: And w)(en I was t)(e one w)(o needed support, )(e acted t)(e same way!  
CC: Our moirallegiance was always completely one-sided.  
CC: )(ow do I know our matesprits)(ip wouldn't be t)(e same?  
CC: I mean, I know )(e wants me to love )(im, but w)(o says )(e'll R-E-ELY love me back?  
CC: I just...  
CC: I don't t)(ink I can trust )(im.  
AC: :33 < wow...  
AC: :33 < im sorry, fefurry :((  
CC: No no no, I'M sorry! I'm talking your fins off about my stupid relations)(ip baggage!  
AC: :33 < hey, thats what im here fur!  
CC: Still, I feel bad for unloading on you like t)(at.  
CC: I mean, I don't )(ate -Eridan. I still want )(im to be )(appy.  
CC: I want )(im to find a matesprit w)(o reely loves )(im.  
CC: I just don't t)(ink it can be me. 38(  
AC: :33 < its okay, fefurry  
AC: :33 < you cant furce things like this  
AC: :33 < anyway, ill find a really good matespurrit fur him, trust me!  
CC: W)(ale, I'm S)(O-RE you can find someone WOND-ERFUL for )(im!  
CC: If anyone can, it's you!  
AC: :33 < thank you, fefurry!  
CC: Glub glub! 38)  
AC: :33 < anyway, enough about eridan  
AC: :33 < are there any other candidates fur your ships?  
CC: )(mmm, I don't know! I )(aven't t)(oug)(t about it all t)(at muc)(!  
CC: -Especially since I'm not really s)(ore w)(at's going on between me and Sollux!  
AC: :33 < well, lets start with matespurrits furst  
AC: :33 < any ideas?  
CC: Besides Sollux, not reely!  
CC: Do you )(ave anyt)(ing on your wall for me?  
AC: :33 < well, befur i shipped her with kanaya, my otp fur you was with vwiskers!  
CC: R-E-ELY??  
AC: :33 < yeah! beclaws youre both fun and adventurous and you love the ocean!  
AC: :33 < and shes a tough, battle hardened pirate and youre a nice bubbly princess with the weirdest dark streak, and i think youd just play off each other really nicely!  
CC: ...I can sea it, actually.  
AC: :33 < i imagine you two pirating together, taking purrisoners and f33ding their lususes to yours, then taking the captives back to her hive  
AC: :33 < then you talk about what a big dork eridan is while you brush each others hair, beclaws you both have really long hair and i think its cute fur some reason  
AC: :33 < and then she offers you a flagon of mead, and of course you accept, because itd be impawlite to refuse  
AC: :33 < and after your third cup, you suddenly find yourself falling on top of her, and she just looks up at you with a mischievous grin as she slides her hand under your  
AC: :33 < er  
CC: 38|  
AC: :33 < uh  
CC: It sounds like you've put...  
CC: A LOT of t)(oug)(t into t)(is.  
AC: :33 < i  
AC: :33 < may or may not have written a piece of fiction about it  
CC: I... sea.  
AC: :33 < anyway lets talk about something else now!!  
AC: :33 < since shes with kanaya now and therefur thats pawbviously something thats nefur going to catpun so we dont have to talk about it efur again!!!  
CC: Yes okay let's do t)(at!!!!!  
CC: Any ot)(er suggestions?  
AC: :33 < well, this is gonna sound goofy  
AC: :33 < but what about equius?  
CC: -Equius? I )(adn't ever really t)(oug)(t about )(im like t)(at.  
AC: :33 < well, i know he s33ms like kind of a cr33py jerk  
AC: :33 < but hes actually a really nice, considerate, noble guy if you can get past that!  
AC: :33 < and he has an apurreciation for fauna, kind of like you!  
AC: :33 < and i can tell you hes a GREAT meowrail, fur what thats worth!  
CC: Wow, Nepeta, you're R-E-ELY trying to sell me on )(im!  
AC: :33 < well, yeah, kinda  
AC: :33 < all his other matespurrit ships are cr33py and weird!  
CC: I don't know, isn't )(e kind of a )(emospectrum purist?  
CC: And doesn't )(e )(ave somet)(ing against seadwellers? -Eridan was always carping about )(ow "disrespectful" )(e was.  
CC: I'm not s)(ore we'd be t)(at compatible. 38/  
AC: :33 < yeah, hes really stubborn about stupid traditions  
AC: :33 < but maybe i can make him change!  
AC: :33 < im his meowrail, after all, thats what im suppawsed to do!  
CC: W)(ale, it's wort)( a s)(ot!  
CC: )(eck, I t)(ink you s)(ould do t)(at even if you AR-EN'T s)(ipping )(im wit)( me!  
CC: T)(e )(emospectrum is stupid anyway!  
AC: :33 < i agr33 completely!  
AC: :33 < but lets put that ship aside fur now  
CC: Yea)(, okay.  
AC: :33 < actually, i cant really think of anypawdy else fur your flushed quadrant  
AC: :33 < tavros, maybe?  
CC: Tavros seems nice, I guess, but I don't reely know )(im all t)(at well.  
AC: :33 < yeah, its kind of hard shipping fur you, since you nefur really got to know most of us all that well!  
CC: Guilty as c)(arged. One of t)(e many drawbacks to being royalty.  
CC: W)(ale, w)(at about my pale quadrant? Any ideas t)(ere?  
AC: :33 < just a few  
AC: :33 < what do you think of kanaya?  
CC: Kanaya's cool, I guess! I talked to )(er occasionally before t)(e game started.  
CC: I'm not s)(ore )(ow muc)( kelp s)(e'd really need from me, t)(oug)(.  
CC: S)(e seems pretty well-adjusted as it is!  
AC: :33 < well, shes not really furthcoming about her purroblems  
AC: :33 < im sure she has plenty!  
AC: :33 < theyre just not really pawbvious  
CC: I'd probably be a bad morayeel for )(er, t)(en. I'm T-ERRIBL-E about reading people t)(at deeply!  
AC: :33 < yeah, maybe  
AC: :33 < hey, what about karkitty?  
AC: :33 < hes really upfront about his purroblems!  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, o)( COD, I'd probably drive )(im CRAZY!  
CC: )(e'd just be like, "HEY FUCKASS, STOP BEING SO FUCKING NICE ALL THE TIME, FUCK FUCK FUCK"  
AC: :33 < h33 h33! yeah, purrobably!  
CC: I'd be willing to be )(is morayeel, I guess, but I'm not s)(ore )(e'd be willing to let me!  
AC: :33 < hmmm, maybe not  
AC: :33 < well, thats all ive got, really  
AC: :33 < unless you can think of anypawdy else?  
CC: No, not reely!  
AC: :33 < huh, i guess this sw33p wasnt that purrductive at all!  
CC: It's okay!  
CC: I mean, I've already KIND OF got one quadrant filled already!  
AC: :33 < yeah, i guess  
AC: :33 < i really hope you and sollux can figure that out!  
CC: I )(ope so too!  
CC: I'll talk to )(im about it again, and )(opefully )(e won't be suc)( a big )(ard)(ead about it t)(is time!  
AC: :33 < yeah, ill get to him eventually, too!  
AC: :33 < anyway, im done here, so i guess ill let you go!  
CC: )(ey, wait!  
CC: Before you go...  
CC: W)(ale...  
AC: :33 < hmmm?  
CC: Could you, maybe...  
CC: Send me t)(at... certain piece of fiction?  
AC: :33 < :oo  
AC: :33 < really??  
CC: Yes reely, just send it!  
AC: :33 < well, okay...  
\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] sent cuttlefishCuller [CC] the file "maiden voyage (vs/fp) [tw: dubcon, bloodplay].doc" --  
AC: :33 < its one of my older works, so the writing isnt the greatest  
AC: :33 < and please dont send it to anypawdy else, okay??  
AC: :33 < i dont want word of my rpf getting out!  
AC: :33 < fefurry are you there  
CC:   38O  
CC:  38:O  
CC: 38 :O  
CC: Nepeta, t)(is is...  
CC: T)(is is OBSC-EN-E!  
AC: :33 < sorry!  
CC: And for some reason... INCR-EDIBLY arousing!  
AC: :33 < oh god  
AC: :33 < im thinking i should leave now  
CC: T)(anks for t)(e fic!  
CC: Wait, )(ow do I make a winking goggles emoticon?  
CC: 3P)  
CC: T)(at's not very good, but it'll )(ave to do.  
AC: :33 < okay yeah bye!!!!!  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].  


CA: good lord youre takin your swweet fuckin time here  
CA: wwhat the fuck are you twwo evven talkin about  
CA: howw long does one a these shippin swweeps normally take  
CA: assumin theyre a thing youvve evven done before  
CA: wwhich i suddenly realize is a fuckin stupid thing to assume  
CA: seein as you literally just announced youd start doin em like fivve fuckin minutes ago  
CA: god damnit  
CA: ok seariously wwhats the fuckin holdup  
CA: are you twwo wwritin some kinda horrible fanfiction together or somethin  
CA: i cant sea howw else this could possibly take this fuckin long  
AC: :33 < there was absolutely no fiction involved!!!!!  
CA: wwhoa ok  
CA: wwell wwhatd she say  
CA: is she wwillin to givve me a chance  
AC: :33 < um...  
AC: :33 < no  
CA: wwhat  
CA: thats it just fuckin no  
CA: really shes not evven wwillin to consider it  
AC: :33 < i dont think shell efur be flushed fur you  
AC: :33 < im sorry eridan :((  
CA: WWHAT  
CA: i  
CA: seariously youre that fuckin confident  
CA: did you evven fuckin try to convvince her  
AC: :33 < i think you should just s33 what she said  
\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] sent caligulasAquarium [CA] the file "sorryeridan.txt" --  
CA: oh god  
CA: she resents me  
CA: she cant trust me  
CA: she thinks i HATED her  
CA: i  
CA: fuck  
CA: this is all my fuckin fault isnt it  
CA: ivve been sabotagin evverythin for myself from the fuckin beginnin wwith my constant fuckin emotional theatrics  
CA: god  
CA: i cannot BELIEVVE wwhat a complete fuckup i am  
AC: :33 < its okay, eridan  
CA: howw the fuck is it fuckin ok in any fuckin wway wwhatsoevver  
AC: :33 < maybe fefurry doesnt want to be your matespurrit  
AC: :33 < but she still wants you to be happy!  
AC: :33 < she wants you to find another matespurrit  
AC: :33 < and i do too!  
CA: I DONT WWANT ANOTHER FUCKIN MATESPRIT  
CA: all i wwant is her  
CA: thats all i evver fuckin wwanted  
CA: an noww that i knoww for a fact i cant fuckin havve her i dont sea the fuckin point anymore  
CA: may as wwell just check out noww and savve myself the rest a my fuckin useless life  
AC: :33 < what????  
CA: fef wwas the only thing that made my life wworth livvin  
CA: an if shell nevver be mine in this life i may as wwell just end it noww  
CA: just step out a my hivve and let the angels kill me  
AC: oh for fucks sake, would you just STOP IT!!!!!  
CA: wwwwhat  
AC: this is just more of your overdramatic bullshit!!  
AC: youre not going to kill yourself over a fucking breakup!!  
AC: its not the end of the world! its not even the end of your relationship with her!!  
AC: she said she wants you to be happy! she said she doesnt hate you!  
AC: did you ever consider being friends with her?  
AC: have you even tried to talk to her since she broke up with you??  
CA: wwell  
CA: once or twwice but not really  
AC: well why not???  
CA: you dont understand nep  
CA: it fuckin hurts to evven talk to her  
AC: well, why would you want to be with her if it hurts to talk with her???  
AC: did you even enjoy talking to her when you were moirails??  
AC: i mean at all??  
CA: no it wwas a fuckin chore  
CA: she wwas alwways hasslin me and basically constantly givvin me shit ovver all my goals and aspirations  
AC: so why do you think everything would suddenly become perfect if you were matesprits???  
CA: because moirails havve to givve you shit about stuff like that  
AC: and what would she do if she was your matesprit? just ignore it??  
AC: she was giving you shit about it because she HATED It, and she couldnt get over it, and she wanted it to change!  
AC: i mean, youre a racist genocidal hemospectrum worshipper whos constantly trying to kill all landdwellers  
AC: and shes a peace loving all accepting heiress who wants to throw out the hemospectrum and couldnt bring herself to harm a cuttlefish!  
AC: literally the only thing you have in common is that youre seadwellers!  
AC: how could you POSSIBLY put aside your differences to be matesprits??  
CA: wwell  
CA: i guess it wwouldnt be easy  
AC: it wouldnt even happen!!  
AC: i mean, what do you even like about her??  
AC: what is it thats so fucking great about her that you wont even give the other eight eligible trolls out there an ounce of consideration???  
CA: wwell i mean  
CA: shes swweet an shes smart an shes funny  
CA: theres no shortage a things to like about her shes perfect  
AC: SHE IS NOT PERFECT!!!!!!  
AC: shes not the flawless goddess you make her out to be, shes just a person!!!  
AC: and there are all sorts of things about her that you probably hate but you wont admit to because youve built her up in your mind as the ideal matesprit!!  
AC: shes naive and overbearing and condescending and obnoxious and really pretty insensitive sometimes!  
CA: wwhoa nep wwhat the hell  
AC: im not saying shes a bad person, its just that she has failings!  
AC: there are all sorts of things you hate about her and you damn well know it, but youre just ignoring them because you think itll all go away once shes your matesprit!  
AC: well guess what, it doesnt fucking work that way!!!  
AC: if you ever actually did become matesprits, youd realize all the things about her you cant stand, and shed see everything she hates about you, and the whole thing would just collapse!  
AC: because frankly, you two would be fucking TERRIBLE for each other!  
AC: there are so many deal breakers for the both of you that its a wonder that youre not fucking kismessises by now!!!  
AC: but none of that even occurred to you, because you never even cared about her!!  
AC: all you cared about was this big perfect matespritship youd built up in your head!  
AC: i mean, have you seen the words youve been using?  
AC: you want to have her, and to make her yours, like shes a fucking object that you can possess???  
AC: shes a person, eridan!! with feelings!!  
AC: and you can never have her as a matesprit if she doesnt love you, and she doesn't!!!  
AC: and if you still want her, well, stop wanting that!!  
AC: you two were never meant to be matesprits in the first place, and its completely obvious to everyone but you!!!  
AC: its not fate, its not destiny, its not serendipity, its not true love transcending all boundaries, its just a stupid idea you got so worked up over that you thought it was the end all be all of existence!!  
AC: she doesnt love you, and you dont even love her, so just fucking DEAL WITH IT!!!!!  
AC: there are other trolls out there, and frankly, every single one of them is a better match for you than her!  
AC: so just get over it, move on, find somebody else to be your matesprit, and get on with your fucking life!!  
AC: and for fucks sake, DONT FUCKING KILL YOURSELF, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!  
CA: i  
CA: nep  
CA: holy shit  
AC: :33 < ...sorry  
CA: no i mean  
CA: youre right  
CA: youre absolutely fuckin right about evverythin you just said  
CA: shes not wworth this  
CA: not wworth takin my fuckin life ovver in any case  
CA: but  
CA: it hurts nep  
CA: knowwin wwhat an unbelievvable hurtful piece a shit i wwas  
CA: i mean i knoww i already burned my bridge wwith fef  
CA: an im better off just findin another one instead a tryin to rebuild it from the charred fuckin cinders  
CA: an im really fuckin sorry in advvance for ovverextendin this awwful fuckin metaphor  
CA: but howw do i knoww i can evven set foot on another bridge wwithout settin it ablaze too  
AC: :33 < what do you mean?  
CA: ugh i kneww that metaphor wwas a piece a shit  
CA: wwhat im sayin is fef is the swweetest nicest troll i evver kneww  
CA: fivve minutes ago id a said present company excluded but good lord girl youvve got some caliginous fuckin fires in you and quite frankly its kinda fuckin scary  
CA: an maybe a little somethin else but im gettin off here  
CA: fuck TOPIC i meant gettin OFF TOPIC here  
CA: anywway the point is you havve to be a really fuckin contemptible scumbag to wwork up any sorta bad blood wwith somebody like fef  
CA: an seein as thats exactly wwhat i fuckin did that pretty much makes me crowwn fuckin prince a contemptible scumbags evverywwhere  
CA: so if fef of all people isnt wwillin to givve me a second chance wwhy wwould anybody else feel like extendin a first  
AC: :33 < youre not a scumbag, eridan  
CA: you cant possibly fuckin mean that  
AC: :33 < okay, you kind of are a scumbag  
CA: there noww wwere gettin somewwhere  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < sorry, anyway  
AC: :33 < youre not hopeless  
AC: :33 < you just n33d a little help  
CA: so you wwant to help me  
AC: :33 < of course i want to help you!  
AC: :33 < i just have a few conditions  
CA: alright fine name em  
AC: :33 < furst of all, we do things my way  
AC: :33 < ill take your suggestions, but you dont get to give me orders  
AC: :33 < okay?  
CA: ok sure  
AC: :33 < and second, im not finding you a hissmesis  
CA: oh please nep  
CA: i dont evven wwant your help findin a fuckin kismesis ok  
CA: im brewwin my owwn fuckin plans for my black quadrant as wwe speak  
CA: so ivve kinda got it under fuckin control  
AC: :33 < suuuure eridan, whatefur you say  
CA: alright fine is that it  
AC: :33 < well...  
AC: :33 < oh! one more thing!  
AC: :33 < you have to apawlogize to me fur the little incident on lowaa  
CA: god nep youre really twwistin the fuckin knife here  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, what can i say?  
AC: :33 < i just like s33ing you squirm fur some reason!  
CA: wwell wwhat specifically am i apologizin for here  
CA: i mean are you mad that i evven asked at all  
AC: :33 < no! i dont blame you fur expurressing interest  
AC: :33 < its just... the way you asked  
AC: :33 < it was really cr33py and kind of mean  
CA: alright alright  
CA: ill admit demandin your hand in matespritship as compensation for bringin you into the game wwas pretty fuckin loww a me  
CA: or should i say lowwaa me  
CA: fuck ok that wwas a terrible fuckin pun sorry  
CA: anywway the wway i took your response wwas fuckin uncalled for too  
CA: an bringin up the wwhole thing again on your memo wwasnt cool either  
CA: so sorry about all that  
AC: :33 < okay, apawlogy accepted!  
AC: :33 < i furgive you, eridan  
CA: thanks i guess  
CA: so wwill you help me noww  
AC: :33 < yes!  
CA: ok great  
CA: so wwhere do wwe start  
AC: :33 < we start with the most pawbvious thing  
AC: :33 < shipping!  
CA: oh for gods sake nep is that your answwer to fuckin evverything  
AC: :33 < eridan, i really think you n33d a matespurrit!  
AC: :33 < itll help you get ofur this whole fefurry thing!  
CA: nep i dont knoww if i can evven handle a matespritship right noww  
CA: i still kinda feel like the wworlds biggest piece a shit for the wway i treated the only person ivve evver been flushed for  
AC: :33 < well, can we at least talk about who might eventually be a good match fur you?  
CA: wwell i guess  
CA: but for obvvious fuckin reasons the slates completely fuckin blank on my side  
CA: you got anythin for me on your little shippin wwall  
AC: :33 < actually, no  
CA: wwhat wwhy the fuck not  
CA: i saww vvris an ar an evven fuckin gam on there wwhy the fuck wwould you exclude me an not any a that fuckin freakshoww  
AC: :33 < equius ordered me to erase you furom my wall after  
AC: :33 < well, uh  
CA: after wwhat  
AC: :33 < after i shipped him and you  
AC: :33 < as matespurrits  
CA: oh god  
CA: i guess i cant fuckin blame him for that  
CA: wwevve pretty firmly established in this vvery fuckin convversation evven that thats not gonna fuckin wwork out  
AC: :33 < yeah ://  
AC: :33 < but we can still brainstorm!  
CA: alright fine  
AC: :33 < okay, what about tavros?  
CA: no  
AC: :33 < why not?  
CA: because hes a fuckin mudblood alright next question  
AC: :33 < thats a stupid reason!!!!  
CA: ok howw about that hes moirails wwith vvris an im not gonna get flushed for my ex kismesises little fuckin protege  
AC: :33 < thats... a better reason, i guess  
CA: hey wwhat about you  
AC: :33 < what about me?  
CA: i mean you as my matesprit  
CA: askin as nicely an uncreepily as possible here  
AC: :33 < eridan...  
AC: :33 < i was gonna say i dont like you like that  
AC: :33 < but furankly i just kind of dont like you purriod  
CA: ok fair enough  
AC: :33 < i was also gonna say im sorry  
AC: :33 < but im not really ://  
CA: its fine i get it  
CA: that wwas kinda the answwer i wwas lookin for anywway  
AC: :33 < what? why?  
CA: wwell if there wwere any red feelins betwween us it wwould just get in the wway a things  
AC: :33 < what things?  
CA: this wwhole helpin me thing  
CA: thats obvviously wwhat i meant  
AC: :33 < yeah, youre purrobably right  
AC: :33 < oh my god oh my god i just got the best idea!!!!  
CA: wwoww really wwhat  
AC: :33 < what about...  
AC: :33 < you and terezi?  
CA: ter huh  
CA: thats  
CA: intriguin  
AC: :33 < think about it! you have so much in common!  
AC: :33 < you both love roleplaying  
AC: :33 < and you both hate vwiskers!  
CA: is that it  
CA: cause thats not a fuckin lot in common  
AC: :33 < well, maybe not  
AC: :33 < but i just thought about it and you two would be really cute together!!  
CA: im not sure id call anythin about ter cute  
CA: but id be lyin if i said i hadnt pursued her before  
CA: evven if it wwas for the most part just to try an piss off vvris  
CA: an ill admit theres somethin about her fierce intellect and cold calculatin demeanor thats bizarrely attractivve for some reason  
CA: an theres nothin at all bizarre about the wway she fills out that little legislacerator outfit a hers i mean good lord  
AC: :33 < okay okay stop! XPP  
AC: :33 < so you might be interested in her?  
CA: yeah but wwhats the fuckin point  
CA: i mean ivve gone for it before and she shot me dowwn evvery fuckin time howw are things gonna be any different noww  
AC: :33 < well, befur you were flushed fur fefurry  
AC: :33 < and she purrobably thought your advances were just a ruse to get at vwiskers  
AC: :33 < but now things are diffurent!  
CA: its a sound theory i guess  
CA: but honestly nep i dont think my expandin an collapsin bladder based aquatic vvascular system is in the right place to go lookin for a matesprit right noww  
AC: :33 < call it a heart  
CA: wwhat wwhy  
AC: :33 < beclaws im not the rogue of expanding and collapsing bladder based aquatic vascular systems!!!  
CA: ugh fine but the point still stands  
AC: :33 < well, when will you be ready?  
CA: i dont fuckin knoww  
CA: i feel like after wwhat i did to fef i dont evven deservve a fuckin matesprit  
AC: :33 < of course you do!!  
AC: :33 < look, i think you really n33d someone to talk to this about  
AC: :33 < someone who will really listen to you about this and help you work through it  
CA: like wwho you  
AC: :33 < no, not me!  
CA: but thats wwhat wwere doin right noww isnt it  
AC: :33 < yeah, but i think you n33d something a little d33purr  
AC: :33 < and im already in a commitment like that  
CA: wwait  
CA: are you suggestin wwhat i think youre suggestin  
AC: :33 < i think you n33d a meowrail, eridan  
CA: god damnit  
CA: wwhy the fuck wwould i need a fuckin moirail of all the things  
AC: :33 < it wont be like what you and fefurry had!  
AC: :33 < itll just be somepawdy you can talk to anything about, and theyll listen to you and tell you how to impurrove!  
CA: wwell  
CA: that doesnt sound so bad i guess  
AC: :33 < of course, youll have to do the same fur them  
CA: ugh sea theres the problem  
CA: judgin by my experience wwith fef im terrible fuckin moirail  
AC: :33 < that was diffurent!!  
AC: :33 < you were flushed fur her!  
AC: :33 < meowrails have to be honest with each other, and you cant be a good meowrail if youre withholding a big secret like that!  
AC: :33 < and after being trapped in the wrong quadrant fur so long, you start to build up a resentment that just poisons the whole thing  
AC: :33 < its the same thing that happened with kanaya and vwiskers!  
AC: :33 < but if your heart is in the right place, a meowrallegiance is the greatest thing in the world!  
AC: :33 < if you could have something like me and equius have, youd be a meowllion times happier, i guarant33 it!  
CA: yeah  
CA: i guess thatd be nice  
CA: havvin somebody that gavve a shit about me enough to threaten to removve somebodys protein chute for deignin to survveil upon me wwithout my express consent  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < theres a little more to it than that, but yeah  
CA: but wwho wwould be stupid enough to wwant to take a crack at my ludicrously ovverstuffed emotional baggage like that  
CA: besides you a course  
AC: :33 < hey!!!  
AC: :33 < i was coerced into this!  
CA: yeah yeah fair fuckin point  
AC: :33 < well, lets s33  
AC: :33 < what about karkitty?  
AC: :33 < you two are furiends or something, arent you?  
CA: yeah kar and i havve a good thing goin  
CA: wwell wwe used to anywway  
CA: wwed talk about our problems an all the trials an tribulations a the quadrants  
CA: but after the wwhole thing wwith fef i probably talked his fins off so much that hed probably rather kill me than hear another fuckin wword  
AC: :33 < well, he might be willing to give you a chance!  
CA: nah id rather he didnt  
CA: i feel kinda bad for evven wwhinin to him the wway i did  
CA: sides hed probably just givve me shit about it constantly  
AC: :33 < h33 h33! fair enough!  
AC: :33 < hmmmmm  
AC: :33 < kanaya, maybe?  
CA: wwell  
CA: i talked to kan evvery noww and then before the game  
CA: but i wwas alwways just carpin to her about vvris an fef  
CA: nevver really gavve any consideration to her problems an im pretty sure she fuckin kneww it  
CA: i dont sea wwhy shed think things are any different noww  
AC: :33 < but things are different now!  
AC: :33 < you and vwiskers arent kismesisses anymore  
AC: :33 < and now youre trying to get over fefurry, not get with her!  
CA: i guess  
CA: i just think itd be a little uncomfortable  
CA: wwe both had flushcrushes on our moirails but she got hers an i ruined all chances a gettin mine  
AC: :33 < oh, i didnt even think about that...  
CA: anywway the last thing kan wwants to hear is me wwhinin about fef  
CA: an i strongly suspect thats the vvast majority a wwhat any givven feelins jam is gonna consist of  
AC: :33 < hmmmm  
AC: :33 < this is harder than i thought it would be!  
CA: nep youre highly underestimatin the amount a bridges ivve burned in my short life in this univverse  
CA: at this point im just a lone man on an island ringed wwith a thousand burnin bridges  
CA: the barrier a charred debris is so thick that evven the mightiest vvessel could nevver breach it  
CA: no man can evver reach the shores so i havve only an endless stream of pissed off angels to keep me company  
CA: so here ill sit killin em and swwillin faygo for the rest a my days  
CA: until i inevvitably go blind from diabetes  
AC: :33 < h33 h33 h33!! X33  
AC: :33 < you paint a purretty bleak picture, eridan  
AC: :33 < but i dont think its that bad!  
CA: wwell it kinda fuckin is  
AC: :33 < can i ask you a question though?  
CA: shoot  
AC: :33 < whats with the whole faygo thing?  
AC: :33 < i dont remember it being a thing that existed befur  
CA: wwell i wwas thirsty an it just so happened some moron flung a bottle a the stuff into the ocean  
CA: an it just so happened to reach my hivve at that vvery serendipitous moment so i gavve it a shot  
AC: :33 < serendipitous?  
CA: alright alright itd been sittin around for a wwhile  
CA: i only evven drank it at gams urgin  
CA: i thought itd taste like seagoat discharge but honestly its just soda  
CA: ivve been concoctin some new flavvors by futzin wwith the alchemiter and a feww of em are actually pretty damn decent  
AC: :33 < why were you taking refureshment advice from gamz33?  
CA: wwell i wwas tryin to reach kar but he was busy with some important game business or wwhatevver  
CA: so i talked to gam and somehoww the topic drifted to faygo  
CA: big fuckin surprise there am i right  
AC: :33 < hey, i didnt even think about gamz33!  
AC: :33 < what if he was your meowrail?  
CA: wwhat  
CA: are you fuckin searious  
AC: :33 < sure, why not?  
CA: because itd be an entire fuckin relationship built upon soda are you fuckin kiddin me  
AC: :33 < well, think about it!  
AC: :33 < you n33d someone to talk to about your purroblems  
AC: :33 < but nopawdy is willing to listen, right?  
CA: not anybody i can fuckin think of  
CA: cept  
CA: except a fuckin sopor addled clowwn wwhos nevver had any fuckin problem just sittin dowwn an lettin any motherfucker speww their fuckin wwords at him  
AC: :33 < exactly!  
CA: ugh i cant believve im actually considerin this  
CA: wwhy wwould i evver wwant to be palepals wwith a slime eatin buffoon wwho cant hold a train a thought for fivve minutes wwithout zonin out  
CA: the guys a disgrace to highbloods evverywwhere  
AC: :33 < s33, this is good!  
AC: :33 < youre actually concerned about him!  
CA: wwhoa wwho said i wwas fuckin concerned  
CA: i just dont wwant the guy to be such a complete fuckup is all  
AC: :33 < well, then you have two reasons to be meowrails!  
AC: :33 < he can help you with your relationship purroblems  
AC: :33 < and you can help him not be such a complete fuckup!  
CA: i  
CA: hrm  
CA: wwell i guess hes not gonna shape up all on his fuckin owwn  
CA: an i guess nobody else is linin up to be his fuckin moirail  
CA: or mine for that matter  
CA: ah the hell wwith it  
CA: im wwillin to givve it a shot if he is  
AC: :33 < thats great!!!  
AC: :33 < tell you what  
AC: :33 < ill set up a shipping sw33p with him right now  
AC: :33 < and if hes willing, i can set you two up fur a f33lings jam!  
CA: alright fine  
CA: actually im gonna step awway from the grubtop for a wwhile  
CA: breww up some neww faygo vvarieties or somethin i dont knoww  
AC: :33 < okay, sure!  
AC: :33 < ill just talk to you later!  
CA: hey uh nep  
CA: before you go  
AC: :33 < yeah?  
CA: thanks for all this  
CA: i mean tryin to help me an all  
AC: :33 < hey, its no purroblem!  
CA: no it kind of fuckin wwas a problem  
CA: ivve been bein a huge piece a shit and i guess i just needed somebody to point it out to me  
AC: :33 < youre not a piece of shit, eridan  
CA: nep  
AC: :33 < okay, you kind of are a piece of shit  
CA: ok there wwe go  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < anyway, you just n33d a little help  
AC: :33 < none of us are really bad people, eridan  
AC: :33 < we just n33d help sometimes  
CA: evven you  
AC: :33 < yes, even me!  
CA: ok  
CA: wwell hey  
CA: if you evver need to just completely lose your shit and flip out at somebody feel free to come to me  
AC: :33 < what?  
CA: look nep you cant be nice a hundred percent a the fuckin time  
CA: i can sea the fuckin maelstrom a fury blowwin under that swweet an innocent mien a yours  
CA: you cant keep that shit bottled up forevver it fucks wwith your head  
CA: so if you evver feel like lettin loose wwith an unholy tempest a rage like the one you spat at me ten minutes ago id alwways be happy to entertain it  
CA: im lookin again at that rant an its fuckin beautiful to behold  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < okaaaaaaaaaay?  
CA: just tryin to help nep  
CA: think about it  
AC: :33 < ill k33p in mind, i guess!  
AC: :33 < though im not really sure itll be necessary  
CA: are you pawwsitivve  
AC: :33 < oh, im ferry certain ind33d!  
CA: this isnt going to become a compurrtition is it  
AC: :33 < i shore hope naut!  
AC: :33 < im a little out of my depth when it comes to ocean puns  
AC: :33 < im a fish out of water, you could say  
CA: wwell the cats out a the bag noww  
CA: may as wwell admit im not furry good at cat puns either  
AC: :33 < youre fine!  
AC: :33 < anyway ill go talk to gamz33  
AC: :33 < and i guess ill talk to you sometime after that  
CA: yeah ill just hit you up wwhen im done wwith this shit  
AC: :33 < okay, talk to you later, eridan!  
CA: yeah bye  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA].  
  
CA: i think  
CA: this is the beginnin of a beautiful relationship  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 


	6. Edge of the Rainbow

Chapter 6

Edge of the Rainbow

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]  
  
AC: :33 < *ac furry sneakily and silently cr33ps through tcs hive*  
AC: :33 < *s33ing her oppurrtunity to strike, she crouches down in purrepurration...*  
AC: :33 < *and jumps into tcs horn pile!!*  
AC: :33 < *little horns go flying efurrywhere in a deafening chorus of honks and squeaks!!*  
TC: WhOoOaAa, SiStEr, YoU aLl Up AnD sCaReD tHe MoThErFuCkIn TiTs OfF oF mE wItH tHaT mAsTeRfUlLy MoThErFuCkIn ExEcUtEd HoNk JuMp!  
TC: NoW aLl My ImAgInArY hOrNs ArE iN mOtHeRfUcKiN dIsArRaY.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < hi gamz33!  
TC: WeLl ShIiIiT, wHaT's AlL tHe MoThErFuCkIn SiTuAtIoN tHaT wOuLd BrInG mY mAiN mOtHeRfUcKiN cAt GiRl To Up AnD cHaT oN mE lIkE tHiS?  
AC: :33 < well, actually, this is a shipping sw33p!  
TC: Oh, OkAy, A sHiPpInG sWeEp.  
TC: WhAt'S mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiPpInG sWeEp AgAiN?  
AC: :33 < well, i just wanted to talk to you about relationships!  
AC: :33 < maybe s33 if we can find you a matespurrit and a meowrail!  
AC: :33 < have you b33n reading my memos?  
TC: YeAh, I kInDa ReMeMbEr SkImMiN aLl ThOsE mOtHeRfUcKeRs OnCe Or TwIcE  
TC: BuT iTs AlL kInD oF a MoThErFuCkIn HaZe.  
TC: ThOuGhT i SaW sOmE sHiT aBoUt TaVbRo BeIn AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnDlY oN vRiSkA oF aLl ThE pEoPlE.  
TC: So I'm NoT rEaLlY mOtHeRfUcKiN sUrE hOw MuCh Of ThAt I jUsT uP aNd MoThErFuCkIn ImAgInEd.  
AC: :33 < no, that actually catpunned!  
TC: WhOa, ReAlLy?  
AC: :33 < yeah! theyre meowrails now!  
AC: :33 < and i think theyre really happy together!  
TC: WeLl ShIiIiT, tHaT's MoThErFuCkIn AwEsOmE, sIsTeR!  
TC: HaHaHa, TaVbRo AlL uP aNd TaMeD tHe MoThErFuCkIn SpIdEr!  
TC: FuUuCk, I'm FeElIn As I sHoUlD cOmPoSe A rAp On ThEiR mOtHeRfUcKiN hOnOr Or SoMeThIn.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33! it is puretty pawesome  
AC: :33 < so, can we talk about shipping now?  
TC: WeLl If YoUr HeArT's AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN sEt In It, I gUeSs I cOuLd ObLiGe On ThAt ShIt.  
TC: NeVeR wAnTeD tO bE a MoThErFuCkEr WhO wOuLd Up AnD nOt TaKe SoMe AdViCe FrOm HiS mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnDs.  
AC: :33 < okay, great!  
AC: :33 < well, normally i start with the flushed quadrant  
AC: :33 < but pawnestly  
AC: :33 < and dont take this the wrong way  
AC: :33 < but i dont really have any idea who could be your matespurrit!  
TC: NaH, sIsTeR, i GeT wHeRe YoU'rE mOtHeRfUcKiN cOmIn OuT oF.  
TC: CaN't Be AlL tHaT mAnY mOtHeRfUcKeRs GeTtIn ThEiR fLuSh OuT oN a MiRtHfUl MoThErFuCkEr LiKe Me.  
TC: EvErYbOdY's AlL gOt ThEiR oWn ReLaTiOnShIpS aNd ShIt To AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN wOrRy ArOuNd.  
TC: MeAnWhIlE i'M jUsT gEtTiN mY mOtHeRfUcKiN cHiLl Up HeRe OuT oF mY mOtHeRfUcKiN hIvE, sIpPiN fAyGo AnD mAkIn A fEw PiEs.  
AC: :33 < well...  
AC: :33 < we have to think of something!  
AC: :33 < efurrypawdy n33ds a matespurrit, even you!  
TC: WeLl, If ThAt'S wHaT yOu'Re AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN fEeLiNg, I gUeSs I cAn'T bE tHe GuY wHo AlL uP aNd DiSaGrEeS aT yOu.  
TC: BuT i'M mOtHeRfUcKiN cHiLl Up On It OnE wAy Or AnOtHeR.  
AC: :33 < well, lets think about it  
AC: :33 < maybe i can think of somepawdy fur you!  
TC: ShIt, i GuEsS.  
AC: :33 < hmmmm...  
AC: :33 < i purrobably shouldnt be suggesting this  
AC: :33 < but what about equius?  
TC: Aw MaN, eQuIuS iS dEfInItElY a ChOiCe BrO.  
TC: We ShOoT tHe ShIt AlL tHe MoThErFuCkIn TiMe, SiStEr.  
TC: He'S aLwAyS cOmIn At Me On HiS fEeLiNgS aNd ShIt, TrYiN tO mAkE sEnSe AbOuT tHe HeMoSpEcTrUm AnD aLl ThAt NoIsE.  
TC: I dOn'T kNoW iF i WaNt To Be KiSsIn AfTeR tHe DuDe, ThOuGh.  
TC: I'd JuSt Be Up FoR hAvIn A nIcE mOtHeRfUcKiN sIt DoWn AnD jAmMiN a BiT wItH hIs FeElInGs AnD sHiT.  
AC: :33 < >://  
TC: ShIiIiT, wHaT's GoT yOu AlL mAkIn A mOtHeRfUcKiN fAcE lIkE tHaT?  
AC: :33 < it sounds more like you want to be his meowrail than anything  
TC: DoEs It? FuCk, I dOn'T kNoW, mAyBe ThAt'S iT.  
AC: :33 < gamz33, i am his meowrail!  
AC: :33 < so i really dont apurreciate you saying that!  
TC: AwWwWw ShIt, ThAt ToTaLlY uP aNd SlIpPeD mY mOtHeRfUcKiN mInD!  
TC: I'm NoT tRyIn To StEaL hIm AwAy ArOuNd YoU oR aNy ShIt LiKe ThAt.  
TC: FuUuCk, LoOk At ThIs GuY aLl Up AnD bEiN a MoThErFuCkIn ToOl.  
AC: :33 < look, just furget i brought this up, okay?  
AC: :33 < i dont even like the idea of you and equius being matespurrits  
AC: :33 < he doesnt even like you, except fur cr33py weird reasons  
AC: :33 < i only brought it up beclaws i couldnt think of anything else  
TC: Oh.  
TC: WeLl MoThEr FuCk.  
TC: :o(  
AC: :33 < its okay! ill think of something else  
AC: :33 < maybe  
AC: :33 < god, this is really hard!  
AC: :33 < well, lets s33...  
AC: :33 < alright, you brought terezi into the game, right?  
TC: ShIt YeAh I dId, SiStEr!  
TC: HoNk.  
AC: :33 < so you purrobably interacted a lot with her  
AC: :33 < what about her as your matespurrit?  
TC: WeLl ShIt, TeReZi'S oNe CoOl LaDy AnD aLl.  
TC: BuT fRaNkLy, ShE kInD oF mOtHeRfUcKiN sCaReS mE.  
TC: ShE's AlWaYs HaNgIn ShIt ThRoUgH tReEs AnD tAlKiN lIkE jUsTiCe AnD aLl ThAt NoIsE.  
TC: AnD i AiN't NeVeR bEeN a MoThErFuCkEr To JuDgE aNoThEr BrOtHeR eVeN wHaT iS a PrOpEr MoThErFuCkEr.  
TC: So I gUeSs ThAt'S kInD oF aLl WhAt A tUrN oFf Is.  
AC: :33 < yeah, it was a bit of a stretch  
AC: :33 < i dont think she really likes you like that either  
AC: :33 < or even at all, really  
TC: YeAh, ShE kInD oF gAvE uP a MoThErFuCkIn ViBe UnDeR sOmE eFfEcT lIkE tHaT.  
AC: :33 < okay, so not terezi  
AC: :33 < sooo  
AC: :33 < your serfur player was tavros, right?  
AC: :33 < what do you think of him?  
TC: UhH...  
TC: WeLl, ShIt, I mEaN...  
TC: TaVrOs Is DeFiNiTeLy A cHoIcE bRo.  
TC: NaH, wAiT, tHaT's VaStLy MoThErFuCkIn UnDeRsTaTiNg JuSt HoW pArTiCuLaRlY bRoTaCuLaR hE iS.  
TC: It'D bE mOrE aCcUrAtE tO uP aNd SaY hE's A gIaNt MoThErFuCkIn RiB oF pRiMe, GrAdE-a BrO.  
TC: AlL gRiLlEd Up To SmOkY bRoWn MoThErFuCkIn PeRfEcTiOn AnD dRiPpInG wItH dElIcIoUs MoThErFuCkIn BrO jUiCeS.  
AC: :33 < wow, this is making me hungry all of a sudden  
TC: ShIiIt, I gUeSs ThAt MeTaPhOr AlL uP aNd GoT aWaY fRoM mE lIkE aN iMp WiTh OnE oF mY mOtHeRfUcKiN pIeS.  
TC: BuT yEaH, i'M sAyIn, TaVbRo'S dEfInItElY a CoOl MoThErFuCkIn DuDe.  
TC: AnD, uH...  
TC: FuCk, I mEaN, i GuEsS iT'd Be PrEtTy MoThErFuCkIn NiCe BeIn MaTeSpRiTs To HiM.  
TC: WeLl, ShIt, It'D bE mOrE tHaN nIcE, iT'd Be A sTrAiGhT uP mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLe Is AlL wHaT iT wOuLd FuCkIn Be.  
AC: :33 < :oo  
AC: :33 < gamz33, are you...  
AC: :33 < are you flushed fur tavros?  
TC: Uh...  
AC: :33 < its okay! you can tell me!  
AC: :33 < i wont tell anypawdy, i swear!  
TC: WeLl, FuCk, OkAy.  
TC: YeAh, I'm PrEtTy MuCh StRaIgHt Up FlUsHeD tHe FuCk OuT oN tAvBrO.  
TC: As DeEp In ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN rEd As AnY mOtHeRfUcKeR cAn Be To AnY oThEr MoThErFuCkEr.  
TC: ShIt'S bEeN bUrNiN a WiCkEd HoLe ThRoUgH mY mOtHeRfUcKiN hEaRt FoR a WhIlE nOw AnD iT fEeLs RiGhTeOuS aS sHiT tO cOnFiDe At AnOtHeR mOtHeRfUcKeR aBoUt It.  
AC: :33 < wow, that is so great!!  
AC: :33 < i couldnt think of a matespurrit fur tavros, either  
AC: :33 < but now that i think about it, you two would be pawesome fur each other!  
TC: ShIiIt, ThAt'S rEaL nIcE oN yOu To SaY aNd AlL.  
TC: BuT i ThInK i MiGhT hAvE fUcKeD tHaT sHiT uP aS hIgH aS aNy PaRtIcUlAr PiEcE oF sHiT cAn Be FuCkEd.  
AC: :33 < why? what catpunned?  
TC: WeLl, BeFoRe We Up AnD gOt Me OnTo ThE gAmE, i KiNdA...  
TC: I aSkEd HiM iF wE cOuLd MaYbE aLl GeT sOmE sLoPpY mAkEoUtS oN.  
TC: AnD sEeInG lIkE wE hAvEn'T bArElY eVeN mOtHeRfUcKiN sPoKeN sInCe ThAt CrItIcAl PoInT, i'D sAy ThAt PaRtIcUlAr StRaTeGy WaS a DrAsTiC mOtHeRfUcKiN fAiLuRe.  
TC: I'm AfRaId I jUsT uP aNd ScArEd ThAt BrOtHeR aWaY fOrEvEr By BeIn AlL sO mOtHeRfUcKiN fOrWaRd As ThAt.  
TC: HoNk :o(  
AC: :33 < well...  
AC: :33 < you kind of put him on the spawt, right?  
TC: ShIt YeAh, SiStEr.  
TC: I jUsT tOoK tHe MoThErFuCkIn SpOt AnD aLl SlAmMeD tHaT bRoThEr RiGhT dOwN tHe CeNtEr LiKe A sKeE bAlL tAbLe At A dArK mOtHeRfUcKiN cArNiVaL.  
TC: GoT fIfTy MoThErFuCkIn TiCkEtS aNd ExChAnGeD eM fOr A bIg StUfFeD cHoLeRbEaR wItH "bRoThEr, YoU'rE bEiN wAy ToO mOtHeRfUcKiN uPfRoNt" EmBrOiDeReD oVeR iT.  
AC: :33 < well, he was purrobably just nervous!  
AC: :33 < i mean, until recently, he hasnt b33n furry good at dealing with sudden surpurrises like that  
AC: :33 < and maybe he just hasnt talked to you beclaws hes afurraid he hurt your f33lings!  
TC: WeLl FuCk, I gUeSs ThAt'S a PoSsIbIlItY aNd AlL.  
TC: BuT sHiT, iF i CoUlD hAvE tHe MiRtHfUl MeSsIaHs GrAnT mE oNe MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE, iT'd Be To NeVeR uP aNd DoNe ThAt ShIt WiThIn ThAt PaRtIcUlAr MoThErFuCkIn MaNnEr.  
AC: :33 < well, i still think it would work!  
AC: :33 < in fact, im updating my wall right meow  
AC: :33 < im circling you and tavros a bunch of times and writing "oh yesssss!" under it with a little heart in furont of it  
AC: :33 < do you want me to help you win him ofur?  
AC: :33 < we could set up a big devious plan and efurrything!  
TC: FuUuUcK, sIsTeR, tHaT's AwFuL mOtHeRfUcKiN rIgHtEoUs On YoU tO oFfEr AnD aLl.  
TC: EsPeCiAlLy SeEiN aS wE'rE pRaCtIcAlLy MoThErFuCkIn StRaNgErS.  
TC: BuT i'M aLl ThInKiN iT'd Be BeSt To JuSt Up AnD lEt ThAt ShIt SiT uNdEr ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN bAcKbUrNeR fOr A wHiLe.  
TC: MaYbE wE'lL aLl GeT a MiRaClE dOwN oN tHiS sHiT aNd It'Ll AlL aNd JuSt WoRk ItSeLf ThE mOtHeRfUcK oUt.  
AC: :33 < well, if you say so  
AC: :33 < wow, this shipping sw33p has b33n a lot more purrductive than i thought it would be!  
AC: :33 < i didnt think pinning down your matespurrit would be that easy!  
TC: HaHaHa, YeAh, I gUeSs ThE fUcK nOt.  
TC: It'S lIkE a LiTtLe MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE hApPeNeD jUsT oN yOu.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, i guess so!  
AC: :33 < anyway, lets talk about your pale quadrant  
AC: :33 < any ideas?  
TC: WeLl, ShIt, ThErE's A mOtHeRfUcKeR oR tWo I wOuLdN't MiNd BeIn MoThErFuCkIn PaLeBrOs To.  
TC: KaRkAt'S aLwAyS sEeMeD lIkE a MoThErFuCkEr WhO cOuLd UsE sOmE hElP gEtTiN hIs MoThErFuCkIn SeTtLe DoWn On.  
AC: :33 < really? karkitty?  
TC: YeAh, SiStEr.  
TC: I kNoW hE's AlWaYs MoThErFuCkIn GeTtIn AlL mAd AnD sHiT tOwArDs Me AnD pRoBaBlY dOeSn'T gIvE hAlF a ShIt AbOuT mE rIgHt ThE fUcK nOw.  
TC: BuT i AlWaYs FeLt LiKe It WaS fOrEtOlD oN tHe MoThErFuCkIn StArS oR sOmE sHiT tHaT wE'd EnD uP bEiN mOiRaIlS.  
AC: :33 < seriously?  
TC: FuCk, I dOn'T kNoW.  
TC: ThAt CoUlD aLl JuSt Be My HeArT uP aNd TeLlIn Me FaKe ShIt.  
TC: WoUlDn'T bE tHe FiRsT mOtHeRfUcKiN tImE iT's HaPpEnEd, I gUeSs.  
AC: :33 < hmmmmm...  
AC: :33 < any other pawssibilities, you think?  
TC: ShIt YeAh, ThErE's A wHoLe MoThErFuCkIn DoUbLe RaInBoW oF pOsSiBiLiTiEs, SiStEr.  
TC: I mEaN, tErEzI's A cLaSsY mOtHeRfUcKiN lAdY, aNd I wOuLdN't MiNd GeTtIn My SiT oN aNd HaViN a MoThErFuCkIn JaM wItH hEr.  
TC: Or I'd Be Up FoR cHiLlIn WiTh SoLlUx AnD aLl TaLkIn AbOuT mOtHeRfUcKiN gHoStS oR wHaTeVeR sHiT hE's AlWaYs On Up AbOuT.  
TC: FuCk, I'd EvEn Be MoThErFuCkIn DoWn FoR lAyIn On ThE hOrN pIlE wItH kAnAyA aNd LeTtIn HeR gEt HeR mOtHeRfUcKiN mEdDlE oN.  
TC: I gUeSs I'd Be AlL uP fOr BeInG pAlEbRoS wItH aNy MoThErFuCkEr WhAt'S wIlLiNg To PuT uP wItH mE.  
AC: :33 < wow  
AC: :33 < well...  
AC: :33 < what about eridan?  
TC: ErIdAn?  
TC: AnGrY mOtHeRfUcKeR wHaT's AlWaYs TaLkIn AbOuT kIlLiN aLl MoThErFuCkIn LaNd DwElLeRs ErIdAn?  
TC: ShIt, I gUeSs I'd Be Up FoR cRaCkIn An IcEcOlD wItH hIm AnD sPiLlIn SoMe ShIt On OuR fEeLiNgS.  
TC: BuT fRaNkLy, ThE bRoThEr KiNd Of AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN sCaReS mE.  
AC: :33 < hes not scary!  
AC: :33 < hes just kind of a douche  
TC: HaHaHa, WhAt?  
AC: :33 < i mean, i know up until now, hes b33n a huge asshole  
AC: :33 < and furankly, he still is kind of an asshole  
AC: :33 < but i talked to him, and he said hed be willing to be your meowrail!  
AC: :33 < he just really n33ds somepawdy to talk about his f33lings to  
TC: FuCk, ReAlLy?  
TC: I mEaN, tHaT's MoThErFuCkIn RiGhTeOuS aNd AlL.  
TC: BuT sHiT, pAlEbRoS wItH eRiDaN?  
TC: JuSt SeEmS kInD oF mOtHeRfUcKiN wEiRd FoR sOmE rEaSoN.  
AC: :33 < look, think of it this way  
AC: :33 < hes basically karkitty  
AC: :33 < minus any red33ming qualities whatsoefur  
TC: ShIiIiT, sIsTeR's AlL gEtTiN hEr MoThErFuCkIn HaRsH oN oN tHiS sEaDwElLiN mOtHeRfUcKeR!  
TC: HoNk HoNk HoNk! :oD  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, sorry!  
AC: :33 < hes not a bad guy  
AC: :33 < theres just something about him that just really annoys me purrsonally fur some reason  
TC: HaHaHaHa, FuCk, CaN't BlAmE a SiStEr FoR aLl WoRkIn HeR mOtHeRfUcKiN dIsLiKe At AnOtHeR bRoThEr.  
AC: :33 < well, would you be willing to be his meowrail?  
TC: WeLl...  
TC: ShIt, WhY tHe MoThErFuCk NoT?  
TC: I gUeSs I'd Be WiLlIn To GiVe ThAt ShIt A sHoT iF hE iS.  
AC: :33 < thats great!!  
AC: :33 < so how about i set you two up fur a f33lings jam?  
TC: WhOa, AlReAdY?  
AC: :33 < sure!  
AC: :33 < itll just be a way of testing the waters  
AC: :33 < to s33 if you two will work out together  
TC: WeLl FuCk, AlRiGhT, i GuEsS.  
AC: :33 < great!  
AC: :33 < im gonna talk to eridan again soon, and then we can work out the time!  
AC: :33 < and ill tell him to bring some faygo, too!  
TC: AwWwWwW yEaH, sIsTeR, tHaT's ThE kInD oF mOtHeRfUcKiN pLaN i CaN aLl Up AnD gEt WoRkEd ThE fUcK uP aBoUt!  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < alright, talk to you in a bit, gamz33!  
TC: YeAh, PeAcE, mY mOtHeRfUcKiN cAtSiS.  
TC: HoNk HoNk :o)  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

***

"I can't believe I'm actually fuckin' goin' through with this."

"Eridan, you're being a tool again. Just stop."

Nepeta and Eridan were walking towards the entrance to Gamzee's hive on the Land of Tents and Mirth, and she was _not_ about to let this asshole get cold feet now.

The seadweller slid a single hand over his face, grasping his he was certain soon-to-be-aching forehead. "Seariously, it fuckin' amazes me that I'm reduced to goin' to a fuckin' doped up sideshow act for emotional support," he said with a sigh.

Nepeta stopped and turned to face him fully, clenching her fists and glowering. "God, Eridan, would you just shut up?! It's not that big a deal!" He'd stopped as well, and was glancing over at the oliveblood through the fingers over his glasses. "It's not going to reflect on you purrsonally, so there's nothing to be empawrassed about. So stop being such a fucking douche already!"

Eridan just barely stifled a laugh at the last remark (what was so funny? Nepeta had to wonder), then released his brow from the prison of his palm. "I'm sorry, Nep," he said, and looked off to his other side. "I'm just... I'm nervous, alright? I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck somethin' up and end up havin' to crawl back to Kar. Or Kan, or anybody else, for that fuckin' matter."

Nepeta relaxed, and sympathy lifted her features once more. "You'll do fine. All you have to do is be honest, and listen to him, and try to help."

"Yeah, I guess," he said, and resumed walking, with Nepeta following shortly after. "I'm not embarrassed about it. I'm just makin' excuses here." He laughed and glanced over at her. "'Sides, if anybody should be embarrassed by their fuckin' moirail, it's you."

"Hee hee!" Nepeta couldn't help but giggle. "Exactly! There's no glory in just having a meowrail. It all comes furom helping them impurrove. There's an old saying that goes," and she closed her eyes and raised a single finger in the air as she recited, "'A matespurrit is someone you put on a pedestal, and a meowrail is someone you pull out of a hole.'"

Eridan chuckled. "But it's supposed to go both ways, right? How do two people pull each other out of two separate holes?"

"That's easy," Nepeta said with a grin. "You use a rope! You just throw it over and one purrson climbs out with the other as a counterweight!" She stroked her chin for a moment, suddenly feeling the need to extend the metaphor. "Or if you're really ambitious, you could just both climb out at the same time!"

"So you're not givin' me a moirail," Eridan said bemusedly, "you're givin' me a rope."

"Purrcisely!"

Eridan looked away. "Well, at least if this whole thing falls through, I've got somethin' else I can fuckin' do with it," he muttered.

Nepeta glared at him. "Eridan," she said, more angry than concerned.

"It was a fuckin' joke," he spat at her. "God, Nep, give me some fuckin' credit here."

The pair at last reached the entrance to Gamzee's hive, and Nepeta gave the door a rhythmic knock. There was a brief cacophony of horns, followed by silence. In the meantime, Eridan spread his arms and looked down to survey himself. He turned to Nepeta and asked, "How do I look?"

Nepeta just snickered. "Eridan, he's not gonna care how you look."

"Yeah, I fuckin' know that, but still," Eridan said, rolling his eyes.

"Alright, fine," Nepeta said and turned to appraise him. "You look like a dork. Is that good enough?"

Eridan just slumped his shoulders and sighed. "Yeah, yeah. Seariously, Nep, this is some wiggler-level shit." Nepeta just giggled in response.

The door to the hive swung open, and Gamzee greeted the two bickering trolls with a wave and a vacant grin. "Well, if it isn't just the two motherfuckers I was all hopin' to motherfuckin' see!"

"Yeah, imagine that, we're here right when we fuckin' said we would be," Eridan said. He waved his hands in front of him mockingly. "It's a motherfuckin' miracle."

Nepeta lightly elbowed him in the ribs. "Eridan, be nice."

Eridan sneered and gave her a sidelong glance. "What'd I say about bein' nice?"

"I remempurr what you said," she retorted, and grabbed the end of his scarf and rubbed it in her fingers. "And I'd suggest you get a much thicker scarf."

Gamzee took the whole tangent in stride. "Well shit, come in," he said, gesturing into his hive, "make yourselves up in fuckin' home." The two stepped through the doorway and advanced into his leisureblock, and Gamzee followed after them. It had all the standard trappings of a living area, though there were a distressing lack of chairs that weren't stuffed with leguminous protein objects, and horns and drained Faygo bottles littered the floor.

Eridan turned to Nepeta. "Remind me again why you have to fuckin' be here."

"I'm just here to make sure efurrything goes smoothly," Nepeta said with a grin, then suddenly shot Eridan a glare and jabbed an accusatory finger at him. "And to make sure _you_ don't back out on this."

Eridan scoffed. "Please, Nep, I have every fuckin' intention a' stayin' here," he said, then jabbed a finger right back at her. "I just think it'll be weird havin' a little fuckin' voyeur watchin' us while we're tryin' to jam on our private fuckin' emotions."

Nepeta just rolled her eyes at him. "Eridan, I don't get off on watching amateur feelings jams. Seriously, I don't even _want_ to be here." She chuckled and added, "Anyway, it won't be anything I haven't seen befur."

"I'm not embarrassed or anythin'," Eridan said and looked away, though the slight purple flush in his cheeks said otherwise. "I'm just afraid of givin' you more fuckin' ammunition."

"Hee hee!" Nepeta giggled once more. "Please, Eridan, you've already given me enough material to make fun of you fur sweeps. This is nothing."

"Well, hey," Gamzee cut in, "if you motherfuckers want to make yourselves comfortable, you can get your sit on any motherfuckin' place." He moved over to a low set coffee table (which Nepeta and Eridan were both certain had never had coffee on it) surrounded by bean bag chairs and flopped himself into the nearest one.

"Actually, Gam," Eridan started and turned to face him, "before we get to anythin' else, there's one thing I've got to fuckin' get off my chest here. I've been dyin' to fuckin' talk to somebody about this for the longest fuckin' time, and nobody's even willin' to give me a fuckin' chance."

Nepeta suddenly looked concerned. "Eridan, I'm not sure if you should--"

"Nep, please," Eridan interrupted her, extending an open palm in her direction. "I've got to get this shit on the table right fuckin' now."

Gamzee looked at him as soberly as he could (which still wasn't very sober). "Alright, brother, what is it?"

"You want to know what it is?" Eridan said, advancing toward the coffee table. "Here's what it fuckin' is." He suddenly produced a large cooler from out of his sylladex and dropped it on the tabletop with a loud thud. He flipped the lid open, and inside were dozens of bottles of Faygo in all varieties of colors, resting in a bed of ice.

"I've been makin' all these different fuckin' flavors a' this shit, and there isn't a single motherfucker who's willin' to try any of 'em."

Gamzee rose and beheld the spectrum of soda with awe. "Holy shit. It's like a whole motherfuckin' double rainbow of Faygo. This is..." He stopped to wipe a single indigo tear from his eye. "This is a motherfuckin' miracle."

"Actually, it's just basic fuckin' punchcard alchemy, but whatever," Eridan said, and snatched up a bottle of grape for himself. He gestured to the cooler. "I mean, help yourself."

Gamzee grabbed one at random, a bottle full of blue liquid with a yellow label, but as soom as he picked it up, the soda inside turned red. He stared at the bottle in disbelief. "Whoa, this one changes colors or some shit."

"Oh yeah, that's Appleberry Blast. It's blue or red dependin' on which way you're lookin' at it." He suddenly sneered. "Made it usin' that asshole Sol's stupid fuckin' glasses."

Gamzee shifted the bottle in his hand, watching the colors change, before he finally cracked it open and took a swig. "Aw shit, it's like two motherfuckin' flavors at once!" he said with a satisfied grin, and he retook his place in his bean bag chair.

"Yeah, leave it to mister two of fuckin' everything not to be satisfied with one fuckin' flavor," Eridan said as he opened his own Faygo, then took a sip. He looked over to Nepeta. "Hey Nep, you want a soda? There's bound to be a flavor in here you'd like."

"Uh," Nepeta said through a forced grin, and looked away. "No thanks."

"Aw, c'mon, Nep, it's not that fuckin' bad," Eridan said, and plucked a bottle of olive-colored soda from the cooler. "Look, you like tea, right? This one's green tea, it's got to be at least tolerable."

"Well..." she said hesitantly. "Alright, fine, give it here."

Eridan smirked and gave the bottle a few vigorous shakes before he tossed it to her. "Wiggler-level shit, I know." She just gave him an annoyed look and decided she didn't want to open it just yet.

"Well thanks, brother, this is motherfuckin' righteous on you," Gamzee said, and turned toward his victualblock. "Why don't you just get your motherfuckin' sit on and I'll fetch us a pie."

"No, god damnit, Gam," Eridan suddenly growled, "we're not havin' a fuckin pie!" Gamzee stopped and turned to look at him, a dazed expression on his face. Eridan slumped his shoulders. "Sorry, it's just... Gam, you shouldn't be eatin' that shit. It puts holes in your fuckin' brain."

Gamzee continued to stare for a moment, then suddenly frowned. "Well, shit, if that's all how you motherfuckin' feel, I guess I've got to hear you the motherfuck out."

Eridan raised an eyebrow at him. "What, seariously? Just like that?"

Gamzee shrugged. "Yeah, brother. I know you probably all got my best motherfuckin' interest on your heart, so who the fuck am I to up and disagree?"

"Uh," Eridan started, and glanced over to Nepeta, who just smiled and gave him a thumbs-up. "Well, fuck, okay. That was kind of a major fuckin' bullet on the agenda, so now I got nothin' 'cept to talk about feelin's."

"Shit yeah, motherfucker," Gamzee said, and flopped back down in his bean bag chair. "Have a motherfuckin' seat," he said, patting the bag next to him, and Eridan obliged, carefully draping his cape over the back so he didn't sit on it. They sat in quiet for a moment, enjoying their beverages.

"So..." Eridan ventured after a while, "did you want to go first?"

"Nah, you start," Gamzee replied, and took another swig of his soda. "Just spill that shit like a Faygo you up and forgot was in your motherfuckin' hand in the first place, so you all went to scratch your head or some shit and it all just motherfuckin got everywhere."

"Yeah, alright," Eridan said, and looked down into his Faygo. He took a sip, then laughed to himself. "Y'know, it's funny. If we'd done this a day ago, I'd a' been complainin' about how Sol was stealin' Fef away from me, and there was this massive fuckin' conspiracy against me." He took another swig. "But then somethin' happened to me that made me realize what a fuckin' tool I was bein'."

"Well, shit, brother, what happened?" Gamzee asked, moving his head toward Eridan, but not looking at him. "Was it a motherfuckin' miracle?"

"No, it wasn't a fuckin'--" Eridan snapped, but suddenly stopped himself. "Well, maybe it kind of was a fuckin' miracle." He glanced at Nepeta, who just rolled her eyes at him.

"Hahaha, fuck yeah," Gamzee said, briefly raising his Faygo in a toast. "Preach it, motherfucker."

"Not much to fuckin' tell, I'm afraid," Eridan mused, taking a quick swig of soda. He motioned to Nepeta. "Tried to rope her into pullin' some kinda fuckin' ruse to make Fef flushed for me. Instead she tore me a new set of gills an' laid my every fuckin' iniquity bare before me like a filleted fuckin' mackerel." He laughed to himself. "An' now I'm sittin' here drinkin' Faygo with a fuckin' clown at her goddamn behest." Nepeta tried and failed to stifle a giggle, and Eridan just shot her a dirty look in response (albeit one garnished with the slightest smirk).

"Fuck, bro," Gamzee said with a laugh, "there's your motherfuckin' miracle right there."

Eridan gave him a sidelong glance. "What's a fuckin' miracle?"

"The fact that a brother like you and a motherfucker like me could all get our sit on and spit with each other like we're motherfuckin' palebros," Gamzee replied, and looked out one of his windows into the colorful sky of his land. "Ain't a motherfucker alive what could've foretold a fuckin' union as this." He waved his empty hand in the air. "Motherfuckin' miracles."

Eridan stared at him slack-jawed for a moment. "Gam, that's the stupidest fuckin' thing I've ever heard." After another beat, he raised his bottle of Faygo into the air. "But fuck, I'll drink to it." Gamzee simply chortled, and they bumped their sodas together in a toast, then each took a long swig in unison.

Nepeta decided now was a good enough time to give the soda in her hand a try. She carefully opened it--it didn't fizz up that much, thankfully--and took a wary sip. The indulgence didn't escape Eridan's detection. "Hey Nep, how is it?" he turned and asked her.

She just waggled her free hand side to side in front of her. "It's drinkable," she said unenthusiastically. It was actually pretty decent, but she wasn't about to tell _him_ that.

Gamzee looked over to Eridan. "So what's all this motherfuckin' noise around the fishsister and Mr. Cherries and Berries?"

"Well, the thing is..." Eridan started, and looked down at the floor. "Me an' Fef were moirails up until just recently. But I was flushed for her the entire fuckin' time. Like, murder-the-fuckin'-world-for-her flushed." He sighed. "But as soon as I got in the fuckin' game, she dumped me. Ended our moirallegiance. Wasn't even willin' to consider somethin' redder. Just ran off with that fuckin' mustardblood first chance she got."

Gamzee frowned. "Shit, I'm sorry, bro," he said mournfully, rubbing Eridan's shoulder.

Eridan reached his hand up, wanting to pull Gamzee's hand off him, but suddenly thought _fuck it_ and dropped it again. "Nah, it's my own fuckin' fault," he said, then took another swig of Faygo and resumed looking at the floor. "The whole fuckin' time we were moirails, I was a piece a' shit to her. I was just constantly blockin' her off with my theatrical fuckin' bullshit. An' I never even gave her feelin's a fuckin' inch a' consideration." He sighed once more and pressed his free hand against the side of his head. "She thought I hated her, Gam. And in retrospect, I don't fuckin' blame her."

He turned to Gamzee, purple tears welling in his eyes. "Am I even a good person, Gam?" he asked, his voice starting to crack. "Do I even deserve a fuckin' matesprit?"

Gamzee moved his hand further around Eridan, rubbing his back. "Sure you fuckin' do, brother," he said with a sympathetic smirk. "I mean, yeah, you fucked up every which motherfuckin' way it's possible to fuck in that specific direction, but at least you know you motherfuckin' did it. Gives you a leg up after every other motherfucker what ever fucked somethin' up."

"Yeah, I guess," Eridan said, wiping the moisture from his eyes.

Gamzee leaned in a little closer. "You still wanna be her matesprit?"

Eridan broke eye contact with Gamzee, looking at the floor again. "Nah, I've pretty much given up on that," he said ruefully. "She deserves a better fuckin' matesprit than me anyway."

"Motherfucker, that is not true," Gamzee said sternly, prodding his bottle of Faygo into Eridan's chest for emphasis. "You're every fuckin' bit the matesprit she deserves. You're just not the one she motherfuckin' needs right now."

Eridan looked up at Gamzee, a curious look on his face. "What do you mean?"

"You're a good motherfucker, brother," Gamzee said, looking him in the eyes. "And you'd be a miracle of a matesprit, I can motherfuckin' tell. She just can't see that shit 'cause she's all sour off your motherfuckin' breakup."

Eridan's mouth curled into the tiniest smirk. "You really think so?"

"Motherfucker, I know so," Gamzee said, bumping his Faygo into Eridan's chest once more.

"Shit, that's nice a' you to say, Gam," Eridan said, and he looked away, a faint purple flush spreading through his cheeks, "but I still don't fuckin' know. I think she'd be happier with somebody else." He knocked back his Faygo for a quick swig, then paused for a moment in contemplation. "Or maybe..."

"You would," Gamzee ventured to guess.

Eridan let out a long, bodily sigh, his broad frame sinking into his amorphous seat. "Maybe," he said despondently. "Fuck, I don't know. I mean..." He paused to take a breath. "I'm still flushed for her. Course I'm still fuckin' flushed for her. Have been for sweeps, and it's not just gonna up and fuckin' disappear overnight. But..." He sighed once more. "Now every fuckin' time I think about her, I think about what a fuckin' asshole I was to her, and I can't fuckin' take it."

Gamzee just frowned. "Well, shit, bro. Not sure what all to motherfuckin' tell you."

"Yeah, I know," Eridan said, taking a swig of Faygo, then staring up at the ceiling. "It's fuckin' easy to fall in love with somebody, but how the fuck do you fall out?"

"I don't know, motherfucker," Gamzee said, then patted Eridan on the back. "But maybe I can motherfuckin' help."

Eridan laughed. "Thanks, Gam," he said, a grin creeping its way onto his face. "Hell, I think even airin' this shit out to somebody has helped me out a lot already."

"Any time, brother," Gamzee said, raising his Faygo in a toast. "Keep the motherfuckin' icecold flowin', and I'll hear you the motherfuck up." Eridan just laughed again and bumped his soda into Gamzee's.

The two sat in silence for a moment, drinking their Faygo, before Eridan piped up. "You flushed for anybody, Gam?" he turned and asked, his voice full of genuine curiosity.

Gamzee didn't respond immediately. "Yeah," he eventually muttered, staring at the floor.

Eridan looked over at him, a mild look of concern on his face. "Well, who?" he asked, then glanced over to Nepeta. "Unless that's too private."

Nepeta gave a dismissive little wave. "I already know."

Gamzee continued to stare at the floor, his cheeks beginning to flush indigo. Eridan nudged him with his elbow. "C'mon, I'm not gonna give you shit over it or anythin'."

"Tavros," Gamzee muttered, looking away.

"Tav? The fuckin' fudgeb--" Eridan snapped, then suddenly caught himself. "Well, I mean... that's not so bad. I guess. I mean, you two are friends or somethin', right? Sorry, I get all this shit third-hand from Kar."

Gamzee slumped down in his seat. "We were, up before I went and fucked it up."

Eridan cocked an eyebrow. "What happened?"

Gamzee sighed. "I jumped the motherfuckin' gun," he said dejectedly. "Propositioned him to some sloppy makeouts down from the motherfuckin' purple. Scared the brother off."

"Aw, shit, I'm sorry, Gam," Eridan said with a supportive pat on the shoulder.

"Ain't your fault, motherfucker," Gamzee said, lightly jabbing a fist into Eridan's rib. "I'm the dumb motherfucker what fucked it all over."

"Well, wait," Eridan said and turned in his bean bag chair, leaning into it on his side, "just how bad are we fuckin' talkin' here? What did he say?"

Gamzee at last lifted his head and turned to Eridan. "That's just it, motherfucker, he didn't say shit," he said. "Just stopped motherfuckin' talkin' and signed off before a while."

"Well, that's not a fuckin' rejection," Eridan said, trying his best not to sound amused, "that's just fuckin' Tav. I mean, yeah, you probably spooked him good, but that doesn't mean the end of the fuckin' ride for you two. You might still have a chance."

"Yeah, maybe," Gamzee said, looking away again.

Eridan clamped a hand on his shoulder. "No, Gam, look at me," he said, and Gamzee complied. "I think you should fuckin' go for it. I mean, between us, we're the two loneliest brinesuckers in fuckin' paradox space. I think one of us deserves a shot at true love."

Gamzee looked him in the eyes, smiling weakly. "You think so?"

Eridan just smirked. "Motherfucker, I know so," he said, and bumped his bottle of Faygo into Gamzee's chest.

"Well, shit, brother," Gamzee said with a smile, "if that's all how you're motherfuckin' feeling over that subject, I guess I've got to up and fuckin' oblige." He looked away again. "But I don't know if I can just up and confess this shit to him."

"No, no, I'm not sayin' you should do somethin' fuckin' stupid like that," Eridan said with a sudden surge of enthusiasm. "We've got to come up with a fuckin' strategy for this shit. Plot out some big fuckin' ruse to make him fall for you." He signaled over to Nepeta. "Hell, we can even get her in on it. Don't let the cutesy facade fool you, she's fuckin' devious."

"Hee hee!" Nepeta giggled. "But really, I'd be happy to help!"

"Yeah, see?" Eridan said, turning back to Gamzee. He pointed a finger at him. "Look, you stick by me, and I'll get all your shit sorted out. Get you off the slime, get you a matesprit, shit, I'll even get you a fuckin' kismesis if you want one."

"Well, shit, brother," Gamzee said, "you'd do that for me?"

"Course, Gam," Eridan said, and raised a fist in his direction. "What are moirails for?" Gamzee smiled and raised his own, and they bunped most heartily.

Nepeta squealed and clapped--or came as close to clapping as she could with her right hand occupied by a bottle of Faygo. "That's great! You really want to be meowrails?"

"Sure, why not?" Eridan asked with a smirk. "Gives me somethin' to fuckin' do."

She turned to Gamzee. "And Gamzee, you want to, too?"

"I don't see why the fuck not, sister," Gamzee said, raising his Faygo to her. "We're just two motherfuckers lookin' out on each other."

"This is great!" Nepeta exclaimed, pumping her fists in excitement. "I think you two will be pawesome fur each other!"

"Yeah, sure we will," Eridan said, then pointed his bottle of Faygo at her. "Hey, you want to stick around? Help us with this big fuckin' scheme of ours?"

Nepeta brushed the idea off with a polite wave. "Actually, I think I've occupied enough of your time fur now. You two deserve some time alone."

"Yeah, fine, this ain't no fuckin' free show anyway," Eridan said with a dismissive wave of his own. "You got enough feelin's here to get your pale rocks off for fuckin' sweeps."

Nepeta giggled. "Yeah, it's getting me all hot and bothered, let me tell you!" She started toward the hallway leading back to the hive's entrance. "Anyway, have fun, you two!"

"Hey, Nep, before you go," Eridan started, and Nepeta stopped and turned to him. "Thanks for this."

"Yeah, thanks, sister," Gamzee said, raising his Faygo. "You're a motherfuckin' miracle all up in yourself."

Nepeta raised her own Faygo bottle in a long-distance toast. "No purroblem, you two! Just doing my job." She lowered the bottle once more and took a sip. "Oh, and I'll be making another memo soon, so be ready to post on it!"

"Yeah, yeah," Eridan said, rolling his eyes, "brag to the whole fuckin' world about givin' me a morail, I get it."

"I didn't give you a meowrail, Eridan," Nepeta replied with a smirk, "I gave you a rope."

Eridan just laughed. "Yeah, yeah, fair fuckin' point," he said, and raised his bottle of Faygo to her. "See you around, kid."

"Bye, you two!" Nepeta said with an enthusiastic wave, and finally made her way out of Gamzee's hive. As she walked away, she reflected on the whole situation. She was satisfied that yet another ship had been realized, and Eridan and Gamzee really did seem to want to help each other, but she still felt like something was missing. She stopped and turned to the hive, but still couldn't figure out what it was. It wasn't until she looked into her hand that it suddenly hit her.

She needed some _real_ fucking tea.

She turned to make her way back to her hive, tossing the half-empty bottle of Faygo behind her.

***

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.  
  
CAC: *the rogue of heart suddenly bursts into the m33ting hall, the spoils of another successful ship gleaming in her hands*  
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCA: look nep do wwe really havve to do this  
CAC: :33 < hey! you interrupted my introduction!  
CCA: god nobody evven givves a shit about your stupid introductions  
CAC: :33 < more like nopawdy gives a shit about your stupid face!  
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 15 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCT: D --> Language  
CAC: :33 < equius, stay out of this!  
CAC banned PCT from responding to memo.  
CCA: i mean do you really havve to announce this  
CAC: :33 < why wouldnt i ameownce it?  
CCA: look i just  
CCA: i kinda wwant to keep the wwhole thing loww key ok  
CAC: :33 < oh, well in THAT case  
CAC: :OO < i am INCREDIBLY PLEASED to VERY PAWBLICALLY AMEOWNCE that ERIDAN AMPURRA and GAMZ33 MAKARA are officially MEOWRAILS!!!!  
CAC: :OO < IS EFURRYPAWDY NOT INCREDIBLY HAPPY TO HEAR THAT???  
CCA: god damnit  
CCA: i just fuckin set myself up for that one didnt i  
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 12 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: eheheh, yeah dude, you pretty much diid.  
CCA: oh great here comes the fuckin peanut gallery noww  
CCA: thank you so fuckin much for this nep  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33! youre welcome!  
FTA: 2o where'2 the lucky clown now?  
CCA: ugh fine may as wwell drag him into this  
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTC: ShIt, YeAh, I'm MoThErFuCkIn HeRe.  
CTC: HoNk HoNk HoNk! :o)  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 3 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
CAC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 1 MINUTE AGO responded to memo.  
CAC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: GOD DAMNIT, WHY DO I KEEP GETTING FUCKING BANNED.  
FTA: eheheheh, ii 2ee you've dii2covered how the temporal lock2 work.  
FTA: np deciided to tiighten the lea2h on you after the iinciident on the previiou2 memo.  
CCG: THAT IS SO FUCKING STUPID, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.  
CCG: NOW I'VE GOT TO MARCH IN PERFECT FUCKING LOCKSTEP WITH THESE MEMOS IF I EVER WANT TO RESPOND TO THEM?  
FTA: liike that'2 even a fuckiing problem.  
FTA: you've already been re2pondiing two them iin real fuckiing tiime from the very begiinniing, mii2ter wannabe troll hiitch.  
CCG: SHUT UP.  
FTA: wow, niice comeback, bro.  
CCG: NO SERIOUSLY, SHUT UP, I CAME HERE FOR A REASON.  
CCG: NAMELY, GAMZEE, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY MOIRAILS WITH ERIDAN NOW?  
CTC: FuCk YeAh, BeSt PlAtOnIc MoThErFuCkIn FrIeNd.  
CTC: We PrEtTy MuCh Up AnD mAdE tHaT sHiT mOtHeRfUcKiN oFfIcIaL.  
CCG: OH.  
CCG: WELL THAT'S  
CCG: KIND OF WEIRD, BUT OKAY, I GUESS.  
FTA: 2eriiou2ly, ed, ii can't beliieve you were 2o fuckiing de2perate for company that you let np 2et you up iin a moiirallegiiance wiith thii2 fuckiing guy.  
CCA: shut the fuck up sol im fuckin searious about this  
CCA: ivve got all sorts of plans for this motherfucker right here  
CCA: im gettin him off fuckin sopor for one fuckin thing  
CCA: then wwere gonna fill all the rest a his fuckin quadrants out and basically get all his fuckin shit together  
CCA: its gonna be fuckin glorious  
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 10 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAT: wHOA, uH, hANG ON,  
PAT: yOU'RE TAKING HIM OFF THE SLIME,  
CCA: yeah thats pretty much priority fuckin one right noww  
PAT: wELL, yOU SHOULD PROBABLY, bE CAREFUL,  
PAT: hE TENDS TO BEHAVE A BIT, uH,  
PAT: eRRATICALLY,  
PAT: wHEN HE FORGETS TO EAT IT,  
CCA: tavv i appreciate your concern and all but i think ivve got this under fuckin control  
CCA: wwere in full detox mode ovver here  
CCA: pretty much goin straight up cold featherbeast  
CCA: evven drained the slime outta the fuckin recuperacoon  
CCA: gonna fuckin suck sleepin on a pile a empty faygo bottles but its a sacrifice im wwillin to make  
PAT: wAIT, yOU MEAN,  
PAT: yOU STARTED ALREADY,  
CCA: wwell yeah  
CCA: its kinda the first thing on the fuckin agenda  
CCA: dont wworry about it tavv ill take good care of him  
PAT: oH, i'M SURE HE'LL BE FINE,  
PAT: i WAS MORE WORRIED ABOUT, uH,  
PAT: yOU, sPECIFICALLY  
CCA: wwhat  
PAT: wELL, lOOK, iF ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS,  
PAT: jUST CONTACT ME,  
CCA: i think ill be fuckin fine but ok  
CTC: HeY tAvBrO!  
CTC: WhAt tHe FuCk Is Up My BrOtHeR?  
CTC: HoNk HoNk! :o)  
PAT: oH, uH, hEY gAMZEE, nOT MUCH,  
PAT: i JUST GOT DONE WITH MY FIRST FEELINGS JAM WITH vRISKA,  
PAT: sO THAT WAS PRETTY COOL,  
CTC: AwWwWwW sHiT yEaH, bRo!  
CTC: TaVbRo TaMiN tHe MoThErFuCkIn SpIdEr!  
CTC: SpIlL tHaT sHiT, bRoThEr FrOm AnOtHeR gRuBmOtHeR!  
PAT: hAHA, wELL,  
PAT: mUCH MUTUAL CONCILIATION WAS REALIZED,  
PAT: aND IT WAS VERY PRODUCTIVE FOR ALL PARTIES INVOLVED,  
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 8 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAG: Whoa, hey, Tavros, easy with the pillow talk!!!!!!!!  
PAG: This is kind of priv8 stuff here!!!!!!!!  
CTC: HaHaHa, SpIlL aLl ThAt ShIt, TaVbRo!  
CTC: SpIlL iT lIkE a FaYgO yOu AlL sHoOk Up ToO mUcH aNd OpEnEd It!  
CTC: FoAm AlL sPrAyIn EvErYwHeRe MaKiN iT rAiN a MiLlIoN mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS dOwN uP tHe MoThErFuCkIn SkY!  
CTC: SoMe Of ThAt ShIt GeTs In OnE oF yOuR pIeS aNd It'S aNoThEr MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE aLl ItS oWn!  
PAT: wELL, i DON'T WANT TO GET TOO HORNOGRAPHIC,  
PAT: bUT SEVERAL FIST BUNPS WERE HAD,  
PAT: aND A PILE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN INVOLVED,  
PAG: Uuuuuuuugh, Tavros, you're em8arrassing me!!!!!!!!  
PAT: hAHA, vRISKA, iT'S NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT,  
PAT: aLL WE DID WAS TALK ABOUT FEELINGS,  
CCA: yeah vvris  
CCA: i mean gam an ivve been jammin all night ovver here  
CCA: ok shit wwhen i say it that wway it sounds dirty  
CCA: but seariously its not a huge deal  
PAG: Sorry, I'm just kind of used to moirail stuff 8eing more intim8.  
PAG: Like when your moirail m8kes a 8unch of skimpy outfits and t8kes pictures of you trying them on.  
PAG: Or when you t8ke a 8ath and your moirail scru8s down your whole 8ody for you.  
CCG: UH  
CAC: :33 < er  
PAG: ........Neither of those are actual moirail things, are they?  
CAC: :33 < no, not really!  
PAG: God damn you, Kanaya!!!!!!!!  
FUTURE grimAuxiliatrix [FGA] 17 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGA: I Would Say Im Sorry  
FGA: But Im Seriously Not Even A Little Sorry  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, <33333333  
FGA: <3  
FGA ceased responding to memo.  
FTA: ugh, could you two 2eriiou2ly ju2t fuckiing 2top wiith the con2tant pda2 already?  
CCG: OH WOW, SOLLUX, IS IT REALLY ANNOYING WHEN TWO PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY FUCKING HITTING ON EACH OTHER IN THESE MEMOS???  
CCG: WHATEVER COULD HAVE POSSIBLY MADE YOU FUCKING THINK THAT?????  
PAG: Yeah, you're really one to fucking talk, lover8oy!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Flirted with any heiresses l8ely?  
FTA: the diifference between me and ff and you and kn ii2 that you're a fuckiing annoyiing biitch.  
PAG: No, the difference is that me and Kanaya are m8sprits!!!!!!!!  
PAG: What does that make YOU, Mr. Commitment????????  
FTA: that'2 not any of your fuckiing bu2iine22, vk.  
FUTURE cuttlefishCuller [FCC] 8 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCC: Yea)(, Vriska, t)(is R-E-ELY isn't t)(e time or t)(e place for t)(is, so please just let it go!  
PAG: Okay, okay, I'll drop it, 8ut only for your s8ke.  
PAG: Seriously, you can't let this douche8ag string you along forever.  
FCC: VRISKA.  
FCC: >38(  
PAG: Dropping it!!!!!!!! It's dropped!!!!!!!!  
CCA: oh uh  
CCA: hey fef  
FCC: )(ey -Eridan.  
FCC: I'm R-E-ELY )(APPY for you! And I'm glad you found anot)(er morayeel!  
FCC: And I )(ope t)(ings go SWIMMINGLY for you two!  
CCA: yeah thanks  
CCA: look uh fef  
CCA: just wwhile youre here  
CCA: theres somethin i wwanted to say to you  
FCC: U)(... w)(at is it?  
CCA: its not anythin desperate or stupid so just hear me out ok  
CCA: i just wanted to say  
CCA: im really sorry for the wway i treated you wwhen wwe wwere moirails  
CCA: i wwas basically a complete piece a shit to you an i nevver gavve any consideration to your feelins an you had evvery fuckin right to wwant to end it  
FCC: -Eridan, t)(at's not entirely true!  
CCA: no it is entirely fuckin true  
CCA: i wwas a complete asshole to you and you deservved better  
CCA: an i realize at this point ivve pretty much fuckin sunk all hope a you bein my matesprit  
CCA: but i hope at some point wwe can at least be friends  
FCC: Of course, -Eridan! I would LOV-E t)(at!  
CCA: yeah i figured  
CCA: but for noww i think  
CCA: itd be for the best if wwe just kinda avvoided each other  
CCA: not for anythin youvve done mind you  
CCA: its just that right noww evvery time i think of you i think of wwhat a complete fuckin scumbag i wwas and  
CAC: it hurts fef  
FCC: I understand, Eridan.  
FCC: Whenever you're ready to talk to me again, I'll be there.  
FCC: And for the record, I'm really sorry for the way things turned out between us.  
CCA: fef dont apologize it wasnt your fault  
FCC: Yes it was!  
FCC: Well, I mean, it was both of our faults, probably.  
FCC: Look, just don't blame this whole thing entirely on yourself.  
FCC: You're a great guy, Eridan. I really mean that.  
FCC: I hope you and Gamzee can help each other the way we never did.  
FCC: And I hope you find a matesprit who can make you happier than I ever could.  
CCA: thanks fef  
CCA: for the record i hope things work out with you and sol too  
CCA: or whoever else youre thinkin about pursuin  
FCC: Thank you, Eridan.  
FCC: And whenever you want to talk to me, please feel free.  
FCC: Hopefully sooner rather than later.  
CCA: of course fef  
FCC: But I've wasted enough of your time.  
FCC: I t)(ink I'll just reef you abalone for now!  
CCA: its fine really  
CCA: wwait i mean reely  
CCA: just  
CCA: havve a good life fef  
FCC: You too, -Eridan!  
FCC: Glub glub glub! 38D  
FCC ceased responding to memo.  
FTA: wow, that wa2...  
FTA: 2urprii2iingly mature of you, ed.  
CCA: and as for you sol  
CCA: lets just say this little black thing betwween us is fuckin OVVER  
CCA: that ship has fuckin SAILED my friend  
CCA: from noww on youll find nothin but platonic dislike from me  
FTA: oh no, ed, ii'm cru2hed, really.  
FTA: what could have ever cau2ed thii2 paiinful riift between u2?  
CCA: i dont wwanna revveal too many details  
CCA: but lets just say ivve got a kismesis in mind thatll make our little fling look like the grubs play it alwways fuckin wwas  
PAG: Wow, really, Eridan?  
PAG: Just who is this maaaaaaaagical h8crush of yours????????  
CCA: for fucks sake vvris theres nothin fuckin magic about it  
CCA: and dont evven fuckin flatter yourself thinkin its you  
CCA: that ships sailed so far its fuckin sunk  
CCA: its twwenty thousand leagues under the fuckin sea by noww  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, whatever.  
PAG: I'm so over our pathetic little kismesissitude, it needs a telescope to even see me.  
PAG: I'm just wondering who the unlucky target's going to 8e.  
CCA: not that its any of your fuckin business but im not evven the fuckin instigator here  
CCA: just recently the clouds parted and dowwn from the blisterin sun descended an awwesome and terrible obsidian angel wwreathed in searin wwings a vviridian flame  
CCA: then she opened her beautiful maww and wwith a single wword she completely fuckin annihilated my shit in the blackest a caliginous flames  
FTA: ed, what the actual fuck are you even talkiing about.  
PAG: Yeah, this is starting to sound like some kind of fucked up su8jugglator cult story.  
CCA: and the best part is she doesnt evven realize wwhat the fuck she evven did  
CCA: like she pretty much just threww out this amazin black solicitation in the most blatant fuckin wway possible and then just treated it like it wwas this completely innocent thing  
CAC: :33 < eridan, as much as i hate to interrupt you  
CAC: :33 < which is not at all  
CAC: :33 < beclaws i kind of dont even like you  
CAC: :33 < this really isnt the place to talk about blackrom!  
CCA: yeah yeah i knoww  
CCA: probably shouldnt evven be disclosin shit about it in such an obvvious fuckin wway  
FTA: yeah, well, good luck wiith all that weiird 2hiit you were ju2t talkiing about.  
FTA: and thanks for not beiing 2uch a fuckiing tool about me and ff.  
CCA: youre not wwelcome asshole  
CCA: just cause wwere not rivvals anymore doesnt mean wwere suddenly fuckin friends  
FTA: ii wouldn't havve iit any other way, ed.  
CCA: an good luck tryin to find somebody to fuckin replace me  
PAG: Oh, I wouldn't even worry a8out that, Eridan.  
PAG: Sollux is unlikea8le enough that finding some8ody that h8es him should 8e gru8's play!  
FTA: oh god, vk, don't even 2tart.  
PAG: That is, unless he's a complete fucking idi8 who's too stupid to know a good kismesis when he sees one!!!!!!!!  
FTA: vk, for the la2t tiime, ju2t fuck off.  
FTA: ii am not even iintere2ted iin you liike that.  
FTA: and for fuck'2 2ake, 2top fuckiing talkiing to ff.  
PAG: Why? Are you her moirail or something????????  
PAG: Oh, that's right! She's just some girl to you!  
PAG: So may8e YOU'RE the one who should just fuck off!!!!!!!!  
FTA: vk, 2hut the fuck up!  
FTA: what'2 goiing on between me and ff ii2 none of your fuckiing concern!  
PAG: Well, it's o8viously none of yours, either!!!!!!!!  
PAG: May8e I'm just looking out for her, you ever think a8out that????????  
FTA: 2iince when are you 2o iintere2ted iin ff, anyway?  
FTA: do you want to murder her, too?  
PAG: Oh, you s8n of a f8cking 8ITCH!!!!!!!!  
CAC: XOO < WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!  
CAC: XOO < NO BLACKROM!!!  
CAC banned PAG from responding to memo.  
CAC banned FTA from responding to memo.  
PAT: uH, wOW,  
PAT: wHAT EVEN JUST HAPPENED,  
PAT: lIKE,  
PAT: sHOULD i BE CONCERNED FOR vRISKA'S SAFETY RIGHT NOW,  
CCG: I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT, TAVROS.  
CCG: SOLLUX IS KIND OF FUCKED UP SOMETIMES, BUT I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO TRY TO KILL HER.  
CCG: IF ONLY BECAUSE IT'D GO AGAINST THE POINT HE'S TRYING TO MAKE.  
CCA: ok im just gonna fuckin say it  
CCA: anybody else get a fuckin bulge just from readin that  
CCG: OH MY GOD NO SHUT UP.  
CCA: ok ok battin dowwn the fuckin hatches here  
CCA: look kar wwhile im airin shit out i may as wwell say  
CCA: im sorry for bein such an annoyin piece a shit to you about this wwhole thing wwith fef  
CCG: NO, MAN, DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.  
CCG: YOU HAD A LOT OF EMOTIONAL WEIGHT INVESTED IN IT, AND SHE JUST KIND OF PULLED THE FUCKING RUG OUT FROM UNDER YOU.  
CCG: NOW I FEEL KIND OF SHITTY FOR BEING SUCH A DICK TO YOU ABOUT IT.  
CCA: kar dont be sorry  
CCA: i really wwas bein a fuckin tool to you  
CCA: i wwas just wworkin more a my fuckin emotional theatrics on you the wwhole fuckin time  
CCA: couldnt evven drop the fuckin pretenses for a friend  
CCG: ERIDAN, JUST  
CCG: FORGET IT, OKAY?  
CCG: I UNDERSTAND.  
CCA: ok  
CCA: so  
CCA: wwe cool  
CCG: WE COOL.  
CCA: thanks kar  
CCA: youre a true fuckin friend  
CCG: DON'T SWEAT IT.  
CCG; JUST TAKE CARE OF GAMZEE, OKAY?  
CCG: HE FUCKING NEEDS IT.  
CTC: AnD yOu TaKe CaRe On YoUr OwN mOtHeRfUcKiN sElF, bEsT pLaToNiC mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnD.  
CTC: HoNk. ;o)  
CCG: UH, RIGHT.  
CCG: SURE THING, GAMZEE.  
CCG: I'LL GET RIGHT FUCKING ON THAT.  
CCG: AND IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS OR ANYTHING, BY ALL MEANS, FEEL FUCKING FREE.  
CCA: thanks kar i really appreciate it  
CCG: I REALIZE THIS IS KIND OF A SHITTY THING TO ASK, GIVEN THE WHOLE SHITSTORM WITH YOU AND FEFERI  
CCG: BUT ARE YOU THINKING OF LOOKING FOR ANOTHER MATESPRIT YET?  
CCA: as a matter a fact i fuckin am  
CCA: got a prime target in my crosshairs right fuckin noww  
CCA: nep an i are devvisin such a brilliant fuckin scheme to wwin em ovver theyll nevver see it comin  
CCA: wwoww fuck i just realized that wwas a really shitty wway a sayin that nevvermind  
CCG: WELL SHIT, I'D LOVE TO GET IN ON THAT.  
CCG: I HEAR ABOUT NEPETA PULLING ALL THESE INSANE ROMANTIC COMEDY-ESQUE SHENANIGANS AND IT GIVES ME THE WEIRDEST FUCKING BULGE.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, what?  
CCG: WAIT, SHIT  
CCG: I JUST REALIZED THAT WAS LIKE COMPELTELY THE WRONG FUCKING WAY TO SAY THAT.  
CAC: :33 < well, id love fur you to get involved, karkitty!  
CAC: :33 < but this purrticular plan is r3333ally complicated already!  
CAC: :33 < there are already a lot of people involved  
CAC: :33 < im afurraid if i try to add any more, itll all collapse upawn itself!  
CCG: JEGUS, YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A FUCKING DIAMOND HEIST.  
CCG: GODDAMN IT WHY DID I JUST SAY JEGUS  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
CAC: :33 < well, it kind of is!  
CAC: :33 < except a diamond isnt the purrticular jewel were after!  
CCG: YEAH YEAH, THE REAL TREASURE IS THE HEART OF THE GIRL, OR SOME OTHER SHITTY METAPHOR LIKE THAT, I GET IT.  
CAC: :33 < actually, the jewel metafur is slightly more literal in this case  
CAC: :33 < but only a little!  
CCG: WHAT?  
CAC: :33 < im giving too much away already!  
CAC: :33 < just wait!  
CAC: :33 < itll be clawrious, youll s33!  
CCG: OKAY, MORE CAGEY BULLSHIT, GOTCHA.  
CCG: WELL, IF YOU EVER WANT TO WORK ON SOME ZANY PLOT TOGETHER, HIT ME THE FUCK UP.  
CCG: I WILL GLADLY BE THE TROLL KEVIN JAMES TO YOUR TROLL WILL SMITH.  
CAC: :33 < wow, karkitty, im flattered!  
CCG: RIGHT, WHATEVER.  
CCG: ERIDAN, DON'T FUCK UP TOO BADLY WITH GAMZEE.  
CCG: GAMZEE, DON'T ANNOY ERIDAN TOO MUCH.  
CCG: TAVROS, UH... NOT REALLY SURE WHAT TO SAY TO YOU.  
PAT: i DON'T KNOW, mAYBE,  
PAT: dON'T LET vRISKA KILL OR MAIM ME AGAIN,  
CCG: AHAHAHAHA YES, THAT IS THE PERFECT THING TO SAY, GOOD WORK.  
CCG: AND NEPETA, KEEP FUCKING SHIPPING.  
CAC: :33 < sir yes sir!  
CCG: AND FOR GOD'S SAKE  
CCG: PLEASE NEVER STOP SAYING THAT WHENEVER I GIVE YOU AN ORDER.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, sir yes sir!!  
CCG: YOU DIDN'T ASK, BUT YES, ADDING THE GIGGLE IS ACCEPTABLE.  
CCG: ANYWAY, I'M THE FUCK OUT.  
CCG ceased responding to memo.  
PAT: yEAH, i SHOULD PROBABLY GO, tOO  
PAT: vRISKA'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE FUMING ABOUT sOLLUX SOON,  
PAT: sO i'LL NEED TO, uH,  
PAT: cALM HER DOWN ABOUT THAT,  
PAT: };)  
CTC: AwWwWwW sHiT, tAvBrO's AbOuT tO gEt HiS mOtHeRfUcKiN pAlEbRo On!  
CTC: EvAcUaTe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN pReMiSeS, bEcAuSe SoMe SeRiOuS mOtHeRfUcKiN cOnCiLiAtIoN iS aBoUt To Go ThE fUcK dOwN!!  
PAT: hAHA, yEAH,  
PAT: tHANKS, gAMZEE,  
PAT: aND i REALLY HOPE YOUR MOIRALLEGIANCE WORKS OUT,  
CCA: yeah thanks tavv  
CCA: it seems like you an gam are really good fuckin friends  
CCA: so hopefully wwe can talk more  
PAT: uH, yEAH, sURE,  
PAT: sO, gOOD LUCK TO YOU TWO,  
PAT: aND i KNOW i ALREADY SAID THIS,  
PAT: bUT, bE CAREFUL WITH THE SOPOR,  
CCA: yeah of course  
PAT: oKAY, wELL,  
PAT: bYE,  
PAT ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < okay, well, that about wraps up this memo!  
CAC: :33 < unless either of you have anything else to say  
CCA: nah not really  
CTC: YeAh, We'Re PrEtTy MuCh MoThErFuCkIn GoOd, CaTsIs.  
CTC: ExCePt MaYbE fOr AnOtHeR cHaNcE tO uP aNd SaY tHaNkS fOr AlL tHiS sHiT aGaIn.  
CCA: yeah sure lets go wwith that  
CCA: thanks for settin all this up  
CAC: :33 < hey, no purroblem!  
CAC: :33 < just following my orders! ;33  
CCA: but yeah thats it  
CAC: :33 < great!  
CAC: :33 < so i guess we can just close efurrything up here!  
CCA: oh god youre not gonna do a stupid fuckin closin roleplayin narration are you  
CAC: :33 < hey, screw you, my narrations are pawesome!  
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 18 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCT: D --> Nepeta, language  
CAC: :33 < equius, this doesnt even concern you, so just SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!  
PCT: D --> Hrrrrk  
CCA: yeah eq if your fuckin moirail wwants to insult me she can damn wwell use wwhatevver fuckin language she wwants  
CCA: so wwhy dont you just mind your owwn fuckin business  
CAC: :33 < yeah, equius!  
PCT: D --> I  
PCT: D --> But  
PCT: D --> This is  
CAC banned PCT from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < ugh, now i dont even f33l like doing a narration!  
CAC: :33 < thanks a lot, eridan, you stupid douche!  
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 17 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
CAC: NO  
CAC banned PCT from responding to memo.  
CCA: im doin you a fuckin favvor those things are embarrassin  
CAC: :33 < well maybe i dont want any favors furom you!  
CCA: wwell seein as i owwe you one youre gonna fuckin get it  
CAC: :33 < ugh, this is so stupid!!  
CAC: :33 < now i dont even know how to end this memo!  
CAC: :33 < so im just banning efurryone!  
CAC banned CCA from responding to memo.  
CAC banned CTC from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < howd the opawning narration even go?  
CAC: :33 < something about bursting into the room with treasure  
CAC: :33 < oh fuck it, im just banning myself  
CAC banned herself from responding to memo.  
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 16 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCT: D --> NEPE  
PCT: D --> Oh  
PCT: D --> Um  
PCT: D --> Fiddlesti%  
CAC banned PCT from responding to memo.  
  
CAC closed memo.


	7. Sidelines

Chapter 7

Sidelines

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA].  
  
GC: H3Y  
AA: what  
GC: OH 1M GR34T 4R4D14, HOW 4R3 YOU  
AA: is that all  
GC: NO TH4TS NOT 4LL!!!! >:[  
GC: 1M TRY1NG TO T4LK TO YOU 4R4D14  
AA: 0k  
GC: 1T K1ND OF S33M3D L1K3 YOU W3R3 FR34K1NG OUT 1N TH3 M3MO Y3ST3RD4Y  
GC: SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT 4N 1NCONC31V4BLY POW3RFUL 3NT1TY M3DDL1NG W1TH OUR T1M3L1N3  
AA: yes  
AA: thats still s0mething im d0ing  
GC: SOOO  
GC: D1D YOU W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: will talking ab0ut it help  
GC: M4YB3 1T W1LL M4YB3 1T WONT  
GC: BUT W1LL NOT T4LK1NG 4BOUT 1T H3LP?  
AA: n0  
GC: TH3N 1 SHOULD TH1NK TH3 4LT3RN4T1V3 1S 4 WHOL3 LOT FUCK1NG B3TTER!  
AA: 0k  
AA: well  
AA: this timeline is d00med  
AA: i kn0w i keep saying that but its kind 0f a big deal  
AA: im still n0t sure h0w 0r when exactly it diverged fr0m the alpha timeline but it was s0mewhere in the past week  
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW 1TS DOOM3D 1F YOU DONT KNOW WH3N 1T H4PP3N3D?  
AA: well  
AA: im n0t supp0sed t0 tell y0u this  
AA: but a l0t 0f things that arent supp0sed t0 be happening are anyway  
AA: s0 screw it  
AA: ive been maintaining a private bulletin b0ard t0 serve as an archive 0f inf0rmation useful t0 myself  
AA: and by myself i mean every instance 0f myself in this and all 0ther extant timelines  
AA: it c0ntains am0ng 0ther things a detailed l0g 0f all the events that transpire in the alpha timeline up t0 several weeks after the defeat 0f the black king  
AA: and it states in n0 uncertain terms that any deviati0n fr0m such events indicates 0nes presence in a d00med timeline  
GC: W41T  
GC: SO YOU 4LR34DY KNOW HOW 3V3RYTH1NG GO3S?  
AA: i kn0w h0w everything is supp0sed t0 g0  
AA: and h0w it d0es g0 in the alpha timeline  
AA: but in this timeline things have deviated significantly  
GC: BUT YOU S41D B3FOR3 TH3R3 W4S SOM3TH1NG D1FF3R3NT 4BOUT TH1S T1M3L1N3  
GC: 1T W4SNT B31NG D1SPOS3D OF OR SOM3TH1NG  
AA: right  
AA: parad0x space has mechanisms f0r eliminating any existence that is parad0xical in nature  
AA: 0ur universe was created thr0ugh an unspeakably elab0rate series 0f stable time l00ps  
AA: and 0f c0urse vari0us elements fr0m 0ther d00med timelines and even 0ther universes play vital r0les in this transacti0n  
AA: any deviati0n fr0m this tightly scripted sequence 0f events will result in the failure 0f the universe t0 create itself thus making its existence a parad0x  
AA: and thus any timeline that strays fr0m the events 0f the s0 called alpha timeline is d00med t0 be sl0wly and inex0rably destr0yed  
AA: but even th0ugh this particular iterati0n is undeniably d00med it seems the pr0cess 0f its destructi0n has been p0stp0ned  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: SO WH4T SHOULD B3 H4PP3N1NG R1GHT NOW?  
AA: right n0w this instance 0f 0ur universe sh0uld be sl0wly disintegrating  
AA: f0r an instance t0 st0p existing entirely can take several sweeps  
AA: but generally pe0ple g0 crazy and start murdering each 0ther f0r n0 apparent reas0n l0ng bef0re then  
GC: WHY?  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: its a d00m thing i guess  
GC: SO TH1S V3RS1ON OF OUR UN1V3RS3 1S DOOM3D  
GC: BUT 1TS NOT F4D1NG 4W4Y TH3 W4Y 1T SHOULD B3  
AA: essentially yes  
GC: TH4T 4LMOST S33MS L1K3 4 GOOD TH1NG  
GC: SO 1M 4SSUM1NG 1TS 4 HORR1BL3 TH1NG FOR SOM3 R34SON  
AA: kind 0f  
AA: the 0nly reas0n i can think 0f f0r the pr0cess t0 st0p is that s0me entity with p0wer 0ver the entr0pic mechanisms of parad0x space is actively h0lding them back  
AA: and m0st such entities that i kn0w 0f are incredibly p0werful and unspeakably malev0lent  
GC: JUST MOST OF TH3M? >:/  
AA: there are 0thers 0f c0urse  
AA: and alm0st certainly still m0re that i am unaware 0f  
AA: but i assume their g0als w0uld be in direct c0ntradiction t0 th0se 0f the af0rementioned malev0lent 0nes and w0uld likely draw their ire  
AA: and thus their preservati0n eff0rts w0uld be equally danger0us t0 us if n0t m0re s0  
GC: W3LL  
GC: WH4T COULD TH1S 3NT1TY W4NT FROM OUR T1M3L1N3?  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: ive tried expl0ring the timeline but with0ut the restricti0ns 0f being the alpha timeline there are an inc0nceivable number 0f branches  
AA: s0me 0f them have actually started decaying again  
AA: usually because 0ne 0f the players died  
AA: but there are c0untless 0thers where all the players are alive and relatively speaking everything is fine but the pr0cess resumes anyway  
AA: its kind 0f ann0ying  
GC: Y34H, 1T SOUNDS L1K3 1T WOULD B3 >:[  
GC: H4V3 YOU TR13D V1S1T1NG 4NY OTH3R T1M3L1N3S?  
GC: M4YB3 3V3N TH3 4LPH4?  
AA: n0  
AA: the rttu suggests leaving a d00med timeline results in an even faster death than usual  
AA: usually by expl0ding  
GC: RTTU?  
AA: s0rry r0ad t0 the und0ing  
AA: its the name 0f the b0ard  
GC: H4H4H4H4 TH4TS 4 STUP1D N4M3  
AA: 0_0  
GC: 1T SOUNDS L1K3 4 B4D TH1RD P4RTY FL4RP MODUL3  
AA: ha i guess it kind 0f d0es  
AA: ribbit  
Gc: H3H3H3H3H3 >:D  
Gc: 4NYW4Y  
Gc: 1F TH1S T1M3L1N3 1S B31NG PROT3CT3D  
GC: M4YB3 TH4T PROT3CT1ON WOULD 3XT3ND TO YOU 3V3N 1F YOU L3FT  
AA: hm  
AA: i didnt think 0f that  
AA: but if it d0esnt and i try it ill pr0bably expl0de  
AA: 0f c0urse even if i d0 there will still be a timeline where i decided n0t t0 try it s0 it d0esnt really matter  
GC: TH4TS 4 PR3TTY C4V4L13R 4TT1TUD3 TO T4K3 ON YOUR OWN D34TH  
AA: im a time player  
AA: we have t0 be 0k with this kind 0f thing  
GC: 1 GU3SS >:|  
GC: BUT TH3R3 M1GHT B3 4 R3L14BL3 W4Y OF T3ST1NG 1T R1GHT NOW  
AA: h0w  
GC: S1MPL3  
GC: W3 D3L1B3R4T3LY CR34T3 4 BR4NCH  
GC: 1LL FL1P 4 CO1N 4ND T3LL YOU TH3 R3SULT  
GC: 1F 1TS H34DS YOU GO TO TH3 4LPH4 T1M3L1N3 4ND H4NG OUT FOR 4 WH1L3  
GC: 4ND 1F 1TS SCR4TCH YOU SW34R N3V3R TO TRY TO HOP TO 4NOTH3R T1M3L1N3  
GC: TH3N 31TH3R W4Y YOU TR4V3L B4CK TO R1GHT 4FT3R 1 C4LL3D 1T  
AA: s0 if i expl0de in the alpha timeline ill have a n0n d00med aradia t0 replace me immediately  
AA: and if i c0me back safely there will be tw0 0f me  
AA: but 0ne 0f them will c0me fr0m a pr0perly d00med timeline and thus alm0st immediately expl0de  
AA: and whichever 0ne survives will indicate the pr0per c0urse 0f acti0n  
GC: 3X4CTLY! >:]  
AA: w0w  
AA: maybe y0u sh0uld have been the time player  
GC: YOUR3 4 F1N3 T1M3 PL4Y3R  
GC: 1 M4Y B3 GOOD 4T TH3 WHOL3 T3MPOR4L LOG1ST1CS TH1NG  
GC: BUT YOUR3 4 LOT B3TT3R 4T DY1NG  
AA: 0_0  
GC: OK4Y TH4T W4S 4 SH1TTY TH1NG TO S4Y  
AA: its 0k  
GC: NO 1TS NOT 0K!!!  
GC: 1 PR3TTY MUCH JUST SH1T 4LL OV3R YOUR F33L1NGS 4ND 1TS NOT COOL  
AA: i am a tin can  
AA: r0b0ts d0nt have feelings  
GC: OK4Y 1M 4LMOST 3NT1R3LY C3RT41N TH4TS S4RC4SM  
GC: 4ND TH3R3FOR3 COMPL3T3LY S3LF D3F34T1NG  
AA: sarcasm isnt a feeling n00kstain  
AA: ribbit  
GC: >:O  
GC: 4R4D14 YOU 4R3 G3TT1NG DOWNR1GHT S4SSY W1TH M3!!!  
AA: s0rry  
AA: i d0 have em0ti0ns n0w  
AA: m0stly anger  
AA: n0 sh0rtage 0f lust either 0_0  
AA: but thats ab0ut it as far as i kn0w  
GC: >:P  
GC: 1 GU3SS 3QU1US R34LLY H4D H1S PR1OR1T13S STR41GHT  
AA: ugh yes  
GC: "UGH Y3S"  
GC: TH4TS PR3TTY MUCH TH3 SUMM4RY OF YOUR R3L4T1ONSH1P 1SNT 1T  
GC: D --> 4R4D14 DO3S TH1S ROBOT BODY 100K 4%3PT4BL3 TO YOU  
GC: UGH Y3S  
GC: D --> 4R4D14 W1LL YOU K1SS M3 NOW  
GC: UGH Y3S  
GC: D --> 4R4D14 W1LL YOU PL34S3 SL4P M3 4 L1TTL3 H4RD3R  
GC: UGH Y3S  
AA: 0k  
AA: please st0p  
GC: H3H3H3H3 F1N3  
AA: can we d0 the thing with the c0in n0w  
GC: SUR3  
GC: 4R3 YOU R34DY FOR TH3 N1GH 1NCOMPR3H3NS1BL3 PROB4B1L1ST1C T1M3 B1FURC4T1ON TH4T 1S 4BOUT TO UNFOLD??  
AA: just flip the fucking c0in ne0phyte  
GC: ...WH4T?  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: im n0t even sure why i said that  
AA: in retr0spect its a really stupid thing t0 say  
AA: 0_0  
AA: but seri0usly flip it  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: 1TS H34DS  
AA: 0k  
AA: 0h w0w  
GC: WH4T?  
AA: just an expl0ding aradiab0t  
AA: n0 big deal  
AA: ribbit  
GC: SO D1D YOU V1S1T TH3 4LPH4 T1M3L1N3?  
AA: yes  
GC: GR34T!!! >:D  
GC: SO NOW YOU KNOW YOU C4N V1S1T OTH3R T1M3L1N3S W1THOUT 3XPLOD1NG!  
AA: yes  
AA: thats actually  
AA: extremely helpful  
AA: thank y0u terezi  
GC: NO PROBL3M, H3H3  
GC: BUT JUST 1N TH3 1NT3R3ST OF FULL D1SCLOSUR3  
GC: 1 SHOULD PROB4BLY T3LL YOU  
GC: 1 D1DNT 3V3N LOOK 4T TH3 CO1N 4FT3R 1 FL1PP3D 1T  
GC: 1 JUST GU3SS3D 1T W4S H34DS  
AA: 0f c0urse  
AA: n0 d0ubt i was predestined t0 d0 this anyway  
AA: even in a d00med timeline we cant escape the icy grip 0f fatalism  
AA: but its fun t0 pretend  
GC: >:/  
GC: TH4T M4K3S M3 F33L 4 LOT L3SS CL3V3R 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N  
AA: its 0k  
AA: time makes f00ls 0f us all  
AA: but at least y0u didnt expl0de  
GC: H4H4 Y34H, 1 GU3SS  
AA: s0 i sh0uld pr0bably investigate this s0me m0re  
AA: we can talk ab0ut it later  
AA: 0r right n0w i guess since i can time travel  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1LL T4K3 4 BR34K FROM T4LK1NG 4BOUT DOOM3D T1M3L1N3S 4ND 3XPLOD1NG ROBOTS FOR NOW  
AA: fair en0ugh  
GC: UNL3SS YOU W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG 3LS3  
AA: n0t really  
AA: d0 y0u  
GC: W3LL...  
AA: is it ab0ut vriska  
GC: UGH Y3S >:[  
GC: 1 DONT TRUST H3R  
GC: HOW C4N SOM3BODY CH4NG3 L1K3 TH4T OV3RN1GHT?  
AA: shes always been easily influenced  
AA: y0u kn0w that m0re than any0ne  
GC: W3LL, Y34H  
AA: i d0nt think she ever wanted t0 d0 any 0f the bad things she did  
AA: she was just manipulated int0 d0ing them by a number 0f malefact0rs  
GC: L1K3 WH1T3 T3XT GUY?  
AA: am0ng 0thers  
AA: but i think he was resp0nsible f0r the m0st pertinent wr0ngd0ings  
AA: she w0uldnt have ch0sen t0 d0 what she did t0 y0u 0r me 0r tavr0s with0ut his influence  
GC: M4YB3 NOT  
GC: BUT TH4T DO3SNT JUST 4BSOLV3 H3R OF 4LL BL4M3!  
AA: thats redundant  
GC: WH4T  
AA: abs0lve means t0 rem0ve all blame  
AA: y0u d0nt have t0 say 0f blame afterwards  
GC: BL4R WHO C4R3S 4BOUT TH4T!!!  
AA: s0 what d0 y0u want  
AA: revenge  
GC: K1ND OF  
GC: SOM3TH1NG MOR3 TH4N "H3Y YOUR3 4 GOOD P3RSON NOW, YOUR3 FR33 TO GO," 1N 4NY C4S3  
AA: it pr0bably w0uldnt help  
GC: TH4TS 34SY FOR YOU TO S4Y  
GC: S1NC3 YOU 4LR34DY GOT YOURS  
AA: n0t really  
AA: i killed her because i had t0  
AA: it was in the script  
GC: YOUR3 T3LL1NG M3 YOU D1DNT G3T TH3 L34ST B1T OF S4T1SF4CT1ON OUT OF B34T1NG VR1SK4 N34RLY TO D34TH?  
AA: n0  
AA: i felt n0thing  
AA: well  
AA: there was a temp0rary rush in my blue bl00ded veins simply fr0m partaking in vi0lence  
AA: but after that there was n0thing  
GC: >:/  
GC: HOW C4N YOU NOT B3 M4D 4T H3R?  
AA: she was just playing her part  
AA: like i was playing mine  
AA: my death was necessary f0r the alpha timeline t0 pr0ceed  
AA: as was hers  
GC: 4ND YOUR3 JUST F1N3 W1TH TH4T  
AA: im 0k with it  
GC: W3LL YOU SHOULDNT B3!!!  
GC: W1TH YOUR T1M3 POW3RS YOU C4N S33 TH3 TR1LL1ONS OF W4YS TH1NGS COULD UNFOLD  
GC: BUT 1N TH3 3ND TH3R3S ONLY ON3 W4Y YOU C4N DO TH1NGS  
GC: NO M4TT3R HOW SH1TTY 4ND 4WFUL 1T 1S  
GC: 4ND TH4T SHOULD M4K3 YOU 4NGRY 4S H3LL!  
AA: i came t0 peace with it a l0ng time ag0  
AA: y0u kind 0f have t0 as a time player  
GC: D1D YOU KNOW YOUD B3 TH3 T1M3 PL4Y3R?  
AA: yes  
AA: the v0ices t0ld me i w0uld die c0untless deaths  
AA: but 0nly ever c0me back t0 life 0nce  
GC: TH3Y S41D YOUD COM3 B4CK?  
AA: yes  
AA: but its debatable what they meant  
AA: they c0uld have meant my pr0t0typing myself  
AA: ribbit  
AA: 0r inhabiting this r0b0t  
AA: they c0uld mean s0mething else i guess  
AA: but i d0nt see any 0ther revival menti0ned in the rttu  
GC: HMM  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW HOW 3LS3 YOU COULD COM3 B4CK  
GC: BUT 1TD B3 COMPL3T3 BULLSH1T 1F VR1SK4 G3TS TO 4ND YOU DONT  
AA: im 0k with it  
GC: BL4R STOP S4Y1NG TH4T!!!  
AA: 0_0  
GC: 1TS NOT R1GHT TH4T SH3 G3TS TO L1V3 4ND YOU H4V3 TO ST4Y D34D!  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY WH3N SH3S TH3 ON3 WHO K1LL3D YOU!  
AA: s0 what  
AA: w0uld it be better if she was dead t00  
GC: K1ND OF >:/  
AA: l00k  
AA: terezi  
AA: revenge is a l0sers game  
AA: the l0ser gets hurt  
AA: and the winner gets n0thing  
GC: ...  
AA: if y0u really want t0 get back at her  
AA: maybe y0u sh0uld play an0ther game entirely  
GC: >:?  
GC: L1K3 WH4T?  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: im n0t even sure what that means  
AA: it just seemed like a g00d thing t0 say  
GC: HRM  
GC: W3LL  
GC: WH4T3V3R  
AA: d0 y0u n0t want t0 talk ab0ut this anym0re  
GC: NOT R34LLY  
AA: 0k  
AA: well  
AA: thanks f0r talking t0 me terezi  
AA: it was actually really helpful  
GC: H3Y, NO PROBL3M >:]  
GC: NO OFF3NS3, BUT 1T S33MS L1K3 NOBODY 3LS3 3V3R T4LKS TO YOU  
AA: n0 y0ure right  
AA: i think m0st pe0ple find me mildly 0ffputting 0_0  
GC: W3LL, YOU K1ND OF 4R3  
GC: BUT H3Y, 1 4M TOO!  
GC: W3 C4N B3 M1LDLY OFFPUTT1NG TOG3TH3R  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3 >:D  
AA: ha yeah  
AA: s0  
AA: can we talk m0re later  
GC: OF COURS3!  
GC: 1 4LW4YS LOOK FORW4RD TO T4ST1NG MOR3 OF YOUR D3L1C1OUSLY R1CH M4ROON T3XT  
AA: i th0ught y0u liked bright red better  
GC: OH 1 DO, BUT M4ROON 1S GOOD TOO  
GC: 1TS SO D33P 4ND D3C4DENT, L1K3 D4RK CHOCOL4T3, OR MOL4SS3S  
GC: >:]  
AA: ha  
AA: i wish i had a smiling em0tic0n i c0uld type  
AA: 0u0  
AA: n0 that l00ks stupid  
GC: H3H3H3 Y34H 1T K1ND OF DO3S  
AA: 0h well  
AA: well  
AA: ill talk t0 y0u later i guess  
AA: th0ugh i guess itll be different laters f0r b0th 0f us  
GC: H4H4 WH4T3V3R >:P  
GC: GOOD LUCK W1TH YOUR 1NV3ST1G4T1ON  
AA: thanks  
AA: 0k bye  
GC: BY3 4R4D14  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC].

***

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT].  
  
AG: Tavros, we've got kind of a pro8lem here.  
AT: oH, uH, vRISKA,  
AT: wHAT'S THE PROBLEM, eXACTLY,  
AT: dID YOU ALCHEMIZE SOMETHING HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE AGAIN,  
AT: bECAUSE IF IT'S THAT, yOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO kANAYA,  
AG: Noooooooo, it's not anything stupid like that!!!!!!!!  
AG: It's........ kind of em8arrassing, actually.  
AG: And I pro8a8ly should have 8rought it up during the feelings jam, 8ut I was afraid to talk a8out it face to face.  
AT: wOW, tHIS SOUNDS KIND OF SERIOUS,  
AT: wHAT IS IT,  
AG: Well........  
AG: You remem8er how a few days ago, during the sneaky romance am8ush, I was talking a8out how I was trying to m8ke you stronger so you'd 8e good enough to 8e my m8sprit?  
AT: uH, yEAH, bUT,  
AT: uH,  
AT: wAIT, yOU DON'T MEAN,  
AG: Weeeeeeeeell........  
AT: oH,  
AT: oH WOW,  
AG: W8, just hear me out for a second, okay????????  
AG: I mean, as it turns out, 8ecoming your moirail has 8een INCREDI8LY effective at m8king you a stronger, cooler, MUCH more attractive guy.  
AG: And that silly little flushcrush I used to have on you is starting to act up again in a really 8ig way.  
AG: 8ut the thing is, I'm happy with Kanaya!  
AG: I mean, I'm reeeeeeeeally happy with Kanaya!  
AG: And I'm really afraid all these feelings I'm having are going to cause pro8lems 8etween us somewhere down the line.  
AT: yES, i CAN SEE WHY THIS WOULD CAUSE PROBLEMS,  
AT: aND, tO TELL THE TRUTH,  
AT: sINCE WE BECAME MOIRAILS, yOU'VE BECOME MUCH NICER, aND COOLER,  
AT: aND i COULD SEE MYSELF, uH, rECIPROCATING,  
AT: i MEAN, aSSUMING, fOR SOME TERRIBLE REASON, wE STOPPED BEING MOIRAILS,  
AG: See, that's the other thing!  
AG: I really love 8eing your moirail, too!  
AG: And while I'd pro8a8ly like 8eing your m8sprit, I don't really want to give up on our moirallegiance!  
AG: So 8etween that and Kanaya, it's really stressing me out.  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, this is so em8arrassing to talk a8out!!!!!!!!  
AG: I'm 8lushing so hard right now, I'm afraid one of these 8ite marks on my neck is gonna 8urst open and start spraying cerulean all over the place.  
AT: hAHA, vRISKA, iT'S OKAY, i UNDERSTAND,  
AT: i APPRECIATE YOUR BEING FORTHCOMING ABOUT THIS,  
AT: aND i REALLY LIKE BEING YOUR MOIRAIL, tOO,  
AT: aND i DON'T WANT kANAYA TO GET HURT EITHER,  
AT: sO i THINK IT'S A REAL PROBLEM,  
AG: See! Look at that!  
AG: Look at that whole 8rown 8lock of text right there!  
AG: That's you 8eing an AWESOME fucking moirail!!!!!!!!  
AG: I must have 8lown all my luck to get a palem8 like you, and that's why I was unlucky enough to 8uild up this stupid flushcrush!  
AT: wOW, vRISKA, yOU'RE REALLY FLATTERING ME HERE,  
AT: i MEAN, yOU'RE A REALLY GOOD MOIRAIL, tOO,  
AT: eVEN THOUGH WE'VE ONLY BEEN MOIRAILS FOR, lIKE, a DAY OR TWO,  
AT: yOU'VE ALREADY HELPED ME A LOT,  
AT: sO DON'T THINK YOU DON'T DESERVE ME, oR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,  
AG: Man, Tavros! You're so smooooooooth!  
AG: You're giving a lady the pale vapors here!!!!!!!!  
AT: oKAY, sERIOUSLY, stOP,  
AT: i AM NOW ALSO BLUSHING, bECAUSE OF HOW SILLY YOU'RE BEING,  
AT: sO WE ARE BOTH GREAT, aND THAT IS THAT, eND OF DISCUSSION,  
AG: Okay okay, fine.  
AG: We are 8oth pretty gr8.  
AG: I'm sorry, I'm 8eing ridiculous a8out this whole thing.  
AT: vRISKA, yOU'RE NOT BEING RIDICULOUS,  
AT: iT'S A LEGITIMATE CONCERN,  
AT: aND FRANKLY, i'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT,  
AG: Weeeeeeeell........  
AG: I can think of ONE thing we could do a8out it........  
AT: wHAT'S THAT,  
AG: We could find you a m8sprit!!!!!!!!  
AT: oH, uH,  
AT: i GUESS, wE COULD DO THAT,  
AG: Well, think a8out it!  
AG: If you had a m8sprit, there'd 8e a lot less tempt8ion for 8oth of us!  
AG: And I wouldn't feel so 8ad a8out 8la88ing to you a8out Kanaya this and Kanaya that all the time.  
AT: wELL, yEAH, bUT,  
AT: wHO WOULD WANT ME, aS THEIR MATESPRIT,  
AG: Tavros, you are a cool, strong, handsome, confident guy, and any8ody would 8e lucky to have you as their m8sprit!!!!!!!!  
AG: You could have practically any8ody you wanted!  
AG: Hell, you could even have me! 8ut o8viously we're trying our 8est to avoid that for now.  
AG: So really, the question is, who do YOU want as your m8sprit????????  
AT: wOW, i DON'T KNOW,  
AT: i HAVEN'T REALLY ABOUT THIS ALL THAT MUCH,  
AT: aND BY THAT, i MEAN, aT ALL,  
AG: Okay, well, how a8out I throw out some suggestions, and you just tell me what you think of them?  
AT: wAIT, aRE YOU,  
AT: sHIPPING ME,  
AG: I sure am!!!!!!!! ::::D  
AG: Who says Nepeta's the only one who gets to ship people?  
AT: wELL, oKAY, gO AHEAD,  
AG: Alright, what a8out Feferi?  
AG: I just recently started talking with her, and it turns out she's actually pretty cool!  
AT: oH, wOW, fEFERI,  
AT: sHE SEEMS REALLY NICE, i GUESS, bUT,  
AT: i DON'T REALLY KNOW HER ALL THAT WELL,  
AT: aND ISN'T SHE WITH sOLLUX, oR SOMETHING,  
AG: Man, who cares a8out Sollux!!!!!!!! He's just a 8ig dork.  
AG: And he's not even a cool dork, like you, he's just a 8ig douchey whiny idi8 dork.  
AG: Man!!!!!!!! I don't know what it is a8out that guy, 8ut even thinking a8out him gets me steamed.  
AT: uH, i SHOULD PROBABLY ASK,  
AT: wHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO,  
AG: What's going on is that he's a stu88orn asshole and isn't even willing to give me a chance!!!!!!!!  
AT: yOU KNOW, yOU NEVER DID APOLOGIZE TO HIM,  
AT: i MEAN, tECHNICALLY, yOU HURT HIM TOO,  
AG: Man, whatever!!!!!!!! I didn't do a thing to him!!!!!!!!  
AT: vRISKA,  
AG: Okay, okay, fine, so I did.  
AG: 8ut may8e I just don't want to apologize to him 8ecause he's stupid smug piece of shit!!!!!!!!  
AT: vRISKA, i REALIZE THIS IS WHOLE ENTANGLEMENT IS,  
AT: sOMETHING i, dON'T REALLY HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE WITH,  
AT: bUT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY, aPOLOGIZE TO HIM ANYWAY,  
AG: Yeah, yeah, I know I should.  
AG: And I pro8a8ly will at some point.  
AG: If he's even fucking willing to hear me out.  
AG: Which he pro8a8ly won't 8e, 8ecause he's such a sanctimonious self-a8sor8ed fuckhead!!!!!!!!  
AT: yES, yOU'VE MADE YOUR OPINION QUITE CLEAR,  
AG: Hey, we totally got off-topic here!  
AG: We were suppoooooooosed to 8e talking a8out you and Feferi!  
AT: wELL, i THINK, gIVEN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU,  
AT: aND THE WHOLE sOLLUX THING,  
AT: iT PROBABLY WOULDN'T WORK OUT,  
AG: Ugh, yeah, you're pro8a8ly right.  
AG: I guess that rules out Terezi too, huh?  
AT: mOST LIKELY, yEAH,  
AG: Man, Tavros, don't let me sink aaaaaaaall your ships!!!!!!!!  
AT: iT'S FINE, rEALLY,  
AT: jUST TRY TO THINK OF SOMEONE,  
AT: yOU HAVEN'T COMPLETELY ALIENATED,  
AG: Tavros, that really isn't as easy as it sounds!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8ut fine, I'll try to think of some8ody else.  
AG: Hey, what a8out Nepeta!  
AG: Man, you two would 8e soooooooo adora8le together!!!!!!!!  
AG: Oh dear, I can't decide if this mental image percolating here is cute as shit or hot as fuck........  
AT: uHHH,  
AG: Okay, that was lascivious to a completely unaccepta8le extent.  
AT: kIND OF, yEAH,  
AT: bUT ANYWAY, nEPETA IS COOL, i GUESS,  
AT: bUT i MEAN, wE'VE BEEN ACQUAINTANCES FOR A WHILE,  
AT: aND i THINK, iF SHE WERE INTERESTED IN ME LIKE THAT, sHE'D HAVE SAID SOMETHING BY NOW,  
AT: i MEAN, sHE'S BEEN FRIENDLY WITH ME, bUT,  
AT: wELL, sHE'S FRIENDLY WITH EVERYONE,  
AT: aND ALSO, hER MOIRAIL REALLY DOESN'T LIKE ME FOR SOME REASON,  
AT: i'M NOT REALLY SURE WHY,  
AG: What, Equius? That's just him 8eing a huge tool, as usual.  
AG: Pro8a8ly doesn't like you 8ecause you're a "mud8100d" or something ridiculous like that.  
AT: nO, i THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE THAT, bUT,  
AT: iT'S LIKE, hE GETS REALLY DISGUSTED, wHENEVER i MENTION nEPETA, sPECIFICALLY,  
AT: i DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,  
AG: Equius Zahhak is truly a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in an eight-inch thick layer of oh my god who gives a shit a8out this guy.  
AG: So is that a no on Nepeta?  
AT: i GUESS, fOR NOW,  
AG: God, Tavros, you're killing me here!!!!!!!!  
AG: Shipping is a lot harder work than Nepeta m8kes it out to 8e.  
AT: sORRY,  
AG: No no no, it's fine. May8e I'm just approaching it the wrong way.  
AG: Let's try this from the other way. Mo8ius dou8le reacharound style.  
AG: Has any8ody ever expressed interest in 8eing YOUR m8sprit????????  
AG: 8esides me, o8viously.  
AT: uH, nO,  
AT: nOT THAT i CAN THINK OF,  
AT: wELL, eXCEPT,  
AT: uH,  
AG: Who????????  
AT: wELL, uH,  
AT: bEFORE i BROUGHT HIM INTO THE GAME,  
AT: gAMZEE, uH,  
AT: pROPOSITIONED ME,  
AG: Oh.  
AG: Gamzee.  
AT: yEAH,  
AG: Well hey! What do you think of him?  
AT: i DON'T KNOW,  
AT: i MEAN, wE'VE BEEN GOOD BROS FOR A WHILE,  
AT: aND WE HAVE A FEW THINGS IN COMMON,  
AT: lIKE, fOR EXAMPLE, wE BOTH LIKE SLAM POETRY,  
AT: aND HE'S ALWAYS BEEN REALLY NICE TO ME,  
AT: bUT i NEVER REALLY THOUGHT OF HIM LIKE THAT,  
AG: Well, now's your chance!  
AG: What do you think of him like that?  
AT: wOW, tHIS IS KIND OF EMBARASSING, tO TALK ABOUT,  
AT: i MEAN, iF i WAS ACTUALLY CONSIDERING gAMZEE,  
AT: aS A, uH, pOTENTIAL MATEPSRIT,  
AT: wOULD YOU THINK IT WAS RIDICULOUS,  
AG: Of coooooooourse I wouldn't think it was ridiculous, Tavros!  
AG: If you think you'd 8e happy with him, that's all that matters!  
AG: I wouldn't think you were ridiculous even if you thought you'd 8e happy with someone like Equius.  
AG: Or Sollux.  
AG: Or Eridan.  
AG: Or Karkat.  
AG: Man, I just named four assholes off the top of my head, and they were all 8oys!!!!!!!!  
AG: I'm starting to think girls might 8e the fairer sex after all.  
AG: Suddenly reeeeeeeeally glad I had an in with Kanaya.  
AG: 8ut seriously, Tavros, I won't judge you one way or the other.  
AT: oK, wELL,  
AT: i'M ACTUALLY, uH, tHINKING ABOUT IT, rIGHT NOW,  
AT: aND i GUESS, i THINK,  
AT: i WOULD BE OKAY WITH, bEING HIS MATESPRIT,  
AG: You'd 8e "okay" with it?  
AT: wELL, i DON'T KNOW, i MEAN,  
AG: Tavros, cut the crap here, okay?  
AG: Do you like Gamzee or not?  
AT: wELL, yEAH,  
AG: Okay, do you like him enough to 8e his m8sprit?  
AT: yEAH, i GUESS,  
AG: Tavros, stop guessing and give me a str8 answer!!!!!!!!  
AT: oKAY, oKAY, yES,  
AT: i LIKE HIM ENOUGH FOR THAT,  
AG: So do you WANT to 8e his m8sprit????????  
AT: uH, wELL,  
AG: Stop thinking a8out it and just answer it!!!!!!!!  
AG: Yes or no!!!!!!!!  
AT: yES,  
AT: oH, wOW, oKAY,  
AG: Really?  
AT: yES, i'M COMPLETELY CERTAIN OF THAT SUDDENLY,  
AG: No 8acksies?  
AT: nO BACKSIES,  
AG: Well, that's gr8!!!!!!!!  
AG: You should totally go for it!!!!!!!!  
AT: uH, wHAT DO YOU MEAN,  
AG: I mean ask him to be your m8sprit!  
AG: He pro8a8ly still feels the same way a8out you, right?  
AT: wELL, tHAT'S THE THING,  
AT: wHEN HE ASKED ME, i, uH,  
AT: i DIDN'T HANDLE IT VERY WELL,  
AT: aND i'M AFRAID, i MIGHT HAVE HURT HIS FEELINGS,  
AG: Well, what'd you say?  
AT: uH, nOTHING,  
AT: i JUST SORT OF, sAT THERE,  
AT: nOT SAYING ANYTHING,  
AG: Well, THAT'S a surprise.  
AT: vRISKA,  
AG: Yeah, okay, that was mean, sorry.  
AT: wELL, i MEAN,  
AT: i PROBABLY SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING,  
AG: Ugh, who cares a8out what you should've done?  
AG: Just do something now! Ask him out!  
AG: I mean, he still seemed pretty friendly towards you on that last memo, so it's not like he h8es you or anything!  
AT: yOU REALLY THINK SO,  
AG: Tavros, I'm a8solutely certain of it.  
AG: So just go talk to him a8out it!!!!!!!!  
AT: vRISKA, i'M NOT SURE IF i CAN JUST,  
AT: gO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT, oUT OF NOWHERE,  
AG: Oh, come oooooooon!!!!!!!!  
AG: You o8viously like him, and he o8viously likes you, so just go talk to him!!!!!!!!  
AT: yOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, BUT,  
AT: iT JUST,  
AT: iT SEEMS SO SUDDEN,  
AG: Tavros, stop 8eing such a wiggler and just do it!!!!!!!!  
AT: oKAY, sERIOUSLY, vRISKA,  
AT: i'M NOT READY FOR THIS,  
AT: sO PLEASE JUST STOP,  
AG: Okay, okay, fine.  
AG: I won't force you to do anything you're not ready to do.  
AG: 8ut you 8etter get ready to go talk to him!  
AG: 8ecause the time's gonna come when you're gonna have to, and you 8etter 8elieve it'll 8e sooner rather than l8er!  
AT: wELL, i GUESS i COULD,  
AT: tHINK OF WHAT i'LL SAY,  
AT: iN THE NEAR FUTURE, aPPARENTLY,  
AT: iT'S JUST, iT'S KIND OF INTIMIDATING,  
AT: sO, sORRY ABOUT BEING SO, uH,  
AT: nERVOUS ABOUT THIS,  
AG: Tavros, it's fine, I get it.  
AG: Well, kind of. Second-hand, as it were.  
AG: Not that it's something I've had a pro8lem with personally.  
AG: Well, w8, may8e that's not entirely true........  
AG: Oh, whatever, I'm getting off the point here!!!!!!!!  
AG: The point is, I get why you wouldn't want to rush into something like this, so just t8ke as much time as you feel like you need.  
AG: Then try to t8ke a little less than that.  
AT: hAHA, oKAY,  
AT: tHANKS, vRISKA,  
AT: yOU REALLY ARE A GOOD MOIRAIL,  
AG: Hey, I just learned from the 8est!  
AT: pFFF, wHATEVER,  
AT: nOW YOU'RE JUST FLATTERING ME,  
AG: No, seriously! 8efore we got together, I didn't know the first thing a8out 8eing a moirail.  
AG: Everything I knew, I picked up from Kanaya, and it's 8ecoming increasingly o8vious that she was never quite the palest of palem8es.  
AG: Not that I'm mad or anything. I wouldn't trade our time together for anything in the world.  
AG: Except may8e a chance to 8e m8sprits sooner.  
AG: I mean, o8viously that'd 8e prefera8le to our moirallegiance-8ut-not-quite and all the frustr8ing 8ullshit it entailed.  
AT: vRISKA, yOU'RE RAMBLING,  
AG: Oh god, I am, aren't I?  
AG: Just another 8ad ha8it I'm picking up from Kanaya.  
AG: God damn you, Kanaya!!!!!!!!  
AT: hAHAHA, yES,  
AT: sHE'S SUNK HER TEETH INTO YOU QUITE EFFECTIVELY,  
AG: Oh man, tell me a8out it.  
AG: She's sunk her teeth into me more times than I can count.  
AG: And I wouldn't have it any other way <33333333  
AT: uH,  
AG: W8, you meant that metaphorically, didn't you?  
AT: yES,  
AG: Well, yeah, I mean, she's done that, too.  
AT: oKAY, i THINK,  
AT: tHIS CONVERSATION NEEDS TO END NOW,  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, fair enough.  
AG: All told, though, it was incredi8ly productive!  
AG: I got this 8ig em8arrassing issue off my chest, and we agreed on a way to possi8ly allevi8 it!  
AG: Just two of the palest of palem8es, doing their moiraily thing!  
AT: yES, iT WAS VERY HELPFUL,  
AT: fOR BOTH OF US, eVEN,  
AG: Yes it was!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8ut really, Tavros, I'm sorry for 8eing so ridiculous a8out this.  
AT: vRISKA, iT'S FINE, rEALLY,  
AT: iF ANYTHING, i'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING,  
AT: fOR BEING SO HANDSOME AND ATTRACTIVE,  
AG: Tavros, you don't have to apologize for........  
AG: W8, was that sarcasm????????  
AT: oH YES,  
AT: sARCASM WAS MOST CERTAINLY THE THING THAT THAT WAS, }:D  
AG: Wow, that's awesome!!!!!!!!! I didn't know you had it in you!!!!!!!!  
AT: wELL, oF COURSE,  
AT: sARCASM IS PRETTY MUCH,  
AT: tHE HALLMARK OF COOL, cONFIDENT GUYS,  
AG: Uhhhhhhhh........  
AG: I don't know if that's completely true........  
AG: 8ut whatever! It's good anyway!  
AT: sO ANYWAY, i GUESS WE'RE DONE HERE,  
AG: Yeah, pretty much!  
AG: 8ut remem8er, Tavros, you have to think a8out what you're going to say to Gamzee!  
AG: So think a8out it!!!!!!!!  
AT: yES, oF COURSE,  
AT: i'LL GET ON THAT RIGHT AWAY,  
AT: hMMM, mAYBE i'LL EVEN WRITE A POEM, oR SOMETHING,  
AG: What, like a sonnet?  
AT: nO, acTUALLY, iT WOULD BE, uH,  
AT: a SLAM POEM,  
AG: ........  
AT: iT'S KIND OF A THING, wITH US,  
AG: ........Okaaaaaaaay, you just go ahead and do that.  
AG: I'm gonna go hang out with Kanaya.  
AT: gREAT, sOUNDS LIKE A PLAN,  
AG: Okay, 8ye, Tavros!!!!!!!!  
AG: <>  
AT: rIGHT, bYE,  
AT: <>  
  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT].

***

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA].  
  
CT: D --> E%cuse me, jadeb100d  
CT: D --> Wait, I mean  
CT: D --> Kanaya  
GA: Oh Uh Equius  
GA: You Havent By Any Chance Been Uh  
GA: Monitoring The Activities In My Hive In The Past Few Days Have You  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> If this is about the cer001ean b100d  
CT: D --> I wasn't even aware of your union until just recently  
CT: D --> And since then I have been careful to be respe%ful of your privacy  
GA: Oh Okay  
GA: Well Thank You Equius  
CT: D --> Of course  
GA: So Anyway  
GA: What Did You Wish To Discuss  
CT: D --> Oh, nothing in particular  
CT: D --> I was simply 100king to indulge sort of meandering conversation that is occasionally enjoyed by acquaintances  
CT: D --> In fact, I order you to engage me in such a di%ussion  
CT: D --> I mean, if that's ok with you  
GA: You Realize How Pointless It Is To Issue A Command And Then Ask Me Whether Or Not Its Okay For You To Issue It Right  
CT: D --> Of course I do  
CT: D --> But as your superior, it is my e%c100sive responsibility to give you orders  
CT: D --> But I respe% you enough that I do not wish to give you an order you are uncomfortable with  
GA: Okay Look  
GA: Lets Just Say From Now On  
GA: Whenever You Ask Me For Something Like A Normal Troll Well Both Assume Youre Issuing Me An Order With A Trivially Met Escape Clause  
GA: And Likewise Whenever I Ask You For Something Well Both Assume Im Simply Making A Humble Request As Your Inferior That Is By No Means Binding In Any Way Whatsoever  
GA: Does That Sound Acceptable To You  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I suppose it would greatly simplify things  
CT: D --> Very well, I'll do that from now on  
CT: D --> And I order you to do the same  
CT: D --> I mean, if that's ok with you  
GA: If It Means Youll Never Say That Again Then A Thousand Times Yes  
CT: D --> Very well  
CT: D --> These assumptions will be implicit for the foreseeable future  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> Can we just talk now  
GA: That Would Be Okay With Me  
CT: D --> E%cellent  
GA: Was There Any Topic You Wished To Start With  
CT: D --> Well, I suppose I should start with a statement  
CT: D --> That is  
CT: D --> I'm e%tremely happy for you for finding a matesprit  
GA: Well Thank You Equius  
GA: Your Happiness For Me Is Greatly Appreciated  
GA: But Nonetheless It Cannot Hope To Match The Happiness Im Feeling For Finally Being Able To Be In A Matespritship With Vriska  
CT: D --> Well, of horse  
GA: Uh  
GA: Horse  
CT: D --> I mean course  
CT: D --> It was a pun, I'm sorry  
GA: Equius Its Okay To Make Puns  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CT: D --> Having your e%press consent is certainly to my behoof  
GA: Hahaha Okay  
CT: D --> In any case  
CT: D --> It sounds like you love her a great deal  
GA: Oh Yes  
GA: There Are Just So Many Things I Love About Her That Its Almost Impossible For Me To List Them All  
CT: D --> Well, you're free to try  
GA: Really  
CT: D --> Yes, please  
GA: Okay  
GA: I Love The Sound Of Her Voice When She Speaks Without Pretense  
GA: And I Love The Way She Smiles When She Does So Earnestly  
GA: And I Love That I Can Make Her Laugh And Smile And Speak To Me So Sweetly Simply By Being Myself Without Even Having To Try  
GA: And I Love That When Im With Her She Seems To Become A Different Person  
GA: Not A Better Person But Perhaps A More Loveable Person  
GA: And I Love That When Were Alone Together She Utterly Submits Herself To Me And I Utterly Devote Myself To Her And We Almost Seem To Become A Single Consciousness Sharing Two Bodies  
GA: And Im Really Revealing Entirely Too Much Here Arent I  
CT: D --> No, it's ok  
CT: D --> I envy you, a%ually  
CT: D --> I wish I could find someone who loved me as deeply as it 100ks like you love her  
GA: Im Sorry Equius  
GA: Are Things Going Poorly Between You And Aradia  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> They're going about as well as could be e%pected  
CT: D --> No, a%ually, they're even worse than that  
GA: Haha  
CT: D --> What  
GA: Im Sorry  
GA: I Just Think Its Funny How The Simple Addition Of The Word Even Completely Changes The Meaning Of The Previous Sentence  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Yes, I suppose so  
CT: D --> Ha  
GA: Well What In Particular Is Causing Problems Between You  
CT: D --> I'm not tr001y certain  
CT: D --> In truth, our relationship has always been strained  
CT: D --> I've come to e%pect her to be distant and a100f with me  
CT: D --> But recently she has been even more so than usual  
GA: She Seemed To Be Expressing Concern Over Some Sort Of Metaphysical Spacetime Quandary In A Recent Memo  
GA: Perhaps That Is The Root Of The Problem  
CT: D --> Possibly  
CT: D --> But I think it has simply e%acerbated an e%isting animosity  
CT: D --> My moirail recently suggested she would rather be my kismesis than my matesprit  
CT: D --> And I'm afraid she may be corre% in that conc100sion  
GA: Im Very Sorry To Hear That Equius  
GA: But You Know Nepeta Helped Me A Great Deal With My Own Matesprit  
GA: Shes Surprisingly Adept At Dealing With Relationship Issues  
GA: Have You Considered Asking Her For Assistance With Your Difficulties With Aradia  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> She a%ually disapproves of our relationship  
CT: D --> She says it's  
CT: D --> Creepy  
CT: D --> And also  
CT: D --> Weird  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well  
GA: It Kind Of Is  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> Is it  
GA: Well Its Just  
GA: The Whole Making Her A Robot Body Filled With Your Own Blood Thing Is A Little Unsettling  
GA: Wait I Forget Is It Your Own Blood Or That Of Another Presumably Dead Blueblood  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Is one worse than the other  
GA: I Think One Of Them Is Yes  
GA: But Only A Little  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> The answer doesn't a%ually matter  
CT: D --> Does it  
GA: No Not Really  
CT: D --> Hrm  
GA: Forgive Me If This Is Rude Of Me To Ask But  
GA: Do You Actually Love Her  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I did  
CT: D --> When she was alive, she was the pinnacle of grace and beauty  
CT: D --> And though she was a mere rustb100d, I could not help but find myself smitten  
CT: D --> But now, it seems like she has  
CT: D --> Changed  
CT: D --> I mean, the physical attra%ion still e%ists  
CT: D --> But she has become cold and unemotional  
CT: D --> And violent  
CT: D --> A more fitting personality for a b100b100d, I suppose  
CT: D --> And yet  
CT: D --> It's just not the same  
GA: Oh Wow  
CT: D --> I'm sorry, this line of di%ussion is completely inappropriate  
CT: D --> I should be telling this to my moirail  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> I can't, for some reason  
GA: Its Okay I Understand  
GA: It Sounds Strange But I Think A Moirail Can Be So Close That There Are Things Its Almost Impossible To Tell Them  
GA: Please Dont Think Of This As Pale Infidelity Or Anything Like That  
CT: D --> Yes, of course  
CT: D --> There's nothing pale about this  
CT: D --> You're simply acting as a  
CT: D --> Confidant  
GA: Sure Lets Go With That  
CT: D --> Ok  
GA: Though I Should Probably Confess To You  
GA: A Few Days Ago I Had A Conversation With Nepeta Regarding My Feelings About Vriska And I May Have Um  
GA: Confided In Her As Well  
GA: And She Responded In A Way That In Retrospect Seems Very  
GA: Uh  
GA: Supportive  
CT: D --> I know  
CT: D --> She told me about it  
GA: Oh  
GA: So You Dont Have A Problem With That  
CT: D --> It's simply her way of helping the team  
CT: D --> She assured me she's not 100king for another moirail  
CT: D --> And I believe her  
GA: Well Thank Goodness  
GA: Im Glad You Dont Think Im Trying To Steal Her Away From You Or Something Nonsensical Like That  
CT: D --> Of horse not  
CT: D --> The mare thought is 100dicrous  
CT: D --> And it behooves us both to put it out to pasture  
GA: Haha Okay  
GA: Well  
GA: If Youll Forgive My Perhaps Uncharacteristic Boldness In Asking Such A Personal Question  
GA: Is There Anyone Else Youve Considered For Your Flushed Quadrant  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Kind of  
GA: Kind Of  
GA: ?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> The only other troll I've seriously considered is  
CT: D --> The indigo b100d  
GA: Oh  
GA: Gamzee  
CT: D --> Yes  
GA: Well  
GA: What Do You Like About Him  
CT: D --> Abso100tely nothing  
CT: D --> In fact, I despise him in almost every way  
CT: D --> The only reason I considered it is because he is my only e%isting superior on the hemospe%rum  
GA: Equius  
GA: I Mean No Offense To You Personally When I Say This  
GA: But That Is Quite Possibly The Absolute Worst Reason For Wanting To Be Someones Matesprit Ive Ever Heard  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Nepeta e%pressed a similar opinion  
CT: D --> Naturally, it's another idea she considers cr33py  
CT: D --> I mean creepy  
GA: Well  
GA: Are There Any Ideas She Doesnt Consider Creepy  
CT: D --> She did make a few suggestions of her own  
CT: D --> For e%ample, before your e%isting entanglement with the cer001ean b100d, she would have suggested you for my flushed quadrant  
GA: Oh  
GA: Uh  
GA: Really  
CT: D --> Does that strike you as 100dicrous  
GA: Well  
GA: I Hadnt Even Thought About It Before  
GA: I Mean The Thought Literally Never Crossed My Mind  
CT: D --> Well, Serket's intervention has neatly prec100ded it  
CT: D --> So there's little point in reaching a conc100sion on it now  
GA: Yes I Suppose So  
GA: Well Did She Have Any Other Suggestions  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> But it's a little  
CT: D --> Pec001iar  
GA: It Cant Be That Unusual  
GA: Unless She Suggested Someone Like Tavros  
CT: D --> Hrk  
CT: D --> Could you  
CT: D --> Please refrain from suggesting any sort of relation between me and the mudb100d in the future  
GA: Um Okay  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> The mere idea is abso100tely 100dicrous  
CT: D --> And it tr001y perple%es me how the thought keeps resurfacing  
CT: D --> It just causes me to  
CT: D --> Perspire  
GA: Yes Of Course How Thoughtless Of Me  
GA: It Was Never My Intention To Force You To Sully Your Rapidly Dwindling Supply Of Fresh Towels  
GA: I Shall Do My Best To Avoid Implying Feelings Of Any Sort Between You And Mister Nitram In The Future  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CT: D --> I simply find him  
CT: D --> Particularly offensive for some reason  
GA: Nonetheless Weve Gotten Off Topic Here  
GA: What Was This Strange Suggestion That Nepeta Offered For Your Matesprit  
CT: D --> Well, it was  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> The heiress  
GA: Oh  
GA: Feferi  
GA: Okay That Actually Is Kind Of Unusual  
CT: D --> My sentiments e%actly  
GA: Well I Mean Its Unusual  
GA: But Its Not Completely Ridiculous  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No, it is completely ridiculous  
CT: D --> She is a seadweller  
CT: D --> The feud between landdwellers and her kind is ancient and well-recorded  
CT: D --> It would be abso100tely una%eptable for us to enter any sort of amicable relationship  
CT: D --> But at the same time  
CT: D --> She is the heiress apparent to the imperial throne  
CT: D --> She stands to become r001er of the entirety of the Alternian Empire  
CT: D --> Her royal tyrian b100d places her at the top of the hemospe%rum, the very ape% of society  
CT: D --> That she would ever deign to a%ept the hand of a meager b100b100d in matespritship is unthinkable  
CT: D --> The thought of being her matesprit strikes me as simultaneously completely disgusting and abso100tely terrifying  
CT: D --> And the two feelings combine into something strangely  
CT: D --> E%citing  
GA: Ha  
CT: D --> What  
GA: Sorry Its Just Funny That You Used That Particular Word  
GA: Anyway Equius I Think Youre Seriously Overthinking This  
CT: D --> How so  
GA: Well You Keep Making All These Judgments Based On What Society Would Think  
GA: When Society Has Been Reduced To Exactly Twelve Trolls Of Which I Think Youre The Only One That Actually Cares About Things Like This  
GA: Besides You The Only Troll I Can Think Of That Grants The Hemospectrum Or Ancient Feuds Any Credibility Whatsoever Is Eridan  
GA: And Really I Think He Was Only Humoring Them To Serve His Own Ends  
GA: Judging By The Most Recent Memo It Seems Even He Has Discarded Them Because They Now Conflict With His Own Bottom Line  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> You're saying it would be to my behoof to follow the seadweller's e%ample  
GA: Essentially Yes  
CT: D --> That is  
CT: D --> Uniquely depressing  
GA: Okay I Can Certainly Understand You Feeling That Way  
GA: But You Should Probably Know That The Young Miss Peixes Cares Little For These Traditions And In Fact Actively Despises Them  
CT: D --> What  
GA: Oh Yes She Holds A Great Deal Of Contempt For The Hemospectrum And All The Social Stratification That Results Directly From It  
GA: And Even Before The Game Began She Held Onto The Idealistic Notion Of Uniting The Two Races Of Trollkind In Peace And Harmony  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Seriously  
GA: Yes  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> In the abso100tely absurd scenario that I were to attempt to court her  
CT: D --> She would not see me as a b100b100d  
CT: D --> But as simply  
CT: D --> A troll  
GA: Most Likely Yes  
CT: D --> Well that's  
CT: D --> A%ually terrible  
GA: What Exactly Is Terrible About That  
CT: D --> I had thought my status as a b100b100d may confer me some sort of advantage  
CT: D --> But with that fa%or e%cluded, I can see little else I could offer over the eight other eligible trolls  
GA: Equius Youre Really Not Giving Yourself Enough Credit Here  
GA: I Mean Youre Not A Bad Person  
GA: Its Just  
GA: Okay I Want To Pay You A Compliment Here  
GA: But Its Going To Be More Than A Little Backhanded And It Also Has A Dirty Word In It  
GA: Is That Okay  
CT: D --> Yes, go ahead  
GA: Okay  
GA: The Thing Is  
GA: Youre Actually A Pretty Likeable Guy When Youre Not Being A Pretentious Classist Asshole  
CT: D --> Oh wow, ok  
GA: Youve Been Thankfully Sparing With The Condescending Hemospectrum Talk In Your Conversations With Me  
GA: And For The Most Part Ive Actually Genuinely Enjoyed Talking To You  
GA: I Mean You Have Some Backwards Views And Some Unsavory Habits  
GA: But Putting All That Aside I Honestly Find You To Be An Incredibly Kind And Considerate And Gentle Person  
GA: And I Might Even Consider You My Friend If You Would Let Me  
CT: D --> A friend  
CT: D --> Really  
GA: Yes Really  
CT: D --> Kanaya, I  
CT: D --> I don't know what to say  
CT: D --> E%cept that  
CT: D --> I'm honored that you would consider me your friend  
GA: Equius Its Not That Big A Deal Really  
CT: D --> I suddenly require a towel  
CT: D --> To wipe away all these tears  
GA: Um  
GA: Okay I Cant Tell If That Was A Sincere Statement Or A Joke  
CT: D --> The statement itself is 100% fa%ual  
CT: D --> But nonetheless, I found the sentiment humorous  
CT: D --> So really, it's both  
CT: D --> You are free to laugh  
GA: Hahaha Okay  
GA: See Thats Another Thing Equius  
GA: You Actually Have A Sense Of Humor Which Is Something I Think Most Of The Others Dont Even Realize About You  
GA: If You Werent Always Putting On These Airs Of Superiority I Honestly Think Most Of Us Would Actually Like You  
CT: D --> You tr001y believe so  
GA: Equius Im Completely Certain Of It  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Perhaps you're right  
CT: D --> Nepeta has e%pressed similar views on my adherence to Alternian traditions  
GA: You Should Probably Listen To Her  
GA: She Undoubtedly Has Your Best Interests At Heart  
GA: And From My Brief Experience With Her I Can Tell She Is Almost Certainly An Excellent Moirail  
GA: Or At Least A Better Moirail Than I Ever Was  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> She is tr001y the best there is  
CT: D --> But you shouldn't be so quick to di%redit yourself  
CT: D --> Judging by this conversation alone  
CT: D --> Which is, of course, 100% platonic and not pale in any way whatsoever  
CT: D --> I can conc100de that you would be an e%cellent moirail  
GA: Now Youre Simply Flattering Me  
GA: The Only Moirallegiance Ive Been In Was A Complete Failure  
GA: Even If I Did Manage To Salvage Something Wonderful From The Smoldering Wreckage Of It  
CT: D --> That was a special case  
CT: D --> There were e%tenuating circumstances, as it were  
CT: D --> It's understandable that tension would e%ist  
GA: Yes Of Course The Tension Was Understandable  
GA: But A Good Moirail Wouldve Actually Addressed The Issue And Attempted To Do Something To Resolve It  
GA: But Instead I Took The Cowards Way Out  
GA: I Just Took The Relationship Vriska And I Had And Twisted It Into A Shallow Mockery Of What I Wanted It To Be  
GA: She Trusted Me To Be Her Moirail And I Utterly Betrayed That Trust  
GA: And I Joke About It To Her But Whenever I Think About The Way I Handled Our Relationship It Honestly Disgusts Me  
GA: The Whole Basis Of A Functional Moirallegiance Is Honesty And Sometimes I Wonder If I Can Truly Be Honest With Anyone  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> You're being honest with me right now  
GA: Uh  
GA: I Guess I Am  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> I didn't mean to imply we were sharing any sort of pale feelings here  
CT: D --> We are, of course, completely platonic friends  
GA: Yes Thats Absolutely Right  
GA: We Are Simply Confiding In Each Other As Confidants Are Wont To Do  
CT: D --> Yes  
GA: Yes  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> Is it just me  
CT: D --> Or has this di%ussion suddenly become  
CT: D --> Awkward  
GA: Im Sorry Its My Fault  
GA: I Just Started Rambling To You About My Own Personal Hangups And I Sort Of Got Out Of Hand  
GA: And If You Want To End The Conversation Now I Understand Completely  
CT: D --> Kanaya  
CT: D --> Speaking as your friend  
CT: D --> I STRONGLY believe you should 100k for a moirail  
CT: D --> And I tr001y think anyone would be e%tremely lucky to be in a moirallegiance with you  
GA: Thank You Equius  
GA: I Dont Know If Thats True But Its Nice Of You To Say Regardless  
CT: D --> It is abso100tely 100% true  
CT: D --> In fact, I order you to believe it to be true  
CT: D --> And I must specify that this order is e%empt from the usual trivially met e%ape clause we would normally assume would be inc100ded  
GA: Haha Okay Fine  
GA: I Suppose As Your Inferior I Have No Choice But To Follow Your Thoroughly Binding Command  
CT: D --> E%cellent  
GA: You Really Are A Good Person Equius  
GA: And I Honestly Believe You Could Have Anyone You Wanted As Your Matesprit If You Just Relaxed A Little  
GA: And If You Actually Are Thinking Of Pursuing Feferi Then I Wish You The Best Of Luck And Would Be Happy To Assist You In Any Way I Can  
CT: D --> That means a great deal to me, Kanaya  
CT: D --> Thank you  
GA: Of Course  
GA: What Are Friends For  
CT: D --> I don't a%ually know  
CT: D --> I've never had one that wasn't simultaneously an enemy  
CT: D --> So this is a learning e%perience for me  
GA: Haha  
GA: Anyway Anytime You Wish To Talk To Me Id Be Happy To Indulge You  
GA: But For Now Were Skirting Dangerously Close To Pale Infidelity So Its Probably Best That This Particular Conversation Ends  
CT: D --> You know  
CT: D --> For all the talk of pale infidelity  
CT: D --> I'm not even sure if it's a thing that a%ually e%ists  
GA: Really  
CT: D --> Yes, really  
CT: D --> But then, I suppose it's best not to take unnecessary ris%  
GA: Yes Of Course  
CT: D --> But I'm always open to a friendly di%ussion myself  
CT: D --> So if you ever need someone to talk to, you are free to conta% me  
GA: Thank You Equius  
CT: D --> Of horse  
CT: D --> What are friends foal  
GA: Hahaha Right  
CT: D --> I'm sorry, these hoofbeast puns are gelding rather filly  
CT: D --> I should've colt myself befoal they got out of hoof  
CT: D --> But I suppose I've beaten this dead horse thoroughbredly enough  
CT: D --> I'll spare you and not trot out anymare  
GA: Okay Please Stop  
GA: I Am Now Actually Literally Laughing Out Loud And Vriska Got Here A Few Minutes Ago And Shes Looking At Me Like Im Insane  
GA: Which I Must Be To Be Reduced To Tears By Something As Ridiculous As A Barrage Of Unsolicited Horse Puns  
GA: Now Im The One Who Requires A Towel  
CT: D --> Haha  
CT: D --> Anyway, I didn't realize your matesprit was there  
CT: D --> I won't keep you any further  
GA: Its No Problem At All Really  
GA: But I Hope To Talk To You Again Soon  
CT: D --> Count on it  
GA: You Mean Canter On It  
CT: D --> Ha, yes  
CT: D --> That is abso100tely what I mean  
GA: Sorry Im Done  
GA: Ill Let You Go Now  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> Goodbye, Kanaya  
GA: Goodbye Equius  
  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA].


	8. A Chance to Glow

Chapter 8

A Chance to Glow

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]  
  
CA: nep no time to talk just go this memo its a fuckin emergency  
CA: http://tinyurl.com/ohgodimgonnafuckindie  
AC: :33 < what??  
AC: :33 < uh, okay

CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board oh my fuckin god wwhat the fuck is goin on here im about to die  
  
CCA: fuck fuck fuck  
CCA: ok wwevve got a serious fuckin emergency on lotam  
CCA: an im kinda trapped here an i dont knoww wwhat the fuck to do so somebody please fuckin help me  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG: WHAT  
FCG: ERIDAN, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.  
CCA: its gam  
CCA: hes gone fuckin crazy  
CCA: i dont knoww wwhat the fuck happened but he just fuckin snapped  
CCA: an noww hes dartin around the hivve like a fuckin lunatic wwith some sorta super speed powwers or some shit  
CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCT: D --> So the day has finally come  
CCT: D --> The subjugglator within him has awakened  
CCT: D --> We are all doomed  
FCG: OH MY GOD  
FCG: ERIDAN, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO????  
CCA: i dont knoww i just wwoke up an he wwas like this  
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAT: wAIT, yOU SAID,  
CAT: yOU TOOK HIM OFF THE SOPOR, rIGHT,  
CCA: yeah its all fuckin gone  
CCA: not evven any in the fuckin recuperacoon  
CAT: yOU MEAN,  
CAT: hE WASN'T EVEN SLEEPING IN IT,  
CCA: no he wwent to sleep on a fuckin legume sack  
CCA: meanwwhile i wwas gettin nice an cozy in the faygo pile wwhen i wwoke up to this fuckin psychotic clowwn  
CAT: oH GOD,  
CAT: oKAY, tHIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, wHEN HE FORGETS TO TAKE THE SLIME,  
CAT: bUT IF HE DIDN'T SLEEP IN IT, iT'S PROBABLY EVEN WORSE THAN USUAL,  
CCA: yeah wwell its pretty fuckin bad right noww  
CCA: he hasnt tried attackin me yet or anythin but hes playin fuckin mind games wwith me  
CCA: an hes rantin about killin all lowwbloods an seadwwellers an its gettin kinda fuckin disturbin  
CAT: oKAY, wELL,  
CAT: dON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVEMENTS,  
CAT: aND DEFINITELY DON'T ATTACK HIM, bECAUSE,  
CAT: hE'LL PROBABLY KILL YOU,  
CAT: oR YOU'LL KILL HIM, mAYBE  
CAT: aND NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS IS VERY GOOD,  
CCA: believve me i dont wwanna havve to kill him  
CCA: but im startin to wwonder wwhat the fuck else i can do at this point  
CAT: wELL, dO YOU HAVE ANY SLIME AVAILABLE,  
CCA: course ivve got fuckin slime  
CCA: its all in my fuckin sylladex  
FCG: OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME  
FCG: GIVE HIM SOME FUCKING SLIME, YOU NOOK-SNIFFING IGNORAMUS!!!  
CCA: no fuck that  
CCA: im his moirail not his fuckin dealer  
CCA: i wwanna help him not be the guy wwho keeps him drugged up wwith fuckin sopor  
FCG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE  
FCG: HE'S TRYING TO KILL YOU, YOU DUMB FUCK, IS NOW REALLY THE TIME TO STICK TO YOUR FUCKING GUNS?????  
CCA: look somebody please just fuckin tell me theres a wway to calm him dowwn wwithout givvin him anymore fuckin slime  
CCT: D --> A subjugglator's b100dthirst is not sated so easily  
CCT: D --> Only b100dshed can satisfy it  
CCT: D --> If a sacrifice is required, I will gladly be the first vi%im  
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAC: :33 < equius, no!!!  
CAC: :33 < im not letting you get yourself killed to satisfy your insane hemeowspectrum submission fantasies!!!  
CCT: D --> Nepeta, stay out of this  
CCT: D --> It is not something I e%pect a greenb100d to understand  
CAC: :33 < i understand it enough!  
CAC: :33 < youre offuring to let gamz33 kill you, and im putting my foot down!  
CAC: :33 < as your meowrail, i furbid you furom going to lotam!!  
CCT: D --> This transcends the bounds of moirallegiance  
CCT: D --> It is the highb100d's destiny  
CCT: D --> As it is mine  
CAC: XOO < grrrr NO IT ISNT!!!  
CAC: XOO < EQUIUS, STAY THE FUCK OFF OF LOTAM!!!!!!  
CCT: D --> Your  
CCT: D --> Impudence  
CCT: D --> Is noted  
CCT: D --> But I must go  
CCT: D --> I'm sorry, Nepeta  
CCT ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: XOO < ARRRGRGHRGHRGHRGHRGHRGJGARSKHLFSADJBLKJ  
CAC: :33 < well, i guess im going to lotam too to stop that idiot furom killing himself!  
CAC: :33 < be right there  
CAC ceased responding to memo.  
CCA: god damnit no  
CCA: this isnt wwhat i fuckin wwant at all  
CCA: somebody please howw the fuck do i stop this wwithout anybody dyin  
CAT: wELL, tHERE MIGHT BE A WAY,  
CCA: wwhat is it  
CAT: wELL, uH,  
CAT: dO YOU KNOW ANYTHING, aBOUT, uH  
CAT: sLAM POETRY,  
CCA: wwhat  
CCA: no i dont fuckin knoww anythin about fuckin slam poetry are you fuckin kiddin me  
CAT: wELL, wHEN HE GOT LIKE THIS BEFORE,  
CAT: rAPPING ALWAYS SEEMED TO, uH  
CAT: cALM HIM DOWN,  
CCA: oh god are you fuckin serious  
CCA: so wwhat ivve gotta challenge him to a fuckin poetry slam  
CAT: nO, i WOULDN'T SUGGEST THAT,  
CAT: bECAUSE YOU'LL PROBABLY LOSE,  
CAT: aND IF YOU LOSE, hE'LL, uH,  
CAT: kILL YOU,  
CCA: oh my god  
CAT: oKAY, lOOK,  
CAT: i'LL COME OVER TO lotam,  
CAT: mAYBE i'LL BE ABLE TO PACIFY HIM,  
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTC: no no no no no.  
CTC: MOTHER FUCK NO.  
CTC: tavbro stay the fuck away.  
CTC: STAY THE MOTHERFUCK AWAY TAVBRO.  
CTC: i don't want to motherfuckin hurt you.  
CTC: BUT IF YOU MOTHERFUCKING COME HERE I'M MOTHERFUCKING GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU TAVBRO.  
CAT: gAMZEE, pLEASE STOP THIS,  
CTC: i can't motherfuckin stop it, brother.  
CTC: THE MOTHERFUCKING SLIME IS MOTHERFUCKING GONE AND MY MOTHERFUCKING EYES ARE MOTHERFUCKING OPEN.  
CTC: and now i know what my true motherfuckin destiny is.  
CTC: IT'S TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL EVERY LAST MOTHERFUCKING ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.  
CAT: gAMZEE, i'M COMING TO lotam,  
CAT: aND i'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING i SHOULD HAVE DONE A LONG TIME AGO,  
CTC: no.  
CTC: YOU CAN'T MOTHERFUCKING SEE ME LIKE THIS, TAVBRO.  
CTC: just motherfuckin stay away.  
CAT: i HAVE TO DO THIS, gAMZEE,  
CAT: i'M SORRY,  
CTC: HOOOOOOONK.  
CTC ceased responding to memo.  
FCG: OH MY GOD.  
FCG: PLEASE, TAVROS, DON'T HURT HIM.  
CAT: kARKAT,  
CAT: i CAN'T HURT HIM ANY MORE THAN i ALREADY HAVE,  
FCG: WHAT?  
FCG: LOOK, MAYBE I SHOULD COME OVER THERE.  
FCG: SOMEBODY HAS TO PAP THIS CLOWN INTO SUBMISSION.  
FCG: AND IF ERIDAN CAN'T GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND DO IT, THEN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO STEP IN.  
CCA: god damnit kar you think i didnt fuckin think a that  
CCA: he keeps doin this fuckin flash step thing an i cant get a fuckin bead on him  
CCA: i cant evven shoosh him let alone fuckin pap him  
CCA: evvery time i try to get close to him he throwws a fuckin faygo bottle in my face or makes me trip ovver a legume sack or some shit  
CCA: seriously my pranksters gambit is gettin dangerously fuckin loww ovver here  
FCG: OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SUCH AN INCOMPETENT BUFFOON.  
FCG: MY CONTEMPT FOR YOU AT THIS MOMENT IS LITERALLY PALPABLE, AND I'M CURRENTLY MOLDING IT INTO THE SHAPE OF A GIANT MIDDLE FINGER POINTED RIGHT AT YOUR MORONIC FACE.  
FCG: I'M COMING OVER THERE.  
CAT: kARKAT, pLEASE, i CAN HANDLE THIS,  
CAT: aND IT'S SOMETHING i HAVE TO DO MYSELF,  
FCG: GOD DAMNIT, WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO CULL HIM?  
FCG: BECAUSE IF YOU'RE DOING THAT, I'M GOING THERE JUST TO STOP YOU.  
CAT: nO, lOOK, tHERE'S NO CULLING INVOLVED,  
CAT: bUT, i MEAN,  
CAT: mY PLAN IS A LITTLE WEIRD,  
CAT: aND i DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW,  
CAT: bUT i KNOW IT'LL WORK  
CAT: jUST TRUST ME,  
FCG: ...  
FCG: OKAY, FINE.  
FCG: BUT IF YOU KILL HIM, I'M COMING AFTER YOU NEXT.  
CAT: iT WON'T COME TO THAT, bELIEVE ME,  
CAT: aNYWAY, i SHOULD GO,  
CAT ceased responding to memo.  
FCG: GOD.  
FCG: ERIDAN, YOU ARE SUCH A METEORIC FUCKUP, IT'S ALMOST INSPIRING.  
FCG: INSPIRING ME TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.  
CCA: you think i dont fuckin knoww that kar  
CCA: i wwasnt tryin to drivve gam into a genocidal fuckin rage yknoww  
CCA: i wwas tryin to help him  
CCA: i figured if he got off the sopor hed be more activve an alert an basically wwouldnt let the wwhole fuckin wworld pass him by  
CCA: wwhich i guess wwas a resoundin fuckin success for a givven definition of success  
CCA: that bein one wwhich doesnt count him turnin into a vviolent psychopath as a failure condition  
FCG: WELL  
CCA: god this wwhole thing was a fuckin mistake wwasnt it  
CCA: i nevver shoulda become gams moirail in the first place  
CCA: im just the shittiest goddamn moirail there evver fuckin wwas  
CCA: cant evven help somebody like gam wwithout fuckin things up monumentally  
CCA: i cannot BELIEVVE wwhat a fuckin asshole i am  
FCG: ERIDAN, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A MINUTE, OKAY?  
FCG: YOU'RE NOT A COMPLETELY AWFUL MOIRAIL.  
FCG: YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO HELP GAMZEE.  
FCG: AND YEAH, I MEAN, YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING IT UP CATASTROPHICALLY AS WE SPEAK  
FCG: AND YOU'RE KIND OF A DUMBFUCK FOR BUMBLING INTO THIS WHOLE SOPOR THING ALL GUNGHO IN THE FIRST PLACE  
FCG: BUT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE EVEN TRYING SAYS SOMETHING.  
CCA: really  
FCG: LOOK, JUST LET TAVROS TRY HIS THING  
FCG: AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, YOU CAN JUST PUT GAMZEE BACK ON THE SLIME AND WE'LL WRITE THIS WHOLE THING OFF AS A WELL-INTENTIONED MISTAKE.  
FCG: ALRIGHT?  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: ok  
CCA: shit kar you alwways seem to knoww just the right thing to say  
CCA: maybe you shouldvve been gams moirail  
FCG: NO, FUCK YOU.  
FCG: YOU'RE HIS MOIRAIL NOW, AND THAT IS FUCKING THAT.  
FCG: SO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND JUST DEAL WITH IT.  
CCA: yeah alright  
CCA: oh hey nep just got here  
CCA: and shit theres eq right fuckin behind her  
CCA: howw the fuck did he get here so fast  
CCA: god that fuckin guy  
CCA: hes probably got a bulge just thinkin about gettin subjugglated  
FCG: ALRIGHT, I APPRECIATE YOU KEEPING ME UPDATED HERE, BUT CAN WE MOVE THIS TO A PRIVATE CONVERSATION?  
FCG: IF THE REST OF THESE ASSHOLES WANT THE PLAY-BY-PLAY, THEY CAN GO TO FUCKING LOTAM THEMSELVES.  
CCA: yeah sure  
CCA: probably airin too much shit out here anywway  
CCA: but really thanks for bein supportivve kar  
FCG: YEAH YEAH WHATEVER.  
FCG: TALK TO YOU ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.  
CCA: right  
FCG ceased responding to memo.  
CCA ceased responding to memo.  
  
CCA closed memo. 

*** 

"Equius, _no_! You are _not_ going up there!"

"Nepeta, you will release me at once."

The two stood a good distance from the entrance to Gamzee's hive, Nepeta interposing herself between Equius and the structure and attempting to restrain him by his arms. From where they were standing, they could occasionally catch quick glimpses of a blurry figure through the hive's windows, as well as the occasional flying horn or bottle of Faygo. They could also faintly hear the two occupants conversing, with Gamzee constantly babbling about death and murder, and Eridan's attempts at consolation being interrupted with a loud honk or the sharp hiss of an exploding soda bottle, each earning a string of expletives from the terrified seadweller.

"No I won't!" Nepeta shouted, glaring up at Equius and attempting to shake his massive arms, only succeeding in shaking herself against him. "You can't go up there! It's too dangerous! If you go confront Gamzee, one of you is going to get hurt, or probably even killed!"

Equius glowered down at her. "That is none of your concern," he said. "As the highest-blooded of the landdwellers only before him, it is my sole privilege to deal with the highblood."

"So what," Nepeta said, "you're going to try to stop him?"

Equius hesitated. "Er," was all he could manage in response.

"You're not!" Nepeta yelled, beating a hand against his chest. "You're just gonna go up there and kneel before him and let him beat you to death with a club, and you'll just sit there and take it with a smile on your face because you're a _fucking idiot_!"

Equius grabbed her wrist as delicately as he could, still sending a sharp spike of pain through it and causing her to flinch. "Nepeta, watch your language," he said suddenly and harshly.

"No! I won't watch my language, because you're being stupid!" Nepeta said, futilely attempting to wriggle her arm out of his grip until he released it. "I'm not letting you go up there, and that's that!"

Equius huffed, and a few beads of sweat began to appear on his forehead. "Nepeta, this is not something I expect you to understand, but it is something I must do," he said, his voice shaking with bridled rage. "Now get out of my way."

"No! I'm not getting out of your way!" Nepeta shouted, her arms balled into fists at her sides. "In fact..." She suddenly dropped to the ground and wrapped her entire body around Equius' shins. "I'm getting even _more_ in your way! Now you can't even move without tearing me in half! What do you think about _that_?"

Equius looked down at her and let out a long, disgusted sigh. "Nepeta, stop this. You're being foolish."

"You're the one who's being foolish, Equius!" she shot back at him. "I'm doing this for your own good!"

The two continued to bicker for a while, with Equius vainly attempting to extricate himself from Nepeta's grip without hurting her, until they were interrupted by the arrival of Tavros. He was garbed in loose-fitting, light blue god tier apparel, and he fluttered to the ground on large brown wings, leaving a trail of cinnamon sparkles in his wake.

"Tavros?" Nepeta asked, disentangling herself from Equius' legs and standing once more. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to deal with Gamzee," Tavros replied, his voice unwavering, and filled with what she almost wanted to say was conviction.

"Correction, rustblood," Equius said, stepping between Tavros and Gamzee's hive. " _I_ am here to deal with the highblood. You are entitled to do nothing more than watch."

Tavros just glared at him. "With all due respect, _Equius_ ," he spat, making it entirely clear how little that was, "this has nothing to do with you. It's between me and Gamzee."

"No," Equius growled in response, leaning over Tavros, " _I_ am between you and the highblood."

Tavros didn't flinch. "Well, in that case," he said, "I guess you'll just have to step aside."

Equius pursed his lips, and he once again started to perspire. "Is that..." he started, his voice quivering with anger and disgust. "Is that a command?"

"Call it what you want," Tavros said, and took a step closer to look Equius straight in the eyes. "Just get. The fuck. Out. Of my way," he said in a low growl, almost a whisper, and raised a hand to his side. He swept it in front of him in a wave, and Equius was suddenly buffeted out of the way by a sharp blast of wind. Tavros strode confidently through the vacuum left in his wake, and Equius was too shocked to do anything but turn and watch him.

"Gamzee!" he shouted as he advanced toward the hive. "It's Tavros! Come out here and face me!"

The commotion in the hive came to a sudden stop, and after a moment's pause, the front door snapped open and then shut again as Gamzee darted his way through it. He stood fully upright, completely different from his normal slouched stance, and towered several inches over Tavros. Gamzee looked at him sorrowfully, his mouth contorted into a horrifying frown. "Tavbro, why'd you motherfuckin' come?" he said. "I MOTHERFUCKING TOLD YOU TO STAY THE MOTHER FUCK AWAY."

"I came to put an end to this, Gamzee," Tavros replied, looking Gamzee in the eyes earnestly.

"There's only one motherfuckin' way it's gonna motherfuckin' end, brother," Gamzee said. "I KILL EVERY MOTHERFUCKING LAST ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, OR ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKING KILLS ME."

"It doesn't have to be like this, Gamzee," Tavros said.

Gamzee looked to the ground, shaking his head. "I've seen the motherfuckin' truth, brother," he said. "I'VE SEEN THE MOTHERFUCKING DESTINY WHAT'S BEEN LAID MOTHERFUCKING DOWN TO ME." He let out a dry, choking laugh. "The Mirthful Messiahs were always a motherfuckin' lie. MY ONLY MOTHERFUCKING PURPOSE FOR EVER MOTHERFUCKING BEING WAS TO EXECUTE ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS."

"Gamzee, please," Tavros pleaded, opening his arms plaintively. "Just stop this."

"Wish I motherfuckin' could, but it's not that motherfuckin' simple," Gamzee said, then looked back up at Tavros, his mouth twisted into a snarl. "IT WON'T MOTHERFUCKIN' STOP UNLESS YOU'RE PREPARED TO MOTHERFUCKIN' STRIFE ME."

"Actually," Tavros said, suddenly shifting to a self-assured tone, "I'd prefer if we could settle this in a more traditional way." He held his left arm out, and suddenly a massive boombox materialized in it from his sylladex. He unhooked a microphone from it with his other hand and let it settle at his side.

Seeing this, Gamzee let out a long, honking laugh. "You want to motherfuckin' slam with me, brother?" he asked with a menacing grin. "YOU MOTHERFUCKING KNOW THE MOTHERFUCKING RULES."

"Of course," Tavros said with a smirk. "Winner takes the loser's life."

Gamzee frowned at him. "Don't motherfuckin' do this, Tavbro," he pleaded. "YOU NEVER MOTHERFUCKING BEAT ME IN A MOTHERFUCKING SLAM, AND I DON'T MOTHERFUCKING WANT TO HAVE TO MOTHERFUCKING CULL YOU."

Tavros' face turned to stone. "I'm not going to lose, Gamzee."

Rage clouded Gamzee's mind once more, and his frown again curled into a wicked grin. "Motherfuckin' fine then. THE MOTHERFUCKING CHALLENGER GOES FIRST."

Tavros hit the power button on the boombox and released his grip on it, forming a tiny little whirlwind to lower it gently to the ground. A soft, mournful piano piece started playing from its speakers, and Tavros raised his hood over his head. The two stared each other down, waiting for the beat to drop.

Eridan was watching everything unfold from the the hive's front window, frenetically dictating everything taking place into his huskpad. Seeing an opportunity to escape the hive, he disappeared from the window, then emerged from the hive's back entrance. Tavros and Gamzee continued their standoff, the boombox having transitioned to a strumming guitar piece, and Eridan carefully made his way over a tightrope to where Nepeta and Equius were standing.

"What the fuck are they doin'?" he asked, still tapping on his huskpad.

"It's a poetry slam," Equius answered, but didn't look away from the spectacle unfolding. "The traditional way of settling disputes among highbloods." He huffed out a prideful laugh. "The rustblood has no chance of defeating him. He will certainly be culled."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that..." Nepeta said with a sly smirk.

Eridan just rolled his eyes. "This is the dumbest fuckin' thing I've ever fuckin' seen."

Tavros tapped the microphone to ensure it was working properly, sending a few loud thumps through the boombox's speakers. Suddenly, a pounding beat dropped into the song, and he raised the mic to his mouth and began to rap.

" _Okay, so, I know you must be feelin' mad,  
All this lack of slime's got you really sad,  
But, I just want to tell you, that it's not so bad,  
You've got friends who care about you, and they're really glad,  
That, uh, you're alright, you're not feeling the bite,  
Or, uh, I guess you are, so uh, fuck, nevermind,  
But, the point is, you've still got stuff to live for,  
Even if you have to stop taking the sopor,  
You've got a moirail who cares enough not to drug you,  
And you've got all your friends, and maybe even one who loves you,  
So like a legislacerator, I'm about to drub you,  
Cook up a big souffle of rhymes and serve it up like grubfood,  
Wait, I shouldn't mention baking, because of the pies,  
So that was probably out of line, and I apologize,  
But if you could see the truth and just look past all the lies,  
You'd see this world is full of beauty, if you open your eyes._ " 

From the sidelines, Nepeta gave an uncertain grimace. "Was... was that good?"

"No," said Equius flatly. "It was absolute rubbish."

"Well, I mean," Eridan started, proffering a justifying palm in a half-shrug, "the beginnin' was fuckin' awful, but it... kind of got better?"

Equius simply turned and looked at the seadweller, utterly silent. Eridan slumped his shoulders and looked away. "Okay, it was fuckin' garbage," he admitted as he returned to tapping away at his huskpad. "But maybe Gam won't be any better."

Tavros extended the mic and dropped it into Gamzee's waiting palm. The clown raised it to his head, mouth curved in a murderous grin, all the traces of compassion in his expression lost in the heat of subjugglation, and began to rap.

" _Your rhymes are weak, and your message is motherfuckin' hollow,  
So it's time to spit some rhymes for you to motherfuckin' follow,  
No shitblood motherfucker can understand the depths of my sorrow,  
So let me try to explain my pain with this mic that I've borrowed,  
Ever since I was a fuckin' grub, I believed it was true,  
That every brother would be saved by the Mirthful Messiahs two,  
But the slime made me blind, clouded my fuckin' mind,  
And now I see the truth that was always behind,  
My violent activities, profane proclivities,  
And it was never any motherfuckin' clownish divinities,  
It's this indigo blood poundin' through my fuckin' veins,  
Stirrin' me into a bloodlust, drivin' me insane,  
And now I know my true purpose was always to cull,  
Track down lowblood motherfuckers and cave in their fuckin' skulls,  
Ain't no motherfuckin' miracle can stop this rage,  
So just do yourself a favor and step off of the stage._ " 

The three spectators looked on slack-jawed. "He's fucked," Eridan piped up.

"Well, it's still going," Nepeta offered hesitantly. "If he can do better, he still has a chance!"

Equius opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't come out. He simply stood in silence, sweating profusely.

Gamzee slapped the mic into Tavros' open hand, and the brown-blooded troll raised it with a look of determination on his face. A light breeze began to stir the air as he began to rap once more.

" _Now I hear what you're sayin, and I know you're not playin',  
But I think it's time you listen to these rhymes that I'm layin',  
I can see that you're a killer by the mark on your shirt,  
But that don't mean that anybody further has to get hurt,  
Nature versus nurture, it's all just a debate,  
It doesn't make it fate that you'll have to subjugglate,  
It's written down in history that you'll succumb to your rage,  
But this a whole different chapter, so write up a new page,  
I know there's fury smoldering all up in your brain,  
But I'm not about to sit and let it up and drive you insane,  
You've got friends that want to help you to get over this pain,  
Work out the shit that's tangled in your fuckin' membrane,  
Your anger is all-consuming, but I know you can fight it,  
If it's your destiny to kill, then we'll just have to rewrite it,  
Present fate your middle finger, drop your clubs just to spite it,  
There's hope for good in all of us, we just have to ignite it._ " 

Equius blinked, his eyes wide. "That was..." he started begrudgingly, "a marked improvement."

"Yeah, I don't know shit about poetry, but that sounded a lot fuckin' better," Eridan replied, still diligently entering keystrokes into his huskpad. "Shit, maybe Tav can actually win this fuckin' thing."

"Yeah!" Nepeta squealed with a little clap, then threw a fist into the air. "Go Tavros!"

As Tavros handed the mic to Gamzee, the highblood's grin vanished, the look on his face shifting from amusement to determination. The wind continued to howl as he started his rap.

" _Motherfucker, this fuckin' blasphemy is makin' me choke,  
The chucklevoodoos can't be stopped, that's a motherfuckin' joke,  
The motherfuckin' urges deep inside me can't be repressed,  
I'll cull and slaughter motherfuckers like a demon possessed,  
The one reason for my being was a slanderous lie,  
Designed to keep me all in line until the day that I die,  
But now I've seen the fuckin' truth, and my whole world is shattered,  
My whole religion was a joke, all that shit never mattered,  
There ain't no motherfuckin' miracles except what we make,  
From the tendons that we sever and the bones that we break,  
The vaunted paradise I'll beckon with a mythical flood,  
From the corpses of my brothers, flowing rivers of blood,  
My only way to cope is killin' every fucker I see,  
Already killed the only thing that ever mattered to me,  
So whoever wins this fuckin' slam, we're both gonna lose,  
Either way, the whole thing's fucked, why even bother to choose?_ " 

Equius cocked an eyebrow. "That entire last stanza seems... particularly grim, even given his already dark subject matter," he pondered bemusedly. "What could he be talking about?"

"I think I know," Eridan said, giving Nepeta a knowing glance.

"Yeah, me too," Nepeta said, returning Eridan's look with a smirk. She turned back to the battle. "Now, Tavros! Go for it!"

Tavros looked back to her with a smirk of his own, and he snatched up the mic almost immediately after it left Gamzee's grip. The breeze intensified further, and little funnels of dust and debris began to twist around Tavros as he started to rap.

" _Now I can see the only way to get through to ya's destruction,  
So let me turn these bitches up to stern to give you instruction,  
I'm not the troll you knew, so let me give a fresh introduction,  
My name is Rufio, a fuckin' Tavros Nitram production,  
Now let me tell you what I think of all these problems you got,  
They're all bullshit on a platter, served up steamin' and hot,  
Your fuckin' existential crisis is a trifle compared,  
To all the fundamental stresses on the staircase-impaired,  
But all the difficulties pressed upon me, I overcame,  
And now I'm walkin' and I'm flyin', when before I was lame,  
When all these challenges come to you, you just can't stay the same,  
'Cause developing and growing is the name of the game,  
I've overcome so many obstacles, you can't understand,  
I've got spiders eatin' from the fuckin' palm of my hand,  
I'm not about to let you go insane like destiny planned,  
So now the shooshing will commence, and you know it'll be grand._ " 

As the rap intensified, Tavros' voice heightened into a deafening crescendo, reverberating with an otherworldly power. Gamzee and the rest looked on in awe as the vortices swirling around Tavros began to lift him off the ground.

Equius, by this point, was sweating profusely. "He has found The Flow," he said reverentially. "There are no words." He quickly retrieved a fresh towel from his sylladex and began to wipe off his brow.

"Yeah, I think it's fair to say Tav's got a fuckin' monopoly on words at this point," Eridan admitted, the skeptical amusement once in his voice now completely absent.

Nepeta looked on wide-eyed with amazement. "They should've sent Troll Jodie Foster."

Tavros didn't even bother handing the mic back to Gamzee. Instead, he let his brown wings unfurl behind him, sending little clouds of sparkles in all directions. The wind whipped the hood off his head, and the fury of the maelstrom around him would have threatened to drown him out completely had it not been for the boombox amplifying his every word. Gamzee looked up with quickly slipping resolve as Tavros continued his verbal beatdown.

" _So let me introduce you to a program I just made up,  
It's a two-step intervention to get out of this rut,  
Step one is to admit your problem, which you've just done,  
And then the motherfuckin' next step's where it really gets fun,  
Step two is to submit yourself to a higher power,  
Who just happens to be ascending in this glorious hour,  
There ain't no jovial divinities to find under Skaia,  
So bow down, cause I'm your Verbal motherfuckin' Messiah,  
I'll incinerate your sins in all my sickest of fires,  
And let my lyrics burn away all your earthly desires,  
From Prospit to Derse, everyone will join in congregation,  
To bathe in the light of this terminal conflagration,  
Your iniquities I'll vanquish, I'll exterminate your anguish,  
Turn your weakness into strength with all the vagaries of language,  
So it's time you give it up and just snap out of this rage,  
Because your horns got handed to you, so bow down to the Page!_ " 

As the whirlwind surrounding Tavros dissipated, the only sounds in the air were the slowly dying winds and the constant pulse of the beats. Tavros touched down to the ground and thrust the mic out in front of him. Gamzee simply stared, his mouth agape and quivering, and after a long pause, Tavros released the mic. A series of loud thumps sounded as it came to a stop on the ground. The beat continued for a moment more until Tavros jabbed a single finger toward the boombox, silencing it with a sharp thrust of wind.

As the beat died, Gamzee collapsed to his hands and knees. He stared into the ground, breathing heavily. "You fuckin' beat me, Tavbro. FAIR AND MOTHERFUCKING SQUARE," he said, his voice cracking, and he began to sob. "Just do it. MOTHERFUCKING KILL ME NOW."

As Gamzee continued to sob, Tavros looked down at him, the look of determination on his face melting into one of pity. "Gamzee, why are you crying?" he asked quietly.

"I didn't motherfuckin' want it to end this way, Tavbro," Gamzee lamented, still not looking up to face Tavros. "DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE YOU MOTHERFUCKING KILL ME." He buried his face in the ground, cradling his hands over the back of his head. "I fuckin' loved you, Tavbro," he said through muffled sobs. "BUT NOW IT DOESN'T MOTHERFUCKING MATTER."

Tavros sighed. "Who says I have to kill you?"

"We both motherfuckin' said it!" Gamzee looked up and cried. "WE AGREED ON THE MOTHERFUCKING TERMS!" He lowered his head and continued wailing.

Tavros furrowed his brow the slightest bit. "Get up," he commanded, and Gamzee complied, though he continued to stare downward.

"Nobody ever said anything about killing, Gamzee," Tavros said matter-of-factly, then smirked. "We said the winner takes the loser's life. It's fairly open to interpretation."

Gamzee sniffled and looked up. "So what are you gonna fuckin' do?"

Tavros laughed to himself. "Something I should've done a long time ago," he said. He stepped forward, reached a hand behind Gamzee's head, and pulled him into a kiss.

Gamzee's eyes widened in shock, but he quickly settled in, returning the kiss in full force. From the sidelines, Nepeta squealed in joy and clapped to herself, Eridan couldn't help but laugh, and all Equius could manage was to flinch and sputter out a wordless amalgamation of shock and disgust. He quickly buried his face in his towel.

Tavros disengaged the kiss with a smile, and Gamzee stared at him, his face full of wonderment. "Tavbro, are you...?" he started, but trailed off, unable to muster the belief to finish his sentence.

Tavros sighed, and his smile slanted into a lopsided frown. "I'm sorry, Gamzee," he said, his voice a curious cocktail of elation and regret. "I really should've done this sooner. When you first..." he looked to the side, and a brown flush filled his cheeks, "...proposed the idea, I never even really gave it a chance. And I really should have reacted to it better."

"Nah, I get it, bro," Gamzee said in an unusually stable voice, neither the menacing whisper nor the bellowing growl of moments ago. "I pretty much up and sprang that shit over you in the worst motherfuckin' way imaginable."

"Yeah, maybe," Tavros said, tilting his head, then turned back to face Gamzee. "But still! I never even thought about what it might be like to be your matesprit. I just pushed the whole thing out of my mind. And I think if I had thought about it..." The frown on his face was once again replaced with a smile. "...I would've really liked the idea."

Gamzee's eyes widened even further, and an indigo blush was barely visible under his facepaint. "Tavbro, are you saying..."

Tavros cut him off by grabbing his hands. "It's not too late, is it, Gamzee?" he asked, looking up at him pleadingly. "Can we still be matesprits?"

Gamzee laughed, and a wide grin covered his face. "Shit yeah we can, brother," he said, and the two leaned in for a long, passionate kiss. Nepeta, wanting to start a tradition, started cheering and clapping once more, and Eridan joined in the applause with a grin. Equius simply muttered something unintelligible into his towel and turned away from the spectacle.

Once they finished, Nepeta scampered up to them. "So do you two really want to be matespurrits?" she asked excitedly, flicking her tail behind her.

"Yeah, we do," Tavros answered with a smile. "That's pretty much all there is to say on the matter."

"That's great!" she exclaimed, doing a happy little jump in place. "I'm so happy fur you two!"

"Not as motherfuckin' happy as I am, sister," Gamzee said, wrapping an arm around Tavros' shoulder and pulling him in tightly.

"As we are," Tavros quickly corrected. Gamzee just laughed in response.

"Well, of course not!" Nepeta admitted. "Ah, this is so exciting! I've got to update my shipping wall right away! And then I'll need to post another memo!"

"I wouldn't be too quick to post that memo, actually," Tavros warned her, and a devious grin crawled across his face. "We've got some... things we need to take care of first."

Nepeta laughed, then quickly raised a hand over her face, to cover both her mouth and the slight olive blush streaking across her cheeks. "Yes, yes, of course! Well, just troll me whenefur you're done!"

Eridan sheepishly approached the couple, and raised two fingers to Gamzee in a lazy wave. "Hey, Gam, you uh..." he started nervously, "You alright?"

Gamzee shot him a thumbs-up. "Better than I ever been on my motherfuckin' life, palebro," he said contentedly.

Eridan returned his thumbs-up and laughed nervously. He looked over to Tavros. "So, uh, you two got this under control?"

"I think so, yes," Tavros said with a smirk. "If anything happens, I always carry some unhealthy incendiaries on me for emergencies."

Eridan laughed a little more freely this time. "Alright, well, I assume you two'll want some privacy." He tilted a thumb towards Nepeta. "Unless little miss fuckin' voyeur over here wants a free show from you too."

Nepeta slapped his arm playfully. "Of course I don't! Shut up!" Eridan slapped back at her, and the two engaged in a brief slapfight as Tavros and Gamzee looked on laughing. 

Nepeta was the first to propose a ceasefire (or ceaseslap, as it were). "Okay, okay, stop!" she shouted, blocking Eridan's weak slaps with her arms. She turned to Tavros and Gamzee. "Anyway! We should purrobably leave you two alone fur now!"

"Yeah, _purrobably_ ," Eridan repeated sardonically, rubbing his aching hands. "Have fun, you two."

"That was the plan, motherfucker," Gamzee said with a thumbs-up.

"Nepeta, I'll troll you when we're ready to post on that memo," Tavros said.

"Sure thing!" Nepeta said. "Talk to you soon!" She turned to walk away, grabbing Eridan's cape in an attempt to pull him along.

"Hey, watch the fuckin' cape," he said, slapping her hand away. He issued a final wave to Tavros and Gamzee, then turned to leave as well. The couple returned the wave, then absconded into Gamzee's hive.

"Well, that went surpurrisingly well!" Nepeta said with a grin.

Eridan just looked away. "Eh, I suppose," he muttered. "Maybe I didn't fuck up as colossally as I imagined."

Nepeta reached over and rubbed his shoulder. "Hey, all's well that ends well, right? Don't worry about it."

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

The two very nearly walked right past Equius, who still had his back turned to the hive and his face shrouded in towel. Nepeta tried to yank the towel away from him, succeeding only in getting him to pull it off of his head. "Equius, what are you doing?"

Equius breathed heavily. "That entire spectacle was so... _depraved_ ," he said in a desperately puzzled tone. "That a mere rustblood could best a subjugglator in a poetry slam so _effortlessly_... and that the highblood would _willingly_ relinquish his flushed quadrant to such a lowborn peasant..." He paused his rambling to wipe the significant perspiration from his brow.

Nepeta just rolled her eyes at him. "Ugh, Equius, just get ofur yourself! Gamzee likes Tavros and Tavros likes Gamzee, and that's all that matters!" She tugged at one of his arms. "Now I think they want a little purrivacy, so let's just go!"

Equius lowered his arms to his sides. "Yes, I think leaving this place would... probably be a good idea," he muttered. Nepeta rolled her eyes at him again, and the three of them headed off for the nearest gate off the planet.

***

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.  
  
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCA: *the rogue of heart tries to wwalk in wwith a shippin update or some stupid shit like that but the prince of hope sticks a foot out in front of her and trips her*  
CCA: *she falls stupid kittycat face first into the fuckin floor and he laughs at her as he takes a swwig of faygo*  
CAC: :33 < hey!!!  
CAC: :33 < how did you even type that so fast???  
CCA: hahaha i typed all that up beforehand and just pasted it right as soon as you opened this stupid memo  
CAC: :33 < uuugh, youre such an asshole!!!  
FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 4 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCT: D --> Nepeta  
CAC: :33 < WHAT, equius????  
FCT: D --> 100k  
FCT: D --> I completely 100% understand your disliking the seadweller  
FCT: D --> But if he bothers you that much, why don't you just ban him  
CAC: :33 < beclaws i like calling him a douche to his stupid face!  
CAC: :33 < its no fun if he isnt around to respawnd  
CCA: yeah eq use your fuckin think pan here  
FCT: D --> Hrk  
FCT: D --> Ok, fine  
FCT: D --> But must you really use such foul vernac001ar  
CCA: cmon eq think about this  
CCA: if nep had to wwatch her language it wwouldnt be fuckin fair at all  
CCA: makin her pull her fuckin punches wwhile im droppin enough f bombs to evvaporate all the fuckin seas on alternia  
CCA: so just let your fuckin stupid moirail indulge in a fuckin oath or twwo so wwe can levvel the fuckin playin field a bit  
FCT: D --> Why are you encouraging this  
CCA: cause i like this little rapport wwevve devveloped here  
CCA: its amusin as all fuck  
FCT: D --> Ugh  
FCT: D --> Fine  
FCT: D --> But I abso100tely disapprove of this  
CAC: :33 < duly noted!  
CAC: :33 < anyway, i have an impurrtant shipping update!  
CAC: :33 < tavros, would you care to break the news?  
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAT: wITH PLEASURE,  
CAT: wELL, fIRST OF ALL,  
CAT: tHE gAMZEE SITUATION, iF YOU WERE AWARE OF IT, hAS BEEN RESOLVED,  
CAT: aND SECOND, hE AND i ARE NOW MATESPRITS,  
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTC: Shit yeah, motherfuckers!  
CTC: Honk honk honk! :o)  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: UH  
CCG: GAMZEE?  
CTC: Hey, what the fuck is all up, best platonic motherfuckin friend?  
CCG: WHY ARE YOU TYPING LIKE THAT?  
CTC: Typing like what, motherfucker?  
CCG: YOU'RE NOT DOING THAT ANNOYING AS FUCK ALTERNATING CAPS THING.  
CCG: OR THE OTHER CREEPY AS FUCK ALTERNATING CAPS THING, FOR THAT MATTER.  
CCG: SO BASICALLY, WHAT THE FUCK.  
CTC: Awwww fuck man, I didn't even motherfuckin realize that shit.  
CTC: I just up and started typin like this all over my motherfuckin own or some shit, I guess.  
CTC: Kind of motherfuckin hard to explain why I'd all up and just stop with the annoyin as fuck alternating caps shit.  
CTC: Like, before I always felt like there were these two motherfuckin voices screamin to my think pan, fightin for motherfuckin control.  
CTC: And then when I went off the slime, it's like they all up and split, takin motherfuckin turns talkin at me.  
CTC: But now the only voice I hear is the one of the motherfuckin Verbal Messiah, my main flushbro, Tavros.  
CTC: I mean, man, it just feels motherfuckin natural and shit.  
CTC: And you just got to be going with what's right at where your heart's up in, you know?  
CTC: Honk honk! :oD  
CCG: HOLY SHIT.  
CCG: THIS IS JUST THE WEIRDEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER SEEN.  
CCG: TAVROS, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?  
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 16 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAG: You want to know what he did?  
PAG: He challenged Gamzee to a poetry slam!  
PAG: And he COMPLETELY FUCKING DEVAST8ED HIM!!!!!!!!  
CAT: oH, hEY vRISKA,  
PAG: Tavros! I saw the whole thing on your computer!  
PAG: And it was fucking amazing!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Like, I don't even know the first thing a8out slam poetry, 8ut you just utterly annihil8ed Gamzee!  
CAT: hAHA, yEAH, i GUESS,  
PAG: Seriously, the whole thing was awesome!  
PAG: Like, even the part 8efore you started rapping, where Equius was all trying to get in your way for whatever stupid reason.  
PAG: And you were just like, "Get the fuck out of my way!" and shoved him aside like a ragdoll!  
PAG: God, it was soooooooo cooooooool!!!!!!!!  
FCT: D --> Er  
FCT: D --> Could we not talk about that part  
CCG: WAIT, WHAT?  
CCG: WHEN THE FUCK DID EQUIUS BECOME SHOVABLE?  
CCG: IS THAT EVEN PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE?  
CAT: wELL, iT'S NOT LIKE i USED MY ARMS,  
CAT: i USED MY BREATH POWERS,  
FCT: D --> Ok, seriously  
FCT: D --> Can we please not di%uss this  
PAG: What's wrong, Equius?  
PAG: Angry that you just got utterly shamed by a lowly "rust8100d"?  
FCT: D --> Um  
FCT: D --> Kind of  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
FCT: D --> For the record, mudb100d  
FCT: D --> Your performance was e%emplary  
FCT: D --> And your skill at slam poetry is tr001y impressive  
FCT: D --> I do not often deign to compliment commoners like this, but you are a credit to your caste  
CAT: i'M SORRY,  
CAT: aRE YOU TALKING TO ME,  
FCT: D --> What  
FCT: D --> What is this f001ishness  
FCT: D --> Of course I'm talking to you  
FCT: D --> Which other mudb100d could I be referring to  
CAT: sEE, iT'S JUST KIND OF FUNNY,  
CAT: bECAUSE YOU NEVER ACTUALLY USED MY NAME,  
CAT: aND IT JUST KIND OF SEEMS LIKE IF YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME, yOU WOULD REFER TO ME BY NAME,  
CAT: dOES THAT SEEM REASONABLE TO YOU, eQUIUS,  
FCT: D --> Erm  
FCT: D --> Are you  
FCT: D --> Are you commanding me to refer to you by name  
CAT: i'M JUST EXPLAINING A BASIC CONVENTION OF CONVERSATION,  
CAT: iT JUST SORT OF SEEMS LIKE COMMON SENSE TO ME,  
CAT: oR IS THAT ONE OF MANY THINGS YOU'RE LACKING,  
FCT: D --> Ok  
FCT: D --> This is starting to make me upset  
PAG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Tavros, this is fucking amazing, keep going!  
CCG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?  
CCG: TAVROS, SINCE WHEN DO YOU SASS ANYBODY?  
CAT: hAHA, sORRY,  
CAT: i'M STILL COMING DOWN FROM THE HIGH OF VERBAL DOMINATION,  
CAT: tHIS WHOLE CONFIDENCE THING IS UNUSUALLY EXHILIRATING,  
CAT: iT KIND OF MAKES ME FEEL LIKE, sOME KIND OF DEITY,  
PAG: Well, if you want to get technical, you ARE a god.  
CTC: Technical? Nah, fuck that shit, Tavbro is a literal motherfuckin divinity all up in his own motherfuckin self.  
CTC: Born of humble origins, he has suffered the thousand motherfuckin indignities of outrageous fortune and motherfuckin endured.  
CTC: And at the motherfuckin end, his most hated motherfuckin foes prostrated before them, and he CONQUERED DEATH ITS MOTHERFUCKIN SELF to claim his rightful motherfuckin place as the King of Kings of Wordtech.  
CTC: He is the Verbal Messiah, and I am motherfuckin humbled that I might be his closest motherfuckin disciple.  
CAT: uH, gAMZEE, wOW,  
CAT: tHAT'S ALL REALLY FLATTERING OF YOU TO SAY,  
CAT: bUT REALLY, yOU DON'T HAVE TO WORSHIP ME LIKE SOME KIND OF GOD,  
CAT: aND i'D ACTUALLY, uH, pREFER IF YOU DIDN'T,  
CAT: iT'S A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE, rEALLY,  
CTC: Well, shit, it was never my motherfuckin intention to all up and make a brother motherfuckin uncomfortable.  
CTC: How all would you prefer on me to motherfuckin treat you?  
CAT: wELL, hOW ABOUT WE JUST ACT LIKE THE BEST BROS EVER,  
CAT: wHO MAKE OUT SOMETIMES,  
CTC: Well, fuuuuck, I think I could motherfuckin manage on that shit.  
CAT: tHANKS, gAMZEE,  
CTC: Ain't no motherfuckin thing, Tavbro.  
CTC: <3  
CAT: <3  
CCG: WOW, OKAY.  
CCG: NEPETA, SHOULD I ASSUME YOU HAD SOME PART IN THIS?  
CAC: :33 < actually, no!  
CAC: :33 < i didnt plan any of this at all!  
CAC: :33 < it was all just sort of a happy coincidence  
PAG: Well, you may not have 8een directly responsi8le for it, 8ut you kind of were indirectly.  
PAG: I mean, I'm the one who convinced Tavros he should talk to Gamzee a8out 8eing his m8sprit.  
PAG: And this whole thing with Gamzee only happened 8ecause Eridan took him off the sopor.  
PAG: And all that stuff only happened 8ecause you hooked us up in the first place.  
PAG: So I mean, you could kind of claim responsi8ility, if you really wanted to.  
CCA: look speakin a the wwhole sopor thing  
CCA: gam i really just dropped the fuckin ball here  
CCA: i pretty much fucked up this wwhole moirail thing as much as its possible to fuck anything in any givven direction not evven restrictin ourselvves to just up in particular  
CCA: an if you dont wwant to be moirails anymore i completely understand  
CTC: Bro, you just need to drop that shit right the mother fuck now.  
CTC: You ain't the motherfucker what lost his fuckin head, so you got no motherfuckin right blamin any of that shit for yourself.  
CTC: I'm the motherfucker what should be apologizin at your own self for all actin as a motherfuckin psychopath.  
CCA: gam dont evven wworry about it  
CCA: its all physiological shit nothin you can fuckin do about that  
CCA: its my fault for fuckin divvin into this wwhole detox thing head first like a fuckin chump  
CTC: Eridan, you all had my best interest all up in on your motherfuckin heart, and that's all that motherfuckin matters.  
CTC: And shit, even though this all turned up to be a comedy of errors of divine motherfuckin proportions, all that shit up and worked out to the motherfuckin end anyways, so who gives a fuck around the motherfuckin particulars?  
CCG: YEAH, ERIDAN, EVEN THOUGH YOU FUCKED UP IN JUST ABOUT EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE, EVERYTHING WORKED OUT PERFECTLY IN SPITE OF IT.  
CCG: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?  
CCA: wwhat  
CCG: THAT RIGHT THERE IS THE MARYAM-GRUBSTER'S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE.  
CTC: Ahahahaha, fuck yeah, motherfucker!  
CTC: I knew you to all up and be a firm believer in the motherfuckin miracles, invertebrother!  
CCA: wwell shit  
CCA: cant really argue wwith that noww can i  
CAT: aCTUALLY, eRIDAN, i SHOULD BE THANKING YOU,  
CAT: tHIS WHOLE SITUATION WAS JUST THE MOTIVATION i NEEDED TO ACTUALLY GO THROUGH WITH THIS,  
CCA: really  
CAT: yEAH, i MEAN,  
CAT: vRISKA CONVINCED ME i SHOULD TALK TO gAMZEE EVENTUALLY,  
CAT: bUT THIS WHOLE THING WITH THE SOPOR FORCED MY HAND,  
CAT: aND i'M REALLY GLAD IT DID, bECAUSE IT WENT PERFECTLY,  
CCA: yeah from your perspectivve i guess it kinda did  
CCA: i mean you wwere a fuckin badass back there tavv  
CCA: all calm an collected an wwalkin up to this murderous fuckin clowwn an challengin him to a poetry slam like its nothin  
CCA: wwhat got you evven up the gumption to all fuckin do the shit like that  
CAT: wELL, i MEAN, oBVIOUSLY i WAS SCARED,  
CAT: bUT i JUST TOLD MYSELF, lOOK,  
CAT: iF YOU HAD ONE SHOT, oR ONE OPPORTUNITY,  
CAT: tO SEIZE EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED, oNE MOMENT,  
CAT: wOULD YOU CAPTURE IT, oR LET IT SLIP,  
CAT: aND i KNEW THAT THIS WAS MY ONE SHOT,  
CAT: sO i LOOKED DEEP INSIDE MYSELF, aND i FOUND tHE fLOW, AND i JUST SORT OF LOST MYSELF IN THE MUSIC,  
CAT: bECAUSE i KNEW AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS COMES ONCE IN A LIFETIME,  
CCA: wwell shit  
CCA: do you guys really think it isnt that big a deal  
CCG: OH, IT'S STILL A COLOSSAL FUCKING DEAL, DON'T GET IT WRONG.  
CCG: IT JUST ALL WORKED OUT ANYWAY, APPARENTLY BECAUSE OF SOME INSANE RAP SKILLS TAVROS PULLED OUT OF HIS FUCKING NOOK.  
CCG: SO JUST DON'T FUCK UP AS MASSIVELY IN THE FUTURE AS YOU DID TODAY AND EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FINE.  
CCA: wwell i think i can manage that  
CCA: not really any other problems a this magnitude i can fuckin imagine  
CCA: unless it turns out drinkin too much faygo causes murderous clowwn rage too or some inane shit like that  
CAT: wOW, i SURE HOPE NOT,  
CAT: i'VE BEEN DRINKING THIS STUFF ALL NIGHT,  
CAT: aND i THINK MURDEROUS CLOWN RAGE IS THE LAST THING i WANT TO BE SUFFERING FROM RIGHT NOW,  
CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD NO.  
CCG: TAVROS, PLEASE TELL ME THAT WAS A JOKE, AND THAT YOU AREN'T ACTUALLY DRINKING THAT HOLOCAUST OF A BEVERAGE YOU CALL FAYGO.  
CAT: oKAY, i DON'T REALLY SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS,  
CAT: i MEAN,  
CAT: iT'S JUST SODA,  
CCA: THANK YOU  
CAT: i MEAN, sOME OF THESE FLAVORS eRIDAN MADE ARE PRETTY GOOD,  
CAT: i LIKE THE CHOCOLATE CHERRY SODA ONE A LOT, aCTUALLY,  
CCG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.  
CCG: THAT IS NOW A FULL QUARTER OF OUR TEAM THAT DRINKS THAT LIQUID WAR CRIME IN A BOTTLE.  
CCG: TAVROS, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND GAMZEE BOTH, BUT I JUST ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOATHE YOU RIGHT NOW.  
CTC: Well, shit yeah, brother, what the mother fuck is new?  
CAT: yEAH, tHAT'S A FAIR POINT, aCTUALLY,  
PAG: Oh hey, I just realized!  
PAG: Since 8oth of the moirails of the happy couple are present and accounted for, I think it's juuuuuuuust a8out that time.  
PAG: You know what I'm talking a8out, Eridan?  
CCA: oh i think i knoww exactly wwhat your fuckin talkin about  
PAG: It's time for........  
PAG: THE TALK.  
CCA: fuck yes the talk  
CCA: this is like the best fuckin part a bein palepals  
PAG: Gamzee! I'm really glad that you decided to 8ecome Tavros' m8sprit, and I hope you make him the happiest he's ever 8een!  
PAG: And if you ever do anything to hurt him, I'll inflict such excruci8ing pain upon you that you'll wish for death, 8ut it will never, ever come!  
PAG: Are we a8solutely clear????????  
CTC: Clear as motherfuckin crystal Faygo, spidersis.  
CTC: Even though Tavbro all worked his motherfuckin pale miracles all over you, frankly you still kinda motherfuckin scare me.  
PAG: That's good! You are a8solutely right to 8e scared!  
PAG: Spiders may not have a reput8ion for 8eing protective of their young, 8ut if you ever do wrong 8y him, I will fall upon you like a furious mother choler8ear defending her cu8s and rip you apart lim8 8y lim8!  
CTC: Shit, you'd all be up on your motherfuckin rights to cull my hurtful ass if I ever got the fuckin idea to do any shit like that.  
PAG: Gr8! You have my 8lessings!  
PAG: Eridan, your turn.  
CCA: wwell shit its kinda hard to followw that but ill do my fuckin best  
CCA: tavv i really appreciate evverythin youvve done for gam already  
CCA: an im really glad you decided to become his matesprit cause i can tell you he wwanted it more than anything in the fuckin wworld  
CAT: oF COURSE, eRIDAN,  
CAT: i'M GLAD i COULD HELP YOU AND gAMZEE BOTH,  
CCA: an if you evver do anything to harm him ill avvenge myself upon you wwith all the furious fuckin tempest of evvery angel on lowwaa combined  
CCA: all the fuckin rap in the wworld wwont be able to savve you once ahabs crosshairs havve pierced a searin hole through your fuckin lungs  
CCA: are wwe absolutely fuckin clear on that  
CAT: yES, aBSOLUTELY,  
CAT: i WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT gAMZEE,  
CCA: ok good  
CCA: formalities out a the wway im really fuckin happy for the both a you  
PAG: Yeah, me too!  
PAG: I assume you'll want to spend a little more time together?  
CAT: yES, iF THAT'T NOT A PROBLEM,  
PAG: No pro8lem at all! I'll just go spend some more time with Kanaya.  
CCA: actually vvris if its alright could i talk wwith you after this  
CCA: wwanted to put a little more wwork into our little scheme  
PAG: Oh yeah, the scheme! I totally forgot a8out that!  
PAG: Yeah, I'd 8e up for colla8or8ing on that some more.  
CAC: :33 < hey, do you guys want my help, too?  
CCA: wwell that depends  
CCA: havve you done the reconnaissance yet  
CAC: :33 < oh no, i still n33d to do that! XPP  
CAC: :33 < ill get on that right away!  
CCG: THE SCHEME?  
CCG: I ASSUME THIS IS THE BRILLIANT SCHEME TO FIND ERIDAN A MATESPRIT THAT WAS MENTIONED ON THE LAST MEMO.  
CCA: maybe maybe not  
CCG: LOOK, DO YOU GUYS WANT ANY HELP WITH THAT?  
CCG: BECAUSE EVERY ROMCOM BONE IN MY BODY IS SCREAMING AT ME TO GET INVOLVED IN WHATEVER SHENANIGANS YOU'RE PLANNING.  
CCA: i really wwish you could kar but theres already like four people invvolvved not evven countin the target  
CCA: if this scheme gets any bigger its gonna end up devvourin itself like some kinda horrible romance ouroboros  
CCG: YES, I'M ALREADY AWARE OF WHAT AN ENORMOUSLY BLOATED LEVIATHAN THIS PARTICULAR PLOT HAS BALLOONED INTO.  
CCG: BUT IF YOU OR NEPETA OR ANYBODY ELSE HAS ANY OTHER RIDICULOUS SHIPPING GAMBITS YOU WANT TO ENACT, COULD YOU PLEASE JUST CALL ME FIRST?  
CCG: I'M DYING HERE.  
CCA: yeah sure thing kar  
CCG: THANK YOU.  
CCA: anywway i should probably get goin  
PAG: Yeah, me too.  
PAG: Tavros and Gamzee, have fun, you two!!!!!!!!  
CAT: oH YES,  
CAT: fUN IS DEFINITELY THE THING WE'VE BEEN HAVING,  
CAT: };)  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, of course.  
PAG: Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, pro8a8ly?  
CAT: yES, mOST LIKELY,  
PAG: Gr8! Talk to you then!  
PAG: 8ye! <>  
CAT: <>  
PAG ceased responding to memo.  
CCA: yeah you twwo havve plenty a fun  
CCA: gam i guess ill hit you up tomorroww at some point  
CTC: Sure motherfuckin thing, palebro!  
CTC: Honk honk! :o)  
CCA: an tavv thanks again for all your help  
CAT: iT'S NO PROBLEM, rEALLY,  
CAT: i HAVEN'T SLAMMED IN A WHILE, aCTUALLY, sO IT WAS NICE TO GET AN OPPORTUNITY,  
CTC: Well, the night's still motherfuckin young, bro.  
CTC: Still plenty of motherfuckin time for gettin our rap all up on.  
CAT: hEY, yEAH, i SUPPOSE THAT'S A GOOD POINT,  
CAT: jUST BECAUSE THE BATTLE IS OVER DOESN'T MEAN THE POETRY HAS TO STOP,  
CTC: Well fuck if that ain't just the best motherfuckin sentiment what any motherfucker up and fuckin expressed.  
CCA: uh  
CCA: yeah  
CCA: im just gonna leavve you twwo alone wwith that  
CCA: havve fun  
CTC: You motherfuckin know it, brother!  
CTC: Peace the mother fuck out, palebro!  
CTC: <>  
CCA: heh yeah  
CCA: <>  
CCA ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < well, i guess that kinda wraps things up here!  
FCT: D --> Er, a%ually, if I may  
CCG: OH RIGHT, THIS ASSHOLE'S STILL HERE.  
FCT: D --> Highb100d  
FCT: D --> While I do not agree with your choosing this ignoble lowb100d serf to be your matesprit  
FCT: D --> I am in no place to make an obje%ion  
FCT: D --> So I wish you the greatest of happiness  
CTC: Equius, I all appreciate your motherfuckin sentiment, but you've got to watch what you motherfuckin say up at Tavbro here.  
CTC: You can't just all up and motherfuckin insult my matesprit like that, bro, it's not motherfuckin cool.  
FCT: D --> Hrk  
FCT: D --> I'm sorry  
FCT: D --> It was udderly f001ish of me to cast aspersions on your choice of matesprit  
FCT: D --> Please forgive me  
CTC: Motherfucker, you shouldn't be apologizing at me, you should be apologizing toward motherfuckin Tavbro.  
FCT: D --> Uh  
FCT: D --> Is that a command  
CTC: Yeah, it kind of motherfuckin is.  
FCT: D --> Um  
FCT: D --> Ok  
FCT: D --> Rustb100d  
CAT: i'M SORRY, wHO,  
CAT: tHERE ARE SO MANY RUSTBLOODS HERE, i HAVE NO IDEA WHICH ONE IN PARTICULAR YOU'RE REFERRING TO,  
FCT: D --> Hrgkfghkrglkhgh  
FCT: D --> I mean  
FCT: D --> Tavros  
CAT: yES, eQUIUS,  
FCT: D --> I am  
FCT: D --> Tr001y sorry for insulting you  
FCT: D --> You are not a%ually an ignoble serf  
FCT: D --> And even if you were, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing  
CTC: >:o(  
FCT: D --> Er, I mean, disregard that last statement  
FCT: D --> You are 100% worthy of the highb100d  
FCT: D --> And it was e%tremely rude of me to imply otherwise  
FCT: D --> So I apologize  
CAT: tHANK YOU, eQUIUS, i FORGIVE YOU,  
FCT: D --> Now, if you have no more orders, I must sign off  
FCT: D --> I suddenly require an e%cess of towels  
FCT: D --> And also something to break  
FCT: D --> A lot of things to break, a%ually  
CTC: Yeah, motherfucker, go for it.  
FCT: D --> Very well  
FCT ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: AHAHAHAHA, THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, it kind of was!  
CCG: SERIOUSLY, I USED TO THINK YOU TWO WERE TERRIBLE.  
CCG: WHEN DID YOU BECOME SO AWESOME?  
CTC: Well, I'd say it's all thanks for the motherfuckin magic of moirallegiance.  
CAT: aND SLAM POETRY, oF COURSE,  
CTC: Awwww shit, how motherfuckin rude on me to all up and forget the therapeutic powers of motherfuckin slam poetry.  
CAT: bUT YEAH, tHIS NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF IT WEREN'T FOR vRISKA,  
CAT: oR eRIDAN, FOR THAT MATTER,  
CCG: AND, OF COURSE, ALL THAT COMES BACK TO NEPETA.  
CCG: WHY DOES THAT NOT SURPRISE ME?  
CAC: :33 < hey, im not taking any credit fur this one!  
CAC: :33 < it was all these two and their meowrails!  
CCG: I'M STILL GIVING YOU POINTS FOR GENERAL INVOLVEMENT.  
CCG: ANYWAY, I GUESS YOU'VE GOT THIS BIG ERIDAN SCHEME YOU'RE WORKING ON, SO YOU DON'T NEED ANY DIRECTION FROM ME.  
CCG: UNLESS YOU WANT DIRECTION FROM ME.  
CAC: :33 < i do, actually!  
CCG: UH, OKAY.  
CCG: DO THAT BIG ERIDAN SCHEME YOU'RE WORKING ON.  
CAC: :33 < would you like the giggle or not?  
CCG: YEAH, LET'S GO WITH THE GIGGLE THIS TIME.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33! sir yes sir!  
CCG: EXCELLENT.  
CCG: ANYWAY, TAVROS, GAMZEE, I'M GONNA BE HONEST  
CCG: I THINK YOUR ENTIRE MATESPRITSHIP IS A LITTLE FUCKING WEIRD.  
CCG: BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER, WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE.  
CCG: REALLY HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.  
CTC: Well shit, your blessing is motherfuckin appreciated, best platonic friend.  
CAT: yEAH, tHANKS, kARKAT,  
CAC: :33 < im really happy fur you guys too!  
CAC: :33 < and if you efur n33d any advice, youre fr33 to come to me!  
CTC: Mighty motherfuckin nice on you to offer, catsister.  
CAC: :33 < and dont efur be afuraid to talk to your meowrails about anything either!  
CAT: yES, oF COURSE,  
CAT: aNYWAY, wE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING, tOO,  
CAT: tHERE'S SO MUCH POETRY TO COMPOSE, aND SO LITTLE TIME,  
CTC: Awwwwww yeah, my motherfuckin flushbro!  
CTC: Now that's a motherfuckin sentiment I can all get beside!  
CTC: <3  
CAT: hAHA, oF COURSE,  
CAT: <3  
CTC ceased responding to memo.  
CAT ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: WELL SHIT, OKAY.  
CCG: NOT MUCH ELSE FOR ME TO SAY HERE.  
CCG: YOU SURE YOU CAN'T DIVULGE A LITTLE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THIS NEXT SHIPPING GAMBIT OF YOURS?  
CAC: :33 < i really wish i could, but its all so delicately balanced already!  
CAC: :33 < im sorry, karkitty :((  
CCG: NO, IT'S FINE, I GET IT.  
CAC: :33 < maybe next time, you can be involved, though!  
CCG: YEAH, I'D LIKE THAT.  
CAC: :33 < great!  
CCG: OKAY, WELL  
CCG: I GUESS I'LL GET GOING.  
CAC: :33 < okay, bye karkitty!  
CCG: YEAH, BYE, NEPETA.  
CCG ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < alright, nothing else to say here!  
CAC: :33 < guess ill just do the closing narration and be done with it!  
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 27 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCA: *the rogue of heart tries to get up off the floor but the prince of hope puts a boot on her back and pours out a forty of faygo right on her stupid fuckin head*  
FCA: *then he takes her fuckin shoes and leavves because haha got your fuckin shoes noww wwhat the fuck are you gonna do*  
CAC: :33 < arrgrghrflkjfkljggkhgfdhg god damnit!!!!  
FCA: aaaaahahahahahahaha  
CAC banned FCA from responding to memo.  
CAC ceased responding to memo.  
  
CAC closed memo. 


	9. Sidelines II

Chapter 9

Sidelines II

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA].  
  
CC: )(ey Sollux!!  
CC: Glub glub glub! 38D  
TA: oh, hey ff.  
TA: iit 2eem2 liike you've been makiing your2elf 2carce lately, what have you been up two?  
CC: O)(, you know, just glubbing around wit)( some fronds!  
TA: liike who?  
CC: Does it reely matter w)(o?  
TA: only iif one of them ii2 vk.  
CC: W)(ale maybe one of them was!! >38I  
TA: god damn iit, ff, why would you want two be friiends wiith her?  
TA: 2he'2 a horriible eviil back2tabbiing friiend-murderiing biitch.  
CC: No s)(e isn't!!  
CC: S)(e's a cool, funny, attractive girl w)(o's a lot nicer t)(an you're giving )(er credit for!  
TA: what the fuck do you mean "attractiive?"  
CC: I meant it in just a general sense!  
CC: T)(oug)( you )(ave to admit, s)(e IS pretty attractive in t)(e OT)(-ER sense of t)(e word, too...  
TA: no ii fuckiing don't.  
TA: everythiing about her ii2 viile and repul2iive and ju2t dii2gu2t2 me iin every po22iible way.  
TA: urrgh, ju2t thiinkiing about her ii2 pii22iing me off.  
CC: )(-E )(-E )(-E!  
TA: what?  
CC: It's just kind of finny )(ow in denial you are about being black for )(er!  
TA: god fuckiing damniit, ff, do NOT 2tart wiith thii2 2hiit.  
TA: ii ju2t regular hate her, okay? platoniically.  
TA: why ii2 iit 2o hard for people two beliieve thii2?  
TA: liike, what part of "2he actually, liiterally ruiined my liife and forced me two kiill the only per2on ii ever cared about" don't people under2tand?  
CC: T)(e only person you ever cared about?  
TA: ugh, you know what ii meant.  
TA: cared about, pa2t ten2e.  
TA: obviiou2ly that'2 changed now.  
CC: So you don't care about Aradia anymore?  
TA: god damn iit, that'2 not what ii meant eiither!  
TA: you're mii2iinterpretiing thii2 on purpo2e, aren't you?  
CC: Sollux, I'm not accusing you of anyt)(ing )(ere!  
CC: I'm just curious is all.  
TA: look, ii don't want two talk about thii2 riight now.  
TA: ju2t 2top hangiing out wiith vk, okay?  
CC: W)(y is it any of YOUR business w)(o I do and don't )(ang out wit)(?  
CC: Are you my morayeel or somet)(ing?  
TA: really, ff?  
TA: diid you 2tart thii2 conver2atiion wiith the expre22 purpo2e of briingiing up every 2iingle thiing ii don't want two talk two you about?  
TA: becau2e you're three for three now.  
CC: Ug)(, off course knot!  
CC: But I mean, t)(e w)(ole "W)(ere )(ave you been? W)(o are you )(anging out wit)(? No, I don't approve of your fronds!" t)(ing seems like an AWFULLY pale line of questioning!  
TA: okay, fiine, ii'll admiit i ju2t 2ort of went off there.  
TA: 2orry, ff.  
CC: It's okay, Sollux.  
TA: 2o what diid you want two talk about?  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: I just kind of wanted to talk about us.  
TA: what do you mean, u2?  
CC: I mean, about US!  
CC: Look, it's...  
CC: It's about quadrants, okay?  
TA: ugh, 2eriiou2ly?  
CC: Yes, seariously!!  
CC: In case you didn't notice, Nepeta's getting R-E-ELY searious about t)(is w)(ole s)(ipping t)(ing!  
CC: People are )(ooking up port and starboard rig)(t now!  
CC: And I mean, a few days ago, she reeled me into one of )(er s)(ipping sweeps, and s)(e asked me w)(at t)(e deal was between us.  
CC: And I was like, "I don't know!"  
CC: Because I DON'T know, Sollux!  
CC: So kelp me out )(ere!  
TA: ff, do we really have two talk about thii2?  
CC: I just don't sea w)(y you're so appre)(ensive about t)(is!  
CC: I mean, I R-E-ELY like you!  
CC: And you R-E-ELY like me too, rig)(t?  
TA: of cour2e ii R-E-ELY liike you, ff.  
CC: So, I mean, it's a simple question: flus)(ed or pale?  
CC: Unless you just want to be fronds. 38/  
TA: ff, don't take thii2 the wrong way...  
TA: but FUCK ju2t beiing friiend2.  
CC: )(-E-E )(-E-E!  
CC: O)( no, I agree completely!  
CC: So t)(ere's only two c)(oices )(ere! )(ow )(ard is t)(at?  
CC: Wait.  
CC: O)( cod, I just reelized w)(o I'm talking to!  
TA: whoa, okay, hold on a 2econd here...  
CC: You're not trying to double down on me, are you??  
CC: Trying to pull some kind of matesprit-morayeel double reac)(around or somet)(ing??  
CC: Do I need to call up Karcrab wit)( all )(is romantic comedy smarts to tell you w)(y t)(at's a )(ORRIBL-E idea??  
TA: ff, giive me a break here, ii'm not THAT 2tupiid.  
CC: So w)(at is it?  
TA: look, ff, i liike you, okay?  
TA: enough two be your mate2priit or your moiiraiil or whatever el2e.  
TA: iit ju2t 2eems liike iit'2 a liittle 2oon two be talkiing about thii2.  
TA: ii mean, no offen2e, but ii've only known you for liike two week2.  
CC: W)(ale, t)(at's true, I guess...  
CC: So )(ow long will it be until it's not too soon?  
TA: hone2tly, ii kiind of ju2t want two waiit untiil thii2 whole horriible game ii2 over.  
CC: W)(AT?!  
CC: Seariously?  
TA: kiind of, yeah.  
CC: Sollux, t)(at's crazy!  
CC: I mean, w)(o KNOWS )(ow muc)( longer we could be playing t)(is game?  
CC: I like you and all, but I don't know if I can wait t)(at long!  
CC: W)(y do we )(ave to wait until after t)(e game?  
TA: ff...  
TA: okay, you know what?  
TA: ii know you're ju2t goiing to bug me about thii2 untiil ii tell you, 2o ii'll ju2t come out wiith it.  
TA: iit'2 ju2t...  
TA: whenever ii get clo2e to people, bad thiings happen two them.  
TA: and ii'm afraiid iif we get two attached two each other, you're goiing two get hurt 2omehow.  
CC: I )(ate to ask, but...  
TA: ye2, thii2 ha2 2omethiing two do wiith aa.  
CC: O)(.  
TA: and that wa2 before the game, even.  
TA: now we're 2urrounded by mon2ter2 and armiie2 and flamiing braiin2 and all 2ort2 of horriible dangerou2 2hiit.  
TA: not to mentiion ii'm now apparently the mage of doom, whiich ii2 a pretty 2hiitty, horriible, paiinfully appropriiate tiitle.  
TA: iit'2 not exactly an au2piiciiou2 fuckiing 2iituatiion iin general.  
CC: Wow, Sollux, I didn't even reelize it was like t)(at.  
CC: Now I feel bad for pressuring you like t)(is. 38(  
TA: ju2t don't, okay?  
TA: ii realiize ii'm beiing an enormou2 a22hole about thii2.  
CC: You're not being a bass)(ole, Sollux!  
CC: I mean... Jegus, I can't even IMAGIN-E w)(at it would be like to go t)(roug)( everyt)(ing you )(ave.  
CC: )(ave you ever talked to anyone about t)(is?  
TA: what do you mean?  
TA: ju2t liike iin general?  
CC: No, I mean, like, in dept)(!  
CC: It just seems like too muc)( to bear wit)(out any kind of emoceanal support!  
TA: why would anybody ever want to talk about thii2?  
TA: ii mean, fuck, people have plenty of theiir own problem2, why 2hould they care about miine?  
CC: W)(ale, maybe you s)(ould find someone w)(o DO-ES care!  
TA: liike who?  
CC: Like a moirail!  
TA: you mean a morayeel?  
CC: NO! I mean a moirail, because I'm being super searious rig)(t now!  
CC: In fact, )(ere's )(ow searious I'm being:  
CC: Sollux, I think you need a moirail.  
CC: S-E-E? No quirk or anyt)(ing!  
TA: holy 2HIIT that ii2 glubbiing 2eriiou2.  
CC: ---EXACTLY!  
CC: Glub glub glub! 38)  
TA: but why do you thiink ii need a moiiraiil all of a 2udden?  
CC: It's not all of a sudden, Sollux!  
CC: I've t)(oug)(t you needed a morayeel for a W)(AL-E now!  
CC: I mean, you're so moody and depressed all t)(e time.  
CC: No, wait, scratc)( t)(at.  
CC: You're moody and depressed )(ALF t)(e time.  
CC: And you're COMPL-ET-ELY, INSUFF-ERABLY moody and depressed t)(e OT)(-ER )(alf of t)(e time!  
TA: FUCK, ff, you're kiilliing me here.  
CC: )(-E )(-E )(-E, sorry!  
CC: But )(ave you ever t)(oug)(t about t)(is?  
TA: well, kiind of.  
TA: ii mean, you're riight, ii probably do need a moiiraiil.  
TA: but fuck, who would iit even be?  
CC: W)(ale, w)(at about Karcrab?  
CC: You've been fronds wit)( )(im for a w)(ale, rig)(t?  
TA: ugh, ye2.  
TA: except he'2 liike the 2hiittiie2t, wor2t friiend ever.  
CC: 38?  
TA: okay, that wa2 a liittle har2h.  
TA: but for 2ome rea2on, we ju2t can't 2eem two talk two each other wiithout pii22iing each other off.  
TA: eiither becau2e ii'm a 2mug biipolar douche, or becau2e he'2 a 2elf-ob2e22ed fuckhead who never want2 two admiit when he'2 beiing an a22hole.  
CC: W)(o says it can't be bot)(?  
TA: man, ff, what the fuck?  
TA: you are ju2t beiing completely RUDEBRAZEN today.  
TA: ii'm goiing two need a triip to the fuckiing burn ward 2oon.  
CC: I was just joking!  
CC: Cod, would you just clam down already?  
TA: eheh, okay, fiine.  
TA: the poiint ii2, kk and ii would have liike the 2hittiie2t moiirallegiiance ever.  
TA: god, he'd almo2t make a better kii2me2ii2 than anythiing.  
TA: but no, that'2 2tupiid, ii never 2aiid that.  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, okay, I never )(eard it!  
CC: W)(ale, w)(o else could be your morayeel?  
CC: Terezi, maybe? Aren't you fronds wit)( )(er?  
TA: tz? hmmmm...  
TA: 2he miight actually be a pretty good moiiraiil.  
TA: but ii don't know iif 2he'd want anythiing two do wiith me.  
CC: W)(y not?  
TA: well, what the fuck problem2 doe2 2he have?  
TA: that 2he need2 my help wiith, anyway.  
TA: the whole thiing would ju2t be me aiiriing out all my dumba22 problem2 and leaviing her two deal wiith iit.  
CC: You don't )(ave to )(ave the exact same number of problem as your morayeel, Sollux, t)(at's dumb!  
CC: Anyway, I know for a FACT t)(at s)(e DO-ES )(ave problems.  
CC: Like t)(is w)(ole t)(ing wit)( Vriska, for one!  
TA: oh god.  
TA: yeah, THERE'2 a healthy ba2ii2 for relatiion2hiip.  
TA: me and tz, the vrii2ka 2erket 2upport group.  
TA: 2iign me the fuck up, ii can't waiit.  
CC: 38P  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: W)(at about me?  
TA: ff, do you 2eriiou2ly want two be my moiiraiil?  
CC: Sollux, I'd LOV-E to be your morayeel!  
TA: really?  
CC: Yes, reely!  
TA: no offen2e, ff, but that'2 a 2tupiid thiing two want.  
CC: >38O  
CC: MOR---E LIK---E YOUR FAC-----E IS A STUPID T)(ING TO WANT!!!  
TA: holy 2hiit, ff.  
TA: why are you so ---EXCIT---ED all of a 2udden?  
CC: Because I R--E--ELY want a morayeel, Sollux!  
CC: And I t)(ink you and I would be GR---EAT morayeels!  
CC: And before you even ask, I'm not saying you )(AV--E to be my morayeel!  
CC: T)(is isn't my way of dunking you into the pale zone or anyt)(ing ridiculous like t)(at!  
CC: If you just want to be my matesprit and t)(at's all you're interested in, I'm completely fine wit)( t)(at.  
TA: no, ff, ii'd be fiine wiith beiing your moiiraiil.  
TA: ii just thiink iit'2 kiind of weiird how p2yched you are on the whole thiing.  
CC: W)(ale, maybe it IS kind of weird.  
CC: -Everyone is always so )(ung up on t)(e concupiscent quadrants, but I've always DR-EAM-ED of finding t)(e perfect morayeel!  
CC: I mean, I've never suffered from any s)(ortage of flus)(ed suitors, but bereef it or not, most trolls aren't interested in being moirails wit)( t)(e most dangerous person on Alternia!  
CC: T)(e w)(ole reason I was morayeels wit)( -Eridan was because )(e was t)(e first one to ask.  
CC: And part of t)(e reason I stuck wit)( it for so long was because I t)(oug)(t nobody else would ever be interested.  
CC: I've just... always fis)(ed I could )(ave t)(at bond of trust and )(onesty and commitment wit)( someone.  
TA: ...oh.  
CC: And )(onestly, t)(e well is starting to dry up )(ere.  
CC: I mean, besides you, t)(ere are, w)(at, four ot)(er people w)(o could be my morayeel?  
CC: And frankly, you're kind of at t)(e top of my list.  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
CC: Y---EP!  
TA: ...you have a lii2t?  
CC: Of COURS-E I )(ave a list, Sollux!  
CC: It's all scribbled in one of t)(e back pages of my journal, and all t)(e lowercase i's and j's are dotted wit)( little diamonds.  
TA: eheheh, niice.  
TA: but 2eriiou2ly, you'd con2iider me over anybody el2e?  
TA: even 2omebody liike ky?  
CC: Kanaya?  
CC: S)(e's at t)(e BOTTOM of my list, actually.  
TA: whoa, hey, what'2 wrong wiith ky?  
CC: T)(ere's not)(ing WRONG wit)( )(er!  
CC: It's just... we used to talk a lot back w)(en I was wit)( -Eridan and s)(e was in )(er moirallegiance wit)( Vriska.  
CC: And s)(e was always carping about )(ow muc)( s)(e )(ated it and s)(e didn't want to be morayeels wit)( Vriska anymore.  
CC: Well, relatively. As muc)( as s)(e carps about ANYT)(ING, anyway.  
CC: Meanw)(ale, I'm busting my tailfin trying to salvage t)(ings wit)( -Eridan and I'm just like, "You t)(ink YOU'V-E got problems???"  
CC: Like, I'm trying as )(ard as I can to make t)(ings work, because I wanted a morayeel SO BADLY, and s)(e's just trying to blow t)(e w)(ole t)(ing off???  
CC: I mean, I guess t)(is w)(ole quadrant-flipping t)(ing explains t)(at, but it doesn't exactly inspire confidence in )(er pale potential!  
TA: ff, holy 2hiit.  
TA: that'2 the clo2e2t thiing to aniimo2iity you've ever expre22ed toward2 anyone but ed.  
CC: W)(... it's not like I )(AT-E )(er or anyt)(ing!!!  
CC: I'm just trying to explain my reasoning )(ere!!  
TA: eheheh, 2uuuure you don't, ff.  
CC: Look, I just take t)(is seariously, alrig)(t?  
CC: I just reely want somet)(ing like -Equius and Nepeta )(ave.  
CC: Or even more recently, t)(is w)(ole t)(ing wit)( Tavros and...  
CC: W)(ale, nevermind. 38/  
TA: alriight, a2 much a2 ii don't liike vk, ii have two admiit the whole thiing wiith tv ii2 pretty iimpre22iive.  
TA: ii mean, iit doe2n't make up for anythiing, but iit'2 a 2tart.  
CC: )(e's kelping )(er too, you know.  
CC: In case you didn't notice, s)(e's a lot less weird and angry and spastic t)(an s)(e used to be.  
TA: ii diidn't notiice, actually.  
TA: and ii probably never wiill.  
CC: O)(, w)(at's t)(at?  
CC: Do I sea SPAD-ES in t)(e air???  
TA: ye2, ye2, ii'm well aware of your liittle theory, ff.  
CC: You )(ave to admit, t)(ough, it'd be R-E-ELY nice to )(ave somet)(ing like s)(e and Tavros )(ave.  
CC: Or even like w)(at -Eridan and Gamzee )(ave!  
CC: I mean, )(ave you S-E-EN t)(ose two recently? It's like t)(ey're completely different people!  
TA: yeah, ii kiind of notiiced.  
TA: iit'2 2o weiird to 2ee ed apologiiziing for anythiing.  
CC: Bereef me, it's BIZARR-E to sea -Eridan apologizing as muc)( as )(e )(as been.  
TA: ii'm not 2ure how much of that ii2 becau2e of gz, though.  
TA: ii mean, iit'2 been what, two days, and he'2 2uddenly over hii2 liifelong flu2hcru2h and droppiing everythiing for 2ome mystiical caliigiinou2 angel de2cended from the heaven2?  
TA: ii don't know 2hiit about moiirallegiiance, but that 2hiit doe2n't happen after one feeliing2 jam.  
CC: )(mmmm... it DO-ES seem a little odd w)(en you put it T)(AT way.  
CC: If I )(ad to guess, it probably )(as somet)(ing to do wit)( t)(is mysterious blackcrus)( of )(is.  
CC: )(e's always been reely )(ung up on )(is black quadrant for some reason.  
CC: Always glubbing on about FAT-E and D-ESTINY and finding )(is ON-E TRU-E FUCKIN RIVVAL and all t)(at carp.  
CC: But if it's not you and it's not Vriska, I )(ave absolutely NO ID-EA w)(o it could be!  
TA: whatever.  
TA: ii'm ju2t glad the guy'2 fiinally off my back.  
TA: and your2, for that matter.  
CC: PS)(, Sollux, don't be glad for MY sake!  
CC: I'm )(appy for )(im, )(onestly!  
CC: I reely do )(ope t)(is little plan of )(is to find a matesprit works out!  
CC: I mean, as long as it's not M-E. 38/  
TA: eheheh, yeah, ii'll 2econd that.  
CC: O)( wow, R-E-ELY? You'd "S-ECOND" t)(at?  
CC: *ROLLS -EY-ES*  
TA: well, excuuuuuu2e me iif ii don't get a2 many opportuniitiie2 two make 2tupiid pun2 a2 you do, YOUR IIMPERIIOU2 COD-DE2CEN2IION.  
CC: Weeeeeeeeaaaaaaaak. 38P  
TA: oh cod, plea2e don't 2tart doiing the vk thiing.  
CC: W)(atever!  
CC: If I want to type t)(ings in eig)(ts, I'll do it as maaaaaaaany tiiiiiiiimes as I waaaaaaaant!!!!!!!!  
CC: Glub glub glub glub glub glub glub glub!!!!!!!! 38888U  
TA: ugh.  
CC: Okay, okay, it's probably )(ig)( tide t)(is conversation ended.  
CC: But t)(ank you for talking to me about t)(is quadrant stuff!  
CC: I R-E-ELY appreciate your )(onesty.  
TA: uh, yeah, no problem, ii gue22.  
CC: But I s)(ould warn you.  
CC: One of t)(ese days, Nepeta's gonna target you for one of )(er s)(ipping sweeps, and s)(e won't be N-EARLY as lenient as I've been!  
CC: T)(e girl won't take "I don't know yet" for an answer, bereef me!  
TA: oh god, ii forgot about that.  
TA: maybe ii 2hould ju2t block her now.  
CC: Sollux, B-E NIC-E!  
CC: S)(e's just trying to kelp everyone, and frankly, s)(e's doing a DAM good job of it!  
CC: So just give )(er a c)(ance, alrig)(t?  
TA: yeah, yeah, fiine, whatever.  
CC: Anyway, I'm gonna go now!  
CC: I've got some fronds to glub to.  
CC: Fronds w)(o I won't mention by name for no particular reason!  
TA: whatever, not liike ii can 2top you.  
TA: have fun, ff.  
CC: You two, Sollux!  
CC: Glub glub! 38)  
  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]. 

*** 

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA].  
  
CT: D --> Aradia  
AA: what  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> I was simply wondering how you were  
AA: im 0k  
CT: D --> Are you a%ually  
AA: n0  
AA: i was just saying that in h0pes 0f av0iding a c0nversati0n  
CT: D --> Er  
AA: n0t necessarily with y0u in particular  
AA: just av0iding c0nversati0n in general  
CT: D --> Really  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: ribbit  
CT: D --> 100k, Aradia, I'm worried about you  
CT: D --> You seem distressed by something as of late  
AA: i am  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> What is it  
AA: its a time thing  
AA: w0uld y0u even understand  
CT: D --> I could attempt to  
AA: 0k  
AA: this wh0le timeline is d00med  
AA: weve diverged significantly fr0m the sequence 0f events meant t0 create this universe in the first place  
AA: and n0rmally when a timeline is d00med the entr0pic mechanisms 0f the multiverse sl0wly recycle it back int0 the furthest ring destr0ying it in the pr0cess  
AA: but this branch is part 0f a large c0llecti0n 0f 0ther timelines that arent being destr0yed f0r s0me reas0n  
AA: theyre all definitely d00med and yet the pr0cess 0f their destructi0n has simply halted  
AA: its n0rmal f0r d00med branches t0 remain in existence f0r l0ng peri0ds 0f time  
AA: s0metimes its even necessary f0r them t0 c0ntribute s0mething 0f significance t0 the alpha timeline  
AA: but even in th0se branches the pr0cess 0f destructi0n is taking place albeit at a significantly reduced rate until their c0ntributi0n is c0mplete  
AA: d0es any 0f that make sense t0 y0u  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> No, not really  
CT: D --> I fear the whole topic of temporal mechani% e100des me  
AA: its 0k  
CT: D --> Is it really  
AA: yes  
CT: D --> Are you abso100tely certain  
CT: D --> It 100% to me as if this whole topic weighs heavily on you  
CT: D --> And that you have no one to di%uss it with  
AA: thats n0t true  
CT: D --> What isn't  
AA: i have s0me0ne to discuss it with  
CT: D --> Who  
AA: d0es it matter  
CT: D --> I was simply curious  
CT: D --> If you tr001y don't wish to answer, I won't pry  
AA: 0k  
AA: then i d0nt  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> Aradia  
AA: what  
CT: D --> Have I done something to upset you  
AA: n0  
AA: im n0t upset  
CT: D --> Then why are you behaving like this  
AA: like what  
CT: D --> Recently, you have been cold and a100f with me  
AA: when have i ever n0t been c0ld and al00f with y0u  
CT: D --> Er, pra%ically never  
CT: D --> But your disdain 100% to be intensifying  
CT: D --> Am I incorre% in reaching this conc100sion  
AA: equius  
AA: its n0t y0u  
AA: its just  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: this wh0le d00med timeline thing has me  
AA: c0nfused i guess  
AA: at first i th0ught i sh0uld jump t0 the alpha timeline to assist in the fight with the black king  
AA: but when i saw that the universe wasnt being destr0yed i felt the need to stay behind and study it  
AA: and n0w ive learned that i can even visit 0ther timelines with0ut fear 0f destructi0n and i have t0 w0nder why  
AA: its like s0me entity has laid 0ut this grand sweeping puzzle f0r me and given me all the t00ls i need t0 s0lve it  
AA: but i d0nt kn0w what the puzzle is 0r if theres even any p0int t0 s0lving it in the first place  
CT: D --> What entity  
AA: s0mething is c0nsci0usly h0lding back the destructi0n 0f these branches  
AA: but n0t all 0f them  
AA: a few slip int0 0blivi0n every n0w and then  
AA: and there must be s0me s0rt 0f pattern t0 it but i cant figure 0ut what it is  
AA: i think it wants t0 see things g0 differently  
AA: they already have in this particular iterati0n and it seems t0 be g0ing str0ng  
AA: and i have t0 w0nder if it wants t0 change  
AA: certain things  
AA: 0r if im just idi0tically letting myself get my h0pes up  
CT: D --> What do you mean  
CT: D --> Certain things  
AA: its  
AA: ribbit  
AA: its n0t imp0rtant  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Is there nothing I can do to ease your mind  
AA: pr0bably n0t  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> I'm tr001y sorry to hear that  
AA: its n0t y0ur fault  
CT: D --> But it sort of is, isn't it  
AA: um  
AA: h0w s0  
CT: D --> Well, we're  
CT: D --> Kind of matesprits, aren't we  
AA: are we  
AA: were we ever really matesprits t0 begin with  
CT: D --> Um  
AA: w0w that came 0ut harsher than i expected it t0  
AA: s0rry  
CT: D --> It's ok  
CT: D --> I think we have both been und001y la% in e%amining the nature of our relationship  
CT: D --> From the beginning it's always been somewhat  
CT: D --> Dysfun%ional  
AA: kind 0f yes  
CT: D --> I have to wonder  
CT: D --> Have I ever tr001y made you happy  
AA: um  
CT: D --> Feel no obligation to di100te your words with me  
CT: D --> If a problem e%ists between us, it behooves us both to cut to the heart of the matter  
AA: 0k  
AA: well  
AA: in all h0nesty  
AA: n0t really  
CT: D --> I see  
CT: D --> I'm sorry, Aradia  
AA: its 0k  
CT: D --> No, it really isn't  
CT: D --> It was my intent from the very beginning to force you into a relationship with me  
CT: D --> At first literally  
CT: D --> For which I tr001y cannot apologize enough  
CT: D --> But even now, I feel as though I've  
CT: D --> Trapped you  
CT: D --> Isolated you from the others by imprisoning you in a cold, intimidating shell of steel and circuitry  
CT: D --> Which somehow seems even worse than installing a chip in your heart to manip001ate your feelings for me dire%ly  
CT: D --> Ugh  
CT: D --> I despise myself  
AA: well  
AA: we have that much in c0mm0n  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Despising me  
AA: n0  
CT: D --> Then  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Oh  
AA: equius  
AA: its n0t that bad  
AA: well  
AA: 0k it is that bad  
AA: but its n0t y0ur fault  
CT: D --> How is it not my fault  
AA: well  
AA: its true that because 0f y0u im a creepy dead girl r0b0t  
AA: but if n0t f0r y0u i w0uld just be a creepy dead girl fr0g thing  
AA: ribbit  
AA: its n0t really a huge difference with regard t0 s0ciability  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> I never thought of it that way  
AA: besides  
AA: its n0t true that im c0mpletely is0lated fr0m every0ne else  
AA: i mean its alm0st true  
AA: but there is 0ne 0ther pers0n im talking t0  
CT: D --> If you don't mind my a%ing  
CT: D --> Who is it  
AA: its uh  
AA: terezi  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Really  
AA: yes  
AA: shes very g00d at understanding temp0ral mechanics f0r s0me reas0n  
AA: shes actually been a great deal 0f help in the investigati0n 0f this wh0le d00med timeline mystery  
CT: D --> I see  
CT: D --> I'm glad to hear that, a%ually  
AA: im glad t00  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> If we were to conc100de our matespritship  
CT: D --> Or whatever it is  
CT: D --> You wouldn't feel as though I were  
CT: D --> Abandoning you  
AA: n0  
CT: D --> Ok  
AA: d0 y0u want t0 end it  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Kind of  
AA: its 0k equius  
AA: y0u sh0uldnt feel 0bligated t0 try t0 maintain 0ur relati0nship if y0u arent happy with it  
CT: D --> Do you tr001y believe so  
AA: yes  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> Then  
CT: D --> I think it behooves us both to end this  
AA: 0k  
CT: D --> Is it really  
AA: yes  
CT: D --> Ok then  
AA: if y0u d0nt mind my asking  
AA: what br0ught this 0n  
AA: just 0ut 0f curi0sity  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I recently had a di%ussion with a friend  
CT: D --> And I realized something  
AA: y0u d0nt l0ve me anym0re  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> I'm sorry, Aradia  
AA: its 0k  
AA: i just wish falling 0ut 0f l0ve was s0 easy f0r 0thers  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Hmm  
AA: is there s0me0ne else  
CT: D --> What  
AA: i mean that y0ure c0nsidering  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I had thought of the highb100d  
CT: D --> But the mudb100d's intervention has neatly e%tinguished that possibility  
CT: D --> So I suppose I'm left with few prospe%s  
AA: 0h  
AA: im s0rry t0 hear that  
CT: D --> There is one other candidate I had considered  
CT: D --> Although it seems abso100tely f001ish to think about  
AA: wh0 is it  
CT: D --> It's  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> The heiress  
AA: what  
AA: feferi  
AA: seri0usly  
CT: D --> Yes  
AA: 0_0  
AA: w0w  
AA: thats weird  
CT: D --> I know, the whole idea is udderly 100dicrous  
AA: n0 i mean  
AA: its n0t the idea thats weird  
CT: D --> Then what  
AA: its  
AA: um  
AA: nevermind  
AA: anyway if y0ure seri0us i think y0u sh0uld pursue her  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Really  
AA: abs0lutely  
AA: i think y0u tw0 w0uld be great f0r each 0ther  
CT: D --> Seriously  
AA: yes  
AA: im c0mpletely certain 0f that suddenly  
CT: D --> Wow  
CT: D --> I have to say, I didn't e%pect this rea%ion from you  
CT: D --> I thought you might disapprove  
AA: really equius if y0u think y0u tw0 w0uld be happy t0gether i abs0lutely enc0urage y0u t0 g0 f0r it  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Wow, ok  
CT: D --> Thank you, Aradia  
AA: its n0thing really  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I was afraid this conversation would become awkward  
CT: D --> But it 100% to have gone e%tremely smoothly  
AA: i guess s0  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> Have you given any consideration to your quadrants  
AA: um  
AA: n0t really  
AA: ive been t00 f0cused 0n this wh0le weird time thing  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Perhaps you should  
AA: i think id rather f0cus 0n s0mething with a little m0re h0pe  
AA: like the destructi0n 0f 0ur universe and everything in it  
CT: D --> Ha  
AA: 0_0  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> That was a joke, corre%  
AA: kind 0f  
AA: ribbit  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> In any case, I wish you luck  
CT: D --> And I hope you can find some e100cidation on this whole timeline incident  
AA: thank y0u  
AA: and i really d0 enc0urage y0u t0 pursue feferi if y0u believe she w0uld make y0u happy  
CT: D --> Yes, thank you  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I suppose I've wasted enough of your time  
AA: believe me  
AA: time is the 0ne thing 0f which i have n0 sh0rtage  
CT: D --> Ha  
CT: D --> I suppose so  
CT: D --> I'm  
CT: D --> I'm tr001y glad this hasn't caused any bad b100d to e%ist between us  
AA: 0f c0urse  
AA: i d0nt hate y0u 0r anything equius  
AA: i want y0u t0 be happy  
AA: and if its n0t with me  
AA: well  
AA: im 0k with it  
CT: D --> Thank you, Aradia  
CT: D --> I wish you the greatest of happiness as well  
AA: thanks equius  
AA: even th0ugh were b0th really messed up  
AA: i think well b0th turn 0ut 0k  
AA: 0u0  
CT: D --> Um  
AA: it l00ks stupid i kn0w  
CT: D --> It's  
CT: D --> It's not that bad  
AA: equius  
CT: D --> Ok, it 100% terrible  
CT: D --> But I agree with the e%pressed sentiment regardless  
AA: thats g00d  
AA: im glad y0u were able t0 f0cus 0n the imp0rtant part  
CT: D --> Of horse  
CT: D --> There's no need to fi%ate on f001ish emoticons  
CT: D --> That would be filly  
AA: ha  
AA: well  
AA: i guess i sh0uld g0  
CT: D --> Yes, I suppose you have better things to do  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> Goodbye, Aradia  
AA: bye equius  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]. 

*** 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA].  
  
AG: Heeeeeeeey Fussyfangs. <3  
GA: Oh Hello Vriska  
GA: Um  
GA: Are You Really Using That Nickname Again  
AG: Is that okay?  
AG: I mean, just so we're clear, it's supposed to 8e a term of endearment.  
GA: Seriously  
AG: I already told you, Kanaya!  
AG: Your fussiness is one of the things I love a8out you the most!  
GA: I Still Find That A Little Hard To Believe  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????  
AG: What's so hard to 8elieve a8out me loving 8eing 8ugged and fussed over and meddled with 8y you?  
GA: Um  
GA: Maybe That Those Were All Things You Complained About Incessantly When We Were Moirails  
AG: Kanaya, it's all a8out context.  
AG: I mean, when we were moirails, the 8ugging and fussing and meddling was all a8out tripping me up and getting in the way of my schemes.  
AG: 8ut now that we're m8sprits, it's all pretty clearly 8enign in n8ure, and it turns out that I kind of get off on that kind of thing.  
GA: Well  
GA: I Suppose Its Only Natural That You Would Derive Some Sort Of Weird Pleasure From Being The Center Of Attention  
AG: Yeah, exa........  
AG: W8, that was a 8urn, wasn't it????????  
AG: Kanaya Maryam, you just snuck a 8urn in on me!!!!!!!!  
GA: Yes I Suppose I Did Didnt I  
AG: See, that's another thing I like a8out you, Kanaya, you're sassy!  
AG: 8ut you're sneaky a8out it, too.  
AG: You're like some super sneaky asSASSin, sneaking little pithy 8urns in on people and then fleeing the crime scene 8efore they even realize they've 8een 8urned.  
AG: It's kind of completely amazing.  
GA: Wow Vriska Youre Making Me Blush Here  
GA: What Did I Do To Deserve This Flattery  
AG: Who says you had to do anything to deserve it?  
AG: May8e I just feel like flattering you!  
GA: Vriska Dont Get Me Wrong Its All Greatly Appreciated  
GA: But Its Pretty Obvious That You Want Something From Me  
AG: Okay, okay, so it is.  
AG: God, you can just read me like a 8ook, can't you????????  
GA: Do You Want Me To Stop  
AG: No, as a matter of fact, I don't!  
AG: I think that's a little kinky too. <3  
GA: You Just Find The Strangest Things Arousing  
AG: Maaaaaaaan, don't you even judge me, little miss rain8ow drinker roleplayer girl!!!!!!!!  
GA: Haha Okay Fair Enough  
GA: So What Exactly Did You Require Of Me  
AG: Well, I realize this is a8surdly 8razen of me to ask you........  
AG: 8ut I wanted you to m8ke me a few costumes.  
AG: And yes, I remem8er what happened the LAST time you m8de a costume for me, 8ut it's not anything like that, I swear!!!!!!!!  
GA: I Wasnt Going To Say Anything  
AG: You were totally going to say something.  
GA: Really I Wasnt  
AG: Kanaya, you would've had every right to say something!!!!!!!!  
AG: I just totally used you for something and I hurt your feelings and it wasn't cool at all, okay?  
GA: Vriska Thats All In The Past  
GA: We Were All Confused And Didnt Really Know How To Express Our Feelings In The Healthiest Of Ways  
GA: But It Doesnt Matter Anymore So Can We Just Drop It  
AG: Well, I still feel really shitty a8out it, 8ut okay.  
GA: Anyway Id Be Happy For An Opportunity To Do Some More Tailoring  
GA: What Kind Of Costumes Did You Have In Mind  
AG: Well, here's the thing.  
AG: I kind of got the urge recently to do a little FLARPing.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Really  
AG: 8ut not the dangerous kind!!!!!!!!  
AG: Just a little nonlethal, most-holds-8arred roleplaying 8etween friends.  
AG: Or kinda-sorta friend-enemies, as it were.  
AG: I just want a chance to resolve our differences and 8low off a little steam without murdering each other.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well That Doesnt Sound So Bad I Guess  
AG: I should certainly hope so!  
AG: If it sounded 8ad, no8ody would even think of particip8ing.  
GA: So Youll Want Costumes For The Characters Of All The Participants I Assume  
AG: Of course!  
AG: It will 8e the final showdown 8etween Marquise Spinneret Mindfang and Neophyte Redglare, so we'll need costumes for me and Terezi.  
AG: And you should pro8a8ly go ahead and make one for Eridan, too.  
AG: Wherever Mindfang goes, it's a safe 8et to assume Orphaner Dualscar won't 8e far 8ehind.  
GA: Okay  
GA: I Hate To Ask But  
GA: This Isnt Part Of Some Sort Of Scheme Is It  
AG: Well, that depends. What kind of scheme are you talking a8out?  
GA: Well Between The Presence Of Terezi And Eridan I Kind Of Have To Wonder If This Isnt Some Sort Of Elaborate Black Solicitation  
AG: Whoa, hey, no, let's get one thing clear right now!  
AG: I am NOT waxing 8lack for either of those two, alright????????  
AG: I mean, I know Eridan and I had a thing, 8ut that's all totally water under the 8ridge now.  
AG: He is my 8usiness associ8, and that's it.  
AG: And as for Terezi, well........  
AG: I don't h8 her, alright?  
AG: I still feel like shit for 8linding her, actually.  
AG: 8ut yeah, no, I don't even have a hoof8east in this race, trust me.  
GA: But You May Or May Not Still Have Some Sort Of Scheme  
AG: Yes, I may or may not!  
AG: Unfortun8ely, I'm sworn to secrecy on the matter.  
GA: So You Do Have A Scheme  
AG: I never said that!!!!!!!!  
AG: How do you know I don't have a policy of swearing secrecy on the matter of my schemes even when I don't have any schemes????????  
GA: Because  
GA: Thats Kind Of Stupid  
AG: It's not stupid, it's 8rilliant!!!!!!!!  
AG: Anyway, if I did have a scheme, which I may or may not, it's all completely 8enign, alright?  
AG: I'm not trying to get any8ody hurt here.  
GA: Well  
GA: Thats Believable Enough I Guess  
GA: So Did You Have Any Specifications About The Costumes  
AG: Just a few.  
AG: First of all, historical accuracy is PARAMOUNT.  
AG: As much as I'd love to let you get cre8ive with the outfits, I want the whole thing to 8e completely immersive.  
GA: So For Mindfangs Outfit Youd Be Looking For Some Sort Of Black And Cerulean Gamblignant Attire  
GA: Paired With A Hideous Garish Pair Of Bright Red Boots  
AG: They aren't hideous!!!!!!!!  
AG: Come on, Kanaya, the 8oots are 8adass, they're like the 8est part of the outfit!!!!!!!!  
GA: I Just Kind Of Wish The Idea Of Color Coordination Existed A Thousand Sweeps Ago  
GA: Like Why Couldnt The Boots Just Be A Little Darker Red  
AG: So, what, more like........ maroon?  
GA: Yes Whats Wrong With  
GA: Um  
GA: Oh  
AG: ::::/  
GA: Well Okay  
GA: What About The Opposite  
GA: Brightening Up The Cerulean On The Main Outfit So It Didnt Clash So Much With Your Footwear  
AG: So what, you want me to par8de around in 8right red and 8lue like some kind of 8ipolar psychic douche8ag????????  
GA: Urrgh Nevermind  
GA: Ill Concede To Your Ridiculous Demands For Now  
GA: But If You Ever Flarp After This Youre Letting Me Design Some Costumes That Are A Little More Fashion Conscious  
GA: Are We Absolutely Clear On That  
AG: Okay, okay, fiiiiiiiine!  
AG: Jegus, Kanaya, you are so fussy!  
AG: (And I love it <3)  
GA: Haha Of Course  
GA: Well Ill Get Started On Them Right Away  
AG: That's gr8! Thank you, Kanaya!  
GA: Its My Pleasure Really  
GA: And Speaking Of Pleasure Would You Happen To Want Me To Fit You For Your Own Outfit Personally  
AG: Uh, that miiiiiiiight not 8e a good idea.  
AG: You remem8er what happened the last time we tried that, don't you?  
GA: Um  
GA: Yes  
GA: Im Really Sorry For That By The Way  
GA: Its Just You Were Standing There With Barely Any Clothing On While I Worked My Hands All Over You And I Got A Little  
GA: Distracted I Guess  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, don't 8e sorry, Kanaya!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8elieve me, I could've stopped you if I'd wanted to.  
AG: And I didn't stop you, now did I?  
AG: :::;)  
GA: Oh My  
GA: Miss Serket Youre Making Me Blush Again  
AG: You know, Kanaya, for this whole "8lushing swooning maiden" shtick you like to play up, I can't help 8ut notice you seem to 8e the one to initi8 these things more often than not.  
AG: It reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally m8kes me wonder sometimes........  
GA: You Knew What You Were Getting Into When You Entered This Relationship Vriska  
GA: Rainbow Drinkers Are Passionate And Aggressive Lovers  
AG: Oh Jegus, not the rain8ow drinker thing again!  
AG: Okay, just for the record, the whole 8itey thing in general is amazing and I love it.  
AG: 8ut the thing where you pretend to 8e a rain8ow drinker is so goddamn ridiculous I can't help 8ut laugh at it.  
GA: I Really Wish You Wouldnt Laugh Vriska  
GA: I Mean Its Not Even That Im Offended Or Anything  
GA: It Just Completely Breaks My Immersion Is All  
AG: Awwwwwwww, I'm sorry, Fussyfangs.  
AG: I'll try to 8e a little more consider8 in the future, okay?  
GA: Thank You Vriska  
GA: <3  
AG: Anything for you, Kanaya!  
AG: Aaaaaaaanyway, as fun as it would 8e to........ distract you from m8king my outfit, I really don't want to disrupt the cre8ive process.  
AG: These costumes have to 8e perfect!  
AG: In fact, eeeeeeeeverything has to 8e perfect!!!!!!!!  
AG: I've got a lot of irons in the fire, and they're all hinged on this one night, so if even one thing goes wrong, the whole thing will fall apart!  
AG: And then the irons will fall on the floor and they'll all get 8ent out of shape, 8ecause they're all hot and mallea8le.  
AG: And I don't like 8ent irons, Kanaya.  
AG: I fucking h8 them.  
GA: Um  
AG: 8ut hey! No pressure or anything!  
AG: Just do your 8est on them, and I'm sure they'll turn out perfectly!  
GA: Of Course Vriska  
GA: Ill Settle For Nothing Less Than Perfection  
GA: So I Can Assure You You Wont Be Disappointed  
AG: Gr8! Thanks again, Kanaya! I really appreci8 this!  
AG: And while I don't want to 8ug you while you're working on my costume, I might 8e willing to come over once you're done and........ try it on.  
AG: :::;)  
GA: Oh My  
GA: Yes I Do Believe Id Like That A Great Deal  
GA: But I Wouldnt Be Dragging You Away From Anything Would I  
GA: I Understand Youve Been Spending A Lot Of Time With Tavros Recently  
AG: Tavros? Oh, no, he's with Gamzee right now!  
AG: They're off doing quests on LOTAM or something.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Theyre Adventuring  
GA: I Thought That Was Kind Of A Thing For You And Tavros  
AG: Well, yeah, it kind of is.  
AG: 8ut the whole point of all this shipping stuff was to get our emotional shit together and m8ke us focus on the task at hand.  
AG: And I don't want our glorious leader going off at us 8ecause all we ever do is w8ste time on feelings jams and sloppy makeouts!  
GA: But  
GA: All We Ever Do Is Waste Time On Sloppy Makeouts  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah, I guess that's true!  
AG: Hey, may8e you and I should do some adventurin' sometime!  
AG: You haven't done many quests on your planet, have you?  
GA: I Havent Done Any Actually  
GA: But The Whole Situation Is Kind Of Complicated  
GA: Namely I Dont Have Any Consorts Because Almost The Entirety Of The Planet Is Underwater And It Will Stay That Way Until I Figure Out How To Light The Forge  
GA: Which Up Until Recent Events Had Been The Main Thing I Was Beating My Head Against Ineffectually  
AG: Oh.  
AG: Well shit. ::::/  
GA: Its Okay  
GA: Im Sure Ill Figure It Out Eventually  
GA: And Once I Do We Can Do All The Questing In The World  
AG: Yeah!!!!!!!! That sounds gr8!!!!!!!!  
GA: Besides I Wouldnt Want To Distract You Right Now  
GA: Youve Got This Whole Flarping Thing Planned  
AG: Well, sure, 8ut I've always got time for you, Kanaya.  
AG: I'd never 8low you off for anything!  
GA: Well Thank You Vriska  
AG: I mean........  
AG: Alright, look, there's something I need to talk to you a8out.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Of Course Vriska What Is It  
AG: Well........  
AG: It's a8out Tavros.  
GA: Is There Some Sort Of Problem Between You Two  
AG: No! There's no pro8lem at all!  
AG: Well, I mean, there kind of is a pro8lem? Sort of?  
AG: Arrrrrrrrgh, this is really hard to explain, especially to you!  
GA: Its Okay Vriska  
GA: I Wont Judge You Or Anything  
AG: Well, the thing is........  
AG: Okay, look, I'm pale for him, alright? Pale as a rain8ow drinker.  
AG: And I'm pretty sure he's just as pale for me.  
AG: 8ut recently, I've found myself really........ attracted to him.  
AG: Like, in a not so pale way, if you know what I mean.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Uh  
GA: Wow  
AG: I mean, I'm still flushed for you, Kanaya!!!!!!!!  
AG: I'm flushed as FUCK for you, and nothing's EVER gonna change that!!!!!!!!  
AG: It's just........ I'm really afr8d all these feelings I'm having for Tavros are going to ruin things 8etween me and him, or 8etween me and you.  
AG: Or even 8etween him and Gamzee, for that matter!  
AG: I mean, the whole reason I encouraged him to go after Gamzee in the first place is 8ecause I thought it'd help get my mind off him.  
AG: I figured he'd do something sweet and adora8le and they'd 8ecome m8sprits and that would 8e the end of it.  
AG: 8ut instead he did something COMPLETELY FUCKING 8ADASS and it just made my crush on him even worse!!!!!!!!  
AG: And I don't know what to do a8out it and it's really stressing me out and I feel so horri8le for having all these stupid feelings.  
GA: Vriska  
GA: Are You Honestly Telling Me That You Feel Guilty Towards Me For Having Flushed Feelings For Your Moirail  
AG: Kanaya, it's not like what happened 8etween me and you!!!!!!!!  
AG: I mean, were you ever really pale for me in the first place?  
GA: Well  
GA: No Not Really  
AG: Yeah, and I was never too hot on the idea either.  
AG: 8ut I'm INCREDI8LY pale for Tavros, and he is for me too!  
AG: And I really love helping him and dealing with his pro8lems and having feelings jams and adventures with him, and I'm scared I'm gonna ruin all that with this stupid little crush on him.  
AG: Ugh, I really h8 myself sometimes.  
GA: Vriska  
GA: Look  
GA: This Is Going To Sound Completely Insane Coming From Me  
GA: But Maybe You Should  
GA: Act On It  
AG: Wh8t????????  
GA: I Mean  
GA: Moirails Are Supposed To Help Each Other With Their Problems  
GA: And If Its A Problem That Youre Attracted To Him Then Maybe You Should Attempt The Um  
GA: The Most Obvious Thing To Solve The Problem  
AG: Kanaya, are you seriously telling me to........  
AG: To do stuff with him????????  
GA: Im Just Saying Maybe You Should Try It  
GA: Just Once  
GA: Just To See If It Helps  
AG: Well, I........ GUESS that sounds reasona8le enough.  
AG: And I guess if it doesn't work, we can just write the whole thing off as a 8ig mist8ke and move on.  
AG: 8ut what if it does work, 8ut not completely?  
AG: And it ends up 8ecoming a thing we have to do, uh........  
AG: Regularly?  
GA: Honestly Vriska  
GA: What You And Your Moirail Do In The Privacy Of A Feelings Jam Isnt Really My Business  
GA: Or Anyone Elses For That Matter  
GA: And If Whatever You Do Ends Up Solving Your Problem Then It Doesnt Really Matter To Me What Specifically You Did To Solve It  
GA: Especially If It Makes Things Easier For Your Moirallegiance  
AG: Wow.  
AG: I mean........  
AG: You'd seriously 8e okay with that?  
GA: If It Were Anyone Else Id Have A Problem With It  
GA: But Tavros Is Your Moirail  
GA: And The Bond Of Moirallegiance Is A Deep Personal Connection That Even I Dont Really Understand All That Well  
GA: Frankly Im Not Really Sure How Intimate Is Too Intimate As Far As Activities Between Moirails Go  
GA: Especially Since We Did Some Questionable Things Together When We Were Moirails And The Things In And Of Themselves Never Seemed To Cause Any Problems Between Us  
GA: Honestly I Think Whatever You Do Is Okay As Long As Youre Doing It For The Sake Of Saving Your Moirallegiance And Not As Part Of Some Horrible Selfish Manipulative Quadrant Flipping Gambit  
AG: Man, Kanaya, don't even start with this again!!!!!!!!  
AG: I already told you, I don't 8egrudge you for anything you did when we were moirails!  
AG: You didn't manipul8 me into anything! I was already flushed for you and I was just in complete impenetra8le denial a8out it.  
AG: And yeah, if you'd 8een more direct a8out your feelings with me, it would've saved us 8oth a lot of grief.  
AG: 8ut if I hadn't 8een as dense as fucking lead, I would've noticed your feelings sooner, and the same 8asic logic applies!  
AG: We were 8oth 8eing completely stupid a8out it, 8ecause we're only six sweeps old and 8eing stupid is 8asically our fucking specialty.  
AG: So just drop this whole thing a8out what an awful moirail you were, 8ecause you fucking WEREN'T, alright????????  
GA: I  
GA: I Really Wish It Were That Easy Vriska  
GA: But I Just Feel Completely Terrible About It  
GA: And Im Not Really Sure What I Can Do  
AG: Well, may8e you should find another moirail.  
GA: Seriously  
AG: Yes, seriously, Kanaya!!!!!!!!  
AG: Honestly, I think you'd 8e a gr8 moirail for pretty much any8ody!  
AG: Except me, of course.  
GA: I Dont Know  
GA: I Feel Like After What Happened Between Us Nobody Would Even Want Me As Their Moirail  
AG: Kanaya, we were a 8l8ant mismatch, and every8ody knows it!  
AG: A8solutely no8ody's gonna judge you 8ased on our moirallegiance.  
AG: And if they do, well, fuck them!!!!!!!!  
GA: Heh  
GA: Maybe Youre Right  
GA: But Honestly I Just Dont Feel Like Looking For A Moirail Right Now  
AG: Well, suit yourself, I guess.  
AG: I'm not your moirail, so I can't really tell you what to do.  
AG: I just h8 to see you 8eating yourself up over stupid shit like this.  
GA: Thanks Anyway Though  
GA: And Honestly Whatever You Decide To Do With Tavros I Wont Think Less Of You For It  
GA: You Two Are Really Good For Each Other And You Should Do Whatever It Takes To Preserve Your Relationship  
GA: Even If It Would Look Like Infidelity On The Face Of It  
AG: Really?  
GA: Yes Really  
GA: Were Matesprits Vriska  
GA: Unconditional Love Is Kind Of A Fundamental Part Of The Equation  
AG: Well, if you're really okay with it, I guess I could talk to him a8out it.  
AG: Thanks for 8eing so understanding a8out this, Kanaya.  
GA: Its No Problem Really  
GA: Besides I Highly Doubt He Can Do The Bitey Thing Anywhere Close To As Well As I Can  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah, you're pro8a8ly right.  
AG: Even if I do........ attempt anything with Tavros, it won't mean you'll see any less of me in the slightest, 8elieve me!  
GA: Thats All That Really Matters To Me  
AG: Alright, well, I should pro8a8ly get going.  
AG: I've got accomplices who I can't name who I need to talk to a8out schemes I may or may not have regarding irons that may or may not 8e in the fire at this very moment.  
GA: Haha Whatever  
AG: Hey, don't laugh!!!!!!!!  
AG: This may or may not 8e serious 8usiness!!!!!!!!  
GA: Okay Then I May Or May Not Stop Laughing  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, fair enough.  
AG: Troll me when my outfit's done, okay?  
AG: I'll 8e there to try it on faster than you can say, "My goodness, I do wish Miss Serket were here to undress at my discretion!"  
GA: But Of Course  
GA: Im Not Going To Rush Anything  
GA: But Needless To Say I Will Complete The Costume To Your Specifications As Quickly As Possible  
GA: <3  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, riiiiiiiight.  
AG: <3  
AG: Anyway, 8ye, Kanaya!  
GA: Goodbye Vriska  
  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]. 


	10. Irons in the Fire

Chapter 10

Irons in the Fire

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC].  
  
AC: :33 < *the furry impurrtant pouncellor marches up to gcs hive and pawnds authoritatively on her door*  
AC: :33 < *she cups her hands and shouts through the door:*  
AC: :33 < miss pyrope!!! purrsent yourself!!  
AC: :33 < i have a warrant to subject you to a shipping sw33p!!!  
GC: >8O  
GC: *TH3 M1GHTY 4ND M4J3ST1C L3G1SL4C3T4TOR SW1NGS H3R DOOR OP3N, BR1STL1NG W1TH 1ND1GN4T1ON 4T TH3 4UD4C1TY OF TH3 POUNC3LLORS D3M4NDS!*  
GC: POUNC3LLOR, YOUV3 GOT 4 LOT OF N3RV3 M4K1NG SUCH BOLD D3M4NDS OF 4 LEG1SL4CER4TOR!  
GC: 4ND 1 SHOULD V3RY MUCH L1K3 TO 4PPR41S3 TH3 V3R4C1TY OF YOUR SO-C4LL3D W4RR4NT MYS3LF!  
AC: :33 < furry well, legislacerator!  
AC: :33 < *the pouncellor removes a writ furom the folds of her robe and unfurls it, purrsenting it to gc*  
AC: :33 < *the writ is a request fur a shipping sw33p bearing the seal of her impurrious condescension herself*  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR T4K3S ON3 LOOK 4T TH3 WR1T 4ND BURST 1NTO UPRO4R1OUS L4UGHT3R!*  
GC: 1 DONT 3V3N N33D TO 1NSP3CT TH1S DOCUM3NT CLOS3LY TO T3LL YOU 1TS 4 FORG3RY!  
GC: SH1PP1NG SW33PS 4R3 H4NDL3D BY TH3 1ND1GO BLOODS! H3R 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON WOULD N3V3R ST4MP SUCH 4 R3QU3ST D1R3CTLY!  
AC: :33 < *s33ing miss pyropes legislative expurrtise fursthand, the pouncellors confurdent facade begins to crack!*  
AC: :33 < well... this was a special case!  
GC: 1F 1 W3R3 TO 3X4M1N3 TH1S WR1T MYS3LF, 1M SUR3 1 COULD F1ND 4 THOUS4ND 4ND ON3 MOR3 FL4WS 1N IT  
GC: BUT 1NST34D OF W4ST1NG 4NY MOR3 T1M3, 1LL S1MPLY 4SK YOU TH1S  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR SUDD3NLY R41S3S H3R SWORD-C4N3 TO PO1NT 4T TH3 POUNC3LLOR*  
GC: WHO S3NT YOU?  
AC: :33 < *the pouncellor quickly crumples the writ in her hands and takes a nervous step back, a fierce look on her face*  
AC: :33 < thats not any of your business!  
AC: :33 < look, miss pyrope, why dont you just coopurrate with me?  
AC: :33 < i would hate to have to resort to... violence  
AC: :33 < *she motions to the two shipping drones standing behind her*  
GC: COOP3R4T3 W1TH 4 ROGU3 POUNC3LLOR W13LD1NG 4 FR4UDUL3NT L3G4L DOCUM3NT 4ND 4TT3MPT1NG TO CO3RC3 M3 W1TH NO DOUBT 1LL1C1TLY OBT41N3D SH1PP1NG DRON3S??  
GC: 1LL P4SS, TH4NK YOU  
AC: :33 < i dont think you understand, miss pyrope  
AC: :33 < you dont really have a choice in the matter!  
AC: :33 < *the pouncellor steps aside and points her lion-headed cane towards the legislacerator*  
AC: :33 < drones! ship this woman!  
AC: :33 < *the shipping drones suddenly lurch towards gc!*  
GC: *L4CK1NG TH3 SP4C3 N3C3SS4RY TO F1GHT TH3M 1N H3R DOORW4Y, TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR W1THDR4WS 1NTO H3R FOY3R*  
AC: :33 < *the drones fall in to the foyer, and the pouncellor follows them, pulling the lions head furom her cane to reveal a long, deathly sharp blade!*  
AC: :33 < *one of the drones advances towards gc, tentatively thrusting at her with its claws!*  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR B4TS TH3 DRON3S CL4WS 4W4Y W1TH HER SWORD-C4N3, B1D1NG H3R T1M3 UNT1L SH3 C4N F1ND 4 CH4NC3 TO STR1K3*  
AC: :33 < *suddenly gc s33s the second drone advancing toward her!*  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR M4N3UV3RS 4ROUND TH3 F1RST DRON3 UNT1L 1T ST4NDS B3TW33N H3R 4ND TH3 S3COND*  
AC: :33 < *the furst drones continues its assault on gc, but its suddenly interrupted by the second drone bumping into it*  
AC: :33 < *it reflexively turns around and swings one of its claws at it in retaliation!*  
GC: *S331NG TH3 P3RF3CT OPPORTUN1TY TO STR1K3, TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR THRUSTS H3R SWORD-C4N3 1NTO TH3 DRON3S B4CK!*  
AC: :33 < *with a lucky thrust, the legislacerators sword-cane pierces the drones central purrocessing stem!*  
AC: :33 < *it collapses in a heap, showering sparks efurrywhere!*  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PULLS H3R SWORD-C4N3 OUT OF THE F4LL3N DRON3S B4CK AND L4UGHS TR1UMPH4NTLY!*  
AC: :33 < *befur gc has too much time to gloat, she s33s the pouncellor lunging at her with her cane-sword, screaming furociously!*  
GC: *THE L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 34S1LY DODG3S TH3 H1GHLY T3L3GR4PH3D 4TT4CK, TH3N R3T4L14T3S W1TH 4N OV3RH34D SW1NG OF H3R SWORD-C4N3*  
AC: :33 < *the pouncellor blocks the legislacerators swing with her cane-sword, then swings back at her!*  
GC: *TH3 TWO 3XCH4NG3 L4SH3S 4ND BLOCKS UNT1L TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR FORC3S TH3 POUNC3LLOR 1NTO 4 BL4D3 LOCK!*  
AC: :33 < *s33ing an oppurrtunity, the pouncellor uses her fr33 hand to swing her cane-sheath at the legislacerators head!*  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR GR4BS TH3 SH34TH W1TH H3R FR33 H4ND 4ND WR3STS 1T FROM TH3 POUNC3LLORS GR1P, D1S3NG4G1NG TH3 LOCK*  
AC: :33 < *the pouncellor twirls away, and with a mischievous grin, she purresses a hidden button on the lions head on her cane-sword*  
AC: :33 < *suddenly the cane-sheath explodes in the legislacerators face, sending her r33ling!!*  
GC: >8O  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 1S S3NT FLY1NG, 4ND SH3 COLL4PS3S ONTO TH3 GROUND W1TH 4 H1GHLY D1GN1F13D 4ND C3R3MON1OUS THUD*  
GC: *TH3 SWORD-C4N3 1S R3L34S3D FROM H3R GR1P 4ND CL4TT3RS TO TH3 FLOOR*  
AC: :33 < *befur the legislacerator can get up, the remaining shipping drone is upawn her*  
AC: :33 < *it lifts her furom the ground, restraining her arms behind her*  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR STRUGGL3S FUT1L3LY FOR 4 MOM3NT 1N TH3 SH1PP1NG DRON3S GR1P, GL4R1NG FUR1OUSLY 4T TH3 POUNC3LLOR, TH3N STOPS*  
AC: :33 < *the pouncellor regards her with a smirk*  
AC: :33 < f33ling a little more coopurrative now, miss pyrope?  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR SP1TS 1N TH3 POUNC3LLORS STUP1D SMUG F4C3!*  
AC: :33 < *the pouncellor glares and slowly wipes the spit off her face, then suddenly slaps the legislacerator across the ch33k!*  
AC: :33 < do not tempt me, legislacerator!  
AC: :33 < my supurriors told me you were not to be harmed, but if you continue with this, i may not be able to help myself!  
GC: 4ND JUST WHO 4R3 YOUR SUP3R1ORS, "POUNC3LLOR?"  
GC: (POUNC3LLOR 1S 1N QUOT3S B3C4US3 1TS SUPPOS3D TO B3 SUP3R S4RC4ST1C)  
AC: :33 < thats still not any of your business  
AC: :33 < but i suppaws theres no harm in telling you  
AC: :33 < purrhaps youve heard of the rogue of heart?  
GC: OF COURS3 1V3 H34RD OF H3R  
GC: SH3S SH1PP3D F1V3 TROLLS 1N TH3 P4ST FOUR D4YS  
GC: THR33 OF TH3M SH3 3V3N STRUCK TW1C3!  
AC: :33 < *the "pouncellor" chuckles to herself*  
AC: :33 < ah, good  
AC: :33 < i s33 her reputation purrcedes her  
AC: :33 < and in case it wasnt clear, miss pyrope, shes selected you to be her next victim!  
GC: *G4SP!*  
GC: SH3 WOULDNT D4R3!  
AC: :33 < and why not, miss pyrope?  
AC: :33 < we already an insider with the subjugglators  
AC: :33 < surely a legislacerator would be the next logical step?  
GC: TRY1NG TO CORRUPT 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR, 3H?  
GC: W3LL, YOU T4RG3T3D TH3 WRONG L4DY!  
GC: MY LOY4LTY TO H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY 1S 4BSOLUT3!  
AC: :33 < be reasonable about this, legislacerator  
AC: :33 < the rogue can make it worth your while  
AC: :33 < besides, shes only trying to help you anyway  
AC: :33 < surely you have some interest in filling your quadrants?  
AC: :33 < *the "pouncellor" does that neat thing they do in the movies where she lifts gcs chin with the flat of her cane-sword*  
AC: :33 < itd be a shame if such a purretty girl were to purrsent herself to the collection drone empty handed  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR GROWLS 4T TH3 TOUCH OF COLD ST33L ON H3R CHIN*  
GC: 1M NOT TOO WORR13D 4BOUT TH4T  
GC: 4ND 3V3N 1F 1 W3R3, WHY WOULD 1 W4NT TH3 H3LP OF 4 CR1M1N4L?  
AC: :33 < alright, look  
AC: :33 < well discuss what it takes to secure your... assistance later  
AC: :33 < but fur now, i have orders to ship you, and thats exactly what i intend to do  
AC: :33 < *the "pouncellor" pushes the tip of the cane-sword efur so slightly into gcs neck, just d33p enough not to draw blood*  
AC: :33 < and it can be as easy or as difficult as you want it to be  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR GRO4NS D3J3CT3DLY*  
GC: 1 GU3SS 1 H4V3 NO CHO1C3  
AC: :33 < excellent  
AC: :33 < *the "pouncellor" smirks and lowers her blade*  
GC: BUT 1 M34N  
GC: W3R3 NOT GO1NG TO DO TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG 1N CH4R4CT3R 4R3 W3  
AC: :33 < :oo  
AC: :33 < terezi, did you just drop character befur me???  
GC: W3LL  
AC: :33 < i totally just out-roleplayed you!!!  
GC: NO YOU D1DNT!!!!  
GC: 1 W4S JUST 4SK1NG ON3 QU3ST1ON OUT OF CH4R4CTER, TH4TS 4LL!  
AC: :33 < admit it, you totally just got out-roleplayed!!  
GC: UGH, F1N3  
GC: YOU TOT4LLY, COMPL3T3LY OUT-ROL3PL4Y3D M3  
GC: 1 C4NNOT HOP3 TO D3F34T N3P3T4 L31JON 1N 4 ROL3PL4Y-OFF  
GC: SH3 1S S1MPLY TH3 B3ST TH3R3 1S  
GC: 1S TH4T WH4T YOU W4NT TO H34R??  
AC: :33 < yes it is!!! X33  
GC: >8P  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1M V3RY 1NTR1GU3D BY TH3 4NGL3 YOU TOOK  
GC: 1T S33MS 4 LOT MOR3 GR1TTY 4ND S3R1OUS TH4N YOUR USU4L 4FF41R  
AC: :33 < of course its serious!  
AC: :33 < shipping is serious business!!!  
GC: H3H3H3, Y34H, 1 GU3SS  
GC: 4ND TH3 WHOL3 F1GHT SC3N3 W4S PR3TTY GOOD TOO  
GC: BUT 1 C4NT B3L13V3 1 F3LL FOR TH3 OLD 3XPLOD1NG C4N3-SH34TH RUS3!!  
GC: 1TS PR4CT1C4LLY TH3 OLD3ST TR1CK 1N TH3 POUNC3LLORS TOM3!  
AC: :33 < you only fell fur it beclaws you werent expecting it!  
GC: Y34H, NOT FROM YOU, 4NYW4Y  
GC: BUT H3Y, B3FOR3 W3 T4LK 4BOUT 4NY OF TH1S SH1PP1NG STUFF  
GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO S4Y  
GC: 1M SORRY FOR TH3 W4Y 1 T4LK3D TO YOU ON TH4T M3MO 4 F3W D4YS 4GO  
GC: 1 W4S B31NG K1ND OF 4 B1TCH TO YOU 3V3N THOUGH YOU W3R3 JUST TRY1NG TO H3LP 3V3RYON3 OUT, 4ND 1T R34LLY W4SNT F41R TO YOU 4T 4LL  
AC: :33 < its okay, terezi, i furgive you!  
AC: :33 < you were just mad about vwiskers is all!  
GC: Y34H, PR3TTY MUCH  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1 KNOW SH3S DON3 4 LOT FOR T4VROS  
GC: BUT 1 ST1LL DONT TRUST H3R  
AC: :33 < she really is a better purrson now!  
GC: M4YB3 SH3 1S  
GC: BUT  
GC: SH3 ST1LL HURT 4 LOT OF P3OPL3  
GC: 4ND 1 C4NT FORG1V3 H3R JUST L1K3 TH4T, C4N 1?  
AC: :33 < look, terezi, no offense  
AC: :33 < but part of the reason i helped vwiskers in the furst place is so every confursation i had wouldnt degenerate into vwiskerschat!  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3, F41R 3NOUGH  
GC: 1LL DROP 1T  
AC: :33 < thank you  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1M GL4D TH1NGS 4R3 ST1LL COOL B3TW33N US  
AC: :33 < of course! no hard f33lings!  
AC: :33 < furgive and furget, thats what furiends are fur!  
GC: YOU JUST US3D TH3 S4M3 PUN FOUR T1M3S 1N TH4T ON3 L1N3  
AC: :33 < wow, i did, didn't i???  
AC: :33 < maybe i should look fur some new ones  
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: >8]  
GC: 4NYW4Y, DONT W3 H4V3 SOM3 SH1PP1NG TO DO?  
AC: :33 < of course!  
AC: :33 < lets start with your flushed quadrant  
AC: :33 < any ideas there?  
GC: HMMMMM  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T  
GC: WHY DONT YOU ST4RT  
AC: :33 < well, okay  
AC: :33 < what about karkitty?  
AC: :33 < i heard a rumor that you two had a thing or something  
GC: 4 TH1NG?  
GC: WHO TOLD YOU TH4T???  
AC: :33 < i dont know, i just heard it furom somewhere!!  
GC: K4RKL3S D1DNT T3LL YOU TH4T, D1D H3??  
AC: :33 < of course not!!  
AC: :33 < he nefur talks to me about romance  
AC: :33 < even though ive devoted purractically my entire life to it!  
AC: :33 < >:II  
GC: H3H3, Y34H, H3S K1ND OF 4 J3RK >8[  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 4S FOR M3 4ND H1M  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1M K1ND OF FLUSH3D FOR H1M, 1 GU3SS?  
AC: :33 < kind of, you guess?  
GC: W3LL, SOM3T1M3S 1 TH1NK 1 4M  
GC: BUT OTH3R T1M3S, TH3 GUY JUST DR1V3S M3 CR4ZY!  
GC: 1N 4 B4D W4Y, 1 M34N  
AC: :33 < like how?  
GC: 1TS JUST  
GC: H3S R34LLY 1NS3CUR3  
GC: WH1CH DONT G3T M3 WRONG, 1TS K1ND OF CUT3  
GC: BUT H3 3XPR3SS3S 1T 1N TH3 WORST POSS1BL3 W4Y  
GC: L1K3, H3S 4LW4YS Y3LL1NG 4ND 1NSULT1NG P3OPL3  
GC: 4ND STROK1NG H1S OWN 3GO 4BOUT WH4T 4N 4M4444Z1NG L34D3R H3 1S  
GC: 4ND SOM3T1M3S 1 TH1NK H3S FLUSH3D FOR M3  
GC: BUT H3 JUST C4NNOT DROP TH3 PR3T3NS3S FOR 4NYBODY  
GC: 4ND 1TS R34LLY FUCK1NG 4NNOY1NG  
AC: :33 < huh  
AC: :33 < so thats a maybe?  
GC: 1F H3 COULD JUST STOP B31NG SUCH 4N 1D1OT 4LL TH3 T1M3, 1TD B3 4 D3F1N1T3 Y3S  
GC: BUT 1 DONT R34LLY S33 TH4T H4PP3N1NG 4NYT1M3 SOON  
GC: SO Y34H, 1LL GO W1TH M4YB3  
AC: :33 < okay  
GC: BUT WHY 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG H1M FOR M3?  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 FLUSH3D FOR H1M  
AC: :33 < what!!!!  
GC: COM3 ON, N3P3T4  
GC: 1 KNOW 4LL 4BOUT YOUR "OTP"  
AC: :33 < okay, look!  
AC: :33 < ill admit i was flushed fur him at one point  
AC: :33 < and i might still be  
AC: :33 < but im not really sure how serious i efur was about it!  
GC: >8o  
GC: S3R1OUSLY?  
AC: :33 < well, i mean, yeah, i had a big crush on him  
AC: :33 < but it was just a crush!  
AC: :33 < and i mean  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < look, im not the one being shipped here!!!  
AC: :33 < were moving on now!!  
GC: W3LL, OK4Y, 1F YOU S4Y SO  
AC: :33 < anyway, some other candidates fur your flushed quadrant  
AC: :33 < hmmmmm  
AC: :33 < what about eridan?  
GC: 3R1D4N?  
GC: S3R1OUSLY?  
AC: :33 < yes, seriously!  
GC: WOW, 1 N3V3R 3V3N R34LLY CONS1D3R3D H1M  
GC: 1 M34N, H3S PROPOS1T1ON3D M3 B3FOR3  
GC: BUT TH4T W4S 4LL JUST 4 PR3TTY OBV1OUS G4MB1T TO P1SS OFF VR1SK4  
GC: 4ND H3 W4S PR3TTY CL34RLY FLUSH3D FOR SOM3BODY 3LS3 4NYW4Y  
AC: :33 < yeah, he was purretty flushed fur fefurry back then!  
GC: 1 FIGUR3D 4S MUCH 4T TH3 T1M3  
GC: TH3S3 MO1R4LL3G14NC3S B3TW33N YOUNG TROLLS USU4LLY 3ND UP FORM1NG 4S SOM3 SORT OF HOP3L3SS QU4DR4NT FL1PP1NG G4MB1T 4NYW4Y  
GC: OBV1OUSLY YOU 4ND 3QU1US 4R3 4 PR3TTY NOT4BL3 3XC3PT1ON  
AC: :33 < well, im purretty sure hes ofur her now  
AC: :33 < or at least hes looking fur somepawdy else  
AC: :33 < so what would you think about it?  
GC: W3LL  
GC: HON3STLY  
GC: H3S K1ND OF 4 DOUCH3 >8/  
AC: :33 < well, he kind of is  
AC: :33 < but hes significantly less of a douche than he used to be!  
GC: WH4T?  
AC: :33 < alright, look  
AC: :33 < dont take this as an adfurtisement fur him or anything, okay?  
AC: :33 < but up until recently, hes been an annoying, whiny, self-absorbed, despurrate genocidal asshole  
AC: :33 < but hes changed a lot!  
AC: :33 < becoming meowrails with gamz33 has really helped him!  
AC: :33 < even though he still is kind of an annoying asshole  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
AC: :33 < what??  
GC: 1T SOUNDS L1K3 YOU M1GHT B3 BL4CK FOR H1M YOURS3LF  
AC: :33 < >:OO  
AC: :33 < no!!!  
AC: :33 < its not anything like that!!!!  
AC: :33 < he just  
AC: :33 < he really gets under my skin, okay?  
AC: :33 < in a completely platonic sense!!  
AC: :33 < theres nothing black about it!  
AC: :33 < im not even interested in blackrom!!!  
AC: :33 < the whole quadrant is stupid anyway!!  
GC: H4V3 YOU 3V3R F3LT BL4CK FOR 4NYBODY?  
AC: :33 < no!!!!!!  
GC: TH3N HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR3 NOT F33L1NG BL4CK FOR H1M R1GHT NOW?  
AC: :33 < i dont know, i just  
AC: :33 < i do, okay???  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
GC: 1TS SO CUT3 HOW 1N D3N14L YOU 4R3 4BOUT TH1S  
AC: XOO < NO NO NO SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!  
AC: XOO < WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS ANYMORE!!!!  
GC: H3H3H3, OK4Y, F1N3  
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK YOU TWO WOULD B3 SUCH CUT3 K1M3S1SS3S  
AC: XOO < SHUT UUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!  
GC: OK4Y, 1M SHUTT1NG UP!  
GC: J3GUS, C4LM DOWN  
AC: :33 < bluh  
AC: :33 < sorry, anyway  
AC: :33 < what do you think of him, given the assumption that he isnt quite as much of a douche as he used to be?  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1F YOU T4K3 4W4Y H1S DOUCH1N3SS, TH4T DO3SNT R34LLY G1V3 M3 MUCH 3LS3 TO WORK W1TH  
GC: 1 M34N, H1S B31NG 4 DOUCH3 PR4CT1C4LLY D3F1N3D H1M TO M3  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, fair enough!  
GC: TH3R3S H1S LOOKS, 1 GU3SS  
GC: 4ND H3S C3RT41NLY NOT 4N UN4TTR4CT1V3 GUY  
AC: :33 < okay, even ill admit hes purretty good looking  
GC: Y34H  
GC: BUT 1D H4V3 TO G3T TO KNOW TH1S N3W H1M B3TT3R B3FOR3 1 COULD S4Y 4NYTH1NG ON3 W4Y OR TH3 OTH3R  
AC: :33 < alright, ill put him down fur maybe too  
AC: :33 < any other ideas?  
AC: :33 < sollux, maybe?  
GC: H4H4, NO  
GC: H3S TW1C3 4S MUCH OF 4N 4SSHOL3 4S K4RK4T 1S, H4LF TH3 T1M3  
AC: :33 < wow, okay!  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1SNT H3 1N 4 TH1NG W1TH F3F3R1?  
AC: :33 < i dont know what the thing with him and fefurry is!  
AC: :33 < they might be matespurrits, or they might be meowrails!  
AC: :33 < i asked fefurry, and even she doesnt know!  
GC: WOW, B1G SURPR1S3  
GC: M1ST3R DOUBL3 OR NOTH1NG C4NT P1CK B3TW33N TWO QU4DR4NTS  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < yeah, hes kind of stupid!  
GC: OH, H3S PL3NTY STUP1D, B3L13V3 M3  
GC: H3S PL3NTY SM4RT, TOO, BUT H3S 4T L34ST TW1C3 4S STUP1D  
GC: 4NYW4Y, Y34H, NO FLUSH3D F33L1NGS FOR H1M 4T 4LL, R34LLY  
GC: HON3STLY, 1 F33L MOR3 P4L3 FOR H1M TH4N 4NYTH1NG  
AC: :33 < really?  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW, JUST 4 L1TTL3  
AC: :33 < well okay  
AC: :33 < we could move on to your pale quadrant on that note  
AC: :33 < but befur i do, i have one more idea  
GC: 4ND WH4TS TH4T?  
AC: :33 < well...  
AC: :33 < what about me?  
GC: >8O  
GC: YOU?  
GC: B3 MY M4T3SPR1T?  
AC: :33 < yeah, i dont know, maybe!  
GC: N3P3T4, 4R3 YOU  
GC: 4R3 YOU FLUSH3D FOR M3?  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < maybe a little?  
AC: :33 < im just curious what you think is all!  
GC: W3LL  
GC: UM  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1 N3V3R R34LLY THOUGHT 4BOUT YOU TH4T W4Y  
GC: BUT 1 GU3SS W3 4R3 PR3TTY GOOD FR13NDS  
GC: 4ND YOU 4R3 PR3TTY CUT3  
GC: 1N 4 K1ND OF S1LLY W4Y  
GC: BUT 1 M34N  
GC: 4R3 YOU S3R1OUSLY FLUSH3D FOR M3???  
AC: :33 < its just something i was considering is all!!  
AC: :33 < anyway, it doesnt matter right now  
AC: :33 < im saving myself fur last anyway!  
AC: :33 < i have to think about efurrypawdy else furst!  
GC: OH  
GC: TH4TS NOBL3 OF YOU, 1 GU3SS  
GC: 31TH3R TH4T, OR 1NCR3D1BLY D3V1OUS  
AC: :33 < how is that devious???  
GC: B3C4US3 1F YOU S4V3 YOURS3LF FOR L4ST, TH3R3 W1LL ONLY B3 ON3 OTH3R TROLL L3FT W1THOUT 4 M4T3SPR1T  
GC: 4ND TH3YLL B3 PR3TTY MUCH FORC3D TO T4K3 YOU  
AC: :33 < no, its not anything like that!!  
AC: :33 < you cant furce people to love each other like that!  
AC: :33 < if it ends up that whoefur im left with doesnt want me, or i dont want them, ill just start ofur!  
AC: :33 < ill tear the existing relationships apurrt if i have to make things work fur efurrypawdy!!  
GC: WOW, TH4TS JUST RUTHL3SS  
AC: :33 < argh, i cant win here!!!!  
GC: W3LL, YOU KNOW WH4T TH3Y S4Y  
GC: 4LLS F41R 1N ROM4NC3 4ND STR1F3  
AC: :33 < do they really say that?  
GC: W3LL, 1 S41D 1T JUST NOW  
GC: 4ND 1M SUR3 SOM3BODY 3LS3 H4S PROB4BLY S41D 1T 4T SOM3 PO1NT  
GC: 4ND TWO P3OPL3 1S 3NOUGH TO B3 4 TH3Y, 1SNT 1T?  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, whatefur!  
AC: :33 < anyway, lets go on to your pale quadrant!  
GC: Y34H, OK4Y  
AC: :33 < you said something about sollux?  
GC: W3LL, 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: 1 M34N, TH3 GUY CL34RLY H4S SOM3 1SSU3S H3 N33DS H3LP W1TH  
GC: 4ND H3S SM4RT 3NOUGH, WH3N H3S NOT B31NG SO S3LF-D3F34T1NG  
GC: BUT 1F TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG B3TW33N H1M 4ND F3F3R1 1S 4S N3BULOUS 4S YOU S4Y 1T 1S, M4YB3 1 SHOULDNT 1NTRUD3  
AC: :33 < yeah, maybe not  
AC: :33 < i get the f33ling i wont be able to do anything with those two until i nail their quadrant down!  
GC: Y34H, 1 C4N S33 WHY 1T WOULD COMPL1C4T3 TH1NGS  
AC: :33 < so that rules out fefurry too, huh?  
GC: PROB4BLY  
GC: BUT 1 DONT R34LLY W4NT TO B3 H3R MO1R41L 4NYW4Y  
GC: L1K3, WH4T TH3 H3LL PROBL3MS DO3S SH3 H4V3?  
GC: SH3 SUR3 H4D SOM3 B3FOR3, BUT 3NT3R1NG TH3 G4M3 S33M3D TO PR3TTY MUCH CL34R 3V3RYTH1NG UP FOR H3R  
GC: B3S1D3S SOLLUX B31NG 4 WISHY-W4SHY 1D1OT, 4NYW4Y >8/  
AC: :33 < hmmm, i guess  
AC: :33 < what about kanaya?  
AC: :33 < she really n33ds a meowrail  
GC: K4N4Y4, HUH  
GC: 1 H4V3  
GC: B4R3LY 1NT3R4CT3D W1TH H3R, B3L13V3 1T OR NOT  
AC: :33 < i can believe that  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 4G41N, NOT R34LLY SUR3 WH4T H3R PROBL3MS 4R3  
GC: 4S1D3 FROM NOT H4V1NG 4 MO1R41L, SH3 S33MS PR3TTY MUCH S3T  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY 3V3R S1NC3 SH3 HOOK3D UP W1TH VR1SK4  
GC: OH J3GUS, 4ND TH4TS 4LL SH3 WOULD 3V3R T4LK 4BOUT, 1SNT 1T  
GC: JUST CONST4NT S3COND H4ND R3PORTS 4BOUT WH4T 4N 4M4Z1NG K1SS3R VR1SK4 1S  
AC: :33 < oh god, i didnt even make the vwiskers connection!  
GC: Y34H, 1LL P4SS ON TH4T, TH4NKS >8P  
AC: :33 < hmmm  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < i dont suppose youd be interested in being karkittys meowrail?  
GC: H4H4H4, NO  
GC: FUCK TH4T  
GC: 1 H34R 3NOUGH OF H1S WH1N1NG 4LR34DY  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, fair enough!  
AC: :33 < well, this is tough  
AC: :33 < is there anyone im missing?  
GC: YOU N3V3R M3NT1ON3D 4R4D14  
AC: :33 < huh?  
AC: :33 < oh my god, aradia!!!  
AC: :33 < i havent even b33n thinking about her!!  
AC: :33 < i mean, i nefur even mentioned her to anypawdy else!  
AC: :33 < god, now i f33l terrible!  
GC: Y34H, T3RR1BL3 1S 4BOUT HOW YOU SHOULD F33L R1GHT NOW  
GC: JUST B3C4US3 SH3S 1N 4 ROBOT DO3SNT M34N SH3 DO3SNT H4V3 F33L1NGS  
AC: :33 < ugh, and im her serfur player, too!  
AC: :33 < i cant believe i just furgot about her like that!  
AC: :33 < i havent even tried to talk to her since then!  
GC: 1N 4LL F41RN3SS, SH3 H4SNT R34LLY B33N T4LK1NG TO 4NYBODY  
GC: W3LL, 4NYBODY 3XC3PT 3QU1US  
GC: 4ND  
GC: UH, M3, 1 GU3SS  
AC: :33 < shes b33n talking to you?  
GC: Y34H, K1ND OF  
GC: SH3 W4S FR34K1NG OUT 4BOUT SOM3 W31RD T1M3 TH1NG ON TH3 L4ST M3MO OF YOURS 1 POST3D ON  
GC: SO 1 4SK3D H3R 4BOUT 1T 4FT3RW4RDS 4ND W3 BOTH SORT OF TR13D TO G3T TO TH3 BOTTOM OF 1T TOG3TH3R  
GC: 4ND 1V3 R34LLY B33N H3LPFUL TO H3R 4PP4R3NTLY  
AC: :33 < wow, thats interesting!  
GC: HOW 1S 1T 1NT3R3ST1NG?  
AC: :33 < well, i dont know, it just kind of is!  
GC: >8/  
AC: :33 < do you guys talk about anything else?  
GC: W3LL, Y34H, OCC4S1ON4LLY  
GC: BUT TH4TS PR1V4T3  
AC: :33 < okay, fair enough!  
AC: :33 < so do you like talking to her?  
GC: Y34H, 1 GU3SS  
GC: 1 G3T 4 W31RD SORT OF S4T1SF4CT1ON FROM H3LP1NG H3R PUZZL3 OUT 4LL TH1S W31RD T1M3 SH1T TH4TS GO1NG ON  
GC: 4ND SH3 R34LLY S33MS TO 4PPR3C14T3 1T TOO, 1 GUESS  
AC: :33 < so what if you two were meowrails?  
GC: >8O  
GC: S3R1OUSLY???  
GC: M3 4ND 4R4D14??  
AC: :33 < sure, why not?  
AC: :33 < you like helping her, dont you?  
GC: W3LL, Y34H, BUT  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1 N3V3R R34LLY THOUGHT 4BOUT 1T TH4T W4Y!  
AC: :33 < well, just furom what youve told me, it sounds like youre purretty pale fur her!  
GC: N3P3T4, TH4T 1S SUCH 4 BR4Z3N 4CCUS4T1ON, 1M NOT 3V3N R34LLY SUR3 HOW TO R3SPOND TO 1T!  
GC: BUT  
GC: W3LL, 1 GU3SS 1 COULD B3 P4L3 FOR H3R  
GC: BUT 1S SH3 3V3N 1NT3R3ST3D 1N TH4T K1ND OF TH1NG?  
AC: :33 < i dont know  
AC: :33 < maybe you should ask her!  
GC: S3R1OUSLY?  
GC: 4ND JUST HOW WOULD 1 BR1NG TH4T UP W1THOUT 1T S33M1NG CONSP1CUOUS?  
GC: JUST B3 L1K3, "H3Y, 4R3 YOU LOOK1NG FOR 4 MO1R41L BY 4NY CH4NC3? NO, 1M NOT OFF3R1NG, 1M JUST CUR1OUS!"  
GC: "BUT 4T TH3 S4M3 T1M3 1M NOT T4K1NG 1T OFF TH3 T4BL3, 1TS JUST 4 TOT4LLY 1NNOCUOUS QU3RY!!"  
AC: :33 < honestly, who cares?  
GC: 1 C4R3!!  
GC: WH4T 1F 1 4SK H3R 4ND SH3 3NDS UP TH1NK1NG 1M CR4ZY OR SOM3TH1NG?  
AC: :33 < terezi  
AC: :33 < i realize she isnt a robot and she does have f33l1ngs  
AC: :33 < but im purretty sure she wont give a shit one way or the other  
GC: W3LL  
GC: Y34H, YOUR3 PROB4BLY R1GHT  
GC: ST1LL, 1M NOT 3V3N SUR3 4BOUT TH1S  
AC: :33 < well, think about it!  
AC: :33 < even if you end up not wanting to be her meowrail, theres always sollux  
GC: H3H, Y34H  
GC: 1M SUR3 H3LL B3 FL4TT3R3D BY TH4T  
GC: "H3Y, YOUR D34D G1RLFR13ND W4S 4CTU4LLY MY F1RST P1CK, BUT 1LL S3TTL3 FOR YOU"  
AC: :33 < ://  
GC: TOO SOON?  
AC: :33 < it will nefur stop being too soon  
GC: Y34H, 1 GU3SS >8[  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < that about does it fur the shipping sw33p, i guess!  
GC: W3LL 1N TH4T C4S3  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR STRUGGL3S ONC3 MOR3 1N TH3 SH1PP1NG DRON3S GR1P*  
GC: L3T M3 GO 4LR34DY!  
AC: :33 < ah, but of course  
AC: :33 < drone, release her!  
AC: :33 < *the shipping drone relinquishes its grip on the legislacerator*  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR STR3TCH3S H3R 4RMS 4ND RUBS TH3 SOR3 SPOTS WH3R3 TH3 DRON3 W4S HOLD1NG H3R*  
GC: Y34H, TH4NKS 4 LOT  
GC: 1LL TRUST YOU TO S33 YOURS3LF OUT OF MY H1V3  
AC: :33 < of course, miss pyrope  
AC: :33 < and thank you fur your coopurration  
AC: :33 < the rogue will be pleased that i shipped you successfurry  
AC: :33 < even though you cost me purrt of my fafurite cane-sword and a furry expensive shipping drone  
GC: CORR3CT1ON  
GC: *1N ON3 SW1FT MOT1ON, TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR GR4BS H3R SWORD-C4N3 OFF TH3 GROUND 4ND J4MS 1T 1NTO TH3 R3M41N1NG SH1PP1NG DRON3S C3NTR4L PROC3SS1NG ST3M, D1S4BL1NG 1T 1N 4 SHOW3R OF SP4RKS!*  
GC: 1 COST YOU TWO V3RY 3XP3NS1V3 SH1PP1NG DRON3S  
GC: >8]  
AC: :33 < *the "pouncellor" growls at the legislacerator furriously*  
AC: :33 < it was truly a displeasure working with you  
AC: :33 < and if i s33 you again, it will be too soon!  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
GC: GOODBY3, "POUNC3LLOR"  
GC: 4ND GOOD LUCK W1TH YOUR S1LLY L1TTL3 PL4N  
GC: 1M SUR3 YOULL N33D 1T  
AC: :33 < *the "pouncellor" glares at her*  
AC: :33 < dont think this is ofur, legislacerator  
AC: :33 < though this is hopefurry the last youll s33 of me, the rogue has other agents  
AC: :33 < and as long as you are not her ally, you will be her enemy  
AC: :33 < so id highly suggest you give their offurs a little more consideration  
GC: 1LL T3LL TH3M TH3 S4M3 TH1NG 1 TOLD YOU  
AC: :33 < then it will be to your folly!  
AC: :33 < as it is, i must depurrt  
GC: 1F 1T M34NS 4N 3ND TO YOUR 1DL3 THR34TS, TH3N GOOD R1DD4NC3  
AC: :33 < and i wish you an unpleasant day as well  
AC: :33 < *the "pouncellor" storms out of the hive in a huff, still brandishing what remains of her cane-sword and swinging it angrily at any piece of shrubbery unlucky enough to grow too close to her path*  
GC: (H3H3H3)  
GC: (BY3 N3P3T4)  
AC: :33 < (bye terezi!)  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]. 

*** 

CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board The Marquise's Cove  
  
CAG: *The illustrious Marquise Spinneret Mindfang dramatically 8ursts into the quiet tavern, each stamp of her 8right red 8oots sending shockwaves through the air!*  
CAG: Alright, Redglare, I know you're here! Show yourself!  
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGC: *TH3 GR34T L3G1SL4C3R4TOR N3OPHYT3 R3DGL4R3 R1S3S FROM H3R S34T 1N TH3 CORN3R OF TH3 T4V3RN, ST4RT1NG TOW4RD TH3 M4RQU1S3*  
CGC: M1NDF4NG! COM3 TO TURN YOURS3LF 1N?  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha! Don't you wish!  
CAG: Frankly, Redglare, you've 8een a thorn in my side for long enough!  
CAG: And I say it's high time we settle things once and for all!  
CGC: *R3DGL4R3S H4ND 1NST1NCT1V3LY R34CH3S FOR H3R SWORD-C4N3*  
CGC: 4R3 YOU 4SK1NG M3 TO T4K3 TH1S OUTS1D3, M4RQU1S3?  
CAG: *Mindfang chuckles and extends a hand in a halting gesture*  
CAG: Pleeeeeeeease, Neophyte! This is hardly the time or place.  
CAG: 8esides, you wouldn't want any "innocent 8ystanders" to 8e hurt, would you?  
CGC: TH3N WH4T 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG?  
CAG: What I'm suggesting is this.  
CAG: LOMAT. Twenty-four hours. Just you and me.  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 2 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG: NO NO NO NO NO, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NO.  
FCG: DID I SERIOUSLY NOT DRILL THIS INTO EVERYONE'S FUCKING SKULLS AFTER THE WHOLE SHITSTORM ON LOBAF?  
FCG: NO DUELS. EVER.  
FCG: WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND THAT WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING MURDERING EACH OTHER????  
CAG: Karkaaaaaaaat, it's not a duel!!!!!!!!  
FCG: THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?  
CAG: I just wanted to have a friendly little FLARPing session is all!  
CGC: >8/  
CGC: S3R1OUSLY?  
CGC: YOU W4NT M3 TO FL4RP W1TH YOU?  
FCG: OH, OKAY, SO INSTEAD OF AN ACTUAL DUEL, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO ROPE HER INTO A HORRIBLE MURDERGAME, MY MISTAKE.  
FCG: HANG ON, I'LL NEED TO RECALIBRATE THE INPUTS TO MY PSYCHOTIC BROADS AND THEIR MURDEROUS BULLSHITOMETER TO GET A PROPER READ ON THAT.  
FCG: OH, LOOK AT THAT, IT'S EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME. WHAT A SHOCK.  
CAG: Oh, come oooooooon, Karkat, give me a 8r8k here!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I'm not trying to murder any8ody!  
CAG: I don't even want any8ody to get hurt!  
CAG: I just wanted a chance to may8e settle some of this stuff 8etween us without killing each other, and may8e wrap up this whole Mindfang thing in the process.  
CGC: WR4P UP TH1S WHOL3 M1NDF4NG TH1NG?  
CGC: 4ND JUST WH4T DO YOU M34N BY TH4T?  
CAG: Well, honestly........  
CAG: I kind of wanted to retire the whole character.  
CAG: Or at least take her in a different direction or something.  
CGC: >8O  
CGC: S3R1OUSLY????  
CAG: It's just........ I don't really identify with her anymore, you know what I mean?  
CAG: When I was a wiggler, I used to think she was soooooooo cooooooool.  
CAG: 8ut now the charm has worn off, and it's like........  
CAG: She's a self-o8sessed serial murderer, and also a rapist????????  
CAG: I really wish I was kidding a8out that last part, 8ut seriously, I've read her journal, and like a full quarter of it is graphically detailed accounts of slave rape.  
CGC: >8P  
CAG: And I realized, hey, I've spent my entire life trying to 8e exactly like a lady who every8ody h8ed and ended up 8eing murdered 8y the guy she thought was her m8sprit.  
AG: Can you 8lame me for wanting to put the whole thing 8ehind me?  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 1 GU3SS NOT  
FCG: WOW, HEY, THAT'S GREAT AND ALL, BUT SERIOUSLY  
FCG: NO FUCKING FLARPING.  
CAG: Why the fuck not????????  
FCG: BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED, THE WHOLE FUCKING GAME WAS JUST AN EXCUSE FOR CRAZY BLUEBLOODS TO KILL EACH OTHER.  
FCG: AND I'M NOT EVEN ACCUSING YOU IN PARTICULAR OF HAVING ANY MURDEROUS INTENTIONS HERE.  
FCG: QUITE FRANKLY, I THINK TEREZI IS JUST AS LIKELY TO TRY TO MURDER YOU AS YOU ARE TO TRY TO MURDER HER.  
CGC: WH4T!!!!!!!  
FCG: LOOK, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU'RE BOTH SHITHIVE MAGGOTS.  
FCG: AND WHATEVER FUCKED UP FEELINGS YOU TWO MIGHT HAVE FOR EACH OTHER, I THINK IT'S PROBABLY BEST TO PREVENT ANY SITUATIONS WHERE YOU'RE BOTH SWINGING DEADLY WEAPONS AT EACH OTHER.  
FCG: IS THAT SO HARD FOR YOU TO COMPREHEND????  
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAT: oKAY, kARKAT, i CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR APPREHENSION HERE,  
CAT: bUT IT'S REALLY NOT AS BIG A DEAL AS YOU'RE MAKING IT OUT TO BE,  
FCG: OH, THIS SHOULD BE GOOD.  
FCG: OKAY, TAVROS, TELL ME EXACTLY HOW IT'S COMPELTELY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO GET HURT DURING THIS LITTLE FLARPING SESSION.  
CAT: bECAUSE i'M THE ONE WHO WILL BE CLOUDING IT,  
CAT: i'LL HAVE CONTROL OVER EVERYONE'S STRIFE SPECIBI, aND LETHAL WEAPONS ARE EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN,  
CAG: And honestly, do you think Tavros of all people is going to let any8ody get hurt doing this????????  
CGC: TH4TS  
CGC: 4CTU4LLY 4 GOOD PO1NT >8|  
FCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS CLOUDING?  
CAT: wELL, tHE CLOUDER IS BASICALLY THE ONE IN CHARGE OF THE GAME,  
CAT: tHEY OPERATE THESE LITTLE THINGS CALLED GAMING FLAPSTRACTIONS, wHICH CONTROL PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING,  
CAT: sO, nEEDLESS TO SAY, i'LL HAVE THE WHOLE THING UNDER CONTROL,  
FCG: SOMEHOW I'M STILL NOT CONVINCED.  
PAST arsenicCatnip [PAC] 3 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAC: :33 < well, i think it sounds purrfect!  
FCG: WHAT.  
FCG: SERIOUSLY?  
PAC: :33 < sure!  
PAC: :33 < i know flarping is usually dangerous  
PAC: :33 < but if its only with nonlethal weapons and tavros is in charge, it sounds like it just be harmless fun!  
CAG: Exactly!!!!!!!!  
PAC: :33 < i almost wish i could join in myself, actually!  
FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 35 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo  
FCT: D --> Abso100tely not  
FCT: D --> Nepeta, I e%pressly forbid you from engaging in any e%treme live a%ion roleplaying  
PAC: :33 < ugh, fine!!  
PAC: :33 < i didnt even want to purrticipate this time  
PAC: :33 < this whole thing is betw33n vwiskers and terezis characters anyway!  
CAG: Yeah, as completely awesome as it would pro8a8ly 8e to FLARP with Nepeta, this whole night is supposed to 8e a8out tying up loose ends with these existing characters.  
CAG: 8ut hey, may8e l8er we can roll up new characters together!  
PAC: :33 < that would be so cool!!!  
FCT: D --> Nepeta, no  
FCT: D --> I refuse to allow you to roleplay with this h001igan  
PAC: :33 < oh come on, equius!!  
PAC: :33 < at least give it a chance!  
FCT: D --> Well  
FCT: D --> Perhaps if this partic001ar event passes without incident  
FCT: D --> It may be a%eptable for you to roleplay together  
PAC: :33 < yes!!!!  
PAC: :33 < ive always wanted to flarp, so please do this thing without anypawdy trying to kill each other!  
CAG: Hey, I won't try anything if Terezi doesn't.  
CGC: W3LL, 1 WONT TRY 4NYTH1NG 1F YOU DONT  
CAG: Well, then it's settled!  
FCG: NO IT FUCKING ISN'T.  
CAG: Karkat, would you just lighten the fuck up already????????  
CAG: For the last time, this isn't a part of some revenge scheme or anything stupid like that!!!!!!!!  
FCG: THEN WHAT IS IT?  
FCG: WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT TO DO THIS?  
CAG: I just want to have a little fun is all!  
CAG: I mean, I was just thinking a8out how much fun Terezi and I used to have 8ack in our FLARPing days, and I got all nostalgic.  
CAG: And I realize we called a ceasefire in this fucked up little revenge game of ours........  
CAG: 8ut can't we put all that aside for just one night and play another game entirely?  
CGC: HM  
CGC: TH4T SOUNDS R34SON4BL3 3NOUGH, 1 GU3SS  
FCG: WHAT.  
FCG: TEREZI, YOU CANNOT SERIOUSLY BE CONSIDERING DOING THIS.  
CGC: W3LL, 1 M34N, T4VROS 1S CLOUD1NG  
CGC: 4ND 1TS 4LL NONL3TH4L W34PONS  
CGC: 4ND 1TLL JUST B3 YOU 4ND M3, R1GHT VR1SK4?  
CAG: Well, that's the plan, anyway  
CAG: Though there's always the possi8ility that a certain Orphaner Dualscar might deign to show his fishy face.  
CAG: 8ut if he does, he'll want to settle things with Mindfang too, so at worst it'll 8e a three-way 8attle royale.  
CGC: OOH, TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 FUN, 4CTU4LLY >8]  
CAG: What do you say, Eridan? Will you 8e there?  
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 13 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCA: its a distinct fuckin possibility  
FCA: lets just leavve it at that  
FCA ceased responding to memo.  
CAG: Well, there you go!  
CAG: So what do you say, Terezi? Are we doing this thing?  
CGC: ...OK4Y, SUR3  
CGC: W3R3 M4K1NG TH1S H4PP3N  
CGC: BUT 1F YOU TRY 4NYTH1NG FUNNY, 1TLL B3 YOUR N3CK  
CAG: Fine 8y me!  
CAG: If any harm comes to any of the three of us, I'll tie the noose myself!  
CGC: 1M HOLD1NG YOU TO TH4T, M1SS S3RK3T  
CAG: Hold it to me all you want, Miss Pyrope!!!!!!!!  
CAG: It doesn't even matter, 8ecause I'm a8solutely 800% confident that nothing will go wrong!  
FCG: THIS IS COMPLETELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS.  
FCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU NOOK-HUFFING LUNATICS WANT TO WASTE TIME PLAYING A STUPID ROLEPLAYING GAME INSTEAD OF TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH THINGS IN THIS OTHER, VASTLY MORE IMPORTANT GAME THAT WE'RE ALREADY PLAYING.  
CAG: Karkat, just shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!  
CAG banned FCG from responding to memo.  
CAG: Anyway!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Tavros will pick the loc8ion and send it to you when it's a8out time to play.  
CAG: Spoiler alert: it's pro8a8ly gonna 8e a 8adass pir8 ship.  
CAT: oH YES,  
CAT: oNLY THE MOST BADASS PIRATE SHIP WILL DO,  
CAT: aND HEY, tEREZI,  
CGC: Y34H?  
CAT: tHANKS FOR AGREEING TO DO THIS,  
CAT: vRISKA'S BEEN REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT, aND IT'LL REALLY MEAN A LOT TO HER,  
CAG: Hey, Tavros, easy with the mushy stuff, that's confidential!!!!!!!!  
CAT: hAHA, sORRY,  
CGC: UGH >8P  
CGC: PL34S3 DONT ST4RT W1TH TH3 MO1R41L STUFF 4G41N  
CAG: He started it, not me!!!!!!!!  
CGC: WH4T3V3R  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, 1M NOT DO1NG TH1S FOR YOUR S4K3  
CGC: 1V3 B33N D34L1NG W1TH 4 LOT OF R34LLY H34VY STUFF L4T3LY  
CGC: 4ND 1 COULD US3 4 L1TTL3 BR34K FOR SOM3 ROL3PL4Y1NG  
PAC: :33 < well, i think it sounds like a lot of fun!  
PAC: :33 < and i hope you both have a good time!  
CAG: Oh, I think we will! ::::D  
CGC: Y34H, 4S LONG 4S TH1S 1SNT 4 P4RT OF SOM3 1NS1D1OUS PLOT  
CAG: Terezi, would you just stop with the insidious plot stuff already????????  
CAG: I'm not m8king any dastardly schemes against you!  
CAG: I just wanted a chance to put all the drama aside for one night and have a little fun like we used to.  
CAG: I mean........ I really miss 8eing friends with you, Terezi.  
CAG: And I realize you've got every reason to h8 me, 8ut I hope this whole night will at least give me a chance to prove you can trust me.  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 1 K1ND OF M1SS B31NG FR13NDS W1TH YOU TOO  
CGC: BUT  
CGC: JUST B3 HON3ST W1TH M3 FOR 4 S3COND  
CGC: 4R3 YOU PL4NN1NG SOM3TH1NG D3V1OUS H3R3?  
CAG: Well, of coooooooourse I'm planning something devious!  
CAG: It wouldn't 8e Mindfang without devious plans!  
CAG: 8ut I promise none of them involve any8ody getting hurt.  
CAG: 8esides, if this whole thing was just a plot to screw you over, I've got two important people who would never forgive me.  
CAT: i CAN'T SPEAK FOR kANAYA,  
CAT: bUT YEAH, pRETTY MUCH,  
CGC: OK4Y, F41R 3NOUGH  
CGC: 1 GU3SS R3DGL4R3 W1LL JUST H4V3 TO M4K3 SOM3 PL4NS OF H3R OWN >8]  
CAG: Yeah, that's the spirit!!!!!!!!  
CGC: M4N, 1LL H4V3 TO D1G MY OLD COSTUM3 OUT OF STOR4G3  
CGC: 1M NOT 3V3N SUR3 1F 1 R3M3MB3R WH3R3 1 PUT 1T  
CAG: Oh, no, don't 8other with that!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I got Kanaya to m8ke us all new costumes just for the occasion!  
CAG: She won't let me see yours or Eridan's, 8ut I got a chance to try mine on, and it's pretty much perfect!  
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGA: Theyre Definitely Some Of My Best Work  
CGA: But Im Not Sure If Id Say Theyre Perfect  
CAG: Kanaya, seriously, the costume is amazing!  
CAG: It's like you went 8ack in time to when Mindfang was six sweeps old and ganked it str8 from her wardro8e!!!!!!!!  
CGA: Well Im Glad You Find It Satisfactory  
CGA: Anyway Terezi After Youre Finished With This Memo Ill Deliver The Captcha Code For Your Costume To You In Private If Thats Alright  
CGC: Y34H, TH4T SOUNDS F1N3  
CGA: Excellent  
CGA: Ill Speak To You All Again But In Any Case I Hope You All Have A Wonderful Time  
CGA ceased responding to memo.  
PAC: :33 < well, i hope you guys have a great time too!  
PAC: :33 < and maybe afterwards, i can roleplay with you guys!  
FCT: D --> Assuming the two don't kill each other  
FCT: D --> Which I wouldn't e%actly count on  
PAC: :33 < yes, equius, we know!  
FCT: D --> Just making sure we're abso100tely clear  
FCT: D --> In any case, I tr001y hope nothing goes wrong  
FCT: D --> Even if it does mean honoring this 100dicrous promise  
CAG: Nothing will go wrong, trust me!  
CAG: Though I can't promise things won't go horri8ly right. >::::)  
FCT: D --> I  
FCT: D --> Don't know what that means  
FCT: D --> Anyway, I wish you all a good  
FCT: D --> Game, I guess  
FCT: D --> Is that the term for it  
FCT: D --> I never tr001y understood e%treme roleplaying  
CAG: Yeah, "game" sounds good, let's go with that.  
FCT: D --> E%cellent  
FCT: D --> Then I wish you a good game  
FCT ceased responding to memo.  
PAC: :33 < yeah, good game, you two!  
PAC: :33 < let me know if anything interesting happens!  
PAC: :33 < and if eridan shows up, be sure to mess up his face fur me!  
CGC: H3H3H3H3, OF COURS3 >8]  
PAC: :33 < okay, bye!  
PAC ceased responding to memo.  
CAT: oKAY, i'LL SCOUT OUT A LOCATION AND FORMULATE THE CAMPAIGN,  
CAT: aND THEN i'LL SEND YOU GUYS THE GAME GRUBS TOMORROW,  
CAT: aND THANKS AGAIN FOR AGREEING TO THIS, tEREZI,  
CGC: Y34H Y34H, STOP TH4NK1NG M3  
CGC: 1M ST1LL NOT CONV1NC3D TH1S 1S 4 GR34T 1D34  
CGC: BUT 1F YOUR3 1N CH4RG3, 1T C4NT B3 TH4T B4D  
CAT: yEAH, tHAT WAS THE IDEA,  
CAT: aNYWAY, tALK TO YOU GUYS TOMORROW,  
CAG: Bye Tavros! <>  
CAT: yEAH, bYE vRISKA, <>  
CAT ceased responding to memo.  
CAG: Okay, gr8! Everything's all set for tomorrow!  
CGC: Y34H, 1 GU3SS  
CAG: Hey, I know you said to stop thanking you, 8ut really, I appreci8 this a lot.  
CAG: I really miss all the cool stuff we used to do together, and I'm really happy for an opportunity to relive some of it, even if it's just for this one night.  
CAG: And 8efore you ask, I don't think this is going to m8ke things "even" 8etween us or whatever.  
CAG: I'm not stupid enough to think one night of FLARPing is going to magically resolve all the 8ad 8lood 8etween us.  
CAG: God, I can't 8elieve what a 8itch I used to 8e, thinking friendship was all just 8asic arithmetic, and I could just do X amount of good or X amount of 8ad and everything would 8e fine and dandy.  
CAG: Like, "Hey, sorry I killed you, let me get you a ro8ot and then we'll 8e even and we can 8e friends again!!!!!!!!"  
CAG: Or like, "Hey, you just 8lew my arm and my eye off, so I just 8linded you, and now we're even and we can 8e friends again!!!!!!!!"  
CAG: Sorry if I sound like Karkat right now, 8ut I really fucking h8 past me sometimes.  
CAG: 8luh, sorry, I'm ram8ling.  
CGC: VR1SK4  
CGC: YOUR3 M4K1NG 1T R34LLY H4RD FOR M3 TO H4T3 YOU R1GHT NOW >8[  
CAG: Yeah, that's kind of the idea.  
CAG: This whole "8eing nice" thing has 8een working really well with me and Tavros, so I figured I'd try it on every8ody else.  
CAG: 8ut I kind of lucked out with him, and I realize it won't 8e nearly as easy to patch things up with you.  
CAG: Or Aradia, for that matter.  
CAG: 8luh, that'll pro8a8ly 8e impossi8le, come to think of it.  
CGC: 1T M1GHT NOT B3 4S H4RD 4S YOU TH1NK  
CAG: Hmmmmmmmm?  
CGC: N3V3RM1ND  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, 1LL S33 YOU TOMORROW  
CAG: Gr8!!!!!!!! You won't regret it, I swear!!!!!!!!  
CAG: In fact, I daresay after all is said and done, you'll 8e the one who's thanking me!  
CGC: >8?  
CGC: WHY WOULD 1 B3 TH4NK1NG YOU?  
CAG: You'll seeeeeeee.  
CAG: >:::;)  
CAG: Anyway, see you l8er, Terezi!!!!!!!!  
CGC: Y34H, S33 YOU, VR1SK4  
CGC ceased responding to memo.  
CAG: W8, this whole thing was supposed to 8e couched in little roleplaying 8its, 8ut I guess we just sort of dropped that.  
CAG: Well shit.  
CAG: I'm pretty much o8lig8ed to write some sort of outro here, 8ut I'm not even in the mood for roleplaying anymore.  
CAG: So........ fuck it.  
CAG: *Suddenly the entire tavern 8ursts into flames, and Mindfang and Redglare 8arely escape with their lives!*  
CAG: *Also it turns out all the other people in the tavern were ghosts or something, and we were all just totally getting the shit haunted out of us in a 8ig undead prank*  
CAG: ROLEPLAY OVER.  
CAG ceased responding to memo.  
  
CAG closed memo. 

***

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA].  
  
GA: Mister Ampora If I May Have A Word With You  
CA: oh kan  
CA: sure wwhats up  
GA: You Indicated On Vriskas Memo That You Had Some Intention Of Crashing Her Flarping Session  
CA: yeah i said its a distinct fuckin possibility  
CA: an it still is  
GA: Well  
GA: She Didnt Say This On The Memo But It Would Really Mean A Lot To Her If You Were To Attend  
CA: wwell  
CA: no use maintainin this vveil a secrecy i guess  
CA: i wwas actually definitely plannin on attendin  
GA: Okay Good  
GA: In That Case I Have A Simple Request  
CA: sure kan name it  
GA: I Realize You Two Were Formerly Kismesisses And That There May Be Some Animosity Remaining Between You  
GA: But I Would Simply Ask That You Dont Hurt Her  
CA: course i wwont hurt her kan  
CA: i knoww wwe used to be black but thats all wwater under the bridge  
CA: matter a fact wwere kinda collaborateurs noww  
CA: an the bond of cahoots isnt one that allowws for the presence of internal strife  
GA: Really  
GA: You Two Are In Cahoots  
CA: oh yeah  
CA: wwevve got all sorts of irons in the fire let me tell you  
GA: Like What  
CA: wwith all due respect kan thats a little privvate  
GA: Okay Thats True  
GA: But  
GA: They Arent The Bad Sort Of Irons Are They  
CA: wwhat do you mean  
GA: Like The Kind Involving  
GA: Uh  
GA: Genocide For One  
CA: nah kan those days are behind me alright  
CA: sides itd be pretty fuckin stupid to try to kill all landdwwellers after i sunk all chances a gettin red wwith the only other seadwweller in existence  
GA: Um Yes I Suppose  
GA: Though To Be Perfectly Honest It Was Pretty Stupid Even Before  
CA: yeah trust me i knoww  
CA: ugh i feel like a complete fuckin tool evven thinkin about it  
CA: but yeah no all these irons are completely benevvolent in nature  
CA: no death or dismemberment or evven any sort of maimin at all invvolvved wwhatsoevver  
GA: Um  
GA: Okay  
CA: wwhat  
GA: Its Just That Im Having Trouble Imagining What These Benevolent Schemes Of Yours Could Possibly Involve  
CA: ok look  
CA: i might be wwillin to divvulge a little information about this but youvve gotta swwear you wwont tell anybody ok  
CA: i mean not a fuckin soul  
CA: like dont evven tell vvris i told you are wwe clear  
GA: Uh  
GA: Okay Yes Were Clear  
CA: alright wwell  
CA: they may or may not invvolvve more than a little  
CA: uh  
CA: shipping  
GA: What  
GA: Seriously  
GA: Like What Nepetas Doing  
CA: sorry i cant say anymore  
CA: said too fuckin much already quite frankly  
GA: Okay Okay Fine I Wont Pry Any Further  
GA: But Anyway Youre Not Going To Do Anything To Harm Vriska Right  
CA: i promise you kan  
CA: i wwont hurt a fuckin bone in her body  
GA: Okay Good  
GA: Thank You Eridan  
CA: yeah no problem  
CA: evven if wwe wwerent business associates id nevver do anything to hurt your matesprit  
CA: speakin a wwhich i nevver got a chance to say im really happy for you  
CA: i mean im happy for her too but im really happy for you specifically  
GA: Oh Well Thank You Eridan  
GA: But Why Me Specifically  
CA: wwell i figured you wwere pinin for her for a wwhile  
CA: an i alwways kinda rooted for you twwo becomin matesprits  
CA: i mean i alwways kinda considered you my friend evven if you didnt necessarily feel the same wway  
GA: Of Course I Consider You A Friend  
CA: really  
CA: cause i still kinda feel like shit for the wway wwe talked  
CA: like i pretty much just dumped all my fuckin baggage wwith fef an vvris on you an nevver really gavve much consideration to any a your problems at all  
GA: Thats Not Entirely True  
CA: it isnt  
GA: No  
GA: You Actually Did Give Me Good Advice Sometimes  
GA: And Really It Probably Would Have Been To My Benefit To Follow More Of It Than I Did  
CA: wwoww seariously  
CA: like wwhat  
GA: Well  
GA: The Whole Thing With Vriska For One  
GA: You Pretty Much Had Us Pegged From The Very Beginning  
GA: And Maybe If Id Listened To You She And I Could Have Avoided This Whole Quadrant Flipping Clusterfuck In The First Place  
GA: Truthfully I Always Regarded You As Something Of A Nuisance But In Retrospect That Was Probably A Mistake  
GA: So Sorry About That  
CA: nah kan its fine  
CA: its just  
CA: shit  
GA: What  
CA: wwell sorry if this is embarrassin  
CA: but before i wwas honestly considerin you for my pale quadrant  
CA: but i didnt go through wwith it cause i figured youd nevver evven consider that kinda relationship wwith me  
CA: thought there wwas some bad blood betwween us yknoww  
GA: Oh  
GA: Really  
GA: You Would Have Wanted To Be My Moirail  
CA: wwell yeah kan  
CA: sorry if this comes off as indecent or anythin but i think youd be an amazin fuckin moirail  
CA: i actually kinda thought youd be out a my fuckin league entirely  
GA: You Cant Possibly Mean That  
CA: im absolutely fuckin searious here  
CA: cross my collapsin and expandin bladder based aquatic vvascular system an hope to die  
GA: Really  
GA: Even After The Whole Thing With Me And Vriska  
CA: oh come on kan  
CA: i GET the thing betwween you an vvris ok  
CA: ivve been there  
GA: Yes I Suppose  
GA: Honestly Whenever I Considered Other Candidates For My Pale Quadrant You Were My First Thought For Precisely That Reason  
CA: wwoww really  
GA: Yeah  
GA: But Now I Dont Have Any Idea Where To Start Looking  
GA: No Offense But You Were Kind Of My Last Resort  
CA: haha none taken  
CA: but seariously kan youd be a great moirail  
CA: pretty much anybody wwould be happy to havve you in their pale quadrant  
CA: wwell  
CA: cept fef maybe  
GA: What  
CA: er  
CA: shit nevvermind  
GA: No Hold On  
GA: Why Would Feferi In Particular Have A Problem With Me  
CA: wwell  
CA: back wwhen wwe wwere moirails she nevver really approvved of you an me talkin the wway wwe did  
CA: thought you wwere lookin for a moirail on the side or somethin ridiculous like that  
CA: alwways told me she thought you wwerent takin your responsibilities as a moirail seariously  
GA: Wait  
GA: Did She Actually Say That  
GA: In Confidence  
CA: wwell  
CA: kind of but  
GA: Can You Copy Exactly What She Said  
CA: no look just forget i said anythin ok  
CA: im not tryin to spread any malicious libel here  
CA: i wwas just tryin to tell you wwhere not to look for a moirail  
CA: god damnit i nevver should havve evven brought this up  
GA: Well  
GA: If You Insist  
GA: Anyway Speaking Of Feferi Im Sorry Things Didnt Work Out Between The Two Of You  
CA: nah its fine  
CA: im pretty much ovver it  
CA: the wwhole split betwween us wwas pretty much entirely my fault anywway  
GA: I Dont Know  
GA: Im Kind Of Tempted To Take Your Side On The Whole Affair  
CA: wwhat  
GA: I Mean She Used Your Moirallegiance To Coerce You Into Committing Mass Murder In Order To Feed Her Lusus  
GA: And Then Literally As Soon As You Stopped Being Of Use To Her She Broke Off The Whole Thing  
GA: Maybe Its Just A Coincidence But If It Was Then I Have To Say Her Timing Was Impeccable  
GA: Im Not Really Sure Where She Gets Off Saying Im The One Whos Not Taking The Responsibilities Of Moirallegiance Seriously After She Has The Audacity To Pull Something Like That  
CA: wwhoa kan sloww dowwn here ok  
CA: i dont hate her or anything  
CA: i mean the wwhole thing wwasnt wworkin out for both of us an i dont really blame her for wwantin to end it  
CA: evven if the timin wwas a little suspect  
CA: anywway things are a lot better wwith me an gam so really the wwhole thing wworked out for the best  
GA: Yeah I Guess  
GA: It Seems Like Youve Done Quite A Bit For Him Already  
GA: Getting Him Off The Sopor And Hooking Him Up With Tavros  
GA: Its Quite Impressive Actually  
CA: yeah but i cant really take credit for any a that  
CA: thats pretty much all tavvs doin  
CA: all i did wwas take him off the slime an then nearly get fuckin clowwnmurdered  
GA: Well Yes Some Initial Bumps Are To Be Expected  
GA: But How Are Things Between You Now  
CA: pretty good actually its kinda surprisin  
CA: wwevve sorta agreed not to evven bring up the wwhole freakout  
CA: cause wwhenevver it comes up all wwe evver do is take turns blamin ourselvves for it  
CA: he thinks its his fault for flippin out in the first place  
CA: an im like no you dumb fuck its not that simple  
CA: anywway sides that wwe mostly just drink faygo an shoot the shit about our problems  
GA: Faygo  
CA: yes  
GA: Seriously  
CA: kan please dont start this ok  
CA: its just soda  
CA: like if anybody else had any other fuckin brand a soda id start drinkin it just so people wwould stop givvin me shit ovver it  
CA: but faygos all i got so fuck it  
GA: Well I Just  
GA: I Never Took You For Such An Avid Soda Drinker  
GA: I Always Thought You Would Prefer Some More Refined Beverage  
GA: Like Tea For Instance  
CA: please kan theres no more refined bevverage than soda  
CA: its got like fifty fuckin grams a refined sugars per servvin  
GA: Haha I Guess Thats One Way Of Looking At It  
GA: Anyway Im Glad Things Are Going Well For You Two  
CA: yeah thanks  
CA: an i hope you find yourself a moirail evventually  
CA: i mean if anybody deservves a good one its you  
GA: Thank You Eridan  
GA: But Honestly Im Not Even Sure How Much I Need One Right Now  
GA: I Mean Things Are Good With Vriska  
GA: And Its Not Like Ive Got Any Major Emotional Crises I Need Support With Right Now  
GA: Heh  
GA: Except Not Having A Moirail I Suppose  
CA: haha yeah i guess  
CA: wwell if you dont think its that high a priority maybe its for the best you just sit on it  
CA: wwait for them to come to you  
CA: wworst case scenario is itll come dowwn to you an fef  
CA: but honestly shes alwways been pretty hung up on her pale quadrant so shes probably activvely lookin right noww  
CA: youll probably end up dodgin that bullet entirely  
GA: Hmm  
GA: Maybe Youre Right  
GA: Im Probably Overreacting To This Whole Situation Anyway  
GA: Thanks Eridan  
CA: yeah no problem  
CA: wwait  
CA: this doesnt count as pale infidelity or anythin like that does it  
GA: Honestly  
GA: Im Not Sure Pale Infidelity Is Even A Thing  
CA: seariously  
GA: Well No I Mean It Just Seems Like A Vast Oversimplification To Call It Pale Infidelity Whenever People Talk About Their Problems With Each Other  
GA: Its Like Saying Its Black Infidelity Whenever You Call Someone An Idiot  
GA: Or Calling It Ashen Infidelity Every Time You Tell Two People To Stop Calling Each Other Idiots  
GA: I Mean I Probably Shouldnt Be Saying Pale Infidelity Isnt A Thing But It Seems A Little Knee Jerk To Just Throw The Term Around Whenever Two Friends Talk About Feelings  
CA: um  
CA: ok  
GA: Sorry This Has Just Been Kind Of A Thing Recently  
CA: fair enough i guess  
GA: Okay We Kind Of Really Got Off Track Here And There Was Something Else I Needed To Tell You  
GA: Vriska Asked Me To Make Costumes For Everyone Participating In Tonights Flarping Session  
GA: So Please Alchemize This  
GA: dEaAsPaO  
CA: ok givve me a second  
CA: oh  
CA: oh wwoww  
CA: kan this is  
CA: this is fuckin amazing  
GA: Im Glad You Find It Satisfactory  
CA: satisfactory are you fuckin kiddin me  
CA: kan this looks like somethin thatd be on display in a fuckin museum  
CA: seariously i mean orphaner dualscar only exists in drawwins these days but id swwear this wwas taken from a fuckin photograph  
CA: like  
CA: this is pretty much the best thing evver  
CA: thank you kan  
GA: Well Youre Certainly Welcome  
GA: But Vriska Is The One You Should Be Thanking  
GA: She Wanted Everyones Costumes To Be Perfect Because She Really Wants This Whole Flarping Night To Be Special  
GA: So If You Can Please Make Sure She Has A Good Time  
CA: wwell a course kan  
CA: anythin for a friend  
GA: Thank You  
GA: I Really Hate To Ask This Of You Again  
GA: But Please Please Please Dont Hurt Her  
CA: kan i understand your concern  
CA: but vvris practically doesnt evven concern me at this point  
CA: ivve got my crosshairs set on another target entirely  
GA: What  
GA: You Mean Terezi  
GA: What Could You Possibly Want To Do To Her  
CA: think about it kan  
GA: Im Not Sure What There Is To Think About  
GA: Unless  
GA: Um  
GA: Oh  
GA: Oh My  
GA: Eridan Are You  
GA: Are You Saying That You Intend To Woo Miss Pyrope  
CA: no im not sayin im gonna fuckin wwoo her  
CA: wwoo is like the shittiest possible wword to describe wwhat im doin  
CA: i intend to COURT her  
CA: if youre gonna draww conclusions like this could you at least attempt to use a little more fuckin dignified vvocabulary  
GA: My Apologies  
GA: But  
GA: Wow  
GA: Thats Just  
GA: Kind Of Unusual Is All  
CA: is it really that bad  
GA: No No Im Not Saying Its Bad At All  
GA: I Mean Thinking About It I Think You Two Would Actually Make For A Pretty Cute Couple  
CA: theres that wword again  
CA: wwhy do people keep sayin its cute  
CA: like wwhat about me or ter is in any fuckin wway cute  
GA: I Dont Know  
GA: I Mean By All Rights The Two Of You Combined Should Be Intimidating  
GA: But Somehow The Amalgam Of Your Various Eccentricities Evokes Something More Along The Lines Of A Pair Of Comic Relief Villains From A Wigglers Evening Cartoon  
CA: im  
CA: im not really sure howw to take that  
GA: If You Dont Mind My Asking  
GA: Were You Intending To Pursue Her As A Flushed Or Caliginous Partner  
CA: flushed  
CA: ivve got other plans for my obsidian quadrant entirely  
GA: Yes I Believe I Saw You Allude To Those On A Recent Memo  
GA: Something About An Angel Descending From The Skies On Wings Of Viridian Flame  
GA: Its A Very Colorful Metaphor  
CA: in retrospect its a little melodramatic but yeah  
GA: I Was Just Wondering Why In Particular You Chose To Use The Word Viridian  
GA: Are You Entirely Aware Of What It Means  
CA: wwell  
CA: it just means green right  
GA: Actually To Be Specific Its A More Bluish Shade Of Green  
GA: It Might Be More Accurate To Say It Refers To The Color  
GA: Um  
GA: Jade  
CA: er  
CA: no no no fuck thats not wwhat i meant at all  
CA: kan i got no interest in you wwhatsoevver caliginously speakin  
CA: sorry if you got that message from me it wwas just bad wword choice is all  
GA: I Kind Of Figured As Much  
CA: i wwas just sayin vviridian instead a green cause it sounded more dramatic an it had a vv in it  
CA: not really sure wwhat other wword i could use for the color wwithout just outright sayin it  
CA: i guess chartreuse wwould be a little more on the mark but fuck if that isnt just the least dramatic fuckin wword evver  
GA: Chartreuse  
GA: I Guess That Would Be Closer To  
GA: Wait  
GA: Wait Wait Wait No  
GA: You Cannot Possibly Mean Who I Think You Mean  
CA: ok kan wwith all due respect i dont really wwant to talk about this particular plot right noww  
CA: its a little further off an right noww i really need to focus all my think pan space on this thing wwith ter  
GA: Thats Fine I Guess  
GA: But I Mean  
GA: Seriously  
GA: Her  
GA: ??????  
CA: kan  
CA: i am deadly fuckin serious about this  
CA: an im not fuckin talkin about it anymore  
CA: alright  
GA: Okay  
GA: I Mean Youre Completely Insane But Okay  
GA: Anyway I Guess I Wish You Luck With Miss Pyrope  
GA: Im Glad That Youre Over The Whole Thing With Feferi  
GA: Honestly You Can Do Better Than Her Anyway  
CA: uh  
CA: thanks i guess  
GA: Dont Mention It  
GA: And As Always If Theres Any Way I Can Help Id Be Glad To Assist  
CA: actually there is one wway you could  
CA: though i realize this is ridiculously bold a me to ask  
GA: What Is It  
CA: wwell  
CA: havve you by any chance evver gone through that ancient journal vvris is alwways haulin around  
GA: You Mean Mindfangs Journal  
GA: Yes Ive Gone Through It Once Or Twice  
GA: Why  
CA: wwell then by any chance did you happen to read anythin about a certain jadeblooded slavve the marquise wwas fond of  
GA: Well Yes But  
GA: Um  
GA: Wait  
GA: Are You Asking Me To Participate In This  
CA: that wwas kinda the idea  
CA: but mind you it wwont be as a combatant  
CA: id just like you to be present for a little surprise  
GA: Hmmm  
CA: i realize this is a lot to ask and i got pretty much nothin to offer you in return  
CA: an then theres the wwhole bit about havvin to make a wwhole neww costume for yourself  
GA: Oh  
GA: Oh Yes I Suppose I Would Need A Costume Wouldnt I  
GA: Id Need To Craft A Dress Fitted For Only The Closest And Most Beloved Of Mindfangs Slaves  
GA: Something Light And Exotic And Scandalously Revealing  
GA: An Outfit That Somehow Symbolizes Both Status And Prestige And Also Complete And Utter Objectification  
CA: uh  
CA: i guess  
GA: My Goodness That Would Certainly Be A Challenge  
GA: Especially To Complete It In Less Than Twenty Four Hours  
GA: I Love It  
CA: wwhat  
CA: really  
GA: Eridan Id Be Overjoyed To Help You In Your Little Gambit  
GA: And Dont Feel Any Need To Compensate Me  
GA: Really The Excuse To Make Another Dress Is Payment Enough For Me  
CA: oh wwell great  
CA: thanks a lot kan  
GA: Its Truly My Pleasure  
GA: Im Always Happy For An Excuse To Put My Tailoring Skills To Work  
GA: In Fact Part Of The Reason I Hope This Flarping Session Goes So Well is Vriska Promised To Let Me Make You All Some More Fashion Conscious Costumes For Future Sessions  
CA: oh shit really  
GA: Yes  
GA: I Mean No Offense To Any Of Your Ancestors But They All Made Some Pretty Regrettable Decisions With Regard To Their Apparel  
GA: Like I Dont Understand Why So Many Of Them Insist On Mixing Their Blood Colors With Awful Tacky Splashes Of Bright Red  
CA: oh man fuckin tell me about it  
CA: i just dont get these broads and their fuckin obsession wwith that particular shade a crimson  
GA: But I Mean At Least Mindfang Has The Decency To Limit It Strictly To Her Boots  
GA: Redglare On The Other Hand Just Has To Wear It All Over And  
GA: Ugh  
CA: haha yeah i knoww  
CA: too bad none a them wwere fortunate enough to havve an ancestor as fashionable as dualscar  
GA: Well  
CA: wwhat  
CA: oh no dont evven start on me  
GA: Look Dualscars Outfit Is  
GA: Okay I Guess  
GA: But I Mean  
GA: The Cape  
CA: wwhats wwrong wwith the cape  
GA: Whats Wrong With The Cape Is That Its Fucking Ridiculous  
GA: With The Huge Spikes Coming Off The Shoulders  
GA: Combined With The Spiky Armor And The Striped Pants And The Complete Absence Of Sleeves Frankly Its Kind Of A Disaster  
CA: alright look kan wwere friends an all  
CA: but if you start hatin on capes im afraid wwe are OVVER  
GA: Look I Dont Have Anything Against Capes In General  
GA: But Arent They Kind Of A Thing For Special Occasions  
GA: Like I Dont See How You Can Wear A Cape Every Day  
CA: cause theyre fuckin badass ok  
CA: sides i look fuckin amazin in a cape and you knoww it  
GA: Well Of Course You Do  
GA: I Mean With Your Broad Shoulders Youre Practically Built For A Cape  
GA: But There Are Other Things That Would Look Just As Good On You  
CA: like wwhat  
GA: Well For One I Think Youd Look Absolutely Dashing In Something Like A Peacoat With A Nice Set Of Epaulettes  
CA: wwhat are epaulettes  
GA: Epaulettes Are Those  
GA: Um  
GA: Ugh I Feel Like I Should Be Culled For Defining Such A Beautiful Elegant Word Using Such Silly Terms  
GA: But Epaulettes Are Those Little Frilly Things That Naval Officers Wear On Their Shoulders  
CA: oh yeah the little frillies  
CA: fuck yeah i lovve those things  
CA: yeah thatd be badass runnin around in somethin like that  
CA: throww a scarf on top a that an id be fuckin set  
GA: Do You Really Have To Wear A Scarf  
CA: kan wwevve been ovver this  
GA: Yes Yes I Know  
GA: Honestly Eridan Your Neck Isnt That Long Youre Just Being Overly Self Conscious  
CA: kan youre just bein nice noww  
CA: my neck is freakishly long an you fuckin knoww it  
CA: im like a  
CA: fuck is there evven such a thing as a neckbeast  
CA: evven if there is it makes for a shitty fuckin simile  
CA: wwhy couldnt wwe havve some other name for it that didnt make it so fuckin obvvious  
GA: Even If Your Neck Is As Abominably Long As You Think It Is There Are Other Ways Of Covering It Up  
GA: I Mean You Could Just Wear Something With A High Collar  
GA: Or Maybe Toss It Up A Little And Wear Something Like A Cravat  
CA: wwell  
CA: a cravvat wwouldnt be so bad i guess  
CA: man i really missed all this fashion talk  
CA: youre like the only other troll that seems to givve a shit about stuff like this  
GA: Yes Its Quite Regrettable  
GA: But Really Im Always Happy To Talk With You About It  
GA: I Might Even Be Willing To Design A Few Articles Of Clothing For You If Youd Allow It  
CA: course id alloww it kan  
CA: youre pretty the best tailor there evver fuckin wwas  
GA: Thats Very Flattering Of You To Say Eridan  
CA: no i mean it  
CA: like this dualscar outfit is a fuckin masterpiece  
CA: really kan thanks for this  
CA: an thanks for agreein to help me in my little scheme  
CA: an for evverything really  
GA: Youre Welcome Eridan  
GA: And Thank You For Agreeing To Humor Vriskas Little Diversion  
GA: Even If It Is All Part Of Some Sneaky Romance Ambush  
CA: yeah no problem  
CA: wwell  
CA: ill see you tomorroww i guess  
GA: Yes You Certainly Will  
GA: And I Promise You You Wont Be Disappointed With My Performance  
GA: Or My Costume For That Matter  
CA: trust me theres no wway i could be disappointed wwith your costume  
GA: Of Course  
GA: But I Suppose This Is Farewell For Now  
CA: yep that wwas the plan  
GA: Alright  
GA: Well  
GA: Have A Good Day Eridan  
GA: And Good Luck With Your Scheme  
CA: yeah same to you  
CA: ill see you around kan  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]. 


	11. The Death of Spinneret Mindfang

Chapter 11

The Death of Spinneret Mindfang

Vriska Serket stood at the bow of the ship, staring out at the open sea in deep contemplation. Above her sprawled the cartographic firmament of the Land of Maps and Treasure, painted a warm spectrum of reds and yellows and purples by the distant Skaia just beginning to dip below the horizon. The massive galleon stood immobile in the gently roiling ocean, and from her vantage point at its head, it seemed to stretch endlessly, without the slightest hint of dry land in sight. The ship's bright orange sails were each emblazoned with a great golden sun, the symbol of Light, as a testament to the vessel's conquest by the Thief just days before. Surely at least a hundred able-bodied men would have been required to crew the vessel, but the petticoat seagrift stood on the deck alone. After all, she wasn't going anywhere soon.

Vriska crossed her arms as she continued to survey the horizon. She wore a long black coat that stretched to her knees, highlighted with a maze of curling cerulean lines bordered in a fine silver filigree and the sign of Scorpio inscribed on her left breast. The coat opened at her waist to reveal a black and cerulean spiderweb-patterned skirt over a simple pair of black trousers, which were tucked into a pair of bright red leather boots that reached up to her knees, laced with silver threads and inlaid with a dazzling pattern of silver and gold. Her waist was bound with a red leather belt, and on her left side it held a cobalt blue cutlass that ended in a wicked-looking barb, while the right held a circular holster bearing eight bright blue octahedral dice. A holographic headset was just barely visible under her unruly mass of hair, and she reached up to her temple to extend a telescoping microphone to her mouth.

"As the illustrious Marquise Spinneret Mindfang observed the vast expanse of the open sea," Vriska began to narrate, "she reflected on the course of events that brought her here. Every step of the way, she looked out for herself, and her skill and luck had carried her this far." She looked down at the figurehead with a dissatisfied look. "But it couldn't go on. Even though she had endured every adversity fate had seen fit to throw at her, she had nothing. Her enemies were legion, and her survival came at the expense of her friends, her allies..." She sighed. "Even her lover. She'd used up all her second chances, and if she continued like this, she'd knew soon she'd be the one walking the plank."

She looked up to the sky, a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "She thought once more of the revolutionary, the man with the auburn wings. The man fated to be her matesprit... and her killer. Maybe he would be the one to take her life... or maybe he could give her a new lease on it. A chance to put all her sins behind her, and to fight for a cause more noble than simple self-preservation. She realized her life of crime was rapidly reaching its end, but perhaps he could give her a new beginning."

Vriska's gaze once more lowered to the deck. "But as long as she was chased by the ghosts of the past, she would never know peace, and she knew two in particular who would never give up the hunt as long as she lived. Her thoughts turned to Neophyte Redglare, the legislacerator determined to bring her to justice. Mindfang's crimes were innumerable, and she knew it would be certain death to face His Honorable Tyranny. But Redglare would never stop until she was incarcerated. There was no room in her narrow worldview for redemption or atonement. There was only innocence or guilt, and the guilty existed to be culled. No, Mindfang and Redglare could not coexist. The legislacerator's pursuit would persist for as long as they both lived, and it was for that reason Mindfang knew one of them would die tonight."

Vriska sighed and lifted her head, scowling into the setting Battlefield. "Her thoughts turned to the other unpleasant reminder of her past: her former partner and kismesis... or rather, former partner _and_ former kismesis, Orphaner Dualscar. The odious blackguard dared to think himself Mindfang's equal, but in the end, she knew him to be a mere sycophant, a mindless lackey--and hopeless suitor--to Her Imperious Condescension. She once mocked and tormented him, thinking him to be a harmless nuisance... until he took from her the one person she held most dear. Remembering the jade-blooded slave, Mindfang's heart filled with regret... and with rage. Her hatred for the seadweller had once been romantic, but he had gone too far, and now her only desire of him was to drag her blade across his vile throat."

The look on Vriska's face turned to one of grim determination, and her stance straightened. "But it would all end on this very night. Mindfang had challenged Redglare to a duel, one chance to settle things between them once and for all. And though she never informed Dualscar of the event, she was sure he would leap at the opportunity to catch her weakened after a great struggle... or to spit on her corpse, at any rate. But no matter what would transpire, Mindfang knew there were only two possible outcomes: they both would die, or she would."

After a brief pause, a bored voice came to life in Vriska's ear. "Okay, are you done with your little soliloquy? Can I come in now?"

Vriska let out a long, irritated sigh. "Terezi, I was having a moment, and you just killed it," she said, holding her ear in the universal gesture for out-of-character speech.

"Hehehehe, sorry," Terezi said with almost laudable insincerity, "but I'm getting a little bored just floating out here in the middle of the ocean."

"Terezi, that was your cue anyway!" Vriska complained, rolling her eyes. "Just come to the fucking ship already!"

"Okay, okay!" Terezi relented. "Jegus, don't get your bulge in a knot over it."

A moment later, a shape began to approach from the port bow of the ship. It was the flickering hologram of a massive white dragon, and Terezi Pyrope was perched on its back, held in place by a diligent cloud of gaming flapstractions. As the dragon approached the ship, it suddenly turned and took a sharp dive. Terezi took a flying leap off its back, landing firmly on the deck, and the dragon rose once more, circling around the ship high in the sky.

Terezi rose to her feet in the middle of the ship and turned to face Vriska at the bow, brandishing a white cane, its tip adorned with the fiercely gazing head of her crimson-eyed dragonyyyd companion. She wore a button-up top and a small high-collared vest, both fashioned from a scarlet silk that shimmered brilliantly in the setting sun. They were both trimmed with a faint gold filigree, and the top's golden buttons were inlaid with the heretical symbol of the Signless in crimson. The top terminated just above her stomach in a semicircular cut, and its thick black hem combined with a black strap across her abdomen to form the unmistakable shape of the symbol of LIbra. From her waist, four long bands of red silk flowed down her front, back, and sides to form an ersatz skirt, each hemmed with elaborate images of dragons and gallows woven in gold thread. A pair of scarlet boots and gloves completed the ensemble, and under the entire outfit she wore a form-fitting bodysuit in the same color as her blood.

She glared at Vriska behind her usual ruby-red eyewear. "Enjoy the sunset while you can, Mindfang," she sneered. "It'll be the last you'll see as a free woman."

Vriska laughed to herself. "Oh, Redglare, I'm delighted you could make it," she replied sarcastically, still looking to the horizon. "You're a pleasure to speak with as always."

"I'm not here for pleasure, Mindfang," Terezi replied, gripping her cane in both hands. "I'm here on business, and that business just happens to be taking you in."

Vriska finally turned to face Terezi, a frustrated look on her face. "Yes, that always was the problem, wasn't it?" she asked. pacing towards Terezi. "All you ever cared about was business. Too devoted to your duties to recognize a good opportunity when it presented itself to you."

Terezi balked. "I'm not interested, Mindfang."

"Oh, come on, Redglare," Vriska fired back, continuing to close the distance. "Don't tell me you don't feel it." She stopped in front of Terezi and cradled a hand around her chin, staring into her bespectacled eyes with a wicked grin. "This pure, unadulterated hatred that exists between us."

"You overstate our relationship," Terezi protested. "I hate you because you are a criminal and a scoundrel. That is all."

Vriska frowned, and she wrenched her hand away from Terezi's jaw. "Tell yourself whatever you must, Redglare," she said, turning from and taking a few steps away. She suddenly stopped. "But if your hatred for me is truly as platonic as you think..." she said, and turned back to face Terezi. "Why didn't you attack me just now, when my back was turned?"

Terezi just scoffed at her. "I'm not here to kill you, Mindfang," she answered. "I'm here to bring you to trial."

Vriska spread her arms in a wide shrug. "What's the difference, Redglare?" she asked. "Surely my crimes are great and many enough to warrant a certain culling. Why all the artifice? Why not just cut to the chase and kill me now?"

"I will, if you continue to resist arrest," Terezi growled. "But it is not my place to dole out justice, as much as I wish at times it were. The word of His Honorable Tyranny is law, and it is not my place to claim to speak for him."

"Yes, of course," Vriska said with a sigh. "Well, as sorry as I am to disappoint, I won't go quietly. Facing the courts would be certain death."

"Then I'm afraid it comes to this," Terezi said, brandishing her cane menacingly.

Vriska gave her a final, pleading look. "I don't want to have to kill you, Redglare."

"Nor I you, Mindfang," Terezi replied, her scowl softening the slightest bit. "But you've left me with little choice."

"I suppose so," Vriska said, and pulled the cutlass from her side. "Well, I'm sorry in advance for killing you." She let out a dry laugh. "Just business." Two gaming flapstractions appeared over the roleplayers' heads and projected an array of meters over each of their heads.

Vriska made the first move, lunging at Terezi with a vicious overhand swing. Terezi sidestepped it and retaliated with a wide swing of her cane, which Vriska quickly turned and blocked. The two quickly settled into a frantic rhythm of swings, blocks, thrusts, and parries.

"Why do you fight me so fiercely, Mindfang?" Terezi asked between blows. "Surely you realize that even if you defeat me, there are other legislacerators who will pursue you."

"Are there, Redglare?" Vriska replied with a flirtatiously cocked eyebrow. "I've always suspected your vendetta with me is more personal than you're willing to let on."

"Don't flatter yourself." Terezi spat back. "I pursue you because your continued freedom makes a mockery of the Alternian justice system. You are scum, and your crimes are unforgivable." She scored a glancing blow against Vriska's shoulder, causing one of the meters above her head to flash red and deplete the slightest bit.

Vriska just snarled in response. "Really, Redglare? Unforgivable? Is there truly nothing I can do to make up for my past transgressions?"

Terezi glared. "Your redemption can only come at the end of a noose."

"Always such a wonderful conversationalist, Redglare," Vriska muttered in response, then suddenly took on a serious look. "Did it ever occur to you that perhaps redemption is exactly what I seek? That I wish to make amends for all the wrongs I've done?"

"No," Terezi replied flatly.

"Well, I do!" Vriska shouted as the tip of her sword nicked Terezi's arm. The dull blade did no damage to her outfit, but the flapstractions registered damage nonetheless. "I've grown tired of the life of a gamblignant. I'm sick of sacrificing everyone dear to me in the name of self-preservation. I just want to put all this behind me." Vriska's attacks were intensifying, and Terezi found herself on the defensive, backing towards the cabin wall.

"You can't just walk away from your past, Mindfang!" Terezi asserted. "You've hurt too many people! And the only possible recompense is to see you culled." Despite her bravado, she was too preoccupied with defending against Vriska's assault to make an attack herself.

"To hell with that!" Vriska roared with determination. "I'm not going to throw my life away in the name of your so-called justice! I'll live to see myself redeemed, even if I have to kill you to do it!" In one swift motion, she deflected Terezi's cane, then brought her sword across her chest in a heavy two-handed slash, taking a massive chunk off of one of Terezi's many vitality gauges. Terezi staggered from the force of the blow, and seeing an opening, Vriska gave her a fierce kick in the solar plexus. She stumbled back and collapsed against the deck, head and shoulders propped against the wall of the cabin, and her cane clattered out of her hand.

Before Terezi could react, Vriska pinned her against the wall with a boot to her neck. She reached her right hand over to grab her cane, but Vriska quickly thrust the tip of her sword between the two.

"Hands at your sides, Redglare," Vriska growled. Terezi just glowered at her, but complied. "Good girl," she said with a wicked grin. "You know, I really don't want to kill you, Redglare. This can all go away with two little words. 'Not guilty.' What do you say?"

Terezi just sneered at her. "I had another two words in mind."

The smile instantly vanished from Vriska's face. "Defiant to the end, eh?" she said, then let out a dry laugh. "It's such a shame, really. You'd have made a fine kismesis."

"Finer even than me, Mindfang?"

A clawed hand reached up to grasp the edge of the ship, and over the gunwale leapt the armored figure of Eridan Ampora. He came to a landing on the deck behind Vriska, and a second later his cape fell behind him. He rose to his full height, brandishing a very convincing replica of Ahab's Crosshairs in his right hand. He wore a cuirass of black and violet metal inlaid with wavy patterns of gold and encrusted with stones of diamond and amethyst, the layers of jagged-edged plates forming the sign of Aquarius across his chest. Over it he wore a long silk mantle in matching violet, with four free-standing spikes rising behind his head. The cape stretched below his striped black and purple trousers, terminating just below the tops of his thick black leather boots. Below his pauldrons, his arms were bare save for two pairs of bejeweled gold bracelets.

Vriska turned her head to face the new arrival, but didn't let her gaze leave the captive Redglare. "Ah, Dualscar," she greeted him. "You're just in time to see me execute a much more worthy rival."

Eridan placed both hands on his rifle and leveled it at the gamblignant. "I'm afraid that's not an option, Mindfang. I'll have to ask you to step away from the legislacerator."

"Oh, really?" Vriska replied, raising an eyebrow. "And why is that?"

"'Cause regardless a' the circumstances," he clarified, looking down at Terezi, "any enemy a' yours is a friend a' mine." Terezi gave him a subtle nod in response.

Vriska laughed to herself and turned to him. "Well, that's awfully pragmatic on your part, Dualscar," she mused, "but what makes you think Miss Redglare has any interest in joining forces with a murderous scoundrel like you?" As she spoke, Terezi slowly reached a hand over to her cane.

Eridan gave Vriska a smug grin. "I'd say she has precious little recourse at the moment."

Suddenly, Terezi grabbed the end of her cane and swung it, but Vriska caught it with her left hand, the cane's head stopping inches from her face. "And lesser still by the second." she said, and wrenched the cane from Terezi's hand. "Nice try, Redglare." She lifted the cane to admire the dragon's head on its tip. "Though I must say, this is a fine weapon you have here. Or had here, rather."

"Do you like it?" Terezi asked with a smirk. "It was a gift from a pouncellor."

As Vriska puzzled over her response, Terezi fiddled with something in her left pocket. The dragon's head on her cane opened its mouth, and Vriska only had time to open widen her eyes in shock before an explosion erupted from its pearlescent maw. Vriska was sent reeling from the blast, and she released her grip from the cane and her sword both. Terezi quickly rose and scooped up her cane, gripping it in both hands, and maneuvered over to the portside of the ship next to Eridan. Vriska clambered to her feet on the starboard side and rapped her hand against the holster at her belt, releasing the Flourite Octet into her palm.

"Hold!" she cried, holding the Octet in the air in warning. "Not a step closer, or I'll let the Octet fly!"

"Why don't you just give up, Mindfang?" Eridan demanded, waving his rifle at her. "Even with your fancy dice, you're outnumbered two to one."

Vriska let out a harsh laugh. "What a joke! I'm the only thing holding you two together!" She gave a skeptical glance between the odd couple. "Your precious alliance may hold up for now, but once I'm out of the picture, you'll be on each other like rabid howlbeasts!"

"Please. I'm only here to tie up a loose end," he answered matter-of-factly. "I've no quarrel with the legislacerators."

Terezi gave him a sidelong glance. "No quarrel?" she repeated. "If you've broken the law, you've plenty of quarrel with me, Dualscar."

"Yeah, Dualscar!" Vriska said with an amused grin. "Do you really think Miss Blind Justice over here is gonna just overlook the fact that you're a criminal scumbag?"

"Excuse me?" Eridan balked at her. "A scumbag I may be, but I am no criminal."

"Hahahahahahahaha, that's rich!" she said, doing her best not to double over in laughter. "Admit it, Dualscar. You're a pirate just like me."

"I must correct you," Eridan replied, taking a hand off his rifle to raise a critical finger. "While you may be a pirate, I am, in fact, a privateer. There's a subtle, but very important difference."

Vriska cocked an eyebrow at him. "And just what kind of difference is that?"

"A legal one," Terezi butted in. "Privateers work under the direct orders of Her Imperious Condescension, and if they should happen to breach the law in the course of their duties, a legislacerator is generally disinclined to charge them with anything," and she paused to glance over to Eridan once more, "provided, of course, they can present a legitimate letter of marque."

"But of course," Eridan replied, producing a scroll case from the pocket of his trousers. "It would hardly to do ply my trade without it." He tossed it to Terezi, who caught it effortlessly.

"Very well, let's see," she said, removing the scroll from its case. She unfurled it and took a long, deep whiff. "Ah yes, feeding duties," she immediately recognized, then planted a few pinpoint probes on the document with the tip of her tongue for clarification. "Permission to cull any seafaring troll blue-blooded or lower, provided the lusus is tossed into the sea. The holder is allowed a percentage of all monetary spoils and full rights to all other non-contraband salvage acquired in the line of duty. Stamped with the Imperial seal. It appears to be genuine," she concluded, then rose a concerned eyebrow at Eridan, "with the minor complication of it having been recently terminated."

Eridan looked away from the two girls, a look of hurt on his face. "Yes, I'm afraid Her Imperious Condescension no longer requires my services," he muttered. "There's been somethin' of a stir in the imperial courts. It seems Emissary has been silenced."

"What?! That's impossible!" Vriska exclaimed, lowering the Octet. "If that abomination were dead, it'd have taken us all with it!"

"I can't speak to the veracity a' the claim," Eridan answered, looking back up at her. "Only repeatin' what my fellows told me when their contracts were ended likewise." He laughed dryly to himself. "Suits me just fine, I suppose. I was lookin' for a change of employment anyway."

"And what would that be, Dualscar?" Vriska asked, sneering at him. "Official imperial bootlicker?"

"Shut your gob, Mindfang!" Eridan growled back at her. "I may be loyal to Her Imperious Condescension, but i'm no sycophant! The truth is..." he started, and looked away once more, the pained expression returning to his face, "she isn't the woman I imagined her to be. She can be cruel and arbitrary... an' it seems I've outlived my usefulness to her." He shook his head and looked back up. "But it's just as well. This line a' work doesn't sit well with me anymore. I've grown tired a' killin' in her name."

Vriska looked at him skeptically. "Well, if you're so tired of killing, Dualscar, what brought you here tonight?"

"I'm here to officially put an end to our little partnership," Eridan answered, leveling his rifle at her once more. "Frankly, I'd rather not be associated with you anymore... 'cept as your killer, perhaps."

"Wh..." Vriska started, then gave a disgusted sigh and grabbed her ear. "Eridan, you can't be a repentant killer looking to eliminate a dark reminder of his past so he can move on with his life! That's what _I'm_ doing!"

Eridan rolled his eyes and grabbed his headfin as well. "Oh, come on, Vris, you think you're the only one tired a' playin' a mass-murderin' fuckhead?" he asked rhetorically. "Cut me some fuckin' slack here."

Vriska groaned and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but you're stealing my thing!!"

"Well, I think it's interesting!" Terezi interjected, putting a hand on her ear.

"What?!" Vriska shouted at her in disbelief. "Really, Terezi, you're taking his side out-of-character too?!"

"Look, I just think both of you doing the 'villain seeking to redeem themselves' thing actually makes the whole scenario a lot more engaging," Terezi explained. "Especially considering the fact that each of your stakes at redemption is hinged on the death of the other. It practically ensures the whole thing will end tragically."

"Yeah, Vris," Eridan concurred, offering up a bargaining palm, "wouldn't you be willin' to make a concession for drama's sake?"

Vriska crossed her arms and looked away. "Well..." she said, mulling it over, "I suppose I shouldn't be letting my personal pride get in the way of good storytelling."

Terezi stifled a laugh. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously!" Vriska shouted, uncrossing her arms to thrust her fists down angrily at her sides. "Shut up, Terezi!"

"Hehehe, fine," Terezi said. "It's just a little funny coming from you." She took her hand off her ear to put the letter of marque back in its case and toss it to Eridan, who stuffed it in his pocket once more.

Vriska just grumbled something to herself, then took her hand off her ear. "Well, if you really want to terminate our relationship, I'd be happy to oblige," she said, shaking the Fluorite Octet in her hand. "Here, let this be the official conclusion!"

She rolled the dice at Terezi, and as they landed, a bevy of holographic daggers sprung into the air, then launched themselves at Terezi and Eridan both. Eridan managed to get a shot off at Vriska, but she ducked under it as she rushed to pick up her sword once more, and he was forced to dive out of the way of a barrage of daggers before he could fire again. As the Octet kept Terezi occupied with dodging projectiles, Vriska advanced on Eridan, cutlass at the ready.

"You know, I'm glad you showed up when you did, Dualscar," she growled at him. "I really wanted to kill you first."

"Well, I'm flattered you think so highly of me, Mindfang," Eridan sneered back. He tried to fire at her, but she lunged at him before the Crosshairs could fully charge, and he was forced to block the blow with the stock of his rifle.

"Fuck you, Dualscar," Vriska spat at him, continuing to lash at him with her cutlass. "You were never worthy of being my kismesis. You aren't even worthy of feeding my lusus."

"You're wrong, Mindfang," Eridan said with an indignant glare as he backed away from Vriska. "I was always worthy a' bein' your kismesis. It's your own fault it took such drastic measures to remind you."

"You went too far, Dualscar!" Vriska shouted as she brought her sword down at Eridan with both hands. He rolled to the side, and they eyed each other warily for a moment. "If you really wanted to prove yourself, you should've known better than to target my other quadrants. The only desire your stunt roused from me was one to plant a blade in your chest."

"You brought it upon yourself, Mindfang," Eridan retorted, holding his rifle steady. "You were always tauntin' an' teasin', playin' little games with me. Can you blame me for wantin' to up the ante?"

Vriska scowled at him. "No, but I can kill you for it."

The Fluorite Octet's onslaught fizzled out, and Terezi was at last able to contribute to the conversation again. "What are you two talking about?" she inquired.

"Ancient history," Vriska quipped. She dove toward the Octet, and Eridan fired upon her fractions of a second later. The shot clipped her side, and a few of her life bars flashed and decremented. "Needless to say, Dualscar's as inept at caliginous romance as he is at everything else," she said as she scooped the dice from the deck, then rose and brandished her cutlass at Terezi. "But it's just as well. Once I've thrown his mutilated corpse overboard, I've got a much better partner in mind."

They both swung at each other simultaneously. "Really, Mindfang?" Terezi asked incredulously as they continued to spar. "Are you still dead set on these black solicitations?"

Eridan watched from the sidelines. "Leave it to the Marquise not to know to separate business an' pleasure," he said as he attempted to get a clear shot. "'Specially when she takes pleasure from such a grisly business."

"As if you're one to talk, Dualscar!" Vriska turned and spat at him, then quickly turned back to block a blow from Terezi. "You may hide behind the label of a 'privateer,' but I know you enjoyed the killing and looting every bit as much as I did! Probably even more!"

"Speak for yourself," Eridan huffed at Vriska, stopping in his tracks to level his rifle at her. "I was just doin' my job."

"Of course, 'just doing your job,'" Vriska echoed disgustedly. "That's the convenient excuse everyone's so eager to run to." Eridan began to charge his rifle, but Vriska flung the Octet at him. Before he could fire, the dice began to shower sparks in all directions, forcing him to move away and trapping him on the aft side of the deck. 

Vriska turned her full attention to Terezi. "Like you, Redglare!" she bellowed, redoubling her efforts to land a blow against her. "You say you're just trying to catch a criminal, but how many other felons are out there that you're passing up to chase after me?"

Terezi just glared at her. "None quite as wretched as you," she muttered.

"Ha! Now we're getting somewhere," Vriska said with a grin, then leveled a particularly heavy swing at Terezi. She blocked it with some effort, and the two stared each other down as they each pushed their weapon against the other's. "Tell me, Redglare," Vriska cooed lasciviously, "just what is it about me that fascinates you so?"

"You really want to know?" Terezi asked with the faintest smirk.

"Of course." Vriska replied amusedly. "Feel no pressing need to honey your words with me."

"Alright, fine," Terezi said, and put both hands on her cane to shove Vriska away from her. She took a step back and let her cane relax at her side. "The truth is, Mindfang, I don't even hate you for the crimes you've committed," she admitted, but then her features hardened into a scowl. "I hate you for the sadistic glee and utter remorselessness with which you performed them. You are an unrepentant sociopath, and Alternia would be a better place for you never having taken breath upon it."

Vriska let out a dry laugh, though her face clearly indicated she was unamused. "Well, Redglare, I'm flattered that you think so low of me," she replied bitterly, "but you're wrong. I'm not the heartless monster you make me out to be." She motioned her sword over to Eridan, no longer obscured by the Octet's sparks. "Or at least I wasn't, until this vile dastard ripped it from my chest." She looked down and sighed. "I'm tired of having to hurt everyone around me. And I do wish for repentance, even if it isn't in the way you have in mind."

Seeing the lull in the action, Eridan relaxed his rifle. "Yes, instead your path to redemption lies over the bodies of a legislacerator and an imperial retainer," he observed skeptically. "Funny how that works out, Mindfang."

"What choice do I have, Dualscar?!" Vriska turned and yelled at him. "If I told either of you I wished to mend my ways, what would you do? Take me to the courts? Drag me before the Grand Highblood, perhaps? If you would see me culled before you would see me redeemed, then to hell with your ideas of justice!"

"You can't just run away from your problems, Mindfang," Terezi said. "Even if you deal with us, it'll catch up to you sooner or later."

"I'm not running from my problems!" Vriska replied, pointing a finger at Terezi and sweeping it towards Eridan. "You two _are_ my problems! And once I've dealt with you, I'll be able to move on with my life!"

Terezi put her cane down in front of her and rested both hands on its head. "And what exactly will you do, Mindfang?" she asked with curious amusement. "Assuming you do manage to deal with the both of us, what will you make of your new life?"

"In case you haven't heard, Redglare," Vriska replied smugly, "there's a revolution going on. People are suffering under the tyrannical rule of the Empress, and they're not taking it anymore. I figured I could put my skills to use for a good cause for a change."

Terezi responded with a dry laugh. "So you're going to throw your hat in the ring with a lot of violent insurrectionists? Why am I not surprised?"

Vriska gave her a serious look. "A good cause is worth killing for. I figured you of all people would know that."

"An' isn't it interestin' that the only causes you're willin' to support are the ones where killin' is a necessity?" Eridan interjected, waving his rifle at Vriska. "Why don't you just admit it, Mindfang? You're a killer, born an' bred, an' that's all you'll ever let yourself be."

"I'm not in it for the bloodshed, Dualscar!" Vriska insisted. "I've chosen this path because the fates have willed it so." She looked down and placed her free hand to her chest. "There's still a man I have yet to meet," she said with uncharacteristic softness. "A man with wings of shimmering bronze... and the man who will be my matesprit."

Eridan rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Of course. It's just like you, always chasin' after visions an' prophecies," he said mockingly. "Figures you'd be willin' to risk everythin' just 'cause some fancy crystal ball told you it'd help you fill a quadrant."

"The only reason I have a quadrant to fill is because of you!" Vriska growled at him, taking a sudden step towards him, but stopping when he raised his rifle once more. "I'll never forgive you for what you did to me--no, what you did to her! She was the only troll I ever cared about, and you took her from me out of _jealousy_ , of all the things!"

"If she meant so much to you, Mindfang," Eridan replied with indignation and just a little fear, "then why are you fightin' so hard just to meet this new paramour a' yours?"

"Let me make something clear, Dualscar," Vriska started, her rage suddenly turning cold as ice. "I'm not fighting you because I have to. I'm fighting you because I _want_ to." She walked slowly toward him, deflecting the barrel of Ahab's Crosshairs with the tip of her cutlass. "I'm only fighting Redglare because she's an obstacle to me, but you... all I want from you is vengeance."

Terezi took a step towards Vriska and brandished her cane threateningly. "Whatever you're fighting for, Mindfang, what you're talking about is treason!" she said in a tone of warning. "And if you think I'm letting you off this ship to join a band of murderous rabble-rousers, you've got another thing coming!"

"Oh, come on, Redglare!" Vriska turned and spat at her. "You know more than anyone how much people are suffering under the Empress' despotic rule. Or do you honestly think every troll put to death for speaking against her has been judged honorably? Is that your idea of justice?"

"Maybe not," Terezi said, raising an arm to her chest, "but violence isn't the answer!"

"Violence is the only language tyrants understand." Vriska replied coolly.

Eridan sneered at her. "Violence is the only language you speak, Mindfang."

"Quiet, Dualscar!" Vriska barked, putting her hand on the tip of his rifle to keep it pointed away from her. "Try as you might to stop it, there's a movement taking place on Alternia," she declared, and raised her sword to his chest, "and there's no room in it for blood-worshipping sycophants like you!"

"Mindfang, this is madness!" Terezi pleaded. "You can't possibly be thinking about taking up arms against Her Imperious Condescension!"

"Then what would you have me do, Redglare?" Vriska turned her head to ask. 

"There are other ways of enacting change, Mindfang," Terezi explained, her left hand gripping a simple iron pendant that hung around her neck. "Sometimes it's more productive to work within the system than to attempt to resist it."

"So what are you saying?" Vriska inquired. "I should turn myself in?"

Terezi released the pendant, revealing the shape of Cancer's claws. "I could have your sentence commuted. We could work out some sort of arrangement," she bargained with an open palm. "If reform is truly what you seek, you'll at least consider it."

"As flattered as I am by your offer, Redglare," Vriska said as she stepped away from Eridan, pausing to scoop the Fluorite Octet from the deck, "I must decline. I'm afraid our differences in philosophy are simply irreconcilable."

Eridan scoffed once more. "So you'd rather wallow in your killin' ways than swallow your pride."

Vriska stopped and turned to face him, her back to the ship's extended plank. "I'll never serve the Empire, Dualscar," she replied with a glare. "Especially if it means working alongside a craven coward like you."

"You haven't changed a bit, Mindfang," Eridan sneered. "For all your talk of revolution, you're still the same selfish murderer you've always been. An' you'd sooner upturn the whole a' society than admit you're part of the problem." He leveled his rifle at her. "You're nothin' more than a rabid beast, an' i think it's about time you were put down."

"To hell with that!" Vriska shouted defiantly, swinging her sword at nothing in particular. "I'm not dying here! Not tonight! Even if it takes all of my luck, I'll make it out of here alive! I've still got places to go and things to do... and people to meet!" She shook the Octet in her left hand. "And it's all riding on this one battle! This one final roll of the dice!"

The white symbol of Light glowed from Vriska's chest as she let the Fluorite Octet fly, causing Terezi and Eridan to gasp in horror. But once the dice landed, there was no great explosion or flash of light. Instead, the Octet gently floated up to Vriska's face, seven in front of her left eye and one in front of her right, presenting their results to each of her pupils: eight ones.

"Spider-eyes!"

The dice suddenly exploded, and Vriska was sent flying, flopping to the deck just short of the edge of the ship. The life gauges above her head shook violently, and all of them were nearly depleted by the power of the backfiring Octet. Her sword was sent clattering to the deck a few feet from where she landed.

"Well, Mindfang," Terezi said with what was almost a smirk, "it looks like your luck has finally run out."

Eridan turned to Terezi for a moment. "Keep an eye on her for a moment, will you?" he politely requested. "There's something I must retrieve from the cabin." He opened the door to the cabin behind him and quickly advanced through it, pulling it shut.

Vriska coughed and slowly dragged herself toward her cutlass. "Figures..." she said weakly. "Coward won't even stick around long enough to... see me culled..." She stopped to cough once more.

Terezi just shrugged. "He doesn't seem that bad."

"He can't be trusted, Redglare," Vriska asserted, placing a hand on her sword. "Whatever you do, don't trust him."

"Just what did he do to make you despise him so?" Terezi asked with a raised eyebrow.

Vriska grabbed her sword and very slowly tried to pull herself up from the ground. "There was... a slave of mine. A jadeblood," she started. "At first, she was just like any other... but after a while, I realized... I was flushed for her." She finally rose to her feet, standing uncertainly and balancing herself using her cutlass as a cane. "She was the only person I ever cared about... the only person I ever loved... and he took her from me. He _murdered_ her... out of jealousy, of all the things."

Terezi's look softened into one of sympathy. "I see," she offered simply.

"I'm telling you this because you deserve better," Vriska confessed, looking into Terezi's eyes pleadingly. "Better than to die by his treachery... you can't trust him."

Terezi just looked away. "Maybe you're right," she said after a moment's hesitation.

"Or maybe she's wrong."

Eridan burst through the cabin door, dragging along with him the writhing form of one Kanaya Maryam. She was wearing a black satin dress embroidered with looping patterns of jade and the symbol of Virgo on her left breast. The dress had a scandalously low neckline, which combined with a jade and silver bodice did a great deal to accentuate Kanaya's... assets. The dress stretched down to her bare feet, but bore two slits in the front that reached up to her waist, revealing a great deal of her bare legs. The sleeves were perhaps the only part of the dress that could be considered at all modest, fully covering her arms, and two low-hanging sheets of sheer black-and-jade striped fabric hung from them. The dress left very little to the imagination, and it was clearly a lot less than Eridan expected, as a faint streak of purple lit up his face.

Vriska was clearly shocked by the new arrival. "Kan--" she started, then caught herself, "I mean, Dolorosa!"

"Mindfang!" Kanaya cried back in her most imperiled voice.

Terezi sniffed a few times and suddenly reared her head back, grabbing her ear. "Wow, that's a lot of troll flesh," she commented, prompting Kanaya to blush a little herself.

"You're alive?!" Vriska asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.

"Of course she is." Eridan answered, then produced a wavy purple knife from his pocket and pressed it to Kanaya's throat. She took a sharp breath from the sting of cold steel on her bare neck. Eridan smirked. "You really think I'd throw away such a powerful bargainin' chip so easily?"

A fierce look formed on Vriska's face. "If you spill even a drop of your blood, I'll see you dead here and now!" she growled at Eridan.

"Easy, Mindfang," Eridan warned her, pulling Kanaya and the blade toward himself. "Despite the cutlery bein' presented, I've no intention of harmin' your little matesprit here. Though if you don't accede to a few of my demands, I may be so inclined as to," and he paused to lick his lips, "kiss her a little."

"Um, actually, Eridan," Kanaya suddenly interjected, "and I wish I could do the little ear gesture here, but, well, my hands are tied--quite literally, as a matter of fact--but I'd prefer if you didn't kiss me."

"Wh..." Eridan started, then let his knife hand go slack while the other latched onto his left headfin. "Why not?"

"It's not you in particular," Kanaya explained. "It's just... well... I'd rather not talk about it."

Eridan sighed. "Well, I'm not gonna very well kiss a woman against her will, am I? That would be fuckin' unconscionable."

"I mean, it'd be okay if Terezi did it," Kanaya offered.

"Yeah, okay, that works," Eridan said, then motioned to Terezi. "Ter, come over here."

"What?!" Terezi cried, the slightest teal blush streaking her cheeks. "Hey, just slow down here, alright?! I never agreed to kiss anybody!"

"Oh, come on, Ter," Eridan implored, rolling his eyes, "an attractive woman in a ridiculously fuckin' skimpy outfit just gave you the okay to kiss her. What's the fuckin' problem?"

"Well, I mean..." Terezi started, crossing her arms defensively and blushing a little harder, "I _guess_ I could kiss her... if I really had to."

"Hahahahahahahaha! Great plan, Eridan!" Vriska said, doubling over in amusement. "I can see you reeeeeeeeally thought this one through!"

"As a matter of fact, Vris," Eridan countered, "I'd planned for just such an eventuality. Kan, did you bring the secret weapon?"

"Um... yes," Kanaya said.

Eridan put his knife away and patted his now-free hand around her sides. "Well, where is it?" he inquired. "I'm lookin' for a pocket here an' I'm not findin' one."

"It's, um..." Kanaya started, the jade glow in her face intensifying even further. "Under my neck," she muttered.

"Well, yeah, but _where_ under your..." Eridan asked, not really thinking about her answer, until it suddenly dawned on him. "Uh... oh."

Terezi put her cane away so she could plant her face in her palm. "Oh my god."

"Look, I was going for historical accuracy," Kanaya went off, suddenly incredibly flustered, "and I didn't see any reason why Mindfang would want her slaves to have pockets, okay?!"

Vriska was clearly very amused by all this. "Hahahahahahahaha, Kanaya, you are so ridiculous. I love it."

"So can I...?" Eridan almost ventured to ask, his free hand hovering in front of her chest.

Kanaya just sighed. "It's fine, Eridan. Go ahead."

"Okay..." Eridan said, then very slowly moved his hand toward the crevice of her bodice. "I wonder if I can just... just sort of reach in... and..." He suddenly pulled his hand back out, producing a tube of lipstick. "Got it."

"Yes, very well done," Kanaya offered insincerely, then turned to her head to her matesprit. "For the record, Vriska, there was minimal... contact."

"Good to know," Vriska answered, taking her hand off her ear to give a thumbs-up. Terezi politely clapped at the whole affair.

"Yeah, yeah, real fuckin' amusing," Eridan muttered, then grabbed Kanaya's shoulder and gently turned her around to face him. "Kan, pucker please."

"Of course," Kanaya replied, puckering her lips. Eridan removed the cap from the lipstick and applied it, leaving Kanaya's lips a bright cherry red.

Terezi took one whiff and grinned with delight. "Ooh! What a wonderful smell!"

"So have you revised your opinion on this little plan a' mine?" Eridan asked her.

"Well, I suppose in consideration of recent events," Terezi replied authoritatively, "I _may_ be inclined to pursue it a little more... enthusiastically. Hehehehe."

Vriska groaned in disgust. "Okay, okay, fine! Just keep your filthy tongue off my matesprit!" She removed her hand from her ear. "Name your demands!"

The others quickly snapped back into character as well, Eridan once again grabbing Kanaya and holding his knife at her throat. "First of all, drop your weapon," he demanded, and Vriska threw her cutlass to the ground. "The rest of 'em, too." She groaned, then reached into her coat and threw out a barbed cobalt dagger and a bag of some sort of dice. "Alright, good," Eridan said, apparently satisfied, then turned to Terezi. "Any demands, legislacerator?"

"Submit to arrest, perhaps?" Terezi offered.

Vriska glared at her. "I told you, Redglare, I'll never go to court!"

Eridan twisted the knife at Kanaya's throat, causing her to gasp once more. "Are you really in any place to refuse, Mindfang?"

"Look, if you want to put me on trial so badly, do it here and now!" Vriska suggested to Terezi. "I plead guilty to all charges!"

"Well..." Terezi paused for a moment, stroking her chin in consideration. "I suppose if you officially submitted such a plea, it wouldn't be too unreasonable to carry out your sentence here."

"Then do it." Vriska said.

Kanaya struggled in her bonds. "Mindfang, please, don't do this for my sake!" she pleaded to Vriska. "You have so much left to live for!"

"You're wrong, Dolorosa," Vriska said bleakly. "All I have left to live for is you."

"Very well," Terezi said, then marched up to Vriska, raising her chin to look down at her as best she could. "Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, in the charge of six hundred and twelve counts of assault, four hundred and thirteen counts of larceny, one hundred and forty-three counts of murder, and four counts of treason, how do you plead?"

"Mindfang, don't do this, please," Kanaya begged.

Vriska looked at her, then averted her gaze to the deck and sighed. "I'm sorry, Dolorosa," she said. "But I can't keep running anymore."

"Mindfang..." Kanaya intoned, quiet and desperate.

Vriska snapped her head up at Terezi. "I plead guilty."

"Very well," Terezi replied. "Based on the volume and severity of your crimes, I hereby sentence you to death. The method of culling will naturally be hanging."

"Wait a minute, Redglare," Eridan interjected. "If you're gonna practice your law out here on the open  seas, I'd ask that you have a little respect for an old naval tradition."

"Oh?" Terezi said, turning to him with a cocked eyebrow. "And what's that?"

"You can't hang somebody out at sea," Eridan explained. "The only proper method of execution is by walkin' the plank." Vriska smirked at the idea.

"Well..." Terezi started, clearly not enthused with the idea. "Can I at least bind her hands?"

Eridan looked unamused. "Let her die with a little dignity, Redglare."

Terezi sighed. "Fine," she said, looking away from the three of them. "The method of culling will be walking the plank." She suddenly turned back to Vriska and took a few steps forward. "But before I carry out your sentence, there's one more thing I have to do."

"Really?" Vriska asked. "And what might that be?" Terezi answered, much to Vriska's wonder, by wrapping her arms around her and initiating a violent hate snog. Eridan and Kanaya looked on in surprise as the two gnashed their lips, tongues, and teeth against each other. The kiss ended as quickly as it began, and the two stared at each other for a moment, both blushing furiously.

"Hm," Terezi said after a while, wiping a bit of cerulean blood from her lip. "Better than I expected." She stuck the bloodied finger in her mouth and sucked it clean.

Vriska grinned at her, lifting a hand to hold against her freshly wounded lip. "I knew you'd see it my way eventually, Redglare," she said.

"Whatever," Terezi replied, turning her back on Vriska with a dismissive wave and walking to Eridan's side. "I have no more demands."

"Alright, then," Eridan said, and removed the knife from Kanaya's neck, then used it to cut the rope binding her hands. "Give her your final regards," he commanded. Kanaya eagerly complied, rushing into Vriska's arms and engaging her in a long, passionate kiss.

As they finished, Kanaya looked up into Vriska's eyes. "Mindfang... even if you must walk to your death, I will follow you," she said, her voice full of determination.

Vriska looked back down at Kanaya, her face twisted in a combination of joy and sadness. "You don't have to follow me, Dolorosa. Don't throw your life away for my sake," she implored her.

"I would not have a life if not for your sake," Kanaya replied. "I endured captivity for as long as I did only because I knew I might see you once again."

"Dolorosa..." Vriska said with a sigh. "I'm sorry it had to end like this."

"Mindfang..." Kanaya said, pulling herself closer to Vriska. "if we are fated to die, then let us die together."

Vriska stared into her eyes, saddened by the utter devotion she found within them. "I guess I can't really stop you, can I?" she admitted.

"Hold, Mindfang," Terezi imposed. "The slave is an innocent. I won't have you drag her to your death with you. Release her."

"Very well, Redglare," Vriska replied. She removed her arms from around Kanaya, but Kanaya made no effort to release her.

Terezi glared at her. "You know what I mean, Mindfang."

Kanaya relenquished her grip on Vriska and turned to face Terezi. "Legislacerator," she said to her, "I speak to you of my own mind. It is by my own will that I stay by Mindfang's side. Wherever she goes, I will follow." She closed her eyes and placed a hand on her chest. "And if death must take her in its icy grip, then I can only hope that my embrace might keep her warm."

"Just forget about her, Redglare," Eridan suggested. "She's too far gone."

Terezi hesitated for a moment. "Fine," she eventually relented, and Kanaya took her place back at Vriska's side. "Any last words, Mindfang?" she asked.

"Just a few," Vriska said, then turned to face Eridan. "First of all, Dualscar, I believe I owe you an apology. It seems I underestimated you." Her look turned sour. "Though, frankly, it would've been wiser to pull this trump card of yours a little sooner."

"Yeah, yeah, fair point," Eridan admitted.

"I'm sure you'll make some lucky troll out there miserable," she offered in consolation. "Unfortunately for you," and she turned to look at Terezi. "I just happened to run into my soulmate over here."

Terezi looked unamused. "Don't you think it's a little late for declarations like this, Mindfang?" she asked.

"It's never too late, Redglare," Vriska answered with a smirk. "There may be more than one person worthy of being my rival, but you're the only one worthy of being my kismesis."

"You know, you may be right," Terezi said with a smirk of her own, which quickly vanished. "Kind of a shame you still have to walk the plank."

Vriska just laughed. "Come on, Redglare, give me a little credit here," she demanded. "I'm not about to let a little thing like drowning or being eaten by sharks stop me from settling things with you. Death is but a door, time is but a window. I'll be back."

Terezi let out a dry laugh. "Whatever you say, Mindfang," she said.

Vriska turned her attention to Kanaya, wrapping her hands around her waist. "And to you, Dolorosa... you need not follow me to my grave," she offered once more.

"Mindfang, I cannot ever allow myself to leave your side again," Kanaya asserted. "I would sooner die in your arms than spend a single moment outside of them. Even if you marched into hell itself, I would follow without hesitation."

Vriska sighed through a smile. "Dolorosa... you amaze me," she admitted. "Whatever I did to gain your love, it couldn't possibly be enough to deserve it."

"All you ever had to do was be yourself," Kanaya replied, smiling herself.

Vriska laughed to herself, then her smile was replaced with a mournful frown. "I'm sorry, Dolorosa. For everything," she said. "I'm sorry that we had to meet the way we did, and for all the suffering I've put you through since then."

"It's okay, Mindfang," Kanaya replied, raising a hand to stroke against Vriska's cheek. "It was all worth it for the chance to meet you."

"You're a fool for feeling that way," Vriska told her, a scowl suddenly forming on her face. Then she laughed and looked away. "And I'm a fool for feeling the same. I'd give up everything just for a single moment with you. Heh... I guess I already have."

Terezi rolled her head back in an approximation of rolling her eyes, then grabbed her ear. "Oh, Jegus, _we get it_! You two love each other!" she shouted impatiently. "Now would you hurry up and just kill yourselves already?!"

"Oh, great, thanks, Terezi!" Vriska said angrily, grabbing her own ear. "Way to kill the moment _again_!"

Eridan made the signal as well. "Well, maybe some a' the rest of us want to have a moment too," he countered. "Ideally sometime this fuckin' sweep."

"Yeah, Vriska!" Terezi concurred. "I know this whole night's about Mindfang, Mindfang, Mindfang, but honestly, could you just get on with it?"

Vriska rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay, fine," she said, then removed her hand from her ear to wrap around Kanaya again. "I'm sorry it had to end this way, Dolorosa," she said.

"This isn't the end, Mindfang," Kanaya rebutted. "It's a new beginning. For both of us."

"I hope you're right," Vriska said with a smile, then turned her attention to her two enemies. "Well, Redglare, Dualscar, I've wasted enough of your time. I suppose I'll be taking my leave for now. But remember!" She thrusted an index finger into the air. "Though Marquise Spinneret Mindfang may die tonight, her name will live on forever!" She turned back to Kanaya. "Are you ready, my dear?"

"Always, Mindfang," Kanaya replied, pulling Vriska into another passionate kiss.

Vriska suddenly placed a hand on her ear. "You know, you don't have to jump in with me," she offered Kanaya.

"It's fine," Kanaya said with her hand on her own ear.

"Okay, okay," Vriska relented. They wrapped their hands around each other once again, and Vriska turned her head to Terezi and Eridan. "Farewell!" she cried, and she leapt into the ocean with Kanaya, disappearing under the surface with a great splash.

Terezi and Eridan stepped toward the gunwale, observing the ripples the star-crossed lovers left in their wake. "And so ends the life of Spinneret Mindfang," Terezi mused. "Perhaps in death she will find the absolution she seeks."

"You know, the winds are tame an' the water is clear," Eridan pointed out. "She may yet survive the day."

"No, Dualscar, she is dead," Terezi insisted. "She was sentenced to culling, and her sentence has been carried out."

Eridan raised a hand in his defense. "I was merely observin'--"

"Dualscar, listen to me," Terezi interjected almost desperately. "On this day, Marquise Spinneret Mindfang was captured and tried for her crimes against trollkind. She plead guilty to all charges. She was sentenced to death, and the method of execution was chosen to be drowning. She was forced off the side of her own ship, taking an unidentified jadeblood slave with her, who followed her voluntarily. They now both rest at the bottom of the ocean." She closed her eyes and gripped her cane tightly, taking a deep breath in and out. "Justice has been served."

Eridan hesitated a moment before he responded. "I understand," he said, bowing his head momentarily. "So what will you do now?"

"A simple enough question," Terezi posited. "I will continue to serve the legislacerators to the fullest of my abilities. As long as injustice runs rampant on the surface of Alternia, I will continue to fight against it."

"Is it true what you said when you were talkin' to Mindfang?" he asked. "That you intend to resist the Condesce's rule from within?"

Terezi took a step back, bringing her cane behind her. "Is that a problem, Dualscar?"

"No, no. I told you, I've no longer any obligation to the Empress. And I'd prefer to keep things that way," Eridan answered, and Terezi relaxed her stance. "Still, it seems you've quite a struggle ahead of you."

"It will not be easy," Terezi replied, "but I have sworn myself to justice before any other liege. It's true that tyranny exists within the system, but I believe it can be fought without the need for violent insurrection... or at least I hope."

"I see," Eridan said. "I wish you the best of luck, then."

"And what about you, Dualscar?" Terezi asked him, tilting her head in curiosity. "Your duty to the Empress has ended, and I assume you have no wish to renew it."

"I think not," Eridan confirmed. "I once followed the Condesce unthinkingly, hung on her every word. But the termination of our relationship has cast her in a new light." He looked away, bowing his head. "I'm beginnin' to see she isn't... the flawless goddess I made her out to be. She's callous... she's cruel... an' she uses people. Treats 'em like objects she can possess. An' i don't think it'd sit right for me to serve under her again."

"So," Terezi said, pausing for a moment, "do you intend to resist her?"

"Perhaps," Eridan answered, "But not the way Mindfang intended to. I think your way a' goin' about things is more effective in the long run."

Terezi cocked an eyebrow at him. "So what will you do?"

"This may seem a queer thought," Eridan warned her, "but perhaps I could follow you. I've no formal trainin' in law, but I'm sure I could be of assistance to the legislacerators in some way."

"Really?" Terezi asked, rearing her head back in surprise. "I must say, I didn't expect this kind of proposal from you, Dualscar. What brought about this sudden desire to join me in my duties?"

Eridan laughed and shook his head. "You'd think the cause just as odd as the effect, I assure you."

"I'm sure I will, but I'd still like to hear it," Terezi insisted.

"Very well," Eridan said, then closed his eyes while he took a deep breath. "To speak the whole truth... it's you, Redglare."

Terezi reared back from him in surprise. "Oh?"

Eridan slowly advanced toward her. "The truth is, I've always admired you," he said, his voice low and solemn. "But before, my heart held room only for the Empress. Now that I've seen her for who she is, I can see you for who you are, as well, and I cannot help but find myself enraptured." He placed his hands at Terezi's hips, eliciting a quiet gasp from her, and stared deeply into her bespectacled eyes. "You are in every respect Mindfang's opposite. Where she is impetuous, you are wise; where she is conceited, you are modest; where she is covetous, you are selfless; and where she is vain and duplicitous, you are genuinely beautiful, unvarnished and whole."

Terezi stared back at him uncertainly, a deep teal blush staining her cheeks. "D-Dualscar," she stammered, "this is all so sudden..."

"It may seem that way, perhaps," Eridan admitted, "but I have felt this way for a long time. It is only tonight that I have allowed myself to see the truth. I could tell you that I wished to follow you in the name of justice, or vengeance, or redemption for my past transgressions, but I would be speakin' lies. In truth, I want to create a better world only because it is want you want, and I wish only to fulfill your every desire."

Eridan reached up and ran his hand through her hair, and she tensed up as the tips of his fingers brushed the base of her horn. "My goodness, Dualscar," Terezi said, her voice still wavering. "You flatter me, truly."

"If my words come off as flattery, it is only because I have failed to communicate my sincerity," Eridan insisted, his hand once more coming to a rest at Terezi's side. "I would bare the entirety of my soul to you, Redglare, that you might feel the same way about me."

Terezi took a deep breath in and out, trying to regain her composure. "Dualscar... I must admit, until recently, I had not thought kindly of you," she said with a slight frown." I took you for a blackguard, a scurrilous minion of the most contemptible sort. But I can see now I have judged you unfairly." Her frown was replaced with a faint smile. "You seem to me to be a great man by every measure: noble, but not pretentious; loyal, but not obsequious; ardent, but not fanatical..." She grinned and laughed to herself. "And it certainly doesn't hurt that you're quite charming as well."

Eridan placed a hand across his stomach in a mock bow. "If I am, it is only because you make it come naturally to me," he claimed.

Terezi made a noise she would later vehemently deny was a 'titter.' "Dualscar, please," she begged, covering her mouth in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to interrupt," Eridan said. "Please do continue, if you feel the need."

"I do," Terezi replied with a smirk. "I will say that... I respect you, Dualscar. And I would be honored to have you at my side, in any capacity."

"Forgive me for bein' so bold to ask," Eridan requested, "but... any capacity? Perhaps even... as your matesprit?" he tried not to ask too hopefully.

"Well..." Terezi started, and bowed her head. "It goes against my better judgment to make sudden decisions on affairs such as this... but perhaps there are better things than my better judgment to rely upon." She looked up at him, a smile on her lips. "Yes, Dualscar. I would be delighted to be your matesprit. Based solely on your words tonight, I truly believe you could make me happier than I've ever been."

Eridan returned her smile with one of his own. "That is all I desire," he stated. "And nothing could make me happier than simply to be by your side."

"You say that, but I pray you are wrong," Terezi said, then looked away, a cryptic look on her face. "You have said that I am in every respect the antithesis of Mindfang, but I hope that I might be her equal in at least one regard."

"And what is that?" Eridan asked bemusedly.

"I hope..." Terezi started, then closed her eyes and took a breath. She looked back at Eridan once more. "I hope that I might love as deeply as she did."

Eridan grinned. "I believe you to be fully capable of it," he assured her. "I just hope that I am able to stir it within you."

"Well," Terezi said, and flashed Eridan a wide grin herself. "There's only one way to find out." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

Suddenly it was Eridan's turn to look uncertain. "I... uh... if you insist," he stuttered, blushing the slightest bit.

"Oh, I do," Terezi said wickedly, and slowly drew her face closer to Eridan's own.

"Y'know, Ter," Eridan said, beginning to raise his hand to his headfin, "you don't really have to--"

Terezi blocked Eridan's hand with her arm and gently pushed it away. "Don't kill the moment, Eridan," she whispered. Before he could protest any further, she pressed her lips against his, and they engaged in a long, chaste kiss. It wasn't sloppy at all, and it could hardly even be classified as making out, but Eridan was nonetheless pleasantly surprised by how long it lasted.

"So?" Eridan asked as she pulled away. "Your conclusion?"

"The results look promising," Terezi stated matter-of-factly. "But it's hard to come to a definite conclusion based only on a single data point." She grinned at him. "It will require more... testing."

Eridan smirked back at her. "Of course. It's important to be empirical." He gently removed Terezi's arms from his shoulders, then clasped her left hand in both of his. "But I can only think of one way for testin' to continue, Redglare. Matesprits?"

Terezi placed her right hand over both of his. "Matesprits, Dualscar," she confirmed. "Until proven otherwise."

"Excellent," Eridan said, his smirk breaking out into a full grin. "In that case, I suppose we've settled all our business on this derelict vessel. Shall we be off?"

"Yes, I believe we shall," Terezi answered, releasing her grip on Eridan's hands. "Let's make the world a better place, Dualscar. For the both of us."

Before he let go of Terezi's hand completely, Eridan lifted it to his mouth. "You've already made it a better place for me, Redglare," he said, and planted a swift kiss on it.

"And you for me," Terezi replied, gently withdrawing her hand and rubbing the kissed spot over her lips. "Now let's do it for everyone."

"Of course. I can think of nothin' I'd like better," Eridan said. Suddenly a thoughtful look appeared on his face. "Well," he said, scratching his chin, "perhaps one thing, but I suppose that could wait until later."

"Hehehehe, actually, you know what?" Terezi asked with a impish grin. "I think I like your idea better. After all, we don't have to save the world right this instant."

"Well..." Eridan started, returning her mischievous look. "Only if you insist."

Terezi rubbed her hands together enthusiastically. "Oh, I certainly do," she said.

"Well, if you _insist_ ," Eridan replied, a hand held to his chest, "it would simply be rude a' me not to oblige. Lead the way."

"But of course. Hehehe." But rather than lead the way, Terezi simply turned and held a hand into the sky, as if she were a bard reading a great poem to a mighty king of yore. "And then Redglare and Dualscar retired to the late captain's quarters to do all sorts of wonderfully unmentionable things," she narrated bombastically, "and then they had all sorts of awesome--and sexy"--she paused to wiggle her eyebrows--"adventures of drama and betrayal and political intrigue together, the end."

"Well, I certainly approve a' your ending," Eridan said, breaking character in turn.

Terezi shrugged. "It's a little saccharine," she admitted, "but I guess that's what we're going for here." Suddenly she raised her chin and regarded Eridan with a look of suspicion. "But in any case, Eridan, I'm beginning to suspect that you didn't come to this little get-together for the sole purposes of settling things with Vriska."

Eridan laughed. "Really? Only just now?"

"A rhetorical device," Terezi replied, pointing a finger in the air, then started pacing around Eridan with her hands behind her back. "Of course I suspected your intentions from the moment you left your cryptic little quip on her memo, but tonight's course of events has led me to believe you didn't come here for her at all."

"And just what are you implyin', Ter?" Eridan asked defensively.

Terezi stopped in her tracks and wheeled towards him. "I've heard you boasting about your grand, sweeping plan to find a matesprit," she said, leaning forward at him. "Could it be that this was it, and I was the target? Was this whole night simply part of some grand scheme to make me flushed for you?"

"Did it work?" Eridan asked with a smirk, eliciting an unamused frown from Terezi. He let out an exaggerated sigh. "Aww fuck, I should've known I'd mess it up," he lamented. "Nep told me this was all part of a mystic ritual that'd magically make you my matesprit, but i must've done somethin' wrong at some point." Suddenly he groaned and snapped his fingers. "Oh, you know what it was? I forgot the pinch a' sulfur."

"Hehehe, of course," Terezi responded. "It's always the little things that separate the wizards from the wannabes."

"Anyway, Ter, I'm not stupid," Eridan said, but suddenly felt the need to correct himself. "Well, I'm not _that_ stupid, in any case. I don't think there's any magic song and dance that'll make you flushed for me." He let out a dry laugh. "'Sides, you honestly think I'd try to pull off some sort of scheme against the master of schemers? I know better than to think any strategy would survive contact with Terezi Pyrope."

"Well..." Terezi contemplated his argument, chin braced in her hand. "I suppose so. So then, what did you hope to get out of tonight? Were you simply trying to extract a kiss from me?"

"Hey, last I checked, the kiss was your idea," Eridan shot back, jabbing an accusatory finger at her.

"I... I was just going with the scenario, that's all!" Terezi stammered in her defense.

Eridan didn't look convinced. "I gave you an out, y'know."

Terezi scoffed at the suggestion. "Come on, Eridan, what kind of lousy roleplayer do you think I am?"

"Oh, you're a good roleplayer, don't get me wrong," Eridan answered. "I just don't think you're _that_ good. 'Less you're capable a' blushin' on command, an' you just never told me about it."

"Yeah, okay, maybe that wasn't all in-character," Terezi admitted, crossing her arms and blushing a little once more. "But just how much of that flattery you were heaping upon me was entirely in-character for you, Dualscar?"

"I'll admit," Eridan said with a wide, affirmative shrug, "I'm not that good a roleplayer either."

"Oh," was all Terezi could muster in response. She paused for a moment, taking in the full volume of what Eridan was implying. "So you're saying..."

"I'm sayin' my words tonight have been as much Dualscar talkin' to Redglare as they have been me talkin' to you," Eridan ventured to finish her sentence. "Honestly, Ter, there's more about you to love than I ever let myself realize. You're freakishly intelligent. You've got a great, if a little overactive, sense a' humor. You're an absolute blast to talk to. An' you'll forgive whatever implications may be raised by bringin' this up last," he said, quickly sweeping his eyes over her, "but you're a very attractive woman on top of all a' that."

Terezi placed a single hand against her hip. "I'll take that as a well-intentioned compliment and nothing more," she clarified.

"Awful gracious of you," Eridan said, giving a mock bow. "An' really, Ter... I'd love to be your matesprit, if you'd ever be interested in that kind a' thing."

Terezi turned her head away for a moment. "Well... I might..." she offered uneasily, then snapped back towards him. "But honestly, Eridan, this seems like a lot of trouble to go to just to _inquire_ about this. You could've just asked like a normal person, you know. Why the stupid farce?"

"Well, yeah, I _could've_ just asked," Eridan said with a shrug. "But where the fuck's the fun in that?"

"Hehehe, fair enough." Terezi admitted.

"Anyway, I didn't think this little FLARPin' night would warp your brain into feelin' flushed for me," Eridan took pains to elaborate once again, "but I figured it'd be a chance to have a little fun together, without any sort of actual obligations. It's like a first date before the first date."

"So..." Terezi scratched her chin. "A zeroth date."

"Exactly," Eridan replied. "And when has a zeroth anything ever gone wrong? It hasn't, cause there's nothin' there to fuck up yet. It's zero. It's the bullshit number that comes before all the other numbers that actually mean somethin'."

Terezi cocked an eyebrow at him. "Are you this passionate about other integers?"

"Well, I'm not fond a' one, either," Eridan answered her, then continued with a smirk, "but I must say I'm a great fan a' two."

"That sounds an awful lot like the beginnings of a corny pick-up line," Terezi said, pursing her lips in near-amusement.

Eridan admitted defeat with another admissive shrug. "I figured it was transparent enough for you to appreciate it," he mustered for a defense.

Terezi laughed despite herself. "Well, that's very thoughtful of you," she said.

"But of course," he replied. His smirk flattened a little as he continued. "Anyway, I was just kinda hopin' tonight would give me a chance to get a second first impression with you. I mean, up until recently, I've been kind of a huge fuckin' tool," he admitted, one hand scratching at his opposite elbow nervously, "an' i figured nobody would be willin' to give me a shot 'less I did somethin' drastic like this."

"Honestly, Eridan..." Terezi started with a sympathetic frown, "the first time I met you, I had been, for the briefest of moments, a little flushed for you. But then you had to go and ruin everything by opening your mouth."

Eridan blinked a few times in rapid succession. "Seariously?" he asked, surprised.

"Well, I mean, you're not an unattractive guy by any measure," Terezi confessed, pointing an open hand at him. "And if you'd actually put the moves on me in earnest, I probably would've gone for it. But instead you tossed out some halfhearted pickup line, then dropped the whole thing and went back to treating me like another stupid landdweller." She smirked. "Just where was this suave, smooth-talking casanova with a bag full of sweet nothings back then?"

Eridan groaned. "He was pinin' after his fuckin' moirail like a glubbin' moron, that's where he was," he answered, rubbing a hand over his eyes as if the mere thought gave him a headache. "Look, I realize what a complete idiot I was before, but that's all changed now. I'm pretty much over Fef. So don't think I'm just settlin' for you or anything idiotic like that."

Terezi flashed him a self-assured grin. "Not trying to sound conceited here," she warned him, "but honestly, if I thought you were settling, I'd figure you'd aim a little lower."

"Heh, yeah," Eridan admitted. "Honestly, Ter, you're an amazin' girl. An' I honestly think I'm flushed for you. Maybe I always have been." He suddenly looked away, a little annoyed. "Or maybe it just happened 'cause Nep worked her fuckin' heart science on me and planted the idea in my head like a virus."

Terezi chuckled at the thought. "Yeah, she suggested the idea of you and me yesterday, and for whatever reason, I found precious few arguments against it. Honestly, she had more than I did."

"Really?" Eridan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Terezi assured him. "She thinks you're an annoying asshole, by the way."

"Haha, awesome," Eridan replied with a grin. "That's exactly what I want her to think."

Terezi grinned back. "Hehehe, of course," she said, catching his meaning entirely.

"Anyway, Ter," Eridan said, taking a step forward and lifting Terezi's right hand with his own. "Maybe it's too soon to really ask this, but I just have to know. Would you be my matesprit?"

Terezi raised her left hand to her chin, rubbing it in contemplation. "Well..."

"An' I'm not askin' you this just 'cause I want to consummate it or anythin' reprehensible like that," Eridan felt the need to clarify. "We don't have to be crazy psycho honestly-kinda-scary in love like Kan an' Vris are right off the bat. All I'm askin' for here is an official declaration."

After a little more thought, Terezi let her left hand drop down to her side. "Okay, sure," she answered. "I'll be your matesprit, Eridan."

Eridan's eyes widened in shock, despite his best efforts to prevent them from doing so. "Really?" he dared to ask.

"Yeah, really!" Terezi asserted. "Honestly, Eridan, for all the praise you've lavished me with, you're not such a bad guy yourself. You're smart, and you're funny, and you're attractive." She looked away for a moment. "And maybe you're kind of insecure, and kind of a tool, but, well, maybe I have a thing for guys who are insecure tools!"

Eridan stifled a laugh. "That's a weird thing to have a thing for, but I'm not complainin'."

"Hehe, I figured you wouldn't," she said. "And really..." She let her head slump down a bit in embarrassment. "This is gonna sound dumb, I realize, but... I like the way you talk to me. It feels good having someone you're flushed for honestly say nice things about you, instead of talking down to you all the time."

"'Someone you're flushed for?'" Eridan echoed with curiosity.

"Oh!" Terezi exclaimed, belatedly covering her mouth. "That just kind of slipped out, didn't it?" She suddenly bristled with stubborn indignation. "But you know what? I'm not taking it back. I'm flushed for you, Eridan. The past five minutes have pretty much confirmed it for me."

Eridan grinned widely at her firm stance on the subject. "Well, shit, that's great," he said. "An' honestly, Ter, call me old-fashioned, but I love sayin' nice things to people I'm flushed for. If you want me to whisper sweet nothin's to you, I'll do that all day. I'll whisper so many sweet nothin's in your ear, you'd swear I was the hollow candy shell a' Troll Cesar Milan himself."

"Hahaha, that doesn't even make sense, you dork," Terezi mocked without any real venom.

"Yeah, maybe not," Eridan freely admitted. "But honestly, Ter, I got nothin' bad to say about you. Really, what kind of fuckin' asshole would ever want to talk down to you," he asked, frowning at the thought, "'specially if they were flushed for you?"

Terezi laughed dryly. "Yeah, what kind of asshole indeed," she mused. Eridan raised an eyebrow in concern, but she just shook her head. "Nevermind, it doesn't matter anymore," she assured him.

"Okay, well..." Eridan started, smiling once more, and put his left hand over her right. "What do you say, Ter? Would you be willin' to give us a shot?"

Terezi put her left hand over his. "Sure, Eridan," she said, smiling back at him. "I think you'll be a great matesprit."

"Well, I think you'll be a fantastic fuckin' matesprit," Eridan retorted.

"So... care to make it official?" Terezi asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Eridan hesitated for a moment. "What, right here?" he asked, then laughed to himself. "Good lord, Ter, I knew you were crazy, but--"

"Not like that, idiot!" Terezi interrupted, giving Eridan a good-natured shove in the chest. "I meant with a kiss. The last one was good, but I'm pretty sure you were holding back."

"Oh, believe me, you have not even seen Eridan Ampora _begin_ to fuckin' kiss," Eridan assured her, raising his chin in pride. "That was just a demo. The real thing is a fuckin' tour de force. Oceans will rise. Cities will fall. Tongues will lash."

Terezi shot him a confident grin. "Mr. Ampora, are you challenging me to a tongue-off?" she dared him, licking her lips in anticipation.

"That's somethin' I'm just suicidal enough to do," Eridan informed her. "But if you'll forgive my stubborn pride, I'd prefer we not do this little act without a few witnesses."

"Yeah, fair enough," Terezi conceded. She turned an annoyed glance to the edge of the ship behind her. "Now that you mention it, those two have been drowning for an awfully suspect amount of time." She turned around and leaned over the gunwale. "Did you guys actually drown or something?!" she shouted into the water. "Because if you did, we're not dragging your corpses back up here!"

After a moment of nothing happening, Vriska rose from the water carrying Kanaya with her, her flapping wings sending splashes of water everywhere. "Yeah, yeah, we're alive!" she shouted, and the two of them gently landed on the deck. "We just figured you two would want a little private time, which left us with a little private time of our own, so we... well..."

"We made out a little." Kanaya clarified.

"Yeah, thanks, Kanaya," Terezi quipped. "I didn't get that subtle implication."

"Speakin' a' which, Vris," Eridan said, "you've got a little..." He trailed off, pointing at his upper lip.

"Huh? Oh!" There was a smudge of red lipstick on Vriska's lip, which she quickly wiped off. "I guess that kind of gives it away, huh?"

"Blar, you two are so weird!" Terezi cried with a disapproving wave. "Anyway, I take it from your plotting to leave us alone together that you were in on this big shipping scheme as well?"

Vriska grinned at her. "Well, did it work? Are you two matesprits now?" She walked up and gave Terezi a nudge in the ribs. "Are you two gonna go back to your hive and fill aaaaaaaall the pails?"

"Vriska!!!" Terezi shouted in outrage, and swiftly dealt the lascivious spidertroll a fierce drubbing with her cane. "What kind of girl do you think I am?!"

"Yeah, Vris, show a little fuckin' decorum here," Eridan said, giving Vriska a dirty look.

"Anyway, as a matter of fact, yes, we are matesprits now," Terezi answered. "But it doesn't have anything to do with any scheme, ruse, or gambit of any variety!" She crossed her arms defensively. "It just so happens that he is a nice, attractive, charming guy, and he asked me to be his matesprit, and I said yes, completely independent of any sort of romantic skullduggery!"

"Oh, suuuuuuuure you did," Vriska said with no small amount of sacrasm. "Come on, Terezi, you have to admit our FLARPing session had at least a _little_ to do with it."

"Well... okay, maybe just a little," Terezi conceded. "I'll admit, I'm a little surprised that you were willing to throw a fight just for the sake of setting us up."

"Hey, I didn't throw anything!" Vriska assured her. "I was playing to win the whole time! Well, most of the time. It just so happens I know when not to let personal pride get in the way of a dramatic conclusion."

Terezi frowned. "Yeah, that's the part I don't believe."

"Man, Terezi, give me a break already!" Vriska demanded, rolling her eyes.

"Hehehe, fine," Terezi replied. "Anyway, it was all quite fun, actually. And I'm very surprised that Kanaya got in on it too."

"That actually surprised me too!" Vriska said. "I didn't even plan that! It was something these two came up with together." She gave Kanaya an approving down-and-up look. "And I must say, I'm _very_ pleased with the dress..."

"Okay, just for the record," Eridan felt the need to get out in the open, "I didn't make any specific demands for the dress. It was all a product of Kan's twisted think pan."

Terezi chuckled to herself. "Why does that not surprise me?"

Kanaya looked away, a little embarrassed. "I'll admit I may have gone a bit... overboard in tailoring the outfit to fit my roleplaying persona," she conceded.

"Kanaya, I really hope you have a copy of this dress stored somewhere," Vriska said. "Somewhere dry."

"But of course, Vriska," Kanaya assured her. "I also have a version fitted to your proportions... and a Mindfang costume fitted to mine."

"I..." Vriska started, but suddenly words failed her. "Kanaya, what the hell do I even say? Guys, this is the perfect woman."

"Ugh, okay!" Terezi gagged. "Stop being so weird all the time."

"Well, I think they're cute together," Eridan told her.

Terezi spun around to face him. "Well, I think _we're_ cute together, Mr. Ampora!" she informed him, leaning forward so her face was inches from his.

"Oh god, not this again," Eridan said, slapping a hand over his face. "Now even you're sayin' we're cute? I'm a ruthless genocidal lusus-killin' pirate scourge a' the seas, and you're a diabolical master manipulator that regularly hangs people out a' your own twisted sense a' justice. Just what the flippin' hell is it about us that's so fuckin' cute?"

"I don't know," Terezi replied coyly. "Maybe the fact that you're a big insecure dork with terrible taste in clothing, and I'm a weird blind girl with no respect for personal space who regularly licks things just to see what their colors taste like?"

"Yeah, Eridan," Vriska agreed, "you have to admit you _are_ kind of cute together."

"I'm afraid I must concur," Kanaya thirded.

"Ugh... okay, fine," Eridan begrudgingly relented. "I _suppose_ I can bear the absolute fuckin' indignity a' bein' considered 'cute.'"

"Hehe, just admit it," Terezi demanded. "You like being cute."

Eridan reared his head back indignantly. "I'll admit to no such thing," he insisted. He suddenly smirked. "'Sides, if I did, I wouldn't be nearly as cute, now would I?"

"No, I guess not." Terezi agreed, smirking right back at him. "Y'know, for hating being cute so much, you're awfully good at it."

"I've never practiced or anythin'," Eridan assured her. "You just made me an instant expert."

"Okay, now it's _my_ turn to gag," Vriska grumbled, looking like she'd just come down with diabetes. "Get a block, you two."

"Alright, maybe I'm layin' it on a little thick here," Eridan admitted with a shrug. "But hey, thanks a lot for your collaboration in all this, Vris."

"Hey, no problem!" Vriska replied with a wave. "I was just happy for a chance to have some fun with Terezi like we used to. Speaking of which, Terezi, you're perfectly welcome to thank me now."

Terezi just stared at her for a moment. "Yeah, I don't think so, Vriska."

"Bah, you'll come around eventually!" Vriska insisted.

"But really though," Terezi started in earnest, "I had a good time tonight. I'm..." She stopped and looked away from Vriska. "I'm really glad I gave you a second chance. So thanks for not murdering anybody or anything like that."

"Terezi, I told you, I'm done with all that now," Vriska assured her. "From now on, all my schemes will be completely non-violent. And probably have something to do with romance."

"Romance?" Terezi repeated, turning to look at her with disbelief. "Are you a shipper now or something?"

"Um... maybe?" Vriska said vaguely. "Look, I can't talk about it, I'm sworn to secrecy."

"Hahaha, I can't believe you're taking after Nepeta of all people," Terezi said.

"What's wrong with that?" Vriska replied with a curious shrug. "Nepeta is the shit."

"Oh my god, what did she do to you?" Terezi asked, half-amused and half-horrified. "You are so lame now."

"Fuck you!!!" Vriska retorted.

"Okay, okay, ladies, please," Eridan said, taking a step forward and extending a palm to Terezi and Vriska both. "There's no need to argue about how completely embarrassin' it is that Vris is imitatin' Nep of all the fuckin' trolls."

"Oh, like you're even any better!!" Vriska spat at him indignantly.

Eridan raised an index finger to her in warning. "Sworn to secrecy, Vris," he reminded her.

"Bah!" Vriska said with a dismissive wave.

"Anyway, Kan," Eridan said, turning to Kanaya, "thanks a lot for agreein' to help me too. Your performance was exemplary, by the way."

"Thank you, Eridan," Kanaya replied with a slight curtsy. "And really, it was my pleasure."

"Though I have to wonder just how much of your dialogue was taken from trashy rainbow drinker novels," Terezi mused.

"Okay, first of all," Kanaya started, pointing an accusatory finger at Terezi, "they aren't trashy. And second, not a single line of dialogue I spoke tonight was lifted from a rainbow drinker novel... that has been published... yet."

"Ahahahahaha," Terezi replied.

Kanaya crossed her arms and looked away. "Shut up, it's not funny."

"Anyway, Kan, I suppose you'll be wantin' this back," Eridan said, producing the tube of lipstick once more.

"Actually, if I may," Terezi interjected, "Kanaya, can I borrow this for a while?"

"Um, I suppose that wouldn't be a problem," Kanaya replied.

"Why? What are you gonna do with it?" Eridan said, offering the lipstick to Terezi.

"Hehehe, what do you think?" Terezi asked him. Before he could answer, she took the cap off and carefully painted his lips bright red. Her work complete, she took a sniff and grinned hungrily.

***

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CG: NEPETA, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO???  
AC: :33 < what?  
AC: :33 < karkitty, whats wrong?  
CG: OH, DON'T YOU EVEN ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE.  
AC: :33 < i dont!!  
CG: ALRIGHT, THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND AND LET ME EXPLAIN.  
CG: SO I JUST CONTACTED TEREZI  
CG: YOU KNOW, TO CHECK TO SEE IF SHE'D BEEN MURDERED OR NOT  
CG: SINCE SOMEONE DECIDED TO ROPE HER INTO A LOVELY GAME OF HIGHBLOOD MURDERFEST EXTRAVAGANZA  
CG: AND WHILE SHE HAD NOT, IN FACT, ACTUALLY BEEN MURDERED, SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HER THAT'S SOMEHOW A BILLION TIMES WORSE.  
CG: I MEAN, SHE  
CG: FUCK, I'M SO ANGRY, I CAN'T EVEN TYPE IT.  
CG: SHE BECAME MATESPRITS WITH THAT  
CG: THAT  
CG: THAT FUCKASS?????  
CG: LOOK AT THAT SHITTY FUCKING INSULT RIGHT THERE.  
CG: I AM SO FUCKING FURIOUS RIGHT NOW THAT "FUCKASS" IS LITERALLY THE BEST THING MY THINK PAN CAN MUSTER HERE.  
CG: SO I GUESS WHAT I'M ASKING IS  
CG: NEPETA, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING???  
AC: :33 < karkitty, why are you so angry about this??  
CG: STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT.  
CG: MY NAME IS NOT FUCKING KARKITTY, OKAY? IT'S KARKAT.  
CG: I AM SERIOUSLY SO FUCKING SICK OF THAT SHITTY FUCKING NICKNAME THAT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  
AC: :33 < okay fine!  
AC: :33 < karkat, why are you so angry about this??  
CG: BECAUSE I  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT  
CG: I WAS  
CG: I WAS FLUSHED FOR HER, OKAY??  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < oh no!!  
CG: YOU'RE GOD DAMNED FUCKING RIGHT "OH NO!!"  
CG: I GUESS YOU WEREN'T VERY THOROUGH IN YOUR FUCKING SHIPPING SWEEPS, WERE YOU???  
AC: im sorry karkat!!  
AC: i never meant for things to go like this!  
AC: no wait, thats not even true  
AC: i knew you might be flushed for her and i knew she might be flushed for you, but i went ahead and set her up with eridan  
AC: and that just makes the whole thing a thousand times worse!!!  
CG: SO WAIT  
CG: YOU KNEW WE MIGHT BE FLUSHED FOR EACH OTHER, BUT YOU WENT AHEAD AND SHIPPED HER WITH SOMEONE ELSE ANYWAY???  
AC: yes i know!!!  
AC: i have absolutely no excuse for it and i just set them up for my own stupid reasons because im a selfish horrible person!  
AC: and i never wanted to hurt you like this  
AC: because  
AC: because youre my really good friend, and i care about you!  
AC: but i just went ahead and did this anyway and now you feel horrible and i feel horrible and everything is just horrible!  
AC: and im really sorry karkat!  
AC: and i know it doesnt matter how many times i say that because you hate me right now and you have every right to, but i really am!!!  
CG: WELL  
CG: I MEAN  
AC: maybe its not too late  
AC: maybe i can tell them to break it off and tell terezi to give you a chance!  
AC: i mean, they just hooked up, its not too late for that, is it???  
CG: WHOA WHOA WHOA, WHAT?  
CG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY OFFERING TO BREAK TEREZI AND ERIDAN UP JUST FOR MY SAKE?  
AC: of course i am!!!  
AC: nothings set in stone, karkat!  
AC: and if the only way you can ever be happy is if youre matesprits with terezi, then ill just have to make you matesprits!  
CG: I NEVER SAID THAT.  
AC: what?  
CG: THAT I WOULD ONLY BE HAPPY WITH TEREZI AS MY MATESPRIT.  
AC: but youre so angry about it right now!!  
AC: obviously shes the only person youll ever care about and i was just stupid to think you might ever be flushed for somebody else  
AC: god, im such an idiot!!!  
CG: OKAY, LOOK, JUST  
CG: JUST FUCKING STOP FOR A SECOND, OKAY?  
CG: I AM JUST BEING A COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE PIECE OF SHIT RIGHT NOW.  
CG: SO BASICALLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO RIGHT NOW IS STOP TAKING MY WORDS AT FACE VALUE AND SEE ME FOR THE RAVING ASSHOLE I AM.  
CG: CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME, NEPETA?  
AC: um  
AC: i guess?  
CG: OKAY, GOOD.  
CG: THE THING IS  
CG: I AM JUST  
CG: REALLY FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW  
CG: BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT TO BE ANGRY *AT*.  
AC: you should be mad at me!  
AC: im the one who set all this up in the first place!  
CG: YEAH, I ALREADY TRIED BEING ANGRY AT YOU.  
CG: BUT GOD DAMNIT, NEPETA, YOU MAKE IT REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ME TO STAY MAD AT YOU.  
CG: I'M TRYING MY DAMNEDEST TO HATE YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT IT'S JUST NOT WORKING FOR WHATEVER REASON.  
CG: IT'S JUST MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT, HONESTLY.  
AC: im sorry  
CG: NO, STOP FUCKING APOLOGIZING TO ME.  
CG: THAT JUST MAKES IT EVEN WORSE.  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: FUCK, I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING TO YOU.  
AC: no you shouldnt!!!  
AC: im the one who went behind your back on all of this and its all my fault and youre just the victim here!  
CG: NO NO NO, JUST FUCKING STOP.  
CG: AS YOUR LEADER, I ORDER YOU TO STOP APOLOGIZING TO ME AND TALKING ABOUT WHAT AN AWFUL, TERRIBLE PERSON YOU ARE.  
AC: well  
AC: okay, fine  
CG: OKAY, GOOD.  
CG: NOW  
CG: NEPETA  
CG: I'M SORRY.  
CG: I'VE BEEN A COMPLETE PIECE OF SHIT TO YOU, AND I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING RIGHT TO BE MAD AT YOU FOR THIS.  
CG: I MEAN, YES, IT'S FUCKING HORRIBLE, AND IT SUCKS, BUT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.  
CG: AND I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE THAT ENGINEERED THIS, BUT ERIDAN AND TEREZI ARE THE ONES WHO WENT THROUGH WITH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
AC: please dont be mad at them about this  
CG: I'LL BE MAD AT WHOEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO BE MAD AT ABOUT THIS, LET'S JUST BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ON THAT.  
AC: ugh, fine  
CG: BUT, I MEAN  
CG: I'M NOT MAD AT YOU.  
CG: AND I'M SORRY FOR TAKING THIS OUT ON YOU THE WAY I DID.  
AC: okay, i forgive you, i guess  
CG: YOU GUESS?  
AC: theres nothing to really forgive, karkat!  
AC: im not mad at you!  
CG: OKAY, NO, THAT'S BULLSHIT.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT MAD AT ME?  
AC: i dont know!  
AC: because youre my friend!  
CG: FRIENDS CAN STILL BE MAD AT EACH OTHER, NEPETA.  
CG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, LOOK AT ME AND SOLLUX, WE'RE MAD AT EACH OTHER PRETTY MUCH ALL THE TIME.  
AC: well, im just not mad at you, okay??  
CG: NO, IT'S NOT EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO FUCKING OKAY.  
CG: YOU WERE JUST DOING SOMETHING NICE FOR EVERYBODY THAT I *EXPLICITLY ORDERED YOU TO DO*  
CG: AND THEN I DECIDED TO FLIP MY SHIT ABOUT IT JUST BECAUSE YOU PAIRED SOMEBODY I WAS FLUSHED WITH UP WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.  
CG: THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU'RE NOT ANGRY AT ME ABOUT THIS.  
AC: im not!!  
CG: NO, FUCK THAT.  
CG: YOU SHOULD BE ANGRY AT ME.  
CG: BE ANGRY AT ME.  
AC: no!!!  
CG: GOD DAMNIT.  
CG: AS YOUR LEADER, I AM FUCKING ORDERING YOU TO BE MAD AT ME.  
AC: well then im disobeying your order!!!!  
CG: WHY ARE YOU BEING SO FUCKING STUBBORN ABOUT THIS?  
CG: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST HATE ME AS MUCH AS I DESERVE TO BE HATED RIGHT NOW?  
AC: because i cant hate you karkat!!!  
CG: WHY THE FUCK NOT?  
AC: because  
AC: because i dont know why, okay???  
AC: look, this whole conversation is stupid and pointless and we should just drop the whole thing!!!  
CG: UGH.  
CG: YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.  
AC: thank you  
CG: SO  
CG: DON'T BREAK THOSE TWO UP, OKAY?  
CG: FRANKLY, IT'S A STUPID IDEA, AND RELATIONSHIPS DON'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO WORKING THAT WAY.  
CG: BESIDES, IF THEY'RE REALLY AS HORRIBLE FOR EACH OTHER AS I HOPE THEY ARE, THEY'LL BREAK UP ON THEIR OWN ANYWAY.  
AC: well  
AC: okay, i guess  
CG: OKAY, GOOD.  
AC: so  
AC: ugh  
AC: i guess ill have to post a memo about this  
CG: WELL, DON'T LET ME STOP YOU.  
AC: i will let you stop me  
CG: WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING STOP YOU!  
AC: ugh, fine  
AC: well  
AC: not really much else to talk about, i guess  
CG: NO, I GUESS NOT.  
AC: i mean  
AC: i really am sorry, karkat  
CG: NO, I'M SORRY, NEPETA.  
AC: no im sorry!!!  
CG: LOOK, IF WE KEEP DOING THIS, WE'RE JUST GOING TO BE APOLOGIZING TO EACH OTHER UNTIL YOU BLOCK ME.  
AC: why would i block you?  
CG: BECAUSE I'M A STUPID ASSHOLE WHO SCREAMED AT YOU FOR NO REASON.  
AC: i dont want to block you, karkat  
CG: NO, FUCK THAT.  
CG: YOU SHOULD WANT TO BLOCK ME.  
CG: BLOCK ME.  
AC: im not blocking you!!!!!  
CG: OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, FINE.  
CG: I'D JUST BLOCK YOU, BUT  
CG: NO, THAT'S INCREDIBLY FUCKING STUPID.  
AC: its not that stupid  
CG: NO, WE ARE NOT STARTING THIS AGAIN.  
CG: OKAY, LOOK, THIS  
CG: THIS CONVERSATION NEEDS TO END.  
AC: yeah, i guess  
CG: SO  
CG: I'M LEAVING NOW.  
AC: okay  
CG: SEE YOU AROUND, I GUESS?  
AC: if you want to  
CG: I DO WANT TO.  
AC: then i want to too, i guess  
CG: OKAY, WELL  
CG: BYE, THEN?  
AC: yeah, bye  
CG: OKAY, SO  
CG: SIGNING OFF, I GUESS.  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
AC: karkat, i  
AC: fuck  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM REALLY SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. It probably won't happen again. At least not soon. The next three chapters, at least, will be all pesterlogs and memos, and those are a lot easier to write.


	12. A Ship in Troubled Waters

Chapter 12

A Ship in Troubled Waters

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.  
  
CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAG: *The Rogue of Heart rushes eagerly to the door of her shipping 8unker, 8ut 8efore she can reach it, she finds herself 8eing waylaid 8y the Thief of Light!*  
CAG: *With a maniacal laugh, the Thief swoops down and snatches the shipping upd8 from the 8efuddled Rogue's hands, leaving her hacking up sparkles as she sits empty-handed in a cloud of cerulean fairy dust!*  
CAG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
CAG: ........  
CAG: Uh, Nepeta, you there?  
CAG: Helloooooooo????????  
CAC: :33 < are you done?  
CAG: Um........ yes?  
CAC: :33 < good  
CAC: :33 < i just want to get this stupid memo ofur with already  
CAG: What????????  
CAG: You're usually really enthusiastic a8out these things.  
CAC: :33 < look, im just  
CAC: :33 < im in a bad mood, okay?  
CAC: :33 < i dont want to talk about it  
CAG: Are you mad 8ecause I 8eat you to the punch on the intro?  
CAG: I was just having a little fun! What's the 8ig deal?  
CAC: :33 < i dont care about that  
CAC: :33 < i wasnt even gonna do an intro  
CAC: :33 < so really, i guess the joke  
CAC: :33 < is on you  
CAC: :33 < ha  
CAC: :33 < ha  
CAC: :33 < ha  
CAG: ........  
CAG: Okay, Nepeta, you're acting really weird right now.  
CAG: Seriously, what's your pro8lem????????  
CAC: :33 < whatefur  
CAC: :33 < eridan, just say your thing  
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCA: ok really nep wwhat the fuck is goin on here  
CCA: i get that you dont like me but honestly are you really so fuckin loww that you cant be happy for me after this  
CAC: :33 < its not that!!  
CAC: :33 < i mean  
CAC: :33 < i am happy fur you, i guess  
CAC: :33 < its not like im in a bad mood beclaws of you or anything  
CCA: really  
CCA: cause its awwfully fuckin suspect to me  
CCA: like youre usually all moonlight an rainbowws about evverythin  
CCA: but as soon as i find a matesprit suddenly youre all angry an moody an depressed  
CCA: so if its not that then wwhat the fuck is it  
CAC: :33 < i already said i dont want to talk about it!!  
CAC: :33 < ive got my own problems and they really arent any of your fucking business!!  
CAC: :33 < or am i not allowed to have problems??  
CAC: :33 < do i have to be miss perfect happy-go-lucky every single second of every fucking day? is that it?  
CAC: :33 < all of you other assholes are allowed to complain about every mildly negative thing that ever fucking happens to you, but as soon as nepetas in a bad mood, its suddenly a top priority universe-shattering emergency????  
CAC: :33 < just drop it, god  
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] responded to memo.  
CGC: OK4Y, N3P3T4  
CGC: NOBODY S4Y1NG YOU DONT H4V3 TH3 R1GHT TO B3 1N 4 B4D MOOD  
CGC: BUT UNL3SS YOUV3 GOT 4 PROBL3M W1TH US SP3C1F1C4LLY, YOU R34LLY SHOULDNT B3 T4K1NG 1T OUT ON US  
CGC: 4ND 1F YOU DO H4V3 4 PROBL3M W1TH US, YOU SHOULD JUST S4Y SO  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < ...  
CAC: :33 < yeah, i guess youre right  
CAC: :33 < sorry  
CGC: 1TS F1N3  
CGC: 1TS NOT L1K3 YOUR3 TH3 F1RST P3RSON TO L4SH OUT 4T P3OPL3 WHO DONT D3S3RV3 1T  
CAG: Pro8a8ly the last, actually.  
CGC: H4H4, Y34H  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, i guess so  
CAC: :33 < anyway, i shouldnt have even brought it up  
CAC: :33 < its not anything to do with you guys  
CAC: :33 < its personal  
CAC: :33 < i mean purrsonal  
CAC: :33 < ugh, i k33p furgetting my cat puns  
CCA: cmon nep youvve got to stay on top of this shit  
CCA: you cant just let all these missed puns slide because youre in a bad fuckin mood  
CAC: :33 < oh whatefur, like youre even one to talk!  
CAC: :33 < when was the last time you even made an ocean pun that wasnt just replacing see with sea?  
CCA: ok just no  
CCA: ivve already got a perfectly fuckin servvicable quirk here ok  
CCA: i dont need to supplement it wwith a buncha lame ass fuckin puns  
CCA: honestly i dont evven like ocean puns that much i think theyre kinda stupid  
CCA: in fact puns in general are kinda stupid and youre stupid for evven makin so many of em  
CAC: :33 < well i think your stupid wavy accent is stupid and youre even more stupid!!!  
CCA: ok enough a this wwiggler levvel shit  
CCA: can wwe please just get to the good part a the memo already  
CAC: :33 < fine, go ahead  
CAC: :33 < youre purrt of the lucky couple, so by all means, f33l fr33 to make the ameowncement  
CCA: wwell id make it myself but im pretty sure nobody wwould evven believve me  
CCA: so ill let her do the announcin  
CGC: H3H3, OK4Y  
CGC: 3R1D4N 4ND 1 4R3 PR3TTY MUCH M4T3SPR1TS NOW  
PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] 4 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PTA: what.  
PTA: tz, are you fuckiing 2eriiou2?  
CGC: OF COURS3 1M S3R1OUS!  
CGC: WHY WOULD 1 3V3N JOK3 4BOUT TH1S K1ND OF TH1NG, HON3STLY  
PTA: but ii mean, iit'2...  
PTA: iit'2 fuckiing ed.  
CCA: oh wwoww sol thanks a lot  
CCA: really fuckin appreciate your flatterin wwords here  
PTA: eheh, no problem.  
CGC: BL4R, WH4T3V3R  
CGC: W3 H4D 4 R34LLY GOOD T1M3 FL4RP1NG L4ST N1GHT  
CGC: 4ND 1T TURNS OUT H3S 4CTU4LLY 4 PR3TTY COOL GUY  
CGC: SO 1 F1GUR3D  
CGC: WH4T TH3 H3LL, 1LL G1V3 1T 4 SHOT  
PTA: yeah, but you hardly even know hiim.  
PTA: liike, you play a 2tupiid roleplayiing game wiith hiim once, and 2uddenly you're perfect 2oulmate2 forever?  
CGC: Y34H, NOW TH4T YOU M3NT1ON 1T  
CGC: 1TS R34LLY 1N4PPROPR14T3 FOR M3 TO H4V3 ROM4NT1C F33L1NGS FOR 4 S34DW3LL3R 1 B4R3LY 3V3N KN3W D4YS 4GO  
PTA: ugh.  
PTA: thii2 ii2 how every conver2atiion ii ever have ii2 goiing two go, ii2n't iit.  
CAG: Yeeeeeeeep.  
PTA: oh god, don't even 2tart.  
PTA: ii'm really not iin the mood for more of your fliirtiing.  
CAG: Woooooooow, look who thinks he's all top potential kismesis of the fucking millennium.  
CAG: Are you honestly so self-a8sor8ed that you think every 8ad thing I say a8out you is some kind of caliginous solicit8ion????????  
CAG: May8e sometimes I just want to call you an idi8 8ecause you're actually 8eing an idi8.  
PTA: are you 2wiitchiing your tactiic2 up on me, vk?  
PTA: tryiing two play hard two get or 2omethiing?  
CAG: Yeah, may8e that's it........  
CAG: Or maaaaaaaay8e I want to actually stick around in this memo and don't really feel like putting up with you constantly altern8ing 8etween flirting with me and vehemently denying you're flirting with me.  
PTA: ii'm not fuckiing fliirtiing wiith you.  
CAG: Oh gr8, here we go........  
CAC: :33 < no blackrom!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < or whatefur this is  
CAC: :33 < k33p it down or ill start banning people!  
CAG: Hey, I can have a civil convers8ion if he can.  
PTA: and ii'll behave my2elf a2 long a2 2piidertroll ii2n't con2tantly fuckiing hiittiing on me.  
CAC: :33 < well okay then!  
CGC: WOW N3P3T4  
CGC: B3 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 4SH3N FOR TH3M, WHY DONT YOU  
CAC: :33 < >:OO  
CAC: :33 < its not like that!!!  
CAC: :33 < i just dont want people filling my memos with stupid pointless arguments!  
CAC: :33 < if they want to be hissmesisses or just platonically hate each other or whatefur, it isnt any of my business  
CGC: H3H3H3, SUUUUR3, N3P3T4  
CGC: c3<  
CAC: :33 < dont you type clubs at me!!!!  
CGC: c3< c3< c3< c3< c3< c3<  
CAC: XOO < grrrrr stop it!!!!!!  
CGC: H3H3H3H3, 1M JUST M3SS1NG W1TH YOU  
CGC: 1 WOULDNT W4NT TO B3 TH3 UNLUCKY S4P WHO H4S TO ST1CK 4 CLUB B3TW33N THOS3 TWO 31TH3R  
PTA: what the hell ii2 that 2uppo2ed two mean?  
CCA: it means shut up wwere gettin wwildly off topic here  
CCA: god can wwe please stop talkin about how amazinly stupidly obvvious it is that you twwo are as black as can possibly fuckin be for each other an howw completely perfect youd be together an focus on the matter at hand  
PTA: oh god, ed, not you two.  
PTA: why the fuck can you a22hole2 not ju2t 2top 2hiippiing me.  
CCA: wwhat the fuck did i JUST SAY  
CCA: MATTER AT HAND  
PTA: okay, okay, fiine.  
PTA: biifurcatiion giimmiick or not, you don't have two a2k me twiice to 2wiitch two another topiic.  
PTA: that topiic beiing that you two are mate2priit2 now de2piite the fact that, what the fuck, have you even 2poken before?  
CCA: for fucks sake sol of course wwevve spoken before  
CCA: i mean cmon wwe wwere both flarpin partners wwith vvris howw could wwe nevver havve evven talked  
CCA: but ill freely admit that before today ter probably best kneww me as the guy wwho wwas constantly buggin her to auspisticize betwween me an vvris  
CCA: an occasionally halfheartedly flirted wwith her  
CCA: wwait i mean half collapsin an expandin bladder based aquatic vvascular systemly flirted wwith her  
CCA: but is it really so hard to believve that after one excellent flarpin session wwe might wwant to get to knoww each other a little better  
CCA: and no that isnt supposed to be some kind of innuendo givve me a little credit here  
PTA: well...  
PTA: ii gue22 that 2ound2 rea2onable enough.  
PTA: but 2tiill, iit 2eem2 awfully early two be 2lappiing the mate2priit label on iit.  
CGC: WHO C4R3S, 1TS JUST 4 WORD  
CGC: 1TS NOT L1K3 1TS SOM3 HUG3 4M4Z1NG D3CL4R4T1ON TH4T YOU C4N N3V3R 3V3R T4K3 B4CK  
CGC: 1 M34N, 1F 3V3RYBODY W41T3D TO B3COM3 M4T3SPR1TS UNT1L TH3Y W3R3 SUR3 TH3Y W3R3 TRULY, M4DLY, D33PLY 1N LOV3, NOBODY WOULD 3V3R B3COM3 FUCK1NG M4T3SPR1TS  
CGC: NOT 4LL OF US C4N B3 SOULM4T3S UN1T3D 4T L4ST 4FT3R D3SP3R4T3LY Y34RN1NG FOR 34CH OTH3R FOR SW33PS  
CAG: Yeah, Sollux, what's the 8ig deal????????  
CAG: I mean, is it really that hard to 8elieve that two people can say they want to be m8sprits when they already know they 8oth like each other????????  
PTA: oh for fuck'2 2ake, 2eriiou2ly?  
PTA: are you goiing two twii2t every po22iible topiic of conver2atiion iintwo 2omethiing about me and ff?  
CAG: I'm just saying it's not that horrifyingly crushing of a 8urden to commit to a single course of action on things like this.  
CAG: Just saying.  
PTA: well, ii'm ju2t 2ayiing 2hut up.  
CAG: Hahahahahahaha, whatever.  
PTA: anyway, ii gue22 ii don't really have a problem wiith you guy2 hookiing up, iif that'2 what you really want.  
PTA: and even iif ii diid, iit'2 not really my place two object two iit.  
CGC: W3LL TH4NK YOU SOLLUX  
CGC: YOUR 1NCR3D1BLY 3NTHUS14ST1C 3NDORS3M3NT M34NS 4 LOT TO BOTH OF US  
PTA: whatever.  
PTA: anyway, hey ed.  
CCA: wwhat  
PTA: ff wants two know iif iit'2 okay for her two re2pond here.  
CCA: seariously  
PTA: yeah, dude.  
CCA: cmon fef you dont need my permission to respond to a public memo  
PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 4 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCC: W)(ale, I wanted to be s)(ore you still didn't want to glub at me or not!  
CCA: im a big boy alright i can handle it  
PCC: 38P  
PCC: Anyway, --Eridan, I'm R--E--EELY )(APPY for you for )(ooking up wit)( Terezi!!!  
PCC: In fact, I'm R----E----ELY )(APPY for BOT)( of you!!!!!  
PCC: I've supported t)(is s)(ip from t)(e very B---EGINNING!!  
CGC: >8?  
CGC: YOU SH1PP3D M3 W1TH 3R1D4N?  
CGC: L1K3, PR1OR TO TH1S?  
PCC: W)(ale, of COURS--E I did!!  
PCC: I mean, all I knew aboat you was t)(at you were Vriska's FLARPing partner and t)(at you were apparently "smart as fuck."  
PCC: --Eridan's words, not mine.  
CGC: W3LL H3 GOT TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT P4RT R1GHT >8]  
PCC: Anyway, I figured you two would hake a P--ERF--ECT matc)(!  
PCC: I mean, suc)( a brill-iant FLARPing mastermind would S)(OR--ELY hake a great matc)( for a great strategic mind like --Eridan!  
PCC: And )(e was kismeses wit)( Vriska at t)(e time, and w)(at betta way to ruffle )(er gills t)(an to )(ook up wit)( her FLARPing partner??  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, oh man, that would've 8een hilarious.  
CAG: You should've gone for it, dude!!!!!!!!  
CCA: i did go for it  
CCA: i just didnt particularly put that much effort into it  
PCC: Yea)(, in retrospect it's PR-ETTY obvious w)(y all your romantic efforts wit)( )(er never panned out. 38/  
CCA: ugh i knoww  
CCA: cod i wwas such a glubbin tool  
CCA: i mean all this time theres this awwesome girl right here  
CCA: an i just completely ignore her cause i wwas flushed for my morayeel of all the glubbin people  
CCA: like i wwas totally bl  
CCA: awwww fuck im gonna havve to stop usin vvision based metaphors entirely noww arent i  
CGC: YOU C4N ST1LL M4K3 TH3M  
CGC: BUT 1LL M4K3 FUN OF YOU 3V3RY T1M3 YOU DO  
CGC: D34L?  
CCA: ok deal  
CGC: GR34T! >8]  
CCA: glad wwe saww eye to eye on this  
CGC: Y34H W3 D1D  
CGC: 3XC3PT NOT, B3C4US3 1M BL1ND, DUMP4SS  
CCA: ok good  
CCA: just seein if you wwere wwillin to hold up your end a the bargain  
CGC: YOU KNOW WHO W4SNT S331NG TH4T  
CGC: M3  
CGC: B3C4US3 1M BL1ND, 1D1OT  
CCA: hahahaha  
CCA: ok you realize im gonna make vvision based metaphors pretty much constantly noww right  
CGC: W3LL, Y34H, OBV1OUSLY  
CGC: WHY WOULD 1 3V3N 3XT3ND TH3 OFF3R UNL3SS 1 KN3W 1T WOULD G1V3 M3 4N 3XCUS3 TO M4K3 FUN OF YOU CONST4NTLY  
CCA: its a pretty obvvious ploy all things considered  
CCA: pretty much anybody could sea it  
CGC: Y34H, 4NYBODY  
CGC: 3XC3PT 4 BL1ND P3RSON  
CGC: L1K3 M3, YOU DUMB SH1T  
CCA: hahahahahaha <3  
CGC: H3H3H3, OK4Y, <3  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a, you two are SO CUT----E!!! 38D  
CGC: Y3S  
CGC: CUT3 1S D3F1N1T3LY TH3 MOST 4PPROPR14T3 WORD TO D3SCR1B3 US  
CCA: ugh  
CCA: theres that fuckin wword again  
CCA: i mean i guess im wwillin to abide these frivvolous accusations a cuteness  
CCA: but im just sayin i dont sea it  
CCA: aha an if you try to say you dont sea it either cause youre blind then youre admittin wwere not cute  
CCA: CHECK AND MATE  
CGC: >8/  
CGC: OK4Y YOU GOT M3  
CGC: BUT 1M ST1LL 1NSULT1NG YOU  
CGC: 1D1OT  
CCA: haha ok fair enough  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
CAC: :33 < eridan, youre such a dork!  
CGC: H3Y!  
CGC: NO ON3S 4LLOW3D TO C4LL H1M 4 DORK BUT M3!  
CCA: no ter its cool  
CCA: nep can call me pretty much wwhatevver she wwants  
CCA: though id prefer somethin wwith a little more vvitriol  
CGC: OH R1GHT, 1 FORGOT, SORRY  
CAC: :33 < furgot what?  
CGC: H3H3H3, NOTH1NG  
PCC: So )(--EY! )(ow did you two end up )(ooking up??  
PCC: I want all t)(e juicy details on )(ow it went down!  
PCC: Aaaaaaaall of t)(em!  
CAG: Oh my god, Feferi.  
CAG: Did you totally just do my thing on purpose?  
PCC: No...  
PCC: I did it on PORPOIS--------E!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Hahahahahahaha, yessssssss.  
CAG: <33333333  
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGA: Um  
CAG: Oh, hey Kanaya! What's up?  
CGA: Oh Nothing At All Vriska  
CGA: It Just Seems Like Youve Been Really Um  
CGA: Friendly With Feferi Lately  
PCC: Is t)(at a problem?  
PTA: uh, ye2?  
PCC: I WASN'T ASKING YOU!!!! >38O  
CAG: Yeah, Sollux, mind your own 8eeswax!!!!!!!!  
PTA: well, ii don't 2ee how thii2 2hiit i2 any le22 my bu2iine22 than iit ii2 ky'2.  
CGA: Look I Never Said I Had A Problem With It  
CGA: I Just Think Its A Little Curious Is All  
PCC: And just w)(at's so curious about it?  
CGA: Well I Mean You Two Hardly Knew Each Other Days Ago  
CGA: And Yet Recently It Seems Youre Really  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Affectionate  
PCC: I'm not reely s)(ore I get w)(at you're implying )(ere, Kanaya.  
CGA: Im Not Implying Anything  
CGA: Im Just Saying  
CGA: Urrgh Nevermind Just Forget I Brought It Up  
CAG: Look, Kanaya, Feferi's my friend, alright?  
CAG: And I know it's weird 8ecause we 8asically never interacted 8efore.  
CAG: 8ut five days ago, I was a murderous evil psychopath who killed people for the fun of it, and now I'm........  
CAG: Well, I'm not that!!!!!!!!  
CAG: And it's pretty o8vious why we were never friends 8efore, 8ut now that I'm not all "8LUH 8LUH HUGE 8ITCH" all the time, it seems pretty o8vious why we are!  
PCC: Y--EA)(!!  
PCC: We are bot)( cool, smart, sassy ladies w)(o don't take any carp from ANYBODY!  
CAG: Yes.  
CAG: Fuck yes.  
PCC: S)(--ELL GLUBBING Y--ES.  
PTA: ugh.  
CGA: Yes Thats Fine I Get That Completely  
CGA: Really Im Okay With You Two Being Friends  
CGA: I Was Just Saying I Thought It Was A Little Weird  
CAG: Well, may8e it is a little weird.  
CAG: 8ut who cares! Chalk it up to the troll magic of friendship.  
PTA: friiend2hiip ii2n't magiic, numbglobe2.  
PCC: Sollux, B--E NIC--E!!  
PTA: no.  
PCC: >38P  
PCC: ANYWAY, now t)(at we're apparently done talking aboat w)(atever stupid nonsense we were talking aboat, can we get back to my original question??  
PCC: T)(at being, w)(at )(appened during your FLARPing session last nig)(t??  
PCC: W)(at kind of AW--ESOM--E S)(--ENANIGANS went down t)(at made you two become matesprits???  
CGC: OH  
CGC: 4R3 W3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT M3 4ND 3R1D4N 4G41N  
CGC: W3R3 NOT 1NT3RRUPT1NG YOUR R3GUL4RLY SCH3DUL3D VR1SK4CH4T 4R3 W3  
CAG: ::::P  
PCC: Vriskac)(at is OV--ER! It's done!  
PCC: We're stuffing it in a locker and t)(rowing it into t)(e sea, and it will sit on t)(e ocean floor for SW--E--EPS to come!!  
PCC: Just T----ELL M-----E W)(AT )(APP------EN--------ED!!!!!!!!  
PTA: ff, why are you gettiing 2o worked up over thii2?  
PTA: why do you even care how tz and ed hooked up?  
PCC: Because --Eridan <3 Terezi is my OTP!!  
PCC: And I just )(AV----E to know )(ow it ended up )(appening!!!  
CAC: :33 < really??  
CAC: :33 < theyre your otp?  
PCC: W)(ale, s)(e was my OTP for )(im, in any case!  
PTA: ff, 2iince when are you a 2hiipper?  
PCC: I was )(is morayeel, okay??  
PCC: Kelping your morayeel fill t)(eir ot)(er quadrants is kind of part of t)(e w)(ole deal!  
PCC: It's not like I s)(ip anybody ---ELS---E!  
PCC: I mean, besides mys)(ellf, obviously, but I'm pretty s)(ore we ALL s)(ip ours)(ellves!  
CAC: :33 < i dont ship myself!  
CAG: Whaaaaaaaat????????  
CAG: Nepeta, there's no way aaaaaaaany8ody is gonna 8elieve you don't ship yourself.  
CAC: :33 < really, i dont!  
CAC: :33 < i know im shipping efurrypawdy else, but i have to save myself fur last  
CAG: 8uuuuuuuullshiiiiiiiit.  
CAC: :33 < im serious!!!!  
CAC: :33 < efurrypawdy else comes furst, its part of the rules!  
CGC: WH4T RUL3S?  
CAC: :33 < er  
CAC: :33 < the rules of shipping, pawbviously!!  
CAC: :33 < its the furst rule in the shippers code!  
CGC: OK4Y  
CGC: TH3R3 1S NO SUCH TH1NG 4S 4 SH1PP3RS COD3  
CGC: YOU L1T3R4LLY JUST M4D3 TH4T UP R1GHT NOW  
CAC: :33 < no i didnt!!!!!  
CCA: ahaha knowwin nep its probably somethin she made up swweeps ago  
CCA: came up wwith a bunch of nonsensical codes a conduct an scribbled em all ovver the wwalls of her cavve wwith her owwn leavvins  
CAC: :33 < ewwww no!!!  
CAC: :33 < i nefur did anything like that!  
CAC: :33 < though i guess i could paint the rules on my walls  
CAC: :33 < but if i did, id do it with the blood of an annoying douchey seadweller instead!!!!  
CCA: oh fuck yes now wwere gettin somewwhere  
CCA: tell me nep wwhat else do you wwanna do wwith my blood  
CAC: :33 < what?? i dont know!!  
CGC: T4ST3 1T  
CAC: :33 < what?  
CGC: T3LL H1M YOULL T4ST3 1T  
CGC: JUST PUT 4 L1TTL3 1N YOUR MOUTH  
CGC: S33 WH4T 1T T4ST3S L1K3  
CGC: >8]  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < i guess id have a little left on my fingers after that  
CAC: :33 < and id have to clean them off  
CAC: :33 < so i guess id just  
CAC: :33 < lick the blood off?  
CAC: :33 < s33 how it tastes?  
CCA: so wwhat youre just gonna lick em once  
CCA: just magically removve all the blood wwith a single swwipe  
CCA: cmon nep be more specific here  
CAC: :33 < well, i guess theyd be purretty soaked  
CAC: :33 < so id purrobably have to  
CAC: :33 < put them in my mouth?  
CAC: :33 < suck on them a little, maybe?  
PCC: 38O  
PTA: oh my god.  
CCA: wwhat like all at once  
CAC: :33 < no, that would look silly!  
CAC: :33 < id have to do them one at a time  
CAC: :33 < just so i could get my tongue all the way around them  
CGA: Um  
CGC: >8O!!!  
CAG: Nep8ta, holy sh8t.  
CAC: :33 < what?????  
CAG: Do y8u........  
CAG: Do you s8riously have no id8a what's going on h8re????????  
CAC: :33 < no, not really!  
CAC: :33 < i just mentioned blood and eridan started asking me all these weird questions  
CAC: :33 < so i was just answering them  
CAC: :33 < and now efurrypawdys fureaking out fur some reason!  
CAC: :33 < whats the big deal???  
CAG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha, oh my god.  
CAG: This is just too precious.  
CAC: :33 < whats purrecious????  
CAG: Nevermind, it's nothing.  
CAG: Just keep answering Mr. Ampora's questions.  
CAC: :33 < um  
CAC: :33 < okay??  
CCA: oh my god should i actually keep goin  
PTA: no, fuck that.  
PTA: thii2 ii2 the most flagrant dii2play of hypocrii2y ii've ever 2een.  
CAC: :33 < hypawcrisy?  
CAC: :33 < whats hypurrcritical about what?  
CAG: Nononononononono don't tell her!!!!!!!!  
CAG: This is too hilarious for us to just throw away!!!!!!!!  
PCC: Yea)(, it reely kind of is!!  
PTA: eheh, yeah, ii gue22 iit ii2 pretty hiilariiou2.  
PTA: but 2eriiou2ly, can we plea2e 2top now?  
CGA: Im Afraid I Have To Reiterate Mister Captors Request  
CGA: As Humorous As This Whole Exchange Has Been I Think Im Starting To Feel A Little Dirty Just For Having Read It  
CAC: :33 < what are you people talking about!!!!!!!!!  
CCA: ok ok ill stop noww  
CAC: :33 < no seriously, whats with you guys???  
CGC: H3H3H3H3, 1TS NOTH1NG  
CGC: YOULL F1ND OUT WH3N YOUR3 OLDER  
CAC: :33 < ugh, fine, nefurmind!!!  
PCC: Anyway, Terezi! --Eridan! --Eit)(er of you two!  
PCC: W)(at )(appened last nig)(t???  
PCC: T----ELL M----E!!!!!!  
CGC: 3R  
CGC: 4CTU4LLY, TH1NK1NG 4BOUT WH4T H4PP3N3D  
CGC: 1TS K1ND OF 3MB4RR4SS1NG  
CCA: wwhat theres nothin  
CCA: ok actually thinkin back i guess the wwhole scenario might be construed as a little silly  
FUTURE adiosToreador [FAT] 15 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FAT: oKAY, lOOK, nO,  
FAT: tHERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THE EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE LAST NIGHT THAT ANYONE COULD CALL SILLY, oR EMBARRASSING, oR ANYTHING LIKE THAT  
FAT: tHE WHOLE THING WAS A BEAUTIFUL, hARROWING, pOIGNANT OCCURRENCE,  
FAT: iT WAS A MOVING TALE OF REDEMPTION, aND OF GROWTH, aND OF LOST LOVE REIGNITED, aND NEW LOVE GIVEN LIFE,  
FAT: lAST NIGHT'S flarpING SESSION WAS A THING OF BEAUTY, AND i AM NOT EVEN ASHAMED TO ADMIT i TEARED UP A FEW TIMES WHILE i WAS WATCHING IT,  
CGC: OH, T4VROS  
CGC: 1 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF FORGOT YOU W3R3 W4TCH1NG TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG  
CGC: OH GOD, 4ND VR1SK4 4ND K4N4Y4 PROB4BLY H34RD 3V3RYTH1NG TOO  
CAG: Actually, after we got in the water, we kind of stopped paying attention to what you guys were talking a8out.  
CGA: Because We Were Busy Making Out  
CAG: Yes, Kanaya, thank you.  
CGA: I Just Felt The Need To Clarify  
CCA: hahahahaha  
PCC: Wait, Kanaya was t)(ere too???  
PCC: Okay, I t)(ink somebody needs to explain t)(is W)(OL--E GLUBBING T)(ING to me.  
CAG: Alright, fine, I'll explain it!  
CAG: I mean........ is it okay if I explain it?  
CCA: fine wwith me  
CGC: Y34H, 1 TH1NK YOULL 3XPL41N 1T B3TT3R 4NYW4Y  
CAG: Okay, then every8ody have a seat and get real comforta8le, 8ecause I'm a8out to tell you a story.  
CAG: It's a little yarn I like to call........  
CAG: "The Death of Spinneret Mindfang!"  
PCC: W)(AT???  
PCC: T)(e title just COMPL---ET----ELY spoils t)(e ending?????  
CAG: You don't know that!!!!!!!!  
CAG: It could 8e one of those deli8er8ely deceptive titles, where they just SAY the main character's going to die to get people to 8uy it.  
CGC: OR 1T COULD 4CTU4LLY B3 TRU3  
CAG: That's a distinct possi8ility!!!!!!!!  
CAG: And may8e we'll find out if you people will let me T8LL THE F8CKING ST8RY!!!!!!!!  
PCC: Alrig)(t, alrig)(t, just tell it!  
CAG: Okay!  
CAG: The stage is set a8oard the deck of a massive galleon, floating in the endless waters of the Alternian ocean.  
CAG (Well, technically, it's the ocean of LOMAT, 8ut technicalities!)  
CAG: At the 8ow stands the infamous Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, gam8lignant and petticoat seagrift of gr8 renown.  
CAG: And yet, she has grown tired of her life of crime. She's fed up with having to sacrifice others in order to save herself.  
CAG: She seeks to put her past transgressions 8ehind her and dedic8 her life to something new........  
CAG: Revolution!!!!!!!!  
CAG: 8ut alas, she cannot simply walk away! The ghosts of her past chase her ever still, and two particular phantasms will never give up the hunt as long as they 8oth shall live.  
CAG: The first, Neophyte Redglare, is a legislacer8or and fierce enforcer of justice, and relentlessly seeks Mindfang in order to m8ke her sentenced for her innumera8le crimes.  
CAG: And the second, Orphaner Dualscar, is her former kismesis, a wretched 8lackguard who, in a fit of jealousy, kidnapped and killed the Dolorosa, a jade8looded slave that Mindfang realized entirely too l8 she had flushed feelings for.  
PTA: waiit, ii2 that 2uppo2ed two be ky?  
PTA: diid 2he roleplay a2 a corp2e or 2omethiing?  
CAG: I'm getting to that part!  
PTA: okay, 2o 2he'2 2tiill aliive.  
CAG: Would you just shut up and let me finish!!!!!!!!  
PTA: fiine, whatever.  
CAG: Anyway! Mindfang had extended an invit8ion to Redglare to meet her a8oard her ship, to settle things 8etween them once and for all.  
CAG: She didn't even 8other sending one to Dualscar 8ecause she was just like, "Fuck that guy."  
CAG: So anyway, Redglare shows up, Mindfang tries putting the 8lack moves on her and she's just like "thanks 8ut no thanks," and they end up fighting.  
CAG: Mindfang has Redglare on the ropes, and she's totally a8out to execute her, when who should show his stupid fishy face 8ut Orphaner Dualscar!!!!!!!!  
PCC: )(--EY! --Easy wit)( t)(e seadweller slurs!  
CAG: Shit, sorry. Force of ha8it.  
CAG: Or should I say........ force of hali8ut????????  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, t)(at's a good one!  
PTA: oh god, vk, plea2e don't 2tart doiing fii2h pun2.  
CAG: I'll use whatever kind of puns I eel like using!!!!!!!!  
CAG: So don't 8e such a 8asshole a8out it!!!!!!!!  
PTA: no, ju2t...  
PTA: kiill me now, plea2e.  
CAG: You mean........  
CAG: Krill me now????????  
PTA: fuuuuuck yooooouuuuu.  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
PCC: W)(O CAR--ES ABOUT T)(IS. Get on wit)( t)(e story!!!  
CAG: Okay, okay, fine.  
CAG: So after Dualscar shows up, he's like, "Step away from the legislacer8or! We're totally teaming up against you!"  
CAG: And Mindfang's just like, "Hahahahahahahaha, 8ullshit," 8ut while she's distracted, Redglare swings her cane up at her!  
CAG: Mindfang catches it, 8ut then Redglare pulls some kind of ridiculous stunt and the cane ends up exploding in Mindfang's face!  
CAC: :33 < an exploding cane?  
CAC: :33 < where have i heard that one befur?  
CGC: H3H3H3, 1LL 4DM1T, YOU G4V3 M3 TH3 1D34  
CAG: I was wondering what that little comment a8out it 8eing a gift from a pouncellor met.  
CGC: 1T 4LW4YS P4YS TO DO 4 L1TTL3 ROL3PL4Y1NG ON TH3 S1D3  
CGC: K33PS YOUR TH1NK P4N ON 1TS F33T  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, whatever.  
CAG: So anyway, there's a whole 8ig kerfuffle, then there's a 8ig three-way standoff, 8ut Dualscar convinces Redglare that they should team up.  
PCC: Wait, w)(y would s)(e agree to teem up wit)( )(im?  
PCC: Isn't )(e just as muc)( of a criminal as Mindfang is?  
CCA: thats not entirely true  
CCA: wwhile technically speakin he did just as much killin an plunderin as the marquise none of it wwas illegal  
CCA: dualscar wwas a privvateer meanin he plied his trade wwith the express consent a her imperious condescension herself  
CCA: meanin any murderin an lootin he may havve indulged in wwas pardoned in the name a fulfillin his duties  
CCA: wwhich isnt to say none of it wwas wwrong mind you just that it wwasnt strictly speakin a crime  
CGC: 4ND WH1L3 R3DGL4R3 DO3S H4V3 ST4ND4RDS, SH3 COULD H4RDLY OBJ3CT TO H3LP1NG 4 L4W 4B1D1NG C1T1Z3N T4K3 DOWN 4 SCUMB4G L1K3 M1NDF4NG  
CAG: Yeah, what they said.  
PCC: Okay, okay, you can continue.  
CAG: Alright, so the three of them fought, Mindfang holding off Redglare and Dualscar simultaneously, and they were pretty evenly matched.  
CAG: That is, until Mindfang summoned up aaaaaaaall her luck and threw the Fluorite Octet in one final push!  
CAG: And the dice came up........  
CAG: Eight ones!!!!!!!!  
PCC: 38O  
PCC: W)(at are t)(e odds????????  
CAG: Well, technically speaking, they're 1 in 16,777,216.  
CAG: 8ut I just used my Light powers to m8ke it come up that way.  
CGC: WH1CH 1S T3CHN1C4LLY CH34T1NG  
CAG: Yeah, 8ut it's cheating to lose. Who cares a8out that????????  
CGC: W3LL, 1 GU3SS 1T DO3SNT M4TT3R TH4T MUCH  
CGC: UNL3SS YOU W3R3 B3TT1NG 4G41NST YOURS3LF OR SOM3TH1NG  
CAG: Well, technically speaking, I was!  
CAG: I can hardly think the night would've gone so well for you and Eridan if you'd 8een forced to t8ke a dip in the ocean while I stood on deck and laughed and laughed.  
CCA: yknoww wwe still couldvve beaten you legit  
CGC: Y34H, 1T W4S TWO 4G41NST ON3 4FT3R 4LL  
CAG: Oh, whatever!!!!!!!! We are not even talking a8out this right now!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Anyway, the Octet explodes in Mindfang's face, and she's pretty much out of the fight.  
CAG: Dualscar a8sconds into the ca8in to fetch something, and while he's gone, Mindfang tries to convince Redglare that he's an untrustworthy murderous scum8ag.  
CAG: 8ut then he pops 8ack out of the ca8in, 8ringing with him none other than the Dolorosa!  
CAG: With nothing 8ut a knife and a tu8e of red lipstick, he manages to negoti8 Mindfang's surrender in exchange for the Dolorosa's release.  
CAG: 8ut she stipul8es that Redglare carry out her trial then and there, and Dualscar demands the method of execution 8e walking the plank.  
CAG: Redglare reluctantly agrees........ 8ut not 8efore engaging Mindfang in one last h8 snog!!!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < wait  
CAC: :33 < you and terezi kissed????  
CGC: LOOK  
CGC: W3 W3R3 ROL3PL4Y1NG  
CGC: 1TS WH4T MY CH4R4CT3R WOULD H4V3 DON3, OK4Y  
CAG: You drew 8lood, Terezi.  
CAG: You drew 8lood and I didn't.  
CAG: And then you wiped it off your mouth with your fingers and licked them clean.  
CGC: JUST WH4T 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG H3R3!!!  
CAG: Who said I was suggesting anything????????  
CGC: OK4Y NO  
CGC: W3 4R3 NOT 3V3N G3TT1NG 1NTO TH1S  
PTA: hahahahaha oh my god.  
CGC: BL4R SHUT UP!!!!!  
CGC: JUST G3T ON W1TH TH3 STORY 4LR34DY!!!!  
CAG: Okay, okay, Jegus!  
CAG: Don't get a 8ulge over it or something.  
CGC: 1M NOT G3TT1NG 4 BULG3 OVER 4NYTH1NG!!!!!!!  
CAG: Well then shut up and let me finish the story already!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Aaaaaaaanyway, not much else to tell after that.  
CAG: Mindfang m8kes out most sloppily with the Dolorosa, gives Redglare and Dualscar her final regards, and she and the Dolorosa hop off the plank together, presuma8ly plunging to their deaths.  
CAG: ........Or do they????????  
CGC: TH3Y DO  
CAG: No they don't!  
CGC: Y3S TH3Y DO  
CAG: No they totally don't!!!!!!!!  
CAG: They get rescued 8y a certain winged, 8rown-8looded, and most importantly handsome revolutionary known only as The Summoner.  
FAT: oH YES,  
FAT: tHIS IS A PLOT TWIST i APPROVE OF MOST HEARTILY,  
CAG: And then the three of them 8ecome dou8le-triangle-m8sprits and have all sorts of awesome sexy revolutionary adventures together!!!!!!!!  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Seriously  
FAT: yEAH, i'M, uH,  
FAT: nOT SURE IF i APPROVE OF THAT ONE AS MUCH,  
CAG: Guys, I'm talking a8out our characters!!!!!!!!  
CAG: 8esides, polyamory was totally a completely accepta8le thing way 8ack then 8ecause I said so.  
CGC: UGH  
CGC: WHY DO3S 3V3RYON3 H4V3 TO SURV1V3?  
CAG: Why do they have to NOT survive????????  
CGC: B3C4US3 1TD B3 MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG 1F TH3Y D13D  
CAG: Why? Why would that 8e more interesting?  
CAG: Does it just automatically m8ke a story more interesting if you just kill off characters at random????????  
CAG: Well, I say fuck that!!!!!!!! I'm sick of stories where everything is tragic and horri8le and every8ody just dies pointlessly!!!!!!!!  
CAG: For fuck's s8ke, that's all life on Alternia ever was. Just one pointless tragedy after another.  
CAG: Is it so much to ask for a story with a happy ending for once?  
CAG: Is it so wrong to want a story where instead of the characters succum8ing to fear and anger and prejudice and h8tred, they manage to put aside their differences and do good for each other for a change?  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 1 GU3SS NOT  
CGC: 1 JUST D1DNT R34L1Z3 YOU F3LT SO STRONGLY 4BOUT TH1S  
CAG: Sorry, it's just........  
CAG: All my life, I was trying to follow Mindfang's story.  
CAG: Her story where she hurt and alien8ed everyone around her, and ended with her pointless death in what would have 8een her hour of triumph.  
CAG: And I was well on my way to fulfilling it, too.  
CAG: 8ut then I thought, you know what? FUCK her story!  
CAG: Following her lead has 8rought me nothing 8ut misery.  
CAG: And just minutes after I decided to try t8king another path, my life instantly 8ecame 88 times 8etter.  
CAG: 8ut as much as emul8ing her has fucked things up for me, I can't really h8 her, you know?  
CAG: She may have done some awful things, 8ut I don't think she was really a 8ad person.  
CAG: Or at least not any more of a 8ad person than I am.  
PTA: 2o a fuckiing horriible per2on?  
CAG: Yes, Sollux, thank you.  
CAG: Reeeeeeeeally appreci8 some8ody gra88ing that low-hanging fruit 8efore the leatherwings got to it.  
CGA: Really Sollux If You Were Attempting A Black Solicitation You Probably Would Have Done Better To Emulate A Leatherwing Of The Blood Drinking Variety  
CAG: Yeah, work some Nepeta shit in there!!!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < what??  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, nothing.  
PTA: for fuck'2 2ake, ii wa2n't attemptiing anythiing.  
CAG: Oh, so you were just interrupting me for no reason whatsoever.  
PTA: there wa2 a rea2on for iit.  
PTA: and the rea2on ii2 that you're a completely awful per2on and ii utterly de2pii2e you.  
PTA: platoniically.  
CAG: Gr8, thanks for the upd8.  
CAG: Can I fucking continue now????????  
PTA: fiine, whatever, go ahead.  
CAG: Anyway, like I was saying 8efore I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED, I don't think Mindfang's really any worse than I am.  
CAG: And apparently SOME8ODY thought I deserved a shot at redemption, so shouldn't she deserve one too?  
CGC: Y34H, 1 GU3SS  
CAG: 8ut let's 8e honest here, ALL of our ancestors screwed up pretty 8adly one way or another.  
CAG: I mean, Redglare let her dedic8ion to the law get the 8est of her, and ended up 8eing killed 8y the very people she was trying to protect.  
CAG: Frankly, I think she deserves 8etter than that, and I'm pretty sure you do too.  
CGC: W3LL, Y34H, OBV1OUSLY  
CAG: So if last night had gone differently, and ended up with Mindfang punting Redglare and Dualscar into the sea and sailing into the sunset, would it 8e "more interesting" if they were just dead and that's it?  
CGC: OF COURS3 NOT  
CGC: BUT H1STOR1C4LLY SP34K1NG, TH4TS B4S1C4LLY WH4T H4PP3N3D 4NYW4Y  
CAG: Yes, yes, I know that!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I'm not trying to defend the historical account at all here!  
CAG: I'm just saying that killing off characters doesn't automatically m8ke a story more interesting.  
CAG: Honestly, I think the story is even MORE interesting if Mindfang survives, and I'm not just saying that 8ecause she's me!  
CAG: It sets up this whole arc with two different re8ellions with the same end goals, 8ut conflicted 8ecause of their differing ideals.  
CAG: You've got Mindfang and the Dolorosa joining the Summoner's revolt, violently uprising against the high8lood hegemony........  
CAG: And then you've got Redglare and her allies working to change the system from within, fighting the Condesce's tyranny with trickery and su8terfuge rather than 8rute force.  
CAG: And then........ what's Dualscar doing again?  
CCA: oh he ended up joinin wwith redglares thing  
CCA: sort of a natural consequence of the nights other evvents  
CCA: wwink wwink  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, gotcha.  
CAG: So you've got these two separate groups, 8oth fighting for the same thing, 8ut driven into conflict 8ecause they disagree on the means 8y which to achieve it.  
CAG: 8ut their quarreling with each other simply m8kes the Empress' grip on the land stronger, and they'll eventually have to put their differences aside if they want a real chance at freedom.  
CAG: This is fascin8ing, tell me how the fuck this isn't fascin8ing.  
CGC: OK4Y  
CGC: WH3N YOU PUT 1T TH4T W4Y  
CGC: TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG DO3S SOUND K1ND OF 1NCR3D1BLY B4D4SS  
CAG: Yes, exactly!!!!!!!! 8adass is definitely the oper8ive word here.  
CAG: We are t8king the lame stupid story of our ancestors killing each other like a 8unch of chumps........  
CAG: ........And turning it into the incredi8ly 8adass story where they stop 8eing idi8s and team up to just COMPLETELY OWN THE SHIT out of an otherwise unstoppa8ly powerful malevolent oppressor with the power of friendship!!!!!!!!  
CAG: And shenanigans. Lots and lots of shenanigans.  
CAC: :33 < huh, that actually sounds awesome!  
CAG: Don't you mean........  
CAG: Pawesome????????  
CGC: >8O  
CGC: H4NG ON  
CAG: What?  
CGC: VR1SK4 4LCH3M1Z3 TH1S  
CGC: MewXXXX3  
CAG: Um........ okay????????  
CAG: Okay, this is........  
CAG: A cat collar with a little 8ell on it.  
CGC: TH3 4LT3RN4T1V3 W4S 4 NOOS3  
CGC: BUT 1V3 S1NC3 D3C1D3D 4 MOR3 L3N13NT PUN1SHM3NT M1GHT B3 1N ORD3R  
CAG: Punishment for wh........  
CAG: Oh fuuuuuuuuck, I just remem8ered something incredi8ly stupid I said five days ago!!!!!!!!  
CGC: PUT 1T ON  
CGC: >8]  
CAG: Okay, fine, you caught me! Fair and square!  
CAG: 8usted in the act of using an idiotic cat pun!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Fuck, this thing is tight.  
CGC: W3 BOTH KNOW YOU L1K3 1T TH4T W4Y  
CAG: Hahahahahahaha, yeah, I guess.  
CGC: JUST B3 GL4D 1 M4D3 1T 4 N1C3 COLOR  
CAG: I'll admit, the fact that it's 8right red m8kes it a liiiiiiiittle more tolera8le.  
CGA: Oh No  
CGA: Terezi Are You Forcing My Matesprit To Parade Around In An Awful Garish Bright Red Collar  
CAG: Kanaya, stop h8ing on our collective favorite color!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Anyway, as dum8 as this is, it's not that 8ad.  
CAG: And I certainly don't think it's that much of a stretch that Mindfang would m8ke her slaves wear adora8le little collars.  
CGA: Oh My  
CGA: I Hadnt Thought About It That Way  
CGA: Well I Suppose In That Light I Could Learn To Appreciate It A Little Better  
PCC: But wait, I t)(oug)(t Kanaya's c)(aracter was t)(e slave.  
CGA: Were Not Talking About Flarping  
PCC: Then w)(at are you...  
PCC: 38I  
CGA: If I Used Emoticons I Would Type A Winking Face Right Now  
CAG: Don't worry, Kanaya, I've got you covered.  
CAG: :::;)  
CGA: Yes Thank You Vriska  
PCC: GLUUUUUUUUUUUUUB. >38U  
PCC: ANYWAY!!! I )(ave to say, Vriska, t)(is story you're glubbing aboat DO--ES sound INCR--EDIBLY BADASS!!  
PCC: --Even if it's presumably my ancestor w)(o's getting t)(e s)(it completely owned out of )(er.  
PCC: It mig)(t actually be wort)( writing a proper story aboat!  
PTA: what.  
PTA: liike... a fanfiictiion or 2omethiing?  
PCC: NO NOT LIK--E A FANFICTION!!  
PCC: It's called )(ISTORICAL FICTION, and it's a P--ERF--ECTLY R---ESP---ECTABL---E G----ENR----E!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < fefurry, you didnt tell me you wrote rpf!  
CAC: :33 < you should send me some! id love to read it!  
PCC: I'm sorry, but my fiction is PRIVAT-----E, okay???  
PTA: oh god.  
PTA: ff, are you wriitiing erotiic 2toriie2 about dead people?  
PCC: >38O  
PCC: SOLLUX, S)(UT UP!!!!!!  
PCC: OF COURS--------E T)(AT'S NOT A T)(ING I'M DOING!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, oh my god.  
PCC: Okay, we are NOT TALKING ABOUT T)(IS ANYMOR-------E!!!!!!!!!!  
PCC: I am C)(ANGING T)(------E SUBJ--------ECT!!!!!!!  
PCC: You still )(aven't gotten to t)(e part w)(ere --Eridan and Terezi )(ook up!!!!  
CAG: Well, like I said 8efore, I got a little distracted after that point.  
CGA: By All The Making Out We Were Doing  
PCC: Yes, Kanaya, you keep bringing t)(at up!  
CGA: What Is That A Problem  
CGA: Does It Bother You That Were Making Out On A Regular Basis  
PCC: W)(at??? No, off-course knot!!!  
FCC: Seariously, w)(y would t)(at bot)(er me???  
CGA: I Dont Know You Tell Me  
CAG: Okay, Kanaya.  
CAG: What are you doing.  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Im Not Really Sure  
CGA: Ill Just Stop Talking Now  
FCC: Yes, t)(ank you.  
FCC: So, Terezi! --Eridan!  
FCC: Since you W--ER--EN'T being distracted by aquatic sloppy makeouts, w)(at )(appened after t)(at?  
CGC: W3LL, NOT 4LL TH4T MUCH  
CGC: R3DGL4R3 D3CL4R3D M1NDF4NG D34D 4ND SWOR3 TO CONT1NU3 H3R S3RV1C3 TO TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS  
CGC: THOUGH, 4S VR1SK4 4LLUD3D TO B3FOR3, SH3 W4S D1SS4T1SF13D W1TH TH3 CURR3NT R3G1M3 4ND HOP3D TO CH4NG3 TH1NGS FROM W1TH1N  
CGC: 4PP4R3NTLY R3DGL4R3 W4S P4RT OF SOM3 UND3RGROUND MOV3M3NT TO OV3RTHROW TH3 H3MOSP3CTRUM, SO 1 THR3W TH4T 1N TH3R3  
FCC: O)( yea)(, s)(e was a sympat)(izer to the Sufferer's plig)(t, wasn't s)(e?  
CGC: UM  
CGC: HOW DO YOU KNOW 4BOUT TH4T  
FCC: I know a t)(ing or two aboat )(istory, okay?  
FCC: Anyway, I can't suspect Dualscar was very krilled to )(ear t)(at!  
CCA: actually he didnt take it that badly  
CCA: his wworkin relationship wwith the condesce had recently come to a close  
CCA: for reasons id rather leavve up to speculation the emissary apparently no longer required feedin  
CCA: so needless to say he wwas feelin a little disillusioned wwith the imperial leadership himself  
CCA: in more wways than one if you catch my meanin  
FCC: Yea)(, I t)(ink so. 38/  
CCA: anywway since his life as a privvateer has come to an end he decides hell throww his lot in wwith redglare  
FCC: Reely? Just like t)(at?  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: theres a little more to it than that  
CCA: the wway i figure it dualscars alwways been a man to followw his heart  
CCA: i think his loyalty to the empire wwas only evver really a result a his feelins for the condesce herself  
CCA: so wwhen she betrayed his feelins the wway she did he had to find somebody else to put his faith in  
CCA: and  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: he found that person in redglare  
PTA: waiit.  
PTA: are you telliing me...  
PTA: you guy2 became mate2priit2 iin-character??  
CGC: NO!!!  
CGC: 1 M34N Y3S OUR CH4R4CT3RS B3C4M3 M4T3SPR1TS  
CGC: BUT 1T W4S 4 COMPL3T3LY S3P3R4T3 3V3NT!  
PTA: eheheh, wow, you guy2 are 2uch unbeliievable dork2.  
CGC: BL4R SHUT UP!!!! >8O  
FCC: Yea)(, w)(y don't you clam it, Sollux!  
FCC: I )(appen to t)(ink it sounds reely SW--E--ET!  
PTA: more liike reely lame.  
CAG: You know, Sollux, you're hardly in any position to go around calling other people dorks.  
PTA: ugh, whatever.  
PTA: however biig of a dork ii miight be, at lea2t ii'm not tryiing two 2educe people wiith a roleplayiing game.  
PTA: wa2 that your biig amaziing plan two make tz flu2hed for you, ed?  
PTA: make your iimagiinary roleplayiing per2onas become iimagiinary flu2hed for each other and hope 2he follow2 2uiit?  
CCA: oh for fucks sake no  
CCA: speakin the plain truth all my talk of a big amazin plan to swweep tz off her feet wwas mostly bluster  
CCA: honestly im not stupid enough to think theres some magic formula you can followw to force anybody to be flushed for you  
CCA: much less somebody ridiculously scary smart like tz  
CCA: really the wwhole big roleplayin ruse wwas orchestrated just for the purposes of openin a dialogue  
PTA: a diialogue.  
CCA: yeah yknoww  
CCA: an opportunity to openly discuss an idea like twwo normal fuckin trolls instead a tryin to psychically broadcast our thoughts at one another like twwo shitty heart heard wwizards locked in an epic struggle a romantic wwills  
CCA: i realize the idea of actually talkin to people bout things like this is completely foreign to you so maybe i should send you a trollipedia link  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3  
PTA: ugh, fuck you two.  
CGC: W4S TH4T SUPPOS3D TO B3 "FUCK YOU TOO" OR JUST "FUCK YOU TWO"  
PTA: actually, you know what?  
PTA: iit'2 both.  
CGC: >8P  
CGC: WH4T3V3R, YOUR3 JUST J34LOUS  
PTA: oh yeah, THAT'2 iit. you totally naiiled iit.  
PTA: ii'm 2o totally jealou2 that II'M not the one who got 2educed by a douchey 2eadweller pretendiing two be an anciient dead guy.  
CCA: oh come ON sol givve me a fuckin break here  
CCA: its not like i got her to agree to this just cause i swwept her character off her feet  
CGC: Y34H  
CGC: THOUGH TH4T W4S C3RT41NLY P4RT OF 1T  
PTA: what.  
CGC: W3LL, 1LL 4DM1T  
CGC: WH3N W3 W3R3 ROL3PL4Y1NG, W3 SORT OF H4D  
CGC: 4 MOM3NT  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: maybe i guess  
CGC: 3R1D4N  
CGC: YOU TOUCH3D MY HORN  
CGC: 1 M34N, YOU JUST R34CH3D R1GHT UP TH3R3 4ND G4V3 1T 4 GOOD RUBB1N  
FCC: 38O  
CCA: yeah wwell you couldvve stopped me  
CGC: TH4TS R1GHT 1 COULD H4V3  
CGC: BUT 1 D1DNT  
CGC: B3C4US3 W3 W3R3 H4V1NG 4 MOM3NT  
FAT: yEAH, jUST SEEING IT FROM A THIRD-PERSON PERSPECTIVE,  
FAT: a MOMENT IS DEFINITELY THE THING YOU WERE HAVING,  
CCA: alright fine  
CCA: so i wwas pretendin to be a dead guy an she wwas pretendin to be a dead lady an wwe had a moment  
CCA: an if that makes me a dork then fuck it i dont care  
CCA: in fact if that makes me a dork then i need to be a dork more often cause apparently ter gets off on that kinda thing  
CCA: so yknoww wwhat from this day forth i am eridan ampora no longer  
CCA: from noww on im OPRHANER DUALSCAR MIGHTY WWIZARD OF ANCIENT ALTERNIA  
CCA: come rollin outta your magic wwardrobe wwith a scuttlebuggy fulla fly fairy bitches tippin forties a magic potion on the curb  
CCA: then a couple a guys wwho are up no good start makin trouble in ters neighborhood  
CCA: but i just put on my robe an wwizard hat and tell em  
CCA: maybe you twwo should just  
CCA: HOP ALONG  
CCA: then i pull out my wwands all akimbo an turn em into frogs before they evven fuckin kneww what hit em  
CCA: then i throww on a pair of awwesome wwizard shades an say  
CCA: looks like those guys just  
CCA: CROAKED  
CGC: H4H4H4H4 Y3SSSSS  
CGC: <3  
FCC: )(--E )(--E )(--E!!  
FCC: W)(ale, it sounds like everyt)(ing went SWIMMINGLY!  
FCC: So w)(at are you two up to now?  
CAG: Yeah, just what have you two 8een doing since the game ended?  
CAG: Have you filled aaaaaaaall the pails yet????????  
CGC: >8O  
CGC: VR1SK4!!!!!!  
CGC: 1LL ST4ND FOR NO MOR3 OF YOUR L4SC1V1OUS 1NS1NU4T1ONS!!!  
CCA: seariously vvris this is NOT howw you ask this question  
CCA: its a little thing called fuckin ETIQUETTE look it up  
CAG: Oh, whatever, it's not that 8ig a deal!!!!!!!!  
CGC: Y3S 1T K1ND OF 1S!!!  
CGC: NOT 4LL OF US 4R3 W31RD CR4ZY P3RV3RTS L1K3 YOU 4ND K4N4Y4  
CGA: Um Excuse Me  
CGC: OH DONT 3V3N 4CT 4LL 1NNOC3NT K4N4Y4  
CGC: 1 KNOW FROM L4ST N1GHT YOUR3 JUST 4S B4D 4S SH3 1S  
CAG: Not exactly.  
CAG: She's even worse, hahahahahahahaha.  
CGA: Vriska Please  
CAG: Kanaya, I never said it was a 8ad thing.  
CGA: Yes I Know You Didnt  
CGA: I Just Dont Really Understand The Necessity For Discussing This On A Public Memo  
FCC: R--E--ELY?  
FCC: Aren't YOU t)(e one w)(o keeps bringing up just )(ow muc)( you two make out all t)(e time??  
CGA: Well Yes  
CGA: But Thats Different  
FCC: And just )(OW is t)(at any different???  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Its Different Because  
CGA: Because Shut Up  
CGA: Shut Up Is How  
FCC: >38/  
PTA: eheh.  
PTA: ky, what the hell.  
CGA: Sorry  
CGC: Y3S Y3S 4NYW4Y!!  
CGC: R1GHT NOW 3R1D4N 4ND 1 4R3 H4NG1NG OUT 4T MY H1V3  
CGC: 4ND BY H4NG1NG OUT  
CGC: 1 M34N H4NG1NG OUT  
CGC: JUST TH3 NORM4L W4Y  
CAG: What????????  
CAG: Laaaaaaaame.  
CCA: its not lame shut up  
CCA: it just so happens at this stage in our relationship wwed just like to get to knoww each other a little better  
CCA: in the most literal non euphemistic possible sense i feel the need to reiterate  
CCA: so right noww if ter just wwants to hang out at her hivve an talk about stupid shit then im perfectly content to do just that  
CGC: WH1CH 1SNT TO S4Y TH4TS 4LL W3R3 DO1NG  
CCA: wwell yeah butttttrrrfgdfsg  
CCA: fuccvvkcvvl  
PTA: what.  
CGC: TH4TS FOR TOUCH1NG MY HORN L4ST N1GHT  
CGC: >8]  
CCA: ter do you reallykkftlj  
CCA: havve to do this wwhillkjlm  
FCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a!!!  
FCC: )(ey Terezi!  
CGC: WH4T  
FCC: On t)(e inside of t)(e curves w)(ere they bend.  
FCC: T)(at's )(is weak spot!  
CGC: OOOH, L3T M3 TRY 1T OUT  
CCA: dammit fef thats privvilegdfghjkklhglkjnbbbn  
CCA: fgjhbnkmJHFGLKJLKMJKLKK  
CGC: H3H3H3H3 WOW  
CGC: TH4NKS FOR TH3 T1P F3F3R1  
FCC: No problem!! 38D  
CGC: 1 JUST M1GHT H4V3 TO T4LK TO YOU MOR3 1N TH3 FUTUR3  
CGC: S33 1F YOU H4V3 4NY OTH3R US3FUL 1NFORM4T1ON  
FCC: W)(ale, I'm not just going to spill ALL )(is seacrets!  
FCC: Just t)(e ones I t)(ink you'll find... US----EFUL.  
FCC: 3P)  
CGC: ...  
CGC: WH4T 1S TH4T  
FCC: W)(at?  
CGC: "3P)"  
FCC: W)(ale, it's SUPPOS--ED to be a winking goggles emoticon.  
FCC: But instead it just looks R--E--ELY STUPID.  
CGC: Y34H  
CGC: 1TS 34S1LY TH3 S3COND STUP1D3ST 3MOT1CON 1V3 3V3R S33N  
FCC: Just t)(e second?  
FCC: T)(en w)(at's t)(e first???  
CGC: 3R  
CGC: M4YB3 1T 1S TH3 F1RST  
CGC: 1 DONT KNOW, WH4T3V3R  
CCA: fef wwhy wwould you tell her that on a public fuckin memo  
CCA: noww evvery grublicker from here to the furthest fuckin ring is gonna try to get a shot at my fuckin horns  
PTA: eheheh, don't flatter your2elf, dude.  
CCA: ugh sol really wwhats wwith the constant putdowwns  
CCA: i already told you im not interested anymore  
CCA: i realize youre desperately tryin to fill your black quadrant wwith anybody but vvris cause youre so deeply in denial about bein black for her but just leavve me out of it ok  
PTA: ed, what the FUCK?  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
PTA: no, 2hut the fuck up, thii2 ii2n't funny.  
PTA: ii'm not fuckiing black for you, okay??  
CAG: Oh, okay, so you're just constantly insulting me without provoc8ion 8ecause you h8 me "platonically."  
PTA: vk, you ruiined my fuckiing liife.  
PTA: you maniipulated me iintwo kiilliing the per2on who meant more two me than anythiing in the fuckiing world, and you made me thiink iit wa2 my fault.  
PTA: ju2t what fuckiing part of that make2 you thiink my hate for you ii2 anythiing more than platoniic???  
CAG: Well what the f8ck do you want me t8 do a8out it???????? 8ring h8r 8ack to l8fe????????  
CAG: 8elieve me, if I kn8w a way to do it, I fucking w8uld!!!!!!!!  
PTA: ii don't want your fuckiing help, vk!  
PTA: even iif you diid briing her back two liife, ii'd rather fuckiing kiil my2elf than face the iindiigniity of owiing 2omethiing two you!  
CAG: So then wh8t???????? Do y8u want to k8ll me????????  
CAG: Then c8me and fucking g8t it!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I w8n't even fight 8ack! I'll just thr8w my head on the f8cking chopping 8lock and you can decapit8 me for all I f8cking care!!!!!!!!  
CAG: 8oom! Just death, sl8 clean, out of your f8cking life f8rever!!!!!!!!  
PTA: ii don't want two kiill you, vk!  
PTA: beliieve iit or not, there are other way2 to 2olve problem2 than fuckiing murderiing them!  
CAG: Then wh8t the f8ck do you w8nt from m8????????  
PTA: all ii want ii2 for you two leave me the fuck alone!  
PTA: get out of my liife, get out of ff'2 liife, and ju2t fuck off forever!  
CAG: No, f8ck that!!!!!!!! You c8n't just fucking ign8re me!!!!!!!!  
CAG: You can h8 me all you w8nt for trying to actu8lly do someth8ng a8out my pro8lems, 8ut at le8st I'm not just pret8nding they don't ex8st!!!!!!!!  
CAG: As m8ch as you may w8nt me to just go aw8y, I'm here for the f8cking long haul!!!!!!!!  
CAG: You can't just wr8te me out of your l8fe like you're try8ng to do with Ar8dia!!!!!!!!  
PTA: vrii2ka, 2HUT THE FUCK UP!!  
PTA: you don't have ANY FUCKIING RIIGHT to talk two me about her!!  
CAC: XOO < OKAY JUST STOP IT!!!!!!  
CAC: XOO < JUST SHUT UP OR IM BANNING YOU BOTH!!!!  
PTA: no, fuck thii2, ii'm done.  
PTA: ii wa2 only here two talk two tz anyway.  
PTA: 2o tz and ed good luck, vk fuck off, ii'm out.  
PTA banned himself from responding to memo.  
CAG: ........8luh.  
CAG: Sorry, I kind of spazzed out there.  
CGC: >8/  
FCC: Yea)(, I s)(ould... PROBABLY go talk to )(im.  
FCC: But anyway, --Eridan! Terezi! I'm R--E--ELY )(appy for you guys!  
FCC: And I R--E--ELY )(ope everyt)(ing works out SWIMMINGLY for you!  
CCA: yeah thanks ter  
CGC: 4ND 1F YOU 3V3R H4V3 4NY MOR3 S3CR3TS FOR M3, L3T M3 KNOW  
CGC: >8]  
FCC: )(e)(e)(e, of course!  
FCC: Anyway, glub at you later!  
FCC ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < hmmm  
CAC: :33 < so whats left to talk about?  
CAG: Hey, you know what hasn't happened yet????????  
CAC: :33 < what?  
CAG: These two haven't 8een given The Talk yet!!!!!!!!  
CCA: oh shit thats right  
CCA: wwhere is gam anywway he should havve responded by noww  
FAT: oH, uH, hE'S STILL ASLEEP, i GUESS  
FAT: hANG ON, lET ME WAKE HIM UP,  
FUTURE terminallyCapricious [FTC] 29 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTC: Awwwww shit, look at me all almost up and missin my motherfuckin chance to respond from this memo.  
FAT: oH, oKAY, yEAH,  
FAT: i GUESS USING tROLLIAN'S INHERENT TIME FUCKERY TO BYPASS THE USUAL 14-MINUTE WAKING-UP ROUTINE WOULD BE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA,  
FTC: Yeah, I all thought the same motherfuckin thing when you brought the idea down thirteen minutes ago.  
FTC: So hey, my palebro's plan to up and get him a motherfuckin matesprit was a resounding success!  
FTC: Hang on, let this shit all resound.  
FTC: (Now, pretend this shit is all comin from the biggest motherfuckin bike horn you've ever seen.)  
FTC: (Or, fuck, smelled I guess, sorry.)  
FTC: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK.  
FTC: Did it work?  
FTC: Is that honk all motherfuckin resoundin up in your shit and bein all motherfuckin rowdy in general?  
CGC: H3H3H3H3, Y3S G4MZ33  
CGC: YOUR C3L3BR4TORY HONK H4S R3V3RB3R4T3D 4LL TH3 W4Y TO US THROUGH P4R4DOX SP4C3  
CGC: 4ND 1S M4K1NG 4N UTT3R NU1S4NC3 OF 1TS3LF 1N MY H1V3 4S W3 SP34K  
CGC: 3V3N THOUGH TH4T SHOULD B3 1MPOSS1BL3, B3C4US3 SOUND C4NT TR4V3L THROUGH 4 V4CUUM  
FTC: Hahahaha, fuck yeah, sis!  
FTC: The rude noise all up and made its way all over your place even in spite of all that science shit you're talkin around!  
FTC: Even if some bullshit scientist says it's all motherfuckin impossible, that shit happened anyway, cause it's a motherfuckin miracle.  
CGC: W3LL TH4NK YOU G4MZ33  
CGC: YOUR M1RTH 1S GR34TLY 4PPR3C14T3D  
CCA: yeah thanks gam  
FTC: So now I guess it's time for me to throw up some vaguely motherfuckin threatening words of gratitude in the general direction of my serversis here?  
CCA: wwell wwait hold on  
CCA: thinkin about it it isnt really fair cause ter doesnt havve a moirail herself  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: COULD 1 P1CK SOM3BODY 3LS3 TO G1V3 TH3 T4LK FOR M3?  
CCA: hmmmm  
CCA: sounds fair to me i guess  
CCA: vvris does that sound fair to you  
CAG: Sure it does!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I'd h8 for you guys to have to put this off until l8er anyway.  
CCA: ok so wwhos it gonna be  
CGC: HMM  
CGC: T3LL YOU WH4T  
CGC: L3T G4MZ33 G1V3 M3 TH3 T4LK  
CGC: 4ND TH3N ONC3 H3S DON3, 1LL S4Y  
CCA: wwell howw can you be sure wwhoevver youre thinkin of is gonna be wwillin to givve me the talk  
CGC: 1M SUR3 SH3LL B3 OK W1TH 1T  
CGC: SH3S OK W1TH 4 LOT OF TH1NGS  
CAG: ::::?  
CCA: wwell if you insist  
CCA: gam youre up  
FTC: Alright, shit, let me think of where to start on here.  
FTC: Terezi, I'm real motherfuckin glad you all decided to become my palebro's motherfuckin matesprit, and I'm sure you two will up and make each other all hells of happy together.  
FTC: But if you ever do any wrong to this bro, I'll motherfuckin know.  
FTC: and i will extract my motherfuckin vengeance out of you a thousand motherfuckin fold.  
FTC: I WILL DRIP THE MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD FROM YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BODY UNTIL YOU MOTHERFUCKING BLACK OUT FROM THE LACK OF MOTHERFUCKING OXYGEN GETTING IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING THINK PAN.  
FTC: and then, once you wake up.  
FTC: I WILL MOTHERFUCKING FORCE YOU TO PAINT A THOUSAND MOTHERFUCKING WORDS OF APOLOGY ON HIS MOTHERFUCKING WALLS WITH YOUR OWN MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD.  
FTC: are we motherfuckin clear on that.  
FTC: MOTHERFUCKER.  
CGC: UH  
CGC: Y34H  
CGC: 4BSOLUT3LY CL34R  
CGC: NOT GO1NG TO HURT 3R1D4N  
CGC: 3V3R  
FTC: Okay, cool.  
CCA: gam  
CCA: i think you may havve gone a little ovverboard  
FTC: Aw shit, sorry, bro.  
FTC: Wasn't all tryin to motherfuckin scare her off.  
CGC: NO 1T W4S F1N3!  
CGC: B31NG SC4RY 1S K1ND OF TH3 PO1NT  
CGC: 1TS R34LLY GOOD 4CTU4LLY  
CGC: NOW 1 KNOW YOU C4N COMP3T3 W1TH MY CHO1C3  
CCA: ok so wwho is it  
CGC: H3Y 4R4D14!  
CAG: ::::O  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAA: what  
CGC: WOULD YOU B3 W1LL1NG TO G1V3 3R1D4N TH3 T4LK  
CAA: 0k  
CAA: whats the talk  
CGC: 1TS WH3R3 YOU CONGR4TUL4T3 H1M ON B3COM1NG M4T3SPR1TS W1TH M3  
CGC: W1SH H1M TH3 B3ST OF LUCK  
CGC: 4ND TH3N THR34T3N GR13VOUS BOD1LY H4RM UPON H1M 1F H3 3V3R DO3S 4NYTH1NG TO HURT M3  
CAA: and y0u want me t0 d0 that  
CAA: f0r y0u  
CGC: Y3S!  
CGC: 1F 1TS NOT TOO MUCH TO 4SK  
CAA: n0t really  
CAA: 0k  
CAA: s0  
CAA: eridan  
CAA: c0ngratulati0ns 0n bec0ming matesprits with terezi  
CAA: if y0u tw0 are really happy with each 0ther thats c00l i guess  
CAA: it d0esnt really affect me 0ne way 0r the 0ther s0  
CAA: g00d luck with that  
CCA: yeah thanks  
CAA: but right n0w shes helping me with s0me stuff  
CAA: s0 i guess her well being in general s0rt 0f c0ncerns me  
CAA: s0 if y0u ever d0 anything t0 seri0usly mess with her ill  
CAA: ill hunt y0u d0wn and beat y0u t0 death  
CAA: 0r at least nearly t0 death  
CGC: >8/  
CAA: is that n0t g00d en0ugh  
CGC: ITS  
CGC: OK4Y  
CGC: 1 JUST W1SH 1T W3R3 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 CR34T1V3  
CAA: 0k h0ld 0n  
CAA: i have a better idea  
CAA: eridan i w0nt beat y0u t0 death  
CAA: but ill h0p ar0und t0 a bunch 0f 0ther timelines and beat y0u t0 death in th0se  
CAA: then ill c0me back here and bury y0u in a pile 0f y0ur 0wn c0rpses  
CAA: and i w0nt let y0u 0ut until y0u swear t0 set right the things y0u have d0ne wr0ng t0 terezi  
CAA: h0ws that  
CGC: MUCH B3TT3R! >8D  
CAA: 0k s0  
CAA: eridan y0ur th0ughts  
CCA: i uh  
CCA: ok sure ar  
CCA: i wwont do any wwrong by ter i swwear  
CCA: wwouldnt really look forwward to wwrithin around in a pile a my dead selvves anywway that sounds creepy as fuck  
CAA: y0u get used t0 it after a while  
CCA: uh  
CAA: s0 anyway  
CAA: is that all y0u needed me f0r terezi  
CGC: PR3TTY MUCH  
CGC: SORRY TO W4ST3 YOUR T1M3 W1TH TH1S S1LL1N3SS  
CAA: its 0k  
CAA: anyway i guess ill get g0ing  
CAG: Aradia, w8.  
CAA: what  
CAG: I just wanted to say........  
CAG: I'm sorry for killing you.  
CAA: its 0k  
CAG: You can't possi8ly mean that!!!!!!!!  
CAA: vriska y0ure ap0l0gizing t0 the wr0ng pers0n  
CAG: What?  
CAG: Are you honestly trying to say you're not mad at me????????  
CAA: n0 i am mad at y0u  
CAA: just n0t f0r killing me  
CAG: Well, then, for what????????  
CAA: if y0u d0nt kn0w what y0ure ap0l0gizing f0r  
CAA: then its n0t a very g00d ap0l0gy  
CAG: ::::/  
CAA: y0ure a smart girl  
CAA: y0ull figure it 0ut  
CAA: anyway im leaving n0w  
CGC: T4LK TO YOU L4T3R, 4R4D14?  
CAA: 0f c0urse  
CAA: anyway bye  
CAA ceased responding to memo.  
CAG: Well........  
CAG: That was weird.  
CGC: 1TS NOT TH4T W31RD  
CCA: sorry ter im gonna havve to agree  
CCA: it wwas pretty fuckin wweird  
CGC: 1T W4SNT 3V3N!!! >8O  
CAC: :33 < guys, theres nothing weird about it!  
CGC: Y34H, S33?  
CGC: N3P3T4 S4YS 1TS NOT W31RD, SO 1TS NOT W31RD  
CCA: yeah neps wword means precisely fuck all to me  
CAC: :33 < well fuck you too!!  
CCA: ill admit ar wwas a good choice but still its fuckin wweird  
CGC: MOR3 L1K3 *YOUR3* W31RD!  
CCA: my bein wweird has nothin to do wwith it  
CGC: 1T H4S 3V3RYTH1NG TO DO W1TH 1T!!!  
CGC: 1F YOUR3 W31RD TH3N YOU C4LL1NG 4NYTH1NG W31RD M4K3S YOU 4 TOT4L HYPOCR1T3  
CCA: no as a wweird person im uniquely qualified to recognize wwhen somethin is fuckin wweird  
CCA: like my wweirddar is so sensitivve its been used to swweep the ocean floor a lomat for sunken treasure  
CCA: turns out  
CCA: theres no treasure dowwn there at all  
CCA: just a bunch of fuckin wweird shit  
CCA: truth  
CGC: H3H3H3 OK4Y F1N3  
CGC: YOUR FL4WL3SS 4RGUM3NT H4S R3ND3R3D MY OBJ3CT1ONS MOOT  
CGC: WH4T JUST H4PP3N3D W4S W31RD, 4ND TH4T 1S TH4T  
CGC: 3ND OF D1SCUSS1ON  
CCA: i kneww youd sea things my wway ter  
CGC: 1F YOU KN3W TH4T  
CGC: TH3N YOU 4R3 B4D 4T KNOW1NG TH1NGS  
CGC: B3C4US3 1 C4NT S33 4NYTH1NG  
CGC: B3C4US3 1M BL1ND  
CGC: DUMB4SS  
CCA: haha fuck  
CCA: i actually completely forgot about our deal  
CGC: W3LL OF COURS3  
CGC: WHY WOULD 1 3V3N M4K3 1T 1F 1 D1DNT KNOW YOU WOULD CONST4NTLY FORG3T 4BOUT 1T 4ND 1 COULD R3M1ND YOU 1N TH3 MOST H1L4R1OUS POSS1BL3 W4Y??  
CCA: in hindsight its a pretty blatant ploy  
CCA: but you forgot one little thing  
CGC: 4ND WH4TS TH4T?  
CCA: i find your reminders EQUALLY HILARIOUS IF NOT MORE SO  
CCA: CHECK AND MATE  
CGC: FUUUUCK, YOU TOT4LLY GOT M3  
CGC: <3  
CCA: haha okay  
CCA: <3  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: OKAY, I AM LITERALLY INCAPABLE OF TAKING THIS SHIT ANYMORE.  
CCG: THIS ENDLESS CAVALCADE OF HOOFBEAST DROPPINGS HAS TO FUCKING STOP RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.  
CCG: IF I SEE ANY MORE OF YOU TWO ENGAGING IN THIS IRREMISSIBLE TRAVESTY YOU CALL FLIRTING, I SWEAR TO EVERY FUCKING DEITY EXTANT OR OTHERWISE I WILL MURDER EVERY LIVING BEING IN THIS ENTIRE GODFORSAKEN UNIVERSE.  
CCG: THEN I WILL LET OUT A SINGLE, DEAFENINGLY TERRIBLE EXPLETIVE, REVERBERATING THROUGHOUT PARADOX SPACE SO LOUDLY THAT THE INCIPISPHERE WILL RIP ITSELF APART, CONSUMED IN THE UNDYING RAGE THAT IS EXACTLY HOW PISSED OFF I AM RIGHT NOW.  
CCG: HERE, LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE PREVIEW:  
CCG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.  
CCA: uh  
CCA: kar  
CCG: HEY TRAITOR.  
CCG: REALLY GLAD YOUR LITTLE PLAN WORKED OUT FOR YOU.  
CCG: JUST WANTED TO ASK A QUICK QUESTION.  
CCG: HOW DO YOU SLEEP EVERY DAY?  
CCG: HOW CAN YOU EVEN JUSTIFY GETTING OUT OF YOUR RECUPERACOON IN THE EVENING, KNOWING THAT ANYTHING YOU DO THAT NIGHT IS JUST GOING TO MAKE THE WORLD AN OBJECTIVELY MORE TERRIBLE PLACE?  
CCG: HOW CAN YOU EVEN *PRESUME* TO FUCKING SPEAK TO ME AFTER YOU STOLE TEREZI FROM ME, YOU INCONCEIVABLY VILE SACK OF SHIT?????  
CCA: kar im  
CCA: im sorry  
CCA: i mean i thought you might be flushed for her but i didnt realize youd take it this badly  
CCG: SO YOU KNEW?  
CCG: YOU FUCKING *KNEW* I WAS FLUSHED FOR HER AND YOU WENT AHEAD WITH YOUR LITTLE PLAN ANYWAY?????  
CCG: HOLY FUCK, MY THINK PAN JUST BOGGLES AT WHAT AN INCOMPREHENSIBLY HORRIBLE PERSON YOU ARE!  
CGC: H3Y  
CGC: H3Y K4RKL3S  
CCG: WHAT?  
CGC: OH NOTH1NG  
CGC: 1 W4S JUST K1ND OF WOND3R1NG 1F YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO K33P T4LK1NG 4BOUT M3 L1K3 1 W4SNT H3R3  
CCG: SERIOUSLY, TEREZI, WHAT THE FUCK?  
CCG: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?  
CGC: 1 D1DNT DO 4NYTH1NG TO YOU!  
CCG: YES YOU FUCKING DID!  
CCG: HONESTLY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?  
CCG: JUST WHAT DID I DO WRONG THAT DROVE YOU TO HOOK UP WITH THIS BILGESUCKING PIECE OF SEA TRASH?  
CGC: OH MY GOD  
CGC: YOU 4CTU4LLY TH1NK 1M DO1NG TH1S 4S SOM3 W4Y OF PUN1SH1NG YOU  
CGC: 1 C4NNOT B3L13V3 HOW S3LF-C3NT3R3D YOU 4R3  
CGC: B3L13V3 1T OR NOT, K4RKL3S, NOT 3V3RYTH1NG 1N TH3 UN1V3RS3 R3VOLV3S 4ROUND M4K1NG YOU M1S3R4BL3  
CGC: YOU H4NDL3 TH4T JOB PR3TTY N1C3LY YOURS3LF >8/  
CCG: THEN WHY?  
CGC: B3C4US3 H3 4SK3D!  
CCG: WHAT?  
CCG: SERIOUSLY, THAT'S IT?  
CCG: YOU WERE JUST SO FED UP WITH ME THAT YOU JUMPED INTO A RECUPERACOON WITH THE FIRST GLOBEFONDLING NOOKSTAIN TO PROPOSITION YOU?  
CCG: ANY PORT IN A STORM, IS THAT HOW THE NAUTICAL PUN WOULD GO?  
CGC: WOW, N1C3  
CGC: 1N ON3 F3LL SWOOP, NOT ONLY DO YOU ONC3 4G41N 1NSULT SOM3ON3 WHO CONS1D3RS YOU TO B3 H1S FR13ND  
CGC: BUT YOU 4LSO 1MPLY TH4T TH3 G1RL YOUR3 FLUSH3D FOR 1S 4 SLUT  
CGC: R34LLY FUCK1NG CL4SSY, K4RK4T  
CCG: OKAY, SINCE YOUR VAST INTELLECT APPARENTLY SUPERCEDES MINE, EXPLAIN TO ME JUST HOW ELSE I'M SUPPOSED TO INTERPRET THAT SENTENCE.  
CGC: WH4T 1 M34NT, 1D1OT  
CGC: 1S TH4T 1NST34D OF PL4Y1NG CONST4NT STUP1D L1TTL3 1NS3CUR3 M1ND G4M3S W1TH M3  
CGC: 3R1D4N 4CTU4LLY WORK3D UP TH3 FUCK1NG GLOB3S TO JUST COM3 OUT 4ND 4SK M3 TO B3 H1S M4T3SPR1T  
CGC: 4ND 1 4GR33D B3C4US3 H3S SM4RT, 4ND H3S FUNNY, 4ND H3S CUT3, 4ND H3 TR34TS MY OWN 1NT3R3STS W1TH 4 L1TTL3 R3SP3CT  
CGC: 4ND GET TH1S: H3S 4CTU4LLY N1C3 TO M3!  
CGC: 1 KNOW TH1S SOUNDS CR4ZY, BUT 1 4CTU4LLY L1K3 B31NG TR34T3D L1K3 1M 4CTU4LLY WORTH SOM3TH1NG  
CGC: SO 1M SORRY 1F TH4T GO3S 4G41NST YOUR POL1CY OF CONST4NTLY TR34T1NG 3V3RYON3 4ROUND YOU L1K3 SH1T  
CGC: BUT TH4TS JUST TH3 W4Y 1T 1S  
CCG: SO THAT'S JUST IT.  
CCG: IT'S OVER, DONE WITH, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.  
CGC: 1 N3V3R S41D TH4T  
CGC: BUT FROM WH3R3 1M ST4ND1NG, TH3 CH4NC3S LOOK PR3TTY GR1M >8[  
CCG: HONESTLY, DID I EVER EVEN HAVE A CHANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE?  
CCG: OR HAVE YOU JUST BEEN FUCKING WITH ME THIS WHOLE TIME?  
CGC: OH FOR FUCKS S4K3  
CGC: K4RK4T, 1 G4V3 YOU 3V3RY FUCK1NG CH4NC3 TO B3 MY M4T3SPR1T  
CGC: BUT YOU D3C1D3D YOUD R4TH3R CONST4NTLY FUCK1NG DODG3 4ROUND TH3 1SSU3 W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 B4RBS 4ND 1NSULTS R4TH3R TH4N S3ND M3 4 CL34R FUCK1NG S1GN4L FOR ONC3  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: TEREZI, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ACCUSING *ME* OF BEING THE ONE WHO WAS PLAYING MIND GAMES????  
CCG: THIS IS THE MOST STAGGERINGLY HYPOCRITICAL LOAD OF HORSESHIT THAT'S EVER BEEN DUMPED ONTO THE RICKETY DRAFTBEAST CART THAT IS MY THINK PAN.  
CGC: K4RK4T, HON3STLY  
CGC: 1 W4S FLUSH3D FOR YOU  
CGC: S3R1OUSLY  
CGC: BUT FOR 4LL MY V4ST 1NT3LL3CT, 1 JUST COULD NOT G3T 4 FUCK1NG R34D ON YOU  
CGC: 1T W4S L1K3 YOU W3R3 GO1NG OUT OF YOUR W4Y TO CONFUS3 M3  
CGC: 1 HON3STLY THOUGHT 1T W4S JUST 4S L1K3LY TH4T YOU W3R3 BL4CK FOR M3  
CCG: WHAT??  
CCG: YOU THOUGHT I WAS FUCKING *BLACK* FOR YOU?????  
CGC: 1 D1DNT KNOW WH4T YOU FUCK1NG W3R3 FOR M3, K4RK4T!  
CGC: 3V3N 4FT3R 4LL TH3 L1TTL3 MOM3NTS W3 H4D, YOU W3R3 ST1LL CONST4NTLY SP4RR1NG W1TH M3  
CGC: L1K3  
CGC: W4S TH4T YOUR W31RD, FUCK3D UP W4Y OF COURT1NG M3?  
CGC: DO YOU PO1NTL3SSLY SCR34M 4T 3V3RYON3 YOUR3 FLUSH3D FOR????  
CCG: I  
CCG: UGH.  
CCG: FUCK THIS.  
CCG: JUST FUCK THIS WHOLE THING.  
CCG: IS THERE EVEN ANY FUCKING POINT TO ALL THIS SHIPPING BULLSHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE???  
CCG: LIKE, AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP OUR TEAMMATES TO GET THEIR COLLECTIVE ASSES IN GEAR AND ACTUALLY WIN THIS GAME  
CCG: BUT INSTEAD, IT'S JUST MADE EVERYBODY CONSTANTLY OBSESS OVER ROMANCE AND FEELINGS JAMS AND SLOPPY MAKEOUTS AND THE WHOLE THING HAS JUST BEEN A MASSIVE FUCKING WASTE OF TIME.  
FTC: Actually, motherfucker, I feel the need to all up and correct you over that particular assertion.  
FTC: As far as I can tell, all these shipping shenanigans have all pretty much been a massive boon on every motherfucker involved.  
CCG: AND JUST HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT, YOU MIRTHFUL PILE OF SHIT?  
FTC: Well, I could up and cite all the positive motherfuckin developments across all the members up in my particular red-pale trapezoid, but I'm sure you aren't interested on any boring shit like "personal growth."  
FTC: So I'll just let Tavbro elucidate off a particular motherfuckin anecdote that may justify all this romantic hoofbeastplay vis-a-vis actual SGRUB-related payoffs.  
CCG: WHAT  
CCG: THE FUCK.  
FTC: Tavbro, if you motherfuckin will.  
FAT: oF COURSE, gAMZEE,  
FAT: aNYWAY, tHE OTHER DAY, gAMZEE AND i WERE MESSING AROUND ON lotam,  
CGC: M3SS1NG 4ROUND?  
FAT: yES, i AM WELL AWARE THAT THE PHRASE "mESSING AROUND" HAS MULTIPLE DEFINITIONS,  
FAT: aND i WOULD JUST LIKE TO CLARIFY THAT, oF ALL THE MYRIAD MEANINGS OF THAT PARTICULAR COMBINATION OF WORDS,  
FAT: tHE EVENTS gAMZEE AND i PARTICIPATED IN ON lotam WOULD SATISFY,  
FAT: (aND i MUST ADD, tHIS IS A ROUGH ESTIMATE),  
FAT: aLL THE MEANINGS,  
FAT: aLL OF THEM,  
FTC: Awwwww yeah, motherfuckers.  
FTC: <3  
FAT: yES, oF COURSE, <3  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, fuck yes.  
FAT: aNYWAY, gETTING ON WITH THE STORY,  
FAT: wE WERE EXPLORING lotam, wHEN WE CAME ACROSS A TRANSPORATLIZER PAD,  
FAT: nATURALLY, wE DECIDED TO EXPLORE, aND AFTER WE FINISHED THE JUMP, wE FOUND OURSELVES IN SOME SORT OF LABORATORY,  
FAT: tO BE SPECIFIC, iT WAS AN ECTOBIOLOGY LAB FOR CREATING pROSPITIAN TROOPS TO DEPLOY TO tHE bATTLEFIELD,  
FAT: aND WE ALSO FIGURED OUT THAT YOU CAN SPEND BUILD GRIST TO IMBUE THEM WITH YOUR OWN ASPECT POWERS,  
CAG: Oh shit, seriously????????  
CAG: That sounds like it'd 8e 8adass!!!!!!!!  
FTC: Yeah, "bad" is pretty much the most appropriate motherfuckin word to describe that particular discovery's ass.  
FTC: Of course, it's all limited based under your mastery on your own motherfuckin aspect powers, so I could barely do shit within the Rage options.  
FTC: But since Tavbro went all motherfuckin God Tier, he had all that shit unlocked right on the motherfuckin wooden ball striking club.  
FAT: yEAH, wE EVENTUALLY ENDED UP BLOWING PRETTY MUCH ALL OUR QUARTZITE GRIST TO MAKE ONE HUGE ROOK WITH A SHITLOAD OF BREATH POWERS,  
CAG: Oh fuck, is THAT what that thing was???????? I was wondering a8out that!!!!!!!!  
CCG: WHAT THING?  
CAG: Well, the other day I was flying around on the 8attlefield, manipul8ing Dersite commanders into giving shitty orders as usual........  
CAG: When out of nowhere I see this giant Prospitian rook literally FLYING across the 8attlefield!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Then it lands in front of this 8ig 8attalion of Dersites.  
CAG: Like, way more than even a rook should 8e a8le to handle.  
CAG: And it starts SHOOTING FUCKING TORN8DOES OUT OF ITS HANDS at them, sending little peons flying everywhere!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Eventually I decided to mind control it and wreak a little havoc of my own.  
CAG: Oh man, it was soooooooo aaaaaaaawesome, flying around and 8lasting Dersite chumps in first person like a fucking 8oss!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Seriously, this kind of shit could turn the tide of the war.  
CAG: Hell, we could hold off the Reckoning forever!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Man, I wonder what kind of 8adass rook I could m8ke with my Light powers........  
FAT: tHE LIGHT POWERS PROBABLY WOULDN'T WORK AS WELL WITH A ROOK,  
FAT: fROM WHAT i SAW ON THE TERMINAL, iT MOSTLY PROVIDED A BUNCH OF LUCK BONUSES AND STUFF LIKE THAT,  
CAG: Hmmmmmmmm, I guess not.  
CAG: I wonder what would 8enefit the most from it, though.  
CAG: You can't outfit them with your own weapons, can you? I'd love to make a little squad of Octet-throwing Prospitian gam8lignants.  
FAT: hAHA, uNFORTUNATELY, nO,  
FAT: oH, bUT YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT WORK REALLY WELL,  
FAT: pUTTING ALL THOSE POWERS ON A SQUAD OF iRREGULARCHERS,  
FAT: lIGHT GIVES A LOT OF PRECISION BONUSES TOO, sO IT'D PROBABLY INCREASE THEIR EFFECTIVE RANGE BY A LOT,  
FAT: cOMBINE THAT WITH ALL THE LUCK BONUSES, aND YOU'VE GOT A BIG BALL OF INSANELY DEADLY LONG RANGE CRITICAL HIT MACHINES,  
CAG: Oh fuck yes, that would 8e awesome!!!!!!!!  
CAG: It'd 8e like, they unleash one volley, and oh, what a coincidence, they each hit a separ8 Dersite peon right in the fucking eye!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Tavros, you've gotta help me find one of those transportalizer pads on LOMAT.  
CAG: We've had all this lodestone grist 8urning a hole in our collective pockets for a while now anyway!!!!!!!!  
FAT: hAHA, yEAH, oF COURSE,  
CCG: OKAY, SO WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING POINT HERE?  
FTC: The point is, motherfucker, that all this questing and Battlefield shit has all been a direct motherfuckin result from Nepeta's all shipping us together.  
FTC: So it's pretty much a massive motherfuckin error on judgment to say that it's been a waste of time.  
CGC: Y34H K4RKL3S  
CGC: TH4TS WH4T YOU W4NT3D 4LL 4LONG, 1SNT 1T?  
CGC: FOR US TO M4K3 SOM3 PROGR3SS ON TH3 G4M3?  
CGC: YOU WOULD H4V3 TO B3 4 PR3TTY SH1TTY L34D3R TO C4LL 1T OFF JUST B3C4US3 1T D1DNT WORK OUT TO YOUR OWN P3RSON4L ROM4NT1C F4VOR  
CCG: FUCK YOU.  
CGC: OH, WH4TS TH3 M4TT3R, K4RKL3S  
CGC: D1D 1 HURT YOUR F33L1NGS?  
CGC: 4R3 YOU GONN4 CRY NOW?  
CGC: L3T 4LL THOS3 T34RS OF 4 CL4SS1F13D COLOR FLOW DOWN YOUR L1K3W1S3 UND1SCLOS4BLY T1NT3D CH33KS  
CCG: NO SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU.  
CCG: I REALIZE THE IDEA THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE FEELINGS IS A JOKE TO YOU, BUT I DO.  
CCG: AND YOU'RE KIND OF SHITTING ALL OVER THEM RIGHT NOW.  
CGC: OH, G3T OV3R YOURS3LF, K4RK4T  
CGC: YOU HON3STLY TH1NK YOUR3 TH3 ONLY P3RSON WHO 3V3R LOV3D 4ND LOST?  
CGC: SO YOU FUCK3D UP  
CGC: G3T OV3R 1T  
CGC: TH3R3 4R3 OTH3R F1SH 1N TH3 S34, YOU KNOW  
CCG: OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DO NOT EVEN START USING FISH PUNS ON ME.  
CGC: 1LL H4K3 4LL TH3 F1SH PUNS 1 33L L1K3 H4K1NG  
CGC: CR4BSN4CK  
CGC: >8]  
CCG: UGH.  
CAC: :33 < terezi just stop it!!  
CGC: STOP WH4T?  
CAC: :33 < stop being mean to karkat!  
CGC: YOU M34N K4RK1TTY?  
CAC: :33 < no i mean karkat!!!  
CAC: :33 < just beclaws youre bitter or whatefur doesnt give you the right to make light of his f33lings!  
CAC: :33 < do you have any idea what hes going through right now, terezi?  
CAC: :33 < do you know just how awful it f33ls to be flushed fur somepawdy and know theyll nefur f33l the same about you??  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: NOT R34LLY  
CAC: :33 < well its terrible!  
CAC: :33 < its the worst, most terrible pain you can pawssibly imagine, and you dont have any right to make fun of him fur it at all!!!  
CGC: W3LL, H3S TH3 ON3 WHO ST4RT3D 1T  
CAC: :33 < well, im the one whos ending it!  
CAC: :33 < just stop it now!  
CGC: WOW N3P3T4  
CGC: 1 W4S JOK1NG B3FOR3, BUT 4R3 YOU R34LLY TH4T 34G3R TO 4USP1ST1C1Z3 FOR P3OPL3??  
CAC: :33 < >:OO  
CAC: :33 < no!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < im not interested in being in that kind of relationship betw33n you and karkat at all!!  
CGC: TH3N WHY 4R3 YOU D3F3ND1NG H1M SO H4RD?  
CAC: :33 < beclaws hes my furiend!  
CGC: 1M YOUR FR13ND TOO, N3P3T4  
CGC: 4ND YOUR OTH3R FR13ND H4S B33N 1NSULT1NG MY M4T3SPR1T 4ND 1MPLY1NG 1 HOOK3D UP W1TH H1M 4S SOM3 SORT OF FUCK3D UP PLOY  
CGC: SO M4YB3 YOU SHOULD B3 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 D1SCR1M1N4T1NG 1N P1CK1NG YOUR FR13NDS  
CAC: :33 < are you trying to make me choose betw33n you and him?  
CGC: 1M NOT M4K1NG YOU DO 4NYTH1NG, N3P3T4  
CGC: 1F 4NYON3 1S, 1TS K4RKL3S  
CAC: :33 < no its not!  
CAC: :33 < youre the ones whos doing it by being so mean to him!  
CCG: LOOK, NEPETA  
CCG: PLEASE JUST STOP DEFENDING ME, OKAY?  
CAC: :33 < no!  
CAC: :33 < i want to defend you, karkat!  
CGC: 4ND JUST WHY 1S TH4T?  
CAC: :33 < thats not any of your fucking business, terezi!  
CGA: Okay Look  
CGA: I Didnt Really Want To Intervene  
CGA: But This Whole Situation Is Getting Entirely Out Of Hand  
CGA: So I Think What We All Need To Do Right Now Is Just Calm Down And Try To Deal With This Calamity In A Civilized Manner  
CGC: WOW  
CGC: 4ND K4N4Y4 COM3S 1N 4ND SCHOOLF33DS US 4LL ON TH3 SUBJ3CT OF 4 PROPER 4USP1ST1C1Z4T1ON  
CGA: No Matter How Hard You May Try To Justify It Auspisticization Is Not A Real Word  
CGA: And Also  
CGA: Shut Up  
CGC: >8P  
CGC: 1 D1DNT KNOW YOU W3R3 1NTO FOUR-W4YS, K4N4Y4  
CGA: Im Not  
CGA: I Have Absolutely No Intention Of Initiating Any Mediation Of An Ashen Sort Between You And Karkat  
CCG: WHY NOT?  
CGA: Im  
CGA: Well  
CGA: Im Not Interested In Being In That Kind Of Relationship Between You Two Either  
CGA: Anyway You And Nepeta Are Friends And I Hate To See You Bickering With Each Other Over Something As Silly As This  
CGC: W3LL 1F YOUR3 SO 1NT3R3ST3D 1N R3SCU1NG FR13NDSH1PS  
CGC: WHY DONT YOU 4USP1ST1C3 B3TW33N K4RK4T 4ND 3R1D4N, TOO?  
CGA: Oh For Fucks Sake  
CGA: Despite What Reputation I May Have Built Up Among This Particular Peer Group I Dont Derive Any Particular Pleasure From Juggling Multiple Auspisticeships  
CGA: One Woman Can Only Do So Much  
CGA: If Youre Looking For A Miracle Worker Talk To Gamzee  
FTC: Hahaha, shiiiiit.  
FTC: Grubsis, are you all askin me to up and get my motherfuckin meddle on between my best platonic friend and my palebro?  
CGA: No Gamzee Of Course Not  
CGA: It Would Be Incredibly Inappropriate Of Me To Ask You To Engage In That Sort Of Relationship With Your Moirail  
FTC: Well, fuck.  
FTC: Hey, maybe you could do those two, and I could all handle Terezi and the catsis for you.  
CGA: Okay No Just Stop  
CGA: Gamzee Im Intrigued That Youve Taken Such A Sudden Interest In Initiating An Auspisticeship  
CGA: But Id Rather You Didnt Get Involved In This Particular Situation  
CGA: Frankly The Only Reason I Even Mentioned Your Name Was In Order To Make A Humorous Reference To Your Predilection Towards Miracles  
CGA: It Was A Joke  
FTC: Oh.  
FTC: Well mother fuck then.  
FTC: :o(  
CGA: Sorry  
CCA: ok look  
CCA: maybe this wwhole thing wwas a mistake  
CGC: WH4T  
CCA: i mean  
CCA: i like you ter  
CCA: seariously i really fuckin do  
CCA: but i didnt realize that us hookin up wwas gonna cause such an unbelievvable fuckin shitstorm of emotions for all parties invvolvved  
CCA: so maybe  
CCA: maybe wwe shouldnt be matesprits  
CGC: WH4T!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < what??  
CCG: WHAT.  
CGA: What  
CCA: look kars my friend ok  
CCA: an i didnt realize us becomin matesprits wwas gonna hurt him as much as it did  
CCA: an i certainly didnt think it wwas gonna come betwween you an nep  
CCA: so maybe its for the best that you be wwith him  
CGC: OK4Y, 3R1D4N  
CGC: 4S COMPL3T3LY 4DOR4BLY NOBL3 1T 1S OF YOU TO B3 OK4Y W1TH US BR34K1NG UP JUST FOR TH3 S4K3 OF 3V3RYON3 3LS3  
CGC: 1 4M S4Y1NG  
CGC: FUCK TH4T  
CGC: 4ND FUCK YOU FOR SUGG3ST1NG 1T  
CCA: wwhat  
CGC: 1M NOT 4N OBJ3CT 3R1D4N!  
CGC: NO M4TT3R WH4T K4RK4T M1GHT S4Y, YOU D1DNT ST34L M3 FROM H1M  
CGC: 4ND NO M4TT3R WH4Y YOU S4Y, YOU C4NT JUST FO1ST M3 OFF ON H1M  
CGC: 1M W1TH YOU B3C4US3 1 CHOS3 TO B3 W1TH YOU  
CGC: 4ND NOW 1M CHOOS1NG TO ST4Y W1TH YOU  
CCA: but evverything wwould be so much easier if you just wwent wwith kar  
CCA: wwhy wwould you wwant to stay wwith me  
CGC: B3C4US3 1 DONT G1V3 4 SH1T HOW 34SY OR H4RD 1T 1S  
CGC: 1 L1K3 YOU, 3R1D4N  
CGC: 4CTU4LLY, NO, FUCK TH4T  
CGC: 1 LOV3 YOU, 3R1D4N  
CGC: 1 LOV3 H4NG1NG OUT W1TH YOU 4ND T4LK1NG TO YOU  
CGC: 4BOUT 3V3RYTH1NG FROM ROL3PL4Y1NG TO H1STORY TO JUST PL41N STUP1D STUFF L1K3 F4SH1ON  
CGC: 4ND 1 LOV3 TH3 W4Y YOU T4LK TO M3, 4ND TH3 W4Y 1T M4K3S M3 F33L  
CGC: AND 1 LOV3 JUST S1TT1NG W1TH 4 P1L3 1N YOU, RUBB1NG YOUR S1LLY L1GHTN1NG BOLT HORNS 4ND DR1NK1NG F4YGO  
CCA: grfhhgfklj fuck wwas that really necessary  
CGC: Y3S >8]  
CCG: OKAY, ALL BITTERNESS ASIDE  
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU WERE FUCKING JOKING ABOUT DRINKING FAYGO.  
CGC: WHY D1DNT 4NYBODY T3LL M3 F4YGO C4M3 1N R3D!!!!!  
CGC: 3V3RY S1P 1S L1K3 4 W1LD CH3RRY 4P3SH1T 4POC4LYPS3 1N MY MOUTH  
FTC: Ahahaha, fuck yes!  
FTC: Yet another motherfuckin sister joins our righteous sugary cause!  
CCG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.  
CCG: THAT IS NOW A FULL THIRD OF OUR TEAM THAT IS ACTUALLY VOLUNTARILY INGESTING THAT CARBONATED RAW SEWAGE.  
CCG: ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, NEPETA?  
CCG: CAN YOU HONESTLY LOOK UPON THE DESECRATION OF GOOD TASTE YOU HAVE WROUGHT AND TELL ME YOU'RE DOING A GOOD THING?  
CAC: :33 < sorry karkat  
CCG: DON'T APOLOGIZE, I'M KIND OF JOKING.  
CAC: :33 < oh, okay  
CGC: WH4TS TH3 M4TT3R, K4RKL3S?  
CGC: M4D TH4T 1 FOUND 4NOTH3R SOURC3 FOR MY R3D FLU1D F1X?  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
CGC: OH R1GHT  
CGC: YOU ST1LL 4R3NT W1LL1NG TO D1SCLOS3 TH4T L1TTL3 J3W3L Y3T  
CCG: FUCK OFF.  
CCA: yknoww ter there are other flavvors besides redpop  
CCA: you should havve more of the grape its my favvorite  
CGC: OH, 1V3 TR13D TH3 GR4P3  
CGC: 4ND 1TS GOOD, DONT G3T M3 WRONG  
CGC: BUT 1 L1K3 YOUR GR4P3 B3TT3R  
CGC: >8]  
CCG: ASFKJHKLFDSKLJKLJFSDGKLJASDHFLKLFVBXZ  
CCG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.  
CCG: IS THIS SERIOUSLY WHAT WE'RE REDUCED TO, PEOPLE?  
CCG: BLURTING OUT WHATEVER DISGUSTING DEVIANT ACTS WE'RE ENGAGING IN AND THEN GIGGLING LIKE WE'RE SO FUCKING CLEVER FOR "ACCIDENTALLY" REMINDING EVERYONE WE'RE IN A QUADRANT?  
CCG: DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO TAKE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR DISGUSTING FETISHES AND DRAG IT INTO THE OPEN LIKE A FRESHLY SLAIN CHOLERBEAR  
CCG: AND THEN FLAY ALL OF ITS SKIN OFF AND HOIST ITS FLESHY BLOODY CORPSE UP FOR EVERYONE TO SEE?  
CCG: AND THEN YOU STRADDLE YOUR NAKED BODY OVER IT AS YOU SLOWLY BUTCHER IT CUT BY JUICY TENDER CUT  
CCG: AND WHEN THE BLOOD GETS TOO THICK ON YOUR HANDS, YOU WIPE THEM OFF ON YOUR LITHE, SURPRISINGLY MUSCULAR THIGHS  
CCG: AND SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU'RE FEELING A LITTLE DARING, YOU'LL REACH UP TO YOUR CHEST AND PAINT LITTLE CIRCLES OF BLOOD AROUND YOUR  
CCG: FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK HOW DID I HIT THE ENTER KEY  
CGC: >8O  
CGA: Um  
CAG: ........  
FAT: uH,  
CCA: kar wwhat the fuck are you goin on about  
CCG: I  
CCG: DON'T KNOW?  
CCG: I SERIOUSLY HAVE NO IDEA WHY I WOULD EVER TYPE THAT.  
CCG: PAST ME FROM THIRTY SECONDS AGO IS LITERALLY THE WORST ME.  
CGC: LOOK, K4RKL3S  
CGC: TH3R3 4R3 4NY NUMB3R OF W4YS TO 1NT3RPR3T MY PR3V1OUS ST4T3M3NT  
CGC: 4ND B31NG SUCH 4 WOND3RFUL GUY, YOU N4TUR4LLY D3C1D3D TO P1CK ON3 TH4T P41NT3D M3 TO B3 4N 34SY P41L F1LL, OF COURS3  
CGC: 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS TH3 P4RT1CUL4R S4MPL3 OF GR4P3 1 GOT C4M3 FROM L1CK1NG TH4T GOOFY PURPL3 STR1P3 1N H1S H41R  
CCA: hey cmon ter its not goofy  
CGC: 3R1D4N  
CGC: 1TS GOOFY  
CCA: ok if i actually dyed it this wway id be perfectly wwillin to admit that its goofy  
CCA: but seariously the stripe is all natural  
CCA: ivve tried wwashin it out before it doesnt wwork  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: OK4Y, 1 GU3SS 1TS NOT TH4T GOOFY  
CGC: 4ND 1N C4S3 4NYON3 1S WOND3R1NG  
CGC: 1T T4ST3S L1K3 GR4P3S, W1TH JUST TH3 SL1GHT3ST H1NT OF 4LCOHOL  
CGC: SORT OF L1K3 4 LOV3LY PORT W1N3  
CCA: oh  
CCA: i didnt take you for a wwine drinker ter  
CGC: 1 D4BBL3  
CCA: so are you sayin you find my blood color  
CCA: intoxicatin  
CGC: M1ST3R 4MPOR4  
CGC: TH4TS 3X4CTLY WH4T 1M S4Y1NG >8]  
CCG: OKAY, FUCK, JUST STOP.  
CCG: YOU'RE BEST MATESPRITS FOREVER, WE GET IT.  
CGC: HON3STLY, K4RKL3S  
CGC: W3R3 JUST G1V1NG TH1S 4 SHOT R1GHT NOW  
CCA: yeah i mean  
CCA: i realize this wwhole thing kinda just came outta nowwhere  
CCA: so right noww wwere just sorta testin the wwaters  
CCA: wwe havvent evven done anything yet  
CGC: B3S1D3S M4K1NG OUT  
CCA: ter please  
CGC: NO TH4NK YOU >8]  
CCG: UGH.  
CGC: HON3STLY, K4RKL3S, 1M K1ND OF OFF3ND3D  
CGC: WH4T K1ND OF G1RL DO YOU TH1NK 1 4M?  
CCG: I THINK YOU'RE THE KIND OF GIRL WHO WOULD FILL A PAIL WITH A GUY YOU BARELY EVEN KNOW JUST TO PISS ME OFF.  
CGC: >8O!!!  
CGC: FUCK YOU!!!!!  
CCA: ok kar seariously  
CCA: im your friend an all but you cant just say somethin about that like ter its completely uncalled for  
CCG: NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?  
CCG: YOU ARE NOT MY FUCKING FRIEND ANYMORE.  
CCG: WE ARE FRIENDS NO LONGER.  
CCG: EX-FUCKING-FRIENDS.  
CCG: FRANKLY, WE STOPPED BEING FRIENDS THE MOMENT YOU STOLE MY MATESPRIT.  
CGC: 1 W4S N3V3R YOUR M4T3SPR1T, 4SSHOL3!!  
CCG: WELL FINE THEN, FUCK YOU TOO!  
CCG: FUCK YOU, FUCK HIM, AND FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE WHILE WE'RE AT IT.  
CCG: I REALLY HOPE YOU TWO ARE HAPPY TOGETHER, BECAUSE FROM NOW ON, WE ARE MORTAL FUCKING ENEMIES.  
CCG: IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM.  
CCG: AS TEAM LEADER, I AM OFFICIALLY OUSTING YOU FROM THE TEAM.  
CCG: AND I'M ORDERING THE REST OF MY TEAMMATES TO NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN.  
CAG: Okay, no, that's stupid.  
CAG: If you give me that order, I'm not following it.  
CCG: OH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS TOO??  
CCG: YOU FEEL LIKE JOINING THEM IN THE OUSTING????  
CAG: Karkat, seriously, you're 8eing kind of a douche a8out this.  
FAT: uH, i'M SORT OF INCLINED TO AGREE,  
FAT: tHIS IS A REALLY BLATANT ABUSE OF YOUR AUTHORITY,  
CCG: OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.  
CCG: I SEE HOW IT'S GOING TO BE.  
CCG: THEN FUCK IT, EVERYBODY'S OUSTED FROM THE TEAM.  
CCG: EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES.  
CCG: EXCEPT ME, OF COURSE.  
CGC: SO NOW TH3 T34M 1S JUST YOU  
CGC: 4ND YOU ST1LL C4NT 4GR33 ON 4NYTH1NG!  
CGC: H4H4H4, 4W3SOM3 T34M K4RKL3S  
CAC: :33 < terezi, stop it!!!  
CAC: :33 < karkat please dont be mad at anypawdy else fur this!  
CAC: :33 < seriously, its all my fault!  
CCG: NEPETA, I ALREADY TOLD YOU I'LL BE MAD AT WHOEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO BE MAD AT.  
CCG: OH, AND I FORGOT, YOU'RE STILL ON THE TEAM.  
CGC: WH4T  
CGC: K4RK4T YOU 4R3 SO STUP1D SOM3T1M3S  
CCG: FUCK YOU, NON-TEAM MEMBER, DON'T TALK TO ME.  
CCG: IN FACT, NONE OF YOU ASSHOLES TALK TO ME.  
CCG: JUST FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FOREVER.  
CCG: EXCEPT YOU, NEPETA, YOU'RE COOL.  
CCG: SO NOW I'M BANNING MYSELF FROM THIS GAGGLE OF ASSHOLES.  
CCG: LATER FUCKHEADS.  
CCG banned himself from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < karkat wait!!!  
CAC: :33 < ugh  
CAC: :33 < terezi why would you do that!!!  
CGC: DO WH4T???  
CAC: :33 < you just k33p baiting him with all these little insults!!  
CAC: :33 < and its really not cool and you should just stop!!!!  
CGC: SO WH4T  
CGC: H3 JUST G3TS TO 1NSULT M3 4ND C4LL M3 4 WHOR3 W1TH 1MPUN1TY?  
CAC: :33 < yes!  
CAC: :33 < i mean no  
CAC: :33 < i mean  
CAC: :33 < i dont know okay!!!  
CAC: :33 < just stop it!!!!  
CGC: 1F H3S GO1NG TO B3 4N 4SSHOL3 TO M3  
CGC: TH3N 1M GO1NG TO B3 4N 4SSHOL3 TO H1M  
CGC: F41RS F41R  
CAC: :33 < no!!!  
CAC: :33 < hes really angry and hurt right now and all youre doing is making things worse so just stop being such a bitch!!!!!  
CGA: Okay Both Of You Please Stop This  
CGA: Arguing Amongst Yourselves Isnt Going To Accomplish Anything  
CAC: :33 < ill only stop if terezi stops being so mean to karkat!  
CGA: We Can Work Out The Particulars Of The Arrangement In A Private Conversation Later  
CGC: WHO4 WHO4 HOLD ON 4 M1NUT3  
CGC: WHO S41D 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT 4N 4RR4NG3M3NT?  
CGA: Im Sorry I Just Sort Of Assumed Thats What You Would Want  
CGA: Unless Of Course You Were Interested In Pursuing A Genuine Kismesissitude With Nepeta  
CCA: fuck no thats not wwhat shes interested in  
CCA: right ter  
CGC: NO, OF COURS3 NOT  
CGC: BUT 1 M34N  
CGC: TH1S 4LL S33MS K1ND OF SUDD3N  
CGA: Would You Prefer To Endlessly Bicker With Nepeta Over The Subject Of Karkat In Future Memos  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: NO, NOT R34LLY  
CGA: So  
CGA: This Is What You Want  
CGC: Y34H, OK4Y  
CGA: Okay Nepeta What About You  
CAC: :33 < fine, i guess  
CGA: Then Its Settled  
CGA: c3<  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, oh man, two quadrants in one night!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Welcome to the clu8, Terezi!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Oh hey, that sentence had a totally appopri8, totally unintentional dou8le meaning!!!!!!!! Awesome.  
CGC: WH4T3V3R >8P  
CAG: Aaaaaaaanyway, I should pro8a8ly get going.  
CAG: Good lord, this has 8een a long memo.  
CAG: 8ut hey, congrats again on getting hitched, you guys!!!!!!!!  
CGC: Y34H, TH4NKS  
CAG: And, uh........  
CAG: See you around, Terezi?  
CGC: M4YB3  
CGC: 1 ST1LL H4V3NT M4D3 UP MY M1ND Y3T  
CAG: Yeah, yeah, fair enough.  
CAG: 8ut hey, Eridan! We've still got some scheming to do!  
CAG: Talk to you after this memo, may8e?  
CCA: ehh maybe later vvris  
CCA: not really in the mood right noww  
CAG: 8ah, whatever.  
CAG: Tavros? You feel like doing something?  
FAT: mAYBE NOT RIGHT THIS INSTANT,  
FAT: gAMZEE'S STILL AT MY HIVE, sO WE MIGHT NEED TO,  
FAT: tAKE CARE OF SOME THINGS FIRST,  
FTC: Tavbro, as much as I'm all the mother fuck up for some things and the taking of care of them, you might want to delay all that shit for another fourteen minutes.  
FTC: From your end, I mean.  
FTC: Just for reasons of temporal motherfuckin consistency.  
FAT: hAHA, yES, oF COURSE,  
FAT: bUT MAYBE LATER TODAY, vRISKA,  
CAG: Yeah, yeah, okay, don't want to interrupt you guys.  
CAG: Kanaya, you're not gonna 8e to 8usy with all this ashen stuff to hang out with your m8sprit, are you?  
CGA: Of Course Not Vriska  
CGA: I Can Always Make Time For You  
CAG: Gr8!!!!!!!! See you soon then!  
CAG: Anyway, l8er!!!!!!!!  
CAG ceased responding to memo.  
FAT: yEAH, wE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING TOO,  
FAT: bUT CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN, tEREZI AND eRIDAN,  
FAT: aND HOPEFULLY WE CAN ROLEPLAY AGAIN SOON,  
CGC: Y34H, TH4T SOUNDS GR34T!  
CCA: yeah i guess  
CGC: 3R1D4N, STOP B31NG SO MOP3Y  
CGC: FORG3T 4BOUT K4RKL3S, H3S JUST B31NG 4 DOUCH3  
CCA: maybe  
CCA: i dont knoww  
CGC: >8[  
FAT: aNYWAY, i'LL BE GOING NOW,  
FAT: gAMZEE, sEE YOU IN FOURTEEN MINUTES,  
FAT: oR, i GUESS, rIGHT NOW FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE,  
FTC: Yeah, that's pretty much how it's appearing all out of this motherfuckin perspective.  
FTC: Oh shit.  
FTC: Okay, got to go, past Tavbro.  
FTC: See you in fourteen motherfuckin minutes.  
FTC: <3  
FTC ceased responding to memo.  
FAT: <3  
FAT: oH,  
FAT: wELL THAT'S,  
FAT: iNTERESTING, i GUESS,  
FAT: aNYWAY, i HAVE TO GO,  
FAT ceased responding to memo.  
CGA: Okay So  
CGA: Terezi And Eridan  
CGA: Im Really Happy For The Both Of You  
CGA: And I Hope Things Work Out For You  
CGC: TH4NKS K4N4Y4  
CCA: an thanks again for your help kan  
CGA: It Was Truly My Pleasure  
CGA: I Was Simply Happy To Put My Skills As A Seamstress To Work  
CGA: And As An Actress I Suppose  
CGA: Though I Dont Think My Acting Skills Are Quite As Developed As My Tailoring Skills  
CGA: But Then I Wasnt Really Acting All That Much Was I  
CGA: Really I Was Just Saying Things I Already Believed In An Antiquated Fashion And Changing The Names Around  
CGA: Urrgh Okay When I Start Rambling Like This Somebody Needs To Stop Me  
CCA: hahahaha  
CGA: Anyway I Look Forward To Designing More Costumes In The Future  
CGA: And Perhaps Even Designing Some Clothes For You To Wear For Normal Occasions If Thats Alright  
CCA: yeah kan id lovve that  
CCA: hey maybe wwhile youre auspisticizin these twwo you can make some clothes for them too  
CGC: WH4T  
CCA: anythin to get rid a that ratty old trenchcoat nep insists on traipsin around in  
CAC: :33 < eridan, shut up  
CCA: wwhat thats it  
CCA: cmon nep you can think of somethin better than that  
CAC: :33 < im not in the mood right now  
CAC: :33 < so just shut up  
CCA: ugh wwhatevver  
CGA: Anyway Terezi And Nepeta I Suppose Ill Talk To You After This  
CGC: Y34H, 1 GU3SS  
CAC: :33 < okay  
CGA: Good  
CGA: Well In That Case I Shall Depart  
CGA: Farewell  
CGA ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < okay, so  
CAC: :33 < thats it, i guess  
CGC: N3P3T4  
CGC: 1 KNOW YOUR3 K1ND OF M4D 4T M3 FOR WH4T3V3R R34SON R1GHT NOW  
CGC: 4ND YOUR3 4LW4YS M4D 4T 3R1D4N FOR 4 COMPL3T3LY D1FF3R3NT R34SON  
CGC: BUT TH4NKS 4 LOT FOR TH1S  
CCA: yeah nep thanks  
CCA: i really appreciate all the help youvve givven me ovver the past couple a days  
CCA: evven if you are kind of a stupid wwiggler sometimes  
CAC: :33 < ugh  
CCA: yeah yeah not in the mood i knoww  
CCA: but the point stands  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < youre welcome, i guess  
CGC: YOU GU3SS?  
CAC: :33 < i dont know, okay?  
CAC: :33 < its just  
CAC: :33 < i knew this wasnt going to be easy  
CAC: :33 < but i didnt think it would be this hard  
CGC: WH4TS H4RD?  
CAC: :33 < its  
CAC: :33 < nothing, nefurmind  
CAC: :33 < anyway, good luck, you two  
CAC: :33 < and if you efur n33d help, you can talk to me  
CGC: TH4NKS N3P3T4  
CGC: BUT W3 SHOULD PROB4BLY GO NOW  
CCA: yeah wwe probably should  
CCA: i guess you twwo are gonna talk to kan  
CGC: TH4TS TH3 PL4N  
CCA: wwell good luck wwith that  
CCA: talk to you later nep  
CAC: :33 < yeah, bye  
CCA ceased responding to memo.  
CGC: SO  
CAC: :33 < terezi, im sorry  
CAC: :33 < i was being kind of mean to you befur  
CGC: H3Y H3Y H3Y, S4V3 1T FOR K4N4Y4  
CGC: SH3 WONT B3 H4PPY 1F W3 3ND UP R3SOLV1NG OUR L1TTL3 D1SPUT3 W1THOUT TH3 N33D FOR H3R M3DDL1NG  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, i guess so  
CAC: :33 < so ill talk to you soon?  
CGC: Y3P  
CGC: S33 YOU SOON N3P3T4  
CGC: c3<  
CAC: :33 < is that a thing auspisticized people actually do?  
CAC: :33 < type clubs at each other?  
CGC: 1F 1T 1SNT, 1T 1S NOW  
CAC: :33 < okay, fine  
CAC: :33 < c3<  
CGC: Y34H, TH4TS TH3 SP1R1T!  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, BY3  
CGC ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < so  
CAC: :33 < what should i do now?  
CAC: :33 < i should k33p shipping, i guess  
CAC: :33 < right?  
CAC unbanned CCG from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < should i k33p shipping?  
CAC: :33 < karkat?  
CAC: :33 < ...  
CAC: :33 < *sigh*  
CAC: :33 < i dont know  
CAC: :33 < maybe ill just take a break fur now  
CAC: :33 < i dont even know if what im doing is right  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < no use k33ping this memo open, i guess  
CAC: :33 < and dont bother trying to interrupt my closing narration, im not even doing one  
CAC ceased responding to memo.  
  
CAC closed memo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOPS IT RAN A LITTLE LONG. HAVE ANOTHER 16,000+ WORD CHAPTER. And I actually wanted to include another pesterlog after the memo, but WELP.


	13. Aftermath

Chapter 13

Aftermath

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG].  
  
TC: Hey motherfucker.  
TC: Honk honk.  
CG: OH GREAT, GAMZEE.  
CG: YOU'RE HERE ON ERIDAN'S BEHALF, I ASSUME?  
CG: TELL HIM IF HE NEEDS TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME, HE SHOULD WORK UP THE GLOBES TO DO IT HIS OWN FUCKING SELF.  
CG: OH, THAT'S RIGHT, HE ALREADY TRIED THAT, AND I BLOCKED HIM.  
CG: SO REMIND HIM THAT THAT MEANS I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE HEARING ANY OF HIS HISTRIONIC SKYHORSE LEAVINGS, NO MATTER HOW MANY INTERMEDIARIES HE FEELS LIKE RELAYING THEM THROUGH.  
TC: Nah, motherfucker, it ain't any such horseshit as that.  
TC: Can't a motherfucker all up and talk at his best platonic motherfuckin friend without any ulterior motherfuckin motives?  
CG: NO.  
TC: Alright, so it ain't exactly accurate to say that I'm lacking on any motives what could be described like ulterior.  
TC: But the truth is, it all seems like your shit just performed an acrobatic motherfuckin pirouette over the handle, and I was all figuring maybe you just needed some motherfucker to up and talk around that shit towards.  
CG: UH  
CG: GAMZEE, IS THIS  
CG: A PROPOSITION?  
TC: What?  
TC: Well, shit, I guess it's a proposition on so far like to say what I'm proposing we shoot the proverbial shit like a cardboard waterfowl up on a shooting gallery at a dark motherfuckin carnival.  
CG: NO, I MEAN  
CG: IT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE YOU'RE PROPOSING A, UH  
CG: A PALE INDISCRETION.  
TC: Awwwww, mother fuck, not any of this bullshit like around pale infidelity or whatever the fuck that shit may be.  
TC: The way I'm all seein it, if a motherfucker can't talk towards his best platonic motherfuckin friend about some shit what's all up in his mind, then what's the point on having a best platonic friend on the motherfuckin first place?  
CG: WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT?  
TC: Keep saying what, motherfucker?  
CG: THAT I'M YOUR "BEST PLATONIC FRIEND"  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.  
TC: Well, before it was as you were my best friend period.  
TC: But now that I'm all palebros with Eridan and flushed as a motherfucker at Tavbro, I'm all thinkin it's fair to up and motherfuckin say you got some competition.  
TC: But it's not like I'm gonna try to rank you three bros against each other, so I'll just say you're all up and motherfuckin equivalent on my book.  
TC: Well, wait, that shit ain't exactly accurate.  
TC: I don't think I'll be hurting the feelings of any particular motherfucker to say I like Tavbro more I like them.  
TC: Seeing like that seems to be the whole motherfuckin point on the flushed quadrant in general.  
TC: But between you and my palebro, I ain't seein any motherfuckin need to draw comparisons across the two of you.  
TC: So you're my best platonic friend, and Eridan's my best non-platonic friend except for Tavros, who's obviously towering way the fuck over both you two motherfuckers.  
TC: If that shit makes any sense in all.  
CG: UH  
CG: KIND OF?  
TC: And seeing like you're both my best motherfuckin friends at one denomination or another, it's kind of harshing my buzz to see you all gettin your motherfuckin fight on.  
TC: So I'd like it if you could all just up and cut that shit right the mother fuck off if at all possible.  
CG: OKAY, NOW IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO AUSPISTICIZE US.  
TC: Oh sweet merciful mother fuck.  
TC: I ain't tryin to pull any sort of motherfuckin moirail-auspistice double reacharound over your nubby-horned ass, alright, bro?  
TC: The fact in the motherfuckin matter is I'm Eridan's palebro, and being like his palebro, it's kind of my motherfuckin responsibility to all solve his problems what he can't solve on his own motherfuckin self.  
TC: And right now, your being all motherfuckin angry on him is a problem, and you already made that shit clear as crystal Faygo what you aren't hearin a motherfuckin peep off of him.  
TC: So it all falls to me to resolve this shit on my own self.  
TC: So let's talk.  
TC: Motherfucker.  
CG: UH  
CG: OKAY  
CG: WE'LL TALK  
TC: Okay, good.  
CG: SO  
CG: WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT, GAMZEE?  
TC: Well, first of all, if I may.  
TC: I'd ask what you not refer to me like Gamzee.  
TC: That shit's my old name, an artifact of an older persona what doesn't exist on any particular fashion anymore.  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: YOU'RE CHANGING YOUR NAME?  
TC: Shit yeah, brother.  
TC: The Verbal Messiah, throughout Rufio, his Prophet, has enlightened me on becoming one with The Flow, and via its rhythmic pulse my old self has been destroyed and rebuilt anew, shining and whole.  
TC: And within this new ego, he also bequeathed upon me a new name, fitting for the Prophet's closest disciple.  
TC: From now on, I humbly request what you refer to me as Thud Butt.  
CG: THUD BUTT.  
TC: Yes.  
CG: OKAY  
CG: AS MUCH AS I WANT TO RESPECT YOUR WEIRD NEW RELIGION  
CG: THERE IS PRETTY MUCH NO FUCKING WAY I'M CALLING YOU THAT.  
TC: Yeah, I kind of up and figured that was something you'd never motherfuckin agree upon.  
TC: Thought it was all worth a motherfuckin shot, though.  
CG: YEAH, NO, NOT REALLY.  
TC: Well, shit.  
CG: SO SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?  
TC: You tell me, motherfucker.  
TC: You're the one what's all up and gettin' his angry on.  
CG: SO YOU WANT ME TO SAY WHY I'M ANGRY.  
CG: LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY FUCKING KNOW.  
TC: Sure, brother.  
TC: Just get that shit all out over the motherfuckin table so we can get a good motherfuckin peek up on it.  
CG: OKAY, FINE.  
CG: I'M ANGRY BECAUSE YOUR "PALEBRO" WENT BEHIND MY BACK TO BECOME MATESPRITS WITH TEREZI, EVEN THOUGH HE ALREADY KNEW I WAS FLUSHED FOR HER.  
CG: IS THAT A COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE THING TO BE FUCKING FURIOUS ABOUT?  
TC: Nah, bro, I see where you're coming out of.  
TC: The two of you probably made some sort of pact where he'd all agree to stay the fuck off your girl before you made your move.  
TC: And he up and broke that shit like a priceless vase precariously perched up on the world's shakiest motherfuckin pedestal.  
CG: UH  
CG: NOT EXACTLY.  
TC: What?  
CG: WE NEVER REALLY MADE ANY SORT OF PACT.  
TC: Oh.  
TC: Well still, I get why you're all feelin betrayed.  
TC: You up and confided that shit for him, and the motherfucker totally broke your trust.  
CG: UGH, OKAY, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.  
TC: Doing what, motherfucker?  
TC: I'm just all drawing some motherfuckin conclusions based over the information what you're up and providing at me.  
CG: DON'T PLAY DUMB, GAMZEE.  
CG: I'VE HEARD ENOUGH OF YOU BEING GENUINELY DUMB TO KNOW WHEN YOU'RE FAKING IT.  
TC: Bro, going solely out of just how motherfuckin angry you are in this whole situation, I'm sort of up and assuming the worst for anything you tell at me.  
TC: So if I'm reaching a conclusion you find to be erroneous, you might feel the need to motherfuckin elucidate.  
CG: OKAY, OKAY, FINE.  
CG: I NEVER ACTUALLY TOLD HIM I WAS FLUSHED FOR TEREZI.  
TC: Oh, okay.  
CG: BUT HE STILL KNEW.  
TC: He guessed.  
CG: HE DEDUCED.  
TC: But he didn't confirm.  
CG: SO WHY DIDN'T HE CONFIRM?  
CG: HOW FUCKING HARD WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN?  
CG: SEND ME A MESSAGE SAYING, "HEY, I'M GONNA PULL SOME RIDICULOUS FUCKING ROLEPLAYING STUNT TO HOOK UP WITH TEREZI, IS THAT COOL? LOVE, ERIDAN."  
TC: Well, fuck, I'll admit it probably would've been a good motherfuckin idea to confirm his suspicions under you and your feelings at the motherfuckin dragonsis.  
TC: But there's some shit you should probably know.  
CG: WHAT?  
TC: Now, keep on your motherfuckin think pan, I'm only telling this shit at you because I think if my palebro were talking at you, he'd say this shit towards you his own motherfuckin self.  
TC: But before he went through in this shit, he told at me that he thought you might be flushed at Terezi, and he was afraid this shit would all put some serious hurt on your feelings.  
TC: But he was pretty confident that it wouldn't be that motherfuckin bad.  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK NOT?  
TC: Couldn't say, motherfucker.  
TC: I asked him why, but he just said it was a motherfuckin secret.  
CG: OKAY, THAT IS A SERIOUSLY BULGE-CHAFING LOAD OF BEHEMOTH LEAVINGS.  
CG: WHAT SECRET ABOUT ME COULD HE POSSIBLY HAVE THAT WOULD MAKE HIM THINK IT WAS OKAY FOR HIM TO GO AFTER TEREZI?  
TC: Told you, bro, I ain't got a motherfuckin clue.  
TC: Could be he thought it was just a little crush, and that once he all made his move, you'd just lose motherfuckin interest on it.  
TC: Or maybe he thought you weren't interested over any of this romance shit at all, and the only shits you gave were on beatin the game.  
TC: Fuck, I don't know, could have even thought there was some other motherfucker what you were flushed at even more than your clientsis.  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: OKAY, NO, THAT IS SOME COMPLETE MUSCLEBEAST DISCHARGE.  
CG: WHO THE FUCK ELSE WOULD HE THINK I WAS FLUSHED FOR??  
TC: I don't know, bro.  
TC: Is there any motherfucker what you're flushed for?  
CG: AND JUST HOW IN THE NAME OF FUCK IS THAT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS?  
TC: I'll admit my business doesn't do any motherfuckin dealing in shit of that particular variety.  
TC: But if you actually were all up and flushing on some other motherfucker that hard, I'm not thinking it would be a huge motherfuckin stretch what he might have picked up off that shit.  
TC: I mean, he found out around your feelings against Terezi.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DIFFERENCE DOES THIS EVEN MAKE?  
CG: WHATEVER HIS REASONS WERE, THEY WERE SOME SERIOUSLY SPECIOUS SHIT.  
CG: THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS HE KNEW I WAS FLUSHED FOR HER, AND HE WENT AHEAD WITH HIS LITTLE SCHEME ANYWAY.  
CG: AND ENORMOUS FUCKING SURPRISE: I'M ANGRY!!!!!  
CG: WOW!!!!! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT???????  
TC: Bro, I perfectly motherfuckin understand your all up and being motherfuckin angry around this.  
TC: I ain't saying you're unjustified on that shit at all.  
TC: But my palebro's real motherfuckin upset under this whole shitstorm, and there's got to be some shit we can do on it.  
CG: OF COURSE'S HE'S FUCKING UPSET.  
CG: I CALLED HIM A TRAITOR AND ACCUSED TEREZI OF HOOKING UP WITH HIM JUST TO FUCK WITH ME.  
CG: BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE WANT TO DO ABOUT IT? CHALLENGE ME TO A DUEL OR SOMETHING?  
TC: Nah, motherfucker, you all misunderstood at me.  
TC: He's upset, but I never motherfuckin said he was angry towards you.  
TC: Truth in the matter is, the motherfucker's outright despondent.  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: SO HE'S NOT MAD, HE'S  
CG: DEPRESSED?  
TC: Yeah, motherfucker, he's pretty much inconsolable.  
TC: He feels as a proper motherfucker what for going around your motherfuckin back on all this.  
TC: But all on the same time... he really loves her, bro.  
TC: And now he all feels as he's got to up and choose between his best friend and his matesprit.  
CG: HE DOES?  
TC: Yeah, brother.  
CG: WELL  
CG: UGH.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK IS NOBODY ELSE MAD ABOUT THIS???  
CG: IT'S LIKE THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WHO'S REMOTELY ANGRY ABOUT THIS IS TEREZI  
CG: WHO'S JUST INSANELY FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT IT FOR SOME REASON.  
TC: Yeah, about that, bro...  
CG: WHAT?  
TC: All up in that last memo, it seems like...  
TC: Well...  
TC: You were getting, like, REALLY motherfuckin angry on her.  
TC: Like, scary angry.  
CG: UGH, YEAH, I KNOW.  
CG: BUT YOU SAW THE SHIT SHE WAS SAYING TO ME, RIGHT?  
CG: IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS GOING OUT OF HER WAY TO PISS ME OFF.  
TC: Shit, I don't know, maybe she was.  
TC: Still though, motherfucker, it just seems motherfuckin weird how mad you all got up at that sister.  
CG: HOW IS IT WEIRD?  
CG: I'M THE ANGRY GUY. IT'S KIND OF MY THING.  
CG: THE FACT THAT SHE WAS PROBABLY DELIBERATELY EGGING ME ON IS JUST THE PISS-FLAVORED ICING ON THE TRIPLE DECKER HATE CAKE.  
TC: Yeah, but you're flushed on her, right?  
CG: WELL, NOT ANY FUCKING MORE I'M NOT!  
TC: But you were on the motherfuckin time.  
CG: JUST WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU IMPLYING HERE, GAMZEE?  
TC: Ain't implying shit, motherfucker.  
TC: Just trying to see where the fuck all this rage is coming the mother fuck out of.  
CG: IT'S CALLED VACILLATION, OKAY?  
CG: IT'S A PERFECTLY NORMAL THING THAT HAPPENS TO TROLLS OF ALL AGES WHEN THEY'RE IN THE THROES OF CONCUPISCENT LUST.  
CG: I MEAN, FUCK, EVEN YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE.  
CG: REMEMBER A FEW DAYS AGO, WHEN YOU WERE THREATENING TO CULL TAVROS?  
TC: Yeah, but I was suffering on severe motherfuckin withdrawal symptoms under a psychotropic hallucinogen that I'd been ingesting in massive motherfuckin quantities.  
CG: ...  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
TC: What?  
CG: GAMZEE, WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU LEARN ALL THESE WORDS?  
TC: Awwww shit, it wasn't any of my motherfuckin intention to all up and spray my logorrhea all up on this conversation.  
TC: I'm just all tryin to diversify my motherfuckin vocabulary for the sake of my slams, bro.  
CG: YOUR SLAMS.  
TC: Yeah, bro.  
TC: Slam poetry.  
TC: It's all about slinging rhymes and shit.  
TC: So the ways I'm all seeing it, the more words you know, the more rhymes you can make.  
TC: And thus the more pain you can bring to the motherfuckin slamming grounds.  
CG: UH  
CG: OKAY  
TC: My palebro all hooked me up within this motherfuckin book called a "thesaurus" or some such shit like that.  
TC: It's got all these motherfuckin words up on it and then a whole motherfuckin cluster of words what mean the same thing.  
TC: It's some seriously salubrious shit.  
CG: UM  
TC: Oh fuck, speakin on salubrious shit, I've got to all up and get that pie off the motherfuckin oven.  
TC: Sorry if I'm all distracted and shit.  
CG: WAIT, WHAT?  
CG: GAMZEE, ARE YOU BACK ON THE PIES AGAIN????  
TC: Awwww shit, look at this motherfucker all up and being unclear over this shit.  
TC: I ain't talking around THE pies, bro.  
TC: Now, don't get all motherfuckin wrong on me, I AM currently baking a whole mother fuck load of pies all up in this bitchin kitchen.  
TC: But I ain't throwing any motherfuckin slime on any of that shit.  
CG: OKAY  
CG: SO YOU'RE MAKING  
CG: REGULAR PIES.  
TC: I ain't sure if I'd be content to all up and call this shit regular, but yeah bro, these are definitely pies on a more conventional motherfuckin sense.  
TC: Just pulling a cherry motherfucker off the oven right now, gotta let that shit chill the fuck out in the windowsill for a spell.  
TC: I was actually baking that shit all on honor for the happy new motherfuckin couple, being all honest and shit.  
TC: Wanted to bake a motherfuckin cake, but that shit's way the mother fuck out of my skill level now, so I started with something simple.  
TC: I figured the sis would dig it just on the motherfuckin color alone.  
CG: OH.  
CG: THAT'S  
CG: NICE, I GUESS?  
TC: Aw fuck, sorry, bro.  
TC: Look at me all up and rubbing the granular ionic compound all down on that gaping motherfuckin wound of yours.  
CG: NO, IT'S FINE.  
CG: THIS IS TOO WEIRD TO MAKE ME ANGRY.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BAKING PIES?  
TC: Well, ever since I all kicked the sopor like a motherfuckin hackey sack, I got all these empty pie tins and fuck all to do within them.  
TC: Took that shit up to the consort village, looking to buy myself some fresh motherfuckin ingredients,  
TC: But when I flashed a motherfuckin tin out, all these olms or whatever the fuck they are start flippin their shit off at me around some kind of motherfuckin quest.  
TC: So now I'm up in this motherfuckin amphibian kitchen, baking down some motherfuckin pies up with all these rowdy motherfuckers.  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
CG: WHAT KIND OF NOOKMUNCHINGLY IDIOTIC QUEST REQUIRES YOU TO BAKE PIES TO COMPLETE IT??  
TC: Well, shit sounds simple enough. Bake fifty pies and turn all those motherfuckers in on the head chef.  
TC: He's the one wearing the biggest, fanciest motherfuckin chef's hat.  
TC: Or at least he was, until I up and ganked that shit.  
TC: Now he's the only amphibious motherfucker in this victualblock what's gone unhaberdashed.  
TC: He's still pretty mad on that particular issue, now that I'm all getting my think on about it.  
TC: I don't suppose you all got any sort of replacement hat what I could give this rancorous motherfucker to make him get his calm on?  
CG: UM  
CG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE HIM HIS HAT BACK?  
TC: Naw, I don't think you understand, motherfucker.  
TC: This hat.  
TC: This hat is a motherfuckin miracle all up on its motherfuckin self.  
CG: UGH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, FINE.  
CG: AS A MATTER OF FACT, I THINK I DO HAVE A HAT SOMEWHERE IN THIS AWFUL SYLLADEX OF MINE.  
CG: OKAY, HERE'S THE CODE  
CG: MHaMotMC  
TC: Okay, let me just punch that shit all up in my pocket holomiter.  
TC: Awwwww shit, this is the hat what that angry motherfucker with the knives was all wearing, isn't it?  
CG: IT WAS HIS SPARE, ACTUALLY  
CG: HE GAVE IT TO ME AS A GIFT  
CG: AND THEN HE STABBED ME  
CG: BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT WAS A STAB OF APPROVAL.  
TC: Hahaha, fuck yeah.  
TC: Aw shit, I'm pretty motherfuckin sure this gourmet motherfucker approves over it most heartily.  
TC: Says it makes him look hardboiled, and I'm pretty motherfuckin inclined on agreeing.  
TC: Thanks on that shit, bro.  
CG: YEAH, DON'T MENTION IT.  
CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS STUPID QUEST?  
CG: BECAUSE IT LOOKS TO ME TO BE AN INSULTINGLY BLATANT WASTE OF TIME.  
TC: I was thinking all that particular shit up at first too, motherfucker, but apparently this shit's tied onto my Rage powers somehow.  
TC: Thinkin on it, I guess it kind of makes motherfuckin sense.  
TC: When I first got up in this victualblock, all these motherfuckin geckos or whatever the fuck they are were all wreckin some motherfuckin havoc up in this bitch.  
TC: All screamin and hollerin and throwin motherfuckin flour and shit all every which motherfuckin possible way what shit can be thrown.  
TC: But after I got here, I kinda got all these rowdy motherfuckers into control, and now we're crankin up pies like nobody's motherfuckin business.  
TC: Shit's settled onto a pretty decent motherfuckin rhythm, bro.  
TC: Maybe even decent enough to slam on...  
CG: OH MY DEAR SWEET FUCK NO.  
CG: GAMZEE, IF YOU START RAPPING, I AM LITERALLY GOING TO KILL MYSELF.  
CG: I WILL TAKE OUT MY SICKLE AND DRAW IT ACROSS MY EAGER THROAT  
CG: AND WITH MY DYING BREATHS, I WILL GATHER THE LIFEFORCE DRIPPING FROM MY JUGULAR INTO MY TREMBLING HANDS AND SCRAWL ONE FINAL CHILLING MESSAGE ONTO THE WALLS OF MY HIVE.  
CG: AND THAT MESSAGE WILL BE  
CG: "GAMZEE'S SHITTY POETRY MADE ME DO THIS."  
TC: Shit, okay, bro, I won't start rapping on you.  
TC: Ain't got to lose your shit all up under it.  
CG: YES I DO.  
TC: 'Sides, I'm trying to keep that shit private across me and Tavros.  
TC: It's kind of a thing with us.  
CG: UH  
CG: SHOULD I EVEN ASK?  
TC: I wouldn't, motherfucker.  
CG: EEEUUUUGH.  
TC: Anyway, you want a motherfuckin pie?  
TC: I could all send the captcha code up at you and you could alchemize that shit up like it's fresh out the motherfuckin windowsill.  
CG: YOU WANT TO SEND ME A PIE?  
TC: Sure, bro.  
TC: When a motherfucker's spirits are all being down, nothing warms that shit up away to Skaia like a warm, delicious slice of motherfuckin pie.  
CG: UH  
CG: OKAY, I GUESS  
TC: What flavor were you all up and wanting, bro?  
CG: FUCK, I DON'T KNOW.  
CG: ANYTHING BUT CHERRY.  
TC: Yeah, that shit needs some more time to get its motherfuckin chill on within the first place.  
TC: Oh fuck, I know, I'll send you a motherfuckin apple rock and rye.  
CG: APPLE WHAT?  
TC: Here, I'll give you the motherfuckin captcha code.  
TC: IDWtTtaS  
CG: OKAY, GIVE ME A SECOND HERE.  
CG: UH  
CG: WOW  
CG: HOLY SHIT.  
CG: GAMZEE, THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD.  
TC: Haha, thanks, brother.  
CG: IT'S LIKE  
CG: THE CRUST IS ALL LIGHT AND FLAKY  
CG: AND THEN THE FILLING IS ALL WARM AND GOOEY  
CG: AND THERE'S DEFINITELY APPLES IN THERE  
CG: BUT IT TASTES LIKE SOMETHING ELSE IS IN THERE, TOO.  
CG: IT ALMOST TASTES LIKE  
CG: ALCOHOL?  
TC: Oh, that's just the secret motherfuckin ingredient.  
CG: WHAT IS IT?  
CG: FUCK, IT ISN'T SOPOR, IS IT?  
TC: Nah, it ain't any such shit like that, motherfucker.  
TC: Just a little personal tweak I all made to the recipe.  
TC: Whereas it all calls for some simple syrup, I just replace that shit with some boiled up Faygo.  
CG: HRKRFHFDJKGBDKSJHFSDGKKLJH  
CG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK  
CG: GAMZEE, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT????  
CG: OH GOD, I  
CG: I PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH!  
CG: I FUCKING SWALLOWED IT!!!  
CG: THAT CLOWNISH EFFLUVIA IS STEWING IN MY DIGESTION SAC AS WE FUCKING SPEAK!!!!!  
CG: FUCKING SON OF A FUCK  
CG: I'VE GOT TO GET IT OUT  
CG: FUCK, HOW DO YOU INDUCE VOMITING AGAIN?  
CG: YOU STICK LIKE TWO FINGERS DOWN YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE, RIGHT???  
TC: Bro.  
TC: I think you're motherfuckin overreacting.  
CG: I'M NOT OVERREACTING, YOU TEN GALLON BARREL OF FUCK!  
CG: THIS SHIT IS LIKE FUCKING BRAIN POISON  
TC: Bro, it's just...  
TC: It's just water and sugar.  
TC: And some natural and artificial motherfuckin flavors, I guess.  
CG: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, ASSHOLE??  
CG: YOU THINK IT'S SOME KIND OF BIG MOTHERFUCKING JOKE THAT YOU JUST TRIED TO FUCKING POISON ME WITH THIS TOXIC FUCKING SWILL???  
CG: WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU!  
CG: FUCK YOU, AND FUCK ERIDAN, AND FUCK EVERY NOOKSCRAPING SACK OF PUSTULANT WHALE PHLEGM THAT EVER WILLINGLY POURED THAT FROTHING ELIXIR OF DESPAIR INTO HIS GAPING WINDHOLE!  
CG: I HOPE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES GETS DIABETES, AND KANAYA IS FORCED TO REDUCE YOU ALL TO A BUNCH OF BLIND, TOOTHLESS TORSOS!  
TC: Karkat.  
CG: WHAT???  
TC: You're kind of being an asshole right now.  
TC: So calm the mother fuck down.  
CG: I  
CG: UH  
CG: I AM BEING AN ASSHOLE, AREN'T I?  
TC: Yeah, motherfucker.  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: OKAY, JUST  
CG: UGH.  
CG: SORRY.  
TC: It's cool, bro.  
CG: NO IT'S NOT FUCKING COOL.  
CG: LIKE, I'M JUST  
CG: I'M BASICALLY A COMPLETELY IRREDEEMABLE ASSHOLE.  
CG: IT'S LIKE, BEFORE I KIND OF TOOK IT FOR GRANTED THAT ABOUT HALF OF MY FRIENDS WERE UNLOVABLE SOCIOPATHS  
CG: WHICH MADE ME AT LEAST A SEMI-DECENT PERSON PRETTY MUCH BY DEFAULT  
CG: BUT NOW NEPETA'S SHIPPING EVERYONE, AND VRISKA'S BEING ALL NICE, AND ERIDAN'S BEING ALL NOBLE  
CG: AND FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON, YOU SOMEHOW BECAME SOMETHING MORE THAN A COMPLETE WASTE OF SPACE  
CG: BUT I'M JUST MY SAME OLD FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT SELF  
CG: AND NOW MY WHOLE "ANGRY SHOUTY GUY" SHTICK IS JUST FUELING PARADOX SPACE'S FASTEST SCUTTLEBUGGY IN A RACE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE FRIEND HEAP.  
CG: I AM THE WORST GUY.  
CG: IT'S ME.  
TC: I don't know when it's all true what you're the worst motherfuckin guy, bro.  
CG: REALLY?  
CG: NAME ONE PERSON WORSE THAN ME.  
TC: Well...  
TC: Equius is still the same motherfuckin tool what he always was.  
CG: HAHAHA, YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.  
CG: OKAY, SO MAYBE I'M JUST THE SECOND WORST GUY.  
CG: BUT THEY DON'T HAND OUT TROPHIES JUST FOR NOT BEING IN LAST.  
TC: Nah, I guess not.  
TC: Still, ain't no motherfuckin place to go off the bottom but up.  
CG: YEAH, I GUESS  
CG: BUT WHERE DO I EVEN START?  
CG: IT'S LIKE  
CG: NO OFFENSE, GAMZEE, BUT YOU USED TO BE JUST A COMPLETELY WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.  
CG: BUT NOW YOU'RE  
CG: THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT?  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU PULL THAT OFF?  
TC: It was all within the help of my motherfuckin friends, bro.  
TC: Ain't none of this shit would've been possible excluding the motherfuckin help of Tavros and Eridan.  
TC: And shit, can't up and leave off the initial motherfuckin meddling from the catsister making all that shit go up on the first place.  
CG: WELL  
CG: THAT KIND OF MAKES SENSE, I GUESS.  
TC: Maybe you could all enlist her motherfuckin help on yourself, bro.  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
TC: I mean, get that lady to work her shipping magic all up on you.  
TC: All find you a motherfuckin matesprit and a motherfuckin moirail.  
CG: I  
CG: UH  
CG: I CAN'T REALLY TALK TO HER.  
TC: Why the mother fuck not?  
CG: I JUST  
CG: I CAN'T, OKAY?  
TC: Well, shit, if you say so.  
TC: Still, it might all be in your motherfuckin benefit to find yourself a motherfuckin moirail anyway.  
CG: LIKE WHO, EXACTLY?  
CG: THE WELL IS KIND OF DRYING UP, GAMZEE, AND ALL THE REAL PSYCHOPATHS HAVE BEEN TAKEN ALREADY.  
CG: WHO DOES THAT LEAVE ME WITH?  
CG: ARADIA, MAYBE?  
CG: IS SHE STILL RANDOMLY DESTROYING SHIT?  
TC: Uh...  
CG: WELL, I GUESS THERE'S SOLLUX TOO  
CG: BUT UGH.  
CG: I DON'T THINK I COULD MAKE IT THROUGH A FEELINGS JAM WITH THAT GUY WITHOUT PUNCHING HIM IN HIS SMUG MUTANT FACE.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, I'M PRETTY MUCH OUT OF OPTIONS HERE.  
TC: Uh, bro?  
CG: WHAT  
TC: Why are you all just motherfuckin assuming your moirail's got to be a dangerous motherfucker?  
CG: BECAUSE, GAMZEE  
CG: I'M A BORN CONCILIATOR.  
CG: IF I'M GOING TO BE IN A MOIRALLEGIANCE, I'M GOING TO BE THE ONE DOING ALL THE SHOOSHING AND PAPPING, OKAY?  
CG: THAT'S JUST HOW IT WORKS.  
TC: Well...  
TC: What if it wasn't?  
CG: WHAT.  
TC: What if you were the rowdy motherfucker what needed pacifying via some other calm, collected brother or sister?  
CG: GAMZEE, I DON'T THINK YOU GET THIS.  
CG: I AM THE TROLL MEL GIBSON TO NO MAN'S TROLL DANNY GLOVER.  
CG: IF ANYONE IS GOING TO BE TROLL DANNY GLOVER, IT'S GOING TO BE ME.  
TC: Uhhh...  
TC: What?  
CG: YOU KNOW, THE TROLL DANNY GLOVER TO SOMEBODY'S TROLL MEL GISBON?  
CG: THE TROLL JACKIE CHAN TO THEIR TROLL CHRIS TUCKER?  
CG: THE COMBINED TROLL JUDGE REINHOLD AND TROLL JOHN ASHTON TO THEIR TROLL EDDIE MURPHY?  
CG: ARE YOU HONESTLY TELLING ME YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A PALE ROMANTIC COMEDY IN YOUR ENTIRE POINTLESS LIFE???  
TC: Uh, not really?  
CG: LOOK, THE POINT IS, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO INTEREST IN BEING IN A MOIRALLEGIANCE WHERE I'M THE ONE BEING KEPT IN LINE.  
TC: Shit's not as bad as it motherfuckin sounds, bro.  
TC: It's just when your shit gets up and wound too motherfuckin tight, you've got a motherfucker there what can unwind it.  
TC: You sure you wouldn't be all interested on that?  
TC: Maybe getting all up in a pile with the motherfuckin fish princess and glubbing your problems away?  
CG: FEFERI? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  
CG: I KIND OF CAN'T STAND HER.  
CG: TALKING TO HER IS LIKE A CHTHONIC TENTACLE FORCING RAW SUGAR DOWN MY UNWILLING GULLET WHILE A SCHOOL OF UNDULATING HORRORS SING A DELIGHTFUL CHORUS ON THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP.  
CG: OH GOD, I CAN FEEL ITS SLIMY, UNCTUOUS THRASHING IN MY THROAT JUST THINKING OF THE SOUND OF HER VOICE.  
TC: Uh...  
TC: Okay, well what around the fairy grubmother?  
CG: WHO?  
TC: Kanaya.  
CG: THAT'S A TERRIBLE NICKNAME, IDIOT.  
TC: Well, fuck, they can't all be motherfuckin winners.  
TC: But still, I could see you and her all gettin motherfuckin cozy while she up and gets her meddle on all up under you.  
CG: OKAY, LET ME MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR RIGHT THE FUCK NOW:  
CG: I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THE FUCKING SLIGHTEST IN SOME FLIGHTY BROAD DOTING OVER ME LIKE A FRESHLY HATCHED GRUB, OKAY?  
CG: I'M NOT ABOUT TO SPILL MY GUTS TO KANAYA ABOUT ALL MY EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE AND LET HER DEFUSE ALL MY STUPID LITTLE HANGUPS WITH ALL HER "LOGIC" AND "REASONING" HORSESHIT.  
CG: AND I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO LAY IN A PILE WITH HER AND LET HER COO AFFIRMATIONS INTO MY EAR AS SHE SLOWLY RUBS THE BASE OF MY HORNS, SENDING WAVES OF RELAXATION COURSING THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE BODY.  
CG: I DON'T WANT THAT.  
CG: SERIOUSLY.  
TC: You don't.  
CG: I DON'T.  
CG: AND EVEN IF I DID, I COULDN'T HAVE IT.  
TC: Now, just what the mother fuck makes you up and say that shit?  
CG: LOOK, I'M THE LEADER, OKAY?  
CG: IF I HAD A MOIRAIL TRYING TO KEEP ME IN CHECK, JUST WHAT THE FUCK WOULD THAT SAY ABOUT ME?  
CG: IT'D SAY I WAS CRAZY, AND STUPID  
CG: AND WEAK  
CG: AND EVERYBODY WOULD JUST  
CG: THEY'D LOSE ALL RESPECT FOR ME.  
TC: I don't think that's true, bro.  
TC: Every motherfucker needs help sometimes.  
TC: Ain't like you've got to be perfect or any shit as that.  
CG: YES I DO!  
CG: I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SETTING AN EXAMPLE HERE.  
CG: EVERYBODY IS LOOKING UP TO ME.  
CG: EVERYBODY IS COUNTING ON ME.  
CG: AND IF I HAVE A MOIRAIL KEEPING ME ON A LEASH, IT'S LIKE  
CG: IT'S ADMITTING I DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.  
CG: AND I CAN'T DO THAT.  
CG: I WON'T.  
TC: I don't know, motherfucker.  
TC: I can't think of any motherfucker what would all judge you in this.  
TC: I wouldn't, on any case.  
CG: LOOK, GAMZEE  
CG: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS, OKAY?  
CG: ESPECIALLY NOT TO YOU.  
TC: What's that shit mean, "especially not to me?"  
CG: IT'S  
CG: NEVERMIND, JUST FORGET IT.  
TC: Alright, fine, motherfucker.  
TC: But I'm just tryin to help and shit.  
CG: WELL, THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, BUT I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.  
TC: If that's how you're all feelin, I guess there ain't much shit I can all do on that.  
TC: But still, think over that shit.  
CG: FINE, WHATEVER.  
TC: Anyway, I know you're still all broken the mother fuck out under this shit across you and the dragonsis...  
TC: But please don't blame my motherfuckin palebro on it.  
TC: The only reason he went through on this shit is cause he was convinced you wouldn't take it so hard.  
TC: And he feels like a proper piece of shit what for being as wrong like he was over it.  
CG: WELL, IF I DON'T BLAME HIM, THEN JUST WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO BLAME?  
TC: Well, it ain't my motherfuckin place what to tell you who to get your motherfuckin blame on towards.  
TC: Just don't blame Eridan.  
CG: WELL  
CG: I GUESS TEREZI'S THE ONE WHO AGREED TO IT.  
TC: Yeah, I guess.  
CG: OKAY, FINE.  
CG: I'LL ADMIT I SHOLDN'T BE AS ANGRY AT HIM ABOUT THIS AS I AM  
CG: BUT I CAN'T JUST GO APOLOGIZE TO HIM.  
CG: NOT SO SOON AFTER WHAT HAPPENED.  
TC: Alright, motherfucker, I get it.  
CG: BUT JUST  
CG: TELL HIM I'M NOT THAT MAD, OKAY?  
CG: AT LEAST, NOT AT HIM.  
TC: Sure thing, bro.  
TC: But if he could all talk at you under privacy, he'd be the motherfucker what wanted to apologize at you.  
CG: I'M WELL AWARE OF THAT.  
CG: BUT I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TO BE APOLOGIZED TO RIGHT NOW.  
TC: Yeah, I get you, bro.  
CG: YOU'RE A GOOD MOIRAIL, GAMZEE.  
TC: I'm just all lookin the mother fuck out for my palebro cause he's lookin out for me.  
TC: Every motherfucker's got an important job to do.  
CG: YEAH, MAYBE.  
TC: Hey, I know my business probably still hasn't incorporated this shit onto its motherfuckin portfolio...  
TC: But is there any other motherfucker what you're flushing on?  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: WHY DO YOU CARE?  
TC: Cause I'd have a serious motherfuckin problem if my palebro just snatched off the only troll what my best platonic friend's ever been flushed for.  
CG: WELL  
CG: UH  
TC: What?  
CG: NEVERMIND, JUST FORGET IT.  
TC: Forget it.  
CG: YEAH, I JUST  
CG: I SHOULDN'T BE TALKING ABOUT THIS.  
TC: So there is another motherfucker you're flushed over.  
CG: OKAY, MAYBE THERE IS.  
TC: So who is it?  
CG: THAT'S STILL PRECISELY NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.  
TC: Yeah, I guess the mother fuck not.  
TC: But still, seems like you could use another motherfucker what to talk around that shit toward.  
CG: WELL  
CG: ALRIGHT, LOOK  
CG: CAN YOU JUST HEAR ME OUT HERE FOR A SECOND?  
TC: Sure, motherfucker, lay that shit down.  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: LET'S SAY, HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING  
CG: THERE'S A TROLL  
CG: AND LET'S SAY THIS TROLL HAS HAD RED FEELINGS FOR YOU IN THE PAST.  
CG: AND THEY'VE TRIED TO KEEP IT A SECRET, BUT YOU JUST SORT OF DEDUCED IT ON YOUR OWN.  
CG: YOU WITH ME SO FAR?  
TC: Yeah, bro.  
CG: OKAY, SO YOU KNOW THIS TROLL, AND YOU KNOW THEY'VE GOT FEELINGS FOR YOU, BUT YOU DON'T RECIPROCATE.  
CG: BECAUSE THIS TROLL IS JUST A STONE COLD RETARDED FUCKING IDIOT, AND YOU ARE JUST UTTERLY INCAPABLE OF RESPECTING THEM.  
CG: DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?  
TC: Uh...  
TC: Shit, I guess so.  
CG: ALRIGHT, SO THAT'S IN THE PAST.  
CG: BUT NOW, IN THE PRESENT DAY, THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.  
CG: LIKE, PRACTICALLY OVERDAY, THIS TROLL HAS GONE FROM DROOLING IDIOT TO INSANE, HYPERCOMPETENT BADASS.  
CG: AND NOW, OH LOOK AT THAT, NOW YOU'RE RETURNING ALL THOSE RED FEELINGS PRETTY FUCKING HARD.  
CG: BUT THEY'RE SO MUCH SMARTER AND MORE MATURE NOW, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA IF THEY STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU.  
CG: AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, YOU LOSE YOUR SHIT AND COMPLETELY FLIP OUT AT THEM IN A REALLY EMBARRASSING AND STUPID WAY, AND YOU'RE PRETTY SURE THEY'VE NOW LOST ALL RESPECT FOR YOU ENTIRELY.  
TC: Um...  
CG: WHAT  
TC: Just a quick motherfuckin question, bro.  
CG: WHAT IS IT?  
TC: Is this, uh, troll you're talking around...  
TC: Already in the quadrant you're motherfuckin speaking on?  
CG: NO.  
TC: Oh.  
TC: Shit, okay.  
TC: Thought you might have been talking over something competely motherfuckin different there.  
CG: LIKE WHAT?  
TC: Nah, it doesn't matter.  
TC: Keep on at your motherfuckin story, bro.  
CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE STORY, HONESTLY.  
TC: Okay, so...  
TC: What's the moral?  
CG: WELL, I GUESS I'M JUST WONDERING  
CG: IS THAT WEIRD?  
TC: Not that motherfuckin weird, bro.  
TC: If this hypothetical troll all changed as you're motherfuckin sayin they did, it's pretty motherfuckin understandable.  
CG: YEAH, BUT  
CG: COULD IT EVER HAPPEN?  
CG: IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE FOR ME TO SALVAGE THIS?  
TC: Can't say without knowin more, motherfucker.  
TC: You'd have to talk at them over it.  
CG: WELL, I CAN'T JUST TALK TO HER.  
CG: OR HIM.  
CG: HER OR HIM.  
CG: THAT'S A PERFECTLY NORMAL GRAMMATICAL CONSTRUCT, SHUT UP.  
TC: I didn't say a motherfuckin thing, bro.  
CG: YEAH, BUT YOU WERE GOING TO.  
TC: You don't know that shit.  
TC: I could've just all assumed one of the particulars on the Alternian language was giving you some serious motherfuckin trouble.  
TC: Pronouns are kind of a bitch.  
TC: I personally get all my problems on under prepositions, man.  
TC: It's like...  
TC: Fuckin prepositions.  
TC: How do they work???  
CG: HAHA, WHATEVER.  
CG: ANYWAY, I DON'T KNOW.  
CG: MAYBE THIS WHOLE THING IS A STUPID IDEA, ANYWAY.  
CG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF SHE'D GO FOR IT.  
TC: She or he.  
CG: RIGHT, SHE OR HE.  
TC: Anyway, I wouldn't give up over that shit, bro.  
TC: If you're honestly motherfuckin flushed to her or him, you should seriously motherfuckin think on it.  
CG: YEAH  
CG: YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.  
TC: Shit, you could even talk on Nepeta over it.  
TC: The catsis could probably all set up some kind of motherfuckin shippin gambit what could sweep this sister or brother right the fuck over her or his motherfuckin feet.  
CG: UH  
CG: YEAH, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.  
TC: Yeah, bro, just think on that shit.  
TC: Ain't no motherfuckin harm what in thinkin under it.  
CG: YEAH, I GUESS NOT.  
TC: Anyway, thanks for hearin me the mother fuck out, bro.  
TC: Means a lot on me and my palebro both.  
CG: HEY, DON'T THANK ME.  
CG: IF ANYTHING, I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE THANKING YOU.  
CG: I PRETTY STRONGLY FUCKING SUSPECT THAT THERE AREN'T THAT MANY TROLLS THAT ARE WILLING TO TALK TO ME AT THIS POINT.  
TC: Nah, motherfucker, it's cool.  
TC: Just lookin out over my best platonic motherfuckin friend.  
CG: RIGHT.  
TC: Anyway, I've gotta sign the mother fuck away.  
TC: Shit's startin to get a little motherfuckin hectic again all up on this victualblock.  
CG: YEAH, OKAY.  
CG: THANKS AGAIN FOR THE PIE, BY THE WAY.  
CG: IT'S DELICIOUS COMPLETELY IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT YOU PUT YOUR HORRIBLE CLOWN DRINK IN IT.  
TC: Hahahaha, yeah, no problem, bro.  
TC: If you're ever lookin after another motherfuckin recipe, hit me the mother fuck up.  
CG: YEAH, SURE.  
CG: ANYWAY  
CG: SEE YOU AROUND, I GUESS?  
TC: Sure thing, best platonic motherfuckin friend.  
TC: Anyway, gotta go.  
TC: But good luck on all that quadrant shit of yours.  
CG: YEAH, THANKS.  
CG: ANYWAY, BYE, GAMZEE.  
TC: Bye, Karbro.  
TC: And bangarang, motherfucker.  
CG: WHAT?  
  
terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG].  
  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES BANGARANG MEAN?  
CG: UGH, NEVERMIND.  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]. 

*** 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]  
  
GC: H3Y  
CA: oh hey ter  
CA: you done wwith your thing wwith kan  
GC: NO >8/  
GC: W3 JUST SORT OF H1T 4 LULL  
GC: SH3S 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF SOM3TH1NG W1TH N3P3T4  
GC: SO 1M JUST K1ND OF S1TT1NG H3R3  
GC: 4ND 1 W4S L1K3  
GC: FUCK 1T  
CA: ha yeah i get you  
GC: SO WH4T 4R3 YOU UP TO?  
CA: eh yknoww  
CA: just sorta hangin around at the hivve  
CA: drinkin a faygo  
CA: usual stuff  
GC: SOUNDS PR3TTY BOR1NG  
CA: yeah wwell  
CA: not really in the mood to do anything  
GC: UGH  
GC: 4R3 YOU ST1LL 4LL MOP3Y OV3R K4RKL3S?  
CA: course im still mopey ovver kar  
CA: the guy wwas like my best fuckin friend an noww he pretty much wwants to wwrite me outta his life completely  
CA: wwhich is perfectly understandable seein as i pretty much stabbed him in the back as hard as any motherfucker can be stabbed in that particular fuckin area  
GC: UGH, STOP 1T  
GC: H3S JUST B31NG 4N 4SSHOL3  
CA: maybe he is but hes perfectly justified in it  
CA: i mean howw wwould you feel if you wwere flushed for somebody an your best friend just swwept em out from under you  
GC: YOU D1DNT SW33P M3 OUT FROM UND3R H1M!!!  
CA: fuck ok dont take that metaphor literally  
GC: 1 W4SNT UND3R H1M 1N 4NY S3NS3!  
GC: F1GUR4T1V3LY OR L1T3R4LLY  
CA: yeah i knoww  
CA: but there are rules about this kinda thing  
GC: 3R1D4N, LOOK  
GC: H3 H4D 3V3RY OPPORTUN1TY TO B3 MY M4T3SPR1T  
GC: HON3STLY, 1F H3 JUST 4SK3D, 1 PROB4BLY WOULD H4V3 S41D Y3S  
GC: BUT H3 D1DNT  
GC: SO FUCK H1M  
GC: YOU SNOOZ3 YOU LOS3  
CA: yeah its easy to just say that but  
CA: it doesnt feel right yknoww  
GC: NO 1 DONT KNOW >8[  
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N, 1T DO3SNT F33L R1GHT?  
CA: wwell  
CA: its not that i dont like you or anythin  
CA: i mean hell i like you a lot  
CA: an im just kind of assumin you like me too  
GC: OF COURS3 1 DO!  
CA: but i mean  
CA: an i realize this is gonna sound stupid as all fuckin hell  
CA: but before noww all these matesprits thatvve been hookin up havve been all about unrequited lovve wwinnin out  
CA: an this is the first time its lost  
CA: an its like  
CA: im the guy that defeated it  
CA: so wwhat the fuck kinda asshole does that make me  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: TH4T 1S K1ND OF STUP1D  
CA: yeah i knoww but still  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1F UNR3QU1T3D LOV3 W3R3 M34NT TO W1N OUT 3V3RY T1M3  
GC: TH3N YOUD B3 M4T3SPR1TS W1TH F3F3R1 R1GHT NOW  
CA: eh  
CA: thats a point i guess  
CA: its just  
CA: it still kinda feels wwrong  
CA: i mean not us specifically  
CA: just me bein so successful in the romance department an kar bein left in the provverbial dust  
GC: WHY?  
CA: wwell  
CA: i alwways just kinda figured hed be the successful one  
CA: and id be the guy wwho ended up forevver alone  
CA: like if life wwere a play evverybody else wwould end up becomin matesprits  
CA: and id be the vvillain that exited pursued by a cholerbear  
GC: WOW  
GC: S3R1OUSLY?  
CA: yep  
GC: 3R1D4N  
GC: YOU 4R3 JUST L1K3  
GC: TH3 MOST 1NS3CUR3 GUY  
CA: ugh believve me i knoww  
GC: 1M NOT S4Y1NG 1TS 4 B4D TH1NG  
GC: 1TS K1ND OF 4DOR4BL3 4CTU4LLY <3  
GC: BUT HON3STLY  
GC: L1F3 1S NOT 4 PL4Y  
GC: 4ND 3V3N 1F 1T W3R3, WHO S4YS YOU WOULD B3 TH3 V1LL41N?  
GC: YOUR3 TH3 ON3 WHOS GROW1NG 4ND D3V3LOP1NG 4S 4 CH4R4CT3R  
GC: 4ND K4RKL3S 1S JUST B31NG H1S S4M3 OLD 1D1OT S3LF  
GC: 1F 4NYTH1NG, H3S TH3 V1LL41N  
CA: wwhat  
CA: howw is kar the fuckin vvillain here  
CA: im the one wwho fucked evverythin up  
CA: wwhen i hooked up wwith you i just completely wwrecked things betwween me an him  
CA: not to mention almost wwreckin things betwween you an nep too  
GC: BL4R TH1S 1S SO STUP1D!!  
GC: NON3 OF THOS3 TH1NGS 4R3 3V3N YOUR F4ULT  
GC: TH3Y ONLY H4PP3N3D B3C4US3 K4RK4T 1S 4 SOR3 LOS3R  
GC: 3MPH4S1S ON LOS3R >8]  
CA: but youll admit all this happened cause wwe became matesprits  
GC: W3LL Y34H  
GC: BUT YOU C4NT CL41M SOL3 R3SPONS1B1L1TY FOR TH4T  
GC: 1M TH3 ON3 WHO CHOS3 TO B3COM3 YOUR M4T3SPR1T, 4M 1 NOT?  
CA: wwell  
CA: yeah i guess  
GC: SO 1F K4RKL3S HON3STLY H4S TO BL4M3 SOM3ON3 FOR TH1S  
GC: H3 SHOULD B3 BL4M1NG M3  
GC: 1 DONT G1V3 4 SH1T 1F H3 H4T3S M3  
CA: uh  
CA: about that ter  
GC: WH4T  
CA: noww im not tryin to accuse you of anythin here  
CA: but on that last memo it seems like you wwere really goin after him  
GC: OF COURS3 1 W4S!  
GC: W3 W3R3 H4V1NG 4 P3RF3CTLY WOND3RFUL T1M3 ON TH4T M3MO  
GC: 4ND TH3N H3 BURSTS 1N 4ND ST4RTS 1NSULTING YOU 4ND M3 BOTH  
CA: wwell yeah  
GC: BUT TH3 WORST P4RT 1S  
GC: H3 M4D3 TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG 4BOUT H1MS3LF  
GC: L1K3  
GC: H3 HON3STLY TH1NKS 1 HOOK3D UP W1TH YOU 4S SOM3 SORT OF RUS3 JUST TO FUCK W1TH H1S H34D  
GC: 1 M34N S3R1OUSLY  
GC: JUST HOW N4RC1SS1ST1C DO YOU 3V3N H4V3 TO B3 JUST TO TH1NK SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T........  
CA: uh  
GC: NO TH4TS NOT WH4T 1M DO1NG!!!!!!  
CA: hey i didnt say anythin  
GC: BUT YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO, W3R3NT YOU?  
CA: i object  
CA: thats a leadin question  
GC: OV3RRUL3D >8]  
CA: wwell then i object to your ovverrulin my objection  
GC: YOU C4NT DO TH4T TH4TS NOT HOW 1T WORKS!!!  
CA: i dont care  
CA: point a fact is im not answwerin your stupid question  
GC: F1N3, CONS1D3R 1T W1THDR4WN  
CA: but honestly ter  
CA: i think you wwere bein really hard on him  
CA: an im not tryin to pin this wwhole thing on you  
CA: but i think you mightvve contributed to things escalatin the wway they did  
GC: W3LL  
GC: Y34H, TH4TS PROB4BLY TRU3  
GC: BUT HON3STLY  
GC: 1 JUST W4NT K4RK4T TO G3T OV3R M3  
CA: wwhat  
CA: wwhy  
GC: WHY WOULDNT 1?  
GC: 1F H3S FLUSH3D FOR M3, 4LL 1TS GO1NG TO DO 1S COMPL1C4T3 TH1NGS  
GC: 1 DONT W4NT TO PL4Y TH3 ROL3 OF F3F3R1 ST4V1NG OFF PR3-SH1PP1NG YOU  
GC: NO OFF3NS3  
CA: haha no i get it  
GC: 4NYW4Y  
GC: 1 JUST TH1NK 3V3RYON3 1NVOLV3D WOULD B3 B3TT3R OFF 1F H3 W3R3 FLUSH3D FOR SOM3BODY 3LS3  
GC: SO 1 D3C1D3D TO T4K3 MYS3LF OUT OF TH3 R4C3 TH3 MOST 3FF3CT1V3 W4Y 1 KNOW HOW  
CA: just burn the bridge completely huh  
GC: Y34H, PR3TTY MUCH  
CA: i suppose its one wway a doin things  
CA: thinkin about it the split wwith fef mightvve gone smoother if shed followwed your modus operandi for terminatin things wwith me  
CA: but i guess shes just not a vvery hateful person  
GC: 1 GU3SS NOT  
GC: BUT 4NYW4Y, 3NOUGH 4BOUT K4RKL3S  
GC: 1 DONT W4NT 3V3RY FUCK1NG CONV3RS4T1ON 1 H4V3 TO B3 4BOUT H1M  
CA: yeah ok  
CA: sorry for bein such a fuckin tool ovver this  
GC: 1TS F1N3, 1 G3T 1T  
CA: its just  
CA: i feel like ivve got to choose betwween you an him  
CA: an it fuckin sucks  
GC: 1M NOT M4K1NG YOU CHOOS3 B3TW33N 4NYBODY  
GC: K4RK4TS TH3 ON3 B31NG 4 DOUCH3 H3R3  
CA: eh  
CA: maybe  
GC: H3 JUST DO3S TH1S SOM3T1M3S  
GC: JUST G1V3 H1M SOM3 T1M3  
GC: H3LL 3V3NTU4LLY R34L1Z3 WH4T 4N 4SSHOL3 H3S B31NG 4ND COM3 RUNN1NG B4CK TO 4POLOG1Z3 TO YOU  
CA: wwell  
CA: thats the best i can hope for i guess  
CA: anywway i talked it ovver wwith gam an he said hed take care a things wwith kar  
CA: wwhatevver that means  
GC: 1S 1T TOO MUCH TO HOP3 FOR 4 SUBJUGGL4T1ON? >8]  
CA: ter please  
GC: 1M JUST K1DD1NG, J3GUS  
CA: yeah i knoww but still  
CA: anywway havve things progressed ovver there at all  
GC: K1ND OF  
GC: N3P3T4S ST4ND1NG H3R3 1N H3R UND3RW34R WH1L3 K4N4Y4 T4K3S H3R M34SUR3M3NTS  
CA: wwhat  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY SH3S M4K1NG M3 W4TCH TH1S  
GC: BUT 1M NOT COMPL41N1NG  
GC: N3P3T4 H4S 4 N1C3 BUTT >8]  
CA: yeah she does  
CA: evven though shes wwearin that ratty old coat all the time its pretty obvvious  
CA: just the wway it wwiggles around wwith that little sashay a hers  
CA: hey youvve got a camera or somethin right you should send me a feww candid photos a that  
GC: >8/  
GC: OK4Y 3R1D4N  
GC: JUST FOR TH3 R3CORD  
GC: 1TS R34LLY B4D FORM TO 4SK YOUR M4T3SPR1T TO S3ND YOU P1CTUR3S OF 4NOTH3R TROLLS BUTT  
GC: 3V3N 1F 1T 1S 4 R34LLY N1C3 BUTT  
CA: oh cmon its not like im lookin for another matesprit  
CA: and evven if i wwas nep is the last troll id turn to  
GC: H3H3H3, F41R 3NOUGH  
GC: OK4Y F1N3  
GC: H3R3 YOU GO  
\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent caligulasAquarium [CA] the file "TH3POUNC3LLORSP4TOOT13.jpg" --  
CA: patootie  
CA: seariously  
GC: 1TS C4LL3D 4LL1T3R4T1ON  
GC: SO SHUT UP >8P  
CA: haha wwhatevver  
CA: but anywway  
CA: that is indeed a fine fuckin derriere if i do say so myself  
CA: its kinda surprisin actually  
CA: like from the wwaist up shes really trim  
CA: and then BAM thunder thighs outta fuckin nowwhere  
GC: Y34H, SH3S 4LW4YS RUNN1NG 4ND JUMP1NG 4ND POUNC1NG  
GC: SO SH3 H4S 4 LOT OF LOW3R BODY STR3NGTH  
CA: yeah she must  
CA: good lord it must be firm  
CA: but wwith just enough givve yknoww  
GC: BL4R OK4Y 3NOUGH!!  
GC: STOP T4LK1NG 4BOUT N3P3T4S BUTT!!!  
CA: wwhat are you gettin jealous  
CA: wwould you rather i talk about your butt instead  
GC: >8O  
GC: NO!!!!  
CA: cmon ter dont be embarrassed  
CA: youre a mermaid you should be proud  
GC: 4 M3RM41D?  
CA: oh right i guess thats not really a common expression amongst landdwwellers  
CA: but yknoww a mermaid  
CA: seadwweller from the wwaist dowwn  
GC: UUUGH  
GC: TH4T 1S SO T3RR1BL3 >8P  
CA: hey i didnt make the terminology i just use it ok  
CA: anywway it just so happens im a man wwho can showw a little appreciation for a plush rump like yours  
CA: bounce a caegar off it  
CA: its not goin anywwhere  
CA: in fact i bet that coinll take a nice nap there  
GC: OK4Y OK4Y STOP  
GC: 4LL OF TH1S BUTTCH4T 1S M4K1NG M3 1NCR3D1BLY FLUST3R3D  
GC: 4ND 1M B3G1NN1NG TO C4CKL3 MOR3 TH4N 1 C4N G3N3R4LLY G3T 4W4Y W1TH  
GC: 1TS ST4RT1NG TO 4ROUS3 SUSP1C1ON  
CA: is it arousin anything else  
GC: OK4Y COMM3NTS L1K3 TH4T R34LLY 4R3NT H3LP1NG!!!!  
CA: ok ok buttchat is ovver  
CA: so  
CA: wwhat are wwe talkin about noww  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW  
CA: wwell  
CA: hey i actually wwanted to ask you somethin  
GC: WH4T  
CA: yknoww that thing wwith ar on the last memo  
GC: Y34H  
CA: wwhat wwas the deal wwith that  
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N, WH4T W4S TH3 D34L W1TH 1T?  
GC: 1 4SK3D H3R TO G1V3 YOU TH3 T4LK  
GC: 4ND SH3 D1D  
CA: an you dont think theres anythin at all unusual about that  
GC: WHY SHOULD TH3R3 B3?  
CA: oh for fucks sake ter youre bein deliberately obtuse here  
CA: i mean i dont knoww wwhat the wwhole deal wwith ar is  
CA: but i knoww shes a ghost in a robot or some shit like that an she doesnt talk to anybody but that swweaty asshole eq  
CA: so wwhy the fuck is she takin requests from you  
GC: W3LL  
GC: W3V3 K1ND OF B33N T4LK1NG R3C3NTLY  
CA: really  
CA: about wwhat  
GC: W31RD T1M3 SH1T, MOSTLY  
GC: TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG STR4NG3 GO1NG ON 1N TH1S T1M3L1N3  
GC: 1TS 4PP4R3NTLY DOOM3D  
GC: BUT 1TS NOT G3TT1NG D3STROY3D L1K3 DOOM3D T1M3L1N3S USU4LLY DO  
CA: wwait wwhat  
CA: wwere fuckin doomed  
CA: god fuckin DAMNIT i shouldvve fuckin knowwn  
CA: the one timeline wwhere i actually get a matesprit is completely fucked ovver by the fuckin time gods or wwhatevver  
GC: 1TS NOT 4S B4D 4S 1T SOUNDS!  
GC: SOM3TH1NGS HOLD1NG US 4LL B4CK FROM D3STRUCT1ON  
GC: BUT 4R4D14 1SNT SUR3 WH4T 1T 1S  
GC: OR WHY 1TS DO1NG 1T, FOR TH4T M4TT3R  
CA: yeah but so wwhat  
CA: wwere still doomed arent wwe wwhat fuckin difference does it make  
GC: 1M NOT SUR3 Y3T  
GC: BUT W3 M1GHT ST1LL H4V3 4 CH4NC3  
CA: hmm  
CA: so wwhy are you helpin her  
GC: B3C4US3 1 C4N!  
GC: NOBODY 3LS3 R34LLY G3TS 4LL TH1S T1M3 STUFF  
GC: 4ND 4NYW4Y  
GC: 1 L1K3 H3LP1NG H3R  
GC: 4ND 1T S33MS L1K3 NOBODY 3LS3 R34LLY C4R3S 4BOUT H3R  
GC: SH3 MUST B3 R34LLY LON3LY  
CA: wwait  
CA: ter  
CA: are you  
GC: OK4Y F1N3 1LL 4DM1T 1T!  
GC: 1 4M SO COMPL3T3LY P4L3 FOR TH1S D34D ROBOT G1RL TH4T 1 HON3STLY DONT KNOW WH4T TO DO 4BOUT 1T!!!!  
CA: oh  
CA: uh  
CA: ok  
GC: BL4R, SORRY  
GC: 1S TH4T W31RD?  
CA: ter youre talkin to a guy wwhos palepals wwith a fuckin clowwn  
CA: course i dont think its fuckin wweird  
GC: Y34H, F41R 3NOUGH >8P  
GC: BUT S3R1OUSLY THOUGH  
GC: 1M NOT R34LLY SUR3 WH4T TO DO  
CA: you could just talk to her  
GC: 1 GU3SS  
GC: BUT 1 DONT 3V3N KNOW 1F SH3 C4R3S 4BOUT QU4DR4NTS  
GC: L1K3 1 KNOW SH3 H4S H3R WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH 3QU1US  
GC: BUT SH3S N3V3R V3RY 3NTHUS14ST1C 4BOUT TH4T  
CA: wwell  
CA: you could talk to nep about it i guess  
GC: 1 4LR34DY D1D  
GC: SH3S TH3 ON3 WHO SUGG3ST3D W3 B3 MO1R41LS 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3  
GC: 4ND NOW 1 C4NT STOP TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T  
CA: course thats wwhat it fuckin is  
CA: nep implantin a shippin vvirus into your fuckin think pan  
GC: SH3 R34LLY 1S QU1T3 D3V1OUS  
CA: man tell me about it  
CA: anywway i dont really knoww shit about ar and i dont knoww anybody wwho does  
CA: so i guess all i can tell you is to talk to ar  
CA: but i mean you dont havve to straight up ask her to be moirails  
CA: just test the wwaters a little  
CA: check if shes interested in quadrants in general  
GC: Y34H  
GC: TH4TS PROB4BLY 4 GOOD 1D34  
GC: TH4NKS 3R1D4N  
CA: yeah dont mention it  
CA: but hey speakin a quadrants  
CA: you givven any consideration to a kismesis  
GC: >8?  
GC: WHY DO YOU 4SK?  
CA: just curious is all  
CA: ivve alwways had a fascination wwith the black quadrant in particular  
CA: just wwonderin if there wwas anybody you wwere thinkin about  
GC: 3H  
GC: NOT R34LLY  
CA: really not anybody  
GC: W3LL  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: PROM1S3 YOU WONT T3LL 4NYBODY TH1S?  
CA: absolute fuckin confidentiality i guarantee you  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: TH3 TRUTH 1S  
GC: 1 W4S K1ND OF BL4CK FOR VR1SK4  
CA: oh  
GC: 1 ST1LL 4M 4 L1TTL3, 4CTU4LLY  
GC: BUT 1TS OBV1OUS SH3 DO3SNT H4T3 M3 4NYMOR3  
GC: WH1CH S33MS 4 L1TTL3 W31RD, HON3STLY >8/  
GC: L1K3  
GC: WH4TS TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH H3R 4ND SOLLUX?  
CA: wwhat you mean besides incredibly hot  
GC: BL4R WH4T???  
CA: hey look  
CA: vvris is my ex kismesis  
CA: and i wwas harborin some pretty searious black feelins for sol for quite some time  
GC: WH4T, L1K3 4 W33K?  
CA: yeah yeah technicalities  
CA: anywway can you blame a guy for appreciatin a little vviolent hate screed betwween twwo former black suitors  
GC: Y3S 1 C4N  
GC: B3C4US3 TH4TS W31RD  
CA: oh wwhat EVVER dont you evven judge me  
GC: OH 1M NOT JUDG1NG YOU M1ST3R 4MPOR4  
GC: 1M S1MPLY 4RGU1NG MY C4S3  
GC: 1TS UP TO H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY TO D3C1D3 1F YOUR3 W31RD OR NOT  
GC: OH W41T TH3 V3RD1CT JUST C4M3 1N  
GC: 4ND H3 F1NDS YOU  
GC: GU1LTY >8]  
CA: oh  
CA: wwell shit  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
CA: anywway not sure wwhat to tell you about vvris  
CA: shes pretty searious about this wwhole thing wwith sol  
CA: actually im sorta helpin her out wwith it myself  
GC: S3R1OUSLY?  
CA: uh yeah  
CA: thats not a problem is it  
CA: me an vvris bein in cahoots  
GC: NO, NOT R34LLY  
GC: 1TS NOT 4NY OF MY BUS1N3SS WHO YOUR3 FR13NDS W1TH  
GC: 4ND HON3STLY  
GC: 1 DONT 3V3N H4T3 H3R TH4T MUCH 4NYMOR3  
CA: really  
GC: Y34H  
CA: but  
CA: she pulled some ridiculous shit to make your fuckin eyes melt  
CA: howw can you not hate her after that  
GC: W3LL, 3V3N THOUGH SH3 BL1ND3D M3  
GC: SH3 4LSO 3ND3D UP 1N4DV3RT3NTLY DO1NG 4 GOOD TH1NG FOR M3  
GC: B3C4US3 TH3 D4Y 1 W3NT BL1ND W4S TH3 F1RST T1M3 1 3V3R SPOK3 TO MY LUSUS  
CA: oh really  
GC: Y34H  
GC: 1T W4S ST1LL 1N 1TS 3GG  
GC: BUT 1T COULD SP34K TO M3 T3L3P4TH1C4LLY  
GC: 4ND 4FT3R 1 W3NT BL1ND, 1T T4UGHT M3 4 N3W W4Y TO S33  
CA: ok so thats wwhere the wwhole smellin colors thing came from  
GC: Y3P  
GC: HON3STLY, 1M NOT 3V3N M4D 4T VR1SK4 FOR BL1ND1NG M3  
GC: V1S1ON 1S OV3RR4T3D, 4NYW4Y  
GC: MY W4Y OF S331NG TH1NGS 1S SO MUCH B3TT3R >8]  
CA: seariously  
GC: Y3S S3R1OUSLY!  
CA: wwell  
CA: ok if you insist  
GC: WH4T??  
CA: wwell i mean  
CA: its just kinda wweird that youre completely ok wwith bein blind  
GC: WH4TS W31RD 4BOUT 1T?  
GC: 1V3 GOTT3N 4LONG JUST F1N3 W1THOUT B31NG 4BL3 TO S33  
CA: yeah but  
CA: ok im not suggestin anythin here  
CA: but if you had a chance to get your vvision back wwould you take it  
GC: HOW?  
GC: BY GO1NG GOD T13R?  
CA: it doesnt matter howw its just a hypothetical scenario  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 PROB4BLY WOULDNT  
CA: wwhat  
CA: wwhy not  
GC: B3C4US3  
GC: 3V3N THOUGH B31NG 4BL3 TO S33 WOULD B3 N1C3  
GC: MY W4Y OF S3NS1NG TH1NGS 1S MOR3 1MPORT4NT TO M3  
GC: 1T W4S 4 SP3C14L G1FT FROM MY LUSUS  
GC: 4ND 1M 4FR41D 1F 1 COULD S33 4G41N, 1D LOS3 1T FOR3V3R  
CA: wwell  
CA: wwhat if you could see  
CA: but you could keep your wweird olfactory vvision too  
GC: HM  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU 3V3N 4SK1NG?  
CA: i dont knoww im just curious  
GC: DO YOU TH1NK TH3YR3 W31RD?  
CA: wwhat  
GC: MY 3Y3S  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1 KNOW TH3YR3 4LL SC4RR3D 4ND R3D 4ND GROSS  
GC: SO 1D TOT4LLY UND3RST4ND 1F YOU THOUGHT TH3Y W3R3 UGLY OR SOM3TH1NG  
GC: JUST B3 HON3ST W1TH M3  
CA: ter  
CA: id nevver hold anythin against a wwoman for bearin dualscars  
GC: >8O  
GC: WOW  
CA: wwhat  
GC: M1ST3R 4MPOR4  
GC: YOU JUST FOUND  
GC: TH3 B3ST POSS1BL3 4NSW3R TO TH4T QU3ST1ON!  
GC: CONGR4TUL4T1ONS <3  
CA: oh wwell thank you  
GC: MY GOODN3SS  
GC: 1 4M SWOON1NG SO H4RD R1GHT NOW, YOU C4NT 3V3N 1M4G1N3  
CA: oh gracious howw utterly rude a me  
CA: it wwas nevver my intention to givve you the vvapors in the middle of a social function  
GC: H3H3H3, 1TS F1N3  
GC: 1M SUR3 1 C4N M4N4G3 SOM3HOW  
CA: but seariously though i dont think your eyes are wweird or anythin  
CA: theyre kinda cool actually  
CA: wwell i mean if callin your eyes cool is somethin you find flatterin an not condescendin  
GC: 1LL T4K3 1T 4S 4 COMPL1M3NT  
GC: 4NYW4Y 1M GL4D YOU L1K3 MY R3DGL4R3 >:]  
CA: you mean your dualscar  
GC: TH3YR3 MY 3Y3S, 1LL C4LL TH3M WH4T 1 W4NT!!!  
CA: yeah ok fair point  
CA: but really though are you ok wwith me an vvris bein friends  
GC: 1 DONT C4R3 WHO YOUR FR13NDS 4R3, 3R1D4N  
GC: 4ND 4NYW4Y, 1M NOT 3V3N 4LL TH4T 4NGRY 4T H3R 4NYMOR3  
GC: HON3STLY, TH3 ONLY R34SON 1 W4S M4D 4T H3R W4S B3C4US3 OF 3V3RYON3 3LS3 SH3 HURT  
GC: BUT T4VROS S33MS TO H4V3 FORG1V3N H3R  
GC: 4ND 4R4D14S 0K W1TH H3R, B1G SURPR1S3  
GC: 4ND SOLLUX  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T H1S D34L 1S 4NYMOR3  
CA: huh  
CA: wwell she doesnt really harbor any ill wwill for you or any a the rest either  
CA: cept sol obvviously  
CA: an i mean she and i collectivvely havve got a lot of irons in the fire so to speak  
CA: but theyre all focused on relativvely benevvolent things  
GC: L1K3 WH4T?  
CA: like uh  
CA: romance  
GC: OH J3GUS  
GC: YOU TWO 4R3 SH1PP1NG TOG3TH3R???  
CA: wwell ok yeah but its not like neps doin  
CA: wwere focused on a different set a quadrants entirely  
GC: OH MY GOD  
GC: TH4T 1S SO H1L4R1OUSLY L4M3  
CA: hey shut up  
CA: this isnt some wwiggler levvel fairy tale romance horseshit wwere talkin about here  
CA: wwere tryin to soww the seeds a hatred throughout the entire team  
CA: howw is that not incredibly badass  
GC: B3C4US3 1TS JUST  
GC: 1NCR3D1BLY L4M3  
CA: yeah yeah wwhatevver  
CA: but youll be singin a different tune once wwevve shipped you  
GC: Y3S 1 W1LL  
GC: 1T W1LL B3 4 STUP1D 1D1OT TUN3 FOR STUP1D 1D1OTS  
GC: >8P  
CA: bah  
CA: youre just jealous cause ivve already got a target for my black quadrant in my sights  
GC: H3H3H3 OF COURS3 TH4TS 1T  
GC: 1M SO J34LOUS OF YOUR S1LLY L1TTL3 BL4CKCRUSH  
CA: hey howw do you knoww its silly you dont evven knoww wwho it is  
GC: Y3S 1 DO  
CA: ok fine then wwho is it  
GC: WHO DO YOU TH1NK  
GC: M1ST3R 4MPURR4  
CA: hahaha ok you got me  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: BUT S3R1OUSLY THOUGH  
GC: N3P3T4??  
CA: i knoww its wweird but im searious  
CA: like youvve seen the wway shes blackflirtin wwith me on all these memos havvent you  
GC: W3LL Y34H  
GC: YOU KNOW, 1TS K1ND OF FUNNY  
GC: SH3 DO3SNT 3V3N R34L1Z3 SH3S FL1RT1NG W1TH YOU  
CA: i knoww right  
CA: its like the girls nevver had black feelins for anybody in her pointless stupid life before  
GC: SH3 H4SNT  
CA: seariously  
GC: Y3P  
GC: 1N F4CT, SH3S CONV1NC3D SH3 DO3SNT C4R3 4BOUT BL4CKROM 4T 4LL  
CA: wwhat  
CA: are you fuckin kiddin me  
GC: 1M S3R1OUS!  
GC: SH3 TH1NKS TH3 WHOL3 QU4DR4NT 1S STUP1D  
CA: oh god  
CA: this is gonna take more wwork than i thought  
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU 3V3N BL4CK FOR H3R 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3?  
GC: 1 M34N, SH3S OBV1OUSLY R3C1PROC4T1NG  
GC: BUT WH3R3 TH3 H3LL D1D 1T 3V3N COM3 FROM?  
CA: you really wwanna knoww  
GC: OF COURS3 1 DO!  
CA: ok wwell  
CA: just read this  
\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] sent gallowsCalibrator [GC] the file ihavvethewweirdestbulge.txt" --  
GC: N1C3 F1L3N4M3 >8P  
CA: wwhatevver just read it  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: >8O  
GC: 3R1D4N  
GC: WH4T TH3 FUCK  
GC: WH4T D1D YOU DO TO H3R?????  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: i wwas just wwhinin about fef and apparently she got so completely sick a my shit that she just totally fuckin lost it  
GC: TH1S 1S  
GC: SH3S  
GC: SH3 N3V3R G3TS TH1S 4NGRY 4BOUT 4NYTH1NG  
GC: 4ND SH3 N3V3R CURS3S TH1S MUCH  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: SH3 C4LL3D YOU 4 STUP1D P13C3 OF SH1T!  
CA: i knoww right  
GC: 3R1D4N  
GC: YOU H4V3 TO M4K3 TH1S G1RL YOUR K1SM3S1S  
GC: D3ST1NY H4S FOR3TOLD 1T  
CA: course it fuckin has  
CA: i mean howw am i supposed to look at a tirade like that and come to any other fuckin conclusion  
GC: 1TS PR3TTY BL4T4NT  
GC: JUST  
GC: DO WH4T3V3R YOU H4V3 TO DO  
CA: honestly i think makin her my kismesis wwill be the easy part  
CA: the hardest partll be convvincin her the quadrants wworth her time at all  
GC: Y34H  
GC: GOOD LUCK W1TH TH4T  
CA: yeah thanks  
GC: H3Y, SP34K1NG OF N3P3T4  
GC: K4N4Y4S WH1PP1NG UP SOM3 K1ND OF OUTF1T FOR H3R R1GHT NOW  
CA: oh yeah  
CA: wwhats it like  
GC: 1TS K1ND OF W31RD, 4CTU4LLY  
GC: SH3S GOT TH1S OL1V3 J4CK3T  
GC: BUT 1T CUTS OFF R1GHT 4T H3R STOM4CH  
GC: 4ND SO DO3S H3R SH1RT, 4CTU4LLY  
CA: oh yeah thats good  
CA: shes got a nice midriff may as wwell flaunt it  
GC: 4ND TH3N SH3S W34R1NG TH3S3 R34LLY T1GHT BLU3 P4NTS  
GC: J3GUS, H3R BUTT 1S JUST H4NG1NG OUT TH3R3 FOR 3V3RYON3 TO S33  
CA: oh fuck yes  
CA: im sorry ter but ivve gotta demand pictures a this  
GC: OK4Y, F41R 3NOUGH  
GC: H3R3 YOU GO  
\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent caligulasAquarium [CA] the file "TH3HUNTR3SSH31N13.jpg" --  
CA: really ter  
CA: heinie  
GC: SHUT UP, 1TS 4LL1T3R4T1V3!!!  
CA: you are so ridiculous  
GC: YOU 4R3  
CA: yeah ok i am  
GC: W3LL TH3N W3R3 1N 4GR33M3NT  
CA: only if wwhat wwere in agreement on is that your ashen pal has a truly superb pair a buttocks  
GC: OH NO  
GC: PL34S3 NOT MOR3 BUTTCH4T  
CA: ok fine ill spare you a trip to the rumpusblock  
CA: emphasis on rump  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
GC: TH4NK YOU, YOUR3 TOO K1ND  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1F YOUR3 GO1NG TO M4K3 4 MOV3 ON N3P3T4, YOU SHOULD DO 1T SOON  
GC: SH3S B31NG 4LL MOP3Y 4ND M1S3R4BL3 H3RS3LF  
GC: 4ND 1 TH1NK 4 L1TTL3 C4L1G1NOUS ROMP 1S 3X4CTLY WH4T SH3 N33DS  
CA: haha alright ill take that into consideration  
CA: i appreciate havvin your blessins on the matter  
GC: OF COURS3!  
GC: B3S1D3S, YOU TWO B31NG K1SM3S3S W1LL G1V3 K4N4Y4 MOR3 TH1NGS TO M3DDL3 W1TH US 4BOUT  
CA: ha yeah i didnt think a that  
GC: OH, SP34K OF TH3 4NG3L  
GC: LOOKS L1K3 1TS MY TURN TO G3T F4SH1ON POL1C3D  
CA: oh ok wwell ill leavve you to that  
CA: but hey good luck wwith all your quadrant shit  
GC: TH4NKS  
GC: 4ND GOOD LUCK W1TH N3P3T4  
CA: yeah thanks  
CA: ill havve to formulate a foolproof strategy to deal wwith her  
GC: OF COURS3  
GC: W3LL, 1F YOU N33D 4NY H3LP W1TH TH4T, 1D LOV3 TO CONTR1BUT3  
GC: 4FT3R 1 G3T DON3 W1TH TH1S, OF COURS3  
CA: yeah thatd be great actually  
CA: but you should probably go noww  
GC: Y34H 1 SHOULD  
GC: K4N4Y4S G1V1NG M3 QU1T3 4 D1RTY LOOK R1GHT NOW  
CA: haha ok  
CA: wwell sea you around  
GC: M4YB3 YOU W1LL  
GC: BUT 1 WONT  
GC: B3C4US3 1M BL1ND, YOU MORON  
CA: fuuuuuck you totally got me  
CA: <3  
GC: H3H3H3H3, <3  
GC: BY3 3R1D4N  
CA: bye ter  
  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]. 

*** 

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> Are you there  
CT: D --> There are matters I wished to di%uss with you  
CT: D --> Oh shoot  
CT: D --> It udderly slipped my mind that you were in the middle of a conciliation with the jadeb100d  
CT: D --> Please forgive my interje%ion  
CT: D --> But if you could  
CT: D --> Would you please conta% me after its conc100sion  
CT: D --> Many than%  
  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT].  
  
AC: :33 < equius!  
AC: :33 < are you still there?  
CT: D --> Ah, Nepeta  
CT: D --> Has the jadeb100d conc100ded her mediation  
AC: :33 < well, no  
AC: :33 < but shes in the middle of something with terezi  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> If you don't mind my a%ing  
AC: :33 < shes making some clothes fur her  
CT: D --> Oh  
AC: :33 < she just finished making some fur me, actually!  
AC: :33 < theyre really purretty  
CT: D --> Really  
AC: :33 < yes!  
AC: :33 < though its kind of weird  
AC: :33 < the jacket is really short  
AC: :33 < so now my butt is just hanging out fur efurrypawdy to s33  
CT: D --> Nepeta, language  
AC: :33 < what???  
AC: :33 < butt is not a bad word!!!  
CT: D --> Yes it is  
AC: :33 < no it isnt!!  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> It kind of is  
AC: :33 < it isnt even a little!  
CT: D --> Ok, fine, it isn't  
AC: :33 < yeah, s33?  
CT: D --> Anyway  
CT: D --> That sounds like a very  
CT: D --> Strange way of auspisticizing  
AC: :33 < well, it kind of is  
AC: :33 < but kanaya knows what shes doing, i guess  
CT: D --> I should think so  
CT: D --> She is by far the most e%perienced auspistice out of all of us  
AC: :33 < yeah, i guess so  
AC: :33 < so what did you want to talk about?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> On the previous memo  
CT: D --> You 100ked to be in a dour mood  
AC: :33 < kind of, yeah  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> What cause do you have for being in low spirits  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < its nothing, really  
CT: D --> I must di%ord  
CT: D --> You are in most situations e%cessively jocose  
CT: D --> If something caused you to be deje%ed, it is most certainly not nothing  
CT: D --> Please forgive the double negative  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < befur that memo  
AC: :33 < karkat talked to me  
AC: :33 < and he  
AC: :33 < yelled at me  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Why  
AC: :33 < beclaws he was flushed fur terezi  
AC: :33 < and he was mad that i made her and eridan matespurrits  
CT: D --> That  
CT: D --> That ingrate  
CT: D --> It is  
CT: D --> Udderly f001ish that he should yell at you for this  
AC: :33 < no, it makes sense  
CT: D --> Perhaps I should  
CT: D --> Di%uss this with Vantas  
CT: D --> Teach him a lesson in respe%ing others  
AC: :33 < please dont!  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Why not  
AC: :33 < beclaws  
AC: :33 < hes my furiend!  
AC: :33 < and i dont want him to get hurt  
CT: D --> If he did not want to be hurt  
CT: D --> He shouldn't have shouted at you  
AC: :33 < equius, please  
AC: :33 < just dont hurt him  
AC: :33 < hes hurting enough already  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> If you insist  
AC: :33 < im not mad at him or anything  
AC: :33 < im just a little depurressed  
CT: D --> Why  
CT: D --> Why have that imbecile's words moved you so  
AC: :33 < well, its just  
AC: :33 < befur this, efurrything s33med to be going so well  
AC: :33 < but now somepawdys b33n hurt  
AC: :33 < and its all my fault  
AC: :33 < :((  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> You mustn't blame yourself for this  
AC: :33 < yes i must!  
AC: :33 < its my fault karkat got hurt  
AC: :33 < if i nefur shipped those two, he couldve b33n with her  
AC: :33 < he couldve b33n happy  
CT: D --> He can be happy with someone else  
AC: :33 < but thats the thing  
AC: :33 < i dont know if he can  
CT: D --> I'm abso100tely positive that he can  
AC: :33 < really?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> 100% certain  
AC: :33 < well, maybe  
AC: :33 < but  
AC: :33 < am i even doing the right thing, equius?  
CT: D --> What do you mean  
AC: :33 < i mean this whole shipping thing!  
AC: :33 < meddling with efurrypawdy elses love lives!  
AC: :33 < it just doesnt f33l right  
AC: :33 < not anymore  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> You mustn't lose heart  
CT: D --> I'm abso100tely certain what you're doing is right  
AC: :33 < how do you know?  
CT: D --> You need only 100k to those you've already helped  
CT: D --> Kanaya has e%pressed her gratitude to me in private  
CT: D --> You've tr001y made her e%tremely happy  
CT: D --> And I'm sure the others would e%press similar sentiments  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < i guess  
CT: D --> And  
CT: D --> Though I am loathe to admit it  
CT: D --> The highb100d had a point  
CT: D --> Your shipping has a%ually contributed greatly to our progress in the game  
CT: D --> Our leader's criticisms were und001y harsh  
AC: :33 < hm  
AC: :33 < maybe youre right  
AC: :33 < but still  
AC: :33 < i just kind of f33l like  
AC: :33 < taking a break, you know?  
CT: D --> I suppose if you feel you must  
CT: D --> But you shouldn't be di%ouraged  
CT: D --> What you are doing is abso100tely a good thing  
AC: :33 < thanks equius  
AC: :33 < so what have you b33n up to?  
CT: D --> Not a great deal  
CT: D --> Though it might please you to hear  
CT: D --> My romantic entanglement with Aradia has reached its conc100sion  
AC: :33 < what??  
AC: :33 < why would that please me to hear???  
AC: :33 < thats terrible!!!  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> I thought you disapproved of our relationship  
AC: :33 < well, yeah, i did  
AC: :33 < but still!  
AC: :33 < you didnt end it beclaws of me, did you?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Kind of  
AC: :33 < ugh, s33, this is what im talking about!  
AC: :33 < im meddling in efurrypawdy elses lives  
AC: :33 < and even though im trying to hook efurryone up  
AC: :33 < i didnt want to have to tear them apurrt to do it!  
AC: :33 < ugh, i f33l so terrible  
CT: D --> Nepeta, please  
CT: D --> Allow me to e100cidate  
AC: :33 < e100cidate what?  
CT: D --> Despite your assertions  
CT: D --> You did not "tear us apart," or any such nonsensical musclebeast e%crement as that  
CT: D --> You merely e%posed an e%isting flaw in a failing relationship  
AC: :33 < really?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> 100king back  
CT: D --> Aradia was never tr001y happy with me  
CT: D --> And I realized  
CT: D --> I was never really happy with her, either  
CT: D --> Ending our relationship was for the best  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < maybe  
AC: :33 < but still, who does that leave you with?  
AC: :33 < ugh, you cant even hook up with gamz33, beclaws i already got to him :((  
CT: D --> It's fine  
CT: D --> I never tr001y liked anything about the highb100d  
CT: D --> E%cept for his b100d, of course  
AC: :33 < yeah, thats what i thought  
CT: D --> If he tr001y thin% he can be happy with that degenerate mudb100ded upstart, then so be it  
CT: D --> I wish him the abso100t best  
CT: D --> (That was supposed to be mildly sarcastic, by the way)  
AC: :33 < um, okay  
CT: D --> It may comfort you to know  
CT: D --> That I am effe%ively committed to a course of a%ion with regards to my flushed quadrant  
AC: :33 < really?  
AC: :33 < with who?  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> One of your previous suggestions, a%ually  
CT: D --> The heiress, specifically  
AC: :33 < oh!  
AC: :33 < youre really interested in fefurry??  
CT: D --> Kind of  
CT: D --> She 100% to be a noble, considerate person  
CT: D --> If a little, uh  
CT: D --> Enthusiastic  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < i think that might be understating it a little!  
CT: D --> Perhaps  
AC: :33 < but wait  
AC: :33 < she still has her whole thing with sollux  
CT: D --> Oh, right  
CT: D --> It perple%es me why she lavishes such e%travagant attention on the mustardb100d  
CT: D --> And why the f001 apparently hasn't reciprocated her advances  
AC: :33 < i dont really know what their deal is!  
AC: :33 < they could be matespurrits  
AC: :33 < or they could be meowrails  
CT: D --> Hrm  
CT: D --> If they became matesprits  
CT: D --> I suppose that would make things e%tremely difficult for me  
AC: :33 < ugh, yeah  
AC: :33 < you wouldnt really have anypawdy left  
AC: :33 < except aradia, i guess  
AC: :33 < could you still be matespurrits with her, maybe?  
CT: D --> It's a distin% possibility  
CT: D --> We ended our relationship amicably  
CT: D --> And though it was tumultuous, I don't believe she hates me  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < well thats good  
CT: D --> Still  
CT: D --> I'd hate to think I was  
CT: D --> Forcing her to become my matesprit  
CT: D --> Which I realize is 100dicrously hypocritical of me, given my a%ions in the past  
AC: :33 < no, i understand  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> Perhaps this is none of my business  
CT: D --> But do you think she has any other options  
AC: :33 < aradia?  
CT: D --> Yes  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < she might have something with sollux  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Really  
AC: :33 < well, im not sure  
AC: :33 < but befur she died  
AC: :33 < they kind of had a thing  
CT: D --> A thing  
AC: :33 < well, i dont know  
AC: :33 < it mightve b33n pale, it mightve b33n flushed  
AC: :33 < they nefur really made it official  
CT: D --> My goodness  
AC: :33 < what?  
CT: D --> I'm suddenly e%periencing deja vu  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, i guess so!  
AC: :33 < sollux is so stupid  
CT: D --> Obviously  
CT: D --> It's like he's e%plicitly ignoring the constant stream of beautiful women that reg001arly throw themselves at him  
CT: D --> Is he blind and deaf  
CT: D --> Or simply dumb  
AC: :33 < h33 h33 h33!! X33  
AC: :33 < i dont know what his deal is  
CT: D --> A raw deal, clearly  
AC: :33 < jegus, equius  
AC: :33 < hes really getting you steamed!  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> I don't hate him or anything  
CT: D --> I'm simply  
CT: D --> Jealous, I suppose  
AC: :33 < yeah, i guess that makes sense  
AC: :33 < but hed purrobably think youre crazy if you told him that!  
CT: D --> Why  
AC: :33 < hes always all mopey and miserable  
AC: :33 < and he thinks his life is soooo terrrrrible  
CT: D --> Hmph  
CT: D --> If his life is the hell he contends it to be  
CT: D --> Then it is a hell of his own making  
AC: :33 < well, i dont know  
AC: :33 < he has gone through a lot  
AC: :33 < i think aradia dying really messed him up  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Perhaps she is dead  
CT: D --> But she isn't gone  
AC: :33 < thats true!  
CT: D --> Do you think  
CT: D --> He still loves her  
AC: :33 < i dont know!  
AC: :33 < his shipping sw33p hasnt come up yet  
AC: :33 < i guess ill have to ask him  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> You do intend to continue shipping  
AC: :33 < well, eventually  
AC: :33 < not right away  
CT: D --> Ok  
AC: :33 < but thats good that youre interested in fefurry!  
AC: :33 < that could really work out  
AC: :33 < you hook up with her and sollux hooks up with aradia  
AC: :33 < or he could become matespurrits with fefurry, and then you could with aradia  
AC: :33 < or  
AC: :33 < i guess you and sollux could be matespurrits, and then so could aradia and fefurry?  
CT: D --> Er  
AC: :33 < youre not flushed fur sollux, are you?  
CT: D --> Abso100tely not  
AC: :33 < yeah, i figured  
AC: :33 < but still, its one of the thr33 pawssibilities  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> Just three  
AC: :33 < yeah, its just those thr33  
AC: :33 < right?  
CT: D --> A%ually  
CT: D --> I can't help but notice you've e%c100ded yourself  
CT: D --> As well as our leader  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < oh!  
AC: :33 < i guess i did!  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> Did you intend to enter a matespritship with Vantas  
AC: :33 < no!!!  
AC: :33 < i mean  
AC: :33 < i dont know really!  
AC: :33 < i just  
AC: :33 < i wasnt even thinking about him  
AC: :33 < or myself, fur that matter!  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I guess that makes sense  
CT: D --> But still, all these possibilities simply assume you'd end up with him  
AC: :33 < er  
AC: :33 < yeah, i guess  
CT: D --> Is that  
CT: D --> Something you'd be ok with  
AC: :33 < i dont know, i guess!  
CT: D --> Seriously  
CT: D --> Even after he f001ishly attacked you for the services you've performed for our team  
AC: :33 < hes not that bad!!  
AC: :33 < he was just angry beclaws of terezi and eridan!  
AC: :33 < honestly hes not a bad guy  
AC: :33 < he just gets mad sometimes  
AC: :33 < and really, who wouldnt??  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> Are you  
CT: D --> Flushed for him  
AC: :33 < no!!!  
AC: :33 < well, maybe  
AC: :33 < i dont really know  
CT: D --> Nepeta, I'm your moirail  
CT: D --> You can tell me abso100tely anything  
AC: :33 < i know that  
AC: :33 < but  
AC: :33 < i cant really say if im flushed fur him or not  
AC: :33 < not yet  
CT: D --> Why not  
AC: :33 < its just  
AC: :33 < its not the right time  
AC: :33 < !!!!!  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < er  
AC: :33 < do you not s33 that?  
CT: D --> See what  
AC: :33 < the underlined text up there!  
CT: D --> I see no underlined te%t  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < some kind of glitch with my purrogram, i guess!  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> That's strange  
CT: D --> But anyway  
CT: D --> It was not my intent to gr001ingly e%tract a confession from you with regard to your feelings  
CT: D --> If you can't reach a conc100sion, that is perfe%ly a%eptable  
AC: :33 < okay  
AC: :33 < sorry equius  
CT: D --> It's quite alright  
AC: :33 < but anyway, enough about me  
AC: :33 < lets talk about you and fefurry!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Ok  
AC: :33 < have you efur talked to her or anything?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Not really  
CT: D --> We've had brief e%changes on the team memos  
CT: D --> But never any tr001y meaningful intera%ion  
AC: :33 < well, maybe you should change that!  
CT: D --> How  
AC: :33 < by talking to her, dummy!  
CT: D --> Yes, but  
CT: D --> I can't simply conta% her out of the b100, can I  
AC: :33 < well, no  
AC: :33 < but maybe try it in a memo or something?  
CT: D --> Perhaps  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> Do you think the mustardb100d would find it objec%ionable  
AC: :33 < oh, who cares about him!  
AC: :33 < if he wont make fefurry his matespurrit, then its his loss!  
CT: D --> Uh  
AC: :33 < i mean, if thats how he f33ls about her  
CT: D --> But do you think I might be  
CT: D --> Interfering in their relationship somehow  
CT: D --> I don't think the heiress would like that  
AC: :33 < youre not interfurring in anything!  
AC: :33 < if sollux really wants to be her matespurrit, the worst youll do is push him into making it official!  
AC: :33 < and if he doesnt, then it doesnt matter!  
AC: :33 < its a win win!  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> I suppose so  
CT: D --> But anyway  
CT: D --> How do you think I should, uh  
CT: D --> Speak to her  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < dont be all weird and sycophantic, fur one!  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < you know, about her blood!  
CT: D --> Hrk  
CT: D --> Of course, that's corre%  
CT: D --> Even though she has such  
CT: D --> Remarkably beautiful tyrian b100d  
CT: D --> She udderly despises the Hemospe%rum  
AC: :33 < i hate to ask, but  
AC: :33 < youre not just interested in her beclaws of her blood, are you?  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I will admit that's part of it  
CT: D --> But even without regard to her  
CT: D --> Strikingly brilliant imperial b100d  
CT: D --> I find her to be an attra%ive person in general  
AC: :33 < really?  
AC: :33 < even though you hate seadwellers?  
CT: D --> I have effe%ively dealt with my prejudice with regard to the heiress specifically  
CT: D --> While landdwellers do in fa% have an ancient codified feud with those living in the ocean's depths  
CT: D --> I believe she is an e%ception  
CT: D --> After all, on the land or in the sea  
CT: D --> We all genufle% before the incalc001able might of Her Imperious Condescension equally, do we not  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < yeah, i guess  
CT: D --> And as the heiress apparent to the Imperial throne, surely she should be afforded the same respe%  
AC: :33 < i guess that makes sense  
AC: :33 < but still, its kind of weird  
CT: D --> How is it weird  
AC: :33 < well, its good that you dont hate her fur being a seadweller  
AC: :33 < but youre still treating her diffurently beclaws of her blood!  
AC: :33 < and shed purrobably really hate that!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Then, uh  
CT: D --> How should I treat her  
AC: :33 < i dont know, maybe as an equal???  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> I'm not, am I  
AC: :33 < she purrobably thinks you are!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> I guess she would, wouldn't she  
CT: D --> She's just  
CT: D --> Considerate like that  
AC: :33 < exactly!  
CT: D --> Hrm  
CT: D --> But still  
CT: D --> I'm a little perple%ed at how to proceed in engaging her in a dialogue  
AC: :33 < well, maybe you should just try  
AC: :33 < flirting with her  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Flirting  
AC: :33 < yes!  
CT: D --> I've, uh  
CT: D --> Never really flirted with anyone before  
CT: D --> How e%actly would I go about doing that  
AC: :33 < well, you just  
AC: :33 < i dont know, its hard to explain!  
AC: :33 < you just kind of have to  
AC: :33 < make little suggestive jokes to her  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> Suggestive  
AC: :33 < well, you know  
AC: :33 < just kind of twist your words so they s33m like something naughty  
AC: :33 < like if she says, "i wont hold it against you"  
AC: :33 < you say, "do you want to hold it against me?"  
CT: D --> Urk  
CT: D --> That 100% to be  
CT: D --> Somewhat indecent  
AC: :33 < its all in good fun!  
CT: D --> Are you sure  
CT: D --> How do I know she won't simply find it  
CT: D --> E%asperating  
AC: :33 < well, if shes interested, shell flirt with you back!  
AC: :33 < so maybe youd say what you said up there  
AC: :33 < and shed say, "ooh, maybe i do, mister zahhak!"  
CT: D --> Uh  
AC: :33 < and if shes not interested, shell just blow you off  
AC: :33 < so just k33p going until she does that!  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> That 100% to be reasonable enough  
CT: D --> I need to make  
CT: D --> Jokes  
AC: :33 < yes!  
AC: :33 < you know how to tell jokes, right?  
CT: D --> Kind of  
CT: D --> A%ually, Kanaya recently complimented me on my sense of humor  
CT: D --> Though my main form of humor consists of 100sing an unr001y herd of spirited hoofbeast puns  
CT: D --> Do you think that would work  
AC: :33 < actually, that would work purrfectly!!  
AC: :33 < fefurry really loves puns!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Does she  
AC: :33 < well, she likes fish puns specifically  
AC: :33 < and ocean puns in general, i guess  
AC: :33 < but shed purrobably enjoy a few hoofbeast puns, too!  
CT: D --> Hmmm  
CT: D --> I suppose could pra%ice a few nautical puns myself  
CT: D --> A%ually, wait, I mean  
CT: D --> Myshellf  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, yeah, thats it!  
CT: D --> But I suppose  
CT: D --> If foal else fails  
CT: D --> I'm gelding the idea  
CT: D --> That I could canter her nautical puns  
CT: D --> By trotting out a few hoofbeast puns of mane own  
AC: :33 < h33 h33 h33!!! X33  
AC: :33 < thats great!  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> I believe I know how to proceed  
CT: D --> So I should simply  
CT: D --> Talk to her  
CT: D --> On a public memo  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
AC: :33 < but you dont have to do it right away  
AC: :33 < just wait fur the purrfect oppurrtunity to purrsent itself  
AC: :33 < and once it does  
AC: :33 < you strike!!!  
CT: D --> That makes sense, I suppose  
CT: D --> But when do you believe such an opportunity will arise  
AC: :33 < i dont know  
AC: :33 < i guess i wont be making a shipping update anytime soon ://  
CT: D --> Hmmm  
AC: :33 < but im sure youll get a chance soon!  
CT: D --> I should certainly hope so  
CT: D --> Anyway  
CT: D --> Are you feeling better, Nepeta  
AC: :33 < yeah, i guess  
AC: :33 < thanks equius  
CT: D --> It's tr001y my pleasure  
CT: D --> Anyway, don't be di%ouraged by the imbecile Vantas' words  
CT: D --> He's simply being e%tremely f001ish  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < i dont think hes being foolish  
AC: :33 < but maybe he didnt mean efurrything he said  
CT: D --> I'm abso100tely certain he didn't  
CT: D --> And though you may feel the need to take a break  
CT: D --> I tr001y believe you should continue shipping  
AC: :33 < yeah, maybe  
CT: D --> But I suppose I've taken enough of your time  
CT: D --> Kanaya must be finished with her a%ivities with the tealb100d by now  
AC: :33 < yeah, shes just finishing up right now  
AC: :33 < she made some kind of suit fur her or something  
AC: :33 < its really nice  
AC: :33 < wow, terezi looks really purretty in it  
CT: D --> Does she  
AC: :33 < yes she does!  
AC: :33 < it makes her look all elegant and refined  
AC: :33 < but still kinda scary  
AC: :33 < and it really shows off her butt, too X33  
CT: D --> Nepeta, please  
AC: :33 < what??  
AC: :33 < we already established butt isnt a bad word!  
CT: D --> Yes, but still  
CT: D --> This is abso100tely inappropriate  
AC: :33 < well, im sorry, but terezi has a really nice butt!!!  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Stop this  
CT: D --> You will cease di%ussing your auspisticed partner's rear end immediately  
CT: D --> Have I made myself perfe%ly clear  
AC: :33 < okay, fine!  
AC: :33 < but i should warn you  
AC: :33 < you can make me stop talking about it  
AC: :33 < but you cant make me stop thinking it!  
CT: D --> Fine  
CT: D --> Anyway  
CT: D --> I suppose I should leave you be  
AC: :33 < yeah, purrobably  
AC: :33 < but thanks fur talking to me, equius  
AC: :33 < i really do f33l better now  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> What are moirails for  
CT: D --> <>  
AC: :33 < <>  
AC: :33 < anyway, good luck with fefurry!  
CT: D --> Yes, thank you  
CT: D --> But now I must depart  
CT: D --> Goodbye, Nepeta  
AC: :33 < bye equius!  
  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 


	14. Sidelines III

Chapter 14 

Sidelines III 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].  
  
AG: Hey.  
CC: O)(, )(ey Vriska!  
AG: So, um........  
AG: Are we still cool?  
CC: 38?  
CC: W)(at do you mean?  
AG: You know, after the whole thing with Sollux????????  
CC: Vriska, I'm not Sollux!  
CC: It's not like you did anyt)(ing to piss M-E off!  
AG: Well, no, 8ut I assume whenever he gets pissed off a8out something, you're the first one he goes griping to.  
CC: W)(ale, Y-EA)(, but )(onestly, it's not t)(at big a deal!  
CC: Sollux gripes! T)(at's just kind of )(is t)(ing!  
CC: )(e's just a BIG GRIP-EY GRUMPY GILLS!  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, that's so lame, it's honestly kind of funny.  
CC: 38P  
AG: 8ut seriously though, we cool?  
CC: Vriska.  
CC: We are as COOL as a S-EA CUCUMB-ER.  
CC: 3B)  
AG: Hell.  
AG: Fucking.  
AG: Yessssssss.  
AG: BBBB)  
CC: O)( wow, FOUR pairs of s)(ades! Very impressive.  
AG: Alas, one of the few draw8acks of having eight eyes.  
AG: All your eyewear costs four times as much.  
AG: It's hard, Feferi.  
AG: It's hard and no8ody understands.  
CC: )(-E )(-E )(-E!  
CC: So anyway, w)(at's up?  
AG: Eh, nothing really.  
AG: Just seeing if things were still str8 8etween us.  
AG: I mean........ I said some reeeeeeeeally nasty things to Sollux on that last memo. ::::/  
CC: Yea)(, )(e's R-E-ELY freaking out aboat it.  
CC: )(e's practically B-EGGING me to stop being fronds wit)( you.  
AG: Ugh, I'm not fucking things up 8etween you and him, am I????????  
AG: I mean, I don't like the guy, 8ut I'd 8e a pretty shitty friend if I were messing with your personal life.  
CC: No, no, it's fine!!  
CC: )(e's not angry at M-E or anyt)(ing!  
CC: )(e's just...  
CC: W)(ale, )(e's just angry at YOU. 38/  
AG: Well, yeah, I kinda figured that much.  
CC: But I mean, )(e's )(onestly CONVINC-ED you're just PR-ET-ENDING to be fronds wit)( me just to ruffle )(is gills!  
CC: And he keeps going off aboat )(ow you're just going to try to )(urt me or somet)(ing like t)(at!  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, seriously????????  
CC: Yep, seariously!  
AG: Well........  
AG: He's got every RIGHT to 8elieve that, I guess.  
AG: You wouldn't 8e the first friend I've maimed. ::::/  
CC: Ug)(, W)(AT--EV--ER!!  
CC: )(onestly, I t)(ink )(e's being kind of a )(ard)(ead aboat t)(is w)(ole glubbing t)(ing!  
CC: I mean, Y-EA)(, you did some R-E-ELY bad t)(ings before, but you're OBVIOUSLY a MUC)( betta person now!  
CC: S)(ell, Tavros )(as forgiven you, and Terezi's pretty muc)( t)(ere too, rig)(t?  
CC: So reely, I just t)(ink )(e's being stubborn!  
AG: Look, Feferi, as much as I appreci8 it, you don't have to try so hard to defend me.  
AG: I'm not just gonna try to pretend what I did to him and Aradia and every8ody else wasn't an enormous fucking deal.  
AG: 8ut I just........  
AG: Ugh, I don't know.  
CC: You reely are black for )(im, aren't you?  
AG: Yeah, I kind of am.  
AG: Is that weird?  
CC: U)(, kind of, yea)(!  
AG: ::::?  
CC: I mean, it seems like it just came out of NOW)(-ER-E!  
AG: Well, it sorta did.  
AG: I'll admit, the whole idea came a8out from one little throwaway line on a memo somewhere a while 8ack.  
AG: 8ut the more I think a8out it........ the more I just want to throttle that guy, you know what I mean????????  
CC: Um...  
AG: Er, o8viously you wouldn't want to throttle him, that's doesn't m8ke any sense!!!!!!!!  
CC: W)(ale, I don't know.  
CC: I guess I can sea w)(y you mig)(t want to go after )(im.  
CC: I mean, obviously )(e )(ates you!  
CC: But I always figured t)(ere'd be ot)(er trolls you'd be more interested in, like Aradia or Terezi!  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, where'd this whole thing a8out me 8eing 8lack for Terezi even come from????????  
AG: I don't h8 her! She's like my 8est friend!  
AG: Whether or not she chooses to acknowledge it.  
AG: And I mean, yeah, she 8lew off my arm and my eye, 8ut 8ig deal!  
AG: I got 'em 8ack, and I got a pretty awesome set of powers in the process!!!!!!!!  
AG: Why would I even hold a grudge over that????????  
CC: Wow, okay!  
AG: Sorry, the whole thing is just a little weird, honestly.  
AG: Anyway, as for Aradia........  
AG: Well, let's just say we had one really amazing h8 d8, and then she stopped returning my calls.  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, I guess t)(at's ON-E way of putting it!  
AG: I figured you would appreci8 it.  
AG: Anyway, it's pretty o8vious she doesn't h8 me for whatever spooky emotionless dead girl reason.  
AG: And even if she did, I'm not sure if I h8 her either.  
AG: The whole "remorse" thing reeeeeeeeally gets in the way.  
CC: Yea)(, I guess so.  
CC: But seariously, w)(y Sollux?  
AG: It's........ hard to explain, really.  
AG: 8ut honestly, I think the thing that really pisses me off a8out him is that it seems like he just wants to ignore me.  
AG: And no8ody ignores Vriska Serket.  
AG: No8ody.  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, yea)(, I t)(ink I get it!  
CC: But reely, t)(at just seems to be )(is way of dealing wit)( ALL )(is unwanted black suitors.  
AG: Ugh, you don't think he just h8es me platonically, do you?  
CC: I t)(ink )(e T)(INKS it's platonic.  
CC: But I don't t)(ink it's platonic.  
AG: Reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally????????  
CC: I mean, )(e's R-E-ELY )(ung up on you!  
CC: And I reelize t)(ere are pretty obvious reasons for t)(at, but even given t)(at, it still seems a little -EXC-ESSIV-E!  
CC: Like in t)(at last memo, )(-E's t)(e one w)(o was going after YOU!  
AG: Yeah, see, that's what really throws me!  
AG: The guy keeps telling me he's not interested, 8ut he keeps just attacking me out of nowhere on these memos.  
AG: He's like the fucking master of mixed signals.  
CC: I )(onestly t)(ink )(e IS black for you.  
CC: But rig)(t now, I t)(ink it's more of a matter of PRID-E to )(im t)(an anyt)(ing.  
CC: It's like, if )(e enters a quadrant wit)( you, it'd be like admitting )(e's over t)(e w)(ole...  
CC: Y'know...  
CC: T)(e w)(ole T)(ING.  
AG: 8luh.  
AG: So 8eing kismesisses with him isn't even gonna 8e a fucking possi8ility unless I find a way to 8ring Aradia 8ack from the fucking dead????????  
CC: W)(ale, I never said T)(AT!  
AG: Yeah, 8ut it's something LIKE that, isn't it?  
CC: W)(ale... kind of.  
AG: Fuuuuuuuuck.  
CC: Look, t)(e t)(ing is, )(e's still R--E--ELY broken up aboat t)(e w)(ole t)(ing t)(at )(appened wit)( )(er.  
CC: And until )(e gets over it, I'm afraid t)(at s)(ip is probably N-EV-ER gonna leave t)(e )(arbor.  
AG: God damnit.  
AG: I am just the text8ook fucking definition of a hopeless 8lack romantic, aren't I?  
AG: Shit would 8e so much easier if I actually were 8lack for Terezi.  
AG: I'm preeeeeeeetty sure she's at least a little 8lack for me.  
CC: R-E-ELY?  
AG: Well, if her 8ehavior during our FLARPing session was any indic8ion.  
AG: Fuck, my lip still hurts from where she 8it it.  
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a.  
AG: 8ut noooooooo, I have to go and fall for the guy who's never gonna 8e interested until he either gets over his dead girlfriend or she miraculously comes 8ack to life.  
AG: I honestly think the latter would 8e more likely.  
CC: 38/  
AG: Is there a way to 8ring her 8ack, you think?  
CC: W)(y are you asking M-E?  
AG: Well, I don't know.  
AG: You've got this whole weird, creepy, regularly-converses-with-eldritch-a8omin8ions-from-outside-the-universe thing going on.  
AG: So I figured you might 8e savvy a8out stuff like this.  
CC: W)(ale, I'm not reely s)(ore!  
CC: T)(e only revival met)(ods I'm aware of require a body.  
AG: Ugh, right.  
AG: There isn't one. Trust me.  
CC: Yea)(, so I've )(eard. 38/  
AG: Anyway, even if there was a 8ody, she apparently doesn't even have a dreamself, which throws all that shit out the window too.  
CC: Rig)(t, t)(ere's t)(at too!  
AG: ........Does she really not have a dreamself?  
CC: Not t)(at I know of!  
AG: Huh.  
CC: W)(y do you ask?  
AG: I don't know. It just seems weird for some reason.  
AG: 8ut it m8kes sense, I guess.  
AG: Her real self died way 8efore the game even started, and I guess her dreamself isn't just gonna sit around on Derse forever.  
CC: W)(ale, regardless of w)(et)(er or not bringing )(er back is possible, I'm not sure t)(at doing it would just magically fix everyt)(ing.  
AG: Hrm, may8e you're right.  
AG: 8ut hey, enough a8out my pro8lems.  
AG: What's going on with you?  
CC: You mean w)(at's going on wit)( me and Sollux?  
AG: I never said that!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8ut as a matter of fact, yes, that's EXACTLY what I mean!  
AG: Have you managed to 8eat a confession out of him on what the deal 8etween you two is????????  
CC: I'm not beating ANYT)(ING out of Sollux!!!  
AG: Look, Feferi, I'm telling you this for your own s8ke.  
AG: 8ifuc8ion gimmick or not, do NOT let this guy trap you in quadrant vacill8ion hell.  
AG: You will never get out.  
AG: Everrrrrrrr.  
CC: It's not T)(AT bad!  
CC: -Even if we're not OFFIS)(IALLY in a quadrant, we still R-E-ELY enjoy eac)( ot)(er's company!  
CC: So w)(at's t)(e problem??  
AG: The pro8lem is you're getting the worst of 8oth worlds!!!!!!!!  
AG: You can't 8e honest with each other and have feelings jams 8ecause you're not moirails.  
AG: And you can't get your sloppy m8keouts on 8ecause you're not m8sprits!  
AG: It pretty much sucks.  
CC: T)(at's not true!  
CC: Sollux and I )(ave been PL-ENTY )(onest wit)( eac)( ot)(er!  
AG: Oh reeeeeeeeally????????  
CC: Yes, R-E-ELY!  
AG: Like, jam-level honest?  
CC: W)(ale... kind of, I guess!  
AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, you don't think he's trying to palezone you, do you????????  
CC: Vriska, t)(at is a STUPID T)(ING TO SAY!!  
CC: Moirallegiance is NOT A ZON----E!!!  
AG: Whoa, okay!!!!!!!!  
AG: Jegus, you don't have to flip out at me a8out it!  
CC: Saury, I just )(ave R-E-ELY STRONG OPINIONS on t)(e pale quadrant!  
CC: People always swab it off like it's some )(ORRIBL-E T)(ING to get stuck in wit)( somebody you reely like.  
CC: But I t)(ink it's JUST AS IMPORTANT as t)(e concupiscient quadrants, and probably even MOR-E fulfilling!  
CC: I mean, s)(orely YOU of all people can sea w)(ere I'm glubbing from!  
AG: Well, yeah, I get it.  
AG: This thing with Tavros has 8een pretty fucking awesome for the 8oth of us.  
AG: I don't know if I'd say it's 8etter than 8eing with Kanaya, 8ut I pro8a8ly wouldn't say it's worse, either.  
CC: Yeah, S-EA? You'll admit it's at least on equal finning!  
AG: I was never denying that!  
AG: I was just kind of assuming you were flushed for Sollux is all.  
CC: W)(y?  
AG: W8, are you pale for him????????  
CC: I never said t)(at!!  
AG: No, 8ut you implied it.  
CC: Look, I'd be perfectly )(appy being )(is matesprit OR )(is morayeel!  
CC: I don't reely )(AV-E a preference!  
AG: Oh, come oooooooon, surely it's more complic8ed than that.  
CC: W)(ale, maybe it IS...  
CC: But I don't trust you enoug)( to tell you any moray!  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????  
AG: Come on, Feferi, it's not like I'm gonna tell any8ody!!!!!!!!  
CC: R-E-ELY??  
AG: Yes, R-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-ELY!!!!!!!!  
AG: My lips are sealed! Tight as a clam!  
CC: So you wouldn't even let t)(at little pearl of information slip in t)(e middle of a )(eated debate wit)( Sollux on a public memo????????  
AG: Um.  
AG: Fuck, I'd pro8a8ly end up doing something exactly like that.  
AG: Okay, nevermind, I don't even want to know.  
CC: I T)(OUG)(T you'd sea it my wave!  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, whatever.  
CC: 38P  
AG: Aaaaaaaanyway, let's say, just hypothetically speaking, you guys do end up 8ecoming moirails.  
AG: Just say you guys flip a fucking coin or something and it comes up diamonds.  
AG: So if he's your moirail, then who the fuck is gonna 8e your m8sprit????????  
CC: W)(ale, I wasn't reely T)(INKING aboat it all t)(at muc)(!  
AG: Really? 8ecause your options are kind of limited at this point.  
AG: 8esides him, there's........ who?  
AG: Nepeta, may8e?  
AG: Oh man, thinking a8out it, that's actually kind of hot........  
CC: W)(AT????  
AG: I'm just saying is all!!!!!!!!  
AG: I mean, you're an attractive girl, she's an attractive girl........  
AG: And I can't help 8ut find the mental image percol8ing here of you two attractive girls getting it on to 8e hot as fuck.  
CC: 38O  
CC: )(oly CARP, w)(at am I even R----EADING H----ER----E?????  
CC: Vriska, are you...  
CC: Are you FLUS)(----ED for me or somet)(ing???  
AG: Whoa, what???????? No!!!!!!!!  
AG: I'm just saying you're attractive is all!!!!!!!!  
AG: I'm not a8out to 8r8k up with Kanaya just to hook up with you or something insane like that!!!!!!!!  
AG: Though don't get me wrong, if Kanaya weren't flushed for me, I'd 8e all over that in a heart8eat.  
CC: Okay, comments like t)(at R--E--ELY AR--EN'T K---ELPING!!  
AG: Alright, alright, I'm dropping it!!!!!!!!  
AG: Jegus, I figured a lady like you would 8e a8le to take a compliment gr8cefully.  
AG: You don't have to freak out a8out it.  
CC: W)(ale, it's a little FORWARD for a compliment, don't you t)(ink?  
AG: May8e????????  
AG: I don't know, I wasn't really thinking a8out it.  
CC: 38P  
CC: Lines just exist for you to cross t)(em, don't t)(ey?  
AG: Hey, I just calls 'em like I sees 'em.  
CC: W)(ale... t)(anks, I guess?  
AG: Yeah, no pro8lem.  
CC: Anyway, no, I'm not reely flus)(ed for Nepeta.  
CC: And even if I W-ER-E, I don't t)(ink s)(e's interested.  
AG: Yeah, fair enough.  
AG: 8ut you'll at least admit she's hot.  
CC: W)(at???  
CC: I'll admit NO SUC)( T)(ING!!  
AG: Oh, come oooooooon, tell me you wouldn't 8e all over that!!!!!!!!  
CC: I JUST TOLD YOU I WOULDN'T!!!  
CC: Vriska, w)(at is WIT)( you tonig)(t???  
CC: You're being all W--EIRD AND FLIRTATIOUS, and it's kind of FR--EAKING M--E OUT!!!  
AG: Well, excuuuuuuuuse me for 8eing surrounded on all sides 8y 8eautiful women!!!!!!!!  
AG: I guess I'll just say a8solutely nothing at all a8out all these smoking hot 8a8es around me just 8ecause I have a m8sprit already!!!!!!!!  
CC: W)(ale, I'm SAURY, but t)(is is NOT )(ow normal people talk!  
CC: You're just sending me some R--E--ELY W--EIRD VIB--ES, and it's kind of )(aking me uncomfortable!  
AG: Okay, okay, I'll stop with the random 8road appraisals.  
AG: I don't know why you're freaking out so much a8out this anyway.  
CC: It's just...  
CC: W)(ale, it's reminding me of t)(is...  
CC: T)(is, u)(, certain piece of fiction.  
AG: Fiction?  
AG: What are you talking a8out?  
CC: Alrig)(t, look, do you promise you won't send t)(is to anybody else?  
AG: Um....... sure, I guess?  
CC: Okay, just read t)(is.  
\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] sent arachnidsGrip [AG] the file "maiden voyage (vs/fp) [tw: dubcon, bloodplay].doc" --  
AG: W8, is this........????????  
CC: Just skim it over!  
AG: Feferi, wh8t........  
AG: Wh8t the f8ck is this????????  
AG: Where th8 fuck d8d you get th8s????????  
CC: Nepeta sent it to me a w)(ale ago!!  
CC: Isn't it finny?  
AG: F8nny???????? How the f8ck is it f8nny????????  
AG: L8ke, this is........  
AG: Th8s is an incr8di8ly expl8cit pornogr8phic story st8rring y8u and me!!!!!!!!  
AG: Fef8ri, why the f8ck would y8u send me th8s????????  
CC: I don't know! I just t)(oug)(t it was finny is all!!  
CC: Like, apparently somebody requested t)(is or somet)(ing?  
CC: But it certainly wasn't M--E!  
CC: So w)(o could it )(ave even B--E--EN???  
AG: I don't kn8w!!!!!!!!  
CC: You t)(ink it was --Eridan, maybe?  
CC: )(e was flus)(ed for me and black for you, so maybe )(--E requested it!  
AG: Uh........  
AG: Ye8h! It m8st've 8een Erid8n!!!!!!!!  
CC: But no, if it were )(im, w)(y wouldn't )(e be IN it?  
CC: I don't know w)(y )(e'd want to read a story aboat )(is kismesis getting )(is morayeel wasted and feeling )(er up!  
AG: Er, yeah, I gu8ss not........  
CC: W)(ale... Kanaya, maybe?  
CC: S)(e was flus)(ed for you, and I guess we were... fronds?  
AG: Yeah, it w8s Kan8ya!!!!!!!! Th8t m8st've 8een it!!!!!!!!  
CC: 38?  
CC: Vriska, you're acting kind of W--EIRD aboat t)(is.  
AG: Some8ody comm8ssioned a sm8tty story a8out y8u and me do8ng unsp8aka8le th8ngs to each 8ther!!!!!!!!  
AG: Of C8URSE I'm 8cting w8ird a8out 8t!!!!!!!!  
CC: Ummm...  
CC: Vriska...  
CC: Are YOU t)(e one w)(o requested t)(is?  
AG: Okay, fine, I'll admit it!!!!!!!!  
AG: Yeah, it was me!!!!!!!! I'M the one who requested it!!!!!!!!  
CC: 38O  
AG: Look, it was........  
AG: It was a long time ago, okay????????  
AG: Like, just after I met you for the first time.  
AG: And 8efore Eridan told me he was gonna introduce me to his moirail, I was like, "Oh maaaaaaaan, she's pro8a8ly gonna 8e a total dork."  
AG: 8ut then I saw you, and I was like........  
AG: "DAAAAAAAAMN!"  
AG: And I asked Eridan, "Hey, does she have a m8sprit?" and he just gave me the most intense fucking death glare I've ever seen.  
AG: So naturally, I 8acked off.  
AG: 8ut if it weren't for the o8vious fundamental complic8ions, political and kismetic alike, I definitely would've considered courting you as a m8sprit.  
AG: At the time.  
AG: O8viously.  
CC: U)(...  
CC: Wow...  
CC: I'm... FLATT--ER--ED, I guess?  
AG: Yes, 8eing flattered is definitely the correct response.  
AG: 8ut anyway let's talk a8out something else now!!!!!!!!  
AG: Since I'm with Kanaya now and therefore that's o8viously something that's never going to happen so we don't have to talk a8out it ever again!!!!!!!!  
CC: Yes okay let's do t)(at!!!!!  
AG: So anyway, 8esides Nepeta........  
AG: And that's o8viously the only person we were talking a8out for a potential m8sprit for you!!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8esides Nepeta, who the fuck else could 8e your m8sprit????????  
AG: Aradia, may8e?  
AG: You have a thing for ro8ot ghost girls?  
CC: U)(, not reely!  
CC: Anyway, I )(IG)(LY trout s)(e'd be interested in M--E.  
AG: Yeah, especially with the whole Sollux thing.  
CC: --Er...  
CC: T)(e w)(ole Sollux t)(ing?  
AG: Um........  
AG: You know they have a history, right?  
CC: Kind of?  
CC: Sollux never reely wants to get into t)(e details.  
AG: Wellllllll, it's a long story........  
AG: 8ut let's just say your current entanglement with Sollux would complic8 things and leave it at that.  
CC: I guess I can settle for t)(at.  
AG: 8ut 8esides her, there's who, Karkat and Equius?  
AG: Wow, talk a8out the 8ottom of the fucking 8arrel.  
CC: T)(ey're not T)(AT bad!  
AG: Um, seriously????????  
AG: You're not thinking a8out going after Karkat, are you????????  
CC: O)( COD no! Carpcatfis)( can't STAND me!  
AG: So........ Equius????????  
AG: You can't seriously 8e thinking a8out 8eing m8sprits with Equius.  
CC: W)(ale... I don't know, maybe!  
AG: No.  
AG: Feferi, no.  
AG: Equius Zahhak is literally the 8iggest fucking tool I've ever met.  
AG: W8, no, that doesn't even 8egin to do justice to what an enormous tool this guy is.  
AG: Like, he transcends the level of merely 8eing a "tool."  
AG: The guy is an entire fucking hardware store unto himself.  
CC: )(e cannot POSSIBLY be t)(at bad!!  
AG: Yes he fucking can.  
AG: If there's one thing I've learned a8out Equius in my six sweeps, it's that he can 8e that 8ad.  
AG: Always.  
AG: Like, literally every time that thought has ever entered my mind, he de8unked it within hours.  
AG: Why would you even THINK of 8eing m8sprits with him????????  
CC: W)(ale, Nepeta suggested it!!  
AG: Of course Nepeta suggested it, she's his fucking moirail!!!!!!!!  
AG: The guy's a humorless, fetishistic hemofascist.  
AG: Don't even fucking go there.  
CC: O)(, like YOU'R--E one to even glub aboat F--ETIS)(--ES, MISS DOLOROSA MCBIT--EYVICTIM!!!  
AG: ::::P  
CC: ANYWAY, I'm not even seariously t)(inking aboat t)(is rig)(t now!  
CC: I'm only t)(inking aboat w)(o my matesprit will be IF I end up becoming morayeels wit)( Sollux.  
CC: And IF I do, T)(--EN I just MIG)(T be willing to give Mr. Za)()(ak t)(e benefis)( of t)(e trout!  
CC: But aside from t)(at, I've got to consider potential morayeels, too!  
AG: Well hey! What a8out Kanaya?  
AG: She's 8een talking to me a8out how she wants a moirail, so may8e you two could hook up!  
CC: 38/  
CC: As muc)( as I APPR-ECIAT-E t)(e offer, I'm gonna )(ave to pass.  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????  
AG: What's wrong with Kanaya????????  
CC: I never said t)(ere was anyt)(ing WRONG wit)( )(er!  
AG: Oh come on, you dismissed the idea almost immedi8ely!!!!!!!!  
AG: Not to mention that little slanty face you typed.  
AG: You can't type a slanty face a8out my m8sprit and expect to get away with it, missy!!!!!!!!  
CC: Look, I'm just not interested in )(er in a pale way, alrig)(t?  
AG: Why not???????? She'd 8e a gr8 moirail!!!!!!!!  
CC: R-E-ELY?  
CC: Like s)(e was wit)( you??  
AG: Whoa, hey, that was completely different.  
AG: The only reason our moirallegiance was so lousy was 8ecause she was flushed for me.  
AG: It'd 8e tooooooootally different with any8ody else!!!!!!!!  
CC: Yea)(, t)(at's easy for YOU to say.  
CC: I was watc)(ing t)(at s)(ip sink from t)(e sidelines, and it was NOT a pretty sig)(t.  
AG: What????????  
CC: Kanaya was giving me pretty muc)( constant second-)(and reports on )(ow t)(ings were going wit)( you guys.  
CC: And it didn't --EXACTLY paint a pretty portrait of )(er competency as a morayeel. 38/  
AG: Okay, Feferi, are you talking shit a8out my m8sprit????????  
AG: 8ecause that's not cool. Seriously.  
CC: I'm doing NOT)(ING of t)(e sort!!!  
CC: I'm just trying to --EXPLAIN w)(y I don't want )(er as a morayeel!!  
AG: Well, if you insist.  
CC: W)(at do you M-EAN, "if I insist?"  
CC: Just W)(AT part of my explanation is so )(ard to bereef???  
AG: No, I 8elieve you and all, it's just........  
AG: I don't know.  
AG: I'm just sensing some........ tension 8etween you and Kanaya.  
CC: If t)(ere's any T-ENC)(ION, it's all on )(-ER side!  
CC: S)(-E's t)(e one w)(o's acting all weird and definsive aboat you!  
AG: Defensive?  
CC: You SAW )(er on t)(at last memo, didn't you?  
CC: Making snippy little barbs at me and constantly glubbing aboat )(ow muc)( you guys were )(aking out.  
CC: )(onestly, w)(at's )(er deal??  
AG: Well, she's just passion8 is all.  
AG: I think it's kind of cute, honestly.  
CC: Yea)(, w)(ale, tell )(er to stop being passionate at M--E.  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, okay, fine.  
CC: )(ey, you guys aren't )(aving any... PROBL-EMS or anyt)(ing, are you?  
AG: Huh?  
AG: Feferi, what are you talking a8out?  
CC: I mean you and Kanaya!  
AG: What? No, we're not having any pro8lems!  
AG: Everything's gr8 8etween me and Kanaya!  
CC: Reely?  
AG: Yeah, really! Never 8een 8etter!  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: If you guys ever DO )(ave any problems, you can always talk to me.  
AG: Um........  
AG: I appreci8 the offer, I guess?  
AG: 8ut honestly, if Kanaya and I ever have any pro8lems, I'll pro8a8ly just talk to Kanaya a8out them.  
AG: Or failing that, I'll just talk to Tavros.  
CC: )(-EY! Speaking of Tavros, )(ow are t)(ings between you two??  
AG: Oh, they're awesome, actually!!!!!!!!  
AG: Well, I mean, things 8etween us specifically are awesome.  
AG: Tavros himself is kind of freaking out a little, though.  
CC: W)(at? W)(y??  
AG: Well, he's starting to get all antsy and irrita8le.  
AG: I think he might 8e getting the urge for a little 8lack romance, honestly!!!!!!!!  
CC: O)( wow, R--E--ELY???  
CC: I didn't t)(ink )(e )(ad it in )(im!!  
AG: Oh, I knew he had it in him, 8ut I didn't realize he was gonna start itching for it!  
AG: It's kind of........  
AG: What's the word I'm looking for here????????  
AG: I want to say "adora8le," 8ut that sounds too condescending.  
CC: I T)(INK t)(e word you're looking for is "PROUD!"  
AG: Proud? Is that something you can 8e for other people????????  
CC: Of COURS----E it is!! 38P  
AG: Okay, let me try this out........  
AG: I am so, so proud of him.  
AG: Yes!!!!!!!! That sentence DEFINITELY checks out!  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, AW--ESOM--E! 38D  
CC: But w)(o could be )(is kismesis, you t)(ink?  
CC: -Equius, maybe? It seemed like t)(ey were sparring a w)(ale ago.  
AG: See, that's what I was thinking, 8ut apparently Tavros isn't interested.  
CC: W)(y not?  
AG: I don't know! He's 8eing really cagey a8out it for some reason.  
AG: He definitely doesn't like him, though.  
AG: He doesn't like Sollux, either, for that matter.  
AG: 8ut I think that's mostly 8ecause he has to deal with me after our little arguments. ::::P  
CC: O)( wow.  
CC: You don't t)(ink )(e's black for Sollux, do you?  
AG: No, I don't think so.  
AG: At least, he promised me he wouldn't go after Sollux as long as I was m8king my moves on him.  
AG: I feel kind of 8ad, honestly, since I have all these other potential 8lack suitors and he's got like none.  
CC: W)(ale, maybe t)(ere's somebody -ELS-E )(e's black for, and )(e just )(asn't told you yet!  
AG: That's a possi8ility, I guess.  
AG: Though I don't know why he'd feel the need to withhold it from me.  
CC: Yea)(, I don't reely know eit)(er!  
CC: But t)(ings are still cool between you two, rig)(t!  
AG: Feferi.  
AG: They're as cool as a sea cucum8er.  
AG: BBBB)  
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, GLUB Y--ES.  
CC: )(onestly, I R-E-ELY envy you, Vriska!  
CC: I fis)( I could )(ave a moirallegiance like you and Tavros )(ave!  
AG: Well, I'm sure you'll find some8ody eventually.  
AG: I think you'd 8e a damn good concili8or, honestly.  
CC: W)(ale, T)(ANK you! 38)  
AG: Yeah, don't mention it.  
CC: )(ey, I )(ave kind of a weird question for you.  
AG: What?  
CC: Now, you don't )(ave to answer t)(is if you don't want to!  
CC: But I'm just curious is all.  
AG: Okaaaaaaaay, what is it?  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: )(ave you and Tavros ever t)(oug)(t aboat...  
CC: Taking t)(ings to t)(e next level?  
AG: Um.  
AG: What.  
CC: You know, wit)( your moirallegiance!  
AG: No, I don't know.  
AG: What are you talking a8out????????  
CC: I M--EAN, )(ave you ever t)(oug)(t aboat getting...  
CC: P)(ysical?  
AG: ::::O  
AG: Feferi, are you talking a8out........  
AG: Doing flushed stuff????????  
CC: IT'S NOT FLUS)(--ED STUFF!! T)(at's t)(e w)(ole POINT!  
AG: 8ut I mean........  
AG: You're talking a8out, like........  
AG: Kissing and stuff, right????????  
CC: Y--EA)(!  
CC: I mean, you two bot)( R-E-ELY like eac)( ot)(er, rig)(t?  
AG: Well, yeah........  
CC: W)(ale, I )(onestly t)(ink you two are at t)(e point in your relations)(ip w)(ere you could comfortably do stuff like t)(at!  
AG: Seriously????????  
AG: 8ut I mean, we're moirails!  
AG: We're not supposed to do stuff like that, right????????  
CC: Look, moirallegiance may not be --EXACTLY t)(e same as matesprits)(ip, but it's still a form of romance!  
CC: And I t)(ink t)(e usual state of conciliation is just t)(e first stage of many, and it's just t)(at most morayeels never get past it.  
CC: Morayeels are SUPPOS--ED to be aboat dealing wit)( eac)( ot)(er's problems, but w)(at do you do w)(en you run out of t)(ings to fix??  
CC: Just call your job done and break t)(ings off???  
AG: You can't run out of pro8lems, that's stupid.  
CC: W)(ale, no, but t)(ey can slow to a trickle!  
CC: And t)(en you're stuck wit)( somebody w)(o you R-E-ELY like w)(o you've s)(aped to be a pretty awesome person.  
CC: I don't t)(ink it's W--EIRD t)(at you could be as intimate wit)( a morayeel like t)(at as you could wit)( your matesprit!  
CC: I mean, you're AL--READY getting intimate wit)( t)(em w)(en you settle down in t)(e privacy of a pile for a feelings jam!  
CC: W)(at's t)(e difference if you just so )(appen to kiss eac)( ot)(er, or anyt)(ing --ELS--E like t)(at?  
AG: Well, I guess I see your point.  
AG: 8ut do you seriously think it's okay for me and Tavros to do stuff like that????????  
CC: S)(OR--E! You two are obviously R--E--ELY close!  
CC: I don't t)(ink anybody s)(oald )(ave a problem wit)( it!  
CC: W)(ale, unless... you t)(ink Kanaya mig)(t )(ave a problem wit)( it.  
CC: I reelize s)(e probably )(as a very... COLOR-ED perspective on moirallegiance.  
CC: But if s)(e R--E--ELY loves you, s)(e s)(oald be able to accept it!  
AG: Feferi.  
AG: You're talking shit a8out my m8sprit again.  
CC: No I'm not!!!!!  
AG: Look, I don't have a pro8lem with you talking shit a8out Kanaya.  
AG: I'm just saying, m8ke it official.  
CC: W)(at??  
AG: If you want to insult Kanaya, it 8etter 8e your jo8.  
AG: You know, m8ke her your kismesis.  
CC: >38O  
CC: W)(AAAAT??????  
CC: W)(en t)(e GLUBBING S)(----ELL did I ----EV----ER suggest I was interested in )(er like t)(at?????  
AG: Hey, I never said you were!  
AG: I'm just saying if you want to keep talking smack on my m8sprit, there's only one way I'm gonna find it accepta8le.  
CC: Okay, okay, FIN---E!  
CC: I'll be a little more... CONSID--ERAT--E w)(en I'm talking aboat Kanaya!!!  
AG: You don't have to, you know!  
AG: If you want to 8e her kismesis, that'd 8e totally awesome.  
AG: I'm picturing it now, and the mental image percol8ing here is DEFINITELY hot as fuck........  
CC: >38O  
CC: NO!!!!  
CC: C---EAS---E YOUR LASCIVIOUS P---ERCOLATING AT ONC-----E!!!!  
AG: Nope, too l8! The 8rew is complete, and now my cup overfloweth with un8elieva8ly sexy images of you two h8 snogging!!!!!!!!  
AG: Ooooooooh, I wouldn't mind getting in the middle of that, actually.  
AG: Having you two thrash a8out a8ove me while my head is smothered in the four 8iggest vestigial thoracic 8rucite glands in paradox space........  
CC: STOP TALKING ABOAT MY BROOBS!!!!!!!!!!  
AG: Well, soooooooorry for having a healthy appreci8ion for a nice pair of 8roo8s!!!!!!!!  
CC: APOLOGY NOT ACC----EPT----ED!!! >38C  
CC: Anyway, ----ENOUG)( ABOAT T)(IS!!!  
CC: It's a COMPL---ET---ELY RIDICULOUS ID---EA, and I will )(ear NO MOR---E OF IT!!!  
AG: Oh, whatever, like you've even got any room to judge!!!!!!!!  
AG: YOU'RE the one who's suggesting I start filling pails with Tavros!  
CC: I N--EV--ER SUGG--EST--ED T)(AT!  
CC: All I said was I t)(oug)(t you guys mig)(t be in a plaice w)(ere you could afford to be more intimate.  
CC: If your t)(oug)(ts go straig)(t to pails after t)(at, it's sole-ly because YOUR t)(ink pan is planted firmly in t)(e road-perip)(eral rainwater overflow drainage trenc)(, NOT mine!  
AG: Okay, fair enough, I guess.  
AG: 8ut really, I don't get why you're 8ringing this up.  
AG: Do you have some kind of active interest in me and Tavros doing stuff like this????????  
CC: W)(ale, not you two SP--ECIFICALLY!  
CC: But I'm just interested to sea if a moirallegiance could end up playing out t)(is way!  
CC: And since you and Tavros are pretty muc)( t)(e best morayeels I know, I figured you mig)(t be able to do it!  
AG: Well........ I'm flattered, I guess?  
AG: 8ut just where did this sudden scientific curiosity come from?  
AG: Do you want to 8ecome rails with pails with Sollux or something, is that it????????  
CC: >38O  
CC: I N--EV--ER SAID T)(AT!!!  
CC: I'm just interested in t)(e pale quadrant in general, okay??  
CC: I know nobody else reely gives a s)(ip aboat it, but I )(ave a lot of emoceanal weig)(t invested in it!  
CC: So I mean... would you be willing to try it?  
CC: For SCI--ENC--E???  
AG: Well........  
AG: To tell the truth, I've kind of 8een wanting to try it anyway.  
CC: R--E--ELY???  
AG: I was kind of freaking out a8out it, honestly!  
AG: I was afraid I was 8ecoming flushed for Tavros, and it was gonna mess up everything 8etween us.  
AG: 8ut if you really think we could do........ stuff like that without screwing up our moirallegiance, I GUESS I'd be willing to give it a shot.  
AG: You know, for science.  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, t)(at's GR--EAT!  
CC: )(ey, maybe it'll kelp out Tavros, too!  
CC: Kelp relieve some of this STR-ESS )(e's been under recently!  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah, may8e.  
AG: Well, I'll talk to him a8out it, I guess.  
CC: AW--ESOM--E!!! 38D  
AG: Yeah, you're welcome.  
CC: )(a)(a, of course, t)(ank you!  
AG: Anyway, I'm pro8a8ly gonna go soon.  
AG: 8ut 8efore I do, I'm just gonna warn you again:  
AG: Don't let Captor pull this wishy-washy 8ullshit on you.  
AG: Seriously.  
CC: W)(y are you so insistent aboat t)(at??  
AG: 8ecause if you don't put your foot down and tell the guy what you want, you're gonna keep vacill8ing all the way to the grave.  
AG: Literally.  
CC: 38?  
AG: I know red-pale vacill8ion isn't nearly as 8ad as red-8lack, 8ut it has a tendency to drag on foreverrrrrrrr.  
AG: ESPECIALLY when you're dealing with a repeat offender like Sollux.  
CC: Um, w)(at???  
AG: You know what I mean, right?  
CC: No...??  
AG: Oh man, I can't 8elieve I'm the one who has to tell you this.  
AG: Okay, look.  
AG: 8efore the whole "me fucking up every8ody's lives like a huge psychotic 8itch" fiasco........  
AG: He was doing this exact same thing to Aradia.  
CC: 38O  
CC: Seariously???  
AG: Cross my dorsal tu8e and hope to die.  
AG: I think she might have 8een flushed for him?  
AG: Or may8e it was pale?  
AG: I don't know, 8ecause she never stopped putting up with his smoke-screening 8ullshit and told him what she wanted either.  
AG: And I know I of all people don't have any fucking right to cast any aspersions on their rel8ionship........  
AG: 8ut I really h8 to see history repeat itself, especially like this.  
CC: )(mmm...  
AG: I'm just telling you this 8ecause I give a shit a8out you.  
AG: Just tell the guy what you want.  
AG: If you w8 for him to tell you, you're gonna w8 forever.  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: Maybe you're rig)(t.  
CC: But... w)(at if I tell )(im w)(at I want, and )(e doesn't want t)(e same t)(ing from me?  
AG: Well, you said you'd 8e happy 8eing his m8sprit or his moirail, right?  
AG: Worst case scenario is he turns down your first offer and accepts your second.  
CC: T)(at's true, I guess.  
CC: But w)(at if I want one more t)(an t)(e ot)(er?  
AG: Honestly, I don't know what to tell you.  
AG: It's a risk you'll just have to t8ke, I guess.  
AG: 8ut if he likes you as much as you like him, then may8e it won't m8ke a difference to him what quadrant you're in.  
CC: Yea)(, you're probably rig)(t.  
CC: I guess I s)(oald tell )(im.  
CC: Just... maybe not rig)(t away.  
AG: Well, do it soon, at least!  
AG: The sooner this chump gets over his rel8ionship issues, the sooner I can m8ke him realize just how much he h8es me!!!!!!!! >::::)  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, Y--EA)(!  
CC: Anyway, t)(anks for t)(e advice, Vriska.  
CC: I reelize most people would probably t)(ink I'm INSAN--E to take advice aboat Sollux from you, but )(onestly, I t)(ink you know )(im better than t)(ey'd give you credit for.  
AG: Well, kind of.  
AG: Know your enemy and all that.  
CC: )(a)(a, --EXACTLY!  
CC: But I'll take it to )(eart.  
AG: You mean you'll t8ke it to collapsing and expanding 8ladder-8ased aquatic vascular system?  
CC: W)(AL--E I DIDN'T --E--EL LIK--E B--EATING T)(AT PARTICULAR JOK--E INTO T)(--E S--EAB--ED, OKAY?????  
AG: Fuuuuuuuuck, okay.  
AG: Anyway, I gotta go.  
AG: Or should I say........ I gotta sk8????????  
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, t)(at just 8AR--------ELY qualifies as a fish pun!!!!!!!!  
AG: Yeah, yeah, aaaaaaaanywave.  
AG: Glu8 at you l8er, I guess?  
CC: Of COURS--------E! 38888D  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, awesome.  
AG: Anyway, 8ye, Feferi <3  
CC: Um.  
CC: Yea)(, bye Vriska! <3  
  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].  
  
AG: Yessssssss, that's right, little heiress.  
AG: Come into my parlor <3  
AG: Said the spider to the fry.  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].

*** 

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling adiosToreador [AT].  
  
TA: hey tv.  
AT: oH, sOLLUX,  
AT: wHAT'S UP,  
TA: ii need two a2k you for a favor.  
AT: uH, oKAY,  
AT: l1KE WHAT,  
TA: ii need you two get vk two 2top talkiing two ff.  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: 1S THAT ALL,  
TA: 2o waiit.  
TA: are you 2ayiing you'll do iit?  
AT: nO, 1 MEAN,  
AT: 1S THAT ALL YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT,  
TA: uh...  
TA: ii gue22 2o?  
AT: rEALLY,  
AT: nOTH1NG ELSE TO D1SCUSS AT ALL,  
TA: ii don't know.  
TA: liike what?  
AT: oH MY FUCK1NG GOD,  
AT: oKAY, s1NCE YOU'VE APPARENTLY NEVER HAD A CONVERSAT1ON W1TH SOMEONE BEFORE 1N YOUR ENT1RE L1FE,  
AT: 1 GUESS 1'LL JUST HAVE TO HANDLE YOUR S1DE OF THE D1SCUSS1ON MYSELF,  
AT: "hEY, tAVROS, hOW ARE YOU,"  
AT: oH, yOU KNOW, 1'M OKAY,  
AT: "hOW ARE TH1NGS W1TH YOU AND gAMZEE,"  
AT: tHEY'RE PRETTY MUCH AMAZ1NG, tHANKS FOR ASK1NG,  
AT: "oKAY, wELL, hOW ABOUT TH1NGS W1TH THE MO1RA1L,"  
AT: tHEY'RE NOT SO HOT, aCTUALLY,  
AT: "oH REALLY, wHY 1S THAT,"  
AT: wELL, sHE'S REALLY BLACK FOR TH1S GUY,  
AT: aND HE'S CONSTANTLY G1V1NG HER SH1T ON PUBL1C MEMOS,  
AT: bUT HE COMPLETELY DEN1ES BE1NG BLACK FOR HER,  
AT: aND 1T'S REALLY START1NG TO MAKE HER UPSET,  
AT: aND NOW, jUST TO ADD 1NSULT TO 1NJURY,  
AT: tHE GUY HAS THE NERVE TO CONTACT ME 1N PR1VATE AND TELL ME TO MAKE HER STOP BE1NG FR1ENDS W1TH ONE OF H1S FR1ENDS BECAUSE 1T ANNOYS HIM,  
AT: "oH WOW, tHAT GUY SOUNDS L1KE A REAL ASSHOLE,"  
AT: "wHO 1S HE,"  
AT: wELL, hERE 1S THE TH1NG,  
AT: yOU ARE THE ASSHOLE,  
AT: 1T'S YOU,  
AT: "oH SH1T,"  
AT: "1 GUESS 1 AM A COMPLETE ASSHOLE, hUH,"  
AT: yEP,  
AT: yOU MOST CERTA1NLY ARE,  
AT: "oKAY, wELL, nEVERM1ND THAT STUP1D TH1NG 1 JUST SA1D,"  
AT: "1'M GO1NG TO LEAVE YOU ALONE AND STOP BE1NG SUCH A P1ECE OF SH1T TO YOUR MO1RA1L NOW,"  
AT: aWESOME, tHANK YOU,  
AT: "oKAY, bYE,"  
AT: yES, bYE,  
AT: aND, 1DEALLY, aT TH1S PO1NT, yOU WOULD S1GN OFF,  
AT: bUT 1 GUESS 1 CAN'T ACTUALLY MAKE YOU DO THAT,  
TA: um.  
TA: tv, what the fuck.  
AT: wHAT DO YOU MEAN, wHAT THE FUCK,  
AT: cLEARLY, tHAT THE FUCK,  
AT: tHE FUCK 1S ALMOST CERTA1NLY SELF-EV1DENT,  
TA: are you pii22ed at me or 2omethiing?  
AT: k1ND OF, yES,  
AT: 1S THAT REALLY SO HARD TO BEL1EVE,  
TA: ii don't know, ii gue22 not.  
TA: but 2tiill, ii thought we were friiend2 or 2omethiing.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: wHY D1D YOU TH1NK THAT,  
TA: um...  
AT: l1KE,  
AT: wHEN WAS THE LAST T1ME YOU EVEN SPOKE TO ME,  
AT: aND 1 MEAN SPEC1F1CALLY YOU SPOKE TO ME,  
AT: nOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND,  
TA: okay, 2o maybe ii've been kiind of a 2hiitty friiend.  
TA: and ii'll admiit you're probably not the fiir2t guy ii've been a 2hiitty friiend two before.  
TA: 2o 2orry about that.  
TA: but why are you pii22ed at me now?  
AT: yOU'VE G1VEN ME SEVERAL REASONS TO BE ANGRY AT YOU,  
AT: bUT PROBABLY THE B1GGEST ONE 1S WHAT YOU'RE DOING W1TH vR1SKA,  
TA: you mean, what 2he's doiing wiith me?  
AT: hEY, wOW, lOOK, tHAT'S NOT WHAT 1 SA1D,  
AT: mAYBE TRY READ1NG THE SENTENCE AS WR1TTEN,  
AT: bECAUSE THERE'S A REASON 1 WROTE 1T THAT WAY,  
TA: okay, ju2t what have ii been doiing two vk?  
AT: yOU'VE BEEN FUCK1NG W1TH HER HEAD,  
AT: tELL1NG HER YOU'RE NOT BLACK FOR HER, aND THEN B1TCH1NG HER OUT FOR COMPLETELY NO REASON,  
AT: 1 REAL1ZE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR STUP1D B1FURCAT1ON G1MM1CK, bUT COULD YOU JUST TH1S ONE T1ME, sTOP DO1NG TWO TH1NGS AT ONCE,  
TA: what? no.  
TA: 2he's the one who's goiing after me on the2e memos, okay?  
TA: ii diidn't 2tart any of thii2 2hiit.  
AT: oKAY, nO,  
AT: oN THAT MEMO YESTERDAY, yOU JUST COMPLETELY ATTACKED HER OUT OF THE BLUE,  
AT: tHE ONLY REASON 1 CAN SEE FOR YOU DO1NG 1T 1S BECAUSE SHE MENT1ONED JUST HOW MUCH YOU WERE 1NSULTING HER W1THOUT PROMPT1NG,  
TA: okay, fiine, ii 2tarted 11t that tiime.  
TA: but hone2tly, ii'm just kiind of gettiing 2iick of thii2 whole fuckiing deal.  
TA: ii'm not black for her, alriight?  
TA: ii2 that really 2o hard two beliieve?  
AT: tHE, uH,  
AT: sHOUT1NG AT HER, sPEC1F1CALLY, 1S THE PART THAT MAKES 1T HARD TO BEL1EVE,  
AT: yOU KNOW, 1N CASE YOU WERE WONDER1NG,  
TA: yeah, well, 2orry about that.  
TA: but ii'm ju2t tiired of beiing the target of everyone'2 unrequiited black 2oliiciitatiion2.  
AT: rEALLY,  
AT: bECAUSE YOU NEVER D1D TH1S W1TH eR1DAN,  
TA: yeah, well, ed wa2 more "annoyiing" than "completely horriible iin every po22iible way."  
AT: oKAY, f1RST OF ALL,  
AT: aSSESSMENTS L1KE THAT REALLY AREN'T HELP1NG YOUR CASE,  
AT: tHAT CASE BE1NG THAT YOU'RE NOT BLACK FOR vR1SKA,  
AT: aND SECOND,  
AT: cOULD YOU SER1OUSLY STOP CONSTANTLY TALK1NG ABOUT WHAT A HORR1BLE PERSON MY MO1RA1L 1S,  
AT: 1'D REALLY APPREC1ATE 1T, THANKS,  
TA: tv, ii'm not tryiing to iin2ult you per2onally here.  
AT: yOU'RE NOT TRY1NG, bUT YOU ARE ANYWAY,  
AT: tRULY, tHESE ARE THE CAREFREE STROKES OF A MASTER 1NSULTRAMAR1NE,  
TA: 2o what, ii can't talk 2hiit about her wiithout talkiing 2hiit about you two?  
AT: nO, nOT EXACTLY,  
AT: tHERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS OF 1NSULT1NG HER THAT WOULDN'T BE PART1CULARLY 1NSULT1NG TO ME,  
AT: l1KE, yOU COULD SAY SHE'S NEEDY, oR H1STR1ON1C, oR PUSHY,  
AT: oR THAT SHE'S ON OCCAS1ON ENT1RELY TOO EXPL1C1T WHEN TALK1NG ABOUT PART1CULAR SUBJECTS,  
AT: aND 1 WOULDN'T TAKE ANY OFFENSE AT THAT, bECAUSE LET'S BE HONEST, tHEY'RE ALL PRETTY MUCH TRUE,  
AT: bUT WHEN YOU SAY TH1NGS L1KE SHE'S A BACKSTABB1NG, fR1END-MURDERING SOC1OPATH, 1 TEND TO TAKE OFFENSE,  
AT: bECAUSE THOSE ARE TH1NGS THAT AREN'T TRUE ANYMORE,  
AT: aND 1 WOULD L1KE TO TH1NK THAT MY BE1NG HER MO1RA1L 1S THE PR1MARY REASON THEY ARE CURRENTLY FALSE,  
AT: sO COULD YOU PLEASE JUST FUCK1NG STOP THAT,  
TA: 2o what, you want me two forgiive her for everythiing 2he's done?  
AT: 1 D1DN'T SAY THAT,  
AT: 1 JUST SA1D 1F YOU'RE GO1NG TO CONSTANTLY HARASS HER, dO 1T FOR WHO SHE 1S AND WHAT SHE'S DO1NG, nOT WHO SHE WAS AND WHAT SHE'S DONE 1N THE PAST,  
TA: ii can't ju2t iignore all the 2hiit 2he diid.  
TA: ii mean, hone2tly, tv, 2he broke your leg2.  
TA: diid you ju2t forget about that?  
AT: nO, oF COURSE NOT,  
AT: bUT SHE APOLOG1ZED TO ME, aND SHE MADE 1T CLEAR THAT SHE TRULY WANTED TO MAKE 1T UP TO ME, aND SHE D1D,  
AT: aND BEFORE YOU ASK, 1T WASN'T JUST BY HELP1NG ME GO GOD T1ER,  
AT: tHERE WAS A LOT MORE TO 1T THAN THAT, tRUST ME,  
TA: 2o what, doe2 2he want two make thiing2 up two me, two?  
AT: pROBABLY, yES,  
AT: eVEN THOUGH SHE HATES YOU,  
TA: and ju2t how ii2 2he goiing two do that?  
TA: for fuck'2 2ake, 2he made me kiill aa.  
TA: how do you even make up for 2omethiing liike that?  
AT: hONESTLY, 1 DON'T KNOW,  
AT: bUT SHE REALLY 1S TRY1NG TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT SHE'S DONE,  
AT: tHE WHOLE flarp1NG TH1NG SHE D1D W1TH tEREZ1 WAS AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE 1T UP TO HER,  
AT: 1'M SURE SHE'LL TH1NK OF A WAY TO DO 1T FOR YOU,  
AT: tHOUGH YOU WON'T NECESSAR1LY L1KE 1T,  
AT: g1VEN THE WHOLE, yOU KNOW, hER HAT1NG YOU TH1NG,  
TA: ugh.  
TA: well, why don't you tell her that iif 2he really want2 to make thiing2 up two me...  
TA: 2he can 2tart by gettiing out of my liife and out of ff'2 liife and never 2peakiing two eiither of u2 agaiin.  
AT: 1S SHE BOTHER1NG fEFER1 OR SOMETH1NG,  
TA: no, that'2 the problem.  
TA: ff liike2 her, for 2ome biizarre rea2on.  
AT: hEY, mAYBE TH1S 1S JUST ME,  
AT: bUT THAT SEEMS L1KE A TH1NG THAT 1SN'T ACTUALLY A PROBLEM,  
TA: of cour2e iit'2 a fuckiing problem.  
AT: oKAY, 1 GUESS 1 HAVE SUDDENLY GONE BL1ND,  
AT: sO EXPLA1N TO ME WHAT'S WRONG W1TH THAT,  
TA: becau2e iit'2 fuckiing vk.  
TA: ff ii2 puttiing her2elf iin danger by even a22ociiatiing wiith her.  
AT: sO fEFER1 1S 1N DANGER,  
AT: bY BE1NG FR1ENDS W1TH HER,  
TA: ye2, exactly.  
TA: and don't even tell me ii'm off ba2e here.  
TA: iit'2 funny that you 2hould mentiion goiing bliind, con2iideriing what 2he diid two the la2t per2on two be her be2t friiend.  
AT: uGH, yES,  
AT: tHANK YOU FOR THE H1STORY LESSON, sOLLUX,  
AT: nEXT, wHY DON'T YOU TELL ME HOW TO START A F1RE W1TH A PA1R OF TW1GS, bECAUSE THE L1GHTER HASN'T BEEN 1NVENTED YET,  
TA: well, iif 2he'2 not tryiing two hurt me or ff, then why el2e would 2he want two be friiend2 wiith her?  
AT: hEY, hERE'S AN 1DEA,  
AT: mAYBE SHE'S TRY1NG TO BE FR1ENDS W1TH fEFER1 BECAUSE,  
AT: sHE WANTS TO BE FR1ENDS W1TH HER,  
AT: cRAZY, 1 KNOW,  
TA: yeah, that'2 a po22iibiiliity.  
TA: or maybe 2he'2 ju2t pretendiing two be friiend2 wiith her iin an attempt two pii22 me off.  
TA: 2iince 2he'2 apparently 2o black for me.  
AT: tHAT 1S ALSO A D1ST1NCT POSS1B1L1TY,  
AT: bUT THEN, 1T'S EQUALLY L1KELY THAT SHE COULD BE TRY1NG TO BE FR1ENDS W1TH fEFER1 1N ORDER TO HELP YOU 1N SOME WAY,  
AT: aND THERE EX1STS THE REMOTE POSS1B1L1TY THAT 1T JUST MAY BE ALL THREE OF THESE TH1NGS AT ONCE, mY FR1END,  
AT: sORRY, 1 MEAN, mY ACQUA1NTANCE,  
TA: how could her beiing friiend2 wiith ff po22iibly help me??  
AT: wELL, 1 DON'T KNOW,  
AT: mAYBE 1T HAS SOMETH1NG TO DO W1TH TH1S G1ANT QUADRANT CONFUS1ON MYSTERY THAT YOU TWO ARE APPARENTLY STRUGGL1NG W1TH,  
TA: oh god.  
TA: how ii2 2he gonna help me wiith THAT?  
TA: ju2t by forciing the ii22ue?  
TA: yeah, really fuckiing appreciiate that, thank2 iin advance.  
AT: 1 DON'T SEE HOW 1T COULD HURT,  
AT: s1NCE APPARENTLY YOU'RE TOO STUP1D TO JUST TELL fEFER1 HOW YOU FEEL,  
TA: what???  
AT: sORRY, 1'M JUST K1ND OF ASSUM1NG THE WHOLE TH1NG 1S YOUR FAULT,  
AT: s1NCE YOU K1ND OF HAVE A H1STORY OF NOT G1V1NG BEAUT1FUL G1RLS WHO SHOWER YOU W1TH AFFECT1ON THE T1ME OF N1GHT,  
TA: what the fuck ii2 THAT 2uppo2ed two mean??  
AT: wHAT DO YOU TH1NK 1T MEANS, sOLLUX,  
TA: ii2 that 2omethiing two do wiith vk agaiin?  
AT: oH, hEY, 1 WASN'T EVEN TH1NK1NG OF HER,  
AT: bUT 1 SUPPOSE THE STATEMENT 1S EQUALLY APPL1CABLE TO HER,  
TA: 2o what were you talkiing about?  
AT: oH MY GOD, sER1OUSLY,  
AT: 1'M TALK1NG ABOUT aRAD1A, yOU FUCK1NG 1D1OT,  
TA: tv, what the FUCK?  
TA: where the fuck diid that even come from?  
AT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG, tH1S EXACT SAME TH1NG HAPPENED W1TH HER,  
AT: sHE OBV1OUSLY REALLY L1KED YOU, aND YOU PROBABLY L1KED HER TOO,  
AT: bUT 1T NEVER WENT ANYWHERE, fOR WHATEVER REASON,  
AT: aND NOW YOU AND fEFER1 ARE DO1NG THE EXACT SAME FUCK1NG TH1NG,  
TA: iit ii2n't the 2ame thiing.  
AT: hOW 1S 1T NOT THE SAME TH1NG,  
TA: okay, look, ii'll admiit it.  
TA: ii completely fucked up wiith aa.  
TA: ii 2hould've told her how ii felt, even iif 2he wa2 ju2t goiing two diie anyway.  
TA: but ff ii2 diifferent.  
TA: iif ii tell her how ii'm feeliing now, iit'2 ju2t goiing two fuck everythiing up.  
TA: ii mean... maybe later, after thii2 whole horriible game ii2 over and done wiith, thiing2 wiill be diifferent.  
TA: but for now, ii ju2t...  
TA: ii can't tell her.  
AT: wHY NOT,  
TA: becau2e iif ii told her, 2he'd fuckiing hate me.  
AT: 1 DON'T KNOW,  
AT: sHE OBV1OUSLY L1KES YOU A LOT ALREADY,  
AT: 1 CAN'T 1MAG1NE WHAT YOU COULD TELL HER THAT WOULD MAKE HER FEEL THAT WAY,  
TA: 2he ju2t would, okay?  
TA: tru2t me.  
AT: oKAY, f1NE,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: yOU KNOW SHE WAS FLUSHED FOR YOU, r1GHT,  
TA: what?  
AT: sORRY, 1 MEAN, aRAD1A,  
TA: how do you know that?  
AT: bECAUSE SHE HAS TERR1BLE TASTE 1N MATESPR1TS, oBV1OUSLY,  
TA: okay, iif that wa2 a diig at me, ii'll take iit.  
TA: but iif iit wa2 a diig at aa, then fuck you.  
AT: dETERM1N1NG JUST WHO 1T WAS A D1G AT,  
AT: 1S AN EXERC1SE 1'LL LEAVE TO YOU, tHE READER,  
TA: whatever.  
TA: anyway, 2o what iif 2he was flu2hed for me?  
TA: what diifference doe2 iit make?  
TA: 2he obviiou2ly ii2n't anymore.  
TA: 2he's rather make out wiith that sweaty blueblood a22hole eq than even fuckiing talk two me.  
AT: rEALLY,  
AT: d1D SHE TELL YOU THAT,  
TA: of cour2e 2he diidn't.  
TA: 2he ha2n't even 2poken two me 2iince 2he got her fancy new body.  
AT: sO,  
AT: hAVE YOU SPOKEN TO HER,  
TA: ii ju2t 2aiid 2he ha2n't 2poken two me.  
AT: nO, 1 MEAN,  
AT: hAVE YOU EVEN TR1ED TO SPEAK TO HER YOURSELF,  
TA: no.  
TA: but why would ii?  
TA: why would 2he even want two speak two me?  
TA: and even iif 2he diid, why wouldn't 2he ju2t do iit her2elf?  
AT: 1 DON'T KNOW,  
AT: mAYBE SHE'S CHANGED SOMEHOW,  
TA: liike how?  
TA: 2he 2tiill 2eem2 two be the 2ame emotiionle22 gho2t 2he wa2 before.  
AT: sHE'S NOT EMOT1ONLESS,  
TA: how do you know?  
AT: bECAUSE 1 SAW HER BEAT THE SH1T OUT OF vR1SKA,  
AT: aND SHE D1DN'T DO 1T EMOT1ONLESSLY, tRUST ME,  
TA: eheh, yeah, ii gue22 2o.  
AT: yES, 1T WAS AN 1NCRED1BLY AMUS1NG SPECTACLE,  
AT: bUT EVEN MORE HUMOROUS THAN THAT WAS THE PART AFTERWARDS,  
AT: wHERE 1 HAD TO DRAG vR1SKA'S BROKEN BODY ALL THE WAY TO HER QUEST BED,  
AT: w1THOUT THE USE OF MY LEGS, m1ND YOU,  
AT: aND THEN 1 GOT TO S1T THERE AND WATCH HER SLOWLY BLEED OUT AS SHE DESPERATELY BEGGED ME TO K1LL HER,  
AT: 1T WAS A FUCK1NG BLAST, lET ME TELL YOU,  
TA: wow.  
TA: you 2eriiou2ly had two do that?  
AT: nO, 1 JUST MADE THAT WHOLE STORY UP,  
AT: wHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS,  
AT: aRAD1A SHOWED UP AND MADE vR1SKA GO GOD T1ER BY G1V1NG HER A HEARTY ROBO-H1GH F1VE,  
AT: aND THEN WE ALL PLAYED A ROUS1NG GAME OF f1DUSPAWN OVER TEA AND OFFALBEAST GRUBW1CHES,  
AT: oF COURSE 1T FUCK1NG HAPPENED,  
TA: fuck, tv, what'2 your problem?  
TA: ii've never 2een you thii2 angry before.  
AT: hAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME ANGRY BEFORE,  
TA: uh...  
TA: actually, no.  
AT: bECAUSE 1 HAVEN'T BEEN,  
AT: 1'M MAK1NG UP FOR LOST T1ME HERE,  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
AT: nO, bECAUSE THAT'S A FUCK1NG STUP1D REASON TO BE ANGRY,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: 1T'S ST1LL A REASON,  
AT: aND 1'M TAK1NG ANY REASON 1 CAN GET TO BE ANGRY R1GHT NOW,  
AT: sO ACTUALLY, yES, tHAT'S EXACTLY WHAT 1'M DO1NG,  
TA: okay, ii gue22.  
AT: 1'M JUST ANGRY AT A LOT OF TH1NGS RIGHT NOW,  
AT: 1'M ANGRY AT YOU,  
AT: aND 1'M ANGRY AT eQU1US,  
AT: aND 1'M ANGRY THAT BE1NG ANGRY AT YOU AND eQU1US IS COMPLETELY PO1NTLESS AND 1 SHOULDN'T EVEN BOTHER W1TH 1T,  
AT: aND 1'M JUST,  
AT: rEALLY FUCK1NG ANGRY FOR SOME REASON,  
TA: well... 2orry, ii gue22?  
TA: iif you're 2tiill angry at me about the vk thiing, ii'm not droppiing iit.  
AT: yES, 1'M ST1LL ANGRY AT YOU FOR THAT,  
AT: bUT 1'M ANGRY AT YOU FOR OTHER REASONS, tOO,  
TA: liike what?  
AT: l1KE BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN A GOOD FR1END,  
AT: aND BECAUSE YOU'RE A COMPLETE 1D1OT WHEN 1T COMES TO ROMANCE,  
AT: aND BECAUSE 1 CAN'T EVEN HATE YOU PROPERLY BECAUSE vR1SKA ALREADY CALLED D1BS ON YOU,  
AT: aND BECAUSE 1'VE BEEN US1NG A COMPLETELY D1FFERENT TYP1NG QU1RK FOR THE ENT1RETY OF TH1S CONVERSAT1ON, aND YOU HAVEN'T BROUGHT 1T UP ONCE,  
TA: oh 2hiit, ii gue22 2o.  
TA: you're replaciing ii'2 wiith one2?  
TA: that'2... okay, ii gue22.  
AT: yES, bECAUSE 1 WANTED TO REPLACE A LETTER WITH A NUMBER,  
AT: aND 1 DECIDED TO RELACE "i" WITH "1",  
AT: bECAUSE 1 AM NUMBER ONE,  
AT: tWO 1S NOT A W1NNER,  
AT: aND THREE, nO ONE REMEMBERS,  
AT: aND ALSO BECAUSE, wHAT K1ND OF ASSHOLE EVEN ESPEC1ALLY G1VES A SH1T ABOUT THAT LETTER ANYWAY,  
AT: l1KE, YOU'D HAVE TO BE A COMPLETE 1D1OT TO HAVE ANY SORT OF PART1CULAR F1XAT1ON ON 1T,  
TA: ...wa2 that a burn?  
TA: becau2e iif iit wa2, iit wa2 weak.  
AT: yES, 1T WAS A DEL1BERATELY WEAK BURN,  
AT: 1'M SAV1NG THE STRONGER ONES FOR SOMEONE WHO MATTERS,  
TA: 2ure dude, whatever.  
AT: aNYWAY, tHERE'S ALSO ONE MORE REASON WHY 1'M ANGRY AT YOU,  
AT: bUT 1T'S PETTY, aND STUP1D, aND 1T DOESN'T EVEN MATTER ANYMORE,  
AT: sO 1'M NOT TELL1NG YOU WHAT 1T 1S,  
AT: bUT 1T'S A REASON NONETHELESS,  
AT: yOU KNOW, 1N CASE YOU EVER RESOLVE ALL THOSE OTHER 1SSUES, aND WONDER WHY 1 ST1LL DON'T L1KE YOU,  
TA: um, okay...  
TA: 2o you're admiittiing that iit'2 a petty, 2tupiid rea2on two hate me that doe2n't matter anymore...  
TA: but you 2tiill hate me for iit anyway?  
AT: yES,  
TA: okay, ju2t makiing 2ure.  
AT: 1F 1T'S ANY CONSOLAT1ON,  
AT: yOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE 1 HATE FOR THAT PART1CULAR REASON,  
AT: tHOUGH YOU ARE THE ONLY other ONE 1 HATE FOR THAT PART1CULAR REASON,  
TA: okay, 2o who'2 the other lucky troll?  
AT: eQU1US,  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
TA: ju2t what do that douchebag and ii have iin common?  
AT: kEEP YOUR SPECULAT1ON TO YOURSELF,  
AT: 1 DON'T NEED TH1S SH1T R1GHT NOW,  
TA: faiir enough.  
TA: can't really blame you for hatiing that a22hole.  
TA: he'2 pretty much the biigge2t piiece of 2hiit ever two be 2erved up on a 2iilver platter from doublebutler ii2land.  
AT: wHY DO YOU HATE H1M SO MUCH,  
TA: why do YOU hate hiim 2o much?  
AT: aS1DE FROM THE FACT THAT HE'S A SNOOTY EL1T1ST FUCKHEAD,  
AT: hE'S BAS1CALLY NEVER BEEN ANYTH1NG BUT A P1ECE OF SH1T TO ME AND MY MATESPR1T BOTH,  
AT: l1KE, hE PRETTY MUCH DESP1SES gAMZEE,  
AT: bUT HE'S SOMEHOW ALSO JEALOUS OF ME, oR SOMETH1NG???  
AT: tHAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE,  
TA: wow, the guy'2 a hypocriite, biig 2urprii2e.  
TA: he probably thiink2 2hiit liike thii2 on purpo2e because he get2 off on cogniitiive dii22onance.  
AT: sO WHAT ABOUT YOU,  
TA: why do you thiink ii hate hiim?  
TA: becau2e ever 2iince he 2tuffed aa iintwo a 2oulbot, 2he'2 pretty much cut all tiie2 wiith me.  
AT: aND THAT'S A BAD TH1NG,  
TA: uh, ye2?  
TA: we were friiend2, ii 2tiill want two talk two her and 2hiit.  
TA: be2iide2, iit'2 not liike beiing dead ha2 2topped her from talkiing two me before.  
AT: 1F YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK TO HER,  
AT: wHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK TO HER YOURSELF,  
TA: what, ju2t hiit her up out of nowhere?  
TA: ii can't do that.  
AT: yES YOU CAN,  
AT: aS A MATTER OF FACT, tROLL1AN HAS TH1S WHOLE FEATURE FOR H1TT1NG PEOPLE UP OUT OF NOWHERE,  
AT: 1T'S CALLED, "sEND1NG THEM A MESSAGE,"  
AT: "yOU KNOW, l1KE YOU ALWAYS DO W1TH TH1S PROGRAM,"  
TA: ugh, that'2 not what ii meant.  
TA: what ii mean ii2...  
TA: look, iif 2he wanted two talk two me, why wouldn't 2he ju2t do iit her2elf?  
AT: yOU CAN'T TH1NK OF A REASON,  
TA: not really.  
AT: yOU L1TERALLY JUST SA1D YOU WANTED TO TALK TO HER AND YOU CAN'T,  
AT: aND YOU CAN'T TH1NK OF A REASON WHY SHE WOULD WANT TO TALK TO YOU, bUT HASN'T DONE 1T YET,  
TA: you 2eriiou2ly thiink 2he's doiing the exact 2ame thiing ii am?  
AT: 1 WOULDN'T RULE 1T OUT,  
TA: well...  
TA: even iif ii did talk two her, what would ii 2ay?  
TA: ii don't even know what the hell'2 goiing on wiith her anymore.  
AT: yOU COULD JUST SAY SOMETH1NG L1KE,  
AT: "hEY aRAD1A, wHAT'S UP,"  
AT: 1 KNOW YOU'RE NEW TO THE WHOLE "bASIC TROLL CONVERSAT1ON" THING, bUT 1T'S A PRETTY FOOLPROOF OPEN1NG,  
AT: eVEN A SOC1AL TROGLODYTE L1KE YOU COULD PULL 1T OFF,  
TA: tv, what the fuck?  
TA: why are you beiing 2uch a diick to me?  
AT: bECAUSE, mY aCQUA1NTANCE,  
AT: tURNABOUT 1S FA1R PLAY,  
TA: whatever, dude, ii'm not beiing nearly a2 diickii2h a2 you are.  
AT: wELL, yOU'RE MAK1NG MY L1FE D1FF1CULT,  
AT: w1TH TH1S WHOLE vR1SKA TH1NG,  
TA: yeah, well, 2he'2 makiing my liife diiffiicult.  
AT: hOW,  
TA: by beiing friiend2 wiith ff.  
AT: aND JUST HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOUR L1FE ANY HARDER,  
TA: becau2e thii2 giirl that ii really fuckiing liike ii2 now buddiie2 wiith the giirl who fuckiing ruiined my liife?  
TA: a giirl who ruiined my liife, completely coiinciidentally, by maniipulatiing me iintwo murderiing a giirl ii really liiked??  
TA: are you hone2tly 2ayiing you can't 2ee why ii would have a problem wiith thii2????  
AT: yOU SER1OUSLY TH1NK vR1SKA 1S GO1NG TO TRY TO HURT fEFER1,  
TA: of cour2e that'2 what ii fuckiing thiink!  
AT: uGH, hONESTLY, tH1S 1S JUST 1NSULT1NG,  
AT: vR1SKA DOESN'T K1LL PEOPLE ANYMORE,  
TA: ii don't giive a 2hiit.  
TA: the fact of the matter ii2, ii fuckiing hate vk, okay?  
TA: ii ju2t want her out of my liife.  
TA: hone2tly, ii would've ju2t been content two iignore her before.  
TA: but now 2he's hangiing out wiith ff, and 2he ju2t...  
TA: won't.  
TA: fuckiing.  
TA: go.  
TA: away.  
TA: al2o, ii think 2he's fliirtiing wiith her, or 2omethiing?  
AT: wHAT,  
AT: nO SHE 1SN'T,  
TA: dude, 2he totally ii2.  
AT: oKAY, bULLSH1T,  
AT: wHY WOULD SHE BE FL1RT1NG W1TH fEFER1,  
AT: sHE'S PERFECTLY HAPPY W1TH kANAYA,  
TA: 2he'2 probably doiing iit ju2t to fuck wiith me.  
AT: nO, dUDE, cLEARLY YOU'RE JUST 1MAG1N1NG TH1NGS,  
TA: ii'm completely 2eriiou2.  
TA: hell, ii wouldn't put iit pa2t her to rii2k fuckiing thiing2 up wiith ky ju2t to pi22 me off.  
TA: 2he's ju2t that awful of a per2on.  
TA: god, ii hate her.  
AT: wELL, 1F YOU HATE HER SO MUCH,  
AT: wHY DON'T YOU BE HER K1SMES1S,  
TA: oh, for fuck'2 2ake, dude, 2eriiou2ly?  
TA: you're hoppiing on thii2 bandwagon two?  
AT: hONESTLY, wHAT WOULD BE SO BAD ABOUT 1T,  
AT: 1 MEAN, yOU OBV1OUSLY HATE HER A LOT,  
AT: aND 1 CAN TELL YOU FOR A FACT THAT YOU'RE AMAZ1NG AT P1SS1NG HER OFF,  
AT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG 1T WOULD WORK,  
TA: ii don't hate her liike that.  
AT: aRE YOU SURE,  
AT: bECAUSE YOU'VE REALLY BEEN GO1NG AFTER HER ON THESE MEMOS,  
TA: 2o what, ju2t because ii'm biitchiing her out iin publiic mean2 ii'm black for her?  
TA: doe2 that mean you're black for eq?  
AT: uH,  
AT: k1ND OF,  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
AT: hONESTLY, 1T DOESN'T MATTER,  
AT: 1 CAN'T GO AFTER HIM ANYWAY,  
TA: what? why not?  
AT: bECAUSE NONE OF YOUR BUS1NESS, oKAY,  
TA: fiine, whatever.  
TA: but the poiint ii2, ii've got plenty of fuckiing rea2ons to hate her iin a perfectly platoniic way, alriight?  
AT: yEAH, wELL,  
AT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG, 1 TH1NK 1T HAS POTENT1AL,  
TA: ii don't giive a 2hiit iif iit doe2, ii'm 2tiill not becomiing her kii2me2ii2.  
TA: hone2tly, what the fuck would that even 2ay?  
TA: iit'd be liike... rewardiing her for beiing a huge biitch.  
TA: "hey, thank2 for beiing 2uch a horriible psychopath, now you get to fiill paiil2 wiith me."  
TA: 2eriiou2ly, what would aa thiink?  
AT: tH1S 1S JUST A W1LD GUESS,  
AT: bUT SHE'D PROBABLY BE 0K W1TH 1T,  
TA: ugh.  
TA: not funny.  
AT: yEAH, 1T'S A L1TTLE OVERPLAYED AT TH1S PO1NT,  
TA: that'2 not what ii meant.  
AT: lOOK, aS MUCH AS YOU M1GHT WANT TO, yOU CAN'T JUST 1GNORE vR1SKA,  
AT: 1F YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM W1TH HER, wORK 1T OUT W1TH HER,  
AT: aS 1S, 1 DON'T SEE ANY NEED TO 1NTERFERE,  
TA: god damn iit.  
TA: you couldn't at lea2t tell her to 2top fliirtiing wiith me?  
AT: sHE'S BLACK FOR YOU, dUDE,  
AT: sER1OUSLY,  
AT: 1 CAN'T JUST TELL HER TO STOP,  
TA: fuck.  
TA: 2he's actually 2eriiou2 about thii2?  
AT: yEAH, mAN,  
AT: l1KE, 1'M PRETTY SURE 1T STARTED OUT AS A LARK,  
AT: bUT NOW 1T'S BALLOONED 1NTO TH1S WHOLE B1G TH1NG,  
AT: aND YOU REALLY AREN'T HELP1NG MATTERS,  
TA: ugh.  
TA: maybe ii 2hould lay off a liittle.  
AT: oR MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO,  
AT: tHE EXACT OPPOS1TE OF THAT,  
TA: dude, 2top encouragiing me.  
AT: nOPE,  
AT: tHAT 1S A TH1NG 1 WILL NOT STOP DO1NG,  
TA: well, iin THAT ca2e, ii don't partiicularly feel liike contiinuiing thii2 conver2atiion.  
AT: yEAH, wHATEVER,  
AT: gOOD LUCK W1TH YOUR WHOLE TH1NG W1TH fEFER1,  
TA: yeah, thank2.  
TA: ju2t make 2ure vk doe2n't fuck iit up for me tryiing two "help" me.  
AT: 1 REALLY DOUBT SHE CAN FUCK 1T UP ANY MORE THAN YOU'RE CURRENTLY FUCK1NG 1T UP R1GHT NOW,  
TA: wow, fuck you two.  
AT: cAN'T, bRO,  
AT: yOU'RE OFF-L1M1TS,  
TA: ugh.  
AT: aND 1F YOU DO END UP TALK1NG TO aRAD1A,  
AT: wH1CH 1 REAL1ZE YOU PROBABLY WON'T,  
AT: tELL HER 1F SHE WANTS TO TRAUMAT1ZE ME AGA1N, 1 ST1LL HAVE AN AVERS1ON TO STA1RS,  
TA: uh... what?  
AT: nEVERM1ND,  
TA: well, whatever.  
TA: good luck wiith all your 2hiit two, ii gue22.  
AT: yOU ARE MY SH1T R1GHT NOW,  
TA: eheh, yeah, ii gue22 2o.  
TA: 2o, uh, talk two you later or 2omethiing?  
AT: rEALLY,  
AT: aRE YOU GO1NG TO TALK TO ME LATER,  
TA: fuck, ii don't know, maybe.  
AT: yOU NEVER JUST WANT TO TALK, tHOUGH,  
AT: tHE ONLY REASON YOU'RE TALK1NG TO ME R1GHT NOW 1S BECAUSE YOU WANTED ME TO MEDDLE 1N vR1SKA'S FR1ENDSH1PS FOR THE SAKE OF PLACAT1NG YOU,  
TA: look, dude, iif you don't want two talk two me, ju2t 2ay 2o.  
AT: 1 NEVER SA1D THAT,  
AT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG, 1T SEEMS L1KE YOU NEVER JUST WANT TO SHOOT tHE bREEZE W1TH ME,  
TA: well, ii've had a lot of 2hiit on my miind.  
TA: and up untiil recently, you've had problem2 of your own, 2o ii fiigured you weren't iintere2ted iin heariing 2hiit about miine.  
AT: yEAH, fA1R ENOUGH, 1 GUESS,  
AT: wELL, 1'M ALWAYS HERE,  
AT: bUT JUST KEEP 1N M1ND, 1F 1'M GO1NG TO COMM1T PALE 1NF1DEL1TY W1TH SOMEBODY, 1T'S NOT GO1NG TO BE W1TH YOU OF ALL PEOPLE,  
AT: vR1SKA WOULD 1MPALE ME ON MY OWN FUCK1NG LANCE, aND YOU KNOW THAT'D COUNT AS A JUST DEATH,  
TA: eheheh, yeah, not even goiing there.  
TA: ii'm not tryiing two 2teal vk'2 moiiraiil from her.  
AT: yOU COULD PRETEND L1KE YOU WERE, tHOUGH,  
AT: 1T'D PROBABLY REALLY P1SS HER OFF,  
TA: god damn iit, dude, are you 2eriiou2ly tryiing two get me two blackfliirt wiith her?  
AT: hA, l1KE YOU NEED ANY HELP W1TH THAT,  
AT: yOU'RE DO1NG PLENTY OF 1T BY YOURSELF,  
TA: ugh.  
TA: whatever, thii2 conver2atiion ii2 over.  
AT: yEAH, f1NE,  
AT: gOOD LUCK W1TH ALL YOUR SH1T,  
AT: aND MAY tHE fLOW BE W1TH YOU,  
TA: the what?  
AT: oH, yOU KNOW, tHE fLOW,  
AT: 1T'S L1KE, tH1S ONE THUMP1NG BEAT REVERBERAT1NG ALL THROUGHOUT PARADOX SPACE,  
AT: 1T'S A CONSTANT STREAM OF WORDS, tHOUGHTS, aND 1DEAS THAT UNCONSC1OUSLY CONNECTS ALL L1V1NG BE1NGS,  
TA: wow, that'2 kiind of 2tupiid.  
AT: hEY, fUCK YOU, dON'T TALK SH1T ABOUT tHE fLOW,  
AT: tH1S 1S L1KE,  
AT: mY REL1G1ON, mAN,  
AT: 1T'S SER1OUS FUCK1NG BUS1NESS, 1T'S L1KE WHAT gAMZEE AND 1'S ENT1RE RELAT1ONSH1P REVOLVES AROUND,  
TA: okay, fiine, ii'll re2pect your weiird clown reliigiion.  
AT: 1T HAS NOTH1NG TO DO W1TH CLOWNS,  
AT: fRANKLY, cLOWNS ARE K1ND OF FUCK1NG LAME,  
TA: uh...  
TA: that'2 a liittle weiird comiing from you, but okay.  
TA: anyway, 2ee you later, ii gue22?  
AT: sURE, wHY NOT,  
TA: okay, bye, tv.  
AT: yEAH, bYE, sOLLUX,  
AT: aND BANGARANG,  
TA: what?  
  
adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]  
  
TA: wa2 that...  
TA: wa2 that a pupa pan reference?  
TA: eheheh, wow, ii don't even know where two 2tart.  
  
twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]. 

*** 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
  
GA: Excuse Me Miss Pyrope  
GC: Y3S, M1SS M4RY4M?  
GA: Ha  
GC: WH4T?  
GA: Oh Its Just Funny Because No One Ever Returns My Proper Greetings Quite As Properly  
GC: UM  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: WH4T DO YOU W4NT?  
GA: I Was Simply Wondering What You Thought Of The New Outfit I Created For You Yesterday  
GC: W3LL, 1TS COOL, 1 GU3SS  
GC: WH4T 1S 1T C4LL3D 4G41N?  
GA: Its Called A Suit  
GA: I Believe They Were Traditionally Worn By Legislacerators Several Centuries Ago But That May Simply Be A Rumor  
GA: Actually They Were Primarily Worn By Men But I Thought The Garment Might Be Flattering To Your Figure In Particular  
GC: 1 W4S GONN4 S4Y, 1T 1S 4 L1TTL3 M4SCUL1N3  
GC: BUT ST1LL, 1TS N1C3  
GC: 1 3SP3C14LLY L1K3 TH3 V3ST, THOUGH  
GC: 1T G1V3S 1T 4 K1ND OF MOD3RN R3DGL4R3 LOOK  
GA: Thats Actually Precisely What I Was Going For  
GA: Though I Do Hope The Color Isnt An Issue  
GA: I Understand You Generally Prefer Bright Red But I Thought A Darker Shade Would Look Better  
GC: 1TS F1N3, R34LLY  
GC: 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS 1 TH1NK M4ROON 4ND T34L GO TOG3TH3R P3RF3CTLY >8]  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well Im Pleased That Youre So Amenable To The Concept Of Color Coordination  
GC: 1M OK4Y W1TH 1T  
GC: BUT 1M OK4Y W1TH 4 LOT OF TH1NGS  
GA: Uh  
GA: Yes I Suppose  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1 TOLD YOU WH4T 1 THOUGHT OF 1T Y3ST3RDAY  
GC: SO WHY 4R3 YOU 4SK1NG 4G41N NOW?  
GA: Well  
GA: I Was Simply Curious If Your Opinion Had Changed Since The Last Time I Inquired  
GC: YOU W4NT TO KNOW WH4T 3R1D4N THOUGHT OF 1T  
GA: Yes Okay Thats Exactly What I Want To Know  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
GC: YOU JUST C4NT H3LP BUT M3DDL3, C4N YOU?  
GA: Im Not Meddling Im Just Curious  
GA: Hes The Only Troll Aside From Me Who Seems To Care About Fashion  
GC: DO3SNT F3F3R1 TOO?  
GC: SH3S 4LW4YS RUNN1NG 4ROUND 1N TH4T GOOFY MULT1COLOR3D G3TUP OF H3RS  
GA: Yes Well Lets Just Say I Dont Particularly Care What Feferis Opinion On Your New Outfit Is  
GC: >8P  
GC: W3LL, 1F YOU MUST KNOW, 3R1D4N L1K3S 1T  
GC: 3V3N MOR3 TH4N 1 DO, 4CTU4LLY  
GC: NO OFF3NS3  
GA: None Taken I Understand Completely  
GA: Ill Admit I Sort Of Designed The Outfit With Uh  
GA: With His Tastes In Mind  
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: 1 GU3SS TH4T 3XPL41NS WHY 1TS SO T1GHT 1N TH3 BUTT  
GA: Well  
GA: Dont Take This The Wrong Way Terezi  
GA: But You Have A Nice Butt  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3, TH4NK YOU  
GA: So I Figured Instead Of Trying To Hide It Ill Just Try To Accentuate It As Much As Trollishly Possible  
GA: Just Wrap It Up Tight And Draw All Eyes To Your Callipygian Curves Like Some Sort Of Textile Magnetron  
GC: F41R 3NOUGH  
GC: THOUGH 1 H4V3 TO WOND3R 1F TH1S WHOL3 4USP1ST1C3SH1P 1S JUST 4N 3XCUS3 TO STR1P M3 4ND N3P3T4 TO OUR SK1VV13S 4ND 4DM1R3 OUR H1NDQU4RT3RS  
GA: I Never Said Anything About Nepetas Posterior  
GC: Y3S, BUT 1 S4W TH3 OUTF1T YOU M4D3 FOR H3R  
GC: 1 D1DNT KNOW TH3R3 W4S 4 F4BR1C TH4T COULD CL1NG TH4T T1GHT  
GA: Ive Been Experimenting With Different Materials  
GA: I Figured Given Her Active Lifestyle Nepeta Would Want Something That Allowed For Maximum Freedom Of Movement  
GC: OF COURS3 TH4T W4S 1T >8P  
GA: Well  
GA: She Does Have An Attractive Build  
GA: Shes Practically At The Peak Of Troll Physical Fitness  
GA: So I Figured She May As Well Show It Off  
GA: The Jacket Doesnt Exactly Fit With The Whole Idea But It Was A Concession I Assumed Was Necessary  
GC: H4H4H4  
GC: YOU 4R3 SO W31RD  
GA: How Am I Weird  
GC: 1TS JUST  
GC: 1 DONT S33 HOW M4K1NG CLOTH3S FOR US COUNTS 4S 4USP1ST1C1Z1NG US  
GA: Well Ill Admit Its A Little Unconventional  
GA: But The Whole Point Of An Auspisticeship Is To Ameliorate Tensions Between The Mediated Parties  
GA: And I Figure Doing Things Together Like Trying On Clothes And Roleplaying And Having Tea Parties Is A Perfectly Lovely Way Of Easing Relations Between You And Nepeta  
GA: Even If It Is Admittedly A Little Silly  
GC: >8/  
GA: Okay Its Quite A Bit More Than A Little Silly  
GC: H3H3, Y3S  
GC: BUT ST1LL  
GC: 1M NOT R34LLY SUR3 WHY YOU M4D3 US W4TCH 34CH OTH3R UNDR3SS  
GA: Well  
GC: 1S 1T SOM3 K1ND OF M3T4PHOR1C4L TH1NG?  
GC: L1K3, M4K1NG US 3XPOS3 OURS3LV3S TO 34CH OTH3R 1S SOM3 W4Y OF 3XPR3SS1NG OUR VULN3R4B1L1TY TO 34CH OTH3R OR SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T?  
GA: Um  
GA: Sure Lets Go With That  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4  
GC: YOU 4R3 SO FULL OF 1T  
GA: I Am Full Of Nothing  
GA: Except Perhaps Deep Ashen Affection For The Both Of You  
GC: PFFFFT  
GC: 1 C4NT H3LP BUT NOT1C3, K4N4Y4  
GC: TH4T YOUV3 B33N DO1NG 4 LOT OF ROM4NC1NG W1TH TH3 L4D13S L4T3LY  
GA: What Do You Mean  
GC: W3LL  
GC: YOUR3 M4T3SPR1TS W1TH VR1SK4  
GC: 4USP1ST1C1NG B3TW33N M3 4ND N3P3T4  
GC: 4ND NOW YOUR3 3V3N G3TT1NG 4 L1TTL3 BL4CK FOR F3F3R1  
GA: Um  
GA: What  
GC: 1 S4W TH3 W4Y YOU W3R3 T4LK1NG TO H3R ON TH4T M3MO  
GC: M4K1NG L1TTL3 J4BS 4T H3R  
GC: 4ND RUBB1NG YOUR WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH VR1SK4 1N H3R F4C3  
GC: YOU 4R3 W4X1NG SO BL4CK FOR H3R 1T BLOTS OUT TH3 SUN, DO NOT 3V3N TRY TO D3NY 1T  
GA: Okay No This Is Idiotic  
GA: Im Not Harboring Any Caliginous Sentiments Towards Miss Peixes  
GA: Seriously Thats Just Stupid  
GC: WH4TS STUP1D 4BOUT 1T?  
GA: I Dont Hate Her  
GA: If Ive Been Terse With Her Lately Its Only Because Im Concerned For My Matesprit  
GC: VR1SK4?  
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU CONC3RN3D FOR H3R  
GA: Well  
GA: Maybe It Isnt Completely Obvious From How Theyre Interacting In Public  
GA: But Im Beginning To Think That Feferi May Have  
GA: An Ulterior Motive For Being Friends With Vriska  
GC: L1K3 WH4T  
GA: Well Its Just  
GA: I Realize Im Going To Sound Utterly Paranoid Here  
GA: But I Get The Feeling That Miss Peixes May Have Some Er  
GA: Flushed Feelings For Vriska  
GC: >8O  
GC: S3R1OUSLY?  
GA: I Know It Seems Utterly Absurd  
GA: But I Think Feferi May Be Flirting With Her  
GA: Vriskas Shown Me Several Snippets Of Their Private Conversations And The Proof Is Undeniable  
GA: She Assures Me Its Not That Big A Deal But Im Not So Certain  
GA: Im Afraid Feferi May Be Taking Advantage Of Her Good Nature In Some Sort Of Attempt To Seduce Her  
GC: SO  
GC: L3T M3 G3T TH1S STR41GHT  
GC: YOU TH1NK F3F3R1 H4S SOM3 B1G SCH3M3 TO W1N OV3R VR1SK4  
GC: 4ND TH4T SH3S T4K1NG 4DV4NT4G3 OF VR1SK4S GOOD N4TUR3 TO DO 1T  
GA: Kind Of Yes  
GC: 4ND TH4TS COMPL3T3LY 4CCUR4T3  
GA: Essentially  
GC: K4N4Y4 TH4T 1S TH3 MOST 4SS B4CKW4RDS TH1NG 1V3 3V3R H34RD  
GC: 1F 4NYTH1NG 1TD B3 MOR3 PL4US1BL3 1F TH3 N4M3S W3R3 SW1TCH3D 4ROUND  
GA: But  
GA: Why Would Vriska Be Attempting To Court Feferi  
GA: She Hasnt Expressed Any Unhappiness With Me  
GA: If Anything Things Between Us Are Better Than Ever  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: M4YB3 SH3S PLOTT1NG SOM3 D4ST4RDLY SCH3M3  
GA: No This Is Preposterous  
GA: If She Is Reciprocating Feferis Advances Its Only Out Of A Sense Of Politeness  
GA: Or Perhaps Just In An Attempt To Irritate Mister Captor  
GC: H3H3H3, Y3S, TH3R3S TH4T TOO  
GA: Anyway Nevermind Just Forget I Brought This Up  
GA: Possible Improper Advances Aside I Dont Hate Feferi  
GA: And Even If I Did Im Not Interested In A Kismesis  
GA: Im Supposed To Be Resolving Conflicts Not Facilitating Them  
GC: OH COM3 ON  
GC: YOU C4NT T3LL M3 YOU 4R3NT 1NT3R3ST3D 1N BL4CKROM  
GA: Look It Just  
GA: It Wouldnt Be Proper Alright  
GC: BL4R, L4M3  
GA: Its Not Lame  
GA: Were All Supposed To Be Working As A Team  
GA: Why Would I Want To Specifically Designate One Person I Despise More Than Anything Else  
GA: It Just Seems Counterintuitive To Group Cohesion Is All  
GC: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK 1T WOULD HURT TH1NGS 1F YOU D1SL1K3D ON3 P3RSON OUT OF 3L3V3N OTH3RS?  
GA: Well Maybe Not  
GA: But What If Everyone Had A Kismesis  
GA: If There Were Six Pairs Of Trolls Who Were Constantly At Each Others Throats  
GA: Dont You Think That Would Breed A Dangerously Unstable Climate Of Factionalism And Internal Strife For All Parties Involved  
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 1TD B3 TH4T B4D  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY 1F N3P3T4 SUCC33DS 1N H3R L1TTL3 SH1PP1NG QU3ST 4ND W3 4LL H4V3 M4T3SPR1TS 4ND MO1R41LS TOO  
GA: Well  
GA: Maybe Not  
GC: B3S1D3S, K1SM3S1SS1TUD3 1SNT JUST 4BOUT H4T1NG 34CH OTH3R  
GC: 1TS 4LSO 4BOUT 4 K1ND OF MUTU4L R3SP3CT  
GC: 1N 4N 1D34L K1SM3S1SS1TUD3, 1 DONT TH1NK TH3 M3MB3RS WOULD B3 4T 34CH OTH3RS THRO4TS 4LL TH3 T1M3  
GC: 1TD B3 MOR3 L1K3 4 FR13NDLY R1V4LRY TH4N 4NYTH1NG  
GA: Wow  
GA: Thats Some Sudden Verbosity On The Topic Of Caliginous Romance  
GC: TH3S3 4R3 4LL JUST 3R1D4NS THOUGHTS, NOT M1N3  
GC: THOUGH 1 C3RT41NLY TH1NK H3 H4S 4 PO1NT  
GC: H3 H4S 4 GR34T D34L OF 1NT3R3ST V3ST3D 1N TH3 OBS1D14N QU4DR4NT  
GA: Ah Yes Of Course  
GA: Hes Concentrated On His Mysterious Unwitting Black Suitor  
GA: Any News On That By The Way  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 4PP4R3NTLY H3S PL4NN1NG TO M4K3 4 MOV3 SOON  
GA: Oh Is He  
GC: Y3P  
GA: Interesting  
GC: 1S 1T?  
GA: Well Im Just Curious As To How This Will Affect Things Between You And Him  
GC: WHY WOULD 1T 4FF3CT TH1NGS B3TW33N US?  
GA: Im Not Saying A Troll Acquiring A Caliginous Partner Should Affect Things Between Him Or Her And His Or Her Matesprit In General  
GA: But I Believe In This Particular Case It May Complicate Things  
GC: W41T  
GC: D1D H3 T3LL YOU WHO 1T 1S?  
GA: Did He Tell You  
GC: Y3S H3 D1D  
GA: Well He Told Me Too  
GC: TH3N WHO 1S 1T?  
GA: But You Already Know Who It Is Dont You  
GC: OF COURS3 1 KNOW  
GC: BUT 1 JUST W4NT TO M4K3 SUR3 YOU KNOW  
GA: But How Do I Know You Dont Actually Know Who It Is  
GA: And That You Arent Just Pretending To Know In An Attempt To Get Me To Tell You Who It Is  
GC: B3C4US3  
GC: TH4TS STUP1D >8/  
GC: 1F 1 D1DNT KNOW WHO 1T W4S, 1 WOULD JUST 4SK H1M  
GC: HON3STLY  
GA: Okay Okay Fine  
GA: Now He Didnt Tell Me So Much As I Derived It And He All But Confirmed My Derivation  
GA: But I Believe That His Intended Kismesis Is  
GA: Miss Leijon  
GC: H4H4H4 Y3S TH4TS 1T 3X4CTLY  
GA: Its So Bizarre  
GA: That Someone As Malicious As Him Would Be Interested In Pursuing Someone As Good Natured As Nepeta  
GA: Though I Suppose The Case Could Be Made That Opposites Attract  
GA: Or Is It Repel In This Case  
GC: 1TS BOTH, 4CTU4LLY  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY  
GC: BUT FOR SOM3 R34SON, H3 R34LLY P1SS3S H3R OFF  
GA: So It Seems  
GA: The Way Shes Been Soliciting Him On Her Memos Is Frankly Kind Of Shameless  
GA: Though Apparently She Doesnt Even Realize Shes Doing It  
GC: SH3S TOT4LLY OBL1V1OUS  
GC: SH3 TH1NKS SH3S NOT 1NT3R3ST3D 1N 4 K1SM3S1S 4T 4LL  
GC: BUT SH3S SO OBV1OUSLY FULL OF 1T 1TS HON3STLY K1ND OF H1L4R1OUS  
GA: Haha It Kind Of Is Yes  
GA: I Suppose Eridan Has His Work Cut Out For Him  
GC: 1 TH1NK H3 C4N M4K3 1T H4PP3N  
GC: 1T C4NT B3 TH4T H4RD FOR H1M TO M4K3 SOM3ON3 H4T3 H1M  
GA: Thats One Way Of Putting It I Guess  
GA: In Any Case I Think You Can See Why That Particular Ship Coming To Fruition Could Complicate Things For Me In Particular  
GC: 4H Y3S  
GC: TH3 OLD M4T3SPR1T-K1SM3S1S 4USP1ST1C3SH1P TR1PL3 TR14D R34CH4ROUND  
GA: Thats Not What Its Called  
GC: TH3N WH4T 1S 1T C4LL3D?  
GA: It Isnt Called Anything  
GC: TH3N TH4TS WH4T 1TS C4LL3D NOW!!!  
GA: Dear God No  
GA: That Is A Positively Awful Name For  
GA: Well Honestly For Pretty Much Anything  
GC: 1TS 4 P3RF3CT N4M3, SHUT UP  
GA: No Absolutely Not I Refuse  
GA: I Am Not Calling Anything A Triple Triad Reacharound And That Is Final Have I Made Myself Perfectly Clear  
GC: BL4R WH4T3V3R  
GC: 4NYW4Y, YOU SHOULD B3 H4PPY  
GA: What Why  
GC: B3C4US3 OUR 4USP1ST1C3SH1P N33DS 4LL TH3 COMPL1C4T1ONS 1T C4N G3T  
GC: 1F YOU DONT M1ND MY S4Y1NG  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T W4S FOUND3D ON K1ND OF 4 SH4KY FOUND4T1ON 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3  
GA: Whats That Supposed To Mean  
GC: W3LL  
GC: N3P3T4 4ND 1 4R3 B4S1C4LLY B3ST FR13NDS  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU TH1NK TH1S L1TTL3 TH1NG B3TW33N M3 4ND K4RK4T 1S B4D 3NOUGH TO R3QUIR3 YOUR 1NT3RV3NT1ON  
GC: HON3STLY 1T S33MS L1K3 YOU SHOULD B3 4USP1ST1C1Z1NG B3TW33N M3 4ND K4RKL3S 1NST34D  
GA: Really  
GC: K1ND OF Y34H  
GA: Well  
GA: Honestly I Think Mediating Between You And Karkat Is Something A Little Too Intense For Me To Handle Right Now  
GA: I Mean Clearly Theres A Lot Of Bad Blood Between You Two  
GC: TH4TS NOT WH4T YOU S41D  
GA: What Did I Say  
GC: YOU S41D YOU W3R3NT 1NT3R3ST3D 1N B31NG 1N TH4T K1ND OF R3L4T1ONSH1P B3TW33N M3 4ND H1M  
GC: BUT YOUR3 P3RF3CTLY F1N3 B31NG 1N TH4T K1ND OF R3L4T1ONSH1P B3TW33N M3 4ND N3P3T4  
GA: Just What Are You Implying Here Terezi  
GC: OH, NOTH1NG  
GC: 1T JUST M4K3S M3 WOND3R WH4T K1ND OF R3L4T1ONSH1P YOU 4R3 1NT3R3ST3D 1N W1TH M1ST3R V4NT4S  
GA: Okay Fine You Caught Me  
GA: I Am One Hundred Percently Completely Black For Karkat Vantas  
GA: My Fully Fledged Caliginous Hatred For Him Is Pure Like The Kind You Dont Get In Ten Thousand Sweeps  
GA: You Know Thats What Our Kismesissitude Will Be  
GA: There Will Be Rainbow Rivers Running Through Star Systems And All Nebulizing Like Liquid Fireworks  
GA: It Will Be Beautiful And Heartbreaking All At Once  
GC: H4H4H4H4  
GC: V3RY 4MUS1NG, M1SS M4RY4M  
GC: BUT 4N UTT3RLY TR4NSP4R3NT DODG3  
GA: Im Not Dodging Anything  
GA: I Was Merely Mocking Your Sentiment In Its Entirety  
GC: 1 N3V3R S41D YOU W3R3 BL4CK FOR H1M, THOUGH  
GC: S1NC3 YOU CL34RLY 4R3NT  
GC: 4ND 1T ST4NDS TO R34SON TH4T YOU 4R3NT FLUSH3D OR 4SH3N FOR H1M 31TH3R  
GC: SO BY PROC3SS OF 3L1M1N4T1ON, TH4T L34V3S ONLY  
GC: TH3 P4L3 QU4DR4NT, M3TH1NKS??  
GA: Terezi This Really Isnt Any Of Your Business  
GC: H4H4 WOW B1NGO  
GA: Urrgh  
GC: 1TS OK4Y, K4N4Y4  
GC: 1 WONT HOLD 1T 4G41NST YOU FOR W4NT1NG TO B3 MO1R41LS W1TH TH4T 1NSUFF3R4BL3 L1TTL3 W1GGL3R  
GA: And While Were Making Wild Assumptions  
GA: Should I Also Assume That Your Negative Sentiments Toward Him Indicate That Youre Feeling Rather Obsidian For Him Yourself  
GC: BL4R NO TH4TS STUP1D!  
GA: Ever Quick On The Draw Miss Pyrope  
GA: I Have To Wonder What Troll William Shakespeare Would Say Regarding Your Avidity To Protest That Particular Suggestion  
GC: OK4Y TH1S 1S STUP1D  
GC: CL34RLY TH1S L1N3 OF CONV3RS4T1ON 1S GO1NG NOWH3R3  
GC: SO L3TS JUST DROP 1T  
GA: Okay Fine  
GA: Honestly Though Terezi  
GA: Karkat Is My Friend  
GA: And While Im Interested In His Well Being I Just Dont Want To Get Involved With Him In Such A Tumultuous Quadrant  
GC: OF COURS3  
GC: YOUR3 H1S FR13ND  
GC: N3P3T4 1S H1S FR13ND  
GC: K4RKL3S S33MS TO H4V3 4N 4WFUL LOT OF FR13NDS L4T3LY  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY CONS1D3R1NG H3S SUCH 4 J3RK >8[  
GA: I Really Wish You Wouldnt Cast So Many Aspersions On Him  
GC: 1V3 GOT 3V3RY R1GHT TO C4ST 4SP3RS1ONS ON H1M!  
GC: D1D YOU S33 WH4T H3 S41D 4BOUT M3 ON TH4T M3MO???  
GA: Yes I Know He Said Some Very Unfortunate Things  
GA: But He Was Upset  
GA: Surely You Can Understand That  
GC: W3LL, Y34H  
GC: BUT H3 W3NT TOO F4R  
GA: You Have To Admit You Were At Least Partially Responsible For That  
GC: WH4T!!!  
GA: I Realize He Was Saying Some Very Nasty Things And Im Not At All Trying To Pardon Him For That  
GA: But Your Constant Attacks On Him Were Simply Adding Fuel To The Fire  
GA: I Think Youre Just As Much To Blame As He Was For Things Escalating The Way He Did  
GC: WH4T3V3R  
GC: H3 C4NT JUST COM3 1NTO 4 M3MO 4ND ST4RT T4LK1NG 4BOUT M3 L1K3 H3 FUCK1NG OWNS M3  
GC: L1K3 1M 4 SL4V3 TH4T W4ND3R3D TOO F4R FROM H1S CH4T34U  
GC: 4ND 1F H3 C4NT H4NDL3 TH3 H34T, H3 N3V3R SHOULD H4V3 POK3D H1S NUBBY-HORN3D H34D 1NTO TH3 V1CTU4LBLOCK  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOUR3 D3F3ND1NG H1M SO V3H3M3NTLY  
GC: OH W41T, 4CTU4LLY 1 DO  
GC: BUT YOU 4R3NT GO1NG TO 4DM1T TO TH4T, 4R3 YOU  
GA: Shut Up  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
GA: For The Last Time Im Not Trying To Defend Karkat  
GA: Im Just Saying You Shouldnt Be So Hard On Him  
GA: For Nepetas Sake At Least  
GC: BL4R  
GC: 1TS SO DUMB TH4T SH3S 4NGRY 4T M3 FOR B31NG 4NGRY 4T H1M  
GA: Its Not Dumb  
GA: She Just Cares About Him Is All  
GC: OF COURS3 SH3 C4R3S 4BOUT H1M  
GC: SO M4NY P3OPL3 C4R3 4BOUT K4RKL3S  
GA: My My  
GA: Is That A Hint Of Jealousy I Detect Miss Pyrope  
GC: WH4T  
GC: WHY WOULD 1 B3 J34LOUS OF K4RK4T  
GA: He Does Seem To Be Getting A Lot Of Attention Lately  
GA: Could You Be Feeling A Little Neglected Perhaps  
GC: JUST WH4T 4R3 YOU 1MPLY1NG K4N4Y4???  
GC: SUGG3ST1NG 1M H4V1NG PROBL3MS W1TH 3R1D4N, P3RH4PS?  
GA: No Nothing Of The Sort  
GA: I Was Talking About Another Quadrant Entirely  
GC: YOU M34N MY MO1R41L?  
GC: OR R4TH3R MY L4CK OF ON3  
GA: Well Clearly Youve Already Fallen Victim To One Of Nepetas Shipping Sweeps  
GA: Im Simply Wondering If You Had Any Candidates In Mind  
GC: W3LL  
GC: M4YB3 1 DO  
GC: BUT 1M NOT S331NG HOW 1TS 4NY OF YOUR BUS1N3SS  
GA: Terezi Im Your Auspistice  
GA: Your Mental Well Being Is Very Much My Business  
GC: >8P  
GC: YOU KNOW, YOU C4NT US3 TH4T 4S 4N 3XCUS3 TO PRY 3V3RY L1TTL3 S3CR3T OUT OF M3  
GA: Yes I Suppose Ill Have To Stop Resorting To It Eventually  
GA: But In Any Case I Dont See Why It Has To Be A Big Secret  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 SUPPOS3 1TS 1NCR3D1BLY UNL1K3LY TH4T YOUR3 GO1NG TO L3T 1T SL1P TO H3R 1N C4SU4L CONV3RS4T1ON  
GA: Her  
GA: Well I Guess That Narrows It Down Somewhat  
GC: SH1T  
GA: Im Assuming Nepeta And Vriska Are Out Of The Equation  
GA: As Am I For Completely Different Reasons  
GA: So That Just Leaves Feferi  
GA: Oh And Aradia I Suppose  
GC: 1TS TH3 L4TT3R, 4CTU4LLY  
GA: Oh  
GA: Thats  
GA: Interesting  
GC: 1S TH4T 4 PROBL3M?  
GA: What No  
GA: Why Would That Be A Problem  
GC: 1TS QU1T3 S1MPL3, K4N4Y4  
GC: YOUR3 FLUSH3D FOR VR1SK4  
GC: 4SH3N FOR M3 4ND N3P3T4  
GC: BL4CK FOR F3F3R1  
GA: No Im Not  
GC: Y3S YOU TOT4LLY 4R3  
GA: Urrgh  
GC: BY PROC3SS OF 3L1M1N4T1ON, TH4T L34V3S YOU P4L3 FOR 4R4D14  
GA: Why Are You Just Assuming Im Only Interested In Entering Quadrant Relationships With Female Trolls  
GC: P4TT3RN R3COGN1T1ON, K4N4Y4  
GA: No Thats Stupid  
GA: And Youre Stupid For Assuming That  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3  
GA: Anyway Im Not Pale For Aradia  
GC: OK4Y, COOL  
GA: And Im Not Black For Feferi Either  
GC: OH COM3 ON K4N4Y4  
GC: YOU GUYS WOULD B3 SUCH 4W3SOM3 K1SM3S3S  
GC: J3GUS, C4N YOU 3V3N 1M4G1N3 TH3 S4SS  
GC: 1T WOULD B3 3NDL3SS  
GA: Okay Seriously  
GA: Were Not Talking About This Nonsense Anymore  
GC: H3H3H3H3, F1N3  
GC: 4NYW4Y  
GC: DO YOU TH1NK 1TS W31RD TH4T 1M P4L3 FOR 4R4D14?  
GA: I Do Think Its A Little Weird  
GA: Because No Offense But Anything Involving Her Is A Little Weird Just By Default  
GC: C4NT R34LLY 4RGU3 W1TH TH4T >8P  
GA: But It Still Makes Sense  
GC: YOU TH1NK SO?  
GA: Sure  
GA: Her Duties Must Put Her Under A Lot Of Stress  
GA: Even If Shed Never Admit To It  
GA: And Ever Since She Entered The Game I Havent Heard A Word From Her  
GA: Have You Spoken To Her Since Then  
GC: Y34H  
GC: W3V3 B33N T4LK1NG 4 LOT R3C3NTLY  
GC: W31RD T1M3 SH1T, YOU KNOW HOW 1T 1S  
GA: Oh Thats Right  
GA: She Said You Were Helping Her With Something On That Last Memo  
GC: Y34H, 1TS  
GC: 1TS COMPL1C4T3D  
GA: Wow Something Related To Time is Complicated  
GA: Im Shocked Utterly And Truly  
GC: >8P  
GA: So Have You Made Your Feelings Clear To Her  
GC: BL4R NO  
GC: BRO4CH1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT H4S PROV3N TO B3  
GC: MOR3 D1FF1CULT TH4N 1 4NT1C1P4T3D  
GA: Yes  
GA: That Always Seems To Be The Problem Doesnt It  
GC: >8?  
GA: You Know  
GA: Just In General  
GC: Y3S, OF COURS3  
GC: JUST 1N G3N3R4L  
GA: Anyway I Wish You The Best Of Luck With That  
GC: Y34H, TH4NKS  
GC: S4M3 TO YOU W1TH YOUR P4L3 QU4DR4NT  
GA: Um  
GA: Yes Thank You I Suppose  
GA: Anyway I Suppose Thats All I Have To Talk About  
GA: But Tell Eridan I Hope His Whole Thing With Nepeta Works Out  
GC: H3H3, OF COURS3  
GA: Oh That Reminds Me  
GA: Theres Something I Wanted To Give You  
GC: WH4T?  
GA: Here Alchemize This  
GA: DglrRscr  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: OH, 4 DU4LSC4R OUTF1T  
GC: 1T DO3SNT LOOK L1K3 1TD F1T 3R1D4N THOUGH  
GA: No I Suppose Not  
GA: Its Proportioned For Someone Much Shorter  
GA: And With Narrower Shoulders  
GA: And Much Wider Hips  
GC: Y34H  
GC: UM  
GC: W41T  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: K4N4Y4 WHY D1D YOU M4K3 4 DU4LSC4R COSTUM3 FOR M3?  
GA: Well  
GA: Its Just An Idea Is All  
GC: 4N 1D34 FOR WH4T?  
GA: An Idea For  
GA: Well  
GA: You Know  
GC: UM  
GC: 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG 3R1D4N 1S 1NTO TH1S K1ND OF TH1NG?  
GA: Im Not Suggesting Anything  
GA: But I Will Say That Every Third Apogees Dawn  
GA: Eridan Has Come To Me With Requests For Womens Clothing Fitted For A Troll With Proportions Suspiciously Similar To His Own  
GA: And By Suspiciously Similar  
GA: I Mean Completely Identical  
GC: >8O  
GC: S3R1OUSLY???  
GA: Oh Im Quite Serious  
GA: Anyway I Suppose I May As Well Complete The Pair  
GA: Alchemize This  
GA: RscrDglr  
GC: OH WOW, OK4Y  
GC: 1LL, UH  
GC: K33P TH1S 1N M1ND, 1 GU3SS  
GA: Just Remember  
GA: This Was Entirely Your Idea  
GA: If He Finds Out I Told You About This Hell Cull Me On The Spot  
GC: H3H3H3, OF COURS3  
GC: W3LL, TH4NK YOU FOR M3DDL1NG, K4N4Y4  
GC: 1M SUR3 TH1S W1LL M4K3 TH1NGS MOR3  
GC: 1NT3R3ST1NG >8]  
GA: Always Glad To Help  
GA: Anyway I Really Hope His Little Plan With Nepeta Doesnt Cause Too Many Problems For You And Her  
GC: BUT SUR3LY YOU HOP3 1TLL C4US3 4 F3W  
GA: What  
GA: Why Would I Hope For You Two To Have Problems  
GA: That Seems Needlessly Malicious To Me  
GC: OH COM3 ON K4N4Y4  
GC: YOU 4R3 OBV1OUSLY JUST SLOBB3R1NG 4T TH3 OPPORTUN1TY TO R3SOLV3 SOM3 R34L 1SSU3S B3TW33N US  
GC: W3 BOTH KNOW YOU G3T OFF ON TH1S K1ND OF TH1NG  
GA: I Dont Get Off On It  
GC: K4N4Y44444  
GC: YOUR 4SH3N BULG3 1S SHOW1NG  
GA: Okay Thats Not Even A Real Thing  
GA: Why Do You Work So Hard At Being So Awful  
GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 MY 4USP1ST1C3  
GC: W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO H4V3 4 M1LDLY 4NT4GON1ST1C, BUT ULT1M4T3LY 4M1C4BL3 R3L4T1ONSH1P, 4R3NT W3?  
GA: Haha Yes I Suppose So  
GA: Anyway As Much As I Might Appreciate It Dont Feel The Need To Stir The Pot For My Sake  
GA: Im Sure Plenty Of Trouble Will Arise On Its Own  
GC: H3H3H3, F1N3  
GC: 1 WONT DO YOU 4NY F4VORS TH3N  
GA: I Appreciate It More Than You Can Imagine  
GA: But I Suppose Ill Stop Meddling For Now  
GC: FR33 4T L4ST  
GC: TH4NK J3GUS 4LM1GHTY  
GA: Oh Whatever  
GA: You Enjoy The Meddling And You Know It  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 GU3SS 1TS NOT TH4T B4D  
GC: D1D YOU S4Y SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT T34 P4RT13S 34RL13R?  
GA: Tea Parties Arent An Inevitability At This Point  
GA: But I Certainly Wouldnt Rule Them Out  
GA: So Please Do Try To Practice Your Etiquette  
GC: 1 FORG3T  
GC: 1S 1T RUD3 TO L1CK TH3 OTH3R GU3STS  
GA: Yes  
GA: Yes It Most Certainly Is  
GC: D4MN >8[  
GA: Anyway Ill See You Later I Guess  
GC: SOON3R TH4N YOU TH1NK, PROB4BLY  
GA: Hmm  
GA: Im Not Even Going To Bother Picking Apart That Cryptic Comment  
GA: Im Just Going To Say  
GA: Bye Terezi  
GC: BY3 K4N4Y4  
GC: c3<  
GA: It Seems Excessively Silly To Type Clubs At One Another  
GA: But I Suppose Ill Indulge You Just This Once  
GA: c3<  
GC: H3H3H3 >8]  
GA: Anyway Goodbye  
GC: S33 Y4  
  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]. 


	15. Fly the Black Flag

Chapter 15 

Fly the Black Flag 

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CA: hey nep  
AC: :33 < oh great  
AC: :33 < what do you want?  
CA: wwoww thanks for the wwarm fuckin wwelcome  
CA: god i havvent evven fuckin said anythin yet wwhat the hell  
AC: :33 < youre just the last purrson i want to talk to right now  
CA: wwhy  
AC: :33 < beclaws efurrything was going purrfectly fine until i shipped you  
AC: :33 < and now its all gone to hell!  
CA: so wwhat youre blamin this wwhole fiasco on me  
AC: :33 < kind of, yeah!  
AC: :33 < if id nefur shipped you and terezi, none of this would have even happened!  
CA: you mean catpunned  
AC: :33 < shut up!  
CA: look you just said it yourself  
CA: if youd nevver shipped us it wwouldnt a happened  
CA: so the wway i sea it this is all YOUR fault  
AC: :33 < what!!!  
CA: wwell think about it  
CA: wwhen you did your swweep on ter she told you she wwas flushed for kar didnt she  
AC: :33 < well, kind of  
AC: :33 < it was a maybe  
CA: yeah wwell wwhat wwas i  
AC: :33 < okay, you were a maybe too  
CA: so surely it wwas your responsibility as a shipper to do a swweep on him to sea if he wwas flushed for her wwasnt it  
AC: :33 < okay, yes, i purrobably shouldve done that!  
AC: :33 < but you KNEW he was flushed fur her!!  
AC: :33 < why didnt you think to tell me that, mister ampurra???  
CA: i didnt KNOWW alright  
CA: i just had a hunch  
AC: :33 < well then why didnt you tell me your hunch???  
CA: cause you shouldnt be basin your shippin on guesses from complete fuckin strangers ok  
CA: if you really wwanted to knoww wwhy didnt you just go straight to the fuckin source huh  
AC: :33 < i dont know!  
AC: :33 < i just wasnt thinking about it, i guess  
CA: no i knoww wwhat it wwas  
CA: you didnt wwant to knoww  
AC: :33 < what?  
CA: the fact a the matter is you just wwanted to get ter out of the wway  
CA: cause youre flushed for kar and you wwanted to get at him unopposed  
AC: :33 < WHAT????  
CA: oh dont evven act all innocent nep i knoww better than to underestimate you  
CA: you look all cute an innocent but i knoww under that facade theres a devvious fuckin plotter wwholl do anythin to get her wway  
CA: an kars reaction aside its the perfect fuckin crime  
CA: in one fell swwoop you can get a romantic rivval outta the wway and look like a fuckin saint doin it  
AC: XOO < this is complete horseshit!!!!!  
AC: :33 < im not doing this as purrt of some dastardly scheme, okay???  
AC: :33 < so fuck you for even implying that!!  
CA: hey i nevver said i disapprovved  
CA: matter a fact im commendin you on your brilliance  
CA: im tryin to pay you a compliment here nep cmon  
AC: :33 < k33p your stupid compliment!  
AC: :33 < youre wrong, okay?  
AC: :33 < i didnt do this fur my own sake, so just drop it!  
CA: so youre not flushed for kar  
AC: :33 < who im flushed fur isnt any of your fucking business!!!  
CA: funny im not hearin you say no  
AC: :33 < fuck you!!!  
CA: ok so thats a yes then  
AC: :33 < oh, so just because i didnt say no means its definitely a yes?  
AC: :33 < well then let me give you nine other trolls im definitely flushed fur too!!!  
AC: :33 < ill give you a hint: its all of them but you  
AC: :33 < BECLAWS YOURE A STUPID ASSHOLE!!!!!  
CA: wwoww nep youre gettin really flustered ovver this  
AC: :33 < stop trying to make this about me!  
AC: :33 < the REAL fact of the matter is that you knew karkat was flushed fur terezi, and you went through with it anyway!  
AC: :33 < so just what does that make YOU???  
CA: ok fine  
CA: ill admit that knowwin wwhat i kneww i shouldnt a done it  
CA: an im pretty much the wworst fuckin friend evver for goin through wwith it anywway  
CA: so dont feel like youre the only one beatin the shit outta yourself ovver this wwhole thing alright  
AC: :33 < i nefur said i was  
CA: oh cmon nep i wwas on the fuckin memo  
CA: you pretty much melted dowwn right in front a evverybody ovver the wwhole thing  
CA: talkin about howw you didnt knoww wwhether wwhat you wwere doin wwas right  
CA: im not illiterate ok givve me a little fuckin credit here  
AC: :33 < ugh, fine  
AC: :33 < i do f33l like shit about what happened  
CA: catpunned  
AC: :33 < fuck you  
CA: haha ok i deservved that  
AC: :33 < so why did you do it?  
CA: you really wwanna knoww  
AC: :33 < no i was asking beclaws i didnt want to know idiot!!!  
CA: god fine givve me a fuckin break here  
CA: ok  
CA: the truth is  
CA: i wwent through wwith it cause i thought there wwas somebody else he wwas flushed for  
CA: more than ter  
AC: :33 < who?  
CA: oh so NOWW you wwanna knoww wwho im speculatin hes flushed for  
CA: ok i see howw it is  
AC: :33 < ugh, nefurmind!  
CA: yeah thats wwhat i thought  
AC: :33 < god, youre just awful, you know that?  
CA: pawwful  
AC: XOO < WOULD YOU STOP FUCKING DOING THAT!!!!  
CA: haha nope  
AC: :33 < you are just so horrible!!!  
AC: :33 < i cant believe i efur helped you with anything!  
CA: so wwhat the fuck are you tryin to say here  
CA: are you sayin im not wworth your help is that it  
AC: :33 < i  
AC: :33 < no, thats not what i meant  
AC: :33 < its just  
AC: :33 < i didnt realize helping you would mess efurrything up the way it did  
CA: wwell  
CA: not much wwe can do about it noww  
CA: i tried to step up an make things right an ter just shot me dowwn  
AC: :33 < thats true, i guess  
CA: shes really flushed for me yknoww  
CA: an dont get me wwrong i am for her too  
CA: so dont feel bad for her sake  
AC: :33 < yeah, i didnt  
AC: :33 < really, it s33ms like shes the only one whos happy with the way things turned out  
CA: yeah kinda  
CA: shes not flushed for kar anymore  
CA: told me as much  
CA: an then gam tells me hes not flushed for her anymore either  
CA: so i pretty much destroyed any hope a revversin this wwhole crisis  
CA: maybe the wwhole things just a non issue at this point  
AC: :33 < its not a non-issue!  
AC: :33 < i hurt karkats f33lings  
AC: :33 < and i still f33l awful about it  
AC: :33 < pawful  
CA: paww  
CA: fuck  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, idiot  
CA: wwell  
CA: shippins a rough business  
CA: an sometimes youvve gotta hurt somebody to help em  
AC: :33 < but  
AC: :33 < what if i dont want to hurt him?  
CA: wwhy not  
CA: you flushed for him or somethin  
AC: :33 < fuck off  
CA: i dont sea wwhy you keep denyin this  
CA: flushed or not wwhats the fuckin harm in just sayin so  
AC: :33 < beclaws its none of your business!!  
CA: wwell fine then  
CA: keep me in the fuckin dark forevver  
CA: honestly im just tryin to help  
AC: :33 < well maybe i dont want your help!  
CA: yeah that fuckin figures  
CA: girl wwouldnt knoww a good thing if it wwas inches awway from your stupid catgirl snout  
AC: :33 < ugh, just shut up  
AC: :33 < why are you even talking to me right now?  
CA: do you really wwanna knoww  
AC: :33 < stop wasting my time with rhetorical questions asshole!  
CA: god FINE  
CA: ill get right to the fuckin meat of it then  
CA: the truth a the matter is  
CA: ivve been wwaxin pretty black for you for a wwhile noww  
CA: an i wwant to knoww if youd be my kismesis  
AC: :33 < WHAT??????????  
AC: :33 < you  
AC: :33 < you want ME to be your hissmesis????  
CA: thats wwhat i just said isnt it  
AC: :33 < like  
AC: :33 < are you actually serious???  
CA: nep im deadly fuckin serious here  
CA: look no halfhearted sea pun there  
CA: oh and i missed a perfectly good opportunity to say somethin about my vascular system too  
CA: and hey look i totally didnt double that v either look how serious im bein right now  
AC: :33 < so youre  
AC: :33 < actually asking me this??  
CA: yeah nep  
CA: so whats your answer  
AC: :33 < no!!!  
AC: :33 < of course i dont want to be your hissmesis!!!  
CA: what  
CA: why the fuck not  
AC: :33 < beclaws im not interested in blackrom!!  
CA: ok no thats stupid  
CA: if youre not interested in blackrom then how come you were so eager to get in an auspisticeship with kan an ter  
AC: :33 < thats diffurent!  
AC: :33 < i only agr33d to that beclaws i was afuraid my furiendship with terezi was gonna get messed up!  
AC: :33 < i dont want a hissmesis at all!  
CA: no thats a complete load a musclebeast leavins right there  
CA: you dont breaststroke up to the shore a my hive an tell me youre not interested in swimmin alright  
CA: the fact a the fuckin matter is youve been pretty blatantly blackfirtin with me ever since the first time i talked to you about this shippin nonsense  
AC: :33 < i havent b33n flirting with you!!!  
CA: oh come on nep  
CA: youve been insultin me pretty much constantly  
CA: an you even publicly admitted that you get some sorta sick pleasure outta doin it too  
AC: :33 < well maybe i have  
AC: :33 < but so what??  
CA: oh my god seriously  
CA: nep thats like the schoolfeedin fuckin definition a havin black feelins for somebody  
AC: :33 < well, sorry if i came off that way, i guess!  
AC: :33 < but i dont want a hissmesis, purriod!  
CA: why the fuck not  
CA: like why are you so dead set against this quadrant  
AC: :33 < beclaws its stupid!  
AC: :33 < the whole quadrant is just the worst thing!  
AC: :33 < why would i want to be in a relationship with somepawdy where we both just hate each others guts??  
AC: :33 < what kind of good could PAWSSIBLY come out of that???  
CA: look lets just be honest here nep  
CA: you hate me right  
AC: :33 < well, kind of, yeah!  
CA: well frankly i kinda hate you too  
AC: :33 < well fuck you then!!  
CA: so we both already hate each other  
CA: so whats the fuckin issue here  
AC: :33 < the issue is im not interested!  
AC: :33 < i mean, i guess if i did want a hissmesis, id consider you  
AC: :33 < but im not!!!  
CA: why the fuck not  
AC: :33 < beclaws the whole quadrant is just a pointless waste of time!!  
CA: IT ISNT FUCKIN POINTLESS  
AC: :33 < then whats the point, eridan?  
AC: :33 < beclaws id love to hear it!  
CA: alright fine  
CA: you really wanna know  
CA: like you honestly want my opinion on this  
AC: :33 < just spit it out already!!!!!  
CA: alright fine  
CA: you wanna know the point a kismesissitude  
CA: just look at me  
AC: :33 < what?  
CA: look youve seen the miraculous fuckin transmogrification ive undergone havent you  
CA: ive gone from repugnant unlovable hipster asshole to noble apologetic knight in shinin armor basically fuckin overnight  
CA: youre not gonna deny that thats a thing that happened are you  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < youre a lot better than you were, i guess  
CA: yeah see even youll concede that point  
CA: but do you wanna know why i did it nep  
CA: do you wanna know why i decided to try to get over fef  
CA: do you wanna know why i decided to be moirails with gam  
CA: do you wanna know why i decided to try bein matesprits with ter  
CA: do you wanna know why i decided to go along with this whole ridiculous shippin thing in the first place  
AC: :33 < okay, fine, why?  
CA: it was because a you  
CA: every single bit of it was because a you  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < thanks, i guess?  
CA: no let me be more specific  
CA: it was because a THIS  
\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] sent arsenicCatnip [AC] the file ihavvethewweirdestbulge.txt" --  
AC: :33 < oh god  
AC: :33 < should i even open this?  
CA: just ignore the fuckin filename ok  
AC: :33 < fine  
AC: :33 < okay  
AC: :33 < so you did it beclaws i yelled at you?  
CA: its not just that you yelled at me  
CA: the thing is you saw me for what i really was  
CA: you looked past all the bullshit emotional theatrics and peered into the depths of my fuckin soul  
CA: you saw my every weakness my every flaw my EVERY FUCKIN INIQUITY  
CA: an you couldve just brushed it off  
CA: you couldve just said i was hopeless and never spoken to me again but you didnt  
CA: instead you said  
CA: no  
CA: this has got to fuckin change  
CA: so you told me  
CA: you told me every single fuckin thing that was wrong with me right to my face an told me to knock it the fuck off  
CA: so you know what i did  
CA: i listened  
CA: an i listened because everything you said to me in that conversation was absolutely right an i knew it  
CA: an the whole reason you told me is cause you wanted me to change  
CA: an you wanted me to change because you cared about me  
CA: cause THAT right there is the point of a kismesis  
CA: its somebody who can look at you and see every single stupid little imperfection about you an gives a shit enough to want to see them gone  
CA: i dont even think its necessarily about hatred per se  
CA: really i think its more like hatred generally tends to be a side effect a the whole entanglement  
CA: actually lookin at it from a certain angle its more like love than anythin else even though its a strange kinda love to be sure  
CA: its sorta like moirallegiance i guess but with the general concern for your well being replaced with insatiable burnin disapproval  
CA: see a kismesis is somebody you cant ever be good enough to satisfy because good enough doesnt EXIST an they know it  
CA: cause no matter how good you are you can always be better an if you arent constantly strivin for perfection youre doin yourself a disservice  
CA: like even now after everythin ive done to improve are you satisfied with me  
AC: :33 < of course not!  
AC: :33 < youre still a weird cr33py jerk whos obsessed with stupid shit like whatefur youre going on about right now  
CA: yeah see an thats not even a bad thing  
CA: cause a kismesis is basically the essence of impetus  
CA: theyre a force thats constantly drivin you to improve an better yourself an if you ever begin to slip up theyll be on you like a school a fuckin piranha  
CA: cause sometimes a problem slips through the fingers a your moirail an lord knows your matesprits not gonna do anythin about it  
CA: but the most beautiful thing about it is it goes both ways  
CA: people think kismesissitude is just about two people comin as close as possible to killin each other without actually finishin the deed but theres so much more to it than that  
CA: its about a constant struggle to get the upper hand an the way you do it is by constantly improvin yourselves and testin each other for weaknesses  
CA: an its NOT stupid and its NOT pointless an its NOT the worst thing its the fuckin BEST thing an im NOT about to sit here an let you casually fuckin disrespect it  
CA: i mean do you even realize what youre sayin when you say youre not interested in havin a kismesis  
CA: its sayin youre perfect an flawless an there isnt a single thing about you that anybody could hate  
CA: like do you even realize how fuckin ARROGANT you have to be to presume somethin like that  
CA: well guess what nep  
CA: YOURE NOT PERFECT AN YOU FUCKIN KNOW IT  
CA: in fact right now youre bein kind of an immature fuckin wiggler about more things than just this  
CA: like for one youre seriously just gonna give up on this whole shippin thing just because you hurt somebodys feelins  
CA: i mean identities aside are you honestly gonna let one guys objections ruin things for everybody else  
CA: honestly how fuckin selfish are you  
AC: :33 < how the fuck is that selfish????  
CA: cause it isnt even about kar gettin his feelins hurt  
CA: its about that makin YOU get YOUR feelins hurt  
CA: well GUESS WHAT when you meddle around in the love lives of others youre bound to step on some fuckin toes  
CA: an you know what youre doin is absolutely a good thing but youre takin a break from it anyway just cause you dont want your feelins to get hurt any further  
CA: its absolutely the most selfish fuckin thing i can even imagine  
AC: :33 < shut up!!!  
AC: :33 < you dont know a thing about me so maybe you should just fuck off!!!  
CA: you know what your problem is nep  
CA: you cant take criticism  
AC: :33 < fuck you!!!!!!  
CA: ok see this is exactly what im talkin about  
CA: like you take any negative remark about you as a personal attack  
CA: but instead a lashin out at people about it instead you just try to put up this whole nice happy perfect facade and do your best not to offend anybody at all  
CA: and when that fails and somebody makes a slight against you anyway your whole fuckin world collapses around you  
CA: thats why youre not interested in a kismesis isnt it  
CA: you can dish it out but youre afraid you cant take it  
CA: well guess what nep  
CA: i dont give a shit if you can take it or not  
CA: cause ive got a WHOLE FUCKIN LAUNDRY LIST of your personal failins here and im not gonna stop until youve heard EACH AND EVERY ONE  
AC: NO NO NO NO SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!  
AC: i dont want to hear ANYTHING from you so just FUCK OFF!!!!!  
CA: yknow what nep  
CA: if you dont want to hear it that bad why dont you just block me  
AC: because if i block you thats not going to change anything!!!  
AC: youre still going to be the same insufferable piece of shit youre being right now and im not gonna fucking stand for it!!!  
AC: you keep talking about your stupid nonsense about kismesissitude and its all wrong and stupid and all i want to do is scratch up your stupid face until you stop talking about it forever!!!!  
CA: i dont think thats it nep  
CA: i think youre still here because you want this  
CA: you want me to tell you every single thing thats wrong with you  
AC: no this is so lame  
AC: i am hearing an insane and stupid guy say stupid idiot things while wearing a dumb scarf for lame morons!!!!  
CA: actually im not wearin a scarf right now  
AC: oh  
AC: well what are you wearing?  
CA: why are you suddenly so interested in what im wearin nep  
CA: are things startin to heat up in here or is it just me  
AC: oh my god no fuck you!!!  
AC: i dont want to be your kismesis, okay???  
AC: so will you just fucking drop it already!!!!  
CA: why are you bein so fuckin stubborn about this  
CA: its obvious you hate me as much as i hate you  
AC: because i dont want a kismesis because its a stupid quadrant and youre a stupid moron for wanting one!!!  
CA: alright you know what  
CA: fine  
CA: i give up  
CA: if you dont want to be my kismesis that badly ill just drop it  
AC: what?  
AC: seriously?  
CA: yeah thats right  
CA: ive got other ships to work on anyway  
AC: what???  
CA: oh didnt i tell you  
CA: im a shipper now too  
AC: WHAT????  
AC: NO!!!!!  
AC: eridan, you CANNOT be a shipper!!!  
CA: and why the fuck not  
CA: if somebody as pathetic as you can do it why cant i  
AC: because youre going to do it wrong and fuck everything up!!!  
CA: i really doubt thats gonna happen nep  
AC: oh really??  
AC: and what makes you so sure???  
CA: because im not doin any pathetic red shippin like you are  
CA: im focused entirely on the black quadrants  
AC: WHAT????????  
AC: youre gonna ship people into kismesissitudes??????  
CA: youre goddamn right i am  
CA: if youre only gonna focus on the shit redrom quadrants nobody cares about then somebodys gotta take care a the black ones  
AC: NO THEY FUCKING DONT!!!!  
AC: blackrom is stupid!!!  
AC: all youre going to do is make everybody hate each other and its going to fuck things up IRREVERSIBLY!!!!!  
CA: yknow what nep i dont really care what you think about blackrom at this point  
CA: so if youll stop botherin me ive got important work to do here  
AC: then im not going to stop bothering you!!!  
AC: do you honestly think im just gonna sit idly by and let you fuck everything up like this???  
AC: im putting a stop to this RIGHT HERE and RIGHT NOW!!!!  
CA: i dont think so nep  
CA: theres precious fuckin little you can do from your computer to stop me from enactin my schemes  
AC: well then ill track you down and person and stop you physically if i have to!!!  
AC: where are you???  
CA: ha ok ill play along  
CA: im on my hive on lowaa  
CA: not a soul here but me and the fuckin angels  
CA: but honestly nep even if you do come here what are you gonna do to stop me  
CA: are you gonna kill me  
AC: of course not!!!  
CA: then what  
AC: ill tackle you to the ground and tell you to stop!  
CA: or youll do what exactly  
AC: or ill scratch up your face with my claws!  
CA: is that it  
CA: cmon nep what else  
AC: well  
AC: then ill  
AC: ill scratch up the rest of you too!  
CA: ok sure  
CA: what else  
AC: well  
AC: if you dont give up after that  
AC: i guess ill have to start biting  
CA: haha fuck yes  
CA: where are you gonna bite me nep  
AC: the only logical place to start  
AC: your stupid seadweller earfins!  
CA: ugh always with the earfins  
CA: those things are sensitive as fuck yknow  
AC: well then ill bite them extra hard!!!!  
CA: fuck im bringin this upon myself  
AC: hee hee, idiot  
CA: ok whatever keep goin  
AC: well after that  
AC: youd probably be bleeding pretty badly  
AC: so then id start drinking your blood  
AC: just lap it up straight from the wounds  
CA: guh  
CA: holy shit  
CA: nep that is really fuckin forward  
CA: god im actually blushin here  
AC: then id lick my fingers clean  
AC: and then dip them in your blood  
AC: and use it to doodle embarrassing things all over your face  
CA: ok ive never heard that one before  
CA: points for originality  
AC: maybe if i needed another shade  
AC: id cut myself open  
AC: olive and purple, those complement each other, dont they?  
CA: oh my god  
CA: nep you are fuckin hardcore  
AC: then once i ran out of room on your face  
AC: id rip whatever stupid shirt youre wearing off  
AC: expand the canvas  
AC: >:33  
CA: ok yknow what nep times wastin here  
CA: as much as id like to sit and chat with you here forever  
CA: and i actually would like to sit and chat with you about this forever thats not even a rhetorical device  
CA: ive got some shippin to do here  
AC: no you dont!  
AC: im gonna stop you eridan!  
AC: no matter what it takes!!!!  
CA: you want me nep  
CA: then come and fuckin get me  
AC: oh i will, mister ampora  
AC: ill come and get you indeed  
AC: and once i get there  
AC: youre gonna regret ever having fucked with me  
CA: yeah well just see about that  
AC: yes we will  
AC: see you soon, asshole  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA].  
  
CA: yes  
CA: fuck yes  
CA: HELL  
CA: FUCKIN  
CA: YES  
CA: <3<  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 

*** 

CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNYS OFF1C14L L3G1SL4C3R4T1V3 COURTBLOCK  
  
[CGC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYgWpYaRGrQ) *H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY B4NGS H1S M4SS1V3 G4V3L H34RT1LY, QU3LL1NG TH3 R4UCOUS RUMPUS CURR3NTLY 3MBRO1L1NG TH3 G4LL3RY*  
CGC: ORD3R! ORD3R 1N TH3 COURTBLOCK!  
CGC: TH1S COURT 1S NOW 1N S3SS1ON!  
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCA: hey wwait a minute ter  
CCA: i thought you wwere gonna be the legislacerator  
CGC: OF COURS3 1 4M!  
CGC: BUT 1M 4LSO B31NG H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY  
CCA: but you cant be both at once  
CCA: that makes a mockery a the wwhole proceedin  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 1TS NOT L1K3 1 W4NT TO B3 H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY  
CGC: BUT 1F 1M NOT, TH3N WHO W1LL B3?  
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAC: :33 < hey, ill do it!  
CAC: :33 < i purrtend to be his honorable tyranny all the time!  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: TH4TS TRU3  
CGC: BUT 1D R4TH3R SOM3BODY 3LS3 DO 1T TH1S T1M3  
CAC: :33 < what! why???  
CGC: W3LL, 1TS L1K3 YOU S41D  
CGC: YOUR3 H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY 4LL TH3 T1M3  
CGC: 1D R4TH3R H4V3 SOM3BODY 3LS3 F1LL TH3 ROL3  
CAC: :33 < oh fine! >:((  
CGC: DONT WORRY N3P3T4  
CGC: 1M SUR3 1LL F1ND 4 ROL3 FOR YOU TO PL4Y  
CCA: haha yeah you wwill  
CAC: :33 < what?  
CGC: 3R1D4N, HUSH  
CCA: ok fine  
CGC: 4NYW4Y  
CGC: WOULD 4NYBODY 3LS3 B3 W1LL1NG TO PL4Y H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY?  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 10 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCG: HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA  
PCG: SINCE THIS WHOLE CHARADE IS AN INEXPRESSABLY ULTRAMASSIVE WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME  
PCG: HOW ABOUT YOU JUST HURL YOURSELF FROM THE HIGHEST BRANCH OF YOUR TREEHIVE AND SPARE US THE TROUBLE OF EVEN DIGNIFYING THIS WHOLE IDIOTIC ROLEPLAYING SCENARIO WITH ANY ATTENTION WHATSOEVER.  
PCG: THE COURTBLOCK BURSTS INTO APPLAUSE, AND HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY DECLARES YOU GUILTY OF BEING A HORRIBLE SHRIEKING DEVILBEAST FOREVER AND EVER.  
PCG: COURT IS ADJOURNED.  
CGC: H3Y  
CGC: YOU KNOW WH4TS 4N 3V3N B1GG3R W4ST3 OF T1M3 TH4N TH1S M3MO  
PCG: WHAT.  
CGC: L3TT1NG YOU R3SPOND TO 1T  
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
CGC: 4SSHOL3  
CAC: :33 < terezi!!! 33:<  
CGC: OH COM3 ON N3P3T4  
CGC: YOU C4NT 3XP3CT M3 TO NOT B4N K4RKL3S 4FT3R H3 COM3S 1N H3R3 W1TH SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < okay, fine, he purrobably earned that one  
CGC: OH, H3 MOR3 TH4N 34RN3D 1T  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, TH3 QU3ST1ON R3M41NS  
CGC: JUST WHO 1S W1LL1NG TO C4LL TH1S COURTBLOCK TO ORD3R?  
PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 15 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCC: OO)(! OO)(! M--E!! M--E!!!  
PCC: I'LL do it!!!  
CGC: OH MY  
CGC: 4 C4S3 PR3S1D3D OV3R BY H3R 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON H3RS3LF?  
CGC: TH1S W1LL B3 1NT3R3ST1NG 1ND33D! >8]  
[PCC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3T-tnjvkDig) S)(--ELL Y--ES it will!! 38D  
PCC: *)(er Imperious Condescension bangs )(er --Entente against t)(e cold concrete floor of t)(e courtblock, sending a )(ars)( metal ring reverberating t)(roug)(out t)(e room*  
PCC: SIL--ENC--E!!!  
PCC: I will )(ave ORD--ER in t)(is courtblock, or I will )(ave t)(is entire courtblock CULL----ED!!! >38O  
CGC: H4H4H4 Y3S  
CGC: TH1S W1LL DO P3RF3CTLY  
CAC: :33 < oh, but you know what she n33ds?  
CGC: WH4T  
CAC: :33 < she n33ds a big strong bailiff to help her k33p order in the courtblock!  
CAC: :33 < and to purrtect her from assassins, of course!  
CGC: HMMMM  
CGC: 1M NOT SUR3 1F SOM3ON3 4S POW3RFUL 4S H3R 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON R34LLY N33DS 4 B41L1FF  
CGC: F3F3R1 WH4T DO YOU TH1NK?  
PCC: I t)(ink it's a FINTASTIC idea!  
PCC: Even if I don't N-E-ED t)(e protection, it'll be nice to )(ave somebody to play off of!  
CAC: :33 < yeah, exactly!  
CGC: W3LL, OK4Y  
CGC: BUT WHO WOULD B3 W1LL1NG TO F1LL TH4T ROL3?  
FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 2 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCT: D --> E%cuse me, if I may  
FCT: D --> Perhaps this is simply f001ish conje%ure  
FCT: D --> But could a STRONG b100b100ded Archeradicator possibly serve as a fitting bailiff to Her Imperious Condescension  
PCC: O)(, --Equius!  
PCC: Y--ES! You would be a P--ERF--ECT bailiff!  
PCC: But... you wouldn't )(appen to )(ave any problems wit)( )(aking orders from a seadweller, would you?  
FCT: D --> Not in this partic001ar instance, no  
FCT: D --> A loyal Archeradicator would have no e%cuse for disobeying an order from the Empress Herself  
PCC: GR--EAT!  
PCC: T)(en -Executor Darkleer, by IMP-ERIAL D-ECR-E-E, I declare t)(at YOU s)(all serve as my bailiff!  
FCT: D --> E%cellent  
CCA: hey thats great  
CCA: you finally learned your place huh eq  
CCA: so wwhy dont you make me a sandwwich or somethin  
FCT: D --> Quiet, filthy seadweller  
PCC: 38/  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!! X33  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CGC: 4 B3TT3R BURN TH4N 1 3XP3CT3D FROM YOU, 3QU1US  
FCT: D --> Yes, thank you  
FCT: D --> I've been pra%icing  
CCA: wwhat the hell  
CCA: ter wwhos side are you on here  
CGC: 1M SORRY 3R1D4N  
CGC: BUT 4 P4RT1CUL4RLY SP1CY Z1NG D3S3RV3S R3COGN1T1ON REG4RDL3SS OF TH3 P4RT13S 1NVOLV3D  
PCC: W)(ale, aside from t)(e casual racism, it WAS pretty finny.  
CCA: ok no this is complete bs  
CCA: so all of a sudden fine wwith seadwwellers but your excludin me for no reason wwhatsoevver  
FCT: D --> On the contrary  
FCT: D --> You are not the one being e%c100ded at all  
FCT: D --> I still harbor a deep mistrust for your slimy, denegerate kind  
FCT: D --> But the heiress herself is an e%ception  
PCC: Um...  
PCC: Our slimy, degenerate kind???  
FCT: D --> Urk  
FCT: D --> E%cuse me, I did not mean to offend  
FCT: D --> I was simply trying to e%plain that your royal tyrian b100d elevates you above the rest of your dubious kin  
PCC: >38/  
PCC: So t)(e only reason you're even talking to me is because of my stupid BLOOD?  
FCT: D --> Er  
FCT: D --> No, I was just  
FCT: D --> Ok, this is going e%tremely poorly  
FCT: D --> Perhaps I should simply make my e%it  
CAC: :33 < now just wait a minute!!!  
CAC: :33 < fefurry, what equius is trying to say is that hes okay with talking to you because youre really nice and furiendly and purretty  
CAC: :33 < and hes not okay with eridan just beclaws he in purrticular is a stupid slimy cr33py annoying scumbag  
CCA: hey wwhat the fuck  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CAC: :33 < and hes just having a hard time commewnicating it beclaws hes kind of intimidated by you and hes afuraid hell come off like a big cr33py sycophantic jerk  
CAC: :33 < isnt that right, equius?  
FCT: D --> Um  
FCT: D --> Yes, that's it e%actly  
FCT: D --> Many than% for the clarification, Nepeta  
PCC: O)(.  
PCC: W)(ale... t)(at's certainly UND-ERSTANDABL-E, I guess,  
PCC: But you s)(oaldn't be INTIMIDAT-ED by me, -Equius!  
PCC: It's not like I BIT-E or anyt)(ing!  
PCC: (Unless you want me to. >38D)  
FCT: D --> Er  
FCT: D --> Do you want to  
FCT: D --> Bite, that is  
PCC: Um...  
PCC: Actually, not reely!  
FCT: D --> Ok  
FCT: D --> I, uh  
FCT: D --> I didn't really want you to either  
PCC: W)(ale... okay t)(en!  
CGC: BL4R OK4Y WH4T3V3R  
CGC: 4NYW4Y 1F W3R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 4 B41L1FF W3 N33D TO ST4RT OV3R  
CGC: 3QU1US, WOULD YOU PL34S3 DO TH3 HONORS?  
FCT: D --> Er  
FCT: D --> The honors  
CGC: YOU KNOW, TH3 USU4L STUFF  
CGC: S4Y TH3 COURT 1S 1N S3SS1ON  
CGC: M4K3 3V3RYBODY R1S3 FOR H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY  
CGC: 3R, 1 M34N, H3R 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON  
CGC: 4LL OF TH4T  
FCT: D --> And I have to do all that  
CGC: Y3S!  
CGC: TH4TS TH3 R3SPONS1B1L1TY OF TH3 B41L1FF 4FT3R 4LL  
FCT: D --> Ok  
FCT: D --> How do I do that  
CAC: :33 < oh come on, equius, you know how!  
CAC: :33 < just narrate all your actions and stuff in asterisks!  
FCT: D --> Asteris%  
CGC: 1D34LLY Y3S  
CGC: TH3R3 4R3 OTH3R W4YS OF D3NOT1NG 1N-CH4R4CT3R 4CT1ONS  
CGC: BUT 4ST3R1SKS 4R3 PR3F3RR3D FOR CONS1ST3NCY  
FCT: D --> I'm sorry  
FCT: D --> But this all seems e%cessively f001ish  
PCC: )(-EY! You VOLUNT-E-ER-ED for t)(is, -Equius!  
PCC: Don't even T)(INK of backing out now!!!  
FCT: D --> Well  
FCT: D --> Ok, fine  
FCT: D --> If I may have a moment, please  
PCC: Of course! )(ake your time.  
[FCT:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYgWpYaRGrQ) D --> Ok  
FCT: D --> *The STRONG b100b100ded Archeradicator rises from his seat in the courtblock, stoically regarding the gallery with c001 indifference*  
FCT: D --> *His bow ever at the ready, he addresses the court*  
FCT: D --> Attention, you detestable rabble of f001ish lowb100ded peasants  
FCT: D --> I command you to cease your insipid u100lations at once  
FCT: D --> For this court is now in session  
FCT: D --> All rise for Her Imperious Condescension  
FCT: D --> Was that a%eptable  
CAC: :33 < that was great, equius!!  
CGC: Y3S, 4CTU4LLY  
CGC: 1T W4S V3RY GOOD FOR 4 F1RST TRY  
CGC: SO W3LL DON3, 3QU1US  
FCT: D --> E%cellent, thank you  
CGC: THOUGH FOR FUTUR3 R3F3R3NC3  
CGC: 1F YOUR3 GO1NG TO BR34K CH4R4CT3R  
CGC: YOU SHOLD D3NOT3 OUT OF CH4R4CT3R SP33CH W1TH P4R3NTH3S3S  
FCT: D --> Oh, ok  
FCT: D --> (Like this, I assume)  
CGC: (Y3S)  
FCT: D --> (Ok, d001y noted)  
FCT: D --> (Though, while I am speaking out of chara%er, I feel the need to clarify)  
FCT: D --> (In this partic001ar roleplaying scenario, I believe it pertinent to assume my chara%er would be a STRONG adherent to the Hemospe%rum)  
FCT: D --> (And that any views he may e%press on the topic are not necessarily a refle%ion of my own beliefs)  
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 11 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
[PAT:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QBedHEsh2g) yES, eXCEPT,  
PAT: tHEY'RE ACTUALLY EXACTLY THE SAME,  
FCT: D --> (What)  
PAT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG,  
PAT: aLL THE V1EWS HE'S EXPRESSED THUS FAR HAVE BEEN EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOUR OWN,  
PAT: oR AM 1 JUST M1STAKEN ON THAT,  
FCT: D --> What you are mistaken on, lowb100d  
FCT: D --> Is that you believe you have free rein to e%press your verminous opinions in the munificent presence of your rightful r001er  
FCT: D --> Be silent, or my arrows shall taste your e%cremental b100d  
PAT: oKAY, sEE, tH1S 1S EXACTLY WHAT 1'M TALK1NG ABOUT,  
PAT: 1T LOOKS TO ME L1KE YOU'RE JUST AS MUCH OF A FASC1ST1C P1ECE OF SH1T AS YOUR "cHARACTER" 1S,  
FCT: D --> (That was my chara%ter speaking)  
FCT: D --> (My own beliefs on the Hemospe%rum are immaterial to this roleplaying scenario)  
PAT: (oH, oKAY, 1 HAVE TO ROLEPLAY 1T OUT,)  
PAT: (wELL, 1N that CASE,)  
PAT: *tHE STUNN1NGLY HANDSOME BROWN-W1NGED REVOLUT1ONARY R1SES FROM H1S SEAT 1N THE GALLERY, bRAND1SH1NG H1S LANCE H1GH 1N DEF1ANCE*  
PAT: hEY, "h1GHBLOOD,"  
PAT: mAYBE YOU SHOUDLN'T BE SO QU1CK TO SPEAK SO 1LL OF LOWBLOODS WHEN WE OUTNUMBER YOU A THOUSAND TO ONE,  
FCT: D --> Your unr001y kin could number a million and I would still be abso100tely unimpressed with your idle threats, rustb100d  
FCT: D --> The only reason I refrain from culling the lot of you with e%treme prejudice is that I fear Her Imperious Condescension's deific comple%ion might be marred at the touch of the caustic eff100via that flows through your degenerate veins  
FCT: D --> Now, if you have nothing of va100e to contribute to the proceedings of this trial, I STRONGLY suggest you di%ontinue your odious interje%ions, that the Empress' voice may be heard over your di%ordant prattle  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, GLUB Y--ES!  
PCC: T)(is is --EXACTLY t)(e kind of tras)( talk I was angling to sea out of my bailiff!  
PAT: tH1S SO-CALLED "tR1AL" 1S A SHAM,  
PAT: bUT 1T'S NOT NEARLY AS B1G A MOCKERY OF JUST1CE AS THE FACT THAT A SWEATY, sUBSERV1ENT TOOL L1KE YOU CLA1MS TO KEEP V1G1L OVER 1T,  
FCT: D --> The only mockery of justice visible from my perspe%ive  
FCT: D --> Is the fact that an addlepanned lowb100d tr001y thin% he can talk back to a b100b100d and e%ape his ine%orable wrath  
FCT: D --> You have received your last warning, upstart  
FCT: D --> *The Archeradicator no% an arrow and pulls his bowstring taut, leveling his bow straight at the lowb100d's dorsal tube*  
FCT: D --> Or at least, your last verbal warning  
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 9 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PTC: Hey, motherfucker, that's some seriously inexcusable shit you're all sayin up towards my matesprit there.  
PTC: I'm kind of all thinkin you're gonna have to up and apologize at my bro on all that excremental language you're flingin.  
FCT: D --> Hrk  
FCT: D --> Is  
FCT: D --> Is that an order  
PTC: It's always an order, motherfucker.  
FCT: D --> Um  
FCT: D --> Ok  
PCC: W)(at?? NO!!!  
PCC: Darkleer, I am COUNT--ERMANDING t)(at order!  
PCC: Don't you even T)(INK of apologizing to t)(at vile interloper!  
FCT: D --> Oh god  
FCT: D --> Ok, this situation has suddenly become  
FCT: D --> E%tremely complicated  
PCC: T)(ere's not)(ing COMPLICAT--ED aboat it!  
PCC: My blood is )(ig)(er t)(an )(is blood, so my orders SUP--ERS--EAD--E )(is!!!  
FCT: D --> Er  
FCT: D --> Is that a%ually how it wor%  
PCC: Y--ES!!!  
PCC: As a matter of fact, I order you to sass t)(is indigo-blooded INT--ERRUPTION into submission as W)(AL--E!  
FCT: D --> Hrrrk  
FCT: D --> Do I, uh  
FCT: D --> Do I have to  
PCC: I'm t)(e --EMPR--ESS, dam it!!!!  
FCT: D --> Ok, I just  
FCT: D --> I need a moment to ensure I have  
FCT: D --> An adequate supply of fresh towels  
PTC: Hahahaha, dipshit.  
PTC: What's all the motherfuckin matter, bro?  
PTC: Findin it pretty motherfuckin hard to work yourself up the globes to all spit some rude motherfuckin noise at my direction?  
FCT: D --> The only thing I am having difficulty with, highb100d  
FCT: D --> Is comprehending just how you secured 100cidity enough to corre%ly operate a computer  
FCT: D --> I had thought it a sound con100sion that your mind was too damaged by soporific to%ins to be capable of higher mental fun%ions  
PTC: Nah, bro, I don't indulge on that shit anymore.  
PTC: Turns up there's more powerful motherfuckin things than addiction.  
PTC: Too bad they ain't found a cure over bein a snooty highblood piece of shit yet.  
FCT: D --> Ah, but they have  
FCT: D --> It's called being forced to suffer under the crushing indignity of being fun%ionally subservient to a clown-worshipping f001 who couldn't locate his own posterior with aid of a map and a well-trained rear-sniffing barkbeast  
FCT: D --> Because his 100sus negle%ted to sch001feed him that he shouldn't pol100t his b100dstream with g100tinous narcoti%  
PTC: Leave my lusus out of this, motherfucker.  
FCT: D --> Er  
PCC: (Yea)(, t)(at's KIND of a low blow, --Equius.)  
PCC: (But don't apologize for it! >38D)  
FCT: D --> (Urk)  
FCT: D --> (Ok)  
PTC: Hahahahaha, you haven't changed one motherfuckin bit.  
PTC: All talkin as you give no fucks on the Hemospectrum, just to run out and find some other highblood motherfucker what you can cozy up at.  
PTC: Workin up all the bullshit spaghetti logic you can motherfuckin muster to justify lettin yourself get cowed by some seadweller sister, even though you all convinced yourself you should hate each and every one of their guts motherfuckin unequivocally.  
PTC: You're the same sycophantic piece of shit what you've always been.  
FCT: D --> If I have been forced to seek a higher b100d than yours  
FCT: D --> It is only because you have so udderly fallen short of the e%pectations society has placed upon you, both as a highb100d and as a troll being in general  
FCT: D --> You are, as you have always been, a reprehensible disgrace  
FCT: D --> Your continued e%istence is an abso100t mockery not only of Alternian society, but of sentient life in general  
FCT: D --> If one tr001y see% evidence that the Hemospe%rum is flawed, they need 100k no further than the 100dicrous notion that an odious buffoon such as yourself could ever be considered my superior  
PCC: 38O  
PCC: (---Equius, )(oly S)(IP.)  
PCC: (T)(at is t)(e most BADBASS GLUBBING T)(ING I )(ave ----EV----ER )(-----EARD!!!! <3 <3 <3)  
CAC: :33 < (h33 h33!)  
CAC: :33 < (yeah, nice sp33ch, equius!!)  
FCT: D --> Oh god  
FCT: D --> Did I  
FCT: D --> Did I a%ually just say that  
PCC: Y-----EP!!! 38D  
FCT: D --> Hrrrk  
PCT: D --> Oh my god  
PCT: D --> I  
PCT: D --> I don't think I have enough towels  
PCT: D --> Why am I perspiring so fucking heavily  
PCT: D --> Erk  
PCT: D --> I mean  
PCT: D --> I meant fiddlesticking  
PCT: D --> Er, no, that ma%es no sense  
PCT: D --> Please forgive my f001ishly e%plicit language  
PCC: )(-E )(-E )(-E!  
PCC: ALL is forgiven, Darkleer!  
PTC: Hahaha, wow.  
PTC: I never realized how motherfuckin fun it is what to make this sweaty stack of behemoth leavings squirm.  
PAT: oH YEAH, dEF1N1TELY,  
PAT: tHERE'S NOTH1NG MORE FUN THAN TAUNT1NG AN 1D1OT,  
PTC: Shit, I might have to all get onto the motherfuckin habit of undressin this motherfucker more often.  
CGC: UM  
CGC: WH4T  
PTC: Er, fuck, did I all get that expression on my think pan wrong?  
PTC: It's the one what's all supposed to be about up and chewin some motherfucker down with the rude verbiage.  
CGC: 1 TH1NK YOU M34N DR3SS DOWN  
PTC: Yeah, that's the motherfucker right there.  
CCA: no you should mean wwhat you said the first time  
CCA: just a suggestion  
CAC: :33 < what??  
CAC: :33 < shut up eridan, no he shouldnt!!!  
PCC: *TING TING TING TING!!!*  
PCC: *T)(e piercing tintinnabulation of )(er Imperious Condescension's --Entente against t)(e floor immediately brings silence to t)(e court*  
PCC: SIL----ENC----E!!!  
PCC: ORD----ER IN T)(----E COURTBLOCK!!!!!!  
PCC: I've )(ADDOCK up to PI--ER wit)( t)(ese constant INT--ERRUPTIONS!!  
PCC: *)(er Imperious Condescension points )(er --Entente t)(e two rebellious dissenters in t)(e gallery*  
PCC: You two INT---ERLOP---ERS will R---EMOV---E yours)(ellves from my presence AT ONC---E, or I'll sea you CULL-------ED!!!  
PCC: )(ave I made mys)(ellf perfectly CL------EAR???  
PAT: yEAH, yEAH,  
PAT: d1DN'T FEEL L1KE ST1CK1NG AROUND TO SEE HOW TH1S KANGARAM COURT TURNS OUT ANYWAY,  
PAT: yOU READY TO FLY, tHUD bUTT,  
PTC: Shit yeah, my brother.  
PAT: tHEN LET'S ROLL THE FUCK OUT OF HERE,  
PAT: bANGARANG, b1TCHES,  
PTC: Bangarang, Rufio!  
PAT: *tHE STR1K1NGLY ATTRACT1VE REVOLUT1ONARY R1SES ON H1S GLOR1OUS AUBURN W1NGS AND SOARS OUT OF THE COURTBLOCK, oNE HAND CARRY1NG H1S MATESPR1T AND THE OTHER RUDELY GESTUR1NG AT hER 1MPER1OUS cONDESCENS1ON*  
PAT ceased responding to memo.  
PTC ceased responding to memo.  
[PCC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0u5oLwTYzE) Bailiff, remind me to )(ave t)(em culled later ANYWAV---E.  
PCT: D --> Of course, Your Imperious Condescension  
PCC: And as for t)(e R--EST of you filt)(y louts, B--E S--EAT--ED!  
PCC: I )(ereby call t)(is court to ORD--ER!  
CGC: (OH, 1 FORGOT)  
CGC: (F3F3R1, DO YOU KNOW WH4T TH3 CR1M3 1S?)  
PCC: (Yes, I bereef I do!)  
PCC: (-Eridan was t)(e victim, correct?)  
CCA: (thats one wway a puttin it)  
CCA: (wwink wwink)  
PCC: (38P)  
PCC: (In T)(AT case, yes, I know -EXACTLY w)(at t)(e crime is!)  
PCC: (I watc)(ed t)(e w)(ole t)(ing )(APP-EN, actually!)  
CGC: (>8O)  
CGC: (S3R1OUSLY??)  
PCC: (Y--EP!)  
CCA: (did you record it like i asked you to)  
PCC: (Ug)(, Y--ES, you W--EIRDO!)  
PCC: (But for t)(e )(ake of t)(e dignity of all parties involved, I'm declaring it INADMISSIBL-E as evidence!)  
CCA: (oh come on fef)  
CCA: (you dont havve to wwithhold it for my sake)  
CCA: (hell im proud a my performance)  
PCC: (I said ALL PARTI--ES INVOLV--ED, doofis)(!)  
CAC: :33 < (what are you guys talking about???)  
CGC: (H4H4H4H4, NOTH1NG)  
CGC: (F3F3R1, 1F YOU WOULD, PL34S3)  
PCC: (Of COURS-E!)  
PCC: I will call t)(e first case!  
PCC: T)(at being, t)(e people vs. Nepeta Leijon!!!  
CAC: :33 < what???  
FCT: D --> Er  
FCT: D --> Seriously  
PCC: Y--ES, S--EARIOUSLY!!  
FCT: D --> Well  
FCT: D --> What is her crime, e%actly  
PCC: T)(e attempted murder of --Eridan Ampora!!!  
CAC: :33 < WHAT?????  
CAC: :33 < i didnt try to kill eridan!!!  
CAC: :33 < thats purrpawsterous!!!  
PCC: SIL---EN---CE!!  
PCC: Don't glub out of order, Miss Leijon!  
CAC: :33 < fine!  
FCT: D --> Um  
FCT: D --> Is this just a roleplaying scenario  
FCT: D --> Or is it something that a%ually happened  
CGC: OH, 1TS QU1T3 4N 4CTU4L TH1NG, M1ST3R D4RKL33R  
CGC: MY CL13NT W4S 4SS4ULT3D 1N H1S HOM3 NO L3SS TH4N FOURT33N HOURS 4GO  
CGC: 4ND W3 H4V3 V3RY STRONG 3V1D3NC3 TH4T TH3 D3F3ND4NT 1S TH3 P3RP3TR4TOR OF TH1S MOST H31NOUS CR1M3  
FCT: D --> Really  
CGC: Y3S R34LLY!  
FCT: D --> Oh dear  
FCT: D --> Ok then  
FCT: D --> Will the defendant please rise  
CAC: :33 < *ac furry huffily and indignantly rises furom her seat*  
PCC: Miss Leijon!  
PCC: You are c)(arged wit)( t)(e attempted murder of -Eridan Ampora, a distinguis)(ed royal-blooded seadweller!  
PCC: )(ow do you plead?  
CAC: :33 < not guilty, your imperious condescension!!  
PCC: Very w)(ale!  
FCT: D --> Ah  
FCT: D --> If I may offer a humble suggestion, Your Imperious Condescension  
PCC: Y--ES, Bailiff, w)(at is it?  
FCT: D --> In the place of "very"  
FCT: D --> You could substitute the word "ferry"  
FCT: D --> It's a type of boat, you see  
PCC: O)(.  
PCC: T)(at's a F--ERRY GOOD SUGG--ESTION, Darkleer, T)(ANK you!  
FCT: D --> Your than% are unnecessary, but a%epted nonetheless  
FCT: D --> I'm certain you would have thought it up on your own  
FCT: D --> Schooner or freighter  
PCC: )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A!!!  
PCC: (--Equius, you are t)(e B---EST BAILIFF.)  
FCT: D --> (Of course, thank you)  
PCC: ANYWAY!  
PCC: Prosecution, you may begin your opening statement.  
CGC: YOUR 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON  
CGC: 1N TH3 1NT3R3ST OF T1M3, 1 MOV3 TH4T W3 D1SP3NS3 W1TH TH3 OP3N1NG ST4T3M3NTS  
CAC: :33 < really??  
CAC: :33 < you want to skip opening statements??  
CGC: Y3S  
CGC: 1 PR3F3R TO L3T TH3 F4CTS SP34K FOR TH3MS3LV3S >8]  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 15 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCG: HEY, HERE'S A FACT THAT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF  
PCG: YOU'RE ACTUALLY, LITERALLY ACCUSING SOMEONE WHO'S APPARENTLY YOUR BEST FRIEND OF ATTEMPTED MURDER.  
PCG: AND YOU'RE PLAYING IT UP IN THIS RIDICULOUS ROLEPLAYING SCENARIO LIKE IT'S SOME KIND OF HILARIOUS JOKE.  
PCG: JUST WHAT KIND OF INSANELY HORRIBLE PERSON DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO THINK THIS IS ACCEPTABLE IN ANY FUCKING WAY WHATSOEVER???  
CGC: 4R3 YOU DON3?  
PCG: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  
PCG: I'M JUST GETTING WARMED UP HERE.  
CGC: W3LL TH3N M4YB3 YOU SHOULD  
CGC: COOL OFF  
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
CGC: >8]  
CAC: :33 < terezi!!!!! 33:<  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, 1 ST1LL S4Y W3 SK1P TH3 OP3N1NG ST4T3M3NTS  
PCC: I AGR--E--E, Legislacerator!  
PCC: And since MY opinion is t)(e only one t)(at actually MATT--ERS...  
PCC: MOC--EAN PASS--ES!  
FCT: D --> Basses  
PCC: W)(at?  
FCT: D --> Just a humble suggestion  
PCC: A)(, of COURS--E! T)(ank you, Bailiff.  
FCT: D --> You are most welcome  
PCC: W)(at I M--EANT to say was...  
PCC: MOC--EAN BASS--ES!!  
PCC: You may proceed wit)( your case.  
FCT: D --> Prosecution, cull your first witness  
FCT: D --> I mean call  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a!  
CGC: Y3S, B41L1FF  
CCA: youre gonna call me right  
CGC: TH4T W4S TH3 1D34  
CCA: look i dont sea wwhy wwe havve to go through all this nonsense  
CCA: wwhy cant i just say it  
CGC: B3C4US3, 3R1D4N!  
CGC: 1F YOU T3LL TH3M, NO ON3 W1LL B3L13V3 YOU  
CCA: yeah i guess  
CGC: OUR ONLY SHOT 1S TO WR4NGL3 4 CONF3SS1ON OUT OF N3P3T4 ON TH3 ST4ND  
CAC: :33 < what??  
CGC: ST4Y OUT OF TH1S, POUNC3LLOR!  
CGC: 1M CONF3RR1NG W1TH MY CL1ENT  
CAC: :33 < bah, fine!  
CGC: 4NYW4Y  
CGC: WONT 1T B3 MOR3 S4T1SFY1NG TO G3T H3R TO 4DM1T 1T H3RS3LF 1N FRONT OF 3V3RYON3?  
CCA: heh  
CCA: yeah thatd definitely be a lot more fun  
CGC: 1 KN3W YOUD S33 TH1NGS MY W4Y >8]  
CCA: wwait  
CCA: wwhat do i do wwhen you use a vvision based metaphor  
CGC: NOTH1NG, 1D1OT  
CGC: 1M TH3 ONLY ON3 WHOS 4LLOW3D TO B3 OFF3ND3D BY TH3M  
CCA: yeah yeah ok  
CCA: but i dont get wwhy you havve to be the legislacerator here  
CCA: im the one wwhos out for justice here  
CGC: B3C4US3 YOU DONT H4V3 4NY FORM4L TR41N1NG 1N L4W, 3R1D4N  
CCA: yeah i do  
CGC: OH R34LLY?  
CGC: 4ND JUST WH4T K1ND OF L4W D1D YOU STUDY?  
CCA: uh  
CCA: maritime  
CCA: maritime laww  
CCA: yknoww legislacerators a the sea  
CGC: OH, 4 SUBM4R1N3 CH4S3R, 3H?  
CGC: Y34H, BULLSH1T  
PCC: )(ey --Eridan!  
CCA: wwhat  
PCC: You know )(ow I know you're not a R-E-EL Legislacerator?  
CCA: howw  
PCC: Because you never passed t)(e SANDBAR!!!  
CGC: UUUUUUUUGH  
CGC: TH4T 1S HORR1BL3  
FCT: D --> What, no  
FCT: D --> That was an e%cellent joke  
FCT: D --> And you will all laugh this instant  
CGC: UH  
CGC: WH4T  
FCT: D --> HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION WILL HAVE LAUGHTER IN THIS COURTBLOCK  
FCT: D --> IF EVERYONE DOES NOT LAUGH, SHE WILL CULL THIS ENTIRE COURTBLOCK, SHE SWEARS TO GOD  
FCT: D --> HAS SHE MADE HERSELF PERFE%LY CLEAR  
CGC: >8o  
FCT: D --> LAUGH  
CGC: UH  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CCA: haha  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a!!! 38D  
FCT: D --> E%cellent  
FCT: D --> Er, anyway  
FCT: D --> Plaintiff, you have yet to call a witness  
CGC: 3R, Y34H, SORRY  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, TH3 PROS3CUT1ON C4LLS 3R1D4N 4MPOR4 TO TH3 ST4ND  
[CCA:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf745IUAAkw) *ca saunters up to the wwitness stand like a fuckin boss*  
CCA: alright landdwweller swwear me in already  
FCT: D --> Ok  
FCT: D --> Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Her Imperious Condescension  
CCA: yeah sure wwhy not  
FCT: D --> Um  
FCT: D --> Is that an a%eptable answer  
CCA: look i answwered in the fuckin affirmativve ok  
CCA: can wwe please just begin the fuckin examination here  
FCT: D --> Fine  
CGC: 4LR1GHT  
CGC: M1ST3R 4MPOR4, PL34S3 T3LL TH3 COURT WH3R3 YOU W3R3 FOURT33N HOURS 4GO  
CCA: i wwas at my hivve on lowwaa  
CGC: 4ND JUST WH4T W3R3 YOU DO1NG?  
CCA: yknoww the usual  
CCA: drinkin a little faygo  
CCA: killin wwhatevver underlings an angels that happened to get up in my business like theyre fuckin auditorturers  
CGC: 1 S33  
CGC: 4ND JUST WH4T H4PP3N3D 1N TH3 HOURS FOLLOW1NG?  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: i just so happened to havve a convversation wwith nep  
CCA: an wwe got into quite a heated argument  
CGC: 1NT3R3ST1NG  
CGC: WOULD YOU H4PP3N TO H4V3 A TR4NSCR1PT OF TH4T CONV3RS4T1ON?  
CCA: as a matter a fact i do  
CCA: id be perfectly wwillin to submit it as evvidence  
PCC: Send it to M--E first!!!  
PCC: I'll determine if it's appropriate for public consumption or not!  
CCA: yeah ok fine  
\-- CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] sent PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] the file "agloriousfuckinthinghappenedthisday.txt" --  
PCC: 38O  
PCC: O)( my COD no!!!  
PCC: I'm saury, but t)(is w)(ole t)(ing is COMPL--ET--ELY inadmissible!!  
CCA: awwww fuck  
CGC: W3LL, WH4T W4S TH3 4RGUM3NT 4BOUT?  
CCA: a little bit about recent evvents  
CCA: but mostly ideological differences  
CCA: anywway wwhat the convversation wwas about wwasnt really the important part  
CCA: the most pertinent bit wwas the endin  
CCA: she threatened some pretty grievvous fuckin bodily harm upon me and signed off wwith a threat to sea me soon  
CGC: 4ND WH4T H4PP3N3D 4FT3R TH4T?  
CCA: wwell just about fifteen minutes later she made good on her threat  
CCA: she burst into my hivve an fuckin attacked me  
CCA: it wwas a pretty fierce fuckin struggle betwween the twwo of us  
CCA: lasted nearly twwo hours by my wwatch  
CGC: 1 S33  
CGC: SO TH3 TWO OF YOU FOUGHT  
CGC: 4ND TH3N WH4T?  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: after that she just left  
CCA: just lost interest or somethin i dont knoww  
CGC: HMMMM  
CGC: 4ND DO YOU H4V3 4NY 3V1D3NC3 TH4T SH3 4TT4CK3D YOU?  
CCA: you wwant fuckin evvidence  
CCA: i got the scars here to provve it  
CCA: hey condy havve a ticket to the gun showw  
\-- CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] sent PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] the file "battlescars.jpg" --  
PCC: O)( wow, okay!  
PCC: I GU-ESS t)(is is admissible.  
CCA: alright ladies an gentlemen  
CCA: feast your eyes on exhibit fuckin a  
CCA: *ca lifts his shirt revvealin his impressivvely broad chest is covvered in a thick layer of fresh battle scars*  
\-- CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] uploaded file "battlescars.jpg" to memo --  
FCT: D --> Oh dear  
CGC: >8D  
CGC: WH4T 4 D3L1C1OUS COLL3CT1ON OF GR4P3 SC4RS YOUV3 4CCRU3D TH3R3 M1ST3R 4MPOR4  
CGC: BUT 1S TH4T 4 H1NT OF OL1V3 1 D3T3CT?  
CCA: no its not a hint  
CCA: its wway more than a fuckin hint  
CCA: its pretty much the official fuckin strategy guide of olivve your detectin there plaintiff  
PCC: A strategy guide wit)( ILLUSTRATIONS, apparently!  
PCC: Correct me if I'm wrong, but are t)(ose...  
PCC: Are t)(ose little comics?  
CCA: yeah they are  
CCA: i dont knoww if you can make it out but she dreww all these little pictures on me wwith all sorts a flatterin things to say  
CCA: right there in the middles one callin me a cr33py idiot douche  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!!  
CGC: DO YOU F1ND SOM3TH1NG 4MUS1NG 4BOUT TH1S MOST H31NOUS CR1M3 SC3N3, POUNC3LLOR?  
CAC: :33 < yes i do!  
CAC: :33 < i agr33 wholeheartedly with the assessments of mister ampurras character purrsented therein  
CAC: :33 < and i highly commend whoefur drew them  
CAC: :33 < beclaws it defurnitely wasnt me  
CCA: oh wwhat EVVER nep dont evven deny you wwere there  
PCC: )(----EY!!!  
PCC: Stand down, bot)( of you!  
PCC: Save your carping for t)(e cross-examination!  
FCT: D --> Uh  
FCT: D --> The what  
PCC: You know, t)(e CROSS---EXAMINATION!  
PCC: T)(e port w)(ere t)(e defindant gets a c)(ance to ask questions aboat t)(e witness' testimony???  
CGC: UM  
CGC: TH4TS NOT 4CTU4LLY 4 TH1NG TH4T H4PP3NS  
PCC: Y----ES IT IS B----ECAUS----E I GLUBBING SAID IT IS!!!!! >38O  
CGC: OK4Y OK4Y F1N3!!!  
CGC: 1 GU3SS TH4T WOULD M4K3 TH1NGS MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG 4NYW4Y  
PCC: ---EXACTLY!  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 1 H4V3 NO FURTH3R QU3ST1ONS, YOUR 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON  
PCC: Ferry w)(ale t)(en!  
PCC: Bailiff, if you would.  
FCT: D --> Ah, of course  
FCT: D --> Defendant, you may begin your %-e%amination  
[CAC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4CKM54oOcc) :33 < excellent!  
CAC: :33 < *ac marches up to the witness stand and eyes ca warily*  
CAC: :33 < so, mister ampurra  
CAC: :33 < you say i entered your hive and attacked you, correct?  
CCA: yeah wwhat of it  
CAC: :33 < well, do you have any purroof i was there?  
CCA: are you fuckin kiddin me nep  
CCA: my chest is covvered in fuckin scars an goofy scribbles done wwith your owwn fuckin blood  
CAC: :33 < HOLD IT!  
CAC: :33 < my blood, you say?  
CCA: wwell yeah  
CCA: you got your olivve fuckin swwill all ovver me  
CCA: shits pretty much self evvident  
CAC: :33 < OBJECTION!  
CAC: :33 < the picture shows you cofured in olive liquid, certainly  
CAC: :33 < but how do we know its blood?  
CCA: wwell  
CAC: :33 < fur all we know, it could simply be olive paint!  
CCA: wwhat  
CCA: nep are you honestly fuckin suggestin i faked this  
CAC: :33 < im saying its a pawssibility!  
CCA: no this is idiotic  
CCA: wwhat possible fuckin reason could i havve for tryin to frame you for attempted murder  
CAC: :33 < mister ampurra did you efur stop to consider that maybe the reason is beclaws youre a cr33py idiot douche??????  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a!!!  
CGC: OBJ3CT1ON!  
CGC: YOUR 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON, TH3 D3F3ND4NT 1S QU1T3 CL34RLY MUSKB34ST1NG TH3 W1TN3SS  
PCC: Okay, okay, sustained.  
PCC: Defindant, PL-EAS-E reefrain from personal attacks against t)(e witness.  
CAC: :33 < but thats not fair!  
PCC: W)(y not??  
CCA: yeah nep  
CCA: just wwhy is that not fair  
CCA: wwhy dont you just tell evverybody wwhy its not fair that you dont get to insult me  
CAC: :33 < ugh, shut up!  
CAC: :33 < so what do you say, ampurra?  
CAC: :33 < do you have any purroof that its blood?  
CGC: *GC S1GN4LS H1M NOT TO 4NSW3R TH3 QU3ST1ON*  
CCA: *ca signals her back wwhy the fuck not*  
CGC: *GC S1GN4LS H1M B4CK B3C4US3 1TLL B3 MOR3 DR4M4T1C 1F W3 G3T B4CK TO 1T L4T3R*  
CGC: *1TS 4 V3RY CONVOLUT3D S1GN4L*  
CCA: *ca signals back yeah ok fine*  
CCA: sorry im invvokin that thing wwhere you dont havve to answwer the question  
CGC: WOW 3R1D4N  
CGC: 4LL YOUR FORM4L TR41N1NG 1N L4W 1S R34LLY SHOW1NG  
CCA: shut up i just dont knoww wwhat its called ok  
CAC: :33 < so you dont have any purroof then?  
CCA: not immediately  
CCA: but wwevve got evvidence a the wwhole fuckin crime nep  
CCA: hell fef evven got the wwhole thing on vvideo  
CAC: :33 < and yet none of that is admissible, is it?  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: no  
CCA: but only because itd givve too much awway  
CCA: and wwheres the fun in that  
CAC: :33 < yes, yes, whatefur  
CAC: :33 < no further questions  
FCT: D --> Ok  
FCT: D --> Witness, you are e%cused  
CCA: excused  
CCA: wwhat did i ask to use the hygieneblock or somethin  
FCT: D --> What  
CCA: im just sayin i dont get wwhat im bein EXCUSED for here  
FCT: D --> It's merely an e%pression, you f001  
FCT: D --> Now just e%it the witness stand  
CCA: ok ok FINE  
CCA: EXCUUUUUUUSE ME for askin a feww simple fuckin questions  
CCA: oh hey i guess thats wwhat im bein excused for huh  
CAC: :33 < eridan just shut up and get out of the witness stand!!!  
CCA: IM GOIN fuck  
CCA: *ca vvacates the wwitness stand and flips the bird to the defendant on his wway back to his seat*  
CAC: :33 < *ac returns the rude gesture in kind!!*  
[PCC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0u5oLwTYzE) Yes, yes, ANYWAV---E!  
PCC: Plaintiff, cull your next witness!  
PCC: I mean call.  
FCT: D --> Are you sure you don't mean cull  
FCT: D --> Because that would be perfe%ly a%eptable  
PCC: )(a)(a, I'm W)(AL--E AWAR--E of t)(at!!  
PCC: But Y--ES, I meant call!  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 22 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCG: OH SHIT, IT'S SURPRISE WITNESS KARKAT VANTAS!!!  
PCG: AND HE HAS UNDENIABLE EVIDENCE THAT THIS ENTIRE TRIAL IS A MASSIVE WASTE OF TIME AND ENERGY, AND THAT THE PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR IT IS A HORRIBLE PSYCHOPATH AND COMPLETELY AWFUL PERSON IN GENERAL.  
PCG: THE EVIDENCE IS THIS ENTIRE FUCKING MEMO.  
CGC: C4N 1 S33 YOUR W4RR4NT FOR OBT41N1NG TH1S 3V1D3NC3, M1ST3R V4NT4S?  
PCG: OH, YOU WANT A WARRANT?  
PCG: I'VE GOT A FUCKING WARRANT FOR YOU, ALRIGHT.  
PCG: HANG ON, LET ME JUST PULL DOWN MY PANTS.  
CGC: BL4R NO!!!  
CGC: 1M SORRY M1ST3R V4NT4S  
CGC: BUT 1M 4FR41D TH1S 3V1D3NC3 W4S D1SCOV3R3D V14 4N 1LL3G4L S34RCH 4ND S31ZUR3 4ND 1S TH3R3FOR3 1N4DM1SS1BL3  
PCG: NO, WHAT'S APPARENTLY INADMISSIBLE IS THAT I AM BETTER AND SMARTER THAN YOU IN EVERY WAY.  
CGC: TH4TS NOT WH4T 1N4DM1SS1BL3 M34NS, YOU STUT1D FUCK4SS  
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < terezi stop doing that!!!! 33:<  
CGC: WH4T DO YOU W4NT M3 TO DO N3P3T4  
CGC: JUST B4N H1M W1THOUT 4 WORD?  
CAC: :33 < i want you to not ban him at all!  
CGC: 4LL H3S GO1NG TO DO 1S R4NT 4BOUT WH4T 4 W4ST3 OF T1M3 TH1S 1S  
CGC: DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TH4T?  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < no, not really  
CGC: 4LR1GHT TH3N  
CGC: 1F 1 M4Y CONT1NU3  
CGC: TH3 PROS3CUT1ON C4LLS ON3 K4N4Y4 M4RY4M TO TH3 ST4ND  
FUTURE grimAuxiliatrix [FGA] 6 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
[FGA:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQI87u_8lQo) Um  
FGA: Seriously  
CGC: Y3S S3R1OUSLY!  
CGC: YOUR 3XP3RT1S3 W1LL B3 V1T4L 1N BR1NG1NG M1SS L31JON TO JUST1C3  
FGA: Yes About That  
FGA: Im Still A Little Skeptical About This Whole Attempted Murder Thing  
CCA: kan howw can you possibly be skeptical about this  
CCA: youvve seen the fuckin injuries inflicted upon me  
CCA: its pretty fuckin obvvious that neps the perpetrator here  
FGA: Thats True I Guess  
FGA: But That Doesnt Necessarily Mean Murder Is What Was Being Attempted Here  
FGA: Theres Another Perfectly Rational Explanation For It  
CAC: :33 < yes there is!  
CAC: :33 < pawbviously mister ampurra fabricated all this so-called evidence in an attempt to furame me!  
CAC: :33 < that is clearly whats going on here  
FGA: What No  
FGA: Thats Not What I  
FGA: Urrgh Okay Fine Ill Humor This Nonsensical Trial Scenario For Now  
CGC: W3LL TH3N PL34S3 4PPRO4CH TH3 ST4ND, M1SS M4RY4M  
FGA: Do I Seriously Have To Roleplay  
PCC: Y-----ES!!!  
PCC: It's an IMP--ERIOUS D--ECR--E--E!!  
FGA: Fine  
FGA: *Ga Enters The Witness Booth With A Beleaguered Sigh*  
FCT: D --> Miss Maryam  
FCT: D --> Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Her Imperious Condescension  
FGA: I Do  
FCT: D --> E%cellent  
FCT: D --> Plaintiff, you may proceed  
CGC: V3RY W3LL  
CGC: M1SS M4RY4M, DO3S TH3 FOLLOW1NG CO4T LOOK F4M1L14R TO YOU?  
CGC: (4LCH3M1Z3 TH1S: RaTRaTYG)  
FGA: (Okay)  
FGA: Oh  
FGA: Oh My God  
FGA: What Is  
FGA: My  
FGA: My Poor Innocent Peacoat  
FGA: What Kind Of Monster Would Do Such A Thing  
CGC: M1SS M4RY4M  
CGC: 1 KNOW TH1S MUST B3 H4RD FOR YOU  
CGC: BUT PL34S3  
CGC: 1 N33D YOU TO T3LL TH3 COURT 3V3RYTH1NG YOU KNOW 4BOUT TH1S CO4T  
CGC: C4N YOU DO TH4T FOR M3?  
FGA: Yes Just  
FGA: Give Me A Moment To Compose Myself  
CGC: FOR J3GUS S4K3, COULD SOM3ON3 G1V3 TH1S WOM4N 4 T1SSU3 OR SOM3TH1NG  
FCT: D --> *The Archeradicator e%peditiously offers the emotional witness a fresh towel*  
FGA: Ah Thank You Equius  
FGA: Er I Mean  
FGA: (Whats Your Characters Name Again)  
PCC: (It's DARKL--E--ER!)  
FGA: (Oh Thats Right)  
FGA: (You Know I Just Have To Wonder Where You Heard That Name)  
PCC: (I read a lot of books, okay??)  
FGA: (Books)  
FGA: (Any Journals Perhaps)  
PCC: (A F--EW, maybe!)  
PCC: (W)(y do you ask?)  
FGA: (No Reason)  
PCC: (38?)  
FGA: Anyway Thank You Mister Darkleer  
FGA: *Ga Gently Dabs The Tears From Her Eyes With The Supplied Towel*  
FGA: Okay  
FGA: I Made This Peacoat For Mister Amporra Roughly A Day Ago  
CGC: ROUGHLY 4 D4Y?  
FGA: I Dont Remember Exactly How Long Ago  
FGA: But It Was More Than Fourteen Hours If Thats What Youre Asking  
CGC: Y3S 1T W4S, TH4NK YOU  
CCA: by the wway thanks again for the coat kan its fuckin amazing  
CCA: or at least it wwas until it wwas so callously defaced  
FGA: Of Course Eridan Youre Quite Welcome  
FGA: Did You Happen To Save The Captchalogue Code For It  
CCA: yeah i already made myself a neww one  
CCA: but hey all you cretins in the gallery fondly regard this peacoat an tell me it isnt fuckin fantastic  
CCA: (ByBaCyOM)  
CGC: 1TS QU1T3 3XQU1S1T3  
[PCC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1iCz1YX1WQ) ...---E)(.  
FGA: What  
PCC: I kind of like t)(e slas)(ed-up version betta, )(onestly!  
FGA: You What  
PCC: I mean, it's a lot more COLORFUL, at least!  
PCC: T)(e proper version just seems kind of... PLAIN. 38/  
FGA: Its Understated  
PCC: More like UND--ERW)(--ELMING!  
FGA: Sometimes Less Is More  
FGA: Not That I Would Expect You Of All People To Understand That  
PCC: >38O  
PCC: And just w)(at is T)(AT supposed to mean????  
PCC: Was t)(at a FAT JOK-----E???????  
PCC: For t)(e last time, it's ALL MUSS----EL!!!!  
PCC: --Er, carp, I mean MUSCL----E!!!!  
FCT: D --> Er  
FCT: D --> What  
PCC: I mean, COM---E ON!  
PCC: Do you )(ON----ESTLY expect a lady to live under A HUNDR--ED T)(OUSAND pounds of pressure for SW--E--EPS and not develop a little MUSCULATUR----E???  
CCA: its true fefs pretty much strong as fuck  
CCA: like she literally drags wwhale carcasses around the ocean on her fuckin lonesome its absurd  
FCT: D --> Hrk  
FCT: D --> Seriously  
PCC: Y----EP! 38D  
FCT: D --> Oh wow  
FCT: D --> I think  
FCT: D --> I'm going to require more towels  
FGA: Dont Muscles Usually Have A Little More Definition  
FGA: Or Am I Just Wrong About That  
PCC: IT'S A S--EADW--ELL--ER T)(ING!!!  
PCC: It'd be a little MALADAPTIV--E if we got covered in all t)(ese bulging veins and mussels!  
PCC: So it's all SL--E--EK, like a dolp)(in!  
FGA: More Like An Orca  
PCC: >38O  
PCC: AND JUST W)(O AR--E YOU to question MY p)(ysical fitness, )(u)(???  
PCC: You must )(ave a R--E--ELY STR--ENUOUS daily regimen of )(aking clot)(es and reading tras)(y romance novels!  
FGA: They Arent Trashy  
PCC: Y----ES T)(----EY AR----E!!!!!  
FGA: Theyre Not Any Trashier Than That Skirt Youre Always Wearing  
PCC: >38O!!!!  
FCT: D --> Ok, 100k  
FCT: D --> I tr001y hope this doesn't come off as an ashen solicitation  
FCT: D --> But I believe you two should conc100de this petty quarreling  
PCC: W)(ale, S)(--E started it!!  
FGA: I Did No Such Thing  
FGA: It Was Your Little Remark About My Peacoat That Incited This Whole Incident  
PCC: I was just --EXPR--ESSING an OPINION on it!!!  
PCC: Or am I not ALLOW---ED to do t)(at anymoray????  
FGA: Look Miss Peixes  
FGA: I Have Borne The Thousand Injuries Of Your Treacherous Improprieties To The Best Of My Ability  
FGA: But When You Venture Upon Insulting My Fashion Sense I Can Do Naught But Vow Revenge  
PCC: "Treac)(erous improprieties????"  
PCC: W)(at in COD'S NAM---E are you GLUBBING aboat????  
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 8 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAG: Guys, guys, please!!!!!!!!  
PAG: As much as it pains me that I've actually found reason to say this, you should reeeeeeeeally listen to Equius!!!!!!!!  
PAG: All this fighting is getting us nowhere!!!!!!!!  
PAG: So let's all just t8ke a deeeeeeeep 8reath and calm down 8efore someone says something they regret, okay????????  
CGC: WOW  
CGC: 1T SUDD3NLY SM3LLS V3RY 4SH3N 1N TH1S COURTBLOCK  
PAG: Man, Terezi, do not even start on me!!!!!!!!  
PAG: I'm not even gonna try to auspisticize for my m8sprit, that's ta8oo as all fuck.  
FGA: Not To Mention A Little Counterintuitive  
FGA: The Whole Point Of An Auspistice Is To Be An Impartial Arbitrator  
FGA: Its Kind Of Hard To Treat Both Parties Equally After Youve Declared Your Unconditional Love For One Of Them Dont You Think  
CGC: 1 DONT KNOW  
CGC: 1 TH1NK SH3 M1GHT B3 4BL3 TO PULL 1T OFF  
CGC: JUST FOR TH3 TWO OF YOU >8]  
PCC: Just w)(at are you IMPLYING )(ere, Terezi?????  
CGC: H3H3H3, NOTH1NG  
PAG: Terezi, you honestly have no idea what you're talking a8out.  
PAG: Seriously, auspisticizing 8etween these two is like the exact opposite of what I want to do.  
FGA: Um  
FGA: Thats Kind Of A Strange Way Of Phrasing That  
PAG: Look, what I mean is, I'm not gonna try to m8ke you guys get along and 8e perfect friends forever.  
PAG: Hell, I don't even have a pro8lem with you two arguing!  
PAG: Frankly, I think it's kind of fucking awesome when you two take the gru8 gloves off and lay into some8ody with some hardcore sass.  
PAG: And may8e more than a little hot........  
FGA: What  
PCC: >38O  
PCC: You betta not be P----ERCOLATING over t)(ere, Miss Serket!!!!  
PAG: I'm not, I'm not!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Look, all I'm trying to say here is that this ONE PARTICULAR ARGUMENT has taken a very dark turn, and you should 8oth drop it 8efore one of you says something unforgiva8ly stupid.  
PAG: And if that counts as an ashen tryst or something stupid like that, then all I can do is apologize and assure you I have a8solutely no interest in m8king it a permanent thing.  
PAG: If you're looking for a long-term medi8or, look somewhere else.  
PAG: Hell, Equius is apparently interested, talk to him.  
FCT: D --> What  
FCT: D --> No, abso100tely not  
FCT: D --> I am udderly a100f at the thought of mediating between the two of you  
PAG: Oh reeeeeeeeally????????  
PAG: And just why is that, Equius????????  
FCT: D --> I'd  
FCT: D --> Rather not say  
PAG: Could you 8e interested in........ another quadrant with one of these fine l8dies, perhaps????????  
FCT: D --> That is  
FCT: D --> A distin% possibility  
[PCC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKt7AaBApAY) 38O  
PCC: R--E--ELY???  
PCC: And just W)(AT quadrant might T)(AT be, ----Equius???  
FCT: D --> I stated it was a possibility  
FCT: D --> I shan't e100cidate further  
PAG: Well, unless he fucked things up with Nepeta, he's pro8a8ly not looking for a new moirail.  
CAC: :33 < of course he didnt!!  
FCT: D --> A tr001y startling dedu%ion, Miss Serket  
FCT: D --> Were you an Investigarotter in a past life, perhaps  
PAG: Whoa, Equius 8ringing out the 8ig guns!  
PAG: I thought humorous insincerity was for pedantic wigglers.  
FCT: D --> I have recently found good cause to reeva100ate my opinions on several topi%  
FCT: D --> The rhetorical device of sarcasm among them  
PCC: W)(ale, if it's not as)(en, and it's not pale...  
PCC: Could it be... FLUS)(----ED???  
FCT: D --> I will only reiterate what I've stated before  
FCT: D --> It is a distin% possibility  
PCC: Are you being KOI wit)( me, Mister Za)()(ak???  
FCT: D --> I simply find it pertinent to withhold this information  
FCT: D --> It's shellfish of me, I reelize  
PCC: 38D  
PCC: You're acting pretty PUNNY rig)(t now, --Equius!  
FCT: D --> On the conchrary  
FCT: D --> My indulgence in puns is a perfe%ly reg001ar occurents  
PCC: W)(ale, maybe it's just M--E, but seaing t)(is tide of you is a rare...  
PCC: OPP---ERC)(TUNATY.  
FCT: D --> Ha  
FCT: D --> Is that tr001y what you bereef  
PCC: Just a DAB, yes!  
FCT: D --> I sea  
FCT: D --> That's  
FCT: D --> Unfor-tuna-te  
PCC: )(a)(a, yea)(, it R-E-ELY is!  
FCT: D --> Do you, perhaps, fish to sea  
FCT: D --> Moray of this tide of me  
PCC: 38O  
PCC: W)(ale, maybe I DO, Mister Za)()(ak!  
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 22 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: okay...  
FTA: what the FUCK ii2 goiing on here???  
[FCT:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDszIvPRczo) D --> Oh god  
FTA: liike, are you two 2eriiou2ly fuckiing fliirtiing wiith each other?  
PCC: Sollux, PL--EAS--E!  
PCC: We were just )(aving a frondly CONC)(V--ERSATION, t)(at's all!  
FCT: D --> Er  
FCT: D --> Yes, that's it e%actly  
FTA: really?  
FTA: becau2e iit look2 two me liike you two were confe22iing your undyiing love for each other.  
FTA: that moment you two ju2t 2hared wa2 2o fuckiing tender, ii triied to pull iit out of the crock pot and it ju2t fell off the chiitiin.  
CAC: :33 < guys, can we please stop with the meat metafurs??  
CAC: :33 < i just ate and now im hungry again  
FTA: hone2tly, eq, what the fuck?  
FTA: ii2 iit hone2tly not enough that you took aa and crammed her iintwo a fuckiing 2moochbot?  
FTA: are you ju2t not goiing two be 2atii2fiied untiil you've iinducted every giirl ii've ever 2poken two iintwo your per2onal fuckiing harem?  
FCT: D --> I  
FCT: D --> No, you misunderstand  
FTA: ii'm not 2tupiid, eq.  
FTA: you're beiing way le22 of an uptiight a22hole wiith ff than you are wiith liiterally everybody el2e.  
FTA: what other po22iible rea2on could you have for puttiing on thii2 fuckiing fii2h pun miin2trel 2how wiith her?  
FTA: and ff, why the fuck are you playiing along?  
FTA: do you 2eriiou2ly want two be thi2 2hiithead'2 mate2priit?  
PCC: UG)(, Sollux, it's NOT GLUBBING PIK---E T)(AT!!!  
PCC: We're just TALKING, prawnestly!  
FGA: Im Somewhat Inclined To Agree With Mister Captors Assessment  
FGA: If Thats Your Idea Of Just Talking Then I Have To Wonder What Youre Like When Youre Actually Flirting  
FGA: Im Picturing Some Sort Of Ultramassive All Consuming Singularity Of Coquettishness Here And Its Kind Of Terrifying Me  
PCC: >38O  
PCC: IS T)(AT ANOT)(----ER FAT JOK----E?????  
FGA: It Wasnt Intended As Such At The Outset  
FGA: But In Retrospect Thats A Stunningly Apropos Interpretation  
FGA: So Yes  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
PCC: >38/  
PAG: Er, I mean........  
PAG: Guys, don't start fighting again!!!!!!!!  
FTA: vk, maybe you 2hould 2tay the fuck out of thii2.  
PAG: Okay, Sollux, what the hell are you getting mad at me for????????  
PAG: I'm not even involved here!!!!!!!!  
FTA: look, iif iit were ju2t eq fliirtiing wiith ff, that'd be one thiing...  
FTA: but thii2 ii2 all on top of you fliirtiing wiith her two.  
FTA: liike, what the fuck, you already have a mate2priit.  
PAG: Whaaaaaaaat????????  
PAG: Slow the fuck down here, Captor, since WHEN am I flirting with your little girlfriend????????  
FTA: don't play dumb wiith me, vk.  
FTA: ii know thii2 whole thiing wiith you and ff ii2 ju2t a ru2e two pii22 me off enough two become your kii2me2ii2.  
FTA: well, gue22 what? ii'm not falliing for iit.  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, wow, you're completely delusional.  
PAG: I'm not flirting with Feferi, idi8.  
PCC: Y---EA)(, Sollux, prawnestly!  
PCC: We're just FRONDS, t)(at's all!!!  
FTA: bull2hiit.  
PAG: And even if I or Equius or any other troll out there is flirting with her, what difference does it m8ke to you????????  
PAG: You can 8e vacill8ory redfriends with her all you want, 8ut it doesn't give you fucking squatter's rights over her quadrants!!!!!!!!  
PAG: If you like it so much, then put a fucking ring on it!!!!!!!!  
PCC: Vriska, can we PL--EAS--E not talk aboat t)(is right now???  
PAG: Yeah, whatever, I'm just saying.  
FTA: vk, ju2t don't fuckiing 2tart.  
FTA: ii'm not beiing po22e22iive here, okay?  
FTA: a2 far a2 ii'm concerned, ff can fliirt wiith whoever the fuck 2he want2.  
FTA: a2 long a2 iit ii2n't eiither of you two blueblood a22hole2.  
FTA: or ed, for that matter.  
CCA: man wwhat the fuck  
CCA: i havvent evven said anything givve me a fuckin break  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!! X33  
CAC: :33 < anyway, sollux, im not even going to bother asking what you think is so bad about vwiskers  
CAC: :33 < but whats your purroblem with equius??  
FTA: what'2 my problem wiith hiim?  
FTA: he'2 a 2weaty eliitii2t ba2tard who ruiins everythiing he touche2, that'2 my problem wiith hiim.  
CGC: RU1NS 3V3RYTH1NG H3 TOUCH3S?  
CGC: 4ND JUST WH4T 1S TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N?  
FTA: you know exactly what ii mean, tz.  
CGC: Y3S 1 DO  
CGC: 4ND 1 TH1NK 1TS K1ND OF 4 R34LLY SH1TTY TH1NG TO S4Y >8[  
FTA: 2eriiou2ly, tz?  
FTA: you're takiing hii2 2iide over miine?  
[CGC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmUNXjzmRGk) 1M NOT T4K1NG 4NYBODYS S1D3!!!!  
CGC: LOOK  
CGC: YOUR3 ST1LL MY FR13ND SOLLUX  
CGC: BUT R3C3NTLY YOUV3 B33N M4K1NG 1T 1NCR34S1NGLY H4RD TO T4K3 YOUR S1D3 ON TH1NGS L1K3 TH1S  
CGC: L1K3  
CGC: YOU K33P FR34K1NG OUT 4T P3OPL3 ON TH3S3 M3MOS WH3N3V3R TH3Y T4LK TO F3F3R1 4T 4LL  
CGC: 1 M34N 1 R3SP3CT YOUR NOT W4NT1NG TO RUSH 1NTO 4 QU4DR4NT W1TH H3R 4ND 4LL TH4T  
CGC: BUT YOU C4NT B3 4LL W31RD 4ND D3F3NS1V3 4BOUT 1T 4T TH3 S4M3 T1M3  
CGC: SO M4YB3 C4LM TH3 FUCK DOWN 4 L1TTL3  
PCC: Yea)(, Sollux, you s)(oald R--E--ELY listen to Terezi )(ere.  
FTA: well...  
FTA: you're riight, ii gue22.  
FTA: ii don't really have any riight two be 2uch a 2paz about thii2.  
FTA: 2o whatever, keep doiing your thiing.  
FTA: ugh, ii 2hould probably ju2t get off thii2 memo.  
PCC: You don't )(AV--E to go, Sollux!  
FTA: no, ii kiind of do.  
FTA: iif ii 2tiick around, ii'm probably ju2t goiing two 2et off another 2tupiid dramabomb anyway.  
PAG: Oh, 8ut what could poooooooossi8ly cause you to do such a terri8le thing, Soooooooolluuuuuuuux????????  
FTA: fuck off.  
PCC: 38P  
FTA: anyway, ii'm out.  
FTA: have fun, ff. <3  
PCC: U)(, yea)(, of course! <3  
FTA ceased responding to memo.  
PCC: )(rm...  
FCT: D --> 100k  
FCT: D --> Maybe I should depart  
PCC: O)( NO you don't, Darkleer!  
PCC: You stay RIG)(T T)(----ER----E!!!  
[FCT:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0u5oLwTYzE) D --> Hrk  
FCT: D --> Yes ma'am  
PCC: We )(ave a TRIAL to conduct!  
PCC: W)(at were we even glubbing aboat before t)(is w)(ole big w)(irlpool of drama anyway???  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 8 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCG: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ALL THE THINGS WE COULD POSSIBLY BE DOING THAT WOULD BE A MORE PRODUCTIVE USE OF OUR TIME THAN POSTING ON THIS IDIOTIC FUCKING MEMO.  
PCG: OH WAIT, IT'S ALL OF THE THINGS.  
PCG: THERE'S A CERTAIN SENTENCE FRAGMENT THAT COULD GO AFTER THAT ONE, BUT FUCK YOU, I'M NOT TYPING IT.  
CGC: UGH  
CGC: SO M4NY P4ST K4RK4TS  
CGC: WH3R3 4R3 4LL TH3 FUTUR3 K4RK4TS, 4NYW4Y?  
CGC: C4N 1 4T L34ST H4V3 4 L1TTL3 V4R13TY 1N WHO 1M B4NN1NG?  
FGA: Actually Terezi If You Could Stand Leaving Karkat Unbanned For A Moment Id Like To Speak To Him  
CGC: UM  
CGC: OK4Y  
FGA: Karkat  
PCG: KANAYA, I SERIOUSLY CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE ARE PLAYING ALONG WITH THIS PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SACK OF HOOFBEAST DROPPINGS.  
PCG: I GET THAT YOU'RE THEIR AUSPISTICE AND ALL, BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE TEREZI THE RIGHT TO ROPE YOU INTO HER AWFUL ROLEPLAYING GARBAGE.  
[FGA:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4CdwtruOV4) Look Karkat  
FGA: I Understand Completely Why Youre Angry At Terezi Right Now  
FGA: And Youre Perfectly Within Your Rights To Be Upset With Her  
FGA: But I Really Think You Shouldnt Keep Posting These Little Disparaging Remarks On Her Memo  
PCG: WHY THE FUCK NOT.  
FGA: Because Its Not Really Helping Anything  
FGA: With You Or Her Or Anyone For That Matter  
FGA: Its Obvious That Youre Not Getting Any Sort Of Catharsis Out Of It  
FGA: So All Youre Really Doing Is Getting Yourself Even More Worked Up About The Whole Thing And Just Making Things Harder On Yourself  
FGA: Honestly I Think What You Should Do Is Stop Dwelling On What Happened Between You Two And Focus On Something Else Entirely  
PCG: WELL  
PCG: FUCK.  
PCG: KANAYA, STOP BEING RIGHT ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING.  
FGA: Sorry  
PCG: I'LL LET IT SLIDE THIS TIME.  
PCG: ANYWAY, I GUESS I'LL GIVE UP ON TROLLING THIS GODFORSAKEN MEMO.  
CGC: TH4NK J3GUS  
PCG: WELL, KEEP IN MIND THIS IS FROM MY TEMPORAL PERSPECTIVE.  
PCG: I'M PRETTY SURE I'M GOING TO RESPOND TO IT A FEW MORE TIMES FROM YOU GUYS' PERSPECTIVE.  
CGC: GOD D4MN1T  
CGC: K4RK4T WHY DO YOU H4V3 TO B3 SO T3RR1BL3  
PCG: HEY, WHOA, SLOW DOWN, ALRIGHT?  
PCG: THOSE ARE ALL PAST MES.  
PCG: I'LL FREELY ADMIT THEY'RE A BUNCH OF NOOK-SPELUNKING WIGGLERS, BUT DON'T EVEN TRY TO CONFLATE ME WITH THEM.  
FGA: So What Are You Going To Do Now  
PCG: I DON'T KNOW  
PCG: DO SOME QUESTS, MAYBE?  
FGA: Honestly I Think You Should Just Relax  
FGA: Sit Back And Watch A Movie Or Something While Partaking In Your Favorite Beverage  
FGA: I Dont Know That Much About Romantic Comedies But Might I Recommend That One Movie With Troll Ben Stiller And Troll Owen Wilson  
FGA: I Dont Remember The Title But Its An Affectionately Humorous Parody Of The Old Tv Series Trollsky And Hutch  
PCG: UM  
PCG: KANAYA, ARE YOU  
PCG: ARE YOU RECOMMENDING ME A PALE ROMANTIC COMEDY?  
FGA: Um  
FGA: That Was The Idea Yes  
FGA: But The Only Reason I Was Suggesting That Particular Genre Is Because I Figured That Given Recent Events It Wouldnt Really Help To Watch A Flushed One  
FGA: And I Fear A Black Or Ashen Romantic Comedy Would Simply Darken Your Spirits Further  
PCG: OH  
PCG: UH, YEAH  
PCG: THAT'S A PERFECTLY SENSIBLE EXPLANATION.  
FGA: Yes Exactly  
PCG: SO, UM  
PCG: I GUESS I'LL JUST GO DO THAT.  
CGC: Y3S, GO 4H34D, K4RKL3S  
CGC: 4ND ONC3 YOUR3 DON3 W1TH TH4T, WHY DONT YOU JUST WR1T3 US 4LL 4 R3PORT ON WH4T 1TS L1K3 TO NOT B3 4 G14NT 4SSHOL3 FOR ONC3  
PCG: OH, I ALREADY HAVE THE REPORT WRITTEN.  
PCG: IT'S ONLY TWO WORDS LONG, BUT I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO SUBMIT IT TO YOU.  
CGC: W3LL, H3R3S 4NOTH3R S3V3N YOU C4N 4DD  
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < terezi why did you do that!!!!  
CAC: :33 < he was already just about to leave!!!  
CGC: H3 W4S T4K1NG TOO LONG  
FGA: Terezi That Really Wasnt Necessary  
CGC: WOW, K4N4Y4  
CGC: YOU SUR3 DO C4R3 4BOUT K4RKL3S 4 LOT SUDD3NLY  
FGA: And Why Do You Care So Much About People Caring About Him Recently  
FGA: Does It Bother You Miss Pyrope  
CGC: 1M NOT TH3 ON3 ON TR14L H3R3!  
FGA: Well Neither Am I  
PCC: )(-----EY!!!!  
PCC: SP---EAKING of t)(e trial, can we PL---EAS---E get back to it now??  
CGC: OK4Y, SUR3  
PCC: W)(ale, w)(at were we talking aboat before?  
[FGA:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQI87u_8lQo) We Were Discussing The Damaged Peacoat Recovered From Mister Ampora  
FGA: Before Someone Derailed The Line Of Questioning With An Incredibly Rude Unsolicited Critique Of My Sense Of Fashion Design  
PCC: >38P  
PCC: FIN---E! Plaintiff, continue your questioning.  
CGC: V3RY W3LL  
CGC: M1SS M4RY4M, FOR TH3 S4K3 OF TH3  
CGC: L3SS V1SU4LLY 1NCL1N3D  
CGC: COULD YOU PL34S3 D3SCR1B3 TH3 D4M4G3 TO TH3 CO4T  
FGA: Okay  
FGA: The Coat Is Torn In Several Places  
FGA: With What Looks To Be Claws Specifically  
FGA: In Addition Its Stained Significantly With Troll Blood  
FGA: Both Violet And Olive  
FGA: The Violet Blood Specifically Is Located Around The Rips In The Coat Suggesting Mister Ampora Was Wearing It At The Time  
FGA: While The Olive Blood Appears In Randomly Scattered Drops Most Likely From The Wounds He Inflicted On His Assailant  
CGC: TH4NK YOU, M1SS M4RY4M  
CGC: BUT WH3N YOU S4Y CL4WS, DO YOU M34N TROLL CL4WS SP3C1F1C4LLY?  
FGA: Some Of The Rips Could Have Been Inflicted With A Set Of Trolls Natural Claws  
FGA: But Not All Of Them  
CGC: >8?  
CGC: PL34S3 3L4BOR4T3  
FGA: The Other Tears Are Too Clean Cut To Have Been Done By Hand  
FGA: They Seem To Have Been Inflicted With Some Kind Of Blade  
FGA: In Addition Most Of These Cleaner Cuts Seem To Appear In Parallel Sets Of Three Or Four  
CGC: SO  
CGC: TH3Y COULD H4V3 B33N 1NFL1CT3D W1TH 4 W34PON FROM THE CL4WK1ND SP3C1BUS?  
FGA: Thats The Most Likely Tool Yes  
CGC: 1 S33  
CGC: ON3 L4ST QU3ST1ON, M1SS M4RY4M  
CGC: D1D YOU, BY 4NY OTH3R CH4NC3, M4K3 4NY OTH3R N3W CLOTH3S R3C3NTLY?  
CAC: :33 < OBJECTION!!!  
CAC: :33 < how is that relevant to the matter at hand??  
PCC: )(mmm...  
PCC: Legislacerator, would you care to explain?  
CGC: SP3C1F1C4LLY 1 W1SH3D TO KNOW 1F SH3 CR34T3D 4N OUTF1T FOR TH3 D3F3ND4NT  
CGC: 1F SH3 D1D, TH3N TH3 OUTF1T 1N QU3ST1ON COULD, 1N T4ND3M W1TH V1D3O OR PHOTOGR4PH1C 3V1D3NC3, CORROBOR4T3 TH4T TH3 V1CT1M W4S 1N 4 G1V3N PL4C3 1N TH3 R3L3V4NT T1M3FR4M3  
PCC: I sea!  
PCC: In T)(AT case, OBJ---ECTION OV---ERRUL---ED!  
CAC: :33 < what!!!!  
PCC: SIL----ENC----E, Pouncellor!  
CAC: :33 < oh fine!  
PCC: Miss Maryam, please answer t)(e question.  
FGA: Of Course  
FGA: I Did Create An Outfit For Miss Leijon Recently  
FGA: This Lovely Little Midriff Bearing Ensemble Specifically  
FGA: NNDiCoaT  
CGC: 1 S33  
CGC: 4ND WH3N W4S TH1S CR34T3D?  
FGA: A Little Earlier Than The Peacoat  
FGA: It Was A Little Over A Day Ago I Think  
CGC: 1NT3R3ST1NG  
CGC: TH4NK YOU, M1SS M4RY4M  
FGA: Youre Quite Welcome Miss Pyrope  
CGC: NO FURTH3R QU3ST1ONS, YOUR 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON  
PCC: Ferry w)(ale!  
PCC: Darkleer, if you would.  
FCT: D --> Of horse  
FCT: D --> Er, course  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a!  
PCC: I t)(ink I like )(orse betta!  
FCT: D --> Oh  
FCT: D --> You appreciate hoofbeast puns, do you  
PCC: Y--ES, quite a bit!  
PCC: O)( )(---EY! T)(at was a tidally unintenc)(ional )(oofbeast pun rig)(t T)(--ER--E!  
FCT: D --> Haha, e%cellent  
FCT: D --> Well  
FCT: D --> If you filly want more hoofbeast puns  
FCT: D --> You would not find it at all difficolt to spur me into trotting out a few mare  
FCT: D --> It coltn't stirrup too much trouble to nag  
PCC: )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A!!!  
PCC: O)( COD, I can't BR---EAT)(--------E!!!!  
PCC: I )(ave TWO S--EPARAT--E R--ESPIRATORY SYST--EMS, and you've managed to t)(wart t)(em BOT)(!!!!!  
FGA: Hahaha  
FGA: Yes Equius A Very Impressive Showing  
FGA: Your Onslaught Of Hoofbeast Related Wordplay Never Fails To Amuse  
FCT: D --> Yes, thank you  
PAG: Oh my god.  
PAG: They are just stupid puns.  
PAG: What is wrong with you people????????  
PCC: SIL----ENC---------E!!!  
PCC: More like t)(ey are AW---ESOM---E puns from basically t)(e B---EST BAILIFF -----EV----ER.  
PAG: Well........ no accounting for t8ste, I guess.  
PCC: W)(AT---EV---ER!! >38P  
PCC: Can we PL--EAS--E just continue wit)( t)(e trial now???  
FCT: D --> Abso100tely  
FCT: D --> Defendant, you may now %-e%amine  
[CAC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RZXKt5N_Ho) :33 < of course!  
CAC: :33 < *ac calmly appurroaches the witness stand*  
CAC: :33 < miss maryam, you say this coat is stained with trolls blood, correct?  
FGA: Yes Thats Correct  
CAC: :33 < HOLD IT!  
CAC: :33 < how do you know its trolls blood spurrcifically?  
FGA: Um  
FGA: I Just Do  
CAC: :33 < did you do a chemical analysis?  
CAC: :33 < do you even have any training in criminal furensics??  
FGA: Well No But  
CAC: :33 < then how do you know???  
FGA: Well I  
FGA: I  
FGA: Tasted It  
PCC: W)(AT????  
PAG: Hahahahahahaha <3  
CAC: :33 < you tasted it??  
FGA: Well Troll Blood Has A Very Distinctive Taste  
FGA: It Varies From Person To Person  
FGA: But Every Individuals Blood Shares A Common Undertone  
CAC: :33 < it varies furom purrson to purrson, you say?  
FGA: Yes  
CAC: :33 < so you know its troll blood  
CAC: :33 < but you dont know if the olive blood is mine?  
FGA: Well  
FGA: Who Elses Blood Could It Be  
CAC: :33 < have you efur tasted my blood, miss maryam??  
FGA: Er  
FGA: No  
CAC: :33 < so you dont know its mine!  
FGA: I Guess Not  
FGA: But If Its Not Yours Then Whose Is It  
CAC: :33 < could it pawssibly be another trolls blood thats b33n treated to look olive?  
FGA: That Is A Possibility I Suppose  
FGA: But It Couldnt Be Eridans Blood If Thats What Youre Implying  
FGA: The Colors Are Too Different  
FGA: Not To Mention They Dont Taste Anywhere Near The Same  
CAC: :33 < so it would have to be a more similar color, like...  
CAC: :33 < teal, purrhaps???  
[CGC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jI_MxBDYPA) >8O!!!!  
FGA: Um  
FGA: I Suppose That Might Be Close enough  
CAC: :33 < or maybe he didnt n33d a similar color at all!  
CAC: :33 < he couldve just use his own blood and created a reasonable facsimile to olive blood through the pawers of punchcard alchemy!!  
FGA: Thats  
FGA: Also Possible I Guess  
CGC: OBJ3CT1ON!!!!!!  
CGC: YOUR 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON  
CGC: 1TS B3COM3 OBV1OUS TH4T M1SS L31JONS 1NT3NT1ONS TH1S 3V3N1NG 4R3 TO SM34R 4 ROY4L H1GHBLOOD 4ND 4 H1GHLY 3ST33M3D L3G1SL4C3R4TOR  
CGC: 1N TH3 D3SP3R4T3 HOP3 TH4T TH3 M3R3 4PP34R4NC3 OF 1MPROPR13TY W1LL W1N H3R PO1NTS W1TH YOU  
CGC: NOW 1T 1S MY R3COMM3ND4T1ON, YOUR H1GHN3SS  
CGC: TH4T M1SS L31JON B3 R3PR1M4ND3D FOR H3R CONDUCT  
CGC: 4ND TH4T M1ST3R 4MPOR4 4ND 1 B3 G1V3N COURTS D33P3ST 4POLOG13S  
PCC: ...  
PCC: OV--ERRUL--ED!  
CGC: YOUR 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON!!!  
PCC: Your objection is NOT---ED, Miss Pyrope!  
PCC: Nonet)(eless, t)(e court eels t)(at, wit)( t)(e evidence presented t)(us far, Miss Leijon's t)(eory is a POSSIBL--E explanation, if not necessarily a PLAUSIBL--E one!  
CGC: >8/  
CGC: F1N3  
PCC: You may continue, Pouncellor!  
CAC: :33 < thank you, your impurrious condescension  
CAC: :33 < so, miss maryam  
CAC: :33 < is it possible that the wounds s33n here could have b33n self-inflicted  
CAC: :33 < with the olive blood purrcured by whatefur means drizzled ofur the top afterwards?  
FGA: Um  
FGA: Yes I Suppose  
CAC: :33 < i s33  
CAC: :33 < thank you, miss maryam  
CAC: :33 < no further questions  
CAC: :33 < *ac saunters back to her desk, grinning smugly*  
CGC: HMPH  
FCT: D --> Plaintiff, please call your next witness  
CGC: OK4Y  
CGC: 1 TH1NK 1TS T1M3 W3 PUT 4N 3ND TO TH1S  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 16 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
[PCG:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bpi2ObfTQpM) I THINK IT'S ABOUT AN HOUR PAST THE TIME YOU SHOULD'VE PUT AN END TO THIS  
PCG: WHICH IS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE, CONSIDERING YOU POSTED THIS MEMO LESS THAN A FUCKING HOUR AGO, YOU VINDICTIVE HAG.  
CGC: OH MY FUCK1NG GOD, S3R1OUSLY!!!  
CGC: 3NOUGH W1TH TH3 FUCK1NG P4ST K4RK4TS!!!  
CGC: 4T TH1S PO1NT, 1 TH1NK 1D R4TH3R H4V3 F1FTY FUCK1NG FUTUR3 K4RK4TS TH4N ON3 MOR3 OF YOU 4SSHOL3S  
PCG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT A FUTURE KARKAT? THOSE GUYS ARE PRACTICALLY UNIVERSALLY SMUG ASSHOLES.  
PCG: I MEAN, THEY'RE PRETTY MUCH ON THE SAME LEVEL AS PAST KARKATS, BUT I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THEY'RE BOTH A BILLION TIMES WORSE THAN CURRENT KARKAT, A.K.A. ME RIGHT NOW.  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 7 DAYS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG: *AS IF ON CUE, THE ROOF OF THE COURTBLOCK IS TORN OFF BY A FIERCE BLAST OF WIND, AND DOWN FROM THE SKY DESCENDS KARKAT, KNIGHT OF BLOOD, CLAD FROM HEAD TO TOE IN GLEAMING BLACKSTEEL ARMOR, AND MOUNTED ON A RED-MANED HOOFBEASTS WITH WINGS OF CRIMSON FLAME*  
FCG: *LANDING IN THE CENTER OF THE COURTBLOCK, HE POINTS HIS FLAMING GREATSICKLE AT HIS PAST SELF AND DECLARES:*  
FCG: HEY, THIS GUY'S A PIECE OF SHIT, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.  
PCG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
PCG: ARE YOU  
PCG: ARE YOU FUCKING ROLEPLAYING????  
FCG: YEAH, SO WHAT?  
FCG: I'M ROLEPLAYING AS SOMETHING COMPLETELY BADASS.  
CAC: :33 < well, its a really good roleplay, future karkat!  
FCG: HAHA, GLAD YOU LIKE IT (:B  
PCG: OH MY GOD.  
PCG: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST USE AN EMOTICON, FUTURE FUCKHEAD??  
PCG: GOD, I KNEW MY FUTURE SELVES WERE BAD, BUT THIS  
PCG: THIS JUST TAKES THE ENTIRE FUCKING HATE CAKE RIGHT HERE.  
FCG: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, DIPSHIT.  
FCG: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S STILL TALKING ABOUT YOUR PAST AND FUTURE SELVES LIKE THEY'RE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE  
FCG: EVEN THOUGH EVERYBODY KNOWS BY NOW THAT IT'S JUST AN IDIOTIC EXCUSE TO DEFLECT ALL BLAME FOR YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS.  
FCG: SO WHENVER YOU FUCK UP, YOU CAN JUST SAY, "OH THAT'S THIRTY SECONDS AGO ME'S FAULT, YEAH, THAT GUY'S A DICK."  
FCG: YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3H3  
PCG: OH, LIKE YOU'RE EVEN ONE TO TALK, FUTURE ME.  
PCG: HOW CAN YOU CLAIM SUPERIORITY OVER ME ABOUT THIS WHEN YOU'RE LITERALLY DOING THE EXACT SAME THING RIGHT NOW?  
FCG: I'M NOT DOING THE SAME THING.  
FCG: I'LL FREELY ADMIT THAT A VAST MAJORITY OF PAST MES ARE MAJOR BULGE-CHUGGING IGNORAMUSES  
FCG: BUT FUTURE MES ARE PRETTY MUCH COOL IN MY BOOK.  
PCG: OH, WHATEVER, ASSHOLE.  
PCG: YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUTURE ME TO ME.  
FCG: NO, NOT REALLY.  
FCG: SEE, IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT PAST OR FUTURE ME AT ALL.  
FCG: IT'S MORE THAT, BEFORE A CERTAIN POINT, I'M JUST A COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE SHITSPONGE  
FCG: AND AFTER THAT POINT, I DEVELOP INTO A COMPLETELY AWESOME BADASS IN A STARTLINGLY SHORT TIMEFRAME.  
PCG: OH REALLY?  
PCG: AND JUST WHAT AMAAAAAZING EVENT TAKES PLACE THAT COULD POSSIBLY TRIGGER SUCH A FANTASTIC METAMORPHOSIS?  
FCG: IF I TOLD YOU, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LISTEN.  
FCG: SO I'LL JUST SAY, ROLL WITH IT, DUDE.  
PCG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, SERIOUSLY?  
PCG: YOU'RE PULLING THE COY FUTURE BULLSHIT ON ME?  
FCG: YEP (:B  
PCG: UUUUUURGRHGRHGRHGHRH  
PCG: HOLY FUCK, YOU ARE JUST THE MOST INSUFFERABLY AWFUL SACK OF FILTH I'VE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF INTERACTING WITH.  
PCG: I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE JUST FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO MEET YOU IN PERSON AND PLANT MY SHOE RIGHT IN YOUR FUCKING SEED FLAP.  
PCG: YOU'RE SUCH A REPREHENSIBLE SCUMSUCKING ASSHOLE THAT I'M TEMPTED TO JUST START CHOKING MYSELF RIGHT NOW TO SEE IF YOU'LL FEEL IT IN THE FUTURE.  
FCG: OH MY GOD.  
FCG: YOU'RE SERIOUSLY DOING THIS AGAIN.  
PCG: DOING WHAT, NUBFONDLER?  
FCG: YOU KNOW I'M TALKING ABOUT, YOU PATHETIC FUCK.  
FCG: SERIOUSLY, I AM SO FUTURE EMBARRASSED FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.  
PCG: WHAT  
PCG: NO  
PCG: NO NO NO NO NO  
PCG: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, FUTURE DUMBFUCK  
PCG: DO NOT EVEN DRAG THIS SHIT OUT INTO PUBLIC  
FCG: SERIOUSLY, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING DISGUSTING?  
FCG: WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST GET OVER YOURSELF AND FREE ME FROM THE INDIGNITY OF EVER HAVING ENTERTAINED THE RIDICULOUS IDEA THAT YOU'RE SO DISTURBINGLY FIXATED RIGHT NOW IN YOUR PRESENT?  
PCG: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!  
PCG: WE ARE NOT FUCKING TALKING ABOUT THIS!  
PCG: YOU'RE EITHER GOING TO HELP ME TROLL THE FUCK OUT OF TEREZI HERE, OR YOU'RE GOING TO CLOSE YOUR CHITINOUS WINDHOLE AND STAPLE IT SHUT.  
FCG: NOW, SEE, THIS WHOLE "TROLLING TEREZI" THING IS SOMETHING I COULD HONESTLY GET BEHIND  
FCG: BUT YOU'RE GOING ABOUT IT COMPLETELY THE WRONG WAY.  
FCG: LIKE, WHY ARE PUTTING SO MUCH EFFORT INTO TRYING TO PISS HER OFF  
FCG: WHEN THE SUREST WAY TO ANNOY HER IS TO JUST BE YOURSELF?  
CGC: H4H4H4H4H4, HOLY SH1T  
CGC: W33K FROM NOW K4RK4T, YOU 4R3 TH3 B3ST K4RK4T  
FCG: OH WOW, SERIOUSLY?  
FCG: I'M TOTALLY TAKING A SCREENSHOT OF THAT FOR POSTERITY.  
CGC: OH R34LLY?  
CGC: 1 D1DNT KNOW YOU H3LD MY WORDS 1N SUCH 3ST33M, FUTUR3 K4RKL3S  
FCG: I DON'T.  
FCG: THE ONLY REASON I'M HOLDING ON TO IT IS TO REMIND PRESENT YOU SHE SAID IT JUST TO PISS HER OFF.  
CGC: OH FOR FUCKS S4K3  
CGC: DO YOU S3R1OUSLY ST1LL H4V3 4 GRUDG3 4G41NST M3?  
FCG: HAHAHAHAHAHA.  
FCG: YOU HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA, DO YOU?  
CGC: 4BOUT WH4T?  
FCG: OH, YOU'D REALLY LOVE TO KNOW, WOULDN'T YOU?  
FCG: TELL ME, DOES IT BOTHER YOU, TEREZI?  
FCG: KNOWING THAT I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T?  
CGC: 4 L1TTL3, Y3S  
CGC: DO3S 1T BOTH3R YOU KNOW1NG YOU H4D TO GO 4 W33K B4CK 1N T1M3 TO G3T TH3 UPP3R H4ND ON M3?  
FCG: FUCK.  
FCG: SEE THIS, KARKAT?  
FCG: THIS IS SOMETHING TO CHERISH.  
FCG: THIS IS A WOMAN TO TREASURE.  
PCG: GOD.  
PCG: BECOMING YOU IS THE MOST AWFUL FUTURE I CAN IMAGINE.  
PCG: CAN I JUST KILL MYSELF NOW AND AVERT THIS WHOLE THING?  
FCG: NO, SORRY, YOU DON'T GET TO KILL YOURSELF UNTIL LATER.  
FCG: YOU'RE ONE OF THE LAST, ACTUALLY.  
PCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, FUTURE ME? WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF.  
PCG: YOU AREN'T ANYTHING SPECIAL.  
PCG: YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER IDIOTIC PAST YOU TO EVERY OTHER FUTURE YOU FARTHER OFF THAN YOU ARE.  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG2] 9 DAYS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG2: ACTUALLY, NO, TWO DAYS AGO ME IS STILL COOL.  
FCG2: AND YOU'RE STILL A RAVING PIECE OF SHIT.  
FCG: OH HEY, FUTURE ME, WHAT'S UP?  
FCG2: NOT MUCH, PAST ME.  
FCG2: EVERYTHING'S STILL AS TOTALLY AWESOME AS IT WAS TWO DAYS AGO.  
FCG: ANY NEW DEVELOPMENTS?  
FCG2: NOT REALLY.  
FCG2: OH, EXCEPT, YOU KNOW THAT ONE THING YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT?  
FCG: WHAT THING?  
FCG2: YOU KNOW  
FCG2: OPERATION: RAINBOW RHOMBUS PARTYTOWN?  
CGC: >8?  
FCG: OH  
FCG: UH, YEAH  
FCG: DID I GO THROUGH WITH THAT?  
FCG2: HELL YEAH YOU WENT THROUGH WITH IT.  
FCG: SO I TAKE IT IT WAS A SUCCESS?  
FCG2: IT WAS A RESOUNDING FUCKING SUCCESS, TRUST ME.  
FCG2: WHATEVER COMPUNCTIONS YOU'RE HOLDING ABOUT IT, JUST DROP THEM.  
FCG2: IT IS AWESOME.  
FCG: I DON'T KNOW  
FCG: THE WHOLE THING STILL SOUNDS KIND OF  
FCG: WEIRD  
FCG2: WELL, YEAH, IT'S FUCKING WEIRD.  
FCG2: THAT'S KIND OF THE WHOLE THING THAT MAKES IT SO AMAZING.  
FCG: HM  
FCG2: BESIDES, IT'LL REALLY PISS SOLLUX OFF  
FCG2: AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS, ISN'T IT?  
FCG: HAHAHA, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, w)(at??  
FCG: I GUESS IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH TO CONVINCE ME, CONSIDERING IT ONLY TOOK TWO DAYS TO HAPPEN.  
FCG2: THE OTHER VERTICES MAKE SOME SURPRISINGLY CONVINCING ARGUMENTS.  
FCG: HAHA, RIGHT.  
FCG2: BUT YEAH, THINK ABOUT IT.  
FCG2: I GUESS I KIND OF SPOILED THAT YOU'RE ALREADY GONNA DO IT  
FCG2: BUT KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT ANYWAY.  
FCG2: HONESTLY, I'M KIND OF HOPING IT BECOMES A REGULAR THING.  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG3] 15 DAYS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG3: HEY, SIX DAYS AGO ME.  
FCG3: IT BECOMES A REGULAR THING.  
FCG2: AHAHAHA, AWESOME.  
FCG3: ALSO, YOU AND EIGHT DAYS AGO ME ARE TOTALLY AWESOME  
FCG3: AND FIFTEEN DAYS AGO ME IS STILL A MASSIVE PRICK.  
PCG: OKAY, OKAY, YOU'VE PROVEN YOUR FUCKING POINT!  
PCG: NOW SINCE NONE OF YOU FUTURE ASSHOLES ARE APPARENTLY GOING TO HELP ME IN ANY WAY, WOULD YOU KINDLY JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE FOREVER???  
FCG: YEAH, OKAY.  
FCG: YOU JUST KEEP DOING YOUR PITIFUL TROLLING THING AND EVERYTHING WILL WORK ITSELF OUT.  
PCG: GO FUCK YOURSELF.  
FCG: YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU? (;B  
PCG: URRRRRRGGGHHHH  
FCG: ANYWAY, LET'S DO THIS SHIT, FUTURE SELVES.  
FCG: *THE KNIGHT OF BLOOD AND HIS TWO FUTURE SELVES FUSE INTO SOME KIND OF BIOMECHANICAL SUPER SOLDIER AND FLY OFF INTO THE NIGHT SKY ON THEIR NEWLY-ACQUIRED ROCKET BOOTS, LEAVING THE OCCUPANTS OF THE COURTBLOCK COUGHING UP EXHAUST*  
FCG2: *THEY JUST LEAVE THE FLAMINGLY-WINGED HOOFBEAST THERE JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT*  
FCG3: *MIGHT WANT TO GET SOME ASBESTOS GLOVES TO CLEAN UP THAT THING'S LEAVINGS, ASSHOLES, HAHAHAHAHAHA*  
FCG: *FUCK YES, FUTURE HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND*  
FCG ceased responding to memo.  
FCG2 ceased responding to memo.  
FCG3 ceased responding to memo.  
PCG: HOLY FUCK, THOSE GUYS ARE COMPLETELY UNBEARABLE.  
PCG: ANYWAY, WHERE WERE WE?  
CGC: 1 B3L13V3 W3 W3R3 R1GHT 4ROUND TH1S PO1NT  
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < terezi!!! 33:<  
CGC: H3 TOT4LLY 34RN3D 1T TH4T T1M3  
CGC: K4N4Y4, B4CK M3 UP H3R3  
FGA: Well  
FGA: Okay He Kind Of Did  
CAC: :33 < whatefur!!!  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, 3NOUGH D4WDL1NG  
CGC: L3TS BR1NG TH1S C4S3 TO 4 CLOS3  
CGC: TH3 PROS3CUT1ON C4LLS N3P3T4 L31JON TO TH3 ST4ND!  
CAC: :33 < ha! fine!!!  
CAC: :33 < *ac storms up to the witness stand, a spurring still in her step furom her cross-examination*  
FCT: D --> Miss Leijon  
FCT: D --> Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Her Imperious Condescension  
CAC: :33 < i do!!!  
FCT: D --> Very well  
FCT: D --> Prosecutor, you may begin your e%amination  
[CGC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0lUjtEX9EA) TH4NK YOU, B41L1FF  
CGC: NOW, M1SS L31JON  
CGC: WH3R3 W3R3 YOU 4PPROX1M4T3LY FOURT33N HOURS 4GO?  
CAC: :33 < i was at my hive!  
CGC: 1 S33  
CGC: 4ND WH4T W3R3 YOU DO1NG?  
CAC: :33 < working on my ships and stuff!  
CGC: M1ST3R 4MPOR4 S41D YOU H4D 4 H34T3D CONV3RS4T1ON W1TH H1M  
CGC: 1S TH4T TRU3?  
CAC: :33 < yeah, i guess!  
CGC: 4ND 4FT3R TH4T CONV3RS4T1ON, D1D YOU H4PP3N TO L34V3 YOUR H1V3?  
CAC: :33 < of course not!  
CGC: HOLD 1T!!!  
CGC: YOUR3 S4Y1NG YOU D1DNT L34V3?  
CAC: :33 < thats what i just said, isnt it??  
CAC: :33 < i stayed at my hive the entire night!  
CGC: OBJ3CT1ON!!!!  
CGC: YOUR 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON, 1F 1 M4Y SUBM1T TH3 FOLLOW1NG P13C3 OF 3V1D3NC3  
\-- CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] sent PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] the file "wwowwlookathergo.avi" --  
PCC: )(mmmm...  
PCC: Y---ES, t)(is is acceptable!  
CGC: 4LR1GHT TH3N  
CGC: M1SS L31JON, HOW DO YOU R3CONC1L3 YOUR T3ST1MONY W1TH TH3 FOLLOW1NG V1D3O FOOK4G3........?  
\-- CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] uploaded the file "wwowwlookathergo.avi" to memo --  
CGC: TH3 V1D3O CL34RLY SHOWS YOU 3X1T1NG YOUR H1V3 4FT3R B3COM1NG V1S1BLY UPS3T 4T SOM3TH1NG ON YOUR SK3TCHP4D  
CGC: 4ND YOUR3 W34R1NG TH3 OUTF1T K4N4Y4 M4D3 FOR YOU, PROV1NG 1T H4PP3N3D NO MOR3 TH4N 4 D4Y 4GO  
CAC: :33 < what the hell eridan!!!  
CAC: :33 < you were recording that whole thing???  
CAC: :33 < youre such a cr33p!!!!!!  
CCA: hahahahaha fuckin owwned  
CGC: P3RM1SS1ON TO TR34T TH3 W1TN3SS 4S HOST1L3, YOUR 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON?  
PCC: Legislacerator, t)(is is an Alternian courtblock.  
PCC: You ALWAYS )(ave permission to treat t)(e witness as )(ostile!  
CGC: H3H3H3H3, 1 KNOW  
CGC: BUT 1V3 4LW4YS W4NT3D TO 4SK  
PCC: W)(ale, t)(en I'LL say...  
PCC: P---ERMISSION GRANT---ED!  
CGC: SO WH3R3 D1D YOU GO 4FT3R TH4T, POUNC3LLOR?  
CAC: :33 < well, i went fur a little stroll!  
CAC: :33 < decided to do a few quests, maybe!  
CGC: WOULD YOU L1K3 M3 TO CONSULT TH3 GR1ST TR34SUR3RS LOGS TO V3R1FY YOUR CL41MS, M1SS L31JON?  
CGC: OR WOULD YOU JUST L1K3 TO T3LL TH3 TRUTH?  
[CAC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvlwFTucw6E) :33 < all youve purroven is that i left my hive!  
CAC: :33 < you cant purrove that i efur attacked eridan!  
CAC: :33 < beclaws the fact of the matter is, you dont even have a case, miss pyrope!  
CAC: :33 < unless you can purrove without a shadow of a doubt that i did it, im walking out of here a fr33 troll!!!  
FGA: What  
FGA: No Thats Not How It Works  
FGA: They Have A Video Of You Storming Out Of Your Hive With Clearly Murderous Intentions  
FGA: Not To Mention Both Eridan And His Coat Being Covered In Your Blood As Well As His Own  
FGA: At This Point Your Conviction Is Practically Guaranteed  
CGC: NO!!!  
CGC: TH4TS NOT GOOD 3NOUGH!  
CGC: 1 H4V3 TO PROV3 B3YOND 4 SH4DOW OF 4 DOUBT TH4T SH3 D1D 1T!  
FGA: Why  
CGC: B3C4US3 1TS MOR3 DR4M4T1C TH4T W4Y!!!!  
FGA: Urrgh Fine Whatever  
CGC: B3S1D3S  
CGC: 1 H4V3 3V1D3NC3 TH4T YOU D1D 1T, M1SS L31JON  
CGC: 1 H4V3 V1D3O PROOF SHOW1NG YOU COMM1TT1NG TH3 CR1M3!!  
CAC: :33 < then why havent you admitted it yet??  
PCC: Because for t)(e )(ake of t)(e dignity of everyone involved, I've deemed it INADMISSIBL--E!  
CCA: cmon fef  
CCA: nobodys dignity is gonna be hurt by you showwin the vvideo  
PCC: W)(ale, maybe not, but STILL!  
PCC: It's OBSC---EN---E!!!  
CGC: LOOK  
CGC: W3 DONT N33D TH3 WHOL3 V1D3O  
CGC: W3 JUST N33D TH3 P4RT SHOW1NG H3R 4TT4CK1NG H1M  
CCA: yeah thats right  
CCA: couldnt you just edit it dowwn to that  
CCA: im pretty sure it doesnt get really bad until after the first feww clawwstrokes anywway  
PCC: W)(ale...  
PCC: I SUPPOS---E t)(at mig)(t be possible!  
PCC: Just give me a second )(ere, okay?  
CGC: 3XC3LL3NT  
PCC: Okay, FIN---E!  
PCC: )(---ER---E is t)(e S)(OWABL---E version of your evidence!  
\-- PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] uploaded the file "O)(myglubbingCODjustLOOKatt)(esetwo!! edited.avi" to memo --  
[CGC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKQzP1VfHJA) TH3R3 YOU H4V3 1T, M1SS L31JON!  
CGC: 1ND1SPUT4BL3 3V1D3NC3 TH4T YOU 4SS4ULT3D MY CL13NT!  
CGC: T4K3 TH4T!!!! >8]  
CAC: :33 < okay, SERIOUSLY????  
CAC: :33 < eridan did you honestly have her record THAT too???  
CAC: :33 < like, the whole thing???????  
CCA: yeah thats right  
CCA: wwhat do you think about that  
CCA: does it make you mad maybe  
CAC: :33 < just shut the fuck up you stupid cr33py weirdo!!!!  
FCT: D --> Oh dear  
FCT: D --> This is  
FCT: D --> This is tr001y terrible  
PAG: More like truly awesome!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Did this lead to what I think it lead to????????  
CGC: VR1SK4 HUSH  
CGC: YOUR3 GO1NG TO T4K3 TH3 FUN OUT OF 1T  
PAG: Okay, okay, fiiiiiiiine.  
CGC: JUST 4DM1T 1T, POUNC3LLOR!  
CGC: TH3 V1D3O CL34RLY SHOWS TH4T YOU 4TT3MPT3D TO MURD3R 3R1D4N 4MPOR4!  
CAC: :33 < no, thats not true!!  
CAC: :33 < theres another purrfectly valid explanation for all of this!!  
CGC: R34LLY, M1SS L31JON?  
CGC: WH4T OTH3R POSS1BL3 3XPL4N4T1ON COULD YOU H4V3 FOR 4TT4CK1NG 4ND V4ND4L1Z1NG MY M4T3SPR1T?  
CCA: wwhat  
CCA: ter dont call it vvandalizin  
CCA: for fucks sake im not the wwall of an abandoned hivve  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CAC: :33 < grrrr...  
CAC: :33 < i didnt want to have to admit to this  
CAC: :33 < but i guess i have no choice!  
CGC: WH4T 1S 1T, M1SS L31JON???  
CAC: :33 < the truth is  
CAC: :33 < i did go to eridans hive and attack him  
CAC: :33 < but i wasnt trying to kill him!  
CAC: :33 < beclaws...  
CGC: B3C4US3 WHY, N3P3T4?  
CAC: :33 < beclaws...  
CAC: XOO < IM HIS HISSMESIS!!!!  
[CGC:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gTMBRhr4zQ) *G4SP!*  
PCC: 38O  
FCT: D --> Oh god  
FGA: What  
PAG: Holy shit.  
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 22 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: what.  
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAT: uH,  
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PTC: Fuuuuuck.  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAA: 0_0  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 43 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
PCC: ORD---ER!!!!  
PCC: ORD----ER IN T)(-----E COURTBLOCK!!!!!  
PCC: *)(er Imperious Condescension repeatedly jabs t)(e tip of )(er Entente into t)(e floor*  
PCG: NEPETA, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?  
PCC: SIL---ENC---E, Mister Vantas!!!  
PCG: HEY, SHUT UP, I'M NOT FUCKING ROLEPLAYING.  
CGC: TH3N 1 WONT N33D TO WR1T3 UP 4N 3XCUS3 FOR WH4T 1M 4BOUT TO DO  
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
CGC: 1D1OT  
CAC: :33 < (terezi!!!!! 33:<)  
CGC: (H3H3H3H3)  
CGC: (4NYW4Y)  
CGC: M1SS L31JON, 1S TH1S TRU3???  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < after i stopped talking to him  
CAC: :33 < i went over to his hive  
CAC: :33 < he had some kind of ridiculous idea and i was going to try to stop him  
CAC: :33 < but once i got there  
CAC: :33 < i was just so mad  
CAC: :33 < and one thing led to another  
CAC: :33 < and  
CAC: :33 < well ://  
PCC: ---Eridan, is t)(is TRU---E??  
PCC: Did you just recently become Nepeta's kismesis???  
[CCA:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50oGSHMvfG0) YOURE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, fuck yes!  
PAG: Feferi, you have to send me the full video.  
PCC: NO I DON'T!!!!! >38/  
CCA: wwell wwill you at least send it to me  
CCA: seein as im fuckin starrin in it an all  
PCC: W)(ale... I GU--ESS I could do t)(at.  
\-- PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] sent CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] the file "O)(myglubbingCODjustLOOKatt)(esetwo!!.avi" --  
CCA: awwesome thanks  
FTA: oh hey, don't miind iif i do.  
CCA: wwhat  
CCA: god damnit sol you better not be usin your fuckin hackin skills to intercept this incredibly graphic vvideo a me an nep bein intimate  
FTA: too late, already diid.  
CCA: fuck  
CAC: :33 < >:OO  
CAC: :33 < sollux delete that video this instant you cr33p!!!!  
FTA: alriight, let'2 2ee here...  
FTA: wow, you two are really gettiing iintwo iit.  
FTA: man, np, ii have two 2ay, you're doiing 2ome really weiird 2tuff wiith thii2 guy'2 blood.  
CAC: XOO < shut uuuuuuup!!!!!!  
PAG: Reeeeeeeeally fucking classy, Sollux.  
FTA: don't even judge me, hypocriite.  
FTA: you were liiterally ju2t a2kiing for thii2 viideo.  
PAG: Yeah, 8ut if I'd gotten it, I wouldn't 8e narr8ing it on a pu8lic memo, you fucking nerd!!!!!!!!  
FTA: whatever, ii'm done wiith thii2.  
FTA: ii'm ju2t archiiviing thii2 2hiit for future po22iible blackmaiil purpo2e2.  
PCC: Sollux, sometimes you are just IND--EFINSIBL--E, you know t)(at??  
FTA: hey, ii'm not the one who recorded iit.  
PCC: Okay, FIN--E, so I recorded it!  
PCC: But it's not like I WATC)(----ED it or anyt)(ing!!!  
FTA: really, ff?  
FTA: because ii have two 2ay, the camerawork ii2 pretty iimpre22iive.  
PCC: T)(at wasn't me!!  
PCC: T)(e camera just naturally follows t)(e server player around!!!  
FTA: oh yeah?  
FTA: doe2 iit con2tantly 2wiitch angle2 to a better viiew of them and any other player who may be currently a22aultiing them at that tiime?  
PCC: I... um...  
FTA: ju2t admiit iit, ff.  
PCC: OKAY FIN----E, I WATC)(----ED T)(----E W)(OL----E GLUBBING T)(ING!!!!!!!  
PCC: MOR----E T)(AN ONC-------E!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 > >:OO  
PCC: And I don't even ---E---EL BAD!!  
PCC: As far as I'm concerned, it's a work of ART!!  
PCC: W)(en we get to our new universe, t)(is video is going in a MUS----EUM!!!!!  
CCA: hahahahaha  
CCA: i havve to say im flattered  
CAC: :33 < well im not!!!  
CAC: :33 < fefurry that is weird and you should f33l weird!!!  
PCC: W)(ale, I DON'T!!!  
PCC: So you can just glubbing D---EAL WIT)( IT!!! >38U  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, YOUR 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON  
CGC: 1N L1GHT OF R3C3NT R3V3L4T1ONS, TH3 PROS3CUT1ON WOULD L1K3 TO DROP 4LL CH4RG3S 4G41NST M1SS L31JON  
PCC: But of COURS---E!  
PCC: Nepeta Leijon, for t)(e attempted murder of --Eridan Ampora, I )(ereby find you...  
PCC: NOT GILLTY!  
PCC: Court is adjourned!  
PCC: *ROL---EPLAY OV---ER*  
CGC: W3LL, 1D S4Y W3 R3SOLV3D TH4T WHOL3 1SSU3 R4TH3R N1C3LY  
FCT: D --> What, no  
FCT: D --> This is  
FCT: D --> I mean  
FCT: D --> Nepeta and  
FCT: D --> The  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, calm down equius!  
CAC: :33 < its not THAT big a deal!!  
CCA: yeah cmon eq  
CCA: its not like im gonna kill your fuckin moirail or somethin  
CCA: she givves as good as she takes trust me  
FCT: D --> No  
FCT: D --> Stop  
FCT: D --> I will a%ept that you are her kismesis  
FCT: D --> But I abso100tely forbid you from telling me any of the specifi%  
CCA: haha ok fair enough  
CGC: SO WHY TH3 SUDD3N 1NT3R3ST 1N BL4CKROM, N3P3T4?  
CGC: 1 THOUGHT YOU THOUGHT TH3 WHOL3 QU4DR4NT W4S STUP1D  
CAC: :33 < well, i did  
CAC: :33 < but eridan made a furry convincing argument  
CAC: :33 < the thing is, hissmesissitude isnt just about hatred  
CAC: :33 < its about respect!  
CAC: :33 < its somepawdy who s33s you for what you could be  
CAC: :33 < and nefur just settles for what you are!  
CAC: :33 < theyre always pushing you and driving you to better yourself  
CAC: :33 < and when youre in a rut and it s33ms like all hope is lost, your hissmesis is the one who drives you into action!  
CAC: :33 < prefurably with an inspiring hatesp33ch  
CCA: fuck yes  
CCA: i dont think theres a thing better in this wworld than a wwell wwritten caliginous diatribe  
CGC: WOW  
CGC: 1T SOUNDS L1K3 H3 M4D3 YOU 4 B3L13V3R PR4CT1C4LLY OV3RD4Y  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < its hard to articulate an effective argument against it in betw33n hate snogging  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
FGA: I Have To Say Nepeta  
FGA: This Is Very Unusual To Hear Coming From You  
CAA: kind 0f yeah  
CAA: this wh0le thing is really weird  
CAA: and this is c0ming fr0m a time traveling gh0st fr0g r0b0t  
CAA: ribbit  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
CAC: :33 < well, maybe it is weird  
CAC: :33 < but maybe weird is good sometimes!  
CGC: CORR3CT1ON, M1SS L31JON  
CGC: W31RD 1S GOOD  
CGC: 4LL TH3 T1M3 >8]  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33 h33!!  
CAC: :33 < yeah, thats purrobably true!  
CAA: ha  
CAA: i guess s0  
CCA: look no matter howw wweird you might think it is you better fuckin get used to it  
CCA: cause this isnt evven close to the last black ship youre gonna havve to wwatch set sail believve me  
CAA: what d0es that even mean  
CCA: wwhat it means is  
CCA: theres a neww shipper in towwn  
CCA: an his name is ERIDAN FUCKIN AMPORA  
PAT: wHAT,  
PAT: yOU'RE SH1PP1NG,  
CCA: yeah thats right  
CCA: but im not evven gonna dignify nep by tryin to dabble in her half a the quadrant pie  
CCA: wwere goin straight black here my friend  
CCA: obsidian and ashen only  
CCA: like the smoulderin aftermath of the biggest romantic vvolcano youvve evver fuckin seen  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, fuuuuuuuuck yeeeeeeees.  
FTA: wow, that ii2 2o fuckiing lame.  
PAG: More like it's so fucking awesome!!!!!!!!  
CGC: NO, SORRY  
CGC: 1T R34LLY 1S PR3TTY L4M3  
CCA: ter wwhat the hell  
CCA: wwhos side are you on here  
CGC: LOOK, 1 4GR33 W1TH TH3 G3N3R4L S3NT1M3NT  
CGC: BUT TH3R3S PR3TTY MUCH NO W4Y TO C4LL YOURS3LF 4 SH1PP3R W1THOUT 1T B31NG L4M3 4S 4LL H3LL  
CAC: :33 < hey, screw you!!!  
FCT: D --> Nepeta, language  
FGA: Equius With All Due Respect This Particular Instance Of Foul Language Lies Outside Of Your Romantic Jurisdiction  
FCT: D --> What  
FCT: D --> Oh, uh  
FCT: D --> I guess so  
FCT: D --> My apologies  
FGA: No Problem  
FGA: Anyway  
FGA: Nepeta Please Watch Your Language With Regard To Terezi  
CAC: :33 < okay, fine  
FGA: Nepeta  
FGA: What Do We Say  
CAC: :33 < urrrrrgh  
CAC: :33 < sorry, terezi  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CGC: 4POLOGY 4CC3PT3D  
FGA: Thats Better  
FGA: But Terezi Please Try To Refrain From Deliberately Goading Nepeta Into Such Attacks In The Future  
CGC: 1 D1D NO SUCH TH1NG!!  
FGA: Terezi  
CGC: OK4Y F1N3 SO 1 D1D  
CGC: 1M JUST H4V1NG 4 L1TTL3 FUN 1S 4LL  
PAG: 8luuuuuuuuh.  
PAG: If you guys are gonna have a medi8ion, couldn't you do it somewhere a little more priv8????????  
FGA: Im Sorry But Sometimes These Things Have To Be Undressed Immediately  
FGA: Fuck I Mean Addressed Immediately  
CGC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 YOU DONT M34N UNDR3SS3D 1MM3D14T3LY  
CGC: B3C4US3 W3V3 DON3 PL3NTY OF TH4T  
FGA: Shut Up  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3H3  
CCA: hey im tryin to fuckin talk here  
CCA: ivve got plans here people  
CCA: amazin fuckin plans  
CCA: and each an evvery one a yous gonna get swwept up in them like a fuckin tidal wwavve  
PAT: wELL,  
PAT: tHAT SOUNDS PRETTY COOL, 1 GUESS,  
PAG: Fuck yeah it's cool!!!!!!!!  
PAG: 8lackrom is pretty much the 8est thing ever.  
PAG: Er, not to say redrom's all that sha88y!  
PAG: 8ut, y'know, it's all a8out 8alance.  
PAG: If you overdose on all the warm and fuzzy red stuff, it fucks with your think pan.  
PAG: One day it's all moonlight and rain8ows, and the next you're running around smiling and giggling while you murder all your friends with adora8ly pastel candy-themed weaponry.  
PCC: 38/  
PCC: Vriska, I R--E--ELY don't t)(ink t)(at's )(ow it works!!  
PAG: It totally is, trust me.  
PCC: W)(ale, I'm still not s)(ore just )(ow good of an idea t)(is is!  
PCC: Just )(ow PRODUCTIV---E is it going to be to )(ake us all )(ate eac)( ot)(er???  
CCA: im not MAKIN people hate each other  
CCA: the fact a the matter is in a big group like this people are just gonna naturally hate each other evven wwithout my intervvention  
CCA: wwhat this is doin is just takin that natural hatred an compartmentalizing it  
CCA: makin it into somethin controllable  
CCA: givves people an outlet so they dont snap an run around murderin their friends wwith a fuckin pixie stick wwand or somethin  
PTC: Yeah, sister, I've got to all up and confer over that salient motherfuckin point right there.  
PTC: I mean, I'm a guy what's all for just wantin every motherfucker to zone out and get his or her respective chill on.  
PTC: But I don't think any given motherfucker waxin pitch all up over one brother or sister into eleven is gonna make all that huge a motherfuckin difference up over the long run.  
CAC: :33 < yeah, exactly!  
CAC: :33 < besides, its not the same as regular hate!  
CAC: :33 < in fact, im not even sure if its really hate at all!  
CAC: :33 < i mean, sure, i think eridan is a huge cr33py loser douchebag  
CAC: :33 < but its not like im gonna kill the guy!  
CCA: yeah youre just gonna cut a dozen fuckin gashes in my chest and ruin alla my fuckin clothes  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, yep!  
CCA: ugh youre such a fuckin wwiggler  
CAC: :33 < well, if im a wiggler, then what does that make you?  
CAC: :33 < a big cr33py grub molester, thats what!!  
CAC: :33 < guys, if the subject efur comes up, hes lying about having candy in the back of his scuttlebuggy  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, holy shit!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Nepeta, if I'd known you'd 8e such an awesome kismesis, I'd have done more to antagonize you 8efore.  
CCA: yeah wwell its too late noww  
CCA: this fuckin obsidian savvant is MINE you hear me  
CAC: :33 < im not yours, idiot!  
CAC: :33 < dont talk about me like im your fucking chattel!!!  
CCA: wwhatevver nep  
CCA: last night i had you eatin outta the palm a my fuckin hand an wwe both knoww it  
CAC: :33 < id nefur eat anything out of your hand!!  
CAC: :33 < though i certainly did drink quite a lot furom your bl33ding fingers >:33  
FCT: D --> Urk  
FCT: D --> Nepeta, this line of di%ussion is abso100tely inappropriate for a public memo  
FCT: D --> You will stop it at once  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, fine!  
[CCA:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auijb26dg2k) anywway the point is  
CCA: noww this is a fuckin competition  
CCA: red vversus black  
CCA: an i havve evvery fuckin intention a wwinnin  
CAC: :33 < whats THAT suppawsed to mean??  
CCA: you knoww wwhat it means  
CCA: nep im bettin you right here an right noww that ill finish all my ships before you do  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33 h33, are you serious???  
CAC: :33 < im already halfway done, and youre just now starting!  
CAC: :33 < theres no way youll efur beat me!!  
CCA: ivve got eight ships left an youvve got six  
CCA: its not as insurmountable a lead as youre makin it out to be  
CAC: :33 < whatefur!  
CAC: :33 < no matter how good a shipper you are, youll nefur finish befur i do!!  
CCA: is that a bet miss leijon  
CAC: :33 < its a purromise >:33  
CCA: alright then its a fuckin deal  
CCA: so the rest a you brinesuckers look out  
CCA: because youre gonna get blackshipped  
CCA: an its happenin sooner rather than later  
CAC: :33 < only if you mean sooner than the heat death of the mewniverse!!!  
CAC: :33 < youre going down, ampurra!!!!  
CCA: yeah wwell just sea about that  
CCA: <3<  
CAC: :33 < <3<  
CCA: alright times wwastin  
CCA: but thats not surprisin considerin wwho im talkin to  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, fuck you!  
CCA: ivve got ships to ship  
CCA: sea you bilgesuckers later  
CCA ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < and so do i!!!  
CAC: :33 < with this in mind, ive got to redouble my effurts!  
CAC: :33 < so im now officially OFF BREAK!  
CAC: :33 < those of you who havent received a shipping sw33p yet, look furward to one!!!  
CAC: :33 < and look out, incipisphere, beclaws nepeta is back in action, and the ships are sailing once more!!!!  
CAC: :33 < *the rogue of heart unfurls her wings and takes off into the skies, f33ling purrfectly purrpared once again to ship all the trolls!!*  
CAC ceased responding to memo.  
[CAA:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1559I2imaA) w0w  
CAA: this is s0 weird  
PAT: wHY DO YOU KEEP SAY1NG THAT,  
CAA: i d0nt kn0w  
CAA: i just never expected nepeta 0f all the pe0ple t0 be s0 interested in a kismesissitude  
CAA: much less with s0meb0dy like eridan  
PAT: yEAH, wELL,  
PAT: sOMET1MES TH1NGS JUST COME OUT OF NOWHERE,  
PAT: bUT THE ONLY REASON THEY SEEM SO BAD 1S BECAUSE YOU WERE NEVER REALLY EXPECT1NG THEM,  
CAA: i guess s0  
CAA: ribbit  
CGC: 4LR1GHT  
CGC: 1 TH1NK TH1S M3MO H4S 4BOUT S3RV3D 1TS PURPOS3  
CGC: OH, BUT B3FOR3 1 CLOS3 1T  
CGC: 1D L1K3 TO TH4NK 4LL OF MY LOV3LY ROL3PL4Y3RS FOR PL4Y1NG 4LONG W1TH TH1S 1N4N3 HORS3SH1T SC3N4R1O  
PCC: )(a)(a, of COURS----E!  
PCC: It was actually a LOT of fun!  
FGA: Yes I Suppose It Was  
FGA: Id Normally Think Of Roleplaying As Nothing More Than A Trifling Hobby  
FGA: But I Hadnt Considered Its Use As A Conflict Resolution Device  
CGC: OOH  
CGC: DO3S TH1S M34N YOULL B3 3NG4G1NG M3 4ND N3P3T4 1N SOM3 4SH3N ROL3PL4Y1NG 1N TH3 FUTUR3??  
FGA: Its A Possibility  
CGC: H3H3H3, 3XC3LL3NT  
PAG: Uuuuuuuugh.  
PAG: Kanaya, seriously, too much fucking inform8ion.  
FGA: Sorry  
PCC: O)(, and --Equius!  
FCT: D --> Yes, Heiress  
PCC: I just wanted to commend your performance once again!  
PCC: You were PR---ETTY muc)( t)(e B---EST BAILIFF ---EV---ER.  
FCT: D --> Ah, my than%  
FCT: D --> You were a tr001y e%cellent Empress, as well  
PCC: W)(y, T)(ANK you! 38)  
FTA: guy2, thii2 ii2 the lame2t fliirtiing ii've ever 2een.  
PCC: Ug)(, Sollux, will you STOP it wit)( t)(e w)(ole FLIRTING t)(ing??  
PCC: I'm just complimenting )(im on )(is roleplaying, t)(at's ALL!  
PAG: Sorry, Feferi, that's what qualifies as flirting now.  
PAG: So not only are you two macking on each other, 8ut Terezi just 8l8antly propositioned the two of you, as well as my m8sprit.  
CGC: OH Y3S  
CGC: 1D ROL3PL4Y W1TH TH3 THR33 OF YOU 4LL N1GHT LONG >8]  
PCC: 38P  
FCT: D --> What  
FCT: D --> You're not a%ually serious, are you  
CGC: OH, 1M QU1T3 S3R1OUS, M1ST3R D4RKL33R  
CGC: 1 W4NT TO ROL3PL4Y W1TH YOU  
CGC: SO  
CGC: H4RD  
CGC: >8D  
CAA: 0_0  
FCT: D --> Ok  
FCT: D --> This is abso100t f001ishness  
FCT: D --> Please stop  
CGC: H3H3H3, OK4Y  
FTA: tz, 2hould you of all people be jokiing about thii2?  
FTA: con2iideriing what happened wiith the la2t guy you roleplayed wiith and all.  
CGC: BL4R SHUT UP!!!  
CAA: y0u guys are s0 weird  
CAA: n0w i remember why i never resp0nd t0 these mem0s  
CGC: YOU R34LLY SHOULD MOR3 OFT3N  
CAA: um  
CAA: id rather n0t h0nestly  
CGC: F41R 3NOUGH, 1 GU3SS  
CGC: 4NYW4Y W3R3 TOT4LLY DON3 W1TH TH1S M3MO  
CGC: SO 1M JUST B4NN1NG 3V3RYON3  
CGC: 4ND 1F YOUV3 GOT 4 PROBL3M W1TH TH4T  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: D34L W1TH 1T >8]  
CGC banned PCC from responding to memo.  
CGC banned PTC from responding to memo.  
CGC banned FCT from responding to memo.  
CGC banned PAG from responding to memo.  
CGC banned FGA from responding to memo.  
CGC banned FTA from responding to memo.  
CGC banned PAT from responding to memo.  
CAA: reverse hem0spectrum 0rder huh  
CGC: H3Y!!!  
CGC: 4R4D14 YOU TOT4LLY M3SS3D 1T UP  
CAA: 00ps s0rry  
CGC: 1TS OK4Y 1 DONT 4CTU4LLY C4R3  
CAA: 0h  
CGC: 4NYW4Y  
CGC: 1 D1D 1T 1N R3V3RS3 ORD3R SO 1 COULD B4N YOU L4ST  
CAA: 0k  
CAA: talk again s00n then  
CGC: OF COURS3!  
CGC: BUT NOW 1 H4V3 TO B4N YOU  
CGC: PL34S3 UND3RST4ND TH1S 1S JUST 4 FORM4L1TY  
CAA: but 0f c0urse  
CAA: i w0uld never dream 0f taking it as an insult  
CAA: m0stly because i d0nt dream  
CAA: because i d0nt sleep either 0_0  
CGC banned CAA from responding to memo.  
CGC: WOW SH3S 4 F4ST TYP3R  
CGC: OH W41T, 1 GU3SS SH3 1SNT TYP1NG 4T 4LL  
CGC: H3R WHOL3 BODY 1S JUST ON3 B1G COMPUT3R  
CGC: BUT 4NYW4Y!!!  
CGC: TH1S COURT 1S 4DJOURNED  
CGC: JUST1C3 H4S B33N S3RV3D TH1S 3V3N1NG  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 56 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
[PCG:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1MoOslrvus) IF THERE WERE ANY JUSTICE AT ALL IN THE UNIVERSE, YOUR SEVERED HEAD WOULD HAVE BEEN DECORATING THE END OF A PIKE SWEEPS AGO.  
PCG: AND THERE'D BE A DRONE SPECIFICALLY ASSIGNED THE DUTY OF FLAPPING YOUR JAW UP AND DOWN AND SAYING, "HEY, LOOK AT ME, I'M THE SHITTIEST PART OF THE WORST PERSON IN EXISTENCE."  
PCG: "I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M FUCKING DEAD."  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 1 SUPPOS3 1TS NOT TOO L4T3 TO S3RV3 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 JUST1C3  
CGC: 3V3N 1F 1TS NOT 4 D1SH B3ST S3RV3D COLD  
CGC: M4YB3 1LL SP1C3 1T UP W1TH 4 L1TTL3 SOM3TH1NG 3LS3  
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
CGC rebanned PCG from responding to memo.  
CGC: OOH, TH4T D1D T4ST3 4 L1TTL3 B3TT3R >8]  
CGC: TH3 3XTR4 B1TT3RN3SS R34LLY S3TS OFF K4RK4TS N4TUR4L 4C1D1TY  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, 3NOUGH OF TH1S!  
CGC: *TH3 L3G3ND4RY DR4GONYYYD L3G1SL4C3RTOR L3TS OUT 4 M1GHTY RO4R, 4ND TH3 R3M41N1NG OCCUP4NTS OF THE COURTBLOCK 4R3 BLOWN OUT, THE BLOCKS M4SS1V3 1MPOS1NG DOORS SL4MM1NG TO 4 CLOS3 B3H1ND TH3M*  
CGC ceased responding to memo.  
  
CGC closed memo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS MORE WORK THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. Also it's a new high (and subsequently new low) for me: over 20,000 goddamn words. I have absolutely no excuse for this. Also, some dude came back to life today, and his rabbit got its filthy ovipositor all over this chapter. Lousy goddamn stupid mysteriously monotremous lagomorphs.


	16. Sidelines IV

Chapter 16 

Sidelines IV 

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA].  
  
CT: D --> Seadweller  
CT: D --> I require words with you  
CA: wwell look wwho decided to unblock me  
CA: ok let me guess  
CA: youre here to givve me some kinda big speech youvve had prepared for swweeps for wwhen your moirail finally got her black quadrant filled  
CA: am i right  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> No, not e%actly  
CT: D --> I tr001y didn't e%pect Nepeta to find a kismesis for sweeps  
CT: D --> She's frequently e%pressed her distaste for the quadrant  
CT: D --> So I didn't a%ually have any remar% prepared at all  
CA: oh  
CA: wwell ok i guess  
CT: D --> Though I suppose I should probably say something  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> I guess it would be f001ish to ask not to hurt her  
CA: haha yeah thats not gonna fuckin happen  
CA: injuries are kinda part a the wwhole thing  
CT: D --> Right  
CA: i guess i could promise to keep it all cosmetic  
CA: not gonna break her fuckin legs or anything  
CA: thatd be cheatin  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Cheating  
CT: D --> Please e%plain  
CA: wwell look heres the thing  
CA: kismesissitude is all about competition  
CA: but its not about breakin each other dowwn  
CA: i mean yeah if you go an cripple your kismesis it definitely givves you an advvantage  
CA: but youvve cheated yourself out of a perfectly good rivval  
CA: an not only that but think about wwhat it says  
CA: i mean wwhy would anybody resort to dirty tricks like that unless they had to cheat to wwin  
CA: so not only are you takin all the challenge outta the fight  
CA: but youre essentially concedin defeat at the same time  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> You 100k to have put a lot of thought into this  
CA: sorry im just sort of enthusiastic about matters caliginous  
CA: but yeah dont wworry about nep  
CA: she can more than hold her owwn against me  
CA: god im still sore from all these fuckin scars she gavve me  
CA: gonna havve to change my flarpin characters name to orphaner twwo dozenscar  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Stop  
CT: D --> I e%pressly forbid you from e%positing on your caliginous e%ploits with my moirail  
CA: ok ok fine  
CT: D --> It's bad enough hearing about them from her  
CA: haha oh god i didnt evven think a that  
CA: ill try to spare you in the future  
CT: D --> You would have my deepest than%  
CA: right  
CA: so hey  
CA: you evver think a findin a kismesis for yourself  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> No, not really  
CA: wwell hey wwhat better time to start  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> Are you attempting to  
CT: D --> Ship me  
CA: yeah that wwas the idea  
CT: D --> Oh goodness  
CT: D --> Should I conc100de you will be performing shipping sweeps as well  
CA: not shippin swweeps exactly  
CA: theyre a little too broad spectrum for my tastes  
CA: i prefer to be a little more surgical in my shippin methods  
CA: so really theyre more like shippin strikes  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Fail to see the difference  
CA: look vvris and ivve pretty much got this wwhole thing figured out  
CA: wwe just need to deal wwith a feww loose ends  
CA: like you for instance  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> How am I a  
CT: D --> A 100se end  
CA: look just hear me out for a second ok  
CT: D --> Fine  
CA: ok first of all  
CA: you an ar  
CA: wwhats that all about  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> What do you mean  
CA: wwell i realize you guys are somethin like matesprits  
CA: but ivve heard theres some contention there  
CA: is there some black potential in that maybe  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> This is something of a sensitive matter  
CT: D --> So I'd request your di%retion in di%ussing it  
CA: oh  
CA: wwell alright sure  
CA: wwont tell a soul i promise  
CT: D --> Ok, good  
CT: D --> And I would STRONGLY suggest you keep that promise  
CT: D --> If you would prefer to keep your skeletal stru%ure inta%  
CA: wwhoa hey sloww dowwn eq  
CA: i mean im flattered an all but im already taken  
CA: not really lookin for a second kismesis ok  
CT: D --> Urk  
CT: D --> No, be quiet  
CT: D --> I am not flirting with you  
CA: alright if you insist  
CT: D --> I STRONGLY insist  
CA: look im not gonna fuckin tell anybody ok  
CA: so just answwer the fuckin question  
CT: D --> Fine  
CT: D --> To speak the abso100t truth  
CT: D --> Aradia and I are no longer  
CT: D --> In a relationship  
CA: oh  
CA: shit  
CA: really  
CT: D --> Yes  
CA: wwell shit  
CA: sorry to hear that i guess  
CT: D --> It's fine  
CT: D --> We both conc100ded it was for the best  
CA: oh ok  
CA: so no potential for blackrom then  
CT: D --> I think not  
CT: D --> We e%ited the entanglement rather amicably, all told  
CT: D --> I don't believe she harbors any bad b100d over it  
CT: D --> Though I suppose you could always ask her  
CA: nah ill just take your wword for it  
CA: didnt really like that ship anywway it doesnt wwork out  
CT: D --> What  
CA: wwell it messes wwith my other ships i mean  
CT: D --> What other ships  
CA: wwell  
CA: ok ill be honest here  
CA: right noww im thinkin your best bet wwould be my moirail  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> The highb100d  
CA: yeah but see theres the problem  
CA: like ok you obvviously hate the guy right  
CT: D --> Yes, by all means  
CT: D --> Please don't take this personally  
CT: D --> But your moirail is the abso100t scum of parado% space, and I udderly despise him  
CT: D --> Just  
CT: D --> Don't tell him I said that  
CA: hahaha no wworries  
CA: see i like this this is good  
CA: its just  
CA: the wwhole blood thing  
CT: D --> What about it  
CA: wwell  
CA: ok i realize this is kind of a racy subject here  
CA: but say you twwo wwere locked in the throes a caliginous passion  
CT: D --> Oh dear  
CT: D --> I'm going to require a towel for this, aren't I  
CA: yeah thats probably a reasonable assumption  
CA: yknoww wwhat fuck it just go get one  
CA: ill wwait  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> I have su%essfully retrieved a towel  
CT: D --> Please continue  
CA: ok so youre doin that thing i just said  
CA: an say he orders you to do somethin terrible  
CA: like say he tells you to snap your own neck  
CT: D --> Er  
CA: is that somethin youre actually physically capable a doin  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Most likely  
CT: D --> I am e%cessively STRONG  
CA: ok so  
CA: wwould you do it  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> How  
CT: D --> How forcefully does he say it  
CA: does that matter  
CT: D --> Yes  
CA: ok he says it really fuckin forcefully  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Well  
CA: youd do it wwouldnt you  
CT: D --> Erm  
CA: actually yknoww wwhat ill just test it myself  
CT: D --> What  
CA: givve me a second here  


terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT].  
  
TC: Hey motherfucker.  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Highb100d  
TC: Say fuck.  
CT: D --> What  
TC: That's an order.  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Fuck  
CT: D --> I'm sorry, please e%cuse my language  
TC: Noww say it six more times.  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck  
CT: D --> Oh goodness, this is so 100d  
TC: Hahaha, dipshit.  
TC: Okay, noww this one's a long motherfucker, so listen to the wwhole motherfuckin thing.  
CT: D --> Ok  
TC: Sign off of here.  
TC: Talk to Eridan.  
TC: In fact, refer to him as Lord Master Eridan.  
TC: Tell him you're pretty much basically in lovve with him.  
TC: And that you wwant to fill all the buckets wwith him.  
TC: All of them.  
TC: Then say fuck twwelvve more times.  
TC: Do all that shit.  
CT: D --> Urk  
CT: D --> Do I have to  
TC: Yes.  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> Should I report back to you  
TC: No.  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> I'll, um  
CT: D --> Do that now  
TC: Good.  
  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC].  


CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Lord Master Eridan  
CA: yes  
CT: D --> I am  
CT: D --> Pretty much basically in love with you  
CT: D --> And I want to  
CT: D --> Urk  
CT: D --> To fill all the buckets with you  
CT: D --> All of them  
CA: ok  
CA: anything else  
CT: D --> Just one last thing  
CT: D --> Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck  
CT: D --> Hrrrrrrk  
CT: D --> I'm sorry  
CT: D --> Please forgive me for this e%ecrable vulgarity  
CT: D --> It's just  
CT: D --> The higb100d ordered me to say all that  
CA: eq  
CA: you are just the dumbest piece a shit ivve evver knowwn  
CT: D --> I had no choice  
CA: god damnit wwhy do you havve to be such a fuckin tool about this  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> He is e%plicitly my superior  
CT: D --> The Hemospe%rum di%ates it  
CA: WWHO GIVVES A SHIT ABOUT THE STUPID FUCKIN HEMOSPECTRUM  
CA: for fucks sake eq it doesnt evven fuckin mean anything anymore  
CA: wwhy dont you just givve it a fuckin rest  
CT: D --> This is e%tremely pec001iar coming from  
CT: D --> I had thought you a firm adherent to tradition as well  
CA: ugh  
CA: look ill freely admit i used to be ok  
CA: but back on alternia i had evverything to gain from the hemospectrum  
CA: an noww its not doin jack shit for me  
CA: i mean there are no more cullin drones to enforce the fuckin thing so nobodys evven botherin to followw it  
CA: sides you a course  
CA: speakin a wwhich wwheres that sandwwich i wwanted  
CT: D --> I am under no obligation to provide you with bread- and meat-based vi%uals, seadweller scum  
CT: D --> The vendetta between our kind has been codified for thousands of sweeps  
CA: see wwhat is this seahorseshit  
CA: like my bloods higher than yours an you still manage to come up wwith some bs excuse for not prostratin before me  
CT: D --> It is not an e%cuse  
CT: D --> Our two races are eternal foes  
CA: oh yeah  
CA: then wwhy wwere you gettin so friendly wwith fef on that last memo  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> That's different  
CA: god wwhatevver  
CA: the point is ivve got absolutely nothin to fuckin gain from any a this traditional hemocaste nonsense  
CA: honestly ivve been a pretty shitty seadwweller  
CA: my matesprits a tealblood  
CA: kismesis is an OLIVVEBLOOD for fucks sake  
CA: i guess bein in a quadrant wwith an indigoblood isnt that bad but bein moirails in particular is kinda peculiar  
CA: i knoww im supposed to be all KILL ALL LANDDWWELLERS all the time but at this point wwhere wwould that fuckin get me  
CA: from three quarters to troll serendipity back to the fuckin startin line thats wwhere  
CA: so fuck the hemospectrum  
CA: fuck ancient feuds  
CA: fuck alternia period  
CA: an if her imperious condescension doesnt like it she can hop on my bulge and pull a fuckin 1080  
CT: D --> Wow  
CT: D --> Such seditious words coming from a seadweller  
CA: yeah so im a seadwweller  
CA: who givves a shit  
CA: its not like there are any big royal galas for me to go to wwith all the other seadwwellers  
CA: theres not evven any wwater on my planet  
CA: last time i evven swwam wwas back at the flarp meetup  
CA: hell normally i dont evven swwim anywways  
CA: i dont evven like makin stupid ocean puns  
CA: so wwhat fuckin difference does it make  
CT: D --> Hm  
CA: eq youvve got to drop this hemospectrum bs  
CA: its doin nothin but closin doors for you  
CT: D --> And why e%actly should I allow your beliefs to inf100ence mine  
CT: D --> You are not my moirail  
CA: thats true  
CA: but i am her kismesis  
CA: an i can tell you shes doin a pretty shitty job not addressin this  
CT: D --> Be quiet  
CT: D --> I forbid you from speaking ill of Nepeta's faculties as a moirail  
CA: ugh wwhatevver  
CA: anywway if you insist on bein such a fuckin tool about it this thing wwith gams nevver gonna wwork  
CA: the wwhole powwer dynamic is completely screwwed  
CA: you cant havve a kismesissitude wwhere one a the participants is alwways carryin around an instant i wwin button  
CT: D --> Hrm  
CT: D --> What about his matesprit  
CT: D --> The rustb100d  
CA: wwhat tavv  
CT: D --> Yes  
CA: eh  
CA: i dont like it  
CT: D --> Why not  
CT: D --> I have found him a remarkably ve%ing individual  
CT: D --> And it wouldn't be abso100tely una%eptable to enter a kismesissitude with a partic001arly impudent lowb100d such as himself  
CT: D --> Would it  
CA: ok look  
CA: wwhy do you not like the guy  
CT: D --> Because he's a pestiferous lowb100d that doesn't know his place  
CA: ok so wwould you evven hate the guy if you didnt givve a shit about the hemospectrum  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> I don't know how to answer that question  
CA: ugh  
CA: see its obvious to me that this little feud betwween you twwo is completely superficial  
CA: theres nothin personal about it  
CA: honestly i only think tavv hates you cause a your stupid hemospectrum bs  
CA: if you got ovver it there probably wouldnt evven be any reason for you twwo to dislike each other at all  
CA: its an inherently unstable basis for a kismesissitude  
CA: besides you hardly evven knoww the guy  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> That's true  
CT: D --> But I still think it has potential  
CA: ok no this is stupid  
CA: stop hateflirtin wwith tavv  
CA: thats a fuckin order  
CT: D --> Urk  
CT: D --> You're  
CT: D --> You're ordering me to stop insulting the lowb100d  
CA: yeah thats right  
CA: wwas i not forceful enough the first time or do i need to repeat myself  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> This is  
CT: D --> Tr001y scandalous  
CT: D --> Being commanded by a disreputable seadweller  
CA: oh for fucks sake  
CA: eq are you gettin off on this  
CT: D --> Er  
CA: yknoww wwhat nevvermind dont evven answwer that  
CA: god wwhyd i evven ask  
CT: D --> 100k  
CT: D --> I might be, um  
CT: D --> Willing  
CT: D --> To follow your orders  
CT: D --> But I fail to see their purpose  
CT: D --> Why can I not pursue the lowb100d  
CA: because youre MESSING UP MY SHIPS  
CT: D --> What  
CA: ok heres the thing  
CA: gam is like one a the least hateable trolls ivve evver knowwn  
CA: its pretty much impossible to find a kismesis for this guy  
CA: so youre like his only option at this point  
CA: i mean findin somebody for tavv isnt gonna be easy either dont get me wwrong  
CA: but at least the guys got a little more for me to wwork wwith  
CA: youre too good for gam for me to wwaste you on somebody else  
CA: so this shit wwith tavvs got to stop  
CT: D --> Erm  
CT: D --> This is beginning to sound e%tremely  
CT: D --> Ashen  
CA: ok yknoww wwhat  
CA: you caught me  
CA: fair an fuckin square  
CT: D --> What  
CA: the real truth a the matter here is  
CA: tavv sorta asked me to auspisticize for the twwo a you  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> He did  
CA: kinda yeah  
CA: gam wwas talkin to me about howw tavv wwas sorta pissed at you but he wwasnt interested in anything really pitch wwith you  
CA: an recently ivve been kinda interested in maybe auspisticizin for somebody so i trolled him about it and he said hed be up for it  
CA: an the more i thought about it the more i realized wwhat an awwesome fuckin arrangement itd be  
CA: so yeah there it is  
CT: D --> Urk  
CT: D --> This is  
CT: D --> An e%tremely brazen solicitation, seadweller  
CA: more like its extremely perfect  
CA: like you twwo get to keep doin your little back an forth hostilities  
CA: an ill be there to make sure nobody goes outta line  
CA: meanwwhile wwe all get a quadrant filled an evverybodys happy  
CA: especially me  
CA: four outta four  
CA: troll serendipity bitches  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> I never consented to this  
CA: dont care  
CA: im up for it an tavvs up for it so its settled  
CA: twwo outta three thats a majority vvote my friend  
CT: D --> 100k, this ma%es no sense  
CT: D --> You're offering to auspisticize me and the rustb100d  
CT: D --> But at the same time, you're doing the same between me and your moirail  
CA: wwhoa hey SLOWW THE FUCK DOWWN there eq  
CA: i am doin NO SUCH THING betwween you an gam  
CT: D --> You rather e%plicity barred us from entering such a relationship  
CA: no thats different  
CA: i mean im all for you an gam bein kismesisses HYPOTHETICALLY  
CA: but as is the relationship isnt gonna wwork out  
CA: part a my duties as gams moirail is to prevvent him from engagin in any inadvvertent trollslaughter  
CA: an im afraid thats exactly wwhats gonna happen if you try anything wwith him right noww  
CA: but this thing betwween you an tavv is typical auspistice bait  
CA: im straight up prevventin an unwworthy kismesissitude here  
CA: so dont get the wwrong fuckin idea ok  
CT: D --> Urgh  
CT: D --> This is 100dicrous  
CA: cmon eq itll be great  
CA: i mean it doesnt havve to be like a convventional auspisticism  
CA: wwith all the endless naggin an shit like that  
CA: itll be fun  
CA: hey maybe wwe could evven rap a little  
CT: D --> What  
CA: you heard me  
CA: get out slam on  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Are you seriously suggesting we participate in slam poetry  
CA: sure wwhy not  
CA: tavvs quite a slam master himself  
CA: an im sure a respectable patrician like yourself partakes in a little poetry evvery noww an then  
CT: D --> How do you know that  
CA: just a guess  
CA: anywway ivve been meanin to get into the art myself but ivve had trouble findin anybody to practice wwith  
CA: i mean i tried it wwith gam but  
CA: er  
CA: actually nevvermind  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> What happened  
CA: look i dont wwant to talk about it ok  
CA: shouldnt evven be discussin this wwith others  
CT: D --> Did he  
CT: D --> Do something to you  
CA: EQ THIS REALLY ISNT ANY OF YOUR FUCKIN BUSINESS OK  
CA: its a PRIVVATE FUCKIN MATTER an i am NOT TALKING ABOUT IT  
CT: D --> Urk  
CT: D --> Ok then  
CT: D --> But it e100des me how you would think to inc100de slam poetry into a conciliation  
CA: wwell you knoww wwhat a slam offs all about  
CA: its gentlemens duel fought wwith wwords instead a swwords  
CA: its a chance to bloww off some steam wwithout blowwin off each others heads  
CA: it wwouldnt be the first time bloodsheds been avverted wwith the artful application of sick fires  
CT: D --> This is absurd  
CA: its amazing youll see  
CT: D --> Ok, 100k  
CT: D --> This f001ish line of di%ussion has e%tended far enough  
CT: D --> There was a reason I conta%ed you in the first place  
CA: oh yeah i guess i kinda just took control a this wwhole convversation didnt i  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> It was greatly unappreciated  
CA: haha good to hear  
CA: so anywway wwhat do you wwant  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I require something of you  
CA: oh really  
CA: wwell isnt that interesting  
CA: an just wwhat do you require a me eq  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> A cuttlefish  
CA: wwhat  
CA: a cuttlefish  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Really, any e%ample of marine life would work  
CT: D --> But a cuttlefish in partic001ar would be ideal  
CA: so wwait like  
CA: a livve cuttlefish  
CT: D --> A%ually, I would prefer if it were dead  
CT: D --> I will need to perform a disse%ion to 100k at its musc001ar and skeletal stru%ure  
CT: D --> It would be e%cellent if you had a live specimen, so I could study its behavior  
CT: D --> But don't think I could bring myself to e%ecute an innocent creature in cold b100d  
CA: ok  
CA: this is really fuckin wweird  
CA: wwhy do you wwant a fish  
CT: D --> It's for, um  
CT: D --> A proje%  
CA: wwait  
CA: does this havve somethin to do wwith fef  
CT: D --> Er  
CA: it does doesnt it  
CA: youre gonna take this cuttlefish an make it into some sorta wweird gift in some big ploy to wwin her ovver arent you  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> If you'll e%cuse my unchara%eristic use of pun%uation  
CT: D --> Kind of?  
CA: hahahaha oh my god  
CA: eq that is the cutest fuckin thing  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> How is it cute  
CA: wwell it just is  
CA: oh man shed probably be all ovver that  
CA: you givvin her some kinda wweird cyborg cuttlefish or somethin  
CA: she lovves shit like that  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> I see  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> You don't take e%ception to this, do you  
CA: to wwhat  
CT: D --> My attempting to, er  
CT: D --> Court the heiress  
CA: wwhy wwould i evven care  
CA: ivve already got a matesprit an im plenty fuckin happy wwith her  
CA: the wwhole thing wwith me an fef is ovver ok  
CA: so dont wworry about it for my sake  
CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> That's good to hear  
CA: i mean sol might havve a problem wwith it  
CA: but honestly im tempted to say fuck that guy  
CA: stringin her along wwith his wwishy wwashy bullshit  
CA: frankly i think he could use a good kick in the fuckin pants  
CT: D --> Ha  
CT: D --> I'm inclined to agree  
CA: though ill tell you noww  
CA: this hemospectrum shit absolutely wwill not fly wwith her  
CT: D --> I'm aware of that  
CA: no man im serious about this  
CA: like nep might be wwillin to abide this shit but for fef its gonna be a straight up deal breaker  
CA: an if you insist on clingin to it the wway you are thingsll nevver wwork out betwween you twwo  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> I'll  
CT: D --> Keep that in mind, I suppose  
CA: yeah i think youd better  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> Do you have a cuttlefish  
CA: i think i do actually  
CA: picked one up back wwhen i first passed through lodag  
CA: back in my wweird creepy stalker days  
CA: honestly i havve no idea wwhy im still holdin onto this thing  
CT: D --> Ah, good  
CT: D --> Please give me the captchalogue code  
CA: wwhoa hold on a second  
CA: wwhats in this for me  
CT: D --> What  
CA: i dont see any reason wwhy i should just givve this to you  
CA: maybe you should make it wworth my wwhile  
CT: D --> Are you  
CT: D --> Are you honestly attempting to solicit a bribe from me  
CA: not a bribe per se  
CA: im just requestin you perform a servvice for me  
CA: as compensation  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> What kind of service, e%actly  
CA: rap me for it  
CT: D --> What  
CA: yknoww slam wwith me  
CA: right here right noww  
CA: sling me some rhymes an the cephalopod is yours  
CT: D --> This is f001ish  
CA: eq wwhats the big deal  
CA: its just a little poetry  
CT: D --> My poems are private  
CA: ok look wwill it help if i start  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> That's  
CT: D --> A distin% possibility  
CA: alright fine  
CA: tell you wwhat ill evven be extra forceful about it  
CA: howws that sound  
CT: D --> Hrk  
CT: D --> That sounds  
CT: D --> A%eptable  
CA: well  
CA: if a distinct possibility is all ivve got  
CA: then i guess ivve got no choice than to givve it a shot  
CA: so turn on the spigot an wwatch the rhymes floww  
CA: cause i just pulled into the harbor an im ready to go  
CA: im eridan ampora comin straight from the deep  
CA: an wwhen i start to slam you knoww im alwways playin for keeps  
CA: so take the rings off your fingers cause im uppin the ante  
CA: wwith my lyrics more profane than any seadwweller shanty  
CA: wwhen i roll up on your hivve in a darin raid  
CA: ill leavve my scars on your diamond in the shape of a spade  
CA: she fell vvictim to the umbrage a the prince a hope  
CA: meanwwhile i got my redglare fixed on the pyrope  
CA: an noww you dont need any fuckin eyes to see  
CA: that im wwell on my wway to troll serendipity  
CA: an noww im slingin sick fires all ovver the fuckin floor  
CA: so unless you wwanna slam you better head for the door  
CT: D --> Is  
CT: D --> Is that all  
CA: yeah dude its your turn  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> If that was your invitation  
CT: D --> For a poetic demonstration  
CT: D --> Then you'd best prepare for abso100t lyrical devastation  
CT: D --> Your rhymes are pathetic, your stru%ure absurd  
CT: D --> And my thoughts on your rhythm are best left unheard  
CT: D --> So if I may make a change for my now-sullied opti%  
CT: D --> I'll now wa% poetic on less f001ish topi%  
CT: D --> Namely, I declare it my self-sworn duty  
CT: D --> To e%pound on a paragon of grace and beauty  
CT: D --> An amaranthine goddess of al100vion born  
CT: D --> Nobility incarnate in its purest form  
CA: wwait  
CT: D --> From her horns to her feet, a mirac001ous treasure  
CT: D --> Wielding strength and compassion both in equal measure  
CT: D --> STRONG hands reward the obedient thane  
CT: D --> And punish the impudent with most e%quisite pain  
CA: oh god  
CA: eq wwhat the fuck  
CT: D --> Defiance brought to immediate stop  
CT: D --> By sharp impa%s on flesh of a musclebeast's crop  
CT: D --> Blows landing like thunder on insolent hips  
CT: D --> Obedience wrought with the cra% of a whip  
CA: ok stop  
CA: just  
CA: stop  
CT: D --> Er  
CA: eq  
CA: holy fuck  
CA: wwhat am i evven readin here  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> It was intended to be  
CT: D --> An ode  
CA: wwell its the most odious fuckin ode ivve evver read  
CA: god just forget it  
CA: slam ovver  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Are you conceding defeat  
CA: no im callin foul on the wwhole fuckin thing  
CA: you cant just go into a subject like that wwithout wwarnin a guy  
CT: D --> It's a perfe%ly artistic subje%  
CA: its fuckin disturbin is wwhat it is  
CT: D --> 100k, will you just give me the code  
CA: ok ok fine  
CA: S3pI1d4e  
CT: D --> A moment, please  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> This 100% to be satisfa%ory  
CA: ok good  
CA: cause holy fuck does this convversation need to end  
CT: D --> I am in abso100t agreement  
CA: alright  
CA: wwell  
CA: good luck wwith your thing  
CT: D --> Yes, than%  
CA: an ill see you around  
CA: if you knoww wwhat i mean  
CA: c3<  
CT: D --> Hrk  
CT: D --> I forbid you from typing that symbol at me  
CA: wwhatevver dude  
CA: its happenin an youre just gonna havve to deal wwith it  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I will not "deal with it"  
CA: yknoww maybe ill just talk to tavv right noww and hammer out all the details  
CA: actually  
CA: wwait hold on  
CT: D --> What  
CA: oh  
CA: oh shit  
CA: wwell thatll havve to wwait i guess  
CA: somethin big just came up wwith gam  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> What's going on  
CA: youll find out  
CA: anywway i gotta go  
CT: D --> Urgh, fine  
CA: hey next time you talk to nep  
CA: tell her shes a stupid wwiggler for me wwill you  
CT: D --> No  
CA: hahaha ok fine  
CA: anywway see you around  
CT: D --> Yes, goodbye  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]  


*** 

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC].  
  
AT: hEY gAMZEE,  
TC: Well shit, if it isn't my favorite brother on all of motherfuckin paradox space.  
TC: What the mother fuck is up, Rufio?  
AT: hAHA,  
AT: yOU KNOW, yOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME THAT 1F YOU DON'T WANT TO,  
TC: Ain't no thing, bro.  
TC: Unless you all don't want me to up and call that up towards you.  
AT: wELL, hONESTLY,  
AT: wH1LE rUF1O 1S, 1N FACT, a NAME THAT 1S UNBEL1EVABLY BADASS,  
AT: bE1NG CALLED THAT ON A REGULAR BAS1S SEEMS K1ND OF, uH,  
AT: s1LLY, 1 GUESS,  
TC: Oh.  
TC: Yeah, I guess I can all see why you'd see that shit as bein kind of motherfuckin silly.  
TC: If I can speak the motherfuckin truth on a moment, I'm kind of all thinkin my own new name is kind of silly too.  
AT: uH, yEAH, 1T REALLY K1ND OF 1S,  
AT: 1 MEAN, tECHN1CALLY SPEAK1NG, 1T'S QU1TE ACCURATE,  
AT: tHUD bUTT WAS, aFTER ALL, eSSENT1ALLY rUF1O'S SECOND-1N-COMMAND,  
AT: bUT OUT OF CONTEXT, 1T JUST SOUNDS K1ND OF R1D1CULOUS,  
TC: I kind of didn't want to say nothing, but so far the general motherfuckin consensus has been what it's pretty ridiculous.  
AT: nO, 1T'S FINE, 1 GET 1T,  
AT: oKAY, lOOK,  
AT: lET'S JUST SAY WE USE OUR NEW NAMES DUR1NG REL1G1OUS FUNCT1ONS ONLY,  
AT: dOES THAT SOUND GOOD,  
TC: Fuck yeah, bro, that all sounds like a motherfuckin miracle.  
AT: hAHA, gREAT, }:)  
TC: So what the mother fuck is all up, Tavbro?  
AT: wELL, hONESTLY,  
AT: 1'M 1N K1ND OF A BAD MOOD,  
AT: aND 1 WAS HOP1NG TALK1NG TO YOU WOULD CHEER ME UP,  
AT: 1F THAT'S OKAY, 1 MEAN,  
TC: Of course that shit's okay, bro.  
TC: Makin my matesprit up and feel better is pretty much my top motherfuckin priority what over any motherfuckin day on the week.  
TC: So just what's all rainin down over your imperial marching ceremony?  
AT: wELL,  
AT: 1T'S K1ND OF HARD TO EXPLA1N, rEALLY,  
AT: bUT 1 JUST FEEL K1ND OF,  
AT: aNGRY, 1 GUESS,  
TC: Angry?  
TC: Well shit, what's all got you angry, brother?  
AT: sEE, tHAT'S THE TH1NG,  
AT: 1 MEAN, tH1NK1NG ABOUT 1T, 1'VE GOT A LOT TO BE ANGRY ABOUT,  
AT: bUT 1T'S NOT JUST ONE TH1NG,  
AT: oR EVEN ALL OF THE TH1NGS, hONESTLY,  
AT: rEALLY, 1 KIND OF FEEL L1KE,  
AT: tHERE'S NO REASON AT ALL FOR 1T,  
TC: Oh.  
AT: 1S THAT OKAY,  
AT: tO BE ANGRY FOR NO REASON,  
TC: Nah, it's cool, bro.  
TC: If there's any motherfucker up on paradox space what's got a right to be angry on shit, it's definitely you.  
AT: yEAH, tHAT'S TRUE, 1 GUESS,  
AT: 1 MEAN, eSPEC1ALLY CONS1DER1NG HOW MUCH 1 HAVEN'T BEEN ANGRY ABOUT,  
AT: pEOPLE USED TO SAY 1 WAS 1NCAPABLE OF HAT1NG ANYTH1NG,  
AT: wH1CH 1S, 1 TH1NK,  
AT: k1ND OF A SH1TTY TH1NG TO TH1NK ABOUT SOMEONE???  
TC: Haha, yeah, that kind of all motherfuckin is.  
TC: But maybe I can all help you up and get some of that motherfuckin anger away from your mind.  
TC: Just kick back and let this chill motherfuckin Bard destroy the fuck off of your Rage.  
AT: hAHA, yEAH, tHAT'S BE GREAT,  
AT: 1 MEAN, 1F 1T'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK,  
TC: Tavbro, there ain't a motherfuckin thing what you could all up and ask at me what would be too motherfuckin much to ask.  
TC: Least of all some shit I all up and suggested through my own motherfuckin self.  
AT: wELL, 1F YOU SAY SO,  
AT: tHANKS, gAMZEE, <3  
TC: No motherfuckin problem, bro <3  
TC: So what's all got your motherfuckin seagoat on the particulars?  
AT: wELL, l1KE 1 SA1D, tHERE'S A LOT OF TH1NGS,  
AT: l1KE THE WHOLE TH1NG W1TH eQU1US,  
AT: aND THE TH1NG BETWEEN sOLLUX AND vR1SKA,  
AT: aND,  
AT: hONESTLY, vR1SKA 1N GENERAL,  
AT: 1 MEAN, 1 L1KE HER AND ALL, bUT SHE'S K1ND OF A HANDFUL,  
TC: Yeah, I hear that, brother.  
TC: Seein as you and I both got saddled down within the two most histrionic motherfuckers what ever got hatched.  
AT: hAHA, yEAH,  
AT: 1S EVERYTH1NG OKAY W1TH YOU AND eR1DAN, bY THE WAY,  
TC: Well, down until recently, he was feelin as a proper motherfucker what for the whole meltdown through him and Karkat.  
TC: But now he's all motherfuckin elated what for makin things official across him and the catsis.  
AT: oH YEAH, tHEY'RE K1SMES1SSES NOW,  
AT: hOW'S THAT WORK1NG OUT FOR H1M,  
TC: Pretty motherfuckin well, like a matter of fact.  
TC: Just judgin on the scars I end up cleanin after, it's a pretty satisfyin motherfuckin relationship what for all parties involved.  
AT: hAHA, aWESOME,  
AT: bUT 1T'S K1ND OF WE1RD, dON'T YOU TH1NK,  
AT: a N1CE G1RL L1KE nEPETA GO1NG FOR A GUY L1KE H1M,  
TC: Yeah, I guess weird is all the motherfuckin term you could use to up and describe that shit.  
TC: But it's all on how you play your cards, I guess.  
TC: Sometimes one motherfucker just straight up gets his dislike on over towards another motherfucker, no two ways around it.  
TC: And if you find some motherfucker what really riles you out, you've got to hold over that shit and nurture it as a delicate motherfuckin flower.  
AT: wOW,  
AT: tHAT'S REALLY,  
AT: pOET1C,  
TC: Haha, yeah, I guess so.  
TC: Truth in the matter is, seein what Eridan's got with Nepeta is makin me a little jealous.  
AT: oH REALLY,  
AT: gAMZEE, aRE YOU 1NTERESTED 1N F1ND1NG A K1SMES1S,  
TC: Shit, I don't know, maybe.  
AT: wELL, wHO WERE YOU TH1NK1NG ABOUT,  
TC: Uh...  
TC: I hadn't really thought it up that far ahead, honestly.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: hEY, wHAT ABOUT eQU1US,  
AT: tHAT GUY'S A REAL DOUCHE,  
TC: Whoa, shit.  
TC: That's kind of motherfuckin forward, bro.  
AT: wELL, 1T'S JUST A SUGGEST1ON,  
TC: See, I was all thinkin you were pitch on that motherfucker.  
AT: ,,,eH,  
TC: "Eh?"  
AT: hEY, 1 DON'T L1KE THE GUY, dON'T GET ME WRONG,  
AT: bUT 1T'S JUST,  
AT: 1T'S NOT,  
AT: pERSONAL, 1 GUESS?  
AT: l1KE, 1 HARDLY EVEN KNOW H1M,  
TC: Yeah, that's a motherfuckin point, I suppose.  
AT: 1 MEAN, yOU GUYS HAVE A H1STORY, r1GHT,  
TC: Ugh, yeah.  
TC: Motherfucker would hit me down every once on a while to tell me what a piece of shit I was.  
TC: Then he'd try to get me to order him about as the hemoscrapin motherfucker what he's always been.  
TC: Fuck that guy.  
AT: yEAH, sEE, tH1S 1S WHAT 1'M TALK1NG ABOUT,  
AT: yOU TWO GO WAY BACK,  
AT: bUT TO ME, hE'S JUST,  
AT: sOME ASSHOLE,  
TC: Haha, yeah, I dig you, brother.  
TC: But if you don't all get your spades up on that guy, just who the fuck else can you do it upon?  
AT: wELL,  
AT: 1'D ASK THE SAME OF YOU, rEALLY,  
TC: Yeah, that's a salient motherfuckin point you're all wavin up and down right there.  
TC: Seein like the two of us are pretty much all the least hateable motherfuckers upon all of paradox space.  
AT: hAHA, tHAT SOUNDS ABOUT R1GHT,  
TC: So I'd hate to think I was all blackblockin my brother off of his one avenue for a motherfuckin kismesis.  
TC: Shit, I'm not even the first.  
TC: The spidersis is all chasin before the bipolar motherfucker, and I know you're all gettin your dislike up towards that guy, too.  
AT: gAMZEE, 1T'S F1NE, rEALLY,  
AT: hONESTLY, 1 DON'T EVEN D1SL1KE sOLLUX THAT MUCH,  
AT: rEALLY, 1 K1ND OF FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT H1M AS 1 DO ABOUT eQU1US,  
AT: fOR THE SAME REASON, aCTUALLY,  
TC: Really?  
TC: Well, what motherfuckin reason is that?  
AT: uH,  
AT: 1'D,  
AT: rATHER NOT TALK ABOUT 1T, hONESTLY,  
TC: Fuck, okay.  
TC: Not gonna try and pry that shit off of you.  
AT: rEALLY, tHE WHOLE TH1NG W1TH sOLLUX 1S JUST H1M BE1NG A TOOL,  
AT: oNCE nEPETA FORCEFULLY SORTS H1S SH1T OUT, hE'LL PROBABLY STOP BE1NG SUCH A PA1N,  
AT: aND AS FOR eQU1US,  
AT: wELL,  
AT: tHAT'LL SORT 1TSELF OUT SOON ENOUGH,  
TC: And just what the mother fuck does that mean?  
AT: 1T'S A SURPR1SE, };)  
TC: Hahaha, well shit, okay.  
TC: I love a good surprise as much like the next motherfucker.  
AT: bUT YEAH, dON'T HOLD OFF ON ANYTH1NG FOR MY SAKE,  
AT: nO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, 1'M SURE eR1DAN AND vR1SKA CAN F1ND A GOOD MATCH FOR MY BLACK QUADRANT,  
TC: If you say so, bro.  
TC: But hey, speakin on Vriska, is everything chill across you two?  
TC: You kind of made it all sound as she was givin you some trouble.  
AT: d1D 1,  
AT: bECAUSE REALLY, tH1NGS ARE PRETTY COOL BETWEEN US,  
AT: sHE'S COOK1NG UP SOME ZANY SCHEME FOR THE WHOLE sOLLUX TH1NG,  
AT: tHE F1RE HAS BEEN STARTED, aND SEVERAL 1RONS ARE BE1NG WARMED 1N 1T AS WE SPEAK,  
TC: Hahaha, fuck yeah.  
TC: Spidersis gettin her deceivin practice on and weavin a big tangled motherfuckin web off it.  
AT: yES, eXACTLY,  
AT: aND 1T WON'T BE AS, uH,  
AT: d1RECT, aS HER LAST ATTEMPT AT A BLACK SOL1C1TAT1ON,  
TC: Ummm...  
AT: dON'T ASK,  
TC: Okay, not askin.  
AT: sHE'S BECOME A LOT MORE SUBTLE S1NCE WE BECAME MO1RA1LS,  
AT: aND 1'M AFRA1D, 1 MAY HAVE CREATED A MONSTER,  
AT: bUT THEN, sHE'S A LOT N1CER, tOO,  
AT: sO MAYBE SHE'S,  
AT: a BENEVOLENT MONSTER?  
TC: Hahaha, fuck yeah.  
TC: A giant friendly spider monster, goin in a compassionate rampage all about the motherfuckin incipisphere.  
TC: All stompin from planet to planet, leavin nothin but happiness and friendly faces on her motherfuckin wake.  
AT: hAHAHAHA,  
AT: tHAT 1S, 1N FACT, a VERY AMUS1NG MENTAL 1MAGE,  
TC: Well, if a brother can't amuse his motherfuckin matesprit, then just what the mother fuck can he do?  
AT: oH, m1STER mAKARA,  
AT: 1'M SURE THERE'S PLENTY OF OTHER TH1NGS YOU COULD DO TO YOUR MATESPRIT,  
AT: };D  
TC: Hahahaha, <3  
AT: <3  
TC: Anyway, I'm all glad to hear everything's up and great along the two of you.  
AT: yEAH, eVERYTH1NG'S F1NE,  
AT: mORE THAN F1NE, aCTUALLY,  
AT: 1 MEAN,  
AT: wELL,  
AT: oKAY, tHERE'S PROBABLY,  
AT: sOMETH1NG 1 SHOULD TALK TO YOU ABOUT,  
TC: Oh.  
TC: Well, what's up, Tavbro?  
AT: wELL, yOU KNOW,  
AT: vR1SKA AND 1 ARE REALLY,  
AT: cLOSE, r1GHT,  
TC: Yeah, sure.  
TC: You two owe a lot for each other.  
AT: r1GHT,  
AT: wELL, hOW WOULD YOU FEEL 1F,  
AT: sAY, wE WERE TO GET,  
AT: uH,  
AT: cLOSER,  
TC: Um...  
TC: Closer like how?  
AT: wELL,  
AT: oKAY, hERE'S THE TH1NG,  
AT: rECENTLY, vR1SKA'S BEEN FEEL1NG SOME,  
AT: uH, tENS1ON BETWEEN US,  
AT: oF A, uH,  
AT: pHYS1CAL NATURE,  
TC: Wait.  
TC: Are you saying she wants to...  
TC: To do stuff on you?  
AT: eR, k1ND OF?  
AT: wE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTH1NG YET,  
AT: aND WE DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTH1NG EVER,  
AT: 1F YOU'RE, uH, nOT OKAY W1TH 1T,  
AT: bUT SHE'S BEEN FEEL1NG, vERY STRONGLY ABOUT 1T,  
AT: aND THE TRUTH 1S,  
AT: 1 M1GHT, k1ND OF BE FEEL1NG THE SAME WAY,  
TC: Oh shit.  
TC: Seriously?  
AT: 1'M NOT FLUSHED FOR HER, bEFORE YOU ASK,  
AT: wE'RE ST1LL AS PALE AS EVER,  
AT: 1 DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP HER AND kANAYA,  
AT: aND 1 WOULD NEVER, eVER WANT TO BREAK UP W1TH YOU,  
AT: aND 1F YOU TH1NK TH1S HAS any CHANCE OF MESS1NG TH1NGS UP BETWEEN US, 1'LL DROP THE WHOLE TH1NG,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: tHE FEEL1NGS ARE ST1LL THERE,  
AT: aND 1 DON'T TH1NK THEY'LL JUST GO AWAY,  
TC: Right.  
AT: sO, uH,  
AT: wOULD YOU BE,  
AT: oKAY W1TH US,  
AT: dO1NG THAT,  
TC: Well...  
AT: aND 1F YOU SAY NO, 1'LL JUST DROP 1T, sER1OUSLY,  
TC: Alright, look.  
TC: I can understand the two of you bein real fond on each other.  
TC: I mean, you two mean a lot for each other, and I get on all that shit perfectly.  
TC: And I understand why you might up and be attracted at the spidersis.  
TC: You all went and turned her into a proper motherfuckin lady.  
TC: And I can't fault her one motherfuckin bit on bein attracted to a miraculous brother like yourself.  
AT: hAHA, r1GHT,  
TC: And I don't think there's a single motherfuckin thing what anybody could do what could make you any less flushed on me.  
TC: Or me on you, to that matter.  
TC: Or across Vriska and the fairy grubmother, while we're gettin on particulars.  
AT: uH,  
TC: I meant Kanaya.  
AT: yEAH, 1 KNOW,  
AT: 1T'S JUST,  
TC: A shitty motherfuckin nickname, I got it.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: 1T'S NOT,  
AT: tHAT BAD?  
TC: Tavros.  
AT: oKAY, f1NE, 1T'S TERR1BLE,  
TC: Alright, movin on.  
TC: I'm just gonna be perfectly straight at you.  
TC: I personally ain't got a problem with you and Vriska doin any shit as what you're talkin around.  
TC: But I've gotta ask, bro...  
TC: Do you really think two moirails can do flushed shit and still be motherfuckin pale at each other?  
AT: wELL, tHAT'S WHAT 1 WAS WORR1ED ABOUT,  
AT: bUT vR1SKA TALKED TO fEFER1 ABOUT TH1S,  
AT: aND SHE SUGGESTED THAT 1T ACTUALLY was A PALE TH1NG,  
AT: l1KE, 1T'S SORT OF THE NATURAL PROGRESS1ON,  
AT: wHEN TWO MO1RA1LS ARE JUST,  
AT: rEALLY FUCK1NG AWESOME AT MO1RA1L1NG FOR EACH OTHER,  
AT: aND YOU START TO RUN OUT OF STUFF TO NAG EACH OTHER ABOUT,  
AT: sO YOU'RE JUST LEFT W1TH TWO AWESOME PEOPLE,  
AT: wHO ARE REALLY, rEALLY CLOSE,  
AT: aND KNOW PRACT1CALLY EVERYTH1NG ABOUT EACH OTHER,  
TC: Huh.  
TC: So you don't think your moirallegiance is gonna suffer under it at all?  
AT: 1 DON'T TH1NK SO, nO,  
AT: sHE LOVES kANAYA TOO MUCH,  
AT: aND 1 LOVE YOU TOO MUCH,  
AT: aND WE BOTH LOVE BE1NG MO1RA1LS TOO MUCH TO LET SOMETH1NG L1KE TH1S MESS ANYTH1NG UP,  
TC: Well...  
TC: Shit, that's cool, I guess.  
TC: I mean...  
AT: uH,  
AT: gAMZEE, 1S SOMETH1NG WRONG,  
TC: Well, there's some shit I probably should have told at you a long time back.  
AT: oH,  
AT: whAT 1S 1T,  
TC: Well...  
TC: A few days before, Eridan and I were jammin on my hive.  
TC: And he says he all wants me to teach him how to slam.  
AT: oH,  
TC: See, he was all figurin that he'd need to know how to rap to calm me the fuck out if I ever lost my shit as I did before.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: tHAT MAKES SENSE, 1 GUESS,  
TC: So he started slammin towards me.  
TC: And I kind of up and started slammin back.  
TC: But we both kind of got a little too motherfuckin into it, and...  
TC: Well...  
AT: yOU D1D STUFF,  
TC: We did stuff.  
AT: oH WOW,  
TC: I'm sorry, bro.  
TC: If I'd all known shit was gonna up and escalate the way it did, I would've never motherfuckin agreed on doin it.  
TC: But the Flow was strong with us, and I just...  
TC: I lost myself in the music, I guess.  
TC: Shit, I should've told all this on you sooner.  
AT: gAMZEE, 1T'S F1NE,  
AT: yOU'RE NOT UNDER ANY OBL1GAT1ON TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN YOU AND eR1DAN,  
AT: wHAT YOU AND YOUR MO1RA1L DO 1N THE PR1VACY OF A FEEL1NGS JAM 1SN'T REALLY MY BUS1NESS,  
AT: oR ANYONE ELSE'S, fOR THAT MATTER,  
TC: Yeah, I know on all that shit, but still.  
AT: lOOK, 1 GET 1T,  
AT: yOU TWO MEAN A LOT TO EACH OTHER, tOO,  
AT: aND REALLY, 1'D BE A PRETTY MAJOR FUCK1NG HYPOCR1TE TO CR1T1C1ZE YOU FOR ACT1NG ON THAT,  
TC: Hahaha, yeah, I guess.  
AT: aNYWAY, 1T WAS AN ACC1DENT,  
AT: 1T'S NOT L1KE YOU WENT BEH1ND MY BACK ON 1T OR ANYTH1NG,  
AT: sO DON'T WORRY ABOUT 1T,  
TC: Really, bro?  
AT: yOU SA1D 1T YOURSELF, gAMZEE,  
AT: tHERE 1SN'T ANYTH1NG ANYBODY COULD DO TO MAKE US ANY LESS FLUSHED FOR EACH OTHER,  
TC: Well, shit.  
TC: Thanks, Tavros.  
TC: That all takes a load from my motherfuckin think pan, believe me.  
AT: dON'T MENT1ON 1T,  
AT: 1 MEAN, 1F YOU'RE OKAY W1TH WHATEVER vR1SKA AND 1 DO,  
AT: tHEN 1'M F1NE W1TH WHATEVER YOU AND eR1DAN DO,  
TC: Even rapping?  
AT: eVEN RAPP1NG,  
TC: Fuck, bro, that's awful accepting on you.  
AT: hEY, l1KE 1 SA1D,  
AT: 1'D BE A TOTAL HYPOCR1TE TO JUDGE YOU FOR 1T,  
AT: eSPEC1ALLY S1NCE 1'M THE ONE WHO BROUGHT TH1S WHOLE TH1NG UP,  
TC: Shit, that's right.  
TC: You wouldn't want to up and be a motherfuckin hyprocrite.  
AT: yEAH, tHAT'S eQU1US' JOB,  
TC: Hahahaha, yeah.  
TC: Seriously, though, fuck that guy.  
AT: hAHA, yEAH,  
AT: wOW, 1'M 1N A MUCH BETTER MOOD NOW,  
AT: tHANKS A LOT, gAMZEE,  
TC: Well, you're always motherfuckin welcome, Tavbro.  
AT: aND 1'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE COOL W1TH THE WHOLE vR1SKA TH1NG,  
AT: 1 WAS REALLY AFRA1D YOU'D GET MAD AT ME FOR EVEN BR1NG1NG 1T UP,  
TC: Shit no, brother, there ain't a motherfuckin thing what you could talk around what would get me mad on you.  
TC: Even if you all said you wanted to break up on me, I couldn't bring myself to hate you for it.  
AT: 1'D NEVER SAY THAT,  
TC: I know, I know, that was just an extreme motherfuckin example.  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: wELL, mAYBE 1 SHOULD GO NOW,  
AT: tELL vR1SKA THE GOOD NEWS,  
TC: Actually, bro, before you go, there was one thing I wanted to up and talk at you about.  
AT: oH, oKAY,  
AT: wHAT 1S 1T,  
TC: Well, maybe you'll just find this shit to be all silly, but...  
TC: Do you remember back when your dreamself was all up on Prospit?  
AT: yEAH, 1 REMEMBER,  
AT: 1 REMEMBER FLY1NG AROUND ON THE MOON,  
AT: aND WHEN YOU WERE ASLEEP TOO, wE WOULD FLY AROUND TOGETHER,  
TC: Yeah, that shit was choice.  
AT: oH NO,  
AT: 1 DON'T HAVE A DREAMSELF ANYMORE,  
AT: sO NOW YOU'RE ON pROSP1T ALL ALONE, aREN'T YOU,  
AT: 1'M SORRY, gAMZEE,  
AT: }:(  
TC: Well, I ain't exactly alone, really.  
TC: Kanaya and Terezi are all awake up on there.  
TC: And Karkat's down there, too, but he still hasn't woken the fuck up.  
TC: So, I mean, I still got company.  
TC: But... I miss flyin with you, bro.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: mAYBE WE CAN'T FLY ON pROSP1T,  
AT: bUT WE CAN FLY WHEN WE'RE AWAKE, cAN'T WE,  
TC: Well, yeah, that shit's all true.  
TC: But I mean... it's just not the same.  
TC: It ain't as free as flyin was all over Prospit.  
TC: Plus, I think I alchemized this rocket-unicycle wrong or something, cause my feet don't reach the motherfuckin pedals.  
AT: hAHA,  
AT: 1T'S OKAY, gAMZEE, 1 UNDERSTAND,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: wHAT D1D YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT 1T,  
TC: Well...  
TC: I wanted to go God Tier.  
AT: oH WOW,  
AT: sER1OUSLY,  
TC: Yeah, bro.  
TC: Then we could both just spread our wings and fly between the motherfuckin incipisphere, leavin a delicious trail of peanut butter and jelly sparkles all under our wake.  
AT: gAMZEE, tH1S 1S A REALLY SER1OUS DEC1S1ON,  
AT: yOU DON'T HAVE TO DO TH1S JUST FOR ME,  
TC: I want to do it, Tavros.  
TC: And not just for you, either.  
TC: If I really want to master my Rage, this is something I've all got to motherfuckin confront.  
TC: I don't want to lose control again.  
TC: I'm afraid I might do something to hurt you.  
TC: Or Eridan, or anybody else, really.  
TC: And I couldn't live with myself after that.  
AT: gAMZEE,  
AT: 1 UNDERSTAND,  
TC: So you're okay on it?  
AT: 1F YOU'RE REALLY READY TO ASCEND,  
AT: tHEN 1 GUESS YOU PROBABLY SHOULD,  
TC: Well, if I'm all gonna do it, then I want you to be there.  
TC: I mean, if that shit's cool for you.  
AT: yEAH, tHAT MAKES SENSE,  
AT: aND REALLY, yOU SHOULD PROBABLY 1NV1TE eR1DAN, tOO,  
AT: hE HAS A R1GHT TO BE THERE,  
TC: Shit, yeah, that's right.  
AT: aRE YOU AT YOUR H1VE R1GHT NOW,  
TC: You know it, bro.  
AT: aLR1GHT, tELL YOU WHAT,  
AT: yOU GET 1N TOUCH W1TH H1M,  
AT: aND 1'LL BE R1GHT OVER,  
TC: Fuck, sounds like a plan.  
AT: oKAY, gREAT,  
AT: sEE YOU SOON, gAMZEE,  
AT: <3  
TC: Hahaha, yeah, brother. <3  
TC: But hey, I can all multitask up on this shit.  
TC: So while you're all on transit, what do you say we rap a little?  
AT: oH,  
AT: yEAH, oKAY, 1 COULD WORK THAT,  
AT: tURN ON SOME STR1CT BEATS AND GET OUR SLAM ON,  
TC: Fuck yeah, my man.  
AT: wHAT TRACK ARE YOU TH1NK1NG,  
TC: I was gonna all say track six.  
AT: hAHA, mY THOUGHTS EXACTLY,  
AT: tH1S 1S DEF1N1TELY A TRACK S1X S1TUAT1ON,  
TC: Hahaha, fuck yes.  
TC: Did you wanna start, or shall I?  
AT: 1'LL START,  
AT: g1VE YOU SOME T1ME TO H1T UP eR1DAN,  
TC: Yeah, that's a choice motherfuckin idea.  
TC: Okay, so we hit play off the count of three.  
TC: And once that shit up and starts, the slam begins.  
TC: You ready?  
AT: gAMZEE,  
AT: 1 WAS HATCHED READY,  
AT: }>:D  
TC: Hahahaha, yeah!  
TC: Bangarang, Rufio!  
AT: bANGARANG, tHUD bUTT,  
AT: oR, uH, jUST gAMZEE,  
AT: wH1CHEVER YOU PREFER,  
TC: Thud Butt's fine.  
AT: oKAY, cOOL,  
TC: Anyway, let's get this shit started.  
TC: One.  
TC: Two.  
TC: Three!  
  
They both then proceeded to have one of the most passionate, emotionally charged rap-offs in the history of paradox space.  


*** 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]  
  
GA: Mister Captor  
GA: I Realize This Is Probably Too Much To Ask But I Was Wondering If You Could Do Me A Favor  
TA: oh, hey ky.  
TA: there'2 actually 2omethiing ii wanted two a2k you two do for me.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Really  
TA: yeah, kiind of.  
TA: what do you want? maybe we can ju2t trade.  
GA: Okay  
GA: I Was Wondering If You Could Possibly Convince Feferi To Terminate Her Relations With Vriska  
TA: what.  
GA: What  
TA: well, ii wa2 goiing two a2k you iif you could get vk to 2top talkiing two ff.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Wait  
GA: Why Do You Want Vriska To Stop Talking To Feferi  
TA: why do you thiink?  
TA: becau2e iit'2 fuckiing vk.  
GA: Um  
TA: 2he'2 kiind of a horriible eviil p2ychopath who ruiined my liife, and ii'm afraiid 2he'2 goiing two do iit agaiin?  
GA: Sollux  
GA: You Realize Who Youre Talking To Right Now Right  
TA: ye2, ye2, you're her mate2priit, whatever.  
TA: iit'2 not liike ii'm talkiing 2hiit about you.  
GA: This Isnt Really A Whatever Worthy Situation Sollux  
GA: You Just Called My Matesprit A Horrible Evil Psychopath  
GA: How Am I Not Supposed To Be Offended By That  
GA: Why Would I Be Flushed For A Horrible Evil Psychopath  
TA: eheh, ii don't know, you kiind of 2eem liike the type.  
GA: Yes Just Keep Digging Yourself Deeper Mister Captor  
GA: I Was Going To Offer You A Shovel But I Can See Youre Already Quite Proficient In The Operation Of A Backhoe  
TA: well, why do you want ff two 2top talkiing two vk 2o badly?  
GA: Well  
GA: This Is Going To Sound A Little Strange  
GA: But I Believe Miss Peixes Might Be Trying To Solicit My Matesprit For Her Own Flushed Quadrant  
TA: what.  
TA: you thiink ff'2 tryiing two 2teal vk from you?  
TA: ky, are you fuckiing kiiddiing me?  
GA: Look I Realize Thats A Rather Audacious Assumption  
GA: But It Was Not One Made Without Evidence  
GA: I Mean  
GA: Youve Seen The Way Theyve Been Interacting Recently Right  
TA: yeah, ii've 2een vk fliirtiing wiith ff.  
GA: What  
GA: No Youre Mistaken  
GA: Clearly Feferi Is The One Whos Been Flirting  
TA: ky, wiith all due re2pect, that ii2 dumb a2 hell.  
TA: why would ff be the one doiing the fliirtiing?  
GA: Well Why Would Vriska Be The One Doing The Flirting  
TA: look, ii'm not 2ayiing that vk'2 actually flu2hed for her or 2omethiing.  
TA: iit'2 pretty obviiou2 what'2 goiing on here.  
TA: vk'2 ju2t doiing thii2 iin a de2perate biid to pii22 me off enough to become her kii2me2ii2.  
TA: and ii'm afraiid iif that doe2n't work, 2he's goiing two re2ort to more dra2tiic mea2ure2.  
GA: Like Attempting To Hurt Her For Instance  
TA: exactly.  
GA: You Honestly Think Shed Do Something Like That  
TA: 2he'2 done wor2e for pettiier rea2on2 before.  
GA: Urrgh  
GA: With All Due Respect Mister Captor I Think Youre Mistaken  
GA: Shes Not As Dangerous As Youre Making Her Out To Be  
TA: and ii thiink 2he'2 more dangerou2 than you're makiing her out two be.  
TA: ii thiink you're lettiing the fact that you're her mate2priit cloud your better judgment.  
GA: Its The Fact That I Am Her Matesprit That Makes Me So Confident Shes More Harmless Than You Think  
GA: Shes Not The Sadistic Dominator You Might Assume She Would Be  
GA: Really If Anything Shes Just The Opposite  
TA: ky.  
TA: plea2e tell me thii2 ii2n't iin the context ii thiink iit ii2.  
GA: Um  
TA: uuuugh.  
TA: look, 2he'2 bad new2, okay?  
TA: 2he already hurt one per2on clo2e two me, and ii'm not about to let her do iit agaiin.  
GA: If You Really Think This Is All A Big Plan To Force You To Become Her Kismesis  
GA: Then Why Dont You Just Become Her Kismesis  
TA: becau2e ii don't hate her liike that.  
GA: Really  
GA: Because Your Hatred For Her Does Seem To Be More Like A Fixation Than Anything  
TA: ii'm "fiixated" on her becau2e ii'm afraiid 2he'2 goiing two ruiin my liife for the 2econd tiime iin a row.  
TA: ii2 that 2o fuckiing unrea2onable?  
GA: Not Unreasonable So Much As Built On A Faulty Premise  
GA: You Realize This Is A Common Thing In Black Courtship Right  
GA: Assuming The Worst Of Someone Because Youre Allowing Your Caliginous Feelings To Sway Your Reasoning  
TA: oh really?  
TA: that'2 a thiing that happen2 iin black romance?  
GA: Yes Theres Quite A Historical Precedent For It  
TA: okay, 2o iif ii had black feeliing2 for 2omeone...  
TA: iit miight lead me to beliieve that 2he'2 tryiing to 2teal my mate2priit from me?  
GA: Yes Exactly  
GA: Though In This Particular Instance I Should Point Out That Feferi Technically Isnt Your Matesprit  
TA: ii wa2n't talkiing about me and vk.  
GA: Then Who Were You Talking About  
TA: eheheh, wow, nevermiind.  
GA: Look I Fail To Understand Your Trepidation In This Whole Matter  
GA: Its Not Like Vriska Would Be A Bad Kismesis  
GA: I Think Shed Certainly Be A Better Match For You Than Eridan  
GA: Though Recent Events Have Made That Particular Avenue Of Kismesissitude Irrelevant  
TA: okay, a2 much a2 ii hate two admiit iit, 2he'2 a better match for me than ed ever wa2.  
TA: ii am not at all dii2appoiinted two 2ee that opportwoniity pa22 me by, beliieve me.  
TA: ii'm glad the guy'2 off my back and 2ettled for 2omebody clo2er two hii2 2kiill level.  
GA: Um  
GA: His Skill Level  
GA: You Saw What Nepeta Did To Him Right  
GA: You Saw Just How Horribly She Mangled The Wonderful Peacoat I Crafted For Him  
TA: hey, ii watched the viideo.  
TA: and ii'll fully admiit neiither he nor np ii2 a 2louch iin the clo2e quarter2 combat department.  
TA: but ii'm a fuckiing p2iioniic, alriight?  
TA: iit'2 a completely diifferent phy2iical recreatiion riing.  
GA: Right  
GA: So Your Ideal Kismesis Would Be One Who Could Match Your Significant Psionic Power  
GA: Like Say Just For Example A Strikingly Beautiful Cerulean Blooded Girl With A Mastery Of Mental Manipulation  
TA: oh, for fuck'2 2ake.  
TA: ky, do you 2eriiou2ly thiink ii'm goiing two let vk u2e her fuckiing power2 on me?  
GA: Well  
GA: From A Purely Philosophical Standpoint I Dont Believe One Is Ever Going To Let Ones Kismesis Do Anything  
GA: It Seems Shockingly Bad Form To Submit To Anything In A Relationship That Can Essentially Be Encapsulated As A Constant Struggle For Dominance  
GA: I Thought You Possessed Mental Fortitude Enough To Resist Her Powers At Least To An Extent  
TA: not exactly.  
TA: ii can't really re2ii2t iit the 2ame way a hiighblood can.  
TA: but my own p2iioniic power2 are 2trong enough that ii can fiight back, at lea2t partiially.  
GA: How Partially  
GA: Wait  
GA: Dont Tell Me  
GA: Halfway  
TA: ha ha ha ha.  
TA: you know, the biifurcatiion thiing ii2n't nearly a2 funny when other people poiint iit out.  
GA: Sorry The Only Part Of That Sentence That Registered Is Quote The Bifurcation Thing Isnt Ellipsis Funny End Quote  
TA: wow, you're really 2tiickiing two your gun2 on the whole "no punctuatiion" thiing, aren't you?  
GA: Yes  
GA: Colon Right Parenthesis  
TA: eheh, okay, whatever.  
TA: all kiiddiing a2iide, ii'm really faiiliing two 2ee the appeal here.  
TA: ju2t what the hell am ii 2uppo2ed to fiind 2o fanta2tiic about vk jackiing iintwo my braiin and u2iing my body a2 a 2iilly puppet?  
TA: e2peciially con2iideriing what happened the la2t tiime 2he diid that.  
GA: Yes Im Well Aware Of The Particulars Of Her Most Recent Psionic Transaction With You  
GA: But She Really Has Changed  
GA: If Nothing Else Shes Learned A Little More Self Control  
GA: After All Shes Had Every Opportunity To Manipulate You In The Past Several Days  
GA: And Yet She Hasnt Has She  
TA: well, no.  
TA: but why would 2he?  
TA: 2he'2 not goiing two try two ju2t p2ychiically force me two kii22 her, ii2 2he?  
GA: Um  
GA: No Of Course Not  
GA: But There Is Another Motive Youve Conjured Up That Would Give Her The Perfect Reason To Attempt To Control You  
GA: Provided Of Course She Actually Had It  
TA: fuck, that'2 riight, ff.  
TA: iif 2he wanted two hurt her, u2iing me would be the ea2iie2t way two do iit.  
GA: Right  
GA: Except She Hasnt Done That  
GA: Because She Realizes That Hurting Feferi Would Do Nothing But Make You Hate Her Platonically  
GA: And Also Because  
GA: And This May Come As A Surprise To You  
GA: But Maybe She Respects You As A Troll Being  
TA: okay, ii can MAYBE buy the fiir2t one, but not the 2econd.  
GA: Yes Of Course  
GA: I Can Understand Why You Would Find It Hard To Believe That Someone Respects You  
TA: FUCK, ii ju2t walked iintwo that amaziing burn.  
TA: 2houldn't you be 2aviing tho2e for ff?  
GA: What  
TA: eheh, nevermiind.  
TA: anyway, the poiint ii2 ii don't want two be vk'2 kii2me2ii2, and ii don't 2ee why her abiiliity two control me liike a robot ii2 goiing two change my miind.  
GA: Her Powers Arent Just Limited To Direct Control Of Motor Functions You Know  
GA: They Have Other Uses  
TA: liike what?  
GA: Well  
GA: She Can Control The Senses As Well  
GA: Deceive The Brain Into Thinking It Sees And Hears That Which Isnt There  
GA: She Could Just As An Example Make You Believe You Were A Renowned Gambligant Afloat On The Endless Seas Of Alternia  
GA: A Cool Salty Breeze Flowing Through Your Long Untamed Locks As You Stand On The Deck Of Your Fearsome Pirating Vessel  
GA: When Suddenly From The Sky Descends A Powerful Sorceress As Dangerous As She Is Beautiful  
GA: Two Long Slender Instruments Of The Occult Cradled In Her Likewise Long Slender Fingers  
GA: Stenciled On Her Blouse In An Impossibly Lavender Hue No Symbol Found In The Imperial Registry  
GA: Simply The Initials R And L  
GA: Suddenly She Advances On You Hands Still At Her Sides And Her Face Showing Only An Infuriatingly Enigmatic Smirk  
GA: Your Think Pan Screams Aggress Or Abscond But Your Body Seems To Act On Designs Of Its Own  
GA: Suddenly Youre Locked In A Passionate Kiss And She Easily Slips Your Seagrifts Coat Off Your All Too Eager Shoulders  
GA: An Aura Of Inky Black Darkness Cloaks The Both Of You And You Find Your Remaining Wardrobe Being Infiltrated By An Array Of Writhing Shadowy Tendrils  
TA: ky.  
TA: 2top.  
GA: Er  
TA: what the fuck am ii even readiing here??  
GA: Um  
GA: Well  
GA: I Was Just Giving An Example Is All  
TA: well, a2... iintere2tiing a2 that ii2, ii'm 2tiill not biitiing.  
TA: 2o ju2t 2top tryiing two 2ell me on thii2 whole kii2me2ii22iitude thing, okay?  
TA: ju2t tell vk two get the fuck off my back and 2top talkiing two ff.  
GA: This Sounds An Awful Lot Like An Ashen Proposition Mister Captor  
TA: what?  
TA: no, iit'2 not liike that at all.  
GA: Look Regardless Of What Youre Asking Me To Do Here Im Afraid I Cant Comply  
GA: I Dont Want To Meddle In Vriskas Life Like That  
GA: Ive Been Down That Road Before And I Was Hoping Becoming Her Matesprit Meant I Wouldnt Ever Have To Again  
TA: really?  
TA: 2o you don't want two meddle wiith her, but you're a2kiing me two a2k one of her friiend2 two 2top beiing friiend2 wiith her.  
GA: Um  
GA: Thats Different  
TA: how ii2 that any diifferent?  
GA: Because Im Simply Trying To Drive Off An Unwanted And Unwelcome Flushed Suitor  
GA: Its A Perfectly Reasonable Thing That Any Rational Matesprit Would Do And Theres Nothing Meddlesome About It At All  
TA: riight, of cour2e.  
TA: except you're iin2ane and that'2 completely fuckiing retarded.  
GA: What  
TA: 2he ii2n't flu2hed for vk.  
TA: and hone2tly, why would 2he even be lookiing for a mate2priit?  
TA: ii mean, be2iide2 me?  
GA: Well  
GA: Maybe She Doesnt Want To Be Your Matesprit  
TA: what.  
GA: Maybe She Wants To Be Your Moirail And All This Bullshit Artifice Is Of Her Design Rather Than Yours  
GA: I Realize Most People Assume Youre The One Leading Her On But Im Perfectly Willing To Entertain The Converse Notion  
TA: ky, are you fuckiing wiith me here?  
GA: Look Im Just Saying  
GA: You Wouldnt Be The First Moirail Shes Strung Along With Empty Promises Of A Possible Matespritship  
TA: okay, thii2 ii2 complete hor2e2hiit, and ii am not heariing another word of iit.  
TA: ff ii2n't leadiing me on, and 2he ii2n't the horriible maniipulatiive biitch you're makiing her out two be.  
TA: 2o maybe you 2hould ju2t 2hut the fuck up.  
GA: I  
GA: Okay I May Have Gone A Little Out Of Line There  
GA: Sorry  
TA: iit'2 fiine, ii gue22.  
TA: ju2t watch iit.  
TA: ii realiize you have thii2 whole thiing wiith ff, but 2tiill.  
GA: I Dont Have A Thing With Her  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
TA: you've 2aiid nothiing but terriible thiing2 about her iin thii2 conver2atiion, and you're honet2ly goiing two deny thii2.  
GA: Mister Captor I Think You Of All People Shouldnt Be Making Accusations About Other Peoples Black Inclinations  
TA: ...fuck, that'2 actually a really good poiint.  
TA: fiine, droppiing iit.  
GA: Thank You  
GA: But Anyway  
GA: If You Really Want To Put The Whole Vriska Thing To Rest  
GA: Why Dont You Just Tell Feferi To Stop Talking To Her  
TA: are you kiiddiing me? ii've triied that already, but ff won't lii2ten two me.  
TA: 2he ju2t doe2n't 2ee what the biig deal ii2.  
GA: Well  
GA: Could You At Least Tell Her To Stop Flirting With Vriska  
TA: 2he'2 not fliirtiing wiith her.  
GA: I Have Evidence Sollux  
GA: Ive Seen Snippets Of Her Private Conversations With Vriska And They Show Some Rather Suspicious Behavior On The Part Of Miss Peixes  
GA: Probing Questions About Vriskas Relationships  
GA: Constant Putdowns On Me In Particular  
GA: And I Mean  
GA: Look At This Document She Sent Vriska  
\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file "maiden voyage (vs/fp) [tw: dubcon, bloodplay](2).doc" --  
TA: what.  
TA: what the fuck.  
TA: diid np wriite thii2??  
GA: Um Yes  
GA: Howd You Know That  
TA: let'2 ju2t 2ay ii've peru2ed her work before.  
GA: Um  
GA: Okay  
TA: god damniit, thii2 ii2 riidiiculou2.  
TA: fiir2t 2he fuck2 everythiing up wiith her liittle 2hiippiing thiing, and now 2he's dii2triibutiing 2mutty 2toriie2 iinvolviing my giirlfriiend and my fuckiing archneme2ii2??  
GA: How Is Nepeta Fucking Everything Up  
TA: you've 2een what'2 been goiing on, riight?  
TA: everybody'2 all iin a fuckiing bloodfrenzy to hook up wiith each other.  
GA: And How Is That A Bad Thing  
TA: becau2e ii wa2 perfectly fiine wiith thiing2 the way they were before.  
TA: ff and ii had a good thiing goiing, and my only competiitiion wa2 ed, and he diidn't 2tand a fuckiing chance.  
TA: but now everybody'2 all ob2e22ed wiith quadrant2, and vk and eq and everybody fuckiing el2e ii2 2uddenly makiing a move on her.  
TA: and the 2cariie2t thiing ii2, ii thiink 2he miight actually be reciiprocatiing.  
GA: Look  
GA: If Its Really That Big A Deal  
GA: Why Dont You Just Enter A Quadrant With Her  
TA: ii can't ju2t "enter a quadrant wiith her."  
TA: iit'2 more compliicated than that.  
GA: How Complicated Can It Be  
GA: It Seems As Simple As Picking Red Or Pale  
TA: look, thii2 really ii2n't any of your bu2iine22, or anybody el2e'2, for that matter.  
TA: ii'm fiine wiith the way thiing2 are between me and ff, and 2o ii2 2he.  
TA: 2o why doe2 iit have two be 2uch a federal fuckiing ii22ue that we aren't iin a quadrant?  
TA: would iit really be the end of the fuckiing world iif two people were iin a relatiion2hiip that wa2n't iin a 2tupiid quadrant?  
GA: Well  
GA: Maybe It Wouldnt  
GA: But In All Fairness You Have Been Kind Of Freaking Out About It  
TA: ii'm freakiing out about iit becau2e the entiirety of paradox 2pace 2eem2 two be con2piiriing two fuck thiing2 up between me and ff.  
TA: ii2 iit under2tandable that ii would be freakiing out when every a22hole and hii2 lu2u2 ii2 tryiing two get iintwo ff'2 pant2, and ii have two beat them off wiith a 2tiick?  
TA: ii mean, iif iit were ju2t vk fliirtiing wiith her for the 2ole purpo2e of fuckiing wiith me, iit'd be one thiing.  
TA: but eq? 2eriiou2ly?  
GA: Hes Not As Bad As You Might Think  
TA: oh god, don't even 2tart.  
TA: ii am not about two get iintwo a conver2atiion about how deep down, eq ii2 actually a REALLY GOOD GUY.  
TA: ii'm goiing two get iit bad enough when np doe2 one of her 2tupiid "2hiippiing 2weep2" on me.  
GA: Oh  
GA: She Hasnt Swept You Yet  
TA: no, and ii'm kiind of hopiing 2he never doe2.  
GA: Oh Dear  
GA: No Offense Mister Captor  
GA: But When Your Time Comes Around Shes Going To Completely Fucking Destroy You  
TA: yeah, 2he'2 certaiinly welcome two try.  
GA: Ive Seen Her Do It  
GA: I Happened To Be Eavesdropping On Her When She Was Subjecting Vriska To A Particularly Brutal Romance Ambush  
GA: She Subjected Her To Nothing Short Of Complete Emotional Annihilation Let Me Assure You  
TA: whatever.  
TA: iif 2he ju2t want2 two talk two me, ii can handle that.  
TA: but iif 2he triie2 to pull 2ome 2ort of riidiiculou2 romantiic comedy-e2que bull2hiit on me, ii'm drawiing a fuckiing liine.  
TA: my relatiion2hiip wiith ff ii2 a deliicate thiing, and iit'2 hard enough two keep my2elf from fuckiing everythiing up wiithout 2ome 2tupiid catgiirl meddliing iin my affaiir2 wiith her 2hiippiing hoofbea2tplay.  
TA: and we can't ju2t ru2h iintwo a quadrant and be perfect and happy forever liike you and vk apparently diid.  
TA: thii2 ii2 kiind of a 2en2iitiive ii22ue.  
TA: and more than anythiing el2e, iit'2 goiing two take tiime.  
GA: Why  
TA: becau2e...  
TA: nevermiind, ii 2houldn't even be talkiing two you about thii2.  
GA: Well  
GA: You Should Talk To Someone About It  
TA: liike who?  
GA: Honestly I Think You Should Talk To Nepeta About It  
GA: Shes A Lot Better At Dealing With Relationship Issues Than You Might Think  
GA: Just Speaking From My Personal Experiences With Her Alone  
TA: ugh, no, ii'm not talkiing two her.  
TA: 2he's ju2t goiing two try to force u2 iintwo a quadrant and act liike everythiing wiill ju2t work out perfectly after that.  
GA: Well  
GA: Why Wouldnt It  
TA: iit'2 compliicated.  
GA: Of Course It is  
GA: Nothing Can Ever Be Simple  
GA: Except Everything But This  
TA: ugh.  
TA: ii'm gettiing really 2iick of thii2.  
GA: Of What  
TA: of beiing treated liike ii'm the bad guy for wantiing two approach a relatiion2hiip normally iin2tead of ru2hiing iintwo a quadrant full tiilt liike an over2tiimulated cavalreaper.  
TA: even tz'2 doiing iit, and ii thought 2he wa2 the 2en2iible one.  
GA: Shes Really Happy With Eridan You Know  
GA: If You Can Believe That  
TA: kiind of, ii gue22?  
TA: ii gue22 iit'2 a liittle 2urprii2iing that he'2 not a2 enormou2 of a douchebag a2 ii thought he wa2.  
TA: but then, he gave me pretty much the wor2t fiir2t iimpre22iion iit'2 po22iible two giive.  
GA: Ha I Suppose  
GA: But Really  
GA: Nepetas Done Nothing But Good For Everyone Shes Shipped So Far  
GA: I Fail To See Why You Should Be Any Different  
TA: becau2e iit'2 a diifferent 2iituatiion.  
GA: Perhaps It Is  
GA: But Youre Not Going To Go Any Further In Depth On That Rather Cryptic Statement Are You  
TA: ugh, fuck off.  
GA: Im Just Saying  
TA: well, ii'm not.  
TA: all ii'm 2ayiing ii2 that thiing2 between me and ff are fiine ju2t the way they are.  
TA: and iif everyone would ju2t leave u2 both the hell alone, everythiing ii2 goiing two work out perfectly.  
GA: Really  
GA: You Just Want To Be Left Alone  
TA: ii2 that 2o much two a2k?  
GA: Maybe Not  
GA: But Is That What She Wants  
TA: ...  
TA: fuck, ii don't know.  
GA: Well  
GA: I Suppose If You Dont Want To Talk About It Then Thats All There Really Is To Say On The Matter  
TA: fiine wiith me.  
GA: So  
TA: 2o you're not goiing two tell vk two leave ff the fuck alone?  
GA: Well  
GA: I Could Certainly Voice My Concerns On Her Interaction With Your  
GA: Um  
GA: Girlfriend I Guess  
GA: But Im Not About To Issue Any Sort Of Ultimatum If Thats What Youre Asking  
TA: well...  
TA: that'll have two do, ii gue22.  
GA: And I Suppose Youre Not Going To Do Anything To Stop Miss Peixes From Attempting To Solicit My Matesprit  
TA: ii've already voiiced my concern2.  
TA: but ii thiink you're crazy about thii2 whole thiing wiith ff tryiing two 2teal vk from you.  
GA: Oh Um  
GA: If Its Not Too Much To Ask  
GA: Could You Please Not Tell Her About My Suspicions On This Whole Thing  
TA: uh, 2ure, whatever.  
GA: Thank You  
TA: riight.  
TA: 2o...  
TA: we diidn't really accomplii2h anythiing here, diid we?  
GA: Well  
GA: No Not Really  
TA: well, 2hiit.  
GA: Yes That Seems To Be A Fair Conclusion To Reach On The Matter  
GA: So I Guess  
GA: I Wish You The Best Of Luck In Your Endeavors With Feferi  
TA: yeah, 2ure, thank2.  
TA: and tell vk two 2top hiittiing on her.  
GA: Only If You Tell Her To Stop Hitting On Vriska  
TA: okay, you know what? fiine.  
TA: ii'll tell her two 2top hiittiing on vk.  
TA: 2he'll probably look at me liike ii'm fuckiing iin2ane, whiich ii would have two be two thiink 2he'2 actually doiing that.  
TA: but ii'll tell her nonethele22.  
GA: Great Thank You  
GA: Im Sure Vriskas Reaction To My Own Request Will Be Likewise Incredulous  
TA: of cour2e.  
GA: Anyway I Suppose You Should Be Expecting A Shipping Sweep Soon  
GA: So I Hope Theres Enough Of You Left Over Afterwards That We Can Rebuild You  
TA: eheh, yeah, thank2.  
TA: but don't worry about me.  
TA: ii'm pretty 2ure ii know how two handle np.  
GA: Really  
TA: yeah, pretty much.  
GA: Haha  
GA: Okay Sure  
GA: Im Absolutely Certain Youll Be Able To Fend Off Her Shipping Attacks Without Expending Any Effort Whatsoever  
TA: ii2 that 2arca2m?  
GA: Yes  
GA: Colon Right Parenthesis  
TA: yeah, well colon 2la2h riight back at you.  
GA: Well Played Mister Captor  
GA: In Any Case I Believe I Must Depart  
GA: So I Wish You A Pleasant Day  
TA: 2ure, 2ame two you.  
GA: Goodbye Mister Captor  
TA: 2ee you, ky.  
  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA].

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did this chapter take so long? I don't know. Don't really have any excuse. It's not even that long. Sorry, I guess? Things are really gonna pick up with the next chapter, though, I swear.
> 
> Also, this is dumb, but [i have a tumblr now](http://childishgamblignant.tumblr.com/). I'll be posting on there whenever this fic updates. Also, there's an ask box, so ask away on whatever.


	17. Half Empty

Chapter 17 

Half Empty 

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA].  
  
AC: :33 < *ac furry quietly and sneakily cr33ps up behind the unsuspecting aa*  
AA: what  
AC: :33 < *she crouches down, wiggling her butt a little in anticipation, then leaps at the robot girl furom behind!!*  
AA: what d0 y0u want  
AC: :33 < *but her attack is foiled when she gets all caught up in aas long tangled hair!*  
AA: what is the p0int 0f this  
AC: :33 < *ac struggles in vain to fr33 herself furom the mess of metallic strands, only succ33ding in entangling herself d33purr!*  
AA: 0k st0p  
AA: this is stupid  
AC: :33 < okay okay fine  
AA: thank y0u  
AA: n0w what d0 y0u want  
AC: :33 < i just wanted to talk is all!  
AC: :33 < im your serfur player after all  
AC: :33 < its my respawnsibility to check up on you efurry now and again!  
AA: is this a shipping sweep  
AC: :33 < er  
AC: :33 < maybe?  
AA: n0  
AC: :33 < what?  
AA: just f0rget it  
AA: i will n0t be participating  
AC: :33 < what  
AC: :33 < youre not purrticipating in my shipping sw33ps?  
AA: im n0t participating in y0ur shipping in general  
AC: :33 < why not!!!!  
AA: because its stupid  
AA: and p0intless  
AA: and a waste 0f time  
AA: shall i g0 0n  
AC: :33 < rrrgh its not stupid!!!!  
AC: :33 < aradia just give me a chance here!  
AC: :33 < just one minute, thats all im asking fur!  
AA: hm  
AA: ill meet y0u in the middle  
AA: ill give y0u fifteen sec0nds  
AC: :33 < fift33n seconds??  
AC: :33 < how is that m33ting me in the middle????  
AA: because i want the thirty sec0nds y0uve already wasted back  
AC: :33 < okay fine  
AC: :33 < aradia i realize you think shipping is stupid and a waste of time but it really isnt!  
AC: :33 < ive shipped others and theyre all really happy now!  
AC: :33 < and efurrypawdy deserves to be happy and youre no exception!  
AC: :33 < so if you let me ship you ill be really helpful  
AC: :33 < and not only will you be really happy but youll make other people happy too!  
AA: 0k  
AA: times up  
AC: :33 < so will you let me?  
AA: hmm  
AA: n0  
AC: :33 < oh come on!!!! >:((  
AA: im bl0cking y0u n0w  
AA: d0nt try t0 c0ntact me again  
AC: :33 < aradia wait!!!!!!!!  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]  
  
AA: hm  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
  
AA: hey  
GC: OH H3Y 4R4D14!  
GC: WH4TS UP?  
GC: DON3 4NY MOR3 1NV3ST1G4T1NG?  
AA: um  
AA: s0me yes  
GC: 4W3SOM3! >:]  
GC: W4NT TO TRY TO SORT 1T OUT TOG3TH3R?  
GC: W3 COULD J4M ON 1T 4 L1TTL3  
GC: 3R  
GC: FUCK, PR3T3ND 1 D1DNT S4Y TH4T  
AA: pretend y0u didnt say what  
GC: NOTH1NG!!!  
AA: 0_0  
AA: terezi y0ure acting really weird  
AA: is s0mething wr0ng  
GC: NO, 3V3RYTH1NGS F1N3  
GC: 1M JUST  
GC: 1N 4 W31RD MOOD, 1 GU3SS  
AA: 0h  
AA: is n0w a bad time  
GC: NO NO NO 1TS TH3 P3RF3CT T1M3  
GC: LOOK C4N YOU JUST SHOW M3 4 L1TTL3 R3SP3CT 4ND 4SSUM3 TH4T FOR TH3 P4ST F1FT33N S3CONDS 1 W4S T3MPOR4R1LY B31NG 1N3XPL1C4BLY R3T4RD3D  
GC: TH4TS WH4T 4 R34L FR13ND WOULD DO  
AA: 0h  
AA: 0k i guess  
GC: TH4NK YOU  
AA: sh0uld i sh0w further sensitivity by casting suspici0n 0n the intellectual merit 0f everything else y0uve ever said  
GC: Y3S!  
GC: 4FT3R 4LL, WH4T 4R3 FR13NDS FOR?  
AA: hm  
AA: are we friends  
GC: 4R4D14 TH4T 1S SUCH 4 S1LLY QU3ST1ON  
GC: OF COURS3 W3R3 FR13NDS!  
GC: DO NOT TRY TO PL4Y YOUR 3MOT1ONL3SS ROBOT G1RL 4CT 4ND PR3T3ND L1K3 YOU W3R3 TOT4LLY 1GNOR4NT TO TH3 OBV1OUS FR13NDSH1P T4K1NG PL4C3 H3R3  
AA: ha  
AA: it wasnt ign0rance th0ugh  
AA: m0re like skepticism  
GC: SO  
GC: YOU W1LLFULLY D3N13D TH4T 1 M1GHT CONS1D3R YOU MY FR13ND  
AA: er  
AA: thats kind 0f an insensitive thing t0 say isnt it  
AA: s0rry i wasnt trying t0 0ffend y0u  
GC: 4R4D14 PL34S3  
GC: 1F TH4TS YOUR 1D34 OF OFF3NS3 B31NG M4D3 TH3N 1 HON3STLY H4V3 TO WORRY FOR YOU  
AA: 0h  
AA: 0k  
GC: BL4R 4NYW4Y!  
GC: W3R3 G3TT1NG OFF TOP1C H3R3  
GC: L3TS T4LK 4BOUT TH3S3 T1M3L1N3 SH3N4N1G4NS!  
GC: TH3R3S 4 WHOL3 MYST3RY 4FOOT H3R3 4ND W3R3 TH3 ONLY ON3S WHO C4N DO 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT 1T  
GC: SO L3TS G3T CR4CK1NG!!  
AA: w0w  
AA: terezi i have t0 say  
AA: its kind 0f weird h0w enthusiastic y0u are ab0ut this  
GC: 3R  
GC: 1S 1T  
AA: kind 0f  
AA: ribbit  
GC: W3LL 1TS K1ND OF 4 B1G D34L!  
GC: TH3 F4T3 OF 4N 3NT1R3 T1M3L1N3 4ND 4LL TH4T  
GC: 4ND YOU 4ND 1 4R3 TH3 ONLY ON3S WHO S33M TO C4R3 4BOUT 1T  
GC: B3C4US3 W3R3 TH3 ONLY ON3S W1TH OUR PR1OR1T13S STR41GHT >:/  
AA: ha  
AA: yeah kind 0f  
AA: every0ne else is all caught up in this shipping n0nsense  
GC: UM  
AA: 0h  
AA: i guess y0u g0t caught up in it t00  
GC: JUST 4 L1TTL3  
AA: s0rry  
GC: 1TS F1N3  
GC: THOUGH 1M 4 L1TTL3 L3SS 1NCL1N3D TO S4Y 1TS NONS3NS3  
AA: i guess y0u w0uld be  
AA: but i mean  
AA: if y0u d0nt mind my saying  
AA: eridan  
AA: really  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: 1TS F1N3, 1 G3T 1T  
GC: BUT R34LLY, H3S 4 GR34T GUY  
AA: thats the part im having tr0uble with  
GC: >:P  
AA: n0 i mean  
AA: im sure its true n0w  
AA: but the rttu paints a much uglier picture 0f him  
GC: W3LL, 1 N3V3R S41D H3S *4LW4YS* B33N 4 GR34T GUY  
GC: 1TS 4 V3RY R3C3NT TH1NG  
GC: 4ND 1TS 4 V3RY COMPL1C4T3D S3R13S OF 3V3NTS TH4T L3D TO H1M B3COM1NG TH3 LOV4BL3 DOUCH3B4G W3 KNOW TOD4Y  
AA: ha  
AA: i guess s0  
AA: still th0ugh  
AA: it seems kind 0f weird  
GC: WH4T S33MS K1ND OF W31RD  
AA: well  
AA: just the fact that y0u tw0 h00ked up s0 fast  
AA: it just  
AA: d0esnt seem like y0u i guess  
GC: Y3S 1 KNOW  
GC: YOUR3 NOT TH3 F1RST P3RSON TO PO1NT TH1S OUT BY 4NY M34NS  
GC: BUT 1 M34N  
GC: H3 M4D3 4 V3RY COMP3LL1NG C4S3  
GC: 4ND 1 F1GUR3D H3 D3S3RV3D 4 F41R CH4NC3  
AA: hm  
AA: y0u think s0  
GC: Y34H  
GC: 1 TH1NK 4LL OF US DO, R34LLY  
GC: 3V3N TH3 ON3S WHOV3 SQU4ND3R3D 4LL TH31R PR3V1OUS CH4NC3S  
AA: ha  
AA: like vriska  
GC: H3H  
GC: Y34H, M4YB3 3V3N H3R  
AA: w0w  
AA: i never expected t0 hear that fr0m y0u  
GC: W3LL  
GC: SH3S B33N ON GOOD B3H4V1OR L4T3LY  
AA: i guess  
AA: th0ugh there are still things i wish shed st0p d0ing  
GC: L1K3 WH4T  
AA: just  
AA: digging up things best left buried  
GC: OH  
AA: nevermind  
AA: n0 need t0 ruin a perfectly g00d c0nversati0n with uns0licited vriskachat  
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: 4N 3XC3LL3NT PO1NT, M1SS M3G1DO  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1 KNOW TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH 3R1D4N S33MS R34LLY F4ST  
GC: BUT N3P3T4 W3NT TO 4LL TH1S 3FFORT S3TT1NG TH1NGS UP FOR MY S4K3  
GC: SO 1 F1GUR3D 1 K1ND OF OW3D H3R  
AA: really  
AA: y0u did it f0r nepeta  
GC: K1ND OF  
AA: huh  
AA: thats nice i guess  
GC: W3LL  
GC: SH3S B33N K1ND OF 4M4Z1NG L4T3LY  
AA: really  
AA: amazing is the w0rd y0u w0uld use t0 describe her  
GC: K1ND OF Y34H  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: TH1S WHOL3 SH1PP1NG TH1NG SOUND3D R34LLY STUP1D 4T F1RST  
GC: BUT TH3 G1RL 1S 4 FUCK1NG M1R4CL3 WORK3R  
GC: HON3STLY, 1TS JUST K1ND OF 4M4Z1NG HOW MUCH SH3S H3LP3D 3V3RYBODY SH3S SH1PP3D 4LR34DY  
AA: huh  
AA: it s0unds like y0u think pretty highly 0f her  
GC: 4 L1TTL3  
GC: 1T SOUNDS 4 L1TTL3 L1K3 YOU DONT  
AA: n0t really  
GC: H4S SH3 T4RG3T3D YOU FOR 4 SH1PP1NG SW33P Y3T?  
AA: yes  
AA: just a few minutes ag0 actually  
GC: R34LLY?  
GC: 4ND HOWD TH4T GO?  
AA: i bl0cked her  
GC: >:/  
GC: NOW WHY WOULD YOU DO TH4T?  
AA: because its p0intless  
AA: shes n0t g0ing t0 be able t0 ship me n0 matter h0w hard she tries  
AA: s0 why b0ther  
GC: SO W41T  
GC: 4R3 YOU NOT 1NT3R3ST3D 1N ROM4NC3 4T 4LL?  
AA: its n0t s0 much that im n0t interested  
AA: its m0re that im n0t capable  
GC: WH4T  
GC: 4R4D14, 4R3 YOU HON3STLY TRY1NG TO S4Y YOUR3 1NC4P4BL3 OF ROM4NC3  
AA: n0t exactly  
AA: m0re like the 0pp0site really  
GC: UM  
GC: 1 DONT UND3RST4ND  
AA: i d0nt see why any0ne w0uld want t0 be in a quadrant with me  
AA: s0 why even b0ther l00king  
GC: WH4T!!!  
GC: 4R4D14 TH4T 1S R1D1CULOUS  
GC: WHY WOULD YOU TH1NK SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T???  
AA: l00k  
AA: lets be h0nest terezi  
AA: im n0t exactly the ideal r0mantic partner  
AA: f0r fucks sake im n0t even a tr0ll anym0re  
AA: im a gh0st fr0g sprite thing trapped inside a r0b0t  
AA: ribbit  
AA: wh0 w0uld be interested in me like that  
GC: W3LL  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT 3QU1US?  
GC: YOU GUYS 4R3 ST1LL M4T3SPR1TS OR SOM3TH1NG, R1GHT?  
AA: n0  
AA: we br0ke up  
GC: WH4T!!!  
GC: WH3N D1D TH1S H4PP3N  
AA: a while ag0  
AA: apparently i scare him 0r s0mething  
GC: TH4T  
GC: TH4T SON OF 4 B1TCH!!!  
AA: 0_0  
GC: WH4T R1GHT DO3S H3 H4V3 TO JUST BR34K UP W1TH YOU L1K3 TH4T???  
GC: H3 C4NT JUST STUFF YOU 1NTO 4 ROBOT 4ND TH3N BR34K TH1NGS OFF TH3 1NST4NT H3 LOS3S 1NT3R3ST 1N YOU!!!  
GC: 1 KN3W H3 W4S 4 FUCK1NG CR33P, BUT 1 C4NT B3L13V3 H3 WOULD STOOP TH4T LOW!!  
AA: terezi calm d0wn  
AA: it wasnt like that  
AA: h0nestly i never really l0ved him  
AA: when he t0ld me he wanted t0 end things i was m0re relieved than anything  
GC: OH  
GC: SORRY, 1 K1ND OF LOST MY COOL TH3R3  
AA: its 0k  
AA: th0ugh i d0nt see why y0ud get s0 w0rked up ab0ut it  
GC: B3C4US3 1TS K1ND OF 4 B1G D34L!  
GC: YOU GUYS H4D 4 TH1NG  
GC: 4ND 1F YOU W3R3NT H4PPY TOG3TH3R TH3N 1 GU3SS 1TS FOR TH3 B3ST TH4T YOU BROK3 UP  
GC: BUT 1T ST1LL K1ND OF SUCKS >:[  
AA: h0w d0es it suck  
GC: B3C4US3 YOU D3S3RV3 TO B3 H4PPY 4R4D14!  
GC: YOU D3S3RV3 4 M4T3SPR1T 4ND 4 MO1R41L JUST 4S MUCH 4S 3V3RYBODY 3LS3  
GC: 1F NOT MOR3 SO, 3V3N!  
AA: n0b0dy deserves anything  
AA: least 0f all me  
GC: 4ND JUST WH4T 1S TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N??  
AA: l00k terezi  
AA: i appreciate what y0ure trying t0 d0 here  
AA: but h0nestly its n0t w0rth the eff0rt  
AA: im just n0t cut 0ut f0r the wh0le r0mance thing  
AA: in the alpha timeline i was d00med t0 be stuck with equius  
AA: but i guess in this 0ne ill just be pr0perly al0ne  
AA: im pretty much unl0vable 0n the wh0le  
AA: and im 0k with it  
GC: 4R4D14 TH4T 1S STUP1D!!!!  
GC: YOU 4R3 NOT UNLOV4BL3!!!!!  
GC: TH3R3 4R3 PL3NTY OF P3OPL3 WHO C4R3 4BOUT YOU 4ND PROB4BLY 4 F3W WHO 3V3N LOV3 YOU!!!  
AA: like wh0  
AA: name 0ne  
GC: W3LL  
GC: L1K3  
GC: 1 M34N  
AA: terezi  
AA: its fine really  
AA: im 0k with being al0ne  
AA: i came t0 terms with it a l0ng time ag0  
GC: NO TH4TS STUP1D  
GC: YOU C4NT T3LL M3 YOUR3 0K W1TH TH4T  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: TH3R3 4R3 ST1LL P3OPL3 YOU C4R3 4BOUT, R1GHT?  
AA: i guess  
AA: but what d0es it matter  
GC: 1T M4TT3RS 4 LOT!  
GC: YOU SHOULDNT JUST CUT YOURS3LF OFF FROM 3V3RYON3 YOU C4R3 4BOUT JUST B3C4US3 YOUR3 4 ROBOT OR WH4T3V3R  
AA: then what sh0uld i d0  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1S TH3R3 4NYON3 YOU F33L TH4T W4Y 4BOUT?  
AA: y0u mean  
AA: r0mantically  
GC: Y34H!  
GC: L1K3, 1 GU3SS YOU D1DNT LOV3 3QU1US  
GC: BUT 1S TH3R3 4NYON3 3LS3 YOUR3 FLUSH3D FOR?  
AA: i  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT SOLLUX?  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU GUYS US3D TO H4V3 4 TH1NG  
AA: terezi i d0nt want t0 talk ab0ut this  
GC: 1 KNOW H3 H4S H1S TH1NG W1TH F3F3R1  
GC: BUT H3S B33N 4CT1NG R34LLY W31RD 4BOUT TH4T  
AA: terezi  
GC: M4YB3 H3S NOT H4PPY W1TH H3R  
GC: M4YB3 H3 ST1LL H4S F33L1NGS FOR YOU!  
GC: YOU SHOULD T4LK TO H1M OR SOM3TH1NG  
AA: terezi w0uld y0u just st0p!  
AA: i said i d0nt want t0 talk ab0ut it and im n0t g0ing t0!  
AA: s0 please just st0p  
GC: 1  
GC: FUCK  
GC: SORRY  
AA: n0 i  
AA: im s0rry  
AA: its just  
AA: ribbit  
AA: can we please just talk ab0ut s0mething else  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT 4LL TH1S T1M3 STUFF  
GC: W3 N3V3R GOT TO TH4T  
AA: 0k  
AA: ive been investigating the 0ther branches a little m0re  
AA: trying t0 find a pattern  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 4R3 TH3R3 4NY?  
AA: kind 0f  
AA: first 0f all i sh0uld tell y0u s0mething thats pr0bably imp0rtant  
AA: i tracked d0wn when the timeline became d00med  
AA: it was ab0ut tw0 weeks ag0  
AA: but thats n0t where the branches start  
GC: R34LLY?  
GC: SO WH3R3 DO TH3Y ST4RT?  
AA: its n0t until later  
AA: seven days ag0 fr0m 0ur perspective  
AA: n0ne 0f the branches bef0re then are being preserved  
GC: HMMM  
GC: SO SOMETH1NG H4PP3N3D 4 W33K 4GO TH4T TR1GG3R3D 1T  
AA: right  
AA: but i d0nt kn0w what  
GC: W3LL, L3TS F1GUR3 1T OUT! >:]  
AA: ha  
AA: 0k  
GC: OK4Y, L3TS ST4RT W1TH TH3 DOOM3D BR4NCH3S  
GC: WH4TS C4US1NG TH3M TO F4LL OFF?  
AA: im n0t certain  
AA: in a l0t 0f them 0ne 0f us dies  
AA: that makes sense i guess  
AA: whatever the entity wants it needs all 0f us alive t0 d0 it  
GC: DO3S TH4T 1NCLUD3 YOU?  
AA: what  
GC: DO YOU H4V3 TO B3  
GC: UH, 1 GU3SS 4L1V3 1SNT R34LLY TH3 4PPROPR14T3 T3RM  
GC: 1NT4CT, M4YB3?  
AA: uh yes i have t0 be there  
AA: i havent seen any where i expl0de 0r anything  
AA: 0r at least n0t bef0re the branch st0ps being pr0tected  
AA: but ive seen s0me where i find 0ut its d00med and jump t0 the alpha timeline t0 help fight the black king  
AA: and th0se all fall 0ff  
GC: INT3R3ST1NG  
AA: kind 0f i guess  
GC: BUT TH4TS NOT 1T, 1S 1T?  
AA: n0  
AA: there are 0ther d00med branches where every0ne is present and acc0unted f0r  
AA: but they still fall 0ff  
GC: 4ND WH4T DO THOS3 H4V3 1N COMMON?  
AA: im n0t sure  
AA: i never l00ked t00 deeply int0 any 0f the failed branches  
AA: m0stly i g0t a general sense 0f the situation fr0m skimming the l0cal mem0s  
AA: i have a big archive 0f them saved gr0uped by branch  
GC: HM  
GC: W3LL, WH4T 4BOUT TH3 SURV1V1NG BR4NCH3S?  
GC: WH4T DO TH3Y H4V3 1N COMMON?  
AA: its hard t0 say  
AA: like i said i 0nly really g0t a curs0ry glance at them  
AA: but  
AA: well there is 0ne thing  
AA: but it seems kind 0f silly  
GC: NO CLU3 1S 3V3R TOO S1LLY, M1SS M3G1DO  
GC: WH4T 1S 1T?  
AA: well  
AA: in the surviving branches  
AA: there seem t0 be a l0t 0f  
AA: r0mantic situati0ns  
AA: like m0re than usual  
AA: pe0ple getting int0 quadrants and stuff  
GC: R34LLY?  
AA: yeah  
AA: its kind 0f weird  
AA: like y0u and eridan isnt even the weirdest ive seen  
AA: i think there was even 0ne where i became flushed f0r y0u s0meh0w  
GC: >:O  
GC: S3R1OUSLY????  
AA: yeah i kn0w  
AA: um  
AA: n0thing came 0f it in case y0ure w0ndering  
AA: s0 d0nt take that as a pr0p0siti0n 0r anything  
GC: DONT WORRY 1 WONT  
GC: BUT  
GC: M4N TH4T 1S W31RD  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 GU3SS 1TS NOT TH4T W31RD  
AA: h0w is it n0t that weird  
GC: 3R  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW, N3V3RM1ND  
AA: 0k  
AA: ribbit  
GC: W41T  
GC: YOU S41D TH3 BR4NCH3S ST4RT FROM ON3 W33K 4GO, R1GHT?  
AA: yes  
GC: 1 TH1NK  
GC: N3P3T4 POST3D H3R F1RST SH1PP1NG M3MO 4 W33K 4GO  
AA: what  
AA: h0ld 0n  
AA: thats right she did  
AA: h0w c0uld i have missed this  
GC: YOU D1DNT POST ON 1T, FOR ON3 >:P  
AA: w0w  
AA: i never c0nsidered that nepeta might be behind all this  
AA: but l00king at it n0w it makes perfect sense  
GC: 1T DO3S?  
AA: 0f c0urse it d0es  
AA: shes been acting a l0t different than she usually d0es  
AA: y0ull ackn0wledge that right  
GC: Y34H 1 GU3SS  
AA: that c0uldve been caused by s0mething  
AA: she might be under the influence 0f the h0rr0rterr0rs  
AA: 0r maybe she struck a deal with the denizens  
AA: she might even be c0lluding with even m0re sinister f0rces  
GC: R34LLY?  
GC: N3P3T4?  
AA: terezi  
AA: if theres 0ne thing ive learned fr0m traveling the timestream  
AA: its that y0u never really kn0w what any0ne is capable 0f  
GC: 1 GU3SS  
GC: BUT ST1LL  
GC: YOU R34LLY TH1NK SH3S UP TO NO GOOD?  
GC: SH3 S33MS MOR3 1NT3R3ST3D 1N SH1PP1NG TH4N 4NYTH1NG  
AA: the shipping is pr0bably just a diversi0n  
AA: a way 0f abusing her newf0und p0wers to fulfill her every petty whim  
AA: her true purp0ses are und0ubtely m0re sinister  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: TH4T SOUNDS 4 L1TTL3 SUSP3CT  
AA: l00k i cant stick ar0und and chat  
AA: i have t0 c0nfr0nt her 0n this  
GC: UM  
GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 TH4TS 4 GOOD 1D34?  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: but if shes the 0ne behind all this  
AA: then i have t0 kn0w what shes up t0  
GC: W3LL  
GC: OK4Y  
AA: but thanks f0r all y0ur help in this terezi  
AA: i d0nt think i c0uld have figured it 0ut with0ut y0u  
GC: H3Y, NO PROBL3M  
GC: 1F YOU 3V3R N33D H3LP W1TH 4NYTH1NG, YOU C4N COM3 TO M3  
AA: yeah thanks  
GC: NO R34LLY 4R4D14, 1 M34N 1T  
GC: 1F YOU 3V3R N33D 4NYTH1NG  
GC: 1LL B3 H3R3 FOR YOU  
AA: um  
AA: 0f c0urse  
AA: thanks terezi  
GC: DONT M3NT1ON 1T >:]  
AA: anyway  
AA: i sh0uld g0 i guess  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: GOOD LUCK W1TH N3P3T4  
AA: thanks  
AA: 0k  
AA: bye  
GC: BY3 4R4D14  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC].  
  
GC: D4MN 1T, PYROP3  
GC: WHY DONT YOU JUST T3LL H3R?  
GC: UGH  
  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA].  


*** 

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA].  
  
AC: :33 < okay i know youre not even going to humor me on the roleplaying thing  
AC: :33 < so lets just get this ofur with  
TA: oh god.  
TA: ii2 thii2 one of your fabled 2hiippiing 2weep2?  
AC: :33 < thats right!  
AC: :33 < so lets get cracking!  
TA: actually, before we 2tart, ii need two a2k you 2omethiing.  
AC: :33 < okay fine, what?  
TA: why are you 2endiing porn two ff?  
AC: :33 < what?  
TA: wiith her iin iit?  
TA: and vk al2o iin iit?  
TA: and them doiing freaky thiing2 wiith each other'2 blood?  
AC: :33 < mister catpurr i have no idea what youre talking about  
AC: :33 < i nefur sent any porn to fefurry!  
TA: oh yeah?  
TA: then how do you explaiin thii2?  
\-- twinArmageddons [TA] sent arsenicCatnip [AC] the file "maiden voyage (vs/fp) [tw: dubcon, bloodplay] (1).doc" --  
AC: :33 < oh what the hell!  
AC: :33 < so what, did you find this snooping around on her computer or something??  
TA: no, ii got iit from ky, who got iit from vk, who got iit from ff.  
AC: :33 < oh god damn it, i told her not to send it to anypawdy else!!  
AC: :33 < now thats thr33 other people who know about my rpf!!! >:((  
TA: ii already knew about iit.  
TA: but 2eriiou2ly, why the fuck would you 2end her thii2?  
AC: :33 < none of your business!  
AC: :33 < why does it even bother you so much?  
AC: :33 < what fiction fefurry catpuns to be purrusing in her spare time isnt really any of your b33swax!!!  
TA: yeah, ii know that.  
TA: and ii wouldn't have a problem wiith iit at all iif iit diidn't 2tar my lea2t favoriite 2piiderbiitch iin paradox 2pace.  
AC: :33 < oh whatefur  
AC: :33 < that is not even a real purroblem  
AC: :33 < i figured you of all people would be thrilled to s33 a piece of fiction about two lovely ladies getting furiendly with each other!  
TA: vk ii2n't a lovely lady, 2he'2 a fuckiing mon2ter.  
AC: :33 < okay sollux i get it  
AC: :33 < you have a massive blackcrush on her, you dont have to tell me twice  
TA: oh for fuck'2 2ake, really?  
TA: you're hoppiing on thii2 iidiiotiic bandwagon too?  
TA: plea2e tell me you aren't goiing two try two 2hiip u2.  
AC: :33 < oh please  
AC: :33 < like i would efur help out eridan like that!  
AC: :33 < its just so painfully pawbvious that youre black fur her that its honestly kind of insulting!  
TA: how many tiime2 do ii have two 2ay thii2?  
TA: ii don't hate her liike that.  
TA: ii never have, and ii never wiill.  
AC: :33 < oh really?  
AC: :33 < youve nefur hated her like that?  
TA: not a day iin my fuckiing liife.  
AC: :33 < then how do you explain THIS, mister catpurr???  
\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file "mind your own beeswax (sc/vs) [tw: blackrom, dubcon, bloodplay, p3].doc" --  
TA: oh wow, more of your horriible real liife fanfiictiion.  
TA: thii2 prove2 what, exactly?  
AC: :33 < i only wrote that beclaws somepawdy requested it!  
AC: :33 < and just who do you think that was, mister catpurr?  
TA: ii don't know, vk?  
TA: aa, maybe?  
AC: :33 < it was a 222-sw33p-old cerulean blooded admiral commanding a battle fl33t 865 light years from alternia!  
TA: eheh, wow.  
TA: ii gue22 ii had 2ome fan2 off-world.  
AC: :33 < oh honestly sollux, im not stupid  
AC: :33 < do you really think im going to believe somepawdy like that would even know the two of you existed?  
AC: :33 < i know you just used your expurrt hacking skills to request that fic anonymously using her as a purroxy!  
TA: okay, fiine, you caught me.  
TA: ju2t a fun fact, ii'm pretty 2ure that lady got culled for that.  
TA: iit cau2ed quiite a 2candal, iif ii recall.  
TA: an admiiral wiith 2uch an exemplary 2erviice record breakiing protocol two attempt two contact the homeworld.  
TA: and all two reque2t 2ome pedophiiliiac 2mut.  
TA: eheheh, ju2t thiinkiing about how hard 2he got owned make2 me laugh.  
AC: :33 < oh wow, you must be so purroud of yourself sollux  
AC: :33 < getting an innocent purrson killed beclaws you stole her identity to request erotic fiction  
TA: are you kiiddiing me?  
TA: 2he'2 blueblood top bra22, there'2 no way 2he's "iinnocent."  
AC: :33 < ugh, whatefur  
AC: :33 < but youll admit you were interested in her!  
TA: look, ii reque2ted thii2 2tory liike a 2weep ago.  
TA: back then, vk wa2 ju2t one of aa'2 flarpiing riivals, ii barely even knew her.  
TA: all ii knew about her wa2 that 2he wa2 kiind of a biitch...  
TA: and that 2he wa2 IINCREDIIBLY hot.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < well, its not like thats changed!  
TA: what, her beiing hot, or her beiing a biitch?  
AC: :33 < why cant it be both?  
TA: eheh, niice.  
AC: :33 < s33, youre still attracted to her!  
TA: no ii'm not.  
TA: 2he kiind of blew her chance wiith the whole ruiiniing my liife thiing.  
AC: :33 < yes yes i know!!  
TA: and ju2t for the record, thii2 2tory 2uck2.  
AC: :33 < ill admit its not my best work  
AC: :33 < but writing psionic pawer play is hard!  
AC: :33 < especially when you dont have any psionic pawers yourself  
TA: yeah, you pretty much ju2t completely blew iit on that.  
TA: hone2tly, you ju2t kiind of 2uck at wriitiing blackrom.  
TA: none of the kiink 2tuff iin thii2 fiic ii2 even remotely workable.  
TA: except the blood 2tuff, that'2 ju2t really 2trangely hot.  
AC: :33 < well yeah  
AC: :33 < the blood stuff is kind of my thing!  
TA: eheh, riight.  
AC: :33 < anyway i didnt have any expurrience with blackrom when i wrote that  
AC: :33 < n33dless to say thats changed now >:33  
TA: ugh.  
TA: iif you knew iit wa2 needle22 two 2ay, then why diid you 2ay iit?  
AC: :33 < beclaws you missed your chance, sollux!  
AC: :33 < eridan is a great hissmesis  
AC: :33 < if by great you mean stupid  
AC: :33 < and by hissmesis you mean cr33py idiot  
TA: eheheh, whatever.  
TA: ii'm glad you're happy wiith hiim, or angry, or whatever.  
TA: but ii am 2traiight up not iintere2ted.  
AC: :33 < right, of course  
AC: :33 < youd be much better with vwiskers anyway!  
TA: ugh, fuck off.  
AC: :33 < no!  
AC: :33 < ive still got a shipping sw33p to do!  
TA: yeah, thank2, but no thank2.  
TA: ii don't really need any 2hiippiing help.  
TA: 2o you can ju2t leave now.  
AC: :33 < what!!!  
AC: :33 < of course you n33d my help sollux  
TA: no ii don't.  
TA: ii've got my whole 2hiipping 2iituatiion under control.  
AC: :33 < oh really?  
AC: :33 < so youve just got efurrything figured out?  
TA: yep, iit'2 pretty much an open and 2hut ca2e.  
AC: :33 < okay fine  
AC: :33 < if youre so certain of your shipping situation  
AC: :33 < then just whats the deal with you and fefurry?  
TA: 2he'2 goiing two be my mate2priit.  
AC: :33 < oh yeah?  
AC: :33 < are you sure shes okay with that?  
TA: ii talked two her, and 2he 2aid 2he'd be fiine wiith it.  
TA: 2o what'2 the ii22ue?  
AC: :33 < well if fefurrys going to be your matespurrit  
AC: :33 < then just whos going to be your meowrail?  
TA: tz, ii gue22?  
TA: 2he'd probably be cool wiith that, riight?  
AC: :33 < seriously sollux?  
AC: :33 < you dont even know if terezi wants to be your meowrail and youre planning on it anyway?  
TA: look, we've alway2 had kiind of a pale thiing anyway.  
TA: ii don't 2ee any rea2on why 2he'd be oppo2ed two iit.  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < yeah, she purrobably wouldnt be  
TA: yeah, exactly.  
TA: 2o can ii go now?  
AC: :33 < oh yeah, absolutely!  
AC: :33 < efurrything s33ms to check out!  
TA: well great.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < but just one last thing  
TA: what ii2 iit?  
AC: :33 < i n33d you to make things official furst!  
TA: what.  
AC: :33 < go tell fefurry you want to be matespurrits!  
AC: :33 < and terezi you want to be meowrails!  
AC: :33 < dont worry, ill wait  
TA: no, fuck that.  
TA: why 2hould ii have two do anythiing riight now?  
AC: :33 < beclaws i dont think i can trust you sollux!  
AC: :33 < how do i know youre serious about this?  
AC: :33 < furankly i think youre just making this up to get me to leave you alone!  
TA: oh, don't get me wrong, ii do want you two leave me alone.  
TA: but ii'm not makiing thii2 up.  
AC: :33 < well then tell them!  
TA: no, ii don't have two do jack 2hiit ju2t yet.  
TA: but ii've made my decii2iion, alriight?  
TA: 2o you can ju2t take me off your liittle 2hiippiing wall, becau2e ii've got iit fiigured out.  
AC: :33 < wow, arent you just the man with the master plan!  
TA: yeah, that'2 riight, ii'm the fuckiing 2hiippiing ma2ter.  
TA: get the a2p2 on the phone, becau2e ii'm your new po2tma2ter fuckiing general.  
AC: :33 < well maybe your plan isnt as foolpurroof as you think!  
TA: oh yeah?  
TA: okay, tell me, how ii2 iit not foolproof?  
AC: :33 < well, youre just assuming terezi wants to be your meowrail!  
TA: 2o what, 2he doe2n't?  
AC: :33 < okay she kind of does  
AC: :33 < but maybe youre not at the top of her list!  
AC: :33 < maybe theres somepawdy else shes a lot paler fur!  
TA: liike who?  
AC: :33 < hey lets play a game!  
AC: :33 < its called "whos business is that???"  
AC: :33 < you get thr33 guesses, but only the furst one matters  
TA: ugh.  
TA: 2o ju2t what are you 2ugge2tiing here, np?  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < just bear with me here fur a second  
AC: :33 < but what if fefurry was your meowrail?  
TA: what.  
TA: why the fuck would we want two be moiiraiil2?  
AC: :33 < its not as bad as it sounds!!!  
TA: ii never 2aiid iit 2ounded bad.  
TA: but why the fuck would ii want two wa2te an awe2ome giirl liike ff on my pale quadrant?  
AC: :33 < well, look  
AC: :33 < have you s33n her paleflirting with anypawdy else?  
TA: um...  
TA: no, ii gue22 not.  
AC: :33 < beclaws it certainly s33ms like shes been doing plenty of the other kinds of flirting!!  
TA: yeah, liike wiith your fuckiing moiiraiil.  
TA: can you tell hiim two fuck off, by the way?  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, nope!  
AC: :33 < if you really want equius to leave her alone, then youll just have to make her your matespurrit!  
TA: ugh.  
TA: ii WANT two make her my mate2priit.  
TA: but ii don't ju2t want two ru2h iintwo thii2 2hiit liike a crazed earmammoth.  
TA: ii2 that really 2o unrea2onable?  
AC: :33 < um, kind of yes???  
AC: :33 < if you really are flushed fur her, then i dont s33 why you should f33l the n33d to wait  
TA: becau2e iit'2 kiind of a biig deal.  
AC: :33 < i nefur said it wasnt!  
AC: :33 < i just dont get why youre f33ling so much trepidation about this  
TA: trepiidatiion?  
TA: and ju2t where the fuck diid you learn that word?  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, i heard it furom kanaya  
TA: whatever.  
TA: look, ii don't want two ru2h thii2 becau2e ii'm pretty much the unluckiie2t ba2tard iin exii2tence.  
TA: and ii'm afraiid iif ii try two make thiing2 offiiciial wiith ff now, then thii2 2hiity game ii2 goiing two go out of iit2 way two do 2omethiing two hurt her.  
AC: :33 < hrm  
TA: 2o can you ju2t tell your 2weaty palebro two back the fuck off?  
TA: iit'2 bad enough that vk'2 hiittiing on her two.  
AC: :33 < what???  
AC: :33 < sollux that is so dumb  
AC: :33 < vwiskers is not hitting on fefurry, why would you even think that  
TA: ii'm not 2ayiing 2he's 2eriiou2 about iit.  
TA: 2he'2 ju2t doiing iit two fuck wiith me.  
AC: :33 < really?  
AC: :33 < beclaws it s33ms to me like if vwiskers really is hitting on fefurry, then fefurrys hitting on her just as much back!  
TA: ugh, no, ii'm not gettiing iintwo thii2 agaiin.  
TA: e2peciially not wiith you of all people.  
AC: :33 < fine, whatefur  
TA: anyway, we're mii22iing an iimportant poiint here.  
TA: iif ff become2 my moiiraiil, then ju2t who the fuck ii2 goiing two be my mate2priit?  
AC: :33 < i dont know, you tell me!  
TA: what, are you flu2hed for me?  
TA: becau2e 2orry, ii don't liike you liike that.  
AC: :33 < ugh, of course im not flushed fur you!! XPP  
TA: 2o who then, kk?  
TA: that'2 a po22iibiiliity, ii gue22?  
TA: but ii don't really 2ee iit workiing out.  
AC: :33 < no im not shipping you with karkat!  
TA: well, that doe2n't really leave me wiith any other optiion2.  
TA: unle22 you're tryiing two paiir me off wiith eq.  
TA: iin whiich ca2e, you can ju2t plaiin fuck off.  
AC: :33 < wow  
AC: :33 < youre seriously not even going to mention her?  
TA: what?  
AC: :33 < i mean aradia you jackass!!!  
TA: oh my fuckiing god.  
TA: no, ii do not want two talk about thii2 wiith you.  
AC: :33 < well you have to talk to somepawdy about it!  
AC: :33 < youre pawbviously not going to talk to her!  
TA: why would ii talk to her about iit?  
TA: 2he's obviiou2ly not iintere2ted iin me anymore.  
TA: 2he'd much rather 2pend all of her tiime 2moochiing your piiece of 2hiit moiiraiil.  
AC: :33 < oh really?  
TA: yeah, they're mate2priit2 or 2omethiing, aren't they?  
AC: :33 < as a matter of fact, they arent!  
AC: :33 < they broke up a while ago  
TA: what?  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
AC: :33 < yep!  
AC: :33 < but i guess you nefur thought to ask, did you???  
TA: waiit, why the hell diid they break up?  
AC: :33 < beclaws they werent happy together!  
AC: :33 < aradia nefur really loved him, and i knew it  
AC: :33 < and when equius figured that out, he realized theyd nefur work out as matespurrits  
AC: :33 < so he asked her if they should break up, and she agr33d that they should!  
TA: oh.  
TA: well 2hiit.  
TA: that 2uck2 for aa, ii gue22.  
AC: :33 < why does that suck fur her?  
AC: :33 < she wasnt happy with him!  
AC: :33 < she shouldnt have to be stuck in a relationship with somepawdy she doesnt love!  
AC: :33 < and fur that matter equius shouldnt have to be stuck in a relationship with somepawdy that doesnt love him!  
AC: :33 < that s33ms reasonable enough, doesnt it?  
TA: fuck, yeah, ii gue22.  
TA: but 2tiill, iit kiind of 2uck2 for her.  
AC: :33 < why do you k33p saying that??  
AC: :33 < i just said it didnt!  
TA: look, even iif 2he wa2n't flu2hed for hiim, ii ju2t kiind of fiigured...  
TA: ii fiigured iif 2he 2pent enough tiime wiith hiim, 2he miight become flu2hed for hiim.  
AC: :33 < ugh no thats not how it works  
AC: :33 < thats not even love, its more like stockholm syndrome!  
AC: :33 < your matespurrit should be somepawdy you love right furom the start, not somepawdy you just have to settle fur!  
TA: okay, fiine, whatever.  
TA: but iif eq ii2n't goiing two be her mate2priit, then who wiill be?  
AC: :33 < sollux why are you suddenly so concerned with aradias quadrants??  
TA: um, becau2e 2he'2 kiind of my friiend, and ii want her two be happy?  
TA: hone2tly, what the fuck are you even iimplyiing here, np?  
AC: :33 < look, i know you two used to have a thing  
AC: :33 < but what was it?  
AC: :33 < were you flushed fur her or pale fur her or what?  
TA: and ju2t how the fuck ii2 thii2 any of your bu2iine22?  
AC: :33 < beclaws it matters sollux!  
TA: no iit doe2n't!  
TA: none of thii2 even make2 a fuckiing diifference.  
TA: what doe2 iit matter iif ii wa2 flu2hed for her or pale for her iin the pa2t?  
TA: now iit'2 the pre2ent, and a2 iit ii2, 2he ha2n't 2poken two me ever 2iince your 2weaty a22hole bff shoved her iintwo a tiin can.  
AC: :33 < that doesnt mean anything!  
AC: :33 < she hasnt talked to anypawdy!  
AC: :33 < well, except terezi i guess  
TA: what?  
TA: 2he'2 been talkiing two tz?  
AC: :33 < ugh, thats not any of your business!!!  
AC: :33 < look, i know this sounds crazy  
AC: :33 < but what if you were matespurrits with aradia and meowrails with fefurry?  
TA: are you kiiddiing me? ii couldn't do that.  
TA: iit'd be liike ii wa2 throwiing ff under the communal tran2portatiion 2cuttlewagon.  
AC: :33 < no it wouldnt!  
AC: :33 < i know fur a fact that fefurry would be purrfectly fine with being your meowrail!  
AC: :33 < she told me herself!  
TA: 2he'2 ju2t 2ayiing that.  
TA: why the fuck would 2he want two be my moiiraiil?  
TA: do you hone2tly thiink 2he want2 to look after me liike a fuckiing grub2iitter?  
TA: 2top me from 2tiickiing my fiinger2 iin power outlet2 or 2omethiing?  
AC: :33 < ugh sollux that is so stupid!!!  
AC: :33 < meowrallegiance isnt just about watching after your meowrail and stopping them from hurting themselves!  
AC: :33 < its about trust and honesty!  
AC: :33 < its somepawdy that you can talk to about literally anything and theyll tell you what to do about it!  
AC: :33 < and its about always wanting to help your meowrail and doing efurrything you can to make them impurrove  
AC: :33 < and its about being willing to do it even if they resist beclaws you know its fur their own good!  
AC: :33 < its an amazing special thing and i know it and you know it and fefurry knows it and youd be so lucky to have her as a meowrail!!!  
TA: whatever, ii'm 2tiill not buyiing iit.  
AC: :33 < well if youre not going to be her meowrail, then who will be?  
AC: :33 < beclaws i can tell you terezis not interested!  
TA: what doe2 that matter?  
TA: ii already told you, ii want two be tz's moiiraiil.  
AC: :33 < so who then?  
AC: :33 < you really think she wants to be kanayas meowrail??  
TA: eheh, no, 2he obviiou2ly ha2 another quadrant iin miind for her.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, i know, its so cute!  
AC: :33 < but anyway, that doesnt leave her with many choices!  
AC: :33 < its just what, karkat and aradia?  
TA: well fuck, ii don't know.  
AC: :33 < look sollux will you just admit it?  
AC: :33 < youre her best candidate for a meowrail and we all know it!  
TA: yeah, well, maybe ii'm not pale for her!  
AC: :33 < then what are you fur her??  
TA: ii'm flu2hed for her, obviiou2ly!  
AC: :33 < then why dont you just become her matespurrit???  
TA: becau2e iit'2 not that 2iimple!  
TA: ii can't ju2t ru2h iintwo thii2, okay?  
TA: how many tiime2 do ii have two 2ay thii2??  
AC: :33 < sollux theres something youre not telling me here  
AC: :33 < you k33p saying you dont want to rush into a matespurritship but you wont tell me why!  
TA: ii diid tell you, becau2e iit'2 kiind of a biig fuckiing deal.  
AC: :33 < yes yes i know its a big deal!  
AC: :33 < but maybe fefurry is a big deal!  
AC: :33 < and no that isnt a fat joke  
TA: ii wa2n't goiing two 2ay anythiing.  
AC: :33 < ugh whatever im getting off topic  
AC: :33 < look, fefurry is a really nice sw33t amazing girl and she doesnt deserve to be played with like this!  
TA: ii'm not playiing wiith her!  
TA: 2he under2tands perfectly what'2 goiing on, and 2he'2 fiine wiith it.  
TA: 2o why can't you ju2t hop the fuck off my bulge about iit???  
AC: :33 < look, you cant just k33p her in the dark about this!  
AC: :33 < if you really are flushed fur her, then you should tell her!  
AC: :33 < whats so hard about that??  
TA: iit'2 compliicated.  
AC: :33 < so what is it?  
AC: :33 < is there somepawdy else??  
AC: :33 < are you not flushed fur her after all???  
TA: oh, for fuck'2 2ake, no!  
TA: there ii2n't anybody el2e, ju2t fuck off.  
AC: :33 < is this about aradia, is that it?  
TA: oh my god, no.  
TA: 2eriiou2ly, what the fuck are you even iimplyiing here?  
AC: :33 < its obvious that you still care about her sollux!  
AC: :33 < i can s33 it just from the way youre always yelling at vriska!  
AC: :33 < so dont even act like she doesnt mean anything to you anymore!  
TA: ii never fuckiing 2aiid that!  
TA: of cour2e ii 2tiill care about her!  
AC: :33 < then what is it?  
AC: :33 < how do you really f33l about her?  
TA: iit doe2n't fuckiing matter what ii feel about her!  
AC: :33 < then can you at least tell me how you felt about her before?  
TA: okay, fiine!  
TA: ii wa2 flu2hed for her, alriight?  
TA: iit'2 not liike it fuckiing matter2 anymore!  
TA: even iif 2he ii2 done wiith eq, iit'2 not liike 2he'd ever want two talk two me agaiin!  
AC: :33 < oh my god  
AC: :33 < i just figured it all out  
AC: :33 < get the legislacerators on the long distance fiber optic telecommunicative device, because ive solved the case!  
TA: what the fuck are you talkiing about?  
AC: :33 < youre not flushed for feferi  
AC: :33 < because youre still flushed for aradia!  
AC: :33 < and the whole reason you k33p saying you n33d more time with feferi is because you think if you spend enough time with her youll get over aradia and actually become flushed for her!  
TA: WHAT???  
AC: :33 < i cant believe it, vriska was right!  
AC: :33 < youre honestly trying to write aradia out of your life!!  
TA: fuck you!  
TA: you don't know a fuckiing thiing about me and aa, 2o maybe you 2hould just 2hut the fuck up!  
AC: :33 < i know youre doing the same thing to feferi that you were doing to aradia before!  
AC: :33 < and i know they both deserve better than that!!  
AC: :33 < feferi deserves to know the truth about how you actually f33l about her!  
AC: :33 < and aradia deserves to stay in your life!  
AC: :33 < because she probably still cares about you, and you shouldnt just try to ignore her!!  
AC: :33 < you think your whole plan will work out for the best, but all youre doing is hurting both of them, and its just wrong!!!  
TA: no, you know what, fuck you!  
TA: ii'm fuckiing done talkiing two you about thii2!  
TA: you don't know 2hiit about me or ff or aa or anybody, alriight?  
TA: you thiink you're helpiing u2, but all you're doiing ii2 ju2t fuckiing everythiing up!  
AC: :33 < no im not!!!!  
AC: :33 < i know what im doing is a good thing, and so do you!!!!  
AC: :33 < and if you really care about feferi or aradia then youll let me help you!!!!  
TA: II DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKIING HELP!  
TA: all ii want ii2 for you two 2tay the fuck out of my liife!  
TA: 2o ju2t leave me alone and leave ff alone and never talk two eiither of u2 ever agaiin!  
AC: :33 < you cant just ignore your problems forever sollux!!!  
AC: :33 < youre going to have to face them eventually!!!  
TA: ju2t fuck off!!!  
  
twinArmageddons [TA] blocked arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
AC: :33 < rrrgh  
AC: :33 < well fuck  
AC: :33 < now what??  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
AA: 0k nepeta  
AA: i think its ab0ut time y0u tell me whats really g0ing 0n here  
AC: :33 < what??  
AC: :33 < aradia what are you talking about  
AA: d0nt play dumb with me  
AA: i kn0w y0ure behind all 0f this  
AC: :33 < all of what??  
AA: the wh0le situati0n with this timeline  
AA: were supp0sed t0 be d00med  
AA: but this timeline isnt acting the way a d00med timeline sh0uld  
AA: and i kn0w y0u have s0mething t0 d0 with it  
AC: :33 < aradia i have no idea what youre talking about!  
AA: 0h c0me 0n  
AA: nepeta im n0t stupid  
AA: y0uve been behaving c0mpletely differently since a week ag0  
AA: which is incidentally the exact m0ment when this timeline starts branching  
AA: s0 just tell me whats g0ing 0n  
AC: :33 < okay fine  
AC: :33 < i have something to do with the timeline not being doomed  
AC: :33 < but i cant tell you any more than that!  
AA: why n0t  
AC: :33 < beclaws i just cant!  
AA: just tell me wh0 y0ure w0rking f0r  
AA: is it the h0rr0rterr0rs  
AA: 0r the denizens maybe  
AA: 0r maybe  
AA: y0u arent w0rking f0r him are y0u  
AC: :33 < look im sorry but i cant tell you anything about it!  
AA: can y0u at least tell me why y0u cant tell me ab0ut it  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < maybe?  
AA: just tell me  
AC: :33 < okay okay  
AC: :33 < im on a task right now  
AC: :33 < and if i tell you anything about it ill automatically fail it  
AA: a task  
AA: 0f c0urse its a denizen  
AA: i sh0uldve kn0wn  
AA: s0 what d0es psyche want y0u t0 d0  
AA: is she trying t0 escape the sessi0n s0mehow  
AA: 0r d0es she want t0 scratch it  
AA: whatever it is it d0esnt really matter  
AA: were all d00med n0 matter what artifice she may be pl0tting  
AC: :33 < its not anything like that!!  
AC: :33 < anyway as much as i wish i could tell you i cant  
AA: alright fine  
AA: ill just g0 ask y0u in a d00med branch  
AC: :33 < what??  
AA: hang 0n  
AA: 0_0  
AA: wh  
AA: what  
AA: nepeta y0u cann0t be fucking seri0us  
AC: :33 < what?  
AA: i  
AA: i just  
AA: shipping  
AA: seri0usly  
AA: the shipping thing is y0ur task  
AC: :33 < er  
AC: :33 < maybe??  
AA: i just  
AA: i cann0t  
AA: ribbit  
AA: i cann0t believe h0w fucking stupid that is!!!  
AC: :33 < um  
AA: why the fuck w0uld she assign y0u a task like that  
AA: nepeta was this y0ur idea  
AA: did y0u h0nestly strike a deal with her just s0 y0u c0uld p0intlessly ship all 0f us in this d00med timeline  
AC: :33 < no its not anything like that!!!  
AC: :33 < it was psyches idea, honestly!  
AA: why  
AA: why the fuck w0uld she d0 that  
AA: it d0esnt make any sense  
AC: :33 < look i dont really know either!  
AC: :33 < all i know is she said she could purrserve our timeline as long as i followed the rules  
AC: :33 < and once i succ33ded in shipping efurryone shed be able to purrmanently save our timeline from being doomed  
AA: well she lied t0 y0u  
AA: theres n0 way t0 und00m a timeline  
AA: she can h0ld the pr0cesses back but eventually this timeline is g0ing t0 draw the attenti0n 0f higher p0wers  
AA: and theyll deal with it manually  
AC: :33 < how do you know she was lying?  
AC: :33 < how do you know there isnt a way to undoom a timeline??  
AA: because ive seen a billi0n different d00med timelines  
AA: and n0t 0ne 0f them has f0und a way  
AC: :33 < well maybe thats beclaws they nefur had a chance!  
AC: :33 < they were all busy dying horribly  
AA: um  
AA: thats a p0ssibility i guess  
AA: but n0 it d0esnt make any sense  
AA: d00m isnt just an 0n 0ff switch theres m0re t0 it than that  
AC: :33 < like what?  
AA: the reas0n a timeline bec0mes d00med in the first place is because it diverges fr0m the events that cause its 0wn existence  
AA: the events that led t0 the creati0n 0f 0ur 0wn universe are s0 tightly scripted that even the slightest divergence will result in the entire sequence being disrupted  
AA: s0 any deviati0n fr0m the alpha timeline is incapable 0f persisting because it st0ps itself fr0m ever being created  
AC: :33 < ugh who cares about the stupid alpha timeline!!  
AC: :33 < whats so great about it anyway??  
AA: its the way things have t0 g0  
AA: thats all there is t0 it  
AC: :33 < well, why do we have to follow the alpha timeline?  
AC: :33 < why cant we be a  
AC: :33 < a beta timeline or something??  
AA: thats n0t h0w it w0rks  
AA: h0nestly just the term beta timeline is really insulting 0n s0 many levels i d0nt kn0w where t0 begin  
AC: :33 < what??  
AC: :33 < how is it insulting?  
AA: d0 y0u think i havent tried nepeta  
AA: d0 y0u h0nestly think i havent tried t0 change the way things g0  
AA: d0 y0u really think i want t0 be fucking dead  
AA: ive tried t0 fix things  
AA: but i cant  
AA: n0ne 0f us can  
AC: :33 < i dont believe that!  
AC: :33 < i think psyche is giving us a way to change things for the better!  
AA: there isnt a way  
AA: even the p0wer 0f all twelve denizens c0mbined isnt en0ugh t0 reverse the effects 0f d00m 0n a timeline  
AA: im s0rry t0 say this wh0le quest 0f y0urs has been a c0mplete waste 0f time  
AA: really its kind 0f inspiring h0w y0u keep finding new and exciting ways t0 waste an infinite res0urce  
AA: i guess amazing was the right w0rd t0 describe y0u  
AC: :33 < what??  
AA: nevermind  
AA: this is p0intless  
AA: i sh0uldnt even be here anym0re  
AA: id be better 0ff just jumping t0 the alpha timeline  
AC: :33 < what!!!!  
AC: :33 < aradia no you cant leave!!!  
AA: why n0t  
AA: whats the p0int 0f me staying  
AA: its just an0ther d00med timeline  
AA: t0 think f0r the briefest 0f m0ments i actually let myself get my h0pes up  
AA: when i knew the wh0le thing was just a big sham the entire time  
AC: :33 < its not a sham!!!  
AC: :33 < look, why do you want to go back to the alpha timeline???  
AA: because staying here is p0intless  
AA: the alpha timeline needs me m0re than this 0ne d0es  
AC: :33 < ugh thats not true!!!  
AC: :33 < this timeline n33ds you more than anything!!!  
AC: :33 < why do you even care about the stupid alpha timeline anyway???  
AA: because its the 0nly 0ne that matters  
AA: the 0nly reas0n f0r a d00med timeline t0 persist as l0ng as it d0es is if it c0ntributes t0 the alpha in s0me way  
AC: :33 < ugh that is so stupid  
AC: :33 < the alpha timeline is dumb and youre dumb fur even wanting to purrserve it in the furst place!  
AA: 0_0  
AA: nepeta that is seri0usly the m0st idi0tic thing ive ever heard  
AC: :33 < why do you n33d to help the alpha timeline anyway??  
AC: :33 < just whats so fucking great about it????  
AA: i never said there was anything great ab0ut it  
AA: but its the 0nly 0ne that matters  
AC: :33 < i dont care!!  
AC: :33 < furom what ive heard, the alpha timeline is actually purretty fucking terrible!!!  
AC: :33 < just a horrible endless purrade of suffuring fur all purrties involved!  
AC: :33 < is a timeline like that really worth purrserving???  
AA: it d0esnt matter  
AC: :33 < look, just be honest with me  
AC: :33 < what happens to me in the alpha timeline?  
AA: um  
AC: :33 < its something horrible isnt it???  
AA: well  
AC: :33 < i knew it!!!  
AC: :33 < so i dont care!!!  
AC: :33 < even if it is hopeless, id rather fight fur a chance at making a better timeline than surrender to the stupid alpha!  
AA: l00k nepeta i appreciate the sentiment and all but theres really n0thing y0u can d0 ab0ut it  
AA: this iterati0n 0f this universe is d00med and thats that  
AC: :33 < well maybe it is  
AC: :33 < but what if we make another universe??  
AC: :33 < a better universe than whatefur stupid one we create in the alpha timeline???  
AA: we cant create a universe  
AA: universes cant be created in d00med timelines  
AA: n0 matter h0w well we breed 0ur universe fr0g the final d00r will lead t0 n0thing but an empty v0id  
AA: its a security precauti0n  
AA: an sgrub sessi0n is a fairly lightweight thing but a universe is several 0rders 0f magnitude larger  
AA: n0 use wasting all that matter and energy by letting any 0ld d00med timeline create a universe that will just be d00med anyway  
AC: :33 < seriously?  
AC: :33 < we really cant create a new universe?  
AA: n0pe  
AA: s0 theres really n0 reas0n f0r y0u t0 b0ther with this at all  
AA: the wh0le thing was just 0ne big ruse  
AA: a distracti0n fr0m infinitely m0re imp0rtant duties  
AA: 0h well it was enj0yable reprieve fr0m fatalism while it lasted  
AA: id alm0st managed t0 sav0r it  
AC: :33 < i dont get it aradia  
AC: :33 < why are you so certain that were beyond saving?  
AA: because 0f all the myriad ways ive seen 0f affecting a timeline i havent seen 0ne that can save it fr0m the inevitable destructi0n that entails fr0m departing fr0m the alpha timeline  
AA: and even if i was wr0ng and psyche did have s0me way 0f d0ing it it d0esnt matter  
AA: because her task was imp0ssible fr0m the 0utset  
AC: :33 < what?  
AC: :33 < aradia what are you talking about?  
AA: y0ur little shipping quest  
AA: it cant be d0ne  
AA: and even if y0u werent d0ing it f0r such a p0intless reas0n the wh0le thing w0uld still be an exercise in futility  
AC: :33 < thats not true!  
AC: :33 < its not impawssible, i know it can be done!  
AA: its 0bvi0us whats g0ing 0n here nepeta  
AA: y0ur denizen set y0u 0n an imp0ssible task and 0ffered y0u a reward she c0uldnt p0ssibly deliver 0n  
AA: all f0r s0me devi0us purp0se 0f her 0wn n0 d0ubt  
AA: psyche played y0u f0r an utter f00l  
AC: :33 < no, thats not true!  
AC: :33 < i trust psyche!  
AC: :33 < she gave me all the tools i n33ded to complete my task, and i know i can do it!  
AC: :33 < and she purromised she could save us all, and i believe her!  
AA: ugh  
AA: really  
AC: :33 < yes really!  
AA: y0ure abs0lutely dead set 0n this wh0le thing arent y0u  
AC: :33 < yes i am!!!  
AC: :33 < it isnt impawssible to ship all of us, i just know it!  
AA: is there n0thing i can d0 t0 change y0ur mind  
AC: :33 < no!!!!  
AA: well in that case theres n0 p0int in sticking ar0und  
AA: i may as well just depart f0r the alpha n0w  
AC: :33 < aradia wait just a minute!!!!!  
AA: why  
AC: :33 < just listen to me!  
AC: :33 < now i may not know as much about time as you do  
AC: :33 < but i know one thing  
AC: :33 < the alpha timeline doesnt n33d your help!  
AC: :33 < it already exists, and theres nothing anypawdy can do to change that!  
AC: :33 < and if i say something to you to make you change your mind, therell still be a branch where you decide to leave anyway  
AC: :33 < so the alpha timeline wont even lose an aradia if you stay!  
AC: :33 < so theres no reason for you to leave!!!  
AA: that  
AA: ribbit  
AA: thats true  
AA: but theres n0 reas0n f0r me t0 stay either  
AC: :33 < thats a lie!!!  
AC: :33 < there are plenty of reasons fur you to stay!!  
AC: :33 < in fact, there are exactly eleven reasons fur you to stay!  
AC: :33 < now if you stay, i cant guarant33 that efurrything will work out  
AC: :33 < but if you leave, then well definitely be doomed!  
AC: :33 < and then all the rest of us will die!!  
AC: :33 < and you can try to say that we were doomed anyway, and it doesnt matter  
AC: :33 < but youll know fur a fact that the reason we all died is beclaws you left!!!  
AC: :33 < and can you really live with that?  
AC: :33 < can you live with the fact that youll be directly responsible for all of our deaths?  
AA: i  
AA: 0f c0urse i can  
AA: the alpha timeline is m0re imp0rtant  
AC: :33 < okay fine, i believe you  
AC: :33 < so just go ahead, aradia  
AC: :33 < all the rest of us are going to die horribly  
AC: :33 < but its okay!  
AC: :33 < i wont blame you  
AC: :33 < none of us will  
AC: :33 < me and terezi and sollux are all going to be purrfectly fine with the fact that we died beclaws of you  
AC: :33 < the alpha timeline is more impurrtant after all!  
AC: :33 < so just go ahead and leave  
AA: nepeta  
AA: that is a really fucking dirty argument and y0u kn0w it  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, sorry  
AC: :33 < but i n33d you to stay, aradia!  
AC: :33 < i cant do this without you  
AA: y0u cant d0 it with me either  
AA: it cant be d0ne peri0d  
AA: even if i d0nt leave were all d00med anyway because the task set bef0re y0u is an utterly fruitless 0ne  
AC: :33 < why do you k33p saying that???  
AC: :33 < just what is it about my shipping quest thats so completely impossible???  
AC: :33 < im already halfway done, why should finishing the other half be any harder??  
AA: because as admirable as y0ur pr0gress has been thus far theres 0ne thing y0u never th0ught t0 take int0 c0nsiderati0n  
AA: 0ne 0bstacle thats insurm0untable even f0r the greatest of shippers  
AA: a single tr0ll am0ng the twelve 0f us that is c0mpletely and utterly unshippable  
AC: :33 < okay just furom all your doom and gloom talk i assume youre talking about yourself  
AA: c0ngratulati0ns thats the first reas0nable assumpti0n y0uve made in this entire c0nversati0n  
AC: :33 < aradia that is stupid!  
AC: :33 < why would you think youre unshippable???  
AC: :33 < and dont even try to say its beclaws youre an emotionless robot or anything stupid like that!  
AC: :33 < under all that meowtallic plating youre still a purrson with f33lings and we both know it!  
AC: :33 < or did you just beat the crap out of my meowrail and then make out with him beclaws you were purrogrammed to???  
AA: ugh  
AA: thats exactly what im talking ab0ut  
AA: there was 0ne pers0n in the entirety 0f parad0x space wh0 was willing t0 be in a quadrant with me  
AA: and even he backed 0ut  
AC: :33 < ugh that doesnt mean anything!  
AC: :33 < look, were you efur actually flushed fur equius?  
AA: n0t really n0  
AC: :33 < well, thats why he ended your relationship!!!  
AC: :33 < he really was flushed fur you, aradia  
AC: :33 < in fact, he might still be!  
AC: :33 < but when he realized you didnt love him back, he decided it was fur the best to end things  
AC: :33 < beclaws he wants you to be happy!  
AC: :33 < but when you were with him you were just miserable!  
AC: :33 < and he left beclaws you deserve to be happy, even if its with somepawdy else!  
AA: i d0nt deserve anything  
AC: :33 < yes you do!!!  
AA: n0ne 0f us deserve anything nepeta  
AA: n0ne 0f us are entitled t0 happiness  
AA: all we can d0 is take what we can get and try t0 be 0k with it  
AC: :33 < thats not true!!!  
AC: :33 < efurryone deserves to be happy!  
AC: :33 < and you shouldnt f33l like you have to settle fur being in a quadrant with someone you dont love beclaws you think you cant do any better!  
AA: s0 then what  
AA: just what are y0u suggesting i d0  
AC: :33 < im suggesting you should be with somepawdy you actually love!  
AA: like wh0  
AC: :33 < i dont know, you tell me!  
AC: :33 < come on, aradia, surely theres somepawdy you care about like that!  
AA: it d0esnt matter  
AC: :33 < yes it does!!!!!  
AA: n0 it d0esnt!  
AA: n0t anym0re  
AA: i had my chance and i blew it  
AA: and if i try again all im g0ing t0 d0 is just screw everything up  
AC: :33 < you arent going to screw anything up aradia!  
AA: nepeta just st0p  
AA: i get what y0ure trying t0 d0 but it isnt g0ing t0 w0rk  
AA: and y0u think y0ure helping but all y0ure d0ing is letting pe0ple get hurt  
AC: :33 < well sometimes you have to hurt people to help them!  
AA: well maybe s0me pe0ple d0nt deserve t0 be hurt!  
AA: maybe theyve suffered en0ugh bad luck already and they d0nt deserve t0 be subjected t0 any m0re in a misguided attempt t0 help them!  
AA: maybe they just deserve t0 be happy  
AA: even if its with s0me0ne else  
AC: :33 < but nopawdy deserves anything, aradia  
AC: :33 < you said it yourself, remempurr??  
AA: shut up  
AC: :33 < aradia listen to me  
AC: :33 < sometimes  
AC: :33 < sometimes people are stupid  
AC: :33 < sometimes people convince themselves that they cant efur have what they want even if they know it isnt true  
AC: :33 < and so they find something else  
AC: :33 < even if its not what they actually want  
AC: :33 < and they cling to the hope that maybe one day they actually will  
AC: :33 < and sometimes that works!  
AC: :33 < but sometimes its just unhealthy  
AC: :33 < and even though it might s33m harsh  
AC: :33 < sometimes the best thing to do is to destroy their hopes entirely  
AA: well  
AA: maybe s0me pe0ple deserve t0 h0pe  
AC: :33 < well why do they deserve to hope and you dont???  
AA: i  
AA: ribbit  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AC: :33 < aradia  
AC: :33 < you arent going to screw anything up  
AC: :33 < and even if you are, maybe things n33d to be screwed up!  
AC: :33 < maybe this whole situation is screwed up already and screwing it up even more is the only way to fix it!  
AA: n0  
AA: nepeta just st0p  
AA: st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p  
AA: i d0nt want t0 hear this anym0re  
AC: :33 < why not???  
AA: because im starting t0 believe it  
AA: and im n0t letting myself get my h0pes up again  
AC: :33 < well you should get your hopes up aradia!  
AC: :33 < beclaws you deserve to be happy as much as efurrypawdy else does!  
AA: well what if my happiness is mutually exclusive with every0ne elses happiness  
AA: what then  
AC: :33 < what are you talking about??  
AA: y0u kn0w what i mean  
AA: hes already happy with her  
AA: what right d0 i have t0 interfere  
AC: :33 < well what if he isnt happy with her???  
AA: what  
AC: :33 < does he s33m happy to you aradia???  
AA: i  
AA: n0  
AA: im n0t listening t0 this anym0re  
AA: im d0ne even hum0ring this  
AA: just leave me al0ne and leave them al0ne  
AA: and st0p trying t0 help pe0ple when all y0ure g0ing t0 d0 is screw things up f0r them  
AC: :33 < im not screwing anything up!!!!  
AC: :33 < you and sollux deserve to be together and you both know it!!!!  
AA: just st0p  
AA: and d0nt try t0 c0ntact me again  
AC: :33 < aradia!!!!  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] blocked arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
AA: i  
AA: i sh0uldnt  
AA: but  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]  
  
AA: hey  
CC: O)(, Aradia, )(ey!  
CC: W)(at's going on?  
AA: is he happy with y0u  
CC: W)(at?  
CC: You mean Sollux?  
AA: yes  
CC: Um... yea)(, I GU-ESS so!  
CC: W)(y do you ask?  
AA: just curi0us  
CC: Aradia, is t)(ere somet)(ing you want to talk to me aboat?  
CC: Because if t)(ere is, by all means, we can talk!  
AA: n0  
AA: i just wanted t0 kn0w if he was happy  
AA: thats all that matters  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: If you SAY so, I guess.  
AA: l00k just  
AA: f0rget i asked  
CC: 38?  
AA: i sh0uld g0  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].  
  
CC: Aradia???  
CC: )(mmm...  
CC: Is )(e )(appy wit)( me?  
CC: Kind of a STRANG-E question.  
CC: But...  
CC: W)(ale, maybe it's not.  
CC: Ug)(, w)(at am I even DOING, talking to mys)(ellf???  
  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey, since I made you guys wait two weeks for a chapter that's barely over ten thousand words, how about I give you another one four days after that??? This was really easy to write for some reason. Maybe because I kept thinking about what I wanted to write in this chapter while I was (not) working on the last one. Whatever, anyway.


	18. Memento Mori, Part I

Chapter 18 

Memento Mori, Part I 

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CC: )(ey Nepeta.  
AC: :33 < oh, fefurry!  
AC: :33 < whats going on?  
CC: Look, can I talk to you?  
AC: :33 < uh  
AC: :33 < sure, whats up?  
CC: No, I mean...  
CC: In person.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < sure, i guess  
AC: :33 < but still, whats going on?  
AC: :33 < did something happen betw33n you and sollux?  
CC: No no no, not)(ing )(appened!  
CC: It's just...  
CC: I need to talk to )(im aboat somet)(ing.  
CC: And I t)(ink it'd R-E-ELY kelp if you were t)(ere.  
AC: :33 < well, im not so sure that sollux would agr33!  
CC: )(a)(a, no, )(e probably wouldn't!  
CC: But )(onestly, I just kind of need some... SUPPORT to do t)(is.  
CC: And I figured you were t)(e best person to ask.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < well thank you fefurry!  
CC: )(ey, no problem! 38)  
CC: So can you come to LODAG?  
AC: :33 < yeah, absolutely!  
AC: :33 < wait  
AC: :33 < im not gonna have to go underwater, am i?  
CC: )(e)(e, no, we'll be in t)(e port of t)(e )(ive t)(at's above t)(e surface!  
AC: :33 < okay, good  
AC: :33 < i hate getting all wet X//  
CC: Nepeta, PL-EAS-E, I'm not going to ask you to float around in t)(e port of my )(ive w)(ere you can't even BR--EAT)(--E!  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, no, i guess not!  
AC: :33 < anyway, ill be right ofur  
CC: GR--EAT!! 38D  
AC: :33 < is sollux there right now?  
CC: No, I'll invite )(im over later.  
AC: :33 < okay, good  
AC: :33 < i just hit him with a shipping sw33p about an hour ago  
AC: :33 < and he purrobably wont be too happy to s33 me ://  
CC: 38/  
CC: Was it T)(AT bad?  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < i may have gotten a little  
AC: :33 < confurntational  
CC: W)(ale Y-EA)(, I kind of expected T)(AT!  
AC: :33 < anyway, i purrobably shouldnt be talking about it  
AC: :33 < its suppawsed to be purrivate, after all  
CC: Okay, fair enoug)(.  
CC: So sea you in a bit?  
AC: :33 < canter on it, miss peixes!  
AC: :33 < wild hoofbeasts couldnt k33p me away!!  
CC: )(-E )(-E )(-E, of )(ORS--E!  
CC: But R-E-ELY, t)(anks a lot for t)(is, Nepeta.  
AC: :33 < hey, no purroblem!  
AC: :33 < im always happy to help a furiend in n33d!  
CC: T)(at's good to know.  
CC: Anyway, sea you soon!  
AC: :33 < schooner rather than freighter!  
CC: )(a)(a)(a OKAY T)(AT'S --ENOUG)( PUNS.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, yes, i agr33!  
AC: :33 < anyway, im on my way!  
CC: W)(ale, everyt)(ing will be ready w)(en you get )(ere!  
AC: :33 < great!  
AC: :33 < okay, s33 you soon, fefurry!  
CC: Okay, bye, Nepeta!  
  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 

*** 

"Okay, I just finished glubbing at him, and he's on his way," Feferi said, and shut her clam-shaped huskphone with a click. "He's on LOBAF, so it shoald only hake a few minnows. I mean minutes." 

Nepeta nearly winced at the sheer volume of Feferi's fish puns, but she realized it would be pretty hypocritical for _her_ of all people to take issue with it, so she simply offered a nervous smile instead. "Are you ready?" 

The huskphone disappeared into Feferi's sylladex, and she returned Nepeta's grin with one of her own--conservative by her standards, but a bit terrifying by anyone else's. "Yeah, I think so!" she answered, then after a moment's hesitation, looked away. "Well, ready as I'll ever be, anyway." 

The two were seated in one of the countless tryian-hued blocks of Feferi's hive, Nepeta perched anxiously on the edge of a red and blue loveseat (she strongly suspected the colors weren't Feferi's idea), while the heiress herself was buried in one of a pair of similarly-colored chairs flanking a large cross-shaped window. Feferi suddenly rose from her seat to advance on the window, kicking a few ornate cages out of the way in the process, and surveyed the iridescent skies of the Land of Dew and Glass in anticipation. 

"It's good that you're doing this, Fefurry," Nepeta assured Feferi, getting the feeling she was a little nervous herself. "You deserve to know how Sollux really feels about you." 

Feferi sighed. "Yeah, I know, but... I don't want him to eel like I'm pressuring him, you know?" she replied, then added with a groan, "I mean feel." 

Nepeta stifled a giggle. "I know, I know," she answered, "but your feelings matter too, you know!" After a few seconds without a reply, Nepeta leaned a bit towards Feferi, a look of concern on her face. "Are you sure you don't want to talk to me about it?" 

Feferi pressed herself further toward the window, hiding her face from Nepeta, though she still caught a glimpse of a grimace on the seadweller's face. "Look, I'd just," she started hesitantly, "I'd rather not say anything until I know how he eels ab-- _feels_! Damn it!" she spat at the floor. 

"Well, if you insist," Nepeta surrendered, leaning back into the loveseat. "I've got some theories on his feelings myself," she mused, "but I'd rather hear it furom him, too." 

Feferi let out a little gasp. "He's here!" she announced, and Nepeta reflexively hunched down in her seat. Feferi stuck her head through one of the large squares in the window and shouted, "Sollux! Meet me in this room here!" She stuck her hand through an adjacent hole to wave at him. 

Once she was absolutely certain Sollux was clear of the window, Nepeta rose from her position on the loveseat. "He won't be too mad I'm here, will he?" 

Feferi extracted herself from the window and turned to face Nepeta. "He shoaldn't be," she assured her. "And even if he is, I can clam him down." The sound of muffled footsteps grew louder, and Feferi stepped toward the center of the room. "I hope this works," she muttered to herself. 

The door swung open, and Sollux stepped into the leisureblock. "Hey, FF, what's--" he started, but his gaze immediately snapped over to Nepeta. "Oh god, what the fuck is she doing here?" he demanded. 

Nepeta tried to explain herself. "Sollux, I'm here bec--" 

"Because why?" Sollux interrupted, glaring at her. "Is this an intervention? A romance ambush or some bullshit like that? Fuck, I knew I should've checked the server program before I got here." 

"Sollux, please!" Feferi interjected. "This isn't an intervention or anything like that! The only reason Nepeta is here is because I asked her to be here." 

Sollux cocked an eyebrow at her. "Why?" 

"Because I want to talk to you about our relationship," Feferi answered, placing a hand against her chest. "And if there are any issues between us, I trust Nepeta to be able to resolve them." 

"I just want to help you two, Sollux," Nepeta assured him. 

Sollux just crossed his arms and sighed. "Okay, fine," he relented. "Even though I don't think this is any of her fucking business." 

Feferi chuckled. "Sollux, Nepeta is the shipping master," she reminded him. "This is pretty much the entirety of her business!" 

"Anyway, what's the matter, Sollux?" Nepeta asked him teasingly. "Are you afraid I'm gonna tell Vwiskers all your secrets or something?" 

"Fuck off," Sollux said to her, then turned back to Feferi. "Anyway, just what did you want to talk about?" 

"Well," Feferi started, and closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I realize this is probably shellfish of me..." She slapped her palm across her eyes. " _Selfish_ of me, but I just want to know what you wanted out of our relationship. And I know you want to wait before we enter a quadrant, and I'm okay with that, but I just want to know whether you wanted to be matesprits or moirails." 

"It's not selfish, FF," Sollux assured her. "I get it. And to be perfectly honest... I wanted to be your matesprit." 

"Really?" Nepeta inquired. 

"Yes, really," Sollux practically growled at her. 

"Okay, that's great!" Feferi said. "I'd be happy to be your matesprit, Sollux!" 

"Seriously?" Sollux asked with an uncertain smile. 

"Yes, seriously!" Feferi answered. "But..." 

Sollux's smile instantly vanished. "But what?" 

Feferi sighed. "Look, there's just one other thing I have to ask you," she said, crossing her arms and looking away from him. 

"Well, what is it?" Sollux asked, a look of concern on his face. 

Feferi took a deep breath, then looked Sollux in the eyes. "Are you happy with me?" 

Sollux blinked a few times in surprise. "What? Of course I'm happy with you, FF." 

"No, really, Sollux!" Feferi intoned. "I mean, ever since I've met you, you've been kind of moody and depressive, and recently, it just seems to be getting worse!" 

"FF, that's not because of you," Sollux insisted. 

"Maybe it isn't," Feferi replied. "But if we were to be matesprits, we should be able to make each other happy, and it just seems like you aren't happy." 

"FF..." Sollux said, taking a few steps toward Feferi. "Where did this come from? What gave you the idea that I'm not happy with you?" 

"Well," Feferi started to answer, hesitating a moment as her right hand climbed up to her left shoulder. "About an hour ago, Aradia talked to me." 

Sollux flinched a bit in surprise. "AA? Seriously?" 

"She asked me if you were happy with me," Feferi explained, avoiding making eye contact with Sollux, "and I told her you were. But the more I thought about it, the less confident I got about my answer." 

"I..." Sollux trailed off, not really sure what to say. 

"Look, Sollux," Feferi said, looking back up at him, "just be honest with me. If you aren't happy, just tell me you aren't happy." 

Sollux hesitated for a bit, glancing over at Nepeta. "If you are unhappy, nothing's going to change if you don't tell anyone," she offered. 

"Okay, fine," he said with a sigh, slumping his shoulders in defeat. "I'm not happy. But what fucking difference does it make? I'm just not a happy guy, alright? Why does it have to be a federal fucking issue?" 

"It is an issue, Sollux!" Feferi insisted. "I want you to be happy. But you just seem so sad and angry all the time, and... it hurts me to see you suffer like this and not be able to do anything about it." 

Sollux winced at that. "It hurts you?" 

"Well, I just meant..." 

"No, you meant exactly what you said," Sollux concluded, then turned to the wall, slamming his palm over his face. " _Fuck_! I am such a worthless fucking _asshole_!" 

Feferi rushed up to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. "No you aren't!" 

"Yes I am," Sollux replied, face still firmly planted in his hand. "FF, I've been such a monumental piece of shit to you, it'd take all the computers in paradox space a billion sweeps to calculate the sheer girth of it." 

"Sollux, I didn't mean it like that!" Feferi said, unconsciously shaking Sollux a little as she said it. "You haven't done anything wrong, I swear!" 

"Look, FF," Sollux began, and let out a pained sigh as he lifted his head from his palm. "I have to be honest with you. I should've just told you this sooner, but..." 

"What is it, Sollux?" Feferi asked, her hands trailing down Sollux's back as they fell to her sides. 

Sollux began to turn to face Feferi, but stopped, and his gaze fell to the floor once more. He took a deep breath, then let it all out in a long sigh. "I'm not flushed for you." 

Feferi looked a little startled at this. "You're not?" 

"No," Sollux answered, turning his head to the side, but still not looking at Feferi. "I mean, I like you a lot, but... I just don't feel that way about you." 

"Oh," Feferi said simply. "So you don't want to be my matesprit?" she inquired further, more curious than upset. 

"That's the thing, I _do_ want to be your matesprit!" Sollux replied, throwing out his hands. "I mean, fuck, FF, you're amazing, and I'd be lucky to be your matesprit, but I'm just..." He smacked his hand against his forehead. "I'm just such a _fucking idiot_ that I can't be satisfied with you." 

Sollux flinched a little when Feferi grabbed him by the shoulders again, but he relaxed a little as she started gently rubbing them. "Sollux, it's fine," she insisted as she continued her massage. "You shouldn't feel obligated to be my matesprit if you aren't flushed for me." 

"How the fuck is it fine?" Sollux asked, looking up to stare at the wall. 

"I told you, Sollux," Feferi asked, the tiniest hint of sing-song in her voice. "If you don't want to be matesprits, I'd be happy to be moirails." 

Sollux looked back at her over his shoulder. "Seriously?" 

"Yes, seriously!" Feferi answered with a grin. Her look suddenly turned serious. "Or do you not want that?" 

"I..." Sollux started, then sighed and looked away from her. "Fuck, I don't know." 

"Sollux," Nepeta said from across the room, and Sollux looked a little annoyed as he turned to look at her. "If you aren't flushed for Feferi, then is there anyone you _are_ flushed for?" she asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible. 

Sollux rolled his eyes, though the gesture was lost behind his heterochromatic shades. "Oh, for fuck's sake, really?" he asked. 

Feferi rubbed Sollux's shoulders a little harder than usual, earning a yelp from him. "Sollux, be nice!" she chided. "Anyway, if there is someone you're flushed for, I'd really like to know." 

"Well," Sollux muttered, "I suppose I owe you that much." He let out a forlorn sigh. "It's AA." 

"Aradia?" Feferi repeated, a little surprised. 

"Yeah, I know, I'm a fucking moron," Sollux lamented, leaning forward to bump his forehead into the wall. "A beautiful, royal-blooded princess is practically throwing herself at me, and I don't feel a thing for her because I'm flushed for a dead girl like a fucking chump." 

"Sollux, it's okay, I understand," Feferi assured him, though she still winced a little at the comment. "You two have a history together, and I don't expect to be able to replace her." 

"But that's the thing," Sollux said. "That's exactly what I was trying to make you do." 

Feferi cocked her head at him quizzically. "What do you mean?" 

Sollux let out a disgusted sigh. "Even though I'm not flushed for you, I thought if I hung around with you enough, I might eventually feel that way. I thought I might get over her. Because..." He put his hand over his eyes and groaned. "God, the whole thought process is so scummy, I can't even say it out loud." 

Feferi gave him a sympathetic look. "I remind you of her, don't I?" 

"Yes," Sollux admitted. "Fuck, it's such a shitty thing to even think about. I was trying to replace her with you, and it isn't fair to either of you." 

"Sollux, it's fine," Feferi attempted to console him. 

"No it isn't!" Sollux shouted, startling Feferi into stopping her ministrations. He brushed her hands off his shoulders and turned to face her at last. "Look, FF," he started, looking into her eyes, "I've been a complete bastard to you. I thought if I stuck with you, we could eventually be happy together, but all I've been doing is hurting you." 

"That isn't true!" Feferi asserted. "I enjoy being with you, Sollux." 

"Maybe you do," Sollux said, looking away from her, "but all I've been doing is leading you on. And now that the truth is out, I don't see much point in continuing this whole despicable charade." 

Feferi's features hardened with concern. "Sollux, what are you trying to say?" 

Sollux sighed. "This whole thing has been a mistake," he said, "and I think it's time I did the right thing for once." 

Feferi blinked in shock. "Sollux, are you..." she asked, her voice heavy with disbelief, "Are you breaking up with me?!" 

"You deserve better than this, FF," Sollux said, looking back up at her. 

"No! Sollux, _no_!" Feferi shouted, fearful and indignant. "You can't do this! I already told you, I want to be your moirail!" 

Sollux took a step back defensively. "Why do you want that?" he asked. 

"Because I want to help you!" Feferi replied. 

"I don't deserve your help!" Sollux yelled at her, and Feferi just stared back, shocked into silence. "Look," he muttered to her, "just forget about me, alright? You'd be better off for it. Just find somebody else and move on with your life." He motioned to Nepeta. "I'm sure she can find somebody who'll be better for you than I ever was," he said, then turned to move toward the door. 

"Sollux, please don't do this," Feferi pleaded, fuchsia tears beginning to well in her goggles. 

As Sollux placed his hand on the doorknob, he sighed. "Sorry for wasting your time," he said, then slowly pushed the door open. 

"Sollux, wait!" Feferi said and stepped toward him, but stopped as he crossed the threshold of the door. 

Nepeta took a few steps toward her. "Feferi, I'm sorry, I..." she began, but suddenly decided to spring out the door in pursuit of Sollux. She caught him just as he was about to take off from one of the hive's numerous balconies. 

"Sollux, what are you doing?!" Nepeta demanded of him. 

Sollux spun around to face her. "Look, NP, you were right, okay?" he admitted. "I was never actually flushed for FF, and I was just fucking with her this entire time. I'm just doing what I should have done weeks ago." 

"But this isn't the answer!" Nepeta said. "Look, she said she wanted to be your moirail! What's so wrong with that?" 

"Look, I just..." Sollux started to answer, then cradled his forehead in his hand. "I can't stand being around her right now. Just the thought that she was suffering because of me..." He sighed, utterly disgusted with himself. 

"Sollux, you need to talk to someone about this," Nepeta insisted. 

"Like who?" Sollux asked. "Can't talk to FF. Certainly can't talk to AA." 

"Well," Nepeta said hesitantly, "will you at least talk to Terezi?" 

Sollux stopped to consider it for a moment. "Fine," he relented, then turned away from Nepeta. "And I'm sorry for messing up your shipping thing," he offered, then took off, flying up into one of the planet's gates. 

As Nepeta dealt with Sollux, Feferi retrieved her huskphone from her sylladex, flipping it open to hopefully deal with the situation another way. 

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA].  
  
CC: Aradia!  
AA: what  
CC: It's about Sollux!  
CC: He just broke up with me!!  
AA: what  
AA: n0  
AA: why w0uld he d0 that  
CC: Because he wasn't happy with me!  
CC: I know I said he was, but when I thought about it, I realized it wasn't true!  
AA: ugh  
AA: i t0ld y0u t0 f0rget i talked t0 y0u  
CC: Look, Aradia, he still cares about you!  
CC: He's flushed for you!!  
CC: And I'm afraid the only way he's going to be happy is if he's with you!  
AA: seri0usly  
CC: Yes, seriously!!!  
CC: Do you feel the same way about him?  
AA: it  
AA: it d0esnt matter  
AA: im n0t the same girl he fell in l0ve with  
AA: n0t anym0re  
CC: Well...  
CC: What if there was a way to bring you back?  
AA: there isnt  
CC: Yes there is!!!  
CC: I think I know a way!  
CC: Your dreamself might still be alive, and I think I know where it is!  
AA: n0  
AA: n0 n0 n0 n0 n0  
AA: l00k ive meddled t00 much already  
AA: if y0u bring me back all its g0ing t0 d0 is mess everything up even further  
CC: Aradia, please!  
CC: I just want Sollux to be happy, and I need your help!  
AA: i cant help  
AA: all i can d0 is hurt him  
CC: That's not true!!!!  
AA: im s0rry  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] blocked cuttlefishCuller [CC].  
  
CC: Aradia!!!!!  


Feferi sighed and snapped the huskphone shut. As she stowed it back in her sylladex, Nepeta returned to the room. "Feferi, I'm so sorry about this," she pleaded desperately. "I was just trying to help, but all I did was--" 

"Nepeta, listen to me," Feferi cut her off, grabbing Nepeta by the shoulders. "I think I know a way to fix this, but I need your help." 

Nepeta flinched a little at the contact, but she was dead set on making this right. "Of course, Feferi," she instantly agreed, looking Feferi in the eyes. "If there's anything I can do, just say the word." 

"Thank you," Feferi said. "But right now, all I need you to do is go to sleep." 

Nepeta blinked, giving Feferi a quizzical look. "Um, okay," she said. "But why?" 

"Because," Feferi answered, her voice firm with determination, "I think I know a way to bring her back. And it's on Derse." 

*** 

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC].  
  
AA: terezi  
AA: i did s0mething stupid  
GC: >:?  
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT?  
AA: i  
AA: i br0ke s0mething  
AA: and i d0nt think i can fix it  
GC: WH4T D1D YOU DO?  
AA: its s0llux  
AA: and feferi  
AA: they br0ke up  
AA: and its because 0f me  
GC: WH4T!!!  
GC: TH3Y BROK3 UP??  
GC: S3R1OUSLY???  
AA: thats what she said  
GC: TH4TS T3RR1BL3!  
GC: BUT WH4T DO YOU M34N 1T W4S B3C4US3 OF YOU?  
AA: its because i talked t0 her  
AA: if i hadnt they w0uldve stayed t0gether  
GC: SO W41T  
GC: YOU S41D SOM3TH1NG TO F3F3R1  
GC: TH4T M4D3 SOLLUX BR34K UP W1TH H3R  
AA: yes  
GC: 4R4D14 TH4T DO3SNT M4K3 4NY S3NS3  
AA: l00k i kn0w its my fault 0k  
AA: i just d0  
GC: W3LL  
GC: WH4T D1D YOU S4Y TO H3R  
AA: i asked her if he was happy with her  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: WH4T 3LS3  
AA: thats it  
GC: S3R1OUSLY?  
GC: JUST TH4T ON3 QU3ST1ON  
AA: yes  
GC: 4ND TH4TS TH3 ON3 TH1NG TH4T KNOCK3D TH3 WHOL3 HOUS3 OF C4RDS DOWN  
AA: yes  
GC: W3LL  
GC: WH4T D1D SH3 S4Y?  
AA: initially she said he was  
AA: but just n0w she said he wasnt  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: 1M ST1LL NOT R34LLY S331NG HOW TH1S 1S YOUR F4ULT  
AA: l00k i just  
AA: i inserted myself back int0 his life  
AA: when i knew he w0uld be better 0ff with0ut me  
AA: because i just had t0 kn0w if he was happy  
AA: but in d0ing s0 all i did was c0mpletely destr0y his 0ne chance at happiness and im just  
AA: im n0t 0k with it  
AA: im really fucking n0t 0k with it  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: YOUR3 B31NG R1D1CULOUS  
AA: i kn0w im being ridicul0us  
AA: it was my being ridicul0us that caused this wh0le debacle  
GC: BL4R NO TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 M34NT!  
GC: 1 M34N YOUR3 B31NG R1D1CULOUS 4BOUT YOUR ROL3 1N TH1S  
GC: YOU D1DNT COMPL3T3LY RU1N SOLLUXS L1F3 W1TH ON3 L1TTL3 OFFH4ND COMM3NT  
GC: FR4NKLY 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 C4P4BL3 OF TH4T  
GC: YOUR3 NOT SOM3 T3RR1BL3 D3MON3SS WHO 1N4DV3RT3NTLY SOWS D3STRUCT1ON 4ND SUFF3R1NG WH3R3V3R SH3 GO3S  
GC: YOUR3 JUST 4 G1RL  
GC: 4 G1RL WHOS CONC3RN3D 4BOUT SOLLUX 4PP4R3NTLY  
AA: kind 0f yes  
GC: LOOK  
GC: JUST B3 HON3ST W1TH M3  
GC: 4R3 YOU FLUSH3D FOR H1M?  
AA: yes  
AA: 0f c0urse im flushed f0r him  
AA: but what d0es it matter  
GC: 1T M4TT3RS 4 LOT 4R4D14!!  
AA: n0 it d0esnt  
AA: hes never g0ing t0 feel the same way ab0ut me  
AA: s0 what d0es it matter  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: OK4Y LOOK  
GC: L3TS TH1NK 4BOUT TH1S FOR 4 S3COND  
GC: F3F3R1 S41D TH4T SOLLUX W4SNT H4PPY W1TH H3R, CORR3CT?  
AA: yes  
AA: but s0 what  
GC: W3LL  
GC: WHY DO YOU TH1NK H3 W4S UNH4PPY W1TH H3R?  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: ribbit  
AA: fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK  
AA: i am S0 FUCKING SICK 0F THE RIBBITS I CANN0T TAKE IT ANYM0RE  
AA: ASRFGDSGG]SDF]SDF]SDF]SDF]SDF]SDF]!!!!  
AA: RIBBIT.RIBBIT[RIBBIT->RIBBIT()].DIE().DIE().DIE(!!!!!!!)  
AA: 'F' + ('U' * Math.INFINITY) + 'CK'  
GC: >:O  
GC: 4R4D14 C4LM DOWN!!  
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU SO UPS3T R1GHT NOW?  
AA: why sh0uldnt i be upset terezi  
AA: it seems like all i can d0 is ruin everything  
AA: even s0mething as simple as the p0ssibility that s0llux might be happy with s0me0ne  
AA: it seems like itd be imp0ssible t0 fuck that up 0n accident but haha w0w did i ever find a way!  
GC: BUT H3 W4SNT H4PPY W1TH F3F3R1!  
GC: H3 S41D 4S MUCH  
AA: but he c0uldve been  
AA: i kn0w he c0udlve  
AA: in the alpha timeline thats exactly what happens  
AA: but i th0ught maybe  
AA: ugh nevermind  
GC: YOU THOUGHT H3 COULD B3 H4PPY W1TH YOU  
AA: yes thats exactly the stupid thing i th0ught  
AA: thank y0u f0r reminding me  
GC: 1T 1SNT STUP1D!  
GC: H3 ST1LL C4R3S 4BOUT YOU 4R4D14  
AA: d0es he really  
AA: he hasnt talked t0 me 0nce since we all entered  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: OK4Y LOOK  
GC: YOU S4Y 1T W4S YOU T4LK1NG TO F3F3R1 TH4T C4US3D 4LL TH1S, R1GHT?  
AA: yes  
GC: SO WH4TS TH3 CH41N OF 3V3NTS H3R3?  
GC: YOU T4LK TO H3R  
GC: SH3 T4LKS TO H1M  
GC: PR3SUM4BLY 4BOUT YOU  
GC: 4ND TH3N WH4T?  
GC: WH4T H4PP3NS 4FT3R TH4T TH4T L34DS TO TH3M BR34K1NG UP?  
AA: um  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
GC: OK4Y NOW YOUR3 JUST B31NG D3L1B3R4T3LY OBTUS3!  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T 1M TRY1NG TO S4Y H3R3 4R4D14  
GC: H3S FLUSH3D FOR YOU  
AA: n0  
AA: thats n0t true  
AA: thats imp0ssible  
GC: S34RCH YOUR F33L1NGS, 4R4D14  
GC: YOU KNOW 1T TO B3 TRU3  
AA: maybe he c0uld have been  
AA: when i was alive  
AA: but n0t n0w  
GC: WHY NOT  
AA: because ive changed terezi  
AA: im n0t the same pers0n i was bef0re i died  
AA: im just  
AA: a cipher  
AA: a fracti0n 0f my f0rmer self sculpted in mar00n ect0plasm and encased in a c0ld ir0n shell  
GC: TH4TS NOT TRU3!  
GC: YOUR3 3V3RY B1T TH3 P3RSON YOU US3D TO B3  
GC: UND3RN34TH TH4T COLD 3XT3R1OR, YOUR3 ST1LL TH3 F31STY RUSTBLOOD3D G1RL 1 US3D TO FL4RP W1TH  
AA: thats nice 0f y0u t0 say terezi  
AA: but i kn0w its n0t true  
AA: i have changed  
GC: W3LL M4YB3 YOU H4V3  
GC: BUT YOUR3 ST1LL TH3 4R4D14 M3G1DO  
GC: YOU 4R3NT SOM3HOW L3SS OF 4 P3RSON TH4N YOU US3D TO B3  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: YOUV3 B33N THROUGH 4 LOT 4R4D14  
GC: 4ND NOBODY WOULD 3V3R 3XP3CT YOU TO GO THROUGH 4LL TH4T 4ND NOT CH4NG3 4 L1TTL3  
GC: BUT YOUR3 ST1LL YOU  
AA: 0k  
AA: s0 im still aradia megid0  
AA: but im still different  
AA: im n0t the same aradia megid0 i used t0 be  
AA: im certainly n0t feisty in any case  
GC: TH4TS D3B4T4BL3  
AA: im  
AA: im distant  
AA: c0ld and a100f  
AA: g0d damn it i mean al00f  
GC: H3H3H3  
AA: maybe s0llux c0uldve been flushed f0r me bef0re  
AA: in fact thinking ab0ut it he pr0bably was  
AA: but n0t n0w  
AA: n0w its n0t even w0rth thinking ab0ut  
AA: all i want is f0r him t0 be happy  
AA: but theres n0thing i can d0 t0 make him happy  
AA: all i can d0 is hurt him  
AA: even when i try t0 help thats all i d0  
AA: and i hate it  
AA: the v0ices used t0 tell me he liked talking t0 me  
AA: but n0w  
AA: im starting t0 think they were lying  
GC: 4R4D14  
AA: this has all been a mistake  
AA: this wh0le thing  
AA: i sh0uld just g0  
GC: WH4T  
AA: t0 the alpha timeline  
AA: at least i c0uld c0ntribute s0mething there  
GC: WH4T!!!!!  
GC: 4R4D14 NO!  
GC: YOU C4NT DO TH4T!  
AA: why n0t  
GC: B3C4US3 W3 N33D YOU  
GC: 4ND SOLLUX N33DS YOU  
GC: 4ND 1 N33D YOU  
AA: what d0es it matter  
AA: were all d00med anyway  
AA: ive pretty much assured that n0w  
GC: 4R3 W3?  
AA: what  
GC: 4R3 W3 DOOM3D  
GC: R1GHT NOW  
GC: D1D TH1S BR4NCH F4LL OFF?  
AA: well  
AA: n0  
GC: TH3N W3R3 DO1NG SOM3TH1NG R1GHT, 4T L34ST  
AA: i d0nt care  
AA: if this is the path psyche has ch0sen f0r us then i d0nt want t0 see where it leads  
AA: because it l00ks t0 me like its just g0ing t0 cause even m0re pain and suffering  
GC: >:?  
GC: PSYCH3  
GC: 1SNT TH4T N3P3T4S D3N1Z3N?  
AA: yes  
AA: this wh0le thing was 0rchestrated by her  
AA: and the entire plan hinges 0n every0ne h00king up  
AA: including me  
AA: h0ws that f0r a vast j0ke  
GC: W41T  
GC: SO TH3 T1M3L1N3 B31NG PR3S3RV3D 1S L1NK3D TO N3P3T4S WHOL3 SH1PP1NG TH1NG??  
AA: kind 0f  
AA: but were n0t supp0sed t0 kn0w that  
AA: s0 d0nt tell any0ne i guess  
GC: DONT WORRY, 1 WONT  
GC: NOT L1K3 TH3Y WOULD B3L13V3 M3 4NYW4Y, H3H3  
AA: and its n0t like it matters in the first place  
AA: since its never g0ing t0 be c0mpleted  
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
AA: y0ure seeing the 0bvi0us pr0blem here right  
GC: NO  
AA: ugh  
AA: i am the pr0blem  
AA: its me  
AA: im pretty much c0mpletely unl0vable  
AA: were already in agreement 0n that p0int right  
GC: NO W3 4R3NT!!!!  
GC: YOU 4R3 WRONG 4ND TH4T 1S STUP1D  
AA: terezi  
AA: just l00k at the facts  
AA: equius br0ke it 0ff with me  
AA: s0llux isnt speaking t0 me  
AA: and n0w vriskas d0ing this wh0le f0rgiveness thing s0 i cant even find a pr0per kismesis  
AA: wh0 d0es that leave me with  
AA: tavr0s maybe  
AA: 0h wait all his ships are already filled  
AA: and vriska 0f all pe0ple is his m0irail  
AA: h0nestly what the fuck is that ab0ut  
GC: DO YOU H4V3 4 PROBL3M W1TH TH4T NOW  
AA: kind 0f  
AA: i d0nt want t0 talk ab0ut it  
GC: 4R4D14 TH1S 1S R1D1CULOUS  
GC: YOU 4R3 NOT UNLOV4BL3!  
GC: 4ND YOU D3S3RV3 TO H4V3 4 M4T3SPR1T 4ND 4 MO1R41L JUST 4S MUCH 4S 3V3RYBODY 3LS3!  
AA: well  
AA: pe0ple d0nt always get what they deserve  
GC: BUT YOU C4N!  
GC: 4LL OF US C4N  
AA: h0w  
AA: there isnt a single pers0n wh0 cares ab0ut me like that  
AA: the wh0le thing is p0intless  
AA: theres n0thing i can d0 t0 c0ntribute t0 this wh0le charade  
AA: if i g0 t0 the alpha at least i can say my existence was g00d f0r s0mething  
GC: 4SDFLSD4JFL4SJFB4DSFLJ4444  
GC: TH4TS 1T!!!  
GC: 1 C4NT T4K3 TH1S 4NYMOR3!!!!  
GC: 1 PHYS1C4LLY C4NNOT  
AA: um  
AA: what  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: 1 KNOW FOR 4 F4CT  
GC: B3YOND 4 SH4DOW OF 4 H1NT OF 3V3N TH3 SL1GHT3ST FUCK1NG FR4CT1ON OF 4 DOUBT  
GC: TH4T TH3R3S SOM3BODY OUT TH3R3 WHO LOV3S YOU  
AA: h0w  
GC: YOU W4NN4 KNOW HOW 1 KNOW?  
GC: DO YOU R34LLY?  
AA: kind 0f yeah  
GC: B3C4US3  
GC: B3C4US3 1TS M3!!!!!  
AA: 0_0  
AA: what  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: NOT 1N 4 FLUSH3D W4Y  
GC: BUT  
GC: 1M P4L3 FOR YOU 4R4D14  
GC: 1M SO FUCK1NG P4L3 FOR YOU 1T HURTS  
GC: 4ND 1T DR1V3S M3 CR4ZY S331NG HOW LON3LY 4ND D3PR3SS3D YOU 4R3  
GC: 4ND T4LK1NG 4BOUT HOW YOUR3 UNLOV4BL3 4ND 4LL YOU C4N DO 1S HURT P3OPL3  
GC: 4ND 4LL 1 W4NT TO DO IS WR4P YOU UP 1N MY 4RMS 4ND BRUSH 4S1D3 YOUR B1G OLD MOP OF SYNTH3T1C H41R SO 1 C4N WH1SP3R OVR3 4ND OV3R 4G41N 1NTO YOUR 4UD1O R3C3PTORS  
GC: "SHUT UP, YOU STUP1D ROBOT G1RL, 3V3RYTH1NG 1S GO1NG TO B3 OK4Y"  
AA: um  
GC: BL4R, SORRY  
AA: terezi  
AA: are y0u seri0us  
GC: Y3S 1M S3R1OUS 4R4D14  
GC: 4ND  
GC: LOOK1NG 4T WH4T 1 JUST TYP3D 1TS 4CTU4LLY 1NCR3D1BLY 1N4PPROPR14T3  
GC: SO 1 M34N  
GC: 1M R34LLY SORRY FOR PUTT1NG YOU ON TH3 SPOT H3R3  
GC: BUT  
GC: WOULD YOU W4NT TO B3 MY MO1R41L  
GC: 1S TH4T SOM3TH1NG YOUD B3 OK4Y W1TH  
AA: i  
AA: n0  
AA: i w0uldnt be 0k with it  
GC: OH  
GC: W3LL  
GC: OK4Y  
AA: id be m0re than 0k with it  
AA: in fact  
AA: id actually like it a l0t  
GC: >:O  
GC: R34LLY????  
AA: yes really  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: TH4T W4S R34LLY SH1TTY OF YOU TO F4K3 M3 OUT L1K3 TH4T!! >:[  
AA: ha  
AA: s0rry  
GC: 1LL L3T 1T SL1D3 TH1S T1M3  
GC: B3C4US3 1M JUST  
GC: R34LLY H4PPY R1GHT NOW!!!!  
GC: TH4NK YOU 4R4D14  
AA: why are y0u thanking me  
AA: i sh0uld be the 0ne thanking y0u  
GC: L13S 4ND SL4ND3R  
GC: YOUR3 TH3 ON3 WHO 4GR33D TO B3 MY MO1R41L  
GC: SO CL34RLY YOUR3 TH3 ON3 R3SPONS1BL3 FOR 4LL TH3 H4PP1N3SS 1M CURR3NTLY 3XP3R13NC1NG  
GC: Q3D >:]  
AA: i kn0w  
AA: but i mean  
AA: im happy t00  
AA: im s0 happy in fact  
AA: im g0ing t0 type this face n0w  
AA: 0u0  
AA: and i d0nt even care that it l00ks stupid  
GC: SHUT UP, 1T LOOKS F1N3  
AA: y0ure just saying that  
GC: 1M S3R1OUS!  
GC: 1 KNOW TH3 S3R1FS ON TH3 U M4K3 1T LOOK 4 L1TTL3 S1LLY  
GC: BUT 1TS HON3STLY NOT TH4T B1G 4 D34L  
AA: terezi i think y0ure letting y0ur happiness cl0ud y0ur better judgment  
GC: W3LL M4YB3 1 4M  
GC: BUT M4YB3 TH3R3 4R3 B3TT3R TH1NGS TH4N MY B3TT3R JUDGM3NT TO R3LY UPON  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: i think y0ur better judgment is a l0t better than 0ther pe0ples better judgments  
GC: OK4Y TH4TS PROB4BLY TRU3  
GC: BUT ST1LL  
GC: 1 4M YOUR MO1R41L  
GC: SO YOU SHOULD L1ST3N TO M3 WH3N 1 T3LL YOU 1T LOOKS F1N3  
AA: 0k fine  
AA: cant really argue with that  
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: GOD, TH1S 1S GR34T!  
GC: 1 R34LLY SHOULD H4V3 TOLD YOU TH1S SOON3R  
GC: 1M SORRY 1 W41T3D UNT1L TH1NGS GOT SO D3SP3R4T3 TO CONF3SS TO YOU  
AA: its 0k  
AA: i wasnt exactly being appr0achable ab0ut it  
GC: Y3S 1 KNOW >:P  
GC: BUT ST1LL  
GC: 1 SHOULDV3 B33N MOR3 D1R3CT  
GC: 1 W4S K1ND OF TRY1NG TO SUBTLY BRO4DC4ST 4LL TH3S3 P4L3 F33L1NGS 1 W4S H4V1NG  
GC: BUT 1 GU3SS TH3Y N3V3R R34LLY GOT THROUGH  
AA: n0 they did  
GC: R34LLY?  
AA: yes  
AA: i was never really ign0rant t0 y0ur advances  
AA: just  
AA: skeptical  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: YOU N33D TO STOP B31NG SO D4MN3D SK3PT1C4L 4LL TH3 T1M3!!!  
AA: yeah i guess s0  
GC: 1N F4CT, 1 ORD3R YOU TO STOP  
GC: US1NG MY 4UTHOR1TY 4S YOUR MO1R41L  
AA: 0k  
AA: i guess i have n0 ch0ice  
GC: NO YOU DONT!  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: TH1S 1S FUN  
GC: 1 COULD DO TH1S 4LL N1GHT  
AA: y0u c0uld  
AA: but please d0nt  
GC: H3H3H3, OK4Y  
GC: BUT ONLY B3C4US3 YOU 4SK3D N1C3LY  
AA: s0  
AA: what n0w  
GC: W3LL  
GC: MY F1RST DUTY 4S YOUR MO1R41L  
GC: (1LL N3V3R G3T T1R3D OF S4Y1NG TH4T)  
GC: ("4S YOUR MO1R41L")  
GC: 1S TO CURB 4NY D3STRUCT1V3 1MPULS3S YOU M1GHT B3 H4V1NG  
GC: SO  
GC: H4V1NG 4NY OF THOS3  
AA: n0t right this m0ment  
AA: but ill keep y0u p0sted  
GC: TH4TS V3RY CONS1D3R4T3, TH4NK YOU  
GC: 4NYW4Y, MY S3COND DUTY 1S TO D34L W1TH 4NY OTH3R M4JOR CR1S3S YOU M1GHT B3 UND3RGO1NG R1GHT NOW  
GC: 4ND 1D S4Y TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH SOLLUX C3RT41NLY QU4L1F13S!  
AA: i guess s0  
AA: but what are y0u g0ing t0 d0  
GC: 3L3M3NT4RY, MY D34R M3G1DO  
GC: YOU 4R3 FLUSH3D FOR H1M, CORR3CT?  
AA: yes  
GC: W3LL, 1M QU1T3 CONV1NC3D H3S FLUSH3D FOR YOU 4S W3LL  
AA: d0 y0u really think s0  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: 1F 1M GO1NG TO B3 YOUR MO1R41L, YOUR3 GO1NG TO H4V3 TO TRUST M3 ON TH1NGS L1K3 TH1S, OK4Y  
AA: i  
AA: 0k  
GC: TH4NK YOU  
GC: NOW, G1V3N TH4T YOUR3 BOTH FLUSH3D FOR 34CH OTH3R, TH3 SOLUT1ON 1S QU1T3 S1MPL3  
GC: YOU JUST N33D TO T4LK TO H1M  
AA: um  
AA: really  
AA: y0u think itll be that simple  
GC: LOOK  
GC: 1M NOT JUST GO1NG TO S3ND YOU 1N BL1ND  
AA: ha  
GC: H3Y!  
GC: 1M TH3 ONLY ON3 WHOS 4LLOW3D TO L4UGH 1N4PPROPR14T3 V1S1ON B4S3D M3T4PHORS M1SSY!!!!  
AA: 0h  
AA: s0rry  
GC: 1TS F1N3  
GC: BUT 3V3RY T1M3 YOU DO TH4T, 1LL H4V3 TO M4K3 FUN OF 3R1D4N FOR 1T  
AA: ha  
AA: the insults transfer 0ver  
AA: is that really h0w it w0rks  
GC: Y3S  
GC: 1T W4S 1N TH3 F1N3 PR1NT  
GC: BUT 4NYW4Y!!  
GC: 1M GO1NG TO T4LK TO SOLLUX  
GC: S33 1F H3D POSS1BLY B3 R3C3PT1V3 TO 4 DR4M4T1C ROM4NT1C CONF3SS1ON FROM YOURS3LF  
GC: 4ND ONC3 1 F1ND TH3 P3RF3CT MOM3NT  
GC: YOULL STR1K3!!  
AA: um  
AA: i will  
GC: Y3S YOU W1LL  
GC: 1T W1LL B3 4 ROM4NC3 4MBUSH SO M4ST3RFULLY 3X3CUT3D, 3V3N N3P3T4 W1LL B3 J34LOUS  
AA: are y0u sure that will w0rk  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: 1 KNOW 1T W1LL WORK, OK4Y?  
GC: JUST TRUST M3  
AA: 0k  
AA: ill d0 whatever y0u think i sh0uld terezi  
GC: TH4NK YOU  
AA: i still remember what happened the last time i ign0red y0ur advice  
GC: >:P  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1LL JUST  
GC: OH  
GC: W3LL SP34K OF TH3 4NG3L  
AA: what  
GC: H3 JUST TROLL3D M3  
AA: 0h  
AA: sh0uld i g0 then  
GC: NO, ST4Y H3R3  
GC: 1TLL B3 B3ST 1F W3 WORK 1N CLOS3 COORD1N4T1ON  
AA: 0k  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1 B3TT3R 4NSW3R H1M  
AA: yes y0u sh0uld  
AA: but terezi  
GC: WH4T  
AA: thank y0u  
AA: f0r everything i mean  
GC: H3Y, DONT M3NT1ON 1T  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: WH4T 4R3 MO1R41LS FOR?  
GC: <>  
AA: ha yeah  
AA: <>  
GC: H3H3  
GC: 4LR1GHT TH3N  
GC: L3TS DO TH1S  
GC: >8] 

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC].  
  
TA: tz, ii need two talk two you.  
TA: ii mean, iif you're wiilliing two humor my depre22iive hor2e2hiit riight now.  
TA: whiich ii realiize ii2 a 2hiitty thiing two ju2t a22ume.  
TA: but riight now ii'm ju2t the mo2t colo22al fuckup iin all of paradox 2pace, and ii don't know anyone el2e ii can talk two about iit.  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW SOLLUX  
GC: 1 KNOW SOM3 PR3TTY COLOSS4L FUCKUPS  
TA: yeah, that'2 true.  
TA: but ii'm ab2olutely confiident ii ju2t took the cake here.  
TA: and ii don't mean 2ome pii22ant liittle bundt cake or any 2hiit liike that.  
TA: ii'm talkiing about a fuckiing ten foot tall collectiion day cake baked from the mo2t regrettable mii2take2 caegar2 can buy.  
TA: and ii ju2t ab2conded wiith iit liike a grand ma2ter pa2try piincher wiith a tran2portaliizer belt and a fetch modu2 de2iigned 2peciifiically for plunderiing baked good2.  
GC: STOP D1STR4CT1NG M3 W1TH YOUR D3L1C1OUS C4K3 B4S3D M3T4PHORS M1ST3R C4PTOR!!!  
GC: YOU C4N TRUMP UP YOUR FUCKUP3RY 4LL YOU W4NT  
GC: BUT FR4NKLY, 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1 SHOULD TRUST 4 WORD OF 1T  
GC: YOU 4R3NT 3X4CTLY TH3 MOST R3L14BL3 CH4R4CT3R W1TN3SS FOR YOURS3LF  
TA: yeah, ii gue22 you know better than to take my word for iit.  
TA: but when ii tell you what happened, you'll agree, tru2t me.  
GC: W3LL F1N3 TH3N  
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D  
TA: iit'2 me and ff.  
TA: iit'2 over.  
GC: WH4T  
GC: SH3 BROK3 UP W1TH YOU?  
TA: no, ii broke up wiith her.  
GC: WH4T!!!!!  
GC: WHY WOULD YOU DO TH4T SOLLUX???  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU TWO W3R3 R34LLY H4PPY TOG3TH3R  
TA: we weren't.  
TA: or at lea2t ii wa2n't.  
TA: and when 2he caught wiind of iit, the whole thiing ju2t... collap2ed.  
GC: YOU W3R3NT H4PPY W1TH H3R?  
TA: ii wa2n't happy.  
TA: and ii wa2 wiith her.  
TA: but ii don't know iif that mean2 ii wa2n't happy wiith her.  
TA: ii mean, riight now, ii'm not happy and ii'm not wiith her.  
TA: but that doe2n't mean ii'm not happy wiithout her.  
TA: oh waiit, ye2 iit doe2.  
TA: niice one, 2ollux, you 2tupiid fuckup.  
GC: >8P  
GC: TH3N WHY W3R3NT YOU H4PPY?  
TA: ii don't know.  
TA: well, that'2 not true, ii do know.  
TA: but ii'm 2eriiou2ly he2iitatiing two tell you becau2e iit'2 2uch a horriible, 2hiitty rea2on that iit make2 me want two kiill my2elf.  
GC: BL4R SHUT UP!!!  
GC: SOLLUX DONT 3V3N JOK3 4BOUT TH4T >:[  
TA: what, me offiing my2elf?  
GC: Y3S TH4T!  
GC: 1TS NOT FUNNY  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY B34CUS3 YOUR3 1N 4 R34LLY SH1TTY S1TU4T1ON R1GHT NOW 4ND FR4NKLY YOUV3 4LW4YS K1ND OF S33M3D L1K3 TH3 TYP3  
GC: NO OFF3NS3  
TA: no, ii get iit.  
GC: LOOK  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU?  
TA: what, are you puttiing me on 2uiiciide watch or 2omethiing?  
GC: SHUT UP  
GC: JUST T3LL M3  
TA: okay, okay, fiine.  
TA: ii'm on lobaf.  
TA: 2iittiing iin my hiive and beiing mii2erable.  
TA: fiigured ii could 2ympathiize wiith 2ome flamiing braiin2 riight about now.  
TA: but don't worry about my health.  
TA: ii'm content two riide out the re2t of my mii2erable exii2tence aliive, thank2.  
TA: and there ii2n't really much that can change that.  
GC: 1 KNOW  
GC: 1 JUST N33D3D TO KNOW WH3R3 YOU W3R3 1N C4S3 YOU N33D3D TO B3 CH33R3D UP 1N P3RSON  
TA: oh god.  
TA: plea2e don't come here, ii don't thiink ii can handle 2eeiing anybody riight now.  
GC: 1M NOT GO1NG 4NYWH3R3 SOLLUX  
GC: 1M JUST GO1NG TO PL4NT MY PR3C1OUS M3RM41D P4TOOT13 R1GHT H3R3 1N TH1S SC4L3M4T3 P1L3 4ND NOT G3T UP UNT1L 1V3 D34LT W1TH 4LL YOUR BULLSH1T  
GC: HOW DO3S TH4T SOUND?  
TA: um...  
TA: that 2ounds liike exactly what ii need riight now, hone2tly.  
GC: TH3N 1TS S3TTL3D! >:]  
GC: NOW T3LL M3 SOLLUX  
GC: WHY W3R3NT YOU H4PPY W1TH F3F3R1?  
TA: becau2e...  
TA: ii'm not flu2hed for her.  
GC: OH  
TA: ii mean, ii 2hould be, riight?  
TA: liike, by all account2, 2he's pretty much fuckiing amaziing in every way.  
TA: but even though ii really liike her and ii hone2tly enjoyed beiing wiith her...  
TA: ii ju2t diidn't feel that way.  
TA: god, fuck my horriible mutant thiink pan.  
TA: fuck iit 2o hard.  
GC: LOOK  
GC: LOV3 1S 4 COMPL1C4T3D TH1NG M1ST3R C4PTOR  
GC: YOU C4NT R34LLY CONTROL WHO YOUR3 4TTR4CT3D TO  
GC: 4T L34ST NOT COMPL3T3LY  
TA: eheh, no, ii gue22 not.  
TA: iif you could, you probably wouldn't be hooked up wiith fuckiing ed of all people riight now.  
GC: >8O  
GC: H3Y, FUCK YOU!  
GC: 3R1D4N 1S 4M4Z1NG 4ND 1M R34LLY H4PPY W1TH H1M  
GC: SO M4YB3 YOU SHOULD JUST SHUT BOTH OF YOUR STUP1D B1FURC4T3D MOUTHS M1ST3R 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST!!!!!  
TA: pff, whatever.  
GC: 4NYW4Y  
GC: 1 THOUGHT 4UB3RG1N3 4ND TURQUO1S3 W3R3 YOUR N3W F4VOR1T3 COLORS  
GC: YOU MUSTV3 KNOWN TH3YD GO SW1MM1NGLY TOG3TH3R  
TA: oh god, that'2 an actual thiing ii 2aiid, ii2n't it.  
GC: Y3P  
TA: ii2 that what'2 goiing on here?  
TA: ii2 paradox 2pace makiing a poiint of makiing every liitle thiing take place what wa2 once mentiioned iin pa22iing, no matter how 2eemiingly triiviial or poiintle22?  
TA: ii gue22 that'2 how all the be2t adventure2 get 2trung twogether.  
TA: have ii been worked over by 2iiame2e twiin ma2eu22e2 liike a dude on doublebutler ii2land yet?  
GC: M1ST3R C4PTOR  
GC: 1M NOT 4 CL41RVOY4NT BY 4NY M34SUR3  
GC: BUT 1 C4N 4SSUR3 YOU W1TH 4BSOLUT3 C3RT41NTY YOU W1LL NOT B3 WORK3D OV3R BY 4NY SORT OF BUTL3R  
GC: THOUGH 4 M41D M1GHT NOT B3 OUT OF TH3 QU3ST1ON  
TA: what?  
GC: W3R3 G3TT1NG OFF TOP1C H3R3  
GC: SO YOU 4R3NT FLUSH3D FOR F3F3R1  
GC: 4ND YOU TOLD H3R 4S MUCH  
TA: yep.  
TA: that chump move you ju2t de2criibed ii2 exactly the move that ii pulled.  
GC: SO HOW D1D SH3 T4K3 TH4T?  
GC: W4S SH3 UPS3T?  
TA: actually... no, not really.  
GC: >8?  
GC: S3R1OUSLY?  
TA: 2he 2aiid 2he wanted two be my moiiraiil, actually.  
GC: >8O  
GC: R34LLY  
TA: you don't thiink 2he wa2 2eriiou2, do you?  
GC: UM  
GC: WHY WOULDNT 1 TH1NK SH3 W4S S3R1OUS?  
TA: well, ii wa2 ju2t kiind of a22umiing 2he wa2 flu2hed for me.  
GC: D1D SH3 T3LL YOU TH4T?  
TA: not exactly.  
TA: but 2he always tell2 me that 2he'd be happy two be my mate2priit or my moiiraiil.  
TA: but giiven the choiice, why would 2he want two be my moiiraiil?  
TA: iit doe2n't make any 2en2e.  
GC: W3LL  
GC: M4YB3 SH3S P4L3 FOR YOU  
TA: fuck, ii don't know, maybe.  
TA: ii ju2t thought 2he wa2 2ayiing that becau2e 2he hoped eventually iit'd become 2omethiing darker red.  
TA: and ii couldn't 2tand the thought of ju2t 2triingiing her along liike that.  
GC: YOU HON3STLY TH1NK SH3D DO TH4T  
TA: ii don't know, maybe.  
GC: R34LLY  
GC: SH3 S4W HOW W3LL 1T WORK3D FOR 3R1D4N  
TA: fuck, that'2 a good poiint.  
TA: but then, 2he 2aw how well iit worked for ky, too.  
GC: Y34H  
GC: 4ND W3 BOTH KNOW JUST HOW MUCH SH3 R3SP3CTS K4N4Y4S OP1N1ONS  
GC: W1NK W1NK  
TA: eheheh, yeah, that'2 al2o a good poiint.  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
TA: fuck.  
TA: ii hadn't con2iidered that 2he miight actually be pale for me.  
GC: WOULD YOU W4NT TO B3 H3R MO1R41L  
TA: yeah, ii gue22.  
TA: 2he'd probably be a really good moiiraiil, actually.  
TA: probably better than ii de2erve.  
GC: W3LL  
GC: M4YB3 YOU DONT D3S3RV3 H3R  
GC: BUT DO YOU TH1NK SH3 D3S3RV3S YOU?  
TA: tz, 2he'd have to have commiitted 2ome 2eriiou2ly heiinou2 criime2 two de2erve me.  
GC: >8P  
GC: TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 M34NT 4ND YOU KNOW 1T  
TA: eheh, yeah, ii know, ii'm ju2t beiing a douche.  
GC: Y34H, WH4TS N3W  
TA: fuck, walked iintwo another one.  
TA: anyway, hone2tly, iif 2he's 2eriiou2ly dumb enough two want two be my moiiraiil, ii'd be happy two have her.  
TA: but 2he'2 probably not iin any hurry two talk two me agaiin after ii dropped her liike a bag of 2tarchy tuber2.  
GC: W4S TH3 BR34KUP TH4T B4D?  
TA: well...  
TA: no, not really.  
TA: 2he wa2 up2et that ii wa2 dumpiing her, but 2he diidn't really 2eem all that angry about iit.  
TA: whiich, come two thiink of iit, ii probably 2hould've taken a2 a 2iign that ii wa2 beiing a fuckiing iidiiot.  
GC: Y34H, PROB4BLY  
TA: fuck.  
TA: ii am ju2t the biigge2t fuckiing chump iin paradox 2pace.  
GC: LOOK  
GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD JUST T4LK TO H3R  
TA: ii can't.  
GC: OH DONT ST4RT W1TH TH1S "1 C4NT" BULLSH1T  
GC: YOU C4N 4ND YOU KNOW 1T  
TA: no, ii'm not 2ayiing ii can't work up the wiillpower two talk two her or 2omethiing.  
TA: ii mean ii liiterally can't talk two her riight now.  
TA: 2he'2 iidle for 2ome rea2on.  
GC: OH  
GC: Y34H, 1 GU3SS SH3 1S  
GC: UH  
GC: YOU DONT TH1NK SH3S DO1NG SOM3TH1NG CR4ZY, 1S SH3?  
TA: no, ii don't thiink 2o.  
TA: ff probably wouldn't do anythiing dra2tiic becau2e of 2omethiing liike thii2.  
TA: anyway, la2t ii checked, np wa2 wiith her.  
GC: N3P3T4?  
GC: SH3 W4S TH3R3 TOO?  
TA: yeah.  
TA: ii thought iit wa2 a 2hiippiing ambu2h or 2omethiing 2tupiid liike that, but ff a2ked her two be there.  
GC: 1 SHOULDV3 F1GUR3D SH3D B3 1NVOLV3D  
TA: yeah, iif there'2 2ome romance bull2hiit goiing down, iit'2 pretty 2afe two a22ume 2he had a paw iin iit.  
TA: now 2he'2 focu2ed her 2hiippiing gaze on me, and my entiire elaborately con2tructed web of liie2 and preten2e2 ii2 comiing apart before my very mutant eye2.  
GC: >8P  
GC: SH3S NOT TH4T B4D  
TA: you're ju2t 2ayiing that becau2e 2he 2hiipped you.  
TA: and now her heart 2pore2 have embedded them2elve2 iintwo your thiink pan, and you've become her wiilliing 2lave.  
GC: OH WH4T3V3R  
GC: YOUR3 JUST J34LOUS 4ND YOU KNOW 1T  
TA: ugh, for fuck'2 2ake, no.  
TA: ii'm not jealou2 of you for hookiing up wiith that biilge2uckiing tool.  
GC: OK4Y SOLLUX  
GC: 1F W3R3 GO1NG TO CONT1NU3 TO B3 FR13NDS  
GC: TH3N YOUR3 GONN4 H4V3 TO L4Y TH3 FUCK OFF MY M4T3SPR1T  
TA: and why the fuck 2hould ii?  
GC: B3C4US3 H3 4LR34DY H4S 4 K1SM3S1S, SOLLUX  
GC: 4ND H3S NOT LOOK1NG FOR 4NOTH3R ON3  
TA: uuuugh.  
TA: ii'm not black for hiim.  
TA: ii ju2t thiink he'2 kiind of a douche.  
GC: TH3N JUST WHO 4R3 YOU BL4CK FOR, M1ST3R C4PTOR?  
TA: tz, do you really want two talk about thii2?  
GC: 3R  
GC: NO, NOT R34LLY  
GC: SUBJ3CT DROPP3D, MOV1NG ON  
TA: yeah, that'2 what ii thought.  
GC: 1 S41D MOV1NG ON!!!  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 4S HUMOROUS 4S TH3 1D34 1S, N3P3T4S WHOL3 SHIPP1NG TH1NG 1S NOT 1N F4CT SOM3 M4SS1V3 M1ND CONTROL CONSP1R4CY  
TA: are you 2ure?  
TA: becau2e ii thiink iit'd be more fun iif iit wa2.  
GC: 4ND JUST WH4T WOULD YOU DO 4BOUT 1T?  
GC: WOULD YOU D1SM4NTL3 TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG S1NGL3H4ND3DLY?  
GC: BUST TH3 COLL4BOR4T3URS ON3 BY ON3 1N 4 S3R13S OF CH4S3 SC3N3S 4ND F1GHT SC3N3S 4ND M4YB3 4 F3W TORTUR3 SC3N3S WH1L3 W3R3 4T 1T?  
GC: 4ND TH3N YOUD F1N4LLY P4RKOUR YOUR W4Y TO TH3 TOP 4ND T4K3 N3P3T4 DOWN L1K3 TROLL J4SON ST4TH4M?  
TA: yeah, that wa2 the iidea.  
TA: ii'd have a biig runniing gunfiight wiith her up to the top of the communal hiive2tem, where 2he'd take off her ma2k to reveal 2he wa2 troll briian cox the whole tiime.  
TA: and then we'd have thii2 epiic 2howdown, except iit'd actually be over iin fiive 2econd2 becau2e, oh yeah, eye beam2.  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
GC: BY TH3 W4Y, 1F YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO TORTUR3 4NYBODY, M4K3 1T VR1SK4  
TA: tz, no.  
GC: 1M JUST S4Y1NG  
GC: SH3S K1ND OF 1NTO TH4T K1ND OF TH1NG  
TA: terezii.  
GC: OK4Y OK4Y DROPP1NG 1T!  
GC: 4NYW4Y  
GC: N3P3T4 1SNT SOM3 SORT OF CR4ZY M4N1PUL4T1V3 M4ST3RM1ND  
GC: SH3S JUST H3LP1NG P3OPL3 4ND B31NG 4 GOOD FR13ND  
GC: TH4TS 4LL  
TA: riight, liike ii'm goiing two take a heart 2pore zombiie'2 word for iit.  
GC: >8P  
GC: SO  
GC: M4YB3 TH1S 1SNT 4NY OF MY BUS1N3SS  
GC: BUT 1F YOU 4R3NT FLUSH3D FOR F3F3R1  
GC: 1S TH3R3 4NYON3 YOU 4R3 FLUSH3D FOR?  
TA: liike who?  
GC: 1 W4SNT 4SK1NG TO G1V3 YOU SUGG3ST1ONS SOLLUX  
GC: 1M JUST WOND3R1NG 1F TH3R3S 4NYON3 YOU F33L TH4T W4Y 4BOUT  
TA: you'd laugh.  
GC: SOLLUX  
GC: 1 4LW4YS L4UGH  
TA: fuck, that'2 riight.  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
TA: no, waiit, iit'2 ju2t the oppo2iite.  
TA: iit'2 2o fuckiing iidiiotiic, you'd 2top laughiing.  
TA: and for one gloriiou2 moment, the uniiver2e would be free from terezii pryope'2 con2tant machiine gun cackle.  
GC: OH SHUT UP  
GC: MY L4UGHT3R 1S 1NF3CT1OUS 4ND YOU KNOW 1T  
TA: only iif you mean that iin the "deadly contagiiou2 dii2ea2e" 2en2e.  
GC: WH4T3V3R  
GC: 4NYW4Y, JUST T3LL M3  
GC: 1 WONT L4UGH  
GC: OR 1 W1LL  
GC: BUT 31TH3R W4Y 1 WONT TYP3 1T  
TA: fiine.  
TA: iit'2 aa.  
GC: 4R4D14?  
TA: yeah, ii know.  
GC: 1TS NOT 4NYTH1NG TO "1 KNOW" 4BOUT SOLLUX  
GC: 1T 1S BY F4R TH3 L34ST F4RF3TCH3D 4NSW3R YOU COULD H4V3 G1V3N  
GC: 1T W4S SO CLOS3LY F3TCH3D, 1N F4CT  
GC: TH4T 1T W4S 4CTU4LLY MY F1RST GU3SS  
TA: really?  
TA: ii'm that obviiou2?  
GC: M4YB3 NOT TO TH3 L3SS 4STUT3 OBS3RV3R  
GC: BUT 1M PROB4BLY TH3 L34ST L3SS 4STUT3 P3RSON YOU KNOW  
TA: yeah, that'2 true.  
TA: people are alway2 comiing up two me on the 2treet and a2kiing me, "hey, aren't you friiend2 wiith that really a2tute bliind giirl?"  
GC: OH 1 DONT DOUBT 1T  
GC: 1M K1ND OF 4 B1G D34L SOLLUX  
GC: P3OPL3 KNOW M3  
TA: yeah, you own a lot of leather bound book2, and your hiive 2mell2 liike a kaleiido2cope knocked up a fruiit 2alad, and iit gave biirth two a raiinbow.  
GC: TH4T DO3SNT 3V3N M4K3 4NY SORT OF S3NS3 YOU DOOFUS  
GC: 4NYW4Y STOP D1STR4CT1NG M3 W1TH TH1S 4DM1TT3DLY 4MUS1NG HOOFB34STPL4Y!!!  
GC: W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOU B31NG FLUSH3D FOR 4R4D14  
GC: 4ND HOW TH4T 1SNT R34LLY SUCH 4 HUG3 D34L 4T 4LL  
TA: iit'2 fuckiing 2tupiid ii2 what iit ii2.  
GC: HOW 1S 1T STUP1D??  
TA: becau2e iit ju2t ii2, alriight?  
TA: ii mean, ii meet thii2 beautiiful, amaziing 2eadweller who briing2 me BACK FROM THE FUCKIING DEAD, and ii can't even mu2ter the 2liighte2t flu2hed feeliing2 for her becau2e ii'm hung up on a gho2t.  
TA: how doe2 that not make me the dumbe2t a22 iin exii2tence?  
GC: SOLLUX  
GC: 1TS NOT STUP1D  
GC: SH3 M34NT 4 LOT TO YOU  
GC: 4ND 1TS OK4Y 1F YOU DONT JUST G3T OV3R H3R TH3 1NST4NT YOU M33T SOM3ON3 3LS3  
TA: hone2tly, what doe2 iit matter?  
TA: iit'2 obviiou2 that aa doesn't giive a 2hiit about me anymore.  
GC: TH4TS NOT TRU3!  
GC: SH3 DO3S C4R3 4BOUT YOU  
TA: tz, let'2 ju2t be hone2t here.  
TA: 2he ii2 a tiin can, robot2 don't have feeliing2.  
GC: BL4R!!!  
GC: SOLLUX WHY TH3 FUCK WOULD YOU 3V3N S4Y TH4T!  
TA: am ii off ba2e here??  
GC: YOUR3 COMPL3T3LY OFF B4S3 SOLLUX  
GC: SH3 DO3S H4V3 F33L1NGS  
GC: 4ND YOUR3 SH1TT1NG ON TH3M  
GC: 1T SUCKS >8[  
TA: how do you know?  
GC: B3C4US3 1V3 B33N T4LK1NG TO H3R!  
TA: you have?  
TA: oh, that'2 riight, np 2aiid 2omethiing about that.  
GC: LOOK SOLLUX  
GC: YOU SHOULD JUST T4LK TO H3R 4BOUT TH1S  
TA: ii can't ju2t talk two her.  
GC: WH4T D1D 1 S4Y 4BOUT TH1S L1K3 F1V3 M1NUT3S 4GO???  
GC: OF COURS3 YOU C4N T4LK TO H3R  
TA: look, even iif ii do, what the fuck am ii goiing two 2ay?  
TA: "hey, how'2 iit goiing, ii'm flu2hed for you, okay bye?"  
TA: anyway, iif 2he diid want two talk two me, 2he'd ju2t do iit her2elf.  
TA: whiich 2he ha2n't found rea2on two ever 2iince 2he entered, by the way.  
GC: SOLLUX WOULD YOU JUST STOP 1T!!!  
GC: 4LL YOUR3 DO1NG 1S M4K1NG 3XCUS3S  
TA: ii...  
TA: yeah, ii am ju2t makiing excu2e2.  
TA: ii realiize that.  
TA: but ii mean... ii'm 2cared, tz.  
TA: ii'm fuckiing terriifiied that 2he's fed up wiith me, or 2he hate2 me, or 2he never want2 two 2peak two me agaiin.  
TA: becau2e 2he'd have every fuckiing riight two feel that way.  
TA: ii mean, ii killed her, tz.  
TA: ii fuckiing kiilled her!  
TA: but 2omehow that'2 not even the wor2t part.  
TA: the wor2t part ii2, 2he defiied death iit2elf ju2t two talk two me, and all ii ever diid wa2 treat her wiith dii2re2pect.  
TA: and even though 2he diidn't have any feeliing2 two hurt back then, ii'm afraiid that once 2he got iin that 2oulbot, 2he realiized ju2t what a piiece of 2hiit ii've been two her.  
TA: ii want two talk two her, tz.  
TA: hell, ii liike talkiing two her.  
TA: but now ii don't know iif ii can even face her.  
GC: SOLLUX  
GC: WH4T 1F 1 TOLD YOU  
GC: TH4T SH3 F33LS TH3 S4M3 W4Y 4BOUT YOU  
TA: then ii'd 2ay you're full of 2hiit.  
GC: 1M S3R1OUS!  
GC: SH3S FLUSH3D FOR YOU  
TA: ...2eriiou2ly?  
GC: Y3S S3RIOUSLY  
GC: SH3 H4S B33N FOR  
GC: W3LL, S1NC3 FOR3V3R PROB4BLY  
TA: then why ha2n't 2he talked two me?  
GC: B3C4US3 SH3S SC4R3D TOO!  
GC: SH3S SC4R3D TH4T SH3S CH4NG3D TOO MUCH  
GC: TH4T SH3 1SNT TH3 G1RL YOU F3LL 1N LOV3 W1TH 4NYMOR3  
GC: TH4T SH3 1SNT 3V3N 4 P3RSON TH4T YOUR3 C4P4BL3 OF LOV1NG 4NYMOR3  
GC: 4ND SH3S 4FR41D TH4T YOU TH1NK L3SS OF H3R B3C4US3 SH3S 4N 4MBPH1B1OUS UND34D MONSTROS1TY TR4PP3D 1N 4 HORR1FY1NG M3T4LL1C HOMUNCULUS  
GC: 1S TH4T R34LLY SO UNR34SON4BL3????  
TA: diid...  
TA: diid 2he actually 2ay that?  
GC: NOT 1N SO M4NY WORDS, BUT Y3S  
TA: tz, ii...  
TA: ii'd never thiink anythiing liike that about her.  
TA: why would 2he even thiink that?  
GC: W3LL, WHY WOULD YOU TH1NK SH3 H4T3S YOU?  
GC: TH3 4NSW3R TO BOTH 1S TH3 S4M3  
GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 BOTH 1D1OTS  
GC: HON3STLY, YOU TWO D3S3RV3 34CH OTH3R  
TA: ...  
TA: you really thiink 2o?  
GC: SOLLUX  
GC: SH3 LOV3S YOU  
GC: 4ND TH3R3 1SNT 4NYTH1NG YOU C4N DO TO CH4NG3 TH4T  
TA: well...  
TA: ii gue22 you're riight.  
TA: maybe ii 2hould talk two her.  
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD TOO  
GC: BUT NOT Y3T  
TA: what?  
TA: why not?  
GC: YOU SHOULDNT DO 4NYTH1NG R4SH  
GC: JUST TH1NK 4BOUT WH4T YOUR3 GO1NG TO S4Y TO H3R  
TA: yeah, that'2 probably a good iidea.  
TA: 2hiit, ii can't beliieve 2he's flu2hed for me two.  
GC: Y34H, YOU C4NT  
GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 4 HORR1BL3 P3SS1M1ST, JUST L1K3 H3R  
GC: HON3STLY, 1M G3TT1NG S1CK OF YOU TWO N3G4T1V3 N4NC13S CONST4NTLY DUMP1NG YOUR 3L3CTRONS 4LL OV3R M3  
GC: SO JUST FUCK1NG K1SS 4LR34DY!!!  
TA: eheh, yeah, okay.  
TA: ii'll do iit two 2pare you our con2tant nay2ayiing, iif nothiing el2e.  
GC: 1D 4PPR3C14T3 1T  
TA: yeah.  
TA: look, tz...  
TA: thank2 for thii2.  
TA: for talkiing two me, ii mean.  
TA: ii've been kiind of an iidiiot lately, and ii gue22 ii ju2t needed 2omebody two 2ort out my 2hiit for me.  
TA: wiith ff and aa both.  
GC: H3H3, NO PROBL3M >8]  
GC: 4FT3R 4LL, WH4T 4R3 MO1R41LS FOR?  
TA: whoa, what?  
TA: tz, diid you...  
TA: diid you want two be my moiiraiil?  
TA: ii mean, ii'd love two be moiiraiils wiith you, but thii2 ii2 kiind of out of nowhere.  
GC: BL4R  
GC: 1 W4SNT T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOU, DUNK4SS  
TA: then who?  
TA: waiit, you mean...  
TA: aa?  
GC: Y3P!  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
TA: you're her moiiraiil now?  
TA: when diid that happen?  
GC: JUST R3C3NTLY  
GC: 4ND 1 M34N W1TH1N TH3 P4ST TW3NTY M1NUT3S R3C3NTLY  
GC: SO DONT F33L B4D FOR B31NG OUT OF TH3 LOOP  
TA: wow.  
TA: that'2 great, actually.  
TA: hone2tly, 2he couldn't a2k for a better moiiraiil.  
GC: OH, YOUR3 JUST S4Y1NG TH4T  
TA: ii'm 2eriiou2.  
TA: hone2tly, ii wa2 kiind of bankiing on u2 beiing moiiraiils.  
TA: 2o ii mean, that'2 awe2ome for you and her, but ii'm kiind of 2hiit out of luck here.  
GC: TH4TS NOT TRU3  
GC: YOUV3 ST1LL GOT F3F3R1  
TA: yeah, iif 2he'2 2tiill wiilliing.  
TA: god, ii hope 2o.  
GC: 1 TH1NK SH3 1S  
TA: ii gue22 ii'll talk two her agaiin once 2he 2top2 iidliing.  
TA: untiil then, ii gue22 ii 2hould  
TA: waiit.  
TA: 2omebody ju2t knocked at my door.  
GC: OH R34LLY?  
TA: who the fuck could that be?  
GC: HMMMM  
GC: 1 WOND3R  
TA: uh...  
TA: ii2 iit you?  
TA: tz, ii told you not two come over here.  
GC: 1TS NOT M3, D1NGNUT  
TA: then who could iit be?  
GC: GU3SS  
TA: ff, maybe?  
GC: W4RM3R  
GC: BUT ST1LL NO  
TA: you know what, ii'm at the door riight now.  
TA: 2o how about ii ju2t open iit?  
GC: BY 4LL M34NS, F33L FR33  
TA: fiine, here goe2.  
TA: ...  
TA: oh.  
GC: DONT SCR3W TH1S UP, C4PTOR  
GC: M4K3 H3R H4PPY  
GC: <>  
  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]. 


	19. Memento Mori, Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: The big S-word. Saying any more would be spoilers.

Chapter 19

Memento Mori, Part II

Nepeta was stirred from her slumber by the same thing that dragged her into it: the feeling of three sharp points lightly jabbing her ribs.

"Nepeta, wake up!" she heard Feferi's voice say, and a particularly hard jab catapulted her into full awareness.

"Ow!" Nepeta cried, and quickly lifted her upper body from the ground she was sprawled on, cradling a hand on her aching side. "Fefurry, what are you trying to do, kill me?"

Feferi giggled to herself. "Saury," she said, "but you're a reely heavy sleeper!"

"Well, you were about to make me a lot heavier!" Nepeta huffed as she rose from the floor fully, dusting herself off.

"Yeah, I guess so," Feferi admitted. "I suppose the last thing we both need right now is three fresh stab wounds in your dreamself."

As her drowsiness began to retreat, Nepeta took a look around. She and Feferi both were situated in a room remarkably similar to one in her own hive, right down to the various alchemical devices placed in it prior to her entry. The only major differences were the olive tint over the whole facade, as well as a nearby window indicating they were actually towering high above the violet sprawl of Derse's moon. The two girls were clothed in matching purple silk pajamas, and denied of her sylladex and strife specibus, Nepeta realized she was unarmed and empty-handed. Feferi was clutching a double-ended golden trident identical to the one in her waking counterpart's possession, and Nepeta had to wonder just where she got it.

"Okay, are you ready to go?" Feferi asked, but she didn't wait to hear an answer before grabbing Nepeta's hand. "I want to bring Aradia back as soon as possible!"

Feferi tried to tug Nepeta over to the window, but she resisted. "Hey, slow down," she said, still a little groggy. "I mean, I want to help you and all, but I'm not even sure what's going on here. How are we gonna bring Aradia back to life?"

Feferi sighed, her enthusiasm suddenly deflated. "I'll keep it short. You know how Aradia doesn't have a dreamself?"

"That's what I heard," Nepeta answered.

"Well, that's not entirely true," Feferi told her.

Nepeta's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Feferi answered. "It's somewhere on Derse, and once we find it, we'll be able to bring her back."

"Well, okay," Nepeta said, and slowly stepped toward the window, Feferi eagerly following ahead of her. "But how do you know this?"

"It's... a long story," Feferi hesitantly answered. "I'll explain on the way." She sprung off her feet and began to levitate out the window, but stopped once she felt the pull of Nepeta's arm. She sighed and turned around. "Nepeta, come on. You can fly too," she impatiently commanded.

"Oh, yeah, I guess so!" Nepeta said in response, then looked at the ground, springing up and down on her toes a few times. After a moment, she looked up at Feferi. "Uh, how do I do it?" she asked bashfully.

Feferi rolled her eyes. "It's easy! You just..." She suddenly trailed off. "Uh, wow, wait. I've actually been doing it so long, I forgot how!" she admitted, scratching her head in embarrassment. "Okay, try just... thinking about flying, I guess?"

"Okay..." Nepeta said. She closed her eyes and imagined she was flying, soaring over the skies of Derse like a glorious plumed avian. Unconsciously she began to rise onto her tiptoes, and before she knew it, she was levitating a few inches off the ground, feet dangling uselessly below her.

"There you go!" Feferi cheered, releasing Nepeta's hand and cradling her entente below her shoulder to applaud. "It's easy once you get the hang of it. Now come on," and she extended her hand once more. Nepeta grabbed it, and they both levitated out the window, Feferi taking it slow to give Nepeta time to grow her air legs.

"Anyway, I don't know if you know this," Feferi began to explain as they drifted over the Dersite cityscape, "but I was actually awake here on Derse before the game started."

"Really?" Nepeta replied, reeling back a bit.

"Yep!" Feferi answered cheerfully. "My lusus woke me up here sweeps ago. Derse is closer to the Furthest Ring, so it's easier to hear the whispers here. She needed me to be awake here so I could hear her friends in the Noble Circle."

"Oh," Nepeta said. "That's... kind of creepy."

"Is it?" Feferi asked with a sharklike grin. "I thought it was sweet."

Nepeta looked at her uneasily. "You're weird."

Feferi just laughed in response. "Yeah, I guess so," she admitted. "But anyway, when I was here, I saw other dreamers in their own towers, always sleeping. I saw Sollux and Eridan, and you and Equius..."

"Oh hey, Eridan's here?" Nepeta interjected, a devious grin on her face. "Can we go see him? I want to doodle silly things all over his face!"

Feferi stifled a giggle. "Nepeta, focus!" she demanded, grinning despite herself. "We need to concentrate on the task at hand here."

"Yeah, okay," Nepeta relented. "So anyway, all the blue team players are here, except Aradia, because she's dead." Suddenly her eyes lit up. "But wait! You said you've been awake here for sweeps, which means you were here when Aradia was alive!" she deduced. "Did she have a dreamself back then?"

"That's right!" Feferi confirmed. "Back when she was alive, she had a tower here, too." She suddenly looked down, a somber look on her face. "But after she... died, they tore it down."

Nepeta frowned. "Oh, I see."

"But her dreamself wasn't in it!" Feferi declared, suddenly looking determined. "They took it somewhere. In fact, I remember, it was right down here," and she pointed her entente down at a major thoroughfare running through the city, "where they carted it away."

"Carted it away?" Nepeta repeated. "What were they doing with it?"

Feferi suddenly looked a little puzzled. "I'm not really sure how to describe it. But there was this big procession, and all of these mourning Dersites were slowly walking with her. And I remember, they were all chanting, 'The Maid is dead. Our time is short.'"

"Huh," Nepeta said, equally bemused. "So it was some kind of... corpse parade?"

"I know, it's weird," Feferi answered, then shook her head. "But anyway, if we just follow this road, we'll be able to find her dreamself. I just know it!"

Feferi began to descend to the street, and Nepeta followed after her. The two were able to move much faster on foot, and Nepeta had to hustle to keep up with Feferi as she strode down the path. As the two walked, the local carapaces looked on in awe and whispered among themselves. Most of what Nepeta heard was about how "the Rogue is awake" and what bad news it was for the Black King, filling her with pride. Even though the two were in the home territory of their greatest enemy, they felt no fear, as the massive pileup of plots and gambits between the two teams had resulted in all of Derse's archagents and even the Black Queen herself being exiled, and the local garrison was greatly undermanned due to the ongoing war on the Battlefield.

"So Feferi," Nepeta asked as they continued, "even if Aradia's dreamself is here, how will we be able to bring her back? She doesn't have a real self to kiss or anything, so what do we do? Bring her to her Quest Bed or something?"

"Actually," Feferi explained, "where she's been entombed, they laid her out on a Crypt Bed. It's like a Quest Bed for dreamselves. So all we should need to do is kill her on that and that should do it."

"Wh..." Nepeta stammered in disbelief, "What? That's it?"

Feferi gave a little shrug. "Yeah, pretty much!" she answered nonchalantly.

"So wait," Nepeta said, her tone a little offended just at the simplicity of the thing, "if that's all there is to it, then why didn't you do this sooner?"

Feferi suddenly slowed to a stop, looking to the ground with a sigh. Nepeta immediately felt bad, and turned around to console her. "No, Feferi," she began, "I wasn't trying to accuse you of anything, I just--"

"No, no, I get it," Feferi interrupted, crossing her arms defensively. "I feel terrible for just letting her lie here. I mean, I've thought about bringing her back. I'd visit her every now and again, but every time, the whispers told me to turn my back on the body."

"They did?" Nepeta asked. "Why?"

"They said it wasn't her time yet," Feferi answered, "and when it was time for her to be arisen anew, it wouldn't be because of me. And I never really had any reason to disobey them." She drew in a deep breath, then sighed. "Until now."

Nepeta looked a little worried. "You're really going to do this just for Sollux?"

"I know, it's stupid," Feferi admitted, "doing it for such a selfish reason."

"It's not selfish, Feferi!" Nepeta assured her. "You're bringing Aradia back so Sollux can be happy with her! What's selfish about that?"

Feferi looked at the ground. "Well, there's more to it than that," she said. "The truth is, I have my own reasons for wanting to find Sollux a matesprit."

"You're pale for him, aren't you?" Nepeta deduced.

" _Yes_ ," Feferi said with a pained groan. "in all honesty, I've always wanted to be his moirail. But I was afraid he wanted to be matesprits, so I never said anything. And now that I know he's flushed for somebody else, I want to put them together just so I can get at his pale quadrant unopposed." She brought her hand over her face. "It's completely awful, I know."

"Feferi, please!" Nepeta begged Feferi, grabbing her by the shoulders. "You shouldn't feel bad for wanting to do something good for Sollux! And for Aradia, too!"

Feferi lowered her hand to look at her. "Really?" she asked. "Even if I'm doing it for such a stupid reason?"

"Look, just forget about the end goal for a second here!" Nepeta commanded her. "Just in general, do you think bringing Aradia back to life is the right thing to do?"

"I... yeah, I guess so," Feferi answered.

"Then you should do it!" Nepeta concluded. "And even if you were wrong, the worst that happened was you helped somebody and helped the whole world too!"

Feferi looked away for a moment. "Yeah, you're right," she said. She laughed and looked back toward Nepeta. "Thanks, Nepeta. I was right to ask for your help with this."

Nepeta shrugged. "Hey, no problem!" she said with a grin. "Believe me, I know all about doing the right thing for the wrong reasons."

Feferi cocked an eyebrow at her. "Really?" she asked. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Uh," Nepeta blurted out, suddenly looking away, "it's complicated. Can't really talk about it."

"Well... okay," Feferi said, sounding a little concerned, but she just shook her head and started walking once more. "Anyway, we're getting close to where they brought her."

"Ah, okay, good!" Nepeta said, hustling to catch up to her.

The rest of the trip proceeded in silence until they arrived at their destination. "Okay, that's the place," Feferi said, motioning to a squat, windowless structure at the side of the road. It stood out against the towering gothic spires that composed the rest of Derse, and the building looked more like a tiny fortress than anything. A Dersite guard leaned against the wall of the building, a shiny black spear cradled lazily in her curled arm as she immersed herself in a piece of sleazy Dersite literature.

"That's it?" Nepeta asked, clearly unimpressed. "I thought it would be bigger."

"All that's in there is a transportalizer pad," Feferi answered. "The actual crypt is on Derse proper, but I'm not sure if there's a way there from the surface."

"Oh, okay," Nepeta said. "So we just go in, kill anybody who gets in our way, and hop on the pad?"

Feferi shook her head. "We won't have to kill anyone," she assured Nepeta. "They'll probably just surrender the moment we give them a nasty look."

Nepeta giggled. "Yeah, you're probably right," she conceded. "So are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Feferi said, and took off marching toward the building, Nepeta close behind. As the guard saw the two approach, she dropped her reading material and frantically tried to get a grip on her spear, but the tip of Feferi's trident was pointed inches from her face before she could manage it. "Don't even think about it!" the heiress commanded, and the carapace raised her arms in surrender, her spear clattering to the ground. Nepeta swept the weapon up, and the two advanced into the building.

The inside was just as austere as the outside, containing only a transportalizer pad, a table, and two chairs, with the latter being occupied by two Dersite guards playing cards. As the two girls entered, they rose from their seats, one drawing an obsidian sword while the other pulled out a radio. Thinking fast, Nepeta hurled her spear at the second guard's hand. pinning the radio to the wall and disabling it in a shower of sparks. The two carapaces flinched at the display, and Feferi advanced on them, brandishing her entente fiercely. "Alright, get out of here before somebody _really_ gets hurt!" she bellowed, and the guards hastily complied, absconding from the building. Nepeta shut the door behind them, and Feferi hefted the table up over her head, slamming it against the door to form a barricade.

"There!" Feferi said, dusting off her hands. "That should keep any meddling Dersites from following us."

Nepeta, suddenly feeling like she wasn't contributing, grabbed the two empty chairs and threw them on top of the table. "No, that should keep them from following us!" she said insincerely.

Feferi laughed. "Of course! Good work, Nepeta!" she said sarcastically. "Anyway, enough floundering about! Let's get going!" Nepeta nodded in response, and the two hopped onto the transportalizer, blinking away out of the structure.

When they appeared at their destination, Nepeta was surprised. She'd expected they'd end up in some sort of building, but instead they were standing in the center of a massive circular platform hewn of the same violet stone as the rest of Derse. There were no walls or ceiling, revealing the platform to be hanging in the middle of a shadowy void, supported only by a series of giant purple chains that stretched into the darkness. More chains were visible above and below, connected to who knows what.

Aside from the transportalizer pad, the platform was bare except for six circular stone slabs, each a different color. On the pink one, Nepeta recognized the symbol of Heart, and the others were likewise decorated with symbols of their own. But Feferi motioned to the red slab, which differed from the others in one important way: it was occupied.

There, on the slab, laid the slumbering figure of a troll, still as stone. She rested on a bed of curly black hair, from which protruded a pair of likewise curly horns, and she was clad in silken pajamas just like those of her two observers, differing only in that they were tattered and frayed from perigees of neglect. Perhaps it was simply the optimist in her, but Nepeta had always expected to see her face again, if only briefly.

It was the slumbering dreamself of Aradia Megido.

***

"Oh."

As his conversation with Terezi concluded on his glasses, Sollux mused to himself that his third guess, unlikely as he thought it would be, was right on the mark.

"Sollux."

The metallic form of Aradia Megido stood at the doorstep of Sollux's hive on the Land of Brains and Fire, arms slack and head drooping, raising only slightly at his presence. Her red, pupil-less eyes made it impossible to tell if she was looking at him, but he was certain she was.

"AA?" Sollux asked, his voice uncertain with disbelief. "What's up?"

"I..." Aradia started, but she caught herself, head tilting down to the ground once again. "I wanted to apologize to you."

Sollux blinked. "Apologize for what?"

"For what happened between you and Feferi," Aradia clarified, still looking at the ground, and nervously clasped one hand over the other at her waist. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have interfered."

"AA, what are you talking about?" Sollux asked. "How is it your fault?"

Aradia looked away, hunching up her shoulders defensively. "Because I talked to her," she answered. "If I hadn't, you two would still be together. But I just... ugh." She lowered her face into her palm, utterly disgusted with herself.

"You just what?" Sollux inquired, brow furrowed with concern.

"I just had to know if you were happy," Aradia admitted with a breathless sigh, and her hand trailed down her face back to her side. "But just the fact that I asked screwed everything up."

"AA, listen to me," Sollux said, and grabbed Aradia by the shoulder. She flinched, but made no attempt to escape his grip. "Maybe all this did happen because you talked to FF, but it's not your fault."

"How is it not my fault?" Aradia asked flatly, the question sounding more like a statement than anything. Her head was still tilted to the ground, looking away from Sollux.

"Because it's my fault," Sollux answered, looking at the ground himself. "The truth is, I wasn't happy with FF. But it wasn't because of anything she did. I mean, she's an amazing girl and all, but... I'm just not flushed for her."

Aradia didn't move. "Why not?"

Sollux sighed deeply, then looked up at Aradia, staring her directly in the eyes. "Because I still love you," he answered.

Aradia's eyes widened, and it took her a moment to look up and meet Sollux's gaze. She blinked two or three times in rapid succession, the faint metallic shutter-click of her eyelids barely audible over the constant fiery din of the planet. "You... _still_ love me?" he asked after a while, this time with a clearly rising inflection.

"Honestly, AA," Sollux began to answer, grasping her other shoulder, "I always have. Even before you..." He looked at the ground, suddenly deflated. "Even before I killed you."

"Sollux," Aradia said, tilting her head down to maintain eye contact, "I don't blame you for what happened. I never did."

"I know you don't," Sollux replied, "but I still hate myself for it. I hate that it was my weakness that let you die. But even more than that... I hate that I never got a chance to tell you how I really felt."

"You always had a chance, Sollux," Aradia corrected him. "You could still talk to me."

Sollux sighed. "I know, but..."

"But I'd changed," Aradia ventured to guess.

"No, it's not that!" Sollux insisted, looking back up and shaking her a little by the shoulders. "I mean... yes, you were different, but that never changed how I felt about you. It was more that... I was afraid that it'd changed how you felt about me." He sighed. "Before the game, I thought you didn't feel anything for me at all. And then after I'd entered, you just stopped talking to me entirely. I thought maybe you'd realized just how badly I'd treated you, and that you were just washing your hands of me completely."

"No, it's not like that," Aradia said. "I've always cared about you, Sollux. Even when I was a ghost, when I should've been emotionless. The reason I stopped talking to you was because..." As she trailed off, she looked away from him. "I was afraid I'd changed too much. That I wasn't the lively red-blooded girl you grew up with anymore. I mean... look at me!" He flinched at the sound of her raising her voice. "I'm not even a troll anymore. I'm just..."

"Aradia," Sollux said sternly, and when she didn't look back at him, he grabbed her head and forced her to. "You aren't a different person. Even if you have changed, you're still the same Aradia Megido I've always known... and that I've always loved."

Aradia blinked at him. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Sollux replied with conviction. Suddenly, his mouth opened in the slightest grimace, and he hastily removed his hands from Aradia's head. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I might've gotten a little--"

"It's okay," Aradia assured him. She clasped her hands at her waist once more, then bowed her head and closed her eyes, looking almost like she was meditating. "Sollux," she said, her robotic voice sounding softer than usual, "I have to be honest with you. I didn't just come here to apologize to you. There's something else I wanted to say."

"What is it?" Sollux asked.

Aradia bowed her head a little deeper, then looked up at Sollux, eyes almost fully open. "I'm flushed for you," she said.

Sollux gasped lightly. "You are?"

"Yes," Aradia replied, then looked down at the ground. "I have been since... well, probably as long as you have been for me. But I never told you, for fear of spoiling things... between you and Feferi, I mean." She let out a hollow laugh. "So much for that, huh?"

"AA, I already told you--" Sollux began.

"Yes, yes, I know," Aradia interrupted. "You weren't happy with her. But you two would've been happy together eventually. At least, if I hadn't interfered."

"FF doesn't deserve to be happy _eventually_ ," Sollux asserted. "She deserves to be happy now. That's why I left her. She shouldn't have to stick around with somebody who doesn't love her until they finally come around." He looked down and sighed. "That's the reason I stayed with her for so long. And the reason I never talked to you, either. I thought the same thing might happen between you and EQ."

Aradia looked up at Sollux. "I'm not with Equius anymore."

"I know," Sollux replied. "NP told me."

"Oh," Aradia said. "I never loved him, Sollux. I only stayed with him because I thought I had no alternative." She looked down as well. "Neither of us was happy, and when he realized that, he ended it. Honestly, I'm kind of glad he did."

Sollux laughed. "Yeah, I can see why you would be."

"He's not that bad," Aradia replied. "It's just... I don't think his mental image of me matched up with reality."

"I guess not," Sollux said. "Maybe he'll find somebody else, though."

"I think he already has," Aradia said, the tiniest smile gracing her metallic lips.

Sollux reached up and grabbed Aradia's hands, clasping them in his own. "Look, AA," he said, and the two looked up at each other in unison. "Maybe I don't have any right to ask this, but... will you be my matesprit?"

"I want to be your matesprit, Sollux," Aradia answered, "but what will Feferi think? I know she still cares about you."

"I know," Sollux said, bowing his head. "And I still care about her, too. But honestly, I think she wants us to be matesprits."

"Really?" Aradia asked. "Why?"

Sollux laughed dryly. "Honestly, I think she wants to be my moirail."

"Oh," Aradia said. "That makes sense, I guess. She's already done so much to take care of you. I think she'd be a good moirail for you, really."

"I think so too," Sollux concurred. He added with a grin, "Besides, I don't have many other options since you and TZ hooked up."

"Oh, she told you about that," Aradia responded, a little surprised.

"Yeah," Sollux answered. "Honestly, I'm happy for you two. I never really thought about it before, but I think you'll be great moirails."

"Me too," Aradia said, her smile getting a little bigger. "She's already helped me a lot. In fact, it was her idea to come talk to you in the first place."

Sollux leered to his side. "Yeah, I kind of figured she had a hand in this."

"Of course, Sollux," Aradia replied matter-of-factly. "You know how she is, always plotting and scheming."

"Right," Sollux said, then turned his head back to look at Aradia. "Anyway, AA," he began in a more serious tone, "will you be my matesprit?"

"Yes," Aradia said without hesitation. "I'd love to be your matesprit."

Sollux smiled, fully and unabashedly, and seeing him smile made Aradia's smile grow even larger, as broad as her metallic chassis would allow. The two simply stared at each other for a while, content to bathe in each other's happiness, until Sollux broke the silence. "Can I kiss you?" Sollux asked, thinking to himself the question was ridiculous, but not even caring.

Aradia suddenly looked a little uncertain. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"AA, I've wanted to kiss you for sweeps," Sollux answered. "That hasn't changed."

"Well, okay then," Aradia said, and the two leaned in to kiss each other. It wasn't at all cold or mechanical like Sollux was afraid it would be; the inside of Aradia's mouth was just as warm as his, and whatever synthetic material her tongue was made of was much kinder to his own than the steel of her exterior would've been. He surprised himself and Aradia both for allowing the kiss to go on as long as it did, and when he finally broke away from her, she stared at him expectantly. "Was it okay for you?" she asked bashfully.

"It was perfect," Sollux assured her with a grin. "EQ may be a creep, but I can't fault him for his craftsmanship."

Aradia laughed quietly. "I told you he's not that bad," she reiterated. "Anyway, I... enjoyed it too."

"Well, good," Sollux said. "Because we're going to be doing it a lot more from now on."

"Yeah, I guess so," Aradia concurred. She smiled demurely. "I'm really happy to be your matesprit, Sollux."

"I'm happy to be yours, too," Sollux assured her.

"Maybe things weren't supposed to go this way," Aradia said, looking away from him briefly, "but I'm glad they did."

"So am I," Sollux agreed. "You know, for once in my life, I think everything is going to turn out okay."

Aradia smiled at him again. "Me too."

***

As the two approached the slab, Nepeta faintly heard a murmur of discontent cross through her thoughts.

"So, to bring Aradia back," she said, as much to herself as to Feferi, "all we have to do is... kill her? Again, I guess?"

"Kind of," Feferi answered uneasily. "Right now she's only... mostly dead. If she were actually dead, she'd be God Tier already." She groaned lightly, placing a hand against her temple.

Nepeta gave her a concerned look. "Feferi, are you alright?"

Feferi shook her head. "I'm fine," she insisted, "it's just... the whisperings are getting louder. They don't want us to be here."

Sure enough, the mumbling voices in Nepeta's head had since grown into an angry rabble. "I hear them too," she said. "I don't understand what they're saying, but... they don't sound too happy."

"Maybe we shouldn't be here," Feferi said, wincing in pain. "Maybe we should turn back."

Nepeta turned to look at her in disbelief. "Feferi, what are you saying?"

Feferi returned Nepeta's look, breathing heavily. "I've never heard them this insistent about anything before," she answered. "I feel like we're only making things worse by coming here."

"Feferi, listen to me!" Nepeta commanded, grabbing Feferi by the shoulders. "You aren't doing anything wrong here! You're just trying to help people! Sollux and Aradia both!"

"But what if they don't want my help?" Feferi asked pointedly. "What if Aradia doesn't love him? Or what if she doesn't want to be brought back?" She sighed and looked away. "Or what if Sollux doesn't want to be my moirail? What if he goes off with Aradia and never speaks to me again? Or what if--"

"Feferi," Nepeta cut in, and Feferi looked back at her, blinking. "I get why you're worried. And I can't assure you that everything will work out perfectly if you bring Aradia back. But I can tell you that she still cares about Sollux, and she wants him to be happy just as much as you do. Maybe even more. And I can tell you Sollux still cares about you. And if you do this for him, I think he'll want to be your moirail as much as you want to be his."

"You really think so?" Feferi asked.

"Frankly, I don't think he'll have a choice," Nepeta answered, eliciting a chuckle from Feferi. "But more than any of that, I think it's the right thing to do. And you have to go with what feels right in your heart."

"I think you're right," Feferi said. The whispers screeched in disapproval, and Feferi braced her forehead in her hand again, taking in a sharp breath. "But I've never gone against the horrorterrors before, and I'm not sure if I can do it alone."

The constant din of the voices was starting to take its toll on Nepeta as well, but she put on a strong face. "You aren't alone, Feferi," Nepeta pointed out. "I'm here with you. And anything we can't do by ourselves, I know we can do together." She felt a tingling sensation running up and down her arms, and suddenly the cacophony of screams inside her head seemed to quiet, dulled by the mere presence of the girl standing across from her.

Feferi was visibly relieved as well, hand removed from her forehead and looking confident once more. "Of course we can," she concurred, taking in a relieved breath. "Thanks, Nepeta. I knew I was right to count on you."

"Hey, I'm just here to help," Nepeta replied humbly. "You're the one doing all the real work here."

Feferi laughed. "Yeah, I guess that's true," she admitted. She glanced over at Aradia's slumbering form. "Speaking of which, I should probably get to work on this."

"By all means, Feferi," Nepeta encouraged her, gesturing to the slab. "Make him happy."

Feferi simply nodded in response, and stepped up onto the slab, positioning herself at Aradia's side. She looked into the black expanse above and said, "I'm sorry, you guys. But I have to do this." The furious wails of the horrorterrors fell on deaf ears as the heiress rose her entente into the air. Then in one swift motion, faster than the falling blade of a guillotine, she plunged the weapon into Aradia's chest.

What little spark of life that remained in Aradia's body was expended in an instant. Her eyes shot open, and she violently gasped for air. But as quickly as she had awakened, she fell onto the slab once more, depleted. Feferi withdrew the trident from her, its three prongs dripping with maroon blood. As soon as she did, Aradia's body began to rise from the platform, wreathed in a slowly intensifying corona of white light. Feferi stepped back off the platform, and the two girls watched as the light engulfed Aradia completely. Suddenly there was a flash, and then silence.

***

Aradia suddenly gasped, a loud, terrifying noise, and lurched away from Sollux, as if she'd been stabbed in the heart. "AA?!" Sollux exclaimed, all traces of happiness in his voice immediately replaced with concern.

Aradia clutched at her chest, trying to cover a wound that wasn't there. "They found me," she said, voice shaking. "On Derse."

"AA, what's going on?" Sollux asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Sollux, this isn't what it looks like!" Aradia exclaimed. She began to shake violently, and her metallic frame almost seemed to be coming loose. "I'm not dying! I'm coming back!"

Sollux blinked in disbelief. "You are? But how?"

"There's no time to explain!" Aradia said desperately. Her chassis began to burst open at the seams, brilliant beams of red-white light emanating from her. "I'll see you again soon! Wait for me!"

And there, in front of the troll she loved more than life itself, Aradia Megido exploded.

And as he stared in disbelief, yellow tears just beginning to well in his eyes, something inside Sollux Captor _broke_.

***

As the light died down, the form of Aradia became apparent once more, but it had changed. Gone was the tattered sleepwear of Dersite royalty, replaced with the red, hooded garb of an ascendant Maid of Time. The bright red gear on her chest perfectly mirrored the emblem on the freshly bloodstained slab below her. Two translucent red wings protruded from her back, flapping idly and shedding tiny maroon sparkles that landed at her feet.

Aradia Megido was alive once more, and she was _whole_.

The voices of the horrorterrors screamed, louder than ever before, and Nepeta and Feferi both winced in pain at the protest. Aradia's eyes were shut, but as she raised her hands to her temples, they suddenly shot open, briefly flashing white before returning to their natural amber shade. A wave of psionic energy crashed over the two dreamers, and the voices were instantly pushed from their thoughts.

Nepeta was the first to break the silence. "It worked!" she shouted, beaming with joy. "Aradia, you're alive again!"

Aradia looked down at herself, as if checking to see if Nepeta was right. "Yeah, I guess I am," she said. She looked at Nepeta, and then over to Feferi. "I take it this was your doing?" she said, glancing at her maroon-stained entente.

"Yes," Feferi answered, placing her free hand to her chest. "I'm sorry for doing it without your permission, but--"

"It's okay," Aradia interrupted her. "I mean... thank you, really. But you picked the worst possible time to bring me back!"

Feferi looked concerned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when you did it," Aradia explained, looking away, "I was talking to Sollux. In person. And when I ascended, my soulbot..."

A look of horror overcame Nepeta and Feferi's faces. "Oh God!" Nepeta exclaimed. "He must think you..."

"I'm so sorry, Aradia," Feferi said. "If I'd known, I wouldn't have--"

Aradia shook her head. "There's no time for this," she insisted. "We need to track down Sollux now. I'm afraid he's going to do something drastic."

Feferi nodded. "You're right," she said. "Where was he last?"

"On LOBAF," Aradia answered, "but I don't think he'll stay there for long."

"Okay, here's what we'll do," Feferi formulated. "Nepeta, once you and I wake up, we split up. You go forward through LOBAF and I'll backtrack through LOWAA."

"Right!" Nepeta assented.

"And Aradia..." Feferi began. "Well, you're not dreaming, so I guess you'll have to go the long way."

"It's fine," Aradia said. "I think I know where to start looking."

"Alright!" Feferi exclaimed to both of the other girls, slamming the point of her trident down with conviction. "Let's do this!"

"Actually, Feferi," Aradia said, and Feferi turned to look at her fully, "before we go, I should probably tell you... when I was talking to Sollux, he asked if I would be his matesprit, and I said yes. Is that... okay with you?"

Placing a hand to her chest, Feferi closed her eyes briefly and drew in a deep breath. "Of course, Aradia," she answered earnestly. "I want you two to be together. That's why I brought you back in the first place."

Aradia blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Feferi replied. "I think it'd be best for everyone if you two were together. Including me."

"Oh. Well... thank you," Aradia said quietly, almost mumbling, and looked down at the ground bashfully. Suddenly she shook her head, looking determined once more. "Anyway, I should get moving."

"Right," Feferi said with a nod, and Aradia took off up into the shadows above them, leaving a trail of maroon sparkles behind her. Feferi turned to Nepeta. "Okay, Nepeta, are you ready to do this?"

"Of course!" Nepeta answered. "But how do we wake up?"

"That's easy," Feferi said. "Just turn around."

"Um... okay," Nepeta replied, and hesitantly did so. She saw nothing except the usual purple chains suspended across the darkness. "Now what?"

"Nepeta, I'm sorry about this," Feferi said.

Nepeta looked a little puzzled, but didn't turn around. "Sorry abou--"

Before she could finish her sentence, Nepeta felt the blunt impact of the side of Feferi's entente crashing into her skull. She let out a loud, undignified grunt and collapsed to the floor in a heap, quickly slipping out of dream-consciousness.

***

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA].  
  
GC: SOLLUX WH4TS GO1NG ON  
GC: WHY D1D 4R4D14 JUST GO OFFL1N3  
TA: you want two know why?  
TA: becau2e 2he'2 dead.  
TA: agaiin.  
GC: WH4T!!!  
GC: YOUR3 K1DD1NG M3 R1GHT  
TA: ii wii2h ii wa2, tz, but ii'm not.  
TA: 2he exploded riight iin front of my eye2.  
TA: here one miinute and gone the next.  
GC: NO  
GC: TH4T DO3SNT M4K3 4NY S3NS3  
GC: WHY WOULD SH3 JUST 3XPLODE?  
TA: iit make2 perfect 2en2e.  
GC: HOW DO YOU F1GUR3  
TA: hone2tly, ii've 2u2pected thii2 for a whiile, but thii2 ju2t confiirm2 iit.  
TA: we're iin a doomed tiimeliine.  
GC: WH4T!  
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW TH4T  
TA: becau2e ii've heard the voiice2, tz.  
TA: you and aa and ff...  
TA: and kk and ed and np, all of them.  
TA: ii even heard my own voiice, even though ii biit iit once already.  
TA: all of u2 are goiing two diie.  
TA: and all becau2e 2omewhere along the liine, 2omebody 2crewed 2omethiing up.  
GC: NO  
GC: 1TS MOR3 COMPL1C4T3D TH4N TH4T  
GC: W3 4R3 1N 4 DOOM3D T1M3L1N3  
GC: BUT 1T SHOULDNT B3 K1LL1NG US OFF Y3T  
TA: why not?  
GC: B3C4US3 W3 D1DNT DO 4NYTH1NG WRONG!  
TA: yeah, well, clearly 2omeone more iimportant dii2agree2.  
GC: GOD D4MN 1T  
GC: TH1S SHOULDNT B3 H4PP3N1NG  
GC: WH4T D1D W3 DO WRONG?  
GC: D1D W3 BR34K TH3 RUL3S OR SOM3TH1NG?  
TA: well, iit'2 not liike iit matter2 now.  
TA: there ii2n't really anythiing we can do about iit.  
GC: Y3S TH3R3 1S!  
GC: TH3R3 H4S TO B3  
TA: ii wouldn't worry about iit, tz.  
TA: hell, ii'm kiind of reliieved, hone2tly.  
GC: WH4T!  
GC: HOW C4N YOU B3 R3L13V3D  
TA: becau2e thii2 ii2 iit.  
TA: thii2 ii2 a2 bad a2 thiing2 can po22iibly get.  
TA: and there'2 nothiing we can do two make them better.  
GC: UM  
GC: HOW 1S TH4T 1N 4NY W4Y COMFORT1NG  
TA: becau2e all my liife, ii've alway2 been 2o confliicted about every liittle thiing.  
TA: but now, for the fiir2t tiime, ii know exactly what ii have two do.  
TA: there'2 no other alternatiive.  
GC: SOLLUX  
GC: YOUR3 4CT1NG R34LLY STR4NG3 R1GHT NOW  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU GO1NG W1TH TH1S  
TA: iit'2 2iimple.  
TA: ii'm goiing two kiill my2elf.  
GC: WH4T!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GC: SOLLUX NO  
GC: DONT 3V3N FUCK1NG JOK3 4BOUT TH4T!!  
TA: ii'm not jokiing.  
TA: aa ii2 gone.  
TA: the one per2on iin my liife ii've ever really loved ii2 gone, and 2he'2 not comiing back.  
TA: and iif iit were ju2t that, ii miight be able two handle iit.  
TA: but now the re2t of u2 are doomed two.  
TA: we're all goiing two drop liike fliie2, and there'2 nothiing anyone can do two 2top iit.  
TA: well, ii'm not goiing two 2tand for iit.  
TA: ii'm not about two let paradox 2pace drag out my 2ufferiing by kiilliing off all of my friiend2 before my very eye2 whiile ii'm competely helple22 two do anythiing about iit.  
TA: fate doe2n't de2erve the fuckiing 2atii2factiion.  
TA: 2o ii'm done.  
TA: ii'm turniing the fuck iin and calliing iit quiit2.  
TA: goodbye, cruel world, etc.  
GC: SOLLUX W41T  
GC: TH3R3 H4S TO B3 4NOTH3R 3XPL4N4T1ON FOR TH1S  
TA: ii wii2h ii could 2hare the 2entiiment.  
TA: but the la2t tiime ii got my hope2 up, they liiterally exploded iin my face.  
TA: we're doomed, that'2 all there ii2 two iit.  
GC: SOLLUX DONT DO TH1S  
GC: YOU 4R3NT TH1NK1NG CL34LY R1GHT NOW  
GC: JUST  
GC: T4LK TO F3F3R1 OR SOM3TH1NG  
TA: oh, riight, talk two ff, THAT'll work out niicely.  
TA: 2he'll probably diie the iin2tant ii open the trolliian wiindow.  
TA: obviiou2ly p2pace ii2 ju2t goiing down the lii2t of everyone ii love and takiing them out one by one.  
TA: ff ii2 next, then you, then... kk, maybe?  
TA: untiil fiinally there'2 nobody left but me and vk.  
TA: oh god, that'd be even wor2e than ju2t beiing forever alone.  
GC: W3LL 1F YOU WONT T4LK TO F3F3R1  
GC: TH3N 1 W1LL  
GC: 1N F4CT, 1M T4LK1NG TO 3V3RYON3  
GC: 1M C4LL1NG 1N TH3 FUCK1NG C4V4LR34P3RS H3R3 SOLLUX  
GC: 1M NOT 4BOUT TO S1T H3R3 4ND L3T YOU K1LL YOURS3LF  
GC: 1LL 3V3N COM3 TO LOB4F MYS3LF 1F 1 H4V3 TO  
TA: don't bother, ii'm long gone.  
GC: TH3N WH3R3 4R3 YOU  
TA: liike ii'm about two tell you that.  
GC: D4MN 1T SOLLUX  
GC: YOU C4NT DO TH1S!  
GC: NOT 4FT3R 3V3RYTH1NG W3V3 B33N THROUGH  
TA: look, tz, ii'm 2orry.  
TA: ii appreciiate what you triied two do for me, but obviiou2ly the uniiver2e had other plan2 iin 2tore.  
TA: 2o ii'm through.  
TA: ii'm doiing an acrobatiic fuckiing piirouette off thii2 mortal coiil, and that'2 all there ii2 two iit.  
TA: whatever come2 after that, iit can't po22iibly be any wor2e than 2tiickiing around here.  
GC: SOLLUX  
GC: PL34S3  
  
twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC].  


Sollux minimized the Trollian window, ignoring the continuing messages coming from Terezi. In his despondent drifting, he had made his way to the skies of the Land of Quartz and Melody. The atmosphere was lit with the constant flickers of lavender aurorae, and massive, jagged spires of blue quartz jutted from the landscape. But where he had finally arrived, things were different. Far below him lay a dark green lawn ring, occupied only with the long-abandoned ruins of a demolished hive. The various alchemical implements of the game were haphazardly placed around it, and the only existing modification to the structure was a hastily-constructed spiral staircase leading to each of the planet's gates.

He figured it was only fitting that he died in the same place she did.

Suddenly, an alert popped up on Sollux's glasses. Feferi was messaging him. Terezi had threatened to speak to her, but surely she couldn't have communicated the situation to her this quickly. He closed his eyes and sighed. He wasn't sure if he could bring himself to speak to her now. But as much as he didn't want to face her, he figured he at least owed Feferi the chance to talk to him one last time. He opened the chat window, but he was surprised at the message he saw.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA].  
  
CC: Sollux!!  
CC: Aradia is ALIV----E!!!  
CC: I was just on Derse, and I found a way to bring )(er back!!!  
CC: S)(e's on )(er way to see you rig)(t now, so PL--EAS--E just wait for )(er!!!  
CC: SOLLUX ANSW-------ER M-------E!!!!!!!  
TA: ff, what are you talkiing about.  
TA: aa ii2 dead.  
CC: NO S)(--E ISN'T!!!  
CC: I found )(er dreamself!!  
CC: It was on )(er Crypt Bed, and I killed )(er on t)(at and now s)(e's ALIV---E again, and even GOD TI---ER!!!  
CC: S)(e's a true Maid of Time now, wit)( )(er red time clot)(es and great maroon wings and s)(e's so B---EAUTIFUL, you just )(AV---E to see )(er, Sollux!!!  
TA: okay, ii get what you're tryiing two do here, ff.  
TA: and ii mean, ii appreciiate the 2entiiment, ii gue22.  
TA: but no matter what kiind of fanciiful tale you 2piin here, iit ii2n't goiing two briing her back.  
TA: 2o plea2e don't make 2hiit up ju2t two try two make me feel better.  
CC: I'M NOT MAKING ANYT)(ING UP!!!!  
CC: I'm telling you, S)(---E'S ALIV----E!!!!  
CC: W)(y won't you just LIST---EN TO M------E????  
TA: becau2e ii 2aw her diie, ff.  
TA: agaiin.  
TA: 2he exploded riight iin front of me.  
TA: liike, the iin2tant ii thought everythiing wa2 goiing two be okay, paradox 2pace pulled the world'2 biigge2t fa2t one on me.  
CC: It wasn't paradox space, it was M---E!!  
CC: And it isn't w)(at it looks like, I SW---EAR!!!  
CC: It was just BAD TIMING, t)(at's all!!!!  
TA: are you 2eriiou2ly 2tiill on about thii2 crypt bed dream2elf thiing?  
TA: becau2e iit'2 complete b2.  
TA: there'2 no 2uch thiing a2 a "crypt bed," and even iif there wa2, iit doe2n't matter, becau2e 2he doe2n't have a dream2elf.  
TA: beliieve me, ii looked.  
CC: Sollux, I'm S---ERIOUS!!!  
CC: If you don't believe me, just ask Nepeta!  
TA: ii can't, ii blocked her.  
CC: UG)(. >38P  
CC: Wait, )(ang on, Terezi's trolling me.  
TA: oh god.  
CC: W)(at.  
CC: WHAAAT???????  
CC: Sollux, are you SERIOUSLY threatening to commit SUICIDE?????  
TA: ii'm 2orry, ff.  
CC: NO, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!  
CC: Don't you DARE apologize to me, Sollux!!!  
CC: You don't have ANYTHING to apologize for, because you're NOT GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF!!!!!  
CC: I did NOT go through hell to bring Aradia back just for you to ruin everything by committing SUICIDE!!!!!  
CC: So you can just drop that whole chain of thought RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!  
TA: iit doe2n't matter, ff!  
TA: none of thii2 fuckiing matter2!  
TA: even iif you diid fiind a way to briing aa back, whiich ii HIIGHLY doubt you diid, we're all doomed anyway!  
TA: we're all goiing two diie horriibly, and there ii2n't anythiing you or anyone el2e can do to change that!  
CC: What??  
CC: Sollux, what the HELL are you talking about????  
TA: ii've felt thii2 for a whiile.  
TA: ii could feel the tendriil2 of doom workiing theiir way iintwo our tiimeliine.  
TA: but iit wa2n't untiil aa exploded that ii wa2 ab2olutely certaiin we were 2crewed.  
TA: now, none of thii2 matter2.  
TA: at 2ome poiint our tiimeliine got fucked up, and now we're all goiing two biite iit one way or another.  
CC: No! I don't believe that!!  
CC: There HAS to be something we can do!  
TA: there ii2 one thiing we can do.  
CC: What???  
TA: kiill our2elve2 now and 2ave paradox 2pace the trouble.  
CC: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!!!!  
CC: Isn't there something we can do to fix it??  
CC: Some way to... un-doom the timeline??  
TA: iit doe2n't work liike that.  
TA: doom ii2n't ju2t a 2iimple boolean value or 2omethiing liike that.  
TA: iit'2 a ca2cadiing error of paradoxe2 that lead2 two the uniiver2e never beiing created iin the fiir2t place.  
TA: 2o now all we can do ii2 tuck our head2 between our leg2 and kii22 our a22e2 goodbye.  
CC: Okay, fine, let's say we ARE doomed.  
CC: Then why would you kill yourself if you're just going to die anyway???  
TA: becau2e ii can't take thii2.  
TA: ii've already 2een one per2on ii love diie riight before my eye2, and ii can't handle anymore.  
TA: ii can't endure the 2ufferiing of watchiing everyone ii've ever known or loved dyiing around me.  
CC: Well, what about MY suffering, Sollux????  
CC: In fact, what about everyone ELSE'S suffering????  
CC: Do you even REALIZE what you're going to subject us to by doing this???  
CC: Can't you see how SELFISH that is, taking the easy way out and abandoning the rest of us to a slow, agonizing death????  
TA: ii...  
TA: fuck.  
TA: iit ii2 2elfii2h of me.  
TA: but ii gue22 ii'm ju2t a bad per2on.  
TA: ii don't even de2erve two liive.  
CC: Sollux, LISTEN TO ME!!!!  
CC: We aren't doomed!  
CC: And Aradia isn't dead, she's ALIVE!!!  
CC: Why won't you just BELIEVE ME??  
TA: ii wii2h ii could, ff.  
TA: but ii already got my hope2 up once, and ii don't thiink ii can do iit agaiin.  
TA: 2o ii'm 2orry.  
TA: for everythiing.  
CC: Sollux, DON'T DO THIS!!!!!  
  
twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].  


Sollux took his sunglasses off, stowing them in his sylladex. He knew he should listen to Feferi, but he couldn't. The voices of the imminently deceased were louder than ever, but the migraine they were giving him was nothing compared to the pain of seeing Aradia's life slip through his fingers once again. He briefly considered that she might be telling the truth, that Aradia might be alive again, but then the voice called to him again, as loud as it was the day he first heard it.

_Sollux?_

That was it. No more stalling. It was time to end this.

Sollux cut the power to his levitation, and gravity wasted no time working its magic on him once again. He plunged down toward the ruined hive, the very hive he'd obliterated himself all those perigees ago. The air rushing past him nipped at his skin, forcibly abrading the mustard-colored tears from his cheeks. The sound was deafening, but it still wasn't loud enough to drown out the voices. _Sollux!_ they repeated, just taunting him at this... wait, that wasn't how it went. The tone was all wrong, and it was supposed to have a rising--

Suddenly Sollux's descent came to an abrupt stop, halted by something hoisting him up under his shoulders. He looked down to see two feminine red-sleeved arms wrapping themselves around his waist. He heard the frenzied flapping of wings behind him as he descended to the ground at a much less lethal pace. It couldn't be...

His rescuer lowered him to the ground, and as he released him, he began to turn to face her. But she was too fast, and she fluttered over his head, spinning around to look at him as she landed. She was clad entirely in red, save for the white bandages around her calves, and two translucent red wings hung from her back, still fluttering a little unconsciously. Two curled orange horns protruded from her hood, which framed a familiar face... though the dark red lipstick wasn't a detail he remembered.

"Aradia?" Sollux finally asked, refusing to believe his eyes. "You're--"

She cut him off with a slap across the cheek.

"Sollux, _what the fuck were you thinking_?!"

Yeah, it was Aradia, all right. All of her.

"I told you I'd see you again!" she screeched at him hysterically, ruby red tears welling in her eyes. "I told you to wait for me! Why would you even think of doing something like..." She trailed off, unwilling to even mention the act she just interrupted.

"AA... I..." Sollux began, but couldn't muster anything to say in his defense. so he simply moved in to hug her. The moment his arms left his sides, Aradia launched herself at him, clamping her arms over his shoulders in a death grip he couldn't escape if he wanted to (and he certainly didn't want to).

"I told you I was coming back," Aradia sobbed into his shoulder. "Why didn't you believe me?"

Sollux worked a hand up her back, onto her shoulder. "I wanted to believe you, AA," he answered, "but I couldn't. Something's had it out for the two of us from the very beginning. I already lost you once, and I figured it only made sense that I'd lose you again."

"Idiot," Aradia said. "Is it really so hard to believe that your luck might have turned around?"

"Not now," Sollux replied, chuckling to himself. "But how did you come back? You didn't have a dreamself, or even a body to awaken it with."

Aradia removed herself from Sollux's shoulder, wiping the tears from her eyes as she looked at him. "I did have a dreamself," she corrected him. "It was hidden deep below the surface of Derse, on my Crypt Bed."

"Oh," Sollux said, suddenly frowning. "So FF was telling the truth?"

"Oh, she told you?" Aradia asked. "Yeah, I don't know they did it, but somehow she and Nepeta tracked me down. Ultimately, Feferi's the one who brought me back, and she risked a lot to do it."

Sollux bowed his head. "I guess you're right," he admitted, and looked back up at her. "But she did that just for you?"

Aradia laughed. "She didn't do it for me, Sollux," she said. "She did it for you. She wants us to be matesprits."

"Oh," Sollux replied, and smirked. "Well, in that case, I guess I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"You always have a choice, Sollux," Aradia answered, grinning herself. "It's just that sometimes, it's obvious which choice is the right one."

"I know exactly what you mean," Sollux agreed. "In fact, I can think of another obvious choice to make right now." And with that, he leaned in to kiss her, and she readily mirrored the gesture. The kiss was largely the same as the last, Sollux had to admit, the only difference being that neither was surprised at how long it lasted.

As she broke away, Aradia looked at him expectantly. "So," she asked with an impish grin, "was it better than the robot?"

"AA, any kiss you give me is going to be perfect, regardless of what form you might be in," Sollux declared. "But honestly, between kissing a live troll and kissing a robot, live troll's going to win every time."

"Corny, but still honest," Aradia appraised, and nodded in approval. "I like it."

Sollux shrugged. "I know how to hedge my bets," he said, then after a moment, sighed and frowned. "Anyway, I'm sorry about this, AA. The whole... near-suicide thing."

Aradia shook her head. "It's okay, Sollux," she said. "It's all in the past now. All that matters now is the future. _Our_ future."

"Yeah, you're right," Sollux concurred.

"Really, if there's anyone you should be apologizing to, it's Feferi," Aradia chided him. "If you told her about this, she'll probably be furious at you for worrying her like that."

"Oh god, that's right," Sollux moaned, slumping his shoulders and looking at the ground. "She's already pissed off about it. Well, maybe I won't see her until she calms down."

" _Sollux_!" the two heard a voice shout from above, and Sollux's face melted into a look of despair as he instantly recognized it as Feferi. She'd just backtracked through Sollux's first gate, and she jumped down to near where he and Aradia were standing, leaving indentions in the ground with her forceful landing. Aradia stepped away from Sollux as Feferi advanced on him, the look on her face a worrying cocktail of concern and rage.

"Uh, I already slapped him," Aradia pointed out, raising a finger in protest.

"I don't care!" Feferi shouted back, and as soon as she got within arm's reach of Sollux, she decked him in the face. Her slap was a lot stronger than Aradia's, and he nearly fell over from the force of it.

"Fuck, ow!" Sollux whined, cradling the yellow welt quickly forming on his cheek. "I always forget how strong you are."

Feferi exploded (metaphorically, thankfully). "Sollux, what the fuck is _wrong_ with you?!" she screamed at him. "Why would you even _think_ of killing yourself?! I told you Aradia was alive, and she _is_! Why didn't you just listen to me?!"

Sollux rubbed his cheek. "FF, I'm sorry, I--"

"Don't interrupt me!" Feferi savagely upbraided him, and he slouched back, hunkering down for the rest of the brutal affront. "I went to all of this trouble... I stood up to the horrorterrors _themselves_ to bring her back! And I did it all you! Because I wanted you to be happy, and I knew you'd be happy with her, and I wanted to do a nice thing for you! And you were seriously about to throw everything away because of one little misleading coincidence, even though I _told_ you that's all it was, and you didn't _listen_ to me?! I just... I'm..." she began to stumble, breathing heavily. "I mean, I love you, Sollux, but sometimes you just _infuriate_ me!"

She paused to catch her breath, but didn't continue, which Sollux took as his cue to begin talking again. "FF," he said, and sighed, "you're right. You were right about pretty much everything. I should've listened to you, and I'm really sorry I didn't. But... the way everything was going, it just seemed like we were all doomed."

The harsh look on Feferi's softened. "We aren't doomed, Sollux," Feferi assured him. "There's always hope."

"Actually, technically, we _are_ doomed," Aradia felt the need to cut in, "but you're right about there still being hope."

Sollux looked at Aradia curiously. "Wait, we really are in a doomed timeline?" he asked.

"Yes, but it's a little more complicated than that," Aradia answered. "But there is a way out for us. It won't be easy, but I know we can do it."

"Oh," Sollux replied. "Well, then, I guess I _was_ right about the doom thing." He turned back to Feferi. "But I still should've listened to you. I'm sorry to put you through all of this, FF. If you hate me forever now, I completely understand."

"Don't be ridiculous, Sollux," Feferi chided him. "The whole reason I'm so angry is because I care about you."

"Right," Sollux said, rubbing his aching cheek. "And that's why you brought AA back, too? Because you care about me?"

Feferi nodded. "That's right. I thought you would be happy together if you were matesprits, so I brought her back to life."

"But what about you, FF?" Sollux asked. "Don't you deserve to be happy too?"

"I can still be happy with you, Sollux!" Feferi answered. "I want to be your moirail."

"FF, honestly, I'd be happy as a clam to have you as my moirail," Sollux admitted. "But is that really what you want? Or are you just settling for that because you can't be my matesprit?"

"I'm not settling for anything!" Feferi shouted, startling Sollux and Aradia both. She put a hand over her mouth bashfully. "Sorry, it's just... I have to be honest with you, Sollux." She moved her hand down onto her chest and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. "I'm pale for you, Sollux," she declared. "Pale as foam. Honestly, I have been ever since I first kissed you back to life on LOBAF. And when I said I'd be happy to be your matesprit, I meant it, but the truth is I always wanted to be your moirail more."

Sollux blinked at her in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously!" Feferi replied in earnest. "Because of all the trolls I've ever interacted with, you were the first to treat me as an equal, instead of as an heiress."

"Oh," Sollux said. "Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

Feferi sighed. "I know, it probably would've saved us all a lot of grief if I just told you that in the first place. But there was always some reason or another for not telling you. I mean, when we first met, I'd just broken things off with Eridan, and I didn't want you to think I was on the rebound or something. But by the time it was safe to bring it up, I thought you might be flushed for me, and the last thing I wanted to do was box you into the pale quadrant against your will."

"Well, shit," Sollux groaned. "The whole reason I didn't want to be your moirail is because I thought you were flushed for me. I didn't want you getting into it for the wrong reasons." He looked away. "That's the only reason I broke up with you in the first place."

"I'd never do something like that, Sollux," Feferi insisted, then crossed her arms. "But I'll admit I've been guilty of sending mixed signals too. I wanted you to know we could still be matesprits, if that's what you really wanted. And when you told me it wasn't, I saw bringing Aradia back as the perfect opportunity to get what I really wanted from you without stepping on any toes."

Sollux stared at her for a moment. "So the reason you brought AA back," he began to summarize, "is because you thought it was the only way you could be my moirail."

Feferi looked away in embarrassment. "Kind of, yeah."

"FF..." Sollux began, trying to find the right words and failing, so he settled for the wrong ones instead, "that is the most fucked up thing I've ever heard." Feferi and Aradia both looked at him in shock. "I mean, I appreciate it and all, yeah, but you shouldn't feel like you had to resort to this grand, sweeping gesture in order to become my moirail. If that's what you wanted, you should have just put your foot down and said as much. I would've listened."

"Would you really?" Feferi asked. "I mean, no offense, Sollux, but you've been kind of a stubborn idiot lately."

"She's kind of right, Sollux," Aradia agreed.

Sollux grimaced. "Yeah, I know, but..."

"Look, it doesn't matter what happened before," Feferi proclaimed, "because I'm putting my foot down _now_!" She stomped a foot on the ground just for good measure. "I want to be your moirail, Sollux, and I'm _not_ taking no for an answer!"

"I'm not _giving_ no for an answer, FF," Sollux assured her. "I'd have to be crazy not to want to be your moirail, especially after what you did for me today?"

Feferi's eyes lit up. "Really?" Feferi asked. "You want to be moirails? I mean, I don't want you to feel like you don't have any choice..."

Sollux interrupted her by grabbing her shoulder. "I do have a choice," he said, then raised his fist in preparation for a proper bunp. "But I'm making the right one."

Rather than returning the gesture, Feferi simply squealed in joy and threw her arms around Sollux, grappling him in a spine-crushing hug bunp. "Whoa, FF, slow down!" Sollux pleaded, trying to pry her off of him and failing.

Eventually Feferi got the message, releasing him and giving him a worried look. "What's the matter, Sollux?" she asked.

"Look, FF, I like you and all," Sollux answered, rubbing his sides in pain, "but we're just moirails now. I don't know if we should be doing super touchy-feely stuff like this. Especially not in front of..." He trailed off, motioning his head toward Aradia.

Aradia crossed her arms, clearly unamused. "Sollux," she deadpanned, "she brought me back from the dead just so I could be your matesprit. Giving her a hug is literally the _least_ you could do." She dropped her arms to her sides. "In fact, if you don't at least give her a kiss, then I will!"

"Well, fuck," Sollux said. "So if I do kiss her, I miss out on some hot matesprit-on-moirail action? Why do you always make things so hard on me, AA?"

"I never said what I'd do if you _did_ kiss her," Aradia pointed out with a wry grin.

"Okay, it's settled!" Sollux instantly decided, turning back to Feferi. "I mean... if that's okay with you."

Feferi smirked at him. "What do you think, Sollux?" she asked, but instead of waiting for an answer, she just went ahead and kissed him anyway. Sollux readily reciprocated, but he tried to tone it down a little for Aradia's sake (though she didn't seem at all displeased to see them do it).

As their lips parted, Sollux smiled. "Wow. Three amazing kisses from two amazing girls in one night," he mused. "I guess my luck really has turned around."

"All of ours has, Sollux," Feferi assured him with a grin. "We all got what we wanted and everyone's happy." She looked over to Aradia, then back to Sollux. "Anyway, I assume you two will want to spend some quality time together."

"Actually, before we do that," Aradia interjected, "there is one other person I'd like to talk to."

As if on cue,, a voice sounded from Sollux's first gate. "Hey! I smell a lot more ketchup down there than I do mustard!"

Aradia looked up to get a glimpse of the source of the sound, and her face immediately lit up in a grin. "Terezi!"

Standing on the small platform just below the first gate, Terezi gasped in delight at the sound of Aradia's voice. "Aradia!!" she cried excitedly, and leapt off the platform, retrieving her rocket wings from her sylladex in order to slow her fall. The instant her hit feet the ground, she took off sprinting towards Aradia, barreling into her and initiating a hug bunp of her own.

"Terezi, wait up!" Nepeta shouted down from her position on the platform, and elected to take the long way down, scampering down the towering staircase to where the other four trolls were situated.

"You're alive again!" Terezi said, burying herself in Aradia's shoulder, sniffing deeply. "And you smell so good!"

Aradia worked a hand up behind Terezi and gently papped her head. "I know, Terezi," she replied. "I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Don't apologize for being alive, dumbass," Terezi scolded her. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"I'm more than okay," Aradia assured her. "I think I'm the best I've been in sweeps."

"Tell me about it," Terezi concurred. "Not just alive, but even God Tier! But how'd you do it? I thought there wasn't a way to bring you back."

Aradia looked down at the ground over Terezi's shoulder. "I may have... omitted certain details about my revival for the sake of preserving the timeline."

"She had a dreamself on Derse," Feferi cut in. "It was laying on her Crypt Bed, deep below the surface. All we had to do was track her down." She crossed her arms and looked away. "She wasn't supposed to ascend until later, but apparently we've gone well off the rails already."

Terezi's nose had since trailed down to the bright red Time symbol on Aradia's hoodie, and she pressed her face into her bosom, sniffing eagerly. "Oh yeah, that's it," she moaned between breaths. "That's the spot right there."

Aradia looked down at her, mildly nonplussed. "Sollux, are you okay with this?"

"Are you kidding?" Sollux questioned back with a laugh. "This is like porn to me."

"Blar!" Terezi shouted, and quickly extracted her face from Aradia's chest. "No free shows for you, Mr. Drama Machine! You've already gotten more than your fair share, especially for being such a wishy-washy, pessimistic tool!"

Sollux winced. "Yeah, you're pretty much right on the honey with that."

"Anyway, since when are you two so close?" Feferi inquired.

"Since we became moirails!" Terezi answered.

Feferi looked surprised at that. "Really?"

"Yep!" Aradia confirmed. "We made it official about an hour ago."

"Oh," Feferi said. "Well that's great!"

"Yeah it is!" Terezi agreed with a razor sharp grin. "My first act as her moirail was gonna be getting her and Sollux together, but..." She frowned and looked away. "I guess I just ended up screwing things up, huh?"

Aradia put her hands on Terezi's shoulders. "Don't feel bad, Terezi," she consoled her. "You were just trying to do what was best for me. And it was actually working! At least... until I exploded."

Feferi placed a hand on her chest. "That was my fault, anyway," she declared. "I was a little hasty in enacting my own plan, and I probably should've waited until things quieted down to do it."

"Look, we all messed up," Nepeta cut in, feeling left out of the conversation, "but it all worked out for the best, so let's just call it a wash! Everyone's equally to blame and all is forgiven." She hastily added, "Except Sollux."

"Hey, what the fuck?" Sollux huffed.

"Yeah, I think you're a little more to blame for this than the rest of us, Mister 'Oh, woe is me, I'm gonna kill myself,'" Terezi sneered. She looked to the rest of the girls. "He literally said 'goodbye, cruel world.' I'm not even joking."

Sollux rolled his eyes, though the gesture was lost without pupils. "I said it _ironically_ ," he insisted. After a moment, he sighed. "Anyway, you're right. The whole attempted suicide thing was a stupid mistake. I should've just listened to you girls. I'm sorry."

Aradia turned to him and grabbed his hands. "I forgive you, Sollux," she said, looking him in the eyes. "Though, I don't know if the other two will."

"It was the result of an unfortunate oversight, that's all," Terezi stated, then looked over to Feferi. "We'll just have to coordinate our efforts better in the future."

"Hehe, that's right!" Feferi agreed.

"So anyway, Feferi," Nepeta said, turning to the heiress, "did you and Sollux...?"

"Yep!" Feferi answered. "We're moirails now!"

"That's great!" Nepeta said, clapping her hands excitedly. "I think you two will be purrfect meowrails!"

"Yeah, I think so too," Sollux concurred. "NP, I owe you an apology, too. I've been a huge asshole to you about this whole shipping thing, but it turns out you were right about everything."

" _Efurrything_?" Nepeta inquired. "So does that mean you and Aradia are matespurrits now?"

"Yes!" Aradia answered, and confirmed it with a quick peck to Sollux's cheek. "But it never would've happened if it weren't for you, Nepeta."

Nepeta gave a dismissive wave. "Oh, I'm sure that's not true," she said.

"It is true!" Aradia insisted. "I would've given up all hope of being with Sollux if Terezi hadn't convinced me otherwise."

"And I never would've done that," Terezi picked up, "if you hadn't given me the idea of becoming her moirail!"

"And Nepeta," Feferi interjected, "I don't think I would've been able to bring Aradia back if you hadn't helped me back on Derse. And I probably wouldn't have been able to tell Sollux I wanted to be his moirail, either."

"Guuuuys, stop it!" Nepeta crooned, covering her cheeks to hide a growing olive blush. "You're embarrassing me!" Terezi laughed in response, and the rest soon followed.

"Anyway, AA, I don't think we can stay here," Sollux said, turning to look at the ruined hive behind them, "so maybe we should take this to my place."

"Ah, wait a minute!" Nepeta interrupted, retrieving her drawing tablet computer from her sylladex. "There may not be much a hive here now, but I can rebuild it! I have the technology!"

"Oh, that's right," Aradia said. "You're my server player."

"Yeah, I just never did much with your hive because you never stuck around," Nepeta admitted. "And it seemed like everyone could fly or just jump good anyway. I only added the stairs because Karkat needed them."

"Well, if you guys are gonna stick around," Terezi said, "then maybe Feferi and I should go."

"You don't have to, you know!" Aradia assured her. "You can stay with us."

"Um, are you sure that's a good idea?" Nepeta asked, then pointed her stylus alternately at Aradia and Sollux. "I mean, I assume you two are gonna be..."

"Well," Feferi said hesitantly, "I guess I could stay. I mean, if that's okay with you guys."

Sollux shrugged. "I don't have a problem with it if AA doesn't."

"Of course not," Aradia answered with a sly grin.

Nepeta's eyes just darted between the three of them. "Ummmm..."

"What do you say, TZ?" Sollux asked, looking at Terezi. "You want in too?"

"Blar, no!" Terezi insisted. "I think you three weirdos have your hands full already!"

Sollux shrugged. "Well, the offer stands."

"Yeah, well it can go stand somewhere else," Terezi said, then pointed a finger at Aradia. "Anyway, the instant you're finished with whatever debauchery's going on here, you're coming over to my hive for a proper feelings jam, got it?"

Aradia giggled. "Sure thing, Terezi."

"And I mean _my hive_ ," Terezi reiterated. "I don't even want to imagine what this place is going to smell like after--"

"Okay anyway!!" Nepeta cut in. "Let's get to work!" she said, brandishing her stylus. "We've got to build the purrfect hive, just fur the two of you!"

"Three of us," Aradia corrected her, motioning her head to Feferi.

"Right, fur the _two of you_ ," Nepeta ignored her, and put her stylus to the drawing pad, taking the first step in making a new home for the three of them.

Er, two of them. Right.


	20. Best of Both Worlds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **HEY IF THIS PART WASN'T HERE LAST TIME YOU READ THIS** I ADDED A PART. I can't believe I forgot The Talk of all things. If you don't want to scour the whole bloated chapter looking for it, just Control+F for "the talk".

Chapter 20 

Best of Both Worlds 

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.  
  
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 11 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
CAC banned FCA from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < theres no time fur this shit right now!  
CAC: :33 < ive got an ENORMOUS shipping ameowncement to make!!  
CAC: :33 < beclaws in the past day, i shipped not one  
CAC: :33 < not two  
CAC: :33 < but THR33 new ships!!!  
CAC: :33 < and two of them just CATPUN to involve a furry special someone  
CAC: :33 < soooo  
CAC: :33 < take it away!  
CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTA: yeah, ii gue22 ii am a pretty 2peciial 2omeone.  
CAC: :33 < ugh, i didnt mean you!! XPP  
CTA: are you 2ure?  
CTA: becau2e two of the2e 2hiip2 iinvolve me, two.  
CAC: :33 < would you just shut up already!!!  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: HEY, I'VE GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU, YOU SPUTUM-SIPHONING SACK OF RANCID BILE.  
CCG: (I'M TALKING TO SOLLUX, IN CASE THAT ISN'T CLEAR.)  
CAC: :33 < yeah, i kind of figured  
CTA: ii don't know, iit 2eem2 liike a fiittiing de2criiptiion for np, two.  
CCG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
CCG: JUST WHERE DO YOU GET OFF JUST WALTZING INTO THIS MEMO LIKE YOU DIDN'T JUST THREATEN TO COMMIT SUICIDE LESS THAN TWELVE HOURS AGO????  
CTA: ugh, do we really have two talk about thii2 riight now?  
CTA: ii mean, yeah, iit wa2 a 2tupiid thiing two even thiink about, but ii diidn't go through wiith iit.  
CTA: can't we ju2t drop iit?  
CCG: NO WE CAN'T JUST "DROP IT," YOU TOWERING INFERNO OF FUCK!  
CCG: BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THERE ARE CERTAIN PEOPLE IN THIS UNIVERSE WITH A VESTED INTEREST IN YOU STAYING ALIVE  
CCG: AND I DIDN'T YANK YOUR UNGRATEFUL MUTANT ASS OFF OF ALTERNIA JUST FOR YOU TO HURL YOURSELF INTO THE DILAPIDATED RUINS OF ARADIA'S HIVE LIKE IT'S A LONG-GUTTERED OUT FUNERAL PYRE.  
CTA: you mean you yanked my corp2e off of alterniia.  
CTA: 2eeiing a2 how ii diied and all.  
CTA: and iit wa2 kiind of your fault.  
CCG: OH SWEET GLOBECHAFING FUCK, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU'RE THROWING THIS SHIT IN MY FACE AGAIN.  
CTA: ii'm ju2t 2ayiing, you're takiing thii2 even harder than the tiime ii actually diied.  
CTA: 2eriiou2ly, kk, what'2 really goiing on here?  
CTA: diid you cry?  
CTA: agaiin?  
CCG: OH, OKAY, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.  
CCG: IT MUST BE TIME TO PLAY EVERYONE'S FAVORITE GAME  
CCG: "LET'S ALL MAKE FUN OF KARKAT FOR DARING TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!"  
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGC: Y3S!!!  
CGC: BY 4LL M34NS, L3TS >8]  
CCG: URRRGRGRHRGRHGRHGHR  
CAC: XOO < okay thats enough!!!!  
CAC: :33 < both of you guys just leave karkat alone!  
CAC: :33 < hes purrfectly right about sollux being an idiot  
CAC: :33 < furankly i dont even s33 how thats debatable at this point  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: Y34H TH4TS 4CTU4LLY TRU3  
CTA: et two, tz?  
CGC: WH4T DO3S TH4T 3V3N ME4N  
CGC: L1K3 1S TH4T 3V3N 4 R34L L4NGU4G3  
CTA: iit'2 troll latiin, 2hut up.  
CAC: :33 < i said enough!  
CAC: :33 < we arent even talking about sollux and his stupid drama nonsense right now  
CAC: :33 < im TRYING to reintroduce a furry special someone  
CAC: :33 < but i guess it cant be that impurrtant if you guys f33l the n33d to k33p interrupting me!!!  
CTA: okay, okay, fiine.  
CTA: come on, 2peciial 2omeone, iintroduce your2elf.  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAA: ok  
CAA: here i am  
CCG: OH, ARADIA  
CCG: SO THE WHOLE EXPLODING SOULBOT THING WAS A FALSE ALARM?  
CAA: oh no that definitely happened  
CAA: but the reason it happened is because  
CAA: im alive now!  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: YOU'RE ALIVE.  
CCG: AS IN, ALIVE ALIVE.  
CAA: yep!  
CAA: i am very much alive  
CAA: and i intend to stay that way :)  
CCG: I  
CCG: SHOULD I ASSUME NEPETA HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS?  
CAA: a little yes  
CCG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT.  
CCG: NEPETA, I KNOW YOU'RE A MIRACLE WORKER AND ALL  
CCG: BUT ARE YOU SERIOUSLY *BRINGING PEOPLE BACK FROM THE DEAD* JUST FOR THE SAKE OF SHIPPING???  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
CAC: :33 < im not the one who brought her back, silly!  
CAC: :33 < really fefurry should be the one taking all the credit  
CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCC: Not ALL of t)(e credit, Nepeta!  
CCC: I couldn't )(ave done it wit)(out you, after all!  
CAC: :33 < oh im sure thats not true!  
CCC: Of COURS--E it is!!  
CCC: I've t)(oug)(t aboat bringing )(er back before, but I could never go t)(roug)( wit)( it until you kelped me!  
CCG: OKAY, OKAY, HOLD ON A MINUTE HERE.  
CCG: AS MUCH AS THIS IS ACTUALLY RIDICULOUSLY GOOD NEWS, WE ALL NEED TO SLOW THE FUCK DOWN HERE.  
CCG: ARADIA, HOW THE HELL DID YOU COME BACK TO LIFE?  
CCG: ALL THE INQUIRIES I MADE SUGGESTED THAT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT A DREAMSELF AND/OR A FRESHLY SMOOCHABLE CORPSE.  
CAA: you made inquiries  
CCG: OF COURSE I MADE INQUIRIES!  
CCG: THIS SHITHIVE GAME HAS PROVIDED US WITH LIKE A BILLION DIFFERENT WAYS OF RAISING THE DEAD.  
CCG: I FIGURED IT WAS ONLY LOGICAL THAT WE SHOULD TRY TO FIND ONE FOR THE TEAMMATE OF OURS THAT WAS DEAD EVEN BEFORE THIS WHOLE THING STARTED.  
CCG: THAT IS, I FIGURED THAT ONCE I LEARNED YOU WERE ACTUALLY DEAD.  
CCG: SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THAT SOONER???  
CCG: I THINK KNOWING THAT ONE OF OUR TEAM MEMBERS IS A SPOOKY GHOST IS KIND OF PERTINENT FUCKING INFORMATION!  
CAA: you werent supposed to find out until later  
CCG: OH, FOR THE LOVE OF  
CCG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO KEEP PULLING THIS CRYPTIC MISS ZIPPERLIPS TIME PLAYER BULLSHIT ON ME??????  
CAA: im not!  
CAA: im just saying thats what i was doing before  
CAA: back then i had to be very careful with the information i could divulge  
CAA: the restrictions have loosened a little since then  
CAA: but there are still things i cant tell you  
CCG: UGH.  
CCG: SOUNDS LIKE MORE COY FUTURE POSTURING TO ME.  
CAA: its nothing like that!  
CAA: its just a secret im keeping for a friend  
CAA: i kind of cheated to figure it out in the first place  
CAA: and i figure i owe her as much for keeping mine as long as she did  
CAC: :33 < really?  
CAC: :33 < i mean  
CAC: :33 < i didnt do a furry good job of k33ping yours ://  
CAA: nepeta its fine  
CAA: everyone was going to figure out anyway  
CAA: but it was vital that you didnt tell anyone so that things would play out the way they did  
CTA: wa2 iit really?  
CTA: or diid you ju2t want two keep iit a 2ecret becau2e you diidn't want anyone two worry about you?  
CAA: ugh no of course not!  
CGC: 4R4D14  
CGC: JUST B3 HON3ST  
CAA: look  
CAA: its time stuff  
CAA: its complicated  
CGC: H4H4H4H4H4  
CGC: YOU 4R3 SO FULL OF SH1T  
CAA: shut up!!  
CCC: )(a)(a)(a!!  
CCG: OKAY, SERIOUSLY THOUGH  
CCG: HOW ARE YOU ALIVE AGAIN?  
CCG: IF THERE'S SOME WAY OF BRINGING PEOPLE BACK THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE QUEST BEDS OR SOFTCORE NECROPHILIA, THEN IT'S KIND OF STRATEGICALLY SIGNIFICANT.  
CAA: well im sorry to disappoint  
CAA: but it isnt really anything all that new from a mechanical standpoint  
CAA: well it kind of is but its not all that relevant right now  
CAA: the thing is  
CAA: i did have a dreamself  
CCG: OH.  
CCG: BUT YOUR REAL BODY WAS STILL UNACCOUNTED FOR, RIGHT?  
CCG: OR DID FEFERI FIND IT SCROUNGING AROUND IN YOUR OLD HIVE OR SOMETHING?  
CCC: --Ew, NO!! 38P  
CCC: T)(ere was anot)(er way to bring )(er back.  
CCG: WELL, WHAT WAS IT?  
CCC: We just )(ad to krill )(er on )(er Crypt Bed!  
CCC: It's like a Quest Bed, but only for dreamselves.  
CCG: WAIT  
CCG: SO SHE'S NOT JUST ALIVE AGAIN  
CCG: BUT SHE'S GOD TIER TOO??  
CAA: yep! :)  
CCG: HOLY FUCK.  
CCG: THIS GAME IS GOING TO BE A GODDAMNED PASTRY SHUFFLE.  
CCG: IT WAS EASY ENOUGH WHEN WE ONLY HAD ONE GOD TIER  
CCG: BUT NOW WITH YOU AND VRISKA AND TAVROS, THAT'S THREE??  
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 16 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PTC: Uh, four, actually.  
CCG: WHAT.  
PTC: Well, I never really got about to all announcin this shit, but just recently I up and ascended.  
PTC: Figured if I was serious on gettin my rage into control, I should take the most logical motherfuckin step.  
CCG: OH.  
CCG: WELL THAT'S  
CCG: COOL, I GUESS?  
PTC: Shit, it ain't no big deal.  
PTC: Sure as shit ain't a motherfuckin thing compared on the ghostsis losin that metal doll of hers and becomin a real motherfuckin girl again.  
PTC: Look on me, all bein rude as shit, tryin to steal the spotlight right under this sister all risin off the corpse pile after the Verbal Messiah knows how long.  
CAA: haha  
CAA: gamzee its fine really  
CAA: i just hope your outfit is as neat as mine  
PTC: Uh...  
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] 23 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PGA: Yes The Revised Outfit I Beileve Definitely Qualifies As Neat  
PGA: As For The Original  
PGA: Well  
PGA: Lets Just Say Its Unspeakable And Leave It At That  
PTC: Yeah, that shit was kind of a travesty all its own.  
PGA: Travesty Doesnt Even Begin To Do It Justice  
PGA: But Then I Dont Believe Anything Short Of A War Tribunal Is Capable Of Dispensing The Requisite Amount Of Justice To That Abominable Amalgamation Of Cloth Undeservingly Referred To As An Outfit  
CGC: W4S 1T TH4T B4D  
PGA: Terezi  
PGA: There Was A  
PGA: A Codpiece  
CGC: >8O  
PGA: Yes Greater Than Sign Eight Capital O Is The Proper Response  
PGA: I Daresay The O Should Be Bigger But I Suppose Thats Simply A Limitation Of The Chat Client  
PTC: Hey, I wanted to get my thanks on again up in your direction again, Kanaya.  
PTC: The new outfit is definitely motherfuckin choice, and you didn't have to all make that shit on my sake.  
PGA: Gamzee Please  
PGA: I Hardly Even Did It For Your Sake  
PGA: All I Had To Do Was Take One Look At The Photograph Eridan Sent Me And I Took It Upon Myself To Correct This Hideous Crime Against Fashion  
PGA: If For No Reason Than To Spare Our Collective Eyes The Trauma  
PGA: Or Noses As The Case May Be  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CGC: BUT H3Y, SP34K1NG OF 3R1D4N  
CGC: N3P3T4, 1 DONT SUPPOS3 YOU COULD UNB4N H1M NOW  
CAC: :33 < oh right  
CAC: :33 < i totally furgot about him  
CAC unbanned FCA from responding to memo.  
FCA: god FINALLY  
FCA: honestly nep bannin me thats just fuckin dirty  
CAC: :33 < i had impurrtant mews!!  
CAC: :33 < i didnt want to get caught up in a big stupid roleplaying showdown  
CCG: HEY, SPEAKING OF IMPORTANT NEWS  
CCG: I DON'T SUPPOSE THERE'S ANY WAY WE COULD DROP THIS INFANTILE HOOFBEASTPLAY AND GET BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND HERE?  
CCG: THAT BEING, "HOLY SHIT, THE GIRL WHO WAS DEAD FOR LIKE A SWEEP JUST CAME BACK TO LIFE, DESPITE THEIR BEING NO OBVIOUS WAY FOR THAT TO HAPPEN!!!"  
CTA: yeah, guy2, thii2 ii2 gettiing riidiiculou2.  
CCG: SEE? SOLLUX AND I ARE AGREEING ON SOMETHING.  
CCG: THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW WE HAVE AN IRREFUTABLE POINT.  
CTA: well, a 2topped clock'2 riight twiice a day.  
CCG: OH, TWICE A DAY, HUH?  
CCG: SO JUST WHO'S THE STOPPED CLOCK IN THIS INSTANCE, YOU TWO-FACED, DOUBLE-TIMING NOOKSLURPER???  
CTA: you call me a nook2lurper liike iit'2 a bad thiing.  
CCG: EUUUUGH.  
CCG: RIGHT, WE'RE TAKING THAT SUBJECT AND HURLING IT INTO THE FURTHEST RING, FROM WHENCE IT SHALL NEVER RETURN.  
CCG: MOVING RIGHT ALONG!  
CCG: SO FEFERI, ABOUT THESE CRYPT BEDS  
CCG: I'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT THEM.  
CCG: SO WHERE ARE THEY HTDDEN?  
CCC: W)(ale, I don't know aboat t)(e ones for t)(e Prospit players...  
CCC: But six of t)(em are )(idden deep in the bowels of Derse!  
CCC: I found a transportalizer pad t)(at leads to t)(em a w)(ale ago.  
CCG: OKAY, SO I ASSUME OURS ARE SOMEWHERE DEEP IN PROSPIT.  
CAA: probably yeah  
CAA: if you cant find the transportalizer you could just fly there  
CGC: CORR3CT1ON  
CGC: K4N4Y4 OR SOLLUX OR 1 COULD FLY TH3R3  
CGC: POOR L1TTL3 K4RKL3S ST1LL H4SNT WOK3N UP  
CCG: TEREZI, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO MOCK ME FOR SOMETHING THAT'S COMPLETELY BEYOND MY CONTROL???  
CGC: Y3S >8]  
CCG: URRRRRGHRGHRH  
CAC: :33 < terezi stop it!!! 33:<  
PGA: Im Afraid I Must Side With Nepeta Here  
PGA: This Seems A Little Crass  
CGC: BL4R F1N3  
CCG: HAHAHA, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.  
CCG: FEEL THE CRACK OF THE ASHEN SCOURGE THAT IS KANAYA MARYAM.  
PGA: Um  
PGA: Karkat As Much As Your Candor Is Appreciated It Isnt Entirely Necessary  
PGA: And Just For Future Reference Id Prefer If You Didnt Order People To Feel My Crack In General  
CTA: eheheh, niice.  
CGC: BUT K4N4Y4  
CGC: YOUV3 4LR34DY M4D3 N3P3T4 4ND 1 DO PL3NTY OF TH4T 4NYW4Y  
CCG: WHAT.  
CAC: :33 < terezi shut up!!!!  
CGC: OH COM3 ON N3P3T4  
CGC: SUR3LY YOU WONT D3NY TH4T K4N4Y4S M4D3 US DO SOM3 PR3TTY STR4NG3 STUFF 1N TH3 COURS3 OF OUR 4USP1ST1C3SH1P  
CAC: :33 < well maybe she has  
CAC: :33 < but we agr33d not to talk about it, remempurr???  
PGA: Thats Right Terezi  
PGA: Youre Coming Dangerously Close To Violating Your Non Disclosure Agreement  
CCC: W)(at??  
CCC: You made t)(em sign a CONTRACT for t)(eir auspistices)(ip??  
PGA: Well Of Course  
PGA: Its Important To Lay Out The Terms For An Arrangement Such As This Beforehand  
PGA: Just So Everyone Knows Where He Or She Stands  
PGA: Though I Feel The Need To Clarify That The Non Disclosure Agreement Is Solely For The Purposes Of Protecting Trade Secrets  
CGC: Y3S OF COURS3  
CGC: 1TS C3RT41NLY NOT TO CONC34L 4NY DUB1OUS 4CT1V1T13S ON YOUR P4RT  
CGC: L1K3 TH3 F1FTY SH4D3S OF GR33N W3 P41NT3D YOUR H1V3 TH3 OTH3R D4Y  
CCC: 38O  
FCA: wwait wwhat the fuck  
PGA: Okay Thats Enough  
PGA: Terezi If You Continue With These Disingenuous Assertions Ill Have No Choice But To Find You In Breach Of Contract  
PGA: And If I Cant Trust Terezi Pyrope To Follow A Legally Binding Contract To The Letter Then What Can I Trust  
CGC: BL4R  
CGC: L3G4L DOCUM3NTS  
CGC: MY ON3 W34KN3SS  
CGC: F1N3, 1LL SHUT UP  
PGA: Thank You  
CCC: )(ey, WAIT JUST A MINNOW!!!  
CCC: Kanaya, just w)(at sort of D--EBAUC)(--ERY are you getting up to wit)( t)(ose two???  
PGA: I Resent Your Implications Miss Peixes  
PGA: While Im Legally Prohibited From Divulging Any Specifics On The Activities Performed In The Course Of Our Auspisticeship  
PGA: I Am Perfectly Within My Rights Telling You That The Three Of Us Have Engaged In Nothing Outside The Bounds Of A Typical Ashen Arrangement  
FGA: Albeit One Headed By A Highly Skilled And Experienced Mediator  
CCC: I sea.  
CCC: And just w)(at sort of ACTIVITI-ES take plaice in w)(at YOU would cull a "typical as)(en arrangement?"  
FGA: You Know I Have To Wonder What Exactly Sparked This Sudden Interest In The Ashen Quadrant You Seem To Be Exhibiting  
FGA: Thinking Of Starting A Mediation Of Your Own Perhaps  
FGA: You No Doubt Have Access To A Myriad Of Reference Materials On The Subject Of The Duties Of An Auspistice  
FGA: And As Flattering As It Is I Have No Interest In Passing On My Techniques To An Apprentice At This Time  
CCC: UG)(, I don't want to be your APPR--ENTIC--E!! 38P  
CCC: Look, t)(is is --Eridan's matesprit and )(is kismesis we re glubbing aboat )(ere!  
CCC: And I am ASKING because I'm wondering if you are )(aking t)(e quadrant S--EARIOUSLY, or if you're just using it as an excuse to )(ook t)(ese two into...  
CCC: Into some kind of... bizarre, conciliatory... PORGY!  
CAC: :33 < :OO  
FGA: What  
FGA: Are You  
FGA: Actually Seriously Accusing Me Of Forming A Relationship With Nepeta And Terezi Under False Pretenses  
CCC: W)(ale, it wouldn't be t)(e FIRST time!  
FGA: I  
PGA: You  
PGA: I Am Just  
PGA: Appalled By The Sheer Fucking Audacity  
FCA: ok ok thats ENOUGH  
FCA: ladies PLEASE can we take this dowwn a mark or twwo  
FCA: fef as much as i appreciate the lingerin concern for me youvve somehoww managed to hold onto i think your suspicions are a little misplaced  
FCA: ivve roped kan into an ashen fling or twwo before an i can assure you that she doesnt do anything outta the ordinary like wwhat youre hintin at  
FCA: frankly shes a fuckin master in her field an i trust her implicitly to handle matters betwween ter an nep wwith the utmost professionalism  
FCA: an considerin its my matesprit an my kismesis shes wworkin wwith i think thats sayin somethin  
PGA: Yes Thank You Eridan  
PGA: I Have The Utmost Gratitude For Your Endorsement On The Matter  
FCA: hey no problem  
FCA: anywway if the auspisticed parties had reservvations about the arrangement or the activvities performed therein im sure at least ter wwouldve said somethin to me  
CGC: 1 H4V3 S41D SOM3TH1NG TO YOU  
CGC: NUM3ROUS T1M3S  
FCA: look ter  
FCA: youre neww to this wwhole auspisticeship thing  
FCA: nothin kans made you an nep do is at all unusual in a relationship like this  
CGC: R34LLY  
FCA: wwell  
FCA: maybe some of it is  
FCA: but shes an expert its only natural shed devvelop her owwn personal style a mediation thats uniquely effectivve  
PGA: Terezi Have You Been Sharing My Techniques With Your Matesprit  
FGA: I Dont Need To Remind You Of The Stipulation Specifically Prohibiting That  
FCA: kan please ivve done this wwhole song an dance wwith you before  
FCA: i already knoww evvery trick in your playbook  
FCA: ter an i dont evven discuss the specifics wwe just refer to em by number  
CGC: Y34H COM3 ON K4N4Y4  
CGC: G1V3 M3 4 L1TTL3 CR3D1T H3R3  
FGA: Well  
FGA: I May Have Made Some  
FGA: Minor Revisions To The Plays As You Knew Them  
FCA: wwhatevver  
FCA: dont knoww dont wwant to dont care  
FCA: fact a the matter is youre their auspistice an i trust that wwhatevver you end up doin wwith the twwo a them is purely for the sake a conciliation  
FCA: so if wwe could just drop this wwhole thing an movve on thatd be absolutely fuckin DANDY  
CAA: feferi i think you should listen to him  
CAA: really this only concerns terezi and nepetas other quadrants  
CAA: and they both have other people looking out for them  
FGA: Really  
FGA: Both Of Them  
CAA: yes!  
CGC: >8]  
FGA: Oh I See  
CGC: Y3S YOU DO  
CGC: BUT 1 DONT  
CGC: B3C4US3 1M BL1ND  
CGC: 3R1D4N YOU 1D1OT  
FCA: wwhat  
FCA: wwhy are you insultin me for a vvision based metaphor kan made  
CGC: TH4TS TH3 D34L!  
CGC: 1 1NV1T3 YOU TO LOOK 4T TH3 F1N3 PR1NT ON OUR 4GR33M3NT  
FCA: fine i wwill  
FCA: givve me a second here  
FCA: wwait  
FCA: oh goddamnit  
FCA: god its like in one tenth point font howw do you evven print somethin that small  
CAA: hahaha  
CGC: 1T JUST T4K3S 4 L1TTL3 1NG3NU1TY  
CGC: 4ND 4 V3RY H1GH DP1 PR1NT3R  
CGC: TH4NKS 4G41N FOR TH4T SOLLUX  
CGC: B3ST WR1GGL1NG D4Y PR3S3NT 3V3R  
CTA: eheh, no problem.  
CTA: ii ju2t never get tiired of heariing 2toriie2 of people gettiing owned by ultra-fiine priint.  
FCA: alright alright  
FCA: you got me fair an square  
FCA: you wwily little minx  
FCA: <3  
CGC: H3H3H3H3 <3  
CCC: Okay, FIN--E, I'll drop it.  
CCC: -Eridan, if YOU don't )(ave a problem wit)( Kanaya doing w)(atever s)(e's doing wit)( your significant otters, I guess I don't R-E-ELY )(ave a fin to stand on.  
CCG: GREAT, FANTASTIC.  
CCG: REALLY GLAD YOU GUYS TOOK ALL THIS PRECIOUS TIME TO SORT THIS COMPLETELY POINTLESS DRIVEL OUT.  
CCG: NOW CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE DISCUSSION RE: OUR FRIEND WHO'S BEEN DEAD FOR APPROXIMATELY FOREVER JUST INEXPLICABLY CAME BACK TO LIFE??  
CCG: CAN WE FIND SOME TIME IN OUR BUSY SCHEDULE TO DISCUSS SUCH AN OBVIOUSLY INSIGNIFICANT, LOW-PRIORITY TOPIC?????  
CAA: wow karkat youre getting really worked up about this  
CCG: YES, I'M GETTING "WORKED UP" ABOUT MY ANCIENT DEAD ACQUAINTANCE'S SPONTANEOUS MIRACULOUS RESURRECTION!  
CCG: WOW, IMAGINE THAT!!! WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT????  
CAA: karkat im flattered really  
CAA: but this whole conversation doesnt have to be about me!  
CAA: these guys can talk about whatever they want  
CAA: im ok with it  
CAA: honestly im just glad to be back  
CCG: YEAH, YOU'RE FINE WITH IT NOW.  
CCG: YOU'VE BEEN DEAD FOR A WHILE, SO YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE HIGHER ON LIFE THAN THE REST OF US.  
CCG: DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL START BUILDING UP A RESISTANCE AGAIN SOON  
CCG: AND THEN EVERYTHING WILL SEEM AS SHITTY AS IT ACTUALLY IS.  
CAA: oh i dont know about that  
CCG: ANYWAY, AS DROLL AS IT MIGHT SEEM TO YOU, I KIND OF THOUGHT YOUR WHOLE "COMING BACK FROM THE DEAD" THING WOULD BE SIGNIFICANT ENOUGH TO STOP PEOPLE FROM DERAILING THE CONVERSATION INTO YET ANOTHER QUADRANT CIRCLEJERK.  
CCG: AND WOW, WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED, I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG!  
CGC: F33L1NG 4 L1TTL3 J34LOUS, K4RKL3S?  
CCG: WHAT, OF YOU?  
CCG: WELL, LET'S SEE  
CCG: YOUR MATESPRIT IS THE SECOND DOUCHIEST GUY I'VE EVER HAD THE DUBIOUS PLEASURE OF BEING FRIENDS WITH  
CCG: AND YOU'RE IN AN AUSPISTICESHIP WITH THE TWO LEAST ANNOYING PEOPLE I KNOW  
CCG: SO NO, NOT REALLY.  
CTA: ju2t the 2econd douchiie2t?  
CTA: then who'2 the fiir2t?  
CCG: I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT:  
CCG: EVEN IF THERE REALLY WERE ONLY ONE GUY WHO WAS A MORE EMINENT DOUCHE THAN HE WAS  
CCG: I'D RANK HIM THIRD JUST TO SPITE HIM.  
FGA: Haha  
CTA: ugh.  
CTA: once agaiin, reference2 two the biifurcatiion giimmiick are only amu2iing when ii'm the one makiing them.  
FCA: wwoww really  
FCA: im only second  
FCA: ivve got to step up my game here  
CGC: Y3S!  
CGC: YOU C4N DO 1T 3R1D4N  
CGC: YOU C4N B3 TH3 B1GG3ST DOUCH3 1N TH3 UN1V3RS3  
CGC: 1 B3L13V3 1N YOU!  
CAC: :33 < i think he already is!  
CAC: :33 < karkat as much as i respect you i have to disagr33 with your ranking him second  
CAC: :33 < he is clearly furst  
CAC: :33 < and thats really all there is to say on the matter  
CCG: WELL  
CCG: YOU MAY HAVE A POINT.  
CCG: KANAYA, YOU'RE THE OTHER LEAST ANNOYING PERSON I KNOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK?  
FGA: Well I Would Urge You To Approach This Matter With Caution  
FGA: While Nepeta Is Certainly An Excellent Judge Of Character  
FGA: I Would Have To Think Her Being Eridans Kismesis Might Result In A Very Biased View On His Level Of Douchiness  
CCG: SHIT, THAT'S A REALLY GOOD POINT.  
CCG: SORRY, NEPETA, BUT AS MUCH AS I VALUE YOUR OPINION, I DON'T THINK IT WOULD BE PRUDENT TO MAKE ANY CHANGES TO THE DOUCHELADDER AT THIS TIME.  
CAC: :33 < oh fine! 33:<  
FCA: damn  
FCA: so much for doin things the easy wway  
FCA: looks like ill havve to deal wwith the competition directly  
FCA: sol stop bein such a douche to kar  
CTA: whoa, ed, 2low down.  
CTA: ii totally under2tand iif you're waxiing a2hen for me, but thii2 ii2 all kiind of 2udden.  
FCA: wwhat no thats not wwhat i  
FCA: wwait shit thats exactly wwhat i wwas doin isnt it  
FGA: Just A Little  
FCA: ok i cant get directly invvolvved in this  
FCA: things are already set in motion for my ashen quadrant  
FCA: but maybe  
CGC: NO  
FCA: oh come on  
CGC: MY 4SH3N QU4DR4NTS 4LR34DY FULL 3R1D4N  
FCA: wwell youre bein auspisticed sure  
FCA: but that doesnt necessarily stop you from auspisticizin for some other pair a brinesuckers  
CGC: UM  
CGC: 1S TH4T 4CTU4LLY HOW 1T WORKS  
CGC: K4N4Y4 YOUR3 TH3 3XP3RT H3R3  
FGA: It Isnt Entirely Unheard Of For Auspistices To Have Auspistices Themselves  
FGA: Though The Arrangement Is Usually Frowned Upon As It Generally Reflects Poorly On The Entangled Partys Conciliatory Abilities  
FGA: The Ashen Quadrant Isnt Required For Reproduction So There Are No Explicit Laws On This Kind Of Thing  
FGA: Though For The Purposes Of Troll Serendipity Either Having An Auspistice Or Being One Yourself Should Suffice  
FGA: At Least I Think So  
CCG: YEAH, PRETTY MUCH.  
CCG: THE WHOLE ISSUE IS KIND OF A GREY AREA.  
CCG: HONESTLY, THE ASHEN QUADRANT IN GENERAL JUST SEEMS KIND OF  
CCG: POORLY CONCEIVED.  
CCG: NO OFFENSE, KANAYA.  
FGA: No You Have A Point  
FGA: Its Probably The Least Understood Of The Quadrants But Thats In Part Because It Seems Almost Deliberately Hard To Understand By Design  
FGA: I Mean The Others Are So Elegant In Execution That It Comes Off As Though Auspisticeship Was Come Up With On The Spot Simply For The Purposes Of Completing The Set  
CCG: YEAH, IT'S LIKE THE GENIUS WHO CAME UP WITH THE QUADRANTS MADE THE FIRST THREE AND THEN HIT A SLUMP.  
CCG: HELL, MAYBE AUSPISTICESHIP WAS JUST SOME BULLSHIT LINE HE FED HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION AT THE LAST MINUTE, AND SHE TOTALLY FELL FOR IT.  
CCG: IT WAS ONLY EVER INTENDED TO BE THE BUTT OF A FEW CHEAP JOKES, BUT THEN EVERYBODY STARTED TAKING IT COMPLETELY SERIOUSLY.  
CCG: ER, WHICH ISN'T TO SAY THE WHOLE ASHEN THING YOU'VE GOT GOING ON IS A JOKE.  
FGA: Well  
FGA: Perhaps It Doesnt Fit The Standard Definition Of An Auspisticeship  
FGA: But Im Not Sure How Relevant That Definition Is Anymore Outside The Context Of Alternian Society  
FGA: So Maybe Its In Our Best Interests To  
FGA: Change The Definition A Little  
CAC: :33 < yes, i agr33 with kanaya!  
CAC: :33 < its not like theres anypawdy to stop us furom changing the rules!  
CCG: WHAT, NO, YOU CAN'T JUST CHANGE THE MEANINGS OF THE QUADRANTS.  
CCG: THEY WERE LAID OUT TO BE THE BE ALL AND END ALL OF TROLL ROMANCE.  
CCG: IF YOU START SWAPPING OUT DEFINITIONS IN THE CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT MELANGE, IT'S LIKE FUCKING WITH THE JENGA TOWER OF SOCIETY.  
FGA: Look Im Not Saying We Should Redefine Them Entirely  
FGA: Im Just Saying Perhaps We Should Adapt Them To Our Unique Circumstances  
FGA: I Mean Half Of Them Are Designed For The Purposes Of Stopping Trolls From Randomly Culling Each Other  
FGA: But Nobodys Really Gearing Up To Engage In Random Trollslaughter At This Point  
CTA: riight, of cour2e you would 2ay that.  
CTA: 2ince you can ju2t completely glo22 over your p2ycho mate2priit.  
FGA: Ugh  
CCC: Sollux, )(onestly, just get OV-ER yours)(ellf.  
CTA: whatever.  
CCG: WELL  
CCG: YOU MIGHT BE ON TO SOMETHING  
CCG: BUT I'M STILL A LITTLE LEERY ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING.  
CCG: I MEAN, I'M HAVING DIFFICULTY SEEING JUST HOW YOU COULD IMPROVE ON THE PERFECT ELEGANCE THAT IS THE FOUR QUADRANTS.  
FGA: You Mean Besides Completely Scrapping The Ashen Quadrant And Rebuilding It From The Ground Up  
CCG: RIGHT, OF COURSE.  
FCA: yeah yeah wwhatevver  
FCA: so ter are you gonna tell sol to stop bein such a douche to kar or wwhat  
CGC: 3R1D4N TH1NK 4BOUT TH1S  
CGC: WHY WOULD 1 3V3R T3LL 4NYON3 TO STOP B31NG 4 DOUCH3 TO K4RK4T?  
FCA: wwell shit  
FCA: i dont really havve an answwer to that  
CGC: 3X4CTLY  
CGC: SO SOLLUX  
CGC: K33P UP TH3 GOOD WORK >8]  
CTA: eheh, of cour2e, tz.  
CCG: UGH.  
FCA: alright fine  
FCA: wwait i forgot gams here  
FCA: gam tell sol to stop bein such a douche to kar  
FCA: gam you there  
PTC: Yeah, shit, I'm still all up on here.  
PTC: Sorry, I'm just up in the middle of a motherfuckin board meeting.  
CCG: A WHAT?  
PTC: Right now, my company's all workin over some serious motherfuckin negotiations to a few of our competitors.  
CCG: OKAY, SLOW DOWN HERE.  
CCG: WHAT COMPANY?  
PTC: My baked goods company.  
PTC: Insane Cake Pantry, LLC.  
CCG: I  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS EVEN COME FROM?  
PTC: It's the pie quest, bro.  
PTC: Apparently, I went so far above and behind the call of duty in bakin down all those pies that I triggered some crazy motherfuckin involved chain of events.  
PTC: The profits out of our pie sales were so high, me and the chameleons went corporate, and now sales are throughout the motherfuckin roof.  
PTC: Except now all these motherfuckin rival baking corporations are springin out, and they're cuttin corners around their production to inflate pie supplies and drive down prices.  
PTC: Shit gives a bad name at pie bakers every which motherfuckin where.  
CCC: )(a)(a)(a, w)(at??  
CCC: T)(ere's a w)(ole QU-ESTLIN-E aboat forging a corporate empire based on PASTRI---ES???  
PTC: I know, shit surprised me, too.  
PTC: Triggered the whole thing completely as accident, even.  
PTC: My pies were just so motherfuckin good, the consorts couldn't help but buy the motherfuckers in droves.  
CGC: TH3Y 4CTU4LLY 4R3 R34LLY GOOD  
CGC: 3SP3C14LLY TH3 CH3RRY R3DPOP K1ND  
CGC: 1 ST1LL H4V3NT F1N1SH3D TH3 ON3 YOU S3NT M3  
CGC: B3C4US3 3V3RY B1T3 S3NDS M3 1NTO CONN1PT1ONS OF CR1MSON 3CST4SY >80~  
CAA: terezi theres no need to get pornographic  
CTA: hell ye2 there ii2.  
CTA: tz, by all mean2, get pornographiic.  
CGC: SOLLUX SHUT UP  
CAA: sollux shut up  
CAA: oh  
CGC: H3H3H3 N1C3  
CTA: fiine, canniing iit.  
FGA: Well Synesthetic Appeal Aside The Pies Actually Are Quite Exceptional  
FGA: Ill Admit Gamzee It Was Not Without Some Trepidation That I Tasted The Blueberry Grape Concoction For Which You Supplied The Captchalogue Code  
FGA: But All Told It Was Really Quite Exquisite  
FGA: Thank You Once Again By The Way  
PTC: Haha, ain't no thing, sister.  
PTC: Consider it a belated present out of celebration to your all gettin yourself up and hitched.  
PTC: Any of y'all other motherfuckers hook up, I'll throw a fresh-baked pie all up in your motherfuckin direction.  
CTA: what, you mean you'll liiterally throw a piie?  
CTA: liike a partiicularly mii2chiievou2 clown?  
PTC: No, not like a clown.  
PTC: Fuck clowns.  
CTA: oh.  
CTA: well, okay then.  
PTC: Anyway, we're all holdin this big motherfuckin meeting what so we can all up and just acquire the fuck out of the competition.  
PTC: Turns out antitrust laws on LOTAM are at a pretty sorry motherfuckin state, and I've got a veritable motherfuckin legion of lobbyists what's dead set at keepin them that way.  
PTC: Then once we've got a monopoly in the pie sector, the Insane Cake Pantry can move on for bigger and better things.  
PTC: Maybe even make a bid to political power...  
CCG: OKAY, THIS IS FUCKING ABSURD.  
CCG: YOU'RE HONESTLY TELLING ME YOU'RE GOING TO GAIN DOMINION OVER AN ENTIRE PLANET THROUGH THE POWER OF A BAKED GOODS CORPORATION???  
PTC: Shit, i don't know, the quest log just says it's a possibility and all.  
CCG: JUST THE FACT THAT YOU RESPONDED TO THAT RHETORICAL QUESTION IN THE LEAST POSSIBLE AFFIRMATIVE SENSE WAS ENOUGH TO DISINTEGRATE THE METAPHORICAL SHOCK ABSORBERS THAT WERE MY SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF.  
CCG: WHOEVER WROTE THIS GAME IS AN ASSHOLE OF METEORIC PROPORTIONS.  
CCG: SURE, WRITE A SPRAWLING EPIC QUESTLINE ABUOT TAKING OVER THE WORLD THROUGH THE POWER OF PASTRIES  
CCG: BUT DON'T HAVE A SINGLE CONSORT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT HOW YOU CAN BRING THE DEAD BACK TO LIFE AND GIVE THEM FAIRY WINGS AND AMAZING POWERS IN THE PROCESS.  
CCG: NOT LIKE THAT'S FUCKING IMPORTANT OR ANYTHING!!!  
CAA: yeah at this point its fair to say that anyone even remotely affiliated with this game is an enormous asshole  
FCA: hey speakin of enormous assholes  
FCA: gam tel sol to stop bein such a piece a shit to kar  
CTA: haha, dude, are you 2tiill hung up on thii2?  
FCA: youre goddamn right im hung up on it ivve got a fuckin reputation to uphold here  
FCA: if im not the most irritating of kars friends then wwevve got a pretty major fuckin crisis on our hands  
PTC: Um...  
PTC: Shit, okay.  
PTC: Sollux, knock it the fuck off what with all that rude shit you're always spillin up towards my best platonic motherfuckin friend Karkat.  
PTC: You two are bros and shit, instead of arguin you should all just kick back and knock a couple icecolds together and maybe get your motherfuckin zone on after a fuckin minute.  
PTC: There I said my peace.  
CCG: OKAY  
CCG: FIRST OF ALL  
CCG: IF "ICECOLD" IS YOUR CODENAME FOR THAT ABHORRENT CARBONATED NEUROTOXIN YOU CALL FAYGO  
CCG: THEN I WOULD SOONER KNOCK BACK SIX HUNDRED GALLONS OF STARSHIP BRAKE FLUID AND TOP IT OFF WITH A TWELVE-PACK OF WEAPONS-GRADE HERBICIDE THAN PERMIT EVEN A SINGLE OUNCE OF THAT SUGARY LIQUID ATROCITY INTO MY CHITINOUS WINDHOLE.  
CCG: AND SECOND  
CCG: I THINK IT'S MORE THAN A LITTLE COMPLETELY FUCKING INAPPROPRIATE TO MAKE SUCH AN INSULTINGLY BLATANT ASHEN ADVANCE ON A MEMO THAT'S ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE ENTIRELY  
CCG: ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT'S THE LEAST BIT ROMANTIC ABOUT MY DISLIKE FOR SOLLUX.  
CCG: I CAN'T STRESS ENOUGH JUST HOW MUCH THE THOUGHT OF MY ENMITY FOR THAT BEE-FELLATING BULGESLURPER BEING ANYTHING LESS THAN COMPLETELY PLATONIC MAKES ME WANT TO VIOLENTLY CHUNDER INTO THE NEAREST WASTE RECEPTACLE.  
CTA: love you two, bro.  
CCG: OKAY, IF YOU EVER USE THE L-WORD ON ME AGAIN, I'M COMING DOWN TO YOUR PLANET AND MURDERING YOU.  
CCG: AND THEN TURNING MY SICKLE ON MYSELF JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE.  
CTA: awww, you'd kiill two people ju2t for me?  
CTA: kk, ii'm flattered, really.  
CCG: RIGHT, THAT SETTLES IT.  
CCG: I NEED TO STEP AWAY FROM MY CRABTOP FOR A MOMENT TO LOCATE THE NEAREST VOMIT-IMPERMEABLE CONTAINER.  
CTA: hahahahaha.  
CCC: Sollux, I t)(ink you S)(OALD be a little nicer to Karcrab.  
CTA: what? why?  
CCC: Because you two are SUPPOS-ED to be FRONDS!  
CCC: T)(e only reason )(e gets so worked up aboat you in t)(e first plaice is because )(e is WORRI--ED aboat you!  
CCC: So w)(en you mess wit)( )(im like t)(is, it just makes you seem like kind of a J--ERK. 38/  
CTA: well...  
CTA: ii gue22 you're probably riight, ii 2hould ea2e up a liittle.  
PTC: Hahaha, fuck yeah!  
PTC: And the Prophet said, "Let us be bros."  
PTC: And the Verbal Messiah saw that it was good.  
PTC: Thanks for the wicked motherfuckin assist in that one, fishsis.  
CCC: )(e)(e, no problem!  
CCC: -EV-ERYON-E )(as an important job to do! 38)  
CCG: OKAY, FOR THE SAKE OF PRESERVING VALUABLE DIGESTIVE ACIDS, I'M GOING TO IGNORE EVERYTHING YOU NOOKSNIFFERS HAVE SAID SINCE I LEFT AND ATTEMPT TO GET TIHS EVER-SPIRALING TANGENT OF A CONVERSATION BACK ON TRACK.  
CCG: ARADIA, JUST WHERE WAS YOUR DREAMSELF STOWED AWAY?  
CCG: I REALIZE IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER NOW, BUT I'M JUST CURIOUS.  
CCG: AND ALSO I'M PICTURING FEFERI HAULING YOUR DREAMCORPSE AROUND DERSE, AND IT'S KIND OF FUCKING HILARIOUS.  
CAA: hahaha  
CAA: as amusing as that mental image is thats not really what happened  
CCG: OKAY, SO WHAT DID HAPPEN?  
CAA: while i wish i could say that feferi and nepeta dragged my comatose dreamself around derse  
CAA: and maybe used it like a silly puppet in an attempt to fool some dersite guards  
CAA: because just the thought of that is kind of completely hilarious  
CAA: in truth it wasnt necessary to transport my corpse anywhere at all  
CAA: because it was laying right on my crypt bed  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: IT WAS JUST RIGHT THERE?  
CCG: RIPE AND READY FOR THE STABBING?  
CAA: essentially yes  
CCG: AND  
CCG: FEFERI, YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?  
CCG: LIKE, FOR A WHILE?  
CCC: W)(ale, yea)(...  
CCG: SO WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING SOONER????  
CCG: I MEAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, EVERYBODY'S FLIPPING OUT BECAUSE THIS WHOLE TIME WE THOUGHT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ARADIA  
CCG: AND IT TURNS OUT THE THING THAT HAPPENED WAS *SHE WAS FUCKING DECEASED*  
CCG: AND LITERALLY THE ENTIRE TIME THAT WAS GOING ON, YOU KNEW A WAY TO BRING HER BACK, AND YOU JUST SAT THERE TWIDDLING YOUR FUCKING THUMBS???????  
CCC: I WANT----ED to bring )(er back, Karkat!!  
CCC: But I COULDN'T, okay???  
CCG: NO IT'S NOT FUCKING OKAY!  
CCG: HONESTLY, HOW HARD COULD IT BE???  
CCG: THERE'S LITERALLY THREE STEPS INVOLVED  
CCG: GO TO SLEEP, FIND HER CORPSE, STAB HER  
CCG: WOW!!! THAT'S A REAL GORDIAN FUCKING CONUNDRUM RIGHT THERE!!!!  
CCG: AND IF YOU REALLY COULDN'T MUSTER THE STRENGTH TO WALK A FEW BLOCKS AND STICK A FORK IN SOMEBODY'S CARCASS, WHY DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST TELL US SHE WAS THERE???  
CCG: I'M SURE THERE'S AT LEAST ONE DERSE DREAMER WHO'D BE UP TO THE IMPOSSIBLE TASK OF KILLING A DEFENSELESS DEAD PERSON!!!  
CTA: kk, lay the fuck off.  
CTA: ff wa2n't any under obliigatiion to briing aa back, okay?  
CTA: and you don't have any iidea of what 2he went through two actually do iit, 2o iit'2 kiind of 2hiitty of you two to yell at her for fiindiing the 2trength two do iit anyway.  
CTA: 2o ju2t 2hut the fuck up.  
CCG: I  
CCG: OKAY, FINE, YOU'RE RIGHT.  
CCG: SORRY, FEFERI, I WAS OUT OF LINE.  
CCC: Well, you're kind of rig)(t.  
CCC: I s)(ould have done it sooner.  
CCC: T)(e only reason I didn't do it in t)(e first place is because I was too weak.  
CTA: ff, you need two knock iit off wiith thii2 whole martyr complex.  
CTA: for fuck'2 2ake, you 2houldn't be EXPECTED to briing people back from the dead, that'2 riidiiculou2.  
CTA: ii mean, ii'm really fuckiing grateful that you diid, and ii'm 2ure aa ii2 two.  
CAA: well yeah  
CTA: but you keep treatiing iit liike iit wa2 2omethiing you were requiired two do, when everybody el2e know2 that'2 hor2e2hiit.  
CTA: 2o ju2t giive your2elf a fuckiing break here.  
CCC: Yea)(, yea)(, I know.  
CAA: just dont worry about it feferi  
CAA: it doesnt matter how long it took you to bring me back  
CAA: all that matters is that you did it  
CAA: and im really glad you did :)  
CCG: YEAH, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE.  
CAA: honestly karkat i dont really get why youre so hyped up about me being alive again  
CAA: i mean before i died we were like acquaintances at best  
CCG: SO WHAT, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY THAT ONE OF MY TEAMMATES WHO'S BEEN DEAD FOR FUCKING PERIGEES IS ALIVE NOW???  
CAA: i never said that!  
CAA: i just dont get why youre so excited about it in particular  
CCG: LOOK, I JUST  
CCG: I'M HAPPY EVERYBODY'S ALIVE NOW.  
CCG: THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED, FOR EVERYBODY TO BE ALIVE AND WORKING AS A TEAM INSTEAD OF JUST TRYING TO CULL EACH OTHER.  
CCG: I MEAN, I'M THE LEADER.  
CCG: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MY JOB TO KEEP YOU IDIOTS FROM BEING KILLED.  
CCG: AND WHEN I LEARNED YOU WERE DEAD, IT WAS LIKE  
CCG: IT WAS LIKE I'D FAILED BEFORE I'D EVEN STARTED.  
CCG: SO PARDON ME IF I'M A LITTLE FUCKING ELATED AT THE MOMENT.  
CAA: its ok karkat i understand  
CAA: i never wanted anybody to be dead either  
CAA: but now nobody has to!  
CCG: REALLY?  
CCG: NOBODY ELSE HAS TO DIE?  
CAA: well  
CAA: i cant say that for sure  
CAA: but i know everything is going to be ok  
CAA: for all twelve of us :)  
CCG: HEY, SPEAKING OF ALL TWELVE OF US  
CCG: WHY THE FUCK IS NOT LITERALLY EVERYONE RESPONDING TO THIS MEMO???  
CCG: I EXPECTED MASS OUTPOURINGS OF JOY, AND I'M KIND OF COMPLETELY FUCKING DISAPPOINTED.  
CAA: well i can certainly understand why certain people wouldnt want to respond immediately  
CAA: but id figure at least tavros wouldve said something by now  
CGC: H3Y TH4TS R1GHT  
CGC: YOU GUYS US3D TO B3 L1K3 B3ST FR13NDS  
CGC: WH3R3 TH3 FUCK 1S H3  
FUTURE adiosToreador [FAT] 27 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FAT: yEAH, hEY, 1'M HERE,  
FAT: sORRY, 1 WAS JUST A L1TTLE, uH,  
FAT: pREOCCUP1ED W1TH SOMETH1NG,  
CAA: hey tavros!  
FAT: hEY aRAD1A,  
FAT: sO, yOU'RE AL1VE AGA1N, hUH,  
CAA: yep!  
CAA: im alive and you can walk  
CAA: just like old times huh?  
FAT: yEAH, 1 GUESS SO,  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: NOT 3X4CTLY L1K3 OLD T1M3S  
CAA: oh right  
CAA: sorry terezi  
CGC: DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T  
FAT: bUT HEY, tHAT'S COOL THAT YOU'RE AL1VE AGA1N, 1 GUESS,  
CAA: i know right  
CAA: so now we can go back to hanging out and stuff!  
FAT: uH,  
FAT: r1GHT, oF COURSE,  
FAT: tHAT, wOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM AT ALL,  
CAA: great! :)  
CAC: :33 < okay so i hate to interrupt  
CAC: :33 < but is there any way we can get to the shipping ameowncements now?  
CAA: oh right of course  
CAA: sorry i guess we got a little carried away  
CCG: ARADIA, YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING.  
CCG: BETWEEN ERIDAN'S BIZARRE FIXATION ON THE ASHEN QUADRANT, KANAYA AND FEFERI'S SLAPFIGHTING, AND GAMZEE'S JABBERING ABOUT FUCKING PIES, YOU WERE PROBABLY THE MOST ON-TOPIC PERSON ON THIS MEMO.  
CCG: WHICH ISN'T SURPRISING, BECAUSE YOU WERE THE FUCKING TOPIC.  
FGA: I Wasnt Slapfighting  
CCG: KANAYA, YOU WERE COMPLETELY, UNABASHEDLY SLAPFIGHTING.  
FGA: No I Wasnt  
FGA: I Was Merely Defending Myself From Malicious Slander Thats All  
CGC: 4CTU4LLY  
CGC: WH3N 1TS WR1TT3N 1TS C4LL3D L1B3L  
FGA: I Dont Care  
CCG: LOOK, IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S A CRIME OR SOMETHING TO ARGUE WITH PEOPLE.  
CCG: IF YOU WANT TO ARGUE WITH FEFERI, BY ALL MEANS, BE MY FUCKING GUEST.  
CCG: TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK, I THINK MOST OF THE TIME YOU'RE NON-CONFRONTATIONAL TO A FAULT.  
CCC: Yea)(, Kanaya, maybe you s)(oald lig)(ten up a little!  
FGA: Well Maybe You Should  
FGA: I  
FGA: Okay No  
FGA: Im Better Than This  
FGA: Im So Completely Above This Petty Bickering I Cant Even See It With The Universes Most Powerful Telescope  
CCC: O)( R-E-ELY???  
CCC: W)(ale, you didn't S-E-EM to be so above it ten minnows ago!  
FGA: Urrgh  
FGA: I Refuse To Even Dignify That With A Response  
CAC: :33 < okay then youre both done talking now!!!  
CAC: :33 < so now we can get to the ships!!  
CCG: WAIT, HANG ON, LET ME GUESS.  
CCG: YOU SAID THERE WERE THREE, RIGHT?  
CAC: :33 < right  
CCG: AND THEY INVOLVE SOLLUX AND ARADIA, APPARENTLY.  
CGC: 4ND M3 4ND F3F3R1 TOO  
CCG: RIGHT, SO SOLLUX, FEFERI, ARADIA, AND THE HAG.  
CGC: FUCK YOU TOO  
CCG: SORRY, YOU ALREADY THREW AWAY YOUR CHANCE FOR THAT.  
CGC: BL4R TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 M34NT!!! >8P  
CCG: OKAY, SO  
CCG: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE MATESPRITSHIP, BECAUSE TEREZI ALREADY RUINED SOMEBODY ELSE'S LIFE BY BECOMING THEIRS  
FCA: yeah cant really deny that  
FCA: my life has pretty much become a thousand fuckin times wworse since ter latched onto me  
CGC: 1M SORRY 3R1D4N  
CGC: DO YOU ST1LL W4NT TO TR4D3 M3 TO SOM3ON3 3LS3  
CGC: H3Y, HOW 4BOUT G4MZ33?  
CGC: H3 COULD P4Y YOU W1TH P13S  
PTC: Hahaha, fuck yeah, I'll buy the dragonsister off you.  
PTC: How's fifty blueberry grapes, twenty lemon meringue moon mists, and ten 60/40 key limes sound for her hand in matespritship?  
PTC: Shit, I'll even throw on Tavros for good measure.  
FAT: wA1T, wHAT, hANG ON,  
FAT: 1F YOU'RE GONNA TRADE ME FOR tEREZ1, wH1CH 1 REAL1ZE YOU'RE NOT,  
FAT: sHOULDN'T 1 AT LEAST BE THE BASE OFFER,  
PTC: Well, I was hopin maybe I could get her just on pies and double up my flushed quadrant.  
PTC: But if I can't pull that shit on, I guess I'll just have to up and settle in a trade.  
CGC: 1M 4FR41D 1 COMM4ND 4 V3RY H1GH M4RK3T V4LU3, M1ST3R M4K4R4  
CGC: YOULL H4V3 TO DO 4 L1TTL3 B3TT3R TH4N P13S  
FCA: yeah an no offense tavv but youd need at least to a you to evven come close to replacin ter  
FAT: bULLSH1T,  
FAT: 1 WANT A TH1RD PARTY APPRA1SAL,  
CCG: HEY, HERE'S AN APPRAISAL FOR YOU:  
CCG: THIS ENTIRE TANGENT ISN'T WORTH THE ELECTRONS SPENT TO DISPLAY IT ON MY CRABTOP.  
CCG: SO MAYBE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME FINISH.  
CAC: :33 < i thought it was a little amewsing  
CAC: :33 < but no more interruptions please!  
FCA: alright fine  
CGC: L4M3 >8[  
CAA: terezi i thought you would be looking forward to this  
CGC: 1 4M!  
CGC: BUT ST1LL, L4M3  
CCG: OKAY, ANYWAY  
CCG: THERE'S ONLY ONE PAIR OF MATESPRITS  
CCG: I'M GUESSING SOLLUX AND FEFERI  
CCG: WHICH LEAVES FOR THE TWO MOIRALLEGIANCES  
CCG: SOLLUX AND ARADIA  
CCG: AND... TEREZI AND FEFERI, I GUESS?  
CAA: nope!  
CGC: 4R3 YOU K1DD1NG  
CGC: M3 4ND F3F3R1 MO1R41LS  
CGC: 1 H4RDLY 3V3N KNOW H3R  
CGC: NO OFF3NS3 F3F3R1  
CCC: None taken!  
CTA: yeah, and why would tz ever get iinto a quadrant wiith a 2eadweller 2he'2 barely ever iinteracted wiith previiou2ly?  
CGC: OH SHUT UP  
FCA: its a fair point ter  
CGC: BL4R WH4T3V3R >8P  
CCG: HE SAID IT, NOT ME.  
CCG: ANYWAY, IT WAS KIND OF PROCESS OF ELIMINATION.  
CCG: ARADIA, I THOUGHT YOU AND SOLLUX HAD A THING.  
CAA: well i certainly do like sollux a lot  
CAA: but im just not pale for him  
CCG: OH.  
CCG: OKAY SO,  
CCG: MAYBE HE'S MOIRAILS WITH TEREZI  
CCG: AND YOU ARE WITH FEFERI.  
CTA: wrong, try agaiin.  
CCG: WHAT THE HELL, THAT ONE WOULD ACTUALLY WORK.  
CCG: EVEN THOUGH AS FAR AS I KNOW, ARADIA AND FEFERI HAVE BARELY INTERACTED BEFORE  
CCG: THEY SEEM TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT EACH OTHER FOR SOME REASON.  
CCC: I do care aboat )(er!  
CCC: But I broug)(t )(er back for a reason.  
CAA: yes she did  
CAA: and im really grateful for it  
CCC: Yes, Aradia, you )(ave done MORAY t)(an enoug)( to express your gratitude to me, t)(anks!  
CTA: eheheh, yeah 2he diid.  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING, WHY IS THAT FUNNY.  
CCC: Sollux, DON'T ANSW--ER T)(AT!!!  
CTA: okay, fiine.  
CTA: 2orry, kk, my liip2 are 2ealed.  
CCG: OKAY, I GIVE UP.  
CCG: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE GOING ON ABOUT.  
CCG: SO JUST HOW THE HELL DID YOUR WHOLE QUADRANT SITUATION RESOLVE ITSELF?  
CTA: iit'2 2iimple, dude.  
CTA: ff ii2n't my mate2priit.  
CTA: aa ii2.  
CCG: OH.  
CCG: SERIOUSLY?  
CAA: yes!  
CAA: and i couldnt be happier :)  
CCG: WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE, I GUESS.  
CCG: I KNOW YOU TWO ALWAYS HAD SOME KIND OF RED THING  
CCG: NO MATTER HOW MUCH SOLLUX WAS COMPLETELY UNWILLING TO ADMIT IT  
CCG: BUT WHAT ABOUT FEFERI?  
CCC: I'm )(is morayeel!  
FGA: What  
FGA: Seriously  
FGA: You Just Settled For Being His Moirail  
CCC: I didn't S--ETTL--E for anyt)(ing!  
CCC: T)(e trut)( is, I WANT to be )(is morayeel!  
CCC: Prawnestly, I was pale for )(im from t)(e ferry beginning.  
FGA: Really  
FGA: Because You Had A Very Strange Way Of Showing It  
CCG: YEAH, I THOUGHT FOR SURE YOU WERE FLUSHED FOR THE GUY.  
CCC: W)(ale, I'll admit, I mig)(t )(ave come off t)(at way.  
CCC: But t)(e only reason I acted like t)(at is because I t)(oug)(t )(--E was flus)(ed for M--E!  
CCC: I wanted to be )(is morayeel, but I didn't want )(im to eel like I was palezoning )(im or somet)(ing stupid like t)(at!  
CCC: I would've been perfectly )(appy being )(is matesprit, too.  
CTA: ii2 that actually true?  
CTA: or are you ju2t 2ayiing that?  
CCC: I'm searious!!  
CTA: look, ff, iit'2 okay iif you ju2t wanted two be my moiiraiil.  
CTA: ii get that my raw pale magnetii2m ii2 pretty much iirre2ii2table.  
CCG: YEAH, THAT JUST MEANS YOU'RE A MASSIVE FUCKUP WHO NEEDS SOMEBODY TO KEEP YOU IN LINE.  
FAT: hAHA, n1CE,  
CCC: Ug)(, it's NOT LIK---E T)(AT!!!  
CCC: Look, Sollux, you're a great guy!  
CCC: And I t)(ink you would mako for a GR--EAT matesprit!  
CCC: In fact, I t)(ink you already do, for Aradia!  
CCC: I'm just not s)(ore I would mako a great matesprit for YOU.  
CTA: 2ure you would, ff.  
CTA: ii mean, you're pretty much amaziing.  
CCC: DON'T SAY T)(AT!!!  
CCC: It doesn't matter )(ow amazing or pretty or smart or funny I am if I can't make you )(APPY, Sollux!  
CCC: I mean, a matesprit is supposed to be somebody w)(o you can love UNCONDITIONALLY, w)(o you can ALWAYS be )(appy wit)(.  
CCC: And I just didn't t)(ink I could be t)(at for you.  
FGA: So You Were Just Getting His Hopes Up  
FGA: Letting Him Think You Could Be His Matesprit When Really You Could Only Ever Be His Moirail  
CCC: Water you trying to say, Kanaya?  
CCC: Are you trying to say I MIS)(ANDL--ED t)(is?  
CCC: Are you trying to say it was MANIPULATIV--E of me to give Sollux t)(e idea t)(at we could be in ON--E quadrant w)(en I could only ever R--E--ELY be )(appy in t)(e OT)(--ER???  
FGA: I  
FGA: No  
FGA: Thats Not What Im Saying At All  
FGA: In Fact Im Not Saying Anything  
FGA: Just Forget It  
CCC: T)(at's w)(at I T)(OUG)(T!  
CCC: Anyway, Sollux, if you R-E-ELY t)(oug)(t I could make you )(appy t)(at way, I would )(ave been FIN-E wit)( being your matesprit.  
CTA: well, iit'2 not that you couldn't, ff.  
CTA: ii wa2 ju2t hung up on 2omebody el2e, that'2 all.  
CCC: And t)(ere is not)(ing WRONG wit)( t)(at!  
CCC: Reely, I'm just glad t)(ere was somebody you could be )(appy wit)( NOW.  
CCC: S)(ell, if you )(ad just TOLD me you were flus)(ed for Aradia, I would )(ave broug)(t )(er back SC)(OON--ER!  
CCC: --Er, if t)(at was okay wit)( )(er.  
CAA: well  
CAA: it probably wouldnt have been  
CAA: but thats because i was being just as stubbornly pessimistic as sollux was  
CGC: Y34H HON3STLY BOTH OF YOU GUYS 4R3 PR3TTY T3RR1BL3  
CGC: 4 P41R OF S4D S4CK MOP3Y GHOSTS Y4NK3D STR41GHT FROM TH3 GLOOM13ST GH3TTOS OF GR3YTOWN  
CGC: 3V3N WH3N 1TS PL41N TO S33 TH4T FORC3S B3YOND YOUR CONTROL 4R3 CONSP1R1NG TO M4K3 YOU H4PPY  
CTA: ii'm not a gho2t.  
CGC: Y34H W3LL YOU 4LMOST W3R3 YOU STUP1D SH1T!!!!  
CTA: fuck, II KNOW.  
CTA: ii'm never goiing two liive that down, am ii?  
CAA: maybe you wont  
CAA: but you dont have any choice but to try!  
CCG: THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WORTHLESS SHITSPONGE.  
CCG: IF YOU SO MUCH AS THINK OF TRYING TO OFF YOURSELF AGAIN, I WILL BURY YOU IN A PILE OF CADAVER-SMOOCHING BROADS SO DEEP, YOU WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO BREATHE.  
CCG: IN FACT, ARADIA, FEFERI, I'M PUTTING YOU TWO ON PERMANENT CORPSEWATCH.  
CCG: WORK OUT A SCHEDULE OR SOMETHING BETWEEN YOURSELVES.  
CAA: um  
CCC: Crabsnack, wit)( all due respect, I'M )(is morayeel!  
CCC: So I'M t)(e one w)(o )(andles carp like t)(is now!!  
CCG: WHAT  
CCG: OKAY, HOLD ON A FUCKING SECOND HERE  
CCG: THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL PALE ABOUT ANY OF THE SENTIMENTS I'VE EXPRESSED ON THIS MEMO, ALRIGHT?  
CCG: LET'S JUST BE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CLEAR ABOUT THAT.  
CCC: Carpkat, it is FIN-E, I G-ET it!  
CCC: You )(ave been fronds wit)( Sollux for a W)(AL--E, and it is perc)(fectly understandable t)(at you mig)(t )(ave some pale eelings for )(im.  
CCG: NO, I DON'T  
CCG: IT'S NOT  
CCG: OKAY, LOOK  
CCG: I'VE HUMORED THE IDEA, ALRIGHT?  
CCG: I HAVE, IN OCCASIONAL MOMENTS OF SHAMEFUL DELUSION, BRIEFLY CONSIDERED THE POSSIBILITY THAT  
CCG: SIMPLY TO GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF ALL OF MY NON-SHITTY FRIENDS, MIND YOU  
CCG: I MIGHT BE FORCED TO BECOME THAT SELF-DESTRUCTIVE DOUCHEBAG'S MOIRAIL.  
CCG: BUT I ASSURE YOU THAT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIOS HAS, WITHOUT FAIL, DEGENERATED INTO A HYPOTHETICAL FISTFIGHT.  
CTA: wow, kk, you've fanta2iized about me?  
CTA: eheh, ii'm a liittle flattered, ii gue22.  
CCG: YEAH, I'VE FANTASIZED ABOUT PUNCHING YOU IN THE MOUTH UNTIL THAT HORRIBLE LISP OF YOURS DECIDES TO CORRECT ITSELF.  
FCA: ok wwoww  
FCA: you twwo havve flipped quadrants so many times in this convversation alone its startin to make my head spin  
CCG: WE'RE NOT FLIPPING ANYTHING!!!!  
CCG: THERE IS NOTHING TO FLIP.  
CCG: EXCEPT FOR MY SHIT AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING IN ANY QUADRANT WITH SOLLUX WHATSOEVER.  
CCG: AND THAT IS LITERALLY ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.  
FCA: you sure about that  
FCA: cause it looks like you an sol havve got some serious issues here  
FCA: do i need to call in gam again  
PTC: Hey, I'm still here and all.  
PTC: And I think my palebro might have a motherfuckin point in this shit here.  
PTC: You two brothers are lookin more and more like you need to take a motherfuckin time-out.  
CCG: FUCK YOU.  
PTC: Haha, okay, I'll keep my nose off of it.  
CTA: yeah, guy2, iit'2 fiine.  
CTA: iif kk want2 two have a huge meltdown over hii2 UNDYIING FEELIING2 for me, iit won't affect me iin the lea2t.  
CCG: ARSKLGJHSDFKJADS  
CCG: OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE PRICK, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW THAT SCRAWNY BODY OF YOURS MANAGES TO SUPPORT THAT BLOATED MACROENCEPHALIC EGO SPONGE YOU CALL A HEAD.  
CTA: ugh, why are you talkiing about my body proportiion2 now?  
CTA: have you been u2iing your 2erver program to 2py on me?  
CTA: ju2t open iit up every now and then, hopiing thii2 ii2 the tiime you'll be lucky enough two catch me iin the ablutiion trap?  
CCG: I  
CCG: I JUST  
CCG: EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.  
CTA: hahahaha.  
CAC: XOO < sollux stop it!!!  
CAC: :33 < jegus, why are you and terezi always being such jerks to karkat??  
CGC: WHY DO YOU C4R3 SO MUCH?  
CAC: :33 < beclaws hes my furiend!  
CAC: :33 < and also beclaws hes our leader  
CAC: :33 < and you guys are always making fun of him fur caring about you  
CAC: :33 < which i think is a purrty lousy thing to do!!!  
CCC: Nepeta )(as a point, you guys!  
CCC: And prawnestly, Sollux, I t)(ink you are )(aking t)(is w)(ole t)(ing wit)( )(im a LITTL--E too far!  
CCC: )(e just )(as a lot invested in everyone's survival, and I t)(ink it reely is kind of CRAPPI--E of you to mako fun of )(im for it!  
CTA: okay, fiine, you're probably riight.  
CCC: I'm D--EFINIT--ELY rig)(t!!  
CTA: ye2, ye2, ii know.  
CTA: hone2tly, ii know better than two not lii2ten two you now.  
CCC: T)(at's rig)(t, you DO!  
CCC: <>  
CTA: <>  
CGC: BL4R  
CGC: G3T 4 BLOCK YOU TWO  
CTA: we already have one.  
CTA: ju2t a2k aa iif you don't beliieve me.  
CAA: :)  
CGC: UGH  
CGC: DONT R3M1ND M3  
CCG: OKAY, I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE CARES, BUT HERE'S A FACT THAT MIGHT BE RELEVANT SOMEWHERE IN THE FUTURE:  
CCG: THE AVERAGE FEDORA CAN HOLD ALMOST EXACTLY TWO PUKES.  
CCG: IT LOOKS LIKE THERE MIGHT BE ROOM FOR A LITTLE MORE, BUT CERTAINLY NOT ENOUGH FOR A WHOLE THIRD.  
CCG: SO FOR THE SAKE OF EMETIC OVERFLOW PREVENTION, CAN WE PLEASE UNTIL THE END OF TIME STOP TALKING ABOUT  
CCG: WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT, I'VE APPARENTLY ERASED IT FROM MY THINK PAN IN ABJECT DISGUST.  
CTA: yeah, dude, that subject got dropped liike you on your wriiggliing day.  
CCG: GREAT, THANKS, YOU INSUFFERABLE LOADGOBBLER.  
CCG: OH, AND ALSO  
CCG: NOBODY TELL JACK I VOMITED IN HIS HAT.  
CGC: J4CK 1S GON3, R3M3MB3R?  
CCG: OH YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.  
CCG: BECAUSE SOME SHRIEKING HARPY JUST INSISTED WE HAD TO GET HIM EXILED.  
CGC: 1T H4D TO B3 DON3 K4RKL3S  
CGC: WHO KNOWS WH4T K1ND OF H4VOC H3 COULDV3 WROUGHT W1THOUT TH3 D3RS1T3 ROY4LTY TO K33P H1M 1N CH3CK  
CCG: OH, WHATEVER, LIKE THAT COULD EVEN POSSIBLY BE AN ISSUE.  
CCG: WHAT WAS HE GOING TO DO, GANK THE ROYAL REGALIA AND GO ON SOME KIND OF GIANT DESTRUCTIVE RAMPAGE??  
CCG: COME ON, HE'S JUST A COOL GUY WHO STABS THINGS SOMETIMES.  
CGC: TH1S 1S YOUR PROBL3M K4RK4T  
CGC: YOUR3 4LW4YS SO SHORTS1GHT3D  
CGC: YOU N3V3R R34LLY UND3RST4ND WH4T H4S TO B3 DON3  
CCG: RIGHT, I'M "SHORTSIGHTED," SAYS THE BLIND GIRL.  
CGC: FUCK OFF  
FCA: kar cmon just take it easy  
FCA: noww youre just aimin beloww the belt  
CCG: UGH, WHATEVER, I'M SO DONE WITH THIS.  
FCA: ok so anywway  
FCA: fef let me get this straight  
CCC: Okay.  
FCA: you broke up wwith me  
FCA: an then you started cavvortin around wwith sol  
FCA: but literally the entire time you wwere wwith him you wwanted to be his moirail  
FCA: is that about right  
CCC: Baysically, yes.  
FCA: ok  
FCA: wwell  
FCA: im sorry  
FCA: but  
FCA: aaaaahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaa  
CCC: 38P  
CTA: whatever, dude.  
CTA: ff ii2 a glubbiing awe2ome moiiraiil.  
CTA: iit'2 not my fault that you were 2o worked up about beiing "palezoned" by her or whatever that you couldn't 2ee that.  
CTA: ii mean, for fuck'2 2ake, her fiir2t act a2 my moiiraiil wa2 two briing a giirl back two liife 2o 2he could be my mate2priit.  
CTA: top that, motherfucker2.  
CCC: Okay, just so we're clear, t)(at was a ON-E TIM-E T)(ING!  
CCC: So PL--EAS--E do not expect me to do t)(ings on t)(e level of R--ESURR--ECTION on a regular baysis!  
CTA: ii don't, tru2t me.  
CTA: two tell the truth, ii'm more worriied that you'll 2et the bar two hiigh for your2elf.  
CTA: wiith your weiird, me22ed up 2elf-2acriifiiciing me22iiah complex.  
CCC: )(a)(a, yeah, I guess t)(at is a fair concern.  
CTA: but really, ii'm fuckiing thrilled two have you be my moiiraiil, 2o fuck the hater2.  
CTA: and no, ed, ii don't mean that liiterally.  
FCA: i knoww damn wwell wwhat you meant sol  
FCA: for fucks sake i already told you im OVVER that  
CAC: :33 < yeah sollux  
CAC: :33 < so maybe you should step off!  
CGC: H4H4H4H4  
CGC: N3P3T4 1M SORRY  
CGC: BUT YOU 4R3 JUST SO PR3C1OUS  
CAC: :33 < im not purrecious, shut up!  
CTA: no, you kiind of completely are.  
CAC: :33 < ugh, whatefur!  
CAC: :33 < sollux you n33d to back up off my man  
CAC: :33 < or else im finding you both a pawspistice!  
FCA: oh god  
FCA: sol you heard the lady  
FCA: youvve got to knock it off wwith these black advvances youre throwwin evverything into complete fuckin disarray here  
CTA: they aren't black...  
CTA: ugh, fiine, ii won't even talk two you.  
CAC: :33 < thats right! >:II  
FCA: hahaha  
FCA: anywway im just givvin you twwo a hard time  
FCA: honestly fef im happy for you an all  
FCA: but i just had a lot of feelins on this subject in the past and this revvelation makes them all look fuckin LAUGHABLE in retrospect  
FCA: so i just find the wwhole situation a little ironic an im just indulgin in a little public catharsis thats all  
CCC: W)(ale, I get it, it IS kind of finny.  
CCC: But I am just glad everyt)(ing worked out for t)(e best for --EV--ERYON--E involved!  
CCC: W)(ale, MOSTLY everyone.  
FCA: yeah  
FCA: im glad you found somebody wwho wwas a better match for your pale quadrant than i evver wwas  
CCC: And I'm glad YOU did too! 38)  
FAT: sO,  
FAT: fEFER1, 1S THAT REALLY THE WHOLE REASON YOU BROUGHT aRAD1A BACK,  
FAT: jUST SO SHE COULD BE sOLLUX'S MATESPR1T,  
CCC: Kind of, yea)(!  
CCC: Admittedly, I probably s)(oald )(ave gotten )(er P--ERC)(MISSION before I broug)(t )(er back, but...  
CCC: W)(ale, I felt like I didn't )(ave muc)( C)(OIC--E at t)(e time.  
CAA: feferi its fine  
CAA: i know i told you not to but i was just being stupid  
CAA: it took terezi to convince me the whole idea wasnt completely hopeless  
CCG: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?  
CCG: ACTUALLY, WAIT, HOLD ON  
CCG: BY PROCESS OF ELIMINATION  
CGC: K4RK4T SHUT UP  
CGC: 1 W4NT TO B3 TH3 ON3 TO 4NNOUNC3 1T  
CCG: OH, WELL IN THAT CASE  
CGC: 4R4D14 4ND 1 4R3 MO1R41LS NOW!!!  
CCG: YOU AND ARADIA HAVE TO BE  
CCG: GOD DAMN IT.  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3  
FAT: oH, rEALLY,  
CAA: i know it sounds a little strange  
CAA: but yes its true!  
CGC: NOW W41T JUST 4 M1NUT3  
CGC: 4R4D14 JUST WH4T 4BOUT 1T 1S "STR4NG3?"  
CAA: im not saying its bad or anything!  
CAA: terezi youre a great moirail and youve helped me out a lot already  
CAA: it just kind of took me for surprise is all  
CAA: i never really pictured myself in the pale quadrant with you  
CGC: >8?  
CGC: TH3N WHO D1D YOU P1CTUR3 YOURS3LF W1TH?  
CAA: well  
CAA: i dont know  
CAA: look it doesnt matter anyway!  
CAA: what matters is were moirails now and im completely ok with it  
CGC: R34LLY  
CGC: 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 M0R3 TH4N 0K W1TH 1T  
CAA: oh you know what i meant  
CGC: OF COURS3 1 DO  
CGC: 1 WOULD B3 4 PR3TTY LOUSY MO1R41L 1F 1 D1DNT!  
CAA: terezi i dont think you could be a lousy moirail if you tried  
CGC: W3LL 1 WOULD B3 4 *R34LLY* LOUSY MO1R41L 1F 1 *TR13D* TO B3 4 LOUSY MO1R41L NOW WOULDNT 1!!!  
CAA: haha yeah i guess thats true  
CAA: <>  
CGC: <>  
CCG: OH GOD  
CCG: DIGESTION SAC... CHURNING...  
CTA: yeah, tz, weren't you ju2t gettiing on my ca2e about pda2?  
CGC: OH B1T3 M3  
CGC: YOU 4ND F3F3R1 H4V3 B33N 4MB1GUOUSLY R3DFL1RT1NG FOR J3GUS KNOWS HOW LONG 4LR34DY  
CGC: YOU DONT H4V3 4NY PL4C3 TO COMPL41N  
CCC: )(a)(a, s)(e )(as a POINT, Sollux!  
CAA: yeah sollux  
CAA: in fact i daresay you and i are going to have to do a lot of public flirting ourselves to compensate!  
CTA: oh, okay.  
CTA: 2o ii gue22 you're 2ayiing we have two make up for lo2t....................................  
CAA: time  
CTA: ..............................  
CAA: time  
CTA: ...................  
CAA: time then shades  
CTA: ..........  
CAA: time  
CTA: ...............  
CAA: time/shades lets go  
CTA: .......  
CTA: ....  
CTA: ...  
CAA: oh my fucking god  
CTA: ..  
CTA: .  
CTA: tiime.  
CTA:   
CAA: uuuuuugh  
CAA: ok im sorry sollux but i changed my mind we cant be matesprits  
CTA: oh.  
CTA: well 2hiit.  
CTA: okay, ii'll gather up my thiing2.  
CAA: oh no you dont!  
CAA: youre not going anywhere sollux  
CAA: youre still on corpsewatch remember  
CCG: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.  
CCG: YOU'RE NOT GOING OFF ANYWHERE BY YOURSELF UNLESS I SAY YOU CAN.  
CCC: Unless *I* say )(e can.  
CCG: RIGHT, UNLESS FEFERI SAYS YOU CAN.  
CTA: okay, okay, fiine.  
CTA: i gue22 ii can liive wiith beiing under corp2ewatch for now.  
CTA: but only becau2e ii have 2uch an adorable liifeguard <3  
CAA: hehe <3  
FCA: so ar you an ter finally made things official huh  
CAA: yes!  
CAA: honestly i wish wed done it sooner  
FCA: oh believve me she wwanted to  
FCA: shes been frettin ovver it for a wwhile noww  
CGC: BL4R 3R1D4N SHUT UP  
CGC: NOBODY H4S TO KNOW TH4T  
FGA: Honestly Terezi Its Not That Big A Deal  
FGA: Especially Considering How Many Of Us You Told About It Beforehand  
CAA: oh wow  
CAA: terezi youve been talking to other people about this  
CAA: just how long were you pale for me  
CGC: 1TS NOT TH4T LONG!!  
CGC: 1 M34N  
CGC: 1 F1RST GOT TH3 1D34 4 F3W D4YS 4GO  
CGC: WH3N 1 F3LL V1CT1M TO ON3 OF N3P3T4S SH1PP1NG SW33PS  
CTA: and then 2he planted the 2hiip iin your head liike a horriible para2iite and you couldn't 2top thiinkiing about iit, riight?  
CGC: Y3S 3X4CTLY!  
FCA: yeah thats generally howw it wworks  
FCA: im tellin you guys the girl is fuckin devvious  
CAC: :33 < ugh its not like that!! XPP  
CAC: :33 < i k33p telling you im not trying to meownipulate you guys!  
CCC: W)(ale, just because you're not TRYING to manipulate us doesn't necessarily mean you AR--EN'T!  
CAC: :33 < nooooooo XOO  
CAC: :33 < look im just  
CAC: :33 < im just helping efurryone along!  
CCG: YEAH, AND SHE'S DOING A DAMN GOOD JOB OF IT, TOO.  
CCG: SO MAYBE INSTEAD OF ACCUSING HER OF MIND CONTROL, YOU SHOULD JUST SAY "THANK YOU" AND SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.  
CCC: Okay, okay!!  
CCC: --Ever quick to leap to Nepeta's defense, now AR--EN'T we, Carpkat?  
CCG: AND JUST WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??  
CCG: JUST WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF HERE, PEIXES????  
CCC: )(e)(e, not)(ing! Not)(ing at all!  
CCG: LOOK, I'M JUST DEFENDING THE MVP OF OUR TEAM FROM HEINOUS SLANDER, THAT'S ALL.  
CGC: L1B3L  
CCG: SHUT UP.  
CCG: SO COULD YOU POSSIBLY SPARE ME ALL OF THIS WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE BULLSHIT AND TAKE OFF THE SHIPPING GOGGLES FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS???  
CCC: Okay, okay, FIN---E! Just CLAM DOWN!  
CCC: I was only )(aving FUN, t)(ere is no need to lose your tempura.  
CGC: Y34H K4RKL3S  
CGC: YOU DONT H4V3 TO 4CT SO D3F3NS1V3  
CCG: I AM NOT ACTING DEFENSIVE.  
CCG: IN FACT, I CANNOT ACT DEFENSIVE BY DEFINITION, BECAUSE THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR ME TO DEFEND.  
CCG: THE FORTRESS IS COMPLETELY EMPTY, SAVE FOR ME AND MY TWO FAVORED CONCUBINES SITTING ON THE BATTLEMENTS AS I SERENADE THEM WITH SOME KIND OF STRINGED INSTRUMENT PLUCKED FROM THE BOWELS OF ANTIQUITY.  
CCG: YOUR MOVE, PYROPE.  
CGC: K4RK4T  
CGC: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH3R3 YOUR3 GO1NG W1TH TH1S M3T4PHOR  
CGC: SO 1M JUST GO1NG TO 1GNOR3 YOU 4ND GO B4CK TO WH4T W3 W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
CCG: HAHAHAHA  
CCG: JUST AS PLANNED.  
CGC: WH4T3V3R >8/  
CGC: 4NYW4Y 4R4D14  
CGC: 3V3N THOUGH TH3 1D34 1S K1ND OF R3C3NT  
CGC: 1 H4V3 TO 4DM1T 1V3 K1ND OF F3LT TH1S W4Y FOR 4 WH1L3  
CGC: L1K3  
CGC: 3V3N 1N OUR F1RST CONV3RS4T1ON 4FT3R TH4T ON3 M3MO WH3R3 W3 W3R3 JUST T4LK1NG 4BOUT W31RD T1M3 SH1T  
CGC: 1 R34LLY D1D 3NJOY H3LP1NG YOU  
CGC: 1N 4 W4Y TH4T S33MS STUNN1NGLY NON-PL4TON1C 1N R3TROSP3CT  
FCA: yeah an then she wwent an blabbed about it to literally anybody wwho wwas wwillin to listen  
CGC: W3LL 1T W4S 4 PR3TTY S4F3 MOV3  
CGC: 1TS NOT L1K3 4NY OF YOU OTH3R 4SSHOL3S W3R3 GO1NG TO T4LK TO H3R!!!  
CTA: ouch.  
CTA: 2he kiind of ha2 a poiint, guy2.  
FGA: Yes I Suppose Its Particularly Salient  
FGA: I Cant Speak For Anyone Else But I Certainly Havent Made Any Attempts To Contact Aradia Since The Game Began  
FGA: So Um Sorry About That I Guess  
CAA: its ok really  
CAA: you guys were all busy with your own stuff in the game  
CAA: and honestly i was trying to distance myself from you all anyway  
CAA: but all thats changed now!  
CAA: i can assure you youll all be seeing a lot more of me from now on  
FAT: wOW, tHAT'S GREAT,  
CTA: iit'2 fuckiing fanta2tiic ii2 what iit ii2.  
FAT: wELL,  
FAT: oKAY, tH1S 1S GO1NG TO SOUND L1KE, k1ND OF A WE1RD QUEST1ON,  
FAT: bUT aRAD1A,  
FAT: wERE YOU REALLY FLUSHED FOR sOLLUX TH1S WHOLE T1ME,  
CAA: yes i was  
CAA: honestly i was flushed for him even before i died  
FAT: yEAH, 1 K1ND OF F1GURED THAT,  
CAA: i guess it was pretty obvious huh  
CAA: even though i tried to keep it a secret  
CAC: :33 < i dont know  
CAC: :33 < i could nefur figure out if you guys were pale or flushed  
CTA: that wa2 ba2iically completely my fault.  
CTA: beiing the 2tupiid wii2hy-wa2hy miixed 2iignal2 douchebag ii am.  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CAA: anyway i thought it might change after i died and all  
CAA: but even when i had no body at all i still cared about him  
CAA: and now that im really myself again i feel more strongly about it than ever  
CTA: you know, aa, ii meant what ii 2aiid.  
CTA: even iif ff hadn't gone through wiith her liittle 2cheme, ii would've been your mate2priit, robot body or not.  
CAA: yes i know  
CAA: but im still glad she did  
CAA: though i wish her timing had been a little better  
CCC: Yes, we are ALL in agreement on t)(at!!  
CGC: 1N 4LL F41RN3SS  
CGC: TH4T W4S K1ND OF MY F4ULT  
CAA: it wasnt anybodys fault!  
CAA: im sick of hearing apologies  
CAA: everyone is always saying sorry this and sorry that  
CAA: why dont we just say were all sorry and we all forgive each other and everything is fine because it all worked out in the end anyway!  
CAC: :33 < yes aradia is right!  
CAC: :33 < we all n33d to stop trying to take the blame  
CAC: :33 < beclaws its completely pawbvious that its all solluxs fault  
CAA: ok nevermind what i just said nepeta is right  
CTA: ye2, ye2, of cour2e.  
CTA: fiine, ii'll 2houlder the blame thii2 tiime.  
CTA: hone2tly, np, at tiime2 iit 2eems liike you're blackfliirtiing wiith me.  
CAC: :33 < >:OO  
CAC: :33 < mister catpurr im doing nothing of the sort!  
CAC: :33 < furankly youve just b33n getting in the way of my shipping lately  
CAC: :33 < you are a sp33d bump and that is literally all  
FAT: hAHA, yEAH, tHAT'S A PRETTY GOOD DESCR1PT1ON,  
CTA: well, now ii'm 2hiipped, 2o maybe we can dii2po2e wiith the unplea2antriie2 already.  
CTA: ii'm 2ure at lea2t ed would appreciiate iit.  
FCA: oh please sol like im afraid a losin nep to you  
FCA: its completely obvvious that her dislike for you is totally a hundred percent platonic im not stupid  
FCA: an frankly if she wwere slippin any genuinely dark umbrage in your direction itd all just be a painfully transparent ploy to get under my gills  
CAC: :33 < ugh, give me a little credit here eridan  
CAC: :33 < like im efur going to resort to such a purrdestrian tactic!  
FCA: hey i nevver said you wwere  
FCA: it wwas just a hypothetical scenario through wwhich i wwas runnin the giant badass locomotivve that is my train a thought  
CAC: :33 < yeah well that train is derailed by one furry simple coin  
CAC: :33 < and that coin is  
CAC: :33 < me not really caring about sollux  
FCA: hahaha ok fair enough  
CAA: ok thats enough!  
CAA: im not just going to sit around and let you guys talk bad about my matesprit  
CAC: :33 < okay sorry im done  
CAA: anyway  
CAA: even though the events of the past day were really messy and convoluted and could only fairly be described as a clusterfuck  
CAA: ultimately everything went better than expected  
CAA: i got to be with sollux  
CAA: and so did feferi  
CAA: so im ok with it  
CCC: Yea)(, T)(AT'S t)(e spirit!!! 38D  
FAT: sO 1S THAT HOW 1T WENT,  
FAT: sHE BROUGHT YOU BACK, aND YOU 1MMED1ATELY WENT FLY1NG 1NTO H1S ARMS,  
CAA: um  
CAA: technically speaking he was the one who went flying into my arms  
CAA: what with the whole  
CAA: catching him before took the express elevator to the ground floor thing  
CTA: ye2, ye2, of cour2e.  
CTA: you caught me riight before ii hiit the ground, and iit wa2 all very romantiic and dramatiic, etc.  
CTA: except why diidn't you ju2t u2e your p2iioniic2 two catch me?  
CTA: you're 2tiill telekiinetiic, riight?  
CTA: liike, that didn't 2top beiing a thiing or 2omethiing, diit iit?  
CTA: or you could've ju2t 2ent me a p2ychiic me22gae or 2omethiing.  
CTA: been liike, "hey 2ollux, thii2 ii2 aradiia, no, for real, ii'm not dead, 2o maybe don't do thii2 2tupiid bull2hit you're about two do riight now."  
CAA: sollux  
CAA: shut up  
CTA: eheh, okay, fiine.  
CAA: but anyway  
CAA: i guess i did just kind of immediately rush off after him  
CAA: but i was actually talking to him before that  
CAA: so after i literally exploded in front of him i kind of figured time was of the essence!  
FAT: wA1T,  
FAT: sO YOU WERE ACTUALLY TALK1NG TO H1M BEFORE THAT,  
CAA: yes  
CAA: it was terezis idea actually  
CCC: And it was not by ANY M--EANS a bad idea!!  
CCC: Our two sc)(emes just sort of... INT-ERF-ER-ED wit)( eac)( otter. 38/  
CGC: Y3S BUT ST1LL  
CGC: TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG W4S 4 L1TTL3 PR3M4TUR3 ON MY P4RT  
CCC: W)(ale, MY sc)(eme was a little premature on MY port, too!  
CCC: We just need to COMMUNICAT--E a little better in t)(e future, t)(at's all!  
CGC: Y34H YOUR3 R1GHT  
CGC: CL34RLY 4 L1TTL3 1NT3RORG4N1Z4T1ON4L COMMUN1C4T1ON 1S 1N ORD3R H3R3 >8]  
FCA: yeah you twwo are third degree bros noww  
CCC: Um.  
CCC: We're W)(AT, exactly?  
FCA: yknoww  
FCA: moirails matesprits moirails  
FCA: that makes you guys in cahoots wwith each other practically by default  
FCA: kinda like me an vvris are doin right noww  
FCA: actually come to think of it  
FCA: ar an gam that means you twwo are third degree bros noww too  
CAA: oh  
CAA: yeah i guess so  
PTC: Haha, shit yeah, sister!  
PTC: Always downright mirthful to have another bro up and join the ranks, bein it willfully or just by sheer motherfuckin coincidence.  
PTC: Now you and I have got to all coordinate our efforts and shit, plottin and schemin to make sure my seadwellin brother and your treedwellin sister keep that flushed flame burnin all over into the skies for motherfuckin ever.  
CAA: yes of course  
CAA: im not sure exactly how much help they need with that  
CAA: but its a nice thought regardless  
PTC: Say, palebro, does it apply the other way about too?  
PTC: Would my matesprit's moirail's matesprit be my bro on an equal, or to the very least equivalent manner?  
PTC: Couldn't object much to findin myself entangled under the bond of brodom with the fairy grubmother as well.  
FGA: Um  
PTC: Yeah, that's my terrible nickname for you.  
PTC: It's shitty, I know.  
FGA: Okay Just Making Sure  
FCA: yknow gam im honestly not sure  
FCA: i mean yeah youd certainly share some kinda bond wwith your matesprits moirails matesprit but i cant say if its on the same levvel or not  
CTA: plea2e 2ay iit ii2n't.  
FCA: wwhy  
CGC: B3C4US3 TH4T WOULD M4K3 H1M BROS W1TH YOU  
CTA: ye2, exactly.  
FCA: wwell then its settled  
FCA: yes gam its literally on exactly the same levvel if not an evven higher one  
FCA: wwhich means that sol an i are noww officially third degree bros  
FCA: put er there bro  
CTA: wow.  
CTA: 2eriiou2ly, kk, how ii2 thii2 guy only on the 2econd rung of your doucheladder??  
CCG: I'M SERIOUSLY BEGINNING TO CONSIDER RE-EVALUATING THE RANKINGS.  
CAC: :33 < please do!  
FCA: yeah cmon kar howw much douchier do i havve to be before you finally cavve  
CCG: WELL, FOR ONE, THE SMUG SON OF A BITCH WHO'S CURRENTLY IN FIRST IS GOING TO SOMEHOW BECOME LESS OF A DOUCHE THAN HE CURRENTLY IS  
CCG: WHICH I HONESTLY DON'T SEE HAPPENING.  
CTA: well, maybe beiing coerced iintwo thii2 horriible 2ham of bro-ery wiith ed wiill re2ult iin hiim 2appiing 2ome of my douchiine22 away ju2t by proxiimiity.  
CCG: YEAH, I GUESS HE COULD ABSORB IT BY OSMOSIS.  
CCg: IT GENERALLY TRAVELS FROM HIGHER TO LOWER CONCENTRATIONS ANYWAY.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
PTC: Fuck yeah, let there be bros!  
PTC: Eridan and Sollux, bros.  
PTC: Me and Kanaya, bros.  
PTC: Shit, Tavros and Terezi, bros.  
FAT: oH YEAH,  
FAT: 1 GUESS THAT 1S HOW 1T WORKS OUT, 1SN'T 1T,  
CGC: SO 1T S33MS  
FAT: tHAT'S NOT A PROBLEM, 1S 1T,  
CGC: >8?  
CGC: WHY WOULD 1T B3 4 PROBL3M  
FAT: wELL, yOU KNOW,  
FAT: bECAUSE OF ME AND,  
FAT: uH,  
FAT: yOU KNOW,  
CGC: VR1SK4  
FAT: yES, hER,  
CGC: T4VROS WHY WOULD 1 C4R3 4BOUT TH4T  
CGC: SO YOUR3 H3R MO1R41L  
CGC: WH4T3V3R  
CGC: FR4NKLY 1M JUST GL4D N3P3T4 FOUND SOM3ON3 TO K33P H3R ON 4 L34SH  
CAA: haha yeah  
FGA: A Leash  
FGA: Very Interesting Word Choice Miss Pyrope  
FGA: Especially Considering The Crime Against Fashion You Inflicted Upon Her In Retaliation For Her Most Recent Misstep  
CGC: 1T W4SNT 4 CR1M3  
CGC: 1T W4S TH3 PUN1SHM3NT  
CGC: TH3Y C4NT B3 ON3 4ND TH3 S4M3  
CTA: ugh, okay, no.  
CTA: ii'm vetoiing thii2 entiire topiic.  
CTA: liike, ii2 iit 2o much two a2k that one memo doe2n't degenerate iintwo vkchat??  
FGA: No I Suppose Not  
FGA: Far Be It From Me To Tip Yet Another Innocent Memo Into The Inexorable Slide Into Vriskachat  
CTA: don't even 2ay her name.  
CTA: giiviing her any attentiion at all ii2 the clariion call that unfaiiliingly 2ummon2 her two 2piin her hii2triioniic driivel all over your publiic forum liike an iincontiinent wiiggler.  
FAT: 1 WOULDN'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT THAT,  
FAT: yOU'RE SAFE FROM HER MEDDL1NG,  
FAT: aT LEAST, fOR NOW,  
CTA: what do you mean, "for now?"  
FAT: hAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,  
FAT: wOULDN'T YOU L1KE TO KNOW,  
CTA: whatever.  
FAT: sO ANYWAY, aRAD1A,  
CAA: yes tavros  
FAT: yOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TH1S, bUT 1'M JUST CUR1OUS,  
FAT: eVEN WHEN YOU WERE A ROBOT, yOU WERE FLUSHED FOR sOLLUX, r1GHT,  
CAA: well yeah  
FAT: sO D1D YOU EVER CONS1DER, aNYONE ELSE,  
FAT: l1KE, 1 MEAN,  
FAT: d1D ANYBODY EVEN HAVE A CHANCE, aS YOUR MATESPR1T,  
CAA: what  
CAA: you mean like equius  
PAT: uH,  
PAT: yEAH, l1KE eQU1US,  
CCC: O)( carp, --EQUIUS!!  
CCC: I COMPL--ET--ELY forgot about )(im!!!  
CCC: Aradia, it just TOTALLY slipped my mind t)(at you and )(im )(ad a t)(ing!  
CCC: Ug)(, )(e must feel T----ERRIBL----E rig)(t now!! 38(  
CAA: wow feferi calm down!  
CAA: i mean yes he and i did have a thing  
CAA: but we ended it before any of this stuff with sollux happened  
PAT: wHAT, sER1OUSLY,  
PAT: yOU BROKE TH1NGS OFF W1TH H1M,  
CAA: i didnt break up with him!  
CAA: the whole separation was his idea  
CAA: he thought we werent happy together  
CAA: and i didnt think we were either  
CAA: so we both agreed to end it  
PAT: nO "bAD BLOOD," hUH,  
PAT: hE M1GHT D1SAGREE ON THAT PART1CULAR PO1NT,  
PTC: Hahahaha, good one, bro.  
CCC: Still, t)(oug)(, I didn't even t)(ink to ASK )(im aboat it!  
CCC: I mean, )(e put all t)(at effort into your solebot, and I just come along and BLOW T)(-E T)(ING TO S)(-ELL!!!  
CCC: S)(orely )(e must be at least a LITTL--E upset.  
CAC: :33 < fefurry dont worry about it  
CAC: :33 < he isnt mad at you or anything, trust me!  
CCC: R-E-ELY?  
CCC: T)(en w)(y )(as )(e not R--ESPAWND--ED yet???  
CAC: :33 < ugh its such a silly reason  
CAC: :33 < i k33p telling him itll be fine but he wont listen!  
CAC: :33 < ill get him on here eventually though, trust me!  
CCC: I s)(ore )(OP---E so.  
CCC: I totally just took )(is robot girlfriend away from )(im, and I would at L--EAST like to apologize to )(im.  
CAA: i think hell be ok  
CAA: in fact i think hes already got another matesprit in mind  
CCC: 38?  
CCC: And just w)(o mig)(t T)(AT be??  
CAA: its a secret  
CAA: :)  
CTA: are you kiiddiing me?  
CTA: there'2 only liike two optiion2 left at thii2 poiint.  
CTA: and ii'm ju2t kiind of a22umiing he'2 not flu2hed for kk.  
CCG: OH DEAR GOD  
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME HE'S NOT SECRETLY FLUSHED FOR ME.  
CCG: AND IF YOU CAN'T DO THAT, THEN SOMEBODY GET ME THE CAPTCHALOGUE CODE FOR A CYANIDE PILL.  
CAA: ugh you guys shut up!  
CAA: im trying to be all coy and cryptic here  
CAA: but you keep ruining it with your stupid logic!  
PTC: Yeah, all you logicameticians, ruinin all these miracles with your science and shit.  
PTC: All tryin to up and explain shit what doesn't ever need to be explained, talkin shit like magnets workin like bein electrically charged or some such shit up like that.  
PTC: Y'all motherfuckers lyin, and gettin me pissed.  
PTC: So maybe just shut the fuck up and let the lady keep her secret, no matter how stupid or obvious it might motherfuckin be.  
CAA: haha yes thank you gamzee  
PTC: Ain't no motherfuckin thing, sis.  
PTC: Before all, what are third-degree bros for?  
CAA: i dont actually know  
CAA: until recently i had no idea what third degree bros actually were  
CAA: friendship has gotten so complicated since i died  
CAA: but its nice to have so many of you i guess  
CAA: almost too many!  
CGC: YOU M1GHT H4V3 TO ST4RT CONSOL1D4T1NG  
CGC: P4R3 DOWN TH3 L1ST 4 L1TTL3  
CAA: yes you are probably right  
CAA: ill have to make some tough decisions  
CAA: well obviously you and sollux are guaranteed a place on the list  
CTA: on the friiend lii2t?  
CTA: are you 2ayiing you ju2t want two be friiend2?  
CAA: no of course not!  
CAA: im saying were friends  
CAA: i never said we were just friends  
CAA: theres kind of a huge difference  
CTA: riight, my bad.  
CAA: anyway i daresay feferi has secured her place on the list indefinitely as well  
CAA: what with the whole bringing me back to life thing  
CCC: W)(ale, of COURS--E!  
CCC: I look forward to our continued fronds)(ip, Aradia! 38)  
CAA: as do i feferi  
CAA: ;)  
CCC: Um, rig)(t!  
CCG: NO, WAIT, HOLD ON SECOND  
CCG: ARADIA WHY ARE YOU WINKING.  
CCG: WHAT IS THERE TO WINK ABOUT.  
CCC: T)(ere's not)(ing to wink aboat!!!!  
CCC: Aradia is being S--EALLY, just IGNOR---E )(er!!  
CCG: OKAY, DO I LOOK LIKE A COMPOST HEAP?  
CCG: BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I CAN POSSIBLY SEE FOR YOU THROWING SUCH A MONUMENTAL LOAD OF BULLSHIT IN MY FACE.  
CCG: SO SERIOUSLY, SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.  
CTA: kk, thii2 really ii2n't any of your bu2iine22.  
CCG: WHAT ISN'T MY BUSINESS??  
CCG: JUST WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE LUSUS, THE GRUB, AND THE HOLY FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE HIDING FROM ME HERE???  
CAA: were not hiding anything!  
CAA: its just a stupid inside joke thats all  
CAA: it would just be a waste of time to explain it  
CAA: and this is coming from the time expert here  
CCG: OH.  
CCG: WELL, THAT  
CCG: KIND OF MAKES SENSE, I GUESS?  
CGC: TH3N SHUT UP 4ND L3T TH3 L4DY CONT1NU3  
CCG: AFTER YOU, I INSIST.  
CGC: F1N3  
CAA: ok anyway long story short feferi youre on the list  
CCC: Yes, I got t)(at muc)(.  
FCA: wwell of course fefs a natural choice considerin you twwo are second degree bros an all  
FCA: an since im your other second degree bro id daresay that makes me a shoo in for the list as wwell  
CAA: um  
CAA: i dont know eridan  
CAA: i mean youre ok and all dont get me wrong  
CAA: but its a very short list  
CAA: and i still havent gotten all of the obvious candidates out of the way  
CAA: like tavros for example!  
FAT: yES, OF COURSE,  
FAT: wE WERE FR1ENDS BEFORE,  
FAT: aND NOTH1NG HAS CHANGED S1NCE THEN,  
CAA: yes exactly  
FCA: eh i dont knoww  
FCA: i mean nothin against you tavv but you guys are only fourth degree bros an by the vvery exactin science of broology that doesnt say much for your friendship  
FCA: really goin by the numbers evven gam wwould be a better choice  
CAA: oh no youre right  
CAA: im sorry tavros but you might not make the list :(  
FAT: nO, 1 UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY,  
FAT: 1T'S A VERY PRAGMAT1C DEC1S1ON, bUT 1 WOULD EXPECT NOTH1NG LESS OF YOU,  
PTC: Whoa, hold off just a motherfuckin second.  
PTC: I ain't goin on any motherfuckin friend roster you might all be brewin up if you're just gonna up and eject my main bro from it.  
PTC: That shit just don't fly within me.  
CAA: haha gamzee im just kidding  
CAA: im not making any sort of list  
CAA: and no amount of silly brorithmetic is going to make me end my friendship with tavros  
FAT: r1GHT,  
FAT: 1T'S NOT L1KE aRAD1A'S JUST GO1NG TO COME 1N AND TERM1NATE OUR FR1ENDSH1P COMPLETELY OUT OF NOWHERE,  
FAT: aND THEN HURL 1TS FRESH, sMOLDER1NG CARCASS 1NTO MY LAP AND LEAVE ME TO DEAL W1TH THE FALLOUT COMPLETELY ON MY OWN,  
CAA: no of course not  
CAA: honestly if i were going to destroy a friendship id like to think id do it a little more cleanly than that!  
FAT: yES,  
FAT: oF COURSE YOU WOULD,  
CCG: SO THIS ENTIRE LINE OF DISCUSSION HAS BEEN POINTLESS.  
CAA: yes  
CCG: ARADIA, I EXPECTED BETTER OF YOU.  
CCG: I MEAN, YOU'RE THE TIME PLAYER  
CCG: AND IF YOU'RE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME, THEN JUST WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT SAY?  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen 2 [CAA2] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAA2: karkat please ive got this under control  
CCG: WAIT  
CCG: HOLD ON A MINUTE  
CCG: THIS IS YOUR  
CCG: SECOND CURRENT SELF?  
CCG: THAT IS THE MOST NONSENSICAL APPELLATION I'VE EVER SEEN.  
CAA2: well technically im from the future  
CAA2: but ive always responded to these memos right as they were happening and i didnt see any reason to break the habit!  
CCG: WOW, OKAY.  
CCG: SO YOU'RE SERIOUSLY THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY JUST TO GET THE UPPER HAND ON ME IN A MEMO?  
CAA2: im not dying!  
CAA2: dead aradias are the enemy  
CAA2: from now on were keeping everything stable  
CAA: oh! ok  
CAA: it always seemed like stable time loops were a more sensible way of doing things rather than resorting to borrowing aradias from doomed offshoots  
CAA: but i was always afraid the scheduling would be too much for me to handle  
CAA2: yes it seemed pretty overwhelming at first  
CAA2: but with terezis help the whole timeline management thing becomes a lot easier  
CGC: OH 3XC3LL3NT  
CGC: 1 W4S WOND3R1NG WH3N 1 WOULD F4C3 4 R34L CH4LL3NG3 >:]  
CAA2: yes you took to the whole temporal logistics thing with aplomb  
CAA2: of course in the end just creating the loops is the easy part  
CAA2: the hard part is minimizing causal spoilers while doing it  
CGC: BUT OF COURS3  
CGC: 4ND WHO B3TT3R TH4N 4 S33R OF M1ND TO SN1FF OUT THOS3?  
CAA2: yes exactly!  
CAA2: though you probably wont be doing as much sniffing as you might think  
CGC: >:?  
CAA2: ive said too much already  
CAA2: anyway ive already fulfilled my role here so i should go  
CAA: ok be you later future current aradia!  
CAA2: haha  
CAA2: bye past current aradia :)  
CAA2 ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: UM.  
CCG: OKAY, SO  
CCG: I GUESS THE WHOLE "WASTING TIME" ARGUMENT HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY DEFENESTRATED AT THIS POINT, HASN'T IT.  
CTA: i 2hould certaiinly hope 2o.  
CTA: becau2e aa and ii have been doiing a lot of tiime-wa2tiing at her hiive recently.  
FAT: uGH,  
FAT: cOULD YOU SPARE US THE DETA1LS, pLEASE,  
CGC: Y34H >8/  
CAA: oh come on terezi  
CAA: youre going to be hearing about all this from me anyway  
CGC: Y3S BUT NOT 1N 4 PUBL1C FUCK1NG M3MO!!!  
CGC: 4ND SP34K1NG OF WH1CH  
CGC: 1 DONT SUPPOS3 TH3R3S 4NY W4Y 1M GO1NG TO G3T YOU TO MYS3LF SOON  
FCA: yeah sol maybe let the girl havve a little privvate time wwith her moirail  
FCA: hell fefs probably dyin to havve some alone time wwith you too  
CAC: :33 < yes alone time  
CAC: :33 < as in just the two of them  
CAC: :33 < aradia 33:<  
CAA: hey i didnt hear her complaining!  
CAC: :33 < yes i know but still!  
CAC: :33 < the whole thing is just kind of weird  
CCG: WHAT WHOLE THING IS KIND OF WEIRD?  
CCC: Okay, can we PL---EAS---E not talk about t)(is????  
CAA: theres nothing to talk about!  
CCG: NO, THERE'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT.  
CCG: AS YOUR LEADER, I AM ORDERING YOU TO SPILL THE LEGUMINOUS PROTEIN OBJECTS ON PRECISELY WHAT KIND OF ABSURD CHICANERY IS TAKING PLACE HERE.  
CAA: ok fine  
CAA: feferi spent the day with sollux and i at my hive  
CCC: >38O  
CCC: ARADIA, W)(AT T)(----E S)(---ELL!!!!  
CCC: W)(Y WOULD YOU T---ELL )(IM T)(AT??????  
CAA: its not that big a deal!  
CCG: ARE YOU KIDDING ME, THAT'S AN ENORMOUS FUCKING DEAL!  
CCG: THAT'S LIKE A NINETY-NINE PERCENT OFF, BUY ONE GET A TRILLION FREE DEAL, ARE YOU OFF YOUR FUCKING GOURD, MEGIDO??????  
CAA: ugh whatever  
CCG: I MEAN  
CCG: NEPETA, YOU'RE HER SERVER PLAYER, RIGHT?  
CCG: DID YOU SERIOUSLY TAKE THESE TWO GIRLS  
CCG: ONE OF WHOM HAS HAD A HUGE CRUSH ON SOLLUX PRETTY MUCH FOREVER, AND JUST RECENTLY CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD  
CCG: AND THE OTHER OF WHOM INTRODUCED HERSELF TO HIM BY MAKING OUT WITH HIS CORPSE, AND HAS BEEN FLIRTING WITH HIM ALMOST CONSTANTLY SINCE THEN  
CCG: AND LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH MISTER TWO-OF-EVERYTHING HIMSELF, IN ARADIA'S HIVE, COMPLETELY UNSUPERVISED????  
CAC: :33 < well what was i suppawsed to do???  
CAC: :33 < spy on them all night and make sure they didnt get up to any funny business???  
CCG: YES, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO!!  
CAC: :33 < i would nefur do that!!  
CAC: :33 < unlike some certain seadwellers, i actually have a little respect fur other peoples purrivacy!!  
CCC: Ug)(, NOT)(ING --EV--EN )(APP--EN--ED!!!  
CCC: You are all just blowing t)(is WAY out of porpoise-tion!  
CGC: 4R3 YOU SUR3  
CGC: B3C4US3 TH1NGS B3TW33N TH3 THR33 OF YOU D1D S33M 4WFULLY  
CGC: 4MOROUS  
CCC: Y---ES I'M S)(OR---E!!!  
CCC: Sollux, tell t)(em not)(ing )(appened!!  
CTA: ff, lii2ten two what you're a2kiing me here.  
CTA: iif 2omebody'2 goiing two a22ume that ii had my way wiith two beautiiful women at the 2ame tiime, whether iit actually happened or not, ii'm not goiing two go out of my way two tell them otherwii2e.  
CCC: UUUUUUUUG)(. >38/  
CCC: Sollux, you are just )(ORRIBL---E sometimes, you know t)(at???  
CTA: eheheh, that'2 why you love me.  
CAA: look i just dont see what the issue is here  
CAA: even if feferi did happen to join us what does it matter!  
CAA: shes a single woman she can do whatever she wants  
CAA: and its not like sollux and i are cheating on each other or something  
CAA: and if we are then its with the same person at the same time in the same room so what does that even make it  
CCG: IT MAKES IT A FUCKING TRAVESTY IS WHAT IT MAKES IT!  
CCG: I MEAN, FEFERI IS HIS MOIRAIL, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!  
CCC: So???  
CCC: W)(at does T)(AT )(ave to do wit)( it???  
CCG: THAT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!!  
CCG: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MOIRAIL, IT'S NOT A CONCUPISCENT QUADRANT!  
CCC: So w)(at, just because I'm )(is morayeel, t)(at's unacceptable??  
CCC: if I were not in a quadrant wit)( )(im at all, it would be P--ERC)(F--ECTLY FIN---E, but t)(e INSTANT we become morayeels, it is suddenly off t)(e water table FOR-----EV------ER?????  
CCG: YES, EXACTLY.  
CCG: THIS ISN'T A DIFFICULT CONCEPT.  
CCC: No, I'm saury, but t)(at is STUPID.  
CCC: Moirallegiance is just as intimate as t)(e ot)(er quadrants, IF NOT MOR--E SO, and I sea no reason w)(y t)(at s)(oald be COMPL--ET--ELY FORBIDD--EN from extending to p)(ysical intimacy as w)(ale.  
FGA: Okay  
FGA: I Literally Cannot Believe What Im Reading Here  
FGA: Are You Seriously Spinning All This Philosophical Yarn Just To Justify Being For Lack Of A Better Term Moirails With Benefits With Sollux  
CCC: I'm not SPINNING anyt)(ing!!  
CCC: I am mako-ing a CAT--EGORICAL IMP--ERATIV--E )(ere.  
CCC: If ANY two morayeels, ANY TIM--E, ANY PLAIC--E, feel t)(e need to mako out wit)( eac)( otter, t)(en t)(ey s)(oald F-E-EL FR-E-E to!  
CCC: Assuming t)(eir matesprits are okay wit)( it.  
CAA: which they are  
CCC: Aradia, stay out of t)(e categorical imperative.  
CAA: sorry  
FGA: Really  
FGA: Because It Sounds An Awful Lot Like You May Be Experiencing Some Residual Flushed Feelings For Mister Captor  
FGA: And Speaking From Experience Here It Really Isnt A Good Idea To Enter A Moirallegiance If Your Collapsing And Expanding Bladder Based Aquatic Vascular System Isnt In The Right Place From The Outset  
CCC: IT'S NOT LIK---E T)(AT!!!  
CCC: I am TIDALLY pale for Sollux.  
CCC: I mean totally.  
CCC: No offense, Sollux.  
CTA: heh, none taken.  
CTA: hone2tly, ii'm 2tartiing two realiize ju2t how pale ii am for you, two.  
CTA: iit'2 kiind of hard not two be, wiith all your weiird hangup2 and complexe2 and 2hiit.  
CTA: no offen2e.  
CCC: PS)(, I'm not OFFIND--ED, t)(at's t)(e w)(ole POINT!  
CCC: Anyway, even if, )(YPOT)(--ETICALLY, we were to engage any sort of amorous interaction, t)(at would do NOT)(ING to c)(ange )(ow pale we are for eac)( otter!  
CCC: I mean, t)(ink aboat Vriska.  
FGA: What  
CCC: S)(e's pretty obviously R-E-ELY flus)(ed for you and R-E-ELY pale for Tavros, rig)(t?  
CCC: Do you R--E--ELY t)(ink any of t)(at would c)(ange if s)(e were mako-ing out wit)( Tavros during t)(eir feelings jams??  
FAT: wHOA, wA1T A M1NUTE, wHAT,  
FAT: wHERE THE HELL D1D th1s COME FROM,  
CCC: it is a )(ypot)(etical scenario, Tavros, I am not accusing you of anyt)(ing.  
FAT: uH, oKAY,  
FAT: bUT JUST TO BE CLEAR, tHAT'S NOT A TH1NG THAT'S HAPPEN1NG,  
CCC: Yes, yes, I bereef you.  
FGA: Well  
FGA: The Two Are Quite Clearly As Pale As Can Be For Each Other  
FGA: So I Guess I Couldnt Really Feel Threatened By It  
FGA: And Even If I Did  
FGA: I Dont Think Theres Anything She Could Do To Make Me Any Less Flushed For Her  
FGA: Or That I Or Anyone Else Could Do  
FGA: And Though I Cant Say I Know Her Perfectly  
FGA: I Could Posit With A Great Deal Of Confidence That The Same Applies To Her Feelings For Me  
FGA: So I Guess  
FGA: I Wouldnt Have A Problem With It  
CCG: OH MY GOD, NO, THIS IS HORSESHIT.  
CCG: THERE IS NOT A CONTAINER IN PARADOX SPACE WITH CAPACITY ENOUGH TO CONTAIN THE SHEER VOLUME OF HOOFBEAST DISCHARGE THIS WHOLE IDEA IS.  
CCG: SHE'S MAKING A MOCKERY OF THE QUADRANTS.  
CCG: FEFERI, YOU'RE MAKING A MOCKERY OF THE QUADRANTS!  
FCA: yeah im kind of inclined to agree wwith kar here  
FCA: this wwhole idea of moirails wwith pails seems kinda shady to me  
CCC: I N--EV--ER SAID ANYT)(ING ABOAT PAILS!!!!  
CCC: Cod, w)(at IS it wit)( you people t)(at sends your collective t)(ink pans DIR--ECTLY to t)(e road-perip)(eral rainwater overflow drainage trenc)( w)(enever I talk aboat t)(is???  
FCA: wwhatevver you knoww wwhat i meant  
FCA: though i havve to wwonder just wwhere all your convvictions on this wwhole idea wwere back wwhen wwe wwere moirails  
CCC: --Eridan, no offense, but we were never reely at t)(at L--EV--EL.  
FCA: yeah no i get it  
FCA: frankly evven if you had brought it up id havve said no  
FCA: benefits or not i nevver wwanted to be your moirail in the first place  
CCC: -----EXACTLY!!!  
CCC: It's a COMPL--ET--ELY different quadrant t)(an matesprits)(ip wit)( COMPL--ET--ELY different feelings for eac)( otter, R--EGARDL--ESS of t)(e activities involved!  
FCA: wwell yeah but  
FCA: i dont knoww  
FCA: the wwhole thing just feels wwrong  
CCG: THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS WRONG.  
CCG: YOU CAN'T TAKE THE COMPLEX, MULTIFACETED BOND THAT IS MOIRALLEGIANCE AND JUST THROW IN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS LIKE IT ISN'T GOING TO TURN THE WHOLE THING INTO A GIANT ROMANTIC CLUSTERFUCK.  
FAT: wELL,  
FAT: 1 DON'T KNOW, 1 THINK fEFER1 M1GHT BE R1GHT,  
CCG: WHAT.  
FAT: 1 MEAN, 1 GUESS 1 JUST DON'T SEE WHY 1T'D BE THE END OF THE WORLD,  
FAT: 1F TWO MO1RA1LS WERE TO ENGAGE 1N, l1KE, k1SS1NG AND STUFF???  
CCG: ARE YOU YANKING MY LOCOMOTIVE APPENDAGE HERE, TAVROS?  
CCG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO TELL ME THAT  
CCG: I DON'T KNOW, IF IT SUDDENLY CAME TO LIGHT THAT GAMZEE AND ERIDAN HAD DISCREETLY BEEN MAKING OUT WITH EACH OTHER BEHIND YOUR BACK  
CCG: YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH THAT WHATSOEVER.  
FCA: wwait wwhat  
FAT: eH,  
FAT: 1T K1ND OF DEPENDS ON THE CONTEXT, rEALLY,  
FCA: it does  
FAT: wELL, yEAH,  
FAT: 1 MEAN, 1F YOU AND gAMZEE WERE OBV1OUSLY FLUSHED FOR EACH OTHER, aND YOU WERE JUST COMPLETELY D1SREGARD1NG YOUR PALE DUT1ES,  
FAT: tHEN YEAH, tHAT'D BE K1ND OF A HUGE PROBLEM,  
FAT: bUT, lET'S BE HONEST HERE,  
FAT: tHAT 1S PRETTY MUCH NEVER GO1NG TO HAPPEN,  
PTC: Shit no it isn't, bro.  
PTC: I'm flushed like a motherfuckin three liter redpop on you, and I ain't about to up and throw my quadrant situation all the mother fuck out of whack just to become matesprits to my palebro.  
FCA: wwell no a course you wwouldnt  
FCA: no use goin through all that fuckin turmoil just for a net loss its just common sense  
FCA: but still tavv are you honestly tellin me that  
FCA: an keep in mind this is a purely hypothetical scenario here  
FCA: but i mean if hypothetically speakin you found out gam an i had been in the middle of a feelins jam and suddenly for wwhatevver reason engaged in some spontaneous sloppy makeouts  
FCA: youre seriously tellin me you wwouldnt havve a problem wwith that  
CGC: YOUR3 R34LLY STR4NG3LY F1X4T3D ON TH1S PO1NT 3R1D4N  
CGC: DO YOU W4NT TO M4K3 OUT W1TH G4MZ33?  
FCA: wwhat no a course i dont WWANT to thats preposterous  
CGC: TH3N WHY 4R3 YOU SO CONC3RN3D 4BOUT 1T?  
FCA: i dont knoww i mean  
FCA: i guess im just wwonderin wwhat the reaction wwould be in case it came up for some reason  
FAT: wELL, hYPOTHET1CALLY SPEAK1NG, 1F THAT WERE TO HAPPEN,  
FAT: aND 1F, hYPOTHET1CALLY, gAMZEE CONFESSED TO ME ABOUT 1T,  
FAT: tHEN 1 WOULD HYPOTHES1ZE, 1 WOULD PROBABLY BE OKAY W1TH 1T,  
FCA: really  
FAT: yES, rEALLY,  
FAT: wELL, aT LEAST, hYPOTHET1CALLY,  
CGC: W3LL TH3R3 YOU H4V3 1T  
CGC: NOW YOU C4N H4V3 4LL TH3 HYPOTH3T1C4L M4K3OUTS W1TH G4MZ33 YOU W4NT  
CGC: SO C4LM YOUR HYPOTH3T1C4L T1TS  
FCA: wwoww ter youre awwfully blase about this wwhole subject  
CGC: PSH  
CGC: L1K3 1M 4FR41D OF G4MZ33 ST34L1NG YOU 4W4Y FROM M3  
CGC: NO OFF3NS3 G4MZ33  
PTC: Haha, none taken, sister.  
CGC: FR4NKLY 1 H4V3 MOR3 C4US3 TO B3 P3RSON4LLY CONC3RN3D 4BOUT SPONT4N3OUS P4L3 SMOOCH1NG TH4N YOU DO  
CGC: 1 F34R M1SS M3G1DO JUST M1GHT TRY TO S3DUC3 M3 W1TH TH4T CH3RRY R3D P1X13 3NS3MBL3 OF H3RS  
CAA: what!  
CGC: OH COM3 ON 4R4D14  
CGC: YOU 4R3 L1T3R4LLY R3D FROM H34D TO TO3  
CGC: 3V3N YOUR LOV3LY GOSS4M3R F41RY W1NGS 4R3 4 D3L1C1OUS SH4D3 OF SC4RL3T  
CGC: YOUR3 PR4CT1C4LLY B3GG1NG M3 TO L1CK YOU 1N 1N4PPROPR14T3 PL4C3S  
CAA: i didnt choose these colors!  
CAA: im just a time player and also a maroonblood so its red on red wow what a coincidence  
CAA: i mean i could change my outfit but i cant just change my blood color  
CGC: WHO S41D 1 W4NT3D YOU TO CH4NG3 4NYTH1NG?  
CAA: i thought you were afraid of me trying to seduce you  
CGC: M4YB3 1 4M  
CGC: BUT 1 GU3SS 1LL JUST H4V3 TO  
CGC: OV3RCOM3 TH4T F34R  
CGC: >:]  
CGC: > :]  
CGC: >:]  
CGC: > :]  
CCG: ASDKLFJSHFKLJDSH;LAJDSKJF;AKLDSGHPEFKJ  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!  
CCG: SOLLUX, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO JUST STAND AROUND AND LET TEREZI THREATEN TO RUN HER FILTHY TONGUE ALL OVER YOUR MATESPRIT????  
CTA: of cour2e ii'm not.  
CTA: tz, let me be perfectly clear here.  
CTA: ii'm not about two let you have your way wiith aa.  
CCG: OH MY GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE MY OCULAR SPONGE CLOTS.  
CCG: IS SOLLUX ACTUALLY SHOWING SOMETHING AKIN TO BASIC FUCKING DECENCY FOR ONCE IN ONE OF HIS MULTIPLE MISERABLE LIVES???  
CTA: ii'm not fiinii2hed.  
CTA: tz, thii2 2hiit ab2olutely wiill not fly wiith me.  
CTA: unle22 you take 2ome piicture2 of iit.  
CTA: and 2end them two me.  
CCG: AND THERE IT GOES.  
CCG: FALSE ALARM, PEOPLE, SOLLUX CAPTOR IS STILL A GRADE-A CERTIFIED SCUMBAG.  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CGC: 4NYW4Y SHOULD TH3 S1TU4T1ON 3V3R 4R1S3 1 SUPPOS3 TH4TS 4 CONC3SS1ON 1M W1LL1NG TO M4K3  
CAA: are you planning on making that situation arise  
CGC: 1M NOT PL4NN1NG 4NYTH1NG!  
CGC: I JUST H4V3 TO H4V3 CONT1NG3NC13S 1N PL4C3 SHOULD YOUR 4PPL3 C1NN4MON CH4RMS 3V3R OV3RCOM3 MY B3TT3R JUDGM3NT  
CAA: oh ok  
CAA: it never hurts to be prepared i suppose  
CCG: YOU PEOPLE ALL SICKEN ME.  
CCG: EXCEPT KANAYA, YOU'RE COOL.  
FGA: Noted  
CCG: OH, AND NEPETA, I NEVER REALLY GOT HER OPINION ON THE SUBJECT.  
CCG: YOU'RE THE RELATIONSHIP EXPERT HERE, IS THIS WHOLE "MOIRAILS WITH BENEFITS" THING AS MUCH OF A GRUBFONDLING AMALGAMATION OF HORRIBLE FUCKING IDEAS AS I THINK IT IS?  
CCG: OR AM I JUST GOING CRAZY HERE??  
CAC: :33 < ummmmmm  
CAC: :33 < i really dont want to talk about this!!  
FCA: oh cmon nep dont be stingy wwith the knowwledge here  
FCA: you an eq havve been moirails since lord knowws wwhen havve you evver done anything like this  
CCC: --ERIDAN!! You do not )(ave ANY rig)(t to ask )(er t)(at!!!  
CCC: W)(at s)(e and --Equius do in t)(e privacy of a feelings jam is precisely T)(---EIR business and NOBODY --ELS--E'S!!  
CAC: :33 < we dont do anything!!  
CAC: :33 < well i mean  
CAC: :33 < pawbviously we do things but  
CAC: :33 < uuugh can we please just change the subject????  
CCG: YES, PLEASE.  
CCG: LET'S JUST SHOVE THIS TOPIC IN A ROOM, THROW IN A LIT MATCH, AND SLAM THE DOOR ON IT FOREVER.  
CTA: ii2 there even another 2ubject two change two?  
CTA: becau2e iit 2eems two me liike we've pretty well exhau2ted every po22iible topiic of conver2atiion here.  
FCA: hey theres still one thing the four a you need to do  
CTA: and what'2 that?  
FCA: you an your recently revvivved paramour still need to endure the talk  
CGC: OH TH4TS R1GHT TH3 T4LK!  
CGC: 1V3 B33N LOOK1NG FORW4RD TO TH1S >8]  
CTA: oh god.  
CGC: F3F3R1 C4N 1 GO F1RST OR DO YOU W4NT TO  
CCC: By all means, go a)(ead!  
CGC: OK4Y TH3N  
CGC: SOLLUX!  
CGC: L3T M3 F1RST S4Y TH4T 1M V3RY H4PPY FOR YOU 4ND 4R4D14 BOTH  
CGC: 4ND 1 HOP3 YOUR N3WLY FORM3D M4T3SPR1TSH1P BR1NGS YOU BOTH TH3 UTMOST OF H4PP1N3SS  
CTA: of cour2e, thank you.  
CGC: OH YOUR3 QU1T3 W3LCOM3  
CGC: BUT NOW W1TH TH3 PL34S4NTR13S OUT OF TH3 W4Y 1 MUST W4RN YOU  
CGC: 1F BY 4NY CH4NC3 YOU SHOULD 3V3R BR34K H3R H34RT  
CGC: YOU W1LL H4V3 C4LL3D TH3 MOST D1R3 OF CONS3QU3NC3S UPON YOUR H34D  
CGC: OR SP3C1F1C4LLY  
CGC: 4ROUND YOUR N3CK >8]  
CTA: yeah, ii fiigured a2 much.  
CGC: YOU KNOW M1ST3R C4PTOR  
CGC: 1 CONS1D3R MYS3LF SOM3TH1NG OF 4N 3XP3RT ON TH3 M3CH4N1CS OF H4NG1NG  
CGC: G3N3R4LLY WH3N 4 P3RSON 1S H4NG3D D34TH 1S N1GH 1NST4NT4N3OUS 4ND C4US3D BY S3V3R3 TR4UM4 TO TH3 SP1N4L CORD  
CGC: BUT 1N 4 P4RT1CUL4RLY POORLY PR3P4R3D 3X3CUT1ON TH3R3 M4Y B3 1NSUFF1C13NT FORC3 TO 1NFL1CT SUCH 4N 1NJURY  
CGC: L34D1NG TO 4 SLOW 4ND TORTUROUS D34TH BY 4SPHYX14T1ON OV3R TH3 COURS3 OF F1FT33N TO TW3NTY M1NUT3S  
CGC: 4ND 1N SOM3 3XTR3M3 C4S3S TH3 V1CT1MS 41RW4Y M4Y ONLY B3 P4RT14LLY BLOCK3D 1N WH1CH C4S3 TH3Y WONT D13 4T 4LL  
CGC: TH3YLL S1MPLY SUFF3R TH3 4GON1Z1NG P41N OF OXYG3N D3PR1V4T1ON FOR HOURS 4ND HOURS ON 3ND  
CGC: WH1L3 4PP34R1NG D34D TO TH3 C4SU4L OBS3RV3R DU3 TO P4R4LYS1S 1NDUC3D BY R3STR1CT3D BLOOD FLOW TO TH3 BR41N  
CGC: 4ND OF COURS3 FOR TH3 S4M3 R34SON UTT3RLY H3LPL3SS TO 3XTR1C4T3 TH3MS3LV3S FROM TH3 S1TU4T1ON 3V3N W1TH TH3 41D OF PS1ON1CS  
CTA: uh...  
CGC: BUT OF COURS3  
CGC: WH4T 4R3 TH3 CH4NC3S OF SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T H4PP3N1NG TO YOU?  
CGC: >8]  
CTA: um, riight...  
CTA: a2 terriifyiing a2 that may or may not be, the chance2 of iit happeniing are precii2ely zero percent.  
CTA: becau2e ii'm not goiing two do anythiing two hurt aa ever agaiin.  
CGC: GOOD TO H34R!  
CGC: 4NYW4Y 1 W1SH YOU BOTH TH3 B3ST  
CTA: yeah, thank2.  
CGC: F3F3R1 YOU H4V3 TH3 FLOOR  
CCC: Yes, T)(ANK you, Terezi!  
CCC: Anyway, Aradia!  
CAA: yes  
CCC: I am R--E--ELY )(appy t)(at you agreed to become Sollux's matesprit!  
CCC: And I am s)(ore )(e will be )(appier wit)( you t)(an )(e )(as --EV--ER been, and I CANNOT t)(ank you enoug)( for t)(at!  
CAA: feferi im the one who should be thanking you  
CAA: you brought me back to life after all  
CCC: Y---ES, you are ABSOLUT---ELY rig)(t!  
CCC: I DID give you life once more.  
CCC: And if you ever t)(ink about doing ANYT)(ING to )(urt Sollux, keep in mind t)(at I can take it away just as easily.  
CAA: of course  
CCC: But if you t)(ink t)(at will be t)(e end of it, you are SOR---ELY mistaken!!!  
CCC: For you see, Miss Megido, t)(e smouldering, vindictive tempest t)(at is my rig)(teous pale umbrage is not constrained merely to the realm of t)(e living.  
CCC: And alt)(oug)( I like to consider myself a M--ERCIFUL person, t)(e forces in t)(e Furt)(est Ring wit)( w)(ic)( I )(ave allied myself are SIGNIFICANTLY less forgiving.  
CCC: And s)(ould you ever draw my ire, you will N--EV--ER know peace.  
CCC: I will see to it t)(at t)(e eldritc)( monstrosities of t)(e darkness beyond will )(ound you not for t)(e rest of your LIF--E, but for t)(e rest of your ---EXIST----ENC-----E.  
CCC: )(ave I made myself P---ERF--ECTLY CL---EAR???  
CAA: yes quite  
CAA: but i never had any intention of hurting sollux in the first place  
CAA: though i guess i appreciate the added incentive  
CCC: )(a)(a, I T)(OUG)(T you would!  
CCC: But t)(at is all I )(ave to say.  
CCC: I would wis)( you t)(e best of loc)( or some suc)( nonsense as t)(at, but we are literally in t)(e same room, so t)(at's stupid.  
CAA: haha of course  
FCA: wwoww  
FCA: noww ter i expected that much from you  
FCA: but fef you really dont fuck around  
CCC: O)( COM--E ON, --Eridan, you know me betta t)(an t)(at!  
CCC: W)(en )(ave I --EV--ER not been at least MILDLY T--ERRIFYING?  
FCA: heh yeah i guess thats a fair point  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3  
CGC: 4 WOM4N 4FT3R MY OWN H34RT  
CTA: 2o, that miild biit of unplea2antne22 out of the way, what are we 2uppo2ed two talk about now?  
CGC: W3R3 SUPPOS3D T4LK 4BOUT WH3N YOUR3 GO1NG TO STOP B31NG SUCH 4 S3LF1SH DOUCH3 4ND L3T M3 H4NG OUT W1TH MY MO1R41L!  
CTA: you know, you're perfectly welcome two come over here.  
CAC: :33 < no shes not!!!  
FCA: yeah i gotta agree wwith nep here  
FCA: wwhile i got no problem wwith ter doin wwhatevver she wwants wwith ar  
FCA: an im wwonderin if i might also possibly get some a those pictures in the totally hypothetical case that they might be taken  
FCA: theres pretty much no fuckin wway im lettin her go ovver to your din a fuckin iniquity ovver there  
CCC: T)(ere is no INIQUITY )(aking plaice over )(ere!!!  
CCC: Cod, you people. 38P  
CAA: haha  
CGC: TRUST M3 1M NOT GO1NG OV3R TH3R3  
CGC: 1 DONT W4NT SOLLUX 4ND F3F3R1 TRY1NG TO SUCK US 1NTO SOM3 K1ND OF TW1ST3D FOUR W4Y F33L1NGS J4M  
CTA: holy fuck, tz, ii'm actually offended over here.  
CTA: do you actually thiink ii'd try two get you two partiiciipate iin 2omethiing a2 un2peakably deviiant a2 that?  
CGC: Y3S  
CAA: yes  
CCC: Y---ES.  
CTA: well, yeah, ii totally would.  
CCG: YOU ARE LIVING, BREATHING FILTH.  
CTA: eheheh, love you two, kk.  
CCG: EUUUGH.  
CCG: I'M GOING TO NEED ANOTHER FEDORA.  
CAA: hey is there any way i could get one  
CAA: one without vomit in it preferably  
PTC: Hey, if you want to all up and get your motherfuckin hardboiled headwear on, the code is MHaMotMC.  
CAA: oh ok thank you gamzee  
CAA: give me a second here  
CAA: oh wow!  
CAA: yes that is definitely an excellent hat  
CAA: not sure about the color though  
CAA: need to alchemize it with something red  
CAA: hang on where did i put my hoodie  
CCG: OH DEAR LORD.  
CCG: WE DON'T NEED THE FUCKING PLAY-BY-PLAY, MEGIDO.  
CGC: Y3S W3 DO!!!  
CGC: DONT L34V3 US H4NG1NG 4R4D14  
CGC: W3R3 4LL DY1NG TO KNOW JUST WH3R3 4LL OF YOUR V4R1OUS D1SC4RD3D 4RT1CL3S OF CLOTH1NG 4R3  
FAT: aCTUALLY, nO, wE'RE NOT,  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CAA: ok fine im done  
CGC: SO 4NYW4Y  
CGC: HOW 4BOUT ONC3 YOUR3 D3C3NT  
CGC: YOU G3T TH4T SW33T P4TOOT13 OF YOURS OV3R TO MY H1V3 4ND W3 G3T 4 PROP3R F33L1NGS J4M GO1NG  
CAA: that sounds great!  
CAA: and then after that we can do some quests together or something  
CAA: oh wait i know!  
CGC: WH4T  
CAA: well since all of us are alive and ambulatory again  
CAA: what if we did some flarping!  
CGC: >:D  
CGC: NOW TH3R3S 4N 1D34!  
FAT: oH REALLY,  
FAT: yOU WANT TO TRY YOUR HAND AT SOME flarp1NG AGA1N,  
CAA: well of course!  
CAA: it may have taken some time and more than a few miracles  
CAA: but team charge has risen again!  
FAT: hAHA, r1GHT,  
FAT: tHOUGH 1 DON'T SUPPOSE THAT ALSO MEANS,  
FAT: rEV1V1NG OUR ENDLESS R1VALRY W1TH tEAM sCOURGE,  
CAA: oh um  
CGC: 3R  
CGC: TH4TS K1ND OF  
CGC: COMPL1C4T3D NOW, 1SNT 1T  
CAA: yeah what with you and me  
CAA: and then him and her  
CAA: and  
CAA: um!  
CGC: W3LL W3 ST1LL N33D 4 FOURTH PL4Y3R  
CGC: 1F YOU TWO 4R3 GO1NG TO T34M UP 1 W4NT 4 T34MM4T3 TOO  
FCA: yeah if only there wwere somebody you wwere closely asociated wwith that also coincidentally just happened to flarp too  
FCA: noww wwouldnt that just be properly fuckin swwell  
CAA: oh hey yeah!  
CAA: you two could team up and face off against us that works perfectly  
CGC: Y34H, 1 GU3SS SO! >8]  
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 3 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAG: Whoa, w8 just a fucking second here!!!!!!!!  
PAG: You can't just start planning some 8ig FLARPing reunion and then cut me out of it completely!!!!!!!!  
CGC: OH  
CGC: UM  
PAG: Come on, Terezi, 8ack me up here.  
PAG: Last time we FLARPed, I was in a perfectly good position to crush your windpipe under my 8oot, 8ut did I? No!  
PAG: Give me a little credit here, people.  
CTA: wow, okay, no.  
CTA: vk, ju2t get the fuck out of here, alriight?  
CTA: nobody here want2 two fuckiing talk two you riight now, 2o ju2t fuck off.  
PAG: Hey Captor, we're talking shop here, this doesn't even concern you.  
CTA: hey, wow, look at that, ii don't giive a 2hiit.  
CTA: you are hiigh off your a22 iif you thiink ii'm about two let aa do anythiing wiith you.  
CTA: liike, ii'm hone2tly offended at the 2heer fuckiing GALL of you tryiing two ju2t ca2ually 2liip iintwo a conver2atiion wiith a giirl you FUCKIING MURDERED.  
CAA: sollux calm down  
CAA: i can handle vriska ok  
CAA: so dont feel like you have to protect me from her  
PAG: Yeah, may8e you should listen to some8ody 8esides your whiny dead person voices for a change.  
CAA: vriska shut up  
CTA: look, ii ju2t really don't want two even deal wiith your hor2e2hiit riight now.  
CTA: ii'm in a really good mood riight now, and haviing two 2it through more of your emotiional theatriic2 ii2 just goiing two wiipe iit away completely.  
PAG: Well may8e it just so happens that I'm in a good mood too, and I don't want to have to deal with any of your 8ipolar flagell8ion either!!!!!!!!  
PAG: May8e I don't even want to talk to you at all, you ever think a8out that????????  
PAG: May8e I just wanted to drop in to congratul8 Feferi on finally putting her foot down and not putting up with your vacill8ion anymore!!!!!!!!  
PAG: No, seriously, Peixes, hats off.  
CCC: )(a)(a, t)(ank you, Vriska.  
CCC: I )(ave to admit, talking to you is port of w)(at made me go t)(roug)( wit)( t)(is in t)(e first plaice.  
CTA: what, no, you don't have two admiit that.  
CTA: hone2tly, ff, why are you even encouragiing her?  
CCC: Because s)(e gave me some advice w)(en I needed it and maybe you s)(oald just S)(UT UP, T)(AT'S w)(y!!!!! >38I  
CTA: ugh.  
CTA: okay, fiine, ii2 that all?  
CTA: are you done draggiing thii2 perfectly good eveniing through the diirt?  
PAG: As a matter of fact, I'm not!!!!!!!!  
PAG: I still wanted to talk to Aradia.  
CAA: about what  
PAG: Well........  
PAG: I wanted to apologize.  
PAG: Properly, this time.  
CTA: oh my fuckiing god, 2eriiou2ly?  
CTA: you're actually goiing through wiith thii2 whole "apology on a publiic memo" 2ong and dance agaiin?  
CTA: liike, do you even realiize how dii2iingenuous that ii2?  
CTA: yeah, ju2t make your2elf look liike a huge 2elfle22 martyr iin front of everyone, no pre22ure two accept iit or anythiing.  
PAG: Oh yeah, it's reeeeeeeeally fucking 8ackhanded of me to pu8licly humili8 myself 8y admitting what a massive fuckup I am to everyone!!!!!!!!  
PAG: And Aradia's going to look like a total 8itch if she doesn't automatically accept my apology for KILLING HER!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Think 8efore you speak, Captor.  
CAA: sollux just let her speak  
CTA: why?  
CAA: because if i just cut off everyone who ever killed me then i wouldnt be talking to you right now either now would i!!!  
CGC: >8O  
CGC: 4R4D14 HOLY SH1T  
CTA: yeah, fuck, ju2t cut riight two the fuckiing dor2al tube of the matter, why don't you.  
CAA: sorry  
CAA: anyway vriska  
CAA: you may proceed  
PAG: Okay.  
PAG: So.  
PAG: I'd apologize for killing you, 8ut you don't seem to give a shit a8out that for whatever reason.  
CAA: i had to die anyway  
CAA: its unfortunate but its the truth  
CAA: really the entire thing was orchestrated by higher powers for more sinister reasons than simple vengeance  
PAG: Ugh, that guy, don't remind me.  
CAA: and anyway  
CAA: i killed you too  
CAA: were even  
PAG: Okay.  
PAG: Everyone? Everyone on this memo?  
PAG: She just said that.  
PAG: Aradia did.  
PAG: Not me.  
PAG: Just for the record.  
CTA: yeah, yeah, relii2h iit whiile you 2tiill can.  
CAA: but anyway no im not really overly concerned with the dying part  
PAG: 8ut you're still mad at me.  
CAA: yes  
PAG: And I think I know why.  
PAG: So o8viously you don't really care a8out yourself, 8ecause spooky ex-ghost girl reasons.  
PAG: And that's fine, I guess!  
PAG: 8ut you're hardly the only person whose life I fucked up all those perigees ago.  
PAG: And thinking a8out it, I pretty seriously hurt just a8out every8ody you've ever 8een deeply acquainted with.  
PAG: So that's what I'm apologizing for.  
PAG: Sorry for hurting your friends.  
CAA: yes thats it exactly  
CAA: i never really cared about what you did to me  
CAA: but it was the way you treated everyone i cared about that really made me angry at you  
PAG: Well, I won't ask you to forgive me or anything, 8ecause........ well, let's 8e honest here.  
PAG: 8ut I am sorry, and I'm trying to m8ke up for it in my own way, at least.  
PAG: I mean, the whole thing with me and Tavros is what started this, and I've at least patched things up with him.  
FAT: oH YEAH, dEF1N1TELY,  
FAT: wE'RE TOTALLY COOL NOW,  
CAA: of course  
PAG: And then there's Terezi, who........  
PAG: I honestly have no idea, I can never get a good read on her.  
CGC: W3R3 G3TT1NG TH3R3  
PAG: Right, okay, getting there.  
PAG: 8etter than nothing, I guess.  
CGC: R34LLY 1M K1ND OF 1N TH3 S4M3 BO4T 4S 4R4D14 H3R3  
CGC: 1 DONT R34LLY C4R3 TH4T YOU BL1ND3D M3 31TH3R  
PAG: I still don't get that.  
PAG: You realize you could get your vision 8ack if you just went God Tier, right?  
PAG: You're not keeping those scars just to spite me, are you????????  
CGC: H4H4H4H4  
CGC: YOU R34LLY ST1LL DONT G3T 1T  
PAG: Fine, just send that sailing str8 over my head, see if I care.  
CGC: 4ND 4NYW4Y  
CGC: 1 DONT R34LLY S33 YOU BL1ND1NG OR K1LL1NG 4NYON3 1N TH3 N34R FUTUR3  
CGC: SO W3R3 OK4Y FOR NOW 1 GU3SS  
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 10 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGC: 4444H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
FGC ceased responding to memo.  
CGC: >8?  
FAT: uH, jUST 1GNORE FUTURE YOU,  
CGC: UM  
CGC: OK4Y  
PAG: Aaaaaaaanyway, Aradia, despite all that, there's still one friend of yours that I haven't m8de it up to yet.  
PAG: 8ut may8e I can start right now.  
PAG: Sollux.  
CTA: oh my fuckiing god.  
CTA: are you 2eriiou2ly about two try two apologiize two me?  
PAG: That was the idea, yeah!  
CTA: no, fuck that.  
CTA: fuck that and fuck you, ii'm not even heariing iit.  
PAG: So what, you're saying I don't even get to try to apologize to you????????  
CTA: ye2, that'2 exactly what ii'm 2ayiing.  
CTA: congratulatiion2, your readiing comprehen2ioon ii2 through the roof, giive your2elf a gold 2tar.  
CTA: and then kiindly fuck off.  
PAG: No, f8ck that!!!!!!!!  
PAG: If you don't want to forgive me, then fine, wh8tever!  
PAG: 8ut you can't just sh8t me down completely 8efore I even get out of the f8cking starting g8!!!!!!!!  
CTA: vk, ii'm not even iin the mood two humor your 2elf-ob2e22ed bull2hiit riight now, alriight?  
CTA: ii thiink we both know ii'm never goiing two forgiive you, 2o what'2 the fuckiing poiint of even apologiiziing?  
PAG: 8ecause even if you're going to 8e a stu88orn assh8le a8out it, I want you to kn8w that I'm at least trying to m8ke up for wh8t I've done!  
CTA: ugh, would you ju2t drop thii2 whole riidiiculou2 fuckiing atonement act already??  
CTA: you aren't even anythiing remotely approxiimatiing 2orry for anythiing you've done, you're ju2t pretendiing you are 2o people wiill liike you!  
CTA: well gue22 what, ii'm not falliing for iit!  
PAG: Okay, what the f8ck is your pro8lem with me, C8ptor????????  
PAG: Just why is it that you aren't even w8lling to give me the time of f8cking n8ght a8out this????????  
CTA: oh wow, that'2 a hard one.  
CTA: maybe iit'2 becau2e you're a horriible p2ychopath who got your 2tupiid p2iioniic 2hiit all up iin my junk and u2ed me two murder my fuckiing mate2priit, wouldn't that be an unexpected an2wer!!  
PAG: Yeah, except your m8sprit is al8ve, you stupid douche!!!!!!!!  
CTA: 2o what, you thiink that ju2t completely undoe2 the fact that you diid iit iin the fiir2t place???  
PAG: I never said that!  
PAG: 8ut even after that little point of contention has resolved itself, here I sit, prostr8ing myself 8efore you, and you're st8ll not willing to 8udge a fucking inch on forgiving me!!!!!!!!  
PAG: So why don't you just cut the cr8p and tell me what's reeeeeeeeally going on here????????  
CTA: you really want two know?  
PAG: No, you dum8 shit, I'm asking 8ecause I d8n't want to know!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Spit it out, Captor!!!!!!!!  
CTA: alriight, fiine!  
CTA: what'2 really goiing on here ii2 that ii fuckiing de2pii2e you!  
CTA: and even iif you hadn't kiilled or maiimed all of my friiends, ii'd 2tiill hate you, becau2e you're one of the mo2t iinfuriiatiing, iin2ufferable people ii've ever met!  
CTA: and ii don't want two forgiive you becau2e ii'm actually fuckiing THRIILLED that 2omebody exii2t2 that ii hate more than ii hate my2elf!  
CTA: and iit'2 a damned 2hort lii2t of thiing2 that briing me more joy than watchiing you 2quiirm at the fact that your vapiid hii2triioniic2 are never goiing two be 2atii2fiied!  
CTA: 2o THAT'2 what'2 goiing on, and ii've got a priime fuckiing 2et of coordiinate2 for where you can 2tiick your apologiie2, mii22 2erket!  
PAG: So the truth f8nally comes out!  
PAG: Well, the f8ct of the matter is I don't really want you to f8rgive me either, 8ecause you're a misera8le little sack of shit, and I fucking h8 you too!!!!!!!!  
PAG: All I want you to do is shut the f8ck up for eight seconds, 8ecause I'm getting really fucking sick of your whining, like you're the only person in paradox space who's ever f8cking suffered!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Your new girlfriend just 8rought your old girlfriend 8ack to life, and 8oth of them hooked up with you, 8ut you're still st8ck dwelling in the past like the pathetic sad sack you've always 8een!!!!!!!!  
PAG: All it ever is is, "Wah wah wah, my life ith thoooooooo hooooooooorrible, fucking waaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!"  
PAG: Tell you what, once you've had your arm r8pped off 8y an expl8sion and 8een 8eaten to the 8rink of death 8y a f8cking ro8ot, th8n you can t8lk to me a8out s8ffering!!!!!!!  
PAG: 8ut until then, why don't you just sh8t your f8cking m8uth!!!!!!!!  
CTA: why don't you make me, 2erket?  
PAG: That can 8e arranged, Captor!!!!!!!!  
CTA: fiine, then let'2 fuckiing arrange iit.  
CTA: lobaf, my hiive, ten miinute2.  
CTA: no weapon2, ju2t your p2iioniic2 ver2u2 miine.  
PAG: You mean your psionics versus yours! >::::)  
CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?  
CCG: JUST WHAT PART OF "NO DUELS" IS SO HARD FOR YOU TO COMPREHEND????  
CTA: ii never 2aiid iit wa2 a duel.  
CCG: WELL, IT SURE AS SHIT SOUNDS LIKE ONE!  
CCG: HAVING TROUBLE SEEING WHAT ELSE YOU COULD BE TALKING ABOUT, UNLESS YOU TWO ARE ABOUT TO  
CCG: WAIT  
CCG: OH GOD  
CTA: yeah, that'2 riight.  
CTA: thii2 ii2 what you wanted all along, ii2n't iit, vk?  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, fuck yes it is!!!!!!!!  
CTA: then ii'll 2ee you iin ten miinute2, 2erket.  
CTA: let'2 2ee iif you can put your honey where your mouth ii2.  
CTA: <3<  
PAG: Oh, it is so the fuck ON!!!!!!!!  
PAG: I'm going to have you 8egging for mercy, 8ee 8oy! >::::D  
CTA: we'll ju2t 2ee a8out that, 2piiderbiitch.  
PAG: You're goddamn right we will!!!!!!!!  
PAG: May8e you'll 8e there in ten minutes, 8ut I'll 8e there in eight.  
PAG: That gives you two minutes to change your mind!  
CTA: pff, you're the one who 2hould be 2cared.  
CTA: la2t ii checked, you couldn't do 2hiit wiith your pii22ant p2iioniic2 wiithout 2omebody 2trong enough two u2e wiith them.  
PAG: Yeah, and you're just a 8ig enough tool to 8e perfect for the jo8!  
PAG: Anyway, enough trash talk, I'm out.  
PAG: Sayonara, Captor!!!!!!!!  
PAG: <3<  
PAG ceased responding to memo.  
CTA ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: OH MY GOD.  
FCA: hahahahaha YES  
FCA: FUCK YES  
FCA: HELL FUCKIN YES  
CAA: oh god  
CAA: and there he goes  
CAA: feferi what the hell why didnt you do anything to stop him!  
CCC: PS)(, are you KIDDING me??  
CCC: I )(ave been waiting for Sollux to fess up to )(is R-E-EL eelings for Vriska for a W)(AL-E now!  
FAT: yEAH, hONESTLY, 1T'S ABOUT FUCK1NG T1ME,  
CAA: yeah but he just  
CAA: he just ran off and did something drastic!  
CAA: arent you afraid vriska is going to hurt him or something??  
CCC: Aradia, I UND-ERSTAND your concerns, but don't worry aboat it.  
CCC: Vriska is just as black for )(im as )(e is for )(er, and s)(e isn't stupid enoug)( to try and KILL )(er kismesis!  
CAA: ugh  
CAA: im just afraid shes going to take things too far  
FAT: oR THAT HE W1LL,  
CAA: what  
CAA: no why would i be afraid of that  
FAT: wELL, lET'S BE HONEST,  
FAT: tH1S 1S sOLLUX WE'RE TALK1NG ABOUT HERE,  
CAA: and just what is that supposed to mean???  
FAT: lOOK, aLL 1'M SAY1NG 1S,  
FAT: vR1SKA'S NOT THE ONE W1TH EYE BEAMS 1N TH1S EQUAT1ON,  
CAA: ugh whatever  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 4 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG: HEY, ATTENTION ALL TEAM MEMBERS.  
FCG: SINCE YOU'RE PROBABLY ALL READING THIS MEMO AND COMPLETELY IGNORING THE SEVERAL IMPORTANT BULLETINS I'VE POSTED, I'VE BEEN FORCE TO MAKE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT HERE.  
CAC: :33 < wait what?  
CAC: :33 < how did you get past the tempurral locks?  
FCG: SOLLUX DISABLED THEM FOR ME HERE IN THE FUTURE.  
FCG: THAT'S HOW IMPORTANT OF A FUCKING ANNOUNCEMENT IT IS.  
FCG: SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD ALL SHUT UP AND LISTEN.  
CAC: :33 < okay go ahead  
FCG: ALRIGHT  
FCG: EVERYBODY, IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIVES AT ALL  
FCG: THEN STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM LOBAF.  
FCG: JUST DON'T SET FOOT ANYWHERE ON THAT PLANET FOR THE NEXT FOUR HOURS.  
FCG: SERIOUSLY, THE PLACE IS A FUCKING WARZONE.  
CAA: oh god  
CAA: is it really that bad  
FCG: YEAH, IT'S THAT FUCKING BAD.  
FCG: BASICALLY JUST GIANT FUCK-OFF EYE BEAMS SCOURING THE SURFACE LEFT AND RIGHT.  
FCG: JUST AVOID THE PLACE ENTIRELY.  
FCG: IF YOU HAVE TO GET FROM LODAG TO LOPAH, GO THROUGH THE OTHER NINE PLANETS TO GET THERE, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.  
FCG: BECAUSE THE SHORT WAY IS GOING TO PLANT YOU RIGHT IN THE EVENT HORIZON OF SOLLUX AND VRISKA'S UNSPEAKABLE BLACK HOLE OF KISMETIC CONSUMMATION.  
CCC: )(a)(a)(a, wow!  
CCC: I )(ave to say, I'm a little proud of )(im!  
FCG: AND I REALIZE THIS IS COMPLETELY HOPELESS TO ASK, BUT I HAVE TO TRY ANYWAY, JUST FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY.  
FCG: PAST KARKAT, PLEASE PLEASE *PLEASE* DO NOT OPEN YOUR SERVER PROGRAM.  
FCG: I AM BEGGING YOU.  
CCG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DON'T OPEN MY SERVER PROGRAM??  
CCG: THESE TWO LUNATICS ARE ABOUT TO KILL EACH OTHER IN SOLLUX'S HIVE, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME I SHOULDN'T AT LEAST WATCH TO MAKE SURE THEY DON'T SUCCEED?  
CCG: I'M OPENING IT.  
FCG: GOD DAMN IT.  
FCG: FINE, SUIT YOURSELF, BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.  
CCG: WHATEVER, STARTING IT UP NOW.  
CCG: OKAY, THERE'S SOLLUX.  
CCG: AND HERE COMES VRISKA  
CCG: NOW THEY'RE STARING EACH OTHER DOWN  
CCG: I HAVE TO SAY, THIS LOOKS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE THE START OF A DUEL.  
FCG: WAIT FOR IT.  
CCG: FINE.  
CCG: OKAY, SHE'S CLOSING IN AND  
CCG: OH  
CCG: UM  
CCG: OKAY  
CCG: THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU DO IN A DUEL.  
FCG: YEAH, THERE IT IS.  
CCG: AND NOW THEY'RE  
CCG: OH GOD, THEY'RE GETTING UNDRESSED  
FCA: holy fuck seriously  
FCA: ok ivve got to see this  
CAC: :33 < oh no you dont!!!  
CAC: :33 < god its weird enough that you secretly recorded us  
CAC: :33 < but now you want to watch other people too???  
CAC: :33 < youre such a cr33p  
FCA: hey fuck you ivve got history on my side here  
FCA: vvris an sol are twwo a my former black suitors an you cant blame a felloww for thinkin twwo great tastes might taste great together  
CGC: 3R1D4N W3V3 B33N OV3R TH1S  
CGC: Y3S W3 C4N  
CGC: B3C4US3 1TS W31RD  
FCA: oh wwhat EVVER  
FCA: casual vvoyeurism isnt evven the wweirdest thing im into  
CGC: OH 1 KNOW M1ST3R 4MPOR4  
CGC: OR SHOULD 1 S4Y  
CGC: M1SS 4MPOR4??  
CGC: >;]  
CAC: :33 < hmmm??  
CAC: :33 < just what is THAT suppawsed to mean??  
FCA: fuck it doesnt mean anything shes just bein wweird  
FCA: ter shut up  
CGC: H3H3H3 OK4Y F1N3  
CGC: 1 C4N H4RDLY D3NY 4 R3QU3ST FROM SUCH 4 B34UT1FUL WOM4N  
FGA: Haha  
FCA: ok wwhat the fuck did i JUST SAY  
CGC: 1M DON3!!!  
CGC: J3GUS C4LM DOWN, 1M ONLY POK1NG 4 L1TTL3 FUN  
FCA: yeah yeah wwhatevver  
FCA: really it comes off awwfully hypocritical a you in particular to poke fun about that  
FCA: mister pyrope  
CAA: what  
CGC: BL4R OK4Y 3NOUGH!!! >8O  
CGC: MOV1NG R1GHT 4LONG!!!!  
CAA: well  
CAA: karkat whats going on over there  
CAA: just what is vriska doing to my matesprit  
CCG: MORE LIKE WHAT IS HE DOING TO HIS HIVE.  
CCG: I DIDN'T SPEND ALL THAT GRIST BUILDING THOSE WALLS JUST SO YOU COULD BLOW THEM UP WITH PSYCHIC LASERS, IDIOT!  
FCG: IN ALL FAIRNESS, THAT'S PROBABLY VRISKA.  
FCG: SHE'S PROBABLY DOING THAT THING WHERE SHE ONLY CONTROLS HALF OF HIS BODY AT ONCE.  
CCG: OH, THAT WOULD EXPLAIN IT, I GUESS.  
CCG: LOOKING CLOSER, IT'S ONLY THE RED BEAMS DOING THE PROPERTY DAMAGE.  
CCG: AND THE BLUE ONES ARE FOCUSED ON NAILING HER.  
FGA: Oh Dear  
FGA: She Hasnt Been Seriously Injured Has She  
CCG: NO, NOT REALLY.  
CCG: THE OPTIC BLASTS LOOK LIKE THE MOST DANGEROUS MOVE IN HIS ARSENAL, AND SHE'S TAKING THOSE LIKE A CHAMP.  
CCG: OTHER THAN THAT, THEY'RE MOSTLY JUST FUCKING WITH EACH OTHER WITH HIS TELEKINESIS.  
CAC: :33 < oh theyre doing p3??  
CCG: THEY'RE DOING WHAT?  
CAC: :33 < sorry i mean psionic pawer play  
CCG: UM  
CCG: I GUESS???  
CAA: nepeta where did you learn that abbreviation  
CAC: :33 < er  
CAC: :33 < i saw it online somewhere  
CAC: :33 < when i was looking fur  
CAC: :33 < something  
CAA: you realize that term is a reference to common element in erotic black romance fanfiction right  
CAC: :33 < um  
CAC: :33 < no i didnt!!!  
CAC: :33 < i dont know anything about that kind of stuff!  
CAA: really you dont  
CAA: so you wouldnt happen to know anything about this story i found on solluxs computer  
CAA: about him and vriska  
CAA: engaging in it  
CAA: written by an anonymous author  
CAC: :33 < no i would not!!!!  
CAC: :33 < i am compawletely unaquainted with anything like that!  
CCC: Yes, Aradia, Nepeta clearly knows NOT)(ING aboat writing INCR--EDIBLY arousing erotic fanfiction aboat any of us.  
CCC: And C---ERTAINLY not aboat Vriska.  
CAC: :33 < yes thank you fefurry  
FGA: Oh Really  
FGA: So You Wouldnt Happen To Know Who Was Responsible For A Certain  
FGA: Maiden Voyage  
CAC: XOO < IF WE DONT CHANGE THE SUBJECT RIGHT NOW IM BANNING EFURRYONE!!!!  
CAC: XOO < HAVE I MADE MYSELF PURRFECTLY CLEAR!!!!!  
FGA: Um Wow Okay  
CCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a!!  
CCG: WOW.  
CCG: THIS IS ACTUALLY INCREDIBLY HARD TO FOLLOW.  
CCG: FUTURE ME, DOES THIS REALLY GO ON FOR ANOTHER FOUR HOURS?  
CCG: COMPLETELY UNINTERRUPTED?  
FCG: WELL, NOT COMPLETELY INTERRUPTED.  
FCG: THERE'S A BUMP IN THE ROAD ABOUT AN HOUR FROM NOW.  
CAA: a bump  
CAA: what happens  
FCG: WELL  
FCG: HMMMMM  
FCG: ALRIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU NOW, SO YOU DON'T RUSH OFF AND TRY TO DO SOMETHING STUPID ONCE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS.  
FCG: BASICALLY, SOLLUX'S EYES EXPLODE.  
CAA: what!!!!!  
FCG: IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS.  
CAA: how can that not be as bad as it sounds!!  
FCG: WELL, VRISKA IS SURPRISINGLY PROMPT IN RESOLVING THE SITUATION  
FCG: AND THEN THEY GO AT IT FOR ANOTHER THREE HOURS.  
CAC: :33 < thr33 hours?  
CAC: :33 < without stopping???  
FCG: YEAH, IT'S EXCRUCIATING, BELIEVE ME.  
FCG: BUT I GUESS GODS JUST DON'T TIRE OUT AS QUICKLY AS MORTALS.  
FAT: oH, 1 CAN ASSURE YOU,  
FAT: tHEY DON'T, }:)  
PTC: Hahahaha, fuck yeah. <3  
FAT: <3  
CAA: ugh i knew it  
CAA: she always takes these things too far!  
FAT: hEY, wA1T A M1NUTE,  
FAT: hOW DO YOU KNOW 1T WAS HER FAULT,  
CAA: what  
CAA: tavros his eyes exploded  
CAA: how could it be his fault  
FAT: lOOK, tH1S 1S sOLLUX WE'RE TALK1NG ABOUT,  
FAT: hE'S NOT THE MOST STABLE GUY,  
CAA: what the hell is that supposed to mean???  
FAT: cOME ON, yOU KNOW WHAT 1 MEAN,  
FAT: tHE GUY HAS L1KE ZERO SELF-PRESERVAT1ON 1NST1NCT,  
CAA: ok no im not hearing a word of this  
CAA: someone went blind and vriska was involved so i think its perfectly fair to assume it was her fault!  
CAA: terezi back me up here  
CGC: OH NO  
CGC: 1M NOT 3V3N G3TT1NG 1NVOLV3D 1N TH1S  
CAA: why not!  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: H3 K1ND OF H4S 4 PO1NT 4R4D14  
CGC: 1 M34N, TH3 GUY D1D JUST TRY TO K1LL H1MS3LF  
CAA: thats different!  
CAA: i mean  
CAA: ugh  
CAA: future karkat whos fault was it  
FCG: IT WAS COMPLETELY SOLLUX'S FAULT.  
FCG: APPARENTLY, HE TOOK SOME OFFENSE AT THE THOUGHT OF HAVING TO USE A "SAFEWORD," WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS.  
CCC: O)( buoy, T)(AT'S never a good sign. 38/  
FAT: hAHAHA, wOW,  
FAT: yOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO P1CK THEM, aRAD1A,  
CAA: what!  
FAT: 1 MEAN, bETWEEN H1M AND eQU1US,  
FAT: yOU SEEM TO HAVE SOME VERY QUEST1ONABLE TASTES,  
CAA: ok what the hell  
CAA: tavros youre being kind of a jerk right now  
FAT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG,  
FAT: lOOK AT YOUR L1FE, lOOK AT YOUR CHO1CES,  
FAT: oR SHOULD 1 BE SAYING "100K",  
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 11 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCT: D --> What you should be saying, f001  
PCT: D --> Is, "I have been una%eptably rude to you, and I am e%tremely sorry"  
PCT: D --> And then precisely nothing else  
FAT: oH, hERE WE GO,  
FAT: m1STER H1GHBLOOD WH1TE KN1GHT TO THE RESCUE, hUH,  
PCT: D --> If you wished to insult me  
PCT: D --> Or Aradia's current matesprit, for that matter  
PCT: D --> You should do it dire%ly  
PCT: D --> Instead of 100king to do it through her by pro%y  
FAT: aND WHO SA1D THAT WAS WHAT 1 WAS DO1NG,  
PCT: D --> It 100% to be e%actly what you were doing  
PCT: D --> And it is precisely the sort of knavery I would e%pect of an insolent upstart like yourself  
FAT: uGH,  
FAT: oKAY, dUDE, 1'M FLATTERED AND ALL,  
FAT: bUT 1'M NOT 1NTERESTED,  
FAT: sER1OUSLY,  
PCT: D --> What  
FAT: 1 MEAN,  
FAT: yOU'RE NOT AN UNATTRACT1VE GUY, dON'T GET ME WRONG,  
FAT: bUT, yOU'RE JUST NOT WHAT 1'M LOOK1NG FOR 1N A K1SMES1S,  
FAT: sO COULD YOU JUST, 1 DON'T KNOW, bACK OFF, mAYBE,  
PCT: D --> But  
PCT: D --> I'm not  
PCT: D --> You  
PCT: D --> Hrrrgh  
PTC: Hahahahahaha.  
PCT: D --> 100k, this is 100dicrous  
PCT: D --> You are the one who has initiated confli% with me  
PCT: D --> If one of us tr001y needs to "back off," then it is you  
FAT: mAN, wHATEVER,  
FAT: 1 WAS JUST M1ND1NG MY OWN BUS1NESS HERE,  
FAT: g1V1NG aRAD1A A HARD T1ME OVER HER TERR1BLE TASTE 1N MATESPR1TS,  
FAT: wH1CH 1 ST1LL TH1NK 1S A VAL1D GR1EVANCE, cOME ON,  
CCG: IT KIND OF IS.  
CAA: karkat!  
CCG: LOOK, I'M JUST SAYING  
CCG: YOU'VE BEEN IN FLUSHED ENGAGEMENTS WITH TWO OF THE THREE DOUCHIEST GUYS ON OUR TEAM.  
CCG: NOT TO MENTION YOU'RE MOIRAILS WITH EASILY THE MOST HORRIBLE PERSON I KNOW.  
CGC: OH R34LLY?  
CGC: 1M FL4TT3R3D K4RKL3S >8]  
CAA: ugh whatever this is stupid  
CAA: frankly tavros you were being kind of a jerk and equius was perfectly within his rights calling you out on it  
PCT: D --> Yes, e%actly  
FAT: mAN, wHAT DO YOU EVEN CARE,  
FAT: sHE'S NOT YOUR MATESPR1T ANYMORE,  
PCT: D --> Regardless, she deserves to be treated with respect  
PCT: D --> Far more than it 100% as though you are willing to spare  
FAT: oKAY, sER1OUSLY, wHY DO YOU TH1NK TH1S 1S ANY OF YOUR BUS1NESS,  
PCT: D --> Because I am making it my business  
PTC: Alright, motherfucker, I guess you're havin some difficulty up and gettin this across your ten-inch-thick neanderthal think pan, so maybe I can put this shit on terms your wriggler ass can understand.  
PTC: Back the fuck up off my matesprit.  
PTC: That's a motherfuckin order.  
PCT: D --> Hrk  
PCT: D --> Um  
FCA: ok wwhoa gam stop RIGHT THE FUCK THERE ok  
FCA: first of all  
FCA: stop orderin eq around  
FCA: its totally beloww you wwevve been ovver this  
PTC: Yeah, I know, but just what the mother fuck am I supposed to do around this shit?  
PTC: Tavbro tells the motherfucker to step off, and he won't motherfuckin listen.  
FCA: look thats the other thing  
FCA: i understand you bein protectivve a tavv an all but these advvances are really inappropriate for somebody youre already in a quadrant wwith  
PTC: Uh...  
PTC: Advances?  
FCA: look maybe its just me but these twwo are so obvviously wwaxin ashen for each other it actually physically hurts to look at  
FCA: but you need to find a third party to mediate betwween em  
FCA: a third party like  
FCA: saaaaaay  
FCA: yours truly  
CAC: :33 < what  
CAC: :33 < youre going to pawspisticize betw33n equius and tavros???  
FCA: yeah wwhats the matter wwith that  
CAC: :33 < the matter is i dont want a cr33p like you in a quadrant with my meowrail!!!  
FGA: Now Nepeta You Shouldnt Be So Quick To Judge  
FGA: I Understand Your Concern But I Dont Believe Eridan Would Be So Low As To Abuse His Position As An Auspistice Simply To Aggravate You  
FCA: course i wwouldnt givve me a little credit here  
FCA: like the first rule a havvin a kismesis is you dont mess wwith their other quadrants  
FCA: i mean nep wwould you evver do somethin to gam just to tick me off  
CAC: :33 < of course not!  
FCA: wwell there you havve it  
FGA: Though I Have To Say  
FGA: Eridan Im Intrigued At Your Sudden Interest In Initiating An Auspisticeship  
FGA: I Have To Wonder Just Where The Thought Came From  
FAT: 1T WAS MY 1DEA, aCTUALLY,  
FGA: Oh Really  
FAT: yEAH,  
FAT: 1 WANTED TH1S LUMMOX OFF MY CASE,  
FAT: aND 1 F1GURED AN AUSP1ST1CE WAS THE SUREST SOLUT1ON,  
FAT: sO 1 WENT TO eR1DAN, bECAUSE HE'S APPARENTLY DO1NG TH1S BLACKSH1PP1NG TH1NG,  
FAT: aND WHEN 1 BROUGHT 1T UP, hE VOLUNTEERED,  
FCA: an it makes sense right  
FCA: i mean im just a concerned moirail lookin out for his palebros other quadrants  
FCA: wwell one quadrant anywway  
FCA: an besides im obvviously too likeable to require an auspistice myself  
CCG: PFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
CAC: :33 < yeah, what karkat said  
FCA: wwhatevver  
FCA: so anywway tavvs obvviously on board  
FCA: wwhat do you say eq can wwe make this official or wwhat  
PCT: D --> Hrm  
PCT: D --> Well  
PCT: D --> If it's the only way to make the mudb100d slightly less insufferable  
PCT: D --> Then I suppose I have no choice but to a%ept  
FCA: wwell then its settled  
FCA: c3<  
FCA: an you knoww wwhat that means  
FCA: four for four  
FCA: TROLL SERENDIPITY BITCHES  
FCA: THE FIRST  
FCA: THE BEST  
FCA: FUCK ALL THE REST  
CAC: :33 < ugh  
CGC: H4H4H4 Y3S!  
CGC: 1 KN3W YOU COULD DO 1T 3R1D4N  
CGC: 1 4LW4YS B3L13V3D 1N YOU  
CAC: :33 < you did not always believe in him!!  
CGC: OK4Y F1N3  
CGC: FOR TH3 P4ST COUPL3 D4YS 1 B3L13V3D 1N YOU  
PTC: Haha, shit yeah, brother!  
PTC: I also believed on you in like one or two days more than the dragonsister did!  
FCA: yes yes thank you  
FCA: but i couldnt a done it wwithout all a you  
FCA: an yes nep that evven includes you you pathetic wwriggler  
CAC: :33 < yeah thats right!  
CAC: :33 < i made you what you are today eridan  
CAC: :33 < and i can destroy you too  
CAC: :33 < just remempurr that  
FCA: yeah youre perfectly fuckin wwelcome to try  
CCG: UGH.  
CCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU OF ALL PEOPLE ARE THE FIRST ONE TO FILL ALL YOUR QUADRANTS.  
FCA: yeah wwell dont wworry  
FCA: im wworkin on bringin the rest a you to serendipity wwith me  
FCA: hell vvris an sol hooked up too thats twwo ships in one night  
CAC: :33 < psh whatefur  
CAC: :33 < i did thr33 in one night, beat that!  
FCA: oh im gettin there dont you wworry  
FCA: but as it is ivve got to deal wwith tavv an eq right noww  
FCA: tell you wwhat wwhy dont wwe get off this memo an sort out the details in privvate right noww  
FAT: sOUNDS GOOD TO ME,  
PCT: D --> Erm  
PCT: D --> Yes, I suppose so  
CCC: )(ey, WAIT!!  
FCA: wwhat  
CCC: Before you guys go, I wanted to talk to -Equius.  
PCT: D --> Oh  
PCT: D --> Of course, heiress  
PCT: D --> What do you require of me  
CCC: W)(ale, I wanted to apologize to you!  
PCT: D --> Um  
PCT: D --> For what, e%actly  
CCC: For t)(e w)(ole t)(ing wit)( Aradia!!  
CCC: I mean, not for bringing )(er back, obviously, but for not even T)(INKING of you w)(en I was doing it!  
PCT: D --> It's  
PCT: D --> It's fine, really  
PCT: D --> We had conc100ded our relationship days prior  
CCC: Yes, but I didn't know that at the time!!  
CCC: And it was R-E-ELY crappie of me to just go a)(ead wit)( it wit)(out even BRi--EFLY considering )(ow it mig)(t affect you.  
CCC: So saury aboat t)(at. 38(  
PCT: D --> There's no need to apologize  
PCT: D --> You were simply doing what was best for your moirail  
PCT: D --> It's perfe%ly understandable that you would act with such alacrity  
PCT: D --> Almost admirable, really  
CCC: You reely t)(ink so?  
PCT: D --> Abso100tely  
PCT: D --> And anyway  
PCT: D --> You suc%eded where I failed  
PCT: D --> Where I could only manufa%ure a metallic sim001acrum for Aradia's spirit to inhabit  
PCT: D --> You tr001y brought her back to life  
CCC: W)(ale, yea)(, I GU---ESS so...  
CAA: equius you shouldnt downplay your efforts so much  
CAA: even though your soulbot wasnt perfect it was necessary for things to work out the way they did  
PCT: D --> Hm  
PCT: D --> I suppose  
PCT: D --> But Aradia, if I may  
CAA: of course  
PCT: D --> I'm pleased to see things have worked out so well for you  
PCT: D --> And I'm tr001y glad you found a matesprit you could be happy with  
PCT: D --> Even if it wasn't me  
CAA: thank you equius  
CAA: and im sorry things didnt work out between us  
PCT: D --> It's fine  
PCT: D --> I believe I entered our relationship with  
PCT: D --> Warped e%pectations in the first place  
CAA: ha yeah i guess  
PCT: D --> I'm simply glad that we can remain on good terms  
CAA: me too!  
CAA: anyway i hope things work out for you as well :)  
PCT: D --> Thank you  
CCC: So you R-E-ELY aren't mad at all?  
PCT: D --> No  
PCT: D --> Even though Aradia's hand in matespritship has e100ded me  
PCT: D --> There e%ist other opportunities  
CCG: PLEASE DON'T BE ME, PLEASE DON'T BE ME, PLEASE DON'T BE ME...  
CAA: karkat shut up  
CCC: W)(ale, okay, if you insist!  
CCC: But, you know, if you ever want to talk aboat it...  
CCC: Or aboat ANYT)(ING, reely!  
CCC: You can always come to me!  
PCT: D --> A generous offer  
PCT: D --> But I fear I cannot a%ept it immediately  
CCC: O)(, t)(at's rig)(t, you still )(ave your w)(ole auspistices)(ip to deal wit)( rig)(t now!  
PCT: D --> Er  
PCT: D --> A%ually, I meant something else.  
CCC: 38?  
CCC: And w)(at's T)(AT?  
PCT: D --> Well, I can't reveal too much  
PCT: D --> But I have a major engineering proje% in the wor%  
PCT: D --> And I fear it will occupy my time e%c100sively for the ne%t several days  
CCC: O)(, a PROJ--ECT, )(u)(?  
CCC: W)(at kind of project??  
PCT: D --> I'm afraid I can't divulge any information until it's complete  
PCT: D --> But once the proje% has reached its conc100sion, you'll be the first to know  
PCT: D --> Er  
PCT: D --> Unless it's imperative that you know right now  
CCC: No, no, I will respect your privacy.  
CAC: :33 < thats a furst!  
CCC: 38P  
CCC: Anywave, -Equius, I'm looking forward to it!  
PCT: D --> As am I  
CCC: But I'll stop wasting your time now.  
CCC: I t)(ink I've kelpt Tavros and -Eridan waiting long enoug)(!  
PCT: D --> Yes, of horse  
PCT: D --> Filly me, gelding colt up in another ambling conversation  
PCT: D --> I'm afraid I canter keep them gaiting any longer  
CCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a!! 38D  
FAT: oH DEAR GOD,  
FAT: cAN WE PLEASE NOT START W1TH THE PUNS,  
PCT: D --> Do you dislike the puns  
FAT: yES,  
PCT: D --> Then no  
FAT: uUUUUGH,  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!!  
FCA: yeah yeah anywway  
FCA: ill send you twwo the link an wwe can get things sorted  
FGA: Oh Eridan Before You Go  
FCA: yeah kan  
FGA: I Hope You Arent Thinking Of Borrowing Any Of My Techniques  
FGA: My Contract Makes The Consequences For Such A Transgression Quite Clear  
CGC: YOU SHOULD L1ST3N TO H3R 3R1D4N  
CGC: 1 R34D 1T 4ND 1TS COMP3LT3LY 41RT1GHT  
CGC: 4ND TH3 COST 1S QU1T3 S3V3R3 >8]  
FCA: dont wworry about it i wwont copy any a your trademarks  
FCA: tellin the plain truth ivve already got some original ideas a my owwn  
FCA: pretty sure theres nothin in your playbook invvolvvin rap for one  
PTC: Ummmm...  
FCA: er  
FCA: if thats ok wwith you gam obvviously  
PTC: Shit, ain't no thing, bro.  
PTC: Rap at who you all gots to rap at.  
PTC: Communication is the lance by which to slay all conflict.  
PTC: And slam poetry is the purest form of communication.  
PTC: So sayeth the Verbal Messiah.  
PTC: Bangarang.  
FAT: hAHA, yEAH, bANGARANG,  
FCA: um  
FCA: ok cool  
FCA: anywway tavv eq see you twwo again in a second  
FCA ceased responding to memo.  
FAT: oKAY, wELL,  
FAT: sEE ALL YOU GUYS LATER, 1 GUESS,  
FAT ceased responding to memo.  
PCT: D --> Yes  
PCT: D --> I suppose I should be going as well  
CAC: :33 < well have fun with tavros!  
CAC: :33 < and dont let eridan do anything weird to you ://  
PCT: D --> Er, right  
CCC: And good loc)( wit)( your project!  
PCT: D --> Ah, thank you  
PCT: D --> But now I must depart  
PCT: D --> Farewell  
FCT ceased responding to memo.  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: TH4T W4S W31RD >8/  
CAC: :33 < yeah kind of  
CAC: :33 < but at least equius got a quadrant out of it, i guess  
CAC: :33 < and with tavros even!  
CAC: :33 < i always thought they would be cute together  
CAA: i dont know if cute is the right word for those two  
CAC: :33 < no i guess not ://  
CAA: so anyway  
CAA: karkat is vriska still having her way with my matesprit  
CCG: OH YEAH, THEY'RE STILL GOING AT IT.  
CCG: AND SOLLUX IS *REALLY* OVERDOING IT HERE.  
CCG: I AM NOT AT ALL SURPRISED THAT HIS EYES END UP EXPLODING.  
FCG: YEAH, THAT'S ABOUT HOW I FELT WHEN IT HAPPENED.  
FCG: THAT'S WHY I DON'T REALLY FEEL TOO BAD ABOUT SPOILING IT.  
CAA: ugh  
CGC: W3LL 4R4D14  
CGC: S1NC3 H3 1SNT T4K1NG UP YOUR T1M3 4NYMOR3  
CGC: HOW 4BOUT YOU BR1NG TH4T H31N13 OF YOURS OV3R TO MY H1V3 4ND W3 G3T 4 PROP3R F33L1NGS J4M GO1NG!! >:]  
CAA: oh thats right!  
CAA: though im not sure if i should come over right now  
CGC: WHY NOT  
CAA: well  
CAA: i dont have any other clothes in my hive  
CAA: so id have to come over in these goofy red god tier pjs!  
CGC: >:O  
CGC: 4R4D14  
CGC: 1F YOU COM3 OV3R TO MY H1V3 1N TH4T OUTF1T  
CGC: 1 C4NT B3 H3LD L3G4LLY 4CCOUNT4BL3 FOR MY 4CT1ONS WH3N YOU G3T H3R3  
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 9 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCA: ter  
CGC: 3R  
CGC: Y3S 3R1D4N  
FCA: just remember  
FCA: pictures  
CGC: >8P  
CGC: OF COURS3 3R1D4N  
CGC: F4R B3 1T FROM M3 TO FORG3T TH3 T3RMS OF OUR 4GR33M3NT  
FCA: just makin sure  
FCA: anywway havve fun you twwo  
FCA: if you knoww wwhat i mean  
FCA: wwink wwink  
FCA ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: UGH.  
CCG: JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU ALL THAT YOU DISGUST ME.  
CGC: H3Y, YOUR3 TH3 ON3 SURV31LL1NG ON SOLLUX 4ND VR1SK4 R1GHT NOW  
CCG: THAT'S DIFFERENT.  
CCG: I'M JUST MAKING SURE THEY DON'T KILL EACH OTHER, THAT'S ALL.  
CGC: W3LL TH3N YOUR3 NOT DO1NG 4 V3RY GOOD JOB  
CGC: B3C4US3 W3 4LR34DY KNOW TH3Y DO!!!  
CCG: THAT'S SOME SELF-FULFILLING TIME LOOP BULLSHIT, YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BLAME ME FOR THAT.  
CCG: UNLESS YOU'RE BLAMING FUTURE ME, THEN I UNDERSTAND.  
FCG: MAN, WHAT THE FUCK  
FCG: I'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT CIVIL ON THIS ENTIRE MEMO, CUT ME SOME FUCKING SLACK HERE, FOUR HOURS AGO ME.  
CCG: ER  
CCG: YEAH, I GUESS SO.  
CCG: SORRY, FOUR HOURS FROM NOW ME.  
FCG: IT'S COOL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.  
FCG: IT'S NOT LIKE WE NEED AN AUSPISTICE OR SOMETHING.  
FGA: Haha  
CCG: OH GOD  
CCG: SOMEBODY AUSPISTICIZING BETWEEN PAST ME AND FUTURE ME?  
CCG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BAD JOKE.  
CCG: NO, SCRATCH THAT, THAT SOUNDS LIKE *THE* BAD JOKE.  
CCG: LIKE, THE BAD JOKE THE GUY WHO INVENTED THE QUADRANTS MADE WHEN HE CAME UP WITH HIS INCREDIBLY HALF-ASSED IDEA FOR THE FOURTH ONE.  
FGA: Yes That Sounds Just About Inane Enough To Fit  
FGA: But You Know Aradia If Its That Big A Concern To Visit Terezis Hive In Your Current State Of Dress  
FGA: It Would Be No Problem To Make You Some Garments Of A More Amenable Hue  
CGC: NO SCR3W TH4T!  
CGC: 4R4D14 1S COM1NG OV3R H3R3 4S 1S, D4MN TH3 CONS3QU3NC3S  
CGC: 4S YOUR MO1R41L 1 COMM4ND 1T  
CAA: well then i guess i have no choice!  
CAA: oh except wait  
CAA: it just occurred to me that ill be leaving feferi here by herself  
CCC: O)(, don't worry about M--E, I'll find somet)(ing to do.  
CCC: In fact, I t)(ink I'll go to LODAG and do some Life quests.  
CCC: If Sollux is going to keep getting into t)(ese crazy skirmis)(es wit)( Vriska, I s)(oald PROBUBBLY get a betta grasp on my powers!  
CAA: yes thats probably a good idea  
CAA: so anyway i guess ill head to lotaf now  
CGC: OF COURS3  
CGC: 1LL H4V3 4 COMFY P1L3 OF SC4L3M4T3S W41T1NG WH3N YOU G3T H3R3  
CAA: that sounds great!  
CAA: but before i go  
CAA: feferi and nepeta i just wanted to thank you again  
CAA: everything has gone so well for me and its all thanks to you two  
CAA: oh and terezi you too of course  
CCC: )(ey, no problem!  
CCC: I was just doing w)(at I t)(oug)(t was best for Sollux.  
CAA: yes i know  
CAA: im just glad he has a moirail like you  
CCC: And I'M glad t)(at )(e )(as a matesprit like YOU! 38)  
CAC: :33 < yes im glad efurrything worked out too  
CAC: :33 < and i hope it k33ps working out!  
CAA: i think it will  
CAA: just keep doing your shipping thing  
CAC: :33 < but of course!  
CAA: anyway i guess im off  
CGC: 1LL B3 W41T1NG  
CGC: 4ND 1 DO HOP3 THOS3 GOD T13R P4J4M4S 4R3NT DRY CL34N ONLY >:]  
CAA: theyre not  
CAA: in fact i think theyre actually self cleaning  
CGC: 4R4D14  
CGC: WHY WOULD YOU 3V3N S4Y SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T TO M3  
CGC: YOU V1L3 T3MPTR3SS  
CAA: hahahaha  
CAA: anyway im going now!  
CGC: S33 YOU SOON  
CAA: you mean smell me soon  
CGC: 1 M34N T4ST3 YOU SOON >;}  
CCG: EEUUUUGH.  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
CAA: ok bye!  
CAA ceased responding to memo.  
CGC: W3LL 1 GU3SS 1 SHOULD GO TOO  
CGC: BUT NOT B3FOR3 1 TH4NK YOU 4S W3LL N3P3T4  
CGC: 1T S33MS 1 OW3 YOU ON3 4G41N  
CAC: :33 < you dont owe me anything!  
CAC: :33 < im just helping efurryone out  
CGC: BUT OF COURS3  
CGC: 4NYW4Y 1 GU3SS 1LL T4LK TO YOU GUYS L4T3R  
FGA: Dont Have Too Much Fun  
CGC: OH 1 MOST C3RT41NLY W1LL  
CGC: >8]  
CGC ceased responding to memo.  
CCC: W)(ale, I s)(oald probubbly get going too.  
CCC: And I )(ake to seem like I'm just going wit)( t)(e flow, but Nepeta, I want to t)(ank you again too!  
CCC: I FINALLY got my true feelings out to Sollux, and I could not )(ave done it wit)(out your support!  
CAC: :33 < of course fefurry  
CAC: :33 < we all n33d a little help sometimes  
CAC: :33 < im just glad i could be of service!  
CCC: And I R-E-ELY do apperc)(iate it!  
CAC: :33 < well if you efur n33d help again, f33l fr33 to come to me!  
CCC: Of COURS--E! 38)  
CCC: Anyway, GOODBY--E, everyone!  
CCC: Glub glub glub!! 38D  
CCC ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < i guess that wraps things up here!  
CCG: YEAH, I GUESS SO.  
CCG: BUT REALLY, NEPETA, EXCELLENT JOB HERE.  
CCG: YOU WENT ABOVE AND BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY.  
CCG: I MEAN, YOU'RE SO BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY, THAT IF THE CALL OF DUTY WERE TO EVEN TRY TO GRASP YOUR TRUE NATURE, IT WOULD GIVE ITSELF AN ANEURYSM.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
CAC: :33 < well thank you karkat!  
CAC: :33 < but i was just following orders  
CCG: "JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS."  
CCG: NEPETA, IF EVERYBODY "JUST FOLLOWED ORDERS" THE WAY YOU DID, WE'D HAVE THE BLACK KING'S HEAD ON A FUCKING PIKE BY NOW.  
CCG: SERIOUSLY, THIS IS A FUCKING INSANE ROMANCE GAMBIT YOU JUST PULLED.  
CCG: I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT I THINK YOU'RE MAKING ME START TO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES.  
PTC: Hahahaha, fuck yeah, brother, preach it!  
CAC: :33 < oh stop it, youre making me blush!  
CCG: OKAY, FINE, I'M DONE.  
CAC: :33 < well thank you  
CAC: :33 < but anyway, do you have any new orders?  
CCG: JUST THE USUAL  
CCG: KEEP FUCKING SHIPPING.  
CCG: AND GIGGLE THIS TIME, PLEASE.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, sir yes sir!!  
CCG: YES, GOOD.  
CAC: :33 < should i just giggle efurry time?  
CCG: YOU KNOW WHAT?  
CCG: YEAH, JUST DO THE GIGGLE EVERY TIME.  
CCG: I LIKE IT.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, sir yes sir!!  
CCG: YEAH, THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE.  
CCG: UH  
CCG: OKAY, ANYWAY  
CCG: I'M GONNA BE STUCK AT MY HIVE SUPERVISING THESE TWO PSYCHOTIC IDIOTS FOR THE NEXT FOUR HOURS  
CCG: SO  
CCG: YEAH.  
CAC: :33 < yeah ://  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < good luck with that, i guess  
CCG: YEAH, THANKS.  
CCG: IT'S A SLOG, BUT IT'S ONE OF MY RESPONSIBILITIES AS A LEADER, I SUPPOSE.  
FGA: Would You Um  
FGA: Perhaps Like Some Company  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: YOU WANT TO JOIN ME IN WATCHING SOLLUX AND VRISKA DO  
CCG: WHATEVER THE HELL THIS CAVALCADE OF PSIONIC DEPRAVITY THEY'RE ENGAGED IN RIGHT NOW IS CALLED?  
FGA: Well  
FGA: Regardless Of Your Future Selfs Guarantees Id Like To At Least Ensure Her Safety For Myself  
FGA: And Really No Man Should Be Forced To Watch Unspeakable Kismetic Acts Taking Place Against His Will By Himself  
CCG: HAHAHA, YEAH, THERE'S AN IMPERATIVE I CAN GET ON BOARD WITH.  
CCG: ANYWAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO JOIN ME, I'M AT MY HIVE.  
CCG: I'D BRING A BOOK IF I WERE YOU.  
FGA: Should I Bring More Than One  
CCG: ACTUALLY  
CCG: YES, YOU SHOULD, I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT.  
CCG: ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN JUST STARING AT THESE TWO NAKED NUTJOBS AND THE EPILEPSY-INDUCING MAELSTROM OF RED AND BLUE PSIONICS THEY'VE ENGULFED THEMSELVES IN.  
FGA: Tell You What  
FGA: Ill Just Captchalogue A Sizable Portion Of My Collection And Let The Will Of The Chastity Modus Decide What Youll Read  
CCG: OH GOD, I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR HORRIBLE FETCH MODUS.  
CCG: IT'S LIKE THE ONLY ONE THAT'S WORSE THAN MINE.  
FGA: Its Quite Fickle Ill Admit  
FGA: Though I Should Warn You In Advance There Exists A Very Real Possibiliy That You Might End Up With An Unpublished Novel Written by Myself  
CCG: OH DEAR GOD.  
CCG: WELL  
CCG: THAT'S JUST A RISK I'LL HAVE TO TAKE, I GUESS.  
CCG: AS HORRIBLE AS YOUR TRASHY RAINBOW DRINKER NOVELS ARE, I SUPPOSE ONE WRITTEN BY YOU WILL HAVE TO BE AT LEAST TOLERABLE.  
FGA: They Arent Trashy  
CCG: NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THIS RIGHT NOW.  
CCG: ANYWAY, EITHER OF YOU OTHER TWO WANT TO COME OVER HERE?  
CCG: I MEAN, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO JOIN OUR SHITTY BOOK READING SLASH PSYCHIC BLACKROM VOYEURISM CLUB, I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.  
CAC: :33 < ummmm  
CAC: :33 < no offense but i think ill pass  
PTC: Yeah, I'm still all up into the middle of this motherfuckin board meeting.  
PTC: These newts are tough motherfuckin customers, let me assure you.  
PTC: On a matter of fact, I should probably hop off this memo and start speakin up at these motherfuckers on my own self soon.  
PTC: Got a powerpoint presentation what's gonna rock these motherfuckers back onto the stone age.  
CCG: OH RIGHT, YOU'RE STILL DOING THAT IDIOTIC PIE QUEST.  
CCG: ARE WE AT LEAST GETTING SOMETHING OUT OF THAT?  
PTC: Shit yeah we are, bro.  
PTC: I'm pullin in like ten boonbonds a day all on these motherfuckin pie sale profits, my man.  
CCG: HOLY SHIT, SERIOUSLY?  
CCG: WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION THAT SOONER???  
CCG: THAT IS AN ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS AMOUNT OF MONEY.  
PTC: Shit, I don't know, just all slipped my mind, I guess.  
CCG: WELL, FINE, KEEP WORKING ON THAT.  
CCG: IF WE CAN RAKE IN ANY MORE PROFITS THAN THAT, WE'LL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO STRAIGHT UP BUY THE SCEPTER OFF THE GODDAMN BLACK KING.  
PTC: Alright, sure, I'll get right up on that.  
PTC: But have fun on your book reading, bro.  
CCG: YEAH, THANKS.  
PTC: And The Flow be with you, motherfuckers.  
PTC: Bangarang!  
PTC ceased responding to memo.  
FGA: Well Karkat Ill Be Right Over  
CCG: GREAT.  
CCG: BRING SOME BEVERAGES, IF YOU CAN.  
FGA: Any Preferences  
CCG: ANYTHING BUT FUCKING FAYGO.  
FGA: Haha Of Course  
FGA: Ill Bring A Tea Set Over  
FGA: Do You Have Any Particular Variety Youd Prefer  
CCG: UH, NO, NOT REALLY.  
FCG: HEY, BRING SOME EXTRA EARL GREY, IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD.  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: HOW DO I DEVELOP A TEA PREFERENCE IN THE NEXT FOUR HOURS???  
FCG: WHAT, FUCK, I DON'T KNOW.  
FCG: I JUST TRIED SOME AND I LIKE THE CITRUSY FLAVOR, I GUESS, GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK HERE.  
CCG: OKAY, FINE, LISTEN TO FUTURE ME I GUESS.  
FGA: Of Course  
FGA: Well If Thats All I Suppose I Should Depart  
CCG: KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.  
FGA: Okay Then  
FGA: Karkat Ill See You Soon  
FGA: And Nepeta I Wish You The Best  
CAC: :33 < thank you!  
CAC: :33 < and have fun, you two!  
FGA: As You Wish  
FGA: Anyway Goodbye  
FGA ceased responding to memo.  
FCG: YEAH, I'VE ABOUT SERVED MY PURPOSE HERE TOO.  
FCG: NO USE REPEATING EVERYTHING I JUST SAID FOUR HOURS AGO.  
FCG: SO SEE YOU SUCKERS IN THE FUTURE.  
FCG ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: OKAY, WELL  
CCG: GUESS I BETTER GET GOING AS WELL.  
CCG: TIDY THIS PLACE UP A LITTLE BEFORE KANAYA GETS HERE.  
CAC: :33 < of course!  
CAC: :33 < dont let me k33p you  
CCG: RIGHT, OF COURSE NOT.  
CCG: UNLESS YOU WANT TO KEEP ME.  
CAC: :33 < oh dont be silly  
CAC: :33 < just have fun with kanaya!  
CCG: YEAH, YEAH, ALRIGHT.  
CCG: BUT, UH  
CCG: SEE YOU AROUND, I GUESS?  
CAC: :33 < of course!  
CAC: :33 < im sure well talk again later  
CCG: SOONER THAN LATER, HOPEFULLY.  
CCG: BUT ANYWAY, I'M OUT.  
CAC: :33 < bye karkat!  
CCG: YEAH, BYE NEPETA.  
CCG ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < so  
CAC: :33 < i guess thats about it!  
CAC: :33 < just oooone more thing left to do  
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 26 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
CAC banned FCA from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, gotcha!!! >:33  
CAC: :33 < *the rogue of heart cackles with gl33 at the prince of hopes misfurtune, and then snatches the shipping plans furom his hands befur absconding off into the night!*  
CAC ceased responding to memo.  
  
CAC closed memo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. AGAIN. Personal shit, you know how it is. And also, it's nearly 26,000 fucking words. Seriously, why can I not just stop writing?????


	21. New Beginnings

Chapter 21

New Beginnings

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].  
  
CA: hey fef  
CC: O)(, )(ey -Eridan!  
CC: Glub glub glub! 38)  
CA: yeah wwell glub glub glub glub right back at you  
CC: 38O  
CC: Do you glub at your LUSUS wit)( t)(at glub, Mister Ampora???  
CA: oh PLEASE fef you knoww damn wwell my lusus is at least twwice as vvulgar as i am at any givven point a time  
CC: )(a)(a, yea)(, I guess t)(at is true.  
CC: )(ow is your lusus, by t)(e wave?  
CA: wwhat seahorsedad  
CA: i dont knoww i dont really keep track of him all that much  
CA: hes floatin around on lowwaa somewwhere i guess  
CA: the angels just ignore him cause hes a game construct an all  
CA: anywway all he evver does is complain about howw there arent any oceans on my planet  
CA: still more fixated on his wweird fetish for killin wwhales than anything  
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, )(e's STILL caug)(t up on t)(at???  
CA: yeah i knoww right  
CA: hes like WWHEN WWAS THE LAST TIME YOU EVVEN GAVVE THAT FEFERI GIRL A WWHALE SHELL NEVVER BE YOUR MATESPRIT AT THIS POINT  
CA: an im like dad i already told you i havve a matesprit  
CA: but i cant bring her to lowwaa on account a the angels so hes convvinced i just made her up  
CC: O)( wow, seariously??  
CC: Troll Will Smit)( was RIG)(T.  
CC: Lusi just don't understand.  
CA: yeah tell me about it  
CA: but he knowws about nep that much is for damn certain  
CC: W)(ale, I s)(oald s)(ore )(OP---E so!!  
CC: After )(e WALK--ED IN on you two during your first nig)(t toget)(er!!!  
CA: levvitated in  
CC: O)(, rig)(t, L--EVITAT--ED in.  
CA: but yeah the guy pretty much nevver givves me any privvacy  
CA: an noww that hes a sprite he can phase through fuckin wwalls so noww im pretty much fucked  
CA: i mean i lovve him an all but sometimes i wwish i nevver prototyped him  
CC: Yea)(, I know w)(at you mean!  
CC: In retrospect, prototyping somet)(ing t)(at can kill -EV-ERY TROLL IN T)(-E UNIV-ERS-E was NOT my best decision. 38/  
CA: oh god thats right  
CA: still though it looks like only the black kings capable of a full on genocide levvel croak  
CC: True, but it DID give some of t)(e underlings some nasty psionic attacks.  
CC: Unfortunately, t)(e lowbloods )(ake t)(ose a lot )(arder t)(an W--E do.  
CA: yeah  
CA: hey speakin a the carbuncle howws she doin  
CC: Ug)(, s)(e's actually R-E-ELY upset wit)( me rig)(t now.  
CA: upset  
CA: wwell wwhatd you to do piss her off  
CC: It was bringing Aradia back.  
CC: Some of )(er fronds in t)(e Furt)(est Ring were F--ERRY muc)( opposed to t)(e idea.  
CC: And now it's caused t)(is w)(ole big STIR, and naturally s)(e blames t)(e w)(ole t)(ing on M---E!  
CC: And I am just like, W)(AT---EV---ER!!!  
CC: We )(ave already gone COMPL---ET---ELY off t)(e rails, w)(y does it matter if I bring )(er back a little before sc)(edule???  
CA: wwell no use tryin to wwrap your think pan around howw the fuckin horrorterrors think  
CA: dwwell on it too long an theyll probably pry the lid off an cram their shadowwy tendrils into your lobe stem for darin to evven question their motivves  
CC: Yes, you are probubbly rig)(t.  
CC: Aradia as)(ores me everyt)(ing is fine, but I'm still a little worried aboat it.  
CA: yeah just let her an ter fret ovver the wwhole doomed timeline spiel  
CA: not like wwe can do much about it right noww anywway  
CC: O)(, you know aboat t)(at??  
CA: yeah ter let it slip a wwhile ago  
CA: im not too wworried about it though  
CA: id like to think that if all hope wwere really lost that as a prince a hope id be the first to fuckin knoww  
CC: )(a)(a, yea)(, t)(at's rig)(t!  
CC: But saury, I just kind of sent us off on a TANG-ENT t)(ere!  
CC: W)(at did you want to talk aboat?  
CA: wwell nothin in particular really  
CA: just kinda checkin in  
CA: maybe to congratulate you on resolvvin the wwhole thing youvve had goin in wwith sol  
CA: im just glad things wworked out so wwell for you  
CC: O)(, w)(ale t)(ank you!  
CC: I'm F---ERRY )(appy aboat it mys)(ellf! 38D  
CA: wwell of course  
CA: an i knoww i wwas givvin you shit about it back on that memo but i wwas just havvin fun is all  
CC: It's fine, I understand.  
CC: T)(e w)(ole t)(ing must look PR---ETTY ironic from your perc)(spective.  
CA: yeah just a little  
CA: it honestly nevver evven crossed my mind that you might be pale for him  
CC: W)(ale, t)(at was kind of t)(e POINT!  
CC: I t)(oug)(t )(e was flus)(ed for M--E, and I didn't want )(im to eel like it wasn't a possibility.  
CC: W)(ic)( I reelize was probbubly stupid in retrospect.  
CA: nah it makes sense  
CA: especially considerin uh  
CA: evvents that had recently transpired prevvious  
CC: 38/  
CC: Y--EA)(, t)(at )(ad somet)(ing to do wit)( it.  
CC: I was afraid )(e mig)(t )(ake it as badly as you did.  
CA: ugh  
CA: sorry about that by the wway  
CA: i mean you executed the wwhole breakup thing about as gracefully as you could but i wwas a complete fuckin tool about the wwhole thing  
CC: -Eridan, it's FIN-E, reely.  
CA: no its not fuckin fine  
CA: i mean i really wwas flushed for you but i wwas so frustrated wwith things bein the wway they wwere betwween us that i took it out on you  
CA: an i just kinda feel like the crowwn fuckin prince a contemptible scumbags for treatin you the wway i did  
CA: so i guess all i can really do is say im sorry  
CC: Look, -Eridan, t)(at is all in t)(e past.  
CC: We were in a dysfunctional relations)(ip, and we BOT)( acted in ways we probubbly regret now.  
CC: But now it's OV--ER!  
CC: We bot)( moved on and got w)(at we R-E-ELY wanted somew)(ere --ELS--E.  
CC: And as far as I'M concerned, no )(arm, no foul!  
CA: really  
CC: Yes, R--E--ELY!  
CA: wwell  
CA: i feel about the same honestly  
CA: an if youre not harborin any resentment ovver it then i guess that makes things pretty much square betwween us  
CC: GR---EAT! 38)  
CA: yeah  
CA: im glad theres no bad blood betwween us  
CA: heh wwho am i kiddin betwween us wwevve got the most badass blood of evverybody on our team  
CA: like that evven matters at this point  
CC: )(e)(e, yea)(, it reely DO-ESN'T!  
CC: But I )(ave to say, I never expected to )(ear YOU of all people admit to it!  
CA: look fef i like to consider myself a pragmatic guy  
CA: an the straight up stone cold fact a the fuckin matter is that evven though ivve got this amazin vviolet ambrosia flowwin through my vveins it doesnt make a LICK a fuckin difference if nobodys wwillin to respect it  
CA: an its become increasingly clear to me that there isnt a single brinesucker in paradox space wwhats gonna givve me the time a fuckin night ww/r/t the hemospectrum  
CA: not evven eq wwith his wwhole mildly disturbin fixation on the wwhole thing on account a me bein a filthy seadwweller  
CA: so fuck it  
CC: Yea)(, I FIGUR--ED it was somet)(ing like t)(at.  
CC: And besides, it would )(ARDLY mako any sense to want to krill all landdwellers after t)(ey've filled up all your quadrants!  
CA: yeah exactly  
CC: CONGRATULATIONS on t)(at, by t)(e way!!  
CC: I'm F--ERRY impressed t)(at you made it to troll serendipity t)(e first of ALL of us! 38)  
CA: wwell thank you vvery much  
CA: but honestly i dont think its that big a deal  
CC: --Eridan.  
CC: T)(at is BULLS)(IT.  
CA: haha ok you caught me its actually kind of an enormous fuckin deal  
CA: but im just tryin my damnedest not to come off like a sore wwinner here  
CC: PS)(, w)(o cares! You s)(oald be PROUD!  
CC: It is kind of an --ENORMOUS accomplis)(ment!!  
CC: --ESP--ECIALLY on filling your as)(en quadrant!  
CC: I mean, no offense, but I N--EV--ER expected to sea YOU as an auspistice!  
CA: wwell hey im supposed to be the blackrom expert here  
CA: an if i cant find the gumption all up in me to hash things out betwween a pair a quarrelin rubes then wwhat business do i havve dictatin anybody elses ashen pursuits  
CA: anywway tavv an eq are clearly in need of a mediator an evven though i may not be the most experienced candidate i think i knoww damn wwell enough about the black half of the axis to be at least halfwway competent at it  
CA: this isnt just some halfassed quadrant fill ok im serious about this  
CC: O)(, of course! I was not doubting your intenc)(ions by ANY means.  
CC: I was just saying it seems a little unusual.  
CC: Not necessarily in a BAD way, mind you!!  
CA: wwell maybe it is a little unusual  
CA: but i think its a necessary learnin experience for me if i really wwant to get serious about this blackshippin business  
CC: W)(ale, I certainly ADMIR--E your dedication to your craft!  
CA: yknoww fef  
CA: an dont take this the wwrong wway or anythin  
CA: but honestly i think you might make a good auspistice yourself  
CC: 38?  
CC: You R-E-ELY t)(ink so?  
CA: yeah sure  
CA: i mean youre nothin if not a civvil negotiator  
CA: hell just the fact that youre evven speakin to me after all the bs i put you through speaks vvolumes  
CC: -Eridan, S-EARIOUSLY, it's NOT t)(at big a deal!!  
CA: yeah yeah wwhatevver  
CA: my point is youre a cool customer and i think the duties of auspisticizin are somethin youd take to like a fish to wwater  
CA: an really i cant think of anybody wwho activvely dislikes you so youvve got that goin for you  
CA: wwell  
CA: besides kan obvviously  
CC: UG)(, don't remind me.  
CC: Prawnestly, w)(at is )(er D--EAL wit)( me???  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: but things seem pretty contentious betwween the twwo a you i havve to admit  
CC: W)(oa, w)(oa, SLOW DOWN t)(ere!  
CC: Let's just be clear about somet)(ing rig)(t now, okay?  
CC: S)(----E is t)(e one w)(o started t)(is w)(ole... T)(ING.  
CC: I never did ANYT)(ING to get on )(er bad side!  
CC: S)(ell, we used to be FRONDS!  
CC: But one day, s)(e just sort of... FLIPP--ED OUT at me!!!  
CC: Seariously, w)(at is )(er problem???  
CA: cant really say  
CA: unless  
CA: nah thats probably not it  
CC: W)(AT'S probubbly not it??  
CA: its nothin just forget it  
CC: --Eridan, if you )(ave ANY idea of w)(y s)(e's mad at me, I'd R-E-ELY like to )(ear it!!!  
CA: wwell  
CA: alright  
CA: but you didnt hear this from me ok  
CC: FIN--E, just spit it out!  
CA: wwell the truth is  
CA: i think this resentment shes been expressin for you may havve been brewwin for a wwhile noww  
CA: like evven before you an me broke up  
CC: W)(at?  
CC: Seariously??  
CA: this may sound a little hard to believve but i think back wwhen wwe wwere moirails she may havve had some pale inklins for me  
CA: an she nevver really thought too highly a your skills in the pale quadrant  
CA: sayin things like a freshly hatched grub wwould be a better moirail than you evver wwere  
CC: W)(AT!!!!  
CA: an then after this wwhole thing wwith sol she wwas dowwnright LIVVID  
CA: said somethin like you couldnt afford to be so picky wwhen you couldnt pacify a manatee wwith a tranquilizer gun  
CC: >38O  
CC: Wait, did s)(e ACTUALLY say t)(at???  
CC: In CONFID---ENC---E????  
CA: wwell she said a lot fef  
CA: but the thing about the manatee really stood out  
CC: Can you copy ---EXACTLY w)(at s)(e said???  
CA: no look ivve already betrayed her trust by tellin you this in the first place  
CA: this is all just speculation on my part anywway honestly i dont havve any solid idea a wwhy shed be bearin a grudge wwith you  
CC: W)(ale, I s)(ore )(OP--E s)(e )(as a betta reason t)(an t)(at!  
CC: I don't sea )(ow S)(---E's in any plaice to judge, considering )(ow )(er LAST moirallegiance wound up!!  
CA: heh wwoww  
CA: you really dont pull any punches do you  
CC: Look, I'm just saying w)(at we're ALL t)(inking!  
CA: yknoww  
CA: maybe this is just the shippin goggles cloudin my vvision  
CA: but i think this could be wworkable  
CC: W)(at?  
CA: this thing wwith you an kan  
CA: i could see it goin places  
CC: Wait, you mean, like...  
CC: A KISM--ESISSITUD--E???  
CA: yeah exactly  
CC: Ug)(, not T)(IS again!!!  
CC: First Vriska suggests it, t)(en Sollux, and now YOU'R--E jumping on t)(e bandwagon TOO????  
CC: I AM NOT BLACK FOR )(-----ER!!!!!!  
CA: yeah sure  
CA: just like sol wwasnt black for vvris right  
CC: IT'S NOT LIK--E T)(AT!!!  
CA: look fef i might not exactly be an expert here  
CA: but im pretty sure that wwhenevver somebody says its not like that ninety nine percent a the time its exactly like that  
CC: >38P  
CC: I'm NOT going to be )(er kismesis, okay??  
CC: My only problem wit)( )(--ER is t)(at S)(--E )(as a problem wit)( M--E!!  
CC: And I don't even know w)(at )(--ER problem is in t)(e first plaice!!  
CA: look im just sayin it has potential  
CA: i mean obvviously shes pretty good at gettin you wworked up  
CC: W)(ale, yea)(...  
CA: an frankly just from wwhat ivve seen on these memos youre not too bad at makin her fly off the handle herself  
CC: T)(at was ALL in self-defense!!!  
CA: hey im not pointin any fingers here  
CA: im just sayin you guysvve got chemistry  
CA: an honestly just look at it from a purely practical perspectivve  
CA: aside from her just wwho are your options for a kismesis  
CC: E)(... not many, I guess.  
CC: But t)(e point still stands!  
CC: I'm NOT black for Kanaya!  
CA: alright fine  
CA: i guess youre gonna be stuck in the denial phase for a wwhile so theres no point in forcin the issue  
CC: I am NOT stuck in...  
CC: Okay, you know w)(at? FIN---E.  
CC: Bereef w)(atever you want to bereef.  
CA: haha ok then  
CC: T)(oug)( I )(AV--E to ask...  
CC: Do you t)(ink Kanaya is black for M--E?  
CC: Since you're the --EXP--ERT and all.  
CA: hm  
CA: wwhy do you ask  
CC: W)(ale, it would explain a lot!  
CC: S)(e's been reely SNIPPY wit)( me lately.  
CC: But it never reely occurred to me t)(at s)(e mig)(t be FLIRTING wit)( me!  
CC: And if s)(e WAS, t)(en I would be... FLATT--ER--ED, I guess??  
CC: I mean, I could certainly do WORS--E!  
CC: S)(e's not an unattractive lady, by any means!  
CC: And I suppose it's not T)(AT )(ard to sea mys)(ellf in... t)(at kind of relations)(ip wit)( )(er.  
CA: uh  
CA: fef  
CA: you still there  
CC: Yes I'm still )(ere!!!  
CC: I was just distracted by somet)(ing completely unrelated to w)(at we were just talking aboat!!!!  
CA: hahahaha  
CC: STOP LAUG)(ING T)(--ER--E IS NOT)(ING TO LAUG)( ABOUT!!!!! >38O  
CA: yeah yeah ok  
CC: So is s)(e, you t)(ink?  
CC: Or is t)(is w)(ole T)(ING s)(e )(as against me completely platonic?  
CA: wwell  
CA: i think she thinks its platonic  
CA: but i dont think its platonic  
CC: Fuck.  
CA: wwhat  
CC: I've )(eard t)(at one before.  
CC: S)(ell, I've SAID t)(at one before.  
CA: about sol an vvris right  
CC: Yea)(.  
CC: And we bot)( saw )(ow T)(AT ended up. 38/  
CA: so wwhat  
CA: you afraid kans gonna bloww your eyes up an then kill you  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, of course not!!!  
CA: wwell then wwhats the problem  
CC: It's not a problem! T)(ere is no problem.  
CC: It's just a little... IRRITATING is all.  
CC: Now I know )(ow Sollux felt aboat Vriska's unwanted advances.  
CA: an mine  
CC: Rig)(t, and yours.  
CA: wwell  
CA: you could alwways get an auspistice i guess  
CC: Ug)(, I R-E-ELY )(ope it doesn't come to t)(at.  
CC: I mean, I can put up wit)( )(--ER just fine!  
CC: S)(e can )(it on me until t)(e sea cows come )(ome, I don't care!  
CC: T)(e w)(ole t)(ing is just kind of... UNCOMFORTABL----E, I guess.  
CA: hm  
CA: wwell maybe its somethin else entirely  
CA: maybe shes just wworked up about this wwhole thing wwith you an vvris  
CC: O)( buoy, don't even get me START--ED on Vriska...  
CA: wwhat  
CA: you havve a problem wwith her or somethin  
CC: No no no, not)(ing like t)(at!!  
CC: S)(e is cool and all, don't get me wrong.  
CC: S)(e just kind of... WORRI--ES me.  
CA: wworries you  
CA: howw so  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: It is just t)(at, u)(...  
CC: I t)(ink s)(e's flirting wit)( me.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: seriously  
CC: Yes, seariously!  
CC: S)(e is always mako-ing t)(ese comments about )(ow attractive I am, and )(ow if s)(e weren't already matesprits wit)( Kanaya, s)(e would be, AND I QUOT--E:  
CC: "All over t)(at in a )(eartbeat."  
CA: wwell that doesnt necessarily mean anything  
CA: i mean this is vvris wwere talkin about  
CA: shes just  
CA: like that i guess  
CC: Now sea, t)(at's w)(at I t)(oug)(t at first!  
CC: I t)(oug)(t it was just )(er weird, messed up way of being frondly.  
CC: But s)(e is just laying it on R--E--ELY t)(ick.  
CC: And I )(ave to wonder if it isn't... somet)(ing else.  
CA: like wwhat  
CC: No, it's completely seally, I s)(ouldn't even TALK aboat it.  
CA: fef seriously wwhats goin on here  
CC: W)(ale, it's just...  
CC: W)(at if it's all a cry for )(elp?  
CA: uh  
CA: wwhat  
CC: Like, w)(at if s)(e's not )(appy wit)( Kanaya?  
CC: Or even worse, w)(at if s)(e's ABUSING )(er or somet)(ing???  
CC: And t)(is w)(ole flirting t)(ing is just Vriska's way of trying to reac)( out to someone??  
CA: fef  
CA: are you actually bein serious about this wwhole thing  
CC: Y---ES I'M S---EARIOUS!!!  
CC: It isn't somet)(ing to JOK--E about, --Eridan!  
CC: I've seen t)(e scars Vriska )(as.  
CC: And s)(e always plays it off like it's some weird kinky fetis)(, but w)(at if t)(at's all just a front??  
CC: And maybe t)(at's w)(y Kanaya is so angry at me!!  
CC: S)(e could be afraid t)(at I mig)(t be ONTO )(er, and t)(at someday I'm going to --EXPOS--E )(er for w)(at s)(e R--E--ELY is!!!  
CA: hahahahahaha  
CA: ok wwoww  
CC: --Eridan, t)(is is NO LAUG)(ING MATT--ER!!!  
CA: no fef listen to me ok  
CA: you are readin WWAY too much into this wwhole thing  
CA: ivve talked wwith vvris a lot myself and she isnt unhappy wwith kan  
CA: an trust me she is EXACTLY as into all that wweird kinky shit youre talkin about as she says she is so dont evven bother questioning that  
CA: i get that youre concerned an all but youvve cranked the compassion dial all the wway up to elevven an i think you need to turn it back a feww notches  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: Maybe you're rig)(t.  
CC: But t)(en w)(y would Vriska be flirting wit)( me??  
CC: It doesn't mako any sense.  
CA: i told you thats just vvris  
CA: an believve me if she wwere flirtin shed be a lot less subtle about it  
CC: )(a)(a, yea)(, I guess so.  
CA: if you wwant to knoww the truth  
CA: she actually thinks you might be the one flirtin wwith her  
CC: 38O  
CC: W)(AT???  
CC: I am NOT flirting wit)( )(er!!!  
CA: really  
CC: Y--ES R--E--ELY!!!  
CC: I'm just being FRONDLY, and t)(at is ALL!!!  
CA: so you arent doin anything wweird like  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: sendin her explicitly pornographic fiction that just happens to star you an her  
CC: T)(AT WAS A JOK-----E!!!!!!  
CC: S)(----E----ES)(, w)(at is t)(e point of finding messed up fanfiction aboat yours)(ellf if you can't send it to your fronds wit)(out it coming off like a PORPOISITION????  
CA: hahaha ok yeah thats probably the most reasonable possible response to findin a smutty story about yourself  
CA: i guess she just didnt appreciate your sense a humor is all  
CC: No, I guess not! 38/  
CC: Prawnestly, s)(e is a nice girl and all, but I )(ave NO intenc)(ion of pursuing )(er in t)(at way.  
CC: S)(e already )(as a matesprit, for one!  
CC: I mean, s)(ore, if s)(e DIDN'T, I certainly mig)(t CONSID---ER it...  
CC: But s)(e DO---ES!!!  
CC: So it is OFF T)(--E WAT--ER TABL--E!!!  
CA: hey i believve you  
CC: W)(ale, you S)(OALD, because it's TRU--E!!  
CA: fef seriously calm dowwn  
CA: im not accusin you of anything here  
CC: Yes, yes, saury.  
CC: It is just t)(at Sollux is giving me a )(ard time aboat t)(is too.  
CC: )(e t)(inks s)(e's trying to S--EDUC--E me for t)(e porpoises of some BIG D--EVIOUS PLOT.  
CC: Prawnestly, like I'm going to fall for somet)(ing like T)(AT!! >38P  
CA: heh yeah  
CA: wwell evven wwith that bein the case hes got good cause to be concerned  
CA: frankly evven if vvris didnt havve a matesprit already i still wwouldnt suggest it  
CC: 38?  
CC: W)(y naut?  
CA: its real simple fef  
CA: then the three a youd be stuck in the triangle  
CC: T)(e triangle??  
CA: yknoww red pale an black all tied up in three trolls  
CA: its compact dont get me wwrong but its about the most tumultuous possible arrangement a quadrants you can possibly assemble  
CA: an its especially bad for the unlucky rube in the black pale corner  
CA: like imagine if the person you hated more than anybody else in paradox space wwas makin out wwith your moirail on a daily basis  
CC: ---EUG)(, I can sea t)(e problem!!  
CA: yeah if your moirail evven HINTS at formin the triangle wwith your kismesis then your top fuckin priority is to shut that dowwn as quickly and decisivvely as possible  
CA: you givve your hatemate the most platonic possible death glare you can muster an sink that ship like the fuckin trolltanic  
CA: an frankly wwith howw things are goin betwween you an vvris regardless a wwhos responsible its a lot more than a fuckin hint  
CA: more like the entire wwalkthrough dowwnloaded offa grubfaqs  
CC: 38P  
CC: W)(ale, I guess I never t)(oug)(t of it T)(AT way.  
CC: I'll try a little )(arder to stave )(er off, I guess.  
CA: yeah you do that  
CA: for sols sake if nothin else  
CC: W)(y t)(e sudden concern for Sollux?  
CC: I t)(oug)(t you )(ated )(im!  
CA: hey ok first of all thats all in the past ok  
CA: i dont hate him like that an quite frankly im not sure if i evver did  
CA: if i can expound for a bit i dont think somebody takin somebody youre flushed for is really a stable foundation for a kismesissitude in the first place  
CA: like maybe ashen at best an i am SO abovve that  
CA: an second the only reason im lookin out for the guy is cause ivve been in his shoes before an i dont think anybody should havve to go through that kinda stress smug landdwwellin bastard or not  
CA: i mean hes already got his telekinetic grip full enough wwith a wworthy advversary like vvris he doesnt need the unholy crushing burden a the triangle to go along wwith it  
CC: )(e)(e, okay, I sea your point.  
CA: though i gotta say  
CA: you dont really havve many options for your flushed quadrant at this point  
CA: i mean assumin all the ships are gonna stay as they are noww  
CA: theres like wwhat three  
CC: Two, actually.  
CC: T--EC)(NICALLY t)(ere are t)(ree ot)(er single trolls, but I can't )(ook up wit)( Karcrab.  
CC: Because T)(--EN --Equius and Nepeta would )(ave to become matesprits!  
CC: W)(ic)( I don't reely sea )(appening.  
CA: yeah i didnt think a that  
CA: wwell  
CA: you wwerent plannin to go after kar wwere you  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, S)(--ELL no!!  
CC: I already know )(e can't stand me.  
CC: And anyway, I t)(ink )(e already )(as eyes for anot)(er...  
CA: oh yeah i wwas thinkin that too  
CA: are wwe imagining the same target here  
CC: W)(ale, t)(at deep-ends...  
CC: Mister Ampurra.  
CC: 3B)  
CA: hahahaha  
CA: yeah pretty much spot fuckin on there  
CA: an honestly i think nep might feel the same wway  
CC: R--E--ELY???  
CC: Did s)(e T---ELL you t)(at???  
CA: wwell no not directly  
CA: shes absolutely fuckin dead set on denyin it  
CA: bein more cagey an cryptic about it than any fuckin horrorterror evver wwas  
CA: but she pretty obvviously cares about him in a wway thats lookin less platonic by the hour  
CA: hell she an ter havve been friends for god knowws how long an noww things are so tense betwween em that kan had to step in  
CA: an all because ter keeps givvin kar shit on memos an crap like that  
CC: Yea)(, and Crabsnack's pretty definsive aboat )(-ER as w)(ale.  
CC: Prawnestly, you'd t)(ink one of t)(em would just make a MOV--E already!  
CA: yeah wwell neps not about to do it  
CA: goes against the rules a shippin  
CA: cant do anything until evverybody else is hooked up apparently  
CC: Rig)(t, saving t)(e best for last and all.  
CA: are you ok wwith that  
CA: cause i mean  
CA: that means youll be stuck wwith eq  
CC: )(mmm, I guess so!  
CC: And reely, as t)(e days go on, I am )(aving fewer and fewer problems wit)( t)(e idea of t)(at!  
CA: really  
CC: W)(ale, )(e seems like a R-E-ELY nice guy!!  
CC: I mean, s)(ore, at FIRST, )(e just seemed kind of W-EIRD and CR-E-EPY...  
CC: But )(e's lig)(tened up CONSID--ERABLY lately!  
CC: And )(e took t)(e w)(ole t)(ing wit)( Aradia R-E-ELY well, so t)(ere's points in )(is favor!  
CA: yeah i guess  
CA: handled it more gracefully than i did in any case  
CC: 38P  
CC: But yea)(, I MIG)(T be interested in )(im like t)(at.  
CA: wwell  
CA: you wwanna knoww the truth  
CC: W)(at?  
CA: ok dont tell him i told you this  
CA: but hes kind of into you too  
CC: R--E--ELY??  
CA: wwell yeah  
CA: i mean for one hes obvviously been flirtin wwith you recently  
CC: Now, sea, I FIGUR---ED )(e was doing t)(at!!  
CC: But I was never reely S)(OR---E, you know?  
CA: seriously  
CA: you cant tell me you wwere completely ignorant to his advvances  
CC: It wasn't ignorance!  
CC: It was more like... SK--EPTICISM, I guess.  
CC: I mean, --Equius and I )(ave barely even INT--ERACT--ED before!  
CC: And t)(en t)(is w)(ole "courts)(ip" t)(ing came out of NARW)(AL!  
CA: narwwhal  
CC: I mean now)(ere!!!  
CA: i knoww wwhat you meant fef  
CA: im just amazed you actually thought that wwould be a good pun  
CC: O)(, DON'T YOU --EV--EN START ON MY PUNS!!!! >38O  
CC: Like YOU'R---E t)(e experc)( on nautical puns or anyfin!!!  
CC: W)(en was t)(e last time you even MAD---E a pun, Mister S)(ellout????  
CC: W)(atever )(appened to your S--EADW--ELL--ER PRID--E?????  
CA: ugh  
CA: ivve NEVVER liked the nautical puns ok you an i both knoww that  
CA: like if you honestly feel the need to pepper your speech wwith em then more powwer to you i guess but dont drag me dowwn wwith you  
CA: theyre called the lowwest form a humor for a reason you knoww  
CA: its because evven the most degenerate fuckin bottomfeeder wwhat evver dwwelled in the deepest ocean trench in alternia wwouldnt resort to employin them as a humorous devvice  
CC: O)(, S)(UT T)(--E GLUB UP!!!!!  
CC: You stop )(ating on my puns T)(IS GLUBBING INSTANT!!!! >38U  
CA: nope  
CA: im sorry fef but theyre categorically awwful  
CC: W)(AT--EV--ER!!!!  
CC: T)(ey are my way of --EXPR--ESSING mys)(ellf!  
CC: And your mako-ing fun of t)(em is no different t)(an if I were to mako fun of your seally accent!  
CC: And just HOWW WWOULD YOU LIK---E T)(AT MIST--ER AMPORA????  
CA: ugh  
CA: fine wwhatevver ill cut you some slack  
CA: but i dont see wwhy youre givvin me so much shit about not showwin my seadwweller pride i thought you thought the wwhole idea of that wwas stupid in the first place  
CC: Yea)(, yea)(, I still t)(ink it is.  
CC: I was just giving you a )(ard time is all.  
CA: wwell then i suppose wwevve both givven each other plenty a hard time already  
CC: Yes, I suppose you are rig)(t.  
CC: Anyway, w)(at were we just glubbing aboat?  
CA: eq  
CC: O)(, t)(at's rig)(t!  
CC: Anyway, I do not sea T)(AT many problems with --Equius!  
CC: )(e seems reely kind and polite and c)(arming to me!  
CC: And )(e )(as a betta sense of )(umor t)(an I imagined, too!  
CC: )(e certainly apperc)(iates PUNS a little more t)(an SOM--E people... >38/  
CA: yeah wwell isnt that swwell  
CA: you twwo can just make a big ol fuckin ark outta your stupid puns an sail it off into the sunrise  
CA: wwith twwo of evvery stupid hoofbeast you can think of in the brig an just as many lousy fuckin fish in toww  
CC: W)(ale, a s)(ip is a s)(ip, no matter t)(e construction materials!  
CC: T)(oug)( t)(ere is still ONE t)(ing t)(at could throw a spanner in t)(e works...  
CA: an wwhats that  
CC: )(is w)(ole t)(ing wit)( t)(e )(emospectrum.  
CC: I've )(eard )(e's kind of a TRADITIONALIST on it...  
CC: And I just D--ESPIS--E it SO MUC)(, I don't know if I could become matesprits wit)( somebody w)(o clings to it like t)(at!  
CA: yeah i thought that might be an issue  
CC: )(---EY!!  
CC: You're )(is auspistice, rig)(t?  
CC: And you and )(e and Tavros )(ave been glubbing t)(ings out, rig)(t??  
CA: yeah so wwhat  
CC: W)(ale, Nepeta said s)(e mig)(t try to c)(ange )(is mind on t)(e w)(ole )(emospectrum issue before.  
CC: Do you t)(ink )(e's budged on it at all???  
CA: wwell  
CA: kind of  
CA: i think right noww hes tryin to do awway wwith it as bureaucratically as possible  
CC: 38?  
CC: W)(at do you mean?  
CA: wwell i think he still wwants to hold onto the tradition at least on some levvel  
CA: but hes gradually chippin awway at it wwith exceptions and exemptions  
CA: until evventually i guess hell be an adherent in name only  
CC: )(mmm...  
CC: I guess t)(at's ON---E way of doing t)(ings.  
CC: Maybe it's more R--E--ELISTIC t)(an )(oping for one BIG, DRASTIC R---EVOLUTION.  
CC: Anyway, I )(ope it works out for )(im!  
CA: yeah me too  
CA: if hed drop the fuckin act itd certainly make my auspisticizin easier  
CA: so he wwouldnt alwways be playin the impudent lowwblood card  
CC: Yea)(, I guess t)(at's ANOT)(--ER good reason.  
CC: You know, besides t)(e w)(ole ")(orribly unjust violation of t)(e basic rig)(ts of every troll in existence" t)(ing.  
CA: wwell yeah if you feel like graspin at strawws that certainly is a reason that exists as wwell  
CC: 38P  
CA: hahaha  
CA: so wwould you seriously givve him a shot as your matesprit  
CC: S)(ore! I t)(ink it could work out.  
CA: huh  
CA: wwell cool  
CA: if you evver do try it out i hope things wwork out for you  
CC: W)(ale, T)(ANK YOU! 38)  
CC: I )(ave to say, t)(oug)(, t)(is is all F--ERRY DIFF--ER--ENT!!  
CA: wwhat is  
CC: T)(IS!!!  
CC: Us talking aboat romance and stuff!  
CC: We always avoided discussing t)(e flus)(ed quadrant back w)(en we were morayeels.  
CC: It's nice.  
CA: yeah i guess it is  
CA: yknoww i already said this but i feel the need to say it again  
CA: im really glad wwere still on good terms  
CC: Me too!  
CC: Even t)(oug)( I didn't want to be morayeels, I still wanted to be fronds wit)( you!  
CA: yeah i knoww  
CA: but i wwas really afraid this wwhole thing wwas gonna drive a spike betwween us that wwe couldnt evver dig out  
CA: like its a story as old as time you knoww howw it goes right  
CA: hes flushed for her shes pale for him  
CA: an the genders almost alwways break dowwn that wway for some reason  
CA: but anywway wwhen their feelins come out in the open evverything just completely disintegrates betwween them  
CA: an evven after they movve on theres still that perceivved rejection that neither of em can get ovver and it evventually sends them both screamin into the bloodiest black you could evver imagine  
CC: 38O  
CC: Wait wait wait, W)(AT???  
CC: You t)(oug)(t I mig)(t be BLACK for you?????  
CA: no no no thats not wwhat im sayin  
CA: i wwas just afraid wwed both end up hatin each other platonic or otherwwise  
CA: i mean god fef i wwould NEVVER wwant you as my kismesis  
CA: but i thought things betwween us might nevver settle the wway they did and evventually itd get so bad that one of us wwould do somethin wwed regret  
CA: so im glad it nevver came to that  
CC: W)(ale, Y--EA)(, I am too!  
CC: But you know...  
CC: It's kind of ironic, reely.  
CA: wwhat  
CC: W)(ale, okay, don't )(ake t)(is as a PORPOSITION or anyt)(ing, okay??  
CC: But if you )(adn't already )(ooked up wit)( Terezi...  
CC: I t)(ink I could see myself as your matesprit.  
CA: wwhoa  
CA: seriously  
CC: Just a little, yea)(!  
CC: I mean, you aren't t)(e troll I became pale for anymore.  
CC: And you C--ERTAINLY aren't t)(e troll I STOPP--ED being pale for!  
CC: But you AR---E t)(e guy I always T)(OUG)(T you could be.  
CC: And )(e's L--EAGU--ES betta t)(an BOT)( of t)(ose two.  
CC: So I t)(ink it could've worked out.  
CA: oh  
CA: wwell thanks fef  
CA: that means a lot comin from you  
CC: But again, t)(at's NOT a come-on or anyt)(ing!!!  
CC: I'm just saying is all.  
CA: yeah i knoww  
CA: but it is kinda funny  
CA: i mean the eridan of a wweek or twwo ago probably wwouldvve dropped evverything an gone runnin into your arms the moment you said that  
CA: but noww not so much  
CA: the wworst thing is it took me gettin ovver you to make me the guy i am today  
CC: Yea)(.  
CC: But still, I'm )(appy for you!  
CC: And I'm glad you found a matesprit you're R--E--ELY )(appy wit)(.  
CA: yeah  
CA: ter really is great  
CA: probably the best thing that evver happened to me  
CA: and if not then shes at least easily in the top three  
CA: but no ill go ahead an call her the best  
CA: if only because im hangin out wwith her right noww  
CA: just dont tell her thats the reason  
CC: )(e)(e, of COURS--E!  
CC: Your seacret is safe wit)( me!  
CC: But water you guys doing rig)(t now?  
CC: I mean, if it's not)(ing too... INTIMAT---E, anyway.  
CA: no no its nothin like that  
CA: wwere doin a little questin on lotaf  
CC: O)(, w)(ale t)(at's cool!  
CA: eh  
CA: yeah i guess  
CC: 38?  
CC: You don't sound too --ENT)(US--ED.  
CA: wwell its just  
CA: im ok wwith comin ovver to lotaf all the time  
CA: but sometimes a guy just wwants to bring his matesprit ovver to his hivve instead of alwways crashin at hers you knoww wwhat i mean  
CA: an i cant bring her to lowwaa its too dangerous  
CA: wwhat wwith all the stupid fuckin rampaging angels flyin about  
CC: 38/  
CC: Okay, AGAIN wit)( t)(e ANG--EL problems!!!  
CC: S----EARIOUSLY, dude???  
CA: look ivve been on my best behavvior recently ok  
CA: i havvent killed a single goddamn angel except the occasional fucker wwho gets past the defenses an starts flappin around in my hivve  
CC: T)(ey're STILL getting in???  
CC: I t)(oug)(t I fortified t)(e plaice pretty dam w)(ale!!  
CA: yeah i knoww but theyre crafty bastards  
CA: either that or just incredibly flailingly stupid  
CA: tempted to vveer towwards the latter  
CC: 38P  
CA: anywway im gettin pretty fuckin sick of it  
CA: i just wwant all these angels to fuck off for like FIVVE FUCKIN SECONDS so i can maybe enjoy a few handfuls a my matesprits plush rump in the privvacy a my owwn hivve  
CA: is that REALLY so much to ask for  
CC: I don't t)(ink so, no!  
CC: But you R--E--ELY pissed t)(em off, --Eridan!!  
CA: yeah i knoww but wwhat am i supposed to do about it  
CA: im not killin em anymore  
CA: ivve tried talkin but they nevver talk back  
CA: except in the usual creepy fuckin wwhispers of wwhatevver disturbin cryptic horseshit theyre alwways goin on about  
CA: sayin shit like only wwhen all hope is lost can hope truly be restored  
CA: an only wwhen the prince truly submits to despair wwill he become king  
CA: wwoww thanks guys thats really helpful noww can you GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HIVVE THANK YOU VVERY MUCH  
CC: )(mmmmm...  
CC: I'm not reely s)(ore w)(at to tell you!  
CA: eh its fine  
CA: it only really affects things wwith me an ter anywway  
CA: wwhenevver gams around they seem to back off for some reason  
CA: an im fine wwith the occasional straggler gettin in wwhen neps ovver that just makes things more exciting  
CA: but its just kind of really fuckin annoying that this entire goddamn planet is basically hostile fuckin territory  
CA: doin quests there is a nightmare trust me wwithout gams help its practically fuckin impossible  
CA: an evven wwhen he is around i cant get anywwhere near my quest recuperacoon the angels flip their provverbial shit wwhenevver i so much as look in its fuckin direction  
CC: O)(, were you t)(inking aboat going God Tier??  
CA: thinkin about it yeah  
CA: unfortunately doin its a wwhole different matter entirely  
CA: a matter vvigilantly guarded by stupid fuckin angels  
CA: wwhy you thinkin about ascending  
CC: Y--EA)(, actually!!  
CC: I already ROCK---ET----ED to t)(e top of my ec)(eladder after t)(e little stunt I pulled wit)( Aradia!  
CA: yeah i guess you wwould  
CA: its hard to get much better at bein a wwitch of life than raisin the dead from wwhats essentially fuckin ashes  
CC: --EXACTLY!  
CC: And anyway, I figure I s)(oald get a little betta PR--EPAR--ED to fix w)(atever ridiculous injuries Vriska mig)(t inflict on my morayeel!  
CC: -Especially after w)(at ended up )(appening wit)( t)(em...  
CA: oh yeah  
CA: she bleww up his eyeballs an killed him huh  
CC: W)(ale, in all FAIRN--ESS, s)(e only did t)(e second to fix t)(e first!  
CC: And t)(e first was COMPL--ET--ELY )(is fault anyway, )(e admitted to me as muc)(.  
CA: man  
CA: those twwo are kinda hardcore arent they  
CC: Yea)(, T--ELL me aboat it.  
CC: But I'm just glad Sollux found )(ims)(ellf a kismesis )(e can R--E--ELLY be satisfied wit)(!  
CC: T)(oug)( I guess it's a s)(ame t)(ings didn't work out between you and Vriska.  
CA: oh no its fine  
CA: i already found myself a better kismesis than vvris evver wwas believve me  
CC: )(a)(a, I guess so.  
CA: anywway things did wwork out betwween me an vvris  
CA: honestly i think the reason our kismesissitude nevver wworked out is just cause wwere too damn good at bein partners  
CC: O)( reely?  
CC: Water you guys doing now???  
CA: wwell wwere kind of in cahoots again  
CA: brewwin up some proper blackships together  
CA: in fact i kinda helped her out wwith the wwhole thing wwith sol  
CC: )(ey, I kelped out wit)( t)(at too!!  
CC: )(e N--EV--ER would )(ave been down wit)( it if I )(adn't urged )(im to go for it!!  
CA: hmmmm  
CA: maybe not  
CA: so thanks for the assist i suppose  
CC: )(e)(e, no problem!  
CC: But you and Vriska are blacks)(ipping, )(u)(??  
CC: So just w)(at OT)(---ER s)(ips did you )(ave in mind???  
CA: sorry i cant revveal anything about that  
CA: im swworn to secrecy on the matter  
CC: O)( come on!  
CC: You can't even reveal a LITTL---E?  
CA: nope sorry  
CA: its all vvery sensitivve information  
CC: W)(y is it so sensitive??  
CC: Does any of it )(ave to do wit)( s)(ipping M----E????  
CA: maybe it does maybe it doesnt  
CA: i cant confirm nor deny anything  
CC: Ba)(, LAM----E. >38C  
CA: haha sorry  
CC: It's fine, just do your t)(ing, I guess.  
CA: yeah wwe wwill  
CA: so  
CC: So.  
CA: wwell  
CA: not much else to talk about really is there  
CC: Maybe not! 38/  
CA: wwait hang on ter wwants to talk to me about somethin  
CA: givve me a second here  
CC: Okay, s)(ore.  
CA: ok wow  
CA: so somethin really important came up  
CA: so i havve to go  
CC: W)(at? W)(at )(appened???  
CA: wwell its kind of a big fuckin deal but  
CA: i cant really talk about it  
CC: W)(y not???  
CC: Is it some kind of ---EM---ERG---ENCY?????  
CA: no no no its nothin like that  
CA: look im really sorry to end this convversation so abruptly but ivve really got to handle this  
CA: an ill be at it for a wwhile so maybe just dont contact me for the next hour or twwo say  
CC: Um... OKAY??????  
CC: Just W)(AT'S going on over t)(ere?????  
CA: its nothin dont wworry about it  
CA: ok so anywway bye  
CC: WAIT!!!!  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].  
  
CC: W)(at do you M----EAN it's...  
CC: O)(.  
CC: W)(ale, T)(AT'S weird. 38/  
  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]. 

*** 

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA].  
  
CT: D --> E%cuse me  
CT: D --> If you have a moment  
CT: D --> I require words with you  
TA: oh 2hiit.  
CT: D --> What  
TA: let me gue22.  
TA: you're here to biitch me out about aa, riight?  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> No, a%ually  
CT: D --> I had more pressing matters to di%uss  
TA: more pre22iing than blowiing up your robot giirlfriiend and then takiing her for my2elf?  
TA: becau2e that 2eems two me two be about a2 pre22iing a2 matter2 get.  
TA: liike, more pre22iing than a viicegriip from the two 2tronge2t dude2 on doublebutler ii2land.  
CT: D --> Ok, 100k  
CT: D --> I understand your concern  
CT: D --> But I am not at all upset about the recent development between you and Aradia  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> In truth, she and I had conc100ded our relationship long before this incident  
CT: D --> Did she not e%plain this to you  
TA: no, 2he diid.  
TA: and 2o diid np, actually.  
CT: D --> Oh  
TA: ii ju2t wa2n't 2ure iif ii beliieved iit.  
TA: but heariing iit from you ii2 a diifferent 2tory, ii gue22.  
CT: D --> Yes, well  
CT: D --> You're likely a better fit for her anyway  
TA: a "better fiit?"  
TA: what ii2 that 2uppo2ed two mean?  
CT: D --> Um  
TA: are you 2ayiing iit'2 more acceptable for me two be her mate2priit becau2e ii'm a lowblood?  
TA: ii2 that why you dumped her iin the fiir2t place?  
CT: D --> Abso100tely not, that's absurd  
CT: D --> And yet  
CT: D --> That's probably e%actly what you should e%pect of me, isn't it  
TA: what?  
CT: D --> Ugh, I should've known this was pointless  
CT: D --> It was f001ish of me to assume you would even want to speak to me  
CT: D --> Sorry to waste your time  
TA: whoa, hey, 2low down.  
TA: 2orry, iit'2 ju2t...  
TA: ii diidn't really expect that you wanted two be ciiviil wiith me.  
TA: ii've kiind grown u2ed two beiing combatiive wiith blueblood2 recently.  
CT: D --> Ah, right  
CT: D --> Owing to your  
CT: D --> Entanglement with the cer001ean-b100d, I take it  
TA: iif that'2 what you want two call iit  
CT: D --> I understand she, um  
CT: D --> Detonated your eye sockets  
TA: eheh, kiind of.  
TA: hone2tly, ii'm totally takiing the fall for that.  
TA: 2he got me wiith her freaky miind griip and overclocked my my p2iooniic2, but iit'2 my fault, ii totally undere2tiimated her.  
TA: or overe2tiimated my braiin'2 2tre22 liimiit, one of the two.  
TA: but hey, at lea2t 2he fiixed iit afterward2.  
CT: D --> Oh, that's right, you ascended  
CT: D --> How has that, um  
CT: D --> Worked out for you  
TA: iit'2 worked out pretty fuckiing awe2omely, ii have two be hone2t.  
TA: ii fiinally got all the2e annoyiing fuckiing voiice2 under control, for one thiing.  
TA: iimmiinently decea2ed a22hole2 alway2 gettiing up iin my griill and tryiing two tell me when they're goiing two diie, and ii'm ju2t liike...  
TA: ii'm iin charge now, motherfucker2.  
TA: 2o now iif anybody diie2, iit'2 not goiing two be wiithout my expre22 con2ent.  
TA: ba2iically, ii am become death, de2troyer of world2.  
TA: and aa can be my 2uper foxy handmaiid.  
CT: D --> Wow  
CT: D --> I wasn't aware that such powers were within your purview  
TA: well, everybody know2 mage2 get riidiiculou2ly powerful at hiigh level2, that'2 ju2t a ba2iic fact of verii2iimiiliitude.  
TA: and when ii went god tiier, ii ba2iically ju2t rocketed up to epiic level fa2ter than a kobold doiing iinappropriiate thiing2 wiith 2nake2.  
TA: we've gone quadratiic, and ii'm 2iittiing pretty at the top of the fuckiing parabola.  
TA: 2o yeah, doom ii2 pretty much my biitch now.  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> That 100% to be a 100dicrously powerful title  
TA: well, ii'm ju2t one god of many.  
TA: ii mean, aa'2 the god of tiime, and you wouldn't beliieve the deliiriiou2 2hiit 2he can do wiith her power2.  
TA: vk'2 a mon2ter two, and 2he doe2n't even realiize the full extent of her abiiliitiie2 yet.  
TA: ii kiind of hope 2he doe2n't, but 2he'2 goiing two have two eventually.  
TA: all of u2 wiill, actually.  
TA: you'll be e2peciially iimportant, apparently.  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> You mean I'm going to  
CT: D --> Die  
TA: well, yeah, but that doe2n't mean 2hiit, really.  
TA: ii mean, ii diied, and look at me. ii'm kiicka22.  
CT: D --> Right, of course  
CT: D --> But I suppose I was just curious as to, um  
CT: D --> The cause  
TA: you want two know?  
TA: ii could totally 2leuth iit out, iit ii2 2eriiou2ly not an ii22ue.  
CT: D --> You can do that  
TA: yeah, dude, ju2t giive me a 2econd.  
TA: okaaaaay...  
TA: um.  
TA: oh my god.  
TA: ahahahahahah, wow.  
CT: D --> What  
TA: oh man, ii can't even type iit, iit'2 ju2t...  
TA: iit'2 two...  
CT: D --> Too what  
TA: no, ii can't, ii'm 2orry.  
CT: D --> What happens  
TA: look, don't worry about iit.  
TA: ii only gave your iimmiinent demii2e the mo2t cur2ory po22iible examiinatiion, and iit wa2 two much for me.  
TA: iit's not liike the cau2e even matter2 anyway, iit'2 what come2 after, and you'll be fiine, ju2t forget iit.  
CT: D --> Seriously  
CT: D --> You can't even offer a c100  
TA: no, not really.  
TA: do 2ome breathiing exercii2e2, maybe?  
CT: D --> 100k, if you didn't intend to il100minate the cause of my death  
CT: D --> Then why did you e%tend the offer in the first place  
TA: ii diidn't realiize iit wa2 goiing two be 2o fucked up, dude!  
TA: there are 2ome thiing2 you're better off not knowiing, 2eriiou2ly.  
TA: iif ii told you, you'd 2pend the re2t of your mortal liife freakiing out tryiing two avoiid iit, untiil one day you 2tumble naked iintwo a piile of broken bow2 and neuter the whole rea2on for beiing 2o cautiiou2 iin the fiir2t place.  
TA: and the la2t thiing any of u2 really need2 riight now ii2 two get tangled up iin a cliiche a2 fuck textbook 2elf-fulfiilliing prophecy liike that.  
CT: D --> Urgh  
CT: D --> Fine then  
CT: D --> Can we at least get back to the topic at hand  
TA: what, you mean aa?  
CT: D --> Not e%actly, no  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
TA: ii'm 2tiill not really gettiing why you're 2o laiid back about thii2.  
TA: ii kiind of fiigured aa wa2 a biig deal two you.  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> She was, of course  
CT: D --> I was flushed for her, well and tr001y  
CT: D --> But I feel as though my love was, perhaps  
CT: D --> Ill-founded  
CT: D --> I did not love Aradia for who she tr001y was  
CT: D --> I was simply infatuated with an il100sion  
CT: D --> An idealized sim001acrum of my own de100ded fabrication  
CT: D --> And a relationship built on such a 100se foundation could not stand  
TA: oh.  
CT: D --> Nonetheless, I do still care for her  
CT: D --> And if she is tr001y happy with you, that is enough for me  
TA: ii thiink 2he ii2.  
TA: ii don't know iif 2he'2 a2 happy a2 ii am wiith her, but iif 2he ii2n't, then beliieve me, ii'm takiing every fuckiing 2tep two rectiify the 2iituatiion.  
CT: D --> Good to hear  
CT: D --> You are tr001y a lucky man, Mister Captor  
TA: two day2 ago, ii'd have called you fuckiing iin2ane for 2ayiing that.  
TA: but yeah, you're ab2olutely riight.  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> I wish you both the abso100t best  
TA: yeah, thank2.  
TA: though ii have two a2k, dude.  
CT: D --> What  
TA: why are you beiing 2o niice two me?  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> What do you mean  
TA: ii mean, ii'm not 2ayiing ii want you two be a diick or anythiing...  
TA: but we've barely ever iinteracted before, and ii fiigured between the whole aa thiing and me beiing a pii22blooded mutant, you would pretty much be guaranteed two hate all eiight and a half meter2 of my gut2.  
TA: but here you are all 2uckiing up two me wiith the force of a fuckiing water2pout, and even calliing me "mii2ter captor," liike what the hell, are you ky all of a 2udden?  
TA: and ii have two a2k, ii2 there a rea2on for thii2?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Ok, I'll be honest  
CT: D --> There are two reasons, a%ually  
TA: there'2 that number agaiin, a2 apropo2 a2 ever.  
TA: what are they?  
CT: D --> Specifically, I require two things from you  
CT: D --> First, your approval  
CT: D --> And second, given that, your skills  
TA: my approval?  
TA: ju2t what the hell would you need my approval for?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> I suppose I should just come out and say it  
CT: D --> Mister Captor  
CT: D --> The reason I have come before you today is because  
CT: D --> I am 100king for your approval in  
TA: iin?  
CT: D --> In  
CT: D --> Courting your moirail  
TA: what?  
TA: waiit, let me get thii2 2traiight.  
TA: 2o you're a2kiing me permii22iion two date ff.  
CT: D --> It's an udderly 100dicrous notion, isn't it  
CT: D --> I should just go  
TA: dude, 2top.  
TA: 2eriiou2ly, what ii2 iit wiith you haviing liike zero 2elf-e2teem?  
TA: you're wor2e than me about thii2 2hiit.  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Sorry  
CT: D --> I simply assumed you would disapprove out of hand  
TA: what doe2 iit matter iif ii approve or not?  
TA: ff can go out wiith whoever 2he want2 two go out wiith, iit'2 not really any of my bu2iine22.  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No, it's entirely your business  
CT: D --> You are her moirail  
CT: D --> And as such, she is your abso100t responsibility  
TA: well, yeah dude, ii know that.  
TA: but iif 2he fiind2 a mate2priit who 2he'2 completely happy wiith, iit doe2n't really matter iif ii approve or not.  
CT: D --> Yes, but  
CT: D --> Shouldn't you at least ensure the trolls who are courting her aren't complete scumbags  
TA: ff wouldn't be iintere2ted iin a complete scumbag  
CT: D --> Really  
CT: D --> What about Vriska  
TA: eheheheh, fuck, that'2 actually a good poiint.  
TA: but ii'm pretty 2ure her whole thiing wiith ff iisn't even 2eriious.  
TA: a2 terriible a2 vk ii2, ii don't thiink 2he'2 about two break up wiith ky ju2t for a 2hot at her.  
CT: D --> Er, right  
CT: D --> Nonetheless, you had compared me to her previously  
CT: D --> E%pressing the sentiment that we were both  
CT: D --> And please forgive my language, but I am dire%ly quoting you  
CT: D --> "B100b100d assholes"  
TA: oh yeah, ii gue22 ii diid 2ay that, huh.  
TA: well, two be hone2t, when ii 2aiid that, ii diidn't really know anythiing about you.  
TA: but the thiing wiith aa gave me a pretty horriible fuckiing iimpre22iion.  
TA: not two mentiion ii thought ff wa2 goiing two be my mate2priit, and ii wa2 kiind of freakiing out becau2e ii thought you were fliirtiing wiith her.  
CT: D --> Just to be clear  
CT: D --> I was  
CT: D --> Or at least, I was attempting to  
TA: well, iit kiind of worked.  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> It did  
TA: yeah, dude.  
TA: 2he thiink2 you're "charmiing," a2 hard a2 ii fiind that two beliieve.  
CT: D --> Wow  
CT: D --> That's e%cellent news  
CT: D --> Er, e%cept, of course  
CT: D --> It doesn't matter if you disapprove of me, uh  
CT: D --> Pursuing her  
TA: alriight, dude, ii'm goiing two be hone2t.  
TA: ii don't thiink you're a complete 2cumbag.  
CT: D --> That is  
CT: D --> A%ually higher praise than I e%pected  
TA: eheh, don't get u2ed two iit.  
TA: but 2eriiou2ly though, you 2eem alriight.  
TA: and even though you kept me away from aa, 2he tell2 me you never really diid anythiing two hurt her.  
TA: well, except 2omethiing about a chiip 2he never feel2 liike fully explaiiniing.  
CT: D --> Oh god  
CT: D --> Please don't remind me  
TA: but whatever, there'2 no hard feeliing2 on her part, 2o ii gue22 ii can't really 2ay there'2 any on miine eiither.  
TA: and really, iit take2 a lot of strength two talk two the guy who 2tole your mate2priit wiithout flyiing off the handle liike you have.  
TA: iif our po2iitiion2 were rever2ed, ii'd probably be iin the miiddle of an acrobatiic fuckiing PIIROUETTE a2 we 2peak.  
CT: D --> Ha  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I would be more upset, perhaps  
CT: D --> Had I not found such a resplendent woman to fill the gap left in her wake  
TA: wow.  
TA: you 2ound pretty taken wiith her.  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> That didn't come off as  
CT: D --> Creepy, did it  
TA: eh, not really.  
TA: ju2t kiind of... flowery, ii gue22?  
TA: ff would probably eat that 2hiit up liike her lu2u2 u2ed two eat up whale carca22e2, though.  
TA: 2he'2 kiind of a 2ucker for old-2chool romantiic2.  
TA: ju2t don't tell her ii told you that.  
CT: D --> Ha, of course  
CT: D --> Your knowledge is secure with me  
CT: D --> I had considered, perhaps, conducting a poem of some sort  
CT: D --> But I'm not abso100tely certain she'd appreciate it  
TA: what, liike a... 2lam poem?  
CT: D --> That would be the preferred medium, yes  
TA: yeah, ii thiink you had the riight iidea.  
TA: 2he'2 kiind of a phiilii2tiine when iit come2 two rap.  
TA: ii don't thiink 2he'd be able two appreciiate your fiinely-honed ae2thetiic 2en2e.  
CT: D --> I would assume as much  
CT: D --> I rarely share my poetry  
CT: D --> And most I have e%posed it to rea%ed with  
CT: D --> Revulsion  
TA: eheh, riight.  
TA: charlatan2, the lot of them.  
CT: D --> E%cept for that isolent gutterb100d Nitram  
CT: D --> He 100% to be utterly unfazed by the topi% of my raps  
CT: D --> Though he seems to think I have chosen them simply as a f001ish attempt to disrupt his Flow  
CT: D --> What a 100dicrous notion  
TA: waiit, what?  
TA: you rap wiith tv?  
TA: why do ii not know thii2, that'2 fuckiing cla22iic.  
CT: D --> It's a recent development  
CT: D --> An ashen orchestration by the seadweller  
TA: okay, hold on.  
TA: are you tryiing two tell me ed'2 au2pii2tiiciiziing between you and tv?  
CT: D --> Yes  
TA: and 2omehow rappiing ii2 iinexpliicably iinvolved?  
CT: D --> Yes  
TA: and thii2 ii2n't ju2t 2ome riidiiculou2 joke you're makiing up riight now?  
CT: D --> I would never joke about something like this  
CT: D --> I'm being abso100tely sincere  
TA: okay.  
TA: that ciinche2 iit.  
TA: ii 2uddenly under2tand jack 2hiit.  
TA: black ii2 whiite, up ii2 down, and ed ii2 an au2pii2tiice iin2tead of the guy who need2 one.  
CT: D --> For the record, he's a%ually quite skilled  
CT: D --> He has ameliorated the confli% between me and the mudb100ded upstart quite effe%ively  
CT: D --> And the idea of e%ploiting slam poetry for the purposes of auspisticization is quite frankly revo100tionary  
TA: thii2 ii2 2o fucked up, what am ii even readiing here.  
TA: 2iince when do you and tv need an au2pii2tiice anyway?  
CT: D --> Since he decided to become an insufferable pest  
CT: D --> So, since he was hatched  
TA: eheh, wow, burn.  
TA: but yeah, he ha2 been kiind of a diick lately.  
CT: D --> "Lately"  
TA: ahahah.  
TA: ii talked two hiim earliier, and for 2ome rea2on he ha2 2ome kiind of grudge agaiin2t the both of us?  
TA: but he wouldn't 2ay what iit wa2 about.  
CT: D --> Hrm  
CT: D --> Something 100dicrous, no doubt  
CT: D --> In any case, things came to a head in the most recent memo  
CT: D --> Apparently, he got the f001ish notion in his think pan to make some harassing comments about your matesprit  
TA: what?  
TA: he wa2 talkiing 2hiit about aa??  
CT: D --> Specifically, he was, er  
CT: D --> Di%rediting the both of us  
CT: D --> And implying we were indicative of her "poor taste in matesprits"  
CT: D --> Whatever that rubbish means  
TA: wow, what the hell ii2 hii2 problem?  
TA: ii thought he and aa were friiend2 or 2omethiing.  
CT: D --> Well, what can you e%pect from such a loathsome, detestable rodent of a troll  
TA: jegu2, dude.  
TA: that'2 2tartiing two 2ound liike 2ome really non-platoniic hatred there.  
TA: are you 2ure you wanted an au2pii2tiice?  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> I had considered  
CT: D --> The other option  
CT: D --> But the seadweller insists I can do better  
TA: really?  
TA: wiith who?  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> I'd rather not di%uss it, honestly  
TA: faiir enough, ii gue22.  
TA: but hone2tly, ii don't know what tv'2 problem ii2.  
TA: iit probably ha2 2omethiing two do wiith vk, though.  
TA: he'2 been 2teadiily cliimbiing the doucheladder ever 2iince they became moiiraiils.  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> That's a possible e%planation, I suppose  
CT: D --> But really, I'd rather not di%uss this further  
CT: D --> Just thinking about that h001igan and his odious e%cuse for a matesprit is making me  
CT: D --> Perspire  
TA: oh god.  
TA: okay, let'2 change that 2ubject and never return two iit agaiin.  
TA: ever.  
CT: D --> Um, ok  
CT: D --> It was a laborious digression, in retrospect  
TA: iit wa2n't the length that got me 2o much a2 the 2ubject matter.  
TA: anyway, we were talkiing about ff.  
CT: D --> Right  
CT: D --> Specifically, I was requesting your approval to, um  
CT: D --> Initiate courtship with her  
TA: ahahah, you make iit 2ound liike a dockiing procedure or 2omethiing.  
TA: battle2hiip zahhak reque2tiing permii22iion two iiniitiiate courtiing procedure2.  
TA: roger that, zahhak, you are clear two woo.  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Is that a yes  
TA: look, you're welcome two try.  
TA: but ju2t becau2e ii'm giiviing you the ok doe2n't mean ii'm goiing two 2lap you two twogether wiith a crane or 2omethiing.  
TA: you're clear for liiftoff, but iit'2 up two you two 2aiil the damn 2hiip iin the fiir2t place.  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> E%actly how long are you 100king to e%tend this metaphor  
TA: hone2tly, ii wa2 probably goiing two keep makiing aeronaval allu2iion2 untiil the moment of my untiimely death.  
TA: and 2iince ii'm functiionally iimmortal and iinciidentally al2o the ma2ter of death iit2elf, that mean2 ii can keep thii2 up pretty much forever.  
TA: thank you for flyiing captor aiir.  
CT: D --> Urgh  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You'll stop now, I command it  
TA: eheheh, okay, fiine.  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CT: D --> Now, regarding your moirail  
CT: D --> Do I have your blessings in pursuing her or not  
TA: liike ii 2aiid, dude, you're welcome two try your luck wiith her ju2t liike anybody el2e.  
TA: doe2 that count a2 a ble22iing?  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> Close enough, I suppose  
TA: well, there you go, court2hiip approved.  
TA: knock your2elf out.  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Than%, but  
CT: D --> The truth is  
CT: D --> I need your help  
TA: whoa, no can do.  
TA: iif you want two hook up wiith ff, you're on your own, ii'm not pre22uriing her iintwo iit.  
CT: D --> No no no, I didn't mean anything like that  
CT: D --> Perish the thought  
CT: D --> What I tr001y meant was  
CT: D --> I require your e%pertise  
TA: my expertii2e?  
TA: what do you mean?  
CT: D --> Specifically, your programming knowledge  
TA: oh, riight.  
TA: well, iif you're lookiing for programmiing expertii2e, you came two the riight guy.  
TA: but what doe2 that have two do wiith you and ff?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I'm currently working on a  
CT: D --> Proje%  
TA: a project.  
CT: D --> Its end result is intended for your moirail  
CT: D --> A thoughtful gift, or at least I hope  
TA: really?  
TA: you're goiing two giive her a robot or 2omethiing?  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Perhaps  
TA: yeah, 2iince that worked out 2o well for you la2t tiime.  
CT: D --> 100k, can we just  
CT: D --> Not talk about that  
CT: D --> If at all possible  
TA: eheh, fiine, ju2t giiviing you a hard tiime.  
CT: D --> Right  
CT: D --> Anyway, this gift is different  
CT: D --> It's not intended for habitation by the deceased, for one  
TA: well, ii kiind of fiigured that much.  
TA: but what ii2 iit exactly?  
CT: D --> I'm afraid I can't il100minate any of the specifi%  
CT: D --> To ma%imize the effe%iveness of the gift, I require abso100t secrecy  
TA: then ii'm afraiid ii can't help you.  
CT: D --> What  
TA: look, dude, ii may be ape2hiit banana2 at computer2 and all, but none of iit matter2 iif ii don't know what kiind of hardware ii'm workiing wiith.  
TA: iif you can't giive me any of the 2pec2, then there'2 nothiing ii can do for you.  
CT: D --> Hrm  
CT: D --> I hadn't considered that  
CT: D --> Ok, 100k  
CT: D --> I have constru%ed a prototype that should be adequate for your purposes  
CT: D --> But first you must promise me abso100t confidentiality  
CT: D --> You can share this with no one, not even your moirail  
CT: D --> Especially not your moirail, a%ually  
TA: okay, fiine, your 2ecret'2 2afe wiith me.  
TA: ju2t giive iit here, ii've been dyiing two do 2ome proper programmiing.  
TA: liiterally, a2 the ca2e may be.  
CT: D --> Ha  
TA: but 2eriiou2ly though, you'd be 2urprii2ed how much an iintiimate under2tandiing of the iinner workiing2 of doom help2 when you're workiing wiith ~ATH.  
TA: death-oriiented de2iign ha2 a pretty 2teep fuckiing learniing curve.  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> Anyway, here is the code for the prototype  
CT: D --> IaSaTSiM  
TA: okay, giive me a 2econd here.  
TA: oh wow.  
TA: ii2 thii2...  
TA: ii2 thii2 a cuttlefii2h?  
CT: D --> That was the idea, yes  
TA: well damn, thii2 thiing ii2 kiind of cool.  
TA: look2 kiind of 2cary wiith all the wiire2 and 2hiit ju2t hangiing out, though.  
TA: liike 2ome kiind of freaky robot 2pace mon2ter that roll2 up on ciiviiliized planet2 and 2uck2 up all the iinhabiitant2 two u2e them a2 fuel or 2omethiing.  
TA: only 2maller, obviiou2ly.  
CT: D --> Er, it's incomplete as of now  
CT: D --> I have yet to complete the e%terior plating  
CT: D --> "Scary" is not the intended appellation by any means  
CT: D --> I was 100king for something closer to, um  
CT: D --> "Cute"  
TA: hone2tly, they're kiind of one and the 2ame two ff.  
CT: D --> Really  
TA: 2he's kiind of weiird liike that.  
CT: D --> I see  
CT: D --> Nonetheless, I insist on finishing it  
CT: D --> For the sake of my pride, if nothing else  
TA: yeah, ii get iit.  
TA: no u2e leaviing a job half-fiinii2hed.  
CT: D --> Yes, and speaking of which  
CT: D --> Although the hardware is in a fun%ional state, the unit's artificial intelligence is presently none%istent  
TA: and let me gue22.  
TA: you want me two brew up an aii for iit, riight?  
CT: D --> Not e%actly  
TA: oh.  
TA: then what?  
CT: D --> While I recognize your programming e%pertise  
CT: D --> And I'm abso100tely certain you could craft an e%ceptional behavioral program for the unit  
CT: D --> This is not a labor I can simply e%port to a third party  
CT: D --> It is something I must do myself  
CT: D --> And so I am assuming direct control of the completion of all of its components  
TA: 2o what are you a2kiing me for here?  
CT: D --> Put simply, I am 100king for  
CT: D --> Your tutelage  
TA: my tutelage.  
TA: 2o you want me two teach you two program 2hiit 2o you can make thii2 thiing'2 aii your2elf?  
CT: D --> Yes, e%actly  
CT: D --> Is that something you'd be willing to do  
TA: hmmmm...  
TA: iit II2 an iintere2tiing propo2iitiion, ii have two 2ay.  
TA: people a2k me two program 2hiit for them all the tiime, but nobody'2 ever a2ked me two teach them.  
TA: well, except kk, but he'2 not exactly the mo2t apt pupiil.  
CT: D --> Oh goodness  
CT: D --> I imagine that would be a uniquely frustrating e%perience  
TA: yeah, tell me about iit.  
TA: ii mean, the guy'2 my friiend and all, but he ii2 ju2t the biigge2t tool 2ometiime2.  
CT: D --> More than a t001, I would say  
CT: D --> Closer to an entire t001bo%  
TA: eheheh, yeah, the guy'2 an entiire fuckiing hardware 2tore untwo hiim2elf.  
TA: do you have a problem wiith hiim two?  
CT: D --> It's nothing personal  
CT: D --> He caused some distress for my moirail, that's all  
TA: wow, what a douche.  
CT: D --> My sentiments e%actly  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Perhaps mine don't use such e%plicit language  
TA: ii'm not offendiing your deliicate 2en2iibiiliitiie2 by u2iing 2uch crude language, am ii?  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> My decision not to e%ercise such a 100d vocab001ary is a personal choice and nothing more  
CT: D --> You may speak whatever crude vernac001ar you wish  
TA: that 2eem2 awfully laiid back of you, but alriight.  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> To be perfe%ly honest  
CT: D --> There's little I can do to force my language standards upon you  
TA: that'2 true two.  
TA: you're a 2trong guy and all, but ii don't thiink you want two fiind out how you'd 2tand up two an eye beam or two.  
CT: D --> Er, right  
TA: 2orry, anyway.  
TA: i gue22 ii miight be wiilliing two teach you, but iit depend2 on how much you already know.  
TA: you ever do any programmiing before?  
CT: D --> Some, yes  
CT: D --> Though it's mostly been with embedded systems in ^CAKE  
TA: yeah, that'2 u2ually how iit ii2 wiith hardware people.  
TA: ^CAkE ii2 fiine for 2hiit liike that, but iit'2 totally un2uiited to complex 2tuff liike artiifiiciiall iintelliigence.  
TA: ii mean, you COULD wriite a decent aii wiith iit, but iit'd take thou2and2 of liine2 of code, iif not miiliion2.  
TA: iif you're 2eriiou2 about iit, ~ATH ii2 the be2t language for wriitiing really hiigh-level evolutiionary 2hiit, but iit'2 not the mo2t u2er-friiendly language by any mean2.  
TA: iin fact, iit'2 pretty expliiciitly u2er-ho2tiile.  
TA: you ever u2ed ~ATH?  
CT: D --> A little  
CT: D --> Just minor twea% to e%isting scripts, nothing significant  
TA: but you're famiiliiar wiith the 2yntax and 2tuff?  
CT: D --> Yes  
TA: well, that giive2 you a leg up on kk, at lea2t.  
TA: but then, the guy'2 pretty much a technologiical paraplegiic, 2o that'2 not really 2ayiing much.  
CT: D --> Ha  
CT: D --> Perhaps he's simply in need of prostheti%  
TA: ahahah, yeah, giive hiim a lobotomy and iin2tall a programmiing databa2e diirectly iintwo hii2 thiink pan.  
TA: and whiile you're iin there, maybe take out the part that make2 hiim con2tantly giive me 2hiit and/or fliirt wiith me.  
CT: D --> An admirable goal  
CT: D --> I recognize that he is our leader, but  
CT: D --> Sometimes he's just so  
CT: D --> Insufferable  
TA: yeah, the guy'2 iinfliicted plenty of 2ufferiing on u2 iin tho2e 2tupiid memo2 of hii2.  
TA: but he act2 liike he'2 the REAL 2ufferer, tyiing hiim2elf two a floggiing jut and whiiniing about how hard iit ii2 two be our leader.  
TA: well, you're the one who endle22ly 2creeched at everyone about how you alone de2erved two be iin charge, 2o why don't you can iit, dumba22.  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> I certainly think there e%ists a more rightful r001er for our team  
TA: heh, you mean ff?  
TA: god, ii wii2h 2he wa2 iin charge, but unfortunately 2he ha2 zero iintere2t iin makiing a power grab.  
CT: D --> That is unfortunate  
TA: tell me about iit.  
CT: D --> Anyway  
CT: D --> If we may return to the matter at hand  
CT: D --> Would you be willing to sch001feed me in the methods of programming  
CT: D --> I won't order you to  
CT: D --> Simply because it would be f001ish to poison the well with you if I hoped to establish a relationship with your moirail, you understand  
TA: of cour2e.  
CT: D --> But I fear I have nothing to offer in compensation  
TA: hmmmm...  
TA: alriight, tell you what.  
TA: iif ii help you out enough that you can fiinii2h your liittle project...  
TA: then you can pay me back by piickiing up 2ome of the 2lack from all the2e a22hole2 who are con2tantly a2kiing me for tech 2upport.  
TA: how doe2 that 2ound?  
CT: D --> Oh god  
CT: D --> Fi%ing other people's technical issues is  
CT: D --> A uniquely tedious e%perience  
TA: yeah, and ii've been the one handliing ALL the techniical ii22ue2.  
TA: all of them.  
CT: D --> Oh wow  
CT: D --> I'm sorry, I had no idea  
TA: iif you really want two apologiize, 2ay you'll help me out.  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> If that's what it ta%es to secure your assistance  
CT: D --> Then I suppose the terms are a%eptable.  
TA: well then, eq, ii thiink we have our2elve2 a deal.  
CT: D --> E%cellent  
CT: D --> You have my than%, tr001y  
TA: yeah, yeah, don't mentiion iit.  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> When do we start  
TA: can we actually hold off for a biit?  
TA: ii kiind of want two fuck around wiith thii2 robo-cuttlefii2h thiing and 2ee what kiind of hardware iit'2 runniing before we really get iintwo iit.  
CT: D --> Ok  
TA: cool, thank2.  
TA: thii2 thiing ii2 actually really cool, ii have two 2ay.  
CT: D --> Is it  
CT: D --> I rushed its produ%ion somewhat  
CT: D --> The tentacles only have thirteen points of artic001ation, for one  
CT: D --> Do you really think it will be adequate  
TA: 2he'2 goiing two lo2e her 2hiit iin the be2t po22iible way when 2he 2ee2 the fiinii2hed product, tru2t me.  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> If you insist  
CT: D --> But really, thank you again for your blessings in this  
TA: yeah, no problem, ii gue22.  
TA: iit mu2t mean a lot two you, iif you're wiilliing two pro2trate your2elf before a gutterblooded pea2ant liike me, huh?  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> I wasn't going to say that  
TA: iit'2 fiine, ii get iit.  
TA: though ii don't thiink ff would be two thriilled two hear iit.  
CT: D --> That's e%actly why I wasn't going to say it  
TA: eheh, yeah, you miight want two ju2t not briing up the whole hemo2pectrum thiing wiith her.  
TA: 2he kiind of get2 up iin arm2 about the iinju2tiice iinherent two the whole thiing, even though 2he'2 at the top of iit.  
TA: waiit.  
TA: that'2 not why you're iintere2ted iin her, ii2 iit?  
CT: D --> Abso100tely not  
CT: D --> I mean, her b100d is  
CT: D --> An e%tremely attra%ive hue, don't get me wrong  
CT: D --> But there's so much more to it than that  
CT: D --> She is kind and courteous  
CT: D --> And compassionate  
CT: D --> Basically the e%ample to which all nobility should aspire  
CT: D --> And of which they all too often fall short  
CT: D --> Myself inc100ded  
TA: oh.  
TA: well okay.  
CT: D --> Besides  
CT: D --> Love does not di%riminate  
CT: D --> I became infatuated for a woman on the lowest rung of the Hemospe%rum just as easily  
TA: 2hiit, can't really argue wiith that.  
TA: 2tiill, though, iit 2eem2 liike thii2 whole thiing wiith you and her ju2t came out of nowhere.  
TA: waiit, wa2 iit np'2 iidea?  
CT: D --> Er, yes  
CT: D --> It started as a simple suggestion, but  
CT: D --> Things kind of bal100ned from there  
TA: god damn iit, ii 2hould have known.  
TA: your moiiraiil ju2t ha2 her deviiou2 claw2 2unk iintwo every 2hiip iin the harbor, doe2n't 2he?  
CT: D --> Is that a problem  
TA: well...  
TA: no, not really, ii gue22.  
TA: 2he kiind of diid me an enormou2 2oliid by 2hiippiing the fuck out me, and ii wa2 a 2tubborn diick about iit the entiire tiime.  
TA: 2hiit, ii gue22 ii never really properly apologiized two her for that.  
TA: could you pa22 that along two her 2omehow?  
CT: D --> Of course  
TA: yeah, thank2.  
TA: hone2tly, ii u2ed two thiink 2he wa2 lame, but ii gue22 ii wa2 wrong about her, 2he'2 actually kiind of cool.  
TA: ju2t don't tell her ii 2aiid that.  
CT: D --> I won't  
CT: D --> But you're abso100tely right  
CT: D --> Nepeta has been udderly remarkable these past few wee%  
CT: D --> She tr001y seems to have come into her own  
TA: ii gue22 2o.  
TA: diid you have anythiing two do wiith thii2 dra2tiic rever2al of lamene22?  
CT: D --> As much as I wish I could take credit for it, no  
CT: D --> It 100% to be a metamorphosis underwent entirely on her own  
CT: D --> I can't even e%plain it, really  
CT: D --> It's as if one day, she just  
CT: D --> Changed  
CT: D --> She's completely different from how she was before  
CT: D --> Once she was idle and carefree, but now she's so  
CT: D --> Reso100t  
TA: yeah, tell me about iit.  
TA: 2uddenly 2he'2 a romance expert and doe2n't take 2hiit from anybody.  
CT: D --> E%actly  
CT: D --> I'm proud of her  
CT: D --> But I have to wonder just what happened  
TA: well...  
TA: no u2e lookiing a giift hoofbea2t iin the mouth.  
CT: D --> Yes, I suppose you're right  
TA: but anyway, iif you really do liike ff, then ii really hope thiing2 wiill work out wiith you two.  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CT: D --> Your hopes are refle%ed in my own  
TA: riight.  
TA: oh, but there'2 one thiing you 2hould probably know fiir2t.  
CT: D --> What  
TA: well...  
TA: ii'm not really 2ure how two 2ay thii2, but...  
TA: ff and ii are... clo2e.  
CT: D --> Um  
TA: liike, really clo2e.  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I e%pected that much  
CT: D --> You are moirails, after all  
TA: no, ii mean, even for moiiraiil2.  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> I'm not abso100tely certain I get what you're implying  
TA: ii can't really get any more 2peciifiic.  
TA: but we're...  
TA: y'know, affectiionate.  
CT: D --> Uh  
TA: all ii'm 2ayiing ii2, the thiing2 we do iin priivate miight 2urprii2e you.  
CT: D --> 100k, this isn't any of my business  
CT: D --> What you and Feferi do in the privacy of a feelings jam is abso100tely none of my business  
CT: D --> Or anyone else's, for that matter  
CT: D --> No more than what Nepeta and I do is any of yours  
TA: whoa, what?  
TA: do you and np...  
TA: nevermiind, ii don't want two know.  
CT: D --> You have no right to know  
TA: yeah, ii know, ju2t forget ii a2ked.  
TA: iin fact, ju2t forget ii ever brought any of thii2 up.  
CT: D --> Ok  
TA: anyway, ii care about her a lot, and ii ju2t want her two fiind a mate2priit 2he can really be happy wiith.  
TA: 2iince ii wa2n't up two the ta2k, apparently.  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Are you not happy being her moirail  
TA: no, no, that'2 not what ii meant!  
TA: ii love beiing ff'2 moiiraiil, iit'2 fanta2tiic.  
TA: iit'2 ju2t... ii gue22 ii feel liike ii 2HOULD'VE been her mate2priit, you know?  
TA: even though 2he wanted two be my moiiraiil the whole tiime, and ii 2tiill had feeliing2 for aa.  
TA: ii ju2t feel liike ii diidn't love her enough.  
CT: D --> You love her more than enough  
CT: D --> It's just  
CT: D --> A different kind of love  
TA: yeah, ii know.  
TA: ii ju2t kiind of feel liike an iidiiot for not beiing flu2hed for her.  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> You kind of are  
TA: ahahah, thank2, that'2 encouragiing.  
CT: D --> But seriously though  
CT: D --> You were flushed for Aradia  
CT: D --> And no one can begrudge you that  
CT: D --> Least of all me  
TA: really?  
TA: cau2e ii thiink you're actually the mo2t entiitled of anybody two begrudge me that.  
CT: D --> 100k  
CT: D --> She was never tr001y happy with me  
CT: D --> That much 100% perfe%ly clear  
CT: D --> But she is with you, I can tell  
TA: yeah, 2he ii2.  
TA: and i want her two be happy and all.  
TA: but ii want ff two be happy two, you know?  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> But you want to find someone to make her happy, correct  
TA: yeah, that'2 the part that'2 weiird two me.  
CT: D --> It's perfe%ly natural  
CT: D --> You are her moirail, after all  
CT: D --> It's your e%c100sive duty to ensure she fills her other quadrants and maintains a su%essful romantic life  
TA: well, ii'm certaiinly feeliing that iitch.  
TA: ii really do want two fiind her a mate2priit, and ii gue22 you wouldn't be a half bad choiice.  
TA: not that there are many other2 at thii2 poiint, ju2t what, kk and np?  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Yes, I suppose  
TA: ii gue22 her and np get along pretty well, but ff iin2ii2t2 2he'2 not iintere2ted.  
TA: ju2t a2 well, ii gue22, 2iince that'd leave you wiith kk.  
CT: D --> Oh god  
TA: eheh, yeah, that'2 about how ii'd re2pond two.  
TA: but then, iif you and ff hook up, then that mean2 your moiiraiil'2 2tuck wiith hiim.  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Yes, I suppose  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> It does 100k like she has some affe%ion for him  
CT: D --> Even if she's never dire%ly admitted it  
TA: well, her lo22.  
TA: ii ju2t want ff two fiind a mate2priit 2he'll really be happy wiith.  
TA: oh, and 2omebody for the re2t of her quadrant2, two.  
TA: 2he'2 already got a damn fiine potentiial kii2me2ii2 iin ky.  
TA: oh man, and then you could have liike the cla22iie2t marooniion ever, hell yeah.  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> The classiest what  
TA: marooniion.  
CT: D --> What is a "maroonion"  
TA: oh man, iif ii explaiined iit two you, you'd probably fliip your 2hiit 2o hard, iit would reach the furthe2t riing.  
TA: but ba2iically, a marooniion ii2 the be2t thiing ever.  
TA: and that'2 pretty much all there ii2 two 2ay on the matter.  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> I'll take your word for it, I guess  
TA: iit ii2, dude, ju2t tru2t me.  
TA: anyway, ii want two take a look at thii2 robot, 2o ii'm probably goiing two 2iign off now.  
TA: once ii've got a good handle on iit, ii'll hiit you back, and we can begiin our fiir2t le22on.  
CT: D --> E%cellent  
CT: D --> I 100k forward to your sch001feeding  
TA: yeah, ii'm pretty much the ma2ter fuckiing 2en2eii when iit come2 two programmiing, 2o thii2'll be a cakewalk.  
CT: D --> You mean  
CT: D --> A ^CAKEwalk  
TA: ahahah, yeah, exactly.  
TA: you're goiing two be 2o goddamn fluent iin ~ATH by the tiime ii'm done wiith you that iit'll 2eem ea2y a2 ^CAKE, anyway.  
TA: 2o ii hope you're ready two have your thiink pan fiilled two overflowiing wiith all the pure, bubbliing knowledge ii'm about two pour iintwo iit.  
CT: D --> I'll gird my loins for learning, then  
TA: yeah, you do that.  
TA: ju2t don't mentiion "loiin2" two me agaiin.  
CT: D --> Ha, ok  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> Thank you again for this, Sollu%  
TA: yeah, no problem, eq.  
TA: ju2t remember our deal.  
CT: D --> Urgh  
CT: D --> I'd hoped to forget  
TA: don't worry, ii'll only 2addle you wiith the really triiviial 2hiit.  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Don't know if that's good or bad  
TA: iit'2 both, tru2t me.  
TA: anyway, talk two you agaiin iin a biit.  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> Goodbye, Mister Captor  
  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]. 

*** 

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC].  
  
AA: hey terezi  
GC: OH H3Y 4R4D14!  
GC: WH4TS UP?  
AA: i just have to say  
AA: last nights feelings jam  
AA: wasnt very productive at all!  
GC: 4ND JUST WHOS3 F4ULT W4S TH4T M1SS C4NDY 4PPL3 CR1MSON!!!  
AA: oh i dont know  
AA: maybe its the fault of the girl who spent the entire night licking me!!!!!  
GC: YOU BROUGHT 1T UPON YOURS3LF M1SS M3G1DO  
GC: YOU SHOULD H4V3 KNOWN B3TT3R  
GC: COM1NG TO MY H1V3 4LL DOLL3D UP L1K3 TH4T  
GC: 1 M34N 1F 1T W3R3 JUST TH3 CLOTH3S 1TD B3 ON3 TH1NG  
GC: BUT L1PST1CK??  
GC: R34LLY?????  
AA: its not lipstick!  
AA: my lips are just naturally this color now  
GC: W3LL TH3N YOUR3 JUST N4TUR4LLY GO1NG TO F1ND MY MOUTH B31NG 4LL OV3R YOUR L1PS NOW 4R3NT YOU!  
AA: ugh you are so terrible  
GC: H3Y  
GC: 1 D1DNT H34R YOU COMPL41N1NG L4ST N1GHT  
AA: ok look  
AA: im not saying i didnt enjoy it  
AA: because i did  
GC: H3H3H3H3 >:]  
AA: but still!  
AA: i was looking forward to doing other stuff too  
GC: L1K3 WH4T  
AA: like talking about feelings!  
AA: i mean thats one of the big things moirails are supposed to do  
AA: and last night was fun and all  
AA: but i was really looking forward to just talking with you and it kind of sucks is all  
GC: OH  
GC: W3LL SH1T  
GC: SORRY 4R4D14 >:[  
AA: its ok  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1 W4S JUST R34LLY 3XC1T3D TO F1N4LLY G3T YOU TO MYS3LF  
GC: 4ND 1 GU3SS 1 K1ND OF  
GC: OV3R1NDULG3D >:/  
AA: maybe a little  
AA: but i understand  
AA: especially after i spent so much time with sollux and feferi  
GC: UGH Y3S  
GC: GOD H3 1S SO W31RD  
GC: JUST SH4CK1NG UP W1TH TH3 BOTH OF YOU 4T ONC3 L1K3 TH4T  
AA: hey!  
AA: hes not weird shut up  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: H3S FUCK1NG W31RD  
AA: ok fine maybe he is  
AA: but thats why i love him  
AA: so im standing by my command for you to shut up  
GC: W3LL F1N3 TH3N!  
AA: and anyway  
AA: need i remind you that im the one who invited feferi to stay with us in the first place?  
GC: OH  
GC: TH4TS R1GHT 1 GU3SS YOU D1D  
GC: W3LL 1N TH4T C4S3  
GC: TH3 ON3 WHOS 4CTU4LLY W31RD...  
GC: 1S YOU!!!! >:O!!!!!!!!  
AA: im not weird!  
AA: look its really simple  
AA: i didnt want to just keep sollux all to myself  
AA: he and feferi are really important to each other and im sure they wanted to spend some time together just as much as he and i did  
AA: and so i invited her to stay with us for the night  
AA: and that way everyones happy :)  
GC: 3XC3PT M3  
AA: you were perfectly welcome to join us you know  
GC: BL4R NO!  
GC: L1K3 1M GO1NG TO GO 4LONG W1TH WH4T3V3R D3B4UCH3RY THOS3 TWO H4D 1N STOR3 FOR YOU  
GC: 1 M34N, D1D YOU 4ND SOLLUX 4ND F3F3R1  
GC: W3LL  
GC: YOU KNOW  
AA: so what if we did!  
AA: sollux and i can do whatever we want together you cant begrudge me that  
AA: and if it just so happens that we might want to include someone without any other existing romantic attachments then what difference does it make  
GC: NO YOUR3 M1SUND3RST4ND1NG M3 H3R3  
GC: 1 DONT C4R3 4BOUT WH4T YOU TWO D1D W1TH F3F3R1  
GC: 1M MOR3 CONC3RND 4BOUT WH4T THOS3 TWO D1D W1TH YOU  
AA: um  
AA: what do you mean  
GC: W3LL  
GC: SOLLUX 4ND F3F3R1 JUST C3M3NT3D TH31R MO1R4LL3G14NC3  
GC: 4ND 1TS ONLY N4TUR4L TH4T TH3Y M1GHT H4V3 W4NT3D TO CONDUCT 4 F33L1NGS J4M  
GC: 4ND G1V3N TH31R, UH  
GC: PROCL1V1T13S  
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK TH3YD B3 4BOV3 TRY1NG TO DR4G YOU 1NTO 1T W1TH TH3M  
AA: terezi  
AA: are you accusing me of engaging in a three way feelings jam with them  
GC: 1M NOT 4CCUS1NG YOU OF 4NYTH1NG!  
GC: BUT YOU UND3RST4ND WHY 1 M1GHT B3 CONC3RN3D R1GHT  
AA: um  
AA: yeah i guess but  
AA: well  
AA: ok i guess i should just be honest  
GC: WH4T  
AA: the two of them did in fact talk about feelings last night and  
AA: well  
AA: i kind of joined them  
GC: >:O  
GC: 4R4D14!!!!!  
GC: 1 C4NNOT B3L13V3 YOU!!!!!!!  
AA: im sorry!!  
GC: TH1S 1S SO R1D1CULOUSLY SC4ND4LOUS  
GC: 1 C4NT 3V3N 3XPR3SS MY OUTR4G3 1N WORDS!!!  
GC: TH3 F4CT TH4T YOU WOULD CUCKOLD M3 SO SH4M3L3SSLY  
GC: 4ND NOT ON3 N1GHT 4FT3R W3 B3C4M3 MO1R41LS TOO!!!!!  
AA: terezi im really sorry!  
AA: i didnt realize you would take it so badly  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 4R4D14 WH1L3 W3R3 B31NG HON3ST  
GC: 1 H4V3 TO T3LL YOU SOM3TH1NG TOO  
AA: what is it  
GC: W3LL 4R4D14  
GC: TH3 TRUTH 1S  
GC: 1 DONT R34LLY G1V3 4 SH1T  
AA: oh  
AA: seriously  
GC: Y3S S3R1OUSLY  
GC: 1 M34N COM3 ON  
GC: YOU JUST C4M3 B4CK TO L1F3  
GC: 1 C4N C3RT41NLY UND3RST4ND WHY YOUD W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT YOUR F33L1NGS W1TH TH3 GUY YOUR3 1N LOV3 W1TH 4ND TH3 G1RL WHO BROUGHT YOU B4CK  
GC: 4ND L3TS B3 HON3ST H3R3  
GC: 1F P4L3 1NF1D3L1TY 1S 3V3N 4 TH1NG  
GC: WH1CH 1M HON3STLY NOT C3RT41N 1T 1S  
GC: TH3N TH3R3S 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 TO 1T JUST TH4N T4LK1NG 4BOUT F33L1NGS  
GC: 1 M34N 1TS NOT L1K3 YOU R3V34L3D 4LL YOUR D33P3ST D4RK3ST S3CR3TS TO TH3 TWO OF TH3M R1GHT  
AA: no not really  
AA: it was just  
AA: basic feelings stuff i guess  
GC: R1GHT  
GC: 4ND 1M 4SSUM1NG YOU D1DNT R3V34L 4NY OF M1N3 31TH3R  
AA: terezi i dont even know any of your deepest darkest secrets  
GC: 3X4CTLY!  
GC: B3C4US3 W3 H4V3NT 3V3N H4D 4 CH4NC3 TO T4LK 4BOUT TH3M!!!  
AA: and just whose fault is that again  
GC: YOU SHOULD B3 SO H4RD ON YOURS3LF 4R4D14  
GC: W3 C4NT 4LW4YS CONTROL OUR R3DN3SS  
AA: oh shut up  
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: 4NYW4Y TH3 PO1NT 1S WH4T3V3R  
GC: 1 4M NOT 1N F4CT OUTR4G3D TH4T YOU T4LK3D TO SOM3 P3OPL3 4BOUT SOM3 STUFF  
AA: well ok then  
AA: thank you for being so forgiving i guess  
GC: DONT M3NT1ON 1T  
GC: 4NYW4Y 3V3N 1F SOLLUX W3R3 DO1NG TH1NGS W1TH YOU TH4T W3R3 SUSP1C1OUSLY P4L3  
GC: 1M 3QU4LLY GU1LTY OF DO1NG TH1NGS W1TH YOU TH4T 4R3 SUSP1C1OUSLY R3DD3R  
AA: haha yeah thats true i guess  
AA: but then its not like he cares  
AA: or like your matesprit does either i guess  
GC: NO NOT R34LLY  
GC: B3C4US3 TH3YR3 BOTH T3RR1BL3 P3RV3RTS  
AA: ugh i know  
AA: we just have the two worst matesprits dont we  
GC: 1 KNOW R1GHT!  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 BOTH JUST 4WFUL  
GC: COMPL3T3LY CONDON1NG WH4T3V3R D1SGUST1NG NONS3NS3 W3 M1GHT W4NT TO G3T OUR NOS3S 1NTO  
GC: ON TH3 SOLE COND1T1ON TH4T  
GC: OH CR4P!  
AA: what  
GC: W3 FORGOT TO T4K3 P1CTUR3S D1DNT W3  
AA: oh no i got them  
GC: >:?  
GC: YOU D1D  
AA: well not me me  
AA: future me got them  
AA: she sent them to me a while ago  
GC: WH4T!!  
GC: YOUR3 T3LL1NG M3 FUTUR3 YOU W4S W4TCH1NG US TH3 WHOL3 T1M3???  
AA: i guess so yeah  
GC: BL44444R!  
GC: 4R4D14 YOU 4R3 JUST HORR1BL3!  
GC: F1RST 1TS C4SU4L POLY4MORY  
GC: 4ND NOW 1TS T3MPOR4L VOY3UR1SM???  
GC: WH4TS N3XT, N3CROPH1L14 OR B3ST14L1TY?????  
AA: terezi please give me a little credit here  
AA: i would never sleep with an animal  
GC: OR  
AA: or what?  
GC: BL4R N3V3RM1ND  
GC: YOU 4R3 JUST TH3 WORST  
AA: oh whatever dont judge me!  
AA: im sure youre just as bad as i am  
AA: or at least i would be sure if we could have a proper feelings jam!  
GC: >:P  
GC: BUT YOU H4V3 4 PO1NT 1 SUPPOS3  
GC: W3 4R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 TO T3LL 34CH OTH3R 4LL 4BOUT 4LL TH3 ST34MY D3T41LS OF OUR OTH3R QU4DR4NTS  
AA: well of course  
AA: thats like half the fun of being moirails  
GC: W3LL Y34H  
GC: 4ND TH3 OTH3R H4LF 1S M3DDL1NG 1N 34CH OTH3RS 4FF41RS  
AA: yes exactly  
GC: BUT W3V3 4LR34DY DON3 PL3NTY OF TH3 L4TT3R  
GC: SO 1 GU3SS 1TS T1M3 FOR TH3 FORM3R HUH  
AA: um  
AA: id kind of rather save the juicy gossip for when were in person honestly  
GC: R34LLY  
GC: C4NT 3V3N SP4R3 4 L1TTL3 R1GHT NOW  
AA: look its just kind of hard to explain  
AA: see sollux and i are both very gifted psychics  
AA: so when we bond its deeper than just physical  
GC: OH WOW  
GC: YOU GUYS DO SOM3 K1ND OF CR4ZY PS1ON1C M1ND M3LD TH1NG?  
AA: i cant really describe it  
AA: but god its amazing  
AA: itd be easier for me to just think it at you  
AA: assuming i could even get into your head  
GC: H3Y  
GC: MY M1ND M1GHT B3 4 H34V1LY GU4RD3D FORTR3SS  
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK 1 M1GHT B3 W1LL1NG TO LOW3R TH3 DR4WBR1DG3 FOR YOU  
AA: really  
GC: OF COURS3!  
GC: W3 4R3 MO1R41LS 4FT3R 4LL  
GC: NO S3CR3TS B3TW33N US  
AA: oh  
AA: well thank you terezi!  
AA: that means a lot  
GC: 1TS NOT TH4T B1G 4 D34L  
GC: JUST UH  
GC: DONT DO 1T R1GHT NOW  
GC: 1M H4NG1NG OUT W1TH 3R1D4N R1GHT NOW  
GC: 4ND 1TD B3 H3LL4 4WKW4RD 1F YOU W3R3 TO BRO4DC4ST 4NY OF YOUR W31RD PORNOGR4PH1C M3MOR13S OF YOU 4ND SOLLUX 1NTO MY H34D R1GHT NOW  
AA: haha yeah i guess  
AA: but hey speaking of eridan  
AA: have you guys  
AA: you know  
AA: done it yet  
GC: WH4T  
GC: YOU M34N S3X  
AA: wow terezi!  
GC: WH4T??  
GC: TH4TS WH4T YOU M34NT R1GHT  
AA: well yeah  
AA: but you didnt just have to come out and say it!  
GC: WHY NOT  
GC: W3 BOTH KNOW WH4T YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
GC: SO WHY DO W3 H4V3 TO COUCH 1T 1N V4GU3 3UPH3M1SMS??  
AA: i dont know  
AA: it just feels weird to talk about it so openly i guess  
GC: W3LL W3R3 TWO MO1R41LS T4LK1NG TO 34CH OTH3R 4BOUT QU4DR4NTS  
GC: 1T DO3SNT G3T MUCH MOR3 OP3N TH4N TH4T  
AA: hm  
AA: you have a point i guess  
AA: but anyway  
AA: have you  
GC: H4V3 1 WH4T  
AA: terezi you know what im talking about!  
GC: 1M SORRY 4R4D14 BUT 1 H4V3 NO 1D34  
GC: YOUR3 GO1NG TO H4V3 TO B3 MOR3 SP3C1F1C  
AA: oh fine  
AA: have you two had sex yet??????  
AA: there is your stupid specific question ok!  
AA: i even gave it an extra helping of query noodles so you know its a question and not some kind of grammatically incorrect imperative  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: TH4TS V3RY CONS1D3R4T3 OF YOU 4R4D14  
GC: BUT 4NYW4Y TO 4NSW3R YOUR QU3ST1ON  
GC: NO W3 H4V3NT  
AA: really  
GC: Y3S R34LLY  
GC: 1S TH4T SO H4RD TO B3L13V3?  
AA: i didnt say it was  
AA: but i mean you guys have been matesprits for a while now relatively speaking  
AA: and given how things are going with everybody else whos hooked up i guess i just kind of figured youd have done something by now  
GC: 3V3RYBODY 3LS3  
GC: DO3S TH4T 1NCLUD3 YOU 4ND SOLLUX?  
AA: maybe it does and maybe it doesnt  
GC: BL4R TH4TS NOT GOOD 3NOUGH!  
GC: 1 4NSW3R3D YOUR 1NCR3D1BLY 1NV4S1V3 P3RSON4L QU3ST1ON  
GC: SO 1 TH1NK 1TS ONLY F41R YOU 4NSW3R M1N3!  
AA: ugh  
AA: this just feels really inappropriate somehow  
AA: like were only six sweeps old terezi!  
GC: SO WH4T??  
GC: TH4T M4K3S US TH3 TW3LV3 OLD3ST TROLLS 1N TH3 UN1V3RS3  
AA: haha i guess thats true  
GC: LOOK W3R3 4LL W3LL 1NTO TH3 PR1M3 OF 4DOL3SC3NC3 H3R3  
GC: 1TLL ONLY B3 4 F3W SW33PS UNT1L TH3 DRON3S WOULD H4V3 COM3 KNOCK1NG  
GC: SO 1 DONT S33 WH4T TH3 B1G D34L 1S  
AA: well  
AA: youre right i suppose  
GC: SO D1D YOU OR NOT  
AA: did i or not what  
AA: im sorry terezi i have no idea what youre talking about  
GC: BL4R >:/  
AA: its not that big a deal terezi!  
AA: you said as much yourself  
GC: OK4Y F1N3 1 G3T 1T!!!  
GC: STOP TW1ST1NG MY WORDS 4G41NST M3 4LR34DY  
AA: then just ask the question already  
GC: F1N3 1 W1LL!  
GC: 4ND 1LL S33 YOUR W4G3R OF S1X QU3RY NOODL3S 4ND DOUBLE 1T!!!  
GC: D1D YOU 4ND SOLLUX H4V3 S3X????????????  
AA: yes  
GC: >:O!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AA: yes you are absolutely right to type a shocked face like that terezi!  
AA: the act of lovemaking between two consenting young adults who care a great deal for each other is in fact an incredibly surprising thing  
AA: and your surprise is matched only by my shame at being forced to admit to it  
AA: for with this confession i have crossed a threshold  
AA: my innocence is forever lost  
AA: o sorrow! o woe!  
AA: i am a youth no more  
AA: exeunt omnes  
GC: OH WOULD YOU SHUT UP 4LR34DY!!  
GC: 1M SORRY 1F 1 TH1NK TH4T 1S K1ND OF 4 B1G D34L OK4Y  
AA: well  
AA: i guess it kind of is  
AA: but whatever  
GC: 4 V3RY NU4NC3D R3BUTT4L, M1SS M3G1DO  
AA: look i cant manage troll shakespearean purple prose all day ok  
GC: H3H3, F41R 3NOUGH  
GC: SO 4NYW4Y YOU 4ND SOLLUX D1D 1T  
GC: BUUUUUUT  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT YOU 4ND F3F3R1  
AA: what!  
GC: OH DONT TRY TO 4CT 4LL 1NNOC3NT  
GC: 1 R34D TH3 SUBT3XT ON TH4T L4ST M3MO  
GC: 4LL YOUR L1TTL3 W1NK1NG 4ND NUDG1NG COMM3NTS M4D3 1N R3F3R3NC3 TO M1SS R4SPB3RRY POM3GR4N4T3  
GC: 1M NOT STUP1D YOU KNOW  
AA: look im not telling you what feferi did with us ok  
AA: im sworn to secrecy on the matter  
GC: YOU 4LR34DY TOLD M3 YOU T4LK3D 4BOUT F33L1NGS W1TH H3R  
AA: only because you guilted me into it!  
AA: and really thats about the extent of what you need to know anyway  
AA: with the topic of potential pale infidelity discussed and resolved i dont really think any of the rest concerns you  
GC: OF COURS3 1T CONC3RNS M3!  
GC: 1 4M YOUR MO1R41L  
GC: 4ND 1TS NOT R34LLY CONDUC1V3 TO 4 H34LTHY R3L4T1ONSH1P FOR YOU TO K33P S3CR3TS FROM M3 L1K3 TH1S!  
AA: look im sorry but i promised feferi i wouldnt say anything so im not saying anything  
GC: W3LL YOU WOULDNT M4K3 4 PROM1S3 L1K3 TH4T 1F YOU D1DNT DO 4NYTH1NG D1RTY W1TH H3R  
AA: you dont know that!  
AA: maybe i made that promise for some completely unrelated reason  
AA: like maybe we were playing a game of truth and dare and she was forced to reveal a really embarrassing birthmark  
AA: did you ever think of that inspector pyrope???  
GC: OH WH4T3V3R  
GC: TH4T 1S 4 BULLSH1T CL41M 4ND YOU KNOW 1T  
AA: whatever  
AA: im innocent until proven guilty  
GC: NOT 1N 4 COURTBLOCK OF L4W YOUR3 NOT!  
AA: well were not in a courtblock of law now are we!  
GC: BL4R F1N3 WH4T3V3R  
GC: K33P YOUR STUP1D PROM1S3 1F YOU MUST  
GC: 1 4LR34DY KNOW YOUR3 GU1LTY  
GC: 1 COULD SM3LL H3R 4ND SOLLUXS STR4WB3RRY B4N4N4 ST3NCH 4LL OV3R YOU L4ST N1GHT  
AA: believe whatever you want to beileve  
AA: i can neither confirm nor deny your allegations  
GC: >:P  
GC: BUT S3R1OUSLY, WH4TS TH3 D34L W1TH YOU 4ND F3F3R1?  
GC: YOU S33M 4WFULLY FR13NDLY  
AA: the deal is she brought me back to life terezi!  
AA: and also shes helped out sollux a lot and shes just kind of an awesome person in general  
AA: hell if sollux didnt want to be my matesprit id hook up with her in a heartbeat  
GC: WHO4  
GC: TH4TS 4N 4WFULLY BR4Z3N PROCL4M4T1ON  
AA: whatever its not like it matters  
AA: because sollux does want to be my matesprit and i want to be his  
AA: and were really happy together so its not like were going to break up or anything  
AA: im just saying i wouldnt mind being in a quadrant with her  
GC: H4  
GC: YOU COULD ST1LL B3 H3R K1SM3S1S, 1F YOU W4NT  
AA: no i couldnt!  
AA: i like her too much for that  
AA: i mean maybe before when i thought she was going to steal sollux from me but now things are too amicable between us  
AA: i couldnt see us being anything more than mildly antagonistic really  
GC: Y34H 1 GU3SS NOT  
AA: but enough about my love life  
AA: lets talk about yours!  
GC: OH  
GC: W3LL OK4Y, 1 GU3SS  
AA: so you and eridan havent done it yet  
GC: NO W3 H4V3NT  
AA: well why not?  
GC: LOOK, W3 BOTH D3C1D3D W3 W4NT TO T4K3 TH1NGS SLOW  
GC: T4K3 SOM3 T1M3 TO G3T TO KNOW 34CH OTH3R B3TT3R B3FOR3 W3 COMM1T TO SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T  
GC: 1TS NOT 4 R4C3, 4FT3R 4LL  
AA: youre only saying that because if it were youd be losing  
GC: OH SHUT UP! >:P  
AA: hahaha  
GC: 4NYW4Y 1 DONT S33 WH4T TH3 B1G D34L 1S  
AA: well you guys have been together for a while  
GC: W3V3 B33N TOG3TH3R FOR L1K3 4 W33K!  
GC: TH4T 1S NOT 3V3N R3MOT3LY CLOS3 TO 4 WH1L3  
GC: F1ND M3 4 D1CT1ON4RY TH4T D3F1N3S 4 WH1L3 4S 4 W33K 4ND 1LL F1ND YOU 4 TOM3 OF FR4UDUL3NT L13S  
AA: dont even try to play the semantics game with me terezi  
AA: im a time player ok  
AA: and i can tell you right now that a while isnt defined strictly in units of time  
AA: what matters more is how much time youve spent together  
AA: just how many dates would you say youve gone on?  
GC: D4T3S  
GC: YOU M34N L1K3  
GC: STR3TCH3S OF T1M3 WH3R31N 4 M4JOR1TY OF S41D T1M3 W4S SP3NT 1N CLOS3 PROX1M1TY TO ON3 4NOTH3R, 3NG4G1NG 1N 4CT1V1T13S TH4T COULD B3 CONSTRU3D 4S "BOND1NG?"  
AA: um  
AA: yes thats precisely what i meant  
AA: overly precise actually  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 GU3SS TH3 4NSW3R TO TH4T QU3ST1ON  
GC: NOT COUNT1NG TH3 FL4RP1NG S3SS1ON TH4T L3D TO TH3 1N1T14T1ON OF OUR M4T3SPR1TSH1P, 4S TH4T W4S CL34RLY D3F1N3D 4S 4 "Z3ROTH D4T3"  
GC: WOULD B3  
GC: 4 LOT  
AA: is it three or more  
GC: MOR3  
AA: well thats usually the guideline  
AA: and if youve actually topped that then id say youre more than ready  
GC: W3 H4V3NT JUST TOPP3D 1T, W3V3 L4PP3D 1T  
AA: wow  
GC: SO, UM  
GC: DO YOU TH1NK W3 SHOULD?  
AA: terezi you dont have to  
AA: there arent going to be any collection drones coming knocking any time soon so theres no imperative or anything  
AA: the question you should be asking is do you want to  
GC: W3LL  
GC: K1ND OF  
GC: BUT DO YOU TH1NK H3 W4NTS TO?  
AA: terezi  
AA: no offense  
AA: but this is fucking eridan were talking about  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3, YOU H4V3 4 PO1NT  
AA: look if you really want to move things forward you should just talk to him  
GC: Y34H 1 GU3SS YOUR3 R1GHT  
AA: and if you cant muster up the courage to do that  
AA: then i can always do it for you  
GC: OH GOD NO!  
GC: DONT 3V3N SUGG3ST TH4T, TH4T WOULD B3 SO 3MB4RR4SS1NG  
AA: im just trying to help is all!  
GC: W3LL TH4NKS FOR YOUR H3LP, BUT 1 DONT N33D YOUR H3LP  
GC: 4T L34ST NOT W1TH TH1S P4RT1CUL4R TH1NG  
GC: 1M P3RF3CTLY 4BL3 TO T4LK TO H1M 4BOUT TH1S MYS3LF, TH4NK YOU V3RY MUCH  
AA: well fine then  
AA: but if you ever need a message discreetly conveyed to one of your romantic partners you can always call on me  
AA: its my job to make sure your other quadrants are running smoothly you understand  
GC: Y34H, 1LL K33P TH4T 1N M1ND  
GC: SO 1S TH3R3 4NY W4Y W3 COULD, 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: STOP T4LK1NG 4BOUT ROM4NC3  
GC: FOR 4 WH1L3  
AA: awww but we didnt even get to your auspisticeship!  
GC: PSH TH4T DO3SNT R34LLY M4TT3R  
GC: 4LL OF TH4T 1S CONF1D3NT14L 4NYW4Y  
AA: what  
GC: K4N4Y4 FORC3D M3 TO S1GN 4 NON-D1SCLOSUR3 4GR33M3NT, 4ND TH3 TH1NG 1S FUCK1NG 41RT1GHT  
GC: 1F YOU W4NT 4NY MOR3 1NFORM4T1ON ON HOW 1TS GO1NG YOULL H4V3 TO G3T 1T FROM H3R  
AA: seriously  
AA: you cant tell me even though im your moirail  
GC: TH3 PROV1SO 1S QU1T3 CL34R M1SS M3G1DO  
GC: 4ND 1M 4FR41D TH3R3S NO 3X3MPT1ON CL4US3 FOR MY P4L3 QU4DR4NT  
AA: wow  
AA: auspisticism sure is weird  
GC: T3LL M3 4BOUT 1T  
AA: i cant tell you about it because i dont know anything about it!  
AA: maybe youre the one who should tell me about it  
AA: except oh wait you cant  
GC: Y3S 3X4CTLY  
GC: TH3 K3Y TO 4 SUCC3SSFUL 4USP1ST1C1Z4T1ON 1 B3L13V3 1S JUST TO K33P 4S M4NY P3OPL3 COMPL3T3LY 1N TH3 FUCK1NG D4RK 4BOUT 1T 4S POSS1BL3  
AA: haha yeah  
AA: but anyway if we arent talking about romance then what are we talking about  
GC: W3LL FOR ST4RT3RS  
GC: W3 COULD T4LK 4BOUT OUR UPCOM1NG FL4RP1NG S3SS1ON!  
AA: oh thats right!  
AA: i said i wanted to do that didnt i  
GC: Y3S, 4ND W3 4CTU4LLY H4V3 4 PR3TTY M4JOR C4MP41GN 1N TH3 WORKS  
AA: we  
GC: 3R  
GC: M3 4ND VR1SK4  
AA: oh  
AA: well thats interesting  
GC: 1 KNOW 1 KNOW, TH3R3S ST1LL TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH H3R  
GC: BUT 1LL K33P 4N 3Y3 ON H3R 4ND M4K3 SUR3 SH3 DO3SNT G3T UP TO 4NY MURD3ROUS FUNNY BUS1N3SS  
GC: 4ND 3R1D4N 1S WORK1NG W1TH US TOO, 4ND H3 4SSUR3S M3 SH3S COMPL3T3LY TRUSTWORTHY  
AA: i think you misunderstood  
AA: im not worried about her killing me or anything  
AA: i just thought it was interesting that you were cooperating with her  
GC: 1S TH4T 4 PROBL3M?  
AA: no no of course not  
AA: i dont care if youre friends with her or whatever  
AA: im just a little miffed at her for blowing up my matesprits eyes and then killing him thats all  
GC: >:P  
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1D GO 4S F4R 4S TO B3 "FR13NDS" W1TH H3R  
GC: W3R3 ONLY COOP3R4T1NG ON TH1S P4RT1CUL4R PROJ3CT B3C4US3 W3 N33D TO R3UN1T3 T34M SCOURG3 4T L34ST T3MPOR4R1LY  
GC: 4FT3R 4LL, HOW 3LS3 WOULD W3 S3TTL3 OUR 3T3RN4L R1V4LRY W1TH T34M CH4RG3?  
AA: oh yeah thats right  
AA: so we are going to be returning to the old teams  
GC: OF COURS3!  
GC: 1T W1LL B3 YOU 4ND T4VROS CH4LL3NG1NG 4 L4BYR1NTH F1LL3D W1TH TH3 MOST CUNN1NG TR4PS 4ND F34RSOM3 B34STS T34M SCOURG3 C4N 4RR4Y 4G41NST YOU  
AA: hm  
GC: WH4T  
AA: oh its nothing  
AA: im looking forward to it  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: 1S TH3R3 SOM3TH1NG YOUR3 NOT T3LL1NG M3  
AA: of course not!  
GC: 4R4D14 YOU KNOW YOU C4N T4LK TO M3 4BOUT 4NYTH1NG  
GC: W3 4R3 MO1R41LS, 4FT3R 4LL  
GC: NO S3CR3TS B3TW33N US  
AA: well  
AA: ok maybe im just completely off base here  
AA: but on that last memo  
AA: i think tavros was acting kind of weird  
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N?  
AA: honestly he was being kind of a jerk  
AA: like he kept making fun of sollux  
AA: and then making fun of me for becoming his matesprit  
AA: and then there was the whole thing with equius  
AA: honestly what happened?  
AA: i dont remember him being all sarcastic and confrontational like that  
GC: W3LL  
GC: T4VROS H4S CH4NG3D 4 LOT R3C3NTLY  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY 4FT3R H3 B3C4M3 MO1R41LS W1TH VR1SK4  
AA: ugh that probably explains it  
AA: shes teaching him to be a jerk just like her  
GC: DO YOU ST1LL H4V3 4 PROBL3M W1TH VR1SK4?  
AA: i do have a problem with her  
AA: but not because of anything she did in the past  
AA: were even on all that as far as im concerned  
AA: but i never really liked her when i was alive and im starting to remember why  
GC: Y34H >:/  
GC: YOU TWO N3V3R GOT 4LONG B4CK TH3N  
GC: HON3STLY 1 THOUGHT YOU M1GHT B3 BL4CK FOR 34CH OTH3R  
AA: what!  
GC: 1M JUST S4Y1NG!  
GC: B3FOR3 TH3 WHOL3 1NC1D3NT YOU JUST K1ND OF C4M3 OFF TH4T W4Y  
AA: i was never black for her!  
AA: god thats ridiculous  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: L3TS B3 HON3ST H3R3  
GC: 1 TH1NK W3V3 4LL B33N BL4CK FOR VR1SK4 S3RK3T 4T ON3 PO1NT OR 4NOTH3R  
AA: haha  
AA: well when you put it that way  
AA: maybe i kind of was  
GC: 1TS F1N3, 1 G3T 1T  
GC: BUT 1TS NOT L1K3 1T M4TT3RS NOW  
GC: G1V3N H3R WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH SOLLUX  
AA: ugh dont remind me  
AA: like i dont even get why she hates him  
GC: W3LL  
GC: H3S R34LLY GOOD 4T P1SS1NG H3R OFF  
AA: yeah i guess  
AA: but still its just  
AA: disconcerting i guess  
GC: LOOK 1 G3T TH4T YOU M1GHT NOT L1K3 H3R  
GC: BUT YOU PROB4BLY SHOULDNT 1NT3RF3R3 1N TH31R K1S3S1SS1TUD3  
AA: yeah i know  
AA: feferi said as much too  
AA: i mean im glad he found a kismesis hes satisfied with i guess  
AA: but theyre both just so ridiculous  
AA: i mean yesterday they completely leveled solluxs hive!  
GC: H3H3H3, Y34H 1 H34RD  
GC: BUT 4T L34ST NOBODY GOT HURT  
GC: 3R  
GC: P3RM4N3NTLY, 4NYW4Y  
AA: ugh  
AA: thats what i mean  
AA: i mean sure now that sollux is god tier and essentially the master of death itself thats not going to happen again  
AA: but still they both just take things too far  
GC: Y34H  
GC: HON3STLY, TH3Y D3S3RV3 34CH OTH3R  
AA: yeah yeah i know  
AA: but the worst thing is sollux keeps bringing up the idea of a maroonion  
AA: wait no thats only the second worst thing  
AA: the actual worst thing is i already know im going to cave because future me already did it  
GC: >:?  
GC: WH4T 1S 4 "M4ROON1ON"  
AA: i dont want to talk about it  
GC: 4R4D14  
AA: i said i dont want to talk about it!  
AA: god the whole concept is just so ridiculous  
AA: basically a maroonion is the worst thing ever  
AA: and thats pretty much all there is to say on the matter  
GC: F1N3 WH4T3V3R  
GC: BUT 4NYW4Y, 4BOUT VR1SK4  
AA: what about her  
GC: DO YOU NOT W4NT TO FL4RP W1TH H3R  
GC: 1 COULD G3T 3R1D4N TO F1LL 1N FOR H3R 4S CO-CLOUD3R  
GC: OH 4ND 1F YOU DONT W4NT TO T34M UP W1TH T4VROS 4G41N, YOU COULD TOT4LLY PL4Y W1TH N3P3T4 1NST34D  
GC: SH3 JUST ROLL3D UP 4 CH4R4CT3R, 1TS PR3TTY COOL  
AA: no screw that!  
AA: i still want to face off against team scourge  
AA: and i still want to play with tavros  
AA: i mean  
AA: i kind of just want to go back to the way things were  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 4 LOT H4S CH4NG3D S1NC3 TH3N  
GC: 3V3RYTH1NG 1S 4LL COMPL1C4T3D NOW  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY W1TH THOS3 TWO B31NG MO1R41LS  
AA: ugh  
AA: honestly i am just completely incapable of wrapping my head around the fact that those two became moirails  
AA: i mean  
AA: she broke his legs for fucks sake!  
GC: Y34H 1 KNOW, 1 W4S SK3PT1C4L TOO  
GC: BUT 1T S33MS TO B3 WORK1NG OUT  
GC: H3S M4D3 H3R 4 LOT L3SS M3SS3D UP 4ND CR4ZY  
GC: 4ND 1 TH1NK SH3S SH4P3D H1M UP PR3TTY W3LL 1N TURN  
AA: thats debatable  
GC: H3H3H3  
AA: well  
AA: if it actually is working out i guess im happy for them  
AA: but i just hope it doesnt get in the way of things  
AA: i mean id still like to be friends with tavros if nothing else  
GC: SO  
GC: YOU ST1LL W4NT TO PL4Y W1TH TH3M  
AA: of course  
AA: id like to at least give things a chance  
GC: W3LL GR34T!  
GC: W3V3 GOT QU1T3 4N 4DV3NTUR3 1N STOR3 FOR YOU TWO  
GC: 4ND W3R3 NOT GO1NG TO B3 PULL1NG 4NY PUNCH3S 31TH3R  
GC: S1NC3 YOU GUYS 4R3 BOTH GODS 4ND 4LL  
AA: well yeah  
AA: but were still not allowed to use our powers right  
GC: OF COURS3 NOT  
GC: BUT NON3TH3L3SS TH3 GOD T13R TR4NSFORM4T1ON DO3S L34V3 TH3 4FF3CT3D W1TH GR34TLY 1NCR34S3D PHYS1C4L DUR4B1L1TY  
GC: 4S W3LL 4S 4 STUNN1NG SHORT4G3 OF MORT4L1TY  
GC: YOU R34L1Z3 TH3R3S NOTH1NG 1N TH3 RUL3S OF FL4RP COV3R1NG HOW R3SURR3CT1ON 1S H4NDL3D  
AA: well of course there isnt  
AA: because when you die in the game  
AA: you die for real  
GC: 3X4CTLY  
GC: BUT YOU GUYS WONT  
GC: B3C4US3 L3TS B3 HON3ST, TH3R3 1S NOTH1NG H3RO1C OR JUST 4BOUT B31NG K1LL3D BY 4 HOLOGR4PH1C MONST3R 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 STUP1D ROL3PL4Y1NG G4M3  
GC: SO TO B4L4NC3 OUT TH3 F4CT TH4T YOU GUYS H4V3 3FF3CT1V3LY 1NF1N1T3 L1V3S  
GC: W3 COMP3N4T3D BY JUST M4K1NG 3V3RYTH1NG PUN1SH1NGLY D1FF1CULT  
GC: OH, 4ND 1F YOU BOTH D13 YOU G3T S3NT B4CK TO TH3 L4ST CH3CKPO1NT 4ND 4LL TH3 TR4PS R3S3T 4ND MONST3RS R3SP4WN, OF COURS3  
AA: well naturally  
AA: otherwise we could just win through sheer attrition  
AA: and that would just be boring  
AA: even though it would be kind of hilarious to cruise our way to victory on a surging wave of our own corpses  
GC: >:/  
GC: 4R4D14 H4S 4NYON3 3V3R TOLD YOU YOU H4V3 4 V3RY STR4NG3 S3NS3 OF HUMOR  
AA: what!  
GC: 1M JUST S4Y1NG  
GC: YOU H4V3 K1ND OF 4 STR4NG3 F1X4T1ON ON D34D P3OPL3  
AA: oh dont even start!  
AA: as a former dead person im allowed to make as many jokes about dead people and/or their remains as i want  
GC: W3LL SH1T, YOU GOT M3 TH3R3  
GC: BUT ST1LL, TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG S33MS 4 L1TTL3  
GC: MORB1D, 1 GU3SS?  
AA: morbid  
AA: says the girl who dispenses capital punishment to stuffed dragon toys in her spare time  
GC: TH3Y 4R3NT TOYS!  
GC: TH3YR3 4 COLL3CT1ON OF SCURR1LOUS ROGU3S  
GC: 4ND WH3N TH3Y OV3RST3P TH3 BOUNDS OF L4W  
GC: WH1CH 1S FR3QU3NTLY, 3V3N G1V3N TH31R 1N4N1M4T3 N4TUR3  
GC: SOM3ON3 H4S TO B3 TH3R3 TO DOL3 OUT TH3 R3QU1S1T3 PUN1SHM3NT  
GC: 4ND 1F NOT M3 TH3N WHO?  
GC: 3V3RYON3 H4S 4N 1MPORT4NT JOB TO DO  
AA: psh  
AA: anyway i figured you of all people would be able to appreciate a little gallows humor  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: 1TS NOT TH4T 1 DONT 4PPR3C14T3 1T  
GC: 1TS JUST TH4T 1 THOUGHT YOUD T4K3 D34TH 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 S3R1OUSLY  
GC: WH4T W1TH TH3 WHOL3  
GC: DY1NG TH1NG  
AA: oh please  
AA: i dont see how anybody can take death seriously at this point  
AA: death hasnt mattered since your client player first set foot in the medium  
AA: and now that sollux has ascended and taken his place in our little pantheon as the god of doom its been trivialized even further  
AA: hell once feferi joins him the whole concept will become more laughable than the vast joke itself  
GC: YOU S4Y TH4T L1K3 YOU KNOW SH3S GO1NG TO  
AA: well i do  
GC: GOD D4MN1T  
GC: W3R3 DO1NG 4 PR3TTY SH1TTY JOB OF 4VO1D1NG C4US4L SPO1L3RS NOW 4R3NT W3  
AA: its not a causal spoiler!  
AA: im not saying shes going to ascend because i know she already does  
AA: what im saying is shes going to do it because she has to  
AA: all of us do actually  
AA: it will be necessary for us to succeed  
GC: OH WOW  
GC: W3 MUST H4V3 4 H3LL OF 4 CH4LL3NG3 4H34D OF US  
GC: 1F 1T R3QU1R3S TW3LV3 GOD TI3RS TO OV3RCOM3 1T  
AA: i dont know if it will actually require it  
AA: but i dont care  
AA: im done with absolute certainty  
AA: our departure from the alpha timeline has given us the opportunity to change things for better or for worse  
AA: and as far as im concerned we should do everything in our power to make it better  
AA: since doubtlessly once we put our plan into action properly there will be no shortage of forces conspiring to make it worse  
GC: FORC3S HUH  
GC: WH4T K1ND OF FORC3S 4R3 W3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT H3R3  
AA: well  
AA: not the denizens at least  
AA: theyre on our side in all this  
AA: but the horrorterrors arent going to be too happy about it  
AA: not all of them mind you  
AA: eldritch poltiics are a very complicated thing  
AA: mostly just the conservative wing concerned that our actions will draw the attention of more malevolent powers  
GC: W3LL  
GC: W1LL TH3Y?  
AA: they will eventually  
AA: but not yet  
AA: even though were dealing with an omniscient being he keeps his gaze locked firmly on the alpha timeline  
AA: his master is the real threat but hell never get here since we disrupted the series of events leading to his summoning  
GC: OH  
GC: SO W3 DONT H4V3 TO D34L W1TH H1M 4T 4LL?  
AA: not exactly  
AA: hell stay out of the picture as long as we stay in the medium  
AA: but as soon as we break out of the loop with a universe worth of matter were going to set off some serious red flags  
AA: mind you we have ways of covering our tracks  
AA: but were going to come into conflict with his agents at some point  
GC: W41T  
GC: 4R3 W3 GO1NG TO CR34T3 4 N3W UN1V3RS3?  
GC: 1 THOUGHT W3 COULDNT DO TH4T  
AA: well we cant as things are now  
AA: its  
AA: really complicated actually  
AA: but to keep it short ive learned a lot about the nature of time since i ascended  
AA: and its possible to arrange things such that we can claim our prize and snatch purpose from the jaws of futility  
AA: it will just take a little ingenuity  
AA: and a lot of shenanigans  
GC: W3LL N4TUR4LLY  
GC: BUT 1 H4V3 TO WOND3R  
GC: 1F 1TS TH1S 34SY TO BR34K 4W4Y FROM TH3 4LPH4 T1M3L1N3 W1THOUT 3V3RYBODY DY1NG HORR1BLY  
GC: TH3N WHY H4V3NT 4NY OF TH3 OTH3R DOOM3D T1M3L1N3S DON3 1T?  
AA: well the ultimate issue is time  
AA: usually by the time we know were doomed its too late  
AA: if it werent for nepetas pact with her denizen wed have suffered the same fate  
AA: but i suppose other branches could have secured similar protection  
AA: given the nature of these things theres probably infinitely many timelines doing the exact thing were doing now  
AA: but in all the random jumps ive made ive never landed in one  
GC: HM  
GC: SO W3R3 4LL GO1NG TO GO GOD T13R HUH  
AA: thats the idea  
GC: 1NCLUD1NG M3  
AA: yeah  
AA: i wanted to talk to you about that actually  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT  
GC: YOU W4NT TO DO 1T R1GHT NOW?  
AA: no!  
AA: in fact its something i want to discuss before you even consider ascending  
GC: >:?  
GC: W3LL WH4T 1S 1T  
AA: well  
AA: i realize this is kind of a sensitive subject  
AA: but its about your eyesight  
GC: OH  
AA: i mean  
AA: heres the thing  
AA: when you ascend you physically inhabit your dreamself  
AA: which is essentially an idealized version of your waking self  
GC: R1GHT  
GC: 3XC3PT MY DR34MS3LF 1S BL1ND TOO  
GC: SO 4SC3ND1NG SHOULDNT DO 4NYTH1NG TO CH4NG3 TH4T  
AA: yes  
AA: but your dreamself was never actually wounded the way you were  
GC: Y3S Y3S 1 KNOW  
GC: SO MY DR34MS3LF B31NG BL1ND 1S 4CTU4LLY R3PR3S3NT4T1V3 OF TH3 F4CT TH4T ON SOM3 L3V3L 1 DONT R34LLY W4NT TO S33  
GC: DONT 3V3N TRY TO PSYCHO4N4LYZ3 M3 M1SS M3G1DO  
AA: im not!  
AA: but im just curious  
AA: why dont you want to see?  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1TS COMPL1C4T3D  
AA: ive got time  
GC: UGH  
GC: DO W3 R34LLY H4V3 TO T4LK 4BOUT TH1S  
AA: yes!  
AA: its kind of important terezi  
GC: Y34H BUT  
GC: 1TS JUST K1ND OF 4 STUP1D R34SON  
AA: i wont judge you terezi  
AA: and anyway im your moirail  
AA: if you cant tell me this then who can you tell it to  
GC: TH4TS WHY 1 DONT W4NT TO T3LL YOU  
GC: 1M 4FR41D YOULL CONV1NC3 M3 TO CH4NG3 MY M1ND  
AA: well maybe i will  
AA: but thatll only happen if i have a really good argument  
AA: i mean youre a logical person terezi  
AA: i wouldnt expect to change your position on this unless i make a very strong case for it  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 GU3SS TH4TS TRU3  
GC: OK4Y F1N3  
GC: TH3 TRUTH 1S  
GC: TH3 N1GHT WH3N 1 W3NT BL1ND 1S TH3 N1GHT 1 WOK3 UP ON PROSP1T  
GC: 4ND 1T W4S 4LSO TH3 F1RST T1M3 1 SPOK3 TO MY LUSUS  
AA: oh  
GC: 4ND 4FT3R TH4T, SH3 T4UGHT M3 TH1S N3W W4Y OF S331NG TH1NGS  
GC: OF P3RC31V1NG TH1NGS 1N G3N3R4L, R34LLY  
GC: 4ND 1M 4FR41D 1F 1 GOT MY 3Y3S1GHT B4CK, 1D LOS3 TH4T  
GC: 1TD B3 L1K3 1F 4 WHOL3 CHUNK OF MY P4ST W4S 3R4S3D FOR3V3R  
GC: 4ND 1 W4NT TO HOLD ONTO 1T  
GC: BUT YOU PROB4BLY TH1NK TH4TS DUMB, DONT YOU?  
AA: no of course not  
AA: i understand terezi  
AA: your second sight was a gift from your lusus and i get why you would treasure it  
AA: but i dont think youll lose it even if you get your sight back  
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW?  
AA: its an acquired ability  
AA: you should keep it the same way i kept my ability to read and write  
GC: BUT 4R3 YOU SUR3?  
GC: C4N YOU T3LL M3 W1TH 4BSOLUT3 CONF1D3NC3 1LL K33P 1T?  
AA: well  
AA: no  
GC: TH3N 1 DONT W4NT TO R1SK 1T  
GC: 1T M34NS TOO MUCH TO M3  
AA: so you want to keep it even if it means staying blind  
GC: Y3S!  
GC: 1TS 4N 1MPORT4NT CONN3CT1ON TO MY LUSUS  
GC: 4ND 1 DONT W4NT TO LOS3 1T  
AA: i understand that  
AA: but your lusus is still around!  
GC: Y34H 1 KNOW  
GC: BUT 1 DONT KNOW HOW LONG SH3LL ST4Y 4ROUND  
GC: 1 M34N, WH4T 1F SOM3TH1NG H4PP3NS 1N TH3 G4M3 4ND SH3 G3TS K1LL3D?  
AA: well shes a sprite now  
AA: her health is tied to that of the battlefield  
AA: as long as its intact she should be fine  
AA: sprites are surprisingly resilient things even against the fiercest opponents paradox space can muster  
GC: Y34H M4YB3  
AA: but more important than that  
AA: if you really want some memories to remember your lusus by  
AA: then go make some memories with her!  
AA: at least you still have that opportunity  
GC: OH  
GC: OH FUCK  
GC: 1 D1DNT 3V3N TH1NK OF TH4T  
GC: 1M SORRY 4R4D14 >:[  
AA: its ok  
GC: YOU MUST TH1NK 1M 4 R34L P13C3 OF SH1T R1GHT NOW  
GC: WH1N1NG 4BOUT HOW 1 N33D SOM3TH1NG TO R3M3MB3R MY LUSUS BY  
GC: WH3N YOU N3V3R 3V3N GOT 4 CH4NC3 TO R3V1V3 YOURS  
AA: terezi its fine  
AA: i mean  
AA: yeah i miss my lusus  
AA: but ill always remember the time i spent with her  
AA: and i think thats more important than anything else  
GC: W3LL  
GC: M4YB3 YOUR3 R1GHT  
AA: look  
AA: i get that youre ok with the way things are now  
AA: but i cant just sit idly by while i know they can be better  
AA: i mean i was ok with the way things were before i hooked up with sollux  
AA: but were you content to let things stay that way?  
GC: OF COURS3 NOT!  
GC: YOU D3S3RV3D B3TT3R TH4N TH4T  
AA: exactly!  
AA: so now im returning the favor  
AA: because you deserve better than this  
AA: i get that the sensory abilities your lusus taught you are important to you  
AA: but i think being able to see is important too  
AA: i mean aside from just the obvious logical reasons  
AA: like the fact that the speed of light is about six million times the speed of smell and thats only on a really windy day  
AA: but i dont care about any of that  
AA: i mean  
AA: back when i was dead  
AA: everything felt so distant  
AA: i couldnt really feel anything at all  
AA: it all felt hazy and indistinct  
AA: and when i was in my soulbot it wasnt much better  
AA: just image data from high resolution optical receptors fed directly into my ectoplasmic eyes through an endless array of circuitry  
AA: it was like looking at the world through a telescope  
AA: i could see it but i wasnt really there  
AA: so when i finally came back to life i was really excited  
AA: because for the first time in god knows how long  
AA: i was really able to see  
AA: i could see all of the towering gothic sprawl of derse  
AA: and the stunning crystalline vistas of loqam  
AA: and the endless chessboard expanse of the battlefield  
AA: and i could see sollux again  
AA: even after all the perigees i spent haunting his hive hoping without success that the image of him might one day become clearer  
AA: and i was excited to see everyone else too  
AA: feferi and nepeta and all the rest  
AA: but more than any of them  
AA: i wanted to see you  
GC: OH  
AA: dont you want that too?  
AA: dont you want to see the rushing rivers and synaptic skies the game has generated for you on lotaf  
AA: or to see your lusus after the six sweeps you spent looking after its portentous outer shell  
AA: or what about eridan  
AA: dont you want to see the face of the man you chose as your matesprit?  
GC: H3H3  
GC: OR TH3 LOFTY 4RR4Y OF M4NLY B4TTL3SC4RS H3S 4CCRU3D ON H1S CH3ST?  
AA: yes and that too  
AA: but more than that  
AA: well possibly more than that  
AA: how long has it been since i died?  
AA: a sweep maybe?  
GC: 4 L1TTL3 OV3R, 1 B3L13V3  
AA: right  
AA: over a sweep  
AA: and since then we couldnt see each other  
AA: until two days ago  
AA: when i was given the chance to see you and i took it  
AA: dont you want that same chance?  
AA: dont you want to see me?  
GC: ...  
GC: 4R4D14  
GC: TH4T 1S 4 R34LLY FUCK1NG D1RTY 4RGUM3NT 4ND YOU KNOW 1T! >:[  
AA: hehe sorry  
GC: BUT  
GC: Y34H 1 W4NT TO S33 YOU  
GC: 4ND 1 M34N W1TH MY 3Y3S, NOT W1TH MY NOS3  
GC: THOUGH 1 TH1NK 1 D1D G3T 4 PR3TTY CL34R P1CTUR3 OF YOU W1TH MY TONGU3 L4ST N1GHT >;]  
AA: haha  
GC: BUT ST1LL  
GC: 1 W4NT TO K33P MY OTH3R 4B1L1T13S TOO  
GC: 1S TH4T GR33DY OF M3?  
AA: i dont think so  
AA: some of the rest of us have cool powers and can see too  
AA: i dont think its too selfish of you to want both  
GC: 1 GU3SS NOT  
GC: BUT 1F 1 DO 4SC3ND  
GC: 4ND 1 DO G3T MY 3Y3S1GHT B4CK  
GC: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK 1LL K33P MY OTH3R S1GHT TOO?  
AA: it all depends on you terezi  
AA: its all determined by what you want  
AA: if you want your eyesight back youll get it  
AA: and if you want your other senses youll keep them too  
AA: and if you dont keep them then maybe you didnt really want them after all  
GC: BUT 1 DO W4NT TH3M!  
AA: then you have nothing to worry about :)  
GC: W3LL  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: 1 TH1NK YOUR3 R1GHT  
AA: so you want to see again?  
GC: Y3S  
GC: 1M COMPL3T3LY C3RT41N OF TH4T SUDD3NLY  
AA: thats great!  
AA: thank you for hearing me out terezi  
GC: Y34H Y34H  
GC: LOOK  
GC: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD JUST G3T TH1S OV3R W1TH NOW  
AA: what?  
GC: JUST M33T UP ON MY QU3ST B3D ON LOT4F 4ND G3T M3 4SC3ND3D NOW  
AA: whoa terezi slow down  
AA: we dont have to do it right now  
GC: 1 TH1NK W3 SHOULD  
GC: B3FOR3 1 CH4NG3 MY M1ND  
AA: look i understand your enthusiasm  
AA: but maybe you should talk to eridan about this first  
AA: hes your matesprit after all and this affects him too  
GC: Y34H, YOUR3 R1GHT  
GC: 1 SHOULD T4LK TO 3R1D4N  
AA: yes you should  
GC: 1 SHOULD  
GC: T4LK  
GC: TO 3R1D4N  
GC: T4LK TO H1M  
AA: um  
GC: G1V3 M3 4 S3COND  
AA: ok  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: CH4NG3 OF PL4NS  
GC: 1M GO1NG B4CK TO MY H1V3  
GC: 4ND 1M NOT TO B3 D1STURB3D FOR TH3 N3XT H4LF HOUR  
GC: W3LL, W41T, M4K3 TH4T 4N HOUR  
GC: 4CTU4LLY YOU KNOW WH4T, 1LL JUST TROLL YOU 4G41N WH3N 1M DON3  
AA: done with what  
GC: TH3N 4FT3R TH4T YOU C4N COM3 TO LOT4F  
GC: 4ND TH3N 4FT3R TH4T W3 C4N 4LL GO H4V3 4 LOV3LY GOD T13R P1CN1C 1NS1D3 MY QU3ST R3CUP3R4COON  
GC: HOW DO3S TH4T SOUND  
AA: that sounds fine i guess  
AA: but you didnt answer my question  
GC: GR34T!  
GC: 1LL S33 YOU TH3N  
AA: wait!  
GC: WH4T  
AA: what are you doing at your hive???  
GC: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK?  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
AA: oh  
AA: oh!  
AA: well thats great!  
AA: you just have fun with that  
GC: OH 1 MOST C3RT41NLY W1LL  
GC: 4ND TH3N 1LL S33 YOU 1N  
GC: 4N HOUR M4YB3?  
GC: NO W41T, 1 SHOULD PROB4BLY BUDG3T 4 L1TTL3 3XTR4 T1M3 FOR 4 SHOW3R  
GC: 1TLL PROB4BLY B3 MOR3 L1K3 4N HOUR 4ND 4 H4LF  
AA: haha ok then  
AA: well see you soon terezi!  
GC: Y34H  
GC: 4ND 1LL S33 YOU SOON TOO 4R4D14  
GC: FOR R34L TH1S T1M3  
GC: <>  
AA: hahaha yes  
AA: <>  
GC: OK4Y BY3 4R4D14  
AA: bye terezi!  
  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]. 


	22. Sidelines V

Chapter 22

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].  
  
AT: hEY vR1SKA,  
AT: aRE YOU THERE,  
AT: 1 HAVEN'T SEEN YOU 1N L1KE A DAY, wHAT'S UP,  
AG: Oh, Tavros!!!!!!!! Yeah I'm here.  
AG: Sorry, the past twenty-four hours have 8een reeeeeeeeally complic8ed.  
AG: And more than a little exhausting, quite frankly.  
AT: yEAH, 1 SHOULD TH1NK SO,  
AT: wHAT W1TH YOUR WHOLE TH1NG W1TH sOLLUX,  
AT: sER1OUSLY, fOUR HOURS,  
AG: Yeah, I know!!!!!!!! God, it was awesome.  
AG: It was easily TWICE as gr8 as I thought it would 8e.  
AG: Oh, the red miles of destruction we carved across LO8AF together........  
AG: I mean, the guy's still a twerp, don't get me wrong, 8ut he's got it where it counts.  
AT: yEAH, wELL,  
AT: 1'M GLAD YOU GUYS F1NALLY MADE 1T HAPPEN,  
AG: Not as glad as I am, 8elieve me.  
AG: I've 8een needing to 8low off some steam for a while, and this little romp is exactly what the doctor ordered.  
AG: I h8 to talk your ear off a8out all of my exploits, 8ut good lord, the things that guy can do with his psionics!!!!!!!!  
AG: And, of course, the things I can do to him with mine.  
AG: And with his. >::::)  
AG: I just kneeeeeeeew he'd 8e a gr8 kismesis once he got his shit together and decided to play 8all.  
AT: r1GHT, wELL,  
AT: 1'M SURE THAT WAS ALL VERY ENJOYABLE,  
AT: bUT 1T'S BEEN A DAY S1NCE THEN, aND YOU HAVEN'T CONTACTED ME UNT1L R1GHT NOW,  
AT: jUST WHAT HAPPENED 1N THE 1NTER1M,  
AT: wERE YOU 1NJURED OR SOMETH1NG,  
AG: Nononononononono, nothing like that!!!!!!!!  
AG: Well, just a few 8roken 8ones, no 8ig deal.  
AG: Nothing a little convalescent care from my m8sprit couldn't handle.  
AG: If you know what I mean. :::;)  
AT: yEAH, 1 TH1NK 1 CAN PUZZLE OUT YOUR MEAN1NG,  
AT: jUST BARELY,  
AG: Hahahaha.  
AT: bUT ANYWAY, wHY D1DN'T YOU CONTACT ME,  
AT: 1 WAS K1ND OF WORR1ED,  
AG: Shit, yeah, sorry, I should've trolled you a8out it.  
AG: 8ut 8etween the whole thing with Sollux and the whole other thing with Kanaya, it was just........  
AG: Honestly, the whole day was just kind of a 8lur.  
AG: I was just 8lissed out of my goddamn mind the entire time.  
AG: So sorry.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: 1T'S F1NE, 1 GUESS,  
AT: yOU'RE PERFECTLY W1TH1N YOUR R1GHTS BE1NG HAPPY,  
AT: gETT1NG A K1SMES1S 1S K1ND OF A B1G DEAL, aFTER ALL,  
AT: bUT ST1LL, yOU SHOULD'VE CONTACTED ME,  
AT: tO ASSURE ME THAT SPAZ D1DN'T K1LL YOU, 1F NOTH1NG ELSE,  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah, you're right.  
AG: 8ut I mean, I would've if I was thinking str8, 8ut I was reeeeeeeeally out of it at the time.  
AG: Like, after I left Kanaya's hive, I set off for... LODAG, I think?  
AG: Not really sure what my thought process was there.  
AG: May8e I wanted to 8ug Feferi a8out something???????? Or may8e I was going 8ack to LO8AF for some reason, I don't know.  
AG: Anyway, I had another run-in with Sollux.  
AT: oH, sER1OUSLY,  
AG: Yeah, this time on LOQAM.  
AG: And Aradia was with him.  
AT: oH GOD,  
AG: Yeah, that escal8ed quickly.  
AG: I mean, it really got out of hand fast!  
AG: Like, I can't manipul8 Aradia even when she's 8y herself.  
AG: 8ut when those two are together, they do some kind of freaky psychic mind meld thing, and then I can't touch either of them!!!!!!!!  
AG: And then they 8oth proceeded to just completely dou8le team me with their com8ined psionics, which are incidentally REALLY FUCKING POWERFUL.  
AT: wHOA, wA1T A M1NUTE, hOLD ON,  
AT: aRE YOU TELL1NG ME THAT sOLLUX AND aRAD1A BOTH TEAMED UP AND BEAT THE SH1T OUT OF YOU W1TH THE1R PSYCH1C POWERS,  
AG: Kind of, yeah.  
AG: 8ut really, it's not that 8ig a deal.  
AT: nOT THAT B1G A DEAL,  
AT: nO, 1 TH1NK YOU'RE WRONG, 1T K1ND OF 1S A B1G DEAL,  
AG: What?  
AT: lOOK, 1F 1T WERE JUST sOLLUX, tHAT WOULD BE ONE TH1NG,  
AT: hE'S YOUR K1SMES1S, tHAT MUCH 1S TO BE EXPECTED,  
AT: bUT 1F aRAD1A'S JO1N1NG 1N, tHAT'S,  
AT: wELL, 1T'S E1THER BLACK 1NF1DEL1TY, oR SHE'S JUST STRA1GHT UP TRY1NG TO MURDER YOU,  
AT: aND BOTH OF THOSE SEEM TO BE K1ND OF AN ENORMOUS FUCK1NG DEAL TO ME,  
AG: Wow, Tavros, calm down!!!!!!!!  
AG: I mean, I get why you might 8e concerned, 8ut seriously, you don't have to get all worked up just for my s8ke.  
AG: I'm totally okay with the way the whole incident transpired.  
AG: Honestly, I kind of enjoyed it!  
AT: wHAT,  
AG: I'm just saying!!!!!!!!  
AT: vR1SKA, yOU ARE,  
AT: rEALLY STRANGE SOMET1MES,  
AG: Whatever, don't judge.  
AG: I know fully well all the weird shit you and Gamzee do together.  
AT: hAHA, yEAH, 1 GUESS YOU DO,  
AT: bUT ST1LL,  
AT: yOU DON'T TH1NK aRAD1A ASSAULT1NG YOU 1S K1ND OF AN 1SSUE,  
AT: 1 THOUGHT SHE FORGAVE YOU,  
AG: Yeah, well, I guess she just doesn't like me.  
AG: Fair enough, I guess. She never really liked me 8ack 8efore I killed her, and I guess there's no reason she'd start liking me now.  
AG: Or may8e she didn't forgive me at all! Wouldn't surprise me.  
AG: Some people just hold grudges, I guess. Not that I would really know what that's like.  
AT: uH,  
AT: wHAT,  
AG: What?  
AT: vR1SKA,  
AT: d1D 1 SER1OUSLY JUST SEE YOU SAY,  
AT: tHAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT 1T'S L1KE TO HOLD A GRUDGE,  
AG: I don't!!!!!!!!  
AT: aRE YOU FUCK1NG K1DD1NG ME,  
AG: I'm serious!!!!!!!!  
AG: Grudges are for people who can't immedi8ely get even.  
AG: I've never held one for longer than it took to orchestr8 my vengeance upon the offending party.  
AG: 8ut not every8ody can 8e as forgiving as me, I guess.  
AT: tHAT'S,  
AT: a REALLY FUCKED UP DEF1N1T1ON OF FORG1V1NG,  
AG: Whatever! Anyway.  
AG: So two trolls out of eleven don't like me. Them's the 8r8ks.  
AT: wELL, 1'M GLAD YOU'RE SO COOL ABOUT 1T,  
AT: bUT DO YOU TH1NK TH1S WHOLE TH1NG BETWEEN YOU TWO M1GHT BECOME A PROBLEM,  
AG: I don't know, may8e!  
AG: 8ut even if it does, what can we really do a8out it?  
AT: wELL,  
AT: 1F 1T COMES TO THAT,  
AT: yOU GUYS M1GHT NEED AN AUSP1ST1CE,  
AG: Whoa, what????????  
AG: You seriously think Megido might 8e ashen for me????????  
AT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG, 1T'S A POSS1B1L1TY,  
AT: oNE YOU SHOULD PROBABLY ACCOUNT FOR,  
AG: Well, shit, I'm not even sure where to start.  
AG: Look, may8e we just shouldn't even worry a8out this right now.  
AG: Even if she does h8 me like that, I'm sure Sollux isn't a8out to let his m8sprit murder me.  
AG: He still owes me for not letting him 8leed to death from his 8lasted out eye sockets, for one.  
AT: hAHA, yEAH, 1 HEARD ABOUT THAT,  
AG: It was totally his fault, just for the record!!!!!!!!  
AG: I thought I might 8e pushing his eye 8eams a little too hard, and I told him as much, 8ut he just kept egging me on!  
AG: And he never said the safeword, either.  
AT: sO 1 HEARD,  
AG: 8ut whatever, he was 8lind and useless for like eight minutes, and then I threw him onto a sla8 of dark green rock and m8de him a god.  
AG: The second one I've 8een directly responsi8le for, not counting myself, if you're keeping track of these things.  
AT: nOT REALLY, nO,  
AG: And let me tell you, those Doom powers of his are a 8itch and half!  
AG: I figured since we were 8oth God Tier, it wouldn't 8e too unfair to 8ring our powers into the mix.  
AG: 8ut every time I ganked all of his luck, he just took the deficit and dumped it right 8ack in my face!!!!!!!!  
AG: And that's pro8a8ly just a small fraction of the repertoire of doomy things he's dou8tlessly got up his sleeves.  
AG: 8ut anyway, don't worry a8out me and Aradia.  
AG: I'm not a8out to try to kill her, and I'm pretty damn sure she's not a8out to try to kill me.  
AG: And if things really do come to a head, I'm sure we can find SOME8ODY to medi8 8etween us, though I can't imagine who right off the top of my head.  
AG: Not Kanaya, certainly.  
AG: Nepeta, may8e? I'm pretty satisfied with my last ashen liaison with her.  
AG: Whatever, we'll 8urn that 8ridge when we get to it.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: 1F YOU REALLY DON'T TH1NK D1RECT 1NTERVENT1ON 1S NECESSARY,  
AT: tHEN 1 GUESS WE CAN PUT THE 1SSUE TO REST FOR NOW,  
AG: Yeah, seriously, enough a8out me already.  
AG: What a8out you? How are you reacting to this whole thing?  
AT: uH,  
AT: wHAT WHOLE TH1NG,  
AG: The whole thing with Aradia coming 8ack to life!!!!!!!!  
AG: You guys used to 8e really good friends, didn't you?  
AG: So you must 8e psyched that she's alive again!  
AT: wELL, uH, hONESTLY,  
AT: 1'M K1ND OF FREAK1NG OUT ABOUT 1T,  
AG: Yeah, "freaking out" sounds a8out right!  
AG: It's not every day that one of your friends gets 8rought 8ack from the dead after god knows how long!  
AG: You pro8a8ly want to reconnect with her, right?  
AT: uHH,  
AG: W8, shit, I just realized.  
AG: This whole thing with me and her is totally going to get 8etween you guys, isn't it????????  
AG: Fuuuuuuuuck, I'd 8e such a shitty moirail to let my own personal vendettas mess with your own personal friendships!!!!!!!!  
AG: May8e I should just look for an auspistice now, I don't want this to 8ecome a 8ig issue for you guys.  
AT: vR1SKA, sTOP,  
AT: yOU'RE NOT LETT1NG ME F1N1SH,  
AG: Oh.  
AG: Um, okay, go ahead.  
AT: wHEN 1 SA1D 1 WAS FREAK1NG OUT,  
AT: 1 D1DN'T MEAN 1N A GOOD WAY,  
AG: Um.  
AG: What did you mean?  
AT: lOOK, 1T'S,  
AT: 1T'S COMPL1CATED,  
AG: What's complic8ed?  
AT: tHE WHOLE TH1NG W1TH aRAD1A,  
AT: 1 MEAN, yEAH, wE USED TO BE FR1ENDS,  
AT: bACK BEFORE SHE D1ED,  
AT: bUT A LOT HAS CHANGED S1NCE THEN,  
AT: 1 MEAN, nOW 1'VE GOT AN AMAZ1NG MATESPR1T,  
AT: aND A GREAT MO1RA1L,  
AT: aND NOW,  
AT: oKAY, wOW, tHERE'S NO REALLY GOOD WAY TO SAY TH1S,  
AT: 1 MEAN, 1T'S GREAT THAT SHE'S AL1VE AND ALL,  
AT: 1'M NOT TRY1NG TO SAY SHE SHOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD OR ANYTH1NG,  
AG: Well, yeah, I sure hope not!!!!!!!!  
AT: bUT 1T'S JUST,  
AT: nOW THAT SHE'S BACK,  
AT: 1'M HAV1NG ALL THESE FEEL1NGS,  
AT: uNWELCOME FEEL1NGS,  
AT: tHAT 1 WAS K1ND OF HOP1NG WERE GONE FOR GOOD,  
AT: aND 1'M JUST AFRA1D,  
AT: 1 DON'T KNOW, mAYBE 1'M JUST BE1NG R1D1CULOUS HERE,  
AG: No, w8, hold on!!!!!!!!  
AG: Just what are you talking a8out here????????  
AG: What are all these feelings that Aradia's apparently 8ringing 8ack, and why are you getting so worked up over them?  
AT: uGH, 1T'S JUST,  
AG: Does this have something to do with me?  
AG: This isn't triggering any traumatic flash8acks a8out the whole thing that happened 8ack then, is it????????  
AT: nO NO NO, 1T'S NOTH1NG L1KE THAT,  
AT: yOU DON'T HAVE ANYTH1NG TO DO W1TH 1T,  
AG: Then what is it?  
AT: 1T'S JUST,  
AT: 1T'S NOTH1NG, 1T'S STUP1D,  
AT: gOD, 1'M SUCH A FUCK1NG 1D1OT,  
AT: jUST, fORGET 1 BROUGHT 1T UP,  
AG: Are you sure?  
AG: 8ecause it sounds like kind of a 8ig deal!  
AT: yES, 1'M SURE,  
AG: Is there some kind of pro8lem 8etween you and Aradia?  
AG: 8ecause if there is, I need to know a8out it.  
AG: Terezi and Eridan and I are planning this whole 8ig FLARPing night for you two, and if you don't want to roleplay with her, we're going to need to m8ke some changes.  
AG: Replacing her won't 8e too hard. We could just 8ring in Nepeta, she'd pro8a8ly 8e down for it.  
AG: Are you cool with teaming up with her? I helped her m8ke a new character, and it's actually pretty awesome.  
AG: Failing that, I guess you could team up with Dualscar, 8ut there's kind of a huuuuuuuuge level difference there.  
AG: Anyway, whatever you want to do, I need to know now so we can m8ke all the necessary changes to the campaign in a timely fashion.  
AT: lOOK, 1 APPREC1ATE THE OFFER,  
AT: bUT YOU WON'T HAVE TO MAKE ANY CHANGES,  
AT: 1'LL PLAY W1TH aRAD1A,  
AG: Really?  
AT: yES, rEALLY,  
AG: Well, if you insist.  
AG: Though I should warn you that this campaign could possi8ly put some........ strain on your friendship.  
AG: We're crafting the most dia8olical series of traps, puzzles, and monsters ever to 8e seen in the history of FLARP.  
AG: 8ut perhaps the most fearsome adversary you will face will 8e........  
AG: Each other!!!!!!!!  
AT: wHAT,  
AG: You'll see.  
AG: I am whispering that and it is echoing and ominous.  
AG: You'll seeeeeeee........  
AG: You'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
AG: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: 1 TH1NK THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH E'S FOR A L1FET1ME,  
AT: pLEASE STOP,  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
AG: 8ut yes, it is going to 8e devious. Soooooooo devious, you don't even know.  
AT: 1'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR 1T, 1 GUESS,  
AG: Yes you will! That is exactly what you will do.  
AG: 8ut I mean........  
AG: Okay, I still don't really get this thing that may or may not 8e going on with you and Aradia.  
AG: Seriously, what's up? Talk to me here.  
AT: lOOK, 1 ALREADY TOLD YOU, 1T'S NOT THAT B1G A DEAL,  
AT: bUT TH1NK1NG ABOUT HER JUST MAKES 1T WORSE,  
AT: sO COULD WE PLEASE JUST,  
AT: nOT TALK ABOUT 1T,  
AG: You don't want to talk a8out it.  
AG: You realize that's 8asically the pale equivalent to "I have a headache," right????????  
AG: You're totally pale8locking me here, and I have to say that I don't really like it!!!!!!!!  
AT: vR1SKA, tH1S 1S START1NG TO MAKE ME UPSET,  
AT: sO JUST DROP 1T,  
AT: sER1OUSLY,  
AG: Tavros, if there's some kind of pro8lem here, then I want to know just what the fuck is going on!!!!!!!!  
AT: vR1SKA,  
AT: yOU BROKE MY SP1NE,  
AG: ::::O  
AG: Well fuck, if you're gonna deploy the goddamn nuclear option on me, then fine, I'll drop it already!!!!!!!!  
AG: Don't flip the fuck out over it, Jegus.  
AT: sORRY, 1T'S JUST,  
AT: uURRRGH,  
AG: Soooooooo........  
AG: Oh hey, I just remem8ered something I heard from Eridan!!!!!!!!  
AG: He told me he was auspisticizing for you and Equius????????  
AT: yEAH, tHAT'S R1GHT,  
AT: 1T HAPPENED 1N THAT MEMO, aFTER YOU LEFT,  
AG: Well, that's gr8!!!!!!!!  
AG: Got yourself another quadrant filled, that's awesome!  
AG: I mean, sure, it's just an auspistice, and it's not really necessary or anything........  
AG: 8ut still, one step closer to troll serendipity! If you 8elieve in that kind of thing.  
AT: yEAH, 1T'S,  
AT: aLR1GHT, 1 GUESS,  
AG: I always thought there was something going on 8etween you and Equius.  
AG: I was kind of hoping it was the stirrings of a kismesissitude, honestly!  
AG: 8ut I guess you weren't interested in him like that or something.  
AT: nOT REALLY,  
AT: 1 MEAN, hONESTLY, 1 DON'T EVEN KNOW H1M,  
AT: hE JUST HAS A PROBLEM W1TH ME, fOR SOME REASON,  
AG: He's got more pro8lems than that, trust me.  
AG: 8ut yeah, I guess you guys don't really have any history to speak of.  
AG: Still, though, it seemed like a decent opportunity.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: mAYBE 1T WAS,  
AT: aND 1 M1GHT'VE ACTUALLY BEEN 1NTERESTED,  
AT: bUT, 1 HAD OTHER REASONS FOR NOT PURSU1NG 1T,  
AG: Those reasons 8eing........?  
AT: wELL, aS MUCH AS 1 HATE THE GUY,  
AT: 1 TH1NK gAMZEE HATES H1M EVEN MORE,  
AT: sO 1 F1GURED, hE DESERVED 1T MORE THAN 1 D1D,  
AG: Awwwwwwww, Tavros, that's so sweet!  
AG: 8acking off the guy just so your m8sprit can have a shot at him!  
AT: yEAH, wELL,  
AT: 1T JUST SEEMED L1KE THE R1GHT TH1NG TO DO,  
AG: Well, suit yourself, I guess.  
AG: Actually, thinking a8out it now, you could still have a maroonion. All you're doing is just moving the same vertices around.  
AT: uH,  
AT: a "mAROON1ON,"  
AT: wHAT'S THAT,  
AG: Oh man, if I even started to explain it, it'd just degener8 into an endless tangent on how gr8 it is.  
AG: So I'll keep it short.  
AG: 8asically, a maroonion is the 8est thing ever, and that's pretty much all there is to say on the matter.  
AT: uH,  
AT: oKAY, 1 GUESS,  
AG: You'll love it, trust me.  
AG: 8ut anyway, that's gr8 for Gamzee and all, 8ut what a8out you?  
AG: You've got to start thinking a8out your own 8lack quadrant here, Tavros!!!!!!!!  
AG: I feel kind of 8ad for you, honestly, always putting your other quadrants 8efore yourself.  
AG: First with me and Sollux, and now with Gamzee and Equius.  
AT: 1'M NOT BLACK FOR sOLLUX,  
AG: You're not?  
AG: I thought you had a pro8lem with him or something.  
AT: mY PROBLEM W1TH H1M WAS HE WAS PLAY1NG HARD TO GET W1TH YOU,  
AT: tHAT'S ABOUT THE EXTENT OF 1T,  
AG: Oh.  
AG: Really? That's it?  
AT: wELL,  
AT: tHERE ARE SOME OTHER M1NOR 1SSUES,  
AT: bUT NOTH1NG REALLY S1GN1F1CANT ENOUGH FOR EVEN AN AUSP1ST1CESH1P, 1 DON'T TH1NK,  
AG: Huh.  
AG: 8ut if you're not 8lack for either of them, that doesn't really leave you with many choices!!!!!!!!  
AG: I mean, there's what, Karkat and Terezi?  
AG: Do you h8 either of them?  
AT: nO, nOT REALLY,  
AG: Well shit.  
AG: Other than that, there's only like three eligi8le 8achelors.  
AG: And you're not 8lack for Kanaya or Feferi, riiiiiiiight????????  
AT: oH NO, aBSOLUTELY NOT,  
AT: 1 HAVE NO 1NTENT1ON OF TRY1NG TO PLUCK THAT PART1CULAR 1RON OUT OF THE F1RE, bEL1EVE ME,  
AG: Okay, good.  
AG: I mean, if you were, I could try to come up with something else, don't get me wrong!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8ut you aren't, so that kind of puts us in a tight spot!  
AG: All that's left after that is Aradia, and I'm just kind of assuming you're not gonna end up 8lack for her.  
AT: uH,  
AT: yEAH, 1 DON'T KNOW,  
AG: Shit.  
AG: Okay, let me m8ke you a deal.  
AG: If it comes right down to it, and the only two people who don't have kismeses are you and Aradia........  
AG: We can switch.  
AT: uH,  
AT: wHAT,  
AG: I'll 8r8k up with Sollux and t8ke her, and you can have him.  
AG: How does that sound?  
AT: wHOA, hOLD ON,  
AT: yOU'D BREAK UP W1TH sOLLUX JUST FOR ME,  
AG: Of course I would!!!!!!!!  
AG: We're moirails, after all! It's my jo8 to m8ke sure you fill up your other quadrants!  
AG: It's kind of a 8ig deal, Tavros.  
AT: yEAH, bUT,  
AT: yOU'RE REALLY BLACK FOR H1M, aREN'T YOU,  
AG: Well, yeah, 8ut I've got other options here!  
AG: Maaaaaaaay8e Aradia won't 8e as fun of a kismesis as Sollux is, 8ut she's still got enough fight in her to m8ke it interesting.  
AG: Trust me, she's still the same shithive 8road that 8eat the shit out of me 8ack on LOMAT.  
AT: uGH,  
AT: dON'T REM1ND ME OF THAT, pLEASE,  
AG: Oh, right, sorry.  
AT: bUT ST1LL,  
AT: tH1S SEEMS REALLY EXTREME,  
AG: Look, it's just if you don't find a kismesis 8efore then!  
AG: May8e you can spark something with Terezi or Karkat 8efore it comes to that.  
AG: Or may8e Gamzee'll find some8ody else, and you can go after Equius properly!  
AG: Or fuck, I don't know, you could even start up some kind of rivalry with Aradia, however the fuck that would work.  
AG: I'm just saying we should have a contingency of some sort here.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: 1F 1T ACTUALLY DOES COME TO THAT,  
AT: tHEN 1 GUESS WE COULD TRY 1T,  
AG: Gr8!  
AT: wHAT,  
AT: 1T'S NOT GREAT,  
AT: 1F TH1S COMES TO PASS, 1T MEANS YOU'LL HAVE TO G1VE UP YOUR K1SMES1S,  
AG: Hey, nothing's more important than m8king sure my moirail gets a proper h8m8!!!!!!!!  
AG: And as much as I do h8 the guy, I can't say I would mind having a 8ig juicy chunk of Megido aaaaaaaall to myself. >::::)  
AT: uH,  
AG: Aaaaaaaanyway, I think you're more than a match for Sollux.  
AG: He may have all his fancy glowing psionics and eye 8eams, 8ut none of that even comes close to all the windy shit you can do!  
AT: hEH, yEAH, yOU'RE PROBABLY R1GHT,  
AG: 8ut still, I'll do everything I can to m8ke sure it doesn't come to that.  
AG: I already talked to Eridan a8out may8e finding you a kismesis, 8ut he's 8eing really cryptic a8out it for some reason.  
AG: He assures me he's got a plan, 8ut I can't imagine what it could 8e.  
AT: rEALLY,  
AG: Yeah, I don't know! He just tells me to focus on my whole plan with Kanaya and Feferi.  
AT: yEAH, aBOUT THAT,  
AT: 1 TH1NK 1T M1GHT BE GETT1NG A L1TTLE,  
AT: oUT OF HAND,  
AG: 8luh, yeah, tell me a8out it.  
AG: I saw that things nearly came to a head once again on that last memo.  
AG: Thank god I had Eridan running damage control for me.  
AT: r1GHT,  
AT: bUT DO YOU TH1NK, mAYBE,  
AT: yOU M1GHT BE GO1NG A L1TTLE TOO FAR HERE,  
AG: What do you mean?  
AT: 1 MEAN, w1TH YOU GO1NG BEH1ND kANAYA'S BACK ON ALL TH1S,  
AG: Look, it's not like I WANT to deceive Kanaya, okay?  
AG: 8ut a certain amount of su8terfuge is necessary in order to gener8 the proper amount of h8 8etween her and Feferi.  
AG: If she knew this little spat 8etween the two of them was a deli8er8 ruse on my part, she'd discount it completely out of hand!  
AG: So 8ehind her 8ack I must go.  
AG: It sucks, 8ut it's what I have to do to find her a kismesis.  
AT: lOOK, 1 GET WHAT YOU'RE TRY1NG TO SAY,  
AT: bUT D1D YOU EVER STOP TO TH1NK THAT TH1S WHOLE SCHEME M1GHT HAVE,  
AT: oTHER CONSEQUENCES,  
AG: Like what?  
AG: W8, you don't mean........  
AG: You don't think she'd 8r8k up with me if she f8und out, do y8u????????  
AT: nO, nO, nOTH1NG L1KE THAT,  
AT: 1 WAS WORR1ED ABOUT THE OPPOS1TE, aCTUALLY,  
AG: Um........  
AG: Not following.  
AT: oKAY, lOOK,  
AT: tH1S WHOLE TH1NG 1S TO MAKE HER JEALOUS OF fEFER1, r1GHT,  
AG: Yeah, exactly.  
AG: The idea is that Kanaya's supposed to think that Feferi's constantly putting the moves on me.  
AG: And then Feferi's supposed to think that Kanaya's just 8eing an overly-sensitive shrew a8out the whole thing.  
AG: 8am! Instant mutual animosity.  
AT: r1GHT,  
AT: aND 1T'S A SOUND PLAN, dON'T GET ME WRONG,  
AT: bUT THE WHOLE TH1NG 1S H1NGED ON THE 1DEA THAT kANAYA W1LL TH1NK fEFER1 1S TRY1NG TO STEAL YOU AWAY FROM HER,  
AG: Yeah, 8ut she's not reeeeeeeeally gonna steal me away!!!!!!!!  
AT: bUT kANAYA DOESN'T KNOW THAT,  
AG: Of course she does!!!!!!!!  
AG: Right????????  
AG: W8, you don't think she actually thinks I'm a8out to 8r8k up with her, do you????????  
AT: 1 DON'T KNOW,  
AT: bUT SHE DOES SEEM A L1TTLE D1STRESSED LATELY,  
AG: 8ut I would n8ver do that!!!!!!!!  
AG: I would NEVER 8r8k up with Kan8ya in eight 8illi8n years!!!!!!!!  
AG: She's the most am8zing person I've ever m8t, and if she ever l8ft me, I'd........  
AG: I don't even know wh8t I'd do!!!!!!!!  
AG: She kn8ws I'd never do that, r8ght? She H8S to know that!!!!!!!!  
AT: sHE M1GHT NOT,  
AG: Fuck.  
AG: F8CK.  
AG: That's not how it's supposed to go!  
AG: She's just supposed to 8e pissed off at Feferi and that's it!  
AG: If she's actually freaking out a8out the possi8ility that I might r8n off with h8r........  
AG: 8ased SOLELY on this pl8n m8de up 8y ME, mind you!!!!!!!!  
AG: Just the thought that she might 8e s8ffering 8ecause of this whole stupid half-8aked sch8me of mine........  
AG: F8ck.  
AG: I'm the worst m8sprit ever, aren't I?  
AT: yOU'RE NOT THAT BAD,  
AG: Yes, I am that 8ad!!!!!!!!  
AG: Like, it isn't even just this whole thing with Feferi, either!  
AG: There's also........ y'know, us.  
AG: God, Kanaya must think I'm the flooziest harlot to ever stum8le half-dressed out of Trolloptown.  
AG: Especially after what happened just recently.  
AT: nO, lOOK,  
AT: tHAT'S D1FFERENT,  
AG: How is that any different?  
AT: bECAUSE WE'RE MO1RA1LS,  
AT: 1 MEAN, yEAH, wE L1KE EACH OTHER,  
AT: bUT THAT AFFECT1ON 1S A KNOWN QUANT1TY,  
AT: aND 1T'S NOT THE SAME TH1NG YOU AND kANAYA HAVE,  
AT: aND NOTH1NG WE DO 1S GO1NG TO CHANGE 1T,  
AG: 8ut are you sure a8out that????????  
AG: Can we actually get away with stuff like this?  
AG: I mean, I'm glad that you're cool with it, and that apparently Kanaya is too, 8ut........  
AG: I don't know, it just feels weird.  
AG: Like we're 8r8king the rules or something.  
AT: wHAT RULES,  
AG: The rules of society!  
AG: Moirails aren't supposed to do stuff like this.  
AT: sOC1ETY,  
AT: vR1SKA, sOC1ETY R1GHT NOW CAN BE COUNTED ON THREE HANDS,  
AG: Haha, yeah, I guess.  
AG: It kind of seems like most of us are okay with the whole idea, too.  
AG: 8ut still, it just doesn't feel right to me.  
AT: oKAY, lOOK,  
AT: vR1SKA, 1'M JUST GO1NG TO TELL YOU TH1S STRA1GHT UP,  
AT: 1'M NOT FLUSHED FOR YOU,  
AT: l1KE, nOT 1N THE LEAST B1T,  
AG: Um, okay.  
AT: 1 MEAN, 1 L1KE YOU,  
AT: a LOT, aCTUALLY,  
AT: bUT 1 DON'T TH1NK YOU'RE PERFECT 1N ANY SENSE OF THE WORD,  
AT: yOU AREN'T MY EVERTH1NG,  
AT: mY OTHER HALF, mAYBE, bUT THAT MAKES YOU MY EQUAL AT BEST,  
AT: fRANKLY, yOU ARE, aND YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, a HOT PALE MESS,  
AG: Um........  
AG: is that supposed to 8e a compliment or a 8urn?  
AT: lOOK, aLL 1'M SAY1NG 1S,  
AT: 1F YOU'RE HONESTLY AFRA1D WE'RE GO1NG TO SL1P 1NTO THE FLUSHED QUADRANT,  
AT: sTOP FLATTER1NG YOURSELF,  
AG: Wow, Tavros, you're soooooooo romantic.  
AG: I'm getting the pale vapors all over again.  
AT: yEAH, eXACTLY,  
AT: wE'RE AS PALE AS 1T POSS1BLY GETS FOR EACH OTHER,  
AT: bUT AT THE SAME T1ME,  
AT: 1'M GLAD WE F1NALLY WENT THROUGH W1TH,  
AT: tH1S WHOLE TH1NG,  
AG: You are?  
AT: yEAH,  
AT: hONESTLY, 1 ALWAYS WANTED TO DO 1T,  
AT: mAYBE AS MUCH AS YOU D1D,  
AG: Seriously????????  
AT: wELL, eVER S1NCE OUR F1RST, uH,  
AT: eNCOUNTER, oN lomat,  
AT: tHERE'S BEEN TH1S VO1CE 1NS1DE MY HEAD,  
AT: sCREAM1NG AT ME TO K1SS YOU,  
AT: aND WHEN 1 F1NALLY D1D, 1T WAS, uH,  
AT: pLEASANTLY SURPR1SED, tO SAY THE LEAST,  
AG: A voice in your head????????  
AG: I don't remem8er hearing anything a8out this during our feelings jams.  
AT: wELL, 1T'S,  
AT: k1ND OF EMBARRASS1NG, hONESTLY,  
AG: Fine, whatever.  
AG: Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it, I guess.  
AG: I did too, of course, don't get me wrong!  
AG: 8ut still, aren't you afr8d it might m8ke things weird 8etween us?  
AT: 1T W1LL ONLY MAKE TH1NGS WE1RD 1F WE LET 1T,  
AT: aND 1T W1LL ONLY BE A PROBLEM FOR ANYONE 1F 1T MEANS WE'LL BECOME ANYTH1NG OTHER THAN MO1RA1LS,  
AG: Hmmmmmmmm........  
AG: I guess that's reasona8le enough.  
AG: 8ut do you really think Kanaya's okay with it?  
AG: Hell, do you think Gamzee's okay with it?  
AG: Sh8t, did we even t8lk to him a8out it????????  
AT: yEAH, 1T'S F1NE, 1 TALKED TO H1M ABOUT 1T,  
AT: bEFORE 1T HAPPENED,  
AT: hE'S F1NE W1TH 1T, tRUST ME,  
AT: 1 THOUGHT 1 ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT,  
AG: What? I don't remem8er that.  
AT: yEAH, hE'S TOTALLY COOL,  
AT: hELL, hE AND eR1DAN ENDED UP DO1NG THE SAME TH1NG A WH1LE AGO,  
AG: Whoa, wh8t????????  
AT: eR,  
AT: sH1T,  
AT: dON'T TELL E1THER OF THEM 1 TOLD YOU THAT,  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, okay, my lips are sealed.  
AG: Alright, fine, so Gamzee's o8viously cool with it.  
AG: 8ut what a8out Kanaya?  
AT: wELL,  
AT: 1 WANT TO SAY SHE'S OKAY W1TH 1T,  
AT: bUT 1F YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW, yOU SHOULD JUST TALK TO HER YOURSELF,  
AG: Yeah, that's pro8a8ly a good idea.  
AT: aND, wH1LE YOU'RE AT 1T,  
AT: mAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO HER ABOUT fEFER1, tOO,  
AG: Uh........ what a8out?  
AT: wELL,  
AT: tHE WHOLE TH1NG, 1DEALLY,  
AG: Whoa, no, I can't do that.  
AG: I mean, I want to, don't get me wrong, 8ut I can't.  
AG: If I tell her just what I've 8een up to, all of my work will 8e undone.  
AT: uGH, sER1OUSLY,  
AG: I'm sorry, 8ut I'm putting my foot down here!!!!!!!!  
AG: Look, I'm willing to compromise.  
AG: What if I just tell her I'll stop talking to Feferi?  
AG: Just stop hanging out with her entirely, or at least significantly decrease the amount of time I spend communic8ing with her?  
AG: Just as a show of good faith.  
AT: tHAT'S,  
AT: aCTUALLY NOT A BAD 1DEA,  
AG: I know, right?  
AG: Oh, and then once I do that, it'll pro8a8ly m8ke Feferi think that Kanaya m8de me do it, which will m8ke her h8 Kanaya even more!!!!!!!!  
AG: Man, this is such a gr8 idea, why didn't I think of this earlier.  
AT: uH,  
AT: r1GHT,  
AT: bUT ARE YOU SER1OUSLY W1LL1NG TO JUST CUT fEFER1 OFF L1KE THAT,  
AG: Look, if that's what it t8kes, then that's what I'm doing.  
AG: I mean, Feferi is a good friend, and I like her, 8ut if Kanaya is seriously 8othered 8y this whole thing 8etween us, then I'll put an end to it.  
AG: Feferi's gr8 and all, 8ut........ she's not Kanaya.  
AG: And if I have to choose 8etween Kanaya and any8ody, I'm sticking with the former.  
AT: yEAH,  
AT: tHAT'S ALL A GOOD PO1NT,  
AT: yOU REALLY ARE A GREAT MATESPR1T, vR1SKA,  
AG: Pshhhhhhhh, whatever, I'm okay at 8est!  
AG: Not anywhere near as gr8 as you are, at any r8.  
AG: You and Gamzee never have to worry a8out shit like this.  
AT: hMM,  
AT: nO, nOT EXACTLY,  
AT: bUT WE'RE NOT PERFECT, e1THER,  
AG: Well, sure, 8ut who's perfect anyway?  
AG: No8ody, that's who.  
AG: Not even Kanaya, though she's a8out as close as it gets.  
AG: Haha, wow, I sound so lame right now, don't I.  
AT: yOU SOUND F1NE,  
AT: lOVE JUST MAKES YOU STUP1D, tHAT'S ALL,  
AG: Hahahahahahaha, yeah, you're right.  
AG: Anyway, if this whole issue is resolved, I'm pro8a8ly gonna go talk to Kanaya.  
AT: yEAH, tHAT'S A GOOD 1DEA,  
AT: 1N FACT, 1'LL PROBABLY GO TALK TO gAMZEE,  
AG: Yeah, cool.  
AG: Well........ thanks for hearing me out, I guess.  
AG: You're pro8a8ly sick of 8eing "the reasona8le one" 8y now, aren't you?  
AT: aM 1 THE REASONABLE ONE,  
AG: It sure seems like it to me!!!!!!!!  
AT: wELL, 1F YOU 1NS1ST,  
AT: tHOUGH 1'D SAY 1'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF BE1NG UNREASONABLE MYSELF,  
AG: Riiiiiiiight.  
AG: Well, if the ta8les ever turn, I'll 8e here to shoosh you 8ack in line, I guess.  
AT: yEAH, tHANKS,  
AT: <>  
AG: <>  
AG: Anyway, I should go.  
AT: yEAH, mE TOO,  
AG: Okay, well, 8ye Tavros.  
AT: sEE YOU, vR1SKA,  
  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]. 

*** 

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA].  
  
TC: Hey sister.  
GA: Oh Um  
GA: Gamzee  
GA: Just What Brings You To My Trollian Window This Evening  
TC: Haha, ain't all that much, really.  
TC: Just wanted to talk up at you, maybe get my thanks on once again what for the excellent outfit you all made for me.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well It Was No Trouble Really  
GA: Im Always Pleased To Find An Opportunity To Put My Skills As A Seamstress To Work  
GA: Although I Must Admit Those Opportunities Are Beocming Increasingly Prolific As Of Late  
GA: Not That Im Complaining Mind You Just The Opposite Really  
GA: Though I Do Kind Of Wish There Were More Requests For Proper Fashionable Apparel As Opposed To The Silly Flarping Costumes Everyones Asking Me To Make  
TC: Yeah, I guess every motherfucker's gettin all up onto this FLARPing business real hardcore, huh?  
TC: First it was just the usual suspects, but now Tavbro's all tellin me he's hookin back up to the former robosister and Team Charge is about to up and desecrate some mystic motherfuckin ruins together.  
GA: Yes So Ive Heard  
GA: Vriska Wont Stop Talking About All The Brutal Creature Encounters And Devious Traps She And Terezi Have In Store For Them  
GA: I Assume Tavros Is Equally Excited  
TC: Well, I'm not sure excited's the proper word for it.  
GA: Oh  
GA: What Do You Mean  
TC: It seems as he's more nervous around it than anything.  
GA: Nervous  
GA: Well Thats Kind Of To Be Expected I Would Think  
GA: I Mean Up Until Recently Aradia Has Been Thoroughly Deceased And She Was Almost A Completely Different Person For The Duration Of Her Undeath  
GA: So I Think Its Only Natural He Would Approach The Matter With Some Trepidation  
GA: Its Like Reuniting With An Old Friend After Theyve Been Gone For Sweeps  
GA: Only Where Shes Been Is The Afterlife  
TC: Hahaha, shit, I guess.  
TC: Still, though, I'm kind of worried on it.  
TC: His self-esteem is through the motherfuckin roof lately, so it doesn't make any sense for me what he'd up and let his confidence slip to somethin as simple like this.  
GA: Hmm  
GA: That Is A Little Strange  
GA: But Then Its Just A Flarping Session Between Friends  
GA: Whats The Worst That Could Possibly Happen  
GA: Er  
GA: Given The Assumption That Vriska Wont Attempt To Maim Or Kill Either Of Them Which I Think Is A Perfectly Fair Assumption At This Point  
TC: Yeah, that's fair.  
TC: Fuck, I don't know, maybe I'm all just readin too much onto it.  
TC: They'll probably just both fuck up some holographic game constructs together and have themselves a rowdy motherfuckin time.  
GA: Yes I Think Thats A Likely Outcome  
GA: Given The Result Of The Most Recent Flarping Session Im Sure It Will Simply End Up Being A Relatively Lighthearted Romp For All Parties Involved  
GA: And Even If Something Does End Up Happening At Least Hell Still Have A Lovely Costume  
TC: Yeah, he really digs the vestments you all made at him, by the way.  
GA: I Figured He Would  
GA: Honestly Im Not Sure Why I Didnt Fabricate Such A Garment For Him Earlier  
GA: After All Im The One Who Gave Him The Idea To Seek Rufio As A Source Of Confidence In The First Place  
GA: Surely It Would Have Only Been Natural For Me To Extrapolate That The Clothes Make The Man So To Speak  
TC: Haha, yeah, they've made quite a man out on the brother.  
GA: Well Im Glad You Like It Too  
GA: I Crafted A Similar Outfit For Miss Megido As Well  
GA: Inspired By That Old Series Of Movies Starring Troll Harrison Ford She Always Seemed So Fond Of Back Before She Died  
GA: I Even Ended Up Making An Outfit For Nepeta Because Apparently She Ended Up Making A Character As Well  
GA: I Have To Say Working With Animal Hides Is A Unique Challenge  
GA: Though Unfortunately My Metallurgical Skills Are Almost Exactly Nil So I Was Forced To Outsource The Armored Cholerbear Plates She Requested To Equius  
TC: Huh.  
GA: But Anyway Im Sorry Ive Gone Off On A Tangent  
GA: I Really Do Enjoy Making Alterations To The Stock God Tier Garments  
GA: Although The Grist Required To Alchemize The Tools Necessary To Work With The Fabric Was Quite Absurd  
GA: The Game Really Has Some Questionable Attire For Some Of The Roles  
TC: Yeah, tell me around that shit.  
TC: That Bard getup was ridiculous like fuck, codpiece and all.  
TC: Shit made me look as a clown, and quite frankly, I'm startin to get pretty motherfuckin sick of clowns lately.  
GA: Yes So Ive Heard  
GA: But This Seems Like Quite A Change For You  
GA: Didnt You Used To Regard Jubilant Minstrels With Some Reverence  
TC: Yeah, but that's all on the past now.  
TC: The legend of the Mirthful Messiahs wasn't ever shit but a myth all spun up to sway me unto servitude like a proper Subjugglator.  
TC: My palebro all tried to explain that at me once, around how miracles and magic and shit ain't any such bullshit except what can be explained by perfectly scientific reasons.  
TC: But I was comin down from a sweeps-long sopor high all when he was expositing over that shit, so maybe that wasn't such a hot motherfuckin idea.  
GA: Um  
GA: No Maybe Not  
GA: Still Though I Think Youre Right  
GA: Frankly The Idea Of A Band Of Rowdy And Capricious Deities Sounds Absolutely Absurd To Me And Doesnt Deserve To Even Be Diginified With Serious Consideration  
GA: No Offense  
TC: Nah, you're right on.  
TC: I already made out all who the fuck the real motherfuckin Messiahs were supposed to be at all along.  
TC: They were always both Tavros.  
GA: I See  
TC: Wait, shit, I forgot.  
TC: Tavros isn't the Verbal Messiah, he's just the First Prophet, and throughout his strong connection onto The Flow, he conducted the divinations what brought the Precepts all up onto this world.  
GA: Wow  
GA: Thats A Little Convoluted  
GA: It Sounds Like Quite A Lot Of Thought Has Been Put Into This New Religion Of Yours  
TC: Yeah, the mythos is pretty motherfuckin complex.  
TC: See, the Verbal Messiah is The Flow incarnate, the deity what's all gonna deliver rhythmic salvation unto all peoples in this world and the next.  
TC: But he ain't scheduled to make his glorious appearance until an unknown point on the future.  
TC: On an unknown time and place, he shall be born a mortal, no different to the others save for the bright crimson mark of shame he bears on eyes and veins alike.  
TC: In the trials and tribulations what constitute his maturation, the Strident (so he shall be called, so has it been forespoken) will master the art of slam poetry, and the magnitude of his verbal pulse shall herald the upheaval of society as we know it.  
TC: In the end, his mastery of The Flow shall be so great, he will be named the King of Kings of Wordtech, and ascend to Godhood, looking down upon us from the celestial firmament patriarchally like a great urban watermark emblazoned upon the sky.  
TC: Shall I continue?  
GA: Please Dont  
TC: Yeah, okay.  
TC: Still, though, this shit's important to me.  
TC: Even if miracles are all just fake like shit, there's too much in this universe what I don't understand that I've got to all up and put my stock into something, you know?  
GA: Yes Thats Perfectly Fair  
GA: I Can Understand Why Such Beliefs Might Bring You Comfort Even If I Personally Dont Share Them  
GA: And As Long As You Respect My Personal Views I See No Reason Why I Shouldnt Respect Yours In Return  
TC: Of course, sister, do your own thing. I come not to condemn.  
TC: In the time of his ascension, the Verbal Messiah shall bless all with his providence, believer and heretic alike.  
TC: As his disciples, we seek not salvation, for that is already guaranteed, but simply self-actualization via strengthening our bond with The Flow.  
GA: Well Thats A Very Noble Goal  
GA: And Though Im Afraid I Have No Intention Of Indulging In Your Faith At This Time I Wish You And Tavros The Best Of Luck In Any Future Proselytization In Which You May Participate  
TC: Much obliged, sis.  
TC: Bangarang.  
GA: Right Anyway  
GA: Harlequin Sensibility And Groin Focused Accessories Aside Im Not Even Entirely Certain The Bard Costume Is The Worst Among The Classes  
GA: Apparently The Page Outfit Tavros Had Donned After His Ascension Was Completely Lacking In Pants For One  
TC: Haha, yeah, he actually showed me that.  
TC: Unfortunately, he got it all in his think pan to alchemize himself a proper set of trousers not too long before.  
GA: Unfortunately  
TC: Well, I understand a brother's concerns what for wantin to cover over his legs and all that...  
TC: But I appreciate the view the original outfit affords a little better.  
GA: Haha  
GA: Yes I Suppose You Would  
GA: Anyway Speaking Of Tavros I Understand He Entered An Auspisticism Lately  
TC: Ugh.  
TC: Yeah, with that patronizing, hemoscraping, lakefowl-stepping, blueblooded, sweaty asshole stooge of a motherfucker what has the nerve to all up and call himself a noble.  
TC: Noble piece of shit, more like.  
GA: Um  
GA: I Take It You Dont Like Equius  
TC: If that's all you took, then you took a little slice of a big pie.  
GA: Er Right  
GA: Anyway I Understand Things Have Been Tense Between Him And Your Matesprit For Some Time Now  
TC: Not all that much time.  
TC: Certainly not as much time like the time he's spent tellin me I'm a worthless piece of shit what for all havin myself the gumption to up and be hatched higher in the Hemospectrum than his own worthless ass.  
GA: Um Wow  
GA: I Have To Say This Reaction Is A Little Unexpected  
GA: Not Your Animosity Towards Mister Zahhak In Particular Mind You  
GA: Just Seeing You So Angry About  
GA: Well About Anything Honestly  
TC: Yeah, well, what can I say?  
TC: That motherfucker just seems to know exactly how to maximize my livid motherfuckin contempt for him.  
TC: Brother always had a chip under his shoulder to me, but it wasn't until recent events what I realized what an enormous tool he had.  
GA: Uh  
TC: Been.  
TC: Had been.  
TC: Had been... being?  
TC: Fuck, man, I don't get language.  
GA: Right  
GA: Anyway  
GA: I Suppose I Never Realized The Extent Of The Conflict Between You Two  
GA: Perhaps Youre The Ones Who Need An Auspistice  
TC: Well, actually...  
GA: What  
GA: Youre Not Attempting To Solicit Me Are You  
TC: No, no, ain't any such shit like that.  
TC: Well, I guess I am performin something what's a solicitation of one sort or another, but I'm not askin' you to do any such ashen duties on my personal motherfuckin regards.  
GA: Um Okay  
GA: So What Are You Asking Me For  
GA: If Im Even Parsing That Sentencelike Word Cluster Correctly  
TC: Well, to speak the plain motherfuckin truth to the matter, I'm not interested in havin some motherfucker auspistice at me.  
TC: And the reason at that is all because I was thinkin I might get me the gumption to up and auspistice on some other two motherfuckers.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Youre Interested In Being An Auspistice Yourself  
TC: Short of it, yeah.  
GA: Interesting  
GA: I Cant Say I Really Expected This Either  
GA: Actually Wait Come To Think Of it This Isnt Even The First Time Youve Expressed Your Interest In Performing An Arbitration Of Some Sort  
GA: Weird  
TC: Is it that bad?  
GA: No Its Not Bad Its Just  
GA: Im Just Kind Of Wondering Where This Came From  
TC: Well, I've never been a motherfucker what ever wanted to sit about while two other motherfuckers got their harsh on at each other.  
TC: Just wondered why we couldn't all settle down and spill some Faygos and maybe chill out a bit together.  
TC: Never really took the whole thing serious, though.  
TC: But now that I've ascended and all gotten to get up onto a better understanding of Rage, I thought auspisticism just might be a duty onto which I would be uniquely motherfuckin suited.  
GA: Hmmm  
GA: I Hadnt Considered That  
GA: But I Suppose There Might Be Some Logic To It As Shocking As That Thought May Seem To Me  
GA: But How Exactly Do I Factor Into This  
TC: Well, uh...  
TC: Don't take this shit the wrong way or anything...  
TC: But I was just kind of wantin to maybe get some advice out of you cause you're all the most, uh, experienced auspistice what's in all of us.  
TC: No offense.  
GA: Its Fine I Get It  
GA: I Understand That Despite My Protests My Meddlesome Nature Has Made Me Something Of A Village Two Wheel Device when It Comes To Mediating  
TC: I didn't say shit.  
GA: Anyway I Like To Think Ive Settled Down A Bit Now  
GA: This Little Arrangement With Nepeta And Terezi Has Worked Out Quite Nicely And I Think I Can See It Being Sustainable Well Into The Future  
TC: Yeah, that shit's all kinds of messed up, though.  
TC: Those two sisters used to be best motherfuckin friends, but now they're all up an gettin snappy towards each other.  
TC: Where'd that shit come out of?  
GA: Well Its Complicated  
GA: In A Vacuum Im Sure They Would Get Along Perfectly Well As They Did Before  
GA: But The Impetus Of The Conflict Seems To Be In Their Relationships With Others  
GA: After All Miss Pyropes Matesprit Is The Same As Miss Leijons Kismesis And Its Only Natural That Such An Arrangement Might Lead To Disagreements Between The Two Parties  
TC: Aw shit, that's right, the oldest situation on the book.  
TC: The old matesprit-kismesis auspistice triple triad reacharound.  
GA: Thats Not What Its Called  
TC: Oh.  
TC: Then what is it called?  
GA: It Isnt Called Anything  
TC: Well, shit, it's got to be called something.  
GA: No It Doesnt Just Shut Up  
TC: Fuck, okay, droppin that shit already.  
GA: Sorry Its Just  
GA: An Absolutely Terrible Name  
TC: Yeah, shit, I guess.  
TC: But anyway, I could see some motherfucker hatin on your matesprit all to be a matter of some motherfuckin debate what's across the two of you.  
GA: Exactly  
GA: And If That Werent Enough I Daresay The Two Of Them Might Find Themselves In An Identical Predicament With The Quadrants Reversed  
TC: Wait, you mean...  
TC: You think the catsister's gonna get her flush on up towards the same motherfucker what the dragonsister'll get pitch at on top of all that shit you all up and said earlier?  
GA: Its Just A Theory  
GA: But Things Just Seem To Be Shaping Up That Way  
TC: Well, shit, that's one fucked up kind of scenario, sister.  
TC: One messed up trainwreck of a multicolored quadrilateral what's if I ever heard around one.  
GA: Yes It Promises All Sorts Of Minor Conflicts In Need Of Resolution By A Neutral Third Party In The Future  
GA: Lovely Isnt It  
TC: Sounds as a dream come motherfuckin true.  
GA: But Anyway Enough About My Ashen Endeavours As Fruitful As They May Be  
GA: Just What Sort Of Questions Did You Have For Me  
GA: And Keep In Mind That In Order To Protect Valuable Trade Secrets I May Not Be Permitted To Answer Certain Inquiries  
TC: Right, right, of course.  
TC: I get that you might all need to be up and getting your protection on towards your intellectual property, sister.  
TC: I got my own secret recipes and you got yours.  
GA: Okay Then  
TC: Anyway, i guess I was just kind of all wondering...  
TC: How you approach this shit.  
GA: What Do You Mean  
TC: I mean, just like, how you start it up.  
TC: Like, if you see two motherfuckers gettin harsh at each other, and you all want to put a stop on that shit, how do you go around it?  
GA: Oh I See  
GA: So Youre  
GA: Youre Asking Me For Advice On How To Initiate A Relationship  
TC: Yeah, pretty much.  
GA: Thats  
GA: Thats A Terrible Idea In So Many Ways I Cant Even Begin To Describe Them  
TC: Uh...  
GA: I Mean  
GA: I Could Try I Guess  
GA: But This Is Kind Of My Um  
GA: Blind Spot  
TC: I don't know about that, sister.  
TC: You put the lockdown all up on your own auspisticism like a consummate motherfuckin professional.  
TC: All up and just defused that shit like as you just cut the fuse out of a shiny black cartoon bomb.  
GA: Well I Guess  
GA: But That Was Kind Of A Special Case  
GA: Nepeta And Terezi Have Been Friends For A While  
GA: So When They Started Arguing With Each Other So Heatedly On That Memo It Was Shocking Just How Blatantly Ashen They Were For Each Other  
GA: In Retrospect I Almost Feel Like I Took Advantage Of Them By Intervening So Forcefully  
GA: But They Dont Seem To Have Any Problem With It  
TC: So is that all how I should make my approach?  
TC: Just wait until two motherfuckers get into a fierce squabble, and then put my foot all down upon it and get my conciliation on?  
GA: Well  
GA: I Guess Thats Generally How It Goes Isnt It  
GA: Eridan Did Pretty Much The Same Thing Just Recently  
TC: Well, shit, okay, I can do that.  
TC: But on the same time...  
TC: I don't want to be all tryin to get my meddle on if two motherfuckers are actually properly black at one another, you know?  
GA: You Dont  
TC: Shit no, sister.  
TC: I don't want to be the motherfucker what smothers what could have all rightfully been a beautiful hatemance.  
TC: Like, just in an example, I was kind of all thinkin maybe I should try to settle the shit what's been goin up with you and the fishsister.  
GA: What  
TC: But I could maybe see that actually movin into what's all could be a legitimate kismesissitude, so I was thinkin maybe I shouldn't interfere.  
GA: Whoa Okay Hold On Just A Seocnd  
GA: Lets Just Be Clear About One Thing Here Okay  
GA: Im Not Black For Feferi  
TC: You're not.  
GA: No  
TC: You sure around that?  
TC: Cause that shit all looks to me to be pretty motherfuckin contentious.  
GA: No Listen To Me  
GA: I Dont Hate Her Like That  
GA: The Only Reason Im Upset With Her Is Because  
GA: Well Its Because Of Her Constant Advances On My Matesprit  
TC: Whoa, what?  
GA: Shes Flirting With Vriska  
GA: Almost Perpetually From What I Understand  
GA: And Vriska Assures Me Its All In Good Fun And She Has No Intention Of Leaving Me For Miss Peixes And I Believe Her  
GA: But  
GA: Well  
GA: Theres This Small Part Of Me That Just Has To Wonder  
GA: What If She Does  
GA: What If She Eventually Gives In To Feferis Advances And Does Something Regrettable  
TC: Wait, wait, slow the mother fuck down.  
TC: You're actually thinkin the spidersis might break up with you to run off after Feferi?  
GA: Well  
GA: Theres No Real Reason Why I Should Think That  
GA: Its Just One Of Those Niggling Little Concerns I Cant Do Anything To Dispel No Matter How Hard I Try  
GA: Its Horrible Of Me To Even Consider That Isnt It  
TC: Nah, we all got little things what we all worry too much around, even if there ain't no reason what for us havin em.  
TC: In all honesty, I'm kind of worried on Tavbro recently.  
GA: You Are  
TC: Yeah, I mean...  
TC: He's been all sorts of irritable and angry about some shit he never feels like talkin on.  
TC: And since after yesterday, it's gotten even worse.  
TC: And he doesn't take it out on me or anything, but...  
TC: I just wish I knew what it was.  
GA: Hmmm  
GA: You Dont Think  
GA: It Has Anything To Do With  
GA: Him And Vriska Do You  
TC: I don't know.  
GA: You Know About Their Um  
GA: Their Thing Right  
TC: Yeah, he talked about me to it before.  
TC: Some kind of tension runnin across them.  
TC: I don't think it's that, though.  
GA: So  
GA: Youre Completely Okay With The Two Of Them  
GA: Bonding  
TC: Kind of, yeah.  
TC: You got a problem at it?  
GA: I  
GA: Thats The Thing  
GA: I Really Dont  
TC: So... there ain't no problem, then?  
GA: But There Should Be A Problem Shouldnt There  
GA: I Mean  
GA: Moirails Arent Supposed To Do That Kind Of Thing  
GA: Its Supposed To Be Frowned Upon  
TC: Uh...  
TC: Yeah, I guess...  
GA: Id Certainly Never Do That Kind Of Thing With My Moirail If I Had One  
GA: Unless Of Course There Were Some Extraordinary Circumstances In Which Doing So Was Absolutely Necessary  
GA: But I Cant Imagine What Kind Of Contrived Situation Would Require Something Like That  
GA: It Sounds Like Something Out Of A Really Trashy Romance Novel  
GA: Or Maybe Some Kind Of Horrible Erotic Fanfiction Like The Kind Nepeta Apparently Produces Did You Know About This  
TC: I don't know, I mean...  
GA: But While I Feel That The Whole Idea Of Moirails Being Intimate Like That Is Strange And Maybe A Little Creepy  
GA: I Dont Have A Problem With Tavros And Vriskas Relationship At All  
GA: I Understand Why She Would Still Have Some Latent Attraction To Him But  
GA: Its Different  
GA: From What She Has With Me  
GA: And I Just  
GA: I Dont Know  
GA: I Guess  
GA: Im Just Having Trouble Reconciling The Reality Of My Feelings With The Situation With My Personal Ideology  
GA: I Have To Wonder If Maybe Im Being A Little Too Forgiving  
GA: You Know What I Mean  
TC: Kind of, yeah.  
TC: But maybe it's just best what we all just keep up an open motherfuckin mind over this whole subject.  
GA: You Think So  
GA: You Dont Feel Like Youre Allowing Yourself To Be Shamelessly Cuckolded  
TC: Nah, not really.  
TC: It's just how matesprits all work, I guess.  
TC: You take the bad with the good and do your best to ignore it.  
GA: Haha  
GA: Yeah I Guess Thats About The General Strategy  
TC: I'm content to let that shit lie for now.  
TC: If it does up and become a problem, I trust Tavros to do the right thing.  
GA: Yeah  
GA: I Guess You Should  
GA: And I Should Trust Vriska To Do The Right Thing Too  
TC: Now, I ain't so motherfuckin sure around that.  
TC: No offense on your matesprit, but she's a notorious schemer.  
TC: Hell, she might all be weavin her spidery magicks and gettin irons all up in her fire what so she can get you tangled up on some big sneaky plot.  
GA: Ha  
GA: Im Not Too Worried About That  
GA: As Manipulative As Vriska May Be Im Confident She Would Never Do Anything To Hurt Me  
GA: At Least Not Intentionally  
TC: Yeah, I was all just yankin on your leg, anyhow.  
GA: Well  
GA: So Youre Really Okay With Her And Tavros  
TC: I ain't too worried on it.  
TC: They're too deep in the pale shit together for anything to really come out of it.  
TC: Once somebody opens up like that at you, I don't think you can idealize them enough to make em your matesprit.  
GA: Hmmm  
GA: Well Then  
GA: I Guess There Really Isnt Anything To Worry About Is There  
TC: Nah, we cool.  
GA: Thats  
GA: A Bit Of A Relief Actually  
GA: I Was Worried That This Whole Thing Might Be The Earmammoth In The Respiteblock For Quite Some Time  
GA: In Fact I Was Concerned That They Might Go Ahead With It Without Your Consent And It Might Lead To Some Sort Of Animosity Between You And Vriska  
GA: Possibly Even Leading To The Two Of You Requiring An Auspistice  
TC: Awww, shit no, sister.  
TC: I ain't any motherfucker what's ever gonna need an auspistice, I'm way too chill all up for that shit.  
TC: Mind you, if your spidersis had done that shit without my knowledge, I'd have all been required to give her a stern motherfuckin talking to.  
TC: And I mean really motherfuckin stern.  
TC: Beats set to lecture, and goin hog motherfuckin wild on the curmudgeon knob all up at that bitch.  
TC: But I ain't a brother to hold a grudge.  
GA: Well  
GA: Thats Good To Hear I Guess  
GA: Honestly I Was Mostly Afraid I Might Have To Intervene Myself  
GA: Ive Been Down That Road Before And It Wasnt Something I Was Looking Forward To Potentially Repeating  
TC: Well, shit, nobody says you've all got to mediate for your matesprit, that shit would be all kinds of out of whack.  
GA: Yes I Completely Agree  
GA: But If Not Me Then Who  
GA: This Is Kind Of An Ongoing Concern For Me Honestly  
GA: Even Though Shes Gotten A Lot Better Recently Vriska Isnt The Most Agreeable Person  
GA: And I Could Easily See Her Falling Into A Feud With Someone That Would Require The Intervention Of A Mediator  
GA: But Im Just Not Sure Who Would Be Willing To Serve As An Auspistice For Her  
GA: Nepeta Maybe  
GA: Technically She Already Did It Once  
GA: Though Im Not Sure Just How Willing She Would Be To Perform An Auspisticism Now Considering That Shes Already In One  
TC: Well, hey.  
TC: If it ever comes up at that, I might be willin to do it.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well  
GA: That Could Actually Work Couldnt It  
TC: Sure, I mean, if it was cool on you.  
GA: Hmmmm  
GA: I Guess Id Be Okay With That  
GA: I Can Certainly Think Of Less Desirable Candidates In Any Case  
TC: Well, alright, if it ever comes down with Vriska and somebody, I could all try to put a stopper in that shit.  
GA: Well Thank You Gamzee  
TC: No problem, sister.  
TC: Though I've got to all wonder...  
GA: About What  
TC: This whole thing with you and the fish princess, mainly.  
GA: Urrgh  
GA: Really  
GA: This Again  
TC: Now, I ain't sayin you're black for her or any such nonsense like that.  
TC: But if you really aren't, then maybe that's some shit what would require a mediator  
GA: But  
GA: You Dont Really Think Its That Bad Do You  
TC: I'm just sayin, shit looks pretty motherfuckin bitter for me.  
GA: Look I Just  
GA: Okay Maybe Ive Been Bad About Responding To Her Taunts  
GA: But Im Not Sure We Need An Auspistice  
GA: I Could Just Ignore Her Really  
TC: But what if it's not that simple?  
GA: Uh  
GA: What Do You Mean  
TC: I mean, I know you're all sayin you aren't black at Feferi...  
TC: But what if she's black at you?  
GA: Um  
GA: What  
GA: You Seriously Think She Might Be  
TC: It's a possibility, is all.  
TC: Might explain some shit, honestly.  
TC: Could be she's startin all these conflicts up with you like some way of tryin to flirt with you.  
GA: Oh God  
GA: I Hadnt Even Considered That  
GA: But As Terrible As It Is To Admit It Makes Sense  
GA: Maybe Shes Jealous Of Me For Taking Vriska Away From Her After She Realized Too Late She Was Flushed For Her  
GA: Or Maybe She Hates Me For Some Other Reason And This Whole Thing Between The Two Of Them Is A Ruse To Make Me Despise Her  
GA: Good Lord  
TC: So you think you might need yourself a motherfuckin auspistice after all?  
GA: I  
GA: I Dont Know  
GA: I Mean If She Really Is Black For Me Then I  
GA: Guess Im Flattered  
GA: But Im Just Not Interested In A Kismesis At This Time  
TC: Yeah, fair enough.  
GA: I Mean  
GA: If I Was  
GA: Then I Guess She Wouldnt Be A Bad Choice  
GA: Shes Not An Unattractive Woman By Any Measure  
GA: Though Frankly I Find Her Fashion Sense To Be Absolutely Dreadful  
GA: And She Does Seem To Be A  
GA: Uniquely Infuriating Person  
GA: But No Im Not Interested And Thats Final  
TC: So you might actually require yourself an arbitrator.  
GA: Well  
GA: I Guess I Can See Why We Might Need One  
GA: But Im Not Sure Its Really Necessary At This Point In Time  
TC: Yeah, I think I'm all understandin where you're comin out of.  
TC: You ain't interested in a kismesissitude now, but you don't want to get locked onto an auspisticism in case you up and change your mind later.  
GA: What  
GA: No Thats Not What Im Saying At All  
TC: It's fine, sister, I get it.  
TC: I can totally understand you all wantin to maybe hold off at approachin that particular relationship right now.  
GA: But Im Not  
GA: Im Not Holding Off On  
GA: Urrgh  
GA: Fine Whatever  
GA: Believe Whatever You Want To Believe  
TC: Haha, alright then.  
TC: Anyway, thanks for hearin me out over all this shit.  
TC: Glad to know there's people I can count on what if I'm ever lookin to get at some romantic advice.  
GA: Yes Of Course Its No Problem  
GA: I Can Understand Why You Might Be Concerned About Your own Ashen Quadrant  
GA: Try As You Might You Arent A Very Unlikable Person  
TC: Hahaha, yeah, so I've heard.  
GA: Well Anyway  
GA: Oh  
GA: Hang On Vriskas Trolling Me  
TC: Yeah, okay.  
TC: Oh, hey, now Tavbro's all trollin me.  
GA: Well  
GA: I Guess Shes Coming Over Here  
TC: Yeah, and now he's comin over here.  
GA: Well Then  
GA: I Guess This Is As Good A Time As Any To Conclude This Conversation  
TC: Makes sense, I guess.  
GA: Okay Then  
GA: So  
GA: Talk To You Later I Suppose  
TC: Sure.  
TC: Good luck with all your shit with Vriska.  
GA: Yes Thank You  
GA: And Likewise With Your Shit With Tavros  
TC: Haha, much appreciated.  
TC: Anyway, see you sister.  
TC: And lest I up and forget, bangarang.  
GA: Haha Of Course  
GA: And Bangarang To You As Well  
GA: Anyway Bye Gamzee  
TC: Yeah, talk at you later, sis.  
  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC].

*** 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA].  
  
CG: HEY.  
CA: oh kar  
CA: thank fuck you finally unblocked me  
CA: ivve been wwantin to say somethin to you in privvate for a wwhile noww an i nevver had the opportunity  
CG: IF YOU APOLOGIZE TO ME, I'M BLOCKING YOU AGAIN.  
CA: wwh  
CA: wwhat  
CA: wwhy  
CG: BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING  
CG: I AM.  
CA: no kar you dont havve anything to apologize for  
CG: LOOK, JUST SHUT UP, OKAY?  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DELIVER MY APOLOGY.  
CG: YOU CAN GO ON SPEWING WHATEVER IDIOTIC DRIVEL YOU FEEL LIKE AFTER I'M DONE, OKAY???  
CA: i  
CA: ok fine go on  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: ERIDAN  
CG: I, KARKAT VANTAS  
CG: LOUDMOUTHED ASSHOLE EXTRAORDINAIRE  
CG: HAVE BEEN AN UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY FRIEND TO YOU.  
CG: I TOOK A GIANT SHIT ALL OVER YOUR FEELINGS IN THE MIDDLE OF A PUBLIC MEMO  
CG: MADE A BUNCH OF INCREDIBLY INFLAMMATORY REMARKS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER  
CG: AND JUST COMPLETELY FLEW OFF THE HANDLE AT YOU IN A REALLY EMBARRASSING WAY ABOUT SOMETHING I HAD NO RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT YOU ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE  
CG: AND I'M JUST  
CG: I'M SORRY.  
CA: ok  
CA: is that it  
CA: apology ovver  
CG: PRETTY MUCH, YEAH.  
CG: UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO GO ON.  
CA: nah thats fine  
CG: WELL  
CG: OKAY, THERE IT IS.  
CA: ok  
CA: wwell that bein said  
CA: kar im not mad  
CG: BULLSHIT.  
CA: im serious  
CG: HOW CAN YOU NOT BE MAD AT ME?  
CG: I CALLED YOU A LIAR, A TRAITOR, AND AN ASSHOLE IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY, AND IMPLIED YOU WERE JUST HOOKING UP WITH TEREZI IN AN ATTEMPT TO PISS ME OFF.  
CA: yeah i knoww but  
CA: look i just get wwhat you wwere goin through ok  
CA: i mean honestly the wwhole thing wwas pretty despicable a me  
CA: goin behind your back just to put the movves on ter  
CG: YOU DIDN'T GO BEHIND MY BACK.  
CG: HONESTLY, IT WAS RIDICULOUS OF ME TO EXPECT ANYBODY TO ASK MY PERMISSION BEFORE DOING ANYTHING INVOLVING HER IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
CA: yeah but i kneww you wwere flushed for her an i wwent for it anywway wwhat the hell does that say about me  
CG: YOU DIDN'T KNOW FOR CERTAIN I WAS FLUSHED FOR HER.  
CA: wwell i had a pretty good hunch ok  
CG: LOOK, THIS DOESN'T MATTER.  
CG: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW I FELT FOR TEREZI AT THE TIME ANYMORE.  
CG: IT'S OVER AND DONE WITH, LEAVE THE PAST MES TO BITCH ABOUT IT.  
CG: ALL THAT MATTERS RIGHT NOW IS THE PRESENT  
CG: AND IN THE PRESENT, I DON'T GIVE THE SLIGHTEST WHIFF OF A FUCK ABOUT TEREZI, SO THE WHOLE THING IS A COMPLETE NON-ISSUE.  
CA: seriously  
CA: youre completely ovver her  
CG: ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-THREE FUCKING PERCENT.  
CG: HONESTLY, IN RETROSPECT, MY WHOLE ROMANTIC ENTANGLEMENT WITH HER WAS NEVER ANYTHING MORE THAN A MIGRAINE-INDUCING QUAGMIRE.  
CG: GOD, I CAN'T EVEN SEE WHY I WAS FLUSHED FOR HER IN THE FIRST PLACE, SHE'S PROBABLY THE MOST IRRITATING PERSON IN EXISTENCE.  
CG: I GUESS LOVE HAS TO BE BLIND, BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN EXPLAIN WHY IT WOULD LEAD ME INTO THAT DITCH FULL OF BROKEN GLASS AND DISCARDED PAILS.  
CA: uh  
CA: kar  
CG: WHAT.  
CA: look i get that youre upset an all an im not by any means tryin to take that awway from you  
CA: but this is still my matesprit wwere talkin about here  
CG: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO HERE?  
CG: ARE YOU ASKING ME NOT TO SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT THE UNBEARABLE SHRIEKING HARPY OF A WOMAN WHO TOOK THE COUNTLESS HOURS OF AFFECTION I WASTED ON HER AND THREW THEM IN A FUCKING BONFIRE JUST TO PROVE A POINT??  
CA: no im not  
CA: its just  
CA: look howw about wwe just dont talk about ter at all is that acceptable  
CG: OKAY, FINE.  
CG: THAT'S A FUCKING CAPITAL IDEA IF EVER I'VE HEARD ONE.  
CA: ok wwell  
CA: evven wwith your current feelins taken into consideration i still feel like a shitty friend for wwhat i did an i wwanted to apologize  
CG: WELL, IF YOU DO, MY CURSOR IS PERCHED AND HOVERING OVER THE BLOCK BUTTON.  
CG: TRY ME.  
CA: god damnit  
CA: youre seriously not evven gonna let me try to apologize  
CG: ARE YOU GOING TO TRY TO LET *ME* APOLOGIZE?  
CA: theres nothin to apologize for i told you im not mad  
CG: UGH.  
CG: WHY IS NO ONE MAD ABOUT THIS???  
CG: IT'S JUST MAKING ME FEEL LIKE AN EVEN BIGGER PIECE OF SHIT THAT I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO LOST MY TEMPER OVER IT.  
CA: if its any consolation i think ters still mad about it  
CG: YEAH, WELL, I GIVE PRECISELY NEGATIVE ZERO POINT TWO ONE SIX FUCKS ABOUT WHAT SHE THINKS.  
CA: just sayin  
CG: SO I GUESS WE'VE REACHED AN IMPASSE HERE.  
CG: NEITHER OF US IS WILLING TO LET THE OTHER APOLOGIZE  
CG: SO WE'RE JUST BOTH GOING TO STAND HERE FOREVER, HANDS PRIMED AND HOVERING AT OUR HIPS, IN WHAT JUST MIGHT POSSIBLY BE CINEMA'S SHITTIEST STANDOFF.  
CA: wwell  
CA: ok look  
CA: howw about wwe just say wwere both sorry an wwe both forgivve each other an then wwe both just movve on wwith our livves  
CA: can wwe do that wwould that be a fair compromise  
CA: cause i certainly think it beats starin each other dowwn for the rest a time in paradox spaces slowwest quick draww  
CG: YEAH, I GUESS.  
CA: so  
CA: wwhat do you say  
CG: WELL  
CG: ALRIGHT, FINE.  
CG: ALL APOLOGIES ARE ACCEPTED AND ALL IS FORGIVEN.  
CA: wwell ok then  
CG: SO  
CG: WE COOL?  
CA: wwe cool  
CG: WELL  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: THAT WAS A LOT EASIER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE.  
CA: look kar wwere friends  
CA: an friends forgivve each other thats just wwhat they do  
CA: i get wwhy you did wwhat you did sometimes wwhen emotions are runnin high you just say stupid things that you regret  
CG: LOOK, CAN WE JUST  
CG: NOT TALK ABOUT THAT ANYMORE, MAYBE?  
CA: yeah alright  
CG: THANK YOU.  
CA: so uh  
CA: did you wwant to talk about anything else  
CG: I DON'T KNOW  
CG: LIKE WHAT?  
CA: wwell  
CA: wwe could alwways talk about romance i guess  
CA: like wwe alwways used to  
CG: WELL, THERE'S NOT MUCH TO TALK ABOUT THERE, HONESTLY.  
CG: THIS WHOLE SHIPPING THING HAS JUST COMPLETELY PASSED ME BY SO FAR.  
CG: ESPECIALLY COMPARED TO YOU.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, ALL YOUR QUADRANTS FILLED ALREADY?  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO IT, AMPORA?  
CA: its not that big a deal  
CG: ERIDAN  
CG: IT'S AN ENORMOUS FUCKING DEAL.  
CA: ok fine so it is  
CA: but still i dont wwant to brag about it like a tool  
CG: YOU'VE GOT EVERY RIGHT TO, IT'S A HARD-WON ACCOMPLISHMENT.  
CG: I MEAN, BEING PERFECTLY HONEST, I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE KIND OF A LOST CAUSE.  
CG: WHAT WITH YOUR DYSFUNCTIONAL KISMESISSITUDE WITH VRISKA AND THE WHOLE UGLY RED SITUATION WITH FEFERI.  
CA: wwell bein perfectly honest i really wwas  
CA: it took nep givvin me a full broadside of her feelings attacks to make me shape up an get my shit together  
CG: YEAH, I STILL DON'T GET THAT.  
CA: wwhat  
CG: THE WHOLE THING WITH YOU AND NEPETA.  
CG: I MEAN, I JUST  
CG: I'M COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF WRAPPING MY MIND AROUND HOW YOU TWO BECAME KISMESES.  
CA: yeah i nevver really considered it before but the girls fierce  
CA: under that swweet an innocent exterior a hers theres alwways been a bloodthirsty monster just wwaitin to get out  
CG: NO, I GET THAT.  
CG: I CAN COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WOULD HATE YOU.  
CG: NO OFFENSE.  
CA: no i get it  
CG: BUT I'M HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING WHY YOU WOULD HATE HER.  
CA: wwell  
CA: its not that i hate her per se  
CG: WHAT.  
CA: wwhat  
CG: DID YOU JUST TELL ME YOU DON'T HATE YOUR KISMESIS?  
CG: THAT MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER.  
CG: YOU'RE NOT VACILLATING FOR HER OR SOMETHING, ARE YOU????  
CA: no no no let me finish  
CA: wwhat im tryin to say here is that evven if i dont necessarily hate her im not sure hatred is actually a necessary component of a kismesissitude  
CG: OKAY, CONGRATULATIONS, THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE THAN THE LAST THING YOU SAID.  
CG: YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY DIPPED INTO THE NEGATIVES.  
CG: WHICH MEANS THAT EVEN IF YOU DO START SAYING THINGS THAT AREN'T COMPLETELY GLOBES-UP RETARDED, YOU'RE STILL NOT GOING TO BE MAKING ANY SENSE, BECAUSE YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY OFF THE DEFICIT.  
CA: look i can understand wwhy this might be a controvversial idea but ivve put a lotta thought into this  
CA: see the thing is you dont necessarily hate your kismesis you just hate wwhat they can do to you  
CA: wwhich is to get under your skin an pick out all your wweaknesses an flawws an basically just make you feel like a piece a shit  
CA: but a course you can do the same goddamn thing right back to em  
CA: see a kismesis is basically a rivval an a competitor wwho youre alwways tryin to provve youre better than  
CA: but paradoxically if you actually did that then you wwouldnt havve a wworthy rivval anymore  
CA: so if you evver actually begin to pull ahead youvve got to drag em along to greatness wwith you wwhether they like it or not instead a just leavvin em in the dust  
CA: so despite all the trappins of hostility i honestly think its a positivve thing an might evven be more rooted in lovve than anything  
CG: OKAY, NO.  
CG: YOU DID NOT JUST USE THE L-WORD IN REFERENCE TO BLACKROM.  
CG: I MEAN, IF YOU WERE BUSTING OUT THAT PIECE OF SHIT WORD IN REFERENCE TO MATESPRITSHIP OR MOIRALLEGIANCE, THAT'D BE ONE KIND OF BLASPHEMY  
CG: BUT IF YOU'RE SERIOUSLY TRYING TO TELL ME THAT KISMESISSITUDE HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH "LOVE," YOU'VE GOT A HOLE RUSTED IN YOUR THINK PAN.  
CA: im serious kar  
CA: i realize that the general transactions that take place in a kismesissitude naturally tend to produce feelins of animosity  
CA: but ultimately i think the wwhole relationship is based on twwo people wwho care about each other an lovve each other at least on some levvel  
CG: BULLSHIT.  
CG: SO YOU'RE TELLING ME, SAY, SOLLUX AND VRISKA LOVE EACH OTHER.  
CA: to an extent  
CA: i mean wwhen she nearly killed him she wwent outta her wway to bring him back to life didnt she  
CG: THAT'S DIFFERENT.  
CG: YOU DON'T KILL YOUR KISMESIS, THAT'S JUST OBVIOUS.  
CA: yeah but she couldvve just dream revvivved him  
CA: or evven just patched up his eyes an told him to suck it up  
CA: but instead she powwered him up to god tier just to make evverything a little more sporting  
CG: WHATEVER, THIS PROVES NOTHING.  
CG: THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT THOSE TWO DESPISE EACH OTHER.  
CA: wwell sure they do noww but they just hooked up  
CA: givve em a little more time an theyll be vvitriolic best buds before you knoww it  
CG: NO, THIS IS INSANE.  
CG: KISMESES DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER, THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.  
CG: THE WHOLE QUADRANT IS ROOTED IN SHEER, UNADULTERATED HATRED.  
CG: IF TWO KISMESES ACTUALLY DO START TO HAVE ANY SORT OF FONDNESS FOR EACH OTHER, IT JUST MEANS THEY'RE VACILLATING.  
CA: eh  
CA: im not so sure about the vvacillation thing honestly  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: NO, YOU CAN'T "NOT BE SURE" ABOUT A WIDELY ACCEPTED, SCIENTIFICALLY DOCUMENTED OCCURRENCE BETWEEN CONCUPISCENT PARTNERS.  
CA: look im not sayin it doesnt happen i just think its a mischaracterization  
CA: i mean people think kismeses are supposed to hate each other the entire time but wwhy should they its a mutually satisfyin arrangement  
CA: i think its only natural that they might be a little amicable wwith each other  
CA: an i think wwhen people think that twwo kismeses are vvacillatin for each other it just means theyvve reached a point wwhere theyvve got a better feel for each other an are startin to see more than just wwhat they hate about each other  
CA: because lets be honest its incredibly fuckin unlikely that you can find somebody that you hate literally evverything about  
CG: OKAY, FINE, LET'S SAY THIS INSANE THEORY IS TRUE.  
CG: THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN VACILLATION BETWEEN MATESPRITS, MISTER QUADRANT EXPERT??  
CA: honestly im not sure if vvacillation is somethin that should evven happen betwween matesprits  
CG: WH  
CG: OKAY, NO.  
CG: ERIDAN AMPORA, YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY GONE OFF THE DEEP END.  
CG: WHATEVER RIDICULOUS NARCOTIC YOU'VE GOT SLOSHING AROUND IN THAT THINK PAN OF YOURS, YOU SHOULD BOTTLE IT AND GET A FUCKING PATENT ON IT, BECAUSE IT'S GOT YOU HIGHER THAN IF YOU WERE EATING SOPOR.  
CA: look kar just hear me out ok  
CA: i knoww this sounds crazy but i seriously think that vvacillation in a matespritship isnt right  
CA: i mean a matesprit is somebody wwho you lovve wwholly an unconditionally  
CA: wwithout any deal breakers or anything like that  
CA: if you can honestly find somethin in your matesprit that makes you wwax darker for em then i think thats a serious problem  
CG: I GET WHAT A MATESPRIT IS SUPPOSED TO BE, ERIDAN  
CG: BUT WE LIVE IN THE GODDAMN REAL WORLD HERE.  
CG: NOT EVERY MATESPRITSHIP CAN BE SOME AMAZING FAIRY TALE ROMANCE ABOUT TWO PEOPLE WHO LOVE EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING ABOUT EACH OTHER.  
CG: NOBODY'S PERFECT, ERIDAN.  
CG: ESPECIALLY NOT FOR EACH OTHER.  
CG: THAT'S WHY VACILLATION HAPPENS.  
CA: no i dont believve that  
CA: i dont think twwo matesprits should evver hate each other evven if theyre as far from perfect as it gets  
CG: REALLY.  
CA: yeah  
CG: SO  
CG: WHAT ABOUT YOU AND TEREZI?  
CA: wwhat  
CG: CAN YOU HONESTLY TELL ME YOU'VE NEVER VACILLATED WITH HER?  
CA: kar should wwe really be talkin about this  
CG: I'M THE ONE WHO'S ASKING, AREN'T I?  
CG: JUST INDULGE ME.  
CA: wwell  
CA: ok look ill be honest  
CA: ter isnt perfect  
CA: shes got flawws just as much as anybody else  
CA: especially me  
CA: but at the same time  
CA: ivve nevver hated her  
CA: i mean i dont HATE anything about her  
CA: evverything i either lovve or i like or i can just pass by  
CA: i just  
CA: i lovve her too much for it  
CG: YEAH, WELL, I WAS FLUSHED FOR HER, TOO  
CG: AND I'VE GOT A WHOLE FUCKING RAP SHEET OF THINGS I HATE ABOUT HER.  
CG: OR ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU LOVE HER MORE THAN I EVER DID?  
CA: no im not sayin that  
CA: but  
CA: wwell  
CA: ok maybe i shouldnt say this  
CG: SAY WHAT?  
CG: SPIT IT OUT, AMPORA, I KNOW YOU'RE DYING TO ANYWAY.  
CA: wwell ok  
CA: im not sayin you didnt lovve her  
CA: but maybe  
CA: maybe you didnt lovve her the wway you think you did  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN.  
CA: i mean  
CA: maybe you wwere somethin other than flushed for her  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: I JUST  
CG: WHAT?????  
CG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO IMPLY I WAS *BLACK* FOR HER???????  
CA: look im just sayin  
CA: evven back wwhen you twwo wwere on good terms things alwways seemed pretty caustic betwween you  
CA: its perfectly likely that it couldvve been a purely caliginous thing  
CA: an the points wwhere you thought you wwere flushed for her wwere just the mellowwer points of a typical black rivvalry  
CG: NO, YOU'VE GONE COMPLETELY OFF YOUR GOURD.  
CG: YOU'RE CURRENTLY ROCKETING AWAY FROM YOUR GOURD SO FAST THAT YOU'VE REDSHIFTED INTO A RUSTBLOOD AND GAINED THE AMAZING PSIONIC POWER OF COMING UP WITH ROMANTIC THEORIES SO INSANE, THEY MAKE PEOPLE'S THINK PANS EXPLODE AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF THEM.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: kar that doesnt evven make any sense  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK EVER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.  
CG: LET ME JUST MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR, ERIDAN:  
CG: I HAVE *NEVER* BEEN BLACK FOR TEREZI PYROPE.  
CG: IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T EVEN HATE HER.  
CG: SHE IS NOT ***WORTHY*** OF MY HATE.  
CG: THE BEST SHE WILL EVER GET FROM ME IS COPIOUS HELPINGS OF ANTIPATHY AND SCORN, AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.  
CA: are you sure  
CG: I'M POSITIVE.  
CG: I'M SO POSITIVE ON THE MATTER, IN FACT, THAT I REFUSE TO DEDICATE EVEN A SINGLE ELECTRON TO IT.  
CA: wwell thats too bad i guess  
CG: WHY IS THAT TOO BAD.  
CG: IN FACT, WHAT'S BAD ABOUT THAT AT ALL.  
CA: wwell  
CA: i probably shouldnt be tellin you this  
CA: but she really doesnt like you kar  
CG: WOW, BIG SURPRISE.  
CG: HERE, LET ME PUT THAT IN THE "THINGS I DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW" PILE.  
CG: OOPS! MY AIM WAS OFF, AND I THREW IT INTO THE "THINGS THAT WERE ALREADY BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS" PILE BY MISTAKE!  
CG: I'D CLIMB DOWN AND CORRECT THE ERROR, BUT THE "I ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT" LADDER WON'T SEEM TO DEPLOY FOR SOME REASON.  
CA: yeah i knoww things are alwways tense betwween you twwo  
CA: but seriously she is really hung up on it  
CA: like shes still pissed off about the wwhole thing that wwent dowwn on that memo like four or fivve days ago  
CA: evven the mention a your name is enough to put her in a bad mood  
CG: OH GOD.  
CG: ARE YOU TELLING ME SHE'S SERIOUSLY BLACK FOR ME????  
CA: wwell shed nevver say as much  
CA: her ships moored as deeply in the rivver a denial as yours is  
CG: I'M NOT IN DENIAL.  
CA: yeah THATS somethin that a person in denial wwould nevver say  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
CA: look all im tryin to say here is that this wwhole thing betwween you twwo isnt goin to go awway easily  
CA: an i could easily see it as bein the basis for a kismesissitude  
CG: OH DEAR LORD.  
CG: YOU'RE HONESTLY TRYING TO SHIP ME.  
CA: kar im not tryin to force you into anything here  
CA: im just sayin i think you should givve it a shot  
CG: OR HOW ABOUT I GIVE MYSELF A SHOT  
CG: IN THE HEAD, AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF THAT.  
CA: look just consider it  
CG: I'M NOT CONSIDERING ANYTHING!  
CG: ALL I'M CONSIDERING IS HOW CREEPY IT IS THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO PIMP OUT YOUR MATESPRIT TO ME FOR SOME BIZARRE REASON.  
CA: its a different quadrant kar  
CA: god youd think that in a naturally polyamorous society wwe could actually talk about this like adults  
CG: LOOK, DUDE, I'M FLATTERED AND ALL  
CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, JUST DROP IT.  
CA: ok fine  
CA: just tryin to do a good thing for my friend an my matesprit but wwhatevver  
CG: HMM  
CG: SO  
CG: YOU ACTUALLY LIKE HER, HUH.  
CA: i lovve her kar  
CA: more than anything  
CG: WELL  
CG: THAT'S GOOD, I GUESS.  
CA: yeah  
CG: AND I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY WITH HER AND ALL.  
CA: wwell thanks kar  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST  
CG: PART OF THE REASON WHY I GOT SO MAD AT YOU ABOUT GETTING TOGETHER WITH HER IN THE FIRST PLACE  
CG: IS BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T SERIOUS ABOUT IT.  
CG: I THOUGHT IT WAS SOME KIND OF SCHEME ON HER PART, AND YOU WERE JUST GOING ALONG WITH IT FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF FILLING A PAIL WITH HER.  
CA: seriously  
CG: YEAH, I KNOW, IT'S A SHITTY THING TO ASSUME  
CG: BUT I ALWAYS TOOK YOU FOR KIND OF A ONE-DAY STAND KIND OF GUY.  
CA: kar come on  
CA: i took a blind wwoman to her hivve wwith no intention a datin her again  
CA: please  
CG: I KNOW, I KNOW.  
CG: I REALIZE YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THE WHOLE "TAKING IT SLOW" THING NOW.  
CG: HONESTLY, YOU GUYS PROBABLY HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING BEYOND SLOPPY MAKEOUTS AT THIS POINT, RIGHT?  
CA: uh  
CA: yeah  
CA: wwere still wwaitin  
CA: yknoww no use rushin into things  
CG: YEAH, I FIGURED AS MUCH.  
CG: TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK, I ALWAYS KIND OF TOOK YOU FOR KIND OF A SLIMEBALL  
CG: BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG.  
CA: its fine really  
CG: NO IT'S NOT FINE.  
CG: I MADE YOU OUT TO BE A TOTAL CREEP, EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE JUST BEING A STAND-UP GUY ALL ALONG.  
CG: AND IT'S ESPECIALLY BAD BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING YET!  
CA: wwell  
CG: LOOK, I'VE BEEN A TOTAL JERK TO YOU, AND I'M SORRY, OKAY?  
CA: ok fine  
CA: apology accepted dont wworry about it  
CG: OKAY, GOOD.  
CG: ANYWAY, IT'S COOL THAT YOU FOUND A MATESPRIT, AND I'M  
CG: I'M HAPPY FOR YOU, I GUESS.  
CA: wwell thanks kar  
CA: it means a lot really  
CG: EH.  
CA: an dont take this the wwrong wway or anythin  
CA: but i hope you can find yourself a matesprit too  
CA: somebody better for you than ter evver wwas  
CA: somebody wwho wwould only evver drivve you crazy in a good wway  
CA: an wwho evven thinkin about hatin em wwould make you sick to your stomach  
CG: YEAH  
CG: THAT'D BE NICE, I GUESS  
CG: FINDING SOMEBODY LIKE THAT  
CA: i mean  
CA: if i can be perfectly honest here  
CA: part a the reason i wwent ahead wwith my wwhole plan wwith ter  
CA: evven though i kneww you wwere flushed for her  
CA: is cause i thought there might be somebody else you actually felt that wway about  
CG: YEAH, GAMZEE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.  
CG: AND JUST WHO DID YOU THINK IT WAS?  
CA: wwho do you think  
CA: karkitty  
CG: WHAT  
CG: YOU MEAN  
CG: YOU MEAN NEPETA.  
CA: yeah  
CA: i mean just from your interactions on her memos it seemed like you had a lot a respect for her  
CA: an likewwise she seemed to like you a lot too  
CA: an really wwith all your fixation on the quadrants this wwhole shippin thing seemed right up your alley  
CA: i just kinda thought from the wway you talked to her an the wway you talked about her there might be the beginnins of a flushcrush there  
CA: wwas i just completely off base on that  
CG: WELL  
CG: OKAY, LOOK  
CG: BEFORE I CAN GO INTO THIS ANY FURTHER, YOU HAVE TO SWEAR TO ME THAT YOU WON'T TELL ANOTHER SOUL ABOUT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE.  
CG: UNDERSTAND?  
CA: sure kar  
CA: its all completely a hundred percent confidential  
CG: OKAY  
CG: WELL  
CG: THE TRUTH IS  
CG: YOU WERE COMPLETELY SPOT ON.  
CG: I AM SO UTTERLY FLUSHED FOR NEPETA LEIJON THAT I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT DO WITH MYSELF.  
CA: seriously  
CG: YES, SERIOUSLY.  
CG: I MEAN, EVEN BEFORE YOUR THING WITH TEREZI.  
CG: HONESTLY, I THINK I WAS DOOMED AS SOON AS SHE FINISHED HER FIRST SHIPPING THING WITH VRISKA.  
CG: IT'S JUST  
CG: THE WHOLE WAY SHE HANDLED THAT SITUATION  
CG: SORTING OUT THE WHOLE QUAGMIRE WITH VRISKA AND TAVROS BY MAKING THEM MOIRAILS  
CG: HELPING KANAYA TO CONFESS HER TRUE FEELINGS  
CG: IT WAS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A ROMANTIC COMEDY, BUT REAL.  
CG: I COULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.  
CG: BUT SHE DIDN'T EVEN STOP THERE.  
CG: SHE'S JUST KEPT DOING HER SHIPPING THING, AND WITH EACH TRIUMPH, SHE'S ONLY GOTTEN MORE AMAZING.  
CG: I MEAN, SHE BROUGHT ARADIA ***BACK FROM THE FUCKING DEAD*** JUST SO SHE COULD SHIP HER!!!!!  
CA: that wwas actually fef yknoww  
CG: WHATEVER, THE SPECIFICS DON'T MATTER.  
CG: THE FACT IS, SHE'S THE ONE WHO ENABLED IT.  
CG: SHE'S SO SELFLESS, AND GENEROUS, AND CARING  
CG: AND SHE JUST *GETS* ROMANCE IN A WAY THAT I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER HOPE TO.  
CG: AND I'D BE JEALOUS, BUT SHE'S JUST  
CG: SHE'S SO FUCKING AMAZING, I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO DO IT.  
CA: wwoww  
CG: SORRY.  
CG: I JUST KIND OF WENT OFF THERE, DIDN'T I.  
CA: its fine i get it  
CA: i can certainly understand wwhy youd be flushed for her  
CA: i mean shes pretty much your dream girl  
CG: YEAH SHE IS.  
CG: I JUST WISH I'D KNOWN SOONER.  
CA: wwell in all fairness  
CA: she hasnt alwways been the wway she is noww  
CG: ARE YOU SURE?  
CG: I MEAN, WHAT IF SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS?  
CG: AND I JUST NEVER REALIZED IT BECAUSE I WAS AN ENORMOUS ASSHOLE WHO WAS NEVER WILLING TO GIVE HER THE TIME OF NIGHT?  
CG: IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME, HONESTLY.  
CA: wwell i dont knoww really  
CA: i didnt evven really knoww her before wwe started playin this game  
CA: but evven goin just from wwhen i first brought her into the game it seems like she changed after she started this little shippin quest a hers  
CG: YEAH, I GUESS.  
CG: SHE SEEMS A LOT MORE  
CG: AWARE, I GUESS.  
CG: AND ACTIVE.  
CA: and assertivve dont forget that one  
CG: UH  
CG: I GUESS?  
CA: its important yknoww  
CA: if she wwere just the same naivve carefree little cattroll she apparently wwas before id nevver a wwanted to be her kismesis  
CG: OH GOD, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT.  
CG: THIS IS PROBABLY REALLY AWKWARD, ISN'T IT  
CG: HEARING ME GUSH ABOUT HOW MUCH I PITY YOUR KISMESIS.  
CA: no its fine i get it  
CA: its not like im completely opposed to hearin positivve things about her  
CG: ALRIGHT, COOL.  
CG: BUT YOU AT LEAST UNDERSTAND WHERE I'M COMING FROM WHEN I SAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU WOULD HATE HER, RIGHT?  
CA: yeah it makes sense  
CA: honestly evven if you wwerent flushed for her it wwouldnt make all that much sense wwithout a little context  
CG: CONTEXT?  
CA: wwell  
CA: here just read this its from wwhen i first wwent pitch for her  
CA: i think youll get a kick out of it  
\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] sent carcinoGeneticist [CG] the file ihavvethewweirdestbulge.txt" --  
CG: OH GOD  
CG: SHOULD I EVEN OPEN THIS??  
CA: its just a silly filename theres nothin pornographic in it  
CG: WELL, OKAY  
CG: GIVE ME A SECOND HERE.  
CG: I  
CG: WHAT  
CG: HOLY SHIT.  
CG: ERIDAN, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER????  
CA: nothin honestly  
CA: i wwas just bein melodramatic about fef an threatenin to givve myself up to the angels wwhen she just snapped  
CG: YEAH SHE FUCKING DID.  
CG: DEAR LORD, SHE'S JUST GOING BERSERK HERE.  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: SHE CALLED YOU A STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!  
CA: i knoww right  
CG: GOD.  
CG: SHE JUST COMPLETELY *EVISCERATED* YOU.  
CA: yeah tell me about it  
CA: thats wwhen i kneww i wwas horns ovver heels obsidian for her  
CA: if it wwerent for that caliginous diatribe id a nevver shaped up into the douche i am today  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: MY GOD.  
CG: I THINK I JUST BECAME FLUSHED FOR HER ALL OVER AGAIN.  
CA: hahahaha  
CA: yeah i get you  
CG: SEE, THIS IS WHY I'M NOT EVEN THAT MAD ABOUT YOU AND TEREZI.  
CG: BECAUSE SOMEBODY LIKE THIS *EXISTS*.  
CA: yeah wwell  
CA: you evver consider approachin her about it  
CG: WHAT, YOU MEAN  
CG: YOU MEAN TALKING TO NEPETA?  
CG: ABOUT BEING MY MATESPRIT?  
CA: yeah  
CG: FUCK, I DON'T KNOW.  
CG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF SHE'S INTERESTED IN ME LIKE THAT.  
CA: wwell shes really fond a you kar  
CA: i can tell you that much  
CG: WHAT, DID SHE TELL YOU SHE WAS FLUSHED FOR ME?  
CA: wwell no nevver in so many wwords  
CA: but you knoww howw people are about this kind a thing  
CA: the harder theyvve fallen for somebody the louder theyll deny it  
CG: I'M NOT SO SURE.  
CG: I MEAN, I KNOW SHE HAD A THING FOR ME BEFORE  
CG: BUT THAT SEEMS LIKE AGES AGO.  
CG: AND SHE'S MATURED SO MUCH SINCE THEN, I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S HELD ONTO THAT AT ALL.  
CG: MAYBE SHE REALIZED WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT I AM AND JUST GOT OVER ME COMPLETELY.  
CA: noww kar wwhy wwould you say a thing like that  
CG: LOOK, IT'S JUST  
CG: IT'S REALLY EMBARRASSING.  
CG: BUT RIGHT AFTER YOU AND TEREZI GOT TOGETHER, I TROLLED HER  
CG: AND I SAID SOME REALLY STUPID THINGS TO HER.  
CG: I WAS REALLY UPSET, AND I TRIED TAKING IT OUT ON HER, AND I JUST FEEL LIKE SUCH A FUCKING MORONIC SHITSPONGE FOR EVEN THINKING OF DOING THAT.  
CG: AND I REALIZED WHAT A GLOBE-GARGLING FUCKSTICK I WAS BEING AND TRIED TO APOLOGIZE TO HER, BUT I'M NOT SURE IF IT EVEN MATTERED.  
CG: I'M JUST  
CG: I'M REALLY AFRAID I FUCKED THINGS UP BETWEEN US ETERNALLY.  
CA: wwell  
CA: i dont think she took it that hard  
CA: wwell she did but i dont think she wwas evver mad at you  
CG: SHE WASN'T?  
CA: no  
CA: i knoww she wwas really upset around then  
CA: but she seemed more concerned that she hurt your feelings than anything  
CA: she nevver seemed to be angry wwith you  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
CA: she cares about you a lot kar  
CA: i mean just look at this wwhole thing wwith her an ter  
CA: they used to be like best fuckin friends right  
CA: but noww things are all tense betwween them  
CA: an the wwhole reason for it is cause ter wwont stop houndin you on these memos an shit and neps afraid shes hurtin your feelins  
CG: REALLY?  
CG: THAT'S THE WHOLE REASON FOR IT?  
CA: pretty much  
CA: i wwish i could say i wwas contributin more to the conflict betwween em but id be lyin  
CA: ter doesnt really givve a shit howw much nep lays into me she finds the wwhole thing kinda hilarious  
CG: WOW.  
CG: AND THAT'S THE WOMAN YOU CHOSE TO BE YOUR MATESPRIT.  
CA: hey i dont blame her  
CA: frankly i think neps blackrom game is kinda hilarious too  
CA: she isnt the most skilled insultramarine but she makes up for it wwith sheer spunk  
CG: OKAY  
CG: IF YOU EVER MENTION NEPETA AND SPUNK IN THE SAME SENTENCE AGAIN, I'M BLOCKING YOU.  
CA: hahahaha  
CA: wwhatevver thats not wwhat i meant an you knoww it  
CG: YEAH, BUT STILL  
CG: IT'S JUST A LITTLE WEIRD TO EVEN APPROACH TALKING ABOUT HER LIKE  
CG: WELL, YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT.  
CA: oh come on kar shes a growwn wwoman  
CA: a wwoman wwith a damn fine set a curvves if you dont mind my sayin  
CG: NO, SEE, I DO MIND YOU SAYING.  
CG: THIS WHOLE TOPIC JUST SEEMS REALLY CREEPY TO ME.  
CA: kar please  
CA: im her kismesis an youre vvyin to be her matesprit  
CA: is it really so strange that wwe might talk about just howw physically attractivve she is  
CG: WELL  
CG: NO, I GUESS NOT  
CG: BUT STILL, IT'S JUST  
CG: I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT OF HER AS ANYTHING BUT A WIGGLER BEFORE  
CG: BUT RECENTLY, SHE JUST SEEMS  
CG: SHE SEEMS REALLY FUCKING HOT, HONESTLY.  
CA: i knoww right  
CA: wwomans got a derriere you could break cinder blocks on  
CG: SERIOUSLY!  
CG: LIKE, WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?  
CG: WHEN DID NEPETA BECOME SO GODDAMN *FINE*???  
CA: shes been that wway for a wwhile kar  
CA: honestly i saww it back wwhen i first met her on lowwaa  
CA: an you called me crazy  
CA: wwell wwhos the crazy one noww kar  
CA: wwhos the crazy one noww  
CG: OKAY, FINE, I'LL ADMIT IT.  
CG: NEPETA WAS PROBABLY JUST AS PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE TWO OR THREE WEEKS AGO AS SHE IS NOW.  
CG: BUT I STILL THINK IT WAS A CREEP MOVE TO GO AFTER HER.  
CA: hey im not denyin that  
CA: im just sayin  
CA: i called it  
CG: WHATEVER.  
CG: ANYWAY, EVEN IF SHE IS PHYSICALLY THE SAME AS SHE WAS BACK THEN, I STILL THINK SHE'S BECOME MORE ATTRACTIVE SOMEHOW.  
CG: MAYBE IT'S JUST A PSYCHOLOGICAL THING.  
CG: OR MAYBE IT'S THOSE GOOFY CLOTHES KANAYA KEEPS MAKING FOR HER.  
CA: thats a distinct possibility right there  
CA: i mean that ratty old trenchcoat a hers concealed a lot a the goods  
CA: noww that that fine posterier a hers is allowwed to be on display the wway god intended the vview has improvved significantly  
CG: GOD, I KNOW.  
CG: I MEAN, I REALIZE THIS PROBABLY SOUNDS CREEPY, BUT  
CG: SHE HAS A *REALLY* NICE BUTT.  
CA: youre preachin to the choir my friend  
CA: it feels just as good as it looks trust me  
CA: firm but not too firm yknoww  
CA: like steel wwrapped in vvelvvet  
CG: OKAY  
CG: THAT'S A LITTLE TOO MUCH CREEPY FOR ME.  
CA: im just SAYIN its one of her strongest features  
CA: especially since shes got no vvestigial thoracic brucite glands to speak of  
CG: WELL, YEAH, BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THOSE.  
CG: WE ALL KNOW WHAT'S BELOW THE WAIST IS WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT.  
CA: noww see kar this is part a wwhy wwere such good friends  
CA: wwevve both got our priorities straight  
CA: any distinguished lady or gentleman knowws the rump is all that matters  
CA: an youvve got good taste too  
CA: neps got a fine booty  
CA: ters got a fine booty  
CA: hell evven youvve got a fine booty  
CG: OKAY, WOW, NO.  
CG: YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY GONE TOO FAR.  
CG: WHEN YOU START TALKING ABOUT *MY* ASS, THAT'S IT.  
CG: THE CONVERSATION IS OVER.  
CA: look kar im not tryin to hit on you here or anything im just makin an observvation  
CG: WELL, POINT YOUR GODDAMN OBSERVATORY SOMEWHERE ELSE, TROLLILEO.  
CG: I MEAN, I'M FLATTERED AND ALL, BUT SERIOUSLY  
CG: WE'VE DELVED TOO DEEP INTO BUTTCHAT, AND THE ABYSS HAS STARED BACK AT US.  
CG: HONESTLY, IN RETROSPECT, THIS WHOLE DIVERSION HAS BEEN REALLY CREEPY AND OBJECTIFYING.  
CA: alright alright fine  
CA: sorry for tryin to pay a guy a compliment  
CG: APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED.  
CA: haha fine  
CA: but anywway  
CA: if you really are flushed for her i think you should go for it  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
CG: YOU ACTUALLY THINK SHE'D WANT TO BE MY MATESPRIT?  
CA: sure  
CA: i dont knoww for certain that shes flushed for you too  
CA: but im almost fuckin positivve  
CG: YEAH, BUT  
CG: IF SHE REALLY WAS  
CG: WHY WOULDN'T SHE COME TO ME?  
CG: I'M OBVIOUSLY RECEPTIVE HERE, I DON'T SEE WHY SHE'D PUT IT OFF.  
CA: wwell you knoww howw she is  
CA: shes got these stupid rules  
CA: about howw she cant ship herself before she ships evverybody else  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: THAT'S STUPID.  
CG: SHE SHOULDN'T PUT OFF HER OWN HAPPINESS JUST TO MAKE SURE EVERYBODY ELSE IS SATISFIED FIRST.  
CG: THAT'S TOO SELFLESS, EVEN FOR HER.  
CA: wwell  
CA: maybe you should make the first movve  
CG: HMMM  
CG: MAYBE I SHOULD.  
CG: BUT YOU REALLY THINK SHE'D GO FOR IT?  
CA: she likes you kar  
CA: no twwo wways about it  
CG: WELL  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: I'LL TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.  
CG: EVENTUALLY.  
CA: sooner rather than later hopefully  
CA: really kar youvve gotta get yourself some quadrants sometime soon  
CG: YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW, BUT  
CG: I DON'T WANT TO RUSH THIS.  
CA: wwell fair enough  
CG: AND ERIDAN?  
CA: yeah  
CG: PLEASE DON'T LET HER KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.  
CG: I WANT TO BE THE FIRST ONE TO TELL HER.  
CA: of course kar  
CA: this is all in confidence remember  
CG: RIGHT, I KNOW.  
CG: BUT THANKS.  
CA: no problem  
CA: oh but kar  
CA: theres probably one thing you should knoww about nep  
CG: WHAT?  
CA: wwell  
CA: im not really sure howw exactly to say this  
CA: but she has kind of a  
CA: wwell  
CA: a blood thing  
CG: WELL, YEAH, OF COURSE SHE DOES WITH YOU.  
CG: YOU'RE HER KISMESIS, YOU GUYS ARE PRACTICALLY OBLIGATED TO GET INTO WEIRD BLOOD STUFF.  
CA: no i mean  
CA: evven for blackrom shes really wweirdly into it  
CA: like she does some really bizarre shit wwith it kar  
CA: tastin it and playin wwith it and makin little drawwings wwith it  
CA: an ivve read some of her fiction so i knoww she doesnt havve any compunction lettin that kinda thing bleed into the redder quadrants  
CA: heh pun not intended  
CG: UH  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
CA: yeah  
CA: i knoww youvve got this wwhole thing wwith your blood so i figured i should let you knoww  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT.  
CG: I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA HOW SHE'D REACT IF SHE KNEW WHAT COLOR MY BLOOD WAS.  
CA: wwell  
CA: if she really likes you it shouldnt make a difference should it  
CG: MAYBE NOT  
CG: BUT WHAT IF IT DOES?  
CA: look i wwouldnt wworry about it too much  
CA: wwherevver it falls on the spectrum she probably wwont care  
CG: UGH.  
CG: THAT'S NOT REALLY REASSURING, BUT THANKS FOR TRYING.  
CA: thats the best i can do i guess  
CG: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.  
CG: BUT ANYWAY  
CG: I'M GLAD THINGS ARE COOL BETWEEN US.  
CA: of course kar  
CA: wwere friends  
CA: wwere not to let a couple girls get in the wway a that  
CG: OF COURSE.  
CG: ANYWAY, THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT.  
CA: sure thing kar  
CA: im glad wwe actually got a chance to talk about all this shit  
CA: i mean  
CA: romance is hard  
CA: but wwe dont havve to go at it alone  
CG: YEAH  
CG: I GUESS NOT.  
CA: anywway if you evver wwant to talk ill be here  
CG: I APPRECIATE IT.  
CG: ANYWAY, I SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING.  
CA: wwell alright then  
CA: good luck wwith your thing wwith nep  
CG: YEAH, THANKS.  
CG: I'D WISH YOU LUCK ON SOMETHING, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE ALL OF IT ALREADY.  
CA: haha  
CA: wwell i appreciate the sentiment regardless  
CG: SURE.  
CG: ANYWAY, BYE, ERIDAN.  
CA: see you later kar  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]. 


	23. The Fall of Team Charge

Chapter 23

The Fall of Team Charge

CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board T34M CH4RG3 R3UN1ON L1V3STR34M SP3C14L.  
  
CGC: OK4Y  
CGC: W3R3 JUST 4BOUT DON3 S3TT1NG TH1NGS UP H3R3  
CGC: SO L3TS JUST G3T 4LL TH3 4DM1N P3OPL3 1N H3R3 B3FOR3 W3 K1CK TH1NGS OFF  
CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAG: Hell yeah, let's get this show on the road already!!!!!!!!  
CAG: These Team Charge chumps aren't even gonna know what hit 'em! >::::)  
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCA: fuck no they wwont  
CCA: this campaign is easily the most diabolical gauntlet a traps puzzles an monsters evver formulated in the history a flarp  
CCA: i wwish i could be there to see it myself  
CGC: YOU COULDV3 JO1N3D 1N YOU KNOW  
CGC: W3 COULD 34S1LY F1T 4NOTH3R CLOUD3R 1F N3P3T4 H4D JO1N3D TH31R T34M  
CAG: Yeah, I'm sure Tavros and Aradia wouldn't mind her joining in.  
CAG: And her new character is 8adass, I can't w8 to see her in action.  
FUTURE arsenicCatnip [FAC] 33 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FAC: :33 < neither can i!!  
FAC: :33 < huntress catharia gr33npaw has b33n waiting fur too long fur a chance to purrove herself on the battlefield!  
FAC: :33 < thanks again fur helping me roll her up, vwiskers!  
CAG: Hey, no pro8lem.  
CAG: I've always wanted to gener8 a properly optimized 8rigandersnatch for some8ody, 8ut no8ody ever has the natural agility for it.  
CAG: And I saw the outfit Kanaya m8de for you too, it's awesome!  
CAG: Imit8tion armored choler8ear pl8es, veeeeeeeery classy.  
FAC: :33 < oh theyre not imitation, theyre real!  
CAG: Seriously????????  
FAC: :33 < yeah!  
FAC: :33 < ive got the things all ofur my hive, i nefur know what to do with them  
FAC: :33 < sometimes equius uses them fur raw materials, but thats about it  
CAG: Well goddamn.  
CAG: I knew you were hardcore, 8ut Jegus.  
FAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
FAC: :33 < anyway, i r3333ally wish i could play with you guys!  
FAC: :33 < even if it meant having eridan as a clouder >:PP  
CCA: hey i can understand your enthusiasm dont get me wwrong  
CCA: but im sorry to say that the twwo of us participatin in this campaign simply isnt an option  
FAC: :33 < why not!  
CCA: look its designed for exactly twwo players an twwo clouders no more no less  
CCA: if wwe added any more the wwhole thing wwould fall apart  
FAC: :33 < well then why didnt you design it fur thr33 players idiot???  
CGC: LOOK N3P3T4  
CGC: TH1S 3NT1R3 TH1NG 1S SUPPOS3D TO B3 4 B1G SP3C14L 3V3NT FOR 4R4D14 4ND T4VROS G3TT1NG T34M CH4RG3 B4CK TOG3TH3R  
CGC: TH3 WHOL3 C4MP41GN 1S P4CK3D FULL OF SP3C14L L1TTL3 SURPR1S3S JUST FOR TH3 TWO OF TH3M  
CGC: 4ND 1M 4FR41D YOU M1GHT NOT B3 4BL3 TO 4PPR3C14T3 4LL OF TH3M  
FAC: :33 < okay okay fine  
FAC: :33 < i dont want to take away furom their big special day  
CCA: yeah wwevve got an extra special surprise in store for them let me tell you right noww  
CGC: R1GHT  
CGC: SP34K1NG OF TH3 SURPR1S3  
CGC: 3R1D4N 4R3 YOU 4BSOLUT3LY SUR3 4BOUT TH1S?  
CGC: 1 M34N  
CGC: 1T ST1LL S33MS 4 L1TTL3 F4RF3TCH3D TO M3 >:/  
CCA: ter i understand your concerns but trust me ok  
CCA: it seems like a stretch but i knoww its got potential  
CCA: ivve got an eye for this kinda thing  
CCA: er  
CCA: wwait hold on  
CCA: i just realized that recent devvelopments havve completely wwrecked this wwhole arrangement wwevve got concernin vvision based metaphors  
CCA: should wwe keep it on or wwhat  
CGC: HMMMM  
CGC: T3LL YOU WH4T  
CGC: W3LL 4LT3R TH3 D34L 3V3R SO SL1GHTLY  
CGC: YOU C4N M4K3 V1S1ON B4S3D M3T4PHORS FR33LY  
CGC: BUT WH3N3V3R YOU TRY TO C4TCH YOURS3LF ON ON3, 1LL M4K3 FUN OF YOU FOR 1T  
CCA: ok that sounds reasonable  
CGC: TH3N 1TS 4 D34L!  
FAC: :33 < hey wait a minute!!!  
FAC: :33 < terezi are you saying you arent going to make fun of eridan as much now???  
CGC: 3SS3NT14LLY Y3S  
FAC: :33 < no that is completely unacceptable!!!  
CGC: W3LL WH4T 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO DO N3P3T4?  
CGC: 1T M4K3S NO S3NS3 TO L34V3 TH3 4RR4NG3M3NT 4S 1T ST4NDS  
FAC: :33 < why not??  
CGC: 1TS R34LLY QU1T3 S1MPL3  
CGC: WHY WOULD 1 M4K3 FUN OF 3R1D4N FOR US1NG V1S1ON B4S3D M3T4PHORS  
CGC: WH3N 1 4M NO LONG3R BL1ND?????  
CAG: !!!!!!!!  
FAC: :33 < :OO  
FAC: :33 < seriously???  
FAC: :33 < you can s33 now????  
CGC: Y3P!  
CGC: W3NT GOD T13R JUST TH3 OTH3R D4Y, 4ND GOT MY 3Y3S B4CK W1TH 1T  
FAC: :33 < that is so great!!!!!  
CGC: Y34H, 1T R34LLY 1S >:]  
CAG: Hey, um.  
CGC: Y3S VR1SK4  
CAG: Am I allowed to say that's cool?  
CGC: Y3S TH4TS F1N3  
CAG: Okay.  
CAG: Well........  
CAG: Cool!  
CGC: TH4NK YOU  
CAG: 8ut I thought you didn't want to get your eyes 8ack for whatever weird cryptic 8lind girl reason.  
CAG: What made you change your mind?  
CGC: 1T W4S 4R4D14, 4CTU4LLY  
CGC: SH3 CONV1NC3D M3 1 SHOULD TRY TO G3T MY V1S1ON B4CK  
CGC: WH1CH M34NS YOU C4NT T4K3 4NY CR3D1T FOR 1T  
CAG: Pshhhhhhhh, like I would even try to do that!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I'm just glad you got it 8ack is all.  
FAC: :33 < but wait  
FAC: :33 < if you can s33 now  
FAC: :33 < does that mean you cant smell colors anymore?  
CGC: 4CTU4LLY 1 C4N!  
CGC: MY T4ST3-O-V1S1ON 1S FULLY 1NT4CT  
FAC: :33 < oh  
FAC: :33 < well neat!  
CGC: 1TS K1ND OF W31RD 4CTU4LLY  
CGC: 1V3 B33N S331NG BY SM3LL1NG 4ND T4ST1NG FOR SO LONG TH4T 4LL THR33 OF TH3 S3NS3S H4V3 B4S1C4LLY M3RG3D  
CGC: SO NOT ONLY C4N 1 S33 3V3RYTH1NG 1 SM3LL  
CGC: 1 C4N SM3LL 3V3RYTH1NG 1 S33!  
CAG: Whoa, seriously????????  
CGC: Y3P  
CGC: 1TS L1K3 MY S3NS3 OF SM3LL JUST GOT 4 M1LL1ON T1M3S SH4RP3R  
FAC: :33 < that is so cool!!!!  
CCA: haha oh man i just thought a somethin  
CCA: do you still havve those red tinted shades a yours  
CGC: NO, 4R4D14 H4S 4LL TH3 STUFF TH4T W4S ON MY CORPS3  
CGC: 4CTU4LLY HOLD ON  
CGC: OH  
CGC: 1 GU3SS 1 DO H4V3 SOM3  
CGC: MY DR34MS3LF MUST H4V3 JUST T4K3N TH3M OFF WH3N SH3 GOT H3R S1GHT B4CK  
CCA: awwesome  
CCA: you should put em on  
CGC: Y34H OK4Y  
FAC: :33 < um wait  
FAC: :33 < is that really a good idea?  
CGC: >8O  
CGC: 4DSFKJL4DSF;QWIL3UF4DSNHDKJFLF44444444444  
CGC: OH MY GOD  
CGC: TH1S 1S  
CGC: D3C4D3NC3 OF 4 C4L1B3R 1 C4NT 3V3N  
CGC: 44444SDFGDSLJKLJKHJGFHJ  
CAG: Oh dear god.  
CCA: hahahahaha  
CGC: L1K3  
CGC: 1M4G1N3 1F 3V3RYTH1NG YOU COULD SM3LL  
CGC: SM3LL3D L1K3 TH3 B3ST TH1NG  
CGC: TH3R3 4R3 NO WORDS  
CGC: TH3Y SHOULDV3 S3NT 4 PO3T  
CAG: Okay, okay, enough!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Terezi, t8ke those things off 8efore you give yourself an aneurysm!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Or something else, for that matter, 8luh.  
CGC: OK4Y F1N3  
CGC: WOW  
CGC: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 1M S4Y1NG TH1S  
CGC: BUT 1 TH1NK 1 M1GHT H4V3 TO R3T1R3 TH3 OLD GL4SS3S >:[  
FAC: :33 < oh nooo :((  
CGC: W3LL, 31TH3R TH4T OR F1ND 4 R3PL4C3M3NT  
CGC: ON3 TH4T 1SNT SO D3L3CT4BLY T1NT3D  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah, get some lame hipster frames so you can 8e more like your m8sprit.  
CCA: hey fuck you the frames are stylin  
CGC: Y34H, YOUR3 JUST J34LOUS >:P  
CCA: anwway ter you dont havve to throww out the old glasses entirely  
CCA: you could just savve them for  
CCA: special occasions  
CGC: OOH  
CGC: 4 V3RY 1NT3R3ST1NG PROPOS1T1ON, M1ST3R 4MPOR4  
CGC: 1LL H4V3 TO K33P 1T 1N CONS1D3R4T1ON >;]  
FAC: :33 < uuuuugh  
CAG: Nepeta, he's your kismesis.  
CAG: This shouldn't be an "uuuuugh"-worthy topic to you.  
FAC: :33 < yeah but its him and terezi  
FAC: :33 < which is just  
FAC: :33 < i dont know, its weird!  
CAG: Oh, come oooooooon, 8e a litle more open-minded.  
CAG: He's your kismesis, and she's your co-auspisticee, don't tell me you can't see the appeal.  
CGC: VR1SK4 WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG  
CAG: I'm just saying is all!!!!!!!!  
FAC: :33 < well  
FAC: :33 < i could maybe s33 it  
FAC: :33 < i mean  
FAC: :33 < terezi does have a really nice butt  
CGC: >:O  
CGC: N3P3T4!!!!  
FAC: :33 < its a true statement and im not taking it back!!! >:33  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah, exactly!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Anyway, I know you guys are ashen and all, 8ut I could tooooooootally see you getting into a 8lack fling of some kind.  
FUTURE grimAuxiliatrix [FGA] 25 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGA: Vriska  
CAG: Urk!  
FGA: I Think You Need To Stop Now  
CAG: Okay, okay, fiiiiiiiine!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Not trying to step on any auspistitorial toes or anything.  
FGA: Thats Not A Word  
CAG: Whatever!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Anyway, dropping it.  
CAG: You're all a 8unch of prudes, you'd never go for it anyway.  
CCA: hey i wwasnt complainin  
FAC: :33 < of course you werent  
FGA: Of Course You Werent  
CGC: OF COURS3 YOU W3R3NT  
CCA: wwoww FUCK  
CCA: all three a you really  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
CGC: 4NYW4Y 3NOUGH  
CGC: WHY W3R3 W3 3V3N T4LK1NG 4BOUT TH1S 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3  
CAG: 8ecause you need to get yourself some proper 8lackrom, girl!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I know you, Terezi.  
CAG: And I know if you don't get a proper outlet for all that righteous indign8tion you've got holed up inside you, you're gonna end up sta88ing some8ody.  
CGC: OH MY D34R SW33T LORD NO  
CGC: W3 4R3 NOT T4LK1NG 4BOUT TH1S  
CAG: Seriously, Terezi, I worry a8out you!  
CGC: 1 S41D 3NOUGH!!!  
CGC: 1F YOU DONT DROP TH1S 1M B4NN1NG YOU!!!  
CAG: You can't 8an me, I'm the other clouder!!!!!!!!  
CGC: TH3N 1LL B4N MYS3LF!!!!  
CAG: Okay, okay, god!!!!!!!!  
CAG: You are so ridiculous.  
CGC: BL4R  
FAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
FAC: :33 < get a room, you two! X33  
CGC: >:O  
CGC banned FAC from responding to memo.  
CCA: hahahaha  
FGA: Terezi Was That Really Necessary  
CGC: OF COURS3 1T W4S!  
CGC: 1 C4NT S1MPLY S1T B4CK 4ND 4LLOW H3R TO M4K3 SUCH SN1D3 1NS1NU4T1ONS  
FGA: I Think You Should Unban Her  
CGC: 4ND 1 TH1NK 1 SHOULDNT  
FUTURE arsenicCatnip [FAC] 34 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FAC: :33 < and i dont think it matters since i can just respawnd again anyway!  
CGC: CR4P, 1 FORGOT 4BOUT TH4T  
CGC: 1 N33D TO F1ND 4 W4Y TO M4K3 TH3S3 B4NS L4ST  
FAC: :33 < what, so you can ban me again?  
CGC: NOT YOU  
CGC: 1 H4D MOR3 TROUBL3SOM3 3L3M3NTS 1N M1ND  
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 69 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCG: LET ME GUESS.  
PCG: YOU'RE AFRAID THAT IF YOU DON'T TAKE SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS NOW, I'M JUST GOING TO CONSTANTLY RESPOND TO THIS MEMO AND REMIND EVERYONE WHAT A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME IT IS  
PCG: AND ALSO WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON YOU ARE.  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 1S TH4T WH4T YOUR3 GO1NG TO DO?  
PCG: TO THE FUCKING LETTER.  
CGC: >:/  
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.  
FAC: :33 < terezi!!! 33:<  
CGC: WH4T3V3R  
CGC: TH3R3S GOT TO B3 4N OPT1ON FOR TH1S SOM3WH3R3  
CGC: C4N 4NYBODY H3LP M3 OUT?  
CGC: SOLLUX, YOU R34D1NG TH1S???  
FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 10 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCT: D --> If you go to the network tab  
FCT: D --> You should find an item labeled "Administrative options..."  
FCT: D --> There, under the "Permissions" tab, e%ists an option to block users by trollhandle  
CGC: OH, UM  
CGC: OK4Y  
CGC blocked carcinoGeneticist [*CG] from responding to memo.  
FAC: :33 < 33:<  
CGC: COOL  
CGC: TH4NKS 3QU1US  
FCT: D --> You are quite welcome  
CGC: THOUGH 1 H4V3 TO 4SK  
CGC: S1NC3 WH3N DO YOU DO T3CH SUPPORT?  
FCT: D --> It's a recent development  
FCT: D --> I've pledged to perform this odious task in Sollu%'s place  
FCT: D --> In e%change for his assistance in other endeavors  
CAG: You mean "the mud8100d," right?  
FCT: D --> No, be quiet  
CGC: W3LL TH4TS K1ND OF W31RD  
CGC: BUT 1 GU3SS 1TS OK4Y  
CGC: BUT WH3R3S SOLLUX?  
FCT: D --> He's preoccupied at the moment  
CGC: W1TH WH4T  
FCT: D --> Does it matter  
CGC: K1ND OF?  
CGC: 1D JUST K1ND OF L1K3 TO H4V3 H1M ON C4LL 1N C4S3 W3 RUN 1NTO 4NY M4JOR 1SSU3S  
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 2 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: for fuck'2 2ake, tz, the man ju2t told you, II'M BU2Y.  
FTA: beliieve iit or not, ii have better thiing2 two do than 2iit around and re2olve every 2iingle techniical ii22ue you miight have.  
FTA: ii'm confiident eq can handle anythiing that come2 up.  
FUTURE cuttlefishCuller [FCC] 2 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCC: SOLLUX!!!! >38O  
FCC: We are in t)(e MIDDL--E of somet)(ing INCR--EDIBLY IMPORTANT!!  
FCC: T)(ere's no TIM---E for you to be posting on a STUPID M----EMO!!!!  
FTA: fuck, II KNOW.  
FTA: that'2 what ii'm tryiing two tell the2e people.  
CGC: WH4T 4R3 YOU 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF TH4TS SO 1MPORT4NT?  
FCC: W)(ale, let's just say I am aboat to assume my role as a Witc)( of Life PROP---ERLY.  
FCT: D --> Ah  
FCT: D --> So you've decided to ascend  
FCC: Y---EP! Figured it was aboat t)(at tide!  
FCT: D --> An e%cellent decision  
FCT: D --> I wish you the best  
FCC: W)(ale, t)(ank you, --Equius!  
CAG: So you're finally getting your wings, huh? Awesome!  
FCC: )(e)(e, t)(anks Vriska! <3  
FGA: Um  
FCC: Anyway, Sollux, let's get going already!!  
FTA: okay, okay, ii'm goiing.  
FTA ceased responding to memo.  
FCC: Alrig)(t, )(ave a good game, you guys!! 38)  
FCC ceased responding to memo.  
FGA: Wait Hold On  
FGA: Urrgh  
FCT: D --> Well  
FCT: D --> I suppose I will take my leave as well  
FCT: D --> Should you require further tech support, I will grudgingly assist  
CGC: TH4NK YOU 3QU1US  
CGC: 1TS V3RY MUCH 4PPR3C14T3D  
FCT: D --> Of course  
FCT: D --> But now I must depart  
FCT ceased responding to memo.  
CGC: OK4Y 4NYW4Y  
CGC: 3NOUGH D1STR4CT1ONS  
CAG: Yeah, the game gru8s are set to hatch in like a minute.  
CAG: We should pro8a8ly get the livestream running 8efore they get here.  
CGC: Y34H OK4Y  
CGC: G1V3 M3 4 S3COND  
CGC: OK4Y 1TS UP  
CGC: http://goo.gl/T34MCH4RG3R3UN1ONL1V3STR34MSP3C14L  
CGC: 1S 1T WORK1NG FOR 3V3RYBODY?  
CCA: looks good ovver here  
FAC: :33 < yeah, i s33 it too  
CGC: SW33T  
FAC: :33 < where is this going on again?  
FAC: :33 < ive nefur s33n this place befur  
CAG: It's on LOSAZ. An old temple me and Tavros cleaned out a while ago.  
CAG: The underlings don't respawn, so we figured it'd 8e a pretty awesome place to hold a FLARPing session.  
FAC: :33 < yeah, it looks puretty sw33t!  
CAG: Hey, the timer just went off!  
CAG: Flapstractions are live!!!!!!!!  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAA: ok!  
CAA: my game grub just hatched and im on my way!  
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAT: yEAH, m1NE TOO,  
CAT: 1'LL BE THERE 1N A B1T,  
CAG: Gr8!  
CAG: Tavros, you're at your hive, right?  
CAT: oF COURSE,  
CAT: 1T'S JUST A FEW M1NUTES' FL1GHT FROM HERE,  
CAG: Okay, cool.  
CAG: How a8out you, Aradia, where are you?  
CAG: I'm not sure if these flapstractions are smart enough to use the g8s.  
CAA: oh no im on losaz too  
CAA: i knew it was gonna be here so ive been hanging around one of the consort villages for a while  
CAG: Which one? The 8ig one with the huge statue in the middle?  
CAA: yeah exactly  
CAG: Oh, okay, you'll pro8a8ly get there 8efore Tavros does.  
CGC: TH4T WORKS JUST F1N3  
CGC: 1T G1V3S US 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 T1M3 TO OGL3 H3R OUTF1T  
CAA: terezi!  
CGC: WH4T!  
CGC: 1T LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, 1M JUST S4Y1NG  
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 1 MINUTE FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: tz, ii know you're moiiraiil2 and all, but 2eriiou2ly, 2top hiittiing on my mate2priit, iit'2 not cool.  
FTA: at lea2t not iin publiic, anyway.  
CGC: 1M NOT!  
CGC: 1M SO OFF3ND3D R1GHT NOW, WH4T DO YOU 3V3N T4K3 M3 FOR  
CAG: Yeah, Sollux, stop 8eing so clingy, it's seeeeeeeeriously unattractive.  
FGA: Is It  
CAG: Um, kind of?  
CAG: I'm just saying, there's no need to flip your shit over one innocuous comment from your m8sprit's moirail.  
FTA: iit'2 not one iinoccuous comment.  
FTA: you haven't 2een the piictures.  
CGC: >:O  
CAG: What pictures????????  
CAA: ok wow lets not talk about this anymore!  
CGC: Y34H C4PTOR  
CGC: YOUR3 OBV1OUSLY JUST TRY1NG TO D3FL3CT SUSP1C1ON H3R3 4NYW4Y  
FTA: 2u2piiciion about what?  
CGC: 4BOUT WH4T YOU 4ND F3F3R1 DO 1N YOUR FR33 T1M3  
CGC: DONT 3V3N TRY TO D3NY 1T  
FUTURE cuttlefishCuller [FCC] 1 MINUTE FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCC: Alrig)(t, T)(AT'S --------ENOUG)(!!!!!!!!!  
FCC: SOLLUX!!!!!!! >38(  
FTA: okay, okay, ii'm goiing!  
FTA: ii ju2t wanted two wii2h aa a good tiime, that'2 all.  
CAA: thanks sollux :)  
CAA: and you have fun with your thing with feferi  
FTA: riight, thank2.  
FTA: and don't let vk kiill you.  
CAG: Sollux, pleeeeeeeease, give me a little credit here.  
CAG: I'm not going to kill your girlfriend.  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 4T L34ST NOT P3RM4N3NTLY  
CAT: wHAT,  
CAG: Right, what Terezi said.  
CAG: Anyway, she's way more fun when she's alive.  
CAG: Wouldn't you agree, Aradia? >:::;)  
CGC: WH4T  
CAA: ugh its nothing  
CAA: shes just being weird just ignore her  
FCC: Okay, GR--EAT!  
FCC: You said w)(at you needed to say!  
FCC: Now G--ET OFF T)(IS M--EMO AND L--ET'S GO!!!  
FTA: alriight, alriight!  
FTA: there'2 no need for you two be 2o bo22y, mii22 bo22yfiin2.  
FCC: O)(, I guess you're RIG)(T!  
FCC: It's not like it's a LIF--E OR D--EATH SITUATION or anyt)(ing!!!  
FCC: O)( WAIT T)(AT'S --EXACTLY W)(AT IT IS!!!! >38i  
CAA: actually  
CAA: wouldnt it be a life and death situation  
FCC: )(a)(a, I guess so!  
FCC: So let's GO ALR----EADY!!!  
FTA: fiine, ii'm done.  
FTA: have fun, all y'all.  
CAA: bye sollux <3  
FTA: <3  
FTA ceased responding to memo.  
FCC: Okay t)(en!  
FCC: Bye, everyone!! 38)  
FCC ceased responding to memo.  
CAA: oh just in time  
CAA: im here!  
CAG: Ooooooooh, nice outfit, Megido.  
CAA: thanks  
CAG: Wish I had the figure to pull a miniskirt off.  
CAG: Unfortun8tely, my legs are so long, if I tried one on, I'd pro8a8ly end up looking like a mutant pink lawnfowl.  
FGA: Its Nothing To Be Embarrassed About Vriska  
FGA: Really There Are Plenty Of Styles Suited To Your Figure  
CAG: Yeah, I know that, 8ut still.  
CAG: Anyway, Megido, it looks gooooooood on you.  
CAA: um  
CAA: right thank you  
CGC: VR1SK4  
CGC: 4R3 YOU FL1RT1NG W1TH MY MO1R41L  
CAG: Of course not!!!!!!!!  
CGC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 4BOUT TH4T?  
CGC: B3C4US3 TH3S3 F4SH1ON 4PPR41S4LS S33M 4WFULLY CONSP1CUOUS  
CAG: Okay fine, may8e I was just a little, so what!  
CGC: YOUR K1SM3S1S W4S L1T3R4LLY JUST POST1NG H3R3 T3N S3CONDS 4GO  
CGC: YOU R34L1Z3 H3S PROB4BLY ST1LL R34D1NG TH1S M3MO 1F NOTH1NG 3LS3, R1GHT?  
CAG: Maaaaaaaan, whatever, it's just a little harmless fun!  
CAG: I'm just keeping my options open in case Captor chickens out and decides I'm too much troll for him to handle.  
CAA: wow seriously  
CAA: you cement your kismesissitude with my boyfriend by horribly maiming him and youre still trying to play the field  
CAG: Are you honestly still sore a8out that????????  
CAA: you blew up his eyes vriska!  
CAG: That was his fault!!!!!!!!  
CAA: ugh  
CAG: Anyway, if you're implying I'm some two-timing hussy, you've got another thing coming.  
CAG: I've got a8solutely no intention of going 8ehind Sollux's 8ack for some illicit 8lack affair.  
CAG: Surely you of all people can attest to that, Araaaaaaaadia?  
CGC: >:?  
CGC: WH4TS TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N  
CAA: it doesnt mean anything!  
CAA: anyway whatever vriska im not interested  
CAA: so keep your little comments to yourself  
CAG: God, fine!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Jegus, try to pay a girl a harmless little compliment, and she 8ites your fucking head off.  
CAA: whatever  
CAA: but anyway yes the outfit is wonderful  
FGA: Well Im Glad Its To Your Satisfaction  
CAA: oh! yes of course  
CAA: thanks for making it for me kanaya  
FGA: It Was My Pleasure Really  
FGA: Im Just Glad I Finally Got The Opportunity To Make Something With A Skirt For Once In Entirely Too Long  
FGA: Its A Little Disappointing That It Took Raising The Dead To Garner That Kind Of Demand But I Suppose I Shouldnt Be Complaining  
CAA: haha  
FGA: Is The Outfit Sufficiently Loyal To The Source Material  
FGA: Ill Admit I Havent Really Watched Any Of The Series Of Movies Wherein Troll Harrison Ford Portrays A Dashing Adventurer Archaeologist Who Topples Sacred Urns Defiles Hallowed Tombs And Desecrates Mystic Ruins While Simultaneously Gruesomely Murdering Multiple Unsavory Characters All In The Name Of Discovery And Also Profit But Mostly Discovery  
FGA: So I Could Only Really Go By The Posters  
CAA: its fine really  
CAA: honestly you probably paid more attention to the particulars of the costume than the wardrobe designers for the movies did  
CAA: and anyway trolliana jones never wore a skirt in the first place so its not like accuracy matters that much  
CAT: oH,  
CAT: yOU'RE DRESSED UP AS tROLL1ANA jONES, hUH,  
CAA: of course!  
CAA: why do you think i picked tomb scrabbler for my class in the first place?  
CAG: Yeah, well, as gr8 as your costume may 8e, there's no way it's gonna 8eat what Tavros is wearing.  
CAG: It's totally 8adass, trust me.  
CAA: oh really  
CAA: tavros does this mean youre not going to be wearing that adorable pupa pan outfit you always used to flarp in?  
CAT: hAHAHA, oH NO,  
CAT: lET'S JUST SAY THAT MY flarp1NG LOOK HAS GOTTEN A,  
CAT: mUCH-NEEDED UPDATE,  
CAA: aw thats too bad  
CAA: the old outfit was cute  
CAA: i liked the color  
CAT: yEAH, 1'M,  
CAT: nOT REALLY GO1NG FOR "cUTE" ANYMORE,  
CAG: Yeah, "8adass" is a muuuuuuuuch 8etter look for you.  
CGC: WH4T 1S TH1S N3W COSTUM3, 3X4CTLY?  
CAG: Just w8 until he gets there.  
CAG: Speaking of which, Tavros, what's your ETA?  
CAT: 1'M COM1NG UP ON THE ENTRANCE JUST NOW,  
CAT: aAAAND,  
CAT: tHE f1RST pROPHET HAS ARR1VED, }:D  
CAA: oh  
CAA: wow!  
CAA: tavros you look great!  
CAT: hAHA, yES,  
CAT: dO YOU L1KE WHAT YOU SEE,  
CAA: i do!  
CAA: thats a really good look for you  
CGC: T4VROS YOUR H41R SM3LLS WOND3RFUL  
CGC: 1S TH4T MOH4WK DY3?  
CAT: aH, yES, 1,  
CAT: dEC1DED TO GO ALL-OUT W1TH THE EMULAT1ON,  
CAT: 1 FIGURED YOUR VAR1OUS OLFACTORY ORGANS 1N AGGREGATE WOULD APPREC1ATE 1T,  
CGC: W3LL MY 3Y3S 4PPR3C14T3 1T TOO  
CAT: uH,  
CAT: dO THEY,  
CAT: wORK NOW,  
CGC: Y3S >:]  
CAT: wELL,  
CAT: cOOL!  
CAT: wHEN D1D THAT HAPPEN,  
CAA: just the other day  
CAA: it took a little arm twisting but i convinced her to ascend  
CAT: oH,  
CAT: wELL, tHAT'S FANTAST1C,  
CAT: 1'M GLAD YOU DEC1DED YOU WANTED YOUR V1S1ON BACK, tEREZ1,  
CGC: Y34H TH4NKS  
CAT: sO 1 GUESS, nOW,  
CAT: aLL OF US ARE AL1VE AND AMBULATORY AGA1N,  
CAT: aND EACH 1N POSSESS1ON OF A FULL SET OF WORK1NG EYES, aND L1MBS,  
CAT: sO EVERYTH1NG 1S,  
CAT: cOPACET1C, mAYBE?  
CAA: maybe  
CGC: W3LL S33  
CAT: oH, wELL,  
CAT: 1 AM,  
CAT: sL1GHTLY LESS HAPPY TO HEAR THAT,  
CAG: Tavros, it's fine, don't worry a8out it.  
CAT: wELL, oKAY,  
CAT: bUT ANYWAY, aRAD1A,  
CAT: yOU, uH, lOOK REALLY N1CE 1N THAT OUTF1T, tOO,  
CAA: well thank you tavros  
CAT: 1 ESPEC1ALLY L1KE THE HAT,  
CAT: aND THE WAY YOUR HORNS ST1CK OUT OF THE HOLES,  
CAT: 1T'S CUTE,  
CAA: yeah i thought so too!  
CAA: i guess we both look pretty good together huh  
CAT: uH, yEAH,  
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 13 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PTC: Hey Tavbro!  
CAT: eR,  
CAT: gAMZEE, hEY,  
PTC: Just wanted to all tell up at you what your outfit looks motherfuckin righteous, brother.  
PTC: A vestment truly fit for a Verbal Messiah.  
PTC: Which ain't to say that you are that particular entity, but just a remark all qualifyin to the quality of that slick motherfuckin garment you're sportin.  
CAT: hAHA, nO, 1 UNDERSTAND,  
CAT: aNYWAY, tHANK YOU,  
PTC: Ain't no thing, bro.  
PTC: Anyway, just wanted to wish you two all the motherfuckin best what's up at this game you're all up and playin on tonight.  
CAA: thanks gamzee  
CAA: you know i never got the chance to congratulate you two on hooking up  
CAA: im really happy for you guys  
PTC: Well, shit, much obliged.  
PTC: Same at you what's for gettin all up with your own man.  
PTC: You get that pie I sent you?  
CAA: yeah we did  
CAA: thanks for that it was really good  
CAA: i was skeptical that a pie could conceivably contain both cherries and blueberries but you pulled it off  
CAG: Yeah, who would've thought red and 8lue went so well together?  
CAA: vriska shut up  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
PTC: No need to thank me, sis, just happy for a chance to ply to my motherfuckin trade is what's all.  
PTC: Anyway, y'all brothers and sisters is probably all geared up what to get your motherfuckin game on, so I'll stop distractin at you and let you have up on your fun.  
PTC: But none of you motherfuckers get hurt, alright?  
CGC: OH DONT WORRY  
CGC: 1 H4V3 1T ON GOOD 4UTHOR1TY TH4T BOTH OF OUR PL4Y3RS W1LL B3 W4LK1NG 4W4Y FROM TH1S 3XP3R13NC3 V3RY MUCH 4L1V3  
CAT: yEAH, dON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT US, gAMZEE,  
CAT: wE'LL TROUNCE SOME MONSTERS AND BE DONE 1N T1ME FOR D1NNER,  
CGC: MY GOODN3SS  
CGC: SUCH HUBR1S, M1ST3R N1TR4M  
CAT: 1F BY "hUBR1S" YOU MEAN "cONF1DENCE,"  
CAT: tHEN YES, bY ALL MEANS, 1 AM UP TO MY HORNS 1N HUBR1S,  
CGC: 1 C4N S33 TH4T  
CGC: w3LL 1 GU3SS W3LL JUST S33 HOW F4R YOUR PR3C1OUS CONF1D3NC3 G3TS YOU  
PTC: Yeah, and once you're all done on that shit, you can come on up to my hive and secure yourself some proper motherfuckin R&R.  
CAT: oNLY 1F r&r STANDS FOR RHYMES AND R1BALDRY,  
CAT: };)  
PTC: Hahahaha, fuck yeah, bro! 0:D  
FAC: :33 < wait  
FAC: :33 < whats the zero in that smiley suppawsed to be?  
PTC: Oh, uh, that's a beret.  
PTC: All like that one brother Thud Butt wore on that one movie what where Troll Robin Williams up and played a legislacerator what used to be Pupa Pan but forgot until he...  
PTC: Fuck, I forgot the rest.  
PTC: But it's a holy vestment sacred to my religion.  
FAC: :33 < um  
PAC: :33 < okay great!  
PTC: Anyway, flow be with all of you.  
CAT: r1GHT BACK AT YOU, bRO,  
CAT: aND BANGARANG, tHUD bUTT,  
PTC: Bangarang, Rufio!  
PTC: <3  
CAT: <3  
PTC ceased responding to memo.  
CAA: haha  
CAA: you guys are so cute together  
CAT: "cUTE,"  
CAT: wHAT DO YOU MEAN, "cUTE,"  
CAA: um  
CAA: i dont know i  
CAT: 1 JUST SA1D 1 DON'T DO "cUTE" ANYMORE,  
CAA: thats not what i meant!  
CAA: i was just saying the two of you together make a cute couple  
CAA: honestly tavros calm down  
CAT: 1,  
CAT: yEAH, oKAY, sORRY,  
CAG: Okay, you guys done now?  
CAG: Can we get this game started already????????  
CAA: yes yes im ready  
CAT: yEAH, lET'S DO TH1S ALREADY,  
CGC: GR34T!  
CGC: TH3N PUT YOUR H34DS3TS ON 4ND STOW 4NY OTH3R D3V1C3S 4W4Y  
CGC: B3C4US3 FROM TH1S PO1NT ON, OUTS1D3 1NT3RV3NT1ON 1S STR1CTLY FORB1DD3N UNL3SS W3 F33L L1K3 P3RM1TT1NG 1T  
CAG: Yes, that's right!  
CAG: So the only other voices you'll 8e hearing will 8e our own. >::::)  
CAA: oh great  
CAA: sounds like a blast  
CAG: Yeah, I'm a8solutely thrilled a8out it too.  
CGC: W3LL 1F YOU COULD BOTH CONT41N YOUR 3NTHUS14SM FOR 4 MOM3NT  
CGC: 1M 4BOUT TO G3T TH1S C4MP41GN ST4RT3D  
CAA: ok fine go ahead  
CGC: R1GHT TH3N  
CGC: 4R4D14, T4VROS  
CGC: 1 HOP3 TH3 TWO OF YOU H4V3 PR3P4R3D YOURS3LV3S W3LL FOR TON1GHT  
CGC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 4BOUT TO ST3P 1NTO 4 WORLD OF 4BSOLUT3 T3RROR  
CGC: W1TH1N TH3 W4LLS OF TH1S 4NC13NT RU1N YOU W1LL F4C3 TH3 MOST D14BOL1C4L 4RR4Y OF D3V1OUS TR4PS, DR4CON14N PUZZL3S, 4ND B34STS F3LL 4ND T3RR1BL3 3V3R 4SS3MBL3D  
CGC: BUT YOUR SK1LLS W1LL NOT B3 TH3 ONLY TH1NGS B31NG PUSH3D TO TH3 L1M1T  
CGC: FOR TH3 TWO OF YOU W1LL B3 FORC3D TO F1GHT 4T TH3 4BSOLUT3 P34K OF YOUR 4B1L1T13S 1F YOU W1SH TO SURV1V3  
CGC: 4ND SHOULD YOU F41L TO DO SO  
CGC: 4ND LOS3 YOUR L1F3 TO TH3 HORRORS W1TH1N  
CAG: Which you pro8a8ly will.  
CAG: Like, more than once.  
CGC: VR1SK4  
CAG: I'm just saying!  
CGC: Y3S W3LL 4NYW4Y  
CGC: SHOULD YOU F1ND YOUR STR3NGTH L4CK1NG 4ND P3R1SH UND3R TH3 BL4D3S OF THE UNRULY T3RRORS DW3LL1NG W1TH1N TH1S PL4C3  
CGC: YOU W1LL ONLY H4V3 34CH OTH3R TO BL4M3  
CAG: Yes, that's right!  
CAG: So 8oth of you do your 8est!  
CAG: 8ecause if you aren't the most valua8le player on your team, then simply 8y definition, you'll 8e the least.  
CAG: And should either of you let your incompetence drag you 8oth down, then your f8 is already sealed.  
CGC: SO G3T R34DY TO F4C3 4 FL4RP1NG CH4LL3NG3 UNL1K3 4NY 3V3R CONC31V3D  
CGC: PR3P4R3 FOR 4CT1ON  
CGC: PR3P4R3 FOR 1NTR1GU3  
CGC: PR3P4R3 FOR P3R1L  
CAG: And perhaps most importantly of all........  
CAG: Prepare to die.  
CAG: A lot.  
CGC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 4BOUT TO T4K3 BUT TH3 F1RST ST3P OF M4NY ON  
CGC: TH3 RO4D TO TH3 UNDO1NG >:]  
CAA: :D!!  
CAT: rOAD TO THE UNDO1NG,  
CAT: 1S THAT THE T1TL3 OF THE ADVENTURE OR SOMETH1NG,  
CGC: Y3S  
CAT: hAHAHAHA, tHAT'S A STUP1D NAME,  
CAA: what!  
CAA: its not that bad  
CAT: nO, 1T K1ND OF 1S,  
CAT: 1T SOUNDS L1KE A BAD TH1RD-PARTY flarp MODULE,  
CAG: Yeah, it sounds pretty goth.  
CAA: well maybe thats exactly the type of game i want to play!  
CGC: GUYS TH3 N4M3 1S T3RR1BL3 ON PURPOS3  
CGC: 1TS 1RON1C  
CAA: i still think its a good name  
CGC: OH, OF COURS3 YOU WOULD  
CAT: yEAH, aNYWAY,  
CAT: cAN WE CONT1NUE,  
CGC: OF COURS3!  
CGC: PROC33D 1NTO TH3 4NT3CH4MB3R OF TH1S F1N3 STRUCTUR3  
CGC: 1T W1LL B3 TH3 F1RST CH3CKPO1NT OF M4NY  
CAG: Get used to seeing this room.  
CAG: 8ecause you're pro8a8ly going to wind up coming 8ack here again and again.  
CAT: uH, rEALLY,  
CAT: wHY WOULD WE COME BACK HERE,  
CAT: tHERE'S JUST A DOOR GO1NG FORWARD AND THE DOOR BACK OUT,  
CAG: Oh, no, it's not a hu8 or anything like that.  
CAG: It's just that until you get to the next checkpoint, this is where you'll respawn whenever you die.  
CAT: uH,  
CAT: yOU MEAN L1KE,  
CAT: tHE V1DEO-GAMEY K1ND OF DY1NG, r1GHT,  
CAG: No, I mean if you actually die. For realsies.  
CAG: Which, 8eing perfectly honest, you pro8a8ly will at least once.  
FGA: What  
FGA: Vriska You Failed To Inform Me That This Event Was Going To Involve Any Sort Of Actual Mortality Being At Stake  
CAG: Look, it's not like any8ody's gonna die permanently!!!!!!!!  
CGC: Y34H, W3 V3TT3D TH1S 4LL W1TH SOLLUX B3FOR3H4ND  
CGC: 4ND TH3R3S NOTH1NG H3RO1C OR JUST 4BOUT B31NG HORR1BLY MURD3R3D BY 4 HOLOGR4PH1C MONST3R FROM 4 STUP1D ROL3PL4Y1NG G4M3  
CGC: 4ND 3V3N 1F TH3R3 W3R3, H3 PROB4BLY COULD H4V3 DON3 SOM3 SORT OF DOOMY TH1NG TO STOP 1T  
FGA: Seriously  
FGA: He Can Do That  
CGC: 1 TH1NK SO  
CGC: 4R4D14, 4M 1 R1GHT 4BOUT TH1S?  
CAA: yeah pretty much  
CAA: he is a god after all  
FGA: Well  
FGA: Then I Suppose Theres No Real Issue  
FGA: Though I Have To Say That Using His Powers For The Purposes Of Conducting A Televised Blood Sport Seems Awfully Frivolous  
FAC: :33 < yeah, it s33ms a little extreme  
FAC: :33 < im not sure if i want to flarp with you guys anymore  
CCA: yeah it figures you wwouldnt be up to it  
FAC: :33 < beclaws im not god tier idiot!  
FAC: :33 < sorry if i dont f33l like purrmanently dying ofur a silly roleplaying game!  
CCA: psh wwhatevver  
CCA: all i hear is excuses  
FAC: :33 < well maybe youd like to hear my claws in your stupid face instead!!!  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CAT: hEY, uH,  
CAT: 1 HATE TO 1NTERRUPT WHATEVER AMUS1NG CONVERSAT1ON YOU GUYS MAY OR MAY NOT BE HAV1NG,  
CAT: bUT 1S THERE ANY WAY WE COULD GET TH1S SHOW ON THE ROAD, mAYBE,  
CAT: tH1S DUNGEON 1SN'T GO1NG TO CLEAR 1TSELF OUT,  
CAA: wow  
CAA: eager to get started are we  
CAT: wELL, yEAH,  
CAT: 1 NEVER REALLY TOOK flarp1NG SER1OUSLY BEFORE,  
CAT: bUT NOW 1'M READY TO BUST SOME HEADS 1N,  
CAA: hmm  
CAA: well dont get ahead of yourself  
CAA: weve apparently got quite a challenge ahead of us so try to be careful  
CAT: pSH,  
CAT: 1 CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF,  
CAT: yOU WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN H1DE,  
CAA: yes of course  
CAG: Alright, alright, let's get this thing on already.  
CGC: H3Y W41T 4 M1NUT3  
CGC: TH3R3S ST1LL ON3 TH1NG W3 N33D TO GO OV3R  
CAT: uGH, sER1OUSLY,  
CGC: 1TS JUST ON3 L1TTL3 R3M1ND3R!!  
CAA: well what is it  
CGC: OH 1TS 4 FUN ON3  
CGC: W3LL B3 PL4Y1NG W1TH TH3 OLD T34M SCOURG3 HOUS3 RUL3 1N 3FF3CT  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, oh man, the house rule!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I remem8er this, it's hilarious.  
CAT: wHAT'S THE HOUSE RULE AGA1N,  
CAG: Well, you know all the "roleplaying experience" the rules always suggest clouders are supposed to dole out?  
CAG: We only grant that on an individual 8asis when you insult your teamm8.  
CGC: 4ND ONLY 1F 1TS 4 R34LLY GOOD BURN TOO  
CGC: NO H4LF4SS1NG 1T TO G4M3 TH3 SYST3M  
CAA: what  
CAA: thats stupid  
CGC: 1TS NOT STUP1D, 1TS H1L4R1OUS  
CCA: yeah it kind of is  
CAG: Seriously, it's FLARPing!  
CAG: The trash talk is like half the fun!  
CAA: no this is lame  
CAA: why would you even implement a rule like that  
CAT: yEAH, gUYS, 1T 1SN'T REALLY FA1R,  
CAT: aRAD1A 1SN'T NEARLY CLEVER ENOUGH TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF 1T,  
CAA: what!  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, nice!!!!!!!!  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CGC: 4ND F1RST BLOOD GO3S TO T4VROS  
CAA: ugh  
CAA: tavros dont encourage them  
CAA: this is all just a stupid ruse to make us fight with each other for their own amusement  
CAT: 1T'S NOT JUST THAT,  
CAT: tHERE'S ALSO TANG1BLE 1N-GAME REWARDS 1NVOLVED,  
CAA: oh so what  
CAA: its just one extra experience point big deal  
CAT: 1T 1S K1ND OF A B1G DEAL,  
CAT: tHEY ADD UP AFTER A WH1LE, yOU KNOW,  
CAT: aND ANYWAY, yOU K1ND OF NEED ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET,  
CAT: s1NCE YOU'RE COMPLETELY TERR1BLE AT flarp1NG AND ALL,  
CAA: hey!  
CGC: H4H4H4H4  
CGC: 4ND 4NOTH3R PO1NT TO N1TR4M  
CAG: Keep it up, Tavros, you're doing gr8!  
CAT: hAHA, oF COURSE,  
CAA: oh yes just keep following vriskas lead tavros  
CAA: follow it straight off a cliff!  
CGC: >:O  
CAG: Whoa, Aradia with the fucking haym8ker!!!!!!!!  
CAG: That was good, I'm giving you two points for that one.  
CAA: ok that was actually really mean  
CAA: sorry tavros  
CGC: H3Y!  
CGC: NO 4POLOG1Z1NG!  
CGC: 1F YOU 4POLOG1Z3 YOU DONT G3T TO K33P TH3 PO1NTS  
CGC: TH1S 1S YOUR ONLY W4RN1NG  
CAG: Yeah, no 8acking down, Megido.  
CAA: ugh  
CAA: ok fine  
CAA: i guess im not actually sorry  
CAT: wELL, 1F 1T'S ANY CONSOLAT1ON,  
CAT: yOUR APOLOGY WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED ANYWAY,  
CAA: whatever  
CAA: can we please just start the adventure now  
CGC: BY 4LL M34NS, GO 4H34D  
CGC: TH3 N3XT CH4MB3R 4W41TS  
CAA: ok then  
CAT: aBOUT T1ME,  
CAT: wHAT DO WE HAVE TO DEAL W1TH 1N HERE,  
CAG: Wellllllll, it just so happens that this room is host to a few mem8ers of........  
CAG: The heinous 8roods of the undead!!!!!!!!  
CAA: oh no!  
CAT: oH, lOOK, sOME SKELETONS,  
CAT: tHESE GUYS A1N'T SH1T,  
CAT: jUST SOME TYP1CAL LOW-LEVEL CANNON FODDER,  
FGA: Tavros Youd Do Well Not To Underestimate The Fleshless Sunbleached Ranks Of The Unliving  
FGA: Although Quite Weak Individually They Can Be Devastating In Groups  
CGC: (H3 C4NT H34R YOU K4N4Y4)  
CGC: (TH3Y C4N ONLY H34R M3 4ND VR1SK4, R3M3MB3R?)  
FGA: Oh Right  
CGC: (BUT SH4M3 ON YOU FOR TRY1NG TO H3LP TH3M 4NYW4Y)  
CGC: (DONT YOU W4NT TO S33 TH3M SUFF3R HORR1BLY FOR YOUR OWN 4MUS3M3NT?)  
FGA: I Dont Particularly Relish In Watching Trolls Lose Their Lives In The Course Of Violent Conflict  
CAG: (Then you picked the wroooooooong thing to watch.)  
FGA: Im Beginning To Realize That  
CCA: hahahaha  
CAA: tavros be careful it could be a trap  
CAA: there might be more skeletons waiting to ambush us or something  
CAT: pSH, wHATEVER,  
CAT: mORE MEAT FOR THE GR1NDER,  
CAT: oR, uH,  
CAT: bONES, 1 GUESS,  
CAT: cOME ON, lET'S DO TH1S,  
CAA: tavros wait!  
CAT: wELCOME TO THE PARTY, mOTHERFUCKERS!!!  
CAA: oh god  
FAC: :33 < this  
FAC: :33 < this isnt going to end well, is it?  
CGC: Y34H, H3S PR3TTY MUCH FUCK3D  
CAT: wHAT,  
CAT: gOD DAMN, tHERE ARE SKELETONS EVERYWHERE,  
CAT: wHY ARE THEY EVERYWHERE, fUCK,  
FGA: Oh My God  
FGA: That Is An Absolutely Preposterous Amount Of Skeletons  
CAG: Well, yeah, 8ecause he went and aggroed them all at once!!!!!!!!  
CAA: tavros i told you it was a trap!  
CAT: yEAH, 1 TH1NK TH1S WAS A BAD 1DERLEKJREGHDDHFGHJ,  
CAT: aCKBRGH, mY LEGS,  
CAA: tavros!!!  
FAC: :33 < :OO  
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTC: What the fuck????  
CTC: Just what the mother fuck is goin down here???  
CAG: Gamzee, calm down, he's fine!  
CTC: Well, he sure as shit doesn't look motherfuckin fine!  
CAG: Okay, yeah, he's almost certainly dead right now.  
CGC: NOT QU1T3 Y3T  
CAT: hRRK,  
CGC: OK4Y Y34H NOW H3S D34D  
CTC: D:0  
CAG: 8ut he'll get 8etter!!!!!!!!  
CAG: We'll just have a few flapstractions whisk the 8oth of them 8ack to the last checkpoint and w8 for him to revive.  
CAA: both of us?  
CAG: Unless you wanted to face all those skeletons 8y yourself!!!!!!!!  
CAA: yeah no thanks  
CGC: 3V3N 1F YOU D1D, 1T WOULDNT B3 4N OPT1ON  
CGC: 1F 31TH3R ON3 OF YOU D13S, 1TS B4CK TO ST4RT  
CGC: C4NT H4V3 YOU CH33S1NG TH3 SYST3M W1TH YOUR 1MMORT4L1TY  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, OFF YOU GO  
CAA: whoa ok  
CTC: I think one of you motherfuckers could've all up and warned me what blood was gonna get shed over the course of this shit.  
CAG: We shouldn't have to, it's FLARP!  
CAG: People die all the time when they're playing this.  
CAG: If these two weren't immortal, we miiiiiiiight 8e willing to 8r8k tradition, 8ut we've 8een given a rare opportunity here, and Terezi and I intend to a8use it to its fullest.  
CGC: Y3S 3X4CTLY  
CGC: WH4TS TH3 PO1NT OF B31NG 4BL3 TO COM3 B4CK TO L1F3 1F YOU C4NT 3XPLO1T 1T FOR TH3 PURPOS3S OF L1F3-THR34T3N1NG 3XTR3M3 ROL3PL4Y1NG?  
CGC: 1 D4R3S4Y TH3R3 WOULDNT B3 4 PO1NT 4T 4LL!  
CTC: Now, you're motherfuckin sure he's comin back up?  
CGC: 1M POS1T1V3  
CGC: 4R4D14, H3S R3V1V1NG, R1GHT?  
CAA: yeah he is  
CAA: his wounds are closing up already  
CTC: Well...  
CTC: Alright, go ahead and keep on your motherfuckin murdergame.  
CTC: So long like nobody ain't permanently deceased, I guess I can't object around it too much.  
CTC: Not sure how much I can up and stomach watchin if this brother and sister are all gonna keel under as much like you're makin it out what they will.  
CCA: dont wworry too much about it gam  
CCA: wwhile the road to the undoin isnt merciful by any means at the same time it isnt really cruel either  
CCA: hubris is the greatest enemy here  
CCA: an as long as these twwo dont blunder into evvery encounter like a pair a strung out cavvalreapers they shouldnt be horribly mangled too much  
CGC: PR3C1S3LY  
CGC: 1M SUR3 N31TH3R OF TH3M 1S L1K3LY TO R3P34T 4 M1ST4K3 L1K3 TH1S 4NY T1M3 SOON  
CAA: i didnt make a mistake!  
CAG: You let Tavros go ahead and get himself killed, didn't you????????  
CAG: Seems like a pretty 8ig mist8ke to me!!!!!!!!  
CAA: ok wow  
CAA: vriska youre the last person who should be talking to me about this  
CAG: Aradia, Tavros is my moirail, and you totally just left him to his amusingly gruesome f8.  
CAG: That is soooooooo not cool.  
CAA: its your fault he died in the first place!  
CGC: H3Y W41T 4 M1NUT3  
CGC: 1TS M1N3 4ND VR1SK4S F4ULT BOTH  
CGC: G1V3 CR3D1T WH3R3 CR3D1T 1S DU3, 4R4D14  
CAA: whatever  
CAT: uGH,  
CAA: tavros!  
CAT: yEAH, 1'M AL1VE,  
CAA: are you ok?  
CAA: can you get up?  
CAT: yES, yES, 1'M F1NE,  
CAT: hANG ON,  
CAA: maybe you shouldnt strain yourself  
CAT: lOOK, wOULD YOU JUST BACK OFF,  
CAT: 1 TOLD YOU, 1 CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF,  
CAA: oh really?  
CAA: well id say those skeletons are the only ones who took care of you!  
CGC: H4H4H4, N1C3  
CGC: TH4TS GOT TO B3 WORTH 4 PO1NT  
CAG: Yeah, I'll allow it.  
CAT: uGH,  
CAT: oKAY, yEAH, 1 GOT THAT,  
CAT: dON'T UNDEREST1MATE THE SKELETONS,  
CAT: 1MPORTANT SAFETY T1P,  
CAA: i warned you about the skeletons tavros  
CAA: maybe you shouldve listened  
CAT: yEAH, wELL,  
CAT: mABYE YOU SHOULD'VE TR1ED TO HELP,  
CAA: what  
CAT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG,  
CAT: aFTER 1 WADED 1NTO THAT MASS1VE P1LE OF UNDEAD MONSTROS1T1ES, yOU D1DN'T L1FT A F1NGER TO HELP ME,  
CAT: yOU JUST SORT OF SAT 1DLY BY WH1LE 1 WAS HORR1BLY CR1PPLED,  
CAT: bUT THEN, 1 GUESS TH1S 1SN'T EVEN THE F1RST T1ME YOU'VE DONE THAT,  
CAA: what!!  
CGC: >8O  
CAG: Whoa, Tavros, easy now!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I admire your enthusiasm, don't get me wrong, 8ut I think you're t8king the 8urn thing a little far.  
CAG: And dishing out a little friendly fire in the process. ::::/  
CGC: Y34H  
CGC: BUT ST1LL, PO1NT TO YOU  
CAT: oKAY, f1NE,  
CAT: dROPP1NG 1T L1KE 1T'S HOT,  
CAA: look can we just  
CAA: continue with the dungeon  
CAA: and maybe not charge into a horde of skeletal warriors like a fucking idiot this time  
CAT: aLR1GHT, aLR1GHT,  
CAT: wE'LL DO TH1NGS THE bor1ng WAY,  
CAA: ok then  
CTC: Okay, I guess this shit checks out.  
CTC: But you're absolutely motherfuckin sure neither of them's gonna get killed off permanent like?  
CGC: W3R3 POS1T1V3  
CGC: DONT WORRY TOO MUCH 4BOUT 1T, G4MZ33  
CGC: JUST 3NJOY TH3 SHOW  
CAT: wA1T, wHAT,  
CAT: yOU GUYS ARE TALK1NG TO gAMZEE,  
CGC: Y3P  
CGC: H3S T3LL1NG US HOW 4SH4M3D H3 1S OF YOUR P1T1FUL P3RFORM4NC3  
CAT: uH,  
CTC: What??  
CAG: That's not what he's saying!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Ignore her, Tavros, she's just trying to mess with you.  
CAG: I'm the one you should trust!  
CAT: wELL, oF COURSE 1 TRUST YOU, vR1SKA,  
CAT: wE'RE MO1RA1LS, aFTER ALL,  
CAT: <>  
CAG: Yeah, exactly!  
CAG: <>  
CAG: You can't see it, 8ut I'm totally doing the hand sym8ol thing too.  
CAA: eugh  
CGC: SOM3TH1NG WRONG, 4R4D14?  
CAA: no its nothing  
CAA: im just going to be violently ill is all  
CAG: Is it something you 8?  
CAA: no  
CAA: its more like something i hate  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
CAG: Yeah, well, suck it up.  
CAG: You've got a whole dungeon ahead of you, so t8ke a swig of that Ridgeley phial and get ready to 8ust up some skeletons.  
CAA: yes yes were going  
CAT: hEY, wA1T UP,  
CTC: Alright, I guess they up and got this shit over control, so I'll tune off of here like for now.  
CTC: Got some post-acquisition business to all up and deal within anyhow.  
CTC: Bangarang, y'all.  
CTC ceased responding to memo.  
CAA: ok  
CAA: skeletons  
CAT: tWO SKELETONS,  
CAA: i think weve firmly established by this point that there are more than two skeletons  
CAT: yEAH, 1 KNOW THAT, bUT,  
CAT: wHAT DO WE DO W1TH THESE GUYS,  
CAA: well if we try going over there all the other skeletons will pop up  
CAA: so we have to get them to come over here  
CGC: NOW YOUR3 G3TT1NG 1T  
CGC: YOU H4V3 TO T4K3 4 SLOW 4ND M3THOD1C4L 4PPRO4CH TO 3NCOUNT3RS H3R3 1F YOU W4NT TO H4V3 4NY HOP3 OF SURV1V1NG  
CAT: mAN,  
CAT: yOU D1DN'T TELL ME TH1S WAS GO1NG TO BE SO BOR1NG,  
CGC: OH DONT YOU WORRY T4VROS  
CGC: TH1NGS W1LL G3T PL3NTY H3CT1C L4T3R >:]  
CAA: tavros do you have some kind of ranged attack  
CAA: like a boy skylark thing where you throw some magic pixie dust at somebody or something like that  
CAT: yEAH, g1VE ME A SECOND,  
CAT: oKAY, hERE WE GO,  
CAT: sECOND sTAR TO THE r1GHT,  
CAT: mED1UM RANGE, p1F1TUL DAMAGE, bUT 1NF1N1TE USES,  
CAT: 1'M PRETTY SURE TH1S ATTACK'S ONLY PURPOSE 1S TO P1SS TH1NGS OFF FROM A REASONABLE D1STANCE,  
CAA: you could use it for kiting  
CAA: after all as a boy skylark youre extraordinarily good at running away from most of your problems  
CAT: wHOA, wHAT,  
CAT: eXCUSE ME,  
CAG: Hahahaha, 8urn!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Point, Megido.  
CAA: i didnt mean it like that!  
CGC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 4BOUT TH4T?  
CGC: B3C4US3 1F YOU D1DNT, YOU DONT G3T TO K33P TH3 PO1NT  
CAT: aRAD1A, jUST LET THE RUL1NG STAND,  
CAT: 1F THEY WANT TO COUNT TH1S CRAP AS 1NSULT1NG, lET THEM,  
CAT: 1T'S JUST FREE EXPER1ENCE, aNYWAY,  
CAA: hm  
CAA: yeah i guess youre right  
CAT: aND ANYWAY,  
CAT: tHESE WEAKSAUCE JABS ARE PROBABLY THE BEST YOUR P1F1TUL TH1NK PAN CAN MUSTER,  
CAA: what!  
CAG: And Tavros with the come8ack, fuck yeah!!!!!!!!  
CAG: That's gotta 8e worth two points.  
CGC: HMMM, 1 DONT KNOW  
CGC: JUDG3S?  
CCA: i dont think so  
CCA: i knoww rejoinders tend to be wworth bonus points in an of themselvves but i dont think its incisivve enough to justify it  
FAC: :33 < yeah, i kind of agr33  
FAC: :33 < anyway hes just harping on a purrevious point  
FAC: :33 < so no points fur originality!  
CGC: TH3N 1TS S3TTL3D  
CGC: ON3 PO1NT TO M1ST3R N1TR4M, 4ND TH4TS F1N4L  
CAG: 8oooooooo, lame. >::::(  
CAA: you guys are so terrible  
CAA: all three of you  
CGC: H3Y!  
CGC: 1M ON YOUR S1D3 H3R3 4R4D14  
CGC: 1M UP H3R3 DO1NG MY D4MN3D3ST TO M4K3 SUR3 T4VROS DO3SNT PULL 4H34D OF YOU 1N TH3 3XP3R13NC3 R4C3  
CGC: 4ND YOUR3 R34LLY NOT DO1NG M3 4NY F4VORS W1TH TH1S F41R PL4Y M4G1C4L T34 P4RTY 4TT1TUD3 OF YOURS! >:[  
CAA: its not a competition!  
CAA: were supposed to be cooperating  
CAG: No8ody says you can't do 8oth!  
CAA: whatever this is nonsense  
CAA: youre just trying to get us to fight with each other so we end up sabotaging each others efforts to get through this dungeon  
CGC: M4YB3  
CGC: OR M4YB3 W3R3 TRY1NG TO G3T YOU TWO TO F1GHT W1TH 34CH OTH3R 1N ORD3R TO HON3 YOUR SK1LLS  
CGC: SO TH4T YOUR3 B3TT3R PR3P4R3D FOR TH3 CH4LL3NG3S 4H34D  
CGC: D1D YOU 3V3R CONS1D3R TH4T M1SS M3G1DO?????  
CAA: ok no  
CAA: im not getting into this weird philosophy discussion now  
CAA: tavros just do the thing and pull one of those skeletons over here  
CAT: jUST ONE,  
CAA: yes just one  
CAA: theres no need to take unnecessary risks  
CAT: oH MY GOD,  
CAT: bOOOOOOOOR11111111NG,  
CAA: ok could you please not do that  
CAT: nOT DO WHAT,  
CAA: the thing where you drag out your vowels  
CAA: its annoying  
CAG: Oh reeeeeeeeally?  
CAG: Iiiiiiiis it now, Araaaaaaaadia????????  
CAA: urrrgh  
CAT: hAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,  
CAA: nevermind forget it  
CAA: just do the thing  
CAT: oKAY, hERE GOES,  
CAT: oNE SPOOKY SCARY SKELETON COM1NG UP,  
CAA: ok  
CAA: yeah!  
CAA: take that!  
CAT: wELL, tHAT WAS ANT1CL1MACT1C,  
CAT: cAN 1 PULL THE OTHER ONE NOW,  
CAA: yeah go ahead  
CAT: oKAY,  
CAT: tHERE,  
CAT: tWO CALCAREOUS CRET1NS CLOBBERED,  
CAT: sOOOOOOOO,  
CAT: nOW WHAT,  
CAA: now we slowly advance and aggro and defeat each of the remaining skeletons one at a time  
CAA: obviously  
CAT: wOW,  
CAT: 1T'S K1ND OF AMAZ1NG, aCTUALLY,  
CAT: yOUR AB1L1TY TO SUCK THE FUN OUT OF TH1S SH1T,  
CAT: l1KE SOME K1ND OF LEAV1NGS-HUNGRY RA1NBOW DR1NKER,  
FGA: Hahaha  
CAA: oh shut up  
CAA: as a matter of fact i think this is kind of fun  
CAA: coming up with little survival strategies like this  
CGC: W3LL TH3N YOULL LOV3 SOM3 OF TH3 STUFF COM1NG UP  
CAT: sER1OUSLY,  
CAT: tHERE'S MORE EXC1T1NG ACT1ON L1KE TH1S,  
CGC: TH1S 1S JUST 4 W4RMUP  
CGC: FUTUR3 3NCOUNT3RS 4R3 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 NOV3L  
CGC: YOULL PROB4BLY D13 4 F3W T1M3S ON THOS3  
CAA: well im looking forward to it  
CAT: yOU'RE LOOK1NG FORWARD TO DY1NG,  
CAA: thats not what i meant!  
CAT: nO, 1 TH1NK 1T 1S,  
CAT: l1KE, yOU ACTUALLY GET OFF ON DY1NG, dON'T YOU,  
CAT: 1 GUESS THAT WOULD EXPLA1N WHY YOU BECAME MATESPR1TS W1TH THE GUY WHO K1LLED YOU, hUH,  
CAA: what!!  
CAG: Hahahaha, 8ooya!!!!!!!!  
CGC: T4VROS, HOLY FUCK  
CGC: YOU 4R3 JUST R3V3L1NG 1N TH1S BURN TH1NG, 4R3NT YOU  
CAA: ok no this is not cool  
CAA: tavros you can make fun of me as much as you want but leave sollux out of this  
CAG: No, keep m8king fun of him!!!!!!!!  
CAA: vriska fuck off!  
CAG: Why don't you m8ke me, Megido????????  
CAA: maybe i will!  
CGC: OH NO YOU WONT!  
CGC: BOTH OF YOU B4CK TH3 FUCK OFF  
CGC: DO NOT M4K3 M3 4USP1ST1C1Z3 TH3 FUCK OUT OF YOU TWO  
CGC: B3C4US3 1 SW34R 1LL DO 1T  
FGA: Oh Dear  
FGA: Thats Something Of An Indecent Proposal Isnt It  
CGC: B3L13V3 M3, 1 DO NOT W4NT TO G3T 1NTO 4 MULT1-QU4DR4NT CLUST3RFUCK H3R3  
CGC: BUT 1 W1LL 1F 1 H4V3 TO  
CAA: no no dont do that ill stop  
CAA: i shouldnt have risen to vriskas bullshit in the first place  
CAG: Yeah, you shouldn't have.  
CAG: Like, if you're honestly 8lack for me, then I guess I'm flattered???????? 8ut I think it's kind of skeevy to 8e h8flirting with your m8sprit's kismesis.  
CAA: i wasnt fl  
CAA: ugh would you please just fuck off?  
CAT: hEY, dON'T TALK TO HER L1KE THAT,  
CAT: sHE'S ALREADY GOT A K1SMES1S, oKAY,  
CAT: hONESTLY, wAS 1T NOT ENOUGH THAT YOU ASSAULTED HER ON loqam,  
CGC: WH4T  
CAA: i assaulted her  
CAA: is that what she told you we did  
CAT: uH, yES,  
CAT: aRE YOU SUGGEST1NG SOMETH1NG ELSE HAPPENED,  
CAG: Okay let's t8lk a8out something else now!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Anyth8ng else!!!!!!!!  
CAA: haha  
CAA: ok yeah its nothing  
CAT: nO, wA1T, hOLD ON,  
CAT: wHAT HAPPENED,  
CGC: OK4Y C4N W3 T4LK 4BOUT TH1S L4T3R???  
CAT: tEREZ1, 1F SOMETH1NG'S GO1NG ON HERE, 1T CONCERNS US BOTH,  
CGC: Y3S Y3S Y3S 1M W3LL 4W4R3 OF TH4T  
CGC: W3R3 K1ND OF 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 DUNG3ON FULL OF MONST3RS H3R3  
CGC: SO 1TS NOT R34LLY TH3 B3ST T1M3  
CAT: oKAY, f1NE,  
CAG: Yes, please, l8er, we have other things to talk a8out right now that are soooooooo much more important.  
CAG: Namely, all these fucking skeletons!!!!!!!!  
CAT: oH, r1GHT,  
CAT: tHE SKELETONS,  
CAT: lET'S sloooooooowly GET TH1S OVER W1TH,  
CAA: would you rather try doing it the fast way again?  
CAT: lOOK, cAN WE JUST DO TH1S ALREADY,  
CAA: fine  
CAA: you stay there  
CAA: ill just move forward until a skeleton or two pops up  
CAT: sURE,  
CAA: ok  
CAA: here we go!  
CAA: skeletons inbound  
CAT: yES, 1'M SURE F1GHT1NG TWO AT ONCE W1LL BE 1NF1N1TELY MORE D1FF1CULT,  
CAT: oH, lOOK AT THAT, nO 1T WASN'T,  
CAA: look were alive arent we  
CAT: s1NCE WHEN DO YOU CARE ABOUT THAT,  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CAA: ugh  
CAA: tavros do you really have to be such a jerk about this  
CAT: 1'M NOT BE1NG A "jERK,"  
CAT: 1'M BE1NG A COOL, sTRONG, cONF1DENT GUY,  
CAT: aND R1GHT NOW, yOU ARE BE1NG SUBJECTED TO SOMETH1NG CALLED, "gOOD-NATURED R1BB1NG,"  
CAT: bY ME,  
CAA: yeah well youre not doing a very good job of keeping it good-natured  
CGC: SH3 H4S 4 PO1NT T4VROS  
CGC: 1 W4S 3XP3CT1NG TH1NGS TO B3 4C3RB1C  
CGC: BUT YOUR3 CR4NK1NG TH3 V1TR1OL 4LL TH3 W4Y TO TH3 G4STR1C ZON3 H3R3 >:/  
CGC: 1M ST4RT1NG TO WOND3R 1F W3 SHOULD PUT TH3 K1BOSH ON TH3 WHOL3 HOUS3 RUL3 TH1NG FOR TH3 S4K3 OF OUR 4UD13NC3  
CCA: hey wwhat no  
CCA: dont get rid a the house rule its fine  
CGC: 4R3 YOU SUR3?  
CGC: TH1NGS S33M TO B3 3SC4L4T1NG H3R3 F4R F4ST3R TH4N W3 PL4NN3D ON  
FGA: Than You Planned On  
FGA: ?  
CCA: yeah i knoww but just roll wwith it  
CCA: maybe things are goin a little faster than anticipated but evverythingll still wwork out  
CGC: HRM  
CGC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 4BOUT TH1S?  
CCA: positivve  
CCA: just trust me  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 4LR1GHT  
CGC: 1 GU3SS SOM3T1M3S 1TS FOR TH3 B3ST TO 4CC3L3R4T3 TH1NGS 4 L1TTL3  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CCA: hehehehe  
CAG: What the fuck are you two 8a88ling a8out????????  
CAA: i know exactly what theyre talking about  
CAA: i dont even need to hear eridans side of the conversation  
CGC: OH C4N 1T  
CAA: am i wrong?  
CGC: YOUR3 H4LF R1GHT  
CGC: NOW SHUT 1T 4ND G3T B4CK TO TH3 SK3L3TON G3NOC1D3  
CAT: oH BOY, yEAH, lET'S GET R1GHT BACK TO 1T,  
CAT: nOTH1NG MORE EXC1T1NG THAN PULVER1Z1NG A BUNCH OF PATHET1C BAGS OF BONE,  
CAA: yes it is a little tedious  
CAA: maybe we could make it a little more palatable with some pleasant conversation  
CAA: oh wait  
CAT: hEY, lOOK, 1 CAME HERE FOR A GOOD T1ME,  
CAT: aND 1'D BE PERFECTLY W1LL1NG TO ENGAGE YOU 1N A POL1TE D1SCUSS1ON, 1F 1 WERE ACTUALLY HAV1NG ONE,  
CAT: aS 1T 1S, 1'M JUST GETT1NG BORED TO DEATH,  
CAA: more like youre getting gored to death!  
CGC: H4H4H4H4 N1C3!  
CGC: PL34S3 T3LL M3 TH4TS WORTH 4 PO1NT  
CAG: It is, 8ut I'm 8eing generous on account of wordplay.  
CAA: now just shut up and help me kill these skeletons so we can get to the more exciting parts of the adventure  
CAT: oKAY, f1NE, lET'S MAKE TH1S QU1CK,  
CAT: sTEP, sTEP, lANCE,  
CAT: sTEP, sTEP, lANCE,  
CAT: jUST GET 1NTO THE RHYTHM OF 1T,  
CAA: yes thats the spirit  
CAT: nOT A BAD RHYTHM,  
CAT: aLMOST MAKES ME WANT TO START SLAMM1NG,,,  
CAA: what  
CAA: tavros are you about to start rapping  
CAG: Yeah, do it!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Every8ody get up, it's time to slam now!!!!!!!!  
CGC: OH MY GOD NO  
CGC: PL34S3 DO NOT ST4RT R4PP1NG  
CAT: mAN, wHAT,  
CAT: wHY NOT,  
CGC: B3C4US3 1TS T3RR1BL3, TH4TS WHY  
CAG: It's not terri8le, he's good at it!  
CGC: 1 D1DNT M34N H1M SP3C1F1C4LLY!  
CGC: 1 JUST M34NT SL4M PO3TRY 1N G3N3R4L  
CGC: 1TS 4WFUL  
CAT: oH MY GOD,  
CAT: 1 CANNOT bel1eve HOW COMPLETELY OFFENS1VE TH1S 1S TO MY REL1G1ON,  
CGC: 1TS NOT!  
CGC: 1 H4V3 NO PROBL3M W1TH YOUR GOOFY PUP4 P4N R3L1G1ON  
CGC: BUT  
CGC: 3R1D4N 1S 4LW4YS SUBJ3CT1NG M3 TO H1S PO3MS  
CGC: 4ND TH3YR3 SO HORR1BL3 TH3Y JUST K1ND OF SOUR3D M3 ON TH3 WHOL3 G3NR3  
CCA: wwhat  
CCA: ter wwhat the hell since wwhen do you havve a problem wwith my poetry  
CGC: LOOK 1 D1DNT W4NT TO S4Y 4NYTH1NG  
CGC: 1TS NOT TH4T B1G 4 D34L 4NYW4Y, 1TS JUST  
CGC: YOUR3 NOT V3RY GOOD >:/  
CCA: oh come ON  
CCA: they cant possibly be that bad  
CGC: F1N3 1LL 4SK T4VROS!  
CGC: S1NC3 H3S TH3 3XP3RT 4ND 4LL  
CAT: uHH,  
CGC: 3R1D4NS R4PP3D W1TH YOU B3FOR3, R1GHT?  
CGC: HOW FR3SH W3R3 H1S RHYM3S?  
CAT: wELL,  
CAT: 1 MEAN,  
CAT: eVERYBODY HAS TO START SOMEWHERE,  
CGC: SO T3RR1BL3 TH3N  
FAC: :33 < h33 h33!! X33  
CCA: god damn it  
CAT: lOOK, 1 DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO THAT FAR,  
CAT: bUT, 1 MEAN,  
CAT: yEAH, tHEY WEREN'T VERY GOOD,  
CCA: wwell yeah cause i nevver get a chance to fuckin PRACTICE  
CCA: cept wwith him an eq wwhich is a vvery recent thing NEED I REMIND YOU  
CCA: an i cant do it wwith gam cause evvery time wwe try wwe  
FAC: :33 < you what?  
CCA: wwe  
CCA: wwe get really parched an end up just drinkin some faygo  
CCA: i havve a really sensitivve throat you knoww howw it is  
FAC: :33 < what, no you dont!  
FAC: :33 < ive nefur heard you complain about it befur  
FAC: :33 < and i figure it shouldve come up at some point considering you literally nefur stop talking efur!!  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CAG: Damn, too 8ad you and Eridan aren't playing, 8ecause I'd definitely give you a 8onus point for that.  
CCA: ugh wwhatevver  
CCA: just wwhat happens betwween gam an i in the course of a feelins jam isnt anybodys fuckin business but our owwn ok  
CCA: so maybe you should just keep your fuckin snout out of it  
FAC: :33 < yes yes i know  
PAC: :33 < but efurryone is talking about all of these things going on betw33n meowrails  
PAC: :33 < and the whole thing s33ms kind of shady to me!  
CAG: Okay, wow, you guys are getting really off-topic here!!!!!!!!  
CAG: So drop it or I start 8anning people!!!!!!!!  
CGC: 1M 1NCL1N3D TO 4GR33  
CGC: TH1S R34LLY 1SNT TH3 B3ST T1M3 OR PL4C3 FOR TH1S SUBJ3CT  
CAA: what are they talking about  
CGC: 1TS NOTH1NG, DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T  
CAT: aRE THEY TALK1NG ABOUT ALL THESE SKELETONS WE JUST K1LLED,  
CAT: eR, rE-K1LLED, 1 GUESS,  
CAG: No, these losers are talking a8out some other stupid idi8 thing that no8ody cares a8out, just forget a8out them.  
FAC: :33 < what!  
CAT: yEAH, 1 GUESS THAT F1GURES,  
CAT: yOU K1LL A BUNCH OF SKELETONS, aND NOBODY CARES,  
CAT: bUT GET MAULED BY A B1G P1LE OF THEM, aND EVERYBODY'S ALL AUR1CULAR SPONGE CLOTS,  
CGC: Y34H PR3TTY MUCH  
CGC: TH3YR3 JUST H3R3 FOR TH3 BLOODSH3D  
FGA: No Were Not  
CGC: W3LL TH3N JUST WH4T 4R3 YOU H3R3 FOR, M1SS M4RY4M???  
FGA: Im  
FGA: Not Sure Actually  
FGA: I Guess I Just Dont Have Anything Better To Do  
FGA: Everyone Else Seems To Be Occupied With Their Own Business  
FGA: And Loraf Is Still Covered In Water So Theres Not Much For Me To Do By Myself Really  
FGA: I Suppose I Could Always Go To Sleep And Gaze At The Skaian Clouds  
FGA: The Battlefield Is A Wondrous Body  
FGA: Like A Magnificent Mother Grub  
FGA: If Only I Could Be So Grossly Incandescent  
CGC: K4N4Y4  
CGC: YOUR3 R4MBL1NG 4G41N  
FGA: Fuck  
FGA: Sorry  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
CAG: Well, I'm sorry you're so 8ored, Kanaya.  
CAG: Tell you what, I'm in the middle of this FLARPing thing, 8ut once I'm done, how a8out I come over there and 8righten your day up?  
FGA: That Sounds Lovely  
CAG: Gr8! Then it's a d8! <3  
FGA: <3  
CAA: hmph  
CAA: it seems like all kanaya ever does is hang out with you  
CAG: Wow, mind your own 8usiness, Megido!  
CAA: well maybe you should stop thrusting your business out into public all the time!  
CAG: Well, may8e you should shut up!!!!!!!!  
CGC: GUYS, PL34S3  
CAG: Yeah, fine, whatever.  
CAG: 8ut for your information, Aradia, my m8sprit does plenty other than spend quality time with me.  
CAA: like what?  
CAG: Like, um........  
CAG: Well........  
FGA: Tell Her Ive Spent Plenty Of Quality Time With Her Moirail And Nepeta  
CGC: >:O  
FAC: :33 < hey!!!  
CAG: Yeah, she's spent plenty of........  
CAG: W8, what exactly do you mean 8y "quality time????????"  
CGC banned FGA from responding to memo.  
CAG: Hey, what the fuck!!!!!!!!  
CAT: uH,  
CAT: wHAT EXACTLY'S GO1NG ON UP THERE,  
CGC: NOTH1NG!!  
CGC: 3V3RYTH1NGS F1N3 H3R3  
CAA: um  
CAG: Terezi, what the hell, you can't just 8an my m8sprit!!!!!!!  
CAG: I mean, how would you like it if I just 8anned Eridan for no reason????????  
CGC: HMMMM  
CGC: 1D PROB4BLY B3 OK4Y W1TH 1T  
CCA: oh come ON  
CCA: ter wwhat the hell seriously  
FAC: :33 < h33 h33 h33!!!!  
FAC: :33 < yes this is good, i apurrove of this  
CAG: God damn it, Terezi, that was a rhetorical question!!!!!!!!  
CAG: You are a horri8le person, and you should 8e ashamed of yourself.  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3  
CGC: 4NYW4Y, 1 H4D NO CHO1C3  
CGC: K4N4Y4 W4S D4NG3ROUSLY CLOS3 TO V1OL4T1NG H3R OWN CONTR4CT  
CAG: Oh, like I give a shit a8out your stupid contract!  
CAG: I'm un8anning her, and if you 8an her again, I swear to Jegus I will do something 8oth of us are going to regret.  
CGC: F1N3, GO 4H34D  
CAG unbanned FGA from responding to memo.  
CAG: Sorry a8out that, Kanaya.  
CAG: Terezi was just 8eing a horri8le person in every conceiva8le possi8le way, what a surprise.  
CGC: WH4T3V3R >:P  
FGA: Its Fine Really  
FGA: I Was Out Of Line Anyway  
CAG: Oh, 8ullshit.  
CGC: OK4Y TH4TS MOR3 TH4N 3NOUGH D1STR4CT1ONS  
CGC: L3TS G3T B4CK TO TH3 G4M3!  
CAA: yes please  
CAA: weve been staring at this chest that dropped for like three minutes now  
CAA: well three minutes and 3.4976 seconds specifically  
CAT: yOU KNOW, wE COULD'VE OPENED 1T THREE M1NUTES AGO,  
CAT: 1'M NOT REALLY SEE1NG WHY WE HAD TO WA1T,  
CAA: well it could be a trap or something  
CAA: like maybe when we try to open it it turns out to be a monster and it tries to eat us!  
CAG: Nah, it's just a chest.  
CAG: Though that's not a 8ad idea, a crazy chest monster that eats people!  
CAG: Terezi, note that idea for future revisions.  
CGC: NOT3D  
CAT: lOOK, 1F YOU TH1NK 1T'S A TRAP,  
CAT: wHY DON'T YOU USE ONE OF YOUR CLASS SK1LLS TO CHECK,  
CAT: tHAT'S THE WHOLE TH1NG W1TH TOMB SCRABBLERS, 1SN'T 1T,  
CAA: i already did  
CAA: it should be safe  
CAA: but still  
CAA: its an awfully big treasure chest for such a weak group of enemies  
CGC: JUST OP3N 1T 4LR34DY  
CGC: 1TS NOT GO1NG TO 3XPLOD3 OR SOM3TH1NG  
CGC: 4ND 3V3N 1F 1T DO3S 4ND YOU BOTH D13 HORR1BLY YOU 4R3 LOS1NG L1K3 Z3RO PROGR3SS  
CAA: ok ok fine  
CAA: lets just open it  
CAT: aBOUT T1ME,  
CAT: oKAY, lET'S SEE,,,  
CAT: oH,  
CAT: tHERE'S TWO TREASURES 1N HERE,  
CAA: yeah  
CAA: one for each of us  
CAA: thats awfully generous for such an easy encounter  
CGC: 4H, BUT TH3R31N L13S TH3 RUB  
CGC: YOU DO 1N F4CT S33 TWO TR34SUR3S H3R3  
CGC: BUT!  
CGC: YOU C4N ONLY T4K3 ON3  
CAA: what  
CAA: why  
CAG: You said it yourself, Megido, this encounter is worth half that much treasure at 8est.  
CAG: So we're only giving you half!  
CAA: no i mean why even present two treasures in the first place  
CGC: TH4TS P4RT OF TH3 CH4LL3NG3!  
CGC: YOU H4V3 TO D3C1D3 WH1CH TR34SUR3 W1LL B3TT3R S3RV3 YOU 1N TH3 LONG RUN 1N ORD3R TO M4X1M1Z3 YOUR CH4NC3S OF SURV1V4L  
CGC: 1TS 4LL V3RY STR4T3G1C 1 4SSUR3 YOU  
CAA: yes i get that  
CAA: but why make one for me and one for  
CAA: ok i see whats going on here  
CAA: this is just yet another stupid trick to goad the two of us into arguing with each other isnt it  
CGC: H3Y, HOW YOU D3C1D3 WH1CH TR34SUR3 YOU P1CK 1S UP TO YOU TWO  
CGC: YOU COULD 3V4LU4T3 TH3 M3R1TS OF 34CH 4MONG YOURS3LV3S 4ND COM3 TO 4 CONS3NSUS ON WH1CH WOULD CONTRIBUT3 MOR3 TO YOUR SUCC3SS 4S 4 T34M  
CAG: Yeah, you could do that........  
CAG: Oooooooor you could just m8ke it every man for himself and say whoever picks first gets it.  
CAT: oOH, 1 L1KE THE SECOND ONE,  
CAT: lET'S DO THAT,  
CAA: tavros youre not helping  
CAA: in fact you just keep feeding into their stupid little game  
CAT: wHAT GAME,  
CAA: their stupid little scheme to make us fight with each other!  
CAT: hEY, wE DON'T HAVE TO F1GHT OVER 1T,  
CAA: we dont?  
CAT: nOT AT ALL,  
CAT: yOU COULD JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT WH1LE 1 TAKE ALL THE TREASURE,  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah, he has a point!  
CAA: uuugh  
CAA: you guys are so terrible  
CAT: wELL, wHAT DO YOU SUGGEST WE DO,  
CAT: s1NCE APPARENTLY YOU'VE GOT EVERYTH1NG F1GURED OUT HERE,  
CAA: i say we just leave it here  
CAA: dont give them the satisfaction of seeing us bickering  
CAT: wHAT,  
CAT: nO, tHAT'S STUP1D,  
CAT: yOU WANT US TO JUST PASS TH1S TREASURE UP COMPLETELY,  
CAA: its the principle of the thing tavros!  
CAA: if we take one of the treasures were just giving them exactly what they want  
CAT: yEAH, bUT,  
CAT: 1F 1 GET MY TREASURE, tHEN 1'M ALSO G1V1NG MYSELF, eXACTLY WHAT 1 WANT,  
CAT: sO 1T'S, uH, k1ND OF A W1N-W1N?  
CAA: tavros come on  
CAA: you cant just let them manipulate us like this  
CAT: nO, 1 HAVE NO REASON TO L1STEN TO YOU,  
CAT: 1 MEAN, yOU OBV1OUSLY HAVE NO 1NTENT1ON OF TAK1NG YOUR TREASURE,  
CAT: sO R1GHT NOW, mY CHO1CES ARE,  
CAT: gET THE AWESOME PR1ZE 1 WANT,  
CAT: oR JUST WALK AWAY FROM 1T L1KE A COMPLETE CHUMP,  
CAT: sO 1'M K1ND OF FUCK1NG 1NCL1NED TO GO W1TH THE FORMER,  
CAA: tavros!  
CAG: Yeah, you get that treasure!!!!!!!!  
CAT: aWW YEAH,  
CAT: uPGRADE ACQU1RED, }:D  
CAA: tavros what the hell  
CAT: aRAD1A, tHE HELL 1S CLEARLY THESE SWEET NEW K1CKS,  
CAT: tH1S SL1GHT 1NCREASE TO MY JUMP HE1GHT AND AER1AL ATTACK DAMAGE W1LL CLEARLY COME 1N HANDY 1N THE FUTURE,  
CAA: why dont you ever listen to me?  
CAT: bECAUSE, 1F 1 L1STENED TO YOU, wHERE WOULD WE BE,  
CAT: wE'D BE 1N THE EXACT SAME PLACE,  
CAT: oNLY 1 WOULDN'T HAVE A PA1R OF SWEET NEW K1CKS,  
CAT: sO WHAT THE HELL 1S THAT, eVEN,  
CAA: ugh  
CGC: 1N 4LL F41RN3SS 4R4D14  
CGC: YOUR 1D34 W4S COMPL3T3LY T3RR1BL3  
CAA: and just what would you have suggested?  
CGC: 1D H4V3 SUGG3ST3D YOU T4K3 YOUR TR34SUR3!  
CGC: 1TS NOT GO1NG TO DO YOU 4NY GOOD TO JUST 1GNOR3 CRUC14L UPGR4D3S JUST FOR TH3 S4K3 OF ST1CK1NG 1T TO US  
CAA: well maybe you guys should stop making all these stupid rules!  
CGC: OR M4YB3 YOU SHOULD ST4RT PL4Y1NG 4LONG B3FOR3 YOU F4LL B3H1ND!  
CGC: HON3STLY 4R4D14 YOUR3 M4K1NG M3 LOOK B4D  
CGC: 4T TH1S R4T3 YOUR3 N3V3R GO1NG TO C4TCH UP TO T4VROS  
CAA: what do you mean catch up to him  
CAA: this isnt a race!  
CAT: yOU'RE ONLY SAY1NG THAT BECAUSE 1F 1T WERE, yOU'D BE LOS1NG,  
CAA: oh shut up!  
CGC: H4H4H4  
CGC: H3S R1GHT THOUGH, 4R4D14  
CGC: 1N F4CT H3S SO R1GHT 1M G1V1NG H1M 4 PO1NT FOR TH4T, 3V3N THOUGH 1T 1SNT R34LLY 4 BURN 4T 4LL  
CAG: Hey, I'm not complaining.  
CAA: well how am i supposed to "catch up" to him if youre just going to keep giving him bonus points?  
CGC: BY F1GHT1NG B4CK!  
CGC: YOUR3 N3V3R GO1NG TO G3T 4NY TR34SUR3S OR BONUS 3XP3R13NC3 1F YOU K33P PL4Y1NG N1C3  
CGC: SO G3T YOUR H34D 1N TH3 G4M3 4ND ST4RT COMP3T1NG!  
CAT: yEAH, yOU SHOULD DO THAT,  
CAT: oR, 1 SUPPOSE, aLTERNAT1VELY,  
CAT: yOU COULD JUST LET ME HOARD ALL THE LOOT AND EXPER1ENCE,  
CAT: aND THEN JUST TRY really HARD NOT TO D1E WHENEVER WE F1GHT SOMETH1NG,  
CAT: aSSUM1NG YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR AUTONECROPH1L1AC URGES ENOUGH TO DO THAT,  
CAA: what!  
CAG: Ohhhhhhhh, voca8ulary 8urn!!!!!!!!  
FGA: Wait  
FGA: Is Autonecrophiliac A Real Word  
CAG: Who cares if it's a real word, just give him the point!  
CGC: S33 4R4D14?  
CGC: T4VROS 1SNT 4BOUT TO ST4RT L3TT1NG UP  
CGC: SO YOUV3 GOT TO ST4RT G3TT1NG M34N!  
CGC: 1M NOT 4BOUT TO L3T VR1SK4S K1D B34T M1N3  
CAA: ugh this is so messed up  
CAA: id say i cant believe youre using us to play out your big weird rivalry by proxy  
CAA: but honestly thats exactly like you guys  
CAG: Hey, it 8eats trying to find an auspistice.  
CAA: whatever  
CAA: anyway weve obviously plundered everything of value from this room  
CAA: so lets just keep going  
CAT: aLR1GHT, lET'S GO,  
CAT: tHERE'S A HALLWAY R1GHT UP HERE,  
CAA: hmmm  
CAA: its an awfully long hallway  
CAA: hang on  
CAA: oh yeah its loaded with traps  
CAT: wHAT K1ND OF TRAPS,  
CAA: looks like its just pressure plates  
CAA: but theres a lot of them  
CAA: wow theres not even a complete path to take it looks like you have to jump  
CAT: jUMP,  
CAT: oR PERHAPS WE COULD,  
CAT: fLY??  
CAA: hey wait a minute  
CAA: we cant use our god tier powers thats cheating  
CAT: 1'M NOT US1NG MY gOD t1ER POWERS,  
CAT: tH1S 1S ONE OF THE bOY sKYLARK'S AB1L1T1ES,  
CAT: tHEY CAN FLY FOR A SHORT PER1OD OF T1ME ONCE A DAY, aS LONG AS THEY TH1NK HAPPY THOUGHTS,  
CAG: Oh shit, I totally forgot a8out that a8ility.  
CAG: Terezi, should we allow this?  
CGC: Y34H 1TS F1N3  
CGC: NO US3 H4V1NG 4N 4B1L1TY L1K3 TH4T 1F YOU C4NT US3 1T TO TR1V14L1Z3 4N 3NCOUNT3R ONC3 1N 4 WH1L3  
CAT: oKAAAAY,  
CAT: nOW, wHAT HAPPY THOUGHTS SHOULD 1 TH1NK OF,,,  
CAG: Oh, you know what you should think a8out????????  
CAG: Our first feelings jam!!!!!!!!  
CAT: aH, aN EXCELLENT 1DEA,  
FAC: :33 < awww, thats sw33t!  
CAA: eugh  
CAT: oKAY, hERE GOES,  
CAT: hMMMMMM,  
CAT: aND WE'RE CLEAR,  
CAG: Gr8 jo8, Tavros!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I just knew your cherished memories of the time we've spent together would 8e more than enough to propel you to gr8ness!  
CAA: oh my fucking god  
CGC: 4R4D14 1S SOM3TH1NG TH3 M4TT3R  
CGC: YOUR F4C3 LOOK POS1T1V3LY P4LL1D  
CAA: its nothing  
CAA: just an upset stomach  
CGC: 4R3 YOU SUR3?  
CGC: 1F YOUR3 R34LLY S1CK W3 C4N C4LL TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG OFF  
CAG: Oh my god, Terezi, stop coddling your moirail so much, it's sickening.  
CAA: ob like youre one to talk vriska  
CAG: What's that supposed to mean????????  
CAA: look im fine ok  
CAA: let me just navigate this deadly hallway of dastardly traps and we can continue  
CAT: yEAH, sER1OUSLY, hURRY TH1S UP,  
CAT: aWFULLY BOR1NG WA1T1NG FOR YOU TO CATCH UP,  
CAA: you realize you couldve just carried me over there right?  
CAT: uH,  
CAT: sH1T, YEAH, 1 GUESS 1 COULD'VE,  
CAA: well its not like it matters  
CAA: if id suggested it you probably wouldve shot it down immediately  
CAA: since you seem absolutely hellbent on ignoring my advice  
CAT: wELL, mAYBE 1 WOULDN'T DO THAT,  
CAT: 1F YOUR ADV1CE WEREN'T UN1LATERALLY AWFUL,  
CAA: oh right we should just do everything your way  
CAA: just blunder into every problem head first like a rabid earmammoth and act surprised when we die like a couple of fucking idiots  
CAA: i think youre taking the team charge moniker a little too literally!  
CGC: H4H4H4H4 Y3S!  
CGC: TH1S 1S PR3C1S3LY TH3 K1ND OF S4SS 1 W4NT TO S33 OUT OF YOU 4R4D14  
CGC: VR1SK4 YOU G1V3 TH4T WOM4N 4 PO1NT TH1S 1NST4NT  
CAG: Eh, it's a little weak compared to Tavros' material, 8ut okay.  
CAA: its a little weak compared to the beating i gave you on loqam!  
CAG: Hey, no points for 8urning the clouders!!!!!!!!  
CAG: And, I feel the need to clarify, it was the 8eating you and Sollux gave me on LOQAM.  
CAG: I could tooooooootally t8ke you one-on-one.  
CAA: oh really  
CAA: care to test that claim?  
CGC: WH4T H3Y NO  
CGC: 4R4D14 C4LM DOWN  
CGC: 1 4M NOT 4BOUT TO L3T YOU GO G4LUMPH1NG OFF 1NTO 4 GODD4MN DU3L W1TH VR1SK4 S3RK3T OF 4LL P3OPL3  
CAA: ugh sorry  
CAA: its just that both of these guys are making me so mad!  
CAA: theyre just completely insufferable together  
CAT: yEAH, wELL, 1F YOU'RE DONE FL1RT1NG W1TH MY MO1RA1L,  
CAT: cAN YOU BRAVE TH1S DEADLY GAUNTLET OF TRAPS ALREADY,  
CAA: i wasnt flirting with her!  
CAT: 1 DON'T CARE,  
CAT: jUST move,  
CAA: ok just give me a second here  
CAA: let me just check which tiles arent trapped again  
CGC: 1TS 34S13R 1F YOU DONT US3 YOUR TR4P D3T3CT1NG POW3RS  
CGC: 1F YOU C4N B3L13V3 TH4T  
CAA: what  
CAA: why would it be easier  
CGC: TH3R3S 4 P4TT3RN TO WH1CH ON3S 4R3 S4F3  
CGC: 1F YOU LOOK CLOS3LY 4ND TH1NK 4BOUT 1T  
CAA: hmmm  
CAA: no i think i got this  
CGC: W3LL, 1F YOU 1NS1ST  
CAA: ok here goes  
CAA: alright its here  
CAA: here  
CAA: shit!  
FAC: :33 < oh no!  
CAA: hrk  
CAT: oH,  
CAG: Oh!!!!!!!!  
FGA: Oh God  
CCA: oh wwoww  
CGC: OH D34R  
CAG: She nim8ly dodges the cross8ow trap just to roll right into the giant swinging axe 8lade!  
CAG: So close, and yet so far.  
CAT: tHAT'S,  
CAT: tHAT'S, a LOT, oF BLOOD,  
CAG: Easy now, Tavros, just close your eyes and you'll 8e whisked back to the last checkpoint.  
CGC: 4W M4N  
CGC: 1 W4S HOP1NG SH3 WOULD F1GUR3 OUT TH3 PUZZL3  
CAA: i  
CAA: di  
CGC: WH4T?  
CAA: fig  
CGC: OK4Y TH1S 1S K1ND OF H4RD TO W4TCH  
CGC: SOM3BODY T3LL M3 WH3N SH3S 4CTU4LLY D34D  
CAG: Aradia, you're distressing your moirail 8y dying so slowly.  
CAG: And mine, for that matter!  
CAG: Roll around a 8it and try to trigger another trap or something.  
CAA: fuh  
CAA: kyih  
CAG: Well, soooooooorry if I'm trying to 8e a little consider8 of her feelings, unlike you!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Okay, look, if you've got enough strength left to m8ke rude hand gestures at me, you've clearly got enough to trigger another trap.  
CAG: Alright, there you go! How hard was that????????  
FGA: Vriska  
FGA: Your Recuperacoonside Manner Could Use A Little Work  
CAG: Whatever, I'm not a8out to start t8king some8ody's sass like a chump just 8ecause they're grievously injured and 8leeding to death.  
CAG: Oh, 8y the way, Terezi, she's dead now.  
CGC: OK4Y GOOD  
CGC: B4CK TO TH3 ST4RT W1TH YOU  
CAT: oKAY,  
CAG: Tavros, you alright? You're looking a little pale there.  
CAT: yEAH, yOU KNOW,  
CAT: 1T'S JUST, tHE WHOLE,  
CAT: tH1NG W1TH, hER DY1NG,  
CAG: Tavros, it's fine, she'll just 8e 8ack in a little 8it.  
CAT: yES, 1'M AWARE OF THAT,  
CAT: bUT ST1LL, 1T'S A L1TTLE,  
CAT: uNNERV1NG,  
CAG: Yeah, I guess I can see why it would 8e. ::::/  
CAG: I really hope Sollux isn't watching this.  
CGC: H3S NOT  
CAT: hE'S NOT,  
CAT: wHY NOT,  
CGC: H3 D1DNT F33L L1K3 W4TCH1NG 4R4D14 D13 4G41N  
CGC: C4NT R34LLY BL4M3 H1M FOR TH4T >:[  
CAT: hUH,  
CAT: hEY WA1T, hANG ON,  
CAT: wHY ARE WE BE1NG BROUGHT BACK HERE,  
CAG: It's the last checkpoint, remem8er?  
CAT: bUT 1 THOUGHT THERE'D BE ANOTHER CHECKPO1NT,  
CAT: pAST THE SKELETONS OR SOMETH1NG,  
CAG: Oh, you'll know when you reach another checkpoint, trust me.  
CAG: You'll 8e a8le to spot it 8y its 8rilliant aura.  
CAG: If you miss it, you must 8e 8lind! Hahahahahahahaha!  
CGC: >:|  
CAG: Er, shit, sorry.  
CGC: WHY 4R3 YOU 4POLOG1Z1NG?  
CGC: 1M NOT BL1ND, 1D1OT  
CCA: hehehe  
CAA: ih  
CAT: oH,  
CAT: aRAD1A, aRE YOU AL1VE AGA1N,  
CAA: just a little yeah  
CAA: man i cant believe i didnt figure that room out earlier!  
CAA: wait  
CAA: were back here?  
CGC: TH1S 1S TH3 L4ST CH3CKPO1NT  
CAA: bluh  
CAA: i guess that means were going to have to fight all those skeletons again  
CAT: wHAT, sER1OUSLY,  
CAT: gOOD LORD, wHY,  
CAA: well we already know how to beat them  
CAA: so lets just get it over with  
CAT: f1NALLY, a GOOD 1DEA,  
CAA: oh can it  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CAA: anyway lets move!  
CAA: just run right up to here  
CAT: wHOA, hEY,  
CAT: yOU'RE K1ND OF RUSH1NG TH1S, aREN'T YOU,  
CAA: youre the one who wanted to rush things arent you?  
CAT: yEAH, tHAT'S THE TH1NG,  
CAT: aREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE ALL,  
CAT: "oH, tAVROS, bE CAREFUL, dO EVERYTH1NG AS SLOWLY AND HORRENDOUSLY TH1NK-PAN-NUMB1NGLY CAUT1OUSLY AS TROLL1SHLY POSS1BLE,"  
CAT: aND BAS1CALLY JUST BE1NG COMPLETELY TERR1BLE,  
CAA: weve already done this before  
CAA: and as a time player im kind of a fucking expert on doing the same thing the exact same way as many times as i have to  
CAA: all im doing here is pressing fast forward  
CAA: if you cant keep youre welcome to stay behind at the checkpoint and play a rousing game of fiduspawn!  
CAA: that might be more your speed  
CGC: H4H4H4 Y34H!!  
CGC: GO 4R4D14!!!! >:D  
CAG: Good lord, Megido, you've earned your point already.  
CAG: Something crawl up your nook and die while you were 8leeding out 8ack there?  
CAA: lets just say i revived in the wrong hemisphere of the recuperacoon  
CAA: and im not in the mood for any "good-natured" ribbing right now  
CAT: wELL, tH1S CHANGE OF PACE 1S, tO ME, pERFECTLY WELCOME,  
CAT: sO LET US, aS THEY SAY, fUCK THESE SKELETONS UP ALREADY,  
CAA: who says that  
CAT: uH,  
CAT: pEOPLE WHO, uH,  
CAT: fUCK UP SKELETONS,  
CAA: do they actually say that  
CAA: is that a common enough expression to warrant prefacing it with the phrase as they say  
CAA: or were you just saying that because you thought it would make you sound cool?  
CAT: uHHH,,,  
CAA: kanaya you fuck up skeletons sometimes right  
CAA: have you ever said that  
FGA: Well  
FGA: Maybe Not The Phrase Quote Let Us Fuck These Skeletons Up Already End Quote  
FGA: But I May Have At Some Point In Time Said  
FGA: Um  
FGA: Something Mildly Similar  
FGA: ?  
CGC: NO SH3 H4SNT  
CAT: lOOK, nONE OF TH1S, 1S EVEN RELEVANT,  
CAT: 1 SEE WHAT YOU'RE TRY1NG TO DO HERE,  
CAT: yOU'RE TRY1NG TO GET 1N MY HEAD, aND THROW ME OFF MY GAME,  
CAT: tHAT GAME BE1NG, rOCK1NG THE SH1T OUT OF SOME HOLOGRAPH1C AMBULATORY CH1T1NOUS REMA1NS OF THE DECEASED,  
CAT: (wH1CH 1 AM eas1ly CARRY1NG MY OWN WE1GHT ON, bY THE WAY),  
CAT: aLL 1N A TW1STED EFFORT TO MAKE ME LOOK 1NCOMPETENT,  
CAA: tavros  
CAA: you dont need any help looking incompetent  
CAA: youve got that under control all on your own  
CAA: >8)  
CGC: BOOY4!!!  
CAT: uGH,  
CGC: VR1SK4 G1V3 TH4T WOM4N 4 PO1NT TH1S 1NST4NT  
CAG: Yeah, yeah, fine.  
CAG: 8ut since when does she have a pair of your glasses?  
CAA: well they just kind of fell off her when she ascended so i snatched them  
CAA: and now the ouija spirits demand i put them on whenever i deliver what they deem a particularly sick burn  
CAA: i was just ignoring them but now that ive tried it their cheers of approval are strangely amusing  
CAA: i swear one of them sounds exactly like the late troll roger daltrey  
FAC: :33 < the who?  
CAT: yES, gREAT, a DEAD MUS1C1AN NO ONE CARES ABOUT,  
CAT: 1'M SURE YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF aLTERN1AN POP CULTURE, w1LL SERVE US GREATLY 1N THE FUTURE,  
CAA: as a matter of fact it will!  
CAA: anyway since there are no more skeletons in our way lets continue  
CAT: hEY, hOLD ON,  
CAT: dO WE NOT GET A TREASURE,  
CAG: Nope! Treasures are one-time only, and your choices are permanent.  
CGC: L1K3 W3R3 HON3STLY GO1NG TO L3T YOU G4M3 TH3 SYST3M BY GR1ND1NG OUT 34SY UPGR4D3S  
CAT: tHAT'S NOT WHY 1 ASKED,  
CAT: 1 WAS AFRA1D WE'D HAVE TO P1CK AGA1N,  
CAT: aND 1 M1GHT R1SK LOS1NG MY SWEET K1CKS,  
CAG: No, they're still there, sweet as ever.  
CAG: A testament to Aradia's terri8le decision-m8king a8ilities in eternal physical form.  
CAT: hAHAHAHA,  
CAA: oh whatever  
CAA: if youre done dawdling id like to get back to the hallway full of deadly traps  
CAT: oH, oKAY,  
CAT: yOU WANT A L1FT TH1S T1ME,  
CAA: no i dont  
CAA: because ive got this whole room figured out  
CGC: OH R34LLY?  
CGC: 4ND JUST WH4T H4V3 YOU D3DUC3D, M1SS M3G1DO?  
CAA: while i was bleeding to death on the floor  
CAA: i noticed that all the floor tiles have letters on them  
CAA: and then i realized something  
CAA: this whole hallway is just a big reference to that one scene from the third trolliana jones movie where he plunders that ancient subjugglator shrine!  
CGC: H4H4H4 Y3S 3X4CTLY!  
CAT: oH, 1 NEVER WATCHED THE TH1RD ONE,  
CAT: wAS 1T ANY GOOD,  
CAA: it was ok  
CAA: honestly i prefer the second one but its hard to argue with troll sean connery  
CAA: anyway in the movie he had to step on the tiles that spelled out one of the heresys speculative names for one of the mirthful messiahs  
CAA: so we just start with v  
CAA: then i  
CAA: then o  
CGC: NOW YOU S33?  
CGC: 1 TOLD YOU 1TD B3 34S13R W1THOUT YOUR TR4P D3T3CT1NG POW3RS  
CAA: yeah this is a lot easier!  
CAA: anyway heres the t  
CAA: and finally  
CAA: i!  
CAT: wAIT, hANG ON,  
CAT: 1SN'T 1T SUPPOSED TO END W1TH A "j,"  
CAA: it does normally  
CAA: but everything here is written in troll latin  
CAA: and in troll latin it ends with an i  
CAT: oH, wELL,  
CAT: 1 D1DN'T KNOW THAT,  
CAA: no i suppose you wouldnt  
CAA: honestly guys this puzzle isnt very fair to tavros  
CAA: seeing as hes illiterate and all  
CAA: >8)  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3  
CAG: Man, it is getting really hard to a8ide all these 8urns.  
CAA: yeah well  
CAA: if you cant stand the heat get out of the victualblock  
CAG: Oh whatever, I can t8ke anything you can dish out, Megido.  
CAG: I just think you're 8eing kind of a piece of shit to my moirail!  
CAA: well he was being a piece of shit to me first!  
CAT: yEAH, tHAT'S K1ND OF TRUE,  
CAT: sER1OUSLY, vR1SKA, 1'M F1NE,  
CAT: 1 CAN TAKE ALL OF aRAD1A'S WEAKSAUCE BURNS L1KE A CHAMP,  
CGC: Y34H VR1SK4  
CGC: DONT ST4RT COMPL41N1NG JUST B3C4US3 YOUR K1DS LOS1NG TH3 BURN-OFF  
CAG: Maaaaaaaan, that is so not why I'm complaining!!!!!!!!  
CAG: It just seems like things are getting awfully........  
CAG: Contentious, I guess?  
CGC: VR1SK4  
CGC: TH4T 1S L1T3R4LLY TH3 3NT1R3 PO1NT OF TH3 T34M SCOURG3 HOUS3 RUL3  
CGC: TO M4K3 TH1NGS CONT3NT1OUS FOR OUR OWN 4MUS3M3NT  
CAG: Er, yeah, I guess that's true.  
CAG: You know what? Just forget I said anything.  
CAA: gladly  
CAA: anyway tavros are you going to cross this hallway or are you not up to the task of spelling a word correctly  
CAT: oF COURSE 1 AM,  
CAT: 1T'S JUST,  
CAT: wELL, uH,  
CAT: hEY, cAN 1 USE THAT FL1GHT POWER AGA1N,  
CAA: oh my god are you serious  
CAT: lOOK, 1'M JUST CUR1OUS, oKAY???  
CAG: As a matter of fact, you can! It refreshed 8ack when your chump of a partner died.  
CAG: So you can fly over this whole thing again, should you so desire.  
CAA: seriously  
CAA: this is so ridiculous  
CAG: Okay, I know what you're thinking, 8ut I didn't just m8ke up this rule to help Tavros out!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Terezi, 8ack me up here.  
CGC: SH3S R1GHT  
CGC: TH3 RUL3 1S 4LL YOUR COOLDOWNS R3FR3SH WH3N3V3R YOU G3T K1CK3D B4CK TO 4 CH3CKPO1NT  
CGC: W3R3 NOT GO1NG TO PUN1SH YOU FOR NOT DO1NG TH1NGS P3RF3CTLY TH3 F1RST T1M3  
CAA: fine whatever  
CAA: just cheat your way over here i guess  
CAT: 1T'S NOT CHEAT1NG,  
CAT: 1T'S JUST, uH,  
CAT: 1'M ST1LL A L1TTLE SHAKY, oN MY LEGS,  
CAT: aND 1'M NOT SURE 1F 1 POSSESS THE AMBULATORY DEXTER1TY REQU1RED FOR TH1S PART1CULAR FEAT,  
CAT: tHAT'S ALL,  
CAA: why are you telling me this  
CAA: do you want me to kiss your legs and make them feel all better?  
CAA: why dont you just get vriska to pin you to a rock and stab you since thats worked so well for you in the past  
CAT: uH, eXCUSE ME,  
CAG: Wow, Aradia, what the fuck is your pro8lem????????  
CAA: oh what are quadrants off limits now?  
CAA: does he get to talk shit about my matesprit but i dont get to talk shit about his moirail?  
CAA: because if thats the case then there goes half my material  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CAG: Well fuck you too!!!!!!!!  
CGC: DONT T4K3 1T SO P3RSON4LLY VR1SK4  
CGC: 1TS JUST 4 G4M3 4FT3R 4LL  
CAG: Yeah, whatever.  
CGC: 4ND 1TS 4 G4M3 SH3S W1NN1NG  
CGC: SO G1V3 H3R 4 PO1NT  
CAT: hEY, hOLD ON,  
CAT: dOES THAT ONE REALLY DESERVE A PO1NT,  
CAT: 1 MEAN, 1T SEEMED MORE D1RECTED AT vR1SKA THAN ME,  
CAA: it was directed at you  
CAA: i was just saying you have  
CAA: now howd it go again?  
CAA: oh thats right  
CAA: some very questionable tastes  
CCA: hahaha  
CCA: yeah givve her the point  
CAG: Fine, she can t8ke her stupid point already!!!!!!!!  
CAG: 8ut seriously though, Aradia, with all these aspersions you're casting my way, I'm honestly starting to think you're 8lack for me.  
CAA: what!  
CAG: Which is fine, I guess! I mean, I'm flattered and all!  
CAG: And if caliginous polyamory was a thing that was actually accepta8le, I guess I miiiiiiiight 8e interested in pursuing something like that?  
CAG: 8ut I've got this whole thing with Sollux, and as gr8 as some kind of h8fling might 8e with you, I reeeeeeeeally don't want to risk this kismesissitude I've got going devolving into platonic murderlust.  
CAG: So I think it'd 8e 8est for all parties involved if you just dropped this whole thing you're perpetr8ting against me.  
CAA: oh my god no shut up!  
CAA: that is not what im doing at all!  
CAA: seriously is it so hard to believe that i might just dislike you platonically???  
CAG: After what happened on LOQAM?  
CAG: Kind of, yeah!!!!!!!!  
CAA: ugh thats different!  
CAT: oKAY, sER1OUSLY,  
CAT: wHAT THE HELL HAPPENED ON loqam,  
CGC: GUYS PL34S3!  
CGC: TH1S 1S G3TT1NG OUT OF H4ND  
CGC: 4LL OF YOU JUST STOP 4RGU1NG  
CGC: 4R4D14 4ND T4VROS, FOCUS ON TH3 T4SK 4T H4ND  
CGC: 4ND VR1SK4, PL34S3 JUST SHUT UP FOR L1K3 31GHT S3CONDS  
FGA: Oh My  
FGA: And To Think You Were The One Accusing Me Of Being Into Four Ways  
CGC: OH C4N 1T! >:P  
FAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
CAG: Hey, hold on, why do I have to shut up????????  
CGC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 4N 3XP3RT 4T M4K1NG P3OPL3 F1GHT OV3R STUP1D TR1V14L NONS3NS3 S33M1NGLY JUST BY 3X1ST1NG  
CGC: WH1CH 1S F1N3 4ND 4LL, BUT YOUR 4CTU4LLY T4LK1NG 1S DR1V1NG TH1NGS TO UNPL34S4NT 3XTR3M3S  
CGC: S3R1OUSLY, TH3 4RGU1NG H3R3 1S 1NT3NS1FY1NG TO TH3 PO1NT WH3R3 W3 M4Y NOT B3 4BL3 TO CONT41N 1T  
CCA: wwhy contain it  
CCA: let it spill ovver into the memos and the pesterlogs  
CCA: let the ragequits pile up in the streets  
CCA: in the end itll all be fuckin hilarious  
CGC: HMM  
CGC: 1 HOP3 YOUR3 NOT UND3R3ST1M4T1NG TH3 PROBL3M  
CGC: TH3 L4T3R 3NCOUNT3RS M4Y NOT GO 4S SMOOTHLY 4S YOU TH1NK  
CCA: ter  
CCA: its cool  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: Y34H OK4Y F1N3  
CAG: Okay, are you guys talking in code or something????????  
CAG: I feel like I'm missing some hidden meaning here.  
CCA: dont wworry your pretty little head about it  
CGC: Y3S, 3V3RYTH1NG 1S UND3R CONTROL  
CAG: Ugh, you guys are so ridiculous.  
CAT: oKAY, sO HEY,  
CAT: 1 CROSSED THE TH1NG AGA1N,  
CGC: H3Y, YOUR3 NOT SUPPOS3D TO DO STUFF WH1L3 W3R3 BUSY T4LK1NG  
CAT: bUT,  
CAT: yOU TOLD US TO FOCUS ON THE TASK AT HAND,  
CAT: sO,  
CAT: 1 D1D,  
CGC: OH  
CGC: Y34H 1 GU3SS 1 D1D  
CGC: F1N3, 1LL L3T 1T SL1D3 JUST TH1S ONC3  
CAA: its about time  
CAA: ive been standing here for like three minutes  
CAA: well two minutes and 57.2951 seconds actually  
CAT: wELL, 1F YOU D1DN'T GET CAUGHT UP 1N A PO1NTLESS ARGUMENT W1TH MY MO1RA1L, mAYBE 1 COULD'VE COME OVER SOONER,  
CAA: whatever  
CAA: can we just go through this doorway full of ominous white fog now  
CGC: Y3S BUT B3FOR3 YOU DO TH4T  
CGC: 1 WOULD L1K3 TO M4K3 4 PRONOUNC3M3NT  
CAA: and what would that be  
CGC: 1T 1S NOT W1THOUT SOM3 GR4V1TY TH4T 1 B3STOW TH1S HONOR  
CGC: FOR 1T 1S 4 F1RST 1N TH3 H1STORY OF T34M SCOURG3 CLOUD1NG  
CGC: TH3 V3RY F1RST BONUS PO1NT 3V3R G1V3N FOR R34SONS UNR3L4T3D TO SP1CY Z1NG3RS!  
CGC: 4W4RD3D TO YOU, 4R4D14 M3G1DO  
CGc: FOR 4CTU4LLY 3V4D1NG TH1S H4LLW4Y OF TR4PS TH3 PROP3R W4Y 1NST34D OF FLY1NG OV3R 1T L1K3 4 L1TTL3 W1GGL3R  
CAT: wHAT,  
CAT: tHAT'S DUMB,  
CAG: Yeah, honestly, are you gonna 8r8k tradition for something so stupid????????  
CGC: LOOK 1 JUST TH1NK SH3 D3S3RV3S 4 R3W4RD FOR 4CTU4LLY SOLV1NG TH1S PUZZL3 4ND HOPP1NG THROUGH 4LL THOS3 TR4PS L1K3 4 BOSS  
CAT: 1T WASN'T EVEN REALLY A PUZZLE, tHOUGH,  
CAT: 1T WAS JUST A STUP1D REFERENCE TO A MOV1E,  
CAA: your entire class is just a stupid reference to a movie  
CGC: H4H4H4H4  
CAT: hEY, tHAT'S NOT TRUE,  
CAT: tHE pUPA pAN LEGEND 1S NOT JUST A MOV1E, 1T'S A MYTHOS,  
CAT: aND REALLY, yOU'RE HARDLY ONE TO TALK,  
CAT: tHE tOMB sCRABBLER CLASS 1S JUST ONE B1G, r1D1CULOUS REFERENCE TO THAT SER1ES OF tROLL hARR1SON fORD MOV1ES YOU SEEM TO ADORE SO MUCH,  
CAA: thats not true!  
CAA: the art of plundering ancient vaults full of perilous traps and wondrous treasures is one that extends far into the realm of antiquity  
CAA: the profession certainly existed before the advent of cinema  
CAA: and im damn sure it was around before any silly little fairy tales about flying adolescents!  
CAT: oKAY, 1 AM PRETTY MUCH DONE HEAR1NG TH1S,  
CAT: cAN WE PLEASE JUST GO TO THE NEXT ROOM, aND OVERCOME WHATEVER STUP1D "cHALLENGE" AWA1TS US NEXT,  
CGC: OH, BY 4LL M34NS  
CGC: 1M SUR3 YOULL F1ND TH1S N3XT CH4MB3R 4 R3FR3SH1NG CH4NG3 OF P4C3  
CGC: >:]  
CAA: oh boy  
CAA: im not sure i like the sound of that  
CAT: yEAH, wELL 1 DO,  
CAT: bECAUSE SO FAR, tHE PACE HAS BEEN, "sLOW, aND ALSO BOR1NG,"  
CAA: says the guy who spent three minutes staring at a hallway of traps  
CAA: and just a while ago got himself killed by rushing headfirst into a horde of angry skeletons!  
CGC: H4H4H4H4H4!  
CGC: VR1SK4  
CAG: Fine, I'll give her a point.  
CGC: R34LLY THOUGH VR1SK4  
CGC: 1T S33MS L1K3 YOUR3 NOT 3NJOY1NG TH1S  
CGC: DONT YOU USU4LLY F1ND TH3S3 3XCH4NG3S OF V3RB4L BLOWS 4MUS1NG?  
CAG: Well, yeah, usually!  
CAG: 8ut this just seems really........ awkward, I guess?  
CAA: youre just mad that im actually putting up a fight now  
CAG: Oh, 8ite me, Megido.  
CGC: OK4Y WH4T3V3R  
CGC: JUST GO 1N TH3 N3XT ROOM 4LR34DY  
CGC: BUT B3W4R3  
CGC: TH3 R34L RO4D TO TH3 UNDO1NG ST4RTS H3R3 >:]  
CAT: yEAH, lET'S DO THAT,  
CAA: ok fine  
CAT: jUST COME 1N HERE AND DEAL W1TH WHATEVER,  
CAT: tH1NG 1S,,,  
CAT: oH MY GOD THAT GUY 1S B1G,  
CAA: oh god  
CAA: move!  
CAT: gAH!  
CAG: Awwwwwwww, that's no way to greet your new 8ullheaded friend, now is it?  
CAG: He just wants to show you his axe is all!  
CAA: haha  
CAA: tavros its like a big angry two legged version of your lusus  
CAA: quick get out your wheelchair!  
CAA: its super effective!  
CAG: Pffffffff, okay, that one was kind of funny.  
CAT: oH WOW, sER1OUSLY,  
CAT: yOU'RE GONNA GO FOR THE DEAD LUSUS JOKE,  
CAT: rEALLY FUCK1NG CLASSY,  
CAA: hey my lusus is dead too  
CAA: and unlike some people i didnt have the luxury of bringing it back in sprite form  
CAA: so ill make as many dead lusus jokes as i want  
CGC: SH3 H4S 4 PO1NT T4VROS  
CAT: oH, tHAT'S R1GHT,  
CAT: yOUR LUSUS WAS K1LLED A LONG T1ME AGO BY SOME ASSHOLE,  
CAT: nOW, jUST wHO WAS THAT GUY AGA1N,,,  
CAA: i dont know  
CAA: why dont you ask your moirail?  
CAT: wELL, wHY DON'T YOU,  
CAT: aH, sH1T,  
FGA: Okay Is It Just Me  
FGA: Or Is This Whole Insult Fight Thing Starting To Get A Bit Personal  
FAC: :33 < yeah, it kind of s33ms that way  
CGC: OH WH4T3V3R 1TS F1N3  
CGC: JUST 4S LONG 4S TH3S3 TWO 4R3NT SO FOCUS3D ON 1NSULT1NG 34CH OTH3R TH4T TH3Y FORG3T 4BOUT TH3 G14NT 4X3-W13LD1NG BULL D3MON TRY1NG TO K1LL TH3M  
CAT: yEAH, cAN WE FOCUS ON THE B1G ANGRY GUY R1GHT NOW,  
CAA: seems like hes focusing on you  
CAT: yES, sO COULD YOU,  
CAT: 1 DON'T KNOW, h1T H1M OR SOMETH1NG,  
CAA: i am hitting him!  
CAT: rEALLY,  
CAT: bECAUSE H1S HEALTH 1S BARELY GO1NG DOWN AT ALL,  
CAT: d1D YOU SER1OUSLY HAVE TO P1CK A WH1P AS YOUR WEAPON, oF ALL TH1NGS,  
CAT: a WEAPON SPEC1F1CALLY DES1GNED TO DO AS L1TTLE LAST1NG DAMAGE AS POSS1BLE,  
CAA: ok you know what  
CAA: i am not about to take this from a boy skylark wielding a fucking daggerlance!  
CAA: agck fuck!  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, watch the aggro, Megido!!!!!!!!  
CGC: Y1K3S, TH4TS QU1T3 4 BLOW  
CGC: DONT B3 4FR41D TO CHUG TH4T R1DG3L3Y PH14L  
CAA: yeah if i get a chance  
CAA: this guy really doesnt like me  
CAA: which apparently means im dealing better dps than some other people  
CAA: tavros  
CAT: yEAH, bECAUSE HE WASN'T ATTACK1NG YOU,  
CAT: nOW THAT HE'S NOT LOCKED ONTO ME, 1 CAN GET SOME H1TS 1N,  
CAA: uh huh sure  
CAA: honestly though this boss doesnt even seem that hard  
CAA: aside from the occasional ah!  
CAT: gH!  
CAA: wide sweeping attack  
CGC: Y34H, BUT B3 C4R3FUL  
CGC: TH3 B4TTL3F13LD 1S 4S MUCH OF 4 THR34T 4S H3 1S  
CGC: 1T WOULD B3 4LL TOO 34SY TO DODG3 ON3 OF H1S 4TT4CKS JUST TO GO D1V1NG 1NTO ON3 OF THOS3 BOTTOML3SS P1TS  
CAT: hONESTLY, 1 NEVER REALLY GOT THE DEAL W1TH TH1S ROOM,  
CAT: 1T'S L1KE, wE'RE ON A BR1DGE OR SOMETH1NG,  
CAT: oVER NOTH1NG AT ALL, aPPARENTLY,  
CAT: aND THEN THERE'S L1KE, a TOWER OVER THE MA1N ENTRANCE OR SOMETH1NG??  
CAT: sER1OUSLY, wHAT'S THE PO1NT OF THAT,  
CAG: Oh damn, we totally should've put some ranged attackers up there or something just to piss you guys off.  
CAG: Total wasted opportunity.  
CAA: oh looks like his aggro flipped again  
CAT: sEE, 1 TOLD YOU,  
CAT: 1 WAS TOTALLY DO1NG MORE DAMAGE,  
CAA: yeah yeah  
CAA: just be careful  
CAA: if you let him get too close you wont have anywhere to go but down  
CAT: oKAY, cOULD YOU PLEASE STOP W1TH THE WHOLE, g1V1NG ME ADV1CE TH1NG,  
CAT: 1T'S JUST REALLY CONDESCEND1NG,  
CAT: l1KE, yOU REALLY TH1NK 1'M GO1NG TO LET TH1S GUY FORCE ME OFF A CL1FF,  
CAA: oh yeah my fears are totally unfounded  
CAA: its not like youve ever blundered off a cliff and broken your spine in the middle of a game of flarp before!  
CAA: but im sure something like that would never happen under vriskas watch  
CAG: Ugh, again with the ancient history 8urns.  
CAT: wELL, 1'M SURE THAT WON'T BE A PROBLEM,  
CAT: 1F SHE TR1ES ANYTH1NG, sURELY YOU AND tEREZ1 W1LL BE NOTH1NG BUT PROMPT 1N 1NTERVEN1NG, r1GHT,  
CAT: yOU KNOW, w1TH YOUR PROVEN TRACK RECORD ON THAT AND ALL,  
CGC: OUCH >:/  
CGC: TWO W4Y BURN  
CAA: ugh  
CAA: this is so messed up im not even going to continue  
CAA: lets just kill this boss already hes almost at half health  
CGC: OH H3 1S??  
CAA: um  
CAA: yeah why  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CGC: NO R34SON  
CAT: oKAY, f1NE, lET'S DO TH1S,  
CAT: jUST GET A COUPLE MORE JABS 1N, aND,  
CAT: wHOA,  
CAA: ah!  
CAG: Uh oh, looks like his 8est 8ro just found out what you guys were doing!  
CAG: And he's a8out to let his machetes do the talking!!!!!!!! >::::D  
CAT: hMMM,  
CAT: tHOSE HORNS LOOK AWFULLY FAM1L1AR,,,  
CAA: haha  
CAA: quick tavros try rapping with him!  
CAA: maybe itll calm him down  
CCA: hahaha  
FAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
CAA: >8)  
FAC: :33 < that one has to be worth a point!  
CAG: Eh, it's a little predicta8le, 8ut still good.  
CAT: oH, sO WHEN SHE MAKES FUN OF MY MATESPRAffgrhg,  
CAT: sH1T, wHY 1S HE ATTACK1NG ME???  
CAT: 1 CAN'T TAKE TH1S,,,  
CAA: hang on ill take him  
CAA: well split them up  
CAA: i think the odds are fair  
CAA: two on two  
CAT: f1NE, dO 1T,  
CAT: gOD, 1 NEED SOME r1DGELEY R1GHT ABOUT NOW,  
CAA: ok come here  
CAA: goat faced piece of agck!!  
CGC: OOH, W4TCH 1T  
CGC: TH4T TWO-H4ND3D 4TT4CK 1S UNBLOCK4BL3  
CAA: yeah i kind of figured that out thanks!  
CAA: well crap  
CAA: this isnt working at all  
CAT: yEAH, 1 CAN BARELY GET ANY H1TS 1N ON TH1S GUY,  
CAT: tH1S TWO ON TWO TH1NG 1SN'T REALLY WORK1NG,  
CAA: do you have any better ideas?  
CAT: yOU KNOW,  
CAT: 1 JUST M1GHT,  
CAT: hANG ON,  
CAA: what  
CAA: tavros where are you going  
CAA: i realize running away from problems is pretty much your specialty but this is ridiculous!  
CAA: and for the record i did mean it like that!  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CGC: VR1SK4  
CAG: Yeah, yeah, fine.  
CAT: fOR YOUR 1NFORMAT1ON, aRAD1A,  
CAT: 1 AM NOT, 1N FACT, rUNN1NG AWAY,  
CAT: wHAT 1'M DO1NG, 1S TACT1CALLY REPOS1T1ON1NG MYSELF AT H1GHER GROUND,  
CAA: yeah and then what are you going to do  
CAA: stand up there and spam your ranged attack while i try to fend off both of these guys by myself?  
CAA: i figured youd never go for such a boring strategy  
CAT: nO, 1 WOULDN'T,  
CAT: aND 1T K1ND OF F1GURES THAT YOUR TH1NK PAN WOULD 1MMED1ATELY LEAP TO THAT AWFUL, tED1OUS STRATEGY,  
CAT: bUT MY REAL PLAN 1S MUCH S1MPLER,  
CAT: aND ALSO 1NF1NETLY COOLER,  
CAA: well whatever your awesome strategy is carry it out before this stupid bull demon comes after me!  
CAT: hAHA, aS YOU W1SH,  
CAT: aLLEY OOP!  
CGC: >:O  
FAC: :33 < gasp!  
FGA: Wow  
CCA: god DAMN  
CAT: aND STRA1GHT ON T1LL MORN1NG, mOTHERFUCKER,  
CAT: }>:D  
CAA: uh  
CAA: wow  
CAG: Tavros, holy shit!!!!!!!!  
CAG: That is the most 8adass fucking thing I've ever seen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CAG: In fact, it was so 8adass, I'm giving you a 8onus point for it, whether Terezi o8jects or not.  
CGC: 1 DONT  
CGC: TH4T W4S PR3TTY 4W3SOM3  
CAT: nOW, yOU SEE,  
CAT: nONE OF TH1S WOULD HAVE BEEN POSS1BLE W1THOUT MY SWEET K1CKS,  
CAT: 1 1NFORMED YOU THAT THE AER1AL ATTACK BOOST WOULD COME 1N HANDY,  
CAT: 1 TOLD YOU, aRAD1A,  
CAA: ugh  
CAG: He told you, man.  
CAG: He told you a8out the minor statistical 8onus.  
CAA: ok fine  
CAA: that was a very impressive feat of martial prowess and im sure the slight damage boost from your shoe upgrade contributed to it in no small part  
CAA: now if you would be so kind as to deign to assist me in defeating this capricious blade-twirling monster id really appreciate it  
CAT: wELLLLLLLL,  
CAT: 1 suppose 1 M1GHT BE W1LL1NG TO HELP,  
CGC: NOW TH4T H3 H4S YOUR UND1V1D3D 4TT3NT1ON, 1T SHOULDNT B3 TOO H4RD  
CGC: HON3STLY 1 D1DNT R34LLY 3XP3CT YOU TO F1N1SH TH3 OTH3R GUY OFF SO F4ST  
CAT: yEAH, wELL,  
CAT: tHAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO W1TH tHE fLOW,  
CAA: yes thats great  
CAA: now maybe you should flow behind this guy and start stabbing him  
CAT: yOU KNOW,  
CAT: wE COULD JUST LURE H1M OVER TO THE LADDER, aND 1 COULD DO THAT AGA1N,  
CAA: is that really necessary?  
CAA: i mean yeah it was cool the first time  
CAA: but if you keep doing it then its going to become boring and the whole thing would just come off as trying too hard  
CAA: just let it be that cool thing you did once  
CAT: eHHH,  
CAT: oKAY, f1NE,  
CAT: 1'LL JUST GET A FEW MORE Agsgk FUCK!  
CAA: the two handed attack is unblockable  
CAT: yEAH, 1 K1ND OF F1GURED THAT OUT, tHANKS!  
CAA: you couldve figured it out a lot more easily if youd been paying attention!  
CAT: oH, cOME ON, sER1OUSLY,  
CAT: 1 DO A COMPLETELY AWESOME TH1NG, aND GET MAYBE TH1RTY SECONDS OF RESPECT,  
CAT: aND THEN YOU GO R1GHT BACK TO BUST1NG MY GLOBES???  
CAA: whats the matter tavros?  
CAA: are you not enjoying the good-natured ribbing taking place here?  
CAA: i figured a cool strong confident guy like you could take it  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CAT: oF COURSE 1 CAN TAKE 1T, tHAT'S NOT THE 1SSUE,  
CAT: 1'M JUST WONDER1NG 1F A GUY CAN CATCH A BREAK ONCE 1N A WH1LE,  
CAA: you can have a break after we kill this boss  
CAT: uUUGH, f1NE,  
CAT: hE'S ALMOST DEAD, aNYWAY,  
CAA: well dont get sloppy  
CAT: wHAT, l1KE, "tUMBLED FACE-F1RST 1NTO A G1ANT AXE BLADE" SLOPPY,  
CAA: no  
CAA: more like "ran into a writhing mass of incredibly weak skeletons and got eviscerated" sloppy  
FGA: Wow  
FGA: They Just Arent Letting Up Are They  
CCA: wwell thats the idea  
CCA: makin em fight wwith each other for our amusement  
FGA: No I Get That  
FGA: But At Just What Point Does It Cease To Be Amusing And Metamorphose Into A Genuine Concern  
CGC: WH4TS WRONG K4N4Y4  
CGC: 4R3 YOU G3TT1NG TH3 URG3 TO M3DDL3?  
FGA: Of Course Not  
FGA: I Was Simply Wondering  
FGA: Okay You Know What Nevermind  
CAG: Terezi, stop harassing my m8sprit with these heinous accus8tions.  
CAG: Anyway, have you guys killed this 8oss yet?  
CAT: yEAH, aLMOST,  
CAA: hang on  
CAA: yeah!  
CAA: got him!  
CAT: aW, dAMN 1T,  
CAT: yOU STOLE MY K1LL,  
CAA: oh really  
CAA: so would you say that i  
CAA: got your goat?  
CAA: >8)  
CGC: UUUUUGH  
CAG: 8oooooooo!!!!!!!!  
CAG: No points for terri8le puns!!!!!!!!  
CAG: In fact, I'm tempted to t8ke a point away just for that one.  
CGC: 4ND 1M T3MPT3D TO L3T H3R DO TH4T  
CGC: BUT 1 WONT  
CAA: ok ok fine  
CAA: no more puns  
CAA: >8(  
CAT: wOW, oKAY,  
CAT: tHAT WAS A TOUGH F1GHT,  
CAT: cAN WE JUST TAKE A BREATHER HERE,  
CAA: whats the matter tavros  
CAA: are you out of  
CAA: wait shit i literally just said i wouldnt do any more puns  
CGC: H4H4H4  
CAT: oH WA1T, tHAT GUY DROPPED ANOTHER CHEST,  
CAA: oh i guess he did  
CAT: wELL, lET'S CRACK THAT BAD BOY OPEN,  
CAT: sEE WHAT K1ND OF GOODS WE'VE GOT TO P1CK BETWEEN,  
CAA: dont care taking mine  
CAT: wHAT!  
CGC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
CAA: sweet!  
CAA: a damage upgrade for my whip  
CAT: hEY, wHAT THE HELL,  
CAT: 1 D1DN'T EVEN GET TO SEE WHAT MY TREASURE WAS,  
CAA: hey you complained i wasnt doing enough damage right?  
CAA: so i made the choice that would please both of us in a fraction of the time it wouldve taken to argue over it  
CAT: tHAT DOESN'T PLEASE BOTH OF US,  
CAA: if youd actually seen yours would you have just taken it without even consulting me  
CAT: uH,  
CAT: mMMMMMMMAYBE?  
CAA: ha!  
CAA: well turnabout is fair play  
CAA: so i suggest you deal with it  
CAA: >8)  
CAT: uGH,  
CAT: f1NE, 1'LL JUST ACCEPT THE FACT, tHAT YOU'VE ROBBED ME OF A TREASURE THAT WAS R1GHTFULLY M1NE,  
CAT: nOW CAN WE PLEASE JUST SETTLE DOWN HERE FOR A SECOND,  
CAT: 1'M DOWN TO, l1KE, tWO SW1GS OF r1DGELEY HERE,  
CAT: 1 TH1NK WE'VE EARNED A BREAK,  
CGC: TH4T WOULD B3 4 GOOD 1D34  
CGC: YOU M4Y TH1NK TH1S ROOM W4S TOUGH  
CGC: BUT TH3 N3XT ON3  
CGC: W3LL, L3TS JUST S4Y TH3 R34L RO4D TO TH3 UNDO1NG ST4RTS H3R3  
CAA: you already said that  
CGC: UH  
CGC: 1 D1D  
CAG: She's right, Terezi, you totally already said that.  
CAA: yeah right before we came into this room  
CAA: what is it starting again or something  
CGC: W3LL  
CAA: are we gonna have to fight another boss right after this one  
CGC: UM  
CGC: M4YB3??  
CAA: oh my god i was joking  
CAA: are you serious???  
CGC: LOOK TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG 1S ST1LL 1N K1ND OF 4 B3T4 ST4G3  
CGC: 4ND W3 C4M3 UP W1TH TH3 BOSS3S F1RST  
CGC: SO  
CGC: >:/  
CAA: for fucks sake  
CAA: in that case i guess a break is practically mandatory  
CAT: aBOUT FUCK1NG T1ME,  
CCA: actually its still a little early for that  
CAG: What?  
CAT: wHAT,  
CGC: NOTH1NG  
CGC: (3R1D4N SHUT UP)  
CCA: hahaha  
CAG: (You know, I really don't get you two sometimes.)  
CAA: ugh  
CAA: my ridgeley phials practically empty  
CAA: wed better be extra careful on this next boss  
CAA: i really dont want to have to do all this over again  
CAT: yEAH, wELL,  
CAT: jUST TRY NOT TO D1E,  
CAA: right  
CAA: same to you  
CCA: awwwwww isnt that swweet  
FAC: :33 < what?  
FAC: :33 < how is that sw33t??  
FAC: :33 < theyre just telling each other not to die, its not exactly heartwarming cameowraderie!  
CCA: nep i figured you of all people wwouldvve caught on to just wwhats goin on by noww  
CCA: but then maybe youre just not the expert i thought you wwere  
FAC: :33 < caught on to  
FAC: :33 < ohhhhh  
FAC: :33 < okay i think i s33 whats going on  
FGA: Hmmm  
FGA: I Believe I Might Too  
CAG: (Okay, seriously, what are you people talking a8out????????)  
CGC: (SHOOOOOSH!!!)  
CGC: DONT JUST S1T TH3R3 FOR3V3R YOU TWO  
CGC: C4NT H4V3 TH4T GOD T13R H34L1NG F4CTOR K1CK1NG 1N  
CAA: yeah ok  
CAA: need a hand?  
CAT: 1 CAN GET UP JUST F1NE, tHANKS,  
CAA: figures  
CAA: anyway lets do this  
CAT: yES, bY ALL MEANS, lET'S,  
CAT: uH,  
CAT: wELL, tHAT'S,  
CAT: cERTA1NLY A BOSS,  
CAA: ok wow  
CAA: this has got to be one of the most self-indulgent things ive ever seen  
CAG: Oh, come oooooooon!  
CAG: Surely after 8eating the super demon 8rothers 8ack there, it's only natural to follow it up with a 8eautiful princess!  
CAA: beautiful  
CAA: ha  
CAG: Oh, whatever, Megido, in-game crazy spiderwitch me is totally hot, don't even try to deny it.  
CAA: from the waist up maybe  
CAA: the giant spider protruding from her abdomen is kind of a turnoff  
FGA: Thats True  
CAA: and couldnt she have worn a shirt or something?  
CAA: your vestigial thoracic brucite glands are not nearly that big  
CAG: Okay, first of all, she's an adult! O8viously she's gonna 8e a little more developed than I am!!!!!!!!  
CAG: And second, if you think that's a fine set of 8roo8s, just w8 till you meet up with the rain8ow drinker goddess later.  
CAG: You'll want to 8e wary of that gorgeous view, 8elieve me.  
CAT: oKAY, hEY,  
CAT: aS AMPLE AS THE BOSS'S CHEST PROTRUS1ONS MAY BE,  
CAT: cOULD WE POSS1BLY FOCUS ON DEFEAT1NG HER,  
CAA: fine by me  
CAA: have to wonder just what shes capable of  
CAA: shes got eight legs and a sword but maybaaarghfragskhadf!  
CAT: aAAAAH, fUCK!!!  
CGC: H4H4H4H4H4!!!  
CGC: DONT ST3P 1N TH3 L4V4, K1DS! >:D  
CAA: ok what the hell  
CAA: she spits lava??  
CGC: W3LL OF COURS3  
CGC: SH3 1S 4 W1TCH 4FT3R 4LL  
CCA: yeah clearly this is an absurd roleplayin scenario wwherein magic is actually a real thing that exists  
CCA: an this arachnidally endowwed wwoman is a studied practitioner a the chaotic an destructivve art a pyromancy  
CCA: or lavvamancy i guess  
CAG: No, it's pyromancy.  
CAG: 8urning stuff is cool.  
FAC: :33 < eridan you know a pawful lot about magic fur appurrently not believing in it  
CCA: just wwhat are you implyin here nep  
FAC: :33 < im implying maybe you believe in it a little more than you let on!  
CCA: oh my dear swweet table flippin jegus no  
CCA: magic is literally the fakest thing thats evver not existed wwhich is quite a feat considerin there are literally INFINITE things that dont exist  
CCA: an the only reason it seems like i knoww anything about it is because its all fake made up bullshit an im just fabricatin evvery fact i speww about it like a mystic conjurer if that wwere a real thing an not the fraudulent imposture it actually is  
FAC: :33 < wow okay!  
FAC: :33 < sh33sh, youve purroven your point  
CAT: wELL, sH1T,  
CAT: sHE'S JUST SL1NG1NG S1CK F1RES ALL OVER THE PLACE,  
CAA: yeah theres lava everywhere  
CAA: watch your step  
CAT: wHAT, l1KE 1'M NOT ALWAYS WATCH1NG MY STEP ANYWAY,  
CAT: mAYBE you SHOULD WATCH yours,  
CAA: ok look  
CAA: if you dont want to take my advice thats fine  
CAA: but do you really have to rebuff it as loudly and vehemently as possible every time i so much as offer you the slightest suggestion?  
CAT: yEAH, 1 K1ND OF DO,  
CAT: bECAUSE, wH1LE 1 APPREC1ATE THE GESTURE AND ALL,  
CAT: 1 AM A REALLY COMPETENT AND SK1LLED GUY, aND 1'M CONF1DENT 1 CAN HANDLE MYSELF,  
CAT: sO THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, bUT 1 DON'T NEED YOUR HACkgh,  
CAT: fuck, tHAT SWORD 1S NASTY,  
CAA: haha  
CAT: wOW, tHANKS FOR YOUR SYMPATHY,  
CAA: do you really want my sympathy?  
CAT: 1 DON'T WANT YOUR P1TY,  
CAT: sYMPATHY 1S F1NE,  
CAA: well thats a shame  
CAA: because youve got plenty of my pity  
CAA: >8)  
CGC: H4H4H4H4  
CAG: Megido, you're in the middle of a fucking 8oss fight, do you really have time to start slapfighting again????????  
CAA: are you kidding?  
CAA: of course i have time  
CAA: im maid of the stuff  
CAA: >8)  
CAG: That's a fucking pun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I'm t8king a point away from you, and if you m8ke another one, i swear to fucking God I will spawn eight more spiderwitches right on top of you!!!!!!!!  
CGC: 1TS 4 F41R COP  
CAA: shit  
CAT: hAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,  
CAA: ugh whatever  
CAA: lets just focus on the boss  
CAT: r1GHT,  
CAT: wE'RE NOT EVEN REALLY DO1NG ANYTH1NG TO HER,  
CAT: wE'RE JUST K1ND OF RUNN1NG AROUND L1KE 1D1OTS, tRY1NG NOT TO GET OUR FEET WET, aND ALSO, bURNED,  
CAT: sO MAYBE WE SHOULD,  
CAT: dO SOMETH1NG TO HER,  
CAA: why dont you try shooshing her?  
CAA: just go right up there and pap her on the nose  
CAA: then have a feelings jam on a pile of lava  
CAT: uGH,  
CAG: 8luh, always with the moirail 8urns.  
CAT: wELL, hEY, hERE'S AN 1DEA,  
CAT: wHY DON'T YOU TRY CONJUR1NG A BUNCH OF SP1R1TS, aND HAV1NG THEM HAUNT HER UNT1L SHE RENOUNCES HER V1LLA1NOUS WAYS,  
CAT: tHAT'S ALWAYS WORKED FOR YOU BEFORE, hASN'T 1T,  
CGC: OOOH, QU1T3 TH3 R1POST3  
CAA: wow that is such a shitty thing to even say  
CGC: NORM4LLY 1D 4GR33  
CGC: BUT HON3STLY, 4R4D14, YOU C4LL3D DOWN TH3 THUND3R BY D4R1NG TO DR4G TH3 N4RR4T1V3 DOWN 1NTO TH3 BOW3LS OF VR1SK4CH4T  
CGC: 4ND NOW YOUV3 GOT 1T  
CAG: Yeah, seriously, Megido, your little fix8tion on slinging out these 8urns rel8ted to me is starting to get a little conspicuous.  
CAG: I honestly have to wonder if you aren't jealous or something.  
CAA: oh shut it  
CGC: R34LLY THOUGH TH1S W4S K1ND OF 1N3V1T4BL3  
CGC: VR1SK4 YOU OP3N3D YOURS3LF UP TO BURNS WH3N YOU M4D3 TH1S R1D1CULOUS S3LF-1NS3RT BOSS  
CGC: SO 1 H4V3 TO S3COND 4R4D14S MOT1ON FOR YOU TO SHUT 1T  
CAG: Okay, okay, fine!  
CAG: I've 8een dou8le teamed 8y Aradia more than enough already.  
CGC: TH4TS  
CGC: 4 R34LLY W31RD TH1NG TO S4Y, BUT WH4T3V3R  
CAT: sO WHAT SHOULD WE DO, aGA1NST TH1S BOSS,  
CAA: oh so youre asking for my advice?  
CAT: aRE YOU SER1OUSLY GO1NG TO MAKE AN 1SSUE OF TH1S,  
CAA: well why wouldnt i?  
CAA: i figured a competent and skilled guy like you was confident enough in his abilities that he wouldnt need my help  
CAT: oKAY, f1NE, 1'LL ADM1T 1T,  
CAT: 1 AM A COMPLETELY 1NCOMPETENT W1GGLER, aND 1 AM PRETTY MUCH UTTERLY USELESS 1N EVERY S1NGLE POSS1BLE WAY, w1THOUT YOUR GENEROUS A1D,  
CAT: 1S THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?  
CAA: no  
CAA: well ok yes  
CAT: oKAY THEN,  
CAT: nOW, wHAT SHOULD WE DO AGA1NST TH1S BOSS,  
CAA: well  
CAA: as impressive as her attacks are they all just seem to hit in front of her  
CAA: and that giant spider cephalothorax isnt the most maneuverable thing  
CAA: so we should try flanking her  
CAA: one of us gets in her face and distracts her while dodging her attacks  
CAA: while the other one gets some hits in from behind  
CGC: TH4TS 4CTU4LLY 4 GOOD 1D34!  
CAT: yEAH, oKAY,  
CAT: sO, wHO'S GO1NG TO SERVE AS THE SP1DERBA1T,  
CAA: well  
CAT: gOD DAMN 1T,  
CAT: f1NE, 1 W1LL KEEP HER OCCUP1ED, wH1LE YOU GET THE EASY PART,  
CAA: great! :)  
CAT: oKAY,  
CAT: tHESE ATTACKS AREN'T TOO HARD TO DODGE, 1 GUESS,  
CAT: jUST NEED TO STAY CLOSE,  
CAA: just keep dodging and get hits in whenever you can  
CAA: and try using that ranged attack whenever you cant use the daggerlance  
CAA: if nothing else itll keep her attention  
CAT: aLR1GHT,  
CAT: wHY AREN'T YOU ATTACK1NG HER MORE,  
CAA: i dont want her aggro to flip  
CAA: wait whats she doing  
CAA: aaack!!  
CAT: aRGHCKSLFL,  
CAT: wHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???  
CAG: Ooooooooh, 8e careful, you two, she's still got a few magical tricks up her sleeve!!!!!!!!  
CGC: Y34H, W4TCH TH4T R4D14L 4TT4CK  
CGC: YOU C4N BLOCK 1T BUT 1T DO3SNT H3LP MUCH  
CAT: wOW, wHAT THE HELL,  
CAT: 1 THOUGHT YOU SA1D THE FLANK1NG TH1NG WAS A GOOD 1DEA,  
CGC: 1 S41D 1T W4S 4 GOOD 1D34  
CGC: NOT 4 P3RF3CT 1D34  
CAT: oKAY, sO,  
CAT: 1T'S A HORR1BLE 1DEA, tHEN,  
CAA: no its not!  
CAA: i mean admittedly this complicates things  
CAA: but the attack has a really long windup time and an obvious tell  
CAA: all we have to do is avoid it  
CAT: sURE, eASY FOR YOU TO SAY,  
CAA: look can you distract her for a bit  
CAA: i need to heal  
CAT: wHAT,  
CAT: sO YOU JUST WANT TO D1TCH ME W1TH THE SP1DERW1TCH,  
CAT: wH1LE YOU GO CHUG SOME DEL1C1OUS HEAL1NG r1DGELEY,  
CAA: itll just take a second!  
CAA: you dont even need to stay in melee you can just kite her with your second star  
CAT: yEAH, oKAY, gO AHEAD,  
CAT: jUST TAKE A SW1G OF THAT PH1AL, aND ABANDON ME HERE TO BE HORR1BLY CR1PPLED,  
CAT: wOULDN'T BE THE F1RST T1ME,  
CGC: >:/  
CAA: dont worry tavros  
CAA: if she breaks your spine you can just become her moirail!  
CGC: OOH, N1C3 COM3B4CK  
CAT: yEAH, wELL,  
CAT: 1 DON'T EVEN SEE WHY YOU'RE HEAL1NG,  
CAT: 1F SHE K1LLS YOU, yOU CAN JUST COME BACK TO L1FE AND BECOME HER MATESPR1T,  
CGC: >:O!!  
CAA: fuck you!!  
CAG: And Tavros with the three-pointer!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Now that's what I'm talking a8out!!!!!!!!  
CAT: wHAT'S THE MATTER, aRAD1A,  
CAT: aRE QUADRANTS OFF-L1M1TS NOW,  
CAA: oh fuck off  
CGC: GOOD LORD YOU GUYS  
CGC: 1S TH1S GO1NG TO COM3 TO BLOWS?  
CAA: no its fine  
CAA: i can handle tavros being an asshole  
CAT: hEY, S1NCE WHEN DO YOU EVEN HAVE A PROBLEM W1TH ASSHOLES,  
CAT: dON'T YOU USUALLY JUST DATE THEM,  
CAT: 1N FACT, aREN'T YOU DAT1NG ONE R1GHT NOW,  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
CAA: tavros shut up  
CAA: just shut the hell up  
CAA: if it doesnt have something to do with the boss i dont want to hear it  
CAT: oH COME ON, sER1OUSLY,  
CAT: yOU CAN'T HANDLE A L1TTLE R1FF1NG ON YOUR HORR1BLE ROMANT1C TASTES,  
CAT: oH, sO NOW 1'M GETT1NG THE S1LENT TREATMENT, oKAY,  
CAT: 1 SEE HOW 1T 1S,  
CAT: wELL, fUCK 1T, 1 DON'T HAVE TO TALK E1THER,  
CAT: sEE HOW YOU L1KE 1T,  
CAT: jUST TOTAL FUCK1NG S1LENCE,  
CAT: yEAH, tWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME,  
CAT: wE'LL JUST SEE HOW YOU L1KE 1T,  
CAT: tOTAL S1LENCE,  
CAT: fUCK, 1 NEED TO HEAL,  
CAA: go ahead  
CAT: oH, sO now YOU,  
CAT: uGH, nEVERM1ND,  
FGA: Well I Have To Say  
FGA: This Has Become A Bit  
FGA: Awkward  
CAG: (See, that's what I was thinking.)  
CAG: (Honestly, what's the deal with these two?)  
CAG: (They're supposed to 8e friends or something, right????????)  
CAG: (8ut here they are staring daggers at each other while they fight this 8oss in complete silence, like they're gonna have a fucking duel or something afterwards.)  
CGC: (HON3STLY 1 H4D 4NT1C1P4T3D SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH1S M1GHT H4PP3N)  
CGC: (BUT TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG H4S GON3 SOUR 4 LOT F4ST3R TH4N 1 3XP3CT3D 1T COULD)  
CGC: (1 F33L L1K3 1M M1SS1NG SOM3TH1NG H3R3)  
CGC: (M4YB3 W3 SHOULD C4LL 1T 4 N1GHT?)  
CCA: hey no  
CCA: see this thing through to the end  
CGC: (4R3 YOU SUR3?)  
CGC: (TH3 S1TU4T1ON 1S ST4RT1NG TO G3T PR3TTY UGLY H3R3)  
CCA: look its just cause theyvve been so long wwithout a checkpoint  
CCA: wwhens the next one  
CGC: (1TS R34LLY SOON)  
CGC: (TH3R3S 4N 34SY BR34TH3R 3NCOUNT3R 4FT3R TH1S ON3 4ND 1TS R1GHT 4FT3R TH4T)  
CCA: so just let em beat this boss an get to that  
CCA: as long as nothin too drastic happens betwween noww an then things shouldnt boil ovver  
CGC: (OK4Y F1N3)  
CAA: ok shes almost dead  
CAA: lets finish this already  
CAT: f1NE,  
CAA: aaand  
CAA: done!  
CAT: yEAH,  
CAA: whew  
CAA: and not a moment too soon  
CAA: im nearly dead and my phials completely dry  
CAT: sAME HERE,  
CGC: V3RY W3LL DON3, BOTH OF YOU!  
CGC: 1 F34R3D YOU M1GHT BOTH P3R1SH 1N TH4T B4TTL3, BUT YOU PULL3D THROUGH!  
CGC: NOW COLL3CT YOUR R3W4RD  
CGC: 1M SUR3 YOULL F1ND 1T MOST W3LCOM3  
CAT: oNLY 1F aRAD1A DOESN'T JUST SNATCH 1T BEFORE 1 EVEN GET A CHANCE TO SEE WHAT 1T 1S,  
CAA: and only if you dont do the same!  
CAT: oKAY, lOOK,  
CAT: lET'S JUST AGREE,  
CAT: wE OPEN THE CHEST, aND NE1THER OF US TOUCHES ANYTH1NG,  
CAT: aND THEN WE W1LL HAVE A PERFECTLY C1V1L D1SCUSS1ON OF WHO GETS WHAT,  
CAT: 1N FACT, lET'S JUST BOTH TAKE A STEP BACK, aND OPEN 1T FROM A D1STANCE,  
CAT: hOW DOES THAT SOUND,  
CAA: fine i guess  
CAA: as long as this isnt just a stupid trick  
CGC: HON3STLY TH4T SHOULDNT R34LLY B3 N3C3SS4RY TH1S T1M3  
CGC: BUT 1TS GOOD TO H4V3 4 POL1CY FOR TH3S3 TH1NGS  
CAA: ok  
CAA: on three  
CAA: one  
CAA: two  
CAA: three!  
CAT: oH, oKAY,  
CAT: 1T'S A CONSUMABLE,  
CGC: Y3S!  
CGC: TH1S D1V1N3 4MBROS14 W1LL FULL H34L 4LL OF YOUR WOUNDS  
CGC: 1D H1GHLY SUGG3ST YOU 1MB1B3 TH3M NOW  
CAT: bUT,  
CAT: tHERE'S ONLY ONE,  
CGC: WH4T  
CAA: oh my god seriously  
CAA: even now you guys cant stop screwing with us???  
CGC: W41T HOLD ON  
CGC: (TH3R3S SUPPOS3D TO B3 TWO OF TH3M)  
CAG: (Um, yeah, a8out that........)  
CGC: (VR1SK4 WH4T D1D YOU DO)  
CAT: wELL, wE SHOULD PROBABLY USE 1T NOW,  
CAT: 1F WE DON'T MAKE 1T TO THE NEXT CHECKPO1NT, aLL OF TH1S W1LL HAVE BEEN FOR NOTH1NG,  
CAG: (Wellllllll, I may or may not have cut the num8er of divine am8rosias this 8oss drops in half.)  
CGC: (WHY TH3 FUCK WOULD YOU DO TH4T?????)  
CAG: (I thought it was a mist8ke!!!!!!!!)  
CAA: now hold on  
CAA: how do we know the next checkpoint isnt right ahead?  
CAT: tHERE'S ANOTHER DOOR FULL OF FOG,  
CAT: tHAT PROBABLY MEANS ANOTHER ENCOUNTER,  
CAA: shit youre probably right  
CAG: (I figured you meant for the spiderwitch to only drop one of them, and it was one of those things to make them 8icker over!!!!!!!!)  
CAA: well  
CAA: i guess we have to decide who gets it  
CGC: (OH MY FUCK1NG GOD TH3YR3 GO1NG TO K1LL 34CH OTH3R)  
CCA: hahahahaha  
CCA: oh swweet lord i havve to see this  
CAT: 1'M TAK1NG 1T,  
CAA: what!  
CAA: hey no hang on!  
CAA: why should you get it?  
CAT: bECAUSE 1 NEED 1T MORE,  
CAA: oh really?  
CAA: i thought you could take care of yourself  
CAA: and i was the one who was the big burden on the team  
CAA: but if youre arguing that youre worse at surviving than i am i guess i wont object  
CAT: oKAY, nO, 1 SEE WHAT YOU'RE TRY1NG TO DO,  
CAT: yOU'RE TRY1NG TO APPEAL TO MY PR1DE, tO GET ME TO G1VE 1T TO YOU,  
CAT: wELL, 1T'S NOT GO1NG TO WORK,  
CAA: yeah  
CAA: because you have no pride to appeal to  
CAA: just a bunch of stupid fake confidence  
CAT: wOW, fUCK OFF,  
CAT: lOOK, tHE REASON 1'M TAK1NG 1T,  
CAT: 1S BECAUSE 1 REALLY DON'T FEEL L1KE DY1NG,  
CAT: bUT 1 TH1NK YOU CAN PROBABLY HANDLE 1T, r1GHT,  
CAA: what the fuck is that supposed to mean?  
CAT: hONESTLY, yOU'D PROBABLY ENJOY 1T,  
CAT: dY1NG 1S BAS1CALLY A RECREAT1ONAL ACT1V1TY TO YOU, r1GHT,  
CAT: yOU GET K1LLED, mAYBE HANG AROUND AS A GHOST FOR A WH1LE, aND THEN COME BACK, aND EVERYTH1NG RETURNS TO A PERFECT SNAPSHOT OF THE WAY 1T WAS BEFORE,  
CAT: oR MAYBE S1NCE THEN, 1'VE REPLACED YOU W1TH SOME RANDOM SEADWELLER, bUT 1T'S COOL, wE CAN WORK SOMETH1NG OUT,  
CAA: shut the fuck up!  
CAA: you dont know a thing about me and sollux so dont even talk like you do!  
CGC: OH GOD  
CGC: M4YB3 YOU GUYS SHOULD C4LM DOWN  
CAA: terezi stay out of this!  
CAA: tavros youve been being a jerk to me all night and ive tried to be civil about it but now ive had it!  
CAA: just what the fuck is your problem with sollux and why do you keep taking it out on me?  
CAT: 1 DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM W1TH sOLLUX,  
CAT: rEALLY, hE'S JUST A SYMPTOM OF A MUCH DEEPER PROBLEM,  
CAT: aND 1'M JUST K1ND OF MARVEL1NG,  
CAT: aT HOW MUCH T1ME AND ENERGY 1'VE WASTED ON ALL TH1S,  
CAA: what are you talking about?  
CAT: yOU DON'T GET 1T, dO YOU,  
CAT: yOU HONESTLY DON'T GET 1T,  
CAA: no i dont  
CAA: and i never will if you dont just say it!  
CAT: oKAY, f1NE, 1,  
CAT: 1 WAS FLUSHED FOR YOU, aLR1GHT??  
CAA: what!!  
CAG: ::::O  
CAT: fOR THE LONGEST T1ME, 1 WAS, aND,  
CAT: aND, gOD DAMN 1T, 1 ST1LL K1ND OF AM,  
CAT: bUT 1T NEVER EVEN MATTERED,  
CAT: bECAUSE YOU ONLY EVER CARED ABOUT ASSHOLES L1KE sOLLUX, OR eQU1US,  
CAT: wHO NEVER D1D ANYTH1NG BUT TREAT YOU L1KE SH1T,  
CAT: aND NEVER EVEN GAVE ME AN OUNCE OF CONS1DERAT1ON, eVEN THOUGH 1 WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU,  
CGC: (OH SH1T OH SH1T OH SH1T)  
CGC: (TH1S 1S R34LLY NOT GOOD)  
FGA: Um Yes  
FGA: Maybe We Should Leave  
CGC: (Y34H 1 TH1NK SO TOO)  
FGA: Okay Then  
FGA ceased responding to memo.  
CAG: Hey, uh, you guys realize all of this is 8eing posted on a pu8lic memo, right????????  
CAT: 1 DON'T CARE,  
CAA: yeah vriska just stay out of this!  
CAG: God, fine!!!!!!!!  
CAG: (Shit, what do we do????????)  
FAC: :33 < um  
FAC: :33 < im just gonna go now!  
FAC: :33 < good luck with all this  
FAC ceased responding to memo.  
CAA: tavros i didnt know you were flushed for me!  
CAA: what did you expect me to do?  
CAT: yEAH, 1 GUESS YOU'RE R1GHT,  
CAT: 1 SHOULDN'T HAVE EXPECTED ANYTH1NG FROM YOU,  
CAT: 1N RETROSPECT, yOU OBV1OUSLY JUST HAVE A TH1NG FOR ASSHOLES, sO 1 NEVER REALLY HAD A CHANCE 1N THE F1RST PLACE,  
CGC: (D4MN 1T)  
CGC: (1 CUT TH3 4UD1O ON TH3 L1V3STR34M)  
CGC: (BUT TH31R H34DS3TS 4R3 ST1LL 4UTOTR4NSCR1B1NG)  
CAA: why are you even bringing this up?  
CAA: you already have a matesprit!  
CAA: are you not happy with gamzee or something?  
CAT: oF COURSE 1'M HAPPY W1TH H1M,  
CAA: then what does any of this matter!  
CAA: its all in the past!  
CGC: (H4NG ON)  
CGC blocked twinArmageddons [*TA] from responding to memo.  
CGC blocked cuttlefishCuller [*CC] from responding to memo.  
CGC blocked terminallyCapricious [*TC] from responding to memo.  
CAT: sO WHAT, yOU TH1NK JUST BECAUSE 1T'S 1N THE PAST, 1T DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE,  
CAT: aM 1 JUST SUPPOSE TO BURY THE WHOLE TH1NG, aND FORGET THAT 1 EVER HAD FEEL1NGS FOR YOU 1N THE F1RST PLACE?  
CAA: no of course not  
CAA: but whats the point of dwelling on it?  
CAA: i have a matesprit and you have a matesprit and were both perfectly happy with who we wound up with  
CAA: so why cant we just go back to the way things were?  
CAT: bECAUSE THE WAY TH1NGS WERE WAS FUCK1NG TERR1BLE!  
CAT: 1 LOVED YOU, aND YOU 1GNORED ME, aND 1T WAS AWFUL, aND 1 HATED 1T,  
CAT: aND THEN AFTER YOU WERE GONE, 1 THOUGHT MY L1FE WAS OVER,  
CAT: bUT 1T WASN'T,  
CAT: 1 D1D GET OVER YOU, sOMEHOW,  
CAT: 1 FOUND AN AMAZ1NG MATESPR1T, aND AN AWESOME MO1RA1L, aND 1T SEEMED L1KE EVERYTH1NG WAS GO1NG MY WAY,  
CAT: bUT THEN YOU CAME BACK,  
CAT: aND NOW 1 CAN FEEL EVERYTH1NG BACKSL1D1NG,  
CAT: mY WHOLE WORLD 1S FALL1NG APART AROUND ME, aND 1T'S ALL YOUR FAULT,  
CAT: bECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT 1 DO, 1 CAN'T GET OVER THESE FEEL1NGS,  
CAT: aND THEY'LL NEVER BE SAT1SF1ED, bECAUSE NOT ONCE HAVE YOU EVER CARED ABOUT ME, aND YOU NEVER W1LL,  
CAA: that is not true!  
CAA: how dare you even say that!  
CAA: of course i cared about you!  
CAT: oH YEAH, wHEN,  
CAA: always!  
CAA: why do you think i always hung out with you and looked out for you?  
CAT: 1 DON'T KNOW,  
CAT: bECAUSE YOU NEEDED SOMEBODY TO DUMP ALL YOUR RELAT1ONSH1P BAGGAGE ON,  
CAT: wH1CH 1 ALWAYS HATED, bY THE WAY,  
CAA: well if you hated it so much why didnt you say anything?  
CAT: bECAUSE,  
CAT: bECAUSE 1 WANTED TO SPEND T1ME W1TH YOU,  
CAT: eVEN 1F 1T WAS JUST AS A FR1END,  
CAT: tHAT'S THE ONLY REASON 1 EVER TOOK UP flarp1NG, yOU KNOW,  
CAT: 1 D1DN'T EVEN L1KE 1T, hONESTLY,  
CAA: thats terrible  
CAA: i never wanted you to flarp in the first place!  
CAA: i always thought it was too dangerous  
CAT: yEAH, 1T WAS, bUT 1 D1D 1T ANYWAY,  
CAT: sO YOU KNOW, 1F YOU TH1NK ABOUT 1T,  
CAT: 1T'S K1ND OF YOUR FAULT, tHAT 1 WAS EVER CR1PPLED 1N THE F1RST PLACE  
CAA: what!!!  
CAA: that is insane how can you even say that!  
CAA: if youre going to blame somebody for that maybe you should blame the girl who forced you to jump off a cliff!  
CAT: nO, sCREW THAT,  
CAT: vR1SKA'S DONE MORE FOR ME THAN YOU EVER HAVE,  
CAA: bullshit!  
CAA: she broke your spine for fucks sake!  
CAA: how can you even imply its my fault??  
CAA: i mean  
CAA: i gave my life trying to avenge you!  
CAT: 1 NEVER WANTED TO BE AVENGED!!  
CAT: aLL 1 EVER WANTED, wAS FOR ALL OF US TO GET ALONG,  
CAT: tO BE FR1ENDS,  
CAT: bUT THEN YOU WENT AND TR1ED TO "aVENGE" ME,  
CAT: aND ALL THAT D1D WAS SCREW TH1NGS UP EVEN MORE, aND MAKE TH1NGS M1SERABLE FOR EVERYONE,  
CAA: tavros you were my friend and she tried to kill you!  
CAA: what did you expect me to do mow her lawn ring?  
CAT: 1 D1DN'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTH1NG,  
CAT: aLL YOU'VE EVER DONE, 1S MAKE TH1NGS WORSE FOR ME,  
CAT: 1F YOU HADN'T 1NTERFERED, mAYBE WE COULD'VE BECOME MO1RA1LS SOONER, aND MY L1FE WOULD BE A THOUSAND T1MES BETTER,  
CAA: oh yeah like that would help  
CAT: wHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN,  
CAA: vriska hasnt done anything to help you!  
CAA: all shes done is make you a jerk just like her!  
CAT: nO, tHAT'S NOT TRUE,  
CAT: sHE'S DONE PLENTY TO HELP ME,  
CAA: like what?  
CAA: "helping" you go god tier?  
CAA: you couldve done that yourself!  
CAT: sHE D1D THAT, yES,  
CAT: bUT THERE'S MORE TO 1T THAN THAT,  
CAT: sHE GAVE ME CONF1DENCE,  
CAT: sHE GAVE ME THE CHANCE TO PROVE THAT 1 WAS WORTH SOMETH1NG, aND THEN SHE DROVE ME TO TAKE 1T,  
CAA: well i couldve done that too!  
CAT: wHAT,  
CAA: i  
CAA: damn it  
CAA: im pale for you tavros!  
CGC: >:O  
CAG: (What????????)  
CAA: i always was and i still am!  
CAA: i always cared about you and i always loved you and it hurts me to hear you say that i never did!  
CAA: i wanted you to be there for me to support me  
CAA: and i wanted to protect you from horrible people like vriska!  
CAT: sHE'S NOT A HORR1BLE PERSON,  
CAA: yes she is!  
CAT: wHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM W1TH HER,  
CAT: 1 THOUGHT YOU FORGAVE HER,  
CAA: it doesnt have anything to do with that!  
CAA: even if you ignore all the people shes hurt shes done something thats completely unforgivable  
CAA: and thats that she took the guy who used to be my friend  
CAA; who used to be a really sweet and kind and caring guy  
CAA: and she turned him into an asshole!  
CAT: sHE D1DN'T "tURN ME" 1NTO ANYTH1NG,  
CAT: tH1S 1S WHO 1 AM,  
CAT: wHO 1 ALWAYS WANTED TO BE,  
CAT: aND WHO 1 COULD NEVER BE, wHEN 1 WAS FR1ENDS W1TH YOU,  
CAA: then who you wanted to be is a complete piece of shit!  
CAT: wHATEVER, l1KE 1 G1VE A SH1T ABOUT YOUR OP1N1ON,  
CAT: yOU CAN LOOK BACK ON THE PAST W1TH YOUR ROSE-T1NTED SPECTACLES ALL YOU L1KE, bUT 1 KNOW HOW 1T REALLY WAS,  
CAT: 1T WAS FUCK1NG HELL,  
CAT: tHE GUY 1 WAS WAS A W1MP, wHO NOBODY RESPECTED,  
CAT: bUT NOW 1'M A "jERK," aND EVERYBODY LOVES ME,  
CAA: ugh  
CAA: its just disgusting what shes done to you!  
CAT: sO, 1S THAT THE WHOLE REASON YOU'RE MAD AT HER,  
CAT: bECAUSE SHE GOT TO BE MY MO1RA1L, aND YOU D1DN'T,  
CAA: no this isnt about me anymore  
CAA: terezis my moirail now and im happy with her  
CAA: but i just wish you were with anybody but vriska!  
CAT: wELL, 1'M NOT,  
CAT: sO DEAL W1TH 1T,  
CAA: god i just  
CAA: i hate this!  
CAT: yEAH, wELL, nOW YOU KNOW HOW 1T FEELS,  
CAT: tO NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH,  
CAA: you were always good enough!  
CAT: tO BE YOUR MO1RA1L, mAYBE,  
CAT: bUT NEVER YOUR MATESPR1T,  
CAA: well apparently i was never good enough to be your moirail!  
CAA: how do you think i feel?  
CAT: 1 DON'T CARE HOW YOU FEEL!  
CAA: yeah i can see that now!  
CAA: it was always just a mistake wasnt it  
CAA: this stupid palecrush i had on you  
CAA: i thought just because you were nice to me that you might actually care about my feelings  
CAA: but the whole time you were just a selfish conceited asshole!  
CAT: aND 1 THOUGHT YOU M1GHT CARE ABOUT ME,  
CAT: bUT 1T TURNS OUT YOU WERE JUST A VAP1D, cONDESCEND1NG B1TCH,  
CAA: go to hell!  
CAT: sHOULD 1 TELL THEM YOU SENT ME,  
CAA: ill send you there myself if you dont shut up!  
CAT: nO, 1'M NOT GO1NG ANYWHERE,  
CAT: bECAUSE 1'M TAK1NG TH1S D1V1NE AMBROS1A, aND 1'M DR1NK1NG 1T,  
CAA: oh no youre not  
CAT: oH YEAH,  
CAT: aND JUST WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT 1T?  
CAA: heres what im going to do about it  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] is now an idle troll!  
CGC: H3Y  
CGC: WHY D1D YOU T4K3 OFF YOUR  
CAT: mMMPH,,,  
CGC: >:O!!!!!  
CAG: Oh my g8d!!!!!!!!  
CCA: hahahahaha YES  
CCA: FUCK YES  
CAT: mFF,  
CAT: fUH,  
CAG: W8, Eridan, what the fuck are you even still doing here????????  
CCA: i said i wwanted to see this go dowwn  
CCA: an noww i am  
CAT: mRPH,  
CGC: OH D34R GOD  
CGC: CUT TH3 L1V3STR34M!!!  
CAG: You're the one in charge of the livestream!!!!!!!!  
CGC: OH TH4TS R1GHT  
CAT: pFAH,  
CAT: wHAT ARE YOU,  
CGC: OK4Y TH3R3 W3 GO  
CCA: awwww lame  
CCA: wwhy couldnt you leavve it up  
CGC: B3C4US3 TH1S 1S 4 PR1V4T3 MOM3NT B3TW33N 4R4D14 4ND T4VROS  
CGC: 4ND 1M NOT JUST GO1NG TO BRO4DC4ST 1T TO TH3 1NC1P1SPH3R3  
CAT: mRRRGH,  
CAG: Yeah, Eridan, this is kind of only the 8usiness of these two!  
CAG: And of us, of course, 8ecause we're their moirails.  
CAG: Frankly, you shouldn't even 8e here!!!!!!!!  
CAT: fMMRRRPH,  
CAG: God damn it.  
CAG: Tavros, if you two are gonna m8ke out, could you at least turn the autotranscription off so we don't have to read all these horri8le noises you're m8king????????  
CAT: mFUH,  
CAT: 1'M TRY1NG, bUT,  
CAT: mY HANDS ARE, k1ND OF,  
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] is now an idle troll!  
CGC: OH  
CGC: W3LL 1 GU3SS TH4T WORKS TOO  
CAG: Yeah.  
CAG: So.  
CGC: SO  
CAG: So what the hell just happened here????????  
CAG: I thought these two were supposed to 8e friends, 8ut now they're m8king out and clawing and scratching at each other and okay am I the only one who's getting a little turned on 8y this????????  
CCA: nah from wwhat i saww it wwas pretty steamy  
CGC: OH SHUT 1T!  
CCA: hehehe  
CGC: 4NYW4Y 1 TH1NK 1TS T1M3 W3 TOLD H3R TH3 TRUTH  
CGC: TH1S W4S TH3 PL4N 4LL 4LONG  
CGC: TO M4K3 TH3S3 TWO H4T3 34CH OTH3R  
CAG: Seriously????????  
CCA: yep  
CAG: Well, why didn't you tell me that in the first place????????  
CAG: If I'd known you guys were actively trying to get these two to h8 each other, I could've got them glaring spades at each other faster than the speed of light!  
CCA: hey i dont doubt that  
CCA: i dont think theres anyone quite as proficient at provvokin conflict as you  
CCA: but this wwas an operation that required subtlety and lets be honest that isnt exactly your strongest suit  
CAG: Oh, come oooooooon, I'm perfectly capa8le of 8eing su8tle!!!!!!!!  
CAG: I mean, what a8out Oper8tion Fishhook?  
CAG: Or Oper8tion Angry 8ees?  
CCA: operation fishhook wwouldvve been sunk if it hadnt been for my timely intervvention  
CCA: just another case a you drivvin things too far too fast  
CCA: an operation angry bees wwas grubs play a wwiggler couldvve done it  
CAG: Oh yeah, like you know anything a8out m8king Sollux Captor h8 some8ody.  
CGC: SH3 H4S 4 PO1NT 3R1D4N  
CCA: oh wwhatevver  
CCA: the point is the success a the operation hinged upon you not bein in on it so that things wwould devvelop at a manageable speed  
CGC: BUT TH3Y ST1LL 3ND3D UP GO1NG F4ST3R TH4N W3 3XP3CT3D  
CGC: DU3 TO 4 F3W V4R14BL3S W3 F41L3D TO 4CCOUNT FOR  
CAG: Yeah, like apparently Tavros had a flushed thing for Aradia.  
CAG: You'd figure he could've told me that, 8ut noooooooo.  
CGC: Y34H  
CGC: 4ND TH3N H3R H4V1NG 4 P4L3 TH1NG FOR H1M  
CAG: Has she never mentioned this 8efore????????  
CAG: Oh man, this whole thing must have 8een soooooooo awkward for you.  
CGC: NO 1TS F1N3  
CGC: YOU C4NT R34LLY CONTROL WHO YOU H4V3 F33L1NGS FOR  
CGC: 4ND 4NYW4Y SH3S OBV1OUSLY SOM3TH1NG OTH3R TH4N P4L3 FOR H1M NOW >:]  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah.  
CAG: So I guess this whole romantic clusterfuck was completely unexpected.  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: i kinda had a hunch  
CGC: WH4T  
CCA: i mean just from personal experience an based on a feww observvations i kind of assumed it wwas a mutually unrequited flushed pale situation  
CCA: in fact the wwhole plan wwas kinda bankin on it  
CGC: W41T  
CGC: SO YOUR3 T3LL1NG M3  
CGC: YOU KN3W H3 W4S FLUSH3D FOR H3R 4ND SH3 W4S P4L3 FOR H1M  
CGC: 4ND YOU D3S1GN3D TH1S 3NT1R3 DUNG3ON KNOW1NG TH4T TH3Y WOULDNT 3V3N G3T ON3 CH3CKPO1NT 1NTO 1T B3FOR3 TH3Y ST4RT3D H4T3SNOGG1NG  
CGC: 4ND YOU D1DNT TH1NK TO T3LL M3 4NY OF TH1S  
CCA: information is a powwerful thing ter  
CCA: but sometimes that powwer corrupts  
CCA: an ignorance can be just as critical to success as knowwledge  
CGC: Y3S 1 KNOW TH4T  
CGC: BUT 1 DONT L1K3 B31NG K3PT OUT OF TH3 LOOP >:[  
CCA: hey it wwasnt a sure thing it wwas just a hunch  
CCA: the rest a the dungeon wwas a failsafe in case i wwas wwrong  
CCA: wwhich i wwasnt  
CCA: go figure  
CGC: WOW  
CGC: YOU 4R3 JUST COMPL3T3LY T3RR1BL3  
CGC: <3  
CCA: <3  
CAG: Uuuuuuuugh.  
CCA: anywway im gonna go  
CCA: gotta rub this in neps face you knoww howw it is  
CGC: H3H3H3, OF COURS3  
CAG: Hey, if you've got any other 8lackrom plans, let me know.  
CAG: Or I'll cut you.  
CCA: of course  
CGC: OH H3Y 3R1D4N  
CGC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU NOW  
CCA: my hivve wwhy  
CGC: W3LL HOW 4BOUT 4FT3R W3R3 DON3 H3R3 1 COM3 OV3R TH3R3  
CCA: uh  
CCA: im not sure thats a good idea  
CCA: lowwaa is kind of a dangerous place  
CGC: OH PL34S3  
CGC: 1M 4 GOD NOW 3R1D4N  
CGC: 1 C4N T4K3 4 COUPL3 OF STUP1D 4NG3LS  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: only if you insist  
CGC: 1 1NS1ST MOST 1NS1ST3NTLY!  
CCA: wwell ok then  
CCA: cant really argue wwith that noww can i  
CGC: NO YOU C4NT!  
CGC: 4NYW4Y S33 YOU L4T3R  
CCA: sure same to you  
CCA: <3  
CGC: <3  
CCA ceased responding to memo.  
CAG: So.  
CGC: SO  
CAG: Soooooooo........  
CGC: OH W1LL YOU STOP 1T!  
CAG: Fine, fine, okay!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Anyway, I guess these two are kismeses now, huh?  
CGC: 1 SHOULD C3RT41NLY HOP3 SO  
CGC: TH3YR3 R34LLY GO1NG 4T 1T  
CAG: Yeah.  
CAG: Which is gr8, actually! I was kind of stressing a8out finding a proper kismesis for Tavros.  
CAG: I thought he might have something with Equius, 8ut then they got an auspistice and shot that whole idea down.  
CAG: 8ut this is really convenient!  
CGC: Y34H  
CGC: BUT  
CGC: 1TS 4 L1TTL3 S4D, DONT YOU TH1NK?  
CAG: What?  
CGC: TH3S3 TWO B3COM1NG K1SM3S3S  
CGC: 1 M34N, L1K3 YOU S41D, TH3Y US3D TO B3 FR13NDS  
CGC: BUT NOW 4LL TH4TS RU1N3D  
CAG: Don't think of it like that.  
CAG: It's not like this is the end of their rel8tionship or something.  
CAG: And frankly, they didn't have much of a rel8tionship in the first place!  
CAG: They weren't "friends" an hour ago, they were "ex-friends who drifted apart due to their ugly, complic8ted conflicting feelings for each other."  
CAG: And I think a kismesissitude is a pretty clear upgr8de from that!!!!!!!!  
CGC: Y34H 1 GU3SS  
CGC: BUT ST1LL  
CGC: TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG S33MS K1ND OF M3SS3D UP  
CAG: Well, it kind of is.  
CAG: 8ut it's a healthier way for them to resolve their grievances with each other than them just individually stewing over it for eternity.  
CAG: It's a mutually 8eneficial arrangement!  
CAG: And it may seem really fucked up right now, 8ut I'm sure they'll 8e 8est h8friends forever 8efore you know it.  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CGC: Y34H 1 GU3SS  
CAG: Hmmmmmmmm.  
CAG: You know, I miss this.  
CGC: WH4T  
CAG: This!  
CAG: Us just talking a8out stuff.  
CAG: I realize I kind of fucked things up 8etween us forever, 8ut I really did like 8eing friends with you, Terezi.  
CGC: Y34H, W3LL  
CGC: 1 L1K3D B31NG FR13NDS W1TH YOU TWO  
CGC: WH3N YOU W3R3NT B31NG 4 COMPL3T3LY 4WFUL P3RSON  
CGC: WH1CH W4S 4DM1TT3DLY MOST OF TH3 T1M3  
CAG: Hahahaha, yeah, I sucked.  
CAG: 8ut anyway, is it cool if we keep talking?  
CAG: I mean, it's not like we have much else to do.  
CAG: The only real alternative is for the two of us to sit here and watch our respective moirails indulge in the throes of deep kismetic passion in complete silence.  
CGC: H4H4H4 Y34H  
CGC: SHOULD W3 3V3N B3 W4TCH1NG TH1S?  
CAG: Hey, I'm not leaving my moirail alone with you and some crazy girl who can't get her claws out of him!  
CGC: W3LL 1M NOT 4BOUT TO D1TCH MY MO1R41L W1TH YOU 4ND YOURS 31TH3R!  
CAG: So it's settled!  
CAG: We're now 8oth officail mem8ers of the Team Charge 8lackrom Voyeurism Clu8, Moirail Laureate.  
CAG: So would some idle chit-chat 8e out of the question?  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 1M NOT R34LLY OPPOS3D TO 1T  
CGC: BUT TH1S 1S 4 PUBL1C M3MO  
CGC: COULD W3 T4K3 1T TO 4 P3ST3RLOG?  
CAG: Yeah, I guess.  
CAG: Unless there's a way to make a memo priv8 or something.  
CGC: 1 DONT TH1NK TH3R3 1S  
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 36 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCT: D --> A%ually  
PCT: D --> If you 100k under the network tab  
PCT: D --> You should find an option labeled "Set privacy lock..."  
PCT: D --> It will prevent other users from responding to the memo  
PCT: D --> As well as hiding all further messages from all reader e%cept those currently responding to the memo  
CGC: OH UM  
CGC: 3QU1US  
CGC: HOW LONG H4V3 YOU B33N R34D1NG TH1S?  
PCT: D --> I was just browsing  
PCT: D --> Why  
CGC: NO R34SON  
**** CGC set a privacy lock "lock 1" RIGHT NOW. Further responses will be hidden from those not responding to the memo until the lock is cleared. ****  
PCT: D --> E%cellent  
PCT: D --> If you wish to lift the lock later  
PCT: D --> Select the "Clear privacy lock..." option and clear the lock named "lock 1"  
CGC: OK4Y COOL  
CGC: TH4NKS 3QU1US  
PCT: D --> Of course  
PCT ceased responding to memo.  
CGC: W3LL OK4Y TH3N  
CAG: Yeah.  
CAG: Okay, I still think this is hot.  
CGC: YOUR3 W31RD >:P  
CAG: Oh whatever, don't you even judge me!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Look, I've always had kind of an eye for Aradia, and for the longest time I was seriously considering Tavros for a kismesis.  
CAG: So can you 8lame a lady for appreci8ting a little violent h8 snogging 8etween two former 8lack suitors????????  
CGC: Y3S 1 C4N  
CGC: B3C4US3 TH4TS W31RD  
CGC: 1V3 B33N OV3R TH1S B3FOR3  
CAG: That's 8ullshit. You're retarded and you don't even know.  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CGC: SO  
CGC: YOU 4ND T4VROS S33M 4WFULLY CLOS3 R3C3NTLY  
CAG: We're moirails, Terezi. Of course we're close.  
CGC: Y34H BUT 1 M34N  
CGC: 3V3N FOR MO1R41LS  
CAG: What the fuck are you implying here, Terezi????????  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: YOU 4ND H1M 3V3R...?  
CAG: Why, do you and Aradia ever........????????  
CGC: M4YB3 4 L1TTL3  
CAG: Yeah, exactly!  
CAG: So may8e you should........  
CAG: W8, hold on, what????????  
CGC: 1M JUST S4Y1NG  
CAG: How can you 8e so nonchalant a8out this????????  
CAG: This is kind of an enormous fucking deal, isn't it????????  
CGC: NOT R34LLY  
CGC: 1 M34N  
CGC: SOLLUX 4ND 3R1D4N 4R3 COOL W1TH 1T  
CGC: B3C4US3 TH3YR3 T3RR1BL3  
CGC: 1N F4CT, 1 TH1NK TH3Y M1GHT B3 DO1NG 1T TOO  
CAG: Okay, hold the fuck up.  
CAG: So you're telling me that literally every single other pair of moirails in goddamn paradox space is engaging in acts of for8idden depravity without even the slightest of compunctions????????  
CGC: W3LL, NOT 4LL OF TH3M  
CGC: 1M NOT R34LLY SUR3 4BOUT N3P3T4 4ND 3QU1US  
CGC: BUT 3V3RYON3 3LS3, Y34H  
CAG: God fucking damn it.  
CAG: I've 8een agonizing over all these weird feelings I've 8een having for Tavros while literally every8ody else has gotten over it and moved on with their lives.  
CGC: OH  
CGC: DO3S K4N4Y4 KNOW 4BOUT TH1S?  
CAG: Yeah, she knows! Kanaya knows, Gamzee knows, every8ody knows!  
CAG: And apparently I'm the only one who thinks it's weird, even though I'm the one who started the whole thing in the first place!!!!!!!!  
CAG: All this time, I thought it was a 8ig deal, 8ut I guess no8ody really gives a shit!!!!!!!!  
CGC: YOU 4LMOST SOUND DIS4PPO1NT3D TH4T TH1S 1SNT M4K1NG YOUR L1F3 MOR3 D1FF1CULT  
CAG: I'm just pissed off that I didn't get the memo that sloppy pale m8keouts are apparently totally cool earlier.  
CGC: Y34H, F41R 3NOUGH  
CAG: Anyway, can we stop talking a8out this?  
CAG: Like, forever, may8e????????  
CGC: F1N3 BY M3  
CAG: Okay.  
CAG: So........ how a8out these two?  
CGC: TH3YR3 R34LLY G3TT1NG 1NTO 1T  
CGC: 1 TH1NK TH3Y M1GHT N33D TO G3T 4 P41L  
CAG: God, I think you might 8e right.  
CAG: Haha, hey, you think we could spawn them one?  
CGC: YOU TH1NK TH3R3S 4N OPT1ON FOR TH4T?  
CAG: The tools let us spawn a lot of things. There might 8e a pail 8uried in the list somewhere.  
CGC: H4NG ON  
CGC: OH GOD  
CGC: TH3R3 TOT4LLY 1S  
CGC: SHOULD 1 SP4WN ON3 FOR TH3M?  
CAG: Hahahaha, yeah, do it!!!!!!!!  
CGC: OK4Y TH3N  
CGC: L3TS S33 HOW TH3Y L1K3 TH4T  
CGC: >:O  
CAG: God, where does she even learn hand gestures like that????????  
CGC: NOT FROM M3, TH4TS FOR SUR3  
CAG: For fuck's s8ke, Megido, that's just o8scene.  
CAG: Terezi, you need to get that woman under control.  
CAG: Seriously, rude.  
CGC: TH3 G1RL 1S 4 FORC3 OF N4TUR3 VR1SK4  
CGC: 1 C4N ONLY DO SO MUCH  
CAG: She's a wild one, I'll grant you that.  
CGC: T3LL M3 4BOUT 1T  
CGC: 1 M34N, LOOK 4T WH4T SH3S DO1NG TO YOUR MO1R41L  
CAG: For the record, I think he's putting up a damned good fight, considering he's never done this 8efore.  
CGC: Y34H TH4TS TRU3  
CGC: BUT SH3S COMPL3T3LY 1N H3R 3L3M3NT 4T TH1S BL4CKROM TH1NG  
CAG: Yeah, she's quite the little firecracker.  
CAG: 8elieve me, I know from experience.  
CGC: FROM 3XP3R13NC3?  
CGC: YOU H4V3 4 FL1NG W1TH H3R 4LL THOS3 SW33PS B4CK OR SOM3TH1NG?  
CAG: Um, actually, it was a little more recent than that.  
CGC: WH4T??  
CGC: D1D YOU CH34T ON SOLLUX OR SOM3TH1NG???  
CAG: It wasn't cheating, it was a maroonion!!!!!!!!  
CGC: OK4Y TH4TS TH3 S3COND T1M3 1V3 H34RD TH4T  
CGC: WH4T 1S TH1S "M4ROON1ON" TH1NG?  
CAG: You mean Aradia didn't tell you a8out it?  
CGC: SH3 M3NT1ON3D 1T  
CGC: BUT SH3 D1DNT BOTH3R 3XPL41N1NG WH4T 1T W4S  
CGC: DO3S 1T H4V3 SOM3TH1NG TO DO W1TH H3R BLOOD COLOR, M4YB3?  
CAG: No no no, that's just a coincidence!  
CAG: Okay, think of it like this.  
CAG: What is maroon?  
CAG: Like the color, what is it?  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: 1TS D4RK R3D  
CAG: Right, dark red!  
CAG: Now, how do you m8ke dark red?  
CAG: Like if you've got some paint or something?  
CGC: YOU M1X R3D 4ND BL4CK  
CAG: Yes, exactly!  
CAG: Soooooooo........  
CGC: SO  
CGC: W41T  
CGC: YOU DONT M34N  
CAG: You know how Sollux is always doing two things at once?  
CAG: Yeah.  
CGC: BL444444R!!!  
CGC: TH4T 1S SO FUCK3D UP, GOD  
CGC: 1T F1GUR3S SOLLUX WOULD COM3 UP W1TH SOM3TH1NG 4S D3PR4V3D 4S TH4T  
CAG: I've got to hand it to the guy, he's an innov8tor!  
CAG: And maroonions are pretty much the 8est thing ever.  
CAG: I mean, they completely change the dynamic!!!!!!!!  
CGC: NO TH1S 1S SO W31RD  
CGC: 1 DONT 3V3N W4NT TO H34R 4BOUT TH1S  
CAG: Hey, don't knock it till you try it.  
CGC: W1TH WHO, 3R1D4N 4ND  
CGC: N3P3T4?  
CAG: Um, fuck yes????????  
CAG: Nepeta is hot shit, I'd 8e all over that in a heart8eat.  
CGC: OH MY GOD SHUT UP  
CGC: 1 DONT 3V3N TH1NK OF H3R L1K3 TH4T  
CAG: Oh whatever, don't even try to deny it.  
CAG: Nepeta is hot and we 8oth know it.  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: SH3 DO3S H4V3 4 N1C3 BUTT >:]  
CAG: Man, you people and your 8utts.  
CAG: Give me a nice pair of vestigial thoracic 8rucite glands anyday.  
CAG: Sometimes I feel like I'm the only 8roo8 lady in paradox space.  
CGC: Y34H, BUT ONLY G1RLS H4V3 THOS3  
CGC: 3V3RYBODYS GOT 4 BUTT  
CAG: 8ut that's part of the appeal!!!!!!!!  
CAG: It's like, every troll's got a rump, no two ways a8out it.  
CAG: 8ut........ fat titties, man!!!!!!!!  
CAG: They're like the truffles of the lady-8ody community!  
CGC: BL4R OK4Y 3NOUGH  
CGC: 1 DO NOT W4NT TO G3T SUCK3D 1NTO 4NOTH3R 4N4TOMY D1SCUSS1ON L1K3 TH1S  
CAG: Yeah, yeah, fair enough.  
CAG: Kind of stopped paying attention to the action for a minute.  
CAG: What the hell's going on here????????  
CGC: OH BOY  
CGC: SH3S US1NG H3R PS1ON1CS  
CGC: 1 F33L SORRY FOR T4VROS R1GHT 4BOUT NOW  
CAG: Hey, don't underestim8 him, he's got some tricks of his own.  
CGC: L1K3 WH4T?  
CGC: 1S H3 GONN4 CONJUR3 UP 4N UNRULY H3RD OF MUSCL3B34STS TO TR4MPL3 H3R?  
CGC: TH3 COMMUN1NG TH1NG 1S N34T 4ND 4LL, DONT G3T M3 WRONG  
CGC: BUT 1 C4NT H4V3 1T S331NG M4NY 4PPL1C4T1ONS H3R3  
CGC: 4ND 4S1D3 FROM TH4T, H3 DO3SNT R34LLY  
CGC: >:O  
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Do the windy thing, Tavros!!!!!!!!  
CGC: S1NC3 WH3N C4N H3 DO TH4T???  
CAG: Oh, he's 8een a8le to do that for a while now.  
CAG: Ever since he went God Tier, actually.  
CAG: Pages get crazy strong at high levels, and 8reath's a good aspect for it.  
CAG: He could pro8a8ly drill a hole in the 8attlefield with all that windy swag of his.  
CGC: TH4TS PR3TTY 1MPR3SS1V3  
CGC: BUT 1 TH1NK H3S GO1NG TO R3GR3T BR1NG1NG 4SP3CT POW3RS 1NTO TH1S  
CAG: What do you mean?  
CAG: W8.  
CAG: Oh god.  
CAG: That is a shitload of Megidos!!!!!!!!  
CGC: H4H4H4H4H4H4  
CAG: God, she fights dirty!!!!!!!!  
CAG: Even when she's 8y herself, she 8rings 8ackup.  
CGC: OK4Y  
CGC: SO  
CGC: 1S 1T JUST M3  
CGC: OR 1S TH1S G3TT1NG R34LLY H4RD TO FOLLOW  
CAG: It's not just you, I'll tell you that much.  
CAG: Which one is present her again? I got them all jum8led up.  
CGC: 1 D1D TOO  
CAG: Well, shit.  
CGC: Y34H >:/  
CAG: So.  
CAG: Hey, if you don't mind my asking, how are you doing in the 8lackrom department?  
CAG: You got any irons in the fire for finding a kismesis of your own?  
CGC: UH  
CGC: WHY DO YOU 4SK  
CAG: Just curious.  
CAG: Well, okay, that's not entirely true.  
CAG: When I said 8efore that I was worried a8out you, I wasn't kidding.  
CGC: S3R1OUSLY?  
CAG: Look, I'm just saying I think you need an outlet!  
CGC: OH D34R GOD  
CAG: Well, soooooooorry for 8eing concerned with your emotional well-8eing!!!!!!!!  
CGC: 4POLOGY NOT 4CC3PT3D! >:[  
CAG: Oh, whatever.  
CAG: Really, though, for a while, I was worried that you might 8e 8lack for me!  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: TO B3 P3RF3CTLY HON3ST, 1 K1ND OF W4S  
CAG: Yeah, I kind of figured as much.  
CAG: And I'm reeeeeeeeally not interested in a kismesissitude with you.  
CAG: I mean, it's not that I don't respect you or anything, 8ecause I do, don't get me wrong!!!!!!!!  
CAG: It's just that, honestly, I don't h8 you. I like you!  
CGC: R34LLY  
CAG: Yeah, really! You're cool.  
CAG: And frankly, you kind of intimid8 me.  
CGC: DO 1 NOW?  
CAG: Seriously, I can't get into your head at all, and you're the only one I can really say that a8out.  
CAG: I can even get into Aradia's a little, even though she's always quick to push me 8ack out.  
CAG: So you just oper8 on a completely different level, and it kind of scares the shit out of me.  
CAG: I'm not really sure I could keep up.  
CGC: YOUR3 NOT G1V1NG YOURS3LF 3NOUGH CR3D1T  
CGC: YOUR3 4 D4MN GOOD SCH3M3R 1N YOUR OWN R1GHT  
CAG: Oh, you're just saying that.  
CGC: 1M S3R1OUS!  
CGC: TH3 L1TTL3 G4MB1T W1TH SOLLUX W4S M4ST3RFULLY 3X3CUT3D, JUST FORG3T WH4T 3R1D4N S4YS  
CGC: 4ND TH1S TH1NG W1TH K4N4Y4 4ND F3F3R1 1S NOTH1NG SHORT OF BR1LL14NT  
CAG: Well, thank you!  
CAG: It means a lot coming from such a master manipul8tor, 8elieve me.  
CGC: JUST G1V1NG CR3D1T WH3R3 CR3D1T 1S DU3  
CAG: So, are you and I square on the quadrant department?  
CGC: Y34H  
CGC: 1M OV3R 1T, TRUST M3  
CAG: Okay, cool. I was afr8d that was gonna 8e awkward.  
CAG: So is there any8ody else you're thinking a8out for a kismesis?  
CGC: W3LL, M4YB3  
CAG: Hey, Karkat's 8een 8eing kind of an asshole to you recently.  
CAG: I mean, more than his usual level of assholishness, o8viously.  
CAG: Could that 8e the stirrings of a new 8lack romance????????  
CGC: UH  
CAG: I know you used to have a thing for him, could there may8e 8e some 8lack potential there????????  
CGC: OK4Y YOU KNOW WH4T  
CGC: 1V3 D3C1D3D  
CGC: 1 R34LLY DONT W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT TH1S  
CAG: Hahahaha, okay, fine.  
CAG: Soooooooo........  
CAG: Okay, this is kind of completely lame and stupid thing to ask, 8ut I've just got to throw this out there.  
CGC: GO 4H34D  
CAG: Are we cool?  
CAG: I mean, can we 8e cool again?  
CAG: I know I've wasted all my second chances with you, and if you don't ever want to talk to me again, you're totally entitled to that.  
CAG: 8ut I really miss hanging out with you and talking to you and stuff.  
CAG: So much, in fact, that I don't even care a8out how lame I sound right now and how em8arrassing this is, even though those are completely lame and utterly humili8ting respectively.  
CAG: So........ can we 8e friends again?  
CAG: Not h8friends or anything, 8ut just friends?  
CGC: HMMMM  
CGC: YOU KNOW  
CGC: 1V3 B33N PUTT1NG TH1S OFF FOR 4 WH1L3  
CGC: BUT TH3 MOR3 1 POND3R 1T, TH3 MOR3 1N3V1T4BL3 1T S33MS  
CGC: SO 1 M1GHT JUST 4S W3LL S4Y 1T  
CGC: Y34H  
CGC: W3 C4N B3 FR13NDS 4G41N  
CAG: You really mean it????????  
CGC: 31GHT HUNDR3D P3RC3NT  
CGC: >:]  
CAG: Yessssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::::::::D  
CAG: I've 8een w8ting so long to hear you say that, you have no idea.  
CGC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
CGC: YOUR3 SUCH 4 DORK  
CAG: Whoa, easy now, Terezi. I want to 8e your friend, not your m8sprit.  
CGC: WH4T!  
CAG: Come on, Terezi, I know you have a thing for dorks. Don't even 8other trying to deny it.  
CGC: OK4Y TH4TS TRU3  
CGC: BUT L3TS B3 HON3ST H3R3  
CGC: W3R3 4LL 4 BUNCH OF FUCK1NG DORKS  
CGC: 4LL OF US  
CAG: Yeah, okay, you pretty much touche'd the fuck out of that.  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CGC: BUT Y34H  
CGC: HON3STLY 1 TH1NK W3V3 B33N FR13NDS FOR 4 WH1L3 NOW  
CGC: 1 D1DNT R34LLY H4V3 4 CHO1C3 1N TH3 M4TT3R  
CAG: Well, of course, we're insepera8le!  
CAG: Scourge Sisters for life!  
CGC: Y34H  
CGC: SCOURG3 S1ST3RS FOR L1F3  
CAG: Fuck yes.  
CAG: 8ut you know, even though we aren't kismeses, that doesn't mean Mindfang and Redglare can't 8e.  
CGC: WH4T  
CAG: I'm just saying!  
CGC: VR1SK4  
CGC: 4R3 YOU T3LL1NG M3 YOU W4NT OUR FL4RP1NG CH4R4CT3RS TO B3 K1SM3S3S JUST SO W3 C4N M4K3 OUT SOM3 MOR3  
CAG: Okay, first of all, our FLARPing characters are ALREADY kismeses, so don't even try that on me!  
CAG: And second, you're a really good kisser!  
CAG: Seriously, I envy your future kismesis. You're gonna m8ke some lucky troll a very angry man.  
CGC: OH GOD  
CAG: Okay, okay, dropping it!!!!!!!!  
CGC: TH4NK YOU  
CGC: 4NYW4Y  
CGC: 3V3N 1F W3 W3R3NT FR13NDS, W3 H4V3 4 COMMON PURPOS3 NOW  
CAG: Yeah, we have to keep these two from killing each other.  
CAG: While at the same time keeping them as close to killing each other as possi8le.  
CGC: 3X4CTLY! >:D  
CAG: Well, I'm sure we can manage.  
CAG: We're sisters, after all! We can do anything!  
CAG: Our sororal 8ond is so strong, it goes 8eyond the four quadrants, transcending the grid entirely! Whatever that nonsense actually means.  
CGC: 4 B3UT1FUL S1BL1NGHOOD TH1S COSM1C W4S SUR3LY 4UTHOR3D BY TH3 CONST3LL4T1ONS  
CAG: See, I knew you'd understand!  
CAG: 8ut yeah, could we hang out or something eventually? That'd 8e sweet.  
CGC: SUR3  
CGC: M4YB3 W3 COULD DO SOM3 MOR3 FL4RP1NG  
CGC: 1M 34G3R TO S33 HOW R3DGL4R3 4ND M1NGF4NGS CONFL1CT1NG 1D3OLOG13S ON R3VOLUT1ON 3ND UP PL4Y1NG 4G41NST 34CH OTH3R  
CAG: Yeah, and I can't w8 to 8ust up some holographic high8loods!!!!!!!!  
CGC: PFFF  
CGC: TO 34CH H3R OWN, 1 GU3SS  
CAG: 8ut anyway, I'm glad we worked this whole thing out.  
CGC: Y34H, M3 TOO  
CGC: 1M JUST H4PPY W3 D1DNT 3ND UP K1LL1NG 34CH OTH3R L1K3 1 THOUGHT W3 W3R3 1N3V1T4BLY GO1NG TO  
CAG: Oh man, tell me a8out it.  
CAG: I wasn't looking forward to you inevita8ly sta88ing me in the 8ack either.  
CGC: H3Y HOLD ON  
CGC: WHY WOULD 1 B3 TH3 ON3 TH4T ST4BB3D YOU 1N TH3 B4CK?  
CAG: 8ecause I got the last laugh, remem8er????????  
CAG: I've got no reason to m8ke a move against you, so o8viously you'd 8e the one settling things with me.  
CGC: BUT 1M TH3 ON3 WHO OFF3R3D TH3 TRUC3  
CAG: Right, so it's only fitting that you 8e the one to 8r8k it!  
CGC: OK4Y YOU KNOW WH4T  
CGC: NON3 OF TH1S M4TT3RS 4NYMOR3  
CGC: SO WHO C4R3S  
CAG: Yeah, amen to that.  
CAG: So anyway, are these guys done yet or what????????  
CGC: 1 TH1NK TH3Y M1GHT B3 CLOS3  
CGC: W41T  
CGC: >:O  
CAG: Oh god!!!!!!!!  
CGC: OK4Y Y34H  
CGC: 1M GONN4 C4LL TH4T TH3 GR4ND F1N4L3  
CAG: This is so fucked up, I can't 8elieve we just watched that.  
CGC: Y34H >:/  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] is no longer an idle troll.  
CAA: i win!  
CAA: ahhh  
CAA: victory never tasted so sweet  
CGC: YOU DON3 NOW, 4R4D14?  
CAA: oh um  
CAA: i kind of forgot about you guys  
CAA: how long have you been watching this?  
CGC: W3V3 B33N H3R3 L1T3R4LLY TH3 3NT1R3 T1M3 YOU H4V3  
CAA: oh  
CAA: im a little embarrassed  
CAA: so  
CAA: you saw the whole thing  
CAG: Yep.  
CAG: The whoooooooole thing.  
CAA: oh  
CAA: well um  
CAA: are we gonna keep playing or  
CGC: TH3 G4M3 1S OV3R, 4R4D14  
CGC: 1T 3ND3D TH3 1NST4NT YOU 4ND T4VROS ST4RT3D 3NG4G1NG 1N UNSP34K4BL3 K1SM3T1C 4CTS OV3R 4 CONSUM4BL3 H34L1NG 1T3M  
CAA: er  
CAA: right of course  
CAA: let me just uh  
CAA: let me get dressed here and ill be off  
CAG: Lookin' good, Megido.  
CAA: fuck off  
CAG: Hey, don't talk to me like that! You literally just hooked up with my moirail.  
CAA: oh  
CAA: yeah i guess i did  
CAA: um anyway im going back to my hive  
CAA: need to spend some time in the ablution block  
CGC: GOOD 1D34  
CAA: when tavros comes around  
CAA: tell him i said  
CAA: fuck you  
CGC: H3H3H3, OF COURS3  
CAA: so yeah  
CAA: im gonna go  
CGC: S33 YOU, 4R4D14  
CAA: yeah bye  
CAA ceased responding to memo.  
CGC: SO  
CGC: 1 GU3SS W3R3 GONN4 C4LL TH1S 4 M3MO  
CAG: Yeah, it's pro8a8ly gone on too long already. ::::/  
CGC: 4GR33D  
CGC: SO 1M GONN4 GO  
CGC: YOU W4NT TO ST1CK 4ROUND, W41T FOR T4VROS TO G3T UP?  
CAG: Nah, he can handle himself.  
CAG: I'm just gonna go over to Kanaya's.  
CGC: Y34H OK4Y  
CGC: PROB4BLY GONN4 H34D TO 3R1D4NS MYS3LF  
CAG: Whatever floats your 8oat.  
CGC: W3LL  
CGC: S33 YOU 4ROUND  
CAG: Gr8!  
CAG: Au revoir, Pyrope!  
CGC: D4SV1D4N1Y4, S3RK3T  
CAG ceased responding to memo.  
CGC ceased responding to memo.  
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] is no longer an idle troll.  
CAT: eUGH,  
CAT: sH1T, wHERE'S THE,,,  
CAT: dAMN, sHE MUST HAVE DRANK 1T ALREADY,  
CAT: oHH, sHE'S GOOD,  
CAT: wA1T,  
CAT: wHERE 1S SHE,  
CAT: uH,  
CAT: gUYS?  
CAT: vR1SKA?  
CAT: tEREZ1??  
CAT: aNYONE???  
CAT: wHERE'D EVERYBODY GO,  
CAT: aRE WE ST1LL PLAY1NG, oR,  
CAT: 1 MEAN, 1 CAN JUST,  
CAT: gET MY OUTF1T BACK ON, aND,  
CAT: wE COULD,,,  
CAT: hELLO????  
CAT: wHERE THE HELL 1S EVERYBODY????????  
CGC banned CAT from responding to memo.  
**** Privacy lock "lock 1" was automatically cleared RIGHT NOW due to all responding users leaving memo. ****  
  
CGC closed memo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. This was hard for me to write for some reason but I finished it. It's a whopper. Can't really say that justifies taking two months to write it, but just throwing that out there. Possibly worth noting, this is the first chapter to actually be beta'd! Mad ups to my friend saki AKA teanaya on tumblr for the help. "Mad ups" is how rap people say "thanks." Sorry.


	24. Noblesse Oblige

Chapter 24

Noblesse Oblige

CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board the black shippers covve.  
  
PAST arsenicCatnip [PAC] 13 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAC: :33 < *the prince of hope returns to his stupid cove or whatefur only to find his entire fl33t in flames!!*  
PAC: :33 < *the rogue of heart stands on the pier, laughing meowniacally at his misfurtune!*  
CCA: *the prince of hope laughs himself cause the rogue of heart has fallen for his completely brilliant scheme*  
CCA: *wwhile she wwasnt lookin he movved all his owwn ships to a safe place an then replaced them wwith the ships he commandeered from her vvery owwn harbor*  
CCA: *so the fleet she has set ablaze is in fact HER OWWN*  
PAC: :33 < *aha! but the rogue of accounted fur that pawssibility!*  
PAC: :33 < *fur the ships that were moored in her harbor were a decoy!*  
PAC: :33 < *so even if she didnt actually burn the prince of hopes fl33t down, she at least made a big fiery mess in his cove and got soot and ashes and stuff efurrywhere!*  
CCA: really  
CCA: youre gonna go double decoy  
PAC: :33 < its purrfecly plausible!!  
PAC: :33 < do you really think the rogue of heart is going to leave all of her ships completely undefended?  
CCA: no im callin bs  
CCA: this is such obvvious godmoddin i dont evven knoww wwhere to begin  
PAC: :33 < im not godmodding!!!!  
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 16 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAG: Um, guys?  
PAG: I h8 to interrupt, 8ut can we get to the important part of the memo?  
PAG: You know, the part a8out last night????????  
PAC: :33 < vwiskers this is equally impurrtant if not more so  
PAC: :33 < my reputation as a roleplayer is at stake here!  
PAC: :33 < and i have not and nor will i efur have godmodded!!!  
CCA: beeeee  
CCA: esssss  
PAC: :33 < shut uuuup!!!! XOO  
PAG: Oh my god, no8ody cares a8out your stupid roleplaying!!!!!!!!  
PAG: All this whole thing is is some kind of weird kismetic foreplay, so keep it the fuck out of this pu8lic memo!!!!!!!!  
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 4 SECONDS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGC: WOW VR1SK4  
FGC: W4X1NG 4SH3N 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N?  
PAG: N-no!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Keep your libelous accus8tions to yourself, Pyrope, all I’m trying to do is get down to 8usiness here!  
FGC: >:?  
FGC: “DOWN TO BUS1N3SS?”  
PAG: Not like that!!!!!!!!  
CCA: hahahahaha  
PAG: Oh, can it!  
PAG: Anyway, we’re suppoooooooosed to 8e 8r8king down the whole FLARPing thing that went on last night!  
PAG: You know, “Road to the Undoing” and all that?  
FGC: Y34H 1 KNOW  
FGC: 1 W4S JUST G1V1NG YOU 4 H4RD T1M3 1S 4LL  
PAG: Well, I guess hard time is 8etter than the altern8tive.  
FGC: H3H3H3  
PAG: Anyway! Let’s 8egin.  
PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] 28 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PTA: actually, ii thiink ii can 2ave you 2ome tiime here.  
PAG: Oh reeeeeeeeally?  
PAG: And how would that 8e, Captor?  
PTA: ii can ju2t 2ummariize the event2 of the niight my2elf.  
PAG: Oh yeah? That’d 8e an awfully neat trick, considering you weren’t there and you didn’t even watch it!!!!!!!!  
PTA: aa gave me the gii2t of iit.  
PTA: from what ii under2tand, you ba2iically forced her two 2pend a few hour2 wiith a p2ychotiically embiittered a22hole, who then 2pent the whole niight iin2ultiing and beliittliing her whiile you two cheered hiim on.  
PTA: and then when 2he complaiined, you told her 2he wa2 beiing “two niice.”  
FGC: YOUR3 3X4G3RR4T1NG, 1T W4SNT 3V3N TH4T B4D  
FGC: YOUR3 JUST S4Y1NG TH4T B3C4US3 YOUR3 H3R M4T3SPR1T 4ND YOUR3 BLOW1NG SH1T OUT OF PROPORT1ON L1K3 PR3TTY MUCH 4LW4YS  
PTA: no, that’2 pretty much verbatiim.  
FGC: WH4T3V3R  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAA: hes right  
FGC: WH4T  
CAA: ive had some time to think about this  
CAA: and ive reached the conclusion  
CAA: that everything that happened last night was really shitty on the part of all of you guys!  
FGC: S3R1OUSLY?  
CAA: yes seriously!  
CAA: i went into that flarping campaign expecting to have a bunch of fun with all my old friends  
CAA: but the whole thing was basically just an excuse to torture me!  
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAT: wHOA, oKAY, hOLD ON,  
CAT: tORTURE,  
CAT: tHAT’S TAK1NG 1T A B1T FAR, 1 TH1NK,  
CAA: oh like youre one to talk about taking things too far!  
CAA: you spent literally the entire night insulting me  
CAA: not once did you even attempt to be nice  
CAT: hEY, tHAT’S NOT TRUE,  
CAA: really  
CAT: yEAH,  
CAT: bEFORE WE STARTED PLAY1NG, 1 COMPL1MENTED YOU ON YOUR OUTF1T,  
CAT: tHAT WAS BE1NG N1CE,  
CAA: ok you got me  
CAA: you were nice exactly once for exactly 6.3872 seconds  
CAA: and then you were a giant raving douche for the entire rest of the game  
FGC: H3H3H3H3  
CAT: wOW, oKAY,  
CAT: yOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME YOU WERE SO TH1N-SK1NNED EARL1ER,  
CAT: 1F 1T’S SUCH A PROBLEM,  
PTA: 2he’2 not thiin-2kiinned, you dumb 2hiit.  
PTA: 2he told me 2ome of the 2tuff you 2aiid, and iit’2 completely fucked up.  
CAA: sollux i can handle this  
PTA: ii’m not 2ayiing you can’t, but thii2 guy’2 been beiing an a22hole for a whiile, and ii want two know ju2t what the fuck crawled up hii2 nook.  
PTA: tv, even dii2regardiing thii2 whole me22ed up thiing wiith aa, you’ve been completely iin2ufferable lately, what’2 your problem?  
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 20 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCT: D --> I hate to interrupt, but  
PCT: D --> Is this a%ually a recent development  
CAA: hahaha  
CAT: oH, aWESOME, hERE WE GO,  
CAT: tHREE ON ONE, tHOSE ARE PERFECTLY EVEN ODDS,  
CAT: wELL, 1F YOU’RE GO1NG TO BR1NG YOUR CREW, tHEN 1 GUESS 1 SHOULD MAKE TH1NGS FA1R, aND BR1NG M1NE,  
CAA: you have a crew  
CAT: yES, 1 HAVE A CREW,  
PCT: D --> A motley crew, almost certainly  
PCT: D --> Summon whatever h001igans you will, it ma%es no difference  
FUTURE terminallyCapricious [FTC] 12 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
FTC: Actually, motherfucker, he only needs to up and summon one hooligan for it to make a fuckin difference.  
PCT: D --> Er  
FTC: So how about you step the fuck up.  
FTC: I mean down.  
FTC: Or off.  
FTC: Or... out, I guess.  
FTC: Fuckin prepositions, man.  
PAG: Yeah, come on, Equius! Why are you standing up for a 8unch of peasants?  
PAG: Where’s your high8lood pride????????  
CAA: are you seriously going to bring blood into this?  
PAG: Nah, I’m just saying that to m8ke him sweat.  
PAG: Well, more, anyway.  
CAA: ugh  
CAA: all of you guys are horrible!  
CAT: hEY, dON’T TALK ABOUT THEM L1KE THAT,  
PTA: hey, how about you 2top telliing my mate2priit what two do?  
CAT: wELL, hOW ABOUT YOU TRY AND STOP ME,  
CAA: how about we both stop you!  
PAG: Hahahaha, 8ring it the fuck on!!!!!!!!  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 6 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG: OKAY, WHAT IN THE NINE BILLION NAMES OF FUCK IS GOING ON HERE????  
FCG: WHY THE HELL IS EVERYBODY DRAWING BATTLE LINES OVER THE AFTERMATH OF A STUPID ROLEPLAYING GAME  
FCG: AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE THEY’RE BEING DRAWN BETWEEN TAVROS AND ARADIA??  
FCG: THIS DOES NOT MAKE AN IOTA OF SENSE.  
PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 22 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCC: I kind of )(ave to agree wit)( Karcrab )(ere!  
PCC: W)(at exactly )(APP-EN-ED last nig)(t t)(at )(as everyone UP IN T-ENTACL-ES?  
CAT: wHAT DO YOU MEAN, wHAT HAPPENED, nOTH1NG HAPPENED,  
CAT: 1T WAS JUST A FR1ENDLY GAME OF flarp, tHAT’S ALL,  
CAA: it was not just a friendly game of flarp  
CAA: in fact it wasnt friendly at all  
CAA: because you had to go and take everything too far!  
CAT: oH, rEALLY,  
CAT: 1’M THE ONE WHO TOOK TH1NGS TOO FAR,  
CAT: bECAUSE 1 SEEM TO RECALL you BE1NG THE ONE WHO TOOK TH1NGS FURTHER,,,  
CAA: oh shut up!  
PCC: Okay, T)(AT’S -----ENOUG)(!!!  
PCC: Bot)( of you just CLAM DOWN!  
PCC: SOM--ET)(ING is going on )(ere, and we are N--EV--ER going to get to t)(e bottom of it unless you all STOP FIG)(TING!!!! >38O  
FUTURE grimAuxiliatrix [FGA] 17 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGA: My Goodness  
FGA: Thats An Awfully Brazen Ashen Proposition Miss Peixes  
PCC: Yea)(, so w)(at if it is??  
FGA: So You Dont Deny It  
PCC: I don’t seacow it’s any of your business!  
PCC: Unless you are afraid I am edging in on your territory, MISS M--EDDL--ESOM--E MCM--EDDL--EFANGS????  
FGA: Excuse Me  
PTA: ff, you liiterally ju2t 2aiid you wanted everyone two 2top fiightiing.  
PCC: -Er, rig)(t, saury.  
CAT: hEY, lET’S BE CLEAR HERE, aLR1GHT,  
CAT: 1’M NOT LOOK1NG FOR AN AUSP1ST1CE,  
CAT: eR, aNOTHER ONE, aNYWAY,  
CCA: yeah hes got a point fef  
PCC: Look, all I am asking is t)(at everyone just S--ETTL--E DOWN. T)(at’s it!  
CAA: i can handle that  
CAA: im not so sure tavros can manage though  
PCC: Okay, little quips like t)(at are NOT K--ELPING.  
CAA: fine sorry!  
CAT: lOOK, 1 CAN BEHAVE MYSELF 1N PUBL1C,  
CAT: 1’M NOT A GRUB, aS MUCH AS YOU M1GHT WANT ME TO BE,  
CAA: what does that even mean  
PCC: OKAY T)(----EN!!!!!  
PCC: W--E AR--E ALL B--EING CIVIL NOW.  
FCG: WELL, THANK FUCK FOR THAT.  
PCC: S)(OOS)(!  
PCC: Now, Terezi and Vriska, YOU were t)(e ones responsibubble for clouding t)(is w)(ole event!  
PCC: Just w)(at )(appened t)(at )(as got everybody ANGLING for trouble??  
PAG: Nothing happened! It was just a typical game of FLARP, no 8ig deal.  
CAA: no it wasnt!  
PAG: Look, Megido, may8e you’re used to FLARPing 8y some silly little watered down magical tea party gru8 rules.  
PAG: 8ut when Team Scourge plays, we play 8y the rules!  
PAG: And if you can’t handle that, then may8e you should stick to the little leagues!!!!!!!!  
CAA: you do not play by the rules!  
CAA: you explicitly made up a rule just to make things as unpleasant as possible  
FGC: TH4TS NOT WHY W3 M4D3 1T UP  
FGC: W3LL, NOT TH3 PR1M4RY R34SON 4NYW4Y  
PCC: 38?  
PCC: W)(at rule are you talking aboat?  
FGC: 1TS TH3 T34M SCOURG3 HOUS3 RUL3  
FGC: W3 G4V3 TH3M BONUS 3XP3R13NC3 FOR M4K1NG FUN OF 34CH OTH3R  
PAG: Yeah, and if soooooooome people decided not to t8ke advantage of that rule as much as others, we can’t really 8e held accounta8le for that!!!!!!!!  
CAA: oh shut up  
PTA: eheh, ii have two 2ay, that’2 kiind of an awe2ome rule.  
CAA: what!  
CAA: no it isnt its terrible  
CAA: sollux dont even encourage them  
PTA: hey, ii’m not 2ayiing ii approve of what happened la2t niight or anythiing, ii’m ju2t 2ayiing iit’2 kiind of a hiilariiou2 concept.  
PTA: a2 long a2 the guy you’re playiing wiith ii2n’t a complete nook2taiin.  
CAT: pSH,  
PCC: So you were R--EWARDING t)(em for IN-SOL--E-TING eac)( ot)(er???  
PCC: T)(at sounds awfully FIS)(Y...  
PAG: Just what are you implying here, Peixes????????  
PCC: W)(ale, considering t)(e fact t)(at we are currently posting on -Eridan’s seally black s)(ipping memo...  
PCC: It seems to me t)(at t)(is w)(ole t)(ing mig)(t )(ave been a S---ETUP!  
CCA: wwoww wwhat  
CCA: you honestly think id meddle wwith the sacred rules a flarp just for the sake a my black shippin escapades  
CCA: fef im insulted really  
CAA: thats exactly what you did!  
CAA: you admitted to all of it on a public memo!  
FGC: SH3S GOT US TH3R3, 3R1D4N  
CCA: shit i forgot about that  
PTA: waiit, thii2 whole flarpiing niight wa2 all ju2t a 2hiippiing thiing?  
PTA: 2o aa, doe2 that mean... you and tv are kii2me2ii22e2 now??  
PTA: that ii2 2o me22ed up, why diidn’t you tell me about thii2.  
CAA: i didnt feel like talking about it  
CAT: oH, wHAT,  
CAT: aRE YOU ASHAMED OF ME OR SOMETH1NG,  
CAA: yeah right!  
CAA: if anyone should be ashamed it should be you  
CAA: considering i won our little scuffle  
PTA: “liittle 2cuffle?”  
PTA: aa, diid you and hiim...?  
CAA: i still dont feel like talking about it  
PAG: Yeah, they totally did. Right while we were clouding and everything!  
PAG: And if it hadn’t 8een for Terezi and I’s quick thinking, it all would’ve gone out on the pu8lic livestream!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Tooooooootally shameless, seriously.  
CAA: oh bite me  
PTA: 2eriiou2ly?  
PTA: you went at iit riight then and there?  
CAA: look i was just  
CAA: i was tired and angry and hurt and frustrated  
CAA: and i ended up doing something kind of stupid  
FCG: SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.  
FCG: THIS WHOLE FLARPING EXERCISE WAS JUST A RUSE TO EMOTIONALLY BATTER YOU INTO A STATE WHERE YOU’D COMMIT UNSPEAKABLE KISMETIC ACTS WITH TAVROS FUCKING NITRAM OF ALL PEOPLE  
FCG: ORCHESTRATED BY AN ENTIRE GODDAMN CABAL OF TROLLS, YOUR MOIRAIL INCLUDED  
FCG: WHO APPARENTLY HAD NO PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER WITH MANIPULATING YOU LIKE THAT?  
FCG: YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE TEREZI, ALL RIGHT.  
FGC: OH FUCK OFF  
FGC: YOUR3 COMPL3T3LY 3X4GG3R4T1NG, 1T W4SNT TH4T B4D  
CAA: no i dont think he is exaggerating  
CAA: it kind of is just as bad as hes making it out to be  
FGC: OH COM3 ON, R34LLY?  
CAA: terezi im serious!  
CAA: the whole night was a complete nightmare  
CAA: i thought i was just going to have some fun with an old friend but instead it turns out that since i came back to life hes become a complete asshole  
CAA: and all you guys did was encourage him!  
CAA: not once did you ever have my back  
FGC: 1 D1D TOO H4V3 YOUR B4CK!  
FGC: BUT 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS TH4T YOUR M3THOD OF D34L1NG W1TH T4VROS W4SNT V3RY 3FF3CT1V3  
FGC: SO 1 W4S TRY1NG TO G3T YOU TO D34L W1TH H1M 1N 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y  
CAA: you wanted me to fight back  
CAA: which just ended up making things even worse  
CAT: wHAT D1D YOU EXPECT ME TO DO,  
CAT: jUST ROLL OVER AND D1E THE 1NSTANT YOU START 1NSULT1NG ME,  
CAT: yOU UPPED THE ANTE, sO 1 D1D TOO,  
CAA: ugh see this is what im talking about  
CAA: as soon as i tried your “more effective” method things just spiraled completely out of control  
FGC: OK4Y F1N3 1LL 4DM1T 1T  
FGC: TH1NGS D1D K1ND OF G3T OUT OF H4ND  
FGC: BUT TH4T W4SNT P4RT OF TH3 PL4N!  
FGC: Y34H W3 W3R3 S3TT1NG YOU TWO UP 4G41NST 34CH OTH3R, BUT TH3 CONFL1CT W4SNT SUPPOS3D TO 3SC4L4T3 4NYWH3R3 N34R 4S QU1CKLY 4ND DR4M4T1C4LLY 4S 1T D1D  
FGC: W3 JUST K1ND OF F41L3D TO T4K3 4 F3W V4R14BL3S 1NTO 4CCOUNT  
CAA: like tavros being a complete scumbag  
FGC: Y3S 3X4CTLY  
CAT: hEY, eXCUSE ME,  
CAT: 1 MAY BE A JERK, bUT 1’M NOT A COMPLETE SCUMBAG,  
FGC: W3LL  
FGC: TO B3 P3RF3CTLY HON3ST  
FGC: YOU K1ND OF 4R3 >:/  
CAT: wHAT,  
FGC: 1 M34N, YOU M4D3 TH1NGS P3RSON4L R34LLY QU1CKLY  
FGC: 1T R34LLY GOT OUT OF H4ND F4ST!  
FGC: W1TH 4LL TH3 J4BS 4BOUT SOLLUX 3SP3C14LLY  
CAT: wELL, 1T’S PR1ME MATER1AL, hOW CAN 1 JUST 1GNORE 1T,  
PTA: wow, you were makiing fun of me ju2t two get at her?  
PTA: that’2 pretty pathetiic, dude, niice work.  
PTA: hone2tly, tv, what ii2 your problem wiith me?  
CAT: 1 DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM W1TH YOU,  
CAT: nOT EXACTLY,  
PCT: D --> Then what e%actly do you have a problem with  
PCT: D --> Besides manners  
PCT: D --> And hygiene  
PCT: D --> And just being a decent person in general, really  
CAT: 1 HAVE A PROBLEM W1TH aRAD1A,  
CAT: aND JUST WHAT 1T 1T 1S NONE OF YOUR BUS1NESS, oKAY,  
PCT: D --> And yet we are irrevocably drawn into conflict as well  
PTA: yeah, come two thiink of iit, you’ve been goiing after eq ju2t a2 much a2 you have for me.  
PTA: waiit, ii thiink ii know what thii2 ii2 about.  
PTA: you’re jealou2, aren’t you?  
CAT: nO,  
CAA: actually yes thats it exactly  
CAA: this whole thing he has against me apparently has to do with the fact that he used to be flushed for me  
CAA: and now hes all angry and bitter because he was never good enough for me or something  
CAT: gOD DAMN 1T, rEALLY,  
CAT: yOU’RE SER1OUSLY GO1NG TO DRAG TH1S OUT 1NTO PUBL1C???  
CAA: would you rather everyone just think youre a jerk for no reason whatsoever?  
CAT: 1’D RATHER YOU NOT DRAG PERSONAL AFFA1RS OUT 1NTO PUBL1C,  
CAA: you shouted this whole thing at me in a public memo!  
CAA: on a live broadcast that people were watching!  
CAT: oKAY, wELL,  
CAT: hOW ABOUT THE TH1NG you SHOUTED 1N A PUBL1C MEMO,  
CAT: aBOUT YOUR ENORMOUS PALECRUSH ON ME,  
PCC: 38?  
CAA: yeah so what  
CAT: sO, hOW ABOUT ALSO,  
CAT: tHE FACT THAT YOU WERE PRETTY BLATANTLY PALEFL1RT1NG W1TH ME, tHE ENT1RE T1ME WE WERE PLAY1NG,  
CAT: nOT ONLY 1N FRONT OF MY MO1RA1L, bUT 1N FRONT OF YOURS, tOO!  
CAT: wOW, wHAT A CLASS ACT,  
CAA: i was not flirting with you!  
CAA: i was just trying to be nice  
PAG: Oh suuuuuuuure, “trying to 8e nice,” she says.  
PAG: With all the “Tavros 8e careful!” and “Tavros listen to me!” and “Tavros do everything I say 8ecause I’m trying to protect you in a completely platonic way!!!!!!!!”  
PAG: I’m not 8uying it for a second.  
CAA: oh really?  
CAA: well if you thought it was that bad then why didnt you say anything?  
PAG: 8ecause it was just a hunch!  
PAG: And it’s not like I could 8ring it up with Terezi watching along!  
PAG: Not like that stopped you, though! You just went right after that earmammoth in the respite8lock like a starv8tion-addled choler8ear.  
PAG: Seriously, Terezi, I would 8e soooooooo shamed and humili8ted 8y Aradia’s actions if I were you right now.  
FGC: OH SHUT UP  
CAA: look i wasnt  
CAA: deliberately trying to make any pale advances  
CAT: bUT YOU ST1LL D1D,  
CAA: yeah fine i did!  
CAA: i thought i could keep it under control with terezi there  
CAA: but i guess youre just so pathetic i couldnt help myself  
PTA: eheheh, niice.  
CAT: yOU COULDN’T HELP YOURSELF,  
CAT: rEALLY,  
CAT: tHAT’S K1ND OF A CREEPY TH1NG TO SAY,  
CAA: oh whatever  
CAA: its not like i was forcing myself upon you or something  
CAT: r1GHT, 1NSTEAD YOU JUST, cONSTANTLY FL1RTED W1TH ME,  
CAT: wH1LE THE ENT1RE T1ME, yOUR MO1RA1L WAS WATCH1NG,  
CAT: 1’M SORRY, bUT, tHAT’S K1ND OF MESSED UP,  
FGC: STOP T4LK1NG 4BOUT M3 L1K3 1M NOT H3R3!  
FGC: 1 C4N SP34K FOR MYS3LF YOU KNOW  
CAA: yeah tavros  
CAA: if terezi had a problem with it she wouldve said so herself  
FGC: W3LL  
CAA: what  
FGC: HON3STLY  
FGC: 1T DO3S S33M 4 L1TTL3 1N4PPROPR14T3 1N R3TROSP3CT  
FGC: TH3 WHOL3 W4Y YOU H4NDL3D TH3 S1TU4T1ON  
CAA: i was just trying to be nice!  
CAA: all i was trying to do was pretend that one of my old friends hadnt turned into an insufferable prick and act accordingly  
CAA: is that so wrong?  
FGC: K1ND OF Y34H  
FGC: B3C4US3 H3 1S 4N 1NSUFF3R4BL3 PR1CK  
CAT: wHAT,  
CAA: hahaha  
FGC: BUT S3R1OUSLY, 4 LOT H4S CH4NG3D S1NC3 YOU TWO W3R3 FR13NDS  
FGC: 4ND YOU C4NT JUST 4CT L1K3 NOTH1NG H4PP3N3D  
CAA: so what should i have done instead?  
CAA: become a bitter angry shell like tavros did?  
FGC: NO TH4TS NOT 4 GOOD SOLUT1ON 31TH3R  
FGC: R34LLY 1 C4NT T3LL YOU TH3 B3ST W4Y TO H4NDL3 1T  
FGC: B3C4US3 1 D1DNT R34L1Z3 YOU F3LT SO STRONGLY 4BOUT H1M!  
FGC: WHY D1DNT YOU T3LL M3 4BOUT TH1S SOON3R?  
CAA: i wasnt sure how to bring it up!  
CAA: i mean how do you tell your moirail that theres somebody else youre still really pale for?  
PAC: :33 < ooh, thats actually a good point  
PAC: :33 < talk about pawkward!  
FGC: OK4Y F1N3 YOU M4Y H4V3 4 PO1NT  
FGC: BUT YOU ST1LL SHOULDV3 TOLD M3  
FGC: 3SP3C14LLY W1TH TH1S WHOL3 FL4RP1NG TH1NG W3 H4D PL4NN3D  
CAA: oh like it wouldve mattered  
CAA: considering the whole thing was a stupid ruse!  
FGC: 1T WOULD H4V3 M4TT3R3D!  
FGC: 1F 1D KNOWN OTH3R QU4DR4NTS W3R3 G3TT1NG 1NTO 1T 1 WOULD H4V3 4PPRO4CH3D TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG 4 L1TTL3 D1FF3R3NTLY  
FGC: 3R1D4N >:[  
CCA: hey noww lets not go brandishin accusatory appendages here ok  
CCA: noww its true that this wwhole plan wwas secretly hinged on these twwo havvin conflictin romantic interests in each other  
CCA: but the actual outcome a last nights session wwas not at all wwhat i had in mind  
CCA: things wwere SUPPOSED to progress at a much more manageable rate  
CCA: an they wwouldvve if it wwerent for a certain good for nothin spidertroll meddlin the mixture  
PAG: Oh, so your plan fucks up, and you 8lame the whole thing on me????????  
CCA: you messed wwith the drops vvris  
CCA: need i remind you that this wwhole kerfluffle wwas triggered by the twwo a them fightin ovver a healing item  
PCC: Seariously?  
CAA: it wasnt about that!  
CAA: i mean thats what started it  
CAA: but then tavros had to go and make it about something else like a complete tool  
CAT: yOU KNOW,  
CAT: wE COULD’VE AVO1DED ALL TH1S,  
CAT: 1F YOU’D JUST LET ME HAVE THE D1V1NE AMBROS1A,  
CAA: oh dont even start!  
FGC: TH3R3 W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 TWO OF TH3M, FOR TH3 R3CORD  
FGC: BUT VR1SK4 H4D TO GO 4ND FUCK TH4T UP  
PAG: I thought it was a mist8ke!!!!!!!!  
PAG: I figured the spiderwitch was only supposed to drop one, 8ecause it was another really evil thing to make them fight over!!!!!!!!  
PAG: May8e if you guys had actually clued me in that this was all a 8ig scheme, it wouldn’t have happened!!!!!!!!  
FCG: WAIT, SO THERE WAS THIS BIG BLACK SHIPPING CLUSTERFUCK GOING ON, AND YOU WEREN’T IN ON IT AT ALL?  
FCG: FOR SOME REASON, I FIND THAT HARD TO BELIEVE.  
PAG: I’m serious!!!!!!!!  
CCA: its true wwe had to keep her out a the loop  
CCA: if shed knowwn wwe wwere deliberately wworkin these twwo against each other shed havve accelerated things at an undesirable rate  
CAA: yeah except she did that anyway  
CAA: big surprise  
PAG: What????????  
PAG: I didn’t do shit, Megido, you’ve got nothing on me.  
CAA: yeah you did!  
CAA: even if you werent in on it you were egging tavros on the entire time  
PAG: I was 8eing encouraging! 8ecause that’s what moirails do!  
CAA: encouraging him to be an asshole!  
CAT: hEY, eXCUSE ME,  
CAT: 1F YOU TH1NK 1’M AN ASSHOLE, tHAT’S F1NE,  
CAT: bUT LEAVE vR1SKA OUT OF TH1S, 1T HAS NOTH1NG TO DO W1TH HER,  
PAG: Yeah, Aradia, you’ve 8een going after me waaaaaaaay more than you have Tavros, even after last night.  
PAG: I get that you’re totally jealous that I’m his moirail and you’re not, 8ut could you may8e show a little fidelity here?  
CAA: i am not jealous  
PAG: You are so completely jealous.  
CAA: no im not!  
CAA: im perfectly happy with my own pale quadrant situation right now  
CAA: i just wish tavros was with anybody but you!  
PAG: Oh, okay, so you’re gonna m8ke this personal.  
PAG: Seriously, what the fuck is your pro8lem with me????????  
PAG: Like, are you actually 8lack for me? 8ecause if you are, you had your chance, and you completely missed the 8oat.  
PAG: I get that I’m pretty much the ideal kismesis, so I get why you want a piece of this, don’t get me wrong........  
PAG: 8ut you’re hardly the only one, so I’m afr8d you’re gonna have to w8 your turn just like every8ody else.  
CAA: oh my god shut up!  
CAA: i already told you thats not what this is about at all!  
PCC: Are you s)(ore?  
PCC: Because t)(ings do seem awfully CONT--ENC)(IOUS between you two!  
CAT: yEAH, aRAD1A,  
CAT: aM 1 NOT K1SMES1S ENOUGH FOR YOU,  
CAT: hOW DO YOU TH1NK sOLLUX WOULD FEEL ABOUT YOU “bORROW1NG” H1S,  
PTA: eh, ii wouldn’t really miind.  
PTA: iin fact, iin a way of 2peakiing, 2he already ha2.  
CAT: wHAT,  
PAG: Sollux, sh8t up!!!!!!!!  
PTA: what, you mean 2he diidn’t tell you?  
PTA: well, far be iit from me two break the 2iilence.  
CAA: well if you wont then i will  
PAG: Ar8dia, you 8etter n8t!!!!!!!!  
CAA: you know that little scuffle we had on loqam?  
CAA: well it wasnt just a little scuffle  
CAA: it was a full blown maroonion!  
CAT: wHAT,  
PCT: D --> Ok  
PCT: D --> This is the second time I’ve heard that e%pression  
PCT: D --> What e%actly is a “maroonion”  
FGC: FROM WH4T 1 UND3RST4ND  
FGC: 4 M4ROON1ON 1S WH3R3 YOU T4K3 4 TROLL  
FGC: TH3N YOU T4K3 TH31R M4T3SPR1T 4ND TH31R K1SM3S1S  
FGC: 4ND, UH  
FGC: PUT TH3M 4LL TOG3TH3R  
FCG: WHAT.  
FCG: ALL THREE OF THEM TOGETHER?  
FCG: AT THE SAME TIME?  
FGC: Y3P  
FCG: THAT IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I’VE EVER HEARD OF.  
PAG: Oh my god, fuck all of you guys!!!!!!!!  
PTA: that’2 the iidea.  
CCA: hahahahaha  
CCA: i havve to say that sounds kind of amazing  
PAC: :33 < dont get any ideas, eridan!  
PCT: D --> Wait, so you mean  
PCT: D --> The three of them  
PCT: D --> Oh my god, this is so unbelievably 100d  
PCT: D --> Nepeta, I e%pressly forbid you from indulging in this  
PAC: :33 < i wasnt going to!!  
PAG: Okay, just for the record, this wasn’t my idea!!!!!!!!  
PAG: I was just on LOQAM, and so were these two, and........ they just kind of roped me into it!!!!!!!!  
FCG: YEAH, THAT SOUNDS REASONABLE ENOUGH.  
FCG: THIS CERTAINLY WOULDN’T BE THE FIRST TIME SOLLUX AND ARADIA COERCED SOME THIRD PARTY INTO AN UNSPEAKABLY DEPRAVED MULTI-QUADRANT CLUSTERFUCK.  
PCC: Y----ES IT WOULD!!!! >38(  
CAT: wA1T, hOLD ON,  
CAT: vR1SKA, d1D TH1S HAPPEN, uH,  
CAT: w1THOUT YOUR CONSENT,  
PAG: Um.  
PAG: Well........  
PAG: Not without it, per se........  
CAA: yeah she was on board pretty much from the get go  
CAA: so dont even worry about that  
CAA: long story short  
CAA: i stuck my tongue down your moirails throat  
CAA: so deal with it  
CAA: >8)  
CAT: eUGH,  
FGC: WOW 4R4D14  
FGC: WH3R3D TH1S SUDD3N CH4NG3 OF TUN3 COM3 FROM?  
FGC: 1 THOUGHT YOU THOUGHT 4 M4ROON1ON W4S TH3 WORST TH1NG 3V3R  
CAA: yeah i know i said that before  
CAA: but now i know the truth!  
CAA: a maroonion is basically the best thing ever  
CAA: and thats pretty much all there is to say on the matter!  
PAG: It completely changes the dynamic!!!!!!!!  
CAA: i know!  
PTA: ahahahah, hell fuckiing ye2.  
FGA: Okay I Think  
FGA: This Is To The Point Where It Might Be A Problem  
PAG: What’s a pro8lem?  
FGA: This Thing With You And Aradia  
FGA: I Mean If It Was Limited To Verbal Conflicts That Would Be One Thing  
FGA: But If You Two Are  
FGA: Well  
FGA: I Think An Intermediary Might Be In Order  
CAA: wait  
CAA: you mean like  
CAA: an auspistice?  
FGA: That Was The Idea Yes  
CAA: whoa hold on a minute  
CAA: im not sure thats really necessary  
PAG: So you’re a8solutely certain the little incident on LOQAM isn’t gonna happen again, only minus Sollux?  
PAG: 8ecause somehow, I’m not so sure.  
PTA: for the record, ii wouldn’t miind.  
PAG: No8ody cares what you think, Sollux!!!!!!!!  
CAT: yEAH, 1 DEF1N1TELY TH1NK,  
CAT: aN 1NTERVENT1ON 1S 1N ORDER HERE,  
FGC: 1 K1ND OF H4V3 TO 4GR33  
FGC: TH1S 1S GO1NG 4 L1TTL3 F4R 3V3N FOR YOU, 4R4D14  
CAA: what do you mean even for me?  
FGC: YOU KNOW D4MN W3LL WH4T 1 M34N, M1SS “FUTUR3 M3 GOT TH3M!!!”  
PAG: Okay, so I’m on 8oard with this whole auspistice thing, 8ut who the hell’s gonna do it?  
PAG: Nepeta, would you 8e up for it, may8e?  
PAC: :33 < whoa what???  
PAC: :33 < why me?  
PAG: Well, you know, we had that whole thing a week or two ago, and it worked out pretty well, all things considered.  
PAG: And I don’t know, I thought you might still 8e interested.  
FCG: YOU COULD DO A LOT WORSE, HONESTLY.  
PAC: :33 < well, uh  
PAC: :33 < im certainly flattered that you would consider me!  
PAC: :33 < but im not sure if im really interested in being a long-term pawspistice right now  
PAC: :33 < sorry :((  
PAG: Nah, I get it, it’s not for every8ody.  
FGA: If I Might Make A Suggestion  
FGA: What About Gamzee  
FTC: Hey, yeah, I’d be all down for up and gettin my clubs on towards the general direction of you two.  
FTC: Uh, I mean metaphorical romance clubs, not like actual clubs like what’s all up in my strife specibus.  
CAA: oh  
CAA: um  
CAA: gamzee  
FGA: He Doesnt Have Any Existing Quadrant Ties To Either Of You  
FGA: And Hes Expressed His Interest To Me Privately In Acting As An Auspistice  
FGA: So I Believe He Could Serve As An Adequate Mediator  
FTC: Shit yeah, sister, i’d be all up on top of that conciliatin noise what like fizz over a freshly poured Faygo.  
FTC: We could all be like sittin under my hive at a few sacks of leguminous protein objects, slammin the wicked elixir and all bein what like better bros.  
PAG: Um.  
PAG: That wouldn’t 8e too 8ad, I guess?  
PTA: ahahahah, ye2, thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2.  
PTA: do iit, you two, you have ab2olutely nothiing two lo2e.  
CCA: yknoww i hadnt considered this ship  
CCA: but i guess its a possibility  
CAA: hang on a minute  
CAA: im not sure if i like the sound of this  
FTC: Well shit, why not?  
CAA: its nothing against you personally gamzee  
CAA: im sure youre as competent an auspistice as they come  
CAA: but i dont think youd be a completely unbiased mediator  
FGA: You Dont  
CAA: well the thing is i have this whole black thing with tavros  
CAA: and youre his matesprit  
CAA: you see the problem here right?  
FTC: Oh.  
FTC: Fuck, that’s a thing I kind of up and didn’t think at.  
FTC: I didn’t want to say nothin, seein like you’re his kismesis and all, but it is all kinds of botherin me this shit you’re all up and like talkin at him.  
FTC: But I don’t know, I might be able to put that shit astride.  
PCT: D --> Astride  
FTC: Aside.  
FTC: They’re only two letters apart.  
PCT: D --> “Astride” is an e%tremely uncommon preposition  
PCT: D --> How do you even make that mistake  
FTC: Man, I don’t know, give me a motherfuckin break.  
FGC: 1 DONT KNOW, 1M NOT SUR3 1TS 4 GOOD 1D34  
FGC: TH3 FLUSH3D QU4DR4NT 1S 4 P4RT1CUL4RLY 1RR4T1ON4L ON3  
FGC: 1T C4N 1NFLU3NC3 YOU 1N W4YS YOU C4NT 3V3N CONSC1OUSLY R34L1Z3  
FTC: Shit, I don’t know, maybe I ain’t the best candidate.  
FGA: But  
FGA: If Not You Then Who  
PCC: )(mmm...  
PCC: I mig)(t )(ave an idea...  
FGA: Oh Really  
FGA: And Just Who Would You Suggest  
PCC: M--------E!! 38D  
PCC: I )(APPILY volunteer my services!  
FGA: What  
PAG: What?  
CAA: oh  
CAA: thats actually not a bad idea  
CAA: id be ok with that  
FGA: But Hold On  
FGA: Doesnt That Just Present The Same Problem In Reverse  
FGA: I Mean Aradia Youre Her Moirails Matesprit  
FGA: How Is That Any Different  
PCC: It’s COMPL---ET---ELY different!!  
PCC: W)(ale it IS true t)(at Aradia is my morayeel’s matesprit, at t)(e same time, Vriska is )(is kismesis!  
PCC: And as far as I’M concerned, t)(ey are bot)( --EQUALLY important to )(im, and t)(erefore to me!  
CCA: of course  
CCA: givven their mutual invvestment in sol it makes perfect sense that she wwould be the perfect impartial mediator  
CCA: its the most hallowwed romantic configuration in the figurativve book  
CCA: the ol matesprit kismesis moirail auspistice tetra master quadruple reacharound  
FGA: Thats Not What Its Called  
CCA: then wwhat is it called  
FGA: Oh My Fucking Lord Why Does Everything Have To Be Called Something  
FGA: Why Cant We Just Call The Arrangement What It Is Instead Of Concocting Some Maddeningly Idiotic Label For It  
PTA: whoa, ky, you’re kiind of freakiing out.  
FGA: Im Not Freaking Out  
PAC: :33 < no, i think you kind of are  
PAC: :33 < it is just a silly name, kanaya  
FGA: Look Im Just  
FGA: Im Not Entirely Confident This Is A Good Idea  
PAG: Yeah, me either!  
PAG: I mean, Feferi, you’re cool and all, don’t get me wrong, 8ut........ do you seriously want to 8e my auspistice????????  
PCC: W)(y not?  
PCC: We AR--E fronds, aren’t we?  
PAG: Well, yeah, 8ut........  
PCC: And Aradia, we’re fronds too, RIG)(T?  
CAA: of course! :)  
PCC: T)(en, given t)(e fact t)(at you are bot)( capable of being civil wit)( M--E, S)(OR---ELY I would be an ideal intermediary!  
PCC: So w)(at’s t)(e problem, Vriska???  
PCC: Do you t)(ink I would be BAD at it or somefin????????  
PAG: Nononononononono, I’m not dou8ting your a8lities at all!!!!!!!!  
PAG: I’m sure you’d 8e a great auspistice and all, 8ut........  
PAG: Well, the thing a8out an auspisticeship is........ there’s a lot of, y’know, closeness involved.  
PCC: Yea)(, so w)(at??  
PCC: Prawnestly, w)(at is your D---EAL lately, Vriska?  
PCC: I )(ave been trying to talk to you on Trollian and stuff, but it S-E-EMS like you )(ave been AVOIDING me!!  
PCC: Are you trying to SNUB me or somet)(ing????  
PAG: Of course not!!!!!!!!  
PAG: If I were cutting you off, I’d let you know first, 8elieve me!  
PCC: T)(en w)(at is it??  
FGA: Miss Peixes Im Not Sure This Is Really Your Business  
FGA: If Vriska Has In Fact Made A Conscious Decision To Spend Less Time With You Which You Dont Even Know Is Necessarily The Case  
FGA: Then That Is Her Choice And You Dont Really Have A Say In The Matter  
PCC: O)(, okay, I sea )(ow it is...  
PCC: )(eaven forbid s)(e s)(ould earn more las)(es for MY sake.  
FGA: And Just What Is That Supposed To Mean  
PCC: W)(at do you T)(INK it means, Kanaya????????  
PAG: Guys, guys, please!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Honestly, this is just getting out of hand.  
PAG: Look, Feferi, I’d 8e all up for you 8eing my auspistice, 8ut I’ll only agree to it if Kanaya’s completely okay with it.  
PAG: That m8kes sense, right?  
PCC: Yes, I SUPPOS---E.  
PCC: But Kanaya, just W)(Y would you )(ave a problem wit)( Vriska being in my AS)(---EN quadrant???  
FGA: I Dont Have A Problem With That  
FGA: Assuming Thats Your Actual Intent  
FGA: Given Your Peculiar Attitudes Regarding The Other Conciliatory Quadrant I Have To Wonder  
PCC: Just w)(at are you ACCUSING me of )(ere, Kanaya???  
FGA: Im Not Accusing You Of Anything  
PCC: O)( R--E--ELY??  
PCC: Because it S-E-EMS TO M-E t)(at you’re implying t)(at I would use t)(is auspisticism as a cover for somet)(ing DUBIOUS.  
PCC: And just w)(y would YOU of all people t)(ink t)(at, )(MMMM?????  
FGA: Okay  
FGA: Now I Think Youre The One Whos Accusing Me Of Something  
PCC: Am I? >38)  
FGA: Um  
CAT: fOR WHAT 1T’S WORTH, kANAYA,  
CAT: 1 TH1NK fEFER1 1S REALLY THE BEST CHO1CE HERE,  
CAT: 1 MEAN, 1 TH1NK 1T’D BE BEST 1F gAMZEE WASN’T TANGLED UP 1N TH1S,  
FGC: Y34H 1 H4V3 TO 4GR33  
FGC: 1 R34L1Z3 YOUR F33L1NGS 4BOUT M1SS P31X3S M1GHT L34D YOU TO B3L13V3 OTH3RW1S3  
FGC: BUT 1M PR3TTY SUR3 SH3S TH3 1D34L C4ND1D4T3 H3R3  
FGA: What Do You Mean My Feelings  
FGC: 1 TH1NK YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34N  
FGC: H3H3H3H3  
FGA: Urrgh  
FTC: Hey, if it’s really all that big a motherfuckin problem, I’d still be willing to take a crack to it.  
CCA: gam id let it go if i wwere you  
CCA: i think fefs the better choice in this particular instance  
FTC: You think?  
CCA: yeah i think so  
CCA: layin out the shippin grid it actually wworks out better this wway  
FTC: Well shit, if you say so.  
CCA: dont wworry pall wwell find you an ashen pair yet mark my fuckin wwords  
FGA: So  
FGA: I Suppose Its Fruitless To Attempt To Fight The Consensus Here  
FGA: What Choice Do I Have But To Accept  
PAG: Kanaya, if you’re not okay with it, I’ll find some8ody else.  
FGA: No Its Fine Really  
FGA: Im Just Being Overly Paranoid Anyway  
PCC: GR--------EAT! T)(en it’s S--ETTL--ED!!!  
PCC: Unless you )(ave any objections, Aradia or Vriska.  
CAA: nope!  
PAG: Wellllllll........  
PAG: Kanaya, is it really alright?  
FGA: It Is  
FGA: Really  
PAG: Well, then I guess I have no o8jections either.  
PCC: Okay, NOW it’s settled!!!  
PCC: From t)(is moment on, I will be auspisticizing for t)(e two of you!!! 38D  
PCC: c3<  
CAA: yeah!!  
CAA: this is actually really great  
CAA: i cant think of anybody id rather have as an auspistice  
PTA: yeah, iit’2 a pretty 2weet arrangement, all thiing2 con2iidered.  
PTA: waiit, hold on.  
PTA: doe2 thii2 mean no more marooniion2?  
CAA: oh no  
CAA: please say no please say no please say no  
PCC: W)(ale...  
PCC: We MIG)(T be able to negotiate somet)(ing...  
CAT: wHAT,  
CAT: hANG ON, nO,  
CAT: tH1S 1S REALLY NOT OKAY,  
CAT: 1 THOUGHT THE WHOLE REASON FOR THE AUSP1ST1C1SM,  
CAT: wAS TO STOP vR1SKA FROM BE1NG PULLED 1NTO TH1S DEBAUCHERY,  
CAA: she did not get pulled in  
CAA: she pretty much volunteered  
PAG: Damn it, Megido, don’t say it like that, you make me sound like a complete floozy!!!!!!!!  
PAG: The two of them wanted to experiment, and I was willing to cooper8.  
PAG: That’s it.  
CAT: yEAH, bUT,  
CAT: yOU DON’T SER1OUSLY WANT TO REPEAT THAT 1N THE FUTURE, dO YOU,  
PAG: Um.  
PTA: ahahahahahahahah.  
FCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.  
FCG: I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU ALL THAT YOU DISGUST ME.  
CAT: vR1SKA, aRE YOU SER1OUS,  
PAG: Look, if you don’t want me edging in on your kismesis, that’s fine!  
PAG: 8ut........ honestly, maroonions are pretty much the 8est thing ever.  
CAT: 1 DON’T GET 1T,  
CAT: wHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT TH1S,  
CAT: 1T JUST SOUNDS, uH,  
CAT: wE1RD TO ME,  
PAG: Hey, don’t knock it till you try it.  
CAT: w1TH WHO,  
CAT: aRAD1A AND sOLLUX,  
CAA: hey yeah thatd work  
PTA: ahahah, ye2, ii diidn’t even thiink of that.  
PTA: vk, ii am 2oooooooo 2tiickiing my tongue down your moiiraiil’2 throat.  
PAG: What!!!!!!!!  
PAG: You’d 8etter fucking not!!!!!!!!  
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 22 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: two late, already diid.  
FTA: or wiill have from your per2pectiive, ii gue22.  
CAT: wHAT,  
PAG: Oh, you son of a fucking 8itch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CAA: hahahahaha  
FUTURE adiosToreador [FAT] 23 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FAT: gOD DAMN 1T, sER1OUSLY,  
FAT: yOU JUST had TO POST TH1S ON A PUBL1C MEMO,  
FTA: yeah, pretty much.  
CAT: wA1T,  
CAT: sO NOW,  
CAT: tH1S 1S DEF1N1TELY GO1NG TO HAPPEN,  
FTA: yep, iit’2 iintermiinably woven iintwo the fabriic of 2pacetiime now.  
FTA: iif you don’t engage iin a marooniion 2ome tiime iin the next 22 hour2, everyone ii2 goiing two diie and the uniiver2e wiill cea2e two exii2t.  
FTA: no pre22ure.  
CAT: bUT 1,  
CAT: wHAT,  
FAT: pAST ME, dON’T EVEN WORRY ABOUT TH1S GUY,  
FAT: yOU CAN TAKE ANYTH1NG H1M AND H1S G1RLFR1END CAN D1SH OUT,  
FAT: eVEN 1F THEY ARE DO1NG THAT FREAKY PS1ON1C M1ND MELD TH1NG,  
PAG: Oh god, watch out for that, it’s 8rutal.  
FTA: yeah, iit wiill be, beliieve me.  
PAG: I’m gonna get you 8ack soooooooo hard for this, Captor.  
PAG: A tongue for a tongue, mark my fucking words.  
PCC: Um... 38/  
FTA: you’re welcome two try, 2piiderbiitch.  
FTA: <3<  
PAG: I’m gonna m8ke you eat those words, you 8ipolar prick!!!!!!!!  
PAG: <3<  
FTA: alriight, ii’m done.  
FTA ceased responding to memo.  
FAT: yEAH, 1 SHOULD GO TOO,  
FAT: 1 K1ND OF HAVE TO, uH,  
FAT: pART1C1PATE 1N SOME ABLUT1ONS,  
CAT: wA1T, d1D TH1S,  
CAT: tH1S, uH, wHOLE TH1NG,  
CAT: l1TERALLY JUST HAPPEN, tO YOU,  
FAT: tHAT’S NOT 1MPORTANT,  
FAT: aNYWAY, 1 HAVE TO GO, bYE,  
FAT ceased responding to memo.  
CAT: uH,  
PAG: For the record, Tavros, you’re perfectly welcome to t8ke a shot at that 8astard whenever you want.  
FCG: OH DEAR LORD NO.  
FCG: CAN WE PLEASE STOP BARTERING ABOUT WHICH WAYS WE ARE AND AREN’T ALLOWED TO COMMIT ADULTERY???  
FCG: THESE MEMOS ARE HARD ENOUGH TO READ WHEN YOU PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY BABBLING ABOUT THE DEPRAVED THINGS YOU’RE DOING WITH PEOPLE YOU’RE ACTUALLY IN QUADRANTS WITH.  
FGC: 4WWWW  
FGC: 1S SOM3BODY F33L1NG L3FT OUT?  
FCG: NEVER IN A MILLION SWEEPS.  
FCG: I WANT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THOSE FOUR’S COMPLETELY SHITHIVE POLYQUADRANT TRAPEZOID, OR ANY POLYGON EVEN REMOTELY LIKE IT.  
PTA: you 2ure about that, kk?  
PTA: becau2e iif you’re waxiing a2hen for me, ii totally under2tand, ii’m kiind of iirre2ii2table.  
FCG: THE ONLY THING IRRESISTABLE ABOUT YOU IS THE URGE TO PERFORM SOME CORRECTIVE ORTHIDONTICS ON YOU WITH MY FISTS.  
FCG: HOW COME GOING GOD TIER CAN HEAL BROKEN SPINES AND REPLACE MISSING LIMBS, BUT IT DIDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT UNBELIEVABLY GRATING LISP OF YOURS?  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
PTA: for your iinformatiion, kk, ii can 2top lii2piing whenever the fuck ii feel liike iit.  
PTA: ii ju2t keep iit up becau2e aa liike2 iit.  
FCG: HORSESHIT.  
CAA: no its true!  
CAA: i think its endearing <3  
PAG: Oh dear god, I’m gonna gag.  
PAG: So Peixes, when are we gonna do this auspistice thing?  
PCC: W)(ale, w)(y not rig)(t now?  
PCC: Sollux and I are just wrapping up some quests on LODAG, but we’re not reely doing anyt)(ing!  
PAG: W8, he’s not gonna 8e there for it, is he????????  
PCC: Of course not!!  
PTA: not thii2 tiime, anyway.  
PCC: QUI----ET!!! 38P  
PTA: alriight, alriight, ii’ll go.  
PTA: though con2iideriing you’re takiing my mate2priit and my kii2me2ii2 and kiickiing me out, that doe2n’t leave me wiith much two do.  
FCG: HEY PAIL-FOR-BRAINS, DID YOU CONSIDER MAYBE DOING SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE ONE OF YOUR QUADRANTS?  
FCG: YOU KNOW, IT TURNS OUT WE’RE ALL PLAYING THIS GAME THAT DETERMINES THE FATE OF OUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE, MAYBE YOU COULD TRY CONTRIBUTING TO THAT!  
FCG: HOW ABOUT REPAIRING SOME OF THE DAMAGE YOU DID TO YOUR PLANET IN THAT HORMONE-FUELED RAMPAGE YOU WENT ON THE OTHER DAY???  
PTA: my planet ii2 nothiing but a 2molderiing iinferno full of worthle22 braiin2, everythiing vk and ii diid to iit ii2 a 2triict iimprovement.  
FCG: UGH.  
PCT: D --> If I may  
PCT: D --> Would it be possible for us to, um  
PCT: D --> Continue our lessons  
FCG: LESSONS?  
FCG: DO I EVEN WANT TO KNOW?  
PTA: etiiquette le22ons.  
PTA: eq’2 teachiing me whiich fork ii2 for 2alad and whiich one ii2 for grubloaf.  
PTA: once we’re done, ii’m goiing to completely fuckiing de2troy the black kiing wiith my iimpeccable table manner2.  
CAA: haha  
PCT: D --> Er, not e%actly  
PCT: D --> He is simply instru%ing me on some topi% that otherwise e100ded my grasp  
PCT: D --> For the purposes of a proje%  
PCC: A)( yes, t)(e project!  
PCC: )(ow is t)(at going, by t)(e wave?  
PCT: D --> Quite well, a%ually  
PCT: D --> Progress has been bri%, and it should be complete within the ne%t day or two  
CAT: wHAT 1S TH1S “pROJECT,” aNYWAY,  
CAT: aRE YOU MAK1NG A ROBOT DOUBLE OF HER,  
CAT: sO YOU CAN K1SS 1T,  
CAT: aND THEN YOU’RE GO1NG TO G1VE 1T TO HER, aS SOME SORT OF WE1RD, mESSED UP COURTSH1P R1TUAL,  
PCT: D --> Of course not, don’t be f001ish  
PCT: D --> If you’re even capable of that  
CAA: yeah tavros  
CAA: and even if it was itd be a better gesture than anything you ever did  
CAA: you know  
CAA: nothing  
CAT: hA HA,  
CAT: sER1OUSLY, aRAD1A, wHY ARE YOU DEFEND1NG TH1S GUY,  
CAT: hE’S A TOTAL CREEP,  
CAA: hes a lot better than you!  
FTC: Whoa now, let’s not say any shit we can’t all up and take back.  
CAT: hAHAHA, yEAH,  
CAT: oKAY, wHY AM 1 WORSE THAN eQU1US,  
CAA: because unlike you hes not a complete asshole?  
CAT: wA1T, hOLD ON A M1NUTE,  
CAT: 1’M AN ASSHOLE, aND HE 1SN’T???  
CAT: 1 TH1NK YOU M1GHT HAVE TH1S BACKWARDS,  
CAA: no im pretty sure i have it forwards  
CAT: nO, lOOK, yOU’RE M1SUNDERSTAND1NG THE ENT1RE NARRAT1VE HERE,  
CAT: sEE, 1’M THE DOGGED N1CE GUY, wHO HAD LONG SOUGHT YOUR AFFECT1ONS,  
CAT: aND YOU’RE CALLOUS HEARTBREAKER, wHO FO1LED MY ADVANCES AT EVERY TURN,  
CAT: aND eQU1US 1S JUST ONE 1N A LONG, lONG L1NE OF FORMER SU1TORS, wHO YOU ALL L1KED FOR A MYR1AD OF TERR1BLE, sUPERF1C1AL REASONS,  
CAT: bUT NOW, 1’VE DEVELOPED 1NTO A TOTAL LADYK1LLER, aND 1’M SO OVER YOU,  
CAT: sO NOW 1’M DO1NG V1CTORY LAPS AROUND YOU 1N MY SWEET CONVERT1BLE SCUTTLEBUGGY, wH1LE YOU ARE FORCED TO DO JAN1TOR1AL LABOR 1N FRONT OF MY SW1NG1NG DANCE CLUB,  
CAT: mETAPHOR1CALLY SPEAK1NG, oF COURSE,  
CAA: ok see  
CAA: this is exactly what im talking about  
CAA: its so messed up that you even think that  
CAA: you talk about all my weird issues with you but this whole thing is at least twice as fucked up  
CAA: like you say youre over me  
CAA: and yet apparently youre so bitter over me never acknowledging your feelings that its warped you into a completely different person  
CAT: 1’M NOT A COMPLETELY D1FFERENT PERSON,  
CAA: yes you are!  
CAA: youve changed tavros  
CAA: anybody can see that  
CAA: you used to be a really nice and friendly and caring guy  
CAA: but now youre just an abrasive hateful piece of shit!  
CAT: wELL, oF COURSE you WOULD SAY THAT,  
CAT: g1VEN YOUR FEEL1NGS ABOUT ME, yOU ARE HARDLY A REL1ABLE SOURCE OF 1NFORMAT1ON,  
CAT: oN WHETHER OR NOT 1’M A DECENT PERSON,  
CAA: ok fine  
CAA: is it just me people?  
CAA: am i the only one who thinks tavros has been a complete jerk lately?  
PTA: no.  
PCT: D --> No  
CAA: i meant besides you guys!  
CAA: youre just proving his point  
FGA: Well  
FGA: I Dont Have Any Real Desire To Take Sides In This Conflict  
FGA: But Tavros You Must Admit Youve Been Quite Um  
FGA: Argumentative As Of Late  
CAT: wHAT,  
FGA: Well I Mean  
FGA: During Yesterdays Flarping Session For Example You Seemed To Be Going Out Of Your Way To Incite Hostilities  
FGA: I Daresay That Was Your Intention From The Outset  
CAT: bUT, 1 WAS JUST, uH,  
CAT: tRY1NG TO BE CONF1DENT AND ASSERT1VE, aND,  
CAT: d1SPLAY ALL OF MY COCKSURE MANNER1SMS, aND ATTRACT1VE BRAVADO,  
CAT: aM 1, nOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT,  
FGA: No Youre Perfectly Entitled To Your Displays Of Confidence Theres Nothing Wrong With That  
FGA: It Just Feels Like You May Have Taken Things A Bit Too Far  
FGA: That Is To Say Out Of The Realm Of Good Natured Defamation And Well Into That Of Deep Personal Insult  
PAC: :33 < yeah i kind of have to agr33  
PAC: :33 < you said some really nasty things last night, tavros ://  
CAT: wHAT, l1KE,  
CAT: tO A DEGREE THAT M1GHT BE CONS1DERED, uNACCEPTABLE,  
CAA: tavros  
CAA: you tried to blame me for your spine being broken  
CAA: how fucked up and empty do you have to be to lower yourself to that level?  
FTC: You know, I was kinda tryin to not all talk around this, but yeah, that was kind of messed up.  
CAT: oH, uH,  
CAT: gAMZEE,  
CAT: wERE YOU, uH,  
CAT: rEAD1NG THE MEMO, lAST N1GHT,  
FTC: Yeah, bro. Watched it all till the feed got cut off like the victim of a motherfuckin laughsassin.  
CAT: oH GOD,  
CAT: sO YOU, uH,  
CAT: hEARD THAT WHOLE ARGUMENT WE HAD,  
CAT: aBOUT FEEL1NGS, aND SUCH,  
FTC: Hey, if you all up and had feelings by a sister in the past, I ain’t gonna hold that shit against you, so don’t even worry your motherfuckin tits about that.  
FTC: But the thing is... I’ve been worried about you, bro.  
CAT: wORR1ED,  
FTC: Yeah, you’ve been all tense and angry and shit recently, and I couldn’t puzzle up where all of it was comin out of.  
FTC: I mean, if you’re pissed at some brother playin hard to get with your moirail, or some blueblood motherfucker what’s givin you shit, that’s one thing.  
FTC: But this whole thing with the ramsis just seemed to up and come out of motherfuckin nowhere to me.  
FTC: I mean, it looked all like she was just out to try and play a game and have a little motherfuckin fun, but you were hellbent on seizin that sister’s shrill, bleating livestock right off the motherfuckin starting gate.  
FTC: But I guess this shit’s been brewin for a while, huh?  
CAT: wELL,  
CAT: k1ND OF, yEAH,  
FTC: Well, if you’ve got a problem at somebody, there ain’t a problem with that, but...  
FTC: I just don’t like seein you all bitter and spiteful like this and not bein able to do anything about it.  
FTC: It sucks.  
CAT: wA1T, 1 HAVEN’T,  
CAT: 1 HAVEN’T BEEN TAK1NG TH1S OUT ON YOU, hAVE 1,  
FTC: No, no, nothin like that, you’ve always done right at me.  
FTC: But the Tavros I fell in flush with was a nice and friendly and caring guy, and I’m not sayin you’ve got to all be like that all the time, but this shit doesn’t seem like you at all.  
FTC: Even if you’ve got your problems at her, Aradia is a good lady, and I feel like you up and took this shit at her too far.  
CAT: sO,  
CAT: 1’M THE BAD GUY,  
FTC: Kind of, yeah.  
CAT: hOW D1D THAT HAPPEN,  
FTC: I don’t know.  
CAA: ive got a pretty good idea  
CAA: its probably vriska being a bad influence  
CAA: teaching him to be a huge bitch just like she is  
CAT: yOU’RE SER1OUSLY GO1NG TO BR1NG HER 1NTO TH1S AGA1N??  
CAA: yes i am!  
CAA: everyone can see it tavros  
CAA: youve become more and more like her ever since you two hooked up  
CAA: its so obvious that this is her fault  
PAG: Okay, you know what?  
PAG: You’re right.  
PAG: This is my fault.  
CAT: wHAT,  
CAA: what  
PAG: I dropped the 8all here!  
PAG: Your confidence has grown to the point where you’re 8eginning to alien8 those around you, and I just let it happen!  
PAG: I mean, I didn’t say anything, 8ecause I wanted to 8e encouraging, and of course I’ve got my own smorgas8ord of issues that I’ve allowed to distract me........  
PAG: 8ut if things have gotten to the point where it’s starting to endanger your other quadrants, then we’ve got a major pro8lem on our hands!  
FTC: Well, I don’t know what I’d up and go as far as to say “endangered...”  
PAG: Whatever, the point stands.  
PAG: This is a pro8lem, and I’ll admit that I’ve contri8uted faaaaaaaar more than my fair share to it.  
PAG: 8ut it’s gotta stop here.  
CAT: 1,,,  
CAT: yEAH, 1 GUESS YOU’RE R1GHT,  
PAG: Look, if you’ve got a pro8lem with Aradia, that’s fine. I encourage it, actually!  
PAG: After that little spectacle the two of you put on last night, I can see you could forge an excellent kismesissitude together.  
PAG: 8ut just 8e sure you h8 her for the right reasons.  
PAG: Like, the whole mutually unrequited romance thing checks out, 8ut let’s just 8e a8solutely clear a8out one thing here, okay?  
PAG: I 8roke your spine. Not Aradia.  
PAG: And I tormented you in a lot of other ways, and it’s really fucked up and horri8le, 8ut neither of us can just shift the 8lame for that onto some8ody else.  
CAT: yEAH, 1 KNOW, bUT,  
CAT: 1 DON’T HOLD THAT AGA1NST YOU ANYMORE,  
PAG: That’s fine! I’m not saying you have to.  
PAG: No8ody’s allowed to tell you how to feel a8out it.  
PAG: 8ut the fact is it happened, and I did it, and no8ody’s allowed to change the facts.  
PAG: 8elieve me, if I could change the fact that I was such a piece of shit to you 8efore, I would! 8ut I can’t.  
PAG: So if you’re gonna 8e angry at some8ody a8out this, 8e angry at me! You’re still allowed to do that, you know.  
CAT: 1 KNOW,  
CAT: bUT, 1’M NOT SURE THAT’S WHAT TH1S 1S REALLY ABOUT,  
PAG: Well, that’s fine too.  
PAG: 8ut I didn’t realize Aradia was the source of all this! I should’ve figured it out sooner.  
CAT: vR1SKA, 1T’S NOT YOUR FAULT,  
CAT: 1 MEAN, yOU D1D ASK ABOUT 1T,  
CAT: bUT 1 SHUT 1T DOWN W1TH THE SP1NE ULT1MATUM,  
CAA: whats the spine ultimatum?  
PAG: What do you think the spine ultim8tum is, Megido????????  
PTA: eheh, iit 2ound2 liike 2omethiing out of a bad 2py moviie.  
PAG: Whatever, fuck off!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Anyway, spine ultim8tum or not, I should’ve asked you a8out this anyway!  
FGA: Are You Sure  
FGA: Because Defying The Spine Ultimatum Would Set A Dangerous Precedent  
FGA: The Kind That Could Easily Lead To Global Thermonuclear War  
PTA: okay, thii2 ii2n’t 2oundiing any le22 liike a bad 2py moviie.  
PTA: am ii goiing two have two parkour my way two the bottom of thii2 2iituatiion ju2t to fiind out aa 2et me up 2olely for the purpo2e of briingiing down a multiinatiional con2piiracy?  
PAG: Oh my god, shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Tavros and I are trying to have a moment here!!!!!!!!  
PTA: you’re practiically haviing a feeliing2 jam iin publiic, iit’2 2hameful.  
PTA: get a fuckiing piile, hone2tly.  
FGC: OH L1KE YOUR3 3V3N ON3 TO T4LK SOLLUX  
FGC: YOU 4ND VR1SK4 H4V3 Z3RO SH4M3 B3TW33N TH3 TWO OF YOU  
PCC: )(a)(a, t)(at’s kind of true!  
PTA: tz, what the hell, why are you takiing vk’2 2iide on anythiing, ii thought you were better than thii2.  
FGC: B3C4US3!  
FGC: 4FT3R 4 LONG P3R1OD OF OBS3RV4T1ON 4ND D3L1B3R4T1ON, 1V3 COM3 TO TH3 PUR3LY SC13NT1F1C CONCLUS1ON TH4T VR1SK4 S3RK3T 1SNT 4S HORR1BL3 4S 1 M4D3 H3R OUT TO B3  
FGC: 4ND M1GHT 3V3N B3 WORTH B31NG FR13NDS W1TH  
FGC: THOUGH TH4T P4RT1CUL4R HYPOTH3S1S R3QU1R3S MOR3 R3S34RCH  
CCA: of course  
CCA: its important to be empirical  
FGC: Y3S 3X4CTLY!  
PTA: ugh, thii2 ii2 terriible.  
PTA: iit wa2n’t bad enough that you deciided two hook up wiith count 2ea diip2hiit over here, but now you have two be friiend2 wiith hii2 eye-meltiing 2piiderbiitch con2piirator?  
CCA: oh come on sol are you seriously still harborin any sort of animosity towwards me  
CCA: i havvent evven done a single fuckin thing to antagonize you since that last duel on lobaf  
CCA: wwere practically best friends at this point  
PTA: oh my god, no.  
PTA: iif my liife ha2 gotten two the poiint where you’re my be2t friiend, ii need to 2eriiou2ly reevaluate my choiice2.  
PCC: Sollux, )(e is not t)(at bad, stop being suc)( a douc)(e!  
PCC: You are best fronds now, just accept it.  
PTA: okay, fiine, ed’2 my be2t friiend.  
PTA: now ii’m goiing two put on 2ome 2oft grunge and look at piicture2 of razor blade2.  
CAA: sollux thats not funny  
PAG: It’s kind of funny.  
CCA: hahaha YES its settled  
CCA: noww wwe can do all sorts a best friend things together  
CCA: id invvite you ovver to my hivve but one lowwaa hasnt gotten any less hostile and twwo ters here so  
CCA: so yeah nobody come to my hivve  
PCC: O)(! So you finally decided to brave t)(e elements, Terezi?  
FGC: OH B3L13V3 M3, 1 M4D3 MY D3C1S1ON 4 LOT 34RL13R  
FGC: 1M NOT 4FR41D OF 4NY STUP1D 4NG3LS  
FGC: BUT M1ST3R BODYGU4RD OV3R H3R3 WOULD N3V3R 4LLOW 1T  
FGC: 1 ONLY M4N4G3D TO CONV1NC3 H1M TH1S T1M3 B3C4US3 1M 4 GOD NOW  
FCG: WAIT, YOU WENT GOD TIER?  
FGC: Y3S  
FGC: GOT MY V1S1ON B4CK 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG  
FCG: OH.  
FCG: WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?  
FGC: 4 F3W D4YS 4GO  
FGC: 4R4D14 CONV1NC3D M3 TO DO 1T  
FGC: 1 T4LK3D 4BOUT TH1S ON TH3 M3MO, D1DNT YOU R34D 1T?  
FCG: NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DIDN’T.  
FCG: FUNNY STORY, ACTUALLY, I POSTED ON THAT MEMO FOR ABOUT THIRTY SECONDS BEFORE ONE OF THE ASSHOLE ADMINISTRATORS PERMABANNED ME.  
FCG: SHE’S A REAL PSYCHOTIC BITCH, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNOW HER.  
FGC: 1 DO, 4CTU4LLY  
FGC: 4ND SH3 TOLD M3 TO T3LL YOU  
FGC: W41T  
FGC: SH1T, 1 K33P FORG3TT1NG 1 C4NT B4N P3OPL3 ON TH1S M3MO  
FCG: HAHAHAHAHA, IDIOT.  
FGC: 3R1D4N, M4K3 M3 4N 4DM1N  
CCA: ter im not makin you an admin just so you can ban kar  
FGC: OH COM3 ON!  
CCA: no im puttin my foot dowwn  
CCA: hes got just as much of a right to be here as any of us  
FGC: BL4R, F1N3 >:[  
FGC: YOUR3 NO FUN 4T 4LL, YOU KNOW TH4T?  
CCA: no i dont knoww that cause its an unabashed fuckin lie  
CCA: im the absolute fuckin pinnacle a fun wwhen i wwant to be an you of all people can attest to that  
CCA: it just so happens that on this memo i feel the need to be particularly authoritativve  
FGC: SO WOULD YOU S4Y YOU  
FGC: RUN 4 T1GHT SH1P? >:]  
PAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
PAG: 8oooooooo!!!!!!!!  
PAG: 8oo on you people and your awful puns!!!!!!!!  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a! 38)  
PCC: Anyway, I )(ope you two )(ave a good time and do not get )(orribly murdered by angels.  
FGC: W3LL TH4NK YOU F3F3R1  
FGC: BUT 1 WOULDNT B3 TOO WORR13D  
FGC: YOUV3 FORT1F13D TH3 PL4C3 N1C3LY  
PAG: Okay, can I go 8ack to talking a8out the thing I was talking a8out?  
PAG: You know, with Tavros????????  
CAT: 1S THERE MUCH MORE TO TALK ABOUT, rEALLY,  
CAT: 1 WAS BE1NG STUP1D, aND W1THHOLD1NG 1NFORMAT1ON FROM YOU,  
CAT: aND THAT WAS WRONG OF ME, sO 1’M SORRY,  
PAG: Nononononononono, it’s fine, don’t apologize.  
PAG: I mean, yeah, everything you just said is completely right, 8ut that’s not the point.  
PAG: The point is, I didn’t hold up my end of the 8argain and failed to adequ8tely meddle in your affairs when I should’ve.  
PAG: So I’m the one who’s sorry.  
CAT: nO, 1 TH1NK, 1N TH1S SITUAT1ON,  
CAT: tHE ONE WHO SHOULD BE APOLOG1Z1NG, 1S ME,  
PAG: No, screw that!  
PAG: I’m the one who’s apologizing!  
CAT: oKAY, lOOK,  
CAT: tH1S 1S GO1NG TO GET US NOWHERE,  
CAT: sO HOW ABOUT WE JUST, bOTH APOLOG1ZE,  
CAT: aND BOTH FORG1VE EACH OTHER, 1DEALLY,  
PAG: Oh.  
PAG: Okay, that works too.  
CAT: tHEN 1T’S SETTLED,  
PAG: Gr8! The spirit of compromise has won out again!  
PAG: <>  
CAT: <>  
CAA: hm  
PAG: Yes, Megido, we get it, you disapprove of our rel8tionship.  
PAG: Could you may8e just this once spare us your gagging????????  
CAA: that wasnt what i was doing  
PAG: Then what were you doing?  
CAA: i was just  
CAA: i dont know nevermind  
PAG: Fine, whatever.  
CAT: aNYWAY, aRAD1A,  
CAA: what  
CAT: 1 JUST, uH,  
CAT: oKAY, 1 DON’T KNOW 1F TH1S 1S SOMETH1NG, tHAT K1SMESES DO, bUT,  
CAT: 1 WANT TO APOLOG1ZE TO YOU,  
CAA: um  
CAA: seriously?  
CAT: wELL, nOT FOR EVERYTH1NG,  
CAT: jUST, fOR SOME OF THE TH1NGS 1 SA1D, lAST N1GHT,  
CAT: l1KE THE STUFF ABOUT sOLLUX, aND, 1 GUESS, sOME OF THE TH1NGS 1 BLAMED YOU FOR, tHAT YOU WEREN’T ACTUALLY RESPONS1BLE FOR,  
CAT: 1T DEF1N1TELY CROSSED OUT OF THE AREA KNOWN AS “gOOD TASTE,” aND 1T WAS, aS YOU SA1D, k1ND OF FUCKED UP,  
CAT: sO,,,  
CAT: sORRY ABOUT THAT,  
CAA: ok  
CAA: so you want me to forgive you for all that?  
CAT: uH,  
CAT: 1’M NOT SURE, aCTUALLY,  
CAT: oN THE ONE HAND, 1 DON’T WANT YOU TO TH1NK 1’M A COMPLETE SCUMBAG,  
CAT: bUT ON THE OTHER HAND, 1 ST1LL WANT TO ANTAGON1ZE YOU,  
CAT: sO MAYBE GA1N1NG YOUR FORG1VENESS, wOULDN’T BE 1N MY BEST 1NTERESTS,  
CAT: sO 1 GUESS WHAT 1’M SAY1NG 1S,  
CAT: 1 WANT YOU TO ACCEPT MY APOLOGY,  
CAT: bUT 1 DON’T REALLY WANT YOU TO FORG1VE ME,  
CAA: oh  
CAA: well ok  
CAA: then i dont forgive you  
CAA: fucker  
CAA: <3<  
CAT: wELL, f1NE,  
CAT: bE THAT WAY, yOU V1ND1CT1VE HAG,  
CAT: <3<  
FGC: 4WWWWW  
FGC: YOU TWO 4R3 SO CUT3 TOG3TH3R  
CAT: uGH, aGA1N W1TH TH1S, “cUTE,”  
CAT: 1’M NOT “cUTE,”  
FTC: You kind of are, bro.  
CAT: oH,  
CAT: oKAY, 1 K1ND OF AM, tHEN,  
CCA: noww see  
CCA: i kneww this wwould all wwork out for the best  
PAC: :33 < yeah, youre really bringing the team together by lying to efurryone and setting them against each other!  
PAC: :33 < way to go  
CCA: psh wwhatevver  
CCA: i didnt lie to anybody youvve got nothin on me  
FGC: YOU W1THH3LD P3RT1N3NT 1NFORM4T1ON FROM US, 3R1D4N  
FGC: 4 L13 OF OM1SS1ON 1S ST1LL 4 L13  
PAG: Yeah, you could’ve spared us a loooooooot of grief if you’d just spilled the leguminous protein o8jects on all these conflicting romantic aspir8tions!!!!!!!!  
CCA: i already told you it wwas just a hunch  
CCA: i dont go around gossipin based on hunches  
FCG: YEAH, INSTEAD YOU WENT AND CONSTRUCTED AN ELABORATE MANIPULATIVE RUSE BASED ON IT.  
FCG: WHICH IS STILL AN ENORMOUSLY SHITTY THING TO DO.  
CCA: ok fine you got me  
CCA: this wwas kind of a scummy thing for me to do  
FCG: FOR YOU AND TEREZI TO DO.  
FCG: CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE.  
FGC: OH B1T3 M3  
FCG: YOU KNOW, IF YOU’RE SO SMART, HOW COME YOU DIDN’T JUST PUZZLE OUT THIS WHOLE ROMANTIC TRAINWRECK WITH YOUR OVERWHELMING INTELLECT?  
FCG: SOUNDS LIKE A PRETTY DUMB THING FOR A SEER OF MIND TO MISS.  
PAG: Hey, yeah, that’s a good point.  
PAG: Terezi, why didn’t you just do some mindy thing to figure this out????????  
FGC: 1 DONT L1K3 US1NG MY S33R POW3RS  
FGC: MY V1S1ONS 4LW4YS 3ND UP B31NG R34LLY GR1M 4ND D3T3RM1N1ST1C  
FGC: 4ND 1T WOULDNT H4V3 WORK3D 4NYW4Y  
FGC: 1 ONLY COULDV3 FOR3S33N TH1S OUTCOM3 1F 1D KNOWN 4LL TH3 F4CTS  
FGC: 4ND 1M NOT 4BOUT TO US3 MY S33R POW3RS TO GO SCROUNG1NG 4ROUND 1N OTH3R P3OPL3S TH1NK P4NS  
FGC: UNL1K3 *SOM3* SP1D3RTROLLS, 1M 4BOV3 TH4T  
PAG: Oh, whatever!!!!!!!!  
FCG: YEAH, NOT BUYING IT.  
FCG: ALL I HEAR IS A CEASELESS DISCHARGE OF HORSESHIT LET LOOSE FROM YOUR GAPING DRAGONYYYD MAW TO JUSTIFY THIS ENTIRE NIGHT DESCENDING INTO A BED OF CHAOS.  
FCG: BUT WHATEVER, THIS ISN’T EVEN THE POINT.  
FCG: THE POINT, REGARDLESS OF YOUR FOREKNOWLEDGE, CONFIRMED OR NOT, THE TWO OF YOU ENGINEERED A CONFLICT BETWEEN THESE TWO SOLELY FOR THE SAKE OF “SHIPPING.”  
FCG: AND THAT IS A HORRIBLE AND AWFUL THING TO DO, AND YOU SHOULD BOTH BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.  
PAC: :33 < yes i have to agr33  
PAC: :33 < this is low even for you eridan >:((  
FGC: OH, YOU 4GR33 W1TH K4RKL3S?  
FGC: WH4T 4 SHOCK!  
FGC: WHO WOULD H4V3 3V3R S33N TH4T ON3 COM1NG???  
FGA: Terezi  
FGC: F1N3, DROPP1NG 1T  
CAA: for the record i agree with karkat too  
CAA: you two are kind of terrible for pulling this crap on us  
CAA: i mean terezi youre mad about me withholding information from you but then you go and set up this whole shipping gambit behind my back?  
CAA: that is so hypocritical  
FGC: W3LL 1F YOUD TOLD M3 4BOUT YOUR W31RD TH1NG W1TH T4VROS, 1 N3V3R WOULDV3 DON3 1T!  
CAA: well you shouldnt have done it in the first place!  
CAT: fOR THE RECORD, 1’M OKAY W1TH 1T,  
CAA: nobody cares what you think tavros  
PTA: ahahah.  
CAA: terezi im not asking for much here  
CAA: all i want is for you to admit that this is kind of a shifty thing to do to your moirail of all people  
FGC: OK4Y F1N3  
FGC: 1T W4S K1ND OF CR4PPY OF M3 TO GO B3H1ND YOUR B4CK ON 4LL TH1S  
FGC: SO  
FGC: SORRY  
CAA: its ok  
CAA: just dont do it again!  
FGC: 1 WONT!  
FGC: 1M NOT 1N ON 4NY OTH3R ROM4NC3-R3L4T3D SCH3M3S, 1 SW34R  
CCA: yeah this wwas the last one that really required her invvolvvement anywway  
CCA: actually come to think of it thats pretty much the last of the real shippin gambits ivve got period  
CCA: i wwas sorta pourin all my energy into this one  
PCC: O)(, reely?  
PCC: No OT)(--ER irons in t)(e fire?  
CCA: no thats all i got for noww  
PCC: Aw, T)(AT’S kind of a s)(ame.  
PTA: you 2ound dii2appoiinted, ff.  
PCC: W)(ale, maybe I am!  
CCA: wwell ill get back to the drawwin board soon enough  
CCA: as it is youvve savved me a bit a trouble wwith this wwhole thing wwith you an ar an vvris  
PCC: O)( RIG)(T, I almost forgot aboat t)(at!  
PCC: You two, get your butts over to LODAG!!  
CAA: oh right!  
CAA: ill be right over  
PAG: Yeah, me too.  
PAG: I mean, if that’s cool with you, Kanaya.  
FGA: By All Means Go Ahead  
FGA: Just Take Care Not To Allow A Certain Heiress To Exploit Her Station As A Means Of Taking Advantage Of You  
PCC: “Taking advantage of )(er?”  
PCC: And just w)(at is T)(AT supposed to mean????  
FGA: What Do You Think It Means Miss Peixes  
PCC: You know, I am getting R-E-ELY BOR---ED wit)( t)(ese veiled )(ostilities, MISS MARYAM.  
PCC: If you’ve got a problem wit)( me, you shoald just SAY so!  
PCC: Because I would LOV--------E to )(ear it!!!  
FGA: I Dont Have A Problem With You  
PCC: You don’t.  
FGA: I Was Simply Giving Some Well Intentioned Advice To My Matesprit  
FGA: Advice I Believe To Be Perfectly Informed  
FGA: Thats All  
PCC: BORING.  
PAG: Haha, 8oth of you guys are ridiculous.  
PAG: Anyway, I’m coming over there.  
PCC: Okay, GR--EAT!  
PCC: In t)(at case, Sollux, I’m afraid you are going to )(ave to SKAT--E.  
PTA: yeah, yeah, faiir enough.  
PAG: Or he could stay.  
PAG: I wouldn’t o8ject to another maroonion.  
CAT: vR1SKA, nO,  
CAT: tH1S 1S NOT ACCEPTABLE,  
PAG: Hey, we’re even!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Or at least we’re going to 8e sometime in the next 22 hours.  
PCC: W-E AR-E GOING TO DISCUSS T)(-E T-ERMS.  
PCC: T)(at is s)(rimply one of MANY t)(ings we will be doing.  
PCC: I )(ave all SORTS of ---EXCITING t)(ings planned!  
FGC: 4R3 YOU GUYS GONN4 H4V3 T34 P4RT13S?  
FGC: 1S TH4T 4 TH1NG TH4T SOUNDS NORM4L?  
PCC: Um...  
PCC: No, I )(adn’t PLANN-ED on t)(at...  
PCC: W)(y do you ask?  
FGC: JUST CUR1OUS  
FGA: Terezi I Think You Should Discard This Line Of Questioning  
FGC: SH3 M4K3S US DO W31RD TH1NGS, PL34S3 H3LP  
FGA: Terezi!  
PCC: >38?  
CCA: hahahahaha  
CCA: anywway howw about rappin  
CCA: you plan to do any a that  
PCC: W)(at, like slam poetry?  
PCC: No, t)(at is weird! W)(y would we rap???  
PCT: D --> It’s a%ually a better idea than it sounds  
PCT: D --> Verse has proven to be an e%ceptional medium for the meaningful e%change of grievances  
PCT: D --> It’s revo100tionary, really  
PCC: Um.  
PCT: D --> That is  
PCT: D --> If you’re willing to  
PCT: D --> Conchsider it  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a! 38)  
PCC: W)(ale, I suppose I will )(ake it into CONC)(SID--ERAYTION.  
PCC: But I don’t think we will be performing any slam poetry tonig)(t.  
CAA: good  
CAA: ive never been any good at slam poetry  
CAT: yEAH, yOU WERE ALWAYS PRETTY TERR1BLE,  
CAT: sO 1T’S PROBABLY BEST THAT YOU DON’T EVEN TRY,  
CAA: oh dont even start  
CAA: honestly what is so special about slam poetry anyway  
CAA: all it is is saying sentences that rhyme to a beat  
CAA: whats so amazing about that  
CAT: hAHA, wOW,  
CAT: tHAT 1S SUCH A H1LAR1OUS OVERS1MPL1F1CAT1ON, 1T’S ALMOST 1NSULT1NG,  
CAT: tHERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO 1T THAN JUST RHYM1NG,  
CAT: 1 MEAN, yOU’VE GOT TO MATCH THE WHOLE RHYTHM,  
CAT: aND THEN WEAVE ALL THESE SENTENCES TOGETHER 1NTO A COHERENT NARRAT1VE,  
CAT: aLL WH1LE D1SPARAG1NG YOUR OPPONENT AS MUCH AS POSS1BLE,  
CAT: bUT THEN, 1 DON’T EXPECT SOMEONE OUT OF TUNE W1TH tHE fLOW TO GET 1T,  
CAA: oh god  
CAA: please do not start talking about your made up religion  
FTC: Whoa now, sister, let’s not get motherfuckin blasphemous up in here.  
FTC: While it’s true that most of the tenets what’s on the Way of the Flow were established just recently, that doesn’t mean this shit is “made up” per se.  
FTC: Ultimately, the foundation for the religion has existed for millenia, but only now has the Verbal Messiah sought to bequeath it principles unto His First Prophet.  
CAA: gamzee  
CAA: i respect your right to follow whatever faith you choose  
CAA: but  
CAA: its not real  
CAA: its a faaaaake  
FTC: Naw, I’ll tell you what the fuck is fake.  
FTC: The Mirthful Messiahs and all their stupid motherfuckin clownish bullshit, that’s what’s fake.  
CAA: no actually theyre real  
CAA: well kind of  
CAA: the actual nature of the “messiahs” was heavily corrupted over time but the cult is focused on the worship of two very powerful figures who actually exist  
CAA: well did exist anyway im not exactly sure how it works out in this branch yet  
CCA: ar im gonna stop you right there  
CCA: first of all id appreciate it if you didnt disparage my moirails religion  
CCA: i mean just ignorin all the metaphysical stuff his faith is important to him an it helps him find balance in his life in a lot a wways  
CCA: an second evven if the vverbal messiah is fake wwhich lets be honest he probably is it doesnt matter  
CCA: because as a hero a hope i can tell you right noww that if you believve hard enough in imaginary things that makes them slightly less fake  
CCA: thats like the first an most important rule a hope  
CCA: an its plain to fuckin see that there isnt a motherfucker alivve wwhat can believve in an imaginary thing harder than gamzee fuckin makara  
CCA: so if the vverbal messiah does exist then no harm no foul  
CCA: an if the vverbal messiah doesnt exist hes necessarily been invvented  
CCA: qed  
CAA: wow i do not actually care about this  
CAA: i was just observing how pathetic it is that tavros constructed an entire religion based on his stupid pupa pan movies  
CAA: and as a person with a vested interest in anthropology i find it kind of insulting  
CAA: thats not how religion works  
CAT: oKAY, nO,  
CAT: sTOP BAD-MOUTH1NG tHE wAY, tH1S 1SN’T COOL,  
CAA: hmmm  
CAA: no  
CAT: dAMN 1T,  
FGC: H4H4H4H4  
FGC: 1T LOOKS L1K3 WH4T W3 H4V3 H3R3 1S  
FGC: 4 F41LUR3 TO 3XCOMMUN1C4T3 >:]  
CAT: uUUUUUUUGH,  
PAG: Uuuuuuuugh.  
CAA: hahaha! :)  
PAG: I will never understand you people and your terri8le puns.  
PCC: )(---EY! Don’t diss t)(e puns!  
PAG: No, not like your puns, your puns are fine!  
FGA: Why Are Her Puns Fine  
PCC: W)(y does it matter w)(y s)(e t)(inks my puns are fine??  
PAG: Oh my god, neither of you even start!!!!!!!!  
PAG: God, get a fucking 8lock already, you two.  
FGA: What  
FGA: No Its Not Like That  
PCC: Are you S)(OR---E it’s not like t)(at???  
FGA: Yes Of Course Im Sure  
FGA: Why Would You Even  
FGA: Oh Okay I See What Youre Doing Here  
FGA: Youre Trying To Get Into My Head  
FGA: And Turning This Whole Situation Around To Make It Look As Though Im The Instigator  
FGA: Well I Can Tell You Now Its Not Going To Work  
PCC: Wow, t)(is is so ridiculous, w)(at am I even reading )(ere.  
FCG: KANAYA.  
FGA: What  
FCG: I THINK YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.  
FGA: Karkat I Believe You Might Be Misinformed  
FGA: Im Already Calm As Can Be  
FGA: No Cause For Alarm  
FCG: NO, SERIOUSLY, CHILL THE FUCK OUT FOR A SECOND.  
FCG: I GET WHY YOU MIGHT BE CONCERNED FOR THE SANCTITY OF YOUR MATESPRIT, ESPECIALLY GIVEN SOME OF THE FISH PRINCESS’ MORE... LIBERAL IDEAS  
PCC: -Excuse me??  
FCG: BUT I’M PRETTY SURE FEFERI ISN’T GOING TO DO ANYTHING INDECENT HERE.  
FGA: Really  
FCG: YEAH, REALLY, SHE WON’T EVEN GET THE CHANCE.  
FCG: SHE’LL HAVE HER HANDS FULL TRYING TO GET THOSE TWO SHITHIVE BROADS FROM MURDERING EACH OTHER.  
FCG: REALLY, IT’D REQUIRE THE EXPLICIT COLLABORATION OF TWO PEOPLE TO EVEN PUT ANY SORT OF SKETCHY PLOTS INTO MOTION HERE  
FCG: AND IF FEFERI AND ARADIA ARE CONSPIRING TO DO SOMETHING INDECENT TO VRISKA, IT PROBABLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER FLUSHED QUADRANT IN PARTICULAR.  
FCG: REALLY, SOLLUX HAS MORE CAUSE TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT ADULTERY HERE, BUT I’M SURE HE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE HE’S LITERALLY PHYSICALLY COMPOSED OF SLEAZE.  
PTA: ii2 2leaze even a real thiing?  
FCG: YES, LOOK IT UP.  
FCG: ANYWAY, ALL THIS REALLY COMES DOWN TO IS VRISKA’S ABILITY TO KEEP IT IN HER PANTS, AND EVEN IF SHE IS KIND OF A TERRIBLE PERSON, I’M PRETTY SURE SHE CAN MANAGE THAT.  
PAG: Wow, Karkat, don’t flatter me too hard here.  
FCG: THAT’S THE BEST YOU’RE GETTING FROM ME, SERKET.  
FCG: SO SAVOR IT.  
FCG: PRINT IT OUT, HAVE IT FRAMED, AND HANG IT ON YOUR MANTELPIECE, BECAUSE THAT IS THE HIGHEST PRAISE I WILL EVER GIVE YOU.  
FGA: Look I Understand All Of That  
FGA: Im Not Objecting To This Nascent Ashen Development At All  
FGA: Im Just  
FCG: YOU’RE JUST VERBALLY SPARRING WITH FEFERI FOR NO DISCERNABLE REASON WHATSOEVER.  
FGA: I  
FGA: Yes  
FCG: THEN I SUGGEST YOU EITHER RAISE THE STAKES OR WITHDRAW ENTIRELY  
FCG: BECAUSE THIS CONSTANT SLAPFIGHTING ISN’T REALLY ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING.  
FGA: I Suppose Youre Right  
FGA: Okay Fine  
FGA: I Wash My Hands Of This Entirely  
PCC: Yea)(, T)(AT figures.  
PCC: I GU--ESS I am just too sassy for you to )(andle.  
FGA: Wow Thats Very Interesting  
FGA: Ive Prepared A Response To That Statement:  
FGA:  
FCG: OKAY THEN, SITUATION RESOLVED!  
FCG: WITHOUT ME EVEN SPEAKING TO FEFERI, BEFORE ANY OF YOU GLOBELICKERS PUT YOUR SHIPPING GOGGLES ON AND ACCUSE ME OF WAXING ASHEN FOR THEM.  
FGC: 1 W4SNT 4CTU4LLY TH1NK1NG 4SH3N  
FCG: THEN WHAT WERE YOU  
FCG: OH, SORRY, THAT MESSAGE GOT CUT OFF BECAUSE TROLLIAN APPARENTLY CAN’T HANDLE ALL THE SHIT I DON’T GIVE.  
FCG: SOME SERIOUS STACK OVERFLOW OVER HERE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.  
PCT: D --> That’s not how a stack overflow wor%  
FCG: OH, DON’T EVEN ACT LIKE YOU KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT COMPUTERS, EQUIUS.  
FCG: DO YOU SEE ME PARADING AROUND LIKE I’M A GODDAMN EXPERT ON PERSPIRING AND FITTING MUSCLEBEAST PHALLUSES IN MY MOUTH?  
PCT: D --> I  
PCT: D --> E%cuse me  
PTA: man, kk, you of all people 2hould not be criitiiciiziing anyone el2e’2 computer 2kiill2.  
PTA: remember that tiime you triied two wriite a “hello world” program and blew up your computer?  
FCG: ANYBODY COULD MAKE A MISTAKE LIKE THAT.  
PTA: iit wa2 iin ^CAKE, though.  
PCT: D --> What  
PCT: D --> Seriously  
PTA: ii 2hiit you not, dude.  
PCT: D --> Haha  
PCT: D --> I mean  
PCT: D --> If it were ~ATH, it might be understandable, but  
FCG: OH MY GOD, FUCK ALL OF YOU PEOPLE!  
PCC: NOBODY CARES ABOAT YOUR STUPID COMPUT---ER TALK!!!! >38O  
PCC: We were SUPPOS--ED to all be giving me )(orribubble suggestions on w)(at I s)(oald be doing in my upcoming mediation!!  
PCC: So if anyone -ELS-E )(as any awful ideas, don’t )(esitate let me minnow!  
PAC: :33 < ooh i have one!  
PCC: *SIG)(...*  
PCC: I was being S)(ARKASTIC, but okay, Nepeta, w)(at is it?  
PAC: :33 < you guys should all brush each others hair!  
PAC: :33 < beclaws all thr33 of you have really long hair and i think thats cute fur some reason  
PAC: :33 < even aradia! that nefur even occured to me befur  
PCC: O)(.  
PCC: W)(ale, s)(ore, t)(at is okay enoug)(, I guess.  
FGA: Yes That Seems Fine  
FGA: Though I Should Hope You Would Enact Miss Leijons Ideas Sparingly In Your Auspisticisms  
FGA: Maiden Voyage  
PAC: :33 < er  
CAA: um  
CAA: what does that mean exactly?  
PAG: N8thing!!!!!!!! It doesn’t me8n anything!!!!!!!!  
PAG: It is j8st a friendly sugg8stion and we are all going to st8p talking a8out it n8w!!!!!!!!  
PCC: Y---ES I AGR--E--E!!!  
PCC: Nepeta, your idea )(as been noted and will be kept under conc)(sideraytion.  
PAC: :33 < yes good  
PAC: :33 < oh and if they misbehave, braid their hair together while they sl33p! >:33  
PAG: Nepeta, stop giving her ideas!!!!!!!!  
CCA: yknoww nep youre in awwfully high spirits considerin im twwo ships up since last wwe faced off  
CCA: im closin the gap remarkably fast here  
PAC: :33 < oh whatefur, like im worried about that  
PAC: :33 < you still have four ships left to go  
PAC: :33 < and i only have thr33!  
PAC: :33 < so nyeh!  
CCA: dont you nyeh at me  
PAC: :33 < ill nyeh at you as much as i want, ampurra! >:PP  
CCA: wwell if things continue at this rate im gonna wwin this little competition of ours no contest  
CCA: so maybe you should up your game  
PAC: :33 < psh  
FCG: ACTUALLY, I KIND OF AGREE  
FCG: I THINK YOU COULD AFFORD TO EXPEDITE THE PROCESS A LITTLE BIT.  
PAC: :33 < you do?  
FGA: You Do  
FCG: YEAH  
FCG: IF ONLY TO DENY THAT SNEERING, BILE-CHUGGING WHALEFUCKER THE SATISFACTION OF BEATING YOU AT SOMETHING.  
PAC: :33 < h33 h33!  
PAC: :33 < well, i guess i could try sp33ding things up a little  
FCG: AWESOME.  
FCG: I MEAN, THAT’S NOT AN ORDER OR ANYTHING.  
FCG: IT’S JUST A POLITE REQUEST, I GUESS.  
FGC: HMMMM  
FGC: COULD 1T B3 TH4T YOU H4V3 SOM3 P3RSON4L ST4K3 1N TH1S, K4RKL3S?  
FCG: HMMMM, COULD IT BE THAT THAT’S ANY OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS?  
FCG: NO, IT COULDN’T, IT’S LOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.  
FCG: IT’S AS TRUE AS THE SKY IS WHITE, OR YOU ARE A DECENT PERSON WORTHY OF ANY SORT OF RESPECT WHATSOEVER.  
CCA: kar  
FCG: WHAT.  
FCG: OKAY, FINE, I’M DONE.  
CCA: you dont havve to wwithdraww entirely yknoww  
FCG: OH SWEET MILK OF MOTHER FUCK, NO.  
FCG: I’M STILL NOT INTERESTED, DUDE.  
CCA: wwell its wworth a shot  
CCA: anwway nep if you finally feel like bringin your a game youre perfectly fuckin wwelckaAGFGHFGRGH FUCK  
FGC: BL4R!!!  
FCG: WHAT  
FCG: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.  
CCA: ill tell you wwhat happened  
CCA: a fuckin lousy no good goddamn ANGEL got in here  
PCC: O)( dear... 38/  
CCA: ter are you alright  
FGC: Y34H 1M F1N3  
FGC: WH4T 4BOUT YOU, 4R3 YOU OK4Y?  
CCA: am i ok  
CCA: AM I OK  
CCA: no im NOT fuckin ok  
CCA: im just here tryin to havve a good time wwith my matesprit wwhen a stupid fuckin angel bursts in an ruins EVVERYTHING  
CCA: wwell that is IT  
CCA: thats the LAST STRAWW  
CCA: ivve HAD it wwith these fuckin angels gettin in my fuckin hivve  
CCA: IM MAD AS HELL AN IM NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE  
CCA: im marchin out to those fuckers RIGHT NOWW an im gonna givve em a piece of my mind  
FGC: 3R1D4N PL34S3 W41T, YOU DONT H4V3 TO DO TH1S  
FGC: NOBODY GOT HURT, 3V3RYTH1NGS F1N3  
CCA: evverythings fine  
CCA: this isnt fine ter  
CCA: its terrorism  
CCA: an i am DONE livvin in the shadoww of fear  
CCA: im endin this right noww  
FTC: Whoa, bro, maybe you should slow the fuck up before you go and do something drastic.  
FTC: Those angels don’t fuck around, you and I both know that.  
FGC: 3R1D4N L1ST3N TO H1M  
FGC: 1 C4NT S33 TH1S 3ND1NG W3LL 4T 4LL  
FGC: 1F YOU GO TO F1GHT TH3M, SOM3TH1NG 4WFUL 1S GO1NG TO H4PP3N TO YOU  
CCA: fight them  
CCA: are you fuckin nuts  
CCA: it wwas me slaughterin angels that got us all into this mess in the first place  
CCA: of course im not goin to fight them that wwont solvve a fuckin thing  
FGC: TH3N WH4T 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO DO?  
CCA: wwell  
CCA: its me they wwant  
CCA: so  
CCA: im goin to let em havve me  
FGC: YOUR3 WH4T???  
FCG: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME, ARE YOU INSANE??  
FCG: YOU’RE GOING TO MARCH OUT THERE AND MARTYR YOURSELF TO THOSE FUCKING ANGELS???  
CCA: look as long as im alivve theyre not gonna givve up  
CCA: as the prince of hope im uniquely qualified to recognize wwhen all hope is lost  
CCA: an im tellin you there is no hope of resolvvin this any other wway not evven a little bit  
CCA: only thing left to do is servve myself to em and hope they spare the rest of you  
PAC: :33 < no, you cant do this!!  
PAC: :33 < no ones allowed to kill you but me!!!  
FGC: 3R1D4N PL34S3  
FGC: DONT DO TH1S  
CCA: im sorry ter  
CCA: but i knoww wwhat i havve to do  
CCA: its my destiny  
CCA: if you wwant me back you can just kiss my corpse  
FGC: W3LL M4YB3, BUT  
FGC: 3R1D4N!!!  
CCA: ALRIGHT YOU FEATHERY ASSHOLES COME AN GET ME  
CCA: YOU WWANT TO KILL ME SO BAD THEN COME AN FUCKIN GET ME  
CCA ceased responding to memo.  
PCC: O)( cod, t)(ere )(e goes...  
FCG: WHAT.  
FCG: TEREZI, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER THERE??  
FGC: H3 JUST R4N OUTS1D3  
FGC: 4ND 4LL TH3S3 4NG3LS 4R3 G4TH3R1NG 4ROUND H1M  
FGC: BUT TH3YR3 NOT  
FGC: OH MY GOD!  
FCG: WHAT?  
FGC: ON3 OF TH3M JUST SHOT H1M THROUGH TH3 STOM4CH!  
FCG: HOLY SHIT.  
PAC: :33 < is he dead???  
FGC: NO H3S ST1LL 4L1V3, BUT  
FGC: W41T  
FGC: TH3YR3 T4K1NG H1M SOM3WH3R3  
PAC: :33 < where???  
FGC: 1 DONT KNOW, TH3R3S 4LL TH3S3 GOTH1C SP1R3S 4ND SH1T 1N TH3 W4Y  
FGC: W41T HOLD ON  
FGC: OH  
FGC: TH3YR3  
FGC: >:O  
FCG: WHAT?????  
FCG: WHAT’S HAPPENING???  
FGC: BRB  
FGC ceased responding to memo.  
FCG: WHAT.  
FCG: BRB, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???  
FCG: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ERIDAN??????  
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 18 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGC: OH MY GOD  
FGC: THOSE 4R3 TH3 DORK13ST P4NTS 1V3 3V3R S33N  
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 19 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCA: oh wwoww THATS nice  
FCA: i just got ritually sacrificed an the first thing you do wwhen you see me alivve is insult my fuckin wwardrobe  
FCA: im touched really  
FGC: W3LL M4YB3 YOU SHOULDNT H4V3 R4N OFF 4ND GOTT3N YOURS3LF K1LL3D L1K3 4N 1D1OT!!!  
FCA: look are you gonna appreciate my noble sacrifice or not  
FGC: TH3R3S 4 L1N3 B3TW33N NOBL3 4ND STUP1D  
FGC: 4ND YOU L34PT 4CROSS 1T 4T TH3 SP33D OF DUMB  
PAG: W8, did you just go God Tier????????  
FCA: youre goddamn fuckin right i did  
FCA: the prince has become the king  
FCA: an noww i hold absolute dominion ovver the aspect a hope itself  
FCA: evvery wwish an evvery aspiration is mine to permit or destroy at my evvery passing wwhim  
FCA: i wwield the infinite powwer of possibility itself  
FCA: i am  
FCA: A GOD  
FCG: OH.  
FCG: SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?  
FCA: eh  
FCA: im kinda thirsty  
FCA: think ill get a faygo  
FCA: maybe get to my hivve an go back to wwatchin game of regenseats  
FGC: Y34H L3TS DO TH4T!  
FGC: STUP1D 4NG3LS 1NT3RRUP3D TH3 S34SON F1N4L3 >:/  
PCC: Wait, aren’t you worried you’re going to be krilled by angels again??  
FCA: no ivve got that under control  
FCA: lets just say the angels an i havve reached an understanding  
FCA: anywway you cant be executed for the same crime twwice thats double jeopardy  
FGC: Y3S TH4TS TH3 L4W  
PCC: W)(ale, I am glad t)(ings worked out for you.  
PCC: Now, Aradia and Vriska, bot)( of you quit STALLING and--  
PCC: O)(.  
PCC: You’re already )(ere.  
CAA: well yeah  
CAA: you told us to get our butts over to lodag  
CAA: so we did  
PAG: What, did you think we were w8ting for these chumps to wrap up all their stupid drama?  
PCC: I don’t know, reely.  
PCC: Anyway! Sollux, I am afraid you are going to )(ave to S)(OO!  
PTA: yeah, yeah, ii’m out.  
PTA: don’t want two triigger a mutiiny on your 2hiip before iit even leave2 the harbor.  
PTA: not 2ure what ii’ll do iin the meantiime, though.  
PCT: D --> Ah, Sollu%  
PTA: ye2?  
PCT: D --> If you have no e%isting plans  
PCT: D --> Would you be willing to come to my hive  
PCT: D --> Securing your co100sion in person would be e%tremely va100able  
PTA: oh, 2ure, ii gue22.  
PTA: ii’ll be riight over.  
PCT: D --> E%cellent  
FTC: Might want to bring a snorkel, what so you don’t all up and drown in the motherfuckin sweat.  
CAT: hAHAHA, gOOD ONE,  
CAA: ugh just ignore them  
CAA: anyway sollux have fun! <3  
PTA: yeah, you two. <3  
PTA: and iit goe2 wiithout 2ayiing, but ff, don’t let vk kiill eiither of you two.  
PAG: Sollux, I literally just filled a quadrant with these two, you think I’m gonna murder them????????  
PAG: I’m insulted, honestly.  
PTA: that’2 the iidea.  
PAG: Oh, you fucker.  
PAG: <3<  
PTA: <3<  
PTA: okay, out for real thii2 tiime.  
FTA ceased responding to memo.  
PAC: :33 < so wait  
PAC: :33 < equius, sollux is going ofur to your hive?  
PCT: D --> Yes  
PCT: D --> Why do you ask  
PAC: :33 < well, are you purrpared?  
PCT: D --> Er, I believe so  
PCT: D --> What e%actly do you mean “prepared”  
PAC: :33 < equius, your hive is a mess!  
PAC: :33 < you n33d to clean up some of those robot purrts  
PAC: :33 < and maybe cofur up some of that, er  
PAC: :33 < “art” of yours ://  
PCT: D --> What precisely is wrong with my art  
PCT: D --> It’s sophisticated  
PAC: :33 < oh my god you are hopeless  
PAC: :33 < i am coming ofur there right now and tidying the place up!  
PAC: :33 < sollux does not deserve to be weirded out by all your cr33py posters!!  
PCT: D --> But  
PAC: :33 < no buts!  
PAC: :33 < anyway im leaving  
PAC: :33 < fefurry good luck with your pawspisticism thing!  
PCC: W)(y, t)(ank you! 38)  
PCC: And do take good care of -Equius!  
PAC: :33 < of course!  
PAC: :33 < anyway ill s33 you all later  
PAC: :33 < especially you eridan  
PAC: :33 < well just s33 how this turn of events changes things  
FCA: yeah i think wwe wwill  
FCA: you havve no idea wwhat im capable of noww  
PAC: :33 < yeah, whatefur  
PAC: :33 < i just want to s33 how sensitive those wings are >:33  
PCT: D --> Um  
PAG: They’re pretty sensitive, actually.  
PAG: I’d say you shouldn’t tear them up too much, 8ut they regener8, so fuck it, go hog wild.  
PAC: :33 < h33 h33, i think i will!  
PAC: :33 < anyway bye efurryone!  
FCG: YEAH, BYE.  
PAC ceased responding to memo.  
PCT: D --> Well  
PCT: D --> I suppose that conc100des my business here as well  
PCC: )(e)(e, don’t )(ave TOO muc)( fun wit)( Sollux!  
PCT: D --> Um  
PCT: D --> Is that an order  
PCC: No, it is tidally non-binding.  
PCC: )(ave as muc)( fun as you fis)(!  
PCT: D --> Oh  
PCT: D --> Ok then  
PCT: D --> I wish you the best in your auspisticism as well  
PCT: D --> Wait, I mean  
PCT: D --> As whale  
PCC: )(a)(a)(a, t)(ank you!  
PCT: D --> Anyway  
PCT: D --> I suppose I’ll be going  
PCT: D --> Goodbye  
CAA: bye equius!  
PCC: Yea)(, bye!!  
PCT ceased responding to memo.  
PCC: Okay, wit)( T)(AT taken care of, I believe we )(ave some BUSIN--ESS to eel wit)(!  
PCC: Starting wit)( t)(e bot)( of you filleting out a CONTRACT, of course.  
FGC: W3LL OF COURS3  
FGC: 1TS 1MPORT4NT TO L4Y OUT TH3 T3RMS FOR 4N 4RR4NG3M3NT SUCH 4S TH1S B3FOR3 H4ND  
FGC: JUST SO 3V3RYON3 KNOWS WH3R3 H3 OR SH3 ST4NDS  
FGC: 1S TH3R3 4 NON-D1SCLOSUR3 4GR33M3NT 1NCLUD3D, JUST OUT OF CUR1OS1TY?  
PCC: W)(ale, of COURS--E!  
PCC: I need to protect my TRAD--E S--EACR--ETS, after all!  
FGA: Rrgh  
PCC: Kanaya, did you )(ave somefin to say???  
FGA: No I Was Just  
FGA: Lifting Something  
FGA: And The Autotranscriber Caught It  
FGA: Thats All  
PCC: Of COURS--E t)(at is all.  
PCC: *ROLLS --EY--ES*  
CAA: ok  
CAA: wow there are a lot of places to sign these forms  
PAG: Yeah, there’s at least.......  
PAG: Haha, no w8, there’s exactly eight!!!!!!!! <3  
PCC: I T)(OUG)(T you mig)(t enjoy t)(at!  
FCG: WAIT, YOU JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE ALL THESE FORMS ON HAND?  
PCC: W)(ale, I asked Terezi to draft somet)(ing up for me beforefin.  
PCC: You know, just as a courtesea.  
FGC: OF COURS3  
FGC: 1M 4LW4YS H4PPY TO 4SS1ST 1N M4TT3RS OF L3G4L3S3  
FGA: Wait  
FGA: You Didnt Just Copy My Contract Did You  
FGC: OF COURS3 NOT!  
FGC: J3GUS K4N4Y4, 1M NOT L4ZY  
FGC: M1ND YOU, 1TS 3X4CTLY 4S L3G4LLY B1ND1NG 4S YOURS  
FGC: BUT 1 ST1LL WROT3 TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG MYS3LF  
PCC: OKAY T)(-EN!  
PCC: Now, as stipulated in t)(e contract BOT)( OF YOU just signed, you are now required to s)(ut off ALL telecommunicative devices for the duraytion of t)(is mediation!  
PAG: W8, what????????  
PAG: So we’re not allowed to use computers or anything ever????????  
PCC: Not necessarily!  
PCC: I can let you use t)(em if I --E--EL like it.  
PCC: And it just so )(appens t)(at t)(is time, I DON’T!  
PAG: Ugh, laaaaaaaame.  
PAG: Anyway, Kanaya, I’ll see you after this may8e.  
FGA: Of Course Vriska  
FGA: Endure Her Meddling As Best You Can  
PAG: Haha, it’s not that 8ad.  
PAG: 8ut anyway, <3  
FGA: <3  
CAT: yES, hAVE FUN W1TH THAT, vR1SKA,  
PAG: Oh, right, Tavros!  
PAG: We just took your kismesis off your hands, so what are you gonna do?  
CAT: wELL, 1 D1DN’T HAVE ANYTH1NG PLANNED,  
CAT: tHOUGHT 1 M1GHT HANG W1TH gAMZEE FOR A WH1LE,  
CAT: mAKE UP FOR LOST T1ME,  
FTC: Haha, shit yeah, bro, you’re always welcome up over here.  
FTC: Come up into this house of worship, and we can slam as a couple of choice bros over a wicked grape PBJ pie.  
CAT: oOH, sOUNDS DEL1C1OUS,  
CAT: tHAT 1S ONE MASS, tHAT 1 W1LL DEF1N1TELY BE ATTEND1NG,  
CAT: 1F YOU KNOW WHAT 1 MEAN, };D  
CAA: yes thats great  
CAA: have fun with your stupid fake pupa pan religion  
CAT: fOR THE LAST T1ME, 1T’S NOT MADE UP,  
CAT: 1T’S A SYNCRET1C 1NTERPRETAT1ON OF SUBJUGGLATOR BEL1EFS, aDAPTED TO BETTER SU1T A MODERN L1FESTYLE,  
FTC: Yeah, and anyway, what’s really motherfuckin important is the ethos.  
FTC: And it has a solid motherfuckin ethos, I can assure the shit out of you what’s up on that.  
CAA: whatever  
PCC: Okay, I t)(ink t)(at’s enoug)(!  
PCC: STOW YOUR D--EVIC--ES NOW!  
CAA: ok ok  
CAA: see all you guys later  
FGC: H4V3 FUN!  
FGC: 4ND DONT L3T F3F3R1 TOUCH YOU 1N4PPROPR14T3LY  
FGA: Haha  
PAG: Yeah, 8ye, every8ody.  
CAA ceased responding to memo.  
PAG ceased responding to memo.  
PCC: Alrig)(t! I SUPPOS--E t)(at concludes my business )(ere too!  
PCC: Because t)(is s)(ip is now S--ETTING SAIL! 38D  
FCA: awwesome  
FCA: youll make a great auspistice i just knoww it  
PCC: W)(ale, t)(at is ferry kind of you to say!  
PCC: Anywave, )(ave fun wit)( your matesprit, Prince. 38)  
FCA: haha thanks  
FGC: 4ND H4V3 FUN W1TH YOUR TWO WR1GGL3RS, W1TCH >:]  
PCC: )(e)(e, I’m s)(ore I will!  
PCC: Anyway, bye, all of you!  
PCC ceased responding to memo.  
CAT: yEAH, 1’M GONNA GO TOO,  
CAT: tHAT P1E’S NOT GETT1NG ANY WARMER,  
FTC: Oh, don’t you even motherfuckin worry on that, Tavbro.  
FTC: If shit gets too cool in here, we can always warm things up.  
FTC: <3  
CAT: hAHA, <3  
FCG: OKAY, THAT WOULD BE DISGUSTING EVEN OUTSIDE THE CONTEXT OF FOOD.  
CAT: aNYWAY, 1’M OFF,  
CAT: sEE YOU 1N A M1NUTE, tHUD bUTT,  
FTC: I’ll be waitin, Rufio.  
FTC: Bangarang!  
CAT: bANGARANG! }:D  
CAT ceased responding to memo.  
FTC ceased responding to memo.  
FCA: wwell i guess this memos wwindin dowwn  
FCG: AND THANK EVERY KNOWN FUCK FOR THAT.  
FGA: Um Eridan  
FGA: If I May  
FCA: yeah kan  
FGA: Well  
FGA: About Those Um  
FGA: Allegedly Dorky Pants  
FCA: oh right  
FCA: yeah these things are seriously crampin my style  
FCA: god wwhat are these tights ugh  
FCA: ter snap a picture a me an send it to her  
FGC: OK4Y DON3  
\-- FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] sent FUTURE grimAuxiliatrix [FGA] the file “PR1NC3LYP4NT4LOONS.jpg” --  
FGA: Oh Dear Lord  
FGA: No This Simply Wont Do At All  
FGA: You Look Like A Freshly Hatched Waterfowl  
FGC: H4H4H4, YOU TOT4LLY DO  
FCA: ugh  
FGA: I Absolutely Have To Do Something About This  
FGA: Something Involving A Much Longer Pair Of Pants For One  
FGC: 1 TH1NK TH3YR3 CUT3 <3  
FCG: WAIT, WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?  
FCG: I WANT TO SEE.  
FCA: wwhoa kar  
FCA: suddenly interested in the goods are wwe  
FCG: EUGH, NO, YOU OVERSTUFFED SACK OF SHIT, I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU  
FCG: I JUST WANT TO SEE THE OUTFIT.  
FGA: Sure Here It Is  
\-- FUTURE grimAuxiliatrix [FGA] sent FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] the file “PR1NC3LYP4NT4LOONS.jpg” --  
FCG: OH MY GOD THAT IS AWFUL.  
FCG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THIS GAME???  
FGA: A Lot Of The Boys Designs Seem To Be Dreadful  
FGA: Mister Captors Looks Fine But The Rest Are Just  
FGA: Ugh  
FCG: REMIND ME TO MAKE SURE I’M LOCATED AT AN UNREASONABLE DISTANCE FROM MY QUEST BED AT ALL TIMES.  
FGA: Noted  
FGA: Anyway Eridan If Youll Send Me The Captchalogue Code Ill Waste No Time Redeeming This Costume Of Yours  
FCA: yeah sure  
FCA: tPiAyHaS  
FGA: Thank You  
FCA: no thank YOU  
FCA: this outfit is terrible  
FGA: Really I Consider Improving It A Public Service  
FGA: Anyway Karkat Youre Welcome To Join Me  
FCG: HUH?  
FGA: I Mean  
FGA: If You Dont Have Anything Better To Do  
FGA: Which I Just Kind Of Assumed Wow That Was Rude Of Me  
FCG: NO, NO, IT’S FINE.  
FCG: BUT, UM  
FCG: WELL, I APPRECIATE THE OFFER AND ALL, BUT  
FCG: I KIND OF DO HAVE PLANS.  
FGA: Oh  
FCG: I HAVE TO DO SOME  
FCG: STRATEGIZING.  
FCG: YOU KNOW, LEADER STUFF, REALLY IMPORTANT  
FCG: AND IT REQUIRES COMPLETE SOLITUDE, YOU UNDERSTAND.  
FGA: Right  
FGA: Well  
FGA: In That Case Ill Be Off  
FGC: S33 Y4, K4N4Y4  
FGA: Yes Of Course  
FGA: Anyway Goodbye  
FGA ceased responding to memo.  
FCG: YEAH, I SHOULD GO TOO.  
FCG: I’VE GOT IMPORTANT LEADERY STUFF TO PLOT HERE.  
FGC: 4ND JUST WH4T SORT OF 1MPORT4NT L34D3RY STUFF 1S TH4T?  
FCG: YOU’LL KNOW THAT WHEN YOU NEED TO KNOW IT AND NOT A SECOND SOONER.  
FCG: SO KEEP YOUR GRUBBY GOD TIER MITTS OUT OF MY THINK PAN, THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH.  
FGC: OH PL34S3, K4RKL3S  
FGC: 1 F1ND YOUR M1ND TOT4LLY UNP4L4T4BL3 TO BROWS3  
FGC: LOOK1NG 1NTO YOUR BR41N 1S L1K3 P4W1NG THROUGH 4 SM3LLY DUMPST3R  
FGC: FULL OF BROK3N GL4SS 4ND R4ZOR BL4D3S  
FGC: 4ND POOP D:<  
FCG: YEAH, WELL, TAKE A NICE LONG DRAG WHILE YOU’RE IN THERE, BECAUSE I’M THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SOUR CITRUS JUICE STAND.  
FCA: good luck wwith your strategy kar  
FCG: UH, YEAH, THANKS.  
FCG: ANYWAY, I’M OUT.  
FCG ceased responding to memo.  
FCA: wwell  
FCA: noww wwhat  
FGC: 1TS OBV1OUS WH4T NOW  
FGC: TH3 G4M3 OF R3G3NS34TS M4R4THON CONT1NU3S!  
FCA: oh fuck yeah noww wwere talkin  
FGC: TH3 L4ST 3PISOD3 W4S SO GOOD  
FGC: DO3S SOM3ON3 G3T D3C4P1T4T3D 1N TH1S ON3 TOO?  
FCA: no spoilers  
FGC: 4WWW >:[  
FCA ceased responding to memo.  
FGC ceased responding to memo.  
  
FCA closed memo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this chapter is kind of short. If you consider 16,000 words short. OH WELL.


	25. Sidelines VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Nevermind, I figured out the CSS thing. It just wasn't displaying it in the preview. Enjoy your properly aligned text!

Chapter 25

Sidelines VI

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA].  
  
TA: hey.  
AA: hey  
TA: 2o...  
AA: so  
TA: 2o how about la2t niight, huh?  
AA: ok im not sure i want to talk about this  
TA: why not? you were amaziing.  
TA: liike, when ii heard you’d 2truck up a kii2me2ii2iitude wiith tv of all people, ii thought it wa2 a fuckiing joke, but...  
TA: wow.  
TA: ii mean, the thiing2 you diid wiith your p2iioniic2. and your tiime power2, too!  
TA: you mu2t reeeeeeeeally not liike that guy.  
AA: ok ive made up my mind  
AA: i definitely dont want to talk about this  
TA: why not?  
AA: its just  
AA: embarrassing i guess  
TA: aa, you have nothiing two be embarra22ed about.  
TA: ii already told you, you were on fiire la2t niight.  
AA: not like that!  
AA: it has nothing to do with last night  
AA: last night was awesome im not denying that  
AA: its just  
AA: the thing with me and tavros in general i guess  
AA: it makes me mad even thinking about it  
TA: well, ii 2hould certaiinly hope iit’2 makiing you mad, iit’2 a kii2me2ii2iitude, that’2 kiind of the poiint.  
TA: iif tv wa2n’t makiing you mad, ii’d tell you two take hiim back two the kii2me2ii2 2tore and get a refund.  
AA: ha  
AA: yeah i know thats the idea but  
AA: theres a little more to it than that i think  
AA: like im mad at him  
AA: but at the same time  
AA: im kind of mad at myself for being mad at him?  
AA: does that make sense?  
TA: becau2e the 2iituatiion between you two ii2 more compliicated than you realiized, and you’re begiinniing two 2ee that you’re more two blame for iit than you thought you were?  
AA: yes exactly!  
TA: yeah, that happen2 two.  
TA: iit’2 good, actually, iit mean2 he’2 got hii2 head iin the game, kii2metiically 2peakiing.  
TA: the ab2olute be2t way two pii22 2omeone off ii2 two poiint out 2omethiing wrong wiith them and be completely, undeniiably riight about iit.  
TA: vk’2 done her faiir 2hare of that two me, beliieve me.  
AA: ugh  
AA: i dont really want to talk about her either  
AA: for the same reason i dont want to talk about tavros actually  
TA: oh, well okay.  
TA: 2o what are you up to riight now?  
AA: time stuff  
AA: holding back the black king for now  
TA: wow, that 2ounds boriing a2 2hiit.  
AA: well somebody has to do it  
AA: er  
AA: some aradia has to do it i mean  
AA: we cant all be wasting our infinite time on feelings jams or unspeakable multi-quadrant trysts  
AA: well ok technically we all can but eventually we have to do this other stuff too  
AA: ugh referring to myself as a plural entity is such a pain sometimes  
TA: you mean all the tiime, ju2t at varyiing iinterval2?  
AA: haha yes  
TA: god, ii hate tiime travel, ii’m 2o glad ii don’t even have to bother wiith all that loopiing paradox bull2hiit.  
TA: no offen2e.  
AA: no it is kind of terrible  
AA: i dont think i could handle it without someone guiding me  
AA: thankfully terezi is an excellent guide :)  
TA: eheh, yeah, that’2 true.  
AA: anyway ill only be here for another 19 minutes and 51.2259 seconds  
TA: you mean twenty miinute2?  
AA: ugh yes sorry  
TA: don’t apologiize, iit’2 fiine.  
TA: you’re perfectly welcome two be overly precii2e about uniit2 of tiime, iit’2 kiind of adorable actually.  
AA: haha ok <3  
AA: im not even trying to do that though  
AA: thats just how i think now  
AA: like im so in tune with the beat of time that units like minutes and seconds are impractically large to me  
AA: so now my internal clock runs on fractions of milliseconds  
AA: so im not trying to be pedantic its just that to me the difference between 51 seconds and 52 seconds is a fucking eternity  
AA: itd be like  
AA: like if someone said something wrong about computers help me out here  
TA: iit’d be liike iif 2omebody called D1S* a programmiing language, and ii corrected them that iit wa2 a query language.  
AA: um sure lets go with that  
TA: ahahahah.  
TA: you 2tiill don’t know 2hiit about computer2, do you?  
AA: i know plenty about computers!  
AA: i know how to get on trollian and how to illegally download every troll harrison ford movie in existence and i cannot imagine a single metric that wouldnt call that enough  
TA: well, damn, you pretty much owned the fuck out of me there.  
AA: hehe  
TA: but iit’2 fiine, ii gue22 not everybody need2 two know everythiing about computer2.  
AA: wow  
AA: i never thought id hear you of all people say that  
TA: hey, iit’2 2tiill an extremely 2hort lii2t, don’t get me wrong.  
TA: iit’2 ba2iically you and ff and that’2 iit.  
AA: fair enough  
TA: but ba2iically, a query language ii2 a programmiing language iin the loo2e2t po22iible 2en2e, and ii2n’t really practiical for conventiional programmiing at all.  
AA: should i care about that?  
TA: you really 2houldn’t.  
AA: ok then!  
TA: eheheheh.  
TA: iit’2 funny we 2hould talk about programmiing though, giiven thii2 whole thiing ii’ve been doiing wiith eq.  
AA: oh yeah i saw that  
TA: you diid?  
AA: yeah  
AA: when feferi wasnt looking i was using my computer to check on you two  
AA: im his server player remember?  
TA: oh yeah, that’2 riight.  
TA: 2o you 2aw that biig 2ecret project he’2 workiing on, huh?  
AA: yes i did  
AA: its completely adorable!  
AA: feferi is going to love it  
TA: ii know, when 2he 2ee2 the thiing, we’re probably goiing two be able to hear her 2queeiing from 2pace, iin defiiance of all known law2 of phy2iic2.  
AA: you know when you think about it theres a lot of our society that hinges on the completely impossible fact that sound can travel through a vacuum  
TA: yeah, our uniiver2e make2 no fuckiing 2en2e.  
TA: really, the only way two explaiin 2ome of the 2hiit that goe2 on here ii2 2traiight up magiic, but we all know magiic ii2n’t real.  
AA: hmmm  
AA: im not so sure about that  
TA: about magiic not beiing real?  
AA: yes  
AA: im starting to think it might be real  
AA: or at least majyyks of some sort  
TA: well, yeah, majyyk2 are one thiing, but magiic ii2 a whole diifferent cla22 of doe2n’t exii2t.  
AA: haha ok  
AA: but yes the project is great and its very nice of you to help equius with it  
TA: are you really cool wiith that?  
AA: what  
TA: me helpiing eq.  
TA: or even beiing around hiim iin general, ii gue22.  
AA: of course i am!  
AA: why would i have a problem with that?  
TA: ii don’t know, ii thought you miight have 2omethiing agaiin2t hiim becau2e you two broke up.  
AA: no its fine  
AA: we both agreed it was for the best  
AA: didnt i already tell you this?  
AA: like multiple times?  
TA: diid you? fuck, ii don’t know.  
TA: maybe ii ju2t fiiltered iit out becau2e iit went agaiin2t my a22umptiion that paradox 2pace and everythiing iin iit wa2 out two get me.  
AA: ugh such a pessimist!  
AA: terezi is right about you  
TA: hey, ii’m better now.  
TA: iit’2 hard two 2tay a pe22iimii2t iin the face of 2uch overwhelmiingly good fortune.  
AA: haha thats true  
AA: anyway equius is fine  
AA: i used to think he was a hateful snob but hes  
AA: well  
AA: hes just kind of weird  
TA: aa, what brand of fucked up diictiionary are you u2iing that the phra2e “kiind of” at all appliie2 two how weiird that dude ii2?  
AA: hahaha  
AA: but hes not that bad!  
AA: he was never anything less than a gentleman to me  
AA: well except for the thing with the chip  
AA: but i dont think he really meant anything really nasty by it  
TA: you’re never goiing two tell me what the thiing wiith the chiip ii2, are you?  
AA: nope  
AA: a gentleman never asks and a lady never tells  
TA: fiine, whatever, don’t care.  
TA: anyway, ii gue22 he’2 goiing after ff now, 2o iit doe2n’t really matter.  
AA: yeah  
TA: you thiink that’2 weiird at all?  
AA: what him and feferi?  
TA: yeah.  
AA: a little i guess  
AA: but it kind of makes sense  
AA: i mean if he liked me its not a stretch that he would like feferi  
TA: you and ff aren’t the 2ame per2on, aa.  
AA: im not saying we are!  
AA: but you have to admit were similar  
TA: no ii don’t have two admiit that.  
TA: ii’ve 2aiid thiing2 liike that two my2elf before, and ii feel liike a complete fuckiing a22hole even thiinkiing about iit.  
AA: oh calm down!  
AA: its not that big a deal  
AA: im just saying we have a lot in common  
AA: including an irresistable attraction to self-loathing idiots  
TA: okay, iin all faiirne22, ii’m pretty 2ure you ju2t de2criibed liike every guy on our team.  
AA: haha i guess so  
AA: but yeah equius has had a thing for her for a while  
AA: he actually mentioned it right after we separated  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
AA: yep  
AA: i bet nepeta gave him the idea  
AA: and then it just sort of blew up from there  
TA: yeah, that fiigure2.  
TA: that giirl ii2 2o deviiou2, ii can’t even 2tand iit.  
AA: she really is  
AA: she very nearly got to me back when i was a robot  
AA: but after she won over terezi i was done for  
TA: 2ee, that’2 exactly what ii’m talkiing about.  
TA: iif iit were ju2t 2traiight up 2hiippiing attack2, that’d be one thiing, tho2e can at lea2t be re2ii2ted.  
TA: but 2he 2et2 up the2e countle22 contiingenciie2, and no matter what you do, they all end up ca2cadiing iintwo thii2 riidiiculou2 emotiional clu2terfuck of relatiion2hiip2, and all your quadrant2 are fiilled before you even know what hiit you.  
AA: pretty much  
AA: but really we should expect such slippery tactics from the rogue of heart  
TA: 2eriiou2ly, 2he took that tiitle and fuckiing rolled wiith iit.  
TA: 2he pretty much cartwheeled through town and jacked all of our kokoro2 liike a goddamn niinja ma2ter, and then fenced them riight back two u2.  
AA: haha  
AA: actually thats not quite what its about  
AA: the aspect of heart has more to do with souls than it does with romance in particular  
TA: oh.  
TA: then ii gue22 ii’m ju2t completely full of 2hiit.  
AA: not completely  
AA: but a little yeah  
TA: eheheheh.  
TA: anyway, for all ii biitch about iit, ii gue22 iit’2 a good thiing.  
TA: 2he hooked me up wiith you, for one <3  
AA: of course! <3  
TA: and ii’m a22umiing 2he’2 mo2tly re2pon2iible for thii2 whole thiing between ff and eq, whiich ii2 for the be2t, ii 2uppose.  
TA: ff certaiinly liike2 hiim, and he 2eem2 liike a decent enough guy once you get pa2t the whole 2tiiff-liipped creep facade.  
AA: hes a good guy  
AA: i know thats weird coming from me but i mean it  
TA: yeah.  
TA: hey, you thiink...  
TA: well, actually, ii don’t know...  
AA: what  
TA: wellllllll...  
TA: you thiink we could make hiim our next target?  
AA: whoa  
AA: seriously?  
TA: you thiink he miight be up for iit?  
TA: for your iinvolvement alone, at the very lea2t?  
TA: ii mean, thii2 ii2 after the whole thiing wiith hiim and ff ii2 2ettled, obviiou2ly.  
AA: well maybe  
AA: but isnt that kind of overreaching?  
AA: i mean we havent even gotten to terezi yet  
AA: and that would actually be easier to justify  
TA: well, iideally we’d go after her next, but iit ju2t doe2n’t really 2eem liike 2he’2 cool wiith iit.  
TA: unle22 that’2 changed 2iince 2he la2t expre22ed her dii2approval about the 2ubject.  
AA: no she still thinks its weird  
AA: but ill get to her yet  
AA: i have my ways  
TA: and what way2 are tho2e?  
AA: well  
AA: weve already cast out a juicy red nightcrawler as bait  
AA: so all we have to do is wait for the catfish to bite  
TA: waiit, you mean...  
AA: yes  
AA: and once that happens  
AA: shell have no choice but to admit the best things come in threes >:)  
TA: my god, iit’2 briilliiant.  
TA: but you really thiink 2he’ll take the baiit in the fiir2t place?  
AA: she wont really have a choice  
AA: well ok she will have a choice lets not get creepy here  
AA: but itll be obvious which choice is the right one  
TA: hone2tly, we already got pretty creepy here.  
AA: um  
AA: yeah i guess so  
AA: sorry  
TA: iit’2 fiine.  
TA: ii ju2t fiind iit kiind of hiilariiou2 that you’re iintwo thii2 whole thiing even more than ii am.  
AA: well yeah!  
AA: it was my idea in the first place remember?  
TA: that’2 true.  
AA: though to be perfectly honest when i first brought it up it was just because i figured youd enjoy it  
AA: i hadnt really formed an opinion at the time  
AA: but now  
AA: now i cant get enough  
AA: its starting to become a problem i think  
TA: no, iit’2 only a problem iif we 2tay at three out of ten forever.  
TA: biifurcatiion giimmiick or not, we can’t ju2t do thii2 whole thiing by half-mea2ure2, we’ve got two COMMIIT two iit.  
AA: haha ok  
AA: but lets not get ahead of ourselves  
AA: lets just wait until terezi falls in line  
AA: and then we can think about expanding our influence  
AA: wait i mean  
AA: e%panding our inf100ence  
TA: eheheheheheheheh, niice.  
AA: thanks  
TA: yeah, that’2 probably the 2marte2t way of goiing about iit.  
TA: by the tiime we’ve gotten two her, eq wiill probably have hooked up wiith ff already, and we can borrow hiim from her wiithout me22iing wiith theiir whole weiird court2hiip at all.  
AA: youre awfully eager to take a crack at equius  
TA: well, ii wa2 over at hii2 hiive before, and...  
TA: ii’m ju2t 2ayiing, he’2 a good-lookiing guy.  
AA: well  
AA: yeah thats true  
AA: not as good looking as you but hes up there  
TA: but of cour2e.  
AA: hehe  
AA: anyway just wait for feferi to deal with him  
AA: hey then you three could even have a  
AA: um  
AA: ok we need a name for the red pale thing  
TA: yeah, we really do, but ii’m haviing trouble thiinkiing of a good portmanteau for iit.  
TA: 2omethiing wiith piink, maybe?  
TA: piinkroniizatiion?  
TA: no, that’2 lame.  
AA: it is  
TA: okay, piink, piink...  
TA: well, what about another 2hade of piink.  
TA: 2almon, maybe?  
AA: that might work  
TA: yeah, let’2 try that, 2almon...  
TA: 2almongress?  
TA: 2almonfederatiion?  
TA: 2almonclave?  
AA: salmonclave!  
AA: i like that one  
TA: really?  
AA: yes its perfect  
AA: and also it has the name of a fish in it so feferi will like it even if shes embarrassed to talk about it  
TA: eheh, yeah, that ii2 perfect.  
TA: okay, we’ll go wiith 2almonclave for now.  
AA: great! :)  
TA: hey, 2peakiing of ff, how diid your au2pii2tiicii2m thiing wiith her go la2t niight?  
AA: it went really well actually  
AA: i thought it was going to be terrible being forced to hang out with vriska but honestly it was kind of fun  
AA: somehow shes actually tolerable when feferi is around  
AA: if you can believe that  
TA: y’know, ii’m really tempted to 2ay ii can’t...  
TA: but iif anybody can briing out the be2t iin people, iit’2 ff.  
AA: thats right!  
AA: but yeah we had a good time  
AA: we just kind of talked about stuff  
AA: did each others hair  
AA: honestly it was more like a slumber party than anything  
AA: or is that what an auspisticism is normally like?  
TA: ii don’t know, ii’ve never been iin one.  
AA: oh thats right  
AA: your ashen quadrant is still empty  
AA: here i am at the pearly gates of troll serendipity and youre still at 75 percent completion  
TA: oh 2hiit, that’2 riight, you got all your quadrant2 fiilled.  
TA: and 2o diid vk and tv, come two thiink of iit.  
AA: you have to catch up sollux!  
TA: do ii really have two?  
TA: ii mean, ii have all the iimportant quadrant2 fiilled, nobody really giive2 a 2hiit about the a2hen one anyway.  
AA: that is not true and you know it!  
AA: honestly that is kind of a shitty thing to say to your matesprit who just got into an auspisticeship with your moirail and your kismesis and is super stoked about it  
TA: wow, FUCK, that actually ii2 2uper 2hiitty of me, 2orry.  
AA: its ok  
AA: i know you were just being stupid and thoughtless and not outright malicious  
TA: yeah, ii kiind of fiigured my lack of 2ociial grace2 and iinabiiliity two recogniize nonverbal cue2 wa2 part of my charm.  
AA: yes thats part of it  
AA: but dont forget your self-deprecating sense of humor  
TA: 2elf-deprecatiing humor ii2 for a22hole2.  
AA: hehe <3  
AA: anyway i guess youre not required to have an auspistice  
AA: but i think you could maybe use one  
TA: oh yeah? wiith who.  
AA: how about karkat?  
TA: whoa, what????  
AA: im just saying  
AA: it seems like you guys are always at each others throats  
TA: well, yeah, we giive each other 2hiit all the tiime, but that’2 ju2t becau2e we’re friiends.  
TA: there’2 nothiing romantiic about iit, giive me a break here.  
AA: uh huh  
AA: and do you think vriska would feel the same way?  
TA: vk doe2n’t really have any room two complaiin, con2iideriing her whole thiing wiith you.  
AA: um actually she kind of does  
AA: because she did have this whole thing with me  
AA: and now were in an auspisticeship  
AA: sooo  
TA: fuck, okay, bad example.  
AA: sollux theres nothing wrong with it!  
AA: if you and karkat need an auspistice thats fine  
AA: you two have a long and sordid history as hatefriends and no one would judge you if you made it official  
TA: oh my god ii do not want two talk about thii2.  
AA: ok ok fine  
AA: so what are you doing right now?  
TA: ju2t workiing on 2ome hackiing 2tuff.  
AA: with equius?  
TA: no, thii2 ii2 2olo work, though he actually made a lot of iit po22iible.  
TA: ii know ii’m the one giiviing hiim le22on2, but eq’2 actually 2choolfed me on a lot of programmiing thiing2 2iince we 2tarted.  
AA: really?  
AA: thats very unusual to hear from such a hot shit haxxor  
AA: has the student surpassed the master?  
TA: oh no, he ha2n’t 2urpa22ed me completely.  
TA: ii’m 2tiill the olde2t and mo2t wiizened kung fu ma2ter on go2u mountaiin, 2o don’t even worry about that.  
TA: iit’2 more that there’2 2ome 2hiit that he know2 that ii don’t, becau2e frankly ii thought iit wa2 unknowable.  
AA: huh  
AA: like what?  
TA: mo2tly iit ha2 two do wiith obfu2cated code.  
TA: ii’ve hacked iintwo 2ome of the game con2truct2 before, but mo2t of the code iin2ide ii2 encrypted 2o you can’t ea2iily read iit, let alone change iit.  
TA: but 2omehow thii2 guy can par2e iit ju2t fiine.  
TA: wiith hii2 help, ii cracked the decryptiion code, iit’2 2ome 2eriiou2 kiing’2 gambiit quadruple priime clock 2oliitaiire 2hiit.  
TA: but now we can pretty much me22 wiith 2grub’2 code wiith iimpuniity.  
AA: wow!  
AA: that sounds incredibly powerful  
TA: iit ii2, but ii’m 2tiill tiinkeriing wiith iit, ju2t two 2ee what all can be done wiith iit.  
TA: ii’m me22iing wiith a cruxtruder riight now.  
AA: what are you trying to do?  
TA: not really 2ure yet.  
TA: but iif ii accomplii2h anythiing, ii’ll let you know.  
AA: cool  
TA: 2o are you 2tiill on kiingwatch?  
AA: yeah :/  
AA: but talking is helping  
AA: it makes time pass faster  
TA: doe2 iit actually do that?  
AA: what  
TA: doe2 iit liiterally make tiime go fa2ter.  
TA: doe2 tiime liiterally fly when you’re haviing fun.  
TA: ii know iit’2 fiiguratiive and all, but 2iince you’re the tiime expert here, ii fiigured ii’d a2k.  
AA: im  
AA: not sure actually  
AA: i think it might?  
AA: time is relative after all  
AA: maybe when youre having fun the electrons in your brain move at faster and therefore more relativistic speeds  
AA: therefore causing you to perceive less time taking place than actually took place outside of your personal frame of reference  
AA: or maybe thats complete bullshit and it doesnt make any sense  
TA: phy2iic2 aren’t really my 2trong 2uiit, but yeah, ii’m tempted two go wiith the latter.  
AA: yeah i dont really know  
TA: but hey, there ii2 2omethiing ii’m curiiou2 about that you miight be able two an2wer.  
AA: what?  
TA: okay, 2o, thii2 tiimeliine ii2 doomed, riight?  
AA: yes  
AA: we diverged from the alpha timeline so the stable time loop that created our universe was disrupted  
TA: riight, but we’re 2tiill here.  
TA: thii2 branch probably 2hould’ve been devoured a long tiime ago, but iit ha2n’t yet.  
TA: do you have any iidea why that ii2?  
AA: not really  
AA: its weird  
AA: nepeta told me before the denizens are preserving this timeline somehow  
AA: and i told her they cant do that  
AA: but here we are  
TA: 2o they can pre2erve the tiimeliine?  
AA: thats the thing  
AA: they cant  
AA: even the powers of all twelve denizens combined cant save a doomed timeline from the inexorable slide into oblivion  
TA: well, 2hiit.  
TA: but iif iit’2 not the deniizen2, then what’2 keepiing u2 here?  
AA: im not sure yet  
AA: it could be that we have something to contribute to the alpha timeline but i really doubt that  
AA: there is something it could be though  
AA: ive seen it mentioned by future aradias a few times but i dont really know what it is  
TA: what ii2 iit?  
AA: its something called  
AA:   
TA: what now?  
TA: unii2ynthe2ii2?  
AA: no youre spelling it wrong  
AA: its   
AA: un twelve ynthes twelve  
TA: wow, that’2 kiind of dumb.  
AA: yeah it kind of is  
AA: whatever it is its something that happens in the future  
AA: but i think it somehow affects the past too  
AA: i asked terezi about it but shes being tight lipped about it  
AA: not a surprise really causal spoilers and all  
TA: ugh, fuck temporal knowledge paradoxes.  
AA: yeah theyre pretty awful  
AA: were doing our best to close off as many paradoxes as we can without creating any new ones  
TA: waiit, hold on, you can do that?  
AA: do what?  
TA: do 2omethiing to re2olve all the2e paradoxe2 even after we branched off and 2crewed the barkbea2t.  
AA: sure we can!  
AA: the only thing that would stop us is dying horribly  
AA: and since thats not happening we may as well try to fix a few things  
TA: yeah, but can you undo the paradoxe2 even wiithout doiing the exact thiing that cau2ed them by not happeniing iin the fiir2t place?  
AA: yeah  
AA: its tricky but its doable  
AA: see the thing about time travel is its hard to change effects but its easy to change causes  
TA: not really followiing.  
AA: well see if you change things that actually happen that causes a problem because time has no way of correcting itself  
AA: thats what causes doomed timelines  
AA: but if you change why the events happen without changing the events themselves thats fine  
AA: thats how stable time loops occur  
AA: let me use this example  
AA: imagine four balls on the edge of a cliff  
AA: say a direct copy of the ball nearest the cliff is sent to the back of the line of balls  
AA: now if it were to just stay there that would create a paradox because now theres an extra ball  
AA: but say the ball takes the place of the first ball  
AA: the formerly first ball becomes the second  
AA: the second becomes the third  
AA: and the fourth falls off the cliff  
AA: and is later whisked away in time to serve the role of the copy that caused the event in the first place!  
AA: all these new variables were introduced but ultimately the scenario stayed the same by the creation of a stable time loop  
AA: time works the same way  
TA: um...  
AA: ok maybe im explaining this badly  
AA: like really badly  
TA: no, ii thiink ii get iit, actually.  
TA: a2 long a2 the precondiitiion2, po2tcondiitiion2, and iinvariiant2 are the 2ame, iit doe2n’t really matter what happen2 iin between.  
AA: yes exactly!  
AA: so long as we can replicate the results of what happened in the alpha timeline we can effectively fix paradoxes  
TA: 2o what happen2 iif we fiix them all?  
TA: do we become un-doomed, liike a beta tiimeliine or 2omething?  
AA: im not sure  
AA: in fact im not sure if we can fix every single paradox  
AA: but maybe we dont have to  
TA: maybe you’re riight, there miight be 2ome other way to e2cape our doom.  
TA: hell, ii miight be able two ju2t do 2ome doomy thiing and mage iit all away.  
AA: you could  
AA: but that sounds like an awfully heroic way to die of overexertion!  
AA: so dont do that  
TA: yeah, iit wa2 ju2t an iidea, not nece22ariily a good one.  
TA: iif ii triied that, my eyeball2 would probably explode all over agaiin, and we reeeeeeeeally don’t want a repeat of that.  
AA: yeah  
AA: wait  
AA: hold on  
TA: what.  
AA: is that eight es i see in that “really?”  
TA: uh.  
TA: that’2 ju2t a coiinciidence, ii 2wear.  
AA: no its not a coincidence  
AA: youre doing the vriska thing!  
AA: i dont believe this  
TA: whoa, aa, calm down for a 2econd here...  
AA: this isnt even the first time its like the third!  
TA: look, iit’2 a power of two!  
TA: ii can do whatever the fuck ii want wiith power2 of two, that’2 my thiing!  
AA: to think that youd start copying her mannerisms  
AA: its just  
AA: its unthinkable!  
TA: waiit, are you actually mad about thii2?  
AA: haha not really  
AA: its just funny that shes rubbing off on you  
TA: look, iit’2 not liike ii diid iit on purpo2e!  
TA: ii ju2t wanted two type more than one “e” and ii ju2t 2o happened two type exactly eiight.  
AA: right  
AA: just like you did those other two times  
TA: ye2, exactly.  
TA: ii know iit 2ound2 fii2hy, but that’2 what happened.  
AA: sure sollux  
AA: whatever you say  
TA: ii’m 2eriiou2!  
AA: honestly i dont really care  
AA: its only annoying when vriska does it  
AA: oh and when tavros does it too  
AA: ugh those two  
TA: they’re pretty terriible, we’ve already fiirmly e2tablii2hed thii2.  
AA: yeah i know  
AA: anyway im not really sure what we can do about the timeline  
AA: but im sure theres something  
AA: maybe this  has something to do with it  
AA: but i dont have a reliable source of information on it yet  
TA: what about the voiice2?  
AA: what?  
TA: you know, the voiice2 of the dead that have been eternally hauntiing you 2iince even before you diied?  
TA: are tho2e 2tiill a thiing?  
AA: oh right the voices!  
AA: i kind of forget about them sometimes  
AA: theyve quieted down a lot since i came back to life  
TA: well, that’2 good two hear, at lea2t.  
TA: ii don’t really have two put up wiith the voiice2 of the iimmiinently decea2ed anymore eiither, 2iince ii went god tiier.  
TA: now ii’m the one telliing tho2e fucker2 what two 2ay.  
AA: yeah  
AA: they dont really have any meaningful input at this point  
AA: which is a little scary  
AA: but very liberating!  
TA: yeah, ii gue22 2o.  
TA: we are the ma2ter2 of our own fate.  
AA: yeah!  
AA: no more stupid voices bossing us around  
AA: what  
AA: oh yeah you  
AA: i thought i told you to quit bossing me around  
AA: im still not ok with it  
TA: what?  
AA: what!!!  
AA: how dare you call me that!  
AA: what i do with my matesprit is none of your business!  
TA: uh, aa?  
AA: ugh hes my kismesis thats different!  
AA: im not double timing on anyone!  
AA: god you dont know anything  
AA: you dont tell me how to act youre not my lusus!  
AA: just leave me alone  
AA: what  
AA: protection from what?  
AA: what are you even talking about?  
AA: what  
AA: like  
AA: inside?  
AA: like livestock?  
AA: ugh no thats not how it works!  
AA: that is so gross to even think about oh my god  
TA: ahahahah, what the hell are you even talkiing about.  
AA: look just stop talking to me  
AA: if you really want to chat so badly im probably going to come to your future at some point anyway  
AA: and then you can lecture me in person!  
AA: business  
AA: no im not working for him!  
AA: yes i know you mean well  
AA: she came back  
AA: im not going to kill her again!  
AA: especially not with feferi around come on  
AA: its complicated  
AA: ok no im done talking to you  
AA: and stop watching me when im with my quadrantmates its creepy  
AA: then just turn the screen off!  
AA: no im done  
AA: ugh sorry about that  
TA: who wa2 that?  
AA: exile  
AA: you know how they are  
TA: not really.  
TA: ii thiink ii blew miine up at 2ome poiint.  
AA: haha really?  
TA: yeah, when ii fiir2t heard hiim, ii ju2t kiind of went ape2hiit banana2 on hiim wiith my p2iioniic2.  
AA: wow  
AA: i kind of wish id done that  
AA: my exile was ok before but he has absolutely zero tolerance for all these romantic shenanigans going on recently  
TA: wow, what a douche.  
TA: what wa2 that about comiing two hii2 future, though?  
AA: oh thats something i kind of figured out  
AA: not explicitly but terezi said we were going to be plundering some temporal artifacts at some point  
AA: and that guys in the same time and place as pretty much the most expansive collection of temporal artifacts in paradox space  
AA: so im just kind of assuming ill hop there at some point  
TA: oh, well that’2 cool.  
TA: 2ounds kiind of dangerou2, though, who’2 keepiing watch over all that weiird tiime 2hiit?  
AA: thats the thing  
AA: our first guardian is there among others  
AA: and hes kind of omniscient and mostly omnipotent too  
AA: its theoretically possible to escape his detection but not as a time player  
TA: oh, thii2 ii2 where eq come2 iin, ii2n’t iit?  
TA: that 2ound2 liike a job for 2ome kiind of voiidy thiing.  
AA: yeah i think so  
AA: but im not really sure how  
AA: i mean its not like i can bring him with me  
AA: but whatever ill think about it later  
AA: im sure some sort of shenanigans will eventually be at foot  
TA: yeah, ii’m 2ure you’ll fiigure iit out.  
TA: oh, hey, 2peakiing of 2henaniigan2, ii ju2t fiigured out how two do 2omethiing wiith thii2 cruxtruder.  
AA: oh really?  
AA: whatd you do?  
TA: ii managed two get another 2priite out of iit.  
AA: huh  
AA: so now you have two biclopsprites floating around?  
TA: oh, no, ii’m not me22iing wiith my cruxtruder, ii’m me22iing wiith your2.  
TA: ii’m on loqam, 2orry, ii gue22 ii ju2t forgot two mentiion that.  
AA: oh  
AA: so wait  
TA: no, ii don’t have a 2priite ver2iion of you here, before you a2k.  
TA: iit look2 liike iit kiind of unprototyped you after you went god tiier.  
AA: oh ok good  
AA: i wasnt even sure how id react to another frog ghost version of me being around 0_0  
TA: yeah, that’d be all kiind2 of fucked up, haviing two iinteract wiith a weiird mopey 2priite ver2iion of your2elf.  
TA: but no, iit’2 nothiing more than a friiendly frog2priite.  
AA: well cool!  
AA: im not really sure how useful that is but its pretty neat  
TA: well, pre2umably, iif iit’2 not prototyped wiith you anymore, then we can 2tiill prototype iit wiith 2omethiing el2e.  
AA: well yeah  
AA: but what?  
TA: wellllllll...  
TA: there ii2 a certaiin 2omebody who pa22ed away around here, a very long tiime ago...  
TA: theiir earthly remaiin2 are 2tiill here, iin one form or another, and ii wouldn’t be 2urprii2ed iif theiir 2piiriit liingered on, two.  
TA: 2urely iit would only take a liittle doom magiic two 2ummon them for a prototypiing.  
AA: wait  
AA: you dont mean  
AA: rammom????  
TA: ahah, yep, that’2 the iidea.  
AA: you can bring her back?  
AA: seriously???  
TA: 2ure, all you need ii2 a dead thiing and a 2priite, and ii’ve got both.  
TA: ii would’ve brought iit up earliier, but ii diidn’t want two fu2e your lu2u2 wiith 2omebody el2e’2 iintwo 2ome unholy abomiinatiion.  
TA: though keep iin miind, thii2 ii2 goiing two turn your lu2u2 iintwo 2ome weiird frog-kangaram hybriid thiing.  
AA: i dont care about that!  
AA: ill just be happy to see her again  
AA: is she ok with being part frog?  
TA: yeah, 2he 2eem2 fiine wiith the iidea.  
AA: then go ahead and prototype her!  
TA: whoa, hold on, are you 2ure you don’t want two be here for thii2?  
AA: oh yeah i guess so  
AA: im actually about to go off duty anyway  
AA: i guess this is why!  
TA: awe2ome, iit’2 niice two 2ee one of the2e 2elf-fulfiilliing tiime loop2 work out iin a way that ii2n’t completely retarded for once.  
AA: haha yeah  
TA: anyway, ii gue22 ii’ll 2ee you here, and then we can make thii2 2hiit take place.  
AA: youre the best sollux! <3  
TA: eheh, ii try. <3  
AA: ok anyway see you soon!  
TA: yeah, bye.  
AA: bye!  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]. 

*** 

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA].  
  
TC: Hey bro.  
CA: oh hey gam  
CA: wwhats up  
TC: Brother, I think the more important question is just what the mother fuck is up at you?  
TC: Last I checked, you were all up on LOWAA gettin angelmurdered and gettin your disemboweled carcass hurled onto a motherfuckin Quest Recuperacoon.  
TC: So how the mother fuck is that workin on you?  
CA: oh right the angel thing  
CA: nobody has to wworry about them anymore me an them are pretty much square  
CA: wwhole thing kinda wworked itself out honestly  
TC: You sure around that?  
TC: Cause that shit they pulled sounds like grounds for war.  
CA: ok i realize thats wwhat it might seem like but this wwasnt an act of aggression  
CA: actually it wwas more like a coronation  
TC: A coronation?  
CA: yeah see  
CA: the wwhole point a them disembowwelin me in the first place wwas just to solidify my ascension  
CA: once id attempted to reconcile things wwith them wwithout any concern for my personal wwell bein they decided i wwas ready to take on the mantle of leadership  
CA: but they cant be led by a lowwly prince  
CA: so they crowwned me  
TC: So wait, you’re their leader now?  
TC: Like, you got this whole motherfuckin gaggle of angels at your command?  
CA: yeah i knoww its awwesome  
CA: an i got this cool swword too  
CA: personally i prefer ranged wweapons but at least ill look fuckin badass givvin out orders wwith this thing  
TC: Haha, fuck yeah, bro, that shit is tits!  
CA: gam  
CA: it is the biggest most succulent tits  
CA: you dont evven knoww  
TC: Yeah, I guess my whole knowledge level towards that particular subject couldn’t be any much more than “inkling.”  
TC: I mean, I’m the chief executive officer over five thousand consorts between twenty facilities, but those motherfuckers aren’t angels.  
TC: They’re...  
TC: Uh, wait...  
TC: I think they’re chameleons or some shit?  
CA: are you sure  
CA: chameleons havve camouflage  
CA: i think that wwouldvve come up at some point  
TC: Nah, okay, they’re not chameleons.  
TC: Fuck, I don’t know, I’m a businessman, not a taxonomist.  
TC: Anyway, point is, I got myself an unprecedented labor force, but you got yourself a motherfuckin army.  
TC: Those feathery brothers can all probably do some uncannybrutal damage.  
CA: yeah theyre pretty wwicked  
CA: i took a feww dozen on a test run on the battlefield an they are tearin shit UP let me tell you wwhat  
CA: a cloud a fuckin clawws an feathers an hope lasers tearin angry swwaths through dersite mobs like wwarm churned magnesium spread  
CA: an considerin there are thousands a these guys an im pretty sure they infinitely respawwn im noww in command a the most powwerful military force knowwn to paradox space  
CA: wwhich makes ME the most important military leader in existence  
CA: so yeah im in a pretty good fuckin mood right noww  
TC: Shit yeah, bro, all fulfillin your destiny and all that.  
TC: So now that you up and got yourself a monopoly on force, what all are you gonna do with it?  
CA: uh  
CA: i dont knoww actually  
CA: dont really havve much to use it on noww  
CA: dispatch a feww regiments on the battlefield a course but it wwont take all that many to keep things locked dowwn  
CA: figure ill havve a handful a squads patrollin the planets takin care of any particularly troublesome underlings  
CA: hell maybe wwe can set up some kinda grist farmin operattion i dont knoww  
CA: but yeah i cant see any large scale mobilizations in the future  
TC: Huh, well that kind of blows.  
TC: Gettin a huge motherfuckin army of winged killin machines and then not havin any massive armies what you can up and throw them towards.  
CA: eh a little  
CA: i wwasnt their first choice yknoww  
TC: Really?  
CA: yeah there wwas some other motherfucker they wwere gonna crowwn lord of all angels wwhen he came around  
CA: evverything i heard about him made him out to be a complete fuckin asshole but apparently they liked him better than me  
CA: but then i guess he wwasnt murderin em by the dozen noww wwas he  
TC: Yeah, genocide ain’t all that great to your PR.  
TC: So what happened to this other motherfucker?  
CA: i dont knoww actually  
CA: i just kind of assumed they hadnt gone ahead wwith him because he wwasnt around to claim the throne but evvery angel ivve asked told me hes already here  
CA: they wwere really clear about that too completely spared me the usual angel riddle doubletalk bullshit  
CA: but then i ask wwhere the hell he is an its back to fuckin idiotic fable puzzlespeww hour  
CA: wwell wwherevver the asshole is the minute he showws his smug pretender face im gonna wwreck it wwith a ray a concentrated hope the likes of wwhich this univverse has nevver seen  
TC: Yeah, blast that motherfucker, whether he’s all currently present or not!  
TC: Anyway, good on you for all up and what’s resolvin that whole angel boondoggle down at your planet and all.  
TC: And for goin God Tier, too! Welcome to the Pantheon, motherfucker!  
CA: heh yeah thanks  
CA: got quite an arsenal a powwers in my purvvieww noww  
CA: though i gotta say a lot of em seem awwfully destructivve  
TC: Yeah, that shit’s kind of true to mine, too.  
TC: Got a bunch of powers what’s for knockin the rage off of motherfuckers, and a bunch more what’s just for blowin shit up.  
TC: I guess it’s a class thing.  
CA: yeah i think so  
CA: but ultimately its just a set a tools  
CA: an howw you use em is up to you  
CA: believve me ivve put a lot a thought into just howw a role defined as a destroyer of hope could evver apply its powwers in a constructivve wway  
CA: but i think of it like this  
CA: you knoww the saying wwhen one door closes another door opens  
TC: Yeah.  
CA: wwell  
CA: i close doors  
CA: its wwhat i do  
TC: So you close off possibilities, but right across the same time, you open up new ones?  
CA: yeah exactly  
CA: see the thing ivve come to realize is that hope is an infinite resource  
CA: no matter howw much godly powwer you apply to it it cant be created nor destroyed  
CA: it can only change form  
CA: an wwhile doing so might close off certain avvenues a success itll alwways open other ones  
CA: for hope springs eternal in the collapsin an expandin aquatic vvascular system of troll  
CA: an as long as you havve hope evven the most unlikely a miracles can happen  
TC: Whoa, did I just hear my scientific brother up and confirm the existence of miracles?  
CA: yeah miracles are real  
CA: theyre particularly unlikely evvents spurred into reality wwith the powwer of unshakeable belief  
CA: they alwways havve been an they alwways wwill be  
CA: i knoww that noww  
TC: Hahaha, fuck yeah, I always knew my palebro to be a believer on the motherfuckin miracles, no matter of how much shit he might talk at them!  
CA: wwell pretty much anything is real if you believve in it hard enough  
TC: Anything?  
CA: yes anything  
CA: wwell except magic  
CA: magic is still fake as shit no matter howw much hope you pour into it  
TC: Yeah, that shit figures.  
TC: So aside from all that, how’d your shit go last night?  
TC: Y’know, with the seersister and all?  
CA: pretty wwell actually  
CA: i mean obvviously she gavve me a little shit for the wwhole thing that happened wwith the angels  
TC: Well, yeah, she’d be pretty motherfuckin justified on that.  
CA: yeah yeah i knoww  
CA: but in my defense she didnt knoww wwhat i kneww  
CA: no matter wwhat her seer powwers said i kneww i wwas goin to survvivve that encounter one wway or another  
CA: an i kneww it wwould resolvve the conflict wwith the angels  
TC: Really?  
TC: You just up and knew that shit? Like a hundred percent?  
CA: yep nevver any doubt in my mind  
CA: see doubt is the enemy of hope  
CA: an the most potent wweapon by wwhich hopes are undone  
CA: had i faltered there things might havve gone differently  
CA: mind you wwhatevver situation that wwouldvve resulted wwouldnt havve been completely intractable but i figure its best to take a sure shot wwhen you get it  
TC: Fair enough, I guess.  
TC: But you’ve got to warn a brother about that shit beforehand, motherfucker.  
TC: I was all worried you might be checkin out for good.  
CA: yeah ok sorry  
CA: but it wwas kind of a heated situation an it required swwift and decisivve action  
CA: anywway it wwont happen again  
CA: i mean one im a god so i cant evven permanently die except under a particular set a circumstances  
CA: an twwo apparently sols got the wwhole concept a death under lockdowwn so maybe i wwont evven die then  
TC: Yeah, yeah, I know, but still.  
TC: Revival or not, just give your palebro a heads-up before you off and do some shit what might result in you kickin the non-filial fluid receptacle, alright?  
CA: ok thats doable  
TC: Cool.  
CA: anywway things wwent fine after that  
CA: pretty chill for the most part just wwatchin tvv really  
CA: but then things got complicated  
TC: Uh, what all do you mean, “complicated?”  
CA: wwell  
CA: apparently sometime after the angel thing nep decided she wwanted to check on me  
CA: so she ended up crashin the party  
TC: Whoa, hold on a minute, the catsister showed up?  
TC: While Terezi was still up in there?  
CA: yeah  
TC: So...  
TC: What happened after that?  
CA: um  
CA: yknoww im not really sure i wwant to talk about this ovver trollian  
CA: i mean this is a really privvate matter here an you nevver knoww wwho could get a hold a these logs  
TC: Aw, come on, don’t leave a brother hangin!  
CA: look im more than wwillin to tell you wwhat happened in privvate but this medium a communication just seems really insecure  
CA: i mean wwhat if sol wwas wworkin his lousy stupid hacker science on this convversation right noww an decided to spill the leguminous protein objects to kan  
CA: if she catches evven the slightest wwind a this shell evviscerate me  
TC: Bro, just what the mother fuck happened up in there???  
CA: ok yknoww wwhat i think wwevve talked enough about me  
CA: howw about you gam wwhat are you up to  
TC: But...  
CA: NO BUTS  
TC: Alright, alright, fine.  
TC: Anyway, not much shit’s all that new with me. Just got my chill on up with Tavros all for a while.  
CA: yeah  
CA: howws things wwith him  
TC: Better, actually.  
TC: Seems like he’s chilled out a little now what’s all this shit with the ramsister’s been sorted up.  
TC: As fucked up and weird as that whole situation was, I think it helped.  
CA: i figured it wwould  
CA: but still i feel kind of personally responsible for that wwhole romantic shitstorm that occurred  
CA: i mean admittedly i wwas manipulatin the twwo of em the entire time but things wwerent meant to unfold nearly as turbulently as they did  
CA: so sorry if i caused you any distress wwith all this  
TC: Nah, bro, it’s cool.  
TC: Shit was fucked up across the two of them, and it would’ve bubbled up on the surface one way or another.  
TC: Best to just rip the bandage off as fast as what’s motherfuckin possible, I guess.  
CA: you think  
TC: Hey, I know a thing or two around Rage, and I know if you don’t vent this shit off once in a while, it’ll eventually boil over.  
CA: noww see i thought you wwould understand  
CA: i mean i knoww ter an i triggered this wwhole fiasco but if wwe hadnt it couldvve devvolvved into somethin evven messier  
TC: Right, the whole motherfuckin situation was just a powder keg waitin to go down.  
TC: I kind of understand what the situation’s up and like.  
TC: I mean, you got some motherfucker what you’ve never been anything but friendly to, who you only ever came at with love, but they don’t return it.  
TC: You’re never good enough for them.  
TC: No matter what you do, you’re never motherfuckin good enough.  
TC: And you try to reach out, and you try to be nice, but all they ever come back at you with is hate.  
TC: They call you a fool, and an imbecile, and an idiot, and a disgrace, and after a while you just...  
CA: gam  
TC: You just want to wrap your hands around their motherfuckin neck and...  
CA: GAM  
CA: easy noww  
CA: deep breaths  
TC: But...  
CA: shoosh  
CA: shoooooooosh  
TC: I...  
TC: Fuck, sorry.  
TC: Not really sure what came onto me.  
CA: its fine its fine  
CA: i just didnt realize this thing wwith eq wwas gonna be such a problem  
TC: A problem?  
CA: wwell yeah  
CA: if just thinkin about him is gonna stir you into rage like that i think it might be kind of a fuckin issue  
TC: That’s kickin the wicked motherfuckin misinformation, my brother.  
TC: I’m as chill as what’s all can be.  
TC: No cause for alarm.  
CA: hey dont take this the wwrong wway ok  
CA: youvve showwn remarkable self control thus far  
CA: but from wwhat ivve seen eq has the capability to draww your ire unlike anybody else ivve evver seen  
CA: an wwith the current state a things if somethin wwere to happen betwween you twwo im afraid the results wwould be incredibly dangerous for one a you or maybe evven both  
TC: Ugh.  
TC: The only reason any of this shit is a motherfuckin problem is because that motherfucker’s bulge for the hemospectrum.  
TC: Is he still hung up over that shit?  
CA: unfortunately yeah  
CA: hes been gettin better dont get me wwrong  
CA: but he still has yet to pass the indigo test  
TC: The indigo test?  
CA: wwell yknoww  
CA: i sign into your trollian account an order him around a little  
CA: just to see if he feels like rebellin you understand  
TC: Whoa, hold up.  
TC: You’ve been pretending to be me??  
CA: wwell yeah but its not like im doin anything creepy  
CA: i just tell him to say a feww expletivves an then fuck off  
TC: That’s still kind of creepy.  
CA: look howw else am i supposed to test this  
CA: if youvve got any fuckin ideas im all auricular headfins  
TC: Well, why don’t you just order him about your own motherfuckin self?  
TC: You’re on top of him, aren’t you?  
TC: On the hemospectrum, I mean, shit.  
CA: nah he wwont listen to me like that  
CA: he doesnt trust seadwwellers  
TC: At the same motherfuckin time he’s goin after the fishsister?  
TC: That shit makes no motherfuckin sense.  
CA: i KNOWW it doesnt  
CA: i swwear to god this guy runs on cognitivve dissonance  
CA: if he lost the hemospectrum thing he might just cease to exist  
CA: just POOF holy shit wwhered he go  
TC: Hahaha, yeah, just as a motherfuckin magic trick!  
CA: gam please  
CA: theyre not magic tricks  
CA: theyre illusions  
TC: Oh, right, illusions.  
CA: magic isnt real its all just sleight a hand  
TC: Bro, I know, please don’t start on this shit again.  
TC: I’m already perfectly motherfuckin aware of just how much you do not believe in the existence of magic.  
TC: You’ve made that shit a hundred percent clear.  
TC: I wasn’t even all tryin to up and say what magic’s somethin that exists, it was just a joke.  
TC: So calm your motherfuckin tits.  
CA: uh  
CA: wwoww ok sorry  
CA: you dont havve to lose your temper yknoww  
TC: Sorry, but that shit just gets old before a while.  
TC: Really old.  
TC: Like, saggy tits on a decrepit granny old.  
CA: wwhats a granny  
TC: Uh...  
TC: Shit, I don’t know, actually.  
TC: Where the fuck did that word even come out of?  
CA: it sounds like an old deprecated navval term  
CA: like some kinda wweird hatch for storin illicit cargo  
CA: or maybe like the metal racks they use to hold cannonballs or wwhatevver  
TC: Hahaha, yeah, that’s probably what’s what it is.  
TC: Like, it’s so motherfuckin cold outside, it could up and freeze the iron tits off a brass granny.  
CA: hahaha holy FUCK that is perfect  
CA: if that isnt an actual nautical term wwere makin it one noww  
CA: an anybody wwho objects is gettin a full broadside of tits  
TC: Fuck yeah, brother, preach it!  
CA: yeah  
CA: so wwhat the fuck wwere wwe talkin about again  
TC: Uh...  
CA: oh right the thing wwith eq  
TC: Ugh.  
TC: Just when is that stupid motherfucker gonna get over his dumbass fixation over the motherfuckin hemospectrum?  
TC: Everybody else already done and did it.  
TC: Fuck, even you did it, and you used to be a genocidal goose-steppin sociopath around the whole issue.  
TC: No offense.  
CA: nah its true i wwas  
CA: an anywway i disabused myself of it for purely pragmatic reasons  
CA: i believve it wwas troll kelsey grammar wwho once said evveryone imposes his owwn system as far as his army can reach  
CA: an as an army of one i couldnt really realistically do SHIT to impose my system on anybody else  
TC: Well shit, that’s true.  
TC: But hey, now you got yourself a motherfuckin army of angels what so you can impose your system as far like you motherfuckin want!  
CA: hey yeah youre right  
CA: but i think ill try not to abuse my powwer too much  
CA: givven the choice betwween bein feared an bein lovved its best to pick both but im sure if i tried to establish any kinda military dictatorship thatd wwipe the latter clear off the table  
CA: shit wwho wwas it that said that again  
TC: I think it was Troll Shia LaBeouf.  
CA: yeah thats right  
CA: say wwhat you wwill about that last abomination of a trolliana jones movvie he wwas one a the great political thinkers of our time  
TC: Hey, I liked that movie.  
TC: It was a shitload better than the third one, its interpretation on the Cult of the Mirthful Messiahs was fuckin laughable, and not in a good way.  
CA: yeah of course youd think that  
CA: anywway i think wwith eq its more systemic  
CA: like to me the hemospectrum wwas nevver anything more than a tool  
CA: but to him  
TC: He’s the tool.  
CA: haha yeah exactly  
CA: thats not just a sick burn its also a pretty accurate assessment  
CA: he needs it to survvivve  
TC: Yeah, it’s the only thing what up and gives any semblance of meaning to his vacuous motherfuckin life.  
CA: pretty much  
CA: its fuckin stupid but thats just the wway it is  
TC: Ugh.  
TC: So just how the mother fuck is he gonna drop that shit?  
CA: im not sure  
CA: its pretty deeply internalized stuff  
CA: hes gotten a little better since i struck up this wwhole thing wwith him an tavv but i can only do so much  
TC: And this thing with the motherfuckin fishsister, how the fuck’s he gonna hook on with her if he’s still spoutin this hemonormative horseshit??  
CA: yeah i knoww right  
CA: if he honestly thinks shes gonna put up wwith evven the slightest IOTA a that hemospectral bs hes settin himself up for a monumental failure  
CA: shes not goin to abide that shit in the slightest i can tell you that right noww  
TC: Good lord, that guy’s a dipshit.  
CA: yeah  
CA: i wwish hed get his shit together just as much as you do believve me  
CA: as a newwly ascendant hero a hope i knoww potential wwhen i see it an this thing betwween you an hims got potential wwritten all ovver it  
CA: an if i can be perfectly frank i personally think its hot as fuck  
TC: Uh, yeah...  
CA: but theres not much i can do  
CA: really this wwhole thing is kinda outside my jurisdiction  
CA: snappin him outta this mindset is his moirails business more than it is anybody elses  
TC: Shit, you’re probably right.  
CA: ill do wwhat i can though  
CA: put the pressure on her a little  
CA: thats my job after all  
TC: Heh, yeah.  
TC: Well, thanks brother, I appreciate it and all.  
CA: eh sure  
CA: its not much but its the best i can do  
TC: Anyway, could we maybe all stop talkin around that motherfucker for a while, maybe?  
TC: Shit makes me mad just thinkin on it. 0>:(  
CA: ok  
CA: man im startin to feel realy bad for you gam  
CA: youre runnin on a serious blackrom deficiency here  
TC: It’s not that bad.  
CA: wwell maybe not noww but it adds up  
CA: like you said if you keep it under the lid it boils ovver after a wwhile an you dont really havve a proper outlet for it  
TC: Hey, that shit’s not entirely true.  
TC: What about the ruthless cutthroat mercantilism I’m regularly engaged on in LOTAM’s highly competitive baked goods industry?  
CA: hahaha yeah i guess i forgot about that  
CA: but still you dont havve any kinda blackrom you can vvent wwith  
CA: fuck you cant evven get a proper auspisticism goin no thanks to me  
CA: sorry about shootin you dowwn on that last memo by the wway  
TC: Nah, it’s cool.  
TC: Shit was just kind of a spur-on-the-moment thing anyway.  
TC: And you were right about me not bein the best motherfuckin choice what’s for an impartial mediator, given my existing quadrants and all that jazz.  
CA: thats true  
CA: but i still think youd be a good choice  
CA: its just that fef wwas the best choice by a nautical mile  
CA: i mean the wwhole arrangement wwith sols moirail moderatin betwween his matesprit an his kismesis is pretty much the romantic ideal  
CA: in case you didnt notice thats pretty much exactly wwhat im tryin to do wwith you  
TC: Oh shit, that’s right.  
TC: You’re my palebro, an you’re all mediatin across my matesprit an what’s hopefully gonna be my kismesis.  
TC: Damn, that is sneaky.  
CA: i knoww right  
CA: an once it all wworks out here ill sit resolvvin all the natural tension that crops up betwween your concupiscent partners an bein pretty much the best moirail evver  
CA: so yeah its pretty much awwesome  
TC: Yeah.  
TC: How’s that workin up, by the way? Your whole ashen thing?  
TC: I know I just said I wanted to stop talkin by that sweaty blue-blooded asshole, but I figured I should all up and ask.  
CA: haha thats awwful considerate a you  
CA: anywway its goin fine  
CA: honestly i think this wwhole thing that just happened wwith tavv is gonna help a lot  
CA: i think a lot of his anger at eqs been misplaced though certainly not all of it  
CA: an not all that much has changed wwith eq  
TC: Figures.  
CA: but i keep the peace  
CA: i get together wwith em occasionally an wwe havve an airing of grievvances  
CA: yknoww  
CA: wwe rap  
TC: Right.  
TC: Ain’t no more efficient avenue of communication than the ancient and revered art of slam poetry.  
CA: yeah exactly  
CA: i dont really followw your wwhole flowwology thing but ill admit poetry is a highly effectivve tool for mediation  
TC: Way of The Flow.  
CA: wwhat  
TC: That’s what it’s called.  
TC: Not “Flowology.”  
CA: oh ok  
CA: sorry i wwasnt really sure wwhat it wwas called  
TC: It’s cool.  
CA: but yeah its gone pretty wwell all told  
CA: honestly its wweirdly therapeutic  
CA: like wwhen you havve to deal wwith all the petty squabbles that arise betwween twwo other people it makes you really begin to reevvaluate your owwn you knoww wwhat i mean  
TC: Kind of, yeah.  
TC: Casts the lows over a different light and lets you appreciate the highs.  
CA: right  
CA: its kind of fulfillin in a wway thats hard to describe  
CA: god listen to me gushin about my owwn ashen quadrant here after you just got clubsnubbed howw insensitivve  
TC: It’s cool, bro, it’s cool.  
CA: no its not cool  
CA: wwevve got to do somethin about this gam  
CA: ok tell you wwhat  
CA: ivve got a plan  
TC: A plan?  
TC: Alright, I like where this shit is going.  
CA: ok  
CA: hear me out for a second here  
CA: wwhat do you think about kar  
TC: Karkat? Well, shit, that brother’s like my best motherfuckin friend.  
TC: Well, best platonic motherfuckin friend, anyways.  
CA: ok thats wwhat i figured  
CA: he alwways seemed wweirdly ok wwith you despite himself  
CA: in fact for a wwhile i thought  
TC: Thought what?  
CA: nah its nothin dont wworry about it  
CA: anywway you think you might be up for some kinda arrangement wwith him  
TC: Shit yeah, bro, that’d be tits.  
TC: Honestly, I always kind of saw myself all gettin onto some kind of conciliatory arrangement up with my nubby-horned bro.  
CA: uh yeah  
TC: So you think some shit with him could work?  
CA: i dont see wwhy not  
TC: Okay, but who am I auspisticizin him to?  
TC: Shit’s been downright motherfuckin acerbic across him and your sister Terezi, how’s about those two?  
CA: wwhoa hey no dont do that  
CA: seriously anybody but ter  
TC: Why not her?  
CA: cause shes already in an auspisticeship an im dead fuckin certain kan wwouldnt appreciate you edgin into her territory  
TC: Oh, right.  
TC: Can you be under more than one auspisticeship?  
TC: I forget how these weird motherfuckin quadrants work sometimes.  
CA: yknoww im not entirely certain  
CA: i think its a grey area  
TC: You mean...  
TC: An ashen area?  
CA: hahaha yes exactly  
CA: i swwear to fuckin god nobody knowws SHIT about exactly howw this stupid quadrant is supposed to wwork  
CA: honestly i just kinda wwing it most a the time  
TC: Hey, if it works, it works.  
CA: amen to that  
TC: You mean bangarang to that.  
CA: ok sure lets go wwith that  
TC: Fuck yeah! 0:)  
CA: anywway im not sure if its expressly forbidden to be beholden to more than one auspistice but i think its frowwned upon  
TC: Well, shit, I don’t want to be a motherfucker what’s could up and make some other motherfucker frown.  
TC: So I’ll just get that idea off the table so we both can’t see it no more.  
CA: ok good  
CA: anywway ivve got another quadrant in mind for those twwo  
TC: Whoa, you think they’re black at each other?  
CA: i think so  
CA: i pretty much drovve a knife into their old red entanglement an twwisted it until it got infected an turned pure bilious pitch  
CA: like i said before  
CA: i close doors  
TC: So you closed the red door, and the black door opened?  
CA: exactly  
TC: I’m not so sure about that, brother.  
TC: I talked to Karkat before, and he straight up flat down disavowed any sorts of romantic animosity to the dragonsister.  
CA: wwell a course he fuckin denied it  
CA: ters denying it too  
CA: cause there isnt a single motherfucker in paradox space wwhat can actually ADMIT theyre wwaxin black for somebody  
CA: its alwways got to be some idiotic drawwn out courtship a japes an jabs an all it does is just make evverybody wwant to scream JUST FUCKIN KISS ALREADY  
CA: i swwear to fuckin god gam you an i are the only twwo in paradox space wwith our heads on straight about this  
TC: Hahahaha, I hear you, bro.  
TC: But don’t up and forget the spidersis, she was pretty good around it too.  
CA: ok thats true  
TC: Anyway, if I ain’t stickin my clubs between him and her, then just who should I all be gettin my ashes on at?  
TC: I kind of got some ideas, but it’s hard to tell with Karkat, cause...  
TC: Well, you know, he’s kind of always ventin on everybody.  
CA: haha tell me about it  
TC: Like, he doesn’t even all limit it toward other people.  
TC: I swear to the Verbal Messiah, sometimes that dude needs an auspistice across him and his own motherfuckin self.  
CA: oh god dont evven suggest that  
CA: some wweird fucked up temporal self auspistice ugh howw wwould that evven fuckin wwork  
TC: I have no motherfuckin idea.  
CA: like itd havve to be temporary by its vvery nature right  
CA: somebody cant be a self loathing piece a shit for years at a time can he  
CA: wwell i mean not the same self loathing piece a shit  
CA: youd havve to evventually just givve up an stop trollin yourself at some point right  
TC: I think you’re underestimating him.  
CA: haha yeah if anybody could keep it up its kar  
CA: but no this wwhole idea is just a joke  
CA: heres wwhat im thinkin  
CA: him an sol  
TC: Sollux?  
TC: You think he’s got a serious problem at the doombro?  
CA: i think hes had a problem wwith sol for swweeps noww  
CA: i swwear those twwo ashen flirt wwith each other so shamelessly its like they dont evven knoww theyre doin it anymore  
CA: like they spent ten swweeps on another planet an noww all a their thoughts are in another language  
CA: but seriously their little arguments on memos an shit cross the line so frequently an regularly you could set your fuckin timepiece to it  
TC: Haha, I guess they kind of all do.  
TC: But you really think I could all up and be ashenbros with Sollux?  
TC: I ain’t the best of bros with the dude, but I guess there’s no time as the motherfuckin present for solidifyin the bond of bromance.  
CA: i think it could wwork out  
CA: i mean you dont havve to be like best fuckin friends wwith him  
CA: all you havve to do is establish that youd be a suitably impartial mediator for the twwo of em  
TC: Well, I guess I could all do that.  
TC: But how do I even pop the question at them?  
TC: Just wait for shit to go down in public and then step on it like I’m the new motherfuckin sherriff in town? That’s how this shit always seems to play up.  
CA: yeah pretty much  
CA: anytime those twwo post in the same memo at once things are bound to go up in flames sooner than later  
CA: just hose em dowwn wwith wwater an then go for it  
TC: Alright, sounds like a motherfuckin plan, I guess.  
TC: Still, I don’t want to come off like too motherfuckin forward or nothin like that, you know what I’m meanin at?  
TC: I’ve been up that road before, and it’s not a trip what I’m lookin to repeat.  
CA: dont wworry about it gam  
CA: all you havve to do is harness your calm assertivve energy an seize control of the situation  
CA: an i knoww youre perfectly capable a that  
CA: youll be an awwesome auspistice  
TC: You really think so?  
CA: i knoww so  
CA: trust me  
TC: Well shit, thanks, brother. It means a lot.  
CA: hey dont wworry about it  
CA: thats wwhat im here for right  
CA: <>  
TC: Ha, yeah.  
TC: <>  
CA: youll do fine  
CA: if nothin else youre one a the best poets i knoww  
CA: an that shit comes in RIDICULOUS handy wwhen youre conciliatin i can tell you that much  
TC: Hey, I may be good, but I’m not the greatest.  
TC: That honor has to go upon my main brother, the First Prophet, Rufio.  
CA: ah youre just sayin that cause hes your matesprit  
TC: No, I’m serious.  
CA: yeah wwhatevver  
TC: Hey, I’m just curious.  
CA: yeah  
TC: When you’re all gettin your rap on within Tavbro and the other perspiratory motherfucker, do you ever...  
TC: Well, you know...  
CA: wwhat  
TC: Like, uh...  
TC: When you and I slam?  
TC: Does that shit ever transpire?  
CA: uh  
TC: I won’t be mad or nothin, I’m just wonderin.  
CA: wwell no  
CA: not all the time  
CA: er i mean  
CA: not to the same extent  
CA: ugh fuck this is all comin out wwrong  
TC: Hey, it’s not a big motherfuckin deal, brother.  
TC: I was just up and askin because I wanted to know what’s all I should do if the same shit cropped up with my own conciliatory crew.  
CA: oh  
CA: wwell  
CA: i guess if that happens then just  
CA: go wwith the floww  
CA: wwait i mean  
CA: go wwith The Floww  
TC: Hahaha, well said, my choice motherbrother.  
TC: Alright, I guess I just won’t worry on it.  
TC: If The Flow all dictates that some kinda shit as that should go down, then I guess we’ll just motherfuckin roll with it.  
CA: yeah thats probably the best you can do  
CA: honestly at this point im convvinced theres nothin you can really do about a flow synchronization  
CA: its just an inevvitable facet a life  
CA: like the wweather or flat faygo  
TC: Yeah, just let that shit ride.  
TC: Anyway, if I’m serious around this auspisticism shit, I guess I’d best get to practicin on my rhymes.  
TC: You want to up and join me on this, brother?  
CA: uh  
CA: really  
TC: Sure, why not?  
TC: Got plenty of cold Faygo and warm pies.  
TC: We could crack a few icecolds and sling some rhymes over a blueberry grape fresh off the oven.  
CA: wwell  
CA: is tavv there  
TC: Nah, he’s off on some motherfuckin business or another.  
TC: But don’t worry around it, he’s cool.  
TC: Your sister’s cool too, right?  
CA: yeah shes cool  
CA: at least hypothetically  
TC: Well, then, maybe you should get your tits over to LOTAM and we can get a proper slam goin.  
CA: alright sure  
CA: hope you dont mind if bring my angelic entourage wwith me  
TC: Hey, as long as they don’t get feathers and shit everywhere, my hive is their hive.  
CA: ill enforce a strict no moulting rule  
CA: first dumb feathery asshole to litter your hivve gets a hope beam right to the fuckin beak  
TC: A rule well set.  
TC: You are truly harsh, but fair.  
CA: yeah  
CA: ok see you in a bit  
CA: <>  
TC: I’ll be here, bro.  
TC: <>  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]. 

*** 

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT].  
  
CC: )(----EY!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CC: --Equius!  
CC: Is now a good time?  
CT: D --> Yes, of course  
CT: D --> Were it not, time could easily be made  
CT: D --> To what do I owe this honor, Heiress  
CC: 38?  
CC: Me bot)(ering you on Trollian is an )(onor?  
CT: D --> Abso100tely  
CT: D --> I’m gracious that one of your standing would even deign to speak to such an undeserving f001 as me  
CC: PS)(, t)(at’s seally!  
CC: I am a person just like anybody else, me talking to you s)(oald not be t)(at big a deal.  
CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> Yes, of course  
CT: D --> Forgive me, Heiress, it was not my intent to question your judgment  
CC: No, no, it’s fine!  
CC: -Equius, is t)(is R-E-ELY a good time?  
CC: You seem reely nervous for some reason.  
CC: I can talk to you some ot)(er time, it’s not a problem.  
CT: D --> No, this is a good time  
CT: D --> The perfe% time, a%ually  
CT: D --> It’s just that, um  
CT: D --> Oh fiddlesti%, this is so f001ish, but  
CT: D --> Well, this is the first time I’ve had a direct conversation with you  
CT: D --> And I simply fear I’m going to foul things up and make myself look like an utter f001  
CT: D --> Which I’m doing anyway, aren’t I  
CC: )(-E )(-E )(-E, it’s okay, I understand!  
CC: But reely, I t)(ink you s)(oald LIG)(T--EN UP!  
CC: I am not going to cull you or somet)(ing if you mako a conc)(versational misstep or anyt)(ing seally like t)(at.  
CC: We are just C)(ATTING, t)(at’s all.  
CC: SO R--ELAX!  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> Yes, of course  
CT: D --> It’s just a  
CT: D --> Normal conversation  
CC: Yes.  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> What do you wish me to di%uss, Heiress  
CC: You don’t )(ave to call me t)(at, you know.  
CT: D --> What  
CC: “)(eiress!”  
CC: I don’t know w)(y you keep doing it.  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Is it not sufficiently formal  
CT: D --> Oh shoot, it was never my intention to be disrespe%ful  
CT: D --> Should I call you Your Imperious Condescension instead  
CC: NO T)(AT IS T)(-E OPPOSIT-E OF W)(AT I’M SAYING!!!!  
CC: It’s TOO FORMAL!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CC: Prawnestly, it is an empty tidal ANYWAV--E.  
CC: I’m t)(e )(eiress to w)(at? T)(e t)(rone of a dead empire?  
CC: T)(e only reel )(eir in t)(is conc)(versation is YOU, Mister Of Void!  
CT: D --> Um, right  
CT: D --> So if I don’t call you that, then  
CT: D --> What should I call you  
CT: D --> “Miss Pei%es,” perhaps  
CT: D --> Is that sufficient  
CC: UG)(, t)(at is all formal and stuffy too.  
CC: It makes you sound like Kanaya. >38/  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> But if not that, then what  
CC: )(MMMMMMMM...  
CC: W)(ale, )(--ER--E is a crayzy idea...  
CC: )(ow about if you called me...  
CC: F--EF--ERI!!!  
CT: D --> Your first name  
CT: D --> Really  
CC: S)(ore!  
CC: We are on a first name baysis, are we not, --EQUIUS?  
CT: D --> Yes, but  
CC: But not)(ing!!  
CC: I t)(ink it is only fair t)(at we address eac)( otter as --EQUALS.  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> We’re not, are we  
CC: Y---ES W---E AR---E!!!!  
CC: I am your equal, and you will address me as suc)(, )(AV-E I MAD-E MYS)(-ELLF CL-EAR???  
CT: D --> Hrk  
CT: D --> As you wish  
CT: D --> Far be it from me to disobey an imperial decree  
CC: T)(at’s not an imperial decree!  
CC: It’s just a polite request, I guess.  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> Feferi  
CC: Yes, -Equius?  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> How are you this evening  
CC: I’m GR--EAT! T)(ank you for asking! 38)  
CC: I )(ave )(ad my fins full wit)( a lot of social obligations and w)(atnot, but it’s all ferry fulfilling!  
CT: D --> Ah yes  
CT: D --> You recently established an auspisticeship, did you not  
CC: I did! Between Aradia and Vriska, and BUOY )(as it been an --EXP--ERI--ENC--E!  
CC: I reeled two LIV--E ON--ES into t)(is s)(ip of mine!  
CC: T)(ey are two )(eadstrong girls, so I D--EFINIT--ELY )(ave my work cut out for me!  
CT: D --> That’s true  
CT: D --> Has the e%perience given you any trouble thus far  
CC: W)(ale, we )(ad our first PROP--ER mediation last nig)(t, and it all seemed to go R--E--ELY w)(ale!  
CC: I mean well.  
CC: We did all sorts of -EX-ERCIS-ES and ACTIVITI-ES, and t)(e w)(ole t)(ing was actually a lot of FUN! 38D  
CT: D --> But of course  
CT: D --> It’s only natural that one of your status would take pleasure from imposing order upon your lessers  
CC: Um.  
CC: I am not s)(ore t)(at’s -EXACTLY w)(y I enjoyed it.  
CC: But I DID enjoy it!  
CC: T)(e t)(ree of us talked aboat buoys and did eac)( ot)(er’s )(air and it was all just a blast!  
CC: Prawnestly, it was more like a SLUMB--ER PARTY t)(an anyt)(ing!  
CT: D --> A slumber party  
CT: D --> Really  
CC: Y--ES!  
CC: I know it sounds strange, but I t)(ink it reely kelped!  
CT: D --> Oh, I wasn’t doubting that  
CT: D --> I’m abso100tely certain you are an e%cellent auspistice  
CC: W)(ale, t)(ank you! 38)  
CC: Aradia and Vriska seem to be )(appy wit)( t)(e arrangement, but I am D--EFINIT--ELY pleased wit)( it.  
CC: T)(ey are bot)( my precious little cuttlefis)(, and I am t)(eir loving culler. c3<  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> You’re not a%ually going to cull them, are you  
CC: S)(ore I am! Just not t)(e kind of culling you are probubbly t)(inking of.  
CT: D --> There’s another kind  
CC: W)(ale, not Y--ET, but I’m going to MAK---E anot)(er kind!  
CC: Rig)(t NOW it means exterminating t)(e weak and infirm, but if I )(ad my way, it would mean CARING for t)(em!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> That’s  
CT: D --> Certainly an interesting idea  
CC: I know it is unusual, but I t)(ink t)(e vast resources of t)(e -Empire would be put to betta use serving t)(e needs of its people, instead of just using t)(em to KRILL US!  
CC: And for T)(AT matter, I certainly t)(ink our justice system could be a little more FAIR t)(an just making -EV-ERYT)(ING an offense wort)(y of culling!  
CT: D --> Are you sure that’s a good idea  
CC: 38?  
CC: W)(y WOULDN’T it be?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> It’s the constant 100ming threat of death that drives our development as individuals, is it not  
CC: Maybe, but it doesn’t )(AV--E to be t)(at way!  
CC: Instead of keeping people in line wit)( t)(e constant t)(reat of culling, we could guide t)(eir growt)( by )(--ELPING t)(em!  
CC: And people could get along and PROT--ECT eac)( ot)(er, instead of constantly trying to kill eac)( ot)(er!  
CT: D --> Could they, though  
CT: D --> Trolls are a naturally violent and antagonistic race  
CC: I don’t t)(ink t)(at’s true!  
CC: Violence is L--EARN--ED, --Equius!!  
CC: T)(e only reason trolls are as violent as t)(ey are is because our SOCI---ETY teac)(es us t)(at violence is t)(e only way to solve ANYT)(ING!!!  
CC: And regressive social systems like t)(e )(----EMOSP----ECTRUM only FURT)(----ER divide us, creating a mentality of every troll for )(im or )(erself!!!!  
CC: It is SYST-----EMIC and it is INSIDIOUS, and now t)(at t)(e system )(as finally been overt)(rown, we CAN’T afford to recreate it!!!!!  
CT: D --> Um  
CC: Ug)(, saury, I just kind of went off t)(ere.  
CC: But it is somet)(ing I feel R--E--ELY strongly aboat!!  
CC: Anyway, I’m s)(ore you don’t want to talk aboat POLITICS. 38P  
CT: D --> Er, not really  
CC: Rig)(t, anyway, we were talking aboat my new auspistices)(ip.  
CC: )(--EY! You’re in an as)(en t)(ing wit)( -Eridan, rig)(t?  
CC: )(ow is t)(at going?  
CT: D --> Quite well, a%ually  
CT: D --> I had my compun%ions about the arrangement, but he’s performed quite admirably at mediating between me and the mudb  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Between me and Nitram  
CC: Yea)(, I guess so.  
CC: Just w)(at caused t)(e conflict between you two in t)(e first plaice?  
CC: T)(e w)(ole t)(ing just seems to )(ave come out of narw)(al!  
CT: D --> Narwhal  
CC: I meant now)(ere!  
CT: D --> I know what you meant  
CT: D --> I was simply observing that it was  
CT: D --> An e%tremely clever pun  
CC: T)(ANK YOU!!  
CC: SOM---E people just don’t )(ave an apperc)(iation for puns.  
CT: D --> F001s, the lot of them  
CT: D --> They tr001y have no taste atoll  
CC: )(a)(a, t)(at’s a good one!  
CC: -Er, saury, getting off-topic.  
CT: D --> Right  
CT: D --> The source of the enmity between me and  
CT: D --> Nitram  
CT: D --> Is a little complicated  
CT: D --> There are a few partic001ar reasons I would prefer remain private  
CT: D --> Mostly concerning another troll I would prefer not to name  
CT: D --> If that’s ok with you  
CC: Yes, t)(at is fine.  
CT: D --> But a lot of it stems from the fact that he’s an impudent little worm with no respect for anyone  
CT: D --> That’s the majority of it, a%ually  
CC: )(e )(AS been a little edgy recently.  
CC: T)(ings kind of came to a )(ead on t)(at last memo!  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Between him and Aradia  
CT: D --> It’s utterly detestable the way he treats her  
CT: D --> Completely una%eptable  
CC: It WAS pretty bad, yea)(.  
CC: But t)(en, I don’t know, t)(e w)(ole t)(ing between t)(ose two seems like it is R-E-ELY complicated.  
CC: But now everyone’s feelings are out in t)(e open, and t)(ey )(ave plaiced blame w)(ere blame is due, and we can all )(ate eac)( ot)(er like civilized people.  
CC: Anyway, it makes my job as Aradia’s auspistice a dab easier, since s)(e )(as somebody to )(ate besides Vriska.  
CT: D --> I suppose  
CT: D --> Eridan reached the same conc100sion himself  
CT: D --> Though I still feel it’s f001ish that Nitram should harbor any contempt for her  
CT: D --> She is abso100tely undeserving of it  
CC: You still care about )(er, don’t you?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CC: I’m sorry again for taking )(er away from you.  
CT: D --> You didn’t take her away from me  
CT: D --> You simply resurrected her  
CT: D --> Were she ever tr001y mine, she would have returned to me  
CT: D --> Please don’t blame yourself  
CC: But I still feel really bad about it!  
CC: You went to all t)(e trouble of building a robot body for )(er and everyt)(ing, and t)(en I just came in and blew it up!  
CT: D --> Robots can be easily replaced  
CT: D --> Troll lives, not so much  
CT: D --> But of course, it was nothing for one of your talents  
CC: It wasn’t not)(ing! I did need some )(elp.  
CT: D --> From Nepeta  
CC: Y-ES! I couldn’t )(ave done it wit)(out )(er.  
CC: S)(e is a great moirail, I can tell.  
CT: D --> Yes, I’m tr001y fortunate to have her  
CC: You know, I )(ave to confess...  
CC: W)(en we were on Derse, Nepeta and I may )(ave...  
CC: UG)(, I’m not s)(ore )(ow to say t)(is, but...  
CT: D --> You had a pale moment  
CC: Y---ES! T)(at is ---EXACTLY w)(at )(appened!!!  
CC: We were in t)(e core of Derse, and I was )(aving second t)(oug)(ts, but t)(en s)(e grabbed me by t)(e s)(oulders and looked into my eyes and...  
CC: I just felt t)(is SPARK, you know??  
CC: Like, for t)(ose few seconds, it felt like our souls intertwined, and we were two people fused into one, s)(aring t)(e same body and everyt)(ing!!!  
CT: D --> Um  
CC: Ug)(, my COD, w)(y would I even SAY t)(at, t)(at’s so W---EIRD!!!  
CC: I’m saury, t)(is is R-E-ELY awkward, please just forget I said t)(at!  
CC: I’m not pale for Nepeta, I’m not trying to SNATC)( )(-ER AWAY from you or anyt)(ing, it’s just...  
CC: We )(ad a MOM--ENT, t)(at’s all.  
CC: Cod, I am so STUPID. >3XP  
CT: D --> No, I understand  
CT: D --> Nepeta has been quite, um  
CT: D --> Supportive to a lot of people  
CT: D --> She’s e%pressed concern to me that her a%ions might be interpreted as, er  
CT: D --> Infidelitous solicitations  
CT: D --> But she has no intention of leaving me  
CT: D --> She’s simply being a good, supportive friend  
CC: O)(.  
CC: W)(ale, okay, t)(at’s good!  
CC: I was afraid you mig)(t )(ake it t)(e wrong way.  
CT: D --> Understandable  
CT: D --> But I would never assume that you had such corrupt intentions  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> Intenchions  
CC: )(-E )(-E!  
CC: W)(ale, t)(ank you for giving me t)(e benefis)( of t)(e trout.  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> Anyway  
CT: D --> You were attempting to cement a moirallegiance with Sollu%, were you not  
CC: Y--ES! T)(at was t)(e idea t)(e entire time.  
CC: I reelize bringing a girl back from t)(e dead just so )(e could )(ave a matesprit is a little -EXTR-EM-E for a pale solicitation, but I felt like t)(at was w)(at I )(AD to do!  
CC: It seems so seally in retrospect, prawnestly.  
CT: D --> It ma%es sense  
CT: D --> You feared your intentions might be misread  
CT: D --> So you conco%ed a grand, unmistakably pale overture in hopes of prec100ding the scenario of misinterpretation entirely  
CC: Yes, exactly!  
CC: But I probubbly did not )(ave to do t)(at.  
CC: If I )(ad just told )(im from t)(e ferry B-EGINNING t)(at I was pale for )(im, I could’ve avoided t)(is -ENTIR-ELY!  
CC: But I didn’t want )(im to eel like I was forcing )(im into anyt)(ing.  
CT: D --> It 100% like it was a complicated situation  
CT: D --> But I believe you handled it as best you could  
CC: Yea)(, maybe.  
CT: D --> If you don’t mind my asking  
CT: D --> Are you happy with him  
CT: D --> I mean, now that you’re moirails  
CC: O)(, Y--ES! I am F--ERRY )(appy wit)( t)(e relations)(ip!  
CC: I )(ave always )(oped to find t)(e P-ERC)(F-ECT morayeel, and wit)( Sollux, I t)(ink I )(ave!  
CC: It’s pretty muc)( t)(e moirallegiance I’ve always BR--EAM--ED of!! 38D  
CT: D --> Really  
CT: D --> You dreamed of it  
CT: D --> My apologies, breamed  
CC: )(e)(e, it mig)(t sound a little strange, but yes.  
CC: I know most ot)(er trolls care more aboat t)(e concupiscent quadrants, but I )(ave always been drawn to t)(e pale quadrant for some reason.  
CC: I t)(ink even for a well-adjusted troll, it is R-E-ELY important!  
CC: Maybe even t)(e MOST important!!  
CT: D --> I see  
CT: D --> That’s an unusual position to take  
CT: D --> But I can sympathize  
CC: Yea)(, I T)(OUG)(T so!  
CC: I )(ave to be prawnest, -Equius, you and Nepeta were kind of an INSPIRAYTION to me!  
CT: D --> Really  
CC: Y--EA)(!  
CC: After I broke t)(ings off wit)( -Eridan, I wasn’t s)(ore if I could -EV-ER find t)(e rig)(t moirail for me.  
CC: I t)(oug)(t I mig)(t be setting my standards too )(ig)(, you know?  
CC: But w)(en I saw you two and w)(at a )(ealt)(y, stable moirallegiance you were in, it gave me )(ope t)(at I mig)(t be able to find somet)(ing like t)(at too!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Wow  
CT: D --> I’m tr001y honored that we might have set an e%ample for you  
CC: PS)(, don’t be )(ONOR--ED!  
CC: Your moirallegiance stays afloat on t)(e volume of its merit alone, and T)(AT is w)(at you s)(oald be PROUD of!!  
CC: If Nepeta is any indication, you are an -EXC-ELL-ENT morayeel yours)(ellf!  
CT: D --> Really  
CC: Um, )(ave you S--E--EN )(er recently??? S)(e is somet)(ing --ELS--E!!  
CC: To be prawnest, I never reely took )(er seariously before, but now...  
CC: WOW. 38|  
CT: D --> Um  
CC: O)( no, I’m being W---EIRD again, aren’t I?  
CC: T)(is is probubbly coming off like I’m FLUS)(--ED for )(er or somet)(ing.  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Are you  
CC: NO!!!!  
CC: I just t)(ink s)(e is a good friend and all around cool person in general.  
CC: Bereef it or not, I am not seacretly flus)(ed for everyone I’m at least PARTIALLY fond of!  
CC: Unlike w)(at some certain snooty daywalking fussbudgets mig)(t try to tell you. >38/  
CT: D --> No, I believe you  
CT: D --> I wasn’t accusing you of anything  
CT: D --> It’s just that if you are flushed for her, that abso100tely concerns me  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Because I’m her moirail, of course  
CC: Yes, of course.  
CC: But no, I am not flus)(ed for )(er. I just admire )(er a lot.  
CC: S)(e is doing so muc)( to kelp everyone, and I wis)( I could do t)(e same!  
CC: W)(ale, not -EXACTLY t)(e same, but you know w)(at I mean.  
CC: Besides, even if I were, I am PR---ETTY s)(ore s)(e )(as eyes for somebody else...  
CT: D --> Really  
CC: -Equius, don’t tell me you do not sea it!  
CC: S)(OR---ELY you )(ave noticed just )(ow FRONDLY s)(e )(as been wit)( our GLORIOUS L--EAD--ER lately?  
CT: D --> You mean  
CT: D --> You think she’s flushed for Karkat  
CC: I am almost COMPL--ET--ELY C--ERTAIN s)(e is!  
CT: D --> Hmmm  
CT: D --> It’s plausible, I suppose  
CT: D --> She has suggested the sentiment before, if not e%plicitly  
CT: D --> But she’s been reticent in di%ussing it with me  
CC: R-E-ELY?  
CC: T)(at is a little odd, considering you’re )(er morayeel!  
CC: If s)(e can’t glub aboat it with YOU, t)(en w)(o CAN s)(e??  
CT: D --> I don’t know  
CT: D --> Perhaps I should question her aboat it  
CT: D --> I mean about  
CC: )(e)(e! Yea)(, I t)(ink maybe you s)(oald.  
CC: T)(ere are no seacrets between morayeels, after all!  
CT: D --> I suppose not  
CC: I’m POSITIV--E you will be able to work it out.  
CC: You’re morayeels! You rely on eac)( ot)(er!  
CC: I am S)(OR--E s)(e couldn’t )(ave done )(ALF of all of t)(is s)(ipping stuff wit)(out you supporting )(er!!  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I’m afraid I can’t take much credit for her shipping triumphs  
CT: D --> It 100% to have been a proje% undertaken largely on her own  
CT: D --> In fact, initially I was abso100tely opposed to the idea  
CC: O)(? 38?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> At first, I thought it was a f001ish endeavor doomed to failure  
CT: D --> But after I heard of her su%ess with the cer001ean-b100ded h001igan, I was forced to reeva100ate my position  
CC: )(a)(a, yea)(, t)(at was quite t)(e accomplis)(ment!  
CT: D --> Yes, but she did it before I even knew she had begun shipping  
CT: D --> (So I was forced to scold her for carrying it out without my permission, of course)  
CT: D --> And her continuing wor% have been done mostly without my support  
CT: D --> Well, e%cept in the emotional sense, I suppose  
CC: Yes, maybe you aren’t DIR--ECTLY kelping )(er, but you are still supporting )(er in your own way!  
CT: D --> Yes, I suppose that can’t be over100ked  
CT: D --> But still  
CT: D --> She 100% to have undergone the most unusual metamorphosis  
CT: D --> While she has always had a passion for “shipping,” this idea of a%ively matchmaking 100% to have come from nowhere at all  
CT: D --> And since she undertook The Task, she has changed  
CT: D --> Where once she was a100f and carefree, now she is compassionate and driven  
CT: D --> I wish I could take credit, but I can’t really e%plain it  
CC: 38?  
CC: W)(y did you carpitalize and underline T)(e Task?  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> I didn’t  
CT: D --> But 100king back, it did come out that way  
CC: )(u)(, weird.  
CC: Maybe it’s some kind of bug?  
CT: D --> Perhaps  
CT: D --> I could 100k into it  
CC: Rig)(t, wit)( all t)(e --EXP--ERC)( )(ACKING SKILLS Sollux )(as apparently been teac)(ing you!  
CC: )(ow )(as t)(at been going, if you don’t mind my asking?  
CT: D --> Well enough  
CT: D --> He’s quite knowledgeable, and his sch001feeding has been adequate to teach me several va100able skills  
CT: D --> And apparently I’ve helped him in return  
CC: O)( R-E-ELY?  
CC: Wit)( W)(AT, exactly?  
CC: It is )(ard to imagine someone else teac)(ing SOLLUX somet)(ing aboat computers!  
CT: D --> Yes, he e%pressed the same opinion  
CT: D --> But I was able to identify some patterns in a few bits of obfu%ated code in one of SGRUB’s game constru% that had e100ded him  
CT: D --> It is difficult to e%plain e%actly how I located them, but  
CT: D --> They just 100ked partic001arly conspicuous to me  
CT: D --> Er, anyway, I aided him in devising a decryption algorithm, and now we can modify the game’s components at will  
CT: D --> If that ma%es any sense to you  
CC: I t)(ink so, maybe.  
CC: So now you guys can )(ack into alc)(emiters and stuff?  
CT: D --> Yes, among other things  
CC: So could you mako t)(em give us free items and stuff like t)(at??  
CT: D --> Theoretically  
CT: D --> We’ve only just begun t001ing with it, but the possibilities are endless  
CC: WOW!! T)(at sounds INCR--EDIBLY useful!!!  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> It was quite an il100minating e%perience, all told  
CT: D --> But I’m mostly thankful that it’s gotten me out of doing tech support in the future  
CT: D --> A partic001arly gr001ing task, I assure you  
CC: )(a)(a, yea)(, Sollux is carping aboat it all t)(e time!  
CC: But it is good to )(ear you two are getting along!  
CC: I was afraid t)(e w)(ole t)(ing wit)( Aradia mig)(t mako for some BAD BLOOD between you two.  
CT: D --> As was I  
CT: D --> Thankfully, it 100% like he’s given me  
CT: D --> How did you say it again  
CT: D --> Ah yes  
CT: D --> The benefish of the trout  
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, Y---ES!!! 38D  
CC: But yea)(, )(e )(as not)(ing against you.  
CC: I was more worried t)(at YOU mig)(t )(ave somet)(ing against )(IM, but I am glad to sea t)(at is not t)(e case!  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Speaking tr001y, I have reasons to stay on his good side  
CC: O)( reely?  
CC: You want )(is continued support for your project, I )(ake it?  
CT: D --> That’s one of them  
CT: D --> But there are others  
CC: 38?  
CC: Like w)(at?  
CC: I )(ave my susfis)(ions, but...  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> To be perfe%ly honest  
CT: D --> I’d like to remain on his good side  
CT: D --> Because I’d like to remain on yours as well  
CC: O)(.  
CC: W)(ale, t)(at makes sense, I guess!  
CC: But it’s not like you )(ave to be B--EST FRONDS wit)( )(im if you want to stay on good terms wit)( me!  
CC: I mean, I’m fronds wit)( Vriska, and s)(e and Sollux )(AT--E eac)( ot)(er!  
CT: D --> True  
CT: D --> Nonet)(eless, you 100k to be e%cessively fond of him  
CT: D --> And I would rather not take unnecessary ris%  
CC: “--EXC--ESSIV--ELY FOND,” you say?  
CT: D --> Urk  
CT: D --> Not that I’m, uh  
CT: D --> Implying anything  
CT: D --> But you have e%pressed some rather, um  
CT: D --> Pec001iar attitudes about the pale quadrant  
CT: D --> And given your relationship with him, and  
CT: D --> Some of the things he’s said in private, I thought perhaps  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> A%ually, you know what, nevermind  
CC: No no no, I understand w)(at you are saying!  
CC: I guess it MIG)(T be a little suspect to t)(e outside observer )(ow CLOS---E Sollux and I are.  
CC: But we are moirails! Mako no mistake aboat t)(at!  
CC: We keep eac)( ot)(er calm and kelp eac)( ot)(er out and say somet)(ing w)(en one of us is being stupid aboat somet)(ing, and --EV--ERYT)(ING you would expect from a typical moirallegiance!  
CC: I am NOT using )(im as a “surrogate matesprit” or anyt)(ing insane like t)(at, before you even suggest it!  
CT: D --> I wasn’t going to  
CT: D --> Please forgive me, I wasn’t attempting to accuse you of anything  
CT: D --> I was simply recalling some, er  
CT: D --> 100d comments from your moirail  
CC: >38O  
CC: T)(AT LITTL---E MOT)(---ERGLUBB---ER!!!  
CC: I am going to )(ave to )(ave a little TALK wit)( )(im about t)(is...  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> I was just  
CC: OKAY, LIST---EN!!!  
CC: MAYB--E, w)(en we are in t)(e SACROSANCT AND INVIOLABL--E PRIVACY of a feelings jam, MAYB--E Sollux and I do some t)(ings t)(at MIG)(T be construed as UNUSUAL.  
CC: T)(ings t)(at SOM--E would argue, AND I WOULD DISAGR--E--E, are actions t)(at mig)(t be considered INAPPROPRIAT--E for moirails to engage in, and are of a more FLUS)(--ED nature.  
CC: )(OW--EV--ER!!! I spoke wit)( Aradia about t)(is...  
CC: Well, in a manner of speaking, anyway...  
CC: And s)(e articulated t)(at as long as our activities did not interfere wit)( t)(e responsibilities we are c)(arged wit)( as moirails to eac)( ot)(er, we can do W)(AT-EV-ER W-E WANT and s)(e would be okay wit)( it.  
CC: And as far as I am concerned, it does not really MATTER w)(at anyone else t)(inks!  
CC: -Except, of course, my future matesprit, w)(o I would likewise )(ave t)(e same discussion wit)(.  
CC: Well, not t)(e exact KIND of discussion I )(ad wit)( Aradia, but YOU KNOW W)(AT I M--EAN!!  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Um  
CC: Saury, I just kind of went off t)(ere, didn’t I?  
CT: D --> No, I understand  
CT: D --> And, well  
CT: D --> It 100% reasonable enough, I guess  
CT: D --> It just seems a little strange to me in partic001ar  
CT: D --> I mean, I can understand on a certain level why one might want to participate in such a%ivities with one’s moirail  
CT: D --> But I personally have never e%perienced such desires  
CT: D --> And I’m not tr001y certain I ever will  
CC: Reely?  
CC: So you’ve never wanted to engage in any sort of touc)(y-feely stuff wit)( Nepeta?  
CT: D --> Well, perhaps  
CT: D --> But only to a certain e%tent  
CT: D --> You seem to be implying something much more  
CT: D --> Intimate  
CC: W)(ale, it is ALR--EADY an intimate quadrant, --Equius!!  
CC: In a lot of ways, moirallegiance is a muc)( closer relations)(ip t)(an ANY of t)(e ot)(er quadrants!!  
CC: I just do not sea w)(y physical intimacy s)(oald be COMPL--ET--ELY off t)(e table in suc)( a relations)(ip.  
CC: I know it’s not a concupiscent quadrant, but t)(at just means it’s not used for reproduction!  
CC: And you know, t)(ere are an AWFUL lot of t)(ings two trolls can do wit)(out engaging in t)(e reproductive process... >38D  
CC: And t)(is is diving deeper into t)(e realms of tec)(nicality t)(an I s)(oald R-E-ELY be resorting to, but wit)( t)(e newfound absence of t)(e collection drones, tec)(nically t)(ere IS no more reproductive process.  
CC: W)(ic)( means probably, partially, w)(atever we do s)(oald... be okay!  
CT: D --> Um  
CC: For t)(e record, if YOU decided you wanted to do somet)(ing like t)(at wit)( Nepeta, I would not judge you atoll!  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> I haven’t  
CC: S)(e is an attractive lady, -Equius! You can’t deny t)(at.  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> I suppose  
CT: D --> I never really thought of her that way  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Maybe I have a little  
CT: D --> Just recently  
CT: D --> But still, I would never  
CC: R-E-ELY??  
CC: Not even if s)(e t)(oug)(t t)(e same way aboat YOU???  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> This topic is causing me to perspire heavily  
CT: D --> E%tremely heavily  
CT: D --> Could we possibly change the subject  
CT: D --> Please  
CC: )(a)(a, okay, saury, I was not trying to mako you uncomfortable or anyt)(ing.  
CC: T)(is is just one of t)(ose issues I am reely invested in, and I )(ave an unfortunate tendency to t)(row a soapbox on top of my )(ig)( sea)(orse and CLAMB--ER ON UP w)(enever I talk aboat it.  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> You certainly have some  
CT: D --> Revo100tionary ideas  
CC: )(e)(e, yea)(, I know. But t)(at’s w)(at I was )(atc)(ed for, isn’t it?  
CC: Anyway, MOVING ON.  
CT: D --> Right  
CT: D --> Moving on  
CC: Rig)(t.  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> Miss Pei%es  
CC: Feferi.  
CT: D --> Er, Feferi, sorry  
CT: D --> I must confess something to you  
CC: 38?  
CC: W)(at is it?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Speaking tr001y  
CT: D --> I have had an ulterior motive in all this  
CT: D --> Attempting to foster good relations with you and your moirail both  
CC: Reely?  
CC: And w)(at’s t)(at?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Oh goodness, this all seems so rash  
CT: D --> Perhaps this is too bold of me  
CT: D --> But I must tell you  
CT: D --> The truth is  
CT: D --> Recently, I’ve been e%periencing some, well  
CT: D --> Flushed feelings for you  
CC: 38O  
CC: You’re flus)(ed for me????  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> And I have been for quite some time now  
CT: D --> Wow, it feels good to get that off my chest  
CC: Well, t)(is is R---EALLY SURPRISING!!  
CC: I mean, I’d )(eard rumors t)(at you mig)(t be flus)(ed for me, and you )(AV--E been really nice to me lately, but...  
CC: Still, WOW!  
CT: D --> If you don’t reciprocate, I understand  
CT: D --> I just felt like I needed to tell you  
CC: Well, t)(e trut)( is...  
CC: I just mig)(t reciprocate some of t)(ose feelings.  
CT: D --> Really  
CC: Maybe!  
CC: I mean, from w)(at I can tell, you AR--E a really good guy, and I could certainly see myself being your matesprit.  
CC: --Er, did you want to be matesprits?  
CT: D --> Yes, abso100tely  
CT: D --> More than anything in parado% space  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> I’m sorry, that was probably creepy  
CC: It wasn’t creepy! You are fine.  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Ok, good  
CC: Anyway, I would D--EFINIT--ELY be interested in somet)(ing like t)(at!  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> You want to be matesprits  
CC: Well, t)(ere’s just one t)(ing.  
CT: D --> What  
CC: As muc)( as I like you, we )(ave never really met in person!  
CC: Sure, we )(ave talked a lot on memos, and we’re talking a lot rig)(t now, but we )(ave only ever really p)(ysically interacted in passing!  
CC: And as great as you are, I would like to get to know you better personally before I even t)(ink about making anyt)(ing official.  
CC: We s)(ouldn’t rus)( into anyt)(ing, you know?  
CT: D --> Yes, of course  
CT: D --> A perfe%ly reasonable sentiment  
CC: Please understand, I am NOT saying t)(at I’m not interested!!!  
CC: I am just saying I t)(ink we s)(ould take our time and allow t)(is relations)(ip to develop at a )(ealt)(y pace.  
CT: D --> No, I agree  
CT: D --> I wasn’t 100king to codify anything just yet  
CT: D --> I was simply attempting to gauge your interest  
CT: D --> If I might e%ploit a nautical metaphor  
CT: D --> I was 100king to weigh anchor  
CT: D --> But not yet to leave the harbor  
CC: )(e)(e, I t)(ink I get it!  
CC: Anyway, Y--ES, I would ABSO100T--ELY be interested in getting to know you a little betta.  
CT: D --> Ha, e%cellent  
CT: D --> It heartens me greatly to hear that  
CC: So did you want to meet up or somet)(ing?  
CC: Maybe I could go to your planet and we could do a few quests toget)(er!  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> That pertains to something else I wished to di%uss  
CT: D --> Partic001arly, the proje% I’ve been working on  
CC: O)(, of course, t)(e PROJ---ECT!  
CC: )(ow is t)(at going?  
CT: D --> It’s done, a%ually  
CC: O)(! W)(ale, t)(at’s great!  
CC: So w)(at is it??  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> I’d prefer to keep the e%act nature of the proje% a surprise  
CT: D --> I mean a secret  
CT: D --> If that’s ok  
CC: Blu)(, I GU--ESS.  
CC: But Sollux is always glubbing ON AND ON aboat )(ow AMAZING it is, but )(e’ll never tell me W)(AT IT IS!!!  
CC: I am just kind of starting to get IMPATI--ENT. >38C  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I’m willing to divulge a bit  
CC: Y----ES!! Please do!!!  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> Truth be told, the proje% is  
CT: D --> A gift  
CT: D --> For you  
CC: O)(!  
CT: D --> I thought that I might secure your affe%ions by metic001ously constru%ing a partic001arly e%quisite and thoughtfelt gift and presenting it to you  
CT: D --> But if you think that’s a f001ish idea, I understand  
CC: It’s not foolis)(!!!  
CC: It is just romantic and kind of cute!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Well, ok then  
CT: D --> Bear in mind, you are under abso100tely no obligation to a%ept it  
CT: D --> And furthermore, should you a%ept it, you are under no obligation to compensate me in any way, material or otherwise  
CC: Yes, yes, of course!  
CC: T)(at is w)(at a gift is, after all.  
CT: D --> Yes, I was just making sure you didn’t think I was attempting to  
CT: D --> Buy your affe%ions  
CC: No, no, of course not.  
CC: But if I like it, I WILL pay you back some)(ow, trust me!  
CT: D --> I’ll take your word for it  
CT: D --> Just not in a legally binding way  
CC: GR---EAT!  
CC: So w)(en can I expect you to give me t)(is gift?  
CT: D --> Ah, that’s the thing  
CT: D --> There is a minor stip001ation in the granting of this gift  
CC: )(mmmm...  
CC: And just w)(at stipulation mig)(t T)(AT be?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Before I could bequeath it to you properly  
CT: D --> I would be required to fully demonstrate its capabilities  
CT: D --> The demonstration of which I’m afraid would abso100tely require the use of facilities in a fi%ed position  
CT: D --> That position being in my hive  
CT: D --> And  
CT: D --> While you’re there  
CT: D --> Maybe we could  
CT: D --> Have dinner or something, I don’t know  
CC: 38O  
CC: ----Equius.  
CC: Are you asking me on a DAT--------E????????  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Perhaps, but  
CC: Y--------ES!!!!!!!!! I accept!!!!!  
CT: D --> You  
CT: D --> You do  
CC: Of COURS---E! I JUST said I would like to spend more time wit)( you.  
CC: And t)(is seems like t)(e P--ERC)(F--ECT opperc)(tunaty to do t)(at!!!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> I’m tr001y delighted that you would a%ept  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CC: PS)(, don’t t)(ank me!  
CC: YOU are t)(e one w)(o’s going to be giving me somet)(ing, so I s)(oald be t)(anking YOU!  
CC: I’m R---E---ELY looking forward to seeing t)(is gift!  
CC: You can’t tell me any more aboat it, can you??  
CT: D --> I’d rather not  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> If you abso100tely needed to know  
CT: D --> I suppose I could tell you  
CT: D --> I mean, if you were willing to be  
CT: D --> Partic001arly forceful about it  
CC: Um...  
CC: No, I do not need to know t)(at badly!  
CC: It’s probubbly for t)(e best t)(at you keep it a surprise anyway!  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Does sometime tomorrow night sound a%eptable  
CC: S)(ore!  
CC: I don’t reely )(ave anyt)(ing planned, so anyt)(ing is fine!  
CT: D --> Ok then  
CT: D --> Could I simply conta% you at some point tomorrow when the preparations are 100% complete  
CC: Yes, t)(at’s fine!  
CT: D --> E%cellent  
CT: D --> It 100% like I’d better start preparing  
CT: D --> Um, did you have any partic001ar dietary requirements  
CT: D --> I ask because I’m something of a vegetarian myself  
CC: You are??  
CT: D --> To an e%tent  
CT: D --> I try to limit myself to grub-based cuisine  
CT: D --> I abso100tely abhor violence against innocent fauna  
CC: O)( wow, t)(at is so cute!!  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> It is  
CC: Saury, no, w)(at I meant to say is t)(at it is incredibly noble and compassionate of you.  
CC: Weird )(ow I mixed t)(at up!!! )(a)(a.  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Well thank you  
CC: Anyway, I don’t )(ave any particular demands! Anyt)(ing you mako s)(ould be fine.  
CC: T)(oug)( I do )(ave QUIT---E a taste for seafood.  
CT: D --> Really  
CC: Yes! Of all kinds, reely!  
CC: W)(at I wouldn’t do for a juicy medium rare w)(alesteak rig)(t aboat now.  
CC: One bite, and t)(e fat just melts in your mout)( and --EXPLOD--ES wit)( flavor!  
CC: O)( no, I’m making mys)(ellf )(ungry... 380~~~  
CT: D --> Oh dear  
CT: D --> Try not to dr001 too much  
CT: D --> You may short out your telecommunicative device  
CC: PS)(, I don’t )(ave to worry aboat t)(at, t)(is t)(ing is WAT--ERTIG)(T!  
CC: I always carry no less t)(an FIV--E waterproof computers on me at ALL TIM--ES, like a S----ENSIBL----E person!!!  
CT: D --> Oh, of course  
CT: D --> How f001ish of me  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, it’s fine!  
CC: Anyway, I guess I’ll leave you to your preparaytions.  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CT: D --> And than% once again for agreeing to meet with me  
CC: )(ey, don’t t)(ank me! I am as --EXCIT--ED aboat it as you are!  
CC: I’m R---E---ELY 100king forward to it!!!  
CT: D --> Haha  
CT: D --> And I’m 100king forward to it as whale  
CC: )(a)(a)(a!! 38D  
CC: Anyway, I guess I will go now.  
CC: I want to talk to so many people aboat t)(is!!!  
CC: Sollux definitely! Maybe not Vriska, s)(e doesn’t reely like you.  
CC: O)(, can I talk to Nepeta aboat it? Is t)(at okay??  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> She was kind of the inspiration for it, a%ually  
CC: S)(e told you s)(e s)(ipped us, didn’t s)(e?  
CT: D --> Er, yes  
CT: D --> Before then, I’d never considered it  
CT: D --> But then it kind of became  
CT: D --> A thing  
CC: Yea)(, I understand! S)(e kind of did t)(e same t)(ing to me, too!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Then it 100% like I have her to thank as well  
CC: Or to BLAM--E for it, as t)(e case may be!  
CC: Anyway, I t)(ink I’ll go do t)(at rig)(t now!  
CC: So I’ll D--EFINIT--ELY sea you tomorrow!  
CT: D --> E%cellent  
CT: D --> I can scarcely stand the anticipation  
CC: Me neit)(er!  
CC: Anyway, bye, --Equius!! <3  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Yes, of course  
CT: D --> Bye, Feferi  
CT: D --> <3  
CC: 38D  
  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]. 


	26. Butterflies

Chapter 26

Butterflies

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CC: )(----EY!! Nepeta!!!  
CC: N----EP---------ETA!!!!!  
AC: :33 < whoa  
AC: :33 < you really forked that TA there!  
CC: )(a)(a, yea)(, I reely launc)(ed t)(at one!!  
CC: But t)(en, t)(at is )(ardly t)(e ONLY TA I've forked in t)(e past couple of days!!  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < what?  
CC: NOT)(ING! Nevermind.  
CC: Anyway, I am talking to you because I )(ave R---E---ELY BIG N---EWS!!!  
AC: :33 < oh okay!  
AC: :33 < well what is it?  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: --Equius asked me on a DAT---E!!  
CC: AND I SAID Y----ES!!!  
AC: :33 < :OO  
AC: :33 < oh my god that is great news!!!  
CC: I KNOW!!!!  
AC: :33 < i mean this is so great!!!  
AC: :33 < so youre flushed fur him?  
CC: Maybe a little, yea)(!  
AC: :33 < thats pawesome!!  
AC: :33 < you two are gonna be great matespurrits, i just know it!  
CC: W)(ale, let's not get a)(ead of ours)(ellves, Nepeta!  
CC: S)(ore, I agreed to go on a date wit)( )(im, but t)(at does not mean we are matesprits QUIT---E yet.  
CC: No use rus)(ing into t)(ese t)(ings, you know?  
AC: :33 < yeah yeah i know  
AC: :33 < but still im really excited!  
AC: :33 < i highly appurrove of this ship  
AC: :33 < im just really happy that equius might have such a good matespurrit!  
AC: :33 < i was worried it was gonna be somepawdy weird or cr33py, but youre actually really cool  
CC: O)(! W)(ale, t)(ank you, Nepeta!! 38)  
CC: It means a lot to )(ear suc)( )(ig)( praise coming from you!  
CC: I was afraid you mig)(t be upset t)(at I went and asked )(im out wit)(out your perc)(mission, but I'm R-ELI-EV-ED to )(ear you don't mind!  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, dont worry about it!  
AC: :33 < ive suppurrted this ship furom the furry beginning!  
AC: :33 < i think youre just the kind of girl equius n33ds!  
CC: )(a)(a, t)(at is good to )(ear from you.  
CC: It wouldn't do me any good to try and be )(is matesprit if )(is morayeel didn't approve of me, now would it??  
AC: :33 < yeah i know  
AC: :33 < fur a while he was actually really worried sollux wouldnt appurrove of you two being together  
AC: :33 < but i guess thats not an issue anymore!  
CC: Yea)(, I guess not!  
CC: Bereef me, it was a little STRANG--E to sea t)(ose two actually getting along, but I am glad t)(ey are!  
CC: Of course, now I know it was all because of t)(is little PROJ--ECT --Equius )(as been working on for a w)(ale.  
AC: :33 < oh!  
AC: :33 < did he tell you about the purroject?  
CC: Not t)(at muc)(! Just t)(at it was a gift for me.  
AC: :33 < oh i guess that makes sense  
AC: :33 < he wants to k33p it a surpurrise  
CC: T)(at is w)(at )(e said, yes.  
AC: :33 < well ive s33n it  
AC: :33 < and trust me, youre going to love it!  
CC: I will )(ake your word for it, I suppose.  
CC: Unless you're willing to give me a )(INT...?  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < okay just a little one!  
CC: Oo)(, Y---ES!!  
AC: :33 < let me think of a good one  
AC: :33 < okay ive got it!  
AC: :33 < you can use it with something in your hive  
AC: :33 < but you purrobably wont want to k33p it there!  
CC: )(mmmm...  
CC: W)(ale, I am going to be puzzling over T)(AT one until I eventually sea w)(at it is!!  
CC: But t)(ank you for )(umoring me.  
AC: :33 < no purroblem!  
AC: :33 < anyway ive s33n it, its fantastic  
AC: :33 < youre going to love it so much!  
AC: :33 < this date is going to go purrfectly and you two are going to be matespurrits befur you know it!  
CC: Wow, Nepeta, you're almost more excited aboat t)(is t)(an I am!  
AC: :33 < well, im always happy to s33 one of my ships leave the harbor!  
AC: :33 < but im just really happy fur equius!  
AC: :33 < ive b33n wanting to find him a matespurrit fur a while  
CC: W)(ale, of course! You are )(is morayeel, after all.  
AC: :33 < exactly!  
AC: :33 < i wish i couldve gotten him one as fast as you found one fur sollux  
CC: )(a)(a, t)(at was kind of a SP--ES)(OAL case.  
CC: Not to mention, )(e already kind of )(AD a matesprit, and I just kind of R--E--EL--ED )(er away. 38/  
AC: :33 < oh dont worry about that!  
AC: :33 < they already split up befur that even happened  
CC: Yea)(, )(e said t)(at too, but I still kind of eel bad.  
AC: :33 < its fine really  
AC: :33 < pawnestly, i nefur really liked that ship anyway!  
AC: :33 < i mean, not that i have anything against aradia!  
AC: :33 < like if they were together now, id be purrfectly fine with it  
AC: :33 < but back when she was in a robot, well  
AC: :33 < it just s33med like they were miserable together  
CC: Yea)(.  
CC: W)(ale, Aradia was probably just miserable P--ERIOD.  
CC: But s)(orely --Equius was at least a LITTL--E )(appy wit)( )(er.  
AC: :33 < maybe a little  
AC: :33 < i mean, he wanted to be with her and all  
AC: :33 < but sometimes people convince themselves they want things they dont really want, you know?  
CC: Nepeta.  
CC: You are talking to Sollux Captor's moirail.  
CC: I KNOW.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!! X33  
AC: :33 < yeah, you totally got me there  
AC: :33 < how are things going betw33n you, by the way?  
CC: T)(ey are going FINTASTIC!!  
CC: T)(ings are D-EFINIT-ELY going a lot smoot)(er now t)(at we )(ave ironed out t)(e specifics.  
CC: And I t)(ink we've kelped eac)( ot)(er a lot!  
AC: :33 < it sure s33ms that way!  
AC: :33 < befur, sollux was kind of  
AC: :33 < well, no offense, but he was kind of a spaz  
CC: T)(at is mildly offinsive, but also mostly true.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, sorry  
AC: :33 < but he s33ms a lot better now!  
AC: :33 < a little more relaxed, at least  
CC: Y--ES, )(e reely is!  
CC: T)(oug)( port of t)(at is just because )(e's s)(ad so many of )(is quadrants filled recently.  
AC: :33 < well yeah  
AC: :33 < but you can take credit fur like all of those  
AC: :33 < even vwiskers a little!  
CC: T)(at's true!  
AC: :33 < you just started an ashen thing with her, right?  
AC: :33 < betw33n her and aradia?  
AC: :33 < hows that going?  
CC: Actually, it is going GR--EAT!  
CC: We )(ad our first little mediation last nig)(t, and everyt)(ing went SWIMMINGLY!  
AC: :33 < uh huh  
AC: :33 < what kind of stuff did you guys do?  
CC: You know, all sorts of reconciliatory t)(ings!  
CC: You're in an auspisticism yours)(ellf, aren't you?  
AC: :33 < well yeah but  
AC: :33 < i was just kind of curious what you specifically were doing  
CC: W)(y??  
AC: :33 < i dont know, i just am!  
CC: W)(ale, UNFOR-TUNA-T-ELY, I am legally forbidden from disclosing t)(at information.  
AC: :33 < ugh what  
AC: :33 < why??  
CC: Because I )(ave to protect my trade seacrets!!!  
CC: W)(y are you so interested ANYWAV--E??  
CC: I t)(oug)(t --Eridan was t)(e one w)(o was so interested in blackrom, not you!!  
AC: :33 < well its just  
AC: :33 < im wondering if you guys do anything  
AC: :33 < weird  
CC: >38?  
CC: Just w)(at are you ACCUSING me of )(ere, MISS L--EIJON???  
AC: :33 < nothing!!!  
AC: :33 < im not accusing you of anything!!  
CC: R-E-ELY? Because it's an awfully SUSFFIS)(IOUS question!!!  
AC: :33 < look, the only reason i ask is beclaws  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < okay, will you purromise not to tell anyone else about this?  
CC: Um, s)(ore, I guess?  
AC: :33 < well, its just that  
AC: :33 < some of the things kanaya makes me and terezi do are  
AC: :33 < a little strange  
CC: 38O  
CC: W)(at kind of t)(ings??  
AC: :33 < im legally furbidden furom disclosing that infurmation  
CC: O)(, T)(AT D--EVIOUS TRAMP!!!  
CC: I just KN----EW s)(e was up to no good wit)( you two!!!  
CC: My cod, s)(e is probubbly forcing you two to do all sorts of UNSP--EAKABL--E AND D--EPRAV--ED t)(ings!!!  
CC: And all t)(e w)(ale, trying to cover t)(e trail of abuse wit)( all )(er little accusatory snips at me!!!  
AC: :33 < whoa whoa slow down!!!!  
AC: :33 < i nefur said it was abuse!  
AC: :33 < its not that bad or anything, its just a little weird  
CC: Are you S)(OR---E???  
CC: Because I always t)(oug)(t )(er reasons for auspisticizing between t)(e two of you were a little SPURIOUS...  
AC: :33 < no, we n33d an auspistice  
AC: :33 < that much has become pawbvious to me recently  
CC: 38?  
CC: And )(ow did T)(AT )(appen?  
AC: :33 < i dont want to talk about it  
CC: W)(y? W)(at )(appened???  
AC: :33 < i said i dont want to talk about it!  
AC: :33 < really this isnt any of your business anyway  
CC: Okay, fine!!  
CC: S)(--E--ES)(, SAURY if I am a little conc)(cerned for my frond w)(o fell into t)(e dastardly clutc)(es of a snippy garment-ripping books)(rew!!  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < this whole thing betw33n you and kanaya is so cute  
CC: More like it is so BORING.  
CC: I am getting SICK AND TIR--ED of )(er instigating all t)(ese little spats wit)( me, and t)(en N--EV--ER backing t)(em up!  
CC: It's like, advance or abscond! One or t)(e ot)(er!  
CC: Stop WASTING MY TIM--E wit)( t)(is WIGGL--ER-L--EV--EL S)(IP!!  
AC: :33 < um  
CC: But don't worry, I )(ave a PLAN.  
CC: After I )(ave settled t)(ings wit)( --Equius, I am going to deal wit)( )(er ONC--E AND FOR ALL.  
AC: :33 < er  
AC: :33 < deal with her?  
AC: :33 < youre not gonna kill her or something, are you?  
CC: Of course not!  
CC: W)(ale, I am not going to krill )(er, anyway.  
CC: But I MIG)(T "or somet)(ing."  
CC: >38)  
AC: :33 < ummm  
AC: :33 < okay fefurry this is kind of worrying me  
AC: :33 < do you two n33d a pawspistice or something??  
CC: No! I do not need an auspistice.  
CC: I am a mature young woman w)(o is P--ERC)(F--ECTLY CAPABL--E of managing )(er emoceans in a )(ealt)(y manner, and I am not aboat to fly off t)(e )(andle and inflict spontaneous violence on ANYON--E.  
CC: W)(ale, maybe SUP--ERFIS)(IAL violence, BUT T)(AT'S IT!  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < okay, if you say so  
AC: :33 < but you two are my furiends, and i just hate to s33 my furiends arguing fur no reason  
CC: It's fine! Not every two people w)(o argue wit)( eac)( ot)(er need an auspistice, Nepeta.  
AC: :33 < i guess not  
AC: :33 < anyway, i couldnt really be a pawspistice fur you two anyway  
AC: :33 < kanaya is already mine, and shed purrobably fureak out if i tried to flip it on her!  
CC: )(a)(a, yea)(, s)(e would!  
CC: You s)(oald do t)(at anyway, just to ruffle )(er gills!!!  
AC: :33 < no!!  
AC: :33 < fefurry i am not going to jeopurrdize my auspisticeship with kanaya just fur the sake of messing with her!  
CC: But s)(e TIDALLY )(as it coming!!!  
CC: S)(--E is t)(e one w)(o decided to D---EFILE everyt)(ing t)(at is sacred aboat t)(e as)(en quadrant, after all!  
AC: :33 < oh like youre even one to talk!!!!  
AC: :33 < youve got some purretty strange ideas about just what constitutes propurr conciliatory action, miss peixes!!  
CC: W)(at!!!  
AC: :33 < you know what im talking about!  
AC: :33 < you k33p talking about all these strange things meowrails should be allowed to do with each other  
AC: :33 < like, kissing and stuff  
AC: :33 < and on top of that, you s33m PAWFULLY close to sollux  
AC: :33 < like, in a not so pale way  
CC: UG)(. 38/  
CC: Nepeta, I was )(oping YOU of all people would be a little more open-minded aboat t)(is.  
CC: W--E AR--E MOIRAILS. Okay? We are COMPL--ET--ELY pale for eac)( ot)(er.  
AC: :33 < im not saying you arent!  
AC: :33 < but i mean  
AC: :33 < this stuff youre talking about doesnt s33m very pale  
CC: So w)(at are you trying to say, Nepeta?  
CC: Are you trying to say t)(at I am being a bad moirail?  
AC: :33 < no!!!  
AC: :33 < but it s33ms like youre trying to be more than a moirail  
AC: :33 < im not trying to say you want to be his matesprit too or something!  
AC: :33 < but its like youre taking the pale quadrant into some kind of  
AC: :33 < i dont know, some kind of salmon zone  
CC: Salmon!! )(e)(e)(e.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, oops  
CC: Look, Nepeta, I get t)(at it mig)(t S--E--EM a little strange w)(at I am advocating )(ere.  
CC: But Sollux and I are still fulfilling our duties to eac)( ot)(er as moirails, and I )(ave t)(e utmost confidence t)(at we will continue to do so.  
CC: Our moirallegiance is at t)(e level w)(ere somet)(ing like t)(is is not enoug)( to t)(reaten it.  
AC: :33 < its "at that level?"  
AC: :33 < im not really sure i like that phrasing!  
AC: :33 < you make it sound like its inevitable that two moirails are going to end up smooching each other all the time!  
CC: I never said t)(at!!!  
CC: All I am saying is t)(at I beileve t)(at after a certain point, t)(eir bond is strong enoug)( t)(at somet)(ing like p)(ysical intimacy s)(ouldn't jeopardize it.  
CC: T)(ey can get away wit)( it, so to speak.  
CC: W)(ic)( isn't to say t)(at it's somet)(ing t)(ey s)(ould be doing wit)(out t)(e explicit permission of bot)( of t)(eir concupiscent partners, of course!!  
CC: But I t)(ink it is only natural t)(at two moirails would )(ave a T--END--ENCY to become attracted to eac)( ot)(er after a w)(ile.  
AC: :33 < hmmm  
AC: :33 < im not sure i buy it  
AC: :33 < i mean, equius and i have b33n together like furever  
AC: :33 < but im sure not attracted to him like that!  
CC: You aren't?  
AC: :33 < no!  
AC: :33 < i just dont s33 him like that  
AC: :33 < and im not sure if i ever will  
CC: Really?  
CC: Not --EV--ER??  
AC: :33 < well i mean  
AC: :33 < ive b33n with equius fur a really long time!  
AC: :33 < and when youre moirails with somebody for a really long time like that, you s33 pretty much everything there is to s33 about them  
AC: :33 < including the really, um  
AC: :33 < unattractive stuff  
AC: :33 < so i f33l like i cant ever really f33l anything like that toward him  
CC: So t)(ere's NOT)(ING about )(im t)(at is attractive to you on a... concupiscent level?  
CC: Because I can tell you rig)(t now, Nepeta, )(e is an attractive guy.  
AC: :33 < look, i can s33 the reasons why people might find him attractive  
AC: :33 < but i personally just dont!  
AC: :33 < and i just cant s33 us ever engaging in  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < you know  
CC: Sex.  
AC: :33 < bluh, yes, that XPP  
CC: Nepeta, it is not a bad word.  
CC: We are bot)( mature, reasonable people )(aving a civil and rational argument about an adult subject.  
AC: :33 < but thats the thing though  
AC: :33 < we arent adults!  
AC: :33 < were only six sw33ps old!  
AC: :33 < but now it s33ms like everyone is doing it  
AC: :33 < and not just matesprits and kismeses, but moirails too!  
AC: :33 < and then thanks to sollux we arent even limiting it to two people at a time anymore!  
AC: :33 < it just f33ls like its getting out of hand  
AC: :33 < i mean, i wanted everybody to have matesprits and all  
AC: :33 < but now the whole thing has turned into some kind of horrible pedophiliac wish fulfillment scenario!  
CC: Look, Nepeta, I understand w)(y you mig)(t feel t)(at way.  
CC: But t)(e societal mores and taboos surrounding sex and sexuality are multifold, and now t)(at our society is GON--E, t)(ose mores are in a state of total uncertainty!  
CC: And it is only natural t)(at somet)(ing akin to sexual anarc)(y would follow in t)(e wake of a power vacuum like t)(at, don't you t)(ink?  
AC: :33 < well maybe  
AC: :33 < but it kind of s33ms like youre adding fuel to the fire!  
CC: Okay, fine, I will admit it.  
CC: T)(is is all just me attempting to s)(ape societal views w)(ile t)(ey are still in a state of flux w)(erein t)(ey can be easily manipulated.  
CC: But can you blame me?  
CC: I mean, we are going to be creating a new society, and personally I would like to ensure it doesn't repeat t)(e mistakes of t)(e past!  
CC: Like, for example, if we were to establis)( a new troll society, would you want it to enforce t)(e )(emospectrum?  
AC: :33 < no!!  
AC: :33 < the hemospectrum is terrible, and were all better off without it!  
CC: --Exactly!!  
CC: But t)(ere are more terrible t)(ings t)(an just t)(e )(emospectrum!  
CC: Frankly, Alternian society )(as been LONG overdue for more t)(an one kind of revolution, and I t)(ink a sexual revolution certainly ranks among t)(em!  
CC: And t)(e surest way to ensure t)(ese ingrained values do not seep into our new society to is to make sure t)(e ones w)(o will eventually be in c)(arge of it don't still )(old onto t)(em!  
CC: If we do not try to live up to t)(ese ideals in t)(e present, )(ow can we possibly )(ope t)(ey will persist into t)(e future?  
AC: :33 < hmmm  
AC: :33 < thats a good point, i guess  
CC: So you see, Nepeta, even t)(oug)( my actions may find t)(eir roots in spontaneity, t)(ey are ultimately part of a )(ig)(ly calculated political strategy.  
CC: I am simply working to overturn the regressive cultural memes of Alternian society before t)(ey )(ave t)(e c)(ance to take root in a )(ypot)(etical society of t)(e future.  
CC: Nipping t)(em in t)(e bud, so to speak.  
AC: :33 < right  
AC: :33 < well, you make a very principled argument, feferi  
AC: :33 < but im still not sure this whole thing isnt just an excuse to do inappropriate things with sollux  
CC: O)(, s)(oos)( you!! >38P  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!! X33  
AC: :33 < wait  
AC: :33 < oh my god  
CC: W)(at?  
AC: :33 < i just got that!  
AC: :33 < thats hardly the only ta youve forked in  
AC: :33 < oh my god fefurry that is horrible!!! XOP  
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a!!!  
CC: Saury, I just cannot resist a good pun.  
AC: :33 < its not a good pun!!!  
AC: :33 < its a horrible pun and you should f33l bad!!!  
CC: )(e)(e)(e, okay, it WAS kind of an atrocity.  
CC: But reely, t)(oug)(, Nepeta, I t)(ink you s)(oald be a little more amenable to t)(is w)(ole idea.  
CC: Maybe it WAS some big )(orrible taboo for moirails to be intimate back on Alternia, but we aren't on Alternia anymore!  
AC: :33 < look i get the whole stand youre taking on this  
AC: :33 < but this is kind of a little cr33py i think???  
AC: :33 < like, you actively want me and equius to  
AC: :33 < to try things  
CC: I am not trying to force you to do anyt)(ing )(ere, Nepeta!  
CC: I just t)(ink you s)(oaldn't write it off completely.  
AC: :33 < look, i already told you  
AC: :33 < i just dont s33 equius that way  
CC: W)(ale, t)(en maybe t)(ere is somet)(ing you are not seeing aboat )(im!  
CC: Maybe t)(ere's some W)(OL--E OT)(--ER SID--E of )(im you )(ave never seen before, and t)(at is t)(e only reason you're saying t)(at!!!  
AC: :33 < maybe maybe maybe!  
AC: :33 < maybe maybe is a stupid word  
AC: :33 < maybe thats the big mystery we should pawnder tonight  
AC: :33 < ofur some hot shut the hell up tea!  
CC: 38O  
CC: J--EGUS, Nepeta, t)(ere is no need to lose your tempura!  
AC: :33 < im not!  
AC: :33 < sorry its just  
AC: :33 < ive said efurrything i want to say about this  
AC: :33 < i just dont like the idea of me and equius ever doing anything like that  
AC: :33 < and even though theres nothing i can do about it, i dont really like the idea of any other meowrails doing it either  
AC: :33 < and it s33ms like all of them are  
AC: :33 < seriously, whats the deal with that?  
AC: :33 < you havent b33n encouraging them too, have you??  
CC: No!!!  
AC: :33 < then what is it?  
CC: I don't know! You are t)(e s)(ipper )(ere, not me.  
CC: And you know, considering YOU are t)(e one w)(o s)(ipped all of us, maybe it is YOUR fault t)(at it's )(appening!  
AC: :33 < what!!!  
CC: Maybe your )(eart powers are magically COMP--ELLING us all to mako out wit)( eac)( ot)(er as muc)( as possible!!  
CC: DID YOU --EV--ER CONSID--ER T)(AT, )(MMMM?????  
AC: :33 < oh my god  
AC: :33 < fefurry that is the dumbest thing ive efur heard  
CC: )(a)(a, yes, it kind of is.  
CC: But you could still be complicit in all t)(is, you know.  
CC: Maybe you )(ave made us all suc)( betta people t)(at we )(ave no c)(oice but to reoognize t)(at we are all kind of awesome.  
CC: And maybe more t)(an a little )(ot...  
AC: :33 < ugh  
AC: :33 < whatefur happened to just being furiends?  
AC: :33 < is that a thing that can still happen?  
CC: Nope. --EV--ERYON--E )(as to bone.  
AC: :33 < nooooo XOO  
AC: :33 < this is terrible, i dont want to talk about this anymore  
AC: :33 < i just do not like this idea, purriod, the end  
CC: W)(ale, t)(en, I guess we will just )(ave to agree to disagree on the subject.  
AC: :33 < i guess  
CC: Okay t)(en.  
CC: But for t)(e record, Aradia is completely fine wit)( it.  
CC: And so is -Equius, actually.  
AC: :33 < what?  
AC: :33 < you cant be serious  
CC: I am!  
CC: I laid out my w)(ole manifesto to )(im, and )(e said it "100% reasonable enough," DIR--ECT QUOT--E!  
AC: :33 < you actually talked to him about this???  
AC: :33 < oh my god, he must have exploded or something!  
CC: No )(e didn't!!!  
CC: Admittedly, we did not get into a particuarly in-dept)( discussion aboat it, but still.  
CC: Muc)( like you, )(e expressed some personal discomfort wit)( it, but )(e did not object to t)(e idea on any sort of moral grounds.  
CC: And, I feel t)(e need to add, )(e did not express QUIT---E as muc)( personal discomfort wit)( t)(e idea as YOU did...  
AC: :33 < what  
AC: :33 < what do you mean by that??  
CC: A)( a)( a)(, I cannot simply give away )(is seacrets!  
AC: :33 < ugh whatefur  
CC: But still, it is good to sea t)(at )(e is a little more accepting of alternate viewpoints t)(an I t)(oug)(t )(e was!  
CC: I was afraid )(e mig)(t be a little too CONS--ERVATIV--E for me, but I guess you two )(ave mostly worked t)(at out, )(u)(?  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
AC: :33 < we purretty much dealt with that  
CC: W)(ale, t)(at's GR---EAT!! I am reely )(appy you did.  
CC: A)()(, I'm just so ---EXCIT---ED for t)(is date, I can't even CONTAIN mys)(ellf!!  
CC: I wonder w)(at I s)(oald wear! My normal outfit, or my Cod Tier outfit?  
CC: Or maybe somet)(ing else --ENTIR--ELY!!!  
CC: Ug)(, I don't know, w)(at do you t)(ink???  
AC: :33 < fefurry, its not gonna matter what you wear!  
AC: :33 < equius doesnt have any fashion sense at all  
AC: :33 < in fact, he purrobably n33ds a new outfit more than you do!  
CC: O)(, )(e doesn't )(ave to c)(ange clot)(es for me!  
AC: :33 < no i insist  
AC: :33 < i mean, the whole thing with the shorts and the leggings and  
AC: :33 < uuuuuugh  
AC: :33 < maybe i can get kanaya to make him something nicer  
CC: Reely?  
CC: You would probubbly be better off just emptying a bag of starc)(y tubers and cutting a few )(oles in it.  
AC: :33 < hey!  
AC: :33 < kanaya made me the outfit im wearing now, and its pawesome  
AC: :33 < so you can talk bad about her all you want, but dont try to diss her fashion sense!  
CC: I can diss anyt)(ing about Kanaya I F---E--EEL like dissing, Nepeta, )(AVE I MAD--E MYS)(--ELLF GLUBBING CL--EAR????  
AC: :33 < yeah, bullshit!  
AC: :33 < this jacket is cool  
AC: :33 < kanaya is awesome  
AC: :33 < feferi peixes blows  
AC: :33 < the end!  
CC: Yea)(, MOR--E LIK--E T)(--E OPPOSIT--E OF ALL T)(OS--E T)(INGS IS T)(--E T)(ING T)(AT IS TRU-----E!!!! >38O  
CC: Anyway, I t)(ink it is )(ig)( tide I left t)(is conc)(versation.  
CC: I )(ave to prepare for my DAT--E!!  
AC: :33 < of course  
AC: :33 < and i have to go talk to equius!  
CC: Rig)(t, rig)(t.  
CC: W)(ale, )(ave fun wit)( t)(at!  
AC: :33 < thank you, fefurry!  
AC: :33 < though we may have our diagr33ments, i still think youre cool  
AC: :33 < and im r333333ally glad you decided to go out with equius!!  
CC: W)(ale, I am too!!  
CC: And I )(ave t)(e )(IG)(--EST of )(opes for tomorrow nig)(t!  
AC: :33 < i hope it goes really well!  
CC: T)(ank you! 38)  
AC: :33 < oh, i furgot to ask  
AC: :33 < will it be at his hive or yours?  
CC: )(is )(ive.  
CC: )(e insisted )(e needed t)(e facilities to s)(ow off )(is "proje%."  
AC: :33 < oh right  
AC: :33 < in that case, ill purrobably s33 you there  
AC: :33 < i just tidied the place up, but now ill have to clean it even more! XPP  
CC: O)(, you don't )(ave to go to all t)(at trouble!  
AC: :33 < no, i do  
AC: :33 < trust me  
CC: Um... okay!  
CC: I guess I'll just go, t)(en!  
AC: :33 < okay, s33 you tomorrow!  
CC: S)(ore t)(ing!  
CC: Bye, Nepeta!! Glub glub glub!! 38D  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, bye fefurry!  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]. 

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT].  
  
AC: :33 < equius!!  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < i just got the news!  
AC: :33 < about you and fefurry!!!  
AC: :33 < and your big date!!!!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Word travels fast, I suppose  
AC: :33 < not that fast!  
AC: :33 < i actually heard it furom her  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> You spoke with her  
AC: :33 < well, she spoke with me!  
AC: :33 < right after she finished talking to you i guess  
AC: :33 < and shes just as excited about it as i am!  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> She's 100king forward to it, then  
AC: :33 < of course she is, dummy, she likes you!  
CT: D --> Well, yes, but  
CT: D --> It's good to hear from another source  
AC: :33 < yeah i guess  
AC: :33 < but this is so unbelievable!  
CT: D --> Yes, I know  
CT: D --> It perple%es me that she would deign to even a%ept a proposition from such an undeserving f001 as myself  
CT: D --> I would be easily led to conc100de the past twenty-four minutes have been a fevered hal100cination in my dying breaths  
AC: :33 < that is not what i meant and you know it!  
AC: :33 < its purrfectly believable that she would want to go out with you  
CT: D --> Seriously  
AC: :33 < of course silly  
AC: :33 < what i cant believe is that you actually asked her!  
AC: :33 < i figured she wouldve made the first move  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> She'd conta%ed me rather out of the b100  
CT: D --> Without an intended topic of conversation in mind, apparently  
CT: D --> So we spoke for a while  
CT: D --> And, well  
CT: D --> It just 100ked like the right time, I suppose  
AC: :33 < well thats great!  
AC: :33 < im sure you two will  
AC: :33 < ugh  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < sorry, eridan is trolling me  
CT: D --> Oh dear  
AC: :33 < and i just know hes going to k33p bugging me until i talk to him about whatefur stupid thing he wants to talk about  
AC: :33 < is it okay if i deal with him  
CT: D --> Er, of course  
CT: D --> Far be it from me to e%tend his harrassment  
AC: :33 < okay thanks  
AC: :33 < brb

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CA: nep wwe need to talk  
CA: its about a matter that deeply concerns both of us  
CA: wwhatevver youre doin right noww it cant possibly be more important than wwhat wwe need to discuss here  
CA: so just drop it an speak to me already  
AC: :33 < god you are a douche  
AC: :33 < how can you just assume its more impurrtant than what i was just doing?  
CA: cause it concerns your moirail  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < well still, that makes it equally impurrtant AT BEST  
AC: :33 < beclaws i was just talking to him!  
CA: wwell great then you can listen to my sage advvice an then immediately implement it  
AC: :33 < advice?  
CA: look nep  
CA: its this fuckin hemospectrum thing  
CA: youvve gotta get this guy to pull his head out of his nook and get wwith the fuckin program on the neww social order here  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < okay, this is kind of ironic coming furom you  
AC: :33 < mister high-and-mighty royal-blooded seadweller  
CA: yeah yeah yeah im perfectly fuckin awware of how im pretty much the least appropriate possible person to wwhinge to you about this  
CA: but youvve got to admit the point still stands  
AC: :33 < yeah, maybe  
AC: :33 < but why exactly does this concern you?  
AC: :33 < is it affecting your pawspisticeship or something?  
CA: maybe a little  
CA: but honestly thats not the main concern here  
AC: :33 < then what is?  
CA: its about gam  
AC: :33 < what  
AC: :33 < so youre telling me the whole hemeowspectrum purroblem revolves around the one troll whos unarguably above him on it?  
CA: oh come on nep dont tell me you havvent seen it  
CA: these twwo havve been so obvviously hateflirtin recently that evven a blind person wwithout the miraculous ability to see vvia his or her olfactory senses wwould spot it  
CA: but that ships gonna be moored forevver if your milk swwiggin buffoon of a moirail doesnt get ovver his idiotic hemospectrum fixation  
AC: :33 < wait, hold on  
AC: :33 < you didnt tell me this was about blackshipping  
CA: look wwould you just ignore our little competition for a second here  
CA: this is about your moirail  
CA: you wwant to find him a good kismesis dont you  
AC: :33 < well, yeah, eventually  
AC: :33 < but gamz33?  
CA: wwell i can tell you in confidence gam is black for him  
CA: an it doesnt take a fuckin genius to see that eq reciprocates  
CA: are you seriously tellin me you havvent been seein this  
AC: :33 < i dont know!  
AC: :33 < i havent b33n talking to equius that much, pawnestly  
AC: :33 < with all the ashen stuff ive b33n doing with kanaya and terezi  
AC: :33 < and then the stuff with you  
CA: and  
AC: :33 < and what?  
CA: the stuff wwith me and  
AC: :33 < ugh, i really dont want to talk about this  
CA: oh DONT EVVEN ACT like youre embarrassed about wwhat happened  
AC: :33 < im not embarrassed!  
AC: :33 < i put up more than a good fight, considering it was two against one!  
CA: so wwhats the problem then  
CA: are you sayin you didnt enjoy it  
AC: :33 < no, its nothing like that!  
AC: :33 < i mean, yeah, i kind of enjoyed it  
CA: nep  
AC: :33 < okay fine i really enjoyed it!  
AC: :33 < it completely changes the dynamic!!!  
CA: I KNOWW right  
CA: i havve to hand it to sol the mans an innovvator  
AC: :33 < look, im just  
AC: :33 < im afuraid its going to make things complicated!  
AC: :33 < like, how is kanaya going to f33l about this?  
AC: :33 < i nefur even talked to her about it befurhand!  
CA: uh  
CA: i dont suppose theres any possibly you could continue to havve nevver talked to her about it  
AC: :33 < no there isnt!  
AC: :33 < eridan, i am not about to risk jeopardizing my pawspisticeship with kanaya just to k33p your dirty little secret!  
AC: :33 < i am talking to her about this as soon as pawssible  
CA: nep you dont understand  
CA: its more important than jeopardizin your auspisticeship  
CA: if she hears about this shes gonna be auspisticizin betwween my torso an my fuckin legs  
AC: :33 < she is not going to do that!  
AC: :33 < listen, this isnt that big a deal  
AC: :33 < its just  
AC: :33 < a hiccup  
CA: a hiccup  
AC: :33 < yes a hiccup!  
AC: :33 < these things happen, okay?  
AC: :33 < the whole reason fur a pawspisticism is to purrvent things like this, but no one can expect to stop all of them!  
AC: :33 < anyway, we are all reasonable people here  
AC: :33 < im sure kanaya will understand that were not trying to go behind her back or anything  
CA: wwell  
CA: wwe kind of are arent wwe  
AC: :33 < well im not!  
AC: :33 < youre purrfectly welcome to try though  
AC: :33 < maybe shell only mostly cut you in half  
CA: ok ok fine  
CA: as far as im concerned honestly is almost alwways the wworst policy but i guess youvve got a point here  
CA: no real use tryin to pull the wwool ovver kans eyes shes got a nose for this kinda thing  
CA: just be careful howw you break the newws  
CA: dont go givvin her the idea that this wwas somethin wwe roped you in to against your wwill or any absurd hogwwash like that  
CA: unless youvve changed your mind on howw that wwent  
AC: :33 < i havent  
CA: ok good  
CA: does that mean youd be up for a rematch  
AC: :33 < dont push it, eridan  
CA: alright alright  
CA: cant blame a guy for tryin  
AC: :33 < yes i can  
CA: ok you can specifically but nobody else can  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, yes!  
CA: anywway wwhatevver this isnt evven the most important thing wwere talkin about here  
CA: wwere SUPPOSED to be talkin about your moirail and wwhat youre gonna do to get him to stop bein such a tool an get a proper hatemance goin wwith mine  
AC: :33 < well, im not sure the hemeowspectrum thing is that much of an issue anymore  
CA: wwhat  
CA: youre fuckin kiddin me right  
AC: :33 < hear me out!  
AC: :33 < normally id be purrfectly willing to admit you have a point  
AC: :33 < his whole blood hangup is a purroblem  
AC: :33 < but i think he might be getting ofur it!  
CA: really  
CA: an wwhat makes you say that  
AC: :33 < well, fur one  
AC: :33 < hes going on a date with fefurry!  
CA: wwhat  
CA: are you serious  
AC: :33 < yes im serious!  
AC: :33 < he just asked her and she said yes!  
CA: nep are you fuckin kiddin me  
CA: this just makes it evven more imperativve that you deal wwith this shit in unquestionable fuckin totality  
AC: :33 < look, i know its b33n a purroblem  
AC: :33 < but it s33ms like its getting a lot better!  
AC: :33 < i mean, the fact that she even agr33d to the date in the furst place is a good sign, isnt it?  
CA: wwell yeah i guess  
CA: but listen i knoww fef  
CA: an i can tell you right noww there isnt a single thing in paradox space she hates more than the hemospectrum  
CA: no matter howw much they might get along theres no wway shes evver goin to be matesprits wwith a guy that wworships the vvery thing shes spent her entire life tryin to destroy  
CA: so if theres evven a single fuckin doubt in your mind that he might not be wwillin to completely throww out his particular brand a bigoted bs then youd better drill him on this shit first fuckin thing  
CA: im tellin you this for your owwn sake nep dont go settin yourself an your moirail up for failure here  
AC: :33 < hmmm  
AC: :33 < you might be right  
CA: course im right  
CA: wwhen havve i evver not been right  
AC: :33 < i s33m to recall you not being right once  
AC: :33 < when you claimed you knew how to reverse a figure-four leg lock  
CA: oh BEE ESS i knoww PERFECTLY wwell howw to do that  
CA: i just didnt count on you havvin such freakish lowwer body strength thats all  
AC: :33 < well, i guess i can believe that  
AC: :33 < that was back when you were stupid enough to underestimate me >:33  
CA: right  
AC: :33 < anyway, i guess if it is that big a deal, i will talk to equius about it  
AC: :33 < but im still not sure its that much of a purroblem anymore!  
CA: yeah wwell just discuss it wwith him anywway  
CA: if this little rendezvvous wwith him an fef crashes an burns its gonna make a big mess for evverybody invvolvved  
CA: not that itll be completely hopeless mind you cause nothin evver really is but its best for evverybody that it go as quickly and painlessly as possible  
AC: :33 < wow, youre pawfully eager to s33 this go well!  
CA: look if eq goes through wwith this then that means my owwn ship for him wwill be clear to launch  
CA: thats the only reason i evven care as much as i do  
CA: dont read too much into it  
AC: :33 < psh, whatefur  
AC: :33 < anyway, is that all you wanted?  
CA: pretty much  
AC: :33 < then im going to go back to talking to him  
CA: yeah you do that  
CA: get this imbeciles issues sorted out so i can go through wwith my fuckin shipping plans already  
AC: :33 < im going to get him sorted out  
AC: :33 < but dont think im doing it fur your sake!  
CA: nep i wwouldnt ask you to do anything for my sake  
CA: cause i knoww youd just screww it up  
CA: an not evven to spite me but just because youre completely incompetent  
AC: :33 < oh bite me!  
CA: maybe i wwill  
AC: :33 < not if i bite you furst!  
AC: :33 < <3<  
CA: <3<  
AC: :33 < okay anyway bye  
CA: yeah good luck  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]. 

AC: :33 < okay im back  
AC: :33 < sorry about that  
CT: D --> It's fine  
CT: D --> What did he want  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < he was talking about you, actually  
CT: D --> Oh dear  
CT: D --> What specifically  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < it was about your thing with  
AC: :33 < well, you know, the hemeowspectrum  
CT: D --> Oh  
AC: :33 < i know this is kind of an uncomfurtable subject  
AC: :33 < but its kind of impurrant!  
AC: :33 < especially if youre going out with fefurry  
AC: :33 < you know she hates the hemeowspectrum, right?  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> I'm not a complete f001  
AC: :33 < and appurrently youre black fur gamz33?  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < thats what eridan said!  
AC: :33 < and i guess looking at the way you guys have b33n talking recently, it s33ms purretty likely  
AC: :33 < but i dont know, are you?  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> I'm not 100% certain I should talk about this  
AC: :33 < equius, its fine  
AC: :33 < its not like im going to talk to gamz33 about this  
AC: :33 < so you dont n33d to worry about insubordination or whatefur!  
AC: :33 < and really, if you hate him, you hate him  
AC: :33 < not talking about it isnt going to change that  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Let's say, hypothetically  
CT: D --> I did hate the highb100d  
AC: :33 < okay  
CT: D --> Let's say I felt nothing but abso100t contempt for him  
CT: D --> And his atrocious manners, and his f001ish religious pra%ices  
CT: D --> And especially his insufferable h001igan of a matesprit  
CT: D --> And again, this is all abso100tely hypothetical  
AC: :33 < of course  
CT: D --> So, if that were the case  
CT: D --> What would you, um  
CT: D --> Think about it  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < i would understand, i guess  
AC: :33 < and really, i can think of worse candidates fur your hissmesis  
CT: D --> Really  
CT: D --> I thought you disapproved of my intera%ions with the highb100d  
AC: :33 < well, a little  
AC: :33 < but this is diffurent!  
AC: :33 < when you were suggesting you might want to be his matespurrit, THATS what i didnt like!  
AC: :33 < beclaws you dont even like him, you hate him!  
AC: :33 < but if you were his hissmesis, that would be purrfectly fine!  
CT: D --> Seriously  
AC: :33 < well, you pawbviously hate him a lot  
AC: :33 < and you guys do have this whole complicated unpleasant history  
AC: :33 < so i think it could really work!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Well, that's good, I guess  
AC: :33 < theres just one thing i dont like  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < the way you let him order you around  
AC: :33 < its just not right!  
AC: :33 < youre better than that, equius!  
CT: D --> No I'm not  
AC: :33 < yes you are!  
CT: D --> Nepeta, he is my only e%plicit superior on the Hemospe%rum  
CT: D --> What do you e%pect me to do  
AC: :33 < cant you just make an exception?  
CT: D --> No, I can't just make an e%ception  
CT: D --> These r001s e%ist for a reason, Nepeta  
AC: :33 < oh yeah?  
AC: :33 < well what about fefurry?  
AC: :33 < youre making an exception fur her, arent you?  
AC: :33 < shes a seadweller, youre suppawsed to hate her!  
CT: D --> That's  
CT: D --> That's complicated  
CT: D --> She is of imperious b100d, that ma%es it different  
AC: :33 < then what about eridan?  
AC: :33 < he is just a regular seadweller, but hes your pawspistice!  
CT: D --> Um  
AC: :33 < and then you are all making nice with aradia and sollux  
AC: :33 < when theyre completely at the bottom!  
CT: D --> Nepeta, this  
CT: D --> This is starting to make me uncomfortable  
AC: :33 < equius, are you actually still hung up on this?  
AC: :33 < because if you are, im not sure if youre ready to go through with this thing with feferi!  
CT: D --> No, 100k, it's just  
CT: D --> Let me e%plain  
AC: :33 < fine  
CT: D --> Now, the heiress  
CT: D --> I mean Feferi  
CT: D --> She's opposed to the enforcement of the Hemospe%rum  
CT: D --> Which I can understand, I suppose  
CT: D --> I have abso100tely no desire to enforce it myself  
AC: :33 < really?  
CT: D --> Yes, really  
AC: :33 < oh  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> Nevertheless  
CT: D --> I still personally subscribe to it  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < i dont get it, how is that diffurent?  
CT: D --> 100k, the most problematic aspect of the Hemospe%rum is the effect it has on the social order  
CT: D --> I can understand the opposition to that  
CT: D --> But I still think the Hemospe%rum has merit  
CT: D --> I personally identify as a b100b100d  
CT: D --> And I find that to be a va100able appellation  
CT: D --> With regard to my own  
CT: D --> Sense of self, I guess  
AC: :33 < sense of self?  
AC: :33 < what do you mean?  
CT: D --> 100k, I can't really e%plain it  
CT: D --> Not to a meaningful e%tent, anyway  
CT: D --> But it's important to me in a deeply personal way  
CT: D --> Is that tr001y so bad  
CT: D --> If that ignoramus of a highb100d and his deplorable miscreant of a matesprit can fabricate a religion based on a wigglers' fantasy tale, surely this is a%eptable, is it not  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < maybe?  
AC: :33 < im still not really sure  
CT: D --> Nepeta, please  
CT: D --> I need this  
AC: :33 < look, im purrfectly okay with it!  
AC: :33 < im just worried what fefurry might think  
AC: :33 < okay, how about this  
AC: :33 < how about when you two go on your date  
AC: :33 < ill be there too  
AC: :33 < just to make sure efurrything goes smoothly  
CT: D --> You want to be there  
CT: D --> To observe us  
AC: :33 < it wont be that bad!  
AC: :33 < itll just be like im your chapurrone!  
CT: D --> My chaperone  
AC: :33 < yes!  
AC: :33 < ive done it befur, its not that big a deal  
AC: :33 < and once im sure it will work out, ill leave!  
AC: :33 < would that be okay?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> I'm not abso100tely certain how I feel about this  
CT: D --> But if you feel it's necessary  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < i just dont want to take any chances, you know?  
CT: D --> I suppose not  
CT: D --> I'll trust your judgment, then  
CT: D --> You are the shipping e%pert, after all  
AC: :33 < well thank you equius  
AC: :33 < but its just an extra purrcaution is all  
AC: :33 < its impurrant to me that this goes off without a hitch!  
AC: :33 < ill do whatefur it takes to s33 you two become matespurrits!  
AC: :33 < you are my meowrail, after all, im suppawsed to deal with stuff like this fur you!  
CT: D --> Right  
CT: D --> Well, thank you, Nepeta  
AC: :33 < its my pleasure, really!  
AC: :33 < im happy to ship fur anybody, but im especially happy to find somepawdy fur you!  
AC: :33 < and once i do that, ill only have two more ships to go!  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> But if I may  
CT: D --> There's something relevant to that I wished to di%uss with you  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < well what is it?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Assuming the date is su%essful, and I become matesprit to the hei  
CT: D --> To Feferi  
CT: D --> Then the only two trolls without matesprits will be you and Karkat  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < right  
CT: D --> 100k, Nepeta  
CT: D --> I understand why you might feel some apprehension about di%ussing this with me  
CT: D --> But I'd appreciate it if you would tell me  
CT: D --> Is it your intention to pursue a matespritship with him  
AC: :33 < no!  
AC: :33 < thats not my intention at all!  
AC: :33 < i dont even have an intention!  
CT: D --> You don't  
AC: :33 < i dont!  
CT: D --> Are you flushed for him  
AC: :33 < no!  
AC: :33 < well i mean  
AC: :33 < im not sure really  
CT: D --> I have observed your intera%ions with him  
CT: D --> And you 100k to regard him with some level of affe%ion  
AC: :33 < maybe a little  
CT: D --> Are you concerned he might not reciprocate  
CT: D --> Because based solely on his rea%ions to you, I believe he might  
AC: :33 < you do?  
CT: D --> Perhaps  
CT: D --> It certainly 100% as though he holds you in high regard  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < look, i dont want to dwell on this right now, okay?  
AC: :33 < ive still got other peoples ships to worry about  
AC: :33 < and its just not the right time to be thinking about my own  
AC: :33 < er  
AC: :33 < yeah  
CT: D --> You tr001y think so  
AC: :33 < yes  
AC: :33 < its just too soon  
CT: D --> Well, if that's how you feel, then I won't force the issue  
CT: D --> But I just want you to know  
CT: D --> If you tr001y believe you would be happy with Karkat as your matesprit  
CT: D --> Then I would not stand in your way  
AC: :33 < you wouldnt?  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> In fact, if you tr001y believed you would be happy with them, I would permit you to see whomever you wished  
CT: D --> And if you decided you wished to be with Feferi, I would cease my pursuit of her in an instant  
AC: :33 < wow!  
AC: :33 < equius, you dont have to do that!  
AC: :33 < im not flushed fur her  
CT: D --> I assumed not  
CT: D --> It was merely an e%ample  
AC: :33 < okay  
AC: :33 < but you would really do that fur me?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> It occurs to me that in the past I may have treated you with disdain  
CT: D --> I did not afford you 100% of the respect you were due  
CT: D --> And for that I apologize  
AC: :33 < you dont have to apawlogize, equius!  
AC: :33 < you were just doing your duty as a meowrail  
AC: :33 < i know im kind of stubborn and purrsnickety sometimes, and you n33d to k33p me in line  
CT: D --> Yes, but still  
CT: D --> In the past, my behavior could be justified by your immaturity  
CT: D --> But that is an e%cuse I am no longer afforded  
CT: D --> In these past wee%, you have startled me with your growth  
CT: D --> As a troll, as a friend  
CT: D --> And as a moirail  
CT: D --> You've tr001y developed into a mature, intelligent, and  
CT: D --> And beautiful young woman  
CT: D --> You are an adult, and you deserve to be treated as such  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < wow!  
AC: :33 < thats really nice of you to say equius  
AC: :33 < thank you!  
CT: D --> Of course  
AC: :33 < but you dont have to treat me any diffurently!  
AC: :33 < even if all that stuff you just said is true, im still the same nepeta  
AC: :33 < so its not that big a deal!  
CT: D --> Really  
AC: :33 < yes really!  
AC: :33 < despite what fefurry might think, we do not have to start smooching all the time now or something  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> I wasn't  
CT: D --> I wasn't suggesting that  
AC: :33 < i know you werent  
AC: :33 < but she said she talked to you about that, and i was just like  
AC: :33 < bluuuuuh XPP  
AC: :33 < its just so weird, dont you think?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Perhaps it's somewhat unusual  
CT: D --> But maybe we shouldn't judge  
AC: :33 < what  
AC: :33 < equius, were talking about  
AC: :33 < like, moirails, you know  
CT: D --> Engaging in certain  
CT: D --> Ac%  
AC: :33 < yes!  
AC: :33 < dont you think thats messed up?  
AC: :33 < like, if fefurry was doing stuff like that with sollux, wouldnt that bother you at all?  
CT: D --> 100k, if there are certain physical e%periences the heiress wishes to share with her moirail  
CT: D --> That's really none of my business  
AC: :33 < seriously???  
CT: D --> Are the a%ivities we engage in during the privacy of a feelings jam anyone else's business  
AC: :33 < no, of course not!  
AC: :33 < but  
AC: :33 < kissing and stuff?  
CT: D --> That's not so bad  
AC: :33 < well, maybe not, but  
AC: :33 < what about, like  
AC: :33 < sex?  
CT: D --> Hrk  
CT: D --> Nepeta, 100k, this is a really goshdarned complicated issue  
CT: D --> And I don't see why in heaven's name you feel the need to di%uss it  
CT: D --> So can we please just drop it  
AC: :33 < okay, okay, fine!  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Please e%cuse my language, it's just  
CT: D --> This is a very  
CT: D --> Tempestuous subject for me at the moment  
CT: D --> And you 100k to be very insistent about it  
AC: :33 < yeah, sorry  
AC: :33 < it just kind of weirds me out is all  
AC: :33 < fur purrsonal reasons  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> I suppose that's fair  
CT: D --> But if it bothers you that much, maybe you shouldn't talk about it  
AC: :33 < fine, im dropping it  
AC: :33 < i really dont want to talk about it either!  
CT: D --> Ok, good  
AC: :33 < right, anyway  
AC: :33 < what we should be talking about is your date with fefurry!  
AC: :33 < you n33d to be purrpared!  
CT: D --> Yes, you're abso100tely right  
AC: :33 < and the first thing we n33d to do  
AC: :33 < is get you some new clothes!  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Seriously  
AC: :33 < equius, have you s33n what youre wearing?  
AC: :33 < i mean, its not exactly high fashion ://  
CT: D --> Yes, but would she really  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Oh fiddlesti%, that's right, she's a seadweller  
CT: D --> Fashionable attire is of the utmost importance to them  
CT: D --> She'd never e%ept some f001 prancing about in shorts like an addlepated ruffiannihilator  
AC: :33 < im not sure thats entirely true  
AC: :33 < but i still think your look could use an update!  
CT: D --> My 100k  
CT: D --> What is my 100k, e%actly  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < im not really sure  
AC: :33 < but thats why we n33d to find you one!  
AC: :33 < ooh, i think you might look good in a suit, like terezis always running around in  
CT: D --> Terezi  
AC: :33 < yes, youve s33n it, havent you?  
CT: D --> Well, yes, but  
CT: D --> Ok, my knowledge of fashion isn't e%actly e%pansive  
CT: D --> But aren't the standards different between genders  
AC: :33 < well yeah  
AC: :33 < but im purretty sure suits are suppawsed to be fur boys  
AC: :33 < terezis just weird like that  
CT: D --> Maddening  
CT: D --> Garmentry is just so perple%ing  
CT: D --> I'll tr001y never understand it  
AC: :33 < you dont n33d to understand it, equius  
AC: :33 < you just n33d some new clothes!  
AC: :33 < ill go talk to kanaya and s33 if shell make some fur you  
CT: D --> Really  
CT: D --> You don't have to do that for my sake  
AC: :33 < no i insist!  
AC: :33 < i n33d to talk to kanaya anyway  
AC: :33 < shes long ofurdue fur a shipping sw33p anyway!  
CT: D --> Oh, right  
AC: :33 < and theres some other stuff i want to talk about too  
AC: :33 < but thats not impurrtant!  
AC: :33 < im sure shell be happy to make something stylish fur you!  
CT: D --> You really think so  
AC: :33 < sure!  
AC: :33 < you guys are furiends, right?  
CT: D --> Right  
CT: D --> And what are friends for  
AC: :33 < exactly!  
AC: :33 < so im going to go talk to her and we will arrange something  
AC: :33 < you could go ofur to her hive  
AC: :33 < or maybe it would be best if she came to yours  
CT: D --> I'd prefer the latter, if at all possible  
CT: D --> There are some matters I must attend to here  
CT: D --> Inc100ding some final tests for the proje%  
AC: :33 < oh, of course!  
AC: :33 < it is so cool, fefurry is going to love it  
CT: D --> Yes, that 100% to be the general sentiment  
CT: D --> But than% for the confirmation  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, of course!  
AC: :33 < anyway, is it okay if i go talk to kanaya now?  
CT: D --> Abso100tely  
CT: D --> I'll see you again before the date, right  
AC: :33 < yes! count on it!  
CT: D --> E%cellent  
CT: D --> <>  
AC: :33 < <>  
AC: :33 < okay, bye equius!  
CT: D --> Farewell  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]. 

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA].  
  
AC: :33 < hey kanaya!  
GA: Oh Nepeta  
GA: This Is Unexpected  
AC: :33 < is it?  
AC: :33 < im not interrupting something, am i?  
GA: Oh No Not At All  
GA: In Fact What Youre Interrupting Is A Great Deal Of Nothing  
GA: Specifically The Particularly Unpleasant Sort Of Nothing Thats Associated With Sitting On The Rim Of A Dormant Volcano And Agonizing Over Your Apparent Inability To Stoke It  
GA: I Dont Know If Youre Familiar With It  
AC: :33 < not really!  
GA: Nonetheless This Is A Welcome Distraction  
GA: Its Been Something Of A Slow Day  
GA: Vriskas Left To Engage In Some Manner Of Hostilities With Sollux  
GA: And No Ones Really Spoken To Me At All Today  
GA: Really Besides My Matesprit The Last Person I Even Talked To Was Eridan  
GA: After I Supplied Him With His Newly Altered God Tier Garment  
GA: Its Strange That He Hasnt Provided Any Feedback Since Then  
GA: You Wouldnt Happen To Know If Hes Preoccupied Would You  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < no, not really!  
AC: :33 < hes purrobably just being a dork fur some reason  
AC: :33 < hes an infamous dork, you know  
GA: Ha  
GA: Yes I Suppose You Would Say That  
GA: Anyway Sorry Im Rambling  
GA: Was There Anything In Particular You Wished To Talk About  
AC: :33 < actually yes!  
AC: :33 < i have really big news!  
GA: Oh  
GA: And Whats That  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < equius is going on a date!  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well Thats Excellent News  
AC: :33 < i know, right?  
AC: :33 < im really excited about it!!!  
GA: Yes I Suspect You Would Be  
GA: Who Is The Date With  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < its with fefurry  
GA: Oh  
AC: :33 < now, i know purrfectly well just how you might f33l about that  
AC: :33 < but i think its a great ship!  
AC: :33 < he likes her a lot and i just know theyll get along really well together!  
GA: Wait Hold On  
GA: What Do You Mean You Know Perfectly Well Just How I Might Feel About That  
AC: :33 < well, you know  
AC: :33 < you kind of have a thing with her  
GA: I Dont Have A Thing With Her  
AC: :33 < well, you at least have a thing against her!  
GA: No I Dont Have A Thing Against Her Either  
AC: :33 < oh come on, kanaya!  
AC: :33 < are you seriously going to try to doubt the increasing degr33 of hostility betw33n you two???  
AC: :33 < i get that youre in denial about being black fur her, but this is ridiculous  
GA: Okay Wow This Is Getting Absurd  
GA: If You Intend To Continue These Disingenuous Assertions For The Rest Of This Conversation Id Rather Terminate It Right Here And Now  
GA: Im Not Black For Feferi  
GA: And If It Seems As Though There Is Some Sort Of Escalating Conflict Between Is It Is Solely On Her Part And Not Mine  
GA: Is That Clear Miss Leijon  
AC: :33 < okay, fine!  
AC: :33 < sh33sh, theres no n33d to lose your tempurr  
GA: Im Sorry Its Just  
GA: These Accusations Are Beginning To Wear On Me  
AC: :33 < fine, ill drop it  
AC: :33 < youre not black fur her, whatefur  
AC: :33 < you can k33p saying that as long as you want as fur as i care  
AC: :33 < if only just to stuff it up to eridan and his stupid black shipping!  
GA: Fine  
GA: Ill Take What Respite I Can Get  
AC: :33 < though i should warn you  
AC: :33 < im purretty sure shes black fur you!  
GA: You Really Think So  
AC: :33 < yeah, i just kind of get the f33ling  
AC: :33 < i was just talking to her, and she said some kind of  
AC: :33 < sinister things  
AC: :33 < about you  
GA: Um  
GA: Sinister Things  
AC: :33 < well, she said after she settled things with equius  
AC: :33 < she was going to deal with you once and fur all  
GA: Oh God  
GA: Seriously  
AC: :33 < shes not gonna kill you or anything!  
AC: :33 < she told me that much  
AC: :33 < but still, you should be on the lookout  
GA: Well Thank You For The Warning  
GA: Forewarned Is Forearmed  
GA: Uh So To Speak  
GA: But I Have To Wonder Just What Her Intentions Are For Equius  
AC: :33 < what?  
GA: I Mean With This Date  
GA: Are You Sure She Intends To Make Him Her Matesprit  
AC: :33 < um, kind of yes?  
AC: :33 < what else would she be doing?  
AC: :33 < shes not going to be his hissmesis, i can tell you that much!  
GA: Well  
GA: This Isnt To Say Anything Against Your Moirail  
GA: But I Have Reason To Believe She May Be Flushed For Someone Else  
AC: :33 < >:??  
AC: :33 < like who?  
GA: Like  
GA: Well I Probably Shouldnt Say Anything About This  
GA: Unless You Can Promise Me You Wont Reveal Any Of This Information To Anyone Else  
AC: :33 < of course, kanaya!  
AC: :33 < absolute confidence, i purromise!  
AC: :33 < i didnt tell anyone about your crush on vwiskers, did i?  
GA: Thats True You Didnt  
AC: :33 < so you know you can trust me!  
AC: :33 < ill k33p it betw33n us, i swear  
GA: Well  
GA: Alright  
GA: Its Apropos That You Should Mention Vriska Actually  
GA: Because Thats Who I Believe She May Be Flushed For  
AC: :33 < what  
AC: :33 < vwiskers?  
GA: Yes  
AC: :33 < seriously?  
GA: It Isnt As Though I Dont Have Evidence Nepeta  
GA: Vriska Has Told Me Of Numerous Indecent Propositions Miss Peixes Has Made Toward Her  
AC: :33 < but hold on  
AC: :33 < fefurry is her pawspistice!  
AC: :33 < there was just this big whole thing on the last memo  
AC: :33 < why would she go through with all that if she wanted to be her matespurrit?  
GA: She Says Shes Auspisticizing Between Vriska And Aradia  
GA: But Whos To Say Thats What Shes Actually Doing  
GA: The Entire Thing Could Be A Ruse Concocted Simply So She Could Get My Matesprit To Herself And Do All Sorts Of Improper Things To Her Without Anyone Able To Interfere  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < couldnt aradia interfere?  
GA: Oh Thats Right  
GA: Poor Sweet Dear Precious Aradia  
GA: Forced Into A Sham Quadrant Just So That Scheming Witch Can Get Her Wretched Tentacles Into My Matesprit  
GA: And Helpless To Do Aught But Watch  
AC: :33 < okay hold on  
AC: :33 < how do you know aradia is just a bystander?  
AC: :33 < if this pawspistice is just a scheme to get at vwiskers, couldnt it be a scheme to get at aradia too?  
GA: Wait  
GA: Youre Suggesting  
GA: That She Wants To Use The Quadrant As An Excuse To Be  
GA: Some Sort Of Double Triangle Matesprit To The Both Of Them  
AC: :33 < im saying its equally likely!  
AC: :33 < or maybe aradias in on it too!  
AC: :33 < maybe shes fefurrys willing accomplice!  
GA: Oh My God  
GA: She Couldve Coerced Aradia Into Aiding Her In This Twisted Endeavor  
GA: Do You Think Thats What Shes Doing  
AC: :33 < no!!!  
AC: :33 < kanaya this is ridiculous  
AC: :33 < fefurry is not trying to steal vwiskers away from you, that is dumb  
GA: Its Not That Ridiculous  
AC: :33 < then why is she going on a date with equius?  
AC: :33 < and why did she agr33 to pawspisticize betw33n vwiskers and aradia?  
AC: :33 < and why would sollux be okay with any of that???  
GA: Um  
GA: Okay Maybe It Is A Little Ridiculous  
GA: But Vriska Tells Me She Keeps Making Advances  
AC: :33 < then maybe vriska is wrong!  
GA: Are  
GA: Are You Saying Shes Lying  
AC: :33 < not necessarily!  
AC: :33 < she could just be misinterpreting fefurry or something  
AC: :33 < shes kind of weird about mixed signals, you know  
GA: Well  
GA: Maybe Youre Right  
GA: But Still I Have My Doubts  
AC: :33 < then i guess we will just have to agr33 to disagr33!  
GA: I Suppose So  
AC: :33 < anyway, i n33d to ask you a favor  
GA: Oh  
GA: And Whats That  
AC: :33 < well, maybe this will s33m a little strange  
AC: :33 < but i think equius n33ds some new clothes  
GA: Ah  
AC: :33 < i mean, i know most trolls dont really care about fashion  
AC: :33 < and to be pawnest, i dont really either  
GA: Um  
AC: :33 < but!  
AC: :33 < i still think this outfit you made for me is pawesome, dont get me wrong!  
AC: :33 < i love the jacket especially, the fur on the collar is so cool  
GA: Oh Okay  
GA: Well Thank You  
AC: :33 < no, thank you!  
AC: :33 < anyway, even without really knowing anything about whats stylish or not, i know equius is a fashion disaster  
GA: Kind Of Yes  
AC: :33 < and i was kind of hoping you could make something nice fur him!  
AC: :33 < especially since fefurry is a seadweller, you know how they are  
GA: Right  
GA: But Do You Really Want Me To Make Something For Him If Miss Peixes Is The One Who Will Be Judging It  
GA: I Dont Think She Has Taste Enough To Appreciate My Works  
GA: You Might Be Better Off Just Draping Your Moirail In A Curtain And Splashing Him With Random Colors Of Paint  
GA: That Would Probably Better Appeal To Her Aesthetic Sensibilities  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!! X33  
AC: :33 < but seriously, she purrobably wont care that much!  
AC: :33 < really it doesnt have to be anything supurr fancy  
AC: :33 < anything would be an impurrovement ofur what hes wearing now :PP  
GA: Thats True  
AC: :33 < you know, i was thinking  
AC: :33 < what if you made him a suit, like the kind you made fur terezi?  
GA: Hmmm  
GA: That Actually Might Be A Good Look For Him  
GA: Though It Might Be A Little Too Formal For A Date  
GA: Maybe Itd Be Better Without The Tie  
AC: :33 < maybe!  
AC: :33 < so would you be willing to make him something?  
AC: :33 < i know its a lot to ask, since it s33ms like youre already making clothes fur efurryone else  
GA: Thats Not Entirely True  
AC: :33 < it isnt?  
GA: I Mean I Did Make Some Outfits For You And Terezi  
GA: But Those Were Crafted In The Course Of My Duties As An Auspistice So They Dont Really Count  
GA: And I Guess I Did Make Some Flarping Outfits For Her And Vriska And Eridan  
GA: Oh And Aradia Too I Suppose  
AC: :33 < and tavros?  
GA: No I Didnt Make That One Actually  
GA: That Was Something He And Vriska Did On Their Own Apparently  
GA: Though I Did Redesign Gamzees God Tier Outfit  
GA: And Eridans Just Recently  
GA: And I Suppose Ive Created Some Other Fashionable Attire For Him As Well  
GA: Okay So Maybe I Have Been Making Clothes For Everyone  
GA: But Im Not Complaining  
GA: In Fact Im Happy For Any Opportunity To Put My Skills To Work  
GA: Garmentry Has Always Been Something Of A Niche Hobby Given The Averages Trolls Apathy Towards Fashion So Its Something I Rarely Got The Chance To Share  
GA: And If Silly Roleplaying Games And People Ascending To Godhood Are Enough To Trigger Some Sort Of Fashion Renaissance Then I Will Be The Absolute Last Person To Complain  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < so youll do it?  
GA: Sure  
GA: Equius Can Visit My Hive Sometime And Ill Craft Him Something Thats Hopefully To His Tastes  
AC: :33 < um, actually  
AC: :33 < could you come ofur to his hive and do it?  
AC: :33 < he n33ds to stay there to work on some stuff  
GA: Um  
AC: :33 < i cleaned the place up!!!  
AC: :33 < and i took down most of that cr33py "art" of his too!  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well Thats Relieving To Hear  
GA: I Passed Through His Hive Earlier In The Game And  
GA: Well  
GA: He Has Some Very  
GA: Peculiar Tastes  
AC: :33 < ugh, i know XPP  
AC: :33 < i really had to STRONGarm him into letting me take them down!  
AC: :33 < i dont want fefurry to think hes a total cr33p  
GA: Right  
GA: Anyway I Suppose It Wouldnt Be A Problem For Me To Come Over There  
GA: All Of The Tools I Require Are Portable Except For The Mannequinizer  
GA: And I Wont Really Need That If I Have Access To Him In Person  
GA: So Consider It Done  
AC: :33 < great! thank you kanaya!  
GA: Youre Quite Welcome  
GA: When Should I Come Over  
AC: :33 < you dont have to do it right away  
AC: :33 < just sometime in the next day  
GA: Okay Sure  
GA: In All Honesty It Will Most Likely Be Later As Opposed To Sooner  
GA: I Need To Get Back To My Hive  
GA: And When Vriskas Done With Her Little Tryst With Mister Captor She Would Probably Like It If I Were To Tend To Her  
AC: :33 < thats fine  
AC: :33 < i just n33d you to it befur the date is all  
GA: Of Course  
AC: :33 < efurrything has to go purrfectly!  
AC: :33 < i want this ship out of the harbor the instant its fit to sail!  
GA: You Make It Seem Awfully Urgent  
AC: :33 < well, im just excited that equius is gonna have a matespurrit!  
AC: :33 < and somebody cool like fefurry, too!  
AC: :33 < though you might disagr33 on that last part, h33 h33  
GA: Well  
GA: If He Thinks He Can Be Happy With Her Then Honestly I Wish Them Both The Best  
GA: Though I Have To Say  
GA: It Is Kind Of A Strange Pairing  
AC: :33 < is it really that bad?  
GA: I Never Said It Was Bad  
GA: Just A Bit Unusual  
AC: :33 < well, i guess it kind of is  
AC: :33 < but still, its a good ship and i like it!  
AC: :33 < i think equius n33ds someone like her  
AC: :33 < a girl whos strong and assertive, but still kind and compassionate  
AC: :33 < and i almost exculsively ship him with girls, come to think of it  
AC: :33 < i f33l like he really n33ds more of a feminine purresence in his life  
AC: :33 < though i cant really explain why  
AC: :33 < you purrobably think thats weird, huh?  
GA: Um  
GA: Its Not That Weird  
GA: I Dont Think  
AC: :33 < well, maybe it isnt  
AC: :33 < you know, befur you told me about your thing with vwiskers, i actually shipped him with you!  
GA: Oh Right  
GA: He Mentioned That At Some Point  
GA: To Be Honest I Never Seriously Considered It  
AC: :33 < no i guess not  
AC: :33 < but still, i think itd be a good ship!  
GA: Er  
GA: Maybe I Guess  
AC: :33 < but anyway that doesnt really matter now  
AC: :33 < since hes going after fefurry!  
AC: :33 < to be pawnest, i wasnt all that serious when i furst suggested it to both of them  
AC: :33 < but the more i thought about it, the more i liked it!  
GA: Well I Suppose They Felt The Same Way  
GA: At Least Considering The State Of Things As They Stand  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, i guess so!  
GA: Equius At Least Has Been Seriously Considering It For A While  
GA: Honestly I Think It Was A Large Part Of What Motivated Him To Break Things Off With Aradia  
AC: :33 < yeah  
AC: :33 < to be pawnest, im kind of glad they broke up  
AC: :33 < not beclaws i have anything against aradia!  
AC: :33 < but things betw33n them were just so weird and uncomfurtable  
AC: :33 < and if theyd stayed together, she purrobably nefur would have come back to life either!  
GA: Perhaps Not  
GA: But Miss Peixes Made The Decision To Resurrect Her Without Even Taking Their Relationship Into Consideration Didnt She  
AC: :33 < well yeah  
AC: :33 < but i think them breaking up is kind of what set the whole thing off  
AC: :33 < but anyway im glad shes alive now and with sollux  
AC: :33 < and im glad that equius isnt too broken up about her anymore!  
GA: Yes Thats Good  
GA: Anyway Ill Be Over There At Some Point To Help With The Wardrobe Issue  
GA: And I Sincerely Hope The Date Is A Resounding Success  
AC: :33 < well thank you kanaya!  
AC: :33 < i really appurreciate it  
GA: Of Course  
GA: Was There Anything Else You Wished To Discuss  
AC: :33 < yes actually!  
GA: Really  
GA: And Whats That  
AC: :33 < well, fur one, i still n33d to subject you to a shipping sw33p!  
GA: Oh  
GA: But  
GA: I Was The First One You Shipped Wasnt I  
AC: :33 < yes thats true  
AC: :33 < but i left the job half-done!  
AC: :33 < i only got you a matespurrit, and not a meowrail  
GA: Oh Right  
AC: :33 < oh, but speaking of your matespurrit  
AC: :33 < how are things going with vwiskers?  
GA: Well Enough  
GA: There Have Been A Few Hiccups But For The Most Part Shes Been A Wonderful Matesprit  
AC: :33 < hiccups?  
GA: Nothing Too Major  
GA: Well Okay I Guess Its Kind Of Major  
GA: Or At Least It Was  
GA: It Seems To Be Becoming Increasingly Minor At This Point  
AC: :33 < well what is it?  
GA: Well  
GA: Its Just That Vriska Kind Of Has A  
GA: A Thing For Tavros  
AC: :33 < a thing?  
AC: :33 < oh no, dont tell me  
AC: :33 < they did stuff???  
GA: Not Without My Knowledge  
AC: :33 < okay, good  
GA: No I Mean  
GA: They Did Do Stuff  
GA: Its Just That They Were Kind Enough To Consult Me Beforehand  
AC: :33 < what?????  
AC: :33 < uuuuuugh, seriously???  
AC: :33 < thats ANOTHER meowrallegiance thats slipped into the salmon zone!  
GA: The Salmon Zone  
GA: Wait  
GA: You Mean Salmon The Color  
GA: Which Is  
GA: Okay I Get It  
AC: :33 < the fish pun was unintentional  
AC: :33 < but its certainly fitting  
AC: :33 < damn fefurry and her sneaky ways!  
GA: Actually I Dont Think Feferi Had Anything To Do With It  
AC: :33 < really?  
GA: Yes  
GA: Despite The Suspicious Frequency With Which She Champions The Subject Im Fairly Certain The Situation Arose Long Before She Began Doing That  
GA: In Fact Vriska Confessed It To Me Before She And Feferi Were Even In Regular Contact  
AC: :33 < hrm  
AC: :33 < and youre just okay with that?  
GA: I Know I Probably Shouldnt Be  
GA: But  
GA: I Understand Why She Feels The Way She Does About Him  
GA: And That She Has For Quite Some Time  
GA: And It Would Be Selfish Of Me To Simply Ask Her To Suppress Those Feelings  
GA: So I Told Her To Act On It  
GA: Just Once  
GA: And If I Got The Feeling That She Loved Me Any Less For It That Would Be The End Of It  
GA: But So Far I Havent  
GA: And Maybe I Never Will  
GA: But Until I Do Ill Hold Up My End Of The Bargain  
AC: :33 < so youre worried about fefurry making a move on vwiskers, but not tavros?  
AC: :33 < even though hes already doing stuff with her?  
GA: Thats Different  
GA: Im Not Worried About Tavros Because Hes Vriskas Moirail  
GA: And I Know Their Moirallegiance Is Important Enough To The Both Of Them That Theyd Never Risk Flipping To Another Quadrant  
GA: Anyway He Already Has A Matesprit  
GA: None Of That Can Be Said About Miss Peixes  
AC: :33 < but shes in a conciliatory quadrant with vwiskers too!  
AC: :33 < and she really is ashen for her, i know she is  
AC: :33 < and shes going on a date with equius!  
AC: :33 < you shouldnt be worried about her either  
GA: Well I Am  
AC: :33 < ugh, youre being ridiculous  
GA: Is It Really So Ridiculous To Worry That The Woman Who I Love More Than Life Itself Might Be Slipping Through My Fingers And Theres Nothing I Can Do To Stop It  
GA: Is It Nepeta  
GA: Because If It Is Then Color Me Fucking Ridiculous  
GA: You Can Make A Mockery Of It All You Want But Its Serious To Me  
GA: I Just  
GA: I Dont Know What It Is  
GA: I Still Love Vriska And I Know She Still Loves Me But  
GA: I Feel Like Theres Something Im Missing  
GA: Something Shes Hiding From Me Even Though I Know She Would Never Do That  
GA: Like Something About Her Has Changed  
GA: And Whenever I Try To Trace Exactly What It Is It Always Comes Back To Her Interactions With Feferi  
GA: And Maybe Im Just Being Ridiculous But  
GA: Im Afraid Okay  
AC: :33 < kanaya  
AC: :33 < im sorry, i wasnt trying to make fun of you  
GA: Its  
GA: Its Fine  
AC: :33 < but i didnt realize this was such a problem!  
AC: :33 < you n33d someone you can talk to about this  
GA: Like Who  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < like a moirail  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well  
GA: Maybe Youre Right  
AC: :33 < i kind of wish id talked to you about this earlier  
AC: :33 < now it s33ms like you dont have much choice!  
GA: What Do You Mean  
AC: :33 < well, now there are only two trolls without moirails  
AC: :33 < you and karkat  
GA: Oh  
GA: Huh  
GA: Well Isnt That A Situation  
AC: :33 < are you not pale for him?  
AC: :33 < because if youre not, i might be able to work something out  
AC: :33 < terezi s33ms to think you want to make a move on aradia for some reason  
GA: Urrgh I Already Told Her Im Not Pale For Aradia  
AC: :33 < you arent?  
GA: Well  
GA: In All Honesty I Might Be A Little  
GA: But Its Nothing Serious  
GA: Im Not About To Try To Steal Her Away From Terezi  
AC: :33 < okay, well  
AC: :33 < maybe somebody else?  
AC: :33 < it s33ms like youre good friends with eridan, what about him?  
GA: No Nepeta Listen  
GA: About Karkat  
AC: :33 < what?  
GA: Well  
GA: Can You Keep A Secret  
AC: :33 < of course!  
AC: :33 < confidentiality guarant33d, kanaya  
GA: Okay  
GA: Well  
GA: The Truth Is  
GA: I Am Somewhat Pale For Him  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < somewhat?  
GA: Okay Maybe Somewhat Isnt The Best Adverb  
GA: Maybe A Better One Would Be  
GA: Desperately  
GA: Or Achingly  
GA: Or Longingly  
GA: In Fact Itd Probably Be Best If You Used All Three Of Those In Succession  
AC: :33 < :oo  
AC: :33 < seriously?  
GA: Its A Little Embarrassing To Admit But Yes  
GA: Ive Felt This Way For Quite Some Time Now  
GA: And I Just  
GA: Im Glad To Get It Off My Chest  
AC: :33 < well, thats great!  
AC: :33 < i think you two would be perfect moirails!  
GA: Really  
AC: :33 < yes really!  
AC: :33 < youre already really good friends  
AC: :33 < and he obviously cares about you and respects you a lot  
GA: I Suppose Thats True  
GA: Really I Think It Wouldnt Be Inaccurate To Say That Karkat Is My Um  
GA: My Best Friend  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
AC: :33 < really, your dynamic already strikes me as pretty pale  
AC: :33 < i guess i already ship it and i just didnt know it!  
GA: Hm  
AC: :33 < well, if youre really interested  
AC: :33 < maybe you should talk to him about it!  
AC: :33 < im sure hed at least consider it!  
GA: Well  
GA: Im Afraid It Might Not Be That Simple  
AC: :33 < why not?  
GA: Well Heres The Thing  
GA: I Know Karkat Fairly Well  
GA: And If Theres One Thing I Know About Him Its That Hes Kind Of A Control Freak  
GA: He Always Insists On Doing Things On His Own Terms  
GA: And Hes Afraid That If He Ever Relinquishes Control To Someone Else That It Will Be Taken As A Sign Of Weakness And Everyone Will Immediately Lose All Respect For Him  
GA: Honestly Vriska Used To Be The Same Way But  
GA: Well Lets Just Say That Shes Been Taught A Valuable Lesson That It Isnt Always A Bad Thing To Submit To Someone Else  
GA: Sometimes Its Even The Best Thing  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < what exactly do you mean?  
GA: Nothing Im Getting Off Topic  
GA: The Point Im Getting At Is This  
GA: If I Were To Make A Pale Advance On Karkat He Would Almost Certainly Interpret It As Me Attempting To Be A Moirail To Him  
GA: Which Is To Say That I Would Be The One Pacifying Him  
GA: Which Would Require Him Giving Some Measure Of Control To Me And Thus Would Be Completely Exempt From Serious Consideration  
GA: And I Seriously Doubt He Would Consider It Possible For Him To Be The Pacifying Agent To Me  
AC: :33 < ugh  
AC: :33 < honestly i dont really like the whole idea of "roles" in moirallegiance  
AC: :33 < i kind of prefer to think of both moirails as equals  
GA: That Seems To Be The Common Interpretation Nowadays  
GA: But Karkats An Infamous Traditionalist With Regard To The Quadrants  
GA: And Hed Never Consider The Possibility Of The One Who Needs To Be Kept In Line Being Himself  
AC: :33 < hrm, youre probably right  
GA: So You Can Imagine My Dilemma Here  
AC: :33 < i guess so  
AC: :33 < hmmm  
AC: :33 < well, maybe you should just talk to him about it  
GA: What  
GA: You Mean  
GA: Just Interrogate Him About It Directly  
AC: :33 < yeah, kind of  
GA: But  
GA: Well  
GA: Id Rather Not  
GA: Maybe If I Was Absolutely Certain He Felt The Same Way About Me  
GA: But As It Is I Dont Even Know If He Considers Me That Way  
AC: :33 < i think he does!  
GA: You Do  
AC: :33 < sure!  
AC: :33 < i mean its just a hunch, but im pretty sure he reciprocates  
AC: :33 < he just doesnt want to admit it  
GA: Thats The Problem Though  
GA: His Not Wanting To Admit It  
GA: Even If He Was Pale For Me As You Theorize Im Not Entirely Certain Theres Anything I Could Do To Get Him To Admit It  
AC: :33 < well, im not really sure what to say here!  
AC: :33 < if you cant talk to him about it, then what can you do?  
AC: :33 < i guess you could wait until another point in time where he was more emotionally susceptible  
AC: :33 < but i couldnt tell you when that would be!  
GA: Well  
GA: Maybe You Could Talk To Him  
GA: See If Hes Interested  
GA: Have You Targeted Him For One Of Your Shipping Sweeps Yet  
AC: :33 < oh!  
AC: :33 < uh, no actually, not yet!  
AC: :33 < ive kind of b33n putting it off  
GA: Right  
GA: I Suspected As Much  
AC: :33 < >:??  
AC: :33 < why would you suspect as much?  
GA: Why Do You Think I Might Suspect As Much  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < i dont know??  
GA: Really Nepeta  
GA: Okay Then Nevermind  
GA: I Was Kind Of Hoping We Could Be A Little More Honest With Each Other But I Wont Force The Issue  
AC: :33 < er  
AC: :33 < kanaya, what are you talking about?  
GA: Nothing Just Forget It  
GA: Anyway Assuming You Actually Do Speak With Karkat Would It Be Too Much To Ask If You Could Ask About His Feelings For Me  
AC: :33 < of course it wouldnt!  
AC: :33 < i was going to ask anyway, and not just because you two are the only pale bachelors left!  
AC: :33 < i think youd be really good moirails!  
GA: Well Thank You  
GA: Thats Most Heartening To Hear  
AC: :33 < of course!  
GA: So Anyway  
GA: Is There Anything Else You Wished To Discuss  
GA: Its Been A Long Conversation So I Wouldnt Be Terribly Surprised If There Wasnt  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < hrm  
GA: What  
AC: :33 < okay, there is one thing  
AC: :33 < and its something i f33l kind of terrible about  
GA: Um  
GA: What Is It  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < its about our auspisticeship  
GA: Seriously  
GA: Nepeta Ive Discussed This With You At Length Before  
GA: I Realize That You Have Your Doubts About The Need For Such An Arrangement With Terezi But I Think Its Necessary  
GA: The Situation Between You Two Has Become Increasingly Turbulent And You Would Have To Be Completely In Denial To Fail To Recognize That  
GA: Honestly Its Kind Of Insulting That You Continue To Bring This Up  
AC: :33 < no thats not what i was saying!  
GA: It Isnt  
AC: :33 < no  
AC: :33 < i mean  
AC: :33 < youre right  
AC: :33 < we do n33d an auspistice  
GA: Oh  
AC: :33 < i didnt really realize it until recently  
AC: :33 < and i was kind of in denial about it  
AC: :33 < but  
AC: :33 < there was something that happened last night that made me realize just how much i n33d you  
AC: :33 < and i f33l really awful about it  
GA: Well  
GA: What Happened  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < the other night, i went to lowaa  
AC: :33 < because eridan just ascended and all, and i wanted to s33 if he was alright  
AC: :33 < and when i got to his hive, he was there  
AC: :33 < but so was terezi  
AC: :33 < and  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < one thing led to another  
AC: :33 < and the thr33 of us  
AC: :33 < um  
GA: You  
GA: You Engaged In A  
GA: Maroonion  
AC: :33 < im sorry kanaya!  
AC: :33 < i didnt mean for it to happen, but  
AC: :33 < but in the heat of the moment, things just kind of  
AC: :33 < escalated  
GA: Wait Hold On  
GA: Were You By Any Chance  
GA: Coerced Into This  
AC: :33 < no!!!  
AC: :33 < it wasnt like that!  
AC: :33 < neither of them forced me to do anything  
AC: :33 < it never wouldve happened if i didnt want it to, and thats why i f33l so awful about it!  
GA: Oh  
GA: I  
GA: I See  
AC: :33 < but i still want you to be our auspistice, kanaya!  
AC: :33 < im not black for terezi, and now i realize we n33d someone to k33p things like this from happening  
AC: :33 < and i want it to be you  
GA: Well  
AC: :33 < and i know you have no reason to want to stay with me  
AC: :33 < since ive never done anything but take you for granted  
AC: :33 < and especially because youve b33n taken advantage of so much in the ashen quadrant before  
AC: :33 < but  
AC: :33 < youre a really good auspistice  
AC: :33 < no, the best auspistice!  
AC: :33 < and i never really appreciated just how much youve done for me and terezi both since now  
AC: :33 < so  
AC: :33 < im sorry  
GA: Nepeta  
GA: Im  
GA: Im Not As Upset As You Might Think  
AC: :33 < you arent?  
GA: Well Im Still A Little Upset Dont Get Me Wrong  
GA: But  
GA: Im Glad That You Decided To Be Forthcoming With Me  
GA: I Dont Think It Was Your Intention To Deceive Me Here  
GA: Even If You Have Become Exponentially More Devious In Recent Weeks  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, yeah  
AC: :33 < eridan thought i should try to k33p it a secret  
AC: :33 < but i didnt want to be a liar on top of being a cheater!  
GA: I Suppose Thats An Honorable Enough Sentiment  
GA: Though  
GA: From A Certain Point Of View  
GA: This Might Not Make You A Cheater At All  
AC: :33 < seriously?  
GA: Well Think About It  
GA: The Main Point Of An Auspisticism Is To Prevent Caliginous Infidelity  
GA: But Terezi Doesnt Have A Kismesis  
GA: And Yours Was Present And Accounted For  
GA: So Maybe  
GA: It Doesnt Really Count At All  
GA: ?  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < okay, kanaya  
AC: :33 < i know you said you werent as upset about this as i might think  
AC: :33 < but you dont really s33m that upset about it at all!  
AC: :33 < or am i just wrong here?  
GA: Nepeta I Have To Be Honest  
GA: That Long Heartfelt Confession You Wrote Me Up There  
GA: Thats The First Time Youve Ever Expressed An Unquestionable Ashen Sentiment For Me  
GA: I Was Kind Of Afraid Youd Never Be Completely On Board With The Idea  
GA: But Now It Seems Like You Are  
GA: And If One Minor Infidelity Was All It Took To Get You To Change Your Mind  
GA: Then I Think I Might Be Willing To Overlook It  
GA: Just This Once  
AC: :33 < oh  
GA: I Mean  
GA: I Want To Be Your Auspistice Nepeta  
GA: I Really Do  
AC: :33 < well, i really want you to be my auspistice too!  
AC: :33 < i really mean it!  
GA: Well  
GA: Im Glad To Hear That  
AC: :33 < im sorry, i guess i havent b33n a very good  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < auspistic33?  
AC: :33 < is that the word for it?  
GA: I Think So Yes  
GA: Even If Isnt The Intent Is Clear Enough  
GA: Anyway I Guess I Forgive You  
GA: Honestly Nepeta You Make It Difficult To Be Mad At You For Much Of Anything  
GA: I Dont Know How Eridan Manages It  
AC: :33 < well, you know how he is  
AC: :33 < he is just a crazy person who hates nice things!  
GA: Haha  
GA: Thats Remarkably Close To True  
GA: Anyway Perhaps My Portentous Upbringing Has Left Me Overly Predisposed To Looking On The Bright Side But I Think This Is Ultimately A Good Thing  
GA: If Nothing Else It Seems As Though Its Cemented Your Dedication To The Quadrant  
AC: :33 < yeah, kind of  
GA: Sometimes It Takes A Breach Like This To Illuminate The Necessity Of Such An Arrangement In The First Place  
GA: Thats Just The Way Of Serendipity Sometimes  
GA: And To Be Honest Recently Most Of My Relationships Have Been Going Smoothly To The Point Of Suspicion So Something Like This Was Probably Inevitable  
GA: Just Dont Let It Happen Again  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < well  
GA: What  
AC: :33 < okay i have to be honest  
AC: :33 < i really do f33l bad about what happened betw33n me and terezi and eridan  
AC: :33 < but only because i betrayed your trust in doing it!  
AC: :33 < i dont really have a problem with, um  
AC: :33 < the act itself  
GA: Um  
AC: :33 < in fact, i actually kind of liked it!  
AC: :33 < okay, i REALLY liked it!!  
AC: :33 < and even though i am really serious about this auspisticeship and i want it to k33p going  
AC: :33 < i still kind of want to do the maroonion thing again  
AC: :33 < in the future  
GA: Seriously  
AC: :33 < kanaya, it completely changes the dynamic!!!  
GA: Im Sorry But I Just Dont Understand The Appeal  
AC: :33 < well, i cant really explain it  
AC: :33 < youd just have to try it for yourself!  
GA: Thats Not Going To Happen  
GA: Mister Captors Propositioned Me For The Idea More Than Once And Each Time I Have Told Him Im Not Interested  
GA: Frankly I Completely Fail To See How I Could Contribute To One Of Their Typical Destructive Liaisons Anyway  
AC: :33 < well, maybe not with those two in particular  
AC: :33 < but you should try it with somebody eventually!  
GA: Your Opinion Is Noted  
GA: But I Can Tell You Right Now Its Highly Unlikely I Ever Will  
GA: Sorry To Disappoint You  
AC: :33 < bah, whatever  
AC: :33 < so anyway  
AC: :33 < is there any way it could maybe remain a possibility for me and terezi?  
GA: Seriously Nepeta  
AC: :33 < well, you said it yourself!  
AC: :33 < it doesnt really go against the point of the quadrant if eridan is there!  
GA: Okay I Know I Just Forgave You  
GA: But I Think Youre Kind Of Pushing Your Luck Here  
AC: :33 < okay okay ill drop it  
GA: Thank You  
GA: Anyway I Can Hardly Make A Decision On That Right Now  
GA: First Im Going To Have To Have A Little Discussion With Terezi  
AC: :33 < oh no  
AC: :33 < please dont tell her i told you about this!  
GA: I Wont Tell Her That Specifically  
GA: But I Will Be Acting With The Knowledge That The Deed Was Carried Out  
AC: :33 < but then shell just assume i told you!  
GA: With All Due Respect Miss Leijon  
GA: You Filled Your Recuperacoon  
GA: And Now You Have To Submerge Yourself In It  
AC: :33 < uuuuugh  
GA: Some Sacrifices Will Have To Be Made For The Sake Of Your Auspisticism  
GA: I Hope It isnt Enough To Jeopardize Our Mildly Antagonistic But Ultimately Amicable Relationship  
AC: :33 < okay fine  
AC: :33 < youre the boss, i guess  
GA: Thats Right  
GA: I Am The Boss  
GA: And Ive Decided This Conversation Has Gone On Long Enough  
GA: For Now Im Going To Have To Talk To Miss Pyrope  
AC: :33 < okay, well  
AC: :33 < good luck i guess  
GA: Of Course  
GA: And Should You Talk To Karkat In The Near Future I Do Hope The Conversation Goes Smoothly  
AC: :33 < of course!  
AC: :33 < and i wont forget to ask about you  
GA: Okay Good  
GA: Just Dont Make It Too Obvious  
AC: :33 < of course not!  
AC: :33 < you know me, kanaya, i can be purretty devious when i n33d to be!  
GA: Ha I Suppose Thats True  
AC: :33 < oh  
GA: What  
AC: :33 < what do you know  
AC: :33 < karkats trolling me!  
GA: Oh  
GA: How Serendipitous  
AC: :33 < psh, its not serendipitous, its just  
AC: :33 < okay anyway i should answer him  
GA: By All Means  
GA: Dont Let Me Keep You  
AC: :33 < okay okay  
AC: :33 < but thank you again fur being so understanding kanaya!  
AC: :33 < c3<  
GA: I Still Think It Seems Excessively Silly To Type Clubs At One Another  
GA: But I Suppose This Situation Merits It More Than Any Other I Could Imagine  
GA: c3<  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < okay, bye kanaya!  
GA: Yes Of Course  
GA: Good Day  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CG: I FORGET, DID YOU BLOCK ME?  
AC: :33 < why would i block you?  
CG: BECAUSE I'M A RAVING SPASTIC ASSHOLE WHO LOST MY SHIT AT YOU FOR NOTHING EVEN REMOTELY APPROACHING A GOOD REASON.  
AC: :33 < karkat weve b33n ofur this  
AC: :33 < im not mad at you  
CG: YEAH, WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS  
CG: AND WE'VE BEEN OVER THE FACT THAT IT'S COMPLETE HORSESHIT THAT YOU AREN'T MAD AT ME.  
AC: :33 < look karkat, im not lying to you or something!  
AC: :33 < im not just saying im not mad at you, i really mean it  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
AC: :33 < yes, seriously!  
AC: :33 < why, are you mad at me?  
CG: NO!  
CG: NO, I'M NOT MAD AT YOU.  
CG: ALL YOU DID WAS SHIP SOME PEOPLE AFTER I EXPLICITLY ORDERED TO YOU TO SHIP THEM, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING THAT A SANE, INTELLIGENT PERSON COULD GET MAD ABOUT.  
CG: I'M MORE MAD AT MYSELF FOR HARASSING YOU AND BASICALLY JUST BEING AN INSANE SHRIEKING IDIOT AFTER THE FACT.  
AC: :33 < you had every right to be mad karkat  
AC: :33 < i shouldve talked to you about terezi before i went and shipped her with eridan  
CG: NO, LOOK, DON'T START THIS AGAIN, OKAY?  
CG: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THEM. NOT A GODDAMNED THING.  
CG: SO FUCK TEREZI, AND FUCK ERIDAN TOO WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.  
CG: IN FACT, JUST MAKE THINGS A LITTLE MORE EFFICIENT AND FUCK THEM BOTH AT THE SAME GODDAMNED TIME.  
AC: :33 < um  
CG: WHAT.  
AC: :33 < nothing!  
AC: :33 < look could we just  
AC: :33 < could we not talk about this maybe?  
AC: :33 < even if youre not mad i still f33l really bad about it  
CG: WELL  
CG: YEAH, I GUESS IT IS KIND OF A FEEL-BAD SUBJECT FOR EVERYBODY INVOLVED, AND THERE'S REALLY NO REASON TO KEEP WALLOWING IN IT  
CG: SO FUCK IT, SUBJECT DROPPED.  
AC: :33 < okay good  
CG: BUT JUST FOR THE RECORD  
CG: I'M NOT FLUSHED FOR TEREZI ANYMORE.  
CG: LIKE, NOT EVEN IN THE SLIGHTEST.  
AC: :33 < you arent?  
CG: NO, I'M OVER THAT.  
CG: TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST, I KIND OF CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHY I WAS FLUSHED FOR HER IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
CG: ALL SHE EVER REALLY DID WAS DRIVE ME INSANE AND MAKE ME LOATHE MYSELF SLIGHTLY MORE THAN I USUALLY DO.  
CG: GOD, PAST ME IS SUCH AN UNBELIEVABLE IGNORAMUS WITH HORRIBLE TASTE, I CAN'T EVEN GET OVER IT SOMETIMES.  
CG: WAY TO GO, DUDE, CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU'RE FLUSHED FOR SOME PSYCHOTIC HARPY WHO DOES NOTHING BUT MAKE YOU MISERABLE. GOOD JOB!  
CG: I'M SO FUCKING GLAD I'M NOT HIM ANYMORE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  
AC: :33 < well, i can s33 why you might be flushed fur her  
CG: WELL, I CAN'T, AND I DON'T REALLY WANT TO, SO PLEASE DON'T EXPLAIN IT.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, I'M GLAD I'M OVER HER. IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE.  
CG: AND LIKE ANY GOOD MIRACLE, EXPLAINING HOW IT WORKS TAKES SOME OF THE MAGIC OUT OF IT, AND THUS MAKES IT SLIGHTLY MORE FAKE.  
CG: OR SLIGHTLY LESS FAKE, I GUESS, BECAUSE MAGIC IS FAKE AS HELL  
CG: BUT THEN, SO ARE MIRACLES  
CG: SO MAYBE THE WHOLE TIME MY PITY FOR HER WAS JUST AN AMALGAMATION OF VARIOUS MADE UP, NOT REAL THINGS  
CG: A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE THAT I ONLY WOKE UP FROM WHEN SHE WENT AND HOOKED UP WITH SOME BILE-CHUGGING SCARF-STRUTTING SEA DOUCHE.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < yeah, he is a douche  
CG: EH, HE'S TOLERABLE.  
CG: TO ME, AT LEAST, I PROBABLY COULDN'T SAY THE SAME FOR YOU SINCE YOU'RE HIS KISMESIS AND ALL.  
AC: :33 < yeah, i kind of cant stand him  
AC: :33 < if i can be purrfectly pawnest fur a second here  
AC: :33 < the only reason i shipped terezi and eridan as soon as i did is beclaws i didnt want to have to deal with his whining any more than i had to!  
CG: HAHAHA, SHIT, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT.  
CG: THAT IS THE MOST JUSTIFIED REASON FOR DOING ANYTHING I'VE EVER HEARD, ALL IS FORGIVEN.  
AC: :33 < really?  
CG: SURE, WHY NOT.  
CG: ANYWAY, HOW ARE THINGS GOING WITH HIM?  
CG: I MEAN, IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING.  
AC: :33 < oh, theyre going well!  
AC: :33 < maybe a little too well, given recent events  
CG: UM  
CG: LIKE WHAT?  
AC: :33 < nothing!  
AC: :33 < nefurmind, its going fine  
CG: WELL, OKAY.  
CG: I HAVE TO BE HONEST, I WAS KIND OF SHOCKED WHEN I HEARD YOU TWO HAD BECOME KISMESES.  
CG: I MEAN, NOT THAT YOU HATED HIM, THAT'S KIND OF NOT EVEN ANYTHING EVEN WITHIN SPITTING DISTANCE OF A SURPRISE  
CG: BUT JUST THAT YOU'D EVER HATE ANYBODY LIKE THAT SPECIFICALLY.  
CG: WHICH ISN'T TO SAY THAT I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE CAPABLE OF WORKING UP A PROPER CALIGINOUS CONTEMPT FOR SOMEBODY, DON'T GET ME WRONG!  
CG: YOU JUST NEVER REALLY SEEMED INTERESTED IN IT.  
AC: :33 < well, i wasnt  
AC: :33 < and pawnestly, i still dont care much fur the whole idea!  
AC: :33 < but i guess  
AC: :33 < well, i guess hes the furst purrson to make me really hate somepawdy like that  
CG: YEAH, AND HE DID A DAMN GOOD JOB OF IT, TOO.  
CG: I SAW THE RANT, AND IT WAS KIND OF COMPLETELY AMAZING.  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < the rant?  
CG: OH, UM, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER WHICH ONE IT IS IN PARTICULAR  
CG: BUT HE SENT ME A TEXT FILE WITH A REALLY DISGUSTING FILENAME  
AC: :33 < okay i know exactly which one youre talking about  
AC: :33 < but he sent that to you???  
CG: UH, YEAH.  
AC: :33 < ugh, that cr33p!!  
AC: :33 < i cant believe he would just go around and send excerpts of our purrivate confursations to random people!  
AC: :33 < no wait i can believe that, beclaws hes terrible  
CG: HEY, IT'S NOTHING EMBARRASSING OR ANYTHING.  
CG: THAT DIATRIBE YOU MADE AGAINST HIM IS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF, HIM DISTRIBUTING IT DOES NOTHING BUT MAKE YOU LOOK BETTER.  
AC: :33 < seriously?  
CG: YEAH, I MEAN, YOU COMPLETELY DESTROYED HIM.  
CG: VERBALLY SPEAKING.  
CG: THAT GUY'S HAD IT COMING FOR A WHILE, AND YOU RIPPED HIM A NEW SET OF GILLS PRECISELY AS FORCEFULLY AS HE DESERVED.  
CG: IT'S LIKE  
CG: IT'S LIKE YOU THRUST YOUR HAND INTO HIS CHEST AND RIPPED OUT A PIECE OF HIS STILL-BEATING HEART, THEN ATE IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM  
CG: AND THEN YOU KIND OF FELT BAD FOR HIM, SO YOU RIPPED OUT A PIECE OF YOUR OWN AND STUFFED IT IN THE HOLE TO STOP THE BLEEDING.  
AC: :33 < uh  
CG: WOW, OKAY, I'M EXPLAINING THIS REALLY BADLY  
CG: BUT BASICALLY, YOU COMPLETELY OWNED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM  
CG: AND THAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.  
CG: SO GOOD JOB ON THAT.  
AC: :33 < oh, well thanks!  
AC: :33 < im still kind of embarrassed about it though  
AC: :33 < he was just being such a stupid tool  
AC: :33 < and i really lost my tempurr and screamed at him a lot and also used a bunch of curse words  
AC: :33 < but no ones efur really made me f33l that way befur!  
CG: NO, I GUESS NOT.  
CG; BUT IF ANYBODY COULD GET BLOOD FROM THAT PARTICULAR STONE, I GUESS IT'D HAVE TO BE ERIDAN.  
CG: MAKING PEOPLE HATE HIM IS PRETTY MUCH HIS SPECIALTY.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, yeah  
AC: :33 < are you still mad at him?  
CG: NAH, I FORGAVE HIM A WHILE AGO.  
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN BLAME HIM FOR TEREZI BEING A HEARTBREAKING, BACKSTABBING, OVERALL HORRIBLE PERSON.  
AC: :33 < ://  
AC: :33 < so youre still mad at her?  
CG: YEAH, SO WHAT?  
CG: AM I NOT ENTITLED TO THAT MUCH?  
AC: :33 < well, you can be mad at whoefur you want to be mad at, i guess  
AC: :33 < but i hope its not just beclaws this whole shipping thing  
CG: NO, THERE'S MORE TO IT THAN THAT, TRUST ME.  
CG: I'M MAD AT HER BECAUSE SHE STILL OWES ME FOR ALL THE TIME I SPENT AGONIZING OVER MY HORRIBLE MISGUIDED "AFFECTION" FOR HER.  
CG: YOU WOULD NOT *BELIEVE* HOW MUCH ENERGY I'VE WASTED ON THE SUBJECT THAT COULD'VE BEEN INVESTED IN SOMEONE INFINITELY BETTER THAN HER.  
AC: :33 < like who?  
CG: LIKE LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE IN EXISTENCE.  
AC: :33 < karkat, shes not that bad  
CG: NO, SHE IS THAT BAD, TRUST ME.  
CG: YOU'RE ASHEN WITH HER, AREN'T YOU? YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THIS.  
AC: :33 < well, yeah, but  
AC: :33 < i still want to be furiends with her  
CG: I STILL DON'T REALLY GET THE DEAL WITH YOU TWO.  
CG: MAYBE THIS IS JUST UNBELIEVABLY SELF-CENTERED OF ME, BUT IT FEELS LIKE THE ONLY REASON YOU TWO NEED AN AUSPISTICE IS BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS ARGUING ABOUT ME.  
CG: OR MAYBE THAT'S STUPID AND I'M A FUCKING IMBECILE FOR EVEN THINKING IT.  
AC: :33 < no its kind of true!  
AC: :33 < but  
AC: :33 < well, recently its gotten a lot more complicated  
CG: MORE COMPLICATED?  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
AC: :33 < i dont want to talk about it  
CG: OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH. FAR BE IT FROM ME TO MEDDLE.  
CG: I'M SURE KANAYA DOES MORE THAN ENOUGH OF THAT FOR YOU TO GET SICK OF IT ALREADY.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, yeah  
AC: :33 < but its okay though  
AC: :33 < im glad she agr33d to be our pawspistice  
AC: :33 < i actually kind of enjoy the meddling!  
AC: :33 < and i think she knows it  
CG: YEAH, SHE PROBABLY ENJOYS IT TOO.  
CG: KANAYA'S A LITTLE WEIRD LIKE THAT.  
CG: STILL, I GUESS SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT EVERYONE TO BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS FOR NO REASON, AND THAT'S ADMIRABLE IN ITS OWN RIGHT.  
AC: :33 < admirable?  
CG: IT'S A VALUABLE TRAIT FOR A MEMBER OF A TEAM TO HAVE.  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < yeah, i guess so  
CG: BUT STILL, IF YOU'RE ON BOARD WITH IT, I GUESS IT'S ALRIGHT.  
CG: YOU COULDN'T ASK FOR A BETTER AUSPISTICE, THOUGH, I CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH.  
AC: :33 < yeah, i agr33!  
AC: :33 < kanayas b33n really good to both of us  
AC: :33 < shes defurnitely quite a catch fur a conciliatory quadrant!  
CG: UH, YEAH.  
AC: :33 < but recently, we kind of  
AC: :33 < oh no  
CG: WHAT?  
AC: :33 < terezis bugging me about something  
CG: OH DEAR LORD.  
AC: :33 < yeah, and i cant just ignore her  
AC: :33 < is it okay if i just deal with her real quick?  
CG: BY ALL MEANS.  
CG: I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE TO ENDURE THAT SHRIEKING HAG'S HARASSMENT FOR ANY LONGER THAN YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED TO.  
AC: :33 < okay thanks  
AC: :33 < brb

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
GC: N3P3T4!!  
GC: YOU R4TT3D M3 OUT, D1DNT YOU!!!  
AC: :33 < what?  
AC: :33 < i dont know what youre talking about!!  
GC: DONT TRY TO PL4Y DUMB!  
GC: YOU KNOW 3X4CTLY WH4T 1M T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
GC: YOU SOLD M3 OUT TO M1NTY M1SS M4RY4M!  
GC: 4ND NOW SH3S GR1LL1NG M3 FOR D3T41LS ON TH1S SO-C4LL3D 4SH3N 1NF1D3L1TY  
AC: :33 < i didnt tell her anything!  
GC: DONT TRY TO L13 TO M3!  
GC: NOBODY 3LS3 KNOWS 4BOUT TH1S BUT 3R1D4N, 4ND H3D N3V3R T3LL H3R  
GC: 4ND 1 GU3SS F3F3R1 COULDV3 S33N 1T H4PP3N1NG  
GC: BUT 1 DOUBT K4N4Y4 1S L14BL3 TO B3L13V3 4NYTH1NG COM1NG FROM TH3 POM3GR4N4T3 PR1NC3SS H3RS3LF, G1V3N TH31R L1TTL3 R1V4LRY  
GC: SO 1 KNOW 1T W4S YOU  
AC: :33 < okay fine so i did tell her  
AC: :33 < but can you really blame me?  
GC: Y3S 1 C4N  
GC: 1N F4CT, H3R3 1 4M BL4M1NG YOU R1GHT NOW!  
AC: :33 < ugh  
AC: :33 < look, terezi, i know you dont take this furry seriously  
AC: :33 < or much of anything, really  
AC: :33 < but this is kind of a big deal!  
GC: *1* DONT T4K3 TH1S S3R1OUSLY?  
GC: 1 F1GUR3D *YOU* W3R3 TH3 ON3 NOT T4K1NG 1T S3R1OUSLY  
AC: :33 < well i wasnt until now!  
AC: :33 < this whole incident was kind of a wake-up call fur me  
GC: OK4Y F1N3  
GC: BUT 1 ST1LL TH1NK 1T W4SNT COOL OF YOU TO SN1TCH ON M3  
AC: :33 < what was i supposed to do terezi?  
AC: :33 < lie to kanaya and tell her everything was fine?  
GC: W3LL  
GC: NO  
GC: BUT ST1LL, TH1S SUCKS >:[  
AC: :33 < well maybe you shouldve thought of that before you roped me into a maroonion!!!!  
GC: ROP3D YOU 1N?  
GC: TH4T M4K3S 1T SOUND L1K3 1 FORC3D YOUR H4ND  
AC: :33 < no im not saying that  
AC: :33 < but still, it was your idea!  
GC: NO 1T W4SNT, 1T W4S YOURS!  
AC: :33 < what!  
GC: YOUR3 TH3 ON3 WHO C4M3 TO 3R1D4NS PL4N3T, 3V3N KNOW1NG 1 W4S ST1LL TH3R3!  
GC: WH4T 3LS3 COULD YOUR 1NT3NT1ON H4V3 B33N??  
AC: :33 < i didnt realize you would still be there!!!  
GC: 3R1D4N JUST D13D!!!  
GC: D1D YOU R34LLY TH1NK 1 W4S JUST GO1NG TO D1TCH H1M???  
AC: :33 < well, i dont know!  
GC: TH1S 1S 4BSURD  
AC: :33 < okay fine it kind of is  
AC: :33 < were never going to agr33 whose idea it was  
AC: :33 < really, in the heat of the moment, i dont even remember!  
GC: Y34H  
GC: HON3STLY, M3 31TH3R  
AC: :33 < ugh  
AC: :33 < what even happened betw33n us?  
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N  
AC: :33 < i mean, what happened that made things like this?  
AC: :33 < we used to just be friends  
AC: :33 < best friends, even  
AC: :33 < but now everything is just so  
AC: :33 < complicated  
AC: :33 < i know we n33d an auspistice now, but why?  
GC: YOU T3LL M3  
GC: YOUR3 TH3 ON3 WHO ST4RT3D P1CK1NG F1GHTS W1TH M3  
AC: :33 < what!  
GC: 1TS TRU3, 1SNT 1T?  
AC: :33 < i havent b33n picking fights with you!  
GC: Y34H YOU H4V3  
GC: ON 4LL TH3S3 M3MOS, 1TS TH3 S4M3 TH1NG  
GC: 1 3V3N SO MUCH 4S TYP3 1N TH3 G3N3R4L D1R3CT1ON OF 4 C3RT41N CR4BBY FR13ND OF YOURS, 4ND YOU LOS3 YOUR SH1T  
AC: :33 < well then you shouldnt k33p picking on him!  
GC: H3S 4 GROWN TROLL, N3P3T4  
GC: WHY DO YOU F33L TH3 N33D TO K33P ST4ND1NG UP FOR H1M?  
AC: :33 < because i want to stand up for him!  
AC: :33 < why do YOU f33l the n33d to k33p putting him down?  
GC: B3C4US3 H3 D3S3RV3S 1T?  
GC: B3C4US3 H3S 4N 4NGRY, FRUSTR4T1NG L1TTL3 TO4D, 4ND 4 SOR3 LOS3R ON TOP OF TH4T?  
GC: 4ND B3C4US3 H3 1NC1T3S TH3S3 L1TTL3 CONFL1CTS W1TH M3 JUST 4S MUCH 4S 1 DO W1TH H1M, 1F NOT MOR3?  
AC: :33 < ugh  
AC: :33 < i dont s33 why you two n33d to fight at all  
GC: W3LL 1M NOT GO1NG TO B3 TH3 F1RST ON3 TO B4CK DOWN  
GC: 4ND 1M GU3SS1NG H3 WONT 31TH3R  
GC: SO OUR 3T3RN4L STRUGGL3 W1LL CONT1NU3 UNTO 3T3RN1TY  
GC: G3T US3D TO 1T  
AC: :33 < bluh  
AC: :33 < so are you still mad at me fur snitching?  
GC: Y3S  
AC: :33 < well i would say im sorry  
AC: :33 < but im not really  
AC: :33 < so nyeh!  
GC: DONT YOU NY3H 4T M3  
AC: :33 < ill nyeh at you as much as i want, terezi!  
GC: BL4R! >:[  
AC: :33 < and fur the record, you did kind of furce my hand  
AC: :33 < i mean really, handcuffs???  
GC: 1 W4S P3RF3CTLY JUST1F13D 1N 3MPLOY1NG THOS3 R3STR41NTS  
GC: YOU W3R3 4SS4ULT1NG MY M4T3SPR1T  
AC: :33 < of course i was assaulting him!  
AC: :33 < im his hissmesis, idiot!!!!  
AC: :33 < its not like i was gonna kill him!  
GC: 1 COULDNT JUST 4SSUM3 TH4T!  
GC: H3D JUST 4SC3ND3D TO GOD T13R, 4FT3R 4LL  
GC: HOW DO 1 KNOW YOU W3R3NT GO1NG TO T3ST OUT TH3 R3V1V4L M3CH4N1SM??  
AC: :33 < oh my god that is so ridiculous  
GC: 1TS C4LL3D PROB4BL3 C4US3, N3P3T4  
GC: LOOK 1T UP  
AC: :33 < but its not fair!!!  
GC: HOW 1S 1T NOT F41R?  
AC: :33 < beclaws if my hands are stuck behind my back, just how am i suppawsed to touch your butt???  
GC: >:O  
GC: TOUCH1NG MY BUTT 1S 4 PR1V1L3G3, N3P3T4, NOT 4 R1GHT!  
AC: :33 < well so is touching mine!  
AC: :33 < but you didnt s33m to mind the fact that you nefur earned that purrivelege, now did you!!!  
GC: 1 MOR3 TH4N 34RN3D 1T WH3N 1 GOT TH3 H4NDCUFFS ON YOU  
GC: YOUR3 1NF4MOUSLY H4RD TO P1N DOWN, YOU KNOW  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, yeah i am! >:33  
GC: SO 1M GU3SS1NG  
GC: G1V3N HOW QU1CKLY YOU W3NT 4ND SP1LL3D TH3 L3GUM1NOUS PROT31N OBJ3CTS  
GC: TH4T YOU WOULDNT B3 1NT3R3ST3D 1N 4 R3P34T OF L4ST N1GHTS SC3N4R1O  
AC: :33 < i nefur said that!  
GC: >:?  
AC: :33 < i just knew better than to try to k33p kanaya in the dark  
AC: :33 < i dont even want to know what kind of fury shed bring down upawn us if she found this out on her own  
GC: H3H3  
GC: Y34H, SH3D PROB4BLY BLOW 4 G4SK3T  
GC: SO YOU WOULD B3 1NT3R3ST3D, TH3N?  
AC: :33 < maybe  
AC: :33 < but its out of our hands now  
AC: :33 < kanayas the one in charge here  
GC: Y34H 1 GU3SS  
GC: M4YB3 1 C4N CONV1NC3 H3R 1T WONT B3 TH4T B1G OF 4 TR4NSGR3SS1ON  
AC: :33 < i dont know  
AC: :33 < wasnt she just raking you ofur the coals fur it?  
GC: OH NO SH3 ST1LL 1S  
AC: :33 < what  
AC: :33 < youre still talking to her?  
GC: OF COURS3!  
GC: 1TS C4LL3D MULT1T4SK1NG, N3P3T4  
GC: 4ND 1TS TR1V14L FOR 4 GOD T13R S33R OF M1ND  
AC: :33 < yeah, well some of us dont have fancy s33r of mind pawers  
AC: :33 < and we may have b33n trying to have confursations of our own!  
GC: OH Y34H?  
GC: W1TH WHO?  
AC: :33 < none of your business!  
GC: 1S 1T K4RKL3S?  
AC: :33 < okay now its negative your business!  
AC: :33 < in fact it just acquired a majority of your shares in a corpurrate buyout, so you dont even have a business anymore!  
AC: :33 < so clean out your office, beclaws youre being downsized!  
GC: >:|  
GC: TH4TS  
GC: QU1T3 4 M3T4PHOR YOU H4V3 TH3R3  
AC: :33 < thank you  
GC: W3LL TH3N 1 GU3SS 1LL R3T1R3  
GC: TH3R3S TH1S WOND3RFUL PL4C3 ON LOB4F  
GC: 1 H4V3 TO GO TH3R3 FOR 4 F33L1NGS J4M 4NYW4Y  
AC: :33 < a f33lings jam?  
GC: TH4TS WH4T 1 S41D  
AC: :33 < but on lobaf?  
AC: :33 < why are you going there?  
GC: B3C4US3 4R4D14S TH3R3  
AC: :33 < well okay but  
AC: :33 < i just kind of figured youd want to have it at her hive  
AC: :33 < or your hive or something  
GC: W3 C4N H4V3 F33L1NGS J4MS WH3R3V3R W3 W4NT N3P3T4  
GC: W3 COULD 3V3N H4V3 ON3 1N *YOUR* H1V3!! >:O  
AC: :33 < what!!  
AC: :33 < you wouldnt dare!!  
GC: H3H3, NO 1 PROB4BLY WOULDNT  
GC: 4NYW4Y, WH4T3V3R, 1M GO1NG  
AC: :33 < okay fine  
AC: :33 < have fun i guess  
GC: Y34H  
GC: H4V3 FUN W1TH K4RK1TTY  
AC: :33 < no insider trading!! 33:<  
GC: H3H3H3, WH4T3V3R  
GC: OK4Y BY3  
  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 

AC: :33 < okay im back  
CG: SO YOU DEALT WITH HER?  
AC: :33 < yeah  
CG: WELL, THANK EVERY KNOWN FUCK FOR THAT.  
AC: :33 < i guess  
CG: WHAT DID SHE WANT?  
AC: :33 < eh, it was just about kanaya  
AC: :33 < there was kind of an, um  
AC: :33 < shake-up in our pawspisticeship recently  
AC: :33 < i dont want to get too much into it really  
AC: :33 < but n33dless to say, its not only about you anymore  
CG: OH.  
CG: IS THAT GOOD OR BAD?  
AC: :33 < its  
AC: :33 < complicated  
CG: YEAH, I PROBABLY SHOULD'VE GUESSED.  
CG: NOT REALLY ANY OF MY BUSINESS, I GUESS, SO I WON'T PRY.  
CG: BUT STILL, I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL KIND OF RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WHOLE UGLY THING BETWEEN YOU TWO.  
AC: :33 < its not your fault, karkat  
AC: :33 < i dont blame you  
CG: DOES TEREZI BLAME ME?  
AC: :33 < she blames me fur sticking up fur you all the time  
CG: OH.  
CG: WHY DO YOU STICK UP FOR ME ALL THE TIME, ANYWAY?  
AC: :33 < beclaws youre my furiend!  
AC: :33 < and shes always so mean to you and you dont deserve it  
AC: :33 < and i like standing up fur you!  
CG: YOU DO?  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
AC: :33 < i like you, karkat  
CG: OH.  
CG: WELL, I LIKE YOU TOO.  
AC: :33 < well great!  
CG: YEAH.  
AC: :33 < anyway, enough about terezi  
AC: :33 < ive had more than enough of her today  
CG: REALLY, ANY AMOUNT OF HER AT ALL IS TOO MUCH.  
CG: YOU MIGHT WANT TO PURGE AND THEN DRINK A TALL GLASS OF WATER JUST TO BE ABSOLUTELY SURE.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < anyway, i have more impurrtant things to worry about  
AC: :33 < like the big date tonight!  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: WAIT, WHO'S HAVING A DATE TONIGHT?  
AC: :33 < oh, i guess i havent told you yet  
AC: :33 < equius asked fefurry on a date!  
AC: :33 < and she said yes!!  
AC: :33 < and theyre going out tonight!!!  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
CG: A DATE?  
CG: LIKE A MATESPRIT DATE??  
AC: :33 < thats the idea!  
AC: :33 < but nothing is official yet  
AC: :33 < this is just their way of testing the waters  
CG: WAIT, HOLD ON  
CG: EQUIUS ASKED SOMEONE ON A DATE?  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID HE PULL THAT ONE OFF?  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < i dont really know the specifics  
AC: :33 < but they were talking, and i guess he just worked up the courage!  
AC: :33 < im really glad he did though  
AC: :33 < its a ship i highly appurrove of!  
CG: HUH.  
CG: I GUESS THEY HAVE BEEN PRETTY FRIENDLY WITH EACH OTHER RECENTLY.  
CG: BUT THEY'RE REALLY FLUSHED FOR EACH OTHER?  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
AC: :33 < ive b33n talking to both of them, and theyre purretty taken with each other!  
AC: :33 < of course, its too early to say theyre matespurrits yet  
AC: :33 < thats what the date is fur!  
AC: :33 < but if efurrything goes well, im sure they will be soon!  
CG: WOW.  
CG: DID YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS, BY ANY CHANCE?  
AC: :33 < a little, maybe  
AC: :33 < i gave them both the idea  
AC: :33 < but i nefur made them act on it or anything!  
AC: :33 < its just sort of spurrouted up by itself  
CG: WELL, COOL.  
CG: YOU KNOW, NEPETA, I HAVE TO SAY, IT REALLY IS AMAZING WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING HERE.  
CG: THIS WHOLE SHIPPING THING, I MEAN.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < you really think so?  
CG: YEAH, I DO.  
CG: I MEAN, THIS WHOLE THING STARTED AS KIND OF AN OFF-TO-THE-SIDE JOKE  
CG: BUT YOU PICKED IT UP AND JUST RAN TO THE FUCKING EQUATOR WITH IT.  
CG: AND IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME, EVERYBODY'S GOTTEN INTO ALL THESE DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS  
CG: AND THE THING IS, THEY ALL SEEM REALLY STABLE AND FUNCTIONAL, NOT SLIPSHOD AT ALL, REALLY  
CG: AND IT'S JUST  
CG: WELL, IT'S KIND OF COMPLETELY AMAZING.  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < wow!  
AC: :33 < thank you, karkat!  
AC: :33 < that means a lot coming furom you  
CG: HEY, YOU'RE THE MIRACLE WORKER HERE, NOT ME.  
AC: :33 < but i thought miracles were fake  
CG: OH, SHIT, THAT'S RIGHT.  
CG: OKAY, SO YOU'RE NOT A MIRACLE-WORKER, BECAUSE THAT WOULD IMPLY THAT YOU'RE A HUGE FRAUD AND ALSO KIND OF AN ASSHOLE  
CG: YOU'RE JUST INCREDIBLY SKILLED AT WHAT YOU DO  
CG: AND WHAT YOU DO IS APPARENTLY PUT PEOPLE INTO RELATIONSHIP.  
CG: OR AT LEAST SPECULATE ON RELATIONSHIPS PEOPLE COULD POTENTIALLY BE IN.  
AC: :33 < its called shipping, karkat!  
CG: RIGHT, SHIPPING.  
CG: SO THAT JUST MAKES YOU THE BEST SHIPPER THERE EVER WAS.  
CG: A GRAND MASTER SHIPWRIGHT IF EVER THERE WAS ONE.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, thanks  
AC: :33 < but im not sure if its as big a deal as youre making it out to be!  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: HOW THE FUCK IS IT ANYTHING LESS THAN THE COLOSSAL DEAL I'M MAKING IT OUT TO BE?  
AC: :33 < well, i mean  
AC: :33 < sure, ive b33n shipping a lot  
AC: :33 < but its not like im putting efurrypawdy into relationships myself!  
AC: :33 < im just giving suggestions  
CG: YEAH, AND PEOPLE ARE ACTING ON THEM.  
CG: BECAUSE THEY'RE REALLY FUCKING GOOD SUGGESTIONS.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, NEPETA, EVERYBODY WHO YOU'VE SHIPPED SO FAR HAS SAID THAT YOUR HELP WAS THE REASON THEY HOOKED UP.  
CG: NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE BEEN POSSIBLE WITHOUT YOU.  
AC: :33 < well, maybe  
AC: :33 < but still, is it really that big a deal?  
AC: :33 < so a bunch of people hooked up  
AC: :33 < were all six sw33ps old, we do this all the time!  
AC: :33 < who even knows how long itll last?  
AC: :33 < i cant imagine k33ping a bunch of crazy kids like the twelve of us in stable relationships is easy  
AC: :33 < its like herding cats!  
CG: YEAH, AND HERDING CATS HAS PROVEN TO BE SOMETHING YOU'RE A FUCKING EXPERT AT.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, DID YOU GO GOD TIER OR SOMETHING WHILE NOBODY WAS LOOKING?  
AC: :33 < no!  
AC: :33 < i just talked to my denizen, thats all  
CG: WELL, WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE, DON'T EVEN THINK OF TRYING TO DOWNPLAY YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS HERE.  
CG: THIS SHIPPING THING YOU'RE DOING IS AMAZING, AND IT'S HELPING EVERYBODY IN WAYS YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE.  
AC: :33 < well, thank you karkat!  
AC: :33 < this is all just so flattering though  
CG: HEY, I'M JUST TELLING IT LIKE IT IS.  
CG: AND FOR THE RECORD, I DON'T THINK ANY OF THESE SHIPS YOU'VE SET UP ARE THE SORT OF EPHEMERAL ADOLESCENT BULLSHIT YOU'D EXPECT FROM TROLLS OUR AGE.  
CG: I WOULDN'T EVEN HESITATE TO SAY THAT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM IS FIT TO SAIL FOR A LIFETIME.  
CG: OR EVEN LONGER, GIVEN THE DOWNRIGHT FRIGHTENING PACE AT WHICH EVERYBODY IN OUR TEAM IS ACHIEVING IMMORTALITY.  
AC: :33 < really?  
AC: :33 < all of them?  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: THERE ISN'T A SINGLE SHIP YOU'VE SET SAIL THAT I THINK WOULD SINK OUTSIDE OF RIDICULOUSLY EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES  
CG: AND THERE ISN'T ONE I REALLY WANT TO SINK, EITHER.  
AC: :33 < not even terezi and eridan?  
CG: NOT EVEN THEM.  
CG: I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I'M OVER HER.  
CG: ANYWAY, SHE'S PROBABLY HAPPIER WITH HIM THAN SHE'D EVER BE WITH ME.  
CG: ER, I MEAN, THOSE TWO ARE HAPPIER THAN I WOULD BE WITH  
CG: NEVERMIND, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.  
AC: :33 < yeah, i get it  
AC: :33 < but anyway, this is all really nice to hear furom you!  
CG: ANYBODY ELSE WOULD TELL YOU THE SAME THING.  
AC: :33 < no, but especially furom you, it means a lot!  
CG: OH.  
CG: WHY?  
AC: :33 < well, to be pawnest  
AC: :33 < you were kind of my inspurration fur this whole thing!  
CG: I  
CG: I WAS?  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
AC: :33 < i mean, ive always b33n shipping, but fur me it was only efur a silly hobby  
AC: :33 < but you were diffurent!  
AC: :33 < you were always helping people out with their romantic purroblems  
AC: :33 < and ive always kind of admired that about you  
AC: :33 < so thats kind of the reason im doing this  
AC: :33 < i was hoping i could do the same thing  
CG: OH.  
CG: WELL, I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE DOING A BETTER JOB OF HELPING PEOPLE WITH THEIR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS THAN I EVER HAVE OR EVER COULD.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, THE THING WITH VRISKA AND KANAYA AND TAVROS ALONE WAS WAY OUT OF MY ROMANTIC COMPETENCE ZONE.  
CG: IF I WERE YOU, I PROBABLY WOULD'VE JUST TOLD KANAYA TO CUT HER LOSSES AND HOPE SHE BECAME FLUSHED FOR SOMEBODY LESS DANGEROUS AND INSANE.  
CG: I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT KIND OF INSANE COMBINATION LOCK YOU HAD TO DISARM TO FIND THE SEMI-DECENT PERSON UNDER ALL THAT CRAZY.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < i was just kind of assuming vwiskers was a decent purrson  
AC: :33 < and even if she wasnt, im sure i couldve beaten some good into her >:33  
CG: YOU KIND OF DID THAT ANYWAY, DIDN'T YOU?  
CG: YOU JUST KIND OF BEAT HER OVER THE HEAD WITH LOVE AND KINDNESS UNTIL SHE STOPPED BEING SO HORRIBLE ALL THE TIME, AND THAT PRETTY MUCH SETTLED THINGS BETWEEN THE THREE OF THEM.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33 h33!! X33  
AC: :33 < yeah, thats a purretty accurate assessment!  
AC: :33 < but all i did was give her a chance  
AC: :33 < i dont think any of us are really bad people  
AC: :33 < we just n33d help sometimes  
CG: YEAH, MAYBE.  
CG: SO  
CG: NEPETA, I HAVE TO BE HONEST  
CG: THERE'S A REASON I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.  
AC: :33 < oh?  
AC: :33 < well what is it?  
CG: WELL, I DON'T MEAN TO IMPOSE OR ANYTHING  
CG: BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING AROUND DOING SHIPPING SWEEPS ON EVERYBODY  
CG: AND I WAS JUST KIND OF WONDERING WHEN MINE WOULD COME AROUND.  
AC: :33 < oh!  
AC: :33 < you want me to ship you?  
CG: NEPETA, I WOULD BE HONORED IF YOU WOULD SHIP ME.  
CG: JEGUS FUCK, IT LOOKS COMPLETELY RETARDED WHEN I PUT IT THAT WAY, BUT I MEAN IT.  
AC: :33 < well, okay!  
AC: :33 < ive b33n meaning to ship you anyway!  
CG: OH, OKAY.  
CG: SO YOU ALREADY HAVE SOME IDEAS IN MIND?  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < you could say that, yes!  
CG: WELL, GREAT, LET'S HEAR THEM.  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < tell you what, lets start with your pale quadrant!  
CG: OH, UH, MY PALE QUADRANT.  
CG: RIGHT, I GUESS THAT ONE'S EMPTY TOO.  
AC: :33 < okay  
AC: :33 < to be purrfectly pawnest, karkat, you dont have many options right now  
AC: :33 < in fact, you kind of only have one  
AC: :33 < beclaws efurryone else already has a meowrail  
CG: OH SHIT, SERIOUSLY?  
AC: :33 < now if thats a purroblem, i might be able to work something out!  
AC: :33 < nothings set in stone here, after all!  
CG: WELL, WAIT, WHO IS IT?  
AC: :33 < well, right now, the only other troll without a meowrail is  
AC: :33 < kanaya  
CG: KANAYA?  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
CG: I COULD'VE SWORN SHE ALREADY HAD A MOIRAIL.  
AC: :33 < uh, no  
AC: :33 < shes b33n single efur since her and vwiskers flipped red  
CG: WELL, WAIT, THERE'S HER AND TAVROS, YOU AND EQUIUS  
CG: GAMZEE AND ERIDAN, TEREZI AND ARADIA, SOLLUX AND FEFERI  
CG: SHIT, YOU'RE RIGHT, WE'RE THE ONLY TWO LEFT.  
CG: WELL, THAT'S JUST MY FUCKING LUCK, ISN'T IT?  
CG: HERE I AM, SINGLE MALE TROLL, HATCHED FOR CONCILIATION, AND PREPPED AND READY FOR SOME SERIOUS FUCKING SHOOSHING  
CG: AND MY ONLY OPTION FOR A MOIRAIL IS LITERALLY THE CALMEST, MOST WELL-ADJUSTED LIVING BEING IN PARADOX SPACE.  
AC: :33 < ://  
AC: :33 < so are you not pale fur her?  
CG: THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE HERE.  
CG: I MEAN, KANAYA'S MY FRIEND, ALRIGHT? LIKE, MY REALLY GOOD FRIEND.  
CG: AND IF I WERE A RAVING PSYCHOPATH WHO NEEDED TO ACTIVELY RESTRAIN MYSELF FROM KILLING PEOPLE, THEN THERE'S NOBODY ELSE I'D RATHER HAVE AS MY MOIRAIL.  
CG: BUT I'M NOT A RAVING PSYCHOPATH, NEPETA.  
CG: I AM A RATIONAL PERSON WHO IS PERFECTLY IN CONTROL OF HIS DESTRUCTIVE IMPULSES, AND I DON'T SEE ANY REASON WHY I SHOULD NEED TO BE PACIFIED.  
CG: AND GIVEN THAT KANAYA'S ALSO A RATIONAL PERSON PERFECTLY IN CONTROL OF HER DESTRUCTIVE IMPULSES, I CAN'T SEE A MOIRALLEGIANCE BETWEEN US WORKING OUT.  
AC: :33 < uuuuugh  
AC: :33 < really, karkat, i dont even like this whole idea of one purrson in a meowrallegiance being the designated conciliator  
AC: :33 < i purrfur to think of them both as equals!  
AC: :33 < its just a purrfectly balanced relationship betw33n two people who help each other out and k33p each other stable  
CG: BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT A MOIRALLEGIANCE IS, IT'S A DRASTIC OVERSIMPLICATION.  
CG: I KNOW THERE'S THIS IDIOTIC MISCONCEPTION FLOATING AROUND THAT MOIRAILS ARE JUST "BEST FRIENDS" OR SOMETHING, BUT THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL.  
CG: AND DESPITE WHAT SOME CRAZY TENTACLE-FONDLING HEIRESS MIGHT TELL YOU, THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KISS EACH OTHER OR ANYTHING DISGUSTING LIKE THAT EITHER.  
AC: :33 < i wasnt saying that!!!  
AC: :33 < furankly, i think that is weird just as much as you do!  
CG: IT'S NOT "WEIRD," NEPETA, IT'S A FUCKING ABOMINATION.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, I THINK THAT WITCH HAS BEEN CHUGGING TOO MUCH TAB, AND ALL THE SUGAR HAS ROTTED HER BRAIN TO THE POINT WHERE SHE THINKS IT'S ACCEPTABLE.  
CG: EITHER THAT, OR SOLLUX CONNED HER INTO THE WHOLE IDEA JUST AS AN EXCUSE TO DO UNSPEAKABLY DEPRAVED THINGS WITH HER.  
CG: I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST THAT GUY, HE'S A TOTAL CREEP.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS WHOLE "MAROONION" THING? IT'S THE VILEST POSSIBLE THING I CAN IMAGINE.  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < maybe we should all just k33p an open mind on that!  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: WHY?  
AC: :33 < well im just saying  
AC: :33 < maybe you shouldnt knock it until youve tried it!  
CG: UH  
CG: HAVE YOU, UM  
CG: TRIED IT?  
AC: :33 < no!!!  
AC: :33 < that is why i am saying all of us should reserve judgment fur now  
CG: I'M NOT RESERVING ANYTHING, I'M HANDING MY JUDGMENT DOWN RIGHT NOW.  
CG: IT'S DISGUSTING, END OF STORY.  
AC: :33 < look were getting off-topic here  
AC: :33 < we were talking about meowrails!  
AC: :33 < and i dont think i agr33 with your defurnition of exactly what a meowrallegiance is!  
CG: WELL, MY DEFINITION IS THE DEFINITION THAT'S BEEN USED BY SOCIETY FOR THOUSANDS OF SWEEPS, SO I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT TO SAY.  
AC: :33 < well, its not the defurnition ive b33n using!  
AC: :33 < ive always thought the quadrant was a little more evenly balanced than people make it out to be  
AC: :33 < and in efurry meowrallegiance ive helped set up, i encouraged them both to treat it the same way!  
AC: :33 < purrsonally, i think thats how my meowrallegiance with equius has always worked!  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
AC: :33 < well, think about it!  
AC: :33 < if we were "normal" meowrails, which one of us would be the pacifier?  
CG: UH  
CG: YOU, I GUESS?  
AC: :33 < a little yeah  
AC: :33 < equius does have some anger purroblems, and he n33s me to k33p him in control sometimes  
AC: :33 < but im kind of the same way!  
AC: :33 < i am a furocious, bloodthirsty huntress, you know!  
AC: :33 < and sometimes i am kind of stubborn and dont know whats best fur myself, and equius n33ds to k33p me in line too!  
AC: :33 < its a give and take thing!  
AC: :33 < does that really sound like such a horrible interpurretation of meowrallegiance??  
CG: WELL  
CG: THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE TOO MUCH OF A CHANGE IN DEFINITION, I GUESS.  
CG: MAYBE THE WHOLE "PLAYING SURROGATE LUSUS FOR A MURDERER" IDEA IS A LITTLE OUTMODED THESE DAYS ANYWAY.  
AC: :33 < kind of yeah  
AC: :33 < so could you s33 yourself having something like that with kanaya?  
CG: I  
CG: LOOK, NEPETA, LET'S BE HONEST HERE, OKAY?  
CG: THIS IS KANAYA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.  
CG: I'M NOT ABOUT TO GET MY HOPES UP HERE.  
AC: :33 < :??  
AC: :33 < what are you talking about?  
CG: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE WOMAN IS LIKE THE IDEAL MOIRAIL.  
CG: SHE'S SO CALM AND RATIONAL AND ALWAYS WILLING TO AT LEAST TOLERATE WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU CAN THROW AT HER, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THAT MAY BE.  
CG: SHE COULD HAVE ANYBODY IN HER PALE QUADRANT SHE WANTED, WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE EVER STOOP SO LOW AS TO PICK ME?  
AC: :33 < you think shes not pale fur you?  
CG: I THINK SHE COULD DO A TRILLION TIMES BETTER.  
AC: :33 < but what if she doesnt want to do better?  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
CG: WAIT, ARE YOU IMPLYING SHE *IS* PALE FOR ME?  
AC: :33 < yes!  
CG: BULLSHIT.  
AC: :33 < oh come on karkat, surely you can s33 it!  
AC: :33 < i mean, just look at the way you guys are always talking  
AC: :33 < always being all helpful and pointing out when one of you is fureaking out ofur nothing and n33ds to calm down  
AC: :33 < hell, she and fefurry purrobably wouldve killed each other by now if it werent fur you!  
CG: OH YEAH, I GUESS THAT'S TRUE ENOUGH.  
CG: AND THEN THERE WAS THAT TIME WHEN I KEPT RESPONDING TO THAT ONE STUPID ROLEPLAYING MEMO, AND SHE CONVINCED ME TO STOP TROLLING IT BECAUSE ALL I WAS DOING WAS MAKING MYSELF ANGRIER.  
AC: :33 < exactly!  
CG: BUT THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN SHE'S PALE FOR ME.  
CG: THAT COULD JUST BE HER BEING A GOOD FRIEND.  
AC: :33 < karkat, listen, i know shes pale fur you  
AC: :33 < she told me as much!  
CG: SHE DID?  
AC: :33 < yes!  
AC: :33 < i was just talking to her, and she admitted it to me  
CG: WELL IF SHE'S SO PALE FOR ME, THEN HOW COME IN THE SWEEPS UPON SWEEPS THAT WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS, SHE'S NEVER ONCE SAID A THING ABOUT IT TO ME?  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < beclaws shes kanaya  
CG: HAHAHA, FUCK, THAT IS ABOUT THE BEST POINT THAT'S EVER BEEN MADE.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, THAT POINT IS SO FUCKING SHARP THAT IF I'D BEEN SITTING TOO CLOSE TO MY CRABTOP SCREEN, I COULD'VE POKED AN EYE OUT ON IT.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < anyway, she was worried about how you might f33l about it  
AC: :33 < she was afuraid youd take it as her wanting to pacify you  
AC: :33 < and that youd nefur be up fur it beclaws itd make efurryone think you were crazy and n33ded to be kept in line  
CG: WELL  
CG: THAT'S EXACTLY MY PROBLEM WITH IT, YEAH.  
CG: FUCK, DOES SHE SERIOUSLY KNOW ME THAT WELL?  
AC: :33 < i dont think you should worry about it, karkat!  
AC: :33 < no ones going to look down on you fur having a meowrail!  
AC: :33 < they might even think better of you!  
CG: REALLY?  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
AC: :33 < i mean, look at vwiskers and eridan  
AC: :33 < nopawdy really liked them befur  
AC: :33 < but then they both got meowrails, and now plenty of people do!  
CG: HUH, I GUESS THAT'S TRUE.  
CG: AND REALLY, I CAN THINK OF OPTIONS THAT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK WORSE.  
CG: I MEAN, IF KANAYA WAS THE PACIFIER IN THE RELATIONSHIP, ALL THAT'D REALLY SAY IS THAT I'M MORE CRAZY THAN KANAYA, WHICH ISN'T SAYING MUCH AT ALL.  
AC: :33 < i dont think you should even think of it that way!  
AC: :33 < no one would s33 it as her k33ping you under control  
AC: :33 < you would be equals!  
CG: YEAH, BUT FROM WHERE I'M STANDING, IT SEEMS LIKE HER KEEPING ME IN CONTROL IS THE MORE PLAUSIBLE SCENARIO HERE.  
CG: I CAN SEE HOW SHE COULD HELP ME OUT WITH ALL MY PROBLEMS, BUT JUST WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO HELP HER OUT WITH HERS?  
CG: I MEAN, DOES SHE EVEN HAVE PROBLEMS?  
AC: :33 < of course she has purroblems!  
CG: LIKE WHAT?  
AC: :33 < like this thing with fefurry, fur one?  
AC: :33 < and there are plenty more where that came furom, trust me!  
CG: I DON'T KNOW  
CG: SURE, THERE'S THE WHOLE RIDICULOUS THING WITH FEFERI, WHEREVER IN FUCK'S NAME THAT EVEN CAME FROM  
CG: BUT OTHER THAN THAT, I DON'T SEE ANY PROBLEMS WITH HER AT ALL.  
AC: :33 < karkat, she is a purrson, and she has purroblems just like the rest of us  
AC: :33 < sh33sh, shes not purrfect or something  
AC: :33 < the way you k33p talking about her, id think you were flushed fur her or something!  
CG: WHOA, WHAT? NO!  
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL!  
CG: I DON'T EVEN THINK OF HER THAT WAY, THE WHOLE IDEA JUST KIND OF WEIRD FOR SOME REASON.  
CG: IT'S JUST THAT SHE KIND OF KEEPS HER CARDS CLOSE TO HER CHEST, AND SHE DOESN'T REALLY MAKE ANYTHING ABOUT HER OBVIOUS, PROBLEMS OR OTHERWISE.  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < how about the fact that shes b33n pale fur you fur the longest time and has nefur once b33n able to work up the nerve to tell you?  
AC: :33 < that is a purroblem, isnt it?  
CG: UH  
CG: JUST HOW LONG ARE WE TALKING HERE?  
AC: :33 < i dont know  
AC: :33 < she said it was fur quite some time  
CG: AND KNOWING KANAYA, THAT'S PROBABLY SWEEPS.  
AC: :33 < yeah  
CG: SHIT.  
CG: AND ALL THIS TIME, SHE HASN'T SAID A THING, JUST BECAUSE SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT WHAT *I* MIGHT THINK?  
CG: GOD, THAT WOMAN NEEDS TO STOP WORRYING SO DAMNED MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK AND DO SOMETHING FOR HERSELF FOR ONCE.  
AC: :33 < yeah, exactly!  
AC: :33 < and you should be the one to help her do it!  
CG: YOU REALLY THINK WE SHOULD BE MOIRAILS?  
AC: :33 < i really do!  
AC: :33 < you would be great fur each other, i just know it!  
CG: WELL  
CG: MAYBE I'LL TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.  
AC: :33 < you really should!  
AC: :33 < as soon as pawssible, if you ask me!  
CG: YEAH, YEAH, I WILL  
CG: BUT HONESTLY  
CG: THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF FIRST.  
AC: :33 < oh?  
AC: :33 < what is it?  
CG: WELL  
CG: BEFORE I DEALT WITH MY PALE QUADRANT  
CG: I KIND OF WANTED TO DEAL WITH MY FLUSHED ONE.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < did you now!  
CG: YEAH.  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < at this point, the choices are kind of narrowed down too  
CG: I ALREADY KNOW WHO I HAVE TO PICK FROM.  
CG: THE ONLY OTHER PEOPLE WITHOUT A MATESPRIT AT THIS POINT ARE YOU, EQUIUS, AND FEFERI.  
CG: AND I CAN'T EVEN PICK FEFERI, BECAUSE THEN YOU'D BE STUCK WITH YOUR MOIRAIL.  
AC: :33 < uh, right  
CG: ANYWAY, SHE'S GOING ON A DATE WITH EQUIUS  
CG: AND ONCE THAT'S OVER WITH, I'LL ONLY HAVE ONE CHOICE  
CG: BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT UNTIL THEY HOOK UP.  
CG: I WANT TO MAKE MY CHOICE NOW.  
AC: :33 < you  
AC: :33 < karkat what are you saying?  
CG: NEPETA, LISTEN  
CG: I KNOW THIS MIGHT SEEM LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF NOWHERE, BUT  
CG: BUT I'VE FELT THIS WAY FOR A WHILE NOW  
CG: AND I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME I TOLD YOU.  
CG: NEPETA, I  
CG: I PITY YOU.  
AC: :33 < you  
AC: :33 < you pity me?  
CG: WAIT  
CG: NO, THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT.  
CG: I'M FLUSHED FOR YOU.  
CG: I HAVE MATING FONDNESS FOR YOU?  
CG: UGH, NONE OF THIS IS COMING OUT RIGHT FOR SOME REASON.  
CG: BUT WHATEVER, IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER HOW I'M SAYING IT, ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT I'M SAYING.  
CG: YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYING, RIGHT?  
AC: :33 < youre  
AC: :33 < youre flushed for me?  
CG: YEAH.  
AC: :33 < i  
AC: um  
AC: wow!  
CG: WAIT, WHY'D YOU DROP YOUR QUIRK?  
AC: well  
AC: thats just really surprising is all!  
CG: IT'S NOT THAT SURPRISING, IS IT?  
CG: I MEAN, I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN THAT COMMUNICATIVE ABOUT IT BEFORE, BUT A LOT HAS CHANGED SINCE THEN.  
AC: um  
AC: yeah i guess  
AC: but still  
CG: OKAY, I'M SORRY, BUT COULD YOU PLEASE START USING THE QUIRK AGAIN?  
CG: IT'S JUST THAT THE LAST TIME YOU DROPPED YOUR QUIRK, IT'S BECAUSE I WAS BEING AN UNBELIEVABLE ASSHOLE AND I SAID SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID TO YOU  
CG: SO IT'S KIND OF THROWING ME OFF IS ALL.  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < i can try, i guess  
AC: :33 < but  
AC: ugh i cant, im just too surprised!!  
CG: OKAY, FINE, I CAN'T MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING.  
CG: FORGET THE QUIRK, WHATEVER.  
CG: IT'S JUST  
CG: LOOK, I REALIZE I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN THAT GOOD TO YOU BEFORE  
CG: I NEVER REALLY GAVE YOU A CHANCE, AND I RECOILED FROM YOUR EVERY OLIVE BRANCH OF FRIENDSHIP LIKE YOU WERE WIGGLING A GNARLED TREE MONSTER'S DICK IN MY DIRECTION  
CG: SO I'M SORRY ABOUT BEING SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON TO YOU.  
AC: dont apologize karkat!  
AC: i dont hold any of that against you  
CG: NO, I NEED TO APOLOGIZE.  
CG: EVEN IF YOU DON'T AGREE, ACCEPT IT ANYWAY  
AC: okay fine i forgive you  
CG: OKAY, GOOD.  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT MUCH OF YOU BEFORE, BUT NOW  
CG: NOW, YOU'RE JUST SO DIFFERENT.  
CG: YOU'RE REALLY KIND AND ENDEARING, AND YOU'RE SO EAGER TO HELP EVERYONE WITH ALL OF THEIR PROBLEMS  
CG: AND YOU JUST *GET* ROMANCE IN A WAY THAT I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND  
CG: AND YOU'RE JUST REALLY AMAZING.  
CG: AND I HAVE TO WONDER IF YOU HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS  
CG: BECAUSE IF YOU WERE, THEN I NEED TO GET A TIME MACHINE AND GO BACK AND KICK PAST ME IN THE ASS FOR NOT SEEING IT SOONER.  
AC: oh wow  
AC: this is is all just so  
AC: i mean, thank you karkat!  
CG: I'M ONLY SAYING IT BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.  
CG: LOOK, NEPETA, I KNOW I'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A COMPLETE PIECE OF SHIT TO YOU IN THE PAST, AND I WISH TO GODS I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THAT I WASN'T  
CG: BUT I WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.  
CG: I WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.  
CG: ACTUALLY, WAIT, SCRATCH THAT.  
CG: YOU'RE ALREADY THE HAPPIEST GIRL I KNOW, SO WHAT I WANT TO DO IS MAKE YOU EVEN HAPPIER.  
CG: I WANT TO BE YOUR MATESPRIT.  
AC: you  
AC: you do?  
CG: YES, NEPETA.  
CG: WILL YOU LET ME BE YOUR MATESPRIT?  
AC: oh my god  
AC: i  
AC: i  
AC: no!  
CG: WHAT.  
AC: i cant!  
AC: im sorry karkat  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN'T?  
AC: look its just  
AC: its really complicated  
AC: and i wish i could explain, but i cant!  
AC: if i tried to, it would just mess everything up  
AC: but we cant be matesprits  
CG: WHY NOT?  
CG: IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT FLUSHED FOR ME?  
AC: no thats not it!  
CG: SO YOU ARE FLUSHED FOR ME?  
AC: thats not what im saying!  
CG: THEN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?  
AC: im not saying anything!!  
CG: THEN CAN YOU PLEASE SAY SOMETHING?  
CG: ARE YOU FLUSHED FOR ME OR NOT, YES OR NO?  
CG: THAT'S NOT SO HARD, IS IT?  
AC: but it is hard!  
AC: i wish i could answer it, but its just so complicated  
AC: i mean  
AC: i cant say yes  
AC: but i wont say no!  
CG: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  
AC: i cant tell you what it means!  
AC: i want to, i really do, but i cant  
CG: NEPETA, I DON'T GET IT.  
CG: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE, AND WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT?  
AC: look, if i tell you now, then something horrible is going to happen!  
AC: i really do want to tell you, karkat, but  
AC: i just cant  
AC: im sorry  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.  
AC: what?  
CG: I SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT THIS WHOLE IDEA WAS HOPELESS FROM THE BEGINNING.  
CG: YOU'D NEVER WANT TO BE MY MATESPRIT, WHO THE FUCK WAS I KIDDING?  
CG: PAST ME BURNED THAT BRIDGE A LONG TIME AGO, AND NOW THERE ISN'T EVEN A SINGLE FUCKING CINDER FROM WHICH I CAN REBUILD IT.  
AC: what  
AC: no!!!  
AC: thats not what it is at all!!!  
CG: LOOK, NEPETA, I GET WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO HERE, OKAY?  
CG: YOU DON'T WANT TO HURT MY FEELINGS OR ANYTHING, I UNDERSTAND THAT.  
CG: BUT IF YOU REALLY AREN'T FLUSHED FOR ME, I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D JUST CRUSH MY HOPES RIGHT NOW, SO I DON'T BOTHER GETTING THEM UP AGAIN.  
CG: THAT WAY I CAN PUT ALL OF MY EFFORT INTO DESPISING MYSELF FOR BEING SUCH A COMPLETELY AWFUL PERSON WHO CONSTANTLY SABOTAGES THINGS FOR MYSELF.  
AC: no karkat listen to me!  
AC: i am not trying to let you down easy or anything, thats not what im doing!  
AC: im just  
AC: look, im not saying ill never be flushed for you ever  
AC: and im not saying we cant ever be matesprits  
AC: but right now is just not the right time!  
AC: its too soon!  
AC: i keep asking myself if its the right time yet, yes or no  
AC: and its always no!  
AC: and i dont know when it will be yes  
AC: but its not now  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S NOT THE RIGHT TIME?  
AC: i  
AC: look, i cant deal with my own quadrants right now  
AC: i cant even think about them right now!  
AC: i have to deal with everyone elses first  
AC: and then i can worry about myself  
CG: NO, THAT'S STUPID.  
CG: NEPETA, YOU'VE DONE MORE THAN ENOUGH TO HELP EVERYONE ELSE.  
CG: YOU'VE MORE THAN EARNED THE RIGHT TO YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.  
CG: IF YOU ARE FLUSHED FOR ME, THEN TAKE ME NOW, I'M YOURS.  
CG: AND IF YOU'RE FLUSHED FOR SOMEBODY ELSE, YOU SHOULD DROP ALL THIS SHIPPING BULLSHIT AND JUST TAKE WHAT'S RIGHTFULLY YOURS.  
CG: IS THAT WHAT IT IS? IS IT SOMEBODY ELSE?  
CG: THE WHOLE SHIPPING GRID COULD STILL WORK OUT IF YOU HOOKED UP WITH FEFERI, ARE YOU FLUSHED FOR HER?  
CG: BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, YOU SHOULD CANCEL THIS DATE AND SHOVE YOUR TONGUE DOWN HER THROAT POSTHASTE.  
AC: no thats not it!  
AC: feferi is cool and all, dont get me wrong, but  
AC: shes kind of weird  
CG: YEAH, THE WHALE-DRAGGING, MOIRAIL-FONDLING FISH PRINCESS WITH AN OTHERWORLDLY HORROR FOR A LUSUS IS WEIRD, STARTLING OBSERVATION.  
AC: hee hee, yeah  
CG: ANYWAY, WHATEVER, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU'RE FLUSHED FOR.  
CG: I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, OKAY?  
CG: BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT, NEPETA. MORE THAN ANY OF US, YOU DO.  
AC: well  
AC: maybe youre right  
AC: but i have to deal with everyone else first  
AC: there isnt any other alternative  
AC: im sorry  
CG: WELL  
CG: FUCK.  
AC: look, karkat  
AC: i still like you, okay?  
AC: youre still my friend, that hasnt stopped being a thing  
CG: YEAH, I KNOW, BUT  
CG: BUT I JUST KIND OF GOT THE FEELING THAT THERE WAS MORE TO IT THAN THAT.  
CG: THAT YOU LIKED ME MORE THAN JUST AS A FRIEND.  
AC: well  
CG: I MEAN, I KIND OF  
CG: WELL, DEDUCED THAT YOU WERE FLUSHED FOR ME IN THE PAST  
CG: AND I GUESS I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT STILL BE.  
AC: well  
AC: i was flushed for you before  
CG: AND NOW?  
AC: i  
AC: i cant say anymore  
AC: im sorry karkat  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!  
CG: THIS ISN'T GOING THE WAY I EXPECTED IT TO GO.  
CG: *NOTHING* IS GOING THE WAY I EXPECTED IT TO GO.  
AC: karkat please dont freak out about this!  
CG: I'M NOT FREAKING OUT.  
AC: youre freaking out  
CG: NO I'M NOT!  
CG: I'M AS CALM AS CAN BE.  
CG: NO CAUSE FOR ALARM.  
CG: IT'S JUST THAT I'M COMPLETELY LOSING CONTROL OF MY LIFE AND MY ENTIRE WORLD IS CRASHING DOWN AROUND ME, THAT'S ALL.  
AC: karkat please just calm down!  
AC: its not that big a deal!  
CG: NOT THAT BIG A DEAL?  
CG: I JUST ASKED THE GIRL I'M FLUSHED FOR MORE THAN I EVER HAVE BEEN FOR ANYONE IN MY ENTIRE PATHETIC OVERWROUGHT EXISTENCE IF SHE WANTED TO BE MY MATESPRIT, AND ALL I GOT IN RESPONSE WAS "REPLY HAZY, ASK AGAIN LATER."  
CG: AND SOON HER HUGE SWEATY PALEBRO IS GONNA HOOK UP WITH A SHITHIVE SEADWELLER WITCH, AND EVEN AFTER YOUR ONLY OPTIONS FOR A MATESPRIT ARE ME OR NOBODY AT ALL, I'M CONVINCED YOU'LL PICK THE LATTER.  
AC: no its not like that!  
CG: THEN WHAT IS IT LIKE?  
CG: IS IT REALLY JUST A MATTER OF TIME?  
CG: ARE YOU JUST WAITING FOR THOSE TWO TO HOOK UP BEFORE YOU LET YOURSELF MAKE A MOVE ON ME?  
AC: um  
AC: maybe?  
CG: FUCK.  
AC: look i cant even think about it at all right now!  
AC: once those two are hooked up, then i can start considering it!  
AC: is that too much to ask?  
CG: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MY MATESPRIT, I'D LIKE IT IF YOU'D JUST TELL ME.  
AC: i could tell you that  
AC: but i wont  
CG: WHY NOT?  
AC: look just  
AC: let me deal with equius and feferi, okay?  
AC: in the meantime, you can go talk to kanaya  
CG: OH YEAH, DISTRACT MYSELF FROM ONE HOPELESS ROMANTIC ENDEAVOR BY PURSUING ANOTHER ONE.  
CG: SURE, I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT.  
AC: its not hopeless!  
AC: i already told you shes pale for you!  
AC: please just talk to her  
CG: OKAY  
CG: OKAY, I'LL GO TALK TO HER  
CG: EVENTUALLY  
AC: just go talk to her now  
CG: I CAN'T!  
CG: FUCK, I JUST  
CG: I HAD A PLAN  
CG: I WAS SO SURE I HAD THIS WHOLE ROMANCE THING FIGURED OUT.  
CG: BUT NOW LOOK AT ME  
CG: I SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND JACK SHIT.  
CG: AND NOW I'M PRETTY SURE THAT PAST ME  
CG: NO, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT *PRESENT* ME  
CG: AND EVERY OTHER FUCKING ITERATION OF ME AT EVERY PERIOD OF TIME, BECAUSE WE'RE THE SAME PERSON, AND WE'RE ALL FUCKING IDIOTS  
CG: I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE PERMANENTLY DESTROYED ANY CHANCE I MAY HAVE EVER HAD AT HAPPINESS.  
CG: AND NOW  
CG: NOW  
CG: I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE.  
AC: what?  
CG: I HAVE TO GO.  
AC: karkat wait!!  
AC: where are you going???  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
AC: karkat!!!!  
AC: fuck  
AC: fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK  
AC: psyche  
AC: this had BETTER BE FUCKING WORTH IT  
  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]. 


	27. Heir Transparent

Chapter 27

Heir Transparent

"Are you absolutely certain this will be sufficient?"

"Equius, I haven't even assembled the full outfit yet. Please be patient."

Equius fidgeted nervously as he posed in front of the mirror. To his right, Kanaya sat at a workbench, using a dazzlingly-adorned sewing machine to craft some sort of garment for him. Behind him, Nepeta was busy at work cleaning the room, currently up on a stepladder covering some of his fine Alternian artwork with less... challenging pieces. He was unused to having this many guests in his hive, but to his pleasant surprise, he wasn't perspiring all that heavily. He was wearing a light grey button-up shirt, lighter than his skin, untucked and hanging over a pair of faded blue slacks, and both of the garments were pleasantly light and airy.

"Forgive me, I'm not intending to question your expertise," he said, still looking at the mirror and shifting to view himself from different angles. "I'm simply worried about making a good impression."

Kanaya didn't look away either, concentrating intently on her work. "I'm almost finished with the blazer," she assured him, raising her voice a little to be audible over the sewing machine. "So I would urge you to reserve your judgment until you've seen the full ensemble."

"Equius, just listen to her," Nepeta told him, then retrieved a poster from her sylladex and unrolled it, preparing to cover up another piece of art. "She is the expurrt here. She knows more about fashion than both of us combined!"

"Yes, of course, I just..." He looked at the mirror with a dissatisfied frown and pulled at the bottom of the shirt. Surprisingly, it didn't rip; whatever fabric it was made of must have been incredibly durable. "Shouldn't I at least tuck this shirt in?"

"It looks better with it untucked," Kanaya said. "If you tuck it in, it makes you look too stiff."

"Hm," Equius grunted in response. "Well... I suppose I wouldn't want to look stiff."

The whirring of the sewing machine slowed to a halt, and Kanaya rose from her station. "Trust me, it will look better with the blazer on," she said as she came up behind Equius, brandishing the garment in question. She cleared her throat, and he compliantly slid his arms into the sleeves, then took a moment to admire the garment in the mirror. It was the same color as his slacks, and hung just an inch or two lower than the shirt.

"Hmmm," Equius hummed, still a little concerned. "I'm not sure about the color."

"What's wrong with the color?," Kanaya asked. " I think it suits you perfectly."

"But it isn't the correct hue," Equius elaborated. "And shouldn't it be brighter?"

Kanaya sighed. "Equius, not everything has to be in your blood color."

"Yes, I know, but shouldn't I be displaying it somewhere?"

"You're displaying it right here." She pointed to a small patch on the left breast of the blazer, in the shape of his symbol and perfectly matching the blue of his blood.

Equius furrowed his brow in concern. "Yes, but it looks awfully small. I don't want to look as though I'm attempting to obscure it."

"Equius, it doesn't really matter!" Nepeta said as she finished putting up her poster, a tasteful print of a black, fiery-maned musclebeast attacking a helmeted warrior. "Efurryone knows what color your blood is. You don't even need to wear a symbol!"

"Well..."

Nepeta hopped off the stepladder and turned around to face Equius, reeling back a bit as she took him in. "Wow!" she exclaimed, covering her mouth. "Equius, you look amazing!"

He turned to look at her. "'Amazing?'" he repeated. "Do you truly think so?"

"Yeah! I mean, I knew you'd look a lot better with a new outfit, but... wow!" She shook her head, the faintest olive blush tinting her cheeks, and turned to Kanaya. "Kanaya, thank you fur agreeing to this! It looks purrfect!"

"Of course," Kanaya said with a slight bow. "Though I think it'd look better if you took off those damaged sunglasses you always insist on wearing."

"Er, I'd rather not," Equius replied, looking away nervously. He turned back to Kanaya. "Ah, regardless, I must thank you for the outfit as well. It's an exceptional piece of work... and extraordinarily comfortable as well." He tugged at one of the sleeves, still unable to damage it. "What sort of fabric is this?"

Kanaya let out a satisfied laugh. "God Tier cloth, as a matter of fact. It's quite expensive to alchemize, and the tools required to work with it even moreso, but it's incredibly rugged and still quite comfortable."

"And perfectly ventilated as well," Equius added. "You sourced it from your matesprit's attire, I assume?"

"Her moirail, actually," Kanaya corrected him, earning a dissatisfied "hrm." She went on, "Given this game's fondness for intertwining the literal and metaphorical, I assumed clothing crafted from a Breath player's garb would breathe more easily."

Equius let out a dry laugh. "An unusual conclusion to reach, but it looks to have paid off. Again, you have my thanks." He bowed to her slightly.

"It was my pleasure, really," Kanaya assured him. "And I'm sure that even someone with as warped a fashion sense as Miss Peixes will be able to appreciate it."

Equius opened his mouth to comment, but before he could, Nepeta came up and clapped him on the back. "Yeah, she's gonna love it!" she said. "You're gonna sweep her off her feet, and then you two will be matespurrits in no time!"

"Master Zahhak," a voice came from the wall opposite the mirror, and the three trolls turned to see the semi-corporeal form of Equius' lusus drifting through the wall. "I do hate to intrude, but Madam Peixes has just arrived at the doorstep. She awaits you in the foyer."

"She's here already?" Equius asked, clearly quite distressed. "Oh fiddlesticks, it looks as though I lost track of the time."

"Well, don't keep her waiting!" Nepeta urged him, grabbing him by the arm and trying to shake it, but only succeeding at rumpling his sleeve. "Commence with the sweeping!"

Equius looked at her uncertainly. "Nepeta, I..." He trailed off into a sigh. "I'm not absolutely certain I'm ready for this."

Nepeta furrowed her brow in concern. "Equius, what are you saying? You can't possibly be getting cold feet now!"

"Well, I just... I feel like this is all moving so fast."

"Well, what's wrong with that? It _should_  be moving fast!" Nepeta told him, a bit of a manic edge in her voice. "You like her, she likes you, now all you have to do is get through this one little date and you'll be all set!"

Equius just stared at her for a moment, still a little worried. "Do you truly believe so?"

"Sure!" Nepeta said with a nervous smile. "Just be yourself and everything will be fine! Oh, and just..." She leaned in and continued in a lowered voice, "just don't talk about the Hemospectrum."

"Er, right," Equius said with something of a grimace. "Anyway, I mustn't keep the heiress waiting." He turned to Kanaya. "If you wouldn't mind waiting here."

"Of course," Kanaya said with a nod. "I'll just take the time to gather my utensils."

Equius nodded in return, then turned to his awaiting sprite. "Aurthour, go to the test chamber and make sure everything is in order for the presentation of the project."

"At once, Master Zahhak," Aurthour said with a deep bow, then floated off through to another section of the hive, leaving a blue ectoplasmic silhouette on the wall behind him.

"Nepeta..." He turned his attention to his moirail. "Well, I suppose you'll want to come with me."

"Of course!" Nepeta answered. "Lead the way!" Equius gave an affirmative grunt and headed out of the block, and Nepeta followed suit. Just as she crossed the threshold, she suddenly stopped. "Oh! I almost furgot!" she said, spinning around to face Kanaya. "Kanaya, could I talk to you sometime after I'm done here? You know, in purrson?"

"Oh. Well, of course, Nepeta," Kanaya answered, a little surprised. "What exactly was it you wished to discuss?"

Nepeta looked away, rubbing her hands together nervously. "It's private. I mean, purrivate," she quickly corrected.

"Is it about Karkat?"

"Kind of, yeah," she answered with a sigh.

Kanaya looked a bit concerned, but didn't pry. "Well, I'll be returning to my hive shortly, and I'll likely be there for a while. So whenever you finish, I'll only be a portal or two away."

"Great! Thank you!"

"Nepeta, are you coming?" Equius called behind him.

Nepeta leaned out of the doorframe. "Yeah, I'll be right there!" She looked back to Kanaya, who simply smiled and bowed slightly, and gave her a thumbs up as she headed out after Equius. The two navigated their way to the foyer, where Feferi stood admiring a piece of musclebeast art. She was wearing her God Tier attire, a brown dress with a pair of striped green stockings underneath, with the hood taken off and hidden under a mass of wavy black hair.

As the two entered, she turned toward them, looking a little surprised when she saw Equius. "Wow! Equius, you look great!" she said excitedly. "Wait, was I supposed to dress up too?"

"Ah, no, there's no obligation," Equius assured her.

"I knew I shoald have grabbed some more clothes!" Feferi chided herself. "All I have on me now is this and my normal outfit." With a blur, she changed into her usual ensemble, a black one-piece swimsuit with her symbol in tyrian purple on the chest and a cyan and sea green skirt.

"You are entitled to wear whatever you wish," he told her. "It hardly matters, as you would look stunning regardless."

"Oh. Well, thank you!" Feferi replied, blushing a little. "But I mean it, you look fintastic! That outfit reely suits you!" She laughed to herself. "Hehe, suit. Unintenchional pun."

Equius let out a tiny laugh of his own. "Right, well, Nepeta insisted that the occasion mandated a 'new look,'" he explained, "and Miss Maryam was kind enough to craft this for me."

Feferi frowned a little at the mention of the name. "Hm, it figures. I _thought_  it looked a little plain."

"It's understated!" came an annoyed voice from up the hall.

"More like underwhelming!" Feferi shouted over Equius' shoulder, earning a frustrated groan in response. She giggled. "Saury, anyway, you make it work!"

"Well, thank you," Equius said with a slight bow. "And thank you once more for agreeing to visit my hive this evening." He made a motion to grab her hand, but suddenly stopped himself. "Er, I was going to plant a kiss upon your hand, but I fear I might hurt you."

Feferi smirked. "I don't think you need to worry aboat that," she said, then took his still extended right hand in her own and jerking it toward her, startling Equius with her strength. "But if you won't do it..." She leaned down and gently pecked the back of his hand, and Equius looked on bashfully, a blue blush lighting up his face. As she released his hand, she looked up at him, grinning nervously.

"Hee hee!" Nepeta couldn't help but giggle, and the two turned to look at her, suddenly remembering she was there. "Anyway, Fefurry, thanks a lot fur coming!"

"Whale, thanks for having me!" Feferi replied. "I'm happy to be here! I have been looking forward to the opperchtunaty to have some private time with Equius!" At that, the two moirails exchanged a nervous glance. She gave them a quizzical look. "What?"

"Well..." Nepeta started, biting her lip and looking away. "I didn't really talk to you about this, but if it's okay with you, I wanted to join you two tonight."

Feferi stared at her for a moment. "Oh. Okay, I guess, but why?"

"Well, I just want to be here to make sure efurrything goes smoothly," Nepeta explained. "You know, just make sure there are no snags or anything. I won't get in the way or anything! I don't even need to be in the same room! I just want to make sure things go well."

"Whale... that makes sense, I guess," Feferi admitted. She looked over to Equius, who was visibly a little embarrassed. "Equius, are you okay with this?"

"Er, yes, of course," Equius stammered. "I mean, I understand the necessity of the precaution."

Feferi didn't seem entirely satisfied with the answer at first, but she shook it off. "Whale, okay, I guess it's fine then!"

"Great! Thank you!" Nepeta said gratefully. "You won't even notice I'm here, I swear! And I'll be gone once I'm sure efurrything will be fine! You know, if you two want to get... intimate."

Equius sputtered. "Nepeta, please."

Feferi giggled. "Just as long as it's only the three of us. I hope a certain Miss Fussyfins won't be joining us too."

"As a matter of fact," came the approaching voice of Kanaya from down the hall, "I was just leaving."

"Oh, good," Feferi said, crossing her arms as the jadeblood approached. "I'm shore you have plenty of other people's business to meddle in."

Kanaya glared at her. "'Sure.' The word is 'sure,'" she corrected. Feferi just rolled her eyes in response. "Anyway, Nepeta," she said, turning her attention to the pair of moirails, "I trust I'll be seeing you soon after this."

"Of course!" Nepeta replied.

Kanaya nodded, then turned to Equius. "Mister Zahhak, I do hope your date goes well. I wish you the best."

"Thank you," Equius said with a nod. "And my thanks once again for all of your assistance tonight."

"You are quite welcome," Kanaya assured him, then turned her attention to Feferi. "Miss Peixes, I do hope for your sake that you're taking this event seriously," she cautioned disdainfully. "I'd hate to see my dear friend Equius' heart broken at the hands of your petty emotional whims."

"Your 'dear friend?'" Feferi echoed, giving Kanaya an accusing glare. "Sounds like you care for him a lot your _shell_ f." She flashed an eager grin. "Is Vriska gonna be single soon?"

Kanaya flinched at that. " _Excuse_  me?"

"Guys!" Nepeta barged in, taking as step toward the two of them. "Not now, please!"

Kanaya closed her eyes and sighed. "Right, sorry," she said. "Anyway, I suppose I should go." She gave a final nod and walked between the three of them toward the exit. As she did, Feferi reached out and gave her a firm slap on the rear. Kanaya yelped in shock, then turned to glower at the seadweller, who simply smiled at her and winked. The jadeblood looked like she was ready to bring out her chainsaw, but she simply let out a frustrated groan and tromped off toward the door.

"Say hi to Vriska for me!" Feferi called after her. Kanaya just made a rude hand gesture at her through the door before she slammed it behind her.

Equius just stared at her, beads of sweat accumulating on his forehead. "Um..."

Feferi frowned. "Hm, still not up for it. I'll get to her yet, I swear." She shook her head and looked back at Equius. "Ah, saury, I'm getting ahead of myshellf! I still have this date to attend to!"

"Yes, right," Equius responded, tugging at his collar nervously. "Well, first things first, I would like to present to you your gift."

"Oh, right, the project!" Feferi squealed, clapping her hands together excitedly. "I've been so excited to sea what it is ever since you told me aboat it!"

"Well, if you'll simply follow me this way," Equius said, gesturing to the hall behind him, "I will be more than glad to show it to you."

"Great! Lead the way!"

Equius drew in a sharp breath and turned on the spot, marching down the hallway, and Feferi and Nepeta eagerly followed.

"So what is it?" Feferi asked as they walked along. "Is it a robot?"

"Um, I would prefer not to divulge anything about the gift until it's revealed," Equius answered.

"Okay, okay, fine," she said.

Nepeta turned to her. "You're gonna love it, though, trust me!" Feferi just smiled in response.

"Right, here we are," Equius announced as they approached presentation block. The entrance was on the wide end of a small T-shaped room, though the narrow end was blocked off by a large steel shutter door. The block had been swept clean, though a few loose bolts and bits of wire still remained in the corners, and the walls were bare of adornments save for a mop and what appeared to be a large water hose hanging on one wall.

After the three of them had settled into the room, Equius produced a remote control from his sylladex, holding it flat on his open hand. He moved to press it, but suddenly reconsidered, instead turning and offering the remote to Feferi. "Perhaps you should do the honors," he said. "There's only one button, so..."

"Oh, okay," Feferi replied, grabbing the remote from him and eagerly pressing the large red button on it. As she did, the shutter door slowly slid away, revealing that the other part of the room was dominated by what looked to be an aquarium, about eight feet high and filled with water. A bed of crushed debris of the blue rocks native to the Land of Caves and Silence served as aquarium gravel, and a few larger boulders sat as decorative pieces.

The aquarium only had a single occupant: a small robot, about eighteen inches long, intricately crafted in the shape of a cuttlefish. As the robot came into view, it turned to face its observers, and when it caught sight of Feferi, its red eyes opened widely and lit up to a bright green, and its metallic tentacles undulated eagerly. Once Feferi registered what she was seeing, she gasped excitedly, her features lighting up as well. "Oh my cod! Wow!" she exclaimed, running up and pressing against the glass. The cuttlefish did the same, tentacles rapping against the aquarium wall. "It's _adorabubble_! And so beautiful! I mean..." She turned back to Equius. "Can I reely...?"

Equius nodded. "Of course. If you wish to take a closer look–"

Without waiting to hear him finish, Feferi dropped the remote and turned and leapt into the aquarium, sending water splashing over the side. Nepeta laughed out loud at the seadweller's actions while Equius just looked on in shock. Now submerged in the aquarium, Feferi scooped the cuttlefish-bot into her arms and held it above her head appraisingly. She pulled it forward and nuzzled her nose into its face, and it eagerly returned her affections, tentacles papping against the heiress' smiling face.

As Feferi continued to lavish her attention on the cuttlefish, completely oblivious to her surroundings, Equius and Nepeta stood and watched her. Equius couldn't help but smile, seeing the happiness his gift had brought her. Feferi eventually turned to look at the blueblood, and he jumped, suddenly embarrassed that he was staring. She mouthed something to him, but neither of the other two trolls could hear her from outside the aquarium.

"Excuse me?" Equius asked, and Feferi mouthed something unintelligible in response. "I'm sorry, I can't hear you."

She sighed and swam up to the surface, still cradling the cuttlefish against her chest. "Equius, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen! Can I reely have this?!"

"Absolutely," Equius answered with a nod. "It is my gift to you."

"Whale, thank you!" Feferi said, beaming widely. "It is by _far_  the best gift I have ever re-seaved!"

Equius bowed. "I'm truly pleased that you like it," he said. "But you needn't stay in that aquarium to enjoy it."

Feferi frowned. "But I can't hake it out of the water, can I?"

"Of course you can," he answered. "It's a robot. It does not require water to survive."

"But it needs it to swim around, doesn't it?" she asked.

Equius' mouth curled into something like a smirk. "On the... _conch_ rary." Feferi and Nepeta both giggled at the pun. "R-66Y, come," he intoned, and the cuttlefish gently wriggled out of Feferi's embrace, then levitated out of the aquarium and toward Equius, hovering in place a few feet away from him.

"Oh, cool!" Feferi exclaimed, then hopped out of the aquarium herself, landing near the cuttlefish. Water dripped from her hair and her clothes, forming an increasingly growing puddle on the floor beneath her. "Oh, saury," she said, looking down, "I guess I'm mako-ing a mess."

"It's quite alright, I'll have Aurthour clean it later," Equius assured her. "Do you..." He paused for a moment, unsure if he should continue. "Do you require a towel?"

"Oh, no, that's fine!" Feferi replied, "I have one!" She produced a bright orange and yellow towel from her sylladex. "I always keep a supply of dry towels on hand!"

Nepeta cocked an eyebrow at her. "You do?"

Feferi started rubbing the towel in her hair to dry it off. "Of course! I'm always going in and out of water, so I need to be able to dry off on a moment's notice!" As she moved the towel down to dry off the rest of her, Equius just gaped at her, suddenly unable to speak. She finished, stashing the towel back in her sylladex, then caught him staring at her. "Um, Equius?"

He flinched, shocked out of his trance. "Urk! I was just, um, I'm terribly sorry, I simply..." He shook his head, bowing it in an attempt to conceal a furious blue blush. "Anyway, regarding the robot..."

"Oh, right!" Feferi said, turning to face the robot. "That's so cool that it can levitate! Now it can follow me anywhere!" She stroked her fingers over the side of the cuttlefish's chassis, and it nuzzled against her hand affectionately in response.

"Yes, that was the idea," Equius replied, taking a moment to adjust his glasses. "The technology was reverse engineered from some existing Sgrub technology. Integrating it into the project took longer than expected, so I'm terribly sorry to say that some of the use cases were only tested once to compensate. If that's unacceptable, I could certainly conduct some of the–"

"What's its name?" Feferi interrupted, not really paying attention to him.

Equius blinked. "Um... it doesn't have a name."

Feferi frowned. "It doesn't? But it _has_  to have a name!" She turned to look at Equius. "You called it something before, didn't you? R-something?"

"R-66Y," Equius answered, "but that's just the revision number." Feferi didn't seem satisfied with that, so he continued. "Well, there is the codename we used early in development..."

She raised an eyebrow. "What was it?"

"Sovereign," he answered. "I thought it was a name befitting a member of the ruling class."

"Soverign," Feferi repeated, rolling the name over her tongue. "Hmmm... it's not a _bad_  name, but I feel like he deserves something a little more trollish." She paused and thought for a minute. "Wait, is it a boy or a girl?"

"It's a robot. It has no assigned gender."

Feferi turned back to the robot. "Whale, maybe the one I should be asking is you!" She grabbed it with both hands, looking into its large green eyes. "Sovereign, are you a girl?" The robot shook its head, its eyes narrowing and turning red. "Okay, so you're a boy?" Its eyes turned green again, and it eagerly nodded. "Alright! Now, we need to come up with a good name for you. Something that's charming, but still commands respect."

She scrunched up her face in thought, and the cuttlefish mimicked her, curling one of his tentacles over to scratch its chin sagaciously. She giggled, and suddenly her face lit up. "I've got it! I think your new name shoald be... Captain Antoine Mack! Do you like that?" The cuttlefish trilled happily and nodded. "Whale, then that's your name from now on!" Feferi released the newly-anointed Captain, and he affirmed her command with a fierce nod.

"Captain Antoine Mack?" Equius repeated in a curious tone. "That's certainly a..."

"A great name!" Nepeta interrupted him. "It's purrfect! Don't you agree, Equius?" she added, nudging him in the ribs.

Equius shifted uncomfortably. "Er, yes, of course. It is a name truly fit for a king. Or a commander of a naval vessel, I suppose."

"Yes! He will be the first member of my Alternian Royal Navy!" Feferi decreed, then turned to the Captain. "And if you play your cards right, you just might make Admiral!" Antoine quickly pulled up one of his tentacles in a salute, eliciting a laugh from the heiress. "Wow, he's so smart! You and Sollux did a great job!"

"Yes, thank you," Equius said with a bow. "But if it's quite alright with you, I'd prefer to move this conversation to the consumptionblock." He turned and made a motion to the door.

"Oh, of course! Lead the way!" Feferi commanded him, and he assented with a grunt and began his departure. She turned to Antoine. "Come on, Captain!" He nodded, and the two of them filed out behind Equius, with Nepeta following quickly behind.

As Equius continued down the hallway, Feferi hustled up to walk next to him. He seemed startled at this, but she just grinned at him. "Actually," he began, looking down the hallway once more, "I don't mean to impose, but I feel the need to correct your previous statement."

Feferi looked at him curiously. "Reely? Why is that?"

"Well, you said that Sollux and I did a great job," he elaborated, "and while I have absolutely no intention of denigrating his contributions to the project, I feel the need to specify that none of the code in the final product was actually created by him in particular."

"Um... okay?" Feferi said, a little puzzled.

"That is to say that his role in the project was purely that of a consultant and teacher. A role which he filled more than adequately, of course. I suppose I'm just saying this because..." He looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, this might sound foolish, but I thought the gift would be more meaningful if you knew I was solely responsible for its programming."

"Oh, I sea," Feferi said, nodding along. "You wanted it to be speshoal, so you did it all yourshellf!"

"Yes, exactly," Equius answered, still averting his gaze. "Though it sounds so silly when it's put into words."

Feferi dismissed his apprehensions with an offhand wave. "No, not atoll! I get it completely! It means a lot that you'd be whaling to do that for me."

Equius blushed a little. "Oh. Of course."

"Anyway, I'm glad you and Sollux are getting along!" she said, looking back down the hallway. "I was afraid he might have somefin against you, on account of the whole thing with..." She frowned. "Well, you know."

"Right."

"But I guess it wasn't a problem!" Feferi grinned and looked over at Equius. "And he taught you aboat all this programming stuff, right? How was that? I hope he didn't give you too much guff!"

Equius shook his head. "Ah, no, not at all." She gave him a suspicious look. "Well, that's not to say that there wasn't a certain level of 'guff' given, but simply that it did not exceed the level of what I expect constitutes a friendly rapport."

Feferi stopped walking and stared at him for a moment, blinking rapidly, then suddenly burst into laughter. Equius turned back to look at her, a little bewildered. "Ah, I'm saury," she said, taking a moment to collect herself, "it's just that that's such a gillarious way of saying that!"

"Um..." Equius mumbled, looking a bit discouraged. Nepeta just giggled behind them.

"Saury, anyway, keep going," she told him, and Equius continued navigating the hive, the two girls quickly following suit. "A frondly rapport," Feferi repeated. "So I guess that means it went well?"

"Yes, quite," Equius assured her. "I suspect he's not used to teaching, but his schoolfeeding was more than sufficient. And he's clearly extremely well-informed in his area of expertise. Very impressive for a..." He suddenly caught himself.

Feferi glanced over at him. "For a what?"

Equius took a nervous breath. "Er, nothing. Sorry, I misspoke."

Before Feferi could press the point, Equius stopped at the entrance to the consumptionblock and gestured in. "After you." Feferi gave him a small bow and stepped into the room. It was a fairly small room, sparsely decorated with a few tasteful musclebeast posters. In the center of the room sat a small circular table with a blue tarp draped over it to serve as a makeshift tablecloth, and four sturdy metal chairs were pushed in around it.

The dutiful Aurthoursprite was just finishing setting the table when the trio entered the room. "Ah, you're just in time. Please, have a seat," he urged them, latching onto the chair next to him with a spectral blue-white beam and pulling it out for the heiress. "And might I say you are looking lovely this evening, Madam Peixes."

"Why, thank you!" Feferi said with a smile, then took her seat. The sprite quickly flew around the table and pulled the chair across from her out for Equius, who gave him a curt not and took his seat as well.

Aurthour pulled out one of the remaining chairs and turned to Nepeta. "Will you be dining with them as well, Miss Leijon?"

"Oh, no!" Nepeta answered him, taking a small step back. "It'll just be the two of them! I'll be out in the hall, I guess. You know, if you need me or anything!"

"Of course," Equius said. Feferi just nodded at her politely.

Nepeta turned and began to exit the room. "Anyway, just purrtend I'm not here!" As she stepped through the door, she turned around and gave them both a thumbs-up. "And have fun!"

"Yes, thank you!" Feferi replied, trying her best not to sound impatient. When Nepeta ducked behind the doorframe, she let out a sigh of relief.

"And just how is this evening treating the two of you?" Aurthour asked the couple.

"Three of us, actually!" Feferi corrected him, motioning to Antoine. He pulled a tentacle under his head and nodded in his best imitation of a bow.

"Ah, of course, my sincerest apologies." The sprite stared at the robot in confusion for a moment. "Will... the robot be dining with you as well?"

"His name is Captain Antoine Mack," the seadweller informed him. "And I don't think he'll be eating with us. I don't even think he _can_  eat!" A look of uncertainty came upon her face, and she turned to Equius. "Whale, wait, can he eat?"

"Um, no," Equius answered. "He has no need to, and in any case, he has no mechanism with which to do so." He looked down and fiddled his fingers together. "Certainly, if you wanted him to, I could implement some sort of–"

"No, no, that's fine!" Feferi cut him off, not eager to hear any more technical jargon. "Anyway, he'll just be content to watch us. Isn't that right, Captain?" she asked, turning to the robot, who nodded in response. She gave him a friendly rub on the mantle, and he trilled affectionately in response.

Aurthour nodded. "Of course, madam. Now, might I get the two of you something to drink?"

Feferi looked over at him. "Whale, what do you have?"

"Anything you desire, madam," Aurthour answered assuredly.

"Oh. In that case, I guess I'll have a TaB."

"As you wish, madam." He turned to Equius. "And for you, Master Zahhak?"

"Milk."

Aurthour bowed. "Of course, Master Zahhak. I shall return posthaste. And in my absence, I urge you to consider just what you will be dining on this evening." The two watched him as he floated out of the room in the direction of the alchemiter, leaving another blue afterimage on the wall behind him.

Feferi turned back to Equius. "Wow, your lusus is so nice! And reely polite, too!"

"Ah, yes, he is quite the lusus," Equius replied. "And quite the butler, too. One might even go as far as to say he is simply the best there is." He looked away for a moment. "Needless to say, I was quite distraught when he... lost his life in the events leading up to my entry. But I suppose there was little that could be done."

"Whale, maybe it was for the best," Feferi suggested. "In any case, he can talk now!"

"That's true." Equius scratched his chin. "With the combination of that and his newfound sprite abilities, I daresay his capacity for butlering has been magnified at least a hundredfold."

Feferi giggled. "Yeah, that's the spirit!"

Equius let out a dry laugh himself. "Still, though," he went on, a serious look on his face, "I care a great deal for him. He has never treated me with anything but kindness, and for that I am truly thankful."

"Aww, that's sweet," Feferi said, smiling at him warmly. She picked her fork up from the table and looked down at it, idly twisting it in her hands. "I kind of feel the same way aboat my lusus, actually."

"Ah yes, the Emissary," Equius replied with a nod. "It must have been quite a duty attending to her."

Feferi's smile became a little lopsided. "I guess. More like a burden, reely. But then, she was just one of many. And she was always kind to me, even if she was one of the heaviest."

Equius looked down at the table for a moment, then frowned. "Oh, um," he began hesitantly, "I do apologize if the dining fixtures here are not to your standards. I'm certain you're accustomed to much better."

"Oh, no, they're fine!" Feferi said, shaking her head a bit. "To be prawnest, I'm not reely used to sitting down to eat atoll!"

"Really?" Equius asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Whale, I usually ended up eating alongside my lusus," she explained. "It was a full time job keeping her fed, and it's not like she could reely fit in my consumptionblock!"

"Oh, I see."

"I know I'm a tyrian-blood and all, but..." Feferi suddenly grinned. "It's not like I grew up in tilapia luxury!"

Equius stared at her for a moment. "Tilapia."

"Yes!" Feferi said excitedly. "I've been saving that pun for sweeps now!"

He laughed quietly. "I see. Well, it was masterfully executed." With something of a smirk, he added, "And should you filly the need to trot out anymore, I canter really clop you."

Feferi responded with a significantly louder laugh. "Whale, I will kelp that in mind!" she assured him. "Anyway, reely, these are better dining arrangements than I'm used to. Just because I'm at the top of the Hemospectrum doesn't mean I'm a spoiled little princess, you know!"

Equius suddenly looked uneasy. "Er, right."

"I mean, I'm not trying to deny I was hatched with certain privileges," Feferi went on, "but it came with a lot of responsibilities I didn't ask for too!" She frowned. "That's the thing about the Hemospectrum. It hurts everyone. Some more than others, certainly, but it's bad for all of us. The lowbloods live in constant fear of culling, and the highbloods have to murder and betray each other just to survive. I wish it'd never existed."

Equius shook a little in his seat, sweating more heavily than usual. Feferi noticed and looked up at him. "Equius? Is something wrong?"

"Um..." He hesitated a long while after that. Nepeta grimaced from her place in the hallway. She almost considered cutting into the conversation, but before she could, Aurthour rounded the corner, carrying a pair of beverages with a forked blue-white beam.

"I am terribly sorry for the delay," he said as he drifted into the room. He set one of the drinks, a tall pink aluminum can, onto the table next to Feferi. "Your TaB, madam."

"Why, thank you, Aurthour!" Feferi said with a nod.

Aurthour set the other drink down next to Equius, a crystalline glass full of milk. It glowed faintly with the same blue-white tint as the sprite carrying it, which was brilliantly refracted through the glass holding it. "And your milk, Master Zahhak."

Equius nodded as well. "Thank you, Aurthour."

"But of course," Aurthour replied with a bow. "Now, have the two of you decided just what you'll be having for dinner?"

"Oh!" Feferi exclaimed, giving herself a light smack on the head. "I tidally forgot aboat that! Whale, what do you have?"

Aurthour smiled. "Anything you like, madam."

"Oh, right." She sighed. "Whale, that's a lot of choices! Give me a second here." She steepled her hands together and hunched her head down in thought.

"As you wish, madam," the sprite said, then turned to Equius. "Have you decided then, Master Zahhak?"

"I believe so, yes," Equius responded. "Prepare the usual: a grub salad, light on the vinaigrette and heavy on the Roquefort."

Aurthour bowed. "At once, Master Zahahk."

Feferi still seemed to be considering her options, so he spoke up. "If you're still having trouble reaching a conclusion, might I be so bold as to order for you?"

She looked up at him curiously. "Oh. Shore, go ahead."

"Aurthour," he began, turning to the waiting sprite, "for the lady, the most premium cut of whalesteak you can create. Medium rare."

"Ooh, yes!" Feferi squealed, clapping her hands together. "That's perfect! i didn't even reelize it was an option!" She turned to Aurthour. "And make it as big as you can! I've worked up quite an appetite!"

"Of course, madam," he answered. After a final bow, he floated off through the wall once more. Feferi cracked her can of TaB open while Equius took a sip of milk.

"What's with that glass?" she asked, staring at the iridescent beverage in his hand.

He finished a long sip, then wiped the milk off his upper lip with his free hand. "It's diamond," he explained. "Um, i would implore you not to mistake it for frivolous ostentation, it's actually something of a necessity."

Feferi raised an eyebrow at him. "A diamond drinking glass is a necessity?"

"Er, yes, given my exceptional strength," Equius answered. "I have some difficulty controlling it. All too often, I've inadvertently crushed lesser vessels in my hands."

"Oh." She paused and took a sip of TaB. "Whale, I'm pretty strong too, and I've never had any problems like that."

He sighed. "No, I suppose not."

An awkward lull in the conversation followed. "Still, though, I guess there's nothing wrong with it," Feferi broke the silence, giving Equius a little sympathetic smile. "So you can't control your strength! Lots of people have things they can't control about themshellves." She caught herself, giggling a little. "I have trouble controlling my fish puns sometimes."

Equius blinked at her. "Seriously?"

" _Sea_ riously!" she answered with a grin. "It's kind of annoying when I'm trying to be searious, but it's not that big a deal."

"Right," Equius replied, looking a little apprehensive. "But I think a tendency to use puns isn't exactly the same as excessive physical strength born of a freakish genetic mutation."

"'Freakish genetic mutation?'" Feferi repeated. "You make it sound like you're ashamed of it!"

Equius flinched. "Er, no, it's nothing like that. I love being _strong_. It's just..." He trailed off into a sigh, looking away.

Feferi looked at him entreatingly. "Equius, you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are. You're a good person, no matter what you might think. And even if there are some things you don't like about yourself, you can change them."

He looked back at her. "How?"

She hesitated for a moment, then shook her head a little. "Whale, you just need a little help! You could talk to Nepeta aboat it! That's what morayeels are for, after all!"

"Oh, right," Equius said, looking away towards the door.

"You're lucky to have her, Equius," Feferi reminded him. "She's a good morayeel, I can tell! And I'm not just saying that because she's within earshot." Nepeta giggled from outside the consumptionblock, and she smiled.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," Equius replied, smiling a little himself. "I have been quite fortunate in the domain of moirallegiance, though it looks as if my luck has been spreading." He looked down at the table. "She is truly my other half, and I think perhaps my better one."

"Don't say that!" Feferi ordered him. "You are just as good as her, I know you are!"

Equius began to blush a little. "Th... that's kind of you to say," he answered quietly, almost a mumble. "Thank you."

Aurthour floated into the room again, carrying two plates of food with him. "Again, I am terribly sorry for the delay," he said as he approached the table.

"Oh!" Feferi jumped a little in her seat at the sound of his voice. "No, not atoll! That was faster than I expected!"

"You flatter me, madam. Regardless, here is your meal." He set her dish down in front of her, a massive whalesteak which easily covered most of the plate. It was cooked to a greyish brown on the outside, with dark sear marks criss-crossing the top.

She looked down at the plate eagerly. "Oh my cod, this looks delicious," she said, then looked up to the sprite. "Thank you, Aurthour!"

"Of course, madam," he answered, then placed the other dish down in front of Equius, a plate of leafy purple salad with bits of tomatoes, cheese, and chunks of grub meat arranged on top of it in orderly rows. "And your salad, Master Zahhak."

"Yes, thank you, Aurthour," Equius said with a nod, reaching for his fork. "It looks heavenly, as always."

"But of course, Master Zahhak," Aurthour replied. "Now, was there anything else either of you might require?"

The two diners looked at each other for a moment. "Um," Feferi said, turning back to the sprite, "no, I think we're good, thanks!"

"Very well. Then I believe I shall leave you two to dine in privacy." He bowed deeply to the two of them. "And I truly do wish you the best of luck this evening, Master Zahhak."

Equius sputtered. "Aurthour, please," he chastised his lusus, a blue blush darkening his face. Feferi covered her mouth, trying to suppress a giggle.

Aurthour simply turned and began to drift away toward one of the walls. "Right, I must depart." He stopped and turned to the two. "And should you want for anything more, simply call and I shall be there." With a final bow, he slipped through the wall, leaving the two in peace.

Equius immediately turned to Feferi. "Feferi, I must apologize for the uncharacteristically tactless behavior of my lusus," he stammered urgently.

Feferi just waved it off. "No, it's fine, I get it!" she assured him. "He wants this date to go well just as much as you do!"

"Yes, but still, it's absolutely unacceptable that he would imply that I was attempting to..." He stumbled over his words for a moment, still blushing furiously. "To 'get lucky.'"

"Equius, don't worry aboat it. Lusi will be lusi." She slipped her thumbs under her whalesteak and began to pick it up. "Anyway, let's eat!"

Equius stared at her as she picked the whalesteak up in both hands and took a bite out of it. "Um..."

She took another bite before she noticed. "What?"

"Well, it's just..." He paused. "Are you really going to eat like that?"

"Um... yes? How else would I eat?"

Equius held up his salad fork. "With a knife and fork, perhaps?" He carefully skewered a few bits of the salad and took a bite.

"Oh, right." Feferi glanced at her own set of cutlery for a moment. "But nah, I would rather eat it like this!"

He blinked at her. "Seriously?"

She looked at him a little apprehensively. "Yes, seariously! This is just how I eat! Why shoald I suddenly start eating any differently?"

"Your hands will get dirty."

"That's what the napkin is for."

Equius groaned. "I just don't underst–"

"Are you telling me you want me to eat it the _proper_  way?" Feferi cut him off, looking a little annoyed.

He hesitated. "Er, no, not at all," he relented. She looked satisfied, taking another bite of her whalesteak. He ate another forkful of salad before he spoke again. "Still, I don't see why you wouldn't eat like a civilized person."

Feferi rolled her eyes. "Equius, how you eat is not what makes you a civilized person."

"Perhaps not entirely, but it's a part of it." He took a sip of milk.

"Is that reely what you think, Equius?" Feferi probed him, lowering her meal for a moment. "Do you reely think that you _have_  to behave a certain way just because you're 'civilized?'"

"Yes," Equius answered frankly. "If one does not act in accordance with the expectations of one of their station, how can they truly be said to deserve it?"

Feferi frowned at him. "So you think you have to act 'civilized' just because you're a highblood?"

Equius froze. He knew he should say no, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Nepeta cursed under her breath outside of the room. She wanted to go in and try to salvage the conversation, but she knew the damage was already done.

"I..." Equius started uneasily, his brow getting visibly damp with sweat. "I believe that my status as a blueblood dictates I should behave a certain way, yes."

Feferi sighed. "Equius, that is ridiculous. Why should your blood color dictate the way you act?"

"Because it _does_  dictate the way I act," he insisted. "Colder-blooded trolls are by their very nature more violent and capricious than their warmer-blooded brethren. Will you deny that?"

"Well... maybe," Feferi admitted, "but that's different! It's biological! What you're talking about is purely societal!"

"As one's position on the Hemospectrum rises, so does their strength and their lifespan," Equius explained. "In return for these gifts, we are obligated to act with honor and propriety to the less fortunate."

"No, that's not what it's about!" Feferi challenged, dropping her steak back onto her plate. "What it really is is highbloods trying to distance themselves from lowbloods, because they think they're better than them! It's just a reminder that the continued existence of the lower classes is entirely hinged on what basically amounts to a gentlemen's agreement!" She was raising her voice now, insistent on trying to change Equius' mind.

Nepeta couldn't continue to watch the situation unfold, so she scrambled into the room. "Guys, please! Don't start arguing about this!"

Equius turned to her. "Nepeta, I can..." He trailed off, looking back to Feferi. "Look, this isn't something I wish to impose on anyone. It's just... the Hemospectrum is something that's important to me personally."

"Why?" Feferi asked him simply.

He hesitated for a moment, looking down at the table, struggling to put his thoughts into words. "Because... it's a part of me. It's part of who I am."

She looked at him blankly. "So it's a part of your identity that you're a blueblood?"

"Yes."

"Well, I don't see you that way!"

Equius snapped his head up to look her in the eyes. "You don't?"

"No!" Feferi insisted. "I don't care what your blood color is! I just see you as a troll, just like any other!"

He gaped at her in shock. "I..." His gaze fell to the table once more.

"Look, maybe the Hemospectrum is important to you," she went on, "but it's important to me too. Because I hate it! I've spent my entire life fighting against it, and I just..." She pushed her chair back and rose from her seat. "I don't think this is going to work."

Nepeta looked at her in shock. "What? Feferi, wait!"

Feferi raised a hand to her. "Nepeta, please! I know you want us to get together, but... a matesprit is supposed to be someone you can love unconditionally. And..." She looked at Equius sadly. "Equius, I really do like you, maybe even enough to be your matesprit, but this is something I can't just ignore. It's too much."

Equius looked up at her desperately. "So you want me to give up the Hemospectrum?"

She looked like she was about to say yes, but she just sighed. "No, I can't ask you to do that. I don't have that right. I want you to change, but I can't be the one to change you." She looked down at the ground. "I think I should go."

"Feferi!" Nepeta cried as she walked toward the exit, but the heiress ignored her. Equius just remained in his seat, staring down at the table.

Before she made it to the exit, Antoine quickly flew in front of her, blocking the doorway. He flailed his tentacles wildly, eyes flashing red and lidded sadly. "Antoine... I'm sorry, but I have to leave. I think you'll have to stay with Equius for now."

"Wait," Equius said, suddenly rising from his seat. "Even if you must go, the robot is a gift. You are under no obligation to return it."

Feferi turned to look at him. "You say that, but... I can't keep it in good conscience. I'm sorry." Antoine drooped in the air and slowly drifted out of the way. Feferi lingered for a moment, looking at Equius pitifully, and then walked out the door.

Equius just stood in silence, staring at the door. Antoine floated over to him and nudged him on the arm, but he paid the robot no mind. Nepeta turned and looked at Equius for a moment, still looking shocked, then ran out of the room after Feferi.

"Feferi, wait!" she cried as she caught up to the seadweller.

Feferi stopped in place, balling her hands into fists. "Nepeta, please don't try to change my mind," she said, not turning to look at her. "It's already made up."

"I'm not!" Nepeta replied. "I just..." Feferi turned around to face her, fuschia tears visibly welling up in her goggles. "Look, this is my fault, okay? Please don't blame Equius for this."

"I'm not blaming anyone, Nepeta," Feferi told her. "But... as long as he believes in the Hemospectrum, I can't be his matesprit. If it were anything else, maybe, but..."

Nepeta looked at her pleadingly. "Is that all it is? Just the thing with the Hemospectrum? If it weren't for that one little thing, would you be willing to be his matesprit?"

Feferi looked her in the eyes. "Yes."

"Then just give me some time," Nepeta asked her. "I know I can fix this, I just need time."

"I believe you, Nepeta," Feferi told her. "And once you have fixed it, I'll be waiting. But now I have to leave."

"Okay," Nepeta said with a nod, "but you had better believe I will see you again soon!"

Feferi nodded and departed without another word. Nepeta stood and watched her walk away with a sigh. She lingered for a moment longer, until she heard a guttural growl and loud crash coming from the consumption block. She ran back into the room to see that Equius had split the table in half with a single blow. With a growl, he flung one of the halves into the air, sending salad and silverware flying over the room. Antoine buzzed around him desperately, swerving around to dodge a punch from the raging blueblood.

"Equius!" Nepeta screamed as she ran toward him. "Equius, calm down!" He hesitated for a moment at the sound of her voice, and she took the opening to grab him and pap a hand against his face. She gently shooshed him, and he simply stood in place, trembling and breathing heavily. Once he'd completely calmed down, Nepeta took a step back and looked him in the eyes, visibly disappointed. "Equius..."

Equius looked to the ground, afraid to even make eye contact with his moirail. "Nepeta..." he began, voice shaking. "I'm sorry."

"Equius, why?" Nepeta asked him. "Why would you just let her walk away like that? Why couldn't you just tell her you'd give up the Hemospectrum?"

"Because I can't give up the Hemospectrum, Nepeta," he answered desperately. "I was a fool to think this would ever work. The heiress would never take an imbecile like myself for a matesprit."

Nepeta stared at him disbelievingly. "What? No! Equius, the only reason she doesn't want to be your matesprit is because of your fixation on the Hemospectrum! If it weren't for that, there wouldn't be an issue at all!"

Equius sighed. "That's exactly the problem."

"Why is it even a problem?!" Nepeta asked him angrily, banging a fist against his chest ineffectually. "Why is the Hemospectrum so fucking important that–"

"Nepeta, watch your la–"

" _Don't interrupt me_!" she screamed at him, and he took a step back, visibly frightened. She stared at him for a moment, breathing heavily. "Equius... I think it's about time we had that discussion."

He shuddered. "Nepeta, I don't want to talk about this."

"I don't care!" she replied. "I'm done listening to your stupid excuses, Equius! You have a problem, and neither of us can deny that anymore!"

"I... I know," he admitted, bowing his head in shame. "But... it's hard, Nepeta. I don't know what I can do."

Nepeta sighed and looked at him sympathetically. "I know it's hard, Equius. And I know you don't want to change, but you have to. I mean..." She turned her head away, staring wistfully at nothing in particular. "A long time ago, before we were ever moirails, I hated the Hemospectrum. I didn't want to follow it because I didn't think people's blood color should matter. But we were on Alternia, and that's the way things were back then. And if I didn't follow along with it, I could've picked a fight with a highblood or something and gotten culled. Somebody had to teach me to deal with it, to stop me from getting hurt. And that somebody was you."

She looked back at him. "But that's not the way things are anymore, Equius. Now the Hemospectrum is gone, and we don't have to follow it anymore. And now you're the one who's being hurt by what you believe in, and I'm the one who has to teach you to deal with it. Because this _is_  hurting you, Equius."

"But..." Equius avoided her gaze a moment longer before he looked up. "But why do I have to change?" he asked defensively. "I've tried to be accommodating. I've tried not to let my beliefs extend beyond affecting myself. Why is it so... goshdarned imperative that I abandon them entirely?"

"Because the Hemospectrum is wrong, Equius!" Nepeta told him. "It's a symbol of injustice, and it's one Feferi's been fighting against her entire life! What do you think it says when you tell her you believe in it? That you only care about her because of her blood? That you'd hate her because she's a seadweller, but it makes her one of the good ones?"

"No, that's ludicrous," Equius answered immediately.

"Well, that's what it tells her!" Nepeta said, throwing her hands up in the air. "She can't just ignore that, Equius. And even she could, she shouldn't have to! She was right, matespritship _is_  supposed to be unconditional, and this is too big not to be a condition!"

Equius looked away from her, breathing heavily. "But I can't just give it up, Nepeta."

Nepeta glared at him. "Why not?"

"It's as I said before," he explained, perspiration streaking down the sides of his face. "It's a piece of who I am. It's an integral part of me that I'm a blueblood."

"I don't believe that!" Nepeta shouted.

He looked at her again. "You don't?"

"No! I've never thought that you were the person you were because of the color of your blood! Not for an instant!"

"Nepeta..." Equius muttered, growing visibly uncomfortable.

"And nobody else does either!" she went on, eyes full of fire and voice full of conviction. "Not a one of them! Not even Eridan! You're the only one who thinks of yourself that way!"

He looked away from her. "Nepeta, please."

"As far as anyone else is concerned, you're not a blueblood!"

"Then _what am I?!_ " Equius roared at her, and she stumbled backwards, shocked at the sheer volume of his voice. "A sycophantic, sexually depraved imbecile with a perspiration problem who can't even drink a glass of fucking _milk_  without hurting himself!" He stood staring at her for a moment, trembling, then tore his gaze away. "My rank isn't a part of who I am, it's _all_  I am. Without it, I'm nothing."

Nepeta just looked at him, overwhelmed by what she was hearing. "Equius, I... I didn't..." She stopped to gather her thoughts, trying to be more careful with her words. "How long have you felt this way?"

"A very long time," he answered, voice shaking, still unable to look at her. "For as long as I can remember, I've felt this void in my life. I thought perhaps the Hemospectrum could fill it, but..." He sighed. "I see now even that was futile. My rank is meaningless. A hollow title cast upon an empty shell."

Nepeta slowly took a step toward him. "Equius..."

He let out a dry, pained laugh. "It was foolish to think that anyone might ever find some redeeming quality in me, much less someone like the heiress."

"Equius, you're wrong," Nepeta told him, cautiously placing a hand on his arm. "You do have redeeming qualities, I know you do! And Feferi knows it too!"

"Like what?" he asked her, still looking away.

"Like the fact that you're kind and compassionate," she answered, "and polite, and all sorts of things!"

Equius huffed. "Aristocratic posturing. I'm none of those things."

"Yes you are!" Nepeta told him, trying to shake him by the arm.

He looked her in the eyes. "Nepeta... the heiress is a great woman, and her matesprit should be someone worthy of her. Not an ignoble fool like me."

She sighed. "You really love her, don't you?"

"Yes," he said, looking away again. "But what does it matter? She would never deign to offer her hand to someone like me. She has seen me for what I am: a fraud, a simpleton, utterly unworthy of her."

"Look, why do you love her?" Nepeta asked him, trying to cut to the heart of the matter.

"Because she is everything I'm not," Equius answered. "She was born into a rank of the highest possible esteem, but she has more than earned her place there. Where any other highblood might succumb to the temptations of despotic cruelty, she resisted them. She has only ever acted with temperance and compassion, even in spite of the difficulties her status impressed upon her." He looked down at the ground. "She would even turn the social order on its end just for the sake of helping those in need. Of all the nobles I have ever known, she is the only one who truly deserved the label... including myself."

"So you love her because she's noble?" Nepeta asked.

Equius hesitated. "Well... yes, but–"

Nepeta interrupted him. "But not because of her blood, or because of any of her imperious mannerisms, right?"

"Right."

"It's because of the way she treats other people," Nepeta concluded, and looking him in the eyes, she knew he agreed. "Because that's what nobility is really about, Equius. it's not about the language you use or the hobbies you practice, or the kind of art you put up in your hive. It's about treating others with fairness and kindness." She took a deep breath and sighed. "And that's why I know you're good enough for her. You're every bit as noble as she is, and maybe even more!"

He looked at her for a moment, blinking in surprise, then turned away. "You can't possibly mean that."

"I do mean it!" she insisted, grabbing him by both arms and trying to shake the truth into him. "Equius, I've known you for sweeps, and you've always been one of the kindest trolls I've known. I mean, sure, you're kind of grumpy, and you might have some anger issues, but you've never taken them out on anyone else. I mean, have you ever even culled anyone?"

"Well... no," he admitted.

"And you're a highblood, so that means a lot!" Nepeta told him. "And even though you're always talking about the Hemospectrum, you've never used it as an excuse to boss anyone around."

Equius looked away, a bit embarrassed. "That doesn't mean anything. All it means is that I don't particularly enjoy being in command of others."

Nepeta smirked at him. "Really? Because I think any lesser troll might..." She stopped and scratched her chin. "Now, how did it go again? Oh, right, 'succumb to the temptations of despotic cruelty.'"

He grinned for a split second, just long enough for Nepeta to notice, then sighed. "But it's something I should at least have _some_  desire to do, isn't it? As a highblood, I should be driven on some level to control others, and yet... I simply don't."

"Equius, it's fine," Nepeta assured him. "There's nothing wrong with you. Some people just enjoy following more than they do leading."

"'Enjoy' it," he repeated disdainfully. "Perhaps they do, but surely not... um... to the same extent." He placed an open palm over his face, attempting to conceal a growing blush.

Nepeta frowned at him. "Is that what this is about? Your... um..." She struggled to find a polite way of saying it. "Your... thing where you like it when people order you around?"

Equius groaned loudly. "It's utterly shameful, Nepeta," he said. "A decent person shouldn't take pleasure from things like that."

"That's not true!" Nepeta told him. "It doesn't have anything to do with what kind of person you are! I mean, it's... y'know, a fetish. It's not like you chose to have it or anything, it's just something that kind of happened to you."

Equius pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, but..."

He didn't say anything further, so Nepeta continued. "It's not like you're the only one who has one, you know. Everybody has them." She rubbed her fingers together, looking away bashfully. "I mean, if it helps, personally I'm... well, I'm kind of a scratcher."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Pardon?"

"Well, I mean..." An olive blush began to light up her cheeks. "I don't know, it's just... something about blood. Not the color of it, but... the sensation, the feeling of it between my fingers, the... taste..." She shook her head and looked back at Equius, blushing even more. "Look, I know it's weird, but I figure as long as I'm not hurting anybody, it's fine! Well, I mean, not _seriously_  hurting anybody, I mean obviously I kind of have to... oh, nevermind!"

"Oh," Equius said, looking at her a little shocked. "Well... I had no idea."

Nepeta looked away again. "Well, I never talked to you about it, because I figured you'd think it was 'unacceptably lewd' or 'barbaric' or something, but... maybe I should have."

"Hm."

"But, I mean, other people have them too," Nepeta went on, looking back at him, "and yours probably isn't even the weirdest! I mean..." She leaned in toward Equius, briefly looking around the room, then went on in a hushed voice, "Did you know Eridan likes dressing up like a girl?"

Equius made a noise like the start of a laugh. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously!" she answered, a mischievous grin on her face. "Like, everything from frilly ballgowns to tubetops and miniskirts!"

"I... wow," Equius said, doing his best to suppress his laughter. "I had no idea his interests were, um... inclined that way."

Nepeta giggled. "I know! He's such a dork! I'm pretty sure Terezi does it too. Those two are so weird!" She stopped to compose herself. "But then, everyone's a little bit weird. Even Feferi probably has some kinks of her own!"

He blinked. "Really?"

"Sure!" she answered. "You know, she might even be into the same kind of thing you are! She _is_  pretty bossy, you know."

Equius made a choking sound. "Nepeta..."

"And she seems pretty open-minded, so she's probably–"

"Nepeta, please," Equius cut her off.

She shrugged. "What? I'm just saying!"

"That's not the point," he said, then looked away with a sigh. "Her... proclivities can hardly be said to matter at this point, given how thoroughly I've sabotaged any romantic prospects I may have had with her."

"Equius..." She looked at him piteously. "Okay, you did mess up tonight. But you still have a chance with her!"

"Really?" Equius asked disbelievingly. "Even after I made a complete fool of myself and threw my unwavering support behind the social system that goes against absolutely everything she stands for? How can you possibly think that?"

"Because she likes you! I can tell she does!" Nepeta answered. "And if it weren't for this one little thing with the Hemospectrum, there'd be nothing standing between you being matesprits right now!"

His gaze fell to the ground, and he let out a disgusted sigh. "That 'one little thing' is all that I am, Nepeta. If she loves all of me but that, then she is infatuated with an illusion."

"I already told you, that's not true!" Nepeta said, looking him in the eyes fiercely. "You're so much more than the color of your blood, Equius! You're a person, and a really good, noble person at that!"

"I want to believe you, Nepeta," Equius replied, "but... I'm not noble. Regardless of the color of my blood, I've never lived up to that label."

"Oh yeah?" she asked in a challenging tone. "Then how come you built Vriska a new arm back when hers got blown off? How come you built Aradia a robot body so she could interact with the physical world again? How come you saved Kanaya's life by bringing her into the game when she was about to be flattened by a meteor the size of a moon? How come you built Captain Antoine here to give to Feferi?" At the mention of his name, Antoine floated over to Nepeta's side and gave a firm nod. "And how come you never asked for anything in return for any of that, even though you had every right to?"

Equius looked her in the eyes for a moment, then turned away. "Well..."

"Nobility is about how you treat other people, Equius," Nepeta reiterated. "And no matter how much you try to hide it under that 'aloof blueblood' veneer of yours, I know you're a noble person, because you've only ever treated people with generosity and compassion. That's how I know you're a good person, and that's how I know Feferi loves you."

He looked at her, stunned. "She... loves me?"

Nepeta nodded. "The only thing keeping you apart is the Hemospectrum. As long as you believe in it, she'll want to try to change your mind. But she can't do that, because it's not her responsibility." She bowed her head, closing her eyes solemnly. "It's mine. And it's one I've been putting off for too long."

"Nepeta..."

She looked up at him pleadingly. "Equius, I know you can do this. You're so close to getting it! I know you don't believe in the social order, and I know you don't use it to take advantage of anyone else, but... you have to let go of it completely." She gently tugged at one of his hands, and he let it slack. She pulled it up and clasped it in both of her own, then looked up at him again. "Can you do that? If not for me or Feferi, then just for yourself?"

Equius stared down at his hand wrapped in both of her own, breathing shakily. "I... I want to, Nepeta," he started uneasily. "But... even if you are right about me... even if there is more to me than my blood... it still defines me to an extent, doesn't it?"

Nepeta's shoulders slumped a little. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, highbloods and lowbloods _are_  different," he went on. "We are stronger, and longer lived... and far more violent. Can we ever truly be said to be equal?"

She briefly gave him a disappointed look, then looked down at her hands again. Suddenly she had a thought. "Well, maybe we are different," she began, then looked up at him. "But what does the Hemospectrum do to help us?"

"It stratifies us," Equius answered. "It keeps the lowbloods and highbloods apart, perhaps more for the former's sake than the latter's."

"Well, maybe that works," she mused, idly tapping her fingers against the back of Equius' hand. "But I think there's something else that would work better."

He blinked. "Like what?"

She continued looking down, smiling to herself. "Equius, you're a blueblood. And you have violent urges just like any other highblood, don't you?"

"Well, yes," Equius answered, not sure where she was going with this.

"But you've handled them pretty well, I think," Nepeta stated. "You never take them out on other people. Before you entered the Medium, you'd never even raised a hand against another living being, had you?"

He shook his head a little. "No, never."

"That's a lot better than could be said for other bluebloods. Even some lower than you on the Hemospectrum." She looked up at him. "Why do you think that is?"

"Um..." He hesitated for a moment. "Well..."

"Do you think it's because you never use swear words, or because you put pictures of musclebeasts up on your walls?" she asked rhetorically. "Or because you type a little bow and arrow in front of all your messages on Trollian?"

"No, of course not," he replied, sneering a little, "that's ludicrous."

She kept looking at him, still smirking. "Then why?"

"Because I have you, of course."

"Exactly!" Nepeta exclaimed, yanking on his hand a little. "Because you have a moirail! Somebody you can confide in, who you can trust and rely on! Somebody who always wants what's best for you, and who'll help you no matter what, even if you don't want to be helped!"

He stared at her for a moment. "Yes... that's right."

She smiled. "That's why we need to forget about the Hemospectrum, Equius. Because it divides us, when what we really need is to be brought together, to unite."

Equius became silent for a long time, staring at Nepeta first, then looking down at her hands clasped around his. "Nepeta," he finally spoke, his voice low, but steady, "I think you're right. I think what we do need is to band together, and I think the Hemospectrum stands firmly in the way of that."

She looked at him eagerly. "So you're giving it up?"

His eyes widened behind his cracked sunglasses, as if he couldn't believe what he was about to say himself. "Yes. I don't need the Hemospectrum. I never did. But now, more than anything, I need to be rid of it. So..." He looked Nepeta in the eyes. "I'm casting it off. My blood defines me no longer."

" _Yes_!" Nepeta shouted, and she released Equius' hand just to quickly grasp his torso in a fierce hug. "I knew you could do it, Equius! I'm so proud of you!"

He looked down at her. "I... thank you."

"No, thank _you_!" she said, pressing the side of her head tightly into his chest. "I've always wanted you to give up the Hemospectrum, and now that you have, I..." She was beginning to tear up, she realized, and she sniffled loudly. "I just wish I could've convinced you sooner."

"Yes," Equius affirmed. "Before the date would have been preferable."

Nepeta sighed. "I'm sorry, Equius."

"Nepeta, you have nothing to be sorry for," he assured her.

"But I do, though!" she insisted, pulling herself away. "I should've known... no, I _did_  know this was a problem, and I should've done something about it! Before it came to this. I've just been so caught up in my own personal problems, and I let it slide because I was trying to rush things." She looked down and sighed. "I feel like I've been a bad moirail."

"Don't say that," Equius said, looking her in the eyes intensely. "You are an excellent moirail, the best I've ever known. Without you, I never would have made it this far."

Nepeta crossed her arms, still looking at the ground. "Thanks, Equius."

"And anyway," he added, "even if you couldn't provide your full support, that which you did was adequate. I am _strong_  enough to handle the rest."

"I know," she said, still sounding disappointed, then looked up at him. "But you shouldn't have to be strong all the time, you know? You should be allowed to be weak every now and then."

Equius blinked. "But... I love being _strong_."

Nepeta shook her head. "I know you do, Equius," she replied, "but I want to be able to support you the same way you've always supported me. I want to be strong too."

"You are strong, Nepeta," he told her. "Stronger than you know." Equius reached his arms around her, and she gasped, afraid he might hurt her. But his movements were completely controlled, and he pulled her into a comfortable embrace. After a moment, she wrapped her own arms around his shoulders, nuzzling into his chest again.

"I love you, Nepeta," he said to her softly.

She smiled. "I love you too, Equius."

After a moment longer, they both pulled away from each other the slightest bit, just enough to look each other in the eyes. Equius stared into Nepeta's eyes, and she stared back into his sunglasses. They stood like that for a moment, silent, until Nepeta broke the stillness.

"So, um," she said, a little awkwardly for reasons she couldn't name, "what now?"

"Er..." Equius shook his head suddenly, then pulled his arms out from behind her. They each took a step back. "Right, um..."

"Right," Nepeta repeated, not sure what they were agreeing to.

Equius looked down at himself, brushing himself off and straightening his suit. "Well, I suspect at this point, there's only one thing that's left to really do."

Nepeta took a moment to straighten herself out as well. She looked at Equius. "And what's that?"

Before he answered her, he turned to the robotic cuttlefish that had been eavesdropping on the two of them the entire time. "Captain Mack, come with me," he ordered Antoine, and the robot quickly buzzed over to his side. Equius turned to the exit of the room.

"We're going to get Feferi back."

Antoine trilled happily, and Nepeta nodded in approval. Equius marched out of the room, and the two of them followed.

***

"Feferi! Are you here?"

Nepeta looked up the towering cerulean spire that was Feferi's hive, standing on one of the structure's many battlements. She hoped she might hear something in response, but nothing followed but silence.

"Maybe she's not here," Equius said as he followed close behind. "Maybe she went to be with her moirail on LOBAF."

Nepeta shook her head. "No, I'm pretty sure Aradia and Terezi are there." She pulled out her tablet, opening up Trollian. "I don't know where Sollux is. It says he's idle for some reason. And Feferi isn't online at all." With a sigh, she put it away again. "But she has to be on LODAG!"

Equius turned and looked out to glowing skies of the Land of Dew and Glass. "It's quite a large planet, Nepeta. She could be anywhere."

"Yeah," she admitted, briefly surverying the horizon as well. "But I think she's in her hive. I just know it somehow."

"Hm," Equius said with a frown.

From high above, Captain Antoine Mack descended, and the two trolls turned to look at him. "Oh, Antoine," Equius addressed him, "you're back. Did you find any sign of the heiress?" Antoine shook his head, eyes glowing a dim red. Equius sighed. "Confound it. I should've known it wouldn't be that easy." He turned to his moirail. "Nepeta, are you absolutely certain she's here?"

Nepeta nodded. "She's here, I can feel it. But if she's not anywhere above..." She turned and leaned over the parapet. "She must be down below!"

"Below? As in..." Equius looked over as well, peering into the depths of the giant fishbowl the island was situated in. "Underwater? That presents something of a problem, I think."

"Yeah..." Nepeta said, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Hrm," Equius grunted. After a moment's thought, he placed his hands on the parapet and suddenly leapt over it.

Nepeta reeled back in shock. "Equius!" Looking over the edge of the battlement again, she saw that he'd cleared the side of the fishbowl and safely landed on the grass surrounding it. After taking a moment to dust himself off, he turned and signaled her to follow. "Oh, okay!" she called down, waving at him, then took a moment to plan her approach. Taking a few steps back, she ran forward and vaulted over the parapet, turning in the air to grab the edge of the fishbowl with both arms. She took a moment to catch her breath, then let go. She withdrew her claws from her strife specibus and dug them into the fishbowl to slow her fall, making a horrible scraping noise as she descended. Once she was a safe height, she withdrew them, rolling as she landed on the soft grass below.

"What are you doing down here?" Nepeta asked as she rose from the ground, brushing the grass off her clothes. Antoine quickly floated down to join the two of them.

Equius looked into the fishbowl. "I think I see her," he said. "There's a light on in one of the rooms." Nepeta looked, and sure enough, there was a visible glow in one of the windows.

He walked up to the wall of the fishbowl, cupping his hands against it. "Heiress!" he yelled into it. "Miss Peixes!" He waited for a moment, but he saw no movement, and growled quietly to himself.

" _Feferi_!"

The shout was so loud, Nepeta reflexively took a step back. The fishbowl rattled a little, and the two moirails heard a quiet sound like the cracking of glass. They both looked at the source of the sound, the long set of scratches Nepeta had scored into the side of the fishbowl.

"Oh god," they said in unison.

Before they could react, there was a loud cracking of glass, and the fishbowl split in half right along the scratch. Nepeta screamed as a torrent of water swept over them, with her and Antoine being dragged along with it and Equius firmly standing his ground. Thankfully, there was only so much water, and the two were only pulled about twenty feet away.

Equius turned and approached them. "Nepeta, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay!" she huffed as she picked herself up off the ground, sopping wet and covered in blades of grass. She flung her arms out to flick the moisture off of them. "I'm all wet! I _hate_  getting wet!"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..." He walked up to her, quickly looking her over. "Are you injured?"

Nepeta groaned. "No, aside from the fact that I'm _soaking wet_ , I'm fine!"

He pursed his lips for a moment. "Do you require a–"

"Towel?" a voice came from behind them. Equius turned around to see Feferi standing there, holding out a beach towel, this one lime green and turquoise. He stopped and stared for a moment, and while he did, Nepeta angrily marched up and snatched the towel out of her hands and walked away from the two of them, scrubbing at her head furiously.

Feferi looked at him. "Hi."

Equius gulped. "Um, I'm sorry about your hive, I didn't–"

"It's fine," she interrupted him with a wave. Seeing his master, Antione approached the both of them, but Equius halted him before he approached the heiress herself. A moment of silence (save for Nepeta quietly muttering to herself) followed.

"Look, Feferi, I..." Equius began, looking her in the eyes for a moment, then looking down and sighing. "I want to apologize to you."

She smiled at him a little sadly. "Equius, you don't have to apologize."

"No, I do," he insisted. "My behavior during the date was absolutely unacceptable. I should have been more accepting of your views."

"No, Equius, I'm not mad," Feferi assured him, shaking her head a little. "I mean, you've believed in the Hemospectrum your entire life. I shouldn't expect you to just give it up for my sake."

Equius laughed quietly to himself. "Perhaps not."

Feferi frowned. "But I just feel really strongly about it, and I guess I can't help but argue." She looked down at the ground. "That's why I don't think our matespritship would work, Equius. As long as we both believe what we do, we'll do nothing but butt heads over it."

"Right," Equius said. "But... is that the only reason?"

"Well, yeah," she said, looking back up at him. "I mean, you're a really great guy, Equius, and if it weren't for that one thing, I'd be happy to be your matesprit. But... it's too much."

He bowed his head. "I see. Then there's something I have to tell you."

Feferi gave him a curious look. "What's that?"

Equius paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I don't believe in the Hemospectrum. I'm not certain I ever have. The social order has never sat well with me. I was always taught that highbloods were superior to lowbloods, but I'd known inferiors who were nothing but admirable, and superiors who were complete and utter gutter trash. I could never fully reconcile inconsistencies in it, but I accepted it anyway. Because..."

He sighed deeply. "Because I needed it. Because I felt as though without it, I was nothing. Ever since I was hatched, I've felt... deficient somehow, worthless and hollow. I thought my status as a blueblood was the only redeeming quality I had, that it was the only thing keeping me from oblivion."

"That's not true!" Feferi interrupted him. "You _are_  a good person, and your being a blueblood has nothing to do with it! In fact, the reason you're such a good person is because you're _not_  like most highbloods. You're kind and compassionate, and you care about other people no matter what their blood color is."

"I... I know," he said with an uneasy smile. "But for the longest time, I could never see that. When I looked at myself, I saw... nothing. A vast emptiness where my heart should be." He reached up and slowly took his sunglasses off, storing them away. "But recently I've begun to question that vision. And the reason is because..." He looked up at her. "Well, it's because of you."

Feferi blinked, surprised that she was really looking him in the eyes for the first time. "Because of me?"

"Yes," Equius answered, slowly walking toward her. "For the longest time, I had convinced myself that the color of our blood determines who we are as people. That those with colder blood were naturally more violent and aggressive. And I expected that one at the very top of the Hemospectrum would be the most bloothirsty and tyrannical of all. But... you are none of those things." He stopped in front of her, reaching out to grab one of her hands, and he gently held it in both of his own. "For all the things that you have said of me, that I'm kind and compassionate and equitable, you embody those a hundredfold. You symbolize what nobility should be, and what it all too often is not. Forgive me if this sounds strange, but... to me, you are perfection incarnate."

"Um, wow," Feferi said, covering her mouth with her hand and blushing brightly. "Thank you, Equius."

He looked down. "And it was that which gave me hope. If you could rise above the destiny with which your blood burdened you, I thought that I might be able to as well. But... for all my strength, I was too weak. It wasn't something I could overcome on my own. It was only with the help of my moirail that I could finally cast it off." He turned and nodded to Nepeta, who had long since finished toweling herself off.

"Oh, I see." Feferi briefly glanced over at Nepeta, who just smiled back at her in a silent _I told you so_.

"Because I think that's what we truly need," Equius went on. "Even if our blood does make us different, the Hemospectrum does nothing to ameliorate the problem. If anything, it only drives us apart even further. What we really need is to come together in the spirit of conciliation, to attempt to understand one another... and to help each other."

Feferi just stared at him, completely awed. "I... yes. I mean, I agree completely."

"Of course you do. It's what you've been saying the entire time," he reminded her. "And I have been a fool not to see the wisdom in it until now."

"Maybe," Feferi said, looking down at Equius' hands and still blushing. "But I'm glad you did."

He smiled. "As am I. Because there is something I wish to ask of you."

Feferi smiled back at him. "Of course, Equius. What is it?"

"Well..." Equius took a deep breath, then slowly kneeled before her, still holding her hand up above him. "Feferi Peixes, I come before you today because... I wish to pledge my eternal devotion to you. I wish to serve you, to submit myself to you completely and utterly. Not as your inferior, but... as your matesprit."

She gasped, then broke into a wide smile. "Yes! Absolutely, I accept!"

He grinned, gaze still cast to the ground. "Thank you. You have truly made me a happy man. And if there is anything I might do to repay you in kind, I will _happily_  oblige," he said, putting particular emphasis on last phrase.

Feferi noticed, and she smirked deviously. "Anything?"

""Anything," he restated. "It would be my most sincere pleasure to serve you."

"Whale," she started, effortlessly slipping back into her habit for making fish puns, "I can think of two orders right off the top of my head."

"I await them eagerly," Equius assured her.

"First, stand up."

He did so immediately. "And your second?" he asked, looking her in the eyes.

She smiled. "Kiss me."

Equius didn't respond to the second order quite as promptly as he did the first one, but he still followed through. He drew closer to Feferi, releasing her hand to bring an arm around her waist, and as he did, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him in. He kissed her, chastely at first, but then she dared to probe her tongue into his mouth. He was shocked, but permitted it regardless. and he soon returned the favor.

"Yeah!" Nepeta shouted as the two of them made out, clapping a little to herself. She was experiencing a most unusual feeling right now. She was proud of her moirail, of course, and there was the increasingly familiar happiness that came with one of her ships setting sail, but she felt something else as well. A fluttering in her chest, something like she felt when she thought of Karkat, but different somehow. She didn't have time to dwell on it, though, as the newly anointed matesprits were just finishing their kiss.

Equius looked to Feferi expectantly. "Was that acceptable?"

"It was perfect," Feferi assured him.

"'Perchfect,'" he corrected her.

She giggled. "Oh right, perchfect. My mistake. Ooh! No wait, 'missed hake.'"

Equius smiled. "Excellent as always."

"I try," she said, returning his smile.

Nepeta approached the two of them "This is great! I'm so happy fur you guys!"

"But of course," Equius said, nodding to her. "But it would never have been possible without your help, Nepeta."

"Well..." She was about to deny it, but it really was true. Still, that didn't mean she couldn't be humble about it. "Yeah, I guess so, but I wish the whole thing hadn't gone the way it did. I should've talked to you about the whole Hemeowspectrum thing sooner."

"Whale, maybe you shoald've," Feferi told her, "but you came through in the end, and that's what reely matters!"

"Yes, it's quite alright, Nepeta," Equius assured her. "The particulars are unimportant. You've helped me to find happiness, and for that I am truly grateful."

Nepeta rubbed the back of her neck, closing her eyes and grinning bashfully. "Well, yeah, no purroblem!" she said. "So anyway, what are you two gonna do now?"

Equius scratched his chin. "Hmm, I'm not absolutely certain. I might see about furnishing a suitable replacement for that fishbowl." He looked over Feferi's shoulder to the two giant hemispheres of glass lying around her hive.

"Equius, we don't have time for that!" Feferi admonished him, slapping him lightly on the chest. "We still have a date to finish!"

"Oh," Equius said, a little startled. "Well, I'd simply assumed that the date had been cancelled."

She smiled. "No, it was just postponed until you got over the Hemospectrum. Now that you have, it's back on!"

He bowed to her slightly. "Very well, then."

Suddenly, Antoine flew up next to the two of them, trilling happily. Feferi jumped at his approach. "Oh, Antoine!" She wrapped the robot up in her arms and patted him gently on the mantle. "Oh, you poor dear, you've probably suffered through this the worst of all of us." She turned to Equius, looking at him with mock desperation. "Sea, we just _have_  to show him a good time, in order to mako up for all this!"

Equius laughed. "Yes, I suppose you're right," he admitted. "We owe the Captain that much."

"That's right!" Feferi said, and released her robotic companion, who floated up to hover over her shoulder. "So now we are going back to LOCAS, and we are starting this date over!"

"As you wish," Equius said with a bow.

"Mostly because I'm still hungry," Feferi admitted. She sighed. "Oh glub, I guess my whalesteak has probubbly gotten cold by now, hasn't it?"

"Um..." Equius looked away bashfully. "I believe the more pressing issue might be that the table it was resting on has been destroyed."

Feferi blinked. "Oh. Whale, that's fine! I have thrown a table or two in my time, bereef me."

Equius didn't understand, but Nepeta giggled. He turned to look at her. "Nepeta, do you still wish to observe us?"

"No, there's no need fur that!" Nepeta assured him with a wave. "I'm sure you two will be purrfectly fine on your own! Anyway, I don't want to get in the way if you two decide you want to be... intimate."

Equius sputtered. "Nepeta, please," he chided her, blushing a little.

Feferi just laughed. "Whale, that is fine. But you know, Nepeta, you are whelkome to join us regardless." She waggled her eyebrows at the oliveblood suggestively.

"Ugh, no!" Nepeta scoffed, taking a step back from the two. "God, you are so weird. Anyway, I have to go talk to Kanaya!"

"Oh, right," Feferi said, rolling her eyes. "Whale, when you do, tell her I made out with Vriska."

Nepeta glared at her. "I'm not telling her that! Fefurry, if you want to flirt with Kanaya so badly, do it yourself!"

She laughed. "Ocray, fine."

"Anyway, her planet is only one gate away from LOCAS," Nepeta pondered, "so I guess I'll be going the same direction as you guys."

"Alright!" Feferi said, turning back toward her hive. "It will be easiest if we just climb up through my hive, so let's go!" Antoine chirruped eagerly, and the four of them set off.

"Um, just out of curiosity," Equius asked, "would it be alright if I borrowed one of your tables?"

Feferi smiled. "Yes, that's fine."


	28. Fell Swoop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate chapter title: The Gayest Chapter Ever

Chapter 28

Fell Swoop

PAST apocalypseArisen [PAA] 7 MINUTES AGO opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.  
PAA: ok guys im moving the game chat over here  
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAG: Um........  
PAG: Why, exactly?  
PAA: because theres going to be a shipping update soon  
PAA: and i figure everybody is going to want to post there anyway  
PAA: so screw it  
PAG: Oh, a shipping upd8? Seriously????????  
PAG: Did Kanaya finally get herself a moirail? She said she was gonna talk to Nepeta a8out something soon.  
PAA: no it didnt involve kanaya  
PAA: well ok it kind of did but just a little  
PAG: >::::?  
PAA: whatever its not important!  
PAA: the point is were moving it over here  
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAT: wELL, oKAY, bUT,  
PAT: dON'T YOU TH1NK TH1S 1S K1ND OF RUDE,  
PAT: pOST1NG HERE BEFORE SHE DOES,  
PAA: does it really matter?  
PAA: i just remembered it right now  
PAA: and i didnt feel like messing with the time settings on trollian  
PAA: but i know shes going to post in it 6 minutes and 13.8651 seconds  
PAT: yEAH, bUT ST1LL,  
PAT: sHE USUALLY L1KES TO POST A L1TTLE ROLEPLAY1NG 1NTRO ON THESE,  
PAT: aND SHE USUALLY L1KES 1T TO BE THE F1RST TH1NG ON THERE,  
PAT: sO 1 JUST TH1NK, 1T'S A L1TTLE 1NCONS1DERATE OF HER FEEL1NGS,  
PAA: and since when do you care about being considerate of other peoples feelings?  
PAT: uH, s1NCE ALWAYS??  
PAT: dON'T EVEN TRY TO PLAY THAT CARD ON ME,  
PAA: no im pretty sure youre just using this as an excuse to argue with me  
PAG: He has a point, Aradia, it is kind of totally inconsider8 of you.  
PAG: Nepeta is going to 8e completely crushed, and it's aaaaaaaall your fault.  
PAG: If only you'd just w8ted to post on this memo!!!!!!!!  
PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PGC: R34LLY VR1SK4?  
PGC: 4R3 YOU 4CTU4LLY TH4T CONC3RN3D 4BOUT N3P3T4  
PGC: OR 4R3 YOU JUST S4Y1NG TH4T B3C4US3 YOU DONT TH1NK YOU C4N H4NDL3 TH3 T4SK OF S1MULT4N3OUSLY CH4TT1NG 4ND CH4LL3NG1NG TH4 HORRORS OF TH3 RO4D TO TH3 UNDO1NG??  
PAG: What!!!!!!!! Of course I can handle it, don't 8e ridiculous!  
PAG: I was just trying to prevent Aradia here from m8king a horri8le faux pas and offending our dear friend Nepeta, 8ut I guess it's too l8 for that.  
PAG: Way to go, Megido.  
PAT: hAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,  
PAA: oh shut up!  
PAG: Oh, m8ke me.  
PGC: VR1SK4 KNOCK 1T OFF  
PGC: YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDNT B3 P1CK1NG F1GHTS WH3N F3F3R1 1SNT 4ROUND  
PGC: 3SP3C14LLY CONS1D3R1NG T4VROS 1S R1GHT H3R3  
PAA: really is he i didnt even notice  
PAA: vriska maybe you should tell him to step up his game a little  
PAA: you know since hes incapable of doing anything without you  
PAT: oH REALLY, yOU WANT ME TO "sTEP UP MY GAME,"  
PAT: tHAT'S FUNNY, tHE LAST T1ME 1 D1D THAT, yOU WH1NED ABOUT HOW 1 WAS "tORTUR1NG" YOU,  
PAA: at the time i thought you were  
PAA: but then no more than 47 minutes later you were the one hanging upside down and begging for mercy now werent you?  
PAA: >:)  
PAT: uGH, sHUT UP,  
PAA: why dont you make me?  
PAT: f1NE, 1 W1LL,  
PGC: BL4R  
PGC: R34LLY, GUYS?  
PAG: Are they m8king out again?  
PGC: Y34H >:/  
PAG: Hahahaha, so friggin' adora8le.  
PAG: We have truly passed our rivalry on to a new gener8tion.  
PGC: Y3S  
PGC: 1F BY 4 N3W G3N3R4T1ON YOU M34N TWO TROLLS WHO 4R3 4LMOST 3X4CTLY TH3 S4M3 4G3 4S US  
PAG: Yes, that's exactly what I meant.  
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 11 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCA: ok  
FCA: does somebody wwanna explain to me just wwhat in the bloody fuckin BLAZES is goin on here  
PGC: >:?  
PAA: oh  
PAA: eridan  
FCA: ar wwhat the fuck is this  
FCA: the wwhole reason i asked you wwhen this shippin memo wwas goin dowwn wwas so i could ambush nep right after she opened it  
FCA: you couldvve fuckin told me that you wwere gonna flood it wwith a bunch a nonsense before i evven got the chance  
PAA: oh right  
PAA: i kind of forgot about that  
FCA: ugh  
PAA: sorry!  
PAG: Yeah, if you wanted to 8other Nepeta on this memo, then Aradia's pretty much got the monopoly on that.  
PAG: Just going and posting a 8unch of 8ullshit on her memo 8efore she even shows up. Soooooooo inconsider8.  
PAA: ugh shut up  
PAG: Hey, I'm just looking out for Nepeta's feelings here!  
PAG: Did you ever stop to think a8out poor dear, sweet, precious, sweet, dear, dear, precious, sweet, precious, dear, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet Nepeta????????  
PAA: oh whatever you do not even care about nepeta!  
PAA: youre just using her as an excuse to antagonize me  
PAG: Man, what???????? You are so full of it.  
PAG: Of course I care a8out Nepeta! Nepeta is the shit.  
PGC: >:?  
PGC: S1NC3 WH3N DO YOU C4R3 SO MUCH 4BOUT N3P3T4  
PAG: Um, since a while ago????????  
PAG: Like, ever since she caught me in the world's most devious shipping am8ush, ripped a chunk of my dorsal tu8e out, then picked all the 8its of horri8le out of it and stuffed it 8ack in????????  
PAG: She pretty much owns, I'm not sure what else there is to even say on the matter.  
FCA: hahaha wwoww  
FCA: you havve just totally lost it  
PAG: Oh, 8ite me.  
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAC: :33 < um  
CAC: :33 < excuse me  
CAC: :33 < but just what the hell is going on here???  
PAA: oh nepeta  
PAA: i knew you were going to post a shipping memo soon so i went ahead and started posting here  
CAC: :33 < yeah, i can s33 that!  
CAC: :33 < why didnt you just wait fur me to post it?  
PAA: well i just remembered four minutes and 12.2638 seconds ago that you were gonna post it  
PAA: and i didnt want to mess around with the time settings on trollian  
PAA: so i kind of figured you wouldnt mind if i just opened it myself  
CAC: :33 < well i kind of do mind!  
CAC: :33 < i kind of purrfur to do this myself!  
CAC: :33 < beclaws i like to post a fun little roleplaying intro to it and now i cant do that!  
PAG: Hahahaha, now you see, what the fuck did I tell you????????  
PAG: Nepeta, I totally tried to warn her just how inconsider8 she was 8eing, 8ut she didn't even listen to me.  
CAC: :33 < yeah, and then you kept posting a bunch of stuff!  
CAC: :33 < now efurryones going to have to scroll through all that nonsense befur they can even read my shipping update!  
PGC: Y34H W4Y TO GO VR1SK4  
PGC: YOU TR13D TO H3LP BUT 4LL YOU D1D W4S M4K3 3V3RYTH1NG WORS3  
PAG: Hey, screw you!!!!!!!!  
PAA: hahaha  
FCA: hey im upset about it too  
FCA: i wwas all prepared to spring in here like a master antagonism ninja ridin a shark outta the darkest depths a the sea and trip up your silly little rp intro  
FCA: but wwhen i got here these four wwere all in the process a postin a bunch a meaninless drivvel an totally spoiled the wwhole thing  
PGC: Y34H, LOOK 4T 1T TH4T W4Y  
PGC: 4R4D14 M4Y H4V3 TR1PP3D YOU UP, BUT SH3 M3SS3D W1TH 3R1D4N TOO  
PGC: 4ND 1SNT TH4T TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT TH1NG OF 4LL?  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, i guess so  
CAC: :33 < but still, i am not pleased  
PAT: yES, wAY TO GO, aRAD1A,  
PAT: yOU HAVE SUCCEEDED 1N PLEAS1NG NO ONE, aND D1SPLEAS1NG TWO OF THEM JUST A L1TTLE,  
PAT: 1T 1S K1ND OF AMAZ1NG HOW SK1LLED YOU ARE AT D1SAPPO1NT1NG PEOPLE,  
PAT: yOUR WAYS OF D1SAPPO1NT1NG THEM ARE ALSO THEMSELVES D1SAPPO1NT1NG,  
PAG: Hahahaha, 8urn!!!!!!!!  
PAA: ugh  
CAC: :33 < what are you guys even doing, anyway?  
PAT: wE'RE flarp1NG AGA1N,  
PAT: bACK TO THE rOAD TO THE uNDO1NG,  
PAT: wH1CH, fOR THE RECORD, 1 ST1LL TH1NK 1S A STUP1D NAME,  
PAA: yeah i guess you would know a thing or two about stupid names  
PAA: first prophet rufio  
PAT: hEY, tHAT'S NOT A STUP1D NAME, tHAT'S A GREAT NAME,  
PAA: a great name for you maybe  
PAA: its a perfect warning for how stupid you are  
PGC: H4H4H4H4H4  
CAC: :33 < you guys are seriously flarping again?  
CAC: :33 < i thought that was just a big trick to make you two hate each other  
PAA: oh were not the ones playing  
PAA: were clouding it this time  
PGC: Y3S, 4ND VR1SK4 4ND 1 4R3 TH3 ON3S PL4Y1NG!  
PAG: Well, I'm playing, at least. I'm not really sure if I could say the same a8out Terezi.  
PAG: It's more like she's tagging along, honestly.  
PGC: OH B1T3 M3!  
PGC: 1M MOR3 TH4N C4RRY1NG MY OWN W31GHT H3R3  
PAG: Yeah, pulling your own w8 may8e, 8ut it's pretty clear that I'm the one doing the grand majority of the work here.  
PAG: I mean, you've seen how many savage up8raids I've 8een getting with the Octet recently, right? Meanwhile, I'm not sure if you've even scored one measly 8rutal affront!  
PAA: youre only doing so well because youre cheating!  
PAA: its obvious that youre using your light powers to rig your rolls  
PAG: Wow, Aradia, I'm insulted. I'm not "using" my light powers to do anything, I'm just that lucky!  
PAA: youre only that lucky because you stole so much luck!  
PAG: So what do you expect me to do? Turn off my luck????????  
PAG: That's not really how it works!!!!!!!!  
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 12 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: actually, iit kiind of ii2.  
FTA: aa, do you need me two dump 2ome 2hiitty luck on vk to make your whole flarpiing thiing faiir? becau2e that can be arranged.  
PAG: What!!!!!!!!  
PAT: hEY, wHOA, hOLD ON,  
PAT: eVEN 1F vR1SKA 1S "aBUS1NG" HER POWERS HERE, sHE 1SN'T REALLY THE ONLY ONE DO1NG 1T,  
PAT: 1'M PRETTY SURE tEREZ1'S BEEN US1NG HER m1ND POWERS TO GAME A FEW OF THE ENCOUNTERS, sO DON'T EVEN START,  
PGC: >:O  
PGC: L13S 4ND SL4ND3R!  
PGC: FR4NKLY M1ST3R N1TR4M 1M 1NSULT3D  
PGC: 1 DONT 3V3N N33D MY M1ND POW3RS TO PR3D1CT TH3 4CT1ONS OF TH3S3 P1T1FUL UND3RL1NGS  
PAT: hEY, 1'M NOT SAY1NG YOU need THEM,  
PAT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG YOU'RE US1NG THEM,  
PGC: NO TH1S 1S 4BSURD  
PGC: 1 WOULD N3V3R STOOP SO LOW 4S TO 4BUS3 MY POW3RS L1K3 TH4T  
FCA: really  
FCA: cause im pretty sure youvve already used your seer powwers for evven more frivvolous purposes than that  
PGC: WH4T!!!  
FCA: look ivve played wwhat like ten games a chess wwith you since you wwent god tier an i havve yet to evven come close to wwinnin one  
FCA: an DONT EVVEN try to say its cause im a lousy player because before all this shit wwent dowwn i wwas in the top percentage a players  
FCA: tavv back me up here  
PAT: yEAH, 1'VE PLAYED H1M, hE'S PRETTY GOOD,  
PAA: you guys play chess  
PAT: eVERY NOW AND THEN,  
PAT: wHAT OF 1T,  
PAA: i dont know i just think thats kind of weird  
FCA: look sometimes i just wwanna play a fuckin match wwhere i dont immediately get my fuckin pawwns handed to me  
FCA: before you ascended you wwere hard enough to beat but noww the entire prospect seems hopeless  
FCA: an as the prince of hope  
FCA: no scratch that as the god tier fuckin KING a hope im uniquely qualified to recognize wwhen all hope is lost  
PGC: BUT NOTH1NG H4S CH4NG3D S1NC3 TH3N!  
PGC: 1 4LR34DY TOLD YOU, 1M NOT US1NG MY POW3RS TO CH34T 4T G4M3S, TH4T 1S STUP1D  
PGC: TH1S 1S 4LL JUST 4 FUNCT1ON OF PUR3 1NT3LL3CT, WH1CH 1N C4S3 YOU D1DNT NOT1C3, W4S 4LR34DY K1ND OF FR34K1SH 4NYW4Y  
PAT: wELL, mAYBE 1T GOT EVEN MORE FREAK1SH,  
PGC: NO 1T D1DNT!  
PGC: 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD NOT1C3 1F 1 SUDD3NLY B3C4M3 SM4RT3R  
FCA: wwell maybe its not a matter of pure intellectual powwer per se maybe its more about capacity  
FCA: i mean chess is all about makin decisions an bein able to see so many movves ahead an wwhatnot  
FCA: an givven that seein so many movves ahead is pretty much the unique fuckin specialty of a seer of mind maybe you wwere granted the ability to see deeper into the vvortices of possibility on a purely passivve levvel  
FCA: so youd naturally begin to devvelop a greater sense a foresight wwithout a notable increase in wwhat one wwould consider intelligence  
FCA: like if you wwere a computer your cpu stayed the same but you just got hooked up wwith a shitload more ram  
FTA: whoa, an actual accurate computer analogy, hiigh fiive.  
FCA: fuck yeah  
FCA: wwait thats not a multiple a twwo doesnt that go against your wwhole bifurcation gimmick thing  
FCA: better make it high ten  
FTA: ed, no offen2e, but we are not even clo2e two the poiint iin our friiend2hiip where ii would con2iider giiviing you a hiigh ten.  
FTA: liike, ii'm flattered and all, dude, don't get me wrong, but you can't ru2h iintwo the2e thiing2.  
PAA: haha  
PGC: H3H3H3  
PGC: OK4Y F1N3 1 GU3SS TH4TS 4 POSS1B1L1TY  
PGC: BUT 1F 1T R34LLY 1S COMPL3T3LY UNCONSC1OUS, TH3N WH4T 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO DO 4BOUT 1T?  
PAG: I could try some kind of Thiefy thing. Would that help?  
PAA: no!  
PGC: NO!  
PAT: nO,  
PAG: Okay, okay!!!!!!!! It was just an idea, god.  
PAA: look maybe we should just call it even  
PAA: theyre both cheating a little and theres nothing they can do about it so it kind of balances out  
PAT: f1NE BY ME,  
FCA: great issue resolvved  
FCA: im glad my stunning insights could be of use to you in settlin this petty an demeanin conflict  
FCA: an for the record sol you still owwe me half a high ten  
FTA: ed, put your hand down.  
PAG: W8, are you guys actually together? Like, in person?  
FCA: oh yeah wwere hangin out on lowwaa right noww  
FCA: havve been for a wwhile as a matter a fact  
CAC: :33 < what  
CAC: :33 < sollux just what do you think youre doing with my kismesis??  
PAG: Yeah, Sollux, just what aaaaaaaare you doing with her kismesis????????  
FTA: oh, for fuck'2 2ake, iit'2 not even liike that, 2o you can take tho2e 2niide iin2iinuatiion2 of your2 and 2hove them iin your collectiive wa2te chute2.  
FTA: ii'm not up to any 2ort of eyebrow-raii2iing caliigiinou2 funnybu2iine22 here, 2o hop off my bulge about iit.  
CAC: :33 < yeah thats right youre not  
CAC: :33 < beclaws if you were, wed have ourselves a purroblem!  
FTA: uuuuuuuugh, np, would you knock iit off wiith thii2 whole cliingy kii2me2ii2 2hiit, iit'2 2eriiou2ly gettiing old.  
FTA: liike, ru2ty iiron tiit2 on a bra22 granny old.  
FTA: ii'm 2tartiing two wonder iif you're the one ii'm goiing two need au2pii2tiice wiith.  
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGA: Excuse Me  
CAC: :33 < !!!  
CAC: :33 < okay okay fine im dropping it  
CGA: Okay Good  
FTA: eheheheh.  
PAG: 8ut seriously, just what the hell are you doing hanging out with Eridan? I thought you kind of couldn't stand him.  
FCA: wwhat are you kiddin wwere practically best friends noww  
FCA: i invvited him ovver so wwe could split a feww icecolds and maybe become better bros that wway  
FTA: ugh, no, ed, that ii2 not even what we are doiing, 2hut up.  
FTA: the only rea2on ii'm even here ii2 two talk two gz.  
PAT: oH, yOU'RE HANG1NG OUT W1TH gAMZEE,  
FUTURE terminallyCapricious [FTC] 13 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTC: Shit yeah, brother, we're all up here in LOWAA spillin some wicked elixir and droppin the motherfuckin beatdown off on some underlings like it's hot.  
FTC: Well, alright, we ain't doin the latter quite so much what's seeing like the angels have pretty much got that shit covered.  
FTC: So we're kind of all just up and havin ourselves a motherfuckin jamboree down under here.  
CAC: :33 < a jambor33?  
CAC: :33 < you mean, like  
CAC: :33 < a party?  
FTC: Yeah, sure, a party.  
PAG: Wow, Sollux, you're at a party? I didn't really t8ke you for the type.  
PAG: I kind of figured when your quadrantm8s weren't dragging you around, all you did was sit in your hive and do stupid programming shit.  
FTA: wow, 2o you know ab2olutely nothiing about me, that ii2 not really 2urprii2iing at all.  
FTA: ii have plenty of other 2hiit ii do be2iide2 programmiing 2hiit, 2o biite me maybe.  
PAG: Okay, first off, I already have. Several times.  
PAA: ugh  
PAG: And I've 8itten you too, so can it, Megido!  
PAT: vR1SKA,  
PAG: Yeah, yeah, I'm done.  
PAG: 8ut second, Sollux, just what shit do you do 8esides dorking around on computers like a 8ig geeknerd?  
FTA: ii don't know, apiiculture? playiing game2 and 2hiit? 2ometiime2 ii draw 2hiit, ii gue22.  
PAG: Oh, okay, you m8ke computers and play games on computers and draw stuff that's pro8a8ly just more shit a8out computers.  
PGC: 1T 1S Y34H  
PAG: Woooooooow, you pretty much touche'd the fuck out of that 8urn! Well played, Sollux!!!!!!!!  
FTA: ugh, whatever.  
PGC: SH3 K1ND OF H4S 4 PO1NT SOLLUX  
PGC: YOUV3 N3V3R B33N MUCH OF 4 SOC14L1T3  
PGC: BUT 1TS GOOD TH4T YOUR3 G3TT1NG 4LONG W1TH 3R1D4N!  
PGC: YOU TWO SHOULD H4NG OUT MOR3, 1 TH1NK YOUR3 CUT3 TOG3TH3R >:]  
PAA: haha yeah  
PAA: you guys should totally be best friends  
FTA: oh my god, why are you 2ayiing thii2.  
FCA: hahahahaha  
FCA: see wwhat i mean sol wwere destined to be best bros evveryone can see it  
FCA: its no use tryin to fight it the swweeps of friendship wwell share and the happiness theyll bring havve been preordained by fate  
FCA: you cant escape the smiles  
FTA: okay, ed, you're comiing off REALLY 2trong here, thii2 ii2 liike borderliine platoniic bad touch.  
FTA: ii already told you, you're not even the rea2on ii'm here, ii ju2t need two talk to gz about 2ome 2hiit.  
PAT: aBOUT WHAT,  
FTC: Whoa now, bro, that's all sorts of private shit what I don't think we should all spill in this public forum.  
FTC: Short of it is, this brother's up and got some issues he thought I might be able to deal at, so he's all chattin at me around it.  
FTC: And if we just so motherfuckin happen to get rude and spill some Appleberry Blast Faygo in the process, all the fuckin merrier.  
FTA: yeah, ii hate two admiit iit, but thii2 ii2 actually pretty decent.  
FTA: ii don't remember thii2 beiing an actual flavor, though, diid you alchemiize thii2 or 2omethiing, gz?  
FCA: no i did  
FTA: what.  
FTC: He did.  
FCA: youre wwelcome bro  
FTA: god DAMN iit.  
PAA: hahahahaha  
PGC: H4H4H4H4H4  
PAG: Yeah, well may8e you should try getting a reeeeeeeeal ho88y!  
FTA: what, liike flarpiing?  
PAG: Yes, exactly like FLARPing!!!!!!!!  
PAG: You might have fun with your little wiggler game gru8s, 8ut you can't call yourself a real gamer until you strap on your adventurin' 8oots and particip8 in a proper scrum!!!!!!!!  
FTA: yeah, thank2, but no thank2.  
FTA: ii've heard what con2tiitute2 a "proper 2crum" for you, and ii'm not two eager two throw my2elf iintwo one of your horriible 2nuff fiilm torture dungeon2, thank2.  
PAG: 8aaaaaaaah.  
PAA: you dont have to flarp with vriska you know  
PAA: id actually kind of like it if youd flarp with me sometime  
FTA: oh.  
FTA: really?  
PAA: yeah!  
PAA: not all flarping campaigns are meat grinders like this one  
PAA: we could have a little more low key adventure for ourselves  
FTA: huh, well that doe2n't 2ound 2o bad, ii gue22.  
PAT: yEAH, yOU CAN DES1GN AN ADVENTURE JUST FOR THE TWO OF YOU,  
PAT: aRAD1A mEG1DO'S fANTAST1C sNOOZEFEST 1N THE lAND OF rAMPS AND yAWNS,  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, nice!!!!!!!!  
PAA: oh bite me!  
PAT: 1 ALREADY HAVE,  
PAT: sEVERAL T1MES,  
PAA: well ive bitten you more!  
PAA: ive been counting  
PAT: sER1OUSLY???  
PAT: oH MY GOD, tHAT 1S SO CREEPY,  
CGA: Is It Though  
CGA: I Mean I Can See Why Youd Say That But Now That I Think About It It Seems Like Something It Would Be Prudent To Keep Track Of  
CGA: Given The Unpleasant Effects Associated With Blood Loss And All  
PAA: yes exactly  
PAA: and besides all i am doing is just counting a number its not hard  
PAA: is that why its so offensive to you tavros?  
PAA: because you dont know any numbers past eight?  
PGC: H3H3H3H3  
PAT: uGH, oF COURSE THAT'S NOT 1T, sHUT UP,  
PAA: make me  
PAT: f1NE,  
PAG: Hahahaha, this never gets old!!!!!!!! I love these two.  
PGC: >:/  
PGC: 4S GR34T 4S TH1S 1S, 1 DONT SUPPOS3 TH3R3S 4NY W4Y W3 COULD G3T ON W1TH TH1NGS H3R3?  
PGC: TH3R3S 4 WHOL3 DUNG3ON L3FT FOR US TO PLUND3R H3R3  
PAG: Yeah, at this r8, you're never gonna catch up to me.  
PGC: 1 DONT H4V3 TO C4TCH UP TO 4NYTH1NG!  
PAG: Suuuuuuuure you don't, dead w8.  
PGC: >:O  
PGC: OK4Y 4R4D14 4ND T4VROS G3T B4CK H3R3 TH1S 1NST4NT  
PGC: W3 4R3 G3TT1NG R1GHT B4CK 1NTO TH1S C4MP41GN, 4ND 1 4M STOMP1NG TH3 SH1T OUT OF VR1SK4  
PAA: ok ok fine  
PAT: bUT THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA CATCH UP,  
PAT: vR1SKA HAS TH1S WHOLE CAMPA1GN 1N THE BAG,  
PAA: dont be so sure!  
PAA: you may think vriska is winning now  
PAA: but terezi could take this whole thing in one fell swoop  
PAT: yEAH R1GHT,  
PAT: mY K1D 1S SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR K1D,  
PAA: you wish!  
PAA: my kid could beat your kid any day of the week!  
PGC: 1M NOT YOUR K1D!  
PGC: GOD, 1 C4NT B3L13V3 YOU GUYS 4R3 US1NG VR1SK4 4ND 1 TO PL4Y OUT YOUR R1V4LRY BY PROXY  
PAG: Terezi, we were literally just doing the same thing with them like three days ago.  
PGC: W3LL  
PGC: OK4Y Y34H W3 W3R3  
PGC: BUT ST1LL!  
PAG: Hahahaha, whatever.  
PAG: Let's just do this thing already!!!!!!!!  
PGC: Y34H!!!  
CAC: :33 < now hold on just a minute!  
CAC: :33 < are you guys going to k33p talking about your game in this memo?  
PAA: um  
PAA: that was kind of the idea yeah  
CAC: :33 < no!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < absolutely not, i furbid it!  
PGC: WHY?  
CAC: :33 < beclaws furst of all, this is a shipping memo, not a place fur you to dump all your flarping discussion!  
CAC: :33 < and second, efurryone is already sick of your stupid flarping nonsense anyway!  
CAC: :33 < all its b33n fur like the past w33k is you and vwiskers and tavros and aradia and your roleplaying shenanigans  
CAC: :33 < and efurryone is sick of it!  
CAC: :33 < no one cares about you anymore!  
CAC: :33 < youre done, you have all your quadrants filled, and weve moved on!  
CAC: :33 < and if i have to s33 another memo filled with the four of you blabbing on and on, im going to fucking MURDER someone!!!  
PGC: >:O  
CGA: Wow Nepeta I Think You Need To Calm Down  
CGA: Okay Deep Breaths Now  
CGA: Its Just A Memo  
CAC: :33 < i  
CAC: :33 < yeah, okay, sorry  
CGA: Its Fine Just Relax  
CGA: Have Some More Chamomile Tea  
CAC: :33 < chameowmile  
CGA: Yes Chameowmile My Mistake  
PAG: W8, are you two actually in the same place, or are you just roleplaying or something?  
CGA: Were At My Hive  
CGA: She Wished To Speak To Me And Likewise I Wished To Speak To Her  
CGA: About Some Matters Of A Nature Wed Prefer To Remain Private  
PGC: ROM4NC3?  
CGA: Yes That Is Certainly Something Im Not Going To Tell You Based On The Definition Of The Word Private  
PGC: W3LL F1N3 WH4T3V3R  
PGC: 1F YOU DONT W4NT US TO POST ON YOUR M3MO SO B4DLY, W3 WONT  
PGC: BUT FOR TH3 R3CORD, W3 DONT H4V3 4LL OUR QU4DR4NTS F1LL3D  
PGC: SP3C1F1C4LLY, 1M L4CK1NG 4 K1SM3S1S  
PAG: Yeah, shouldn't you or Aradia or some8ody 8e working on finding you one already?  
PAA: we are working on it  
FCA: you are  
PAA: yes  
PAA: but these things take time you know  
PGC: BUT 4R3NT YOU L1T3R4LLY M41D OF TH3 STUFF?  
PAA: haha shut up you know what i mean  
PAA: im talking about time as the rest of you collectively perceive it not time from my own personal frame of reference  
PAA: theres more than one kind  
FCA: yeah wwell i just hope your machinations on the matter dont end up steppin on the toes a mine  
PGC: 3R1D4N 1 4M P3RF3CTLY 4W4R3 OF WH4T YOUR M4CH1N4T1ONS 4R3  
PGC: 4ND TH3Y DONT, TRUST M3  
FCA: ok good  
CAC: :33 < okay thats enough!  
CAC: :33 < no one cares about blackrom either  
FTA: ii care about iit.  
FTC: Yeah, me too.  
CAC: :33 < well no one cares about either of you guys!!!  
PAA: hey!  
PAT: yEAH, hEY,  
CAC: :33 < okay, look, just  
CAC: :33 < can we talk about my shipping update now?  
CAC: :33 < thats still a thing, you know  
CAC: :33 < it didnt stop being a thing or anything  
PGC: W3LL, JUST WHOS 1NVOLV3D 1N TH1S SH1PP1NG UPD4T3?  
CAC: :33 < well, i kind of figured theyd have posted by meow  
CAC: :33 < i dont really know what the holdup is!  
CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCT: D --> I apologize, it's just  
CCT: D --> We're kind of in the middle of something  
CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCC: ---EQUIUS!!!  
CCC: Stop messing wit)( t)(at! You need to CONC)(C---ENTRAT---E!!  
CCT: D --> Hrk  
CCT: D --> Yes ma'am  
CCC: Come on, -Equius, I KNOW you can do t)(is! All you need to do is FOCUS!  
CCC: And maybe not TWITC)( so muc)(, w)(ile you're at it.  
CCT: D --> Well  
CCT: D --> I'm twitching because I'm nervous  
CCC: And w)(y are you nervous?  
CCT: D --> Because I'm afraid of making a f001 of myself in front of you  
CCC: -Equius, you do not need to be afraid of t)(at.  
CCT: D --> I know  
CCT: D --> But I am anyway  
CCC: *SIG)(*...  
CCT: D --> 100k, perhaps if you just  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> Ordered me to stop  
CCT: D --> Partic001arly forcefully  
CCT: D --> That might help  
CCC: ...Seariously?  
CCT: D --> Yes  
PAT: oKAY,  
PAT: wHAT THE FUCK 1S GO1NG ON HERE,  
CCC: S)(OOS)(!!!  
CCT: D --> What  
CCC: Not you!  
CCT: D --> Um, ok  
CCC: Look, -Equius, you do not need to be afraid of making a fool of yours)(ellf in front of me, okay?  
CCC: So stop worrying aboat t)(at.  
CCC: Stop being nervous.  
CCC: AND STOP TWITC)(ING.  
CCT: D --> Yes ma'am  
CCC: ...Wow, t)(at actually worked.  
PAT: hAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,  
FTC: Hahaha, dipshit.  
CCC: I SAID S)(OOS)(!!!! >38O  
CCT: D --> What  
CCC: Not you!!!!  
CCC: Anyway, )(ere, let me kelp you wit)( t)(is.  
CCT: D --> Ok  
CCC: Okay, now, take one of t)(ese and put t)(e end )(ere on t)(e string.  
CCT: D --> Nock it  
CCC: W)(at?  
CCT: D --> The term is to "nock" it  
CCC: Okay, -Equius...  
CCC: DO NOT SP--EAK UNL--ESS YOU AR--E SPOK--EN TO!!!  
CCC: Are we CL--EAR on t)(at???  
CCT: D --> Hrrk  
CCT: D --> Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry  
CCC: )(e)(e, I'll let it slide t)(is time. <3  
CCC: Now, pull t)(is string back until it starts to resist.  
CCC: T)(e INSTANT you feel it start to pull back, stop pulling! Can you do t)(at?  
CCT: D --> I believe so, yes  
CCC: T)(en do it!  
CCT: D --> Ok  
CCT: D --> Is this sufficient  
CCC: Y--ES, t)(at s)(oald be good!  
CCC: Now all you )(ave to do is...  
CCC: R----EL----EAS----E IT!!!  
CCC: 38O!!!!  
CCT: D --> I  
CCC: You...  
CCC: YOU DID IT!!!! 38D  
CCT: D --> I did it  
CCT: D --> I finally, really did it  
CCC: I KN--------EW you could do it, ----Equius!!! Good job!!!!  
CCT: D --> I  
CCT: D --> Yes  
CAC: :33 < :oo  
CAC: :33 < wait, equius, did you just  
CAC: :33 < did you just successfully fire an arrow?  
CAC: :33 < like actually get one to leave the bow?  
CCC: )(e s)(ore did!! And it went CL-----EAR T)(ROUG)( T)(----E WALL!!!  
CCC: It was an --E%C--ELL--ENT s)(ot, --Equius!!  
CAC: :33 < :OO  
CAC: :33 < wow!!!  
CAC: :33 < thats pawesome, equius, good job!  
CAC: :33 < i didnt think id live to hear about your furst successful shot!  
CCT: D --> Well, hold on  
CCT: D --> Who said this was my first shot  
CCT: D --> I mean, I've pra%iced the art of archery for a long time  
CCT: D --> It would be completely unreasonable to assume I've never su%essfully fired an arrow before  
PAG: No, not really.  
PAG: I've seen you try it eight hundred times, and not once did you pull it off.  
PAG: For fuck's s8ke, you can't even drink a glass of milk without 8r8king it, how could you handle a fragile 8owstring????????  
PAT: hAHAHAHA,  
FTC: Hahahaha.  
CCC: )(----EY! S)(UT UP!  
CCC: It does not matter w)(et)(er or not )(e )(as done it before, because )(e just did it NOW, and )(e is GR-----EAT at it!!  
CCC: Seariously t)(at arrow is GON-----E. It's not coming back.  
CCC: You did a P--ERC)(F--ECT job, --Equius!! You would mako for an AW--ESOM--E arc)(eradicator!!  
CCT: D --> I  
CCT: D --> Thank you  
CCT: D --> It means so much to hear that, especially from you  
CCC: W)(ale, I M---EAN it!!  
PAT: oKAY, hOLD ON,  
PAT: wHY THE HELL ARE YOU HELP1NG eQU1US W1TH H1S ARCHERY,  
PAT: aND WHY ARE YOU BE1NG SO N1CE TO H1M???  
CCC: You wanna know w)(y?  
CCC: Nepeta, can I tell t)(em?  
CAC: :33 < sure, go ahead!  
CCT: D --> Yes, by all means  
CCC: Ocray t)(en! T)(e reason I am being so nice to )(im is...  
CCC: Because )(e's my MAT----ESPRIT, idiot!!!!  
PAT: wHAT,  
FTC: What.  
PAG: What????????  
CAC: :33 < yeah!!!!  
FTA: oh, well that wa2 fa2t.  
FTA: ii mean, not liike tz and ed fa2t, but 2tiill pretty fa2t regardle22.  
PGC: OH SHUT UP! >:P  
FCA: he has a point ter  
PGC: W3LL SORRY 1F OUR COURTSH1P W4SNT 4N 3XCRUT14T1NG MULT1-SW33P ON-4ND-OFF W1LL-TH3Y-JUST-FUCK1NG-K1SS-4LR34DY 4FF41R L1K3 SOM3 OTH3R P3OPL3S!!!  
PAA: terezi be nice!  
FTA: eheh, iit'2 fiine, 2he'2 got a poiint two.  
FTA: anyway, ff, ii gue22 your date went well?  
CCC: Um...  
CCT: D --> Um  
CAC: :33 < um  
FTA: what?  
CCC: W)(ale, t)(ere may )(ave been a BIT of a )(itc)(...  
CCT: D --> Er  
CCT: D --> That's a polite way of saying it  
CCT: D --> But yes, there was  
CCT: D --> A "hitch"  
FTA: a poliite way of...  
FTA: eq, what diid you do two my moiiraiil.  
CCC: NOT)(ING!! )(e didn't do anyt)(ing to me!  
CCC: T)(ere was just a bit of a... falling out.  
CCC: Over some... ideological differences. 38/  
PAT: uM, yEAH, 1DEOLOG1CAL FUCK1NG D1FFERENCES,  
PAT: l1KE, aRE YOU k1dd1ng ME, tELL1NG ME YOU BECAME TH1S GUY'S MATESPR1T????????  
PAT: yOU'RE ALWAYS GO1NG ON ABOUT HOW AWFUL THE hEMOSPECTRUM 1S, aND YOU SER1OUSLY P1CKED THE MOST CASTE1ST ASSHOLE 1N PARADOX SPACE FOR YOUR FLUSHED QUADRANT,  
CCC: )(e is NOT a casteist bass)(ole!!  
PAT: uH, yES HE 1S,  
PAT: eVERY T1ME 1'VE SPOKEN W1TH TH1S GUY, hE'S DONE NOTH1NG BUT THROW CASTE1ST SLURS 1N MY GENERAL D1RECT1ON,  
PAT: sO DON'T EVEN TELL ME 1'M WRONG HERE,  
FCA: wwhoa tavv lets sloww dowwn alright  
FCA: i understand your concerns but youre gettin a little wworked up here an i think you need to calm dowwn  
PAT: cOME ON, eR1DAN, yOU SHOULD KNOW TH1S BETTER THAN ANYBODY,  
PAT: yOU'VE SEEN TH1S GUY BE1NG NOTH1NG BUT A FASC1ST1C P1ECE OF SH1T,  
FTC: Yeah, this motherfucker's pretty much the biggest Hemospectrum supremacist this side of the Furthest Ring, I don't see how that's a thing what's even debatable.  
CCC: )(----EY!!!! ----EXCUS----E M-----E!!!  
CCC: Can I talk now????? Am I ALLOW------ED to do t)(at?????  
PAT: f1NE, wHATEVER,  
CCC: Now look, I realize in t)(e very recent past, -Equius may )(ave )(eld some views t)(at were decidedly antit)(etical to my own.  
CCC: But t)(at )(as c)(anged now!  
PAT: 1T HAS,  
CCC: Y--ES! )(e told me )(imself t)(at...  
CCC: W)(ale, maybe I s)(ould not be t)(e one doing t)(e speaking for )(im.  
CCC: Or maybe )(e doesn't want to talk about it, and I s)(ouldn't )(ave even broug)(t it up!  
FTA: well, ii thiink we 2hould be takliing about iit whether he want2 two or not.  
FTA: thii2 ii2 kiind of iimportant, ff, you 2houldn't have two compromii2e your iideal2 for the 2ake of your mate2priit2hiip.  
FTA: and a2 niice a2 eq miight be, ii'm 2tiil a liittle worriied about thii2 whole thiing wiith hiim and the hemo2pectrum.  
CCT: D --> Your concerns are perfe%ly understandable  
CCT: D --> And if I may, I would like to address them  
FTA: 2ure dude, be my gue2t.  
CCT: D --> Ok  
CCT: D --> Well  
CCT: D --> I recognize that, for most of my life, I have adhered vehemently to the tenets of the Hemospe%rum  
CCT: D --> That it di%ated our place in life with abso100t certainty, and that my status as a b100b100d made me an individual of distin%ion  
CCT: D --> But, in all honesty, I've never fully believed in it  
CCT: D --> I've always noticed inconsistencies in the social order  
CCT: D --> But I held onto it anyway  
CCT: D --> Because I felt, on some level, I needed it  
CCT: D --> That my status as a highb100d was my only redeeming trait, and without it I was nothing  
CCT: D --> But now I realize how f001ish that was  
CCT: D --> Both to think of myself that way  
CCT: D --> And to think that the Hemospe%rum might do anything to fi% it  
PAT: sO,  
PAT: tHAT'S 1T,  
PAT: yOU'RE JUST OVER THE hEMOSPECTRUM NOW,  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> Kind of, yes  
PAT: bULLSH1T,  
CCT: D --> E%cuse me  
FTC: Yeah, I'm gonna agree with that all bein bullshit.  
FTC: You can't just up and drop this shit on the course of a single night.  
CCT: D --> Really  
CCT: D --> So you tr001y believe no one is capable of abandoning all of their beliefs in less than 24 hours  
FTC: No, I'm not sayin that that's somethin that's impossible to do out of a general motherfuckin sense.  
FTC: I'm just sayin you in particular can't do it.  
FTC: Because you're an idiot.  
CCC: )(---EY! You do NOT get to talk aboat my matesprit t)(at way!  
PAT: fEFER1, aRE YOU SURE ABOUT TH1S WHOLE MATESPR1T TH1NG,  
CCC: Of course I am!!!  
CCC: If -Equius still believed in t)(e )(emospectrum, t)(en I wouldn't be so s)(ore at all.  
CCC: But )(e doesn't! )(e )(as put t)(at all be)(ind )(im now. )(e SWOR--E to me as muc)(!  
PAT: aND YOU BEL1EVED H1M,  
PAT: l1KE, yOU JUST, tOOK H1S WORD FOR 1T,  
CCC: Um, yes??  
PAT: tHAT'S K1ND OF NA1VE, dON'T YOU TH1NK,  
PAT: 1 MEAN, mORE L1KELY THAN NOT, hE'S JUST LY1NG ABOUT TH1S,  
CCT: D --> What  
PAG: Y'know, I kind of have to agree????????  
PAG: I mean, this is fucking Equius we're talking a8out here. he's had a hardon for the Hemospectrum his entire disgusting, sweaty life. And now he's just gonna toss all that overnight????????  
PAG: Preeeeeeeetty suspicious.  
CCT: D --> I'm not lying  
PAG: Yeah, like you weren't lying a8out you and I 8eing the co-leaders of the 8lue team, right????????  
CCT: D --> Um  
PAG: See, that's the other thing! Feferi, this guy isn't some gr8 honora8le paragon of chivalry, he's just as much of a tr8torous conniving 8lue8lood as I am!!!!!!!!  
PAG: He's just 8uttering you up 8ecause he likes you. If you get on his 8ad side, he'll 8acksta8 you faster than you can say ackgrghsfhk f8ck!!!!!!!!  
CCC: W)(at???  
PGC: >:O  
PAT: oH MY GOD!  
PAA: what!  
PGC: VR1SK4!!  
PAG: S8n of a f8cking 8itch!!!!!!!!  
CGA: Whats Going On  
PAG: I j8st got sh8t in the f8cking knee, TH8T's what h8pp8ned!!!!!!!!  
CCT: D --> What  
PAT: vR1SKA, aRE YOU OKAY,  
PAG: My l8g's p8nned to the f8cking gr8und with an 8rrow, of C8URS8 I'm not f8cking ok8y!!!!!!!!  
PGC: WOW, Y34H  
PGC: 1TS 3MB3DD3D 1N TH3R3 PR3TTY D33P  
FTA: jegu2 fuck, you guy2, why would you de211gn a fucked up trap liike that for your2elve2 two fall iintwo?  
PGC: TH1S 1SNT 4 TR4P!  
PGC: 1T W4SNT P4RT OF TH3 G4M3 4T 4LL  
PGC: 1N F4CT, 1T K1ND OF PUNCH3D 4 HOL3 THROUGH TH3 C31L1NG SOM3HOW  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> Does that arrow, by any chance  
CCT: D --> Happen to possess a distin% b100 fletching  
PGC: UM, Y3S  
PAT: wA1T, hOLD ON,  
PAT: eQU1US,  
PAT: d1D YOU JUST SHOOT MY FUCK1NG MO1RA1L???  
CCT: D --> It was an a%ident  
PAA: pfffffhahahahaha  
FTA: ahahahahahahaha, god, ii knew iit wa2 comiing, but iit doe2n't make iit any le22 hiilariiou2.  
PAG: Oh y8ah, l8ugh it 8p, you he8rtless 8ast8rds!!!!!!!!  
PAG: How do y8u th8nk it would f88l if Y8U were n8iled to the gr8und and 8leeding to de8th, and I was the 8ne l8ughing 8t Y8U????????  
PAA: i know exactly how that would feel  
PAA: because you literally just did that to me three days ago  
PGC: H3H3H3, SH3 H4S 4 PO1NT  
PAG: The only 8ne who h8s a p8int here is me!  
PAG: IN MY F8CKING KN88!!!!!!!  
PAA: so are you just going to sit there complaining?  
PAA: or are you going to get up and get on with the dungeon already?  
PAG: I'd l8ve to, Ar8dia, 8ut this f8cking arr8w is st8ck four inch8s int8 the gr8und, and it's 8lso thr8ugh my f8cking l8g!!!!!!!!  
PAA: pfff  
PAA: some adventurer you are  
PAG: H8y, for y8ur inform8ti8n, I w8s a gr8 adv8ntur8r!  
PAG: 8UT TH8N I T88K A F8CKING 8RR8W IN THE F8CKING KN88!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
PAA: lame  
CCC: Aradia, be nice!!!!  
PAA: oh come on shes totally had this coming  
CCC: W)(et)(er s)(e did or not, you reely s)(oaldn't be standing t)(ere mako-ing fun of )(er w)(ile s)(e is probubbly BL--E--EDING to deat)(!!!  
PAG: Yeah, I'm l8sing a loooooooot of 8lood h8re, haha.  
PAG: F8CK, this hurts. And n8t even in the g88d way.  
PAA: oh whatever  
PAA: its just a flesh wound  
CCC: ARADIA. >38(  
PAA: ok ok fine!  
PAA: ill stop already  
CGA: Vriska Are You Going To Be Okay  
PAG: Um, pro8a8ly n8t? I'm kind of st8ck here.  
PAG: This wh8le arr8w-leg-fl88r situ8tion isn't g8ing to unf8ck itself any time s88n, I'm gu8ssing.  
PGC: Y34H  
PGC: 1 GU3SS W3 COULD TRY CUTT1NG TH3 H34D OFF TH3 4RROW  
PAG: Owowowowowowowow, f8ck!!!!!!!!  
PGC: OR NOT  
PGC: BL4R, TH1S WOULD B3 4 LOT 34S13R 1F YOU W3R3 D34D >:[  
PAG: I w8ll 8e soon en8ugh! I'd w8ger this gaping f8cking hole in my l8g isn't g8ing to close 8efore I f8cking 8leed out h8re!!!!!!!!  
PGC: HRM  
PGC: M4YB3 1 SHOULD JUST PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR M1S3RY  
PAT: wHAT,  
CGA: What  
CGA: Terezi Are You Seriously Offering To Murder My Matesprit  
PGC: 1M NOT MURD3R1NG 4NYBODY!!!  
PGC: 1D ONLY DO 1T W1TH H3R 3XPL1C1T CONS3NT  
PGC: 4ND 4NYW4Y, 1TS NOT L1K3 SH3S GO1NG TO D13 P3RM4N3NTLY, R1GHT SOLLUX?  
FTA: nah, ii've got iit under control, 2he'll be fiine.  
FTA: hone2tly, ii'd kiind of prefer two execute her my2elf, but ii realiize how iimpractiical that would be.  
PAG: Yeah, f8ne, you can sta8 me, if 8nly to deny this f8cker the satisf8ction.  
PAG: 8ut maaaaaaaan, I d8n't want to l8se all this pr8gress........  
PGC: W3R3 NOT GO1NG TO M4K3 4NY PROGR3SS W1TH YOU SH1SHK3B4B3D TO TH3 GROUND!  
PGC: NOW B3 QU13T 4ND L3T M3 ST4B YOU 4LR34DY  
PAG: F8ne, just get it 8ver with.  
PAT: wA1T, hOLD ON,  
PAT: vR1SKA, yOU'RE SER1OUSLY JUST GO1NG TO LET HER STAB YOU,  
PAG: Um, ye8h? N8t really g8ing anywh8re otherw8se.  
PAT: uGH,  
PAT: 1 CAN'T WATCH TH1S,  
PAT: tEREZ1, jUST DO 1T ALREADY,  
PGC: 4LR1GHT  
PAG: Hrk!  
PGC: HM  
PAA: well  
PAA: that wasnt nearly as satisfying as i thought it would be  
PGC: Y34H >:/  
PGC: 1 F1GUR3D 1 M1GHT 3ND UP ST4BB1NG VR1SK4 1N TH3 B4CK SOM3 D4Y  
PGC: BUT 1 N3V3R F1GUR3D 1TD B3 SO  
PGC: 4NT1CL1M4CT1C  
PAT: 1S SHE DEAD,  
PGC: Y34H, BUT SH3LL G3T B3TT3R  
PGC: TH3 GOD T13R L1GHT SHOW 1S ST4RT1NG 4LR34DY  
PGC: 1T LOOKS D3L1C1OUS, 1 K1ND OF JUST W4NT TO S1T H3R3 4ND W4TCH  
PAA: you can watch it at the last checkpoint  
PAA: now off with you!  
PGC: BL4R >:[  
PAT: uGH,  
PAT: 1T D1SGUSTS ME THAT TH1S WAS EVEN NECESSARY,  
PAT: tHANKS A LOT, eQU1US,  
CCT: D --> 100k, I'm sorry  
CCT: D --> But I didn't do it on purpose  
PAT: hEY, gUESS WHAT, 1 DON'T CARE,  
PAT: yOU K1ND OF NEARLY K1LLED MY MO1RA1L, aND THAT'S REALLY NOT COOL,  
PAT: eR1DAN, tH1S 1S NOT COOL, r1GHT, bACK ME UP HERE,  
FCA: wwell yeah it kind of isnt  
FCA: eq you dont manslaughter a mans moirail thats kind of unacceptable  
CCT: D --> I wasn't trying to  
FCA: yeah yeah i knoww  
FCA: an to be honest i think its kinda fuckin hilarious myself  
PAT: wHAT,  
PGC: H3H3H3H3  
CGA: Okay As Meaningless As It May Be Id Appreciate It If You All Wouldnt Laugh At The Demise Of My Matesprit  
PAT: yEAH, cOME ON, gUYS,  
PAT: tHE WHOLE PEANUT GALLERY COMES OUT WHEN vR1SKA GETS MUT1LATED W1TH A STRAY ARROW,  
PAT: bUT THEN YOU ALL TAKE TURNS G1V1NG eQU1US A PAT ON THE BACK FOR BE1NG NOT AS MUCH OF A JERK AS HE COULD BE,  
PAT: tELL YOU WHAT, wHY DON'T WE ALL JUST HEAD OVER TO H1S STUP1D L1TTLE BLUE PLANET AND G1VE H1M A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OVERCOM1NG H1S CR1PPL1NG SELF-LOATH1NG,  
PAT: cONGRATULAT1ONS!!!  
CCC: Tavros, w)(at is WIT)( you today? I get t)(at you )(ave a problem wit)( --Equius, but you are downrig)(t LIVID rig)(t now!  
CCC: In fact, you're being kind of a J--ERK. >38/  
PAA: you mean more than usual  
CCC: Yes, more t)(an usual.  
PAT: nO, yOU KNOW WHAT, dON'T EVEN START,  
PAT: 1 GET THAT 1 M1GHT BE A "jERK," oKAY,  
PAT: aND 1'VE MORE THAN FUCK1NG PA1D MY PR1CE FOR 1T,  
PAT: bUT TH1S GREASY, bLUE-BLOODED ASSHOLE 1S AT least AS MUCH OF A JERK AS 1 AM,  
PAT: sO WHY 1S EVERYBODY JUST G1V1NG H1M THE BENEF1T OF THE DOUBT,  
CCT: D --> Because I have a thing called "tact"  
CCT: D --> You should consider employing it sometime  
PAT: oH, oKAY,  
PAT: sO YOU TH1NK JUST BECAUSE YOU TALK FANCY, tHAT MAKES YOU BETTER THAN ME,  
CCT: D --> There are a lot of things that make me better than you  
CCT: D --> That's simply one of them  
PAT: gOD, tH1S 1S SUCH BULLSH1T,  
PAT: yOU AREN'T EVEN OVER THE hEMOSPECTRUM AT ALL, tHAT'S A FUCK1NG L1E,  
PAT: yOU'RE THE SAME EL1T1ST ASSHOLE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN,  
PAT: aND YOU'RE JUST PRETEND1NG L1KE YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT 1T ANYMORE SO YOU CAN HOOK UP W1TH fEFER1,  
CCT: D --> No, you're wrong  
PAT: nO, 1 TH1NK 1'M R1GHT,  
PAT: 1N FACT, 1 BET THE hEMOSPECTRUM 1S THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE 1NTERESTED 1N HER,  
CCT: D --> What  
PAT: cOME ON, 1T'S OBV1OUS, 1SN'T 1T,  
PAT: sHE'S AT THE TOP OF THE hEMOSPECTRUM, aND S1NCE THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT, oF COURSE YOU'D GO FOR HER,  
PAT: tHAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOU BROKE TH1NGS OFF W1TH aRAD1A SO QU1CKLY,  
PAT: wHY SETTLE FOR A D1SGUST1NG PEASANT WHEN YOU HAVE A CHANCE AT SCOR1NG SOME SWEET, sWEET TYR1AN, aM 1 R1GHT,  
PAT: 1 BET YOU DON'T EVEN L1KE HER, yOU JUST L1KE HER BLOOD,  
CCT: D --> Listen here, you impudent filth-b100ded worm  
CCT: D --> I don't  
CCT: D --> Er  
CCC: >38O  
CAC: :33 < um  
PAT: hA,  
PAT: sO YOU SHOW YOUR TRUE COLORS,  
FTC: And thus did the First Prophet call another one.  
PAT: bANGARANG,  
FTC: Bangarang.  
CCT: D --> Oh god  
CCT: D --> No, I'm not  
CCT: D --> I mean  
CCT: D --> It was an a%ident  
PAT: aN ACC1DENT,  
PAT: sOMEHOW 1'M NOT BUY1NG 1T,  
FTC: Yeah, motherfucker, you already used up your accident card today.  
FTC: That shit was just some straight up motherfuckin prejudice.  
CCT: D --> No, 100k, I  
CCT: D --> Tavros  
PAT: wHAT,  
CCT: D --> I'm  
CCT: D --> I'm sorry  
PAT: yOU'RE WHAT,  
CCT: D --> I allowed my anger to get the best of me, and I let slip an una%eptable casteist remark  
CCT: D --> That was wrong of me  
CCT: D --> And the magnitude of this trangression was only e%acerbated by the fact that it was only the most recent of a series of such remar%  
CCT: D --> I never should have used the color of your b100d as an e%cuse to disparage you  
CCT: D --> And so I wish to apologize  
CCT: D --> For all of the casteist comments I have subje%ed you to  
PAT: uH,  
PAT: yOU'RE SER1OUSLY APOLOG1Z1NG TO ME,  
CCT: D --> Don't take this the wrong way  
CCT: D --> I still don't like you  
CCT: D --> And I'm not apologizing for mocking you in general  
CCT: D --> But the speficic nature of my remar% was in e%ceptionally bad taste, and I tr001y never should have lowered myself to that level  
CCT: D --> And besides, it's a poor basis for insult anyway  
CCT: D --> Clearly if there is a correlation between one's rank and their va100 as a troll, it is e%tremely 100se at best  
CCT: D --> Given that those both immediately above and immediately below you are leagues your better  
PAA: hahahaha nice  
CCT: D --> I thought you might appreciate that  
PAA: of course!  
PAT: aRAD1A, sTAY OUT OF TH1S, tHE ADULTS ARE TALK1NG,  
PAA: fuck you :)  
CCT: D --> Haha  
PAT: }>:(  
CCT: D --> So  
PAT: sO WHAT,  
CCT: D --> Well, I've just apologized  
PAT: aND YOU WANT ME TO ACCEPT 1T,  
CCT: D --> That would be the ideal conc100sion to all this, yes  
PAT: wELL,  
PAT: hOW DO 1 KNOW YOU'RE SER1OUS ABOUT THE hEMOSPECTRUM TH1NG,  
PAT: yOU COULD JUST BE GO1NG THROUGH W1TH TH1S TO SAVE FACE,  
CCT: D --> I've never been anything but honest about my beliefs regarding the Hemospe%rum  
CAC: :33 < thats true  
CAC: :33 < he had the gall to try to argue about it with fefurry of all people  
CAC: :33 < to her face!  
CCC: Yea)(... 38/  
FCA: hahaha you stupid shit  
CCT: D --> Yes, that was rather f001ish  
CCT: D --> But I try to consider myself a man of principles  
CCT: D --> And I only changed them because I recently recognized they were constru%ed on a 100se foundation  
CCT: D --> But they have changed, I assure you  
PAT: wELL,  
PAT: oKAY, f1NE, 1 GUESS 1 BEL1EVE YOU,  
PAT: aND 1F 1T MEANS YOU'LL DROP THE WHOLE "h1GHB100D" ACT 1N THE FUTURE, tHEN,  
PAT: 1 ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY, 1 GUESS,  
CCT: D --> Thank you  
CCT: D --> I am tr001y grateful  
PAT: sURE, wHATEVER,  
FCA: yeah noww this is wwhat i like to see  
FCA: evverybody just discardin their silly preconceivved notions an hatin each other on a purely rational basis  
FCA: makes my job a lot easier at least  
CCT: D --> Yes, of course  
CCT: D --> And likewise, Mr. Ampora, I owe you an apology as well  
CCT: D --> I have, in the past, made several derogatory remar% regarding your status as a seadweller  
CCT: D --> For obvious reasons, that doesn't sit well with me now  
FCA: right  
CCT: D --> So I'm sorry for that  
CAC: :33 < wait, youre apawlogizing fur making fun of eridan?  
CAC: :33 < im not sure i appurrove of this...  
CCT: D --> Well, not e%actly  
CCT: D --> Again, it's not for the act in general  
CCT: D --> Just the specific racial nature of it  
CCT: D --> With all due respect, Eridan, although I recognize your authority as an auspistice  
CCT: D --> I still don't like you that much  
FCA: hahaha its cool i get it  
FCA: ivve kind of accepted at this point that evverybody kinda mildly dislikes me a little  
CCT: D --> Really  
CCT: D --> Even your matesprit  
FCA: yeah evven her  
PGC: 1TS OK4Y THOUGH!  
PGC: H1S M1LD D1SL1K4B1L1TY 1S P4RT OF H1S CH4RM <3  
FCA: haha exactly  
FCA: so yeah sure wwhatevver apology accepted  
CCT: D --> Thank you  
CCT: D --> And Feferi, I must apologize to you for that outburst  
CCT: D --> I tr001y don't believe in the Hemospe%rum anymore, you must believe that  
CCT: D --> But  
CCT: D --> I let my anger get the best of me  
CCT: D --> And I let slip a regrettable utterance  
CCT: D --> Almost refle%ively, really  
CCT: D --> Which is f001ish, I realize  
CCC: -Equius, it is okay, I understand.  
CCC: You )(ave believed in t)(e )(emospectrum your entire life, and it makes sense t)(at you would internalize it to a certain extent.  
CCC: So if you occasionally slip up and make some casteist remark, t)(at is unfortunate, but I can't really be mad at you about it.  
CCC: W)(at matters is t)(at you don't CONSCIOUSLY believe in t)(e )(emospectrum anymore, and I believe you w)(en you tell me t)(at you don't!  
CCT: D --> You are too kind, tr001y  
CCC: )(e)(e, yea)(, I kind of am.  
CCC: Just DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!  
CCT: D --> Er  
CCT: D --> Is that an order  
CCC: YOU'R--E DAM RIG)(T IT'S AN ORD--ER!!!  
CCT: D --> Hrk  
CCT: D --> Yes ma'am  
CCC: )(e)(e)(e, <3  
CGA: Hmmm  
CCC: O)(, w)(at??  
CGA: Nothing  
CGA: Its Just A Little Curious  
CGA: You Seem To Take Some Relish In Giving Mister Zahhak Orders  
CCC: W)(ale, MAYB--E Mister Za)()(ak )(akes some relis)( in R--ES--EAVING orders, DID YOU -EV-ER T)(INK OF T)(AT??  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> Maybe we shouldn't talk about this  
CCC: -Equius, it is not)(ing to be embarrassed aboat!  
FTC: Naw, I think it kind of motherfuckin is somethin to be embarrased around.  
FTC: All gettin down off one knee and takin commands from any purple-veined bitch what'll give him the time of night.  
FTC: Motherfuckin' shameful, really.  
CCT: D --> E%cuse me  
CCT: D --> Don't call her that  
FTC: Don't call her what?  
CCT: D --> That word  
CCT: D --> "Bitch"  
CCT: D --> It's incredibly insulting, and you have abso100tely no right to casually refer to her as that  
FTC: Ahahahahahahaha, now THIS has got to all be the Vast motherfuckin' Joke right here.  
FTC: Equius Zahhak, social justice warrior.  
FTC: Bro, since when did you up and gain the motherfuckin right to spew orders towards me?  
FTC: Last I checked, I was your direct motherfuckin superior upon the Hemospectrum, so your orders don't mean shit to me.  
CCT: D --> I don't care  
CCT: D --> You have no right to insult my matesprit  
CCT: D --> In fact, I think you should apologize to her  
FTC: You want me to apologize?  
FTC: Nah, bro, I'm thinkin YOU'RE the motherfucker what needs to apologize.  
CCT: D --> For what, e%actly  
FTC: Well, you're all spittin apologies on every other brother and sister here what's ever suffered over your bigoted horseshit, so what about me?  
FTC: I'm thinkin I've been victimized to that shit as much like any other motherfucker here, maybe even more.  
CCT: D --> E%cuse me  
CCT: D --> My "victimization" of you has nothing to do with your rank  
CCT: D --> It had to do with the fact that you were an abso100tely reprehensible troll with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, save for the color of your b100d  
CCT: D --> Your position on the Hemospe%rum was the only thing sparing you from my full and uninhibited contempt  
CCT: D --> I owe you nothing  
CCT: D --> Save perhaps a swift blow to the head  
CCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, Y----EA)(!!! GO ----EQUIUS!!!!  
CCC: You put t)(at clownfis)( in )(is PLAIC----E!!!!  
PAT: hEY, wHOA, eXCUSE ME,  
PAT: yOU'RE BE1NG K1ND OF AN ASSHOLE R1GHT NOW, eQU1US,  
PAT: wHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THAT "tACT" OF YOURS,  
CCT: D --> Nitram, this doesn't concern you  
PAT: nO, 1 TH1NK 1T K1ND OF DOES,  
PAT: yOU'RE BE1NG A COMPLETE HYPOCR1TE HERE,  
PAT: 1F YOU'RE GO1NG AFTER H1M FOR TALK1NG SH1T ABOUT YOUR MATESPR1T,  
PAT: tHEN 1'M GO1NG AFTER YOU FOR TALK1NG SH1T ABOUT M1NE,  
FCA: wwhoa ok this is kinda gettin outta hand noww  
FCA: lets all just take a step back from the convversation an stop flippin out at each other  
FCA: wwe all need to settle dowwn here  
CGA: Im Inclined To Agree  
CGA: All Of This Bickering Isnt Really Accomplishing Anything Save For Inflating Itself Into A Larger Conflict  
FTA: awwwwwwww, why do you guy2 have two come iin and ruiin the fun, thii2 ii2 2o fuckiing hiilariiou2 two watch.  
PAG: Hey!  
PAG: Is that eight w's I see there, Mister Captor????????  
FTA: vk, what the fuck, ii thought you were 2tiill dead.  
PAG: I revived like eight minutes ago, you dipshit. You're the Mage of Doom, I thought you were supposed to know this shit.  
PAG: 8ut just where do you get off jacking my swag, hmmmmmmmm????????  
FTA: ii'm not jackiing anythiing!  
PAG: Hahahaha, yeah, somehow I don't 8elieve that.  
CCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a.  
FTA: 2hut up, you know what ii meant, ii'm not 2tealiing your 2tupiid typiing thiing wiith the eiight2.  
FTA: ii don't even thiink about iit, ii ju2t need two type more than two letter2 and ii ju2t end up typiing eiight of them.  
PAG: Oh, so you're soooooooo enamored with me that that's just your way of su8consiously expressing your o8session????????  
FTA: ugh, no, thii2 ii2 all bee e22.  
FTA: iit'2 a power of two, tho2e are 2uppo2ed two be my thiing.  
FTA: iif anythiing, ii'm the one who 2hould be goiing after you for tryiing two jack MY 2wag.  
PAG: Haha, what????????  
PAG: You seriously think I'm gonna try to copy your dum8 8ifurc8tion gimmick???????? Don't m8ke me laugh.  
FTA: how about ii make you bleed iin2tead?  
PAG: 8ring it the fuck on, Captor. <3<  
PGC: 4CTU4LLY COULD YOU NOT  
PGC: W3R3 K1ND OF ST1LL 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 G4M3 H3R3  
PGC: 4ND WH1L3 VR1SK4 B31NG K1LL3D BY 4N OUTS1D3 FORC3 *4G41N* WOULD B3 PR3TTY FUNNY, 1 TH1NK JUST TH3 ON3 T1M3 1S 3NOUGH  
PAA: hahaha  
PAT: wHAT ARE YOU LAUGH1NG ABOUT, aRAD1A,  
PAT: mY K1D 1S ST1LL BEAT1NG YOURS,  
PAA: beating her in what category  
PAA: times dying?  
PAA: because yeah ill concede that  
PGC: H4H4H4H4  
PAT: nO, 1 MEANT 1N THE CATEGORY OF "k1CK1NG ASSES AND TAK1NG NAMES,"  
PAT: wHOSE LEADERBOARD SHE 1S CLEARLY DOM1NAT1NG,  
CGA: Shouldnt That Be Two Categories  
PAT: wHAT,  
CGA: Kicking Asses And Taking Names  
CGA: They Seem To Be Two Distinct Activities  
PAG: Well, yeah, 8ut why would you t8ke names if you weren't kicking asses at the same time????????  
CGA: There Are Any Number Of Reasons Why You Might Want To Take Names  
CGA: Ill Grant You That The Act Most Often Follows Or Occasionally Immediately Precedes Asskicking But It Seems Thoughtless To Simply Write All Other Possible Associations Off  
PAT: uGH, wHATEVER, yOU'RE OVERCOMPL1CAT1NG THE METAPHOR,  
PAT: tHE FACT 1S, vR1SKA 1S K1LL1NG MORE STUFF, tHEREFORE SHE'S DO1NG BETTER,  
PAA: the road to the undoing not a contest to see who can kill more enemies  
PAA: its a survival challenge  
PAA: vriskas expending a lot of resources to score unnecessary kills while terezis conserving hers  
PGC: Y34H  
PGC: 1 ST1LL H4D S3V3N SW1GS OF R1DG3L3Y L3FT B3FOR3 VR1SK4 D13D  
PGC: 1M PR3TTY SUR3 SH3 ONLY H4D L1K3 THR33  
PAA: exactly!  
PAA: so im pretty sure terezis the one actually winning here  
PAT: oH YEAH, sURE, rEDEF1NE THE COMPET1T1ON 1N LAME 1D1OT TERMS SO YOU'RE ALREADY W1NN1NG,  
PAT: l1KE 1 HAVEN'T HEARD OF that L1TTLE TR1CK BEFORE,,,  
PAA: yeah i guess you wouldve  
PAA: considering youre the master of it and all  
PAT: wHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN,  
PAA: it means youre an idiot  
PAT: sHUT UP,  
PAA: make me  
PAT: f1NE, 1 W1LL,  
FTA: ahahahahahahahah, wow.  
FTA: iit'2 actually kiind of hiilariiou2 how petty thii2 ii2.  
PAG: Well, you can't ravage the surface of a planet every night.  
FTA: true.  
CAC: :33 < okay guys?  
CAC: :33 < were getting off-topic again  
PAG: What is the topic, exactly?  
CAC: :33 < equius and fefurry, duh!  
PAG: Oh, right.  
FTA: 2o ii'm gue22iing the date diidn't go entiirely 2moothly, then?  
CCC: W)(ale, no, but it is not reely t)(at big a deal.  
CCC: We just )(ad a little... DISAGR--E--EM-ENT, t)(at's all.  
FTA: oh god damn iit, you probably wanted two talk to me after that, and ii wa2 completely tiied up wiith my own 2hiit.  
FTA: FUCK, ii am 2UCH a 2hiity moiiraiil.  
CCC: No, Sollux, it's fine! I didn't D-ESP-ERAT-ELY need you at t)(e time.  
CCC: I was not )(ORRIBLY DISTRAUG)(T or anyt)(ing, I was just a little disappointed.  
CCC: Anyway, if I R-E-ELY needed your kelp t)(at badly, I would )(ave just marc)(ed over to LOBAF and talked to you IN P-ERC)(SON.  
PGC: YOU WOULDV3?  
PGC: B3C4US3 1 M34N  
PGC: 3R  
PGC: N3V3RM1ND 4CTU4LLY  
CAC: :33 < wait, hold on  
CAC: :33 < sollux, you were on lobaf?  
FTA: uh, yeah, what of iit.  
PGC: Y3S H3 W4S D3F1N1T3LY SOM3WH3R3 ON LOB4F  
PGC: 1TS 4 B1G PL4N3T, 4ND TH3R3 4R3 4 LOT OF PL4C3S TO GO 4ND TH1NGS TO DO TH3R3  
PGC: H3 W4S OBV1OUSLY BUSY DO1NG SOM3 S1D3QU3STS OR SOMETH1NG  
PGC: BUT H3 D3F1N1T3LY W4SNT 4T H1S H1V3  
PGC: R1GHT 4R4D14  
PAA: right of course  
PAA: he never set foot in his hive at all that day  
PAA: and i should know because i was there!  
PGC: Y3S 3X4CTLY  
CAC: :33 < >://  
FTA: okay, yeah, 2o ff, what'd you do when ii wa2 on lobaf, but certiifiiably not at my hiive?  
CCC: O)(, I just went back to LODAG, t)(at is all.  
CCC: Reely, I t)(ink -Equius is t)(e one w)(o needed some pale support more t)(an I did, so I just left )(im and Nepeta to t)(eir devices.  
CCT: D --> Yes  
CCT: D --> Your reje%ion proved quite the blow  
CCT: D --> Though I don't blame you for it, of course  
CCT: D --> In fact  
CCT: D --> I think it was e%actly what I needed  
CCT: D --> To tr001y understand the e%tent of the problem  
CCC: Yea)(...  
CCC: I feel bad aboat it, but I )(ad to stick to my guns, you know?  
FTA: yeah, that'2 riight, don't 2ettle for 2ome guy beiing an enormou2 fuckiing iidiiot ju2t becau2e you have a thiing for hiim for 2ome rea2on.  
FTA: you know how THAT goe2...  
CCC: )(a)(a, just a little.  
CGA: Hmmm  
CGA: Now That You Mention It  
CGA: This Does Seem Like An Awfully Familiar Scenario  
CCC: >38?  
CCC: Just w)(at are you IMPLYING )(ere, Kanaya?  
CGA: And Once Again You Immediately Assume Im Implying Something  
CGA: Always So Defensive Miss Peixes  
CCC: Because you always AR--E implying somet)(ing aboat me!  
CCC: Because w)(en you want to talk bad aboat me, you will not just grow a spine and SAY IT TO MY FAC---E!!  
CGA: Goodness  
CGA: Only Five Lines On My Part And Youve Already Worked Yourself Into A Rage  
CCC: T)(is is not RAG--E, Kanaya, t)(is is BOR--EDOM.  
CCC: I've )(ad --ENOUG)( of your snide insinuations. T)(ey are just getting TIRING now.  
CCC: So if you are trying to say somet)(ing to me, JUST SAY IT.  
CGA: Im Not Trying To Say Anything To You  
CCC: *SIIIIIIIIG)(...*  
CGA: All Im Saying  
CGA: Is That This Seems Like An Awful Lot To Which To Subject Someone For Whom You Claim To Be Flushed  
CCC: O)( my COD, could t)(at sentence B--E any more )(ypercorrected????  
CCC: T)(is is --EXACTLY t)(e kind of nonsense up wit)( w)(ic)( I am getting sick of putting!!!  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
CGA: Youre Dodging The Question  
CCC: You never ASK--ED a question.  
CGA: Oh  
CGA: Um  
CGA: I Guess I Didnt  
CCC: You made a statement of your opinion wit)( a question in it IMPLICITLY, but FAR be it from me to assume t)(at Kanaya Maryam is IMPLYING somet)(ing.  
CCC: S)(orely s)(e would N-EV-ER resort to suc)( a r)(etorical device!  
CGA: Urrgh Okay Fine  
CGA: Why Did You Pointedly Reject Mister Zahhaks Advances Even Knowing Fully Well What You Were Putting Him Through By Doing So  
CCC: Because I COUDLN'T accept )(im as my matesprit if )(e still believed in t)(e )(emospectrum! It was somet)(ing t)(at )(AD to c)(ange!  
CGA: So You Wanted To Change Him  
CGA: That Doesnt Seem Like A Particularly Dark Sentiment  
CCC: A)(a)(a)(a, WOW, you are accusing me of being PAL--E for )(im???  
CCC: T)(is is just a w)(ole new level of ridiculous.  
CGA: Is It Really  
CGA: Given Your History With Sollux I Wouldnt Particularly Trust Your Ability To Differentiate Between The Urges Of The Two Red Quadrants  
CCC: Okay, wow, NO. T)(is is all NONS--ENS--E.  
CCC: I did not want to c)(ange -Equius! I wanted )(im to c)(ange, yes, but I did NOT want to be t)(e one to do it!  
CCC: And I turned )(im down --EXPLICITLY because I knew t)(at was t)(e duty of )(is moirail and not me!  
CCC: Am I rig)(t, Nepeta?  
CAC: :33 < yeah, actually  
CAC: :33 < she was purretty clear about that  
CAC: :33 < really, this whole thing was my fault  
CCT: D --> Nepeta, you mustn't blame yourself for this  
CAC: :33 < yeah i must!  
CAC: :33 < i mean, i knew this was a purroblem, but i pushed you into going on your date with fefurry anyway  
CAC: :33 < and then there was all this drama and  
CAC: :33 < ugh  
CCT: D --> Well, perhaps you did contribute to the situation  
CCT: D --> But you were also crucial to fi%ing it  
CCT: D --> I couldn't have done this without your help, Nepeta  
CCT: D --> Tr001y, none of this would have been possible without you  
CAC: :33 < oh, i didnt do all that much  
CAC: :33 < i just helped you out a little  
CAC: :33 < you couldnt have gotten over the hemeowspectrum unless you really wanted to!  
CCT: D --> I suppose not  
CCT: D --> But it's about more than just wanting  
CCT: D --> Even if I had desired it before, I don't think it was something I could have overcome without your support  
FTA: yeah, hey, ju2t out of curiio2iity, when diid thii2 whole you gettiing over the hemo2pectrum thiing happen?  
FTA: liike, what'2 the tiimeframe here, ii'm kiind of gettiing a general iidea, but iit 2eem2 really off.  
CCC: W)(ale, w)(en I left )(is )(ive, )(e wasn't over it, but w)(en I saw )(im next, )(e was.  
CCC: And t)(at was... t)(irty minutes later, maybe?  
FTA: thiirty miinute2?  
FTA: 2eriiou2ly??  
FTC: Yeah, no, I'm all about to call bullshit down on that.  
FTC: There ain't no way on Skaia this motherfucker could up and get over his lifelong bulge for the Hemospectrum in half an hour.  
CCT: D --> Really  
CCT: D --> Is it tr001y that hard to believe that someone could di%ard their belief in a f001ish and ill-conceived system in the course of a single night  
CCT: D --> Clown  
FTC: That shit's different  
CCT: D --> How is it even remotely different  
FCA: wwell honestly that one wwas kinda my fault  
FCA: wwe kind of got into a philosophical debate a sorts the night before  
FCA: an i may havve been a little uh  
FCA: emphatic in my arguments  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, idiot  
CCT: D --> So a partic001arly insightful argument from your moirail revealed several irreconcilable inconsistencies in your belief system, leaving you with no logical choice but to abandon them  
CCT: D --> That's e%actly the same  
FTC: No, but I mean...  
FTC: Aw, fuck it, nevermind.  
FTA: 2tiill, thii2 whole thiing 2eem2 a liittle farfetched two me.  
FTA: ii mean, ii'm not accu2iing you of lyiing about the whole thiing wiith the hemo2pectrum, but 2eriiou2ly, half an hour??  
FTA: ii don't care how good a moiiraiil np miight be, that ju2t 2eems completely unrealii2tiic two me.  
PAG: You'd do well not to underestim8 her, Sollux.  
PAG: I know 8etter than any8ody what thirty minutes alone with Nepeta can do to a person, and it's some scary shit.  
CCC: )(e)(e, yea)(, I )(ad some first)(and experience wit)( t)(at too!  
CAC: :33 < its not scary!  
PAG: No, it's kind of scary.  
PAG: If me from two weeks ago were to meet me right now, she'd pro8a8ly think I was possessed 8y one of the Horrorterrors of the Furthest Ring or something.  
PGC: Y34H, YOUR3 D3F1N1T3LY L4M3R NOW  
PAG: Hey, fuck you!!!!!!!!  
PAA: hahaha  
FTA: ugh, iit'2 all heart power2, ii2n't iit, ii 2hould've fuckiing known.  
FTA: and now we're all ju2t two 2tep2 away from beiing np'2 eternal heart zombiie 2lave2 forever.  
PGC: YOU S4Y TH4T L1K3 YOUR3 NOT ON3 OF H3R V1CT1MS 4S W3LL  
PGC: JUST 4DM1T 1T, SOLLUX  
PGC: YOU LOV3 B31NG 4 H34RT ZOMB13  
PAA: yeah!  
PAA: one of us!  
PAA: one of us!  
CAC: :33 < uuuuugh XPP  
CAC: :33 < fur the last time, im not meownipulating guys!  
CAC: :33 < and im not even using any heart pawers!!  
CCC: I am not so s)(ore aboat T)(AT, Nepeta!  
CCC: Don't you remember w)(en we were bot)( in t)(e )(eart of Derse, and I was kind of freaking out aboat t)(ings...  
CCC: And you grabbed me by t)(e s)(oalders and told me everyt)(ing was going to be fine, and suddenly it was??  
CAC: :33 < oh, um  
CAC: :33 < yeah, i remempurr that  
CCC: T)(at was more t)(an just a kind word, Nepeta.  
CCC: It was SOM---E variety of )(earty t)(ing, I just KNOW it!  
CAC: :33 < well, okay, maybe it was  
CAC: :33 < but its not like i did it on purrpuss!  
CAC: :33 < im not even sure if i can, really  
CAC: :33 < it just kind of happened!  
FCA: catpunned  
CAC: :33 < eridan, shut up  
CCC: W)(ale, maybe you are not SUPPOS--ED to control it!  
CCC: Maybe you are just supposed to do w)(at you t)(ink is rig)(t, and if you're rig)(t aboat it being rig)(t, t)(ey will just give you a little boost!  
FTA: yeah, maybe iit'2 ju2t the wiill of your a2pect that we're all 2uppo2ed two get tangled up iin one biig un2peakable romantiic clu2terfuck of your con2tructiion.  
FTA: and then iit probably want2 u2 two have a ma22iive orgy.  
PAT: wHAT,  
FTA: ju2t a gue22.  
PAA: ooh i hope so!  
PAA: that sounds like fun  
PGC: BL4R  
PGC: YOU TWO 4R3 SO W31RD  
CGA: Miss Pyrope Given Recent Developments Im Not Entirely Certain You Have Any Room To Speak On This Subject  
FTA: yeah, 2he'2 kiind of riight, tz.  
FCA: wwait  
FCA: sol wwhat recent devvelopments are you talkin about  
FTA: what recent development2 are YOU talkiing about?  
PGC: OK4Y WOW L3TS STOP T4LK1NG 4BOUT TH1S NOW!!!  
PGC: L1T3R4LLY 4NY OTH3R SUBJ3CT W1LL SUFF1C3, COM3 ON L3TS GO  
PAA: yeah this isnt really either of you guys business  
PAA: though i have to say terezi it isnt anything to be embarrassed about  
PGC: 4R4D14 SHUT UP  
PAA: haha ok  
CAC: :33 < yeah i kind of agr33 with terezi here  
CAC: :33 < we n33d to stop talk1ng about this  
CAC: :33 < and aradia, you n33d to shut up  
PAA: ok ok im done!  
PAA: i dont know why you guys have to be such prudes  
CAC: :33 < enough!!!!  
CAC: :33 < anyway, you guys joke around, but i really do f33l bad about this  
CAC: :33 < i mean  
CAC: :33 < equius, if it really was this easy to change your mind about the hemospectrum, then i couldve done it sooner  
CAC: :33 < but i didnt  
CAC: :33 < in fact, i wasnt really taking my duties as your moirail seriously at all!  
CAC: :33 < you talked to me before about how you were treating me like a grub, but i was doing the same thing to you!  
CAC: :33 < and i just f33l like i was a bad moirail to you  
CAC: :33 < and im sorry :((  
CCT: D --> 100k, Nepeta  
CCT: D --> I understand why you might feel that way  
CCT: D --> But this isn't your fault  
CAC: :33 < but it is though!  
CCT: D --> Then it's not 100% your fault  
CCT: D --> I am at least equally to blame  
CCT: D --> I would say more so  
CCT: D --> The truth is, I wasn't being entirely honest with you  
CCT: D --> I was diminishing the magnitude of the problem  
CCT: D --> I'd felt the way I had, about the Hemospe%rum and about myself, for quite some time  
CCT: D --> But I never 100ked to you for guidance  
CCT: D --> Because I felt that you would not understand, nor would you be able to help  
CCT: D --> Which I realize is f001ish now  
CCT: D --> I should have trusted you, and I didn't  
CCT: D --> So I'm the one who should be apologizing  
CAC: :33 < its okay equius, i understand  
CAC: :33 < i get why you wouldnt take me seriously  
CAC: :33 < especially when i never took you seriously either ://  
CCT: D --> But you're not a bad moirail, Nepeta  
CCT: D --> You are an e%cellent moirail, the best I've ever known  
CCT: D --> And had I simply admitted my problem to you sooner, I'm abso100tely certain you would have been able to help me  
CAC: :33 < well, maybe  
CAC: :33 < but youre a really great moirail too!  
CAC: :33 < and maybe if id actually taken my duties seriously and talked to you about it, you would have b33n willing to listen!  
CCT: D --> Well  
CCT: D --> Perhaps  
CCT: D --> But to be perfe%ly honest, you aren't the entire reason I've renounced my allegiance to the Hemospe%rum  
CCT: D --> You were the one who helped me to do it, yes  
CCT: D --> But I'm not abso100tely certain that your urging alone would be enough to drive me to a%ion  
CCT: D --> Truthfully, I'd always disagreed with the Hemospe%rum on some level  
CCT: D --> But I felt as though it defined me  
CCT: D --> That I could never hope to cast it off, because without it, I was nothing  
CCT: D --> It took something else to grant me that hope  
CCT: D --> Or rather, someone else  
CCT: D --> Feferi  
CCC: O)(.  
CCC: )(e)(, rig)(t, of course.  
CCT: D --> I know I already told you this, but I believe it bears repeating  
CCT: D --> You said you didn't want to change me, and you did not  
CCT: D --> But  
CCT: D --> It was because of you that I did  
CCT: D --> You were tr001y an inspiration to me  
CCT: D --> In more ways than one, even  
CCT: D --> I believed that the color of our b100d defined us as people  
CCT: D --> And were that true, certainly your b100d more than any other hue would inf100ence your behavior  
CCT: D --> But it doesn't  
CCT: D --> If you have in fact suffered from any totalitarian urges, you 100k to have defied them completely and utterly  
CCT: D --> And I thought, perhaps  
CCT: D --> That if a tyrian b100d, an heiress to the imperious throne could cast off the impositions of the Hemospe%rum  
CCT: D --> Then maybe I could too  
CCC: Well, of COURS--E you could, --Equius!  
CCC: Maybe you needed a little )(elp to do it, but we ALL need a little )(elp sometimes!  
CCC: --Even I do!  
CGA: I Think You Need Help More Than Sometimes  
CCC: W)(at??  
FTA: eheheheh, niice.  
CGA: Thank You  
CCC: Kanaya, w)(ile I would be --EXC--E--EDINGLY )(appy to continue t)(is pointless argument wit)( you in t)(e future, rig)(t now --Equius and I are in t)(e middle of a conversation, and I would T)(ANK you not to interrupt it.  
CGA: The Middle Of A Conversation  
CGA: I Thought You Were Finished  
CGA: Or At Least He Was  
CCT: D --> I wasn't, a%ually  
CGA: Oh Okay Then  
CGA: My Apologies Please Continue  
CCT: D --> Thank you  
CCT: D --> Anyway, while I may have simply needed help to overcome my fi%ation on the Hemospe%rum  
CCT: D --> There was something else I needed as well, which you provided  
CCT: D --> For in addition to giving me hope that I could change  
CCT: D --> You also gave me a purpose for doing so  
CCT: D --> For as long as I clung to the doctrine, I could never claim to be your matesprit  
CCT: D --> And I tr001y believe that that fact, more than any other, is what gave me the strength to face my insecurities  
CCT: D --> Because I think of all the trolls I have met, you are the greatest  
CCT: D --> You are compassionate and wise, even-handed and warm-hearted  
CCT: D --> And captivatingly beautiful, for what that is worth  
CCT: D --> To 100k upon you is to 100k upon a goddess  
CCT: D --> For to my unworthy eyes, you are tr001y perfect  
CCC: ...Um.  
CCC: Wow! T)(ank you, --Equius! T)(at is really nice of you to say.  
CCC: But I am not really sure if you s)(ould t)(ink of me as perfect.  
CCC: I mean, t)(at's kind of a big expectation! I don't t)(ink I )(ave it in me to be perfect all t)(e time.  
CCT: D --> No, you misunderstand  
CCT: D --> You do not have to "be" perfect  
CCT: D --> You simply are  
CCT: D --> It is something that comes to you as effortlessly as breathing  
CCC: 38O  
CCC: --Equius.  
CCT: D --> Yes  
CCC: Get over )(ere and KISS M----E T)(IS INSTANT.  
CCT: D --> As you wish  
PAA: hahaha  
CAC: :33 < uuuuugh  
CAC: :33 < equius stop it!!!  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> Stop what  
CAC: :33 < stop being all charming and handsome and stuff!!!  
CAC: :33 < its weird!!!  
CCT: D --> You  
CCT: D --> You want me to stop being charming  
CAC: :33 < well, no, you should pawbviously k33p being charming and stuff  
CAC: :33 < but its just weird to s33 you like this!  
CAC: :33 < its giving me all these weird f33lings :SS  
CCC: OOOOOOOO)(, could it be t)(at SOM----EON----E )(as seen a different side of t)(eir moirail, )(MMMMMMMM???  
CAC: :33 < no!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < its not like im flushed fur him or something, shut up!!  
PAA: nepeta really its ok if you are  
PAA: none of us are going to judge you for it  
FTA: yeah, you pretty thoroughly worked the dude over wiith your heart power2, iit'2 not really weiird at all that you'd be feeliing a liitle 2almon for hiim.  
CCC: Salmon!!!! )(e)(e)(e.  
CAC: :33 < nooooo  
CAC: :33 < equius this isnt fair!  
CAC: :33 < youre suppawsed to be a big sweaty goofball, you dont just get to become all attractive all of a sudden!!!  
CCT: D --> Well, how do you think I feel, Nepeta  
CCT: D --> You've forced me to endure the e%act same thing  
CAC: :33 < what!  
CCT: D --> Well  
CCT: D --> For sweeps, I had regarded you as my moirail, and nothing more  
CCT: D --> But in these past wee%, you've grown by leaps and bounds  
CCT: D --> Is it tr001y so hard to believe that I might have  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> Grown accustomed to your face  
CAC: :33 < wh  
CAC: :33 < equius, you  
CAC: :33 < i mean  
CAC: :33 < fur me???  
CCT: D --> Urrgh, we shouldn't even be di%ussing this, should we  
CCC: No, it's fine!!!  
CCC: Reely, you two s)(oald be COMPL--ET--ELY comfortable wit)( your feelings for eac)( ot)(er.  
CCC: So if you decide you want to )(ake your moirallegiance in a more P)(YSICAL direction, I would not object atoll!  
CCC: In fact, I would support your decision w)(ole)(eartedly!!  
CAC: :33 < were not doing that!!!  
CAC: :33 < god, that is so weird!  
CCC: Nepeta, it is not W-EIRD.  
CAC: :33 < yes it is!!!  
CAC: :33 < karkat, back me  
CAC: :33 < uh  
CAC: :33 < oh wait  
PGC: H3Y, NOW TH4T YOU M3NT1ON 1T  
PGC: TH1S M3MO H4S B33N 4WFULLY QU13T  
PGC: 4ND TOL3R4BL3  
FTA: yeah, where the hell ii2 kk, he'2 u2ually all over the2e thiing2.  
CAC: :33 < um  
CAC: :33 < he might not be respawnding to this one :((  
FTC: Well shit, why not?  
FTC: Did something happen at him or some shit?  
FCA: come to think of it has anybody evven spoken to him recently  
FCA: i talked to him the other day but i havvent heard back from him since  
FCA: wwhich is kinda wweird since he kinda implied he wwas gonna followw up an he doesnt usually leavve me hangin on shit like that  
PGC: 1 H4V3NT  
PGC: 4ND H3S NOT 1N H1S H1V3 31TH3R, B3FOR3 4NYON3 4SKS  
PAG: Maaaaaaaan, seriously? Vantas is pulling a disappearing act????????  
PAG: That sucks, I kind of need that guy around for some shit.  
FTA: liike what?  
PAG: Like none of your 8usiness????????  
PAA: i saw him the other day actually  
CGA: You Did  
PAA: yeah while i was passing through lopah  
PAA: he seemed really upset about something  
PAA: he wouldnt say what though  
PAA: so i just told him to give it some time and he ran off  
CGA: Oh Dear  
CGA: I Dont Suppose You Know Where He Ran Off To  
PAA: not really  
PAA: i did a quick flyover of lopah this evening and didnt see him  
CGA: Hrm  
PGC: YOU KNOW, 1F YOU R34LLY N33D TO TR4CK H1M DOWN SO B4DLY  
PGC: 1 M1GHT B3 4BL3 TO HUNT H1M DOWN FOR YOU >:]  
CAC: :33 < hunt him down?  
CAC: :33 < and just what are you gonna do after you find him??  
PGC: OH 1 DONT KNOW  
PGC: M4YB3 1LL G1V3 H1M 4 ST3RN DRUBB1NG FOR RUNN1NG OFF L1K3 4 W1GGL3R  
CGA: Terezi I Would Highly Advise Against That Course Of Action  
PGC: BL4R, OF COURS3 YOU WOULD  
PGC: SPO1LSPORT  
FCA: still thats wweird that he wwouldnt showw  
FCA: he usually eats these shippin memos up  
CAC: :33 < yeah, i wish he were here  
CAC: :33 < hed back me up about you guys all being weird!  
CCC: Nepeta, you K-E-EP saying t)(at. INC-ESSANTLY.  
CCC: I am beginning to t)(ink it mig)(t be PAT)(OLOGICAL!  
CAC: :33 < i k33p saying it beclaws its true!!  
CCC: So W)(Y do you t)(ink it is so "weird" for morayeels to be p)(ysically intimate wit)( one anot)(er??  
CAC: :33 < beclaws theyre not suppawsed to do stuff like that!  
CCC: Says w)(o?  
CAC: :33 < um, the rules of the quadrants?  
CAC: :33 < its not a concupiscent quadrant, its a conciliatory one!  
CCC: A)(A! So you are just letting t)(e "rules" of society dictate your actions!  
CAC: :33 < thats not what im doing!  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> That's kind of e%actly what you're doing, though  
CAC: :33 < what  
CCT: D --> I'm just saying, this scenario 100% oddly familiar  
CCT: D --> Given the e%perience I just recently underwent  
CCT: D --> It loo% as though your feelings are in conflict with the e%isting norms of Alternian society  
CCT: D --> And you're attempting to cope by denying the former and vehemently asserting the validity of the latter  
CCT: D --> Which I can assure you abso100tely never wor%  
CAC: :33 < equiuuuuuus  
CAC: :33 < why are you taking their side on this??  
CAC: :33 < i mean, do you actually want to  
CAC: :33 < ??????  
CCT: D --> No, 100k, all I'm saying is  
CCT: D --> Well, if you wanted to  
CCT: D --> I wouldn't be completely opposed  
FCA: wwhoahohoho things are heatin up in here  
FCA: neps gettin some action fuck yeah  
CAC: :33 < ugh, shut up!  
CCC: You know, I t)(ink you s)(oald try it!  
CAC: :33 < what?  
CGA: What  
CCC: Look, you two are CL--EARLY already attracted to eac)( ot)(er, rig)(t?  
CCC: So W)(Y NOT! Just give it a s)(ot!  
FTA: yeah guy2, ju2t go for iit, what do you have two lo2e.  
FTA: hell, whiile you're at iit, why don't you ju2t go whole offalbea2t and have your2elve2 a full-blown 2almonclave?  
CAC: :33 < a what?  
PAA: salmonclave!  
PAA: its like a maroonion but with your moirail instead of your kismesis  
CCC: Ooooo)(, I LIK--E it! But only because it )(as t)(e word "salmon" in it.  
PAG: You know, now that you 8ring up the possi8ility, that actually sounds like it'd 8e pretty 8adass.  
PAG: What do you think, Kanaya? Does that sound up your alley at all?  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Not Really No  
PAT: wHY NOT,  
CGA: Look Its Nothing Against You Personally Its Just  
CGA: Not To My Tastes  
PAG: Kanaya, I'm just trying to include you here.  
PAG: I already know you're not into the whole maroonion thing, at least not with me and Sollux, which I tooooooootally get.  
FTA: yeah, well, ii don't.  
FTA: what the hell, ky, why won't you have a three2ome wiith me, you're breakiing my contractiing and expandiing mu2cle-ba2ed terre2triial cardiiova2cular 2y2tem here.  
CGA: Mister Captor I Believe Ive Already Made My Apprehensions Plain  
CGA: Given The Destructive Nature Of Your Caliginous Liaisons With My Matesprit I Fail Utterly To See What Exactly I Could Contribute  
FTA: oh, come on, iit'2 not liike we ravage the 2urface of a planet every 2iingle tiime, we can tone iit down.  
PAT: cAN YOU ACTUALLY,  
PAT: bECAUSE 1T SEEMS L1KE YOU GUYS PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS TAKE 1T TOO FAR,  
PAA: yeah you kind of do  
PAT: oH, l1KE YOU EVEN HAVE ROOM TO TALK,  
PAT: yOU'RE EVEN MORE CRAZY THAN sOLLUX 1S,  
PAA: only because youre even more annoying than vriska is!  
PAT: oH, B1TE ME,  
PAA: fine!  
PAT: wHAT,  
PAT: oW, fUCK!!!  
PAA: come on tavros  
PAA: the gap is only widening here >:)  
PGC: H3H3H3H3H3  
FTA: 2eriiou2ly, ky, you 2hould giive iit a chance, you'd probably liike it more than you thiink.  
PAG: Sollux, she said she's not interested, just 8ack off.  
CGA: Yes Im Afraid Im Not  
CGA: Or At Least Im Not Interested In The Idea Of A Maroonion With You And Vriska In Particular  
PAG: Seriously?  
PAG: So you don't have a pro8lem with the 8asic concept?  
CGA: I Didnt Say That  
PAT: bUT YOU K1ND OF 1MPL1ED 1T,  
CGA: Look All Im Saying Is That My Apprehensions Dont Lie With The Activity Youre Discussing In Particular  
FTA: then what do they liie wiith?  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Id Rather Not Talk About That  
PAG: Yeah, she'd rather not, okay? So shut up!!!!!!!!  
FTA: fiine, ii'm done.  
PAG: 8ut seriously, Kanaya, you should consider it, it's awesome.  
PAG: It completely changes the dynamic!!!!!!!!  
CCC: Y-EA)(, Kanaya, you s)(oald try listening to your sexy and beautiful matesprit for once!  
CGA: What  
PAG: What?  
CCT: D --> What  
CCC: Look, I am just saying, I t)(ink a maroonion sounds like a t)(ing t)(at would be a lot of fun!  
CCC: And you s)(oald )(ake it from Vriska, because s)(e )(as participated in one before, and also because s)(e )(as a nice butt.  
CGA: Excuse Me  
PAG: Um, Feferi, wh8t the fuck are you doing.  
CCC: Not)(ing! I am just engaging in a little FRONDLY RAPPORT wit)( you, Vriska!  
CCC: You know, because we are suc)( good fronds, and also because I am your auspistice and all!  
PAG: Er, yeah, I guess?  
PAG: 8ut it seems kind of l8ke you're really 8l8tantly flirting with me or s8mething.  
CCC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a, of course t)(at's not w)(at I'm doing!!!!  
CCC: T)(is is just our UNIQU--E and QUIRKY way of interacting wit)( eac)( ot)(er!!  
CCC: You do t)(e same t)(ing wit)( M--E, rig)(t??  
PAG: Um........  
CCC: And Aradia and I do it too! DON'T we, Aradia?  
PAA: yes of course!  
CCC: Yea)(, S-EA? I am not flirting wit)( ANYBODY )(ere.  
CCC: Reely, it does not even mako any sense. W)(y would I be flirting wit)( one of my auspisticees rig)(t in front of my matesprit??  
CCC: You would )(ave to be INSAN--ELY PARANOID to even T)(INK I was doing t)(at, not to mention INCR--EDIBLY STUPID!  
CGA: Hrm  
CGA: Well Is There Any Way You Could  
CGA: Tone Down Your Friendly Rapport  
CCC: Frondly.  
CGA: Friendly  
PAG: No, seriously, c8uld you?  
PAG: I mean, I like you and all, Peixes, don't get me wr8ng, 8ut I think you're t8king the whole thing a little too far.  
CCC: O)(! W)(ale, of course!  
CCC: Aaaaaaaanyt)(ing for you, Vriska. <3  
PAG: Fef8ri, what the f8ck did I just s8y!!!!!!!!  
FTA: ahahahahahahahah, thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2.  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> What e%actly is going on here  
FTA: eq, ju2t iignore ff, 2he'2 beiing weiird.  
CGA: Yes She Is Exhibiting Some Rather Curious Behavior  
CGA: Like For One It Seems Like Shes Actively Encouraging Her Recently Officiated Matesprit To Engage In Actions Of A Prurient Nature With His Moirail  
CCC: O)(, like YOU didn't do T)(--E --EXACT SAM--E T)(ING!!!  
CGA: What  
CCC: Don't even try to deny it, Kanaya!  
CCC: I KNOW you told Vriska to do t)(e same wit)( )(--ER moirail, s)(e told me as much!!  
PAG: Um, what the fuck, Peixes, that's a little priv8!!!!!!!!  
PAT: yEAH, tHAT'S K1ND OF NOT COOL,  
CCC: Okay, yea)(, sorry.  
CCC: But still, I R--EALLY do not appreciate people using )(ypocritical arguments against me!  
CGA: If I Did In Fact Do The Thing Youre Accusing Me Of Doing  
CGA: And Need I Remind You You Have No Concrete Evidence Of Me Doing The Thing In Question  
CGA: I Had A Perfectly Good Reason For It  
CGA: Considering Youre Willing To Speak About This In An Open Forum Maybe Youd Like To Tell Everyone What Yours Is  
CCC: Maybe I WOULD!  
CCC: I am just addressing t)(is now because I do not want to )(ave to deal wit)( it later.  
CCC: T)(e fact is, I DO NOT CAR--E w)(at --Equius and Nepeta do toget)(er!  
CCC: As long as s)(e is doing )(er job and )(e is doing )(is, it doesn't concern me!  
CCC: And I just want to make t)(at clear NOW so I do not )(ave to deal wit)( a bunc)( of annoying, stupid DRAMA.  
PAA: yeah i get that  
PAA: im kind of glad i avoided this whole issue  
PGC: M3 TOO  
PGC: S3R1OUSLY, WHY C4NT 3V3RYON3 JUST B3 COOL L1K3 US?  
CCC: Yea)(, I wis)( t)(ey COULD be!  
CCC: I just wis)( t)(is w)(ole t)(ing was not an issue at all.  
CAC: :33 < okay okay fine!  
CAC: :33 < ill stop making such a big deal out of it, maybe  
CAC: :33 < but could we just stop talking about it?  
CAC: :33 < even if none of you guys have a purroblem about it, its kind of empawrassing to talk about XPP  
CCT: D --> Um, yes, I sort of agree  
CCT: D --> Really, I believe this would best be di%ussed in private  
CCC: Ocray, fair enoug)(. I will spare you two any furt)(er embarrassment, and we can talk aboat t)(is LAT--ER.  
CCC: We could even discuss it in P--ERC)(SON!  
CCC: And then maybe )(ang out for a w)(ale.  
CCC: Y'know, if you guys were in the mood for... SALMON.  
CCC: 38;)  
CAC: :33 < what  
CCC: T)(at's me taking off my goggles to wink.  
CCC: Reely, t)(inking aboat it, it did not make ANY sense for t)(e goggles T)(-EMS)(-ELLV-ES to wink, so I )(ad to c)(ange it.  
CAC: :33 < thats not what i was asking!  
PAA: hahaha  
PAA: you guys are so cute  
FTA: yeah, you kiind of are.  
FTA: really, ii'm glad thii2 whole thiing worked out for you guy2.  
PAA: yeah me too!  
PAA: im glad you found yourself a matesprit you can be happy with feferi  
CCC: W)(ale, t)(ank you! I'm glad too.  
CCC: Reely, I t)(ink -Equius is t)(e B---EST matesprit I could ask for!!  
CCC: It took a little work to mako )(im t)(at way, of course, but t)(ankfully I was not t)(e one w)(o )(ad to do it.  
FTA: yeah.  
FTA: he'2 better than ii would be, at any rate.  
CCC: O)(, )(us)(!!!  
PAA: yes sollux listen to your moirail  
PAA: you have a matesprit and she has a matesprit and youre both happy so who cares  
FTA: okay, fiine, ii'm done.  
CCT: D --> Oh, um  
CCT: D --> Aradia  
PAA: yes?  
CCT: D --> It suddenly occurs to me that I may have indire%ly offended you with one of my previous statements  
PAA: um  
PAA: which one?  
CCT: D --> Well  
CCT: D --> Before, when I was di%ussing why I gave up of the Hemospe%rum  
CCT: D --> I implied that Feferi was the first to tr001y give me a reason to let of of it  
CCT: D --> But  
CCT: D --> Well, that should've been you  
CCT: D --> I don't think it was, but it should've been  
CCT: D --> And I just want you to know  
CCT: D --> I didn't separate from you because you weren't good enough for me  
CCT: D --> But because, I guess  
CCT: D --> I didn't consider myself good enough for you  
CCT: D --> So I'm sorry  
PAA: equius  
PAA: its ok  
PAA: really it was for the best  
PAA: we just werent happy with each other  
PAA: you were in love with some idealized fantasy of me and i  
PAA: well i just went with your decisions because i didnt care enough to protest  
PAA: so i dont hold it against you or anything  
PAA: and for what its worth i think you are a good guy  
CCT: D --> Really  
PAA: yes  
CCT: D --> Even after the, um  
CCT: D --> The incident with the chip  
PAA: well ok that was pretty creepy  
PAA: but i dont think you meant anything malicious by it  
PAA: anyway i think my um  
PAA: immediate response was payback enough  
CCT: D --> Er, right  
PAT: oKAY,  
PAT: 1S ANYBODY ever GO1NG TO EXPLA1N WHAT THE TH1NG W1TH THE CH1P WAS,  
PAT: sER1OUSLY, 1'M DY1NG HERE,  
FTC: Yeah, I want to know what that shit's all around too.  
FTC: From all what I've heard, its sounds like the absolute crowning moment of creepy shit what this sweaty motherfucker's ever done.  
PAA: its none of your business!  
PAA: its between me and equius and i guess nepeta saw it too  
PAA: anyway its all in the past now  
PAT: wOOOOOOOOW,  
PAT: sOUNDS L1KE someBODY'S GOT A CASE OF STOCKHOLM SYNDROME HERE,  
PAA: says the guy who became moirails with the girl who broke his spine!  
PAG: Hey, come on, low 8low!!!!!!!!  
PAA: im just saying he has no room to argue  
PAA: or maybe i should say he has  
PAA: no leg to stand on  
PAA: >8)  
PAG: Uuuuuuuugh. XXXXP  
CCC: Aradia, I t)(oug)(t we agreed you would cut down on t)(e puns.  
PAA: i know i know but i couldnt resist  
PAT: yEAH, kEEP 1T UP W1TH THE PUNS,  
PAT: tHEY MUST BE A BLAST,  
PAT: yOU'RE BR1NG1NG DOWN THE H1VE HERE,  
PAA: oh shut up!  
PAT: oH, oF COURSE, yOU WANT TO STOP,  
PAT: nOW THAT THE WHOLE TH1NG'S BLOW1NG UP 1N YOUR FACE,  
PGC: H3Y!  
PGC: TH4T ON3 4PPL13S TO VR1SK4 MOR3 TH4N 1T DO3S TO 4R4D14  
PAT: sH1T, yOU'RE R1GHT,  
PAG: You see what happens, Tavros?  
PAG: You see what happens when you lower yourself to slinging horri8le puns????????  
CCT: D --> Yes, please stop  
CCT: D --> Aradia and I were in the middle of a conversation  
FTC: Hey, motherfucker, don't tell my matesprit what to do.  
CCC: )(--EY! Don't tell MY matesprit w)(at to do!!!  
CCC: No one gets to order -Equius around but M-----E!!!  
CAC: :33 < and me, sometimes  
CCC: Yes, and Nepeta.  
CCC: But for different reasons.  
CCC: >38D  
CCT: D --> Um  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33! X33  
PAA: haha  
PAA: anyway equius im happy for you two!  
PAA: and im glad you found someone you were willing to improve yourself for  
CCT: D --> Yes  
CCT: D --> I found a reason for me  
CCT: D --> To change who I used to be  
CCT: D --> A reason to start over new  
CCT: D --> And Feferi, the reason is you  
PAT: hAHAHA,  
PAT: wAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A POEM OR SOMETH1NG,  
PAT: bECAUSE HOO, bUDDY, 1T STANK,  
CCC: O)(, s)(oos)(!!! I t)(ink it was sweet.  
FTC: But the meter was all off, and the flow was total musclebeast discharge.  
FTC: Those rhymes were tepid at motherfuckin best.  
FCA: yeah uh  
FCA: maybe i dont really havve room to speak here but those wwere some pretty wweak slams  
CCT: D --> It wasn't a slam poem  
CCT: D --> There are other kinds of poems, you know  
FTC: Well, sure, there's all sorts of lesser art forms all out there.  
FTC: I guess if you think you can't hack it on the slam poetry circuit, you could try peddlin your subpar enjambments through another medium.  
PAA: oh please  
PAA: slam poetry is not the high art form you people always make it out to be  
PAA: its just saying sentences that rhyme to a beat  
PAA: and dont even start about flows or rhythms or whatever!  
PAA: the metric structures involved are elementary at best  
PAT: oH YEAH,  
PAT: wELL, 1F 1T REALLY 1S SO ELEMENTARY, mY DEAR mEG1DO,  
PAT: tHEN WHY CAN'T you DO 1T,  
PAA: its not that i cant do it  
PAA: make no mistake  
PAA: but then thatd hardly be the first mistake that youd ever make  
PAA: normally i dont do this but ill make an exception  
PAA: if its the only way to deal with your naive preconceptions  
PAA: see rhyming isnt hard  
PAA: for a page or a bard  
PAA: its as simple as a starter pack of fiduspawn cards  
PAA: this shit is trivial  
PAA: like milk and cereal  
PAA: and i abstain just to avoid all your weak material  
PAA: even though im maid of time ive got none to waste  
PAA: on some gutter trash whos lyrics are dirtier than his caste  
PAA: so please dont make haste  
PAA: to give me a taste  
PAA: of your pathetic rhymes original as copy and paste  
PAA: your rap game is idiotic and its boring me to death  
PAA: are you sure youre a page?  
PAA: cause you seem more like a waste of breath >8)  
PAA: but then nothings really changed youd find out sooner or later  
PAA: that your rhymes were always shit and mine have always been greater  
PAA: the only thing that ever stopped me from schoolfeeding you earlier  
PAA: was that rap was all you had and i didnt want to make you surlier  
PAA: but now i dont give a shit  
PAA: so its time for you to quit  
PAA: because just like butter these rhymes are legit  
PAA: spread them on my bread like you spread your cheeks  
PAA: give it to you so hard you cant sit down for weeks  
PAA: so if you think that i cant rap then i can tell you youre wrong  
PAA: ill serve you lyrics by the second  
PAA: so bring it the fuck on  
PAA: >8)  
FTC: 0:O  
FCA: wwhat  
CCT: D --> Oh my god  
PGC: >:O  
PGC: 4R4D14  
PGC: S1NC3 WH3N C4N YOU R4P?  
PAA: i dont know  
PAA: since always i guess?  
PAA: i never seriously tried it before so  
PAT: wHAT,  
PAT: tHAT'S YOUR F1RST HONEST ATTEMPT AT SLAM POETRY,  
PAA: yeah pretty much  
PGC: S3R1OUSLY??  
PGC: B3C4US3 TH4T W4S R34LLY GOOD!!!  
PGC: C3RT41NLY B3TT3R TH4N 3R1D4N  
FCA: ok im lettin that one slide because it actually wwas pretty sick  
PAA: i told you its not that hard  
PAA: all it is is saying words to a rhythm  
PAA: its not something you have to base an entire religion off of  
PAT: oKAY, nO,  
PAT: yOU DO not JUST GET TO BR1NG THOSE RHYMES TO THE TABLE, aND THEN SLAM MY REL1G1ON,  
PAT: w1THOUT EXPECT1NG SOME K1ND OF COMEUPPANCE,  
PAT: sO LOOSEN UP YOUR PROVERB1AL WASTE CHUTE, bECAUSE 1'M CHALLENG1NG YOU TO A POETRY SLAM,  
FTC: Yeah!!! Bangarang, Rufio!!!  
FTC: You show that sister who wears the pants up in that kismesissitude!  
FTC: Or at least is now, after a brief and embarrassing moment between your ascension and locating the nearest alchemiter.  
PAA: ok fine  
PAA: guys im calling a break while i deal with this wiggler  
PGC: WH4T  
PGC: TH1S 1S R1D1CULOUS  
PAG: Terezi, a man's honor has 8een challenged here. He can't 8ack down from this!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Just let them do their thing.  
PAG: 8esides, you know the next room has that spear-waving lightning fucker and his fat asshole of a friend in it. Are you really in a hurry to fight them?  
PGC: OH GOD, TH4TS R1GHT  
PGC: OK4Y FUCK TH4T, 1LL GO W1TH TH3 BR34K  
PAT: oKAY,  
PAT: sO 1T GOES L1KE TH11111111S,  
CAC: :33 < no it doesnt!!!!  
PAT: wHAT,  
CAC: :33 < you are NOT going to have a rap battle on my memo!!  
CAC: :33 < take it somewhere else, or im banning you both!!  
PAA: haha ok fair enough  
PAA: tavros lets take this outside  
PAA: <3<  
PAT: f1NE, wHATEVER,  
PAT: <3<  
FTA: ahahahah, wow.  
FTA: 2o hey, eq, ii meant two a2k, diid you end up 2howiing off the "project?"  
CCC: O)(, you mean Antoine?  
FTA: who?  
CCC: O)(, saury, )(is full title is Captain Antoine Mack.  
CCC: Need to s)(ow t)(e proper respect to a decorated offis)(er!!  
FTC: Whoa, hold up, who the fuck's this Captain Antoine Mack?  
FTC: Sounds all like some kind of consort what gives up nautically-themed quests and has the most ridiculous motherfuckin hat upon Paradox Space.  
CCC: ACS)(OALLY, )(e is a robot!  
CCT: D --> Specifically, a robot I constru%ed for her  
CCT: D --> As a gift  
FTC: Hahaha, seriously?  
FTC: Man, I figured Tavbro was just joking, but did you actually go and make yourself a motherfuckin robot double of the fishsister??  
CCT: D --> It's not a "robot double," you f001  
CCT: D --> Why would I even do that, that ma%es no sense  
CCC: Y---EA)(!! And )(e does not look like me atoll. )(e isn't even a girl!  
CCC: )(e's a cuttlefis)(!! 38D  
FTC: A cuttlefish.  
CCC: Y---ES.  
CCC: And for your INFORMATION, )(e is one of t)(e B---EST gifts I )(ave --EV--ER R--ES--EAV--ED!!  
FCA: yeah come on gam  
FCA: evverybody knowws the fastest wway to a girls collapsin and expandin bladder based aquatic vvascular system is through givvin her vvarious types a sea creatures  
FCA: though personally i wwouldvve gone wwith somethin bigger  
FCA: like i dont knoww maybe a wwhale  
CCT: D --> I considered a whale, a%ually  
CCT: D --> But ultimately, the cuttlefish chassis won out due to time constraints  
CCT: D --> And also because my focus testing indicated that is was the, um  
CCT: D --> Cutest  
PGC: >:?  
PGC: FOCUS T3ST1NG?  
CAC: :33 < that means he asked me about it  
CAC: :33 < and i told him the cuttlefish was way cuter  
CCT: D --> Er, yes  
CCC: W)(ale, it TIDALLY paid off!  
CCC: Because Captain Antoine Mack is definitely t)(e CUT---EST little cuttlefis)( I )(ave ever S--E--EN!!! <3  
CCC: And I say t)(is being kind of a cuttlefis)( afis)(ionado.  
FTA: okay, no, hold on.  
FTA: ff, you cannot call the robot captaiin antoiine mack, that ii2 fuckiing lame a2 hell.  
CCC: NO IT'S NOT!!!  
CCC: It's a perc)(fectly WOND--ERFUL name!!!!  
FTA: no, it'2 fuckiing awful, iit'2 liike the name from a centuriie2-old wiiggler'2 cartoon or 2omethiing.  
FTA: why can't you call iit 2omethiing cool, liike "2overeiign," that'2 what we called iit when we were te2tiing iit.  
CCC: W)(ale, Sovereign is an OCRAY name, but I like mine betta.  
CCC: It is a )(IG)(LY DISTINGUIS)(--ED TITL--E t)(at is P--ERC)(F--ECTLY fitting for suc)( an accomplis)(ed seafarer!  
FTA: 2eriiou2ly, you won't even con2iider anythiing el2e?  
CCT: D --> Sollu%, it is her robot, she has the right to call it whatever she wants  
CCC: )(----E is my robot, and I )(ave t)(e rig)(t to call )(IM w)(atever I want.  
CCT: D --> Er, yes, of course  
CCC: Anywave, I will just ask Antoine w)(at )(---E t)(inks )(is name s)(oald be, and we will settle t)(is issue NOW.  
CCC: )(ey Antoine! Sollux t)(inks your name s)(oald be c)(anged to somet)(ing like Sovereign. W)(at do you t)(ink aboat T)(AT?  
CCC: O)(! So w)(at would you RAT)(--ER c)(ange it to?  
CCC: )(mmm?  
CCC: So are you trying to say you do not want to c)(ange it atoll?  
CCC: W)(ale, OCRAY T)(--EN!! Captain Antoine mack it S)(-ELL R-EMAIN!!!  
FTA: well, yeah, iif you a2k the fuckiing robot, of cour2e iit'2 not goiing two want two change iit, the 2tupiid thiing ii2 programmed to alway2 agree wiith you.  
CCT: D --> A%ually, that's not entirely true  
CCT: D --> I never e%plicitly programmed him to do that  
CCT: D --> I mean, I won't deny that's what he's doing, but still  
FTA: yeah, ii won't deny that, he'2 probably 2mart enough two piick that up on hii2 own.  
FTA: he'2 actually iincrediibly fuckiing 2mart, ii don't know how you programmed hiim liike that, con2iideriing you've ba2iically never de2iigned an aii before.  
CCT: D --> Yes, well  
CCT: D --> To be perfe%ly honest, I'm not abso100tey certain how I did it either  
CCT: D --> It was  
CCT: D --> Instin%ive on some level, I suppose  
FTA: yeah, well, next tiime document your fuckiing code, the comment2 here are all obfu2cated and ii can't 2ee 2hiit.  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> I did document my code  
CCT: D --> Quite e%tensively, in fact  
FTA: ugh, thii2 ii2 2ome voiidy thiing ii2n't iit, what a paiin iin the a22.  
PAG: More like a pain in the knee.  
PAG: I'm dead fucking certain if any8ody else had shot that arrow, my Light powers would've kicked in and I'd have 8een a8le to dodge it.  
PGC: 1F 4NYBODY 3LS3 H4D SHOT TH4T 4RROW, 1T N3V3R WOULDV3 R34CH3D LOS4Z  
PAG: Whatever!!!!!!!! Technicalities.  
CCT: D --> Right, well  
CCT: D --> Sorry for the technical difficulties  
CCT: D --> And thank you again for all your help with the proje%  
FTA: hey, yeah, no problem, ii'm ju2t glad ff liiked iit.  
CCC: Of course!! 38)  
FTA: really, ii'm glad the whole thiing between you two worked out.  
FTA: ii thiink you guy2 make for a great paiir of mate2priit2, and ii hope you're happy wiith each other.  
CCT: D --> Oh  
CCT: D --> Well, thank you  
FTA: don't mentiion iit.  
FTA: you know, ii hope you don't miind iif ii change the topiic, but eq, there'2 2omethiing ii wanted two a2k you.  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> Ok, what is it  
FTA: well, you're a 2trong guy, riight?  
CCT: D --> Er, yes  
CCT: D --> I'm incredibly STRONG  
FTA: how 2trong exactly, would you 2ay?  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> I'm not tr001y certain how strong e%actly  
CCT: D --> Why do you ask  
FTA: well, ii wa2 ju2t curiiou2 because ii've been te2tiing out my p2iioniic2 recently, they got a lot 2tronger after ii a2cended.  
FTA: you know, cruii2iing around on the battlefiield, catchiing meteor2 and 2eeiing what ii can do two them.  
FTA: ii'm not really 2ure about the upper liimiit2, but ii diid take a biig one, about fiifty meter2 acro22, mo2tly iiron and niickel, and cru2hed iit two the 2iize of a grapefruiit iin about half a 2econd.  
FTA: you thiink you're 2trong enough two wiith2tand that?  
CCT: D --> Are  
CCT: D --> Are you threatening me  
FTA: look, all ii'm 2ayiing ii2, ii've ravaged the 2urface of a planet before wiithout breakiing a 2weat.  
FTA: well, okay, ii diid break a 2weat, but only becau2e ii wa2 doiing iit for about four hour2.  
FTA: ju2t thiink about that iif you ever thiink of hurtiing my moiiraiil.  
CCT: D --> Oh  
CCT: D --> Ok, I understand  
CCT: D --> Never in my darkest dreams would I conceive hurting Feferi  
FTA: okay, cool, wii2h you the be2t.  
FCA: hahaha wwell played my man  
FTA: ed.  
FTA: put your hand down.  
FCA: oh come on not evven a little slap  
FCA: you dont evven havve to touch it ill settle for a telekinetic high fivve at this point  
FTA: okay, fiine.  
FCA: swweet just dont ovverdo it an break my HRGKHF OWWWW FUCK  
FCA: sol wwhat the FUCK you just like broke my fuckin wwrist  
FTA: oop2, 2orry, ii gue22 ii don't know my own 2trength.  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33 h33!!! X33  
PGC: SOLLUX WHY 4R3 YOU M41M1NG MY M4T3SPR1T  
FTC: Yeah, you realize I'm right motherfuckin here, right?  
FTA: oh come on, iit'2 ju2t a joke, liighten up.  
FTA: he'2 god tiier, iit'll ju2t heal up iin a miinute.  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, yes, that is hilarious.  
FCA: ugh you people are awwful makin light a my injuries  
FCA: bet if somebody sliced me in half you heartless bastardsd all givve it a standin fuckin ovvation  
PAG: Yeah, yeah, no8ody cares a8out your pain right now, Eridan.  
PAG: We've fiiiiiiiinally gotten to the part that every8ody's 8een w8ing for!!!!!!!!  
FTA: and what'2 that?  
PAG: It's Nepeta's turn to give The Talk!!!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < um  
CAC: :33 < vwiskers, you s33m pawfully excited about this  
PAG: Um, yeah! It's either going to 8e totally 8adass or completely hilarious.  
PAG: Or even 8oth!  
CCC: )(e)(e, ocray, I t)(ink I am ready.  
CAC: :33 < okay  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < fefurry!  
CAC: :33 < im r333333ally glad you and equius became matespurrits!  
CAC: :33 < youre a really great girl, and i think you and equius will be purrfect together!  
CCC: W)(ale, T)(ANK YOU, Nepeta! 38)  
CAC: :33 < of course  
CAC: :33 < now, im not usually one to make threats  
CAC: :33 < i dont have any fancy super strength or psionic powers  
CAC: :33 < but what i do have are a very particular set of skills  
CAC: :33 < skills i have acquired over a very long car33r  
CAC: :33 < hunting the most fearsome, vicious fauna ever known to the face of alternia  
CAC: :33 < ive killed and cleaned a furious armored mother cholerbear more than once, and that was WITHOUT my claw gloves  
CAC: :33 < and with the help of a certain cr33py idiot, ive gained an intimate knowledge of seadweller anatomy  
CAC: :33 < or at least enough to know over seven hundred ways of killing one, and thats just with my bare claws  
CAC: :33 < and feferi, i believe you of all people should know perfectly well what im capable of  
CAC: :33 < so if you EVER do anything to hurt equius  
CAC: :33 < i will look for you  
CAC: :33 < i will find you  
CAC: :33 < and i will kill you  
CAC: :33 < got it?  
CCC: Um, yea)(! Got it!  
CCC: I would N--EV--ER deliberately do anyt)(ing to )(urt )(im.  
CCC: T)(oug)(, actually...  
CCC: Okay, one question.  
CAC: :33 < what?  
CCC: W)(at if )(e ASKS me to )(urt )(im?  
CAC: :33 < um  
CAC: :33 < why would he ask you to do that?  
CCC: I don't know, it is just )(ypot)(etical!  
CCC: Like if )(e asks me to maybe )(it )(im or somet)(ing.  
CCT: D --> Feferi, could you  
CCT: D --> Possibly not speak about this in public  
CCC: I'm just curious!!!  
CAC: :33 < well look, im not talking about like physically hurting him  
CAC: :33 < im just saying dont break his heart or cheat on him or anything!  
CAC: :33 < i mean, if he, um  
CAC: :33 < asks you to do anything like that, thats fine i guess  
CCC: Okay, good to )(ear!! >38D  
CCT: D --> Um  
FTA: ahahahah.  
FTA: ju2t be careful wiith any broken bow2 you miight fiind lyiing around.  
PAG: Hahahaha, fuck yes, that was awesome!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Gr8 Talk, Nepeta! I totally knew it was gonna fall on the 8adass side.  
CAC: :33 < um, thanks vwiskers!  
CGA: You Know Vriska I Have To Say  
CGA: Its A Little Peculiar Just How Complimentary Youre Being Towards Nepeta  
PAG: How is it peculiar???????? Nepeta is the shit.  
PGC: H3H3H3  
PGC: YOU 4R3 SO L4M3  
PAG: Look, I just have a thing for adora8le dorky 8adasses, okay? I thought you people already knew this.  
CAC: :33 < im not dorky!  
FCA: youre dorky  
CAC: :33 < eridan your stupid fishy face is dorky!!!  
PGC: SH3S GOT YOU TH3R3, 3R1D4N  
FCA: ok fine maybe it is  
CGA: Im Not Saying I Have A Problem With You Admiring Her I Was Just Observing  
CCC: W--ER--E you just observing, Kanaya?  
CCC: Because it sounds an awful lot like you DO )(ave a problem wit)( it!!  
CGA: What  
CGA: Just What Are You Implying Miss Peixes  
CCC: O)(, and you just IMM--EDIAT--ELY assume I'm IMPLYING somet)(ing!  
CCC: A little D--EFINSIV--E, aren't we, Miss Maryam?  
CGA: Im Not Being Defensive  
CGA: I Dont Even Have Anything To Be Defensive About  
CCC: W)(ale, t)(en w)(y are you getting so bristly aboat Vriska saying somet)(ing mildly flattering to somebody else??  
CCC: Maybe you s)(oaldn't FR--EAK OUT every time someone gets paid a compliment by your sexy, gorgeous piece of work matesprit!!!  
PAG: What????????  
CGA: Okay Thats Enough  
CGA: Vriska Already Told You She Was Uncomfortable With Just How Affectionate You Were Being So You Need To Stop  
CCC: Ocray, FIN---E!! No need to )(ave a )(eart attack.  
CGA: Honestly Now Its Just Kind Of Insulting How Brazen Youre Being With This  
CCC: >38?  
CCC: Wit)( W)(AT?  
PAG: W8w, okay, let's all t8lk a8out someth8ng else n8w!!!!!!!!  
CGA: No You Know What Lets Not  
CGA: Ive Been Wanting To Say Something About This For A Long Time  
CGA: And I Can Tell If I Dont Then The Problem Is Only Going To Grow Larger  
CCC: And w)(at problem is T)(AT, Kanaya??  
CGA: Dont Act Like You Dont Know  
CGA: Its Completely Obvious What Youve Been Doing For The Past Week Or So  
CGA: And After You Settled Into Your Matespritship With Poor Mister Zahhak Here I Thought It Might Stop  
CGA: But Apparently Youre Completely Shameless And You Just Cant Help Yourself  
CCT: D --> Um, e%cuse me  
CCT: D --> What e%actly are you talking about  
PAG: N8thing!!!!!!!! She's n8t talking a8out anyth8ng!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Kan8ya, seriously, c8lm down!!!!!!!!  
CCC: No, I want to )(ear t)(is!!!  
CCC: Just w)(at is it t)(at I've been so S)(AM--EL--ESSLY doing???  
CGA: Youve Been Trying To Steal Vriska From Me You Unscrupulous Fucking Whore  
CCC: >38O  
CCT: D --> Hrk  
FCA: wwhat  
CAC: :33 < oh no  
FTA: ahahahah, oh my god.  
CCC: W)(AAAAAAAAT????????  
CCC: You S---ERIOUSLY t)(ink I'm trying to ST---EAL your matesprit????  
CGA: Dont Try To Deny It  
CGA: Vriska Has Told Me Everything  
CGA: Everything About The Ways Youve Been Constantly Harassing Her  
CGA: Paying Her Continuous Unwelcome Compliments  
CGA: Stealing Moments Of Inappropriate Physical Contact  
CGA: Even Apparently Sending Her Erotic Literature About The Two Of You  
CAC: :33 < um  
CCC: Wait, )(old on.  
CCC: Vriska, you told )(er I was doing t)(at???  
PAG: No, l88k, i can expl8in!!!!!!!!  
PAG: This is 8ll just a 8ig misund8rstanding, I swe8r!!!!!!!!  
CCC: No, don't even bot)(er.  
CCC: I know ----EXACTLY w)(at is going on )(ere.  
CGA: You Do  
PAG: You do?  
CCC: Vriska...  
PAG: Um!  
CCC: Your matesprit )(as COMPL--ET--ELY LOST )(--ER MIND!  
PAG: What.  
CGA: What  
FTA: aaaaaaaahahahahahahahahah, ye2, thii2 ii2 amaziing.  
PGC: SOLLUX SHUT UP  
CCC: I t)(oug)(t maybe you could still be reasoned wit)(, but I can see now t)(at you )(ave utterly abandoned rational t)(oug)(t.  
CCC: T)(e elaborate lattice of lies and illusions you )(ave constructed around your dysfunctional and abusive relations)(ip wit)( Vriska )(as obstructed your judgment to t)(e point w)(ere you are no longer even CAPABL--E of perceiving reality!  
CGA: What  
CGA: Wait Hold On A Minute  
CGA: What Do You Mean Dysfunctional And Abusive  
CCC: Its obvious w)(at's really going on, Kanaya!!  
CCC: Clearly you )(ave trapped t)(is poor, innocent girl in a quadrant wit)( you against )(er will, and t)(en used it as an opportunity to torture )(er bot)( mentally and p)(ysically.  
CCC: I've seen t)(e scars, Kanaya!!!!  
PAG: Wh8t???????? No!!!!!!!!  
PAG: That's n8t what's g8ing on at 8ll!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Where the f8ck did you even g8t this????????  
CCC: It's okay, Vriska! You don't )(ave to defend )(er!  
CCC: We all want to )(elp you to get over t)(e Stock)(olm Syndrome you are OBVIOUSLY suffering from rig)(t now!!  
CGA: Okay No  
CGA: You Cannot Possibly Be Serious About This  
CCC: I could be. Are you listening?  
CGA: Am I  
CGA: What The Hell Does That Even Mean  
CCC: Kanaya, t)(e time for talk is OV----ER.  
CCC: I can no longer sit back and allow you to get away wit)( the )(einous atrocities you )(ave been perpetrating!!  
CCC: I am going over to LORAF, and we are going to )(ave ourselves a little TALK about t)(is.  
CCC: Unless, of course, you wis)( to CONC--ED--E t)(at you are COMPL--ET--ELY in t)(e wrong )(ere.  
CGA: I  
CGA: No I Think Youre Right  
CGA: About Us Needing To Have A Discussion About This I Mean  
CGA: The Rest Of Your Points Are Obviously Completely Insane  
CCC: We will just S---E---E about t)(at, Miss Maryam.  
CCC: I'll be over t)(ere in a minute.  
CCC: O)(, and go a)(ead and put on your nicest dress w)(ile you're waiting.  
CCC: T)(at way you'll be ---EXTRA pissed off w)(en I rip it off of t)(at sexy body of yours. >38)  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Is This Some Sort Of Trick To Weaken My Resolve  
CCC: It's exactly w)(at it sounds like, Kanaya.  
CGA: Er  
FTC: Hey, if there's a problem what needs to be stepped on here, I can be the motherfucker who all puts his foot down in it.  
FTC: Shit looks like it's about to get ugly up in here.  
FTA: what? no, gz, you can't 2tep iin here, we were ju2t talkiing about thii2.  
FCA: yeah gam just stay outta this one  
FTC: Well, fuck, okay.  
CGA: But  
FCA: kan  
FCA: just roll wwith it  
CGA: I  
CGA: Fine  
CGA: If You Think I Have Any Intention Of Giving In To Your Intimidation Then Youre Wrong  
CGA: Im Standing My Ground  
CGA: And If You Attempt Any Sort Of Physical Violence Against Me Then I Can Assure You I Will Return It In Kind  
CCC: Well, t)(en, it's good to know t)(at you will actually be PARTICIPATING.  
CCC: See you soooooooon, Fussyfangs.  
CCC: <3<  
CCC ceased responding to memo.  
CCT: D --> Oh  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> There she goes  
CGA: I  
CGA: Wait  
CGA: Did I Actually Just  
CGA: Accept A Proposition  
CGA: Oh God  
CGA: Oh God Oh God Oh God  
PAG: She's coming over to LORAF????????  
PAG: I knew this day would come, 8ut I never realized it would 8e so soon.  
PAG: I'll 8e right over.  
CGA: Vriska I Cant Allow That  
CGA: I Got Myself Into This Situation  
CGA: And While An Auspistice May In Fact Be Required As My Matesprit It Would Be Completely Inappropriate For You To Fill The Role  
PAG: Whoa, hey, I'm not 8eing any8ody's auspistice here!!!!!!!!  
PAG: The whole reason I'm heading over there is 8ecause I want to watch.  
PAG: Or may8e even........ join in.  
PAG: :::;)  
CGA: What  
FTA: oh, you better fuckiing not...  
PAG: Hey, Sollux?  
PAG: I am soooooooo sticking my tongue down your moirail's throat.  
FTA: 2on of a BIITCH.  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha.  
PAG: See you in a second, Kanaya.  
PAG: <33333333  
PAG ceased responding to memo.  
PGC: H3Y!!  
PGC: VR1SK4 YOU C4NT JUST L34V3, W3R3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4  
PGC: GOD D4MN1T  
CGA: Oh God  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Fuck  
CGA: Just What Have I Gotten Myself Into Here  
CAC: :33 < um  
CAC: :33 < i should leave, shouldnt i?  
CGA: Yes You Should  
CGA: You Really Should  
PAT: hEY, wHAT'S GO1NG ON,  
PAT: wHERE 1S vR1SKA GO1NG,  
PGC: SH3S GO1NG TO LOR4F  
PGC: 4ND SO 1S F3F3R1  
PAA: wait are they doing an ashen thing?  
PAA: do i need to go to loraf too?  
CGA: No You Need To Not Come Here  
CGA: In Fact Everyone Needs To Stay The Fuck Off Of Loraf  
CGA: Oh God What Am I Going To Wear  
PAT: oHHHHHHHH,  
PAT: sO that's WHAT'S GO1NG DOWN,  
PAT: sOLLUX, sHE 1S so ST1CK1NG HER TONGUE DOWN fEFER1'S THROAT,  
FTA: dude, II KNOW, 2hut up.  
CAC: :33 < ill just take the window then  
CAC: :33 < have fun kanaya! you look great btw  
CAC: :33 < oh  
CAC: :33 < um  
CGA: What Is It Nepeta  
CGA: Im Kind Of In The Middle Of Deciding What Dress Ill Be Wearing  
CAC: :33 < kanaya  
CAC: :33 < shes already here  
CGA: What  
CGA: What  
CGA: Oh Fuck  
CGA: Oh Fuck  
CGA: !  
CGA: Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck  
CGA ceased responding to memo.  
FCA: hahahahaha  
FCA: YES  
FCA: FUCK YES  
FTA: god damn iit.  
FTA: okay, there ii2 NO FUCKIING WAY ii am lettiing thii2 2hiit go down un2upervii2ed.  
FTA: eq, what'2 your iip addre22?  
CCT: D --> What  
FTA: never miind, ii fiigured iit out iin2tantly.  
FTA: okay, let'2 ju2t get thii2 2erver program runniing...  
CCT: D --> Wait  
CCT: D --> Did you just  
CCT: D --> Did you just hack into my computer so you could surveill upon the three of them  
FTA: yeah, that'2 exactly what ii diid, 2o what.  
CCT: D --> No  
CCT: D --> This violation of privacy is abso100tely una%eptable  
CCT: D --> You'll stop now, I command it  
FTA: no ii won't.  
CCT: D --> Yes you will  
FTA: no.  
CCT: D --> Yes  
FTA: no.  
CCT: D --> Yes  
FTA: no.  
CCT: D --> Yes  
FTA: dude, ii'm not 2toppiing!  
CCT: D --> I'll a%ept whatever other 100d ac% you might be perpetrating against your moirail  
CCT: D --> But this is beyond the bounds of good taste  
FTA: eq, ii'm not 2pyiing on the2e three two get off, giive me a liittle fuckiing crediit here.  
FTA: try two look at thii2 from my per2pectiive, okay?  
FTA: my moiiraiil ju2t wandered off two do un2peakable thiings not wiith her new kii2me2ii2, or wiith my kii2me2ii2...  
FTA: but both of them, AT THE 2AME TIIME.  
FTA: can you 2ee how that'2 kiind of a fuckiing niightmare 2cenariio?  
FTA: ii'm ju2t lookiing out for her 2afety here.  
CCT: D --> I  
CCT: D --> I'm not entirely certain I believe that  
CCT: D --> But fine  
PAA: yeah hes full of it  
FTA: aa, 2hut up.  
PAA: haha ok  
PAT: wELL,  
PAT: lOOKS L1KE flarp1NG 1S OFF FOR NOW, 1 GUESS,  
PGC: Y34H >:/  
CCT: D --> Well  
CCT: D --> This is  
CCT: D --> A bit distressing  
FTC: Aww, what's the matter, bro?  
FTC: Feelin empty now that you ain't got a highblood to boss you around?  
FTC: Hey, if you're that lonely, you could just up and come over to LOTAM, I'm sure we could find some use to a greasy treebeast like you.  
FTC: Maybe we could all up and make you the designed Faygo carrier.  
FTC: And then when you're not busy with that, you could kneel before your indigo-blooded motherfuckin master and give him a nice shoeshine.  
CCT: D --> Shut up  
FTC: What?  
CCT: D --> I said  
CCT: D --> Shut the fuck up  
CAC: :33 < :oo  
CCT: D --> Let me make something perfe%ly clear  
CCT: D --> I will never kneel before you  
CCT: D --> Ever  
CCT: D --> Gamzee Makara, you are, without question, the most f001ish, repugnant person I have ever known  
CCT: D --> At no point in your vapid, idiotic life have you done anything to contribute to e%istence in any meaningful way  
CCT: D --> You are completely unworthy of even the slightest iota of respect from not only myself, but everyone who has ever had the misfortune of intera%ing with you  
CCT: D --> You are a complete and total failure in every sense of the word, and I utterly despise you  
FTC: Hahahahaha, wow.  
FTC: You know, I thought with all this shit what's about you lettin off the Hemospectrum, you might get that stick out of your ass and not be such a piece of shit all the time.  
FTC: But nope, you're just the same vindictive asshole what you've always been.  
FTC: I guess a miracle was too much to ask for, huh?  
CCT: D --> My hatred for you spea% nothing about my chara%er  
FTC: Naw, that's a big shook-up bottle of shit-flavored Faygo and we both motherfuckin know it.  
FTC: In the sweeps what I've known you, I only ever came at you with love and respect, and all you ever came back at me with was scorn and disapproval.  
FTC: And I just let that shit slide, because I didn't want to up and cause a fuss or any shit, but now I've all come to realize just how much of a piece of shit you've always been at me.  
FTC: And now you're all claimin to be a better man and shit, just like that?  
FTC: If that really is the case, then just where in the mother fuck do you get off still comin down so hard on me?  
CCT: D --> You really want to know  
FTC: Spit it, motherfucker.  
CCT: D --> Fine  
CCT: D --> It's because  
CCT: D --> I hate you  
CCT: D --> I really, tr001y hate you  
CCT: D --> On a very deep, personal level  
CCT: D --> And I resent the fact that your place on the Hemospe%rum has forced me to suppress these feelings for so long  
CCT: D --> And now that its grip has 100sened on me, I can't hold back  
CCT: D --> Because  
CCT: D --> Because I want you to hate me too  
FTC: Oh yeah?  
FTC: Well, you got what you motherfuckin wanted, because I already do!  
CCT: D --> You do  
FTC: Yeah, bro. I hate you.  
FTC: Have for a while, for bein honest.  
FTC: And now that we all got our feelings up in the open and you aren't lettin stupid shit like the Hemospectrum stand on the way, maybe you'll be slightly less of a motherfuckin tool and we can get our hate on properly.  
CCT: D --> Um  
CCT: D --> Perhaps you're right  
CCT: D --> In any case, I believe it would be f001ish to e%tend this di%ussion on a public memo  
CCT: D --> Perhaps we should continue in private  
CCT: D --> In person  
FTC: Oh, goin for it already, huh?  
FTC: Well I'm on LOTAM, and I sure as shit ain't goin nowhere.  
FTC: Come at me, bro.  
CCT: D --> Don't  
CCT: D --> Don't tell me what to do  
CCT: D --> I mean, that's what I'm doing anyway  
CCT: D --> But I'm not doing it because you told me to  
FTC: What the fuck ever.  
FCA: wwhoa hold on  
FCA: you twwo are gonna  
FTA: um...  
FTA: ii 2hould go, 2houldn't ii.  
FCA: yeah you need to leavve like right noww  
FCA: go on get outta here  
FTA: what, hey, 2top 2hoviing me!  
FCA: this hurts me as much as it hurts you sol  
FCA: cause my wwrist is still tender from that time you broke it fivve minutes ago  
FTA: okay, ii'm goiing! god.  
FCA: sorry but this is kind of a big deal ok  
FCA: i mean this turn of evvents isnt completely unexpected but its pretty goddamn fortuitous an im not lettin you stay here to spoil it  
PAT: hEY, hOLD ON,  
PAT: aRE YOU ACTUALLY GO1NG TO LET THEM DO TH1S,  
FCA: wwhat  
FCA: wwell yeah wwhy wwouldnt i  
PAT: uM, 1 DON'T KNOW,  
PAT: mAYBE BECAUSE eQU1US 1S A FUCK1NG FREAK, aND 1'M AFRA1D HE'S GO1NG TO BREAK MY MATESPR1T 1N A F1T OF PSYCHOT1C RAGE,  
CCT: D --> What  
CCT: D --> I'm not going to do that  
CCT: D --> I have better control of my strength than you're giving me credit for  
FCA: yeah come on tavv  
FCA: an anywway regardless a that gams a pretty durable guy  
FCA: i mean you remember the wwhole fuckin debacle wwe wwent through wwhen wwe tried to help him ascend right  
CAC: :33 < what?  
FTC: Oh god, please don't bring this shit up again...  
FCA: an he wwasnt evven god tier back then  
FCA: evven if he does die here wwhich is INCREDIBLY unlikely hell just come back again anywway  
PAT: nO, 1 ST1LL DON'T L1KE TH1S,  
FCA: so wwhat you just dont wwant it happenin period  
PAT: nO,  
PAT: 1T'S JUST THAT,  
PAT: 1 WANT TO BE THERE,  
FCA: wwhat  
CCT: D --> What  
PAA: what  
FCA: tavv i wwould HIGHLY advvise against that  
FCA: givven the wwhole thing wwith you an eq an the wwhole thing wwith you an gam your presence here wwould complicate matters immensely  
PAT: 1 DON'T CARE,  
PAT: l1STEN, 1 AM NOT ABOUT TO TRUST TH1S SWEATY BEHEMOTH NOT TO DO 1RREPARABLE DAMAGE TO gAMZEE,  
PAT: sO 1'M GO1NG THERE, pERSONALLY, tO ENSURE THAT HE DOESN'T,  
PAT: aND 1F THAT DOES, 1N FACT, cOMPL1CATE MATTERS,  
PAT: tHEN, wELL,  
PAT: yOU'RE OUR AUSP1ST1CE,  
PAT: sO 1T'S YOUR JOB TO DEAL W1TH 1T,  
FCA: wwhat  
CAC: :33 < what  
CAC: :33 < wait, you want eridan to be there  
CAC: :33 < at the same time as you and  
CAC: :33 < and  
CAC: :33 < thats like four people!  
FTA: oh my god, gettiing the au2pii2tiice iintwo the miix, why diidn't ii thiink of that, that'2 amaziing.  
FTA: aa, we 2hould totally get ff two try that 2ometiime.  
PAA: yeah! we should thatd be awesome  
FCA: but wwait you cant just  
FCA: oh for fucks sake youre already here  
PAT: 1 AM,  
FCA: oh and heres eq too  
FCA: i forgot evverybodys in the past compared to us fuck  
PAT: oKAY THEN, fUCK TH1S, 1'M OUT,  
PAT: sEE YOU 1N WHAT CONST1TUTES YOUR "nOW," gAMZEE,  
PAT: <3  
FTC: Yeah, see you in what's 18 minutes to you too.  
FTC: <3  
PAT ceased responding to memo.  
CCT: D --> Hm  
CCT: D --> Then I suppose I should embark as well  
CCT: D --> See you in 11 minutes, you deplorable imbecile  
FTC: I'll be waiting, you bulge-lickin motherfuckin tool.  
FTC: <3<  
CCT: D --> <3<  
CCT ceased responding to memo.  
FTC ceased responding to memo.  
FCA: oh god  
FCA: ok this situation has suddenly become extremely complicated  
FCA: an ar i havve to wwarn you that its incredibly likely that im not gonna fully succeed in my duties as an auspistice an your kismesis just might engage in some black infidelity here  
PAA: yeah i dont really care  
PAA: ive done the same thing with vriska  
FCA: wwell ok then  
FCA: so yeah needless to say ivve got to go  
FCA: but before i do  
FCA: nep  
FCA: twwo an twwo  
CAC: :33 < oh, whatefur!  
CAC: :33 < ill still beat you, i swear!  
FCA: wwell just see about that  
FCA: anywway i need to deal wwith this so yeah im gone  
PGC: DONT HURT YOURS3LF!  
FCA: honestly im more wworried about somebody else hurtin me but dont swweat it ill be fine  
FCA: anywway bye  
FCA ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < fuck >:((  
PGC: H3H3H3  
PGC: WH4TS WRONG N3P3T4?  
PGC: SUDD3NLY NOT SO SUR3 YOUV3 GOT TH1S TH1NG 1N TH3 B4G?  
CAC: :33 < no it has nothing to do with that!  
CAC: :33 < its just that i n33ded kanaya to do something fur me  
CAC: :33 < but now shes kind of, um  
CAC: :33 < busy ://  
FTA: oh yeah, 2he'2 defiiniitely gettiing bu2y, all riight.  
PAA: oh are you still watching them?  
FTA: you know iit.  
PAA: well the flarping game kind of died off here  
PAA: so would you mind if i joined you?  
FTA: eheh, no, not at all.  
FTA: you're on lo2az, riight? you can ju2t backpedal one portal and meet up wiith me.  
PAA: ok cool  
PAA: oh and then well just be one planet away from lotaf!  
PAA: terezi could we all crash at your place?  
PGC: SUR3!  
PGC: 1 DONT R34LLY H4V3 4NYTH1NG B3TT3R TO DO, SO 1 GU3SS 1LL ST1CK W1TH YOU GUYS  
PGC: BUT NOT B3C4US3 1 W4NT TO W4TCH TH3 3NDL3SS S4PPH1C SYMPOS1UM TH4TS UNDOUBT3DLY GO1NG DOWN 1N K4N4Y4S H1V3, M1ND YOU  
FTA: 2ure you don't, tz, 2uuuuuuuure you don't.  
PGC: BL4R SHUT UP!  
PAA: hahaha  
CAC: :33 < ugh  
CAC: :33 < well, i guess my plan didnt really matter anyway  
CAC: :33 < i n33ded karkat for it too, and appurrently he's gone and disappeared  
FTA: yeah, 2eriiou2ly, where the hell ii2 that guy?  
FTA: the2e memo2 aren't nearly a2 fun when he ii2n't here for tz and ii to con2tantly make fun of.  
PGC: H3H3, Y34H 1 4GR33  
CAC: :33 < uuugh, you guys are terrible! XOO  
CAC: :33 < arent you worried about him at all?  
PGC: OH 1M SUR3 H3S F1N3  
PGC: H3S PROB4BLY JUST POUT1NG TO H1MS3LF 1N SOM3 D4RK CORN3R OF P4R4DOX SP4C3 WH3R3 H3S OUT OF R34CH OF 4NYON3 TRY1NG TO DRUB SOM3 S3NS3 1NTO H1M  
CAC: :33 < well, i am worried!  
CAC: :33 < and i think somebody should try to find him  
CAC: :33 < unfortunately, theyre all preoccupied >://  
PGC: W3LL, WHY DONT YOU DO 1T?  
CAC: :33 < i  
CAC: :33 < i cant  
CAC: :33 < it has to be somebody else  
PGC: HRM  
PGC: W3LL  
PGC: M4YB3 1 SHOULD DO 1T  
CAC: :33 < what!  
PAA: terezi  
PAA: are you sure you should do that?  
PGC: 4R4D14, 1M TH3 ONLY ON3 H3R3 WHO KNOWS K4RK4T W3LL 3NOUGH TO TR4CK H1M DOWN TO WH4T3V3R S4D L1TTL3 CORN3R OF TH3 1NC1P1SPH3R3 H3S CURL3D UP 1N  
PGC: 1F NOT M3, TH3N WHO?  
PAA: well yeah  
PAA: but are you really prepared to face him?  
PAA: one on one?  
PGC: W3LL  
PGC: Y34H, 1 TH1NK SO  
PGC: 1 DONT TH1NK TH3R3S 4NY US3 1N TRY1NG TO F1GHT 1T 4NYMOR3  
PGC: 1 TH1NK 1TS T1M3 TO COM3 CL34N  
PGC: G1V3N 3V3RYTH1NG TH4TS TR4NSP1R3D R3C3NTLY, 1 GU3SS 1TS TH3 S34SON FOR SUCH TH1NGS 4NYW4Y >:|  
CAC: :33 < what are you talking about?  
PGC: NOTH1NG, DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T  
PGC: 4NYW4Y, 1 GU3SS 1 SHOULD DO TH4T SOON  
PAA: ok  
PAA: well good luck  
FTA: oh, 2o you won't be 2tiickiing around two watch the fiirework2?  
PGC: M4YB3 FOR 4 L1TTL3 B1T  
PGC: 1M SUR3 WH4T3V3RS GO1NG ON, 1T SM3LLS D3L1C1OUS >:0~  
FTA: well, iit ha2n't gotten that colorful yet, but ii'm 2ure iit wiill 2oon.  
PGC: W3LL D4MN, 1M GO1NG TO H4V3 TO L34V3 B3FOR3 TH3N  
PGC: JUST S3ND M3 TH3 V1D3O, W1LL YOU?  
CAC: :33 < wait, how do you know hes recording it?  
FTA: np.  
FTA: ii'm alway2 recordiing iit.  
CAC: :33 < bluh, you guys are so pawful!  
PAA: hahaha yeah we kind of are  
PAA: youll send me the video too right?  
FTA: well, of cour2e.  
PAA: great! <3  
CAC: :33 < bluuuuuuuuh  
PAA: ok well were pretty much done here  
PAA: you ready to go terezi?  
PGC: SUR3  
FTA: okay, well, ii'll meet you guy2 on lotam.  
FTA: oh, and when you get here, 2tiick two the upper atmo2phere.  
FTA: thiing2 are gettiing kiind of... hectiic down below.  
CAC: :33 < is that a bad thing?  
CAC: :33 < i figured that would mean youd want to be there recording it!  
FTA: wow, iin2ultiing.  
FTA: np, you 2eriiou2ly thiink ii'd go down there and record that 2hiit wiith a camera or 2omethiing?  
FTA: ii would never 2toop 2o low.  
CAC: :33 < oh  
CAC: :33 < well  
FTA: they moved iit two gz'2 hiive, 2o ii'm recordiing iit from the 2erver program.  
FTA: ii ju2t don't want any of u2 gettiing in the 2hot.  
CAC: :33 < oh my god!!!  
CAC: :33 < sollux you are such a cr33p  
FTA: ahahahah.  
FTA: anyway, 2ee you guy2 2oon.  
PAA: of course!  
FTA: okay, bye.  
FTA ceased responding to memo.  
PAA: ok terezi lets go  
PGC: OK4Y SUR3  
PGC: DONT H4V3 TOO MUCH FUN BY YOURS3LF, N3P3T4  
CAC: :33 < whatefur  
CAC: :33 < just dont do anything mean to karkat!  
PGC: 1LL DO MY B3ST  
PGC: BUT 1F H3S 4 J3RK TO M3, YOU C4N B3 D4MN SUR3 1LL RETURN TH3 F4VOR  
CAC: :33 < ugh fine  
PAA: dont worry nepeta everything will be fine  
PAA: right terezi?  
PGC: Y34H, SUR3  
CAC: :33 < well, okay  
CAC: :33 < then s33 you guys later, i guess  
PGC: SOON3R TH4N L4T3R, PROB4BLY  
PAA: anyway bye nepeta!  
PGC: Y34H, BY3  
PAA ceased responding to memo.  
FGC ceased responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < well  
CAC: :33 < this has just gotten entirely out of hand, hasnt it?  
CAC: :33 < but then  
CAC: :33 < if eridan is out of the picture  
CAC: :33 < *the rogue of heart surveys the chaos the prince of hope has sown amongst her fl33t, shaking her head forlornly*  
CAC: :33 < *but even though he has struck a major blow today, she can still take solace in one important fact*  
CAC: :33 < *she only has two ships left to sail before he is completely defeated!*  
CAC: :33 < *and the rogue swears that she will take any steps necessary to ensure that they sail before his do!*  
CAC: :33 < *even if it means cutting a deal with a certain scurrilous s33r...*  
CAC ceased responding to memo.  
  
CAC closed memo.  



	29. Hate is In the Air

Chapter 29

Hate is In the Air

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].  
  
GA: Hey  
CC: )(ey.  
GA: So  
GA: Um  
GA: About Last Night  
CC: W)(at aboat it?  
GA: Well  
GA: I Was Hoping It Wouldnt Come To This But  
GA: I Believe The Conflict Between Us Has Escalated To The Point Where We Almost Certainly Require An Auspistice  
CC: An auspistice?  
CC: Reely?  
GA: Um  
GA: Okay Feferi This Is Kind Of A Serious Subject  
GA: Are You Really Going To Continue With The Nautical Puns  
CC: Am I? )(MMMMMMMM........  
CC: After some careful conc)(sideraytion, Y-ES, I believe I S)(-ELL.  
CC: Or is it S)(OAL?  
CC: Eit)(er one is fine, reely.  
GA: Urrgh  
GA: Feferi Im Trying To Be Civil Here  
GA: And Id Appreciate It If Youd Deign To Extend The Same Courtesea To Me  
GA: Fuck I Mean Courtesy  
CC: )(-E)(-E)(-E! 38)  
GA: God Damnit  
GA: Look Im Serious  
GA: Before The Animosity Between Us Was Effectively Flatlining At A Perfectly Manageable Level But Thats Not Really The Case Anymore  
GA: Its Kind Of Spiraled Out Of Control Now And Without A Mediator To Ameliorate The Situation Its Only Going To Continue To Do So  
CC: U)( )(u)(.  
CC: And w)(y do you t)(ink we N-E-ED an auspistice, Kanaya?  
GA: Why Do We  
GA: You Remember What Happened Last Night Right  
CC: Of COURS--E I remember, Kanaya. It is kind of )(ard to forget!!  
GA: Then You Know That Things Have Gotten Out Of Hand  
CC: Kind of, yea)(.  
GA: So Unless We Get An Auspistice Things Are Only Going To Get Worse  
CC: "Worse?"  
CC: Was it BAD, reely?  
GA: Um  
GA: Kind Of Yes  
CC: W)(ale, you s)(ore seemed to be enjoying it at t)(e time!  
GA: Look Thats Not The Issue Here  
CC: No, I t)(ink t)(at IS t)(e issue here!  
GA: Well I Think Your Thinking Is Wrong  
CC: W)(ale, I t)(ink your t)(inking aboat MY t)(inking is wrong!  
GA: Urrgh For The Love Of  
GA: You Realize This Would Be A Lot Easier If You Werent Insistent On Being So Detestably Petulant About It Dont You  
CC: Yes. 38)  
GA: Okay Im Beginning To Think Youre Not Taking This Seriously At All  
CC: T)(is particular conc)(versation? You are rig)(t, I'm not.  
CC: I don't want an auspistice.  
GA: Look I Dont Want One Either  
GA: But At This Point Its Become Painfully Clear That We Need One  
GA: And If You Try To Say Otherwise Then All I Can Say Is That You Are Well And Firmly In Denial About The Situation  
CC: I'M in denial?  
CC: )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A, o)(, t)(e irony is TOO MUC)(!  
GA: Okay Could You Stop Doing That  
GA: The Thing With Doing Eight Of Things  
CC: W)(y, is it ANNOYING or somet)(ing?  
CC: Your little gillfrond does it all t)(e time, and you do not seem to )(ave a problem wit)( T)(AT!  
GA: Right Because Its Kind Of Her Thing  
GA: And Its Pretty Clear That Youre Deliberately Copying It From Her In Yet Another Effort At Antagonizing Me  
GA: Or Am I Just Wrong About That  
CC: No, you're rig)(t.  
GA: So  
GA: Are You Going To Stop  
CC: Noooooooope. 38888)  
GA: Oh My God You Are Such An Annoying Fu  
GA: Okay  
GA: Calm Down Kanaya  
GA: Deep Breaths Kanaya  
GA: Stop Letting The Irritating Seadweller Get To You  
CC: )(a)(a, cod, t)(is is too easy.  
GA: Okay So Im Just Going To Ignore You For A While  
GA: I Realize That The Whole Ashen Situation Is Somewhat Difficult Given That There Are Only Twelve Of Us And Theres Very Little Overlap In Our Individual Quadrants  
GA: Which Means That There Already Seven Trolls Who Are Out Of Consideration  
CC: Six.  
GA: What  
CC: T)(ere are only six trolls in bot)( of our quadrants.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Right  
CC: Did you forget t)(e overlap wit)( Vriska?  
CC: It is kind of a strange t)(ing to forget. I t)(oug)(t s)(e would be t)(e troll foremost on BOT)( of our minds rig)(t now, aside from eac)( ot)(er.  
GA: Look Could We Just  
GA: Not Talk About That Right Now  
CC: >38?  
CC: W)(y?  
GA: Because Its  
GA: Its Kind Of Distracting Me From My Objective Here  
CC: W)(ale, in T)(AT case, I just want to talk aboat it MOR--E! 38D  
GA: No Just Stop  
GA: Im Not Talking About It  
CC: O)(, come ON, Kanaya, lig)(ten up!!  
CC: It is not t)(e big TRAV---ESTY you are making it out to be!!!  
GA: Im Not Talking About It  
CC: Uuuuuuuug)(, FIN--E. >38C  
GA: Anyway Regarding Our Auspistice Situation  
GA: Due To Our Quadrants Six Trolls Have Been Taken Out Of The Running  
GA: And With Eridan Already Acting As An Auspistice He Cant Really Be Considered Either  
GA: So That Only Leaves Us With Two Options  
CC: T)(ree.  
GA: Er Right Three  
GA: Theres Tavros  
GA: But Hes Already In An Auspisticism With Eridan So Im Not Entirely Certain What He Would Think About That  
GA: And I Suppose His Direct Association With My Matesprit Might Prove A Little Troubling But Im Not Sure Thats A Great Concern  
GA: Anyway The Other Option Is Gamzee  
GA: Which I Think Might Be The Better Option Strange As It May Sound  
GA: Hes Not Involved In Any Existing Ashen Entanglements So Thats A Definite Plus  
GA: And Hes Expressed Some Interest In Filling The Role Before So Im Sure It Wouldnt Be A Problem Convincing Him To Play The Part  
GA: And Hes Theorized With Me In Private That His Aspect Powers Might Somehow Make Him Uniquely Suited To Conciliation But Im Not Entirely Certain How Seriously I Take That  
GA: So Those Are Our Options  
CC: You forgot t)(e t)(ird one.  
CC: Karkat.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Right  
GA: Hes An Option Too  
GA: And I Guess He Might Serve The Role  
GA: Adequately  
GA: ?  
GA: But For Reasons Id Rather Not Discuss I Wouldnt Advise Him For This Particular Situation  
CC: )(mmmmmmmm, I wonder w)(at reasons T)(OS--E could be...  
CC: Could it be t)(at a certain someone is waxing PAL--E, )(mmmmmmmm???  
GA: Okay Which Of The Words In The Phrase Quote Reasons Id Rather Not Discuss End Quote Did You Not Understand  
GA: Really Its Not A Difficult Sentence Fragment None Of Them Are Even Over Two Syllables  
GA: I Never Expected Your Notably Sparing Intellect To Support An Extensive Vocabulary But I Think This Is Low Even For You  
CC: >38O  
CC: W)(oa, Kanaya wit)( t)(e sass out of glubbing NARW)(AL!!  
GA: Er  
GA: Sorry I Guess I Shouldnt Be Resorting To Petty Insults  
CC: O)(, for GLUB'S )(AK--E, Kanaya, do not APOLOGIZ--E for sassing me.  
CC: I acs)(oally --ENCOURAG--E you to do it! It gets a little BORING w)(en I'm the only one participating.  
GA: What  
GA: Okay I Dont Get It What Are You Trying To Do Here  
CC: W)(at do you T)(INK I am trying to do, Kanaya?  
CC: S)(rimply based on t)(e events of t)(e past ten )(ours or so, w)(at is it you would -EXP-ECT me to be doing )(ere?  
GA: Yes I Kind Of Understand What Youre Trying To Do  
GA: And Id Appreciate It If Youd Stop  
GA: The Fact Is That This Situation Desperately Calls For An Auspistice  
CC: NO IT DO----ESN'T!!!!  
CC: I do not WANT an auspistice, Kanaya!  
CC: We don't N--E--ED one!!  
GA: And Why Do You Think That  
CC: Because I'm not AS)(--EN for you, Kanaya!  
CC: I dislike you a little more t)(an t)(at!  
CC: In fact, I kind of straig)(t up )(AT----E you!!!  
CC: In t)(e most deliciously black way, mind you. <3<  
GA: Right  
GA: I Figured You Might Say That  
CC: So w)(at are you trying to say, Kanaya? Are you trying to say you don't )(ate me back?  
CC: Because t)(at is BULLS)(IT and I KNOW it, and t)(e reason is because I was T)(--ER--E last nig)(t!!!  
CC: Were you t)(ere, Kanaya? Do you even remember w)(at )(appened?  
CC: Do you remember all t)(e t)(ings you did to me??  
GA: Um  
CC: You BIT me, Kanaya!  
CC: And not just once on t)(e neck or somet)(ing, eit)(er!  
CC: You did it multiple times! In a lot of places! Several of w)(ic)( I can't really repeat in polite company!!  
CC: So I'm sorry if I'm coming off as CR--E--EPY or somet)(ing rig)(t now, but I KNOW you )(ate me back, and I am getting R---EALLY sick of you denying it!!!  
GA: Okay Look Ill Admit It  
GA: I May Have Participated In Some Actions Of An Obscenely Caliginous Nature Last Night  
GA: And At The Time I Certainly Was Having Some Feelings Like That For You  
GA: But  
GA: Theres Been Something Of A Revelation Since Then  
GA: And Now Im Not Entirely Certain I Can Say Any Of Those Affections Were Actually Genuine  
GA: On Either Of Our Parts Really  
CC: So wait.  
CC: W)(at you are saying is, not only are you not black for me...  
CC: But I'M not black for YOU, eit)(er???  
CC: T)(is is ridiculous, even for you.  
GA: Let Me Explain  
CC: Ug)(, FIN----E.  
GA: Okay  
GA: So  
GA: This Whole Dispute Between Us Has Always Kind Of Centered Around Vriska  
GA: Youve Noticed That Right  
CC: Yes.  
GA: Well  
GA: Last Night After You Left  
GA: She Confessed Something To Me  
GA: She Admitted That This Entire Conflict Was A Fabrication Of Her Own Devious Machinations  
GA: She Was Deliberately Attempting To Set The Two Of Us Against Each Other In Order To Engender The Possibility Of Kismesissitude Between Us  
GA: And She Did So By Feeding Both Of Us Misleading Or Outright False Information About Each Other In Private Conversations  
GA: So This Entire Hatred Between Us Was Based On A Gargantuan Edifice Wrought Of Lies And Deceit  
GA: It Was All Just A Great Big Ruse  
CC: Yea)(, I already knew t)(at.  
GA: What  
GA: You Did  
CC: Yes.  
GA: No You Didnt  
CC: Yes I did!  
GA: No Thats Absurd  
GA: How Could You Already Know That  
CC: )(ow could you NOT already know t)(at??  
CC: I mean, Vriska was not exactly being SUBTL---E about it.  
CC: Well, okay, s)(e was being subtler t)(an s)(e USUALLY is, but t)(at still isn't ferry subtle.  
CC: I've known s)(e was up to somet)(ing for a W)(AL---E now.  
GA: A Whale Now  
GA: I Mean A While Now  
GA: How Long Is That Exactly  
CC: Well, s)(e was always being kind of suspiciously flirty wit)( me since we first started talking on a regular basis, but I just kind of took t)(at for )(er being a little STRANG--E.  
CC: It wasn't until I spoke wit)( -Eridan a few days ago t)(at I R--E--ELY started to piece toget)(er w)(at was going on.  
CC: See, w)(en Vriska was talking to me, s)(e dropped a few )(ints )(ere and t)(ere t)(at we s)(ould maybe be kismeses, but I did not t)(ink too muc)( of it at t)(e time.  
CC: But t)(en --Eridan was doing it too!  
CC: And I KN--EW t)(ose two were in league for t)(eir little black s)(ipping t)(ing, and I saw t)(at s)(e was continuing to flirt wit)( me and insinuate all sorts of bad t)(ings about you, and I put two and two toget)(er.  
GA: So  
GA: You Knew They Were Manipulating Us  
CC: Y---EP!  
CC: It was pretty clever, actually! T)(ey apparently )(ad you convinced t)(at I was trying to steal Vriska away from you.  
CC: And for a w)(ile, I was equally certain t)(at you were ABUSING Vriska, and s)(e was being CO--ERC--ED into staying wit)( you!  
GA: But You  
GA: You Knew That Wasnt True Right  
CC: I kind of figured, yea)(.  
GA: Then Why The Fuck Did You Accuse Me Of It On A Public Fucking Memo  
CC: To piss you off, obviously.  
GA: You  
GA: Youre  
GA: Are You Actually Serious  
CC: )(ey, it worked, didn't it?  
CC: 3B)  
GA: I  
GA: Just  
GA: I Cannot  
GA: *Believe*  
GA: That You Would Resort To A Level Of Defamation That Malicious Just For The Sake Of Realizing A Caliginous Entanglement With Me  
CC: Well, you weren't leaving me wit)( muc)( c)(oice!!  
CC: I KN--EW you were black for me, but you were so firmly in denial about it t)(at I knew it would take somet)(ing like t)(at to s)(ake you out of it!  
GA: No Let Me Make Something Perfectly Clear Miss Peixes  
GA: It Doesnt Matter What The Situation Surrounding It Might Be  
GA: This Is Not Acceptable  
GA: You Dont Ever Get To Accuse Me Of Something As Serious And Hurtful As This No Matter What Your Agenda Is  
GA: I Mean  
GA: I Love Vriska  
GA: I Would Never Do Anything To Hurt Her  
GA: Ever  
CC: Really?  
CC: Because you certainly )(urt )(er a few times last nig)(t.  
GA: You Know What I Mean  
GA: I Meant Against Her Will  
GA: Shes Just Um  
GA: Into That Kind Of Thing  
CC: Yea)(, s)(e kind of is...  
CC: Like, I t)(oug)(t you were abusing )(er from some of t)(e scars I saw, but I now I can see t)(ose were all )(--ER idea.  
CC: And I bet it's )(ard to resist!  
CC: I mean, COD, t)(e NOIS--ES s)(e makes... 380~  
GA: I Know Right  
GA: The Woman Can Turn Anyone Into A Sadist  
CC: Yea)(, I know t)(e feeling!  
CC: -Equius is kind of t)(e same way, really. I felt kind of bad about bossing )(im around so muc)( at first, but )(e is just so COMPLIANT!  
CC: And it's just kind of )(ard to be sure you don't take t)(ings too far w)(en t)(ey --ENJOY it so muc)(, you know?  
GA: Um  
GA: Im Not Entirely Certain I Want To Talk About This  
CC: W)(y not?  
CC: After last nig)(t, we bot)( s)(ared a very INTIMAT--E understanding of YOUR matesprit. W)(y can we not do t)(e same wit)( MIN--E?  
GA: Its Complicated  
GA: Anyway I Shouldnt Even Be Gossiping With You  
GA: Im Still Upset That You Would Throw Around Such Heinous Slander About Me While Knowing Perfectly Well It Wasnt True  
CC: Okay, fine, I will admit t)(at was wrong of me.  
CC: I'm sorry.  
GA: You  
GA: You Are  
GA: ?  
CC: Yes.  
CC: I mean, I )(ate you and all, but t)(at was just disrespectful of me.  
CC: I s)(ould )(ave just attempted to work my affections out wit)( you in private, but my impatience got t)(e best of me, and I did somet)(ing drastic.  
GA: Your Affections  
GA: So You Still Think Youre Actually Black For Me  
GA: Even Given Its Based On A Faulty Premise  
CC: It's NOT based on a faulty premise!!  
CC: Look, I know w)(at you are t)(inking, but t)(is is NOT about Vriska anymore.  
CC: I mean, sure, if last nig)(t is anyt)(ing to go by, s)(e does an AMAZING job of catalyzing it, but my )(atred for you can stand fully well on its own, wit)(out t)(e influence of any outside factors.  
CC: Maybe we don't )(ave any complicated )(istory or opposing ideologies to set us against eac)( ot)(er, but can a kismesissitude not survive simply on c)(emistry alone??  
CC: Because we )(AV---E c)(emistry, Kanaya! S)(OR--ELY you've noticed t)(at!!  
GA: Well  
GA: Perhaps  
CC: I mean, I )(ave to be )(onest, I LOV---E trading barbs wit)( you, Kanaya!  
CC: NOT)(ING brig)(tens my day like getting a rise out of you wit)( one or two well-placed inappropriate comments!  
CC: And w)(en you actually stop floundering about and properly sass me back, it just gets me fired up for even MOR--E!  
CC: And I don't even CAR---E )(ow creepy t)(is probably sounds, because t)(e romantic )(atred for you t)(at )(as blossomed in my collapsing and expanding bladder-based aquatic vascular system is a B--EATIFUL t)(ing, and I am not t)(e L--EAST bit as)(amed of it!!  
CC: I )(ate you, Kanaya Maryam!  
CC: I really, really do!  
CC: And it's not because of Vriska, or because of -Eridan, it's because of w)(o you are personally!  
CC: I don't like you as a person!  
CC: Can't one troll being not like anot)(er troll being?  
CC: Can't we all just not get along?  
GA: Um Okay Wow  
GA: This Is All Kind Of Sudden  
CC: No, you know w)(at's sudden?  
CC: Sudden is t)(rowing me against a wall, biting me in t)(e neck, and drinking my blood wit)(in five minutes of meeting me in person.  
GA: Er  
GA: Okay Fine Point Taken  
CC: Look, I am trying my best not to coerce you into anyt)(ing. I am R--E--ELY afraid of coming off too strong )(ere.  
CC: But I )(ave felt t)(is way for a few days now, and it is INCR--EDIBLY OBVIOUS t)(at you feel t)(e same way, and it is R---E---ELY annoying t)(at you will not just admit it.  
CC: Seriously, Kanaya, w)(y don't you just come out and say it? W)(y does t)(is )(ave to be suc)( a federal fucking issue???  
GA: Well  
GA: Its Complicated  
CC: SO SIMPLIFY IT!!!  
CC: Come on, just tell me w)(at is going on )(ere.  
GA: Look Its Just  
GA: Im Not Sure About This Kismesissitude Thing  
CC: And exactly w)(at part are you not s)(ore aboat?  
CC: Do you t)(ink I am too muc)( kismesis for you to )(andle? Because I could totally understand w)(y you would feel t)(at way.  
GA: Too Much Kismesis For Me To Handle  
GA: Only If Were Going By Mass  
CC: O)(, FUCK YOU!!!  
GA: Hahaha  
CC: >38/  
CC: You are kind of sending some MIX--ED SIGNALS )(ere, Kanaya.  
GA: And I Suppose Youd Know A Thing Or Two About Mixed Signals  
GA: Given Your Trainwreck Of A Courtship With Mister Captor  
CC: Yea)(, well at least I actually S----ENT some signals, instead of just sitting around and )(oping )(e would R--EAD MY FUCKING MIND!!!  
GA: Urrgh Okay This Is Exactly The Kind Of Bickering I Dont Think Its Constructive To Be Engaging In  
CC: O)(, I sea, pull out of t)(e argument t)(e instant you begin to lose.  
GA: Thats Not What Im Doing  
CC: T)(at is SO w)(at you are doing.  
GA: No Its Not  
CC: Yes it is.  
GA: No  
CC: Yes.  
GA: No  
CC: Yes.  
GA: No  
CC: FIN---E, W)(AT---EV---ER!!! >38P  
CC: So w)(y do you not want to argue wit)( me?? W)(y do you not want to be my kismesis???  
CC: Just w)(at was so awful about last nig)(t t)(at it was a MISTAK---E t)(at some)(ow needs to be CORR---ECT----ED????  
GA: Well Its Just That  
GA: Im Afraid It Will Reflect Badly On Me  
CC: "Reflect badly on you??"  
CC: So you're saying you would be AS)(AM--ED to )(ave me as a kismesis????  
GA: No Thats Not It  
GA: It Doesnt Have Anything To Do With You In Particular  
GA: Believe It Or Not Your Highness My Every Decision Doesnt Revolve Around You  
CC: O)(, )(a )(a.  
CC: T)(en w)(at is it?  
GA: Its The Whole Idea Of A Kismesissitude In General Really  
GA: I Feel Like Im Supposed To Be Above Indulging In That Kind Of Thing  
GA: And I Feel As Though It Would Tarnish My Status As An Impartial Mediator To Freely Indulge In That Kind Of Unabashed Hatred  
CC: You're not above indulging in t)(at kind of t)(ing, t)(oug)(.  
GA: Yes I Am  
GA: Or At Least Im Trying To Be  
GA: Thus Why I Believe We Require An Auspistice  
CC: No, Kanaya, listen to me, okay?  
CC: You need to stop worrying about )(ow t)(is w)(ole t)(ing wit)( me is going to "reflect" on you, because it already IS reflecting on you.  
CC: And it is going to keep doing so W---ELL into t)(e future, W)(AT--EV--ER quadrant we may find ourselves in.  
CC: Because the fact of the matter is, you )(ave a grudge against me!  
CC: A beautiful cosmic soulgrudge t)(e kind like you don't get every ten t)(ousand sweeps, but a grudge nonet)(eless.  
CC: And --EV--ERYBODY knows t)(at!! It is not really a secret. It is an establis)(ed fact at t)(is point.  
CC: So t)(e only t)(ing t)(at will C)(ANG--E )(ow it reflects on you is w)(et)(er you c)(oose to embrace it, or to continue to deny it.  
GA: Hmmm  
GA: I Think  
GA: You Might Be Right  
GA: I Mean I Certainly Dislike You A Lot  
GA: And Id Be Lying If I Said It Was Completely Platonic  
GA: But  
GA: Im Still Worried About What Everyone Else Might Think  
GA: How Do I Know They Wouldnt Take My Succumbing To Hatred As An Indication That I Was Unfit To Be An Auspistice  
CC: Okay, Kanaya, two t)(ings.  
CC: Number one, no one is going to care.  
CC: T)(e )(atred between two kismeses is a special t)(ing, independent of ot)(er quadrants, and --EV--ERYON--E understands t)(at.  
CC: I mean, look at --Eridan! )(e )(as )(ad a kismesis longer t)(an ANY of us, but )(is as)(en partners )(ave never judged )(im for it!  
CC: Not even --Equius, and given t)(at )(is moirail is t)(e kismesis in question )(ere, t)(at's kind of saying somet)(ing!  
CC: And I am dead certain my own pair aren't going to judge me eit)(er.  
CC: S)(ell, Vriska is t)(e one w)(o was trying so badly to get us toget)(er in t)(e FIRST plaice!!!  
CC: Do you R--E--ELY t)(ink Nepeta and Terezi are going to judge you for it??  
GA: Well  
GA: When You Put It That Way Maybe Not  
CC: Yea)(, t)(at's rig)(t!  
CC: But t)(at's t)(e second t)(ing.  
CC: If t)(ey W--ER--E going to judge you for it, t)(en FUCK T)(---EM!!  
CC: Kanaya, you need to stop worrying so muc)( about w)(at OT)(---ER people want and focus on YOURS----ELF for a c)(ange!!!  
CC: Look, just be )(onest wit)( me for a second )(ere. All ot)(er quadrants out of t)(e picture, do you want to be my kismesis?  
CC: Do you want a big, black piece of t)(is???  
GA: I  
GA: Yes  
GA: Ive Wanted To Commit Unspeakable Kismetic Acts Against You On Some Level For A While Now  
GA: And Now That I Have I Want To Keep Doing It Well Into The Future  
CC: T)(en DO IT!! Take me now!!!  
CC: I'm your kismesis, and FUCK w)(at anybody else )(as to say!!!!  
GA: Um  
CC: Look, Kanaya, I understand )(ow you feel. I used to be in your flippers, actually.  
CC: I lived my entire life living for ot)(er people, and never stopped to t)(ink about myself, because I didn't want to be "selfis)(."  
CC: But you can't keep doing t)(at. It's unsustainable.  
CC: If you insist on taking up every single burden you find, you'll just keep sacrificing and sacrificing until you )(ave not)(ing left but your life.  
CC: And t)(en you'll sacrifice t)(at too, and everyone w)(o grew so dependent on you won't be able to go on wit)(out you.  
CC: You mig)(t t)(ink you're making yourself some kind of martyr, but all you're doing is dragging everyone else down wit)( you!  
CC: So you )(AV--E to put your foot down at some point! Because it isn't selfis)(, it's t)(e RIG)(T t)(ing to do!!  
CC: I learned t)(at t)(e )(ard way.  
CC: But if I can do it, YOU can do it too!! And if you can't, t)(en you don't even D---ES---ERV---E to be my kismesis!!!!  
GA: I  
GA: Fine I Guess Youre Right  
CC: Of COURS----E I'm rig)(t!!!  
GA: Shut Up  
GA: Dont Interrupt Me  
CC: >38I  
GA: I Need To Say Something  
GA: Feferi  
GA: I Have Met Quite A Few People In My Short Time In Existence  
GA: Several Of Whom Seemed To Be Reasonably Decent People  
GA: And No Shortage Of Those Who Didnt  
GA: But Out Of All Of Them  
GA: I Think You In Particular Might Be One Of The Most Detestably Vexing Trolls Ive Ever Had The Pleasure Of Interacting With  
GA: I Hate You Feferi Peixes  
GA: I Hate Everything About You  
GA: I Hate Your Stupid Fish Puns And Your Tacky Clothes  
GA: And I Hate Your Absolutely Atrocious Decorum Completely Unbefitting One Of Your Privilege  
GA: And I Hate The Way You Idly Manipulate The Meanings Of The Quadrants As If The Very Foundations Of Our Society Were Your Plaything  
GA: But I Think  
GA: More Than Anything Else  
GA: I Hate You Because Youre Perfect  
GA: Because Youve Been Given Everything In Life And Its Only Fair That A Little Shouldve Been Taken Away To Compensate  
GA: But It Wasnt  
GA: All The Slings And Arrows Of Outrageous Fortune Have Been Cast Your Way And You Endured Them With A Smile On Your Face None The Worse  
GA: Youre Still The Same Bubbly Happy Friendly Perfect Feferi That Everyone Knows And Loves So Much  
GA: It Disgusts Me  
GA: But What Really Gets Me Is That Its All A Facade  
GA: I Thought You Might Just Be Empty Under That Hollow Candy Shell Of Yours  
GA: But The Truth Is That Deep Down You Really Are Just An Unpleasant Person But You Hide It Away  
GA: You Cloak It In A Haze Of Bubbly Saccharine Fog And Everyone Drinks It Up  
GA: And No One Has Yet Suffered From The Bitter Aspartame Aftertaste  
GA: No One But Me  
GA: And The Fact That Im The Only One Who Can See It Just Makes Me Hate You Even More  
GA: Because I Know You Have Flaws Because I Can See Them And Yet Somehow In Defiance Of All Known Systems Of Formalized Logic You Manage Nonetheless To Be Perfect  
GA: And I Hate Perfect  
CC: 38O  
CC: Y--------EA)(!!!!!!!!  
CC: Now T)(AT is w)(at I like to S----E----E!!!!!!!!  
GA: Okay See This Is Exactly What Im Talking About  
GA: I Just Delivered A Decisive Blow To You Via A Long Incisive Tirade And Yet Somehow Youre Still Happy To See That  
CC: Um, Y---EA)(, because I WANT you to )(ate me, Kanaya!!  
GA: Well Yeah But Still  
GA: I Feel Like You Should At Least Be A Little Upset By It  
CC: O)(, don't get me wrong, I am )(urt by everyt)(ing you said just now, but only because it is mostly rig)(t.  
CC: And t)(at's good! It means you really AR--E wort)(y of being my kismesis!  
GA: Right  
GA: Your Kismesis  
CC: Rig)(t, speaking of w)(ic)(, can we PL--EAS--E just make t)(is official now???  
GA: Yes Of Course Its Official  
GA: You And I In A Kismesissitude Now  
CC: GR-----EAT!!!!! 38D  
CC: Now type a spade to seal t)(e deal!  
GA: Im Not Typing A Spade  
CC: W)(y not?  
GA: Because Its Ridiculous  
GA: I Just Said We Were Kismeses  
GA: Why Should I Need To Append An Emoticon  
CC: Kanaya, just do it.  
GA: Absolutely Not I Refuse  
CC: KANAYA...  
GA: Feferi  
GA: Dot Dot Dot  
CC: Kanaya, if you do not type t)(at spade T)(IS GLUBBING INSTANT, t)(en it is OV----ER between us!!!  
CC: I am calling t)(is WHOL---E t)(ing off, and you will never experience a repeat of last nig)(t's events ----EV----ER AGAIN!  
GA: Okay God Fine Ill Just Type The Stupid Spade  
GA: <3<  
GA: There Are You Happy  
CC: Y----ES. >38)  
GA: Whatever  
GA: Ill Admit This Isnt How I Expected This To Turn Out  
GA: But Im Relieved That The Situation Has Been Resolved Regardless  
GA: When Vriska Told Me What Was Going On Here I  
GA: Well I Didnt Take It Very Well  
CC: W)(at )(appened?  
GA: I Um  
GA: I Punched Her In The Face  
CC: 38O  
GA: Of Course I Immediately Felt Bad About It And Apologized Profusely  
GA: But I Was Just  
GA: I Was So Upset That She Would Toy With My Emotions Like That  
GA: Even If It Was For An Ultimately Benevolent Purpose It Wasnt Right  
CC: No, I get it. S)(e )(as kind of )(ad t)(at coming for a W)(AL---E now.  
GA: I Guess  
GA: But She Was Using You Too  
GA: Werent You The Least Bit Upset When You Apparently Found That Out  
CC: No, not reely.  
GA: Why Not  
CC: Because by t)(e time I figured out s)(e was manipulating me, I reelized t)(at I was acs)(oally starting to feel black for you.  
CC: So I figured just going along wit)( )(er plan was for t)(e best.  
GA: Wow  
GA: Youre Really Kind Of Terrible You Know That  
CC: W)(ale, YOU'R----E t)(e one w)(o was uptig)(t enoug)( to mako it necessary in t)(e FIRST plaice!!!  
GA: Urrgh Whatever  
GA: Anyway I Suppose Shell Be Glad To Hear Were Officially A Thing Now  
GA: If Only Because It Might Mean More Maroonions In Her Future  
CC: Yea)(, I t)(ink s)(e probubbly enjoyed t)(e w)(ole t)(ing t)(at went down last nig)(t more t)(an bot)( of us COMBIN---ED!  
CC: W)(ic)( is saying a lot, because I glubbing LOV--ED it, and I am D--EAD C--ERTAIN you did too!  
GA: Yes On Both Counts  
GA: Shes Currently Splayed Out On My Couch In A State I Can Only Describe As Sheer Unconscious Bliss  
GA: Or At Least She Was  
GA: Looking Now I Guess Shes Doing Something With Her Huskpad  
GA: I Threw A Blanket Over Her A While Ago So Im Afraid I Cant Get Any More Specific Than That  
CC: )(a)(a.  
GA: Goodness  
GA: As Much As I Enjoyed Last Night Im Certainly Not Looking Forward To Cleaning Up  
GA: We Made An Utter Mess Of My Hive  
CC: More like we made an utter mess of your matesprit.  
GA: Hey  
GA: Just Because Youre My Kismesis Doesnt Mean You Get To Talk About Vriska That Way  
CC: O)( yea)(, w)(y not?  
CC: Does it BOT)(---ER you w)(en I say t)(ings like t)(at? >38)  
GA: Yes As A Matter Of Fact It Does  
GA: I Realize You Were Playing Along With Vriskas Scheme In Order To Get A Shot At Me But That Doesnt Discount The Possibility That Youre Actually Flushed For Her  
GA: And Comments Like That Dont Help  
CC: Kanaya, PL----EAS-----E. I am not trying to steal Vriska from you.  
CC: I mean... okay, to be perc)(fectly )(onest, I do kind of )(ave a t)(ing for )(er.  
GA: You Do  
CC: Just a little!!!  
CC: But I do NOT want )(er to be my matesprit. Like, atoll.  
CC: I could N---EV---ER be in a matesprits)(ip wit)( someone w)(o )(ates puns.  
GA: Haha  
GA: Then I Guess You Found Your Perfect Match With Mister Zahhak  
CC: -----EXACTLY!!!  
CC: And t)(at is t)(e ot)(er t)(ing, I already )(AV----E a matesprit! And )(e is WOND---ERFUL, and I am not looking for anot)(er one!  
CC: As a matter of fact, t)(e ferry first t)(ing I did after leaving your )(ive last nig)(t was go back to LOCAS!  
GA: I See  
CC: And of course, we bot)( pretty badly needed a s)(ower, and )(e )(ad t)(e ridiculous idea of taking t)(em in separate blocks.  
GA: Um  
GA: Separate Blocks  
CC: I know, rig)(t?? Isn't t)(at absurd???  
CC: So naturally I was like, "I DON'T T)(INK SO!!!"  
GA: Okay I Think I Know Where This Story Is Leading  
GA: And I Dont Want To Hear It  
CC: Ba)(, FIN---E. >38P  
GA: Why Would You Even Want To Tell Me That  
CC: I was trying to ever-so-subtly bring up t)(e idea of a maroonion wit)( )(im.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well Thanks But No Thanks  
CC: O)(, come on!!!  
CC: )(e is an attractive guy, Kanaya, you can't deny t)(at!  
CC: And I KNOW you two already get along!  
GA: Were Friends  
GA: Platonic Friends  
GA: Cant Two People Be Friends Anymore Without Wanting To Sleep With Each Other  
CC: Nope. --EV--ERYON--E )(as to bone.  
GA: Urrgh  
CC: )(a)(a, I'm just kidding. I will not mako you do anyt)(ing t)(at you are uncomfortable wit)(.  
CC: But I'm just saying t)(at you guys are two great tastes, and I t)(ink you would... taste great toget)(er.  
GA: Noted  
CC: Are you just not t)(at into )(im? Is t)(at it?  
CC: Because )(e does not even reely )(ave to be an active participant.  
GA: But  
GA: Why Would He Be There If He Wasnt Participating  
CC: I don't know, )(e could just be, like... a setpiece.  
CC: Like a piece of furniture.  
GA: Furniture  
GA: ?  
CC: Yes, t)(inking aboat it, t)(at is acs)(oally a good simile.  
CC: No wait.  
CC: SWIMIL--E. 3B)  
GA: Oh Dear Lord Thats Awful  
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a.  
CC: Anyway, )(e would just be, like, a really muscular, sweaty c)(air.  
CC: I could even order )(im to be completely moceanless, and )(e would probubbly do it.  
GA: Um Okay  
GA: But Would He Even Enjoy That  
CC: )(e would probubbly enjoy t)(at to a reely bizarre extent.  
CC: --Equius Za)()(ak is just an endless cavern of unusual kinks, and I for one could not be more ----EXCIT----ED to spelunk it! 38D  
GA: Wow  
GA: You Are Just Really Strange You Know That  
CC: O)(, rig)(t, says t)(e girl w)(o bit )(er matesprit AT L---EAST ten times last nig)(t!!!  
CC: You reelize t)(at is kind of a BLACK t)(ing, rig)(t??  
GA: Yes I Was A Little Concerned About That  
GA: But  
GA: She Really Likes It  
CC: ---EXACTLY!! So don't kink s)(ame.  
GA: Fine  
CC: Y'know, knowing )(er, w)(en you punc)(ed )(er in t)(e face, s)(e probubbly got off on it.  
GA: Haha  
GA: Yes She Actually Told Me As Much Almost Immediately After I Started Apologizing For It  
CC: )(a)(a)(a!!  
GA: Heh  
GA: You Know  
GA: This Whole Conversation Isnt Nearly As Contentious As I Would Normally Expect It To Be  
CC: W)(ale, yea)(. Just because we are kismeses doesn't mean we )(ave to be at eac)( ot)(er's t)(roats ALL t)(e time.  
GA: Well I Know That  
GA: But Still It Seems Awfully  
GA: Well Dont Get The Wrong Idea But It Seems Almost A Bit Red  
CC: No, I can kind of sea it.  
GA: Really Though Its Not Even Just Us  
GA: It Seems Like All The Relationships In Our Group Are Taking On A Sort Of Flushed Tint  
GA: Moirallegiances And Kismesissitudes And Even Auspisticisms  
CC: W)(ic)( auspisticisms? YOURS?  
GA: I Never Said That  
CC: Then w)(at AR--E you saying?  
CC: You're not ACCUSING me of somet)(ing )(ere, are you??  
GA: Well I Wasnt  
GA: But Thinking About It I Did Just Recently Bear Witness To You Performing Several Unspeakable Acts On One Of Your Ashen Partners  
CC: )(a)(a, okay, gillty as c)(arged.  
GA: Its Not Anything Specific Its Just An Inkling  
GA: An Observation Of An Unusual Trend In All Of Our Romantic Travails  
CC: I blame Nepeta.  
CC: S)(e is using )(er )(eart powers all willy-nilly to bring all of us closer toget)(er, and at some point it is just going to --EXPLOD--E and we will all get sucked into a massive orgy.  
GA: Oh Dear God I Hope Not  
CC: I kind of do. >38)  
GA: Hrm  
GA: Well I Suppose I Should Tell Vriska The Good News  
CC: Yea)(, ocray, go a)(ead.  
CC: I'll be on LOCAS if you want me.  
CC: And so will --Equius, so if you want to, y'know...  
CC: 38D  
CC: 3 8D  
CC: 38D  
CC: 3 8D  
GA: Is That Three Supposed To Be Your Eyebrows  
GA: I Thought It Was Your Tiara  
CC: It is my eyebrows too!!  
CC: It is w)(atever I WANT it to be.  
GA: 2:?  
CC: )(mm?  
GA: The Two Is Supposed To Be My Horns  
CC: O)(! T)(at is acs)(oally kind of cute!  
CC: You s)(oald use emoticons more often.  
GA: You Really Think So  
CC: Yes!  
GA: Then I Wont  
GA: Just For You  
CC: O)(, you little...!!!  
GA: Haha Okay I Suddenly See The Appeal Of The Constant Petty Annoyances  
GA: Theyre Kind Of Fun  
CC: Aboat TIM---E you figured it out!  
CC: Anyway, go talk to your matesprit.  
CC: And tell )(er s)(e's free to rub )(er )(ead between my broobs anytime.  
GA: Im Not Telling Her That  
CC: O)( yea)(? Because I am telling --Equius t)(e same aboat YOU!  
GA: God You Are Awful  
CC: )(e)(e, I try. <3<  
GA: Urrgh  
GA: <3<  
CC: I t)(oug)(t you weren't typing t)(e spades.  
GA: I Changed My Mind Shut Up  
CC: )(a)(a, fine.  
GA: Anyway Im Talking To Vriska Now  
GA: And Then Im Going To Get This Hive Cleaned Up  
GA: No Wait  
GA: Actually You Know What  
GA: Im Going To Make Her Get This Hive Cleaned Up  
CC: Y---EA)(, T)(AT'S t)(e spirit!!  
GA: I Have More Pressing Matters To Attend To Anyway  
GA: Particularly A Certain Missing Persons Case  
GA: So Tell Equius I Wish You The Best  
GA: Just Him Though Not You  
CC: Fine, I will.  
CC: Anyway, sea you later, you bottom-feeding )(agfis)(!  
GA: Im Sure You Will You Gutter Scraping Trollop  
CC: <3<  
GA: <3<  
  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]. 

*** 

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC].  
  
CT: D --> Hey  
TC: Hey.  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> About last night  
TC: What about it?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> It's safe to conc100de we're kismeses now, right  
TC: Uh, yeah, motherfucker, what else would we be?  
TC: We sure as shit ain't matesprits or some shit after all what came down last night.  
CT: D --> Right  
CT: D --> I just wanted to confirm that, though  
CT: D --> The last thing I want is to engage in a long, drawn out conversation about whether or not we are "officially" in a quadrant  
CT: D --> So I decided to prec100de the possibility from the outset  
TC: Fair enough.  
TC: Didn't really feel like engagin on that shit either, sounds like it'd be tedious as all fuck.  
CT: D --> E%actly  
CT: D --> Though  
CT: D --> Given the, um, chaotic nature of events last night, there e%ists some inherent difficulty in drawing a conc100sion at all  
TC: Haha, yeah, shit was all kinds of hectic.  
TC: There was like, what, four guys there? Sweet mother of fuck.  
TC: How'd that shit even get to be all up and happenin anyway?  
CT: D --> It started when your f001 of a matesprit insisted on intervening  
CT: D --> Naturally, our auspistice didn't think this was something that should continue unimpeded, so he attempted to mediate  
CT: D --> And, um  
CT: D --> He didn't entirely su%eed  
TC: Awww fuck, yeah, he all got himself sucked into the matesprit kismesis moirail auspistice tetra master quadruple reacharound.  
CT: D --> Is  
CT: D --> Is that really what it's called  
TC: Shit, I don't know, that's what Eridan called it.  
CT: D --> Seriously  
CT: D --> Because it 100% like a maddeningly idiotic label for the act  
TC: Hey, I like it.  
CT: D --> Then you're an idiot  
TC: Yeah, well fuck you too.  
CT: D --> Not right now, than%  
CT: D --> I'd like to spend some more time with my matesprit  
CT: D --> Alone  
TC: Look, man, what do you want? Cause I've kind of got shit to do here.  
TC: My hive is kind of a motherfuckin mess right now, in case you all got to forgetting.  
TC: Seriously, it's like a hurricane tried to make itself a peanut butter and jelly grubwich all in here.  
TC: Only it had like a hundred jars each of peanut butter and like three jams and preservatives of whatever motherfuckin variety.  
TC: What, like grape, blueberry, and...  
TC: More grape? No, fuck, that doesn't work.  
TC: Okay, it's just two flavors, but it wanted to pour itself a bottle of pinot noir to all go with it.  
TC: Fifty bottles, actually.  
CT: D --> Please stop  
CT: D --> I didn't ask for a descriptive metaphor  
TC: Hey, you contributed to all this mess, so you'd better motherfuckin believe you're gonna hear around it.  
TC: Like, you broke my table, bro. That shit's not cool.  
TC: You don't just break another dude's motherfuckin table.  
CT: D --> I didn't mean to  
TC: I don't give a fuck, man, you owe me a new table.  
CT: D --> 100k, I just think we should di%uss this whole  
CT: D --> Thing between us  
CT: D --> Don't you feel like that might be necessary  
TC: I feel like it might be necessary for me to burn this motherfuckin leguminous protein sack chair.  
TC: Like, what the fuck am I all supposed to do? Wash this motherfucker? I can't just up and fit this shit up a rotary garment launderer.  
CT: D --> You mean a washing machine  
TC: What?  
CT: D --> A washing machine  
CT: D --> That's the proper name for it  
TC: Yeah, well, the proper name for the amount of fucks I up and give around calling shit the proper name is "zero."  
CT: D --> Ugh  
CT: D --> 100k, just stop talking about your idiotic amorphous furniture  
TC: Is that an order?  
CT: D --> Yes, it's an order  
CT: D --> I command you to stop  
TC: Under what authority?  
CT: D --> The authority of a person who is better and smarter than you in every way, forever  
TC: Man, fuck you, you can't all up and tell me what to do.  
TC: If anything, I'm the brother what should all be bossing you around.  
TC: How about I command you to shut the fuck up and shove a unicycle up your nook?  
CT: D --> No  
TC: Why not? Is it a lack over the proper tools?  
TC: If you don't have a unicycle, one can be provided for you.  
CT: D --> I'm not taking orders from you  
CT: D --> Not anymore  
CT: D --> I've pledged my servitude to a more worthy master  
TC: You mean your bitch?  
CT: D --> I told you not to call her that  
TC: Man, what the fuck, it's just a word.  
CT: D --> It's offensive  
TC: No, fuck that, it's not like it's sexist or some shit as that. I use "bitch" for all sorts of motherfuckin things.  
TC: Like, "bitch" is a bitchin word. All the bitches in paradox space know it's bitchtits.  
TC: So stop your motherfuckin bitchin around it, bitch.  
CT: D --> 100k, if you insist on using that word in general, I don't care  
CT: D --> Just don't use it to describe Feferi  
CT: D --> She is a magnificent person, and she deserves more respect from the li%es of you  
TC: Well, why the fuck should I all up and respect your matesprit if you ain't gonna up and respect mine?  
TC: Tit for tat, motherfucker.  
CT: D --> No, 100k, that's not even the issue  
CT: D --> It's simply a matter of terminology  
CT: D --> I wouldn't call your matesprit a verminous lowb100ded peasant, would I  
TC: Uh... yeah, you would?  
TC: In fact, I'm pretty sure you have?  
CT: D --> Ok, maybe I have  
CT: D --> But I wouldn't now  
TC: You sure around that?  
CT: D --> About that  
CT: D --> And yes, I'm abso100tely certain  
TC: Man, I still don't get how all you could just get up and over all your bullshit on one motherfuckin night.  
TC: Shit is completely inexplicable.  
CT: D --> Ine%plicable  
CT: D --> So would you say it's  
CT: D --> A miracle  
TC: No.  
CT: D --> Hrm  
CT: D --> Well, it wasn't, really  
CT: D --> Because it didn't happen overnight  
TC: Fine, through a couple weeks, or whatever.  
CT: D --> No, longer than that  
CT: D --> I've always had some difficulty fully a%epting the Hemospe%rum  
CT: D --> Even though it thoroughly di%ated my life, there were always 100se ends in the doctrine I couldn't e%plain  
CT: D --> And it didn't sit well with me  
CT: D --> In fact, I'm abso100tely certain I've e%pressed sentiments like this to you in the past  
CT: D --> Several times, a%ually  
CT: D --> Don't you remember that  
TC: What? No, man, I don't commit my every fucked up conversation to you with motherfuckin memory.  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> It was f001ish of me to e%pect your sopor-addled mind to support any kind of long-term memory  
TC: Wow, fuck you, I ain't even touched the slime in weeks.  
CT: D --> E%actly  
CT: D --> So maybe we can stop insulting each other based on odious habits we've since di%arded  
TC: So what, you think just cause you made some big eloquent speech, that means you're completely out of the hook for all the problematic shit you've perpetrated?  
CT: D --> What  
TC: I'm just sayin, just because you all gave that shit up, it doesn't just up and absolve you of all blame.  
CT: D --> That's redundant  
TC: What?  
CT: D --> "Absolve" means to remove all blame  
CT: D --> You don't have to add "of all blame" afterward  
TC: Man, who gives a fuck about that.  
TC: You get what the mother fuck I'm tryin to say at you here.  
CT: D --> Ok, 100k  
CT: D --> I didn't e%pect everyone to immediately a%ept this  
CT: D --> Least of all you  
CT: D --> But I've at least attempted to make amends with all those I've wronged due to my beliefs  
TC: Except me.  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> How e%actly have I wronged you with respect to the Hemospe%rum  
TC: I don't know, maybe how you've always been chattin me up to tell me what a worthless piece of garbage I am every single second of every motherfuckin day for sweeps now?  
TC: You think that might have counted as "wronging" me, bro?  
CT: D --> That had nothing to due with the Hemospe%rum, though  
CT: D --> It was simply due to you being a tr001y worthless person  
TC: No, that's an enormous motherfuckin load of behemoth leavings and we both motherfuckin know it.  
TC: That shit had everything to do within the Hemospectrum, don't try to pull that shit at me.  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> E%plain  
TC: The only reason you ever came at me as hard as you did is because of the color of my blood.  
TC: If I were brown or yellow, or shit, even cerulean, you wouldn't never have given a single shit around me.  
TC: You would've just written me off like yet another lowblood, and we both could've moved on to our separate motherfuckin lives.  
TC: But since I was a "highb100d," you had to develop this creepy-ass obsession on me, and constantly harass me for bein a reprehensible disgrace and shit as that.  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> So you're saying I victimized you  
CT: D --> Because you were a highb100d  
CT: D --> ?  
TC: I'm saying with all your bullshit hangups with the Hemospectrum, you up and created all these ridiculous expectations on me what I couldn't never possibly hope to live up to.  
TC: And then when I inevitably failed to meet those expectations, you went and judged me on it, even though I never even wanted to be better than you in the first place.  
TC: How do you think that shit feels, huh?  
TC: How do you think it feels to be told you aren't good enough every single day of your life, no matter what you do?  
TC: And no matter how much you try to just get on with your life, they never, ever let up, and all just because my blood's just a little more purple than theirs?  
CT: D --> I, um  
CT: D --> I don't know  
TC: I never asked to be a highblood, Equius.  
TC: Fuck, I never even wanted to be one.  
CT: D --> You didn't  
TC: No, man.  
TC: I didn't ever wanna be in a place where I had to act like I was better than every other motherfucker.  
TC: I mean, shit, if this game didn't up and happen, where would I have wound up? Probably end up a subjugglator, committin genocide on a daily basis.  
TC: I don't want that. I never did.  
TC: Well... no, on some level, I kind of did.  
TC: And that scares me, man.  
TC: Scared other people, too. Indigos are wily and capricious motherfuckers, everybody know that. Nobody wants to risk bein friends with one.  
TC: Didn't have any real friends. Lusus was never around, probably even harsher on me than you ever were.  
TC: Heh.  
TC: Lonely at the top. It's a bullshit cliche if ever I heard one, but I guess they're cliches cause they crop up a lot, not the other way around.  
TC: I mean, I had acquaintances, sure. Karkat and Terezi, and fuck, I guess you count too.  
TC: But I only ever had one really close friend.  
CT: D --> Tavros  
TC: Yeah, I know, maybe you can't see the appeal.  
TC: But out of all the trolls I ever met before, he was the only one what always treated me like an equal.  
TC: He wasn't scared of me because of my rank, and he didn't never talk down to me just cause I'm a little zoned out sometimes.  
TC: And... well, I love him.  
TC: But it's a big gap, you know?  
TC: I mean, he's a brownblood. He'd have what, maybe thirty or forty sweeps before he was gone?  
TC: And then I'd have centuries left to live without the most important troll in my life? Fuck that.  
TC: If it were up to me, I'd never have chosen to be a highblood if I knew all that shit came with it.  
TC: I'd rather be brown like him than have to deal with that.  
CT: D --> Seriously  
CT: D --> You would choose to be a lowb100d  
TC: I realize that shit probably makes no motherfuckin sense to you, but yeah.  
CT: D --> A%ually  
CT: D --> I think I understand perfe%ly  
TC: ...Really?  
CT: D --> Well, to be honest  
CT: D --> I've often wished my b100d was lower too  
TC: What.  
TC: You're fuckin around with me here, right?  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> In truth, my rank always came to me as something of a curse  
CT: D --> It entitled me to much, I will admit  
CT: D --> It gave me control over most of my compatriots  
CT: D --> But I never wanted that  
CT: D --> I have always desired not to lead, but to follow  
CT: D --> Because I felt, on some level, I was deficient  
CT: D --> That there was something wrong with me, some vital piece missing  
CT: D --> That there was a void in my chest where my heart should be  
CT: D --> And that I needed someone to fill it  
CT: D --> Someone who would guide me with STRONG, loving hands  
CT: D --> Who would shape me into something whole, and give me life where once was nothing  
CT: D --> But because of my place in society, I could never find someone like that  
CT: D --> Because of my b100 b100d, no one could ever tr001y hold that kind of sway over me  
CT: D --> No one e%cept for  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> You  
TC: Yeah.  
TC: But I wasn't never good enough for that, was I?  
CT: D --> 100k, it's  
CT: D --> It's not that you weren't good enough by some obje%ive measure  
CT: D --> The only reason I was ever so hard on you was because  
CT: D --> I wanted you to be better than me  
CT: D --> Because you were supposed to be better than me  
CT: D --> You had to be  
CT: D --> Because you were my superior  
CT: D --> And because  
TC: ...  
TC: Because why?  
CT: D --> It doesn't matter  
TC: Yeah, well, I never wanted to be better than anybody.  
TC: And it's kind of an asshole move to try to force that shit on me.  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> You might be right  
CT: D --> I guess, in a manner of speaking, you were as much a victim of my prejudices as any other  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> I'm sorry for that  
TC: Whoa, whoa, hold up.  
TC: You're actually apologizing to me for this shit?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> In truth, your situation 100% to be similar to mine  
CT: D --> Distressingly so, a%ually  
CT: D --> We both faltered under the lofty e%pectations imposed upon us by society  
CT: D --> But where I attempted in vain to conform, you withdrew in rebellion  
CT: D --> And I guess  
CT: D --> It's just a little odd to see that we're not so different  
TC: Well...  
TC: Man, what the fuck is all this anyway?  
TC: We're kismeses, we shouldn't be spilling our guts at each other like this, we should be spilling each other's guts.  
TC: And yet here we are chattin it out like we're motherfuckin palebros or some scandalous shit as like that.  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Dear lord, no, there's abso100tely nothing pale about this  
CT: D --> Or even red at all, really  
CT: D --> Where would you get that preposterous notion  
TC: Well, we're just sittin here hashin shit out, and it feels as it's gettin all sorts of personal.  
CT: D --> I just felt the need to e%plain some things to you  
CT: D --> About what I believe to be the nature of the confli% between us  
CT: D --> That doesn't mean I don't hate you  
CT: D --> Because I do  
TC: Yeah, I kinda get that.  
CT: D --> Well, I've artic001ated it poorly before  
CT: D --> I often accused you of having no redeeming qualities whatsoever, which 100% a bit harsh on refle%ion  
CT: D --> And if you tr001y didn't, then you certainly wouldn't be worthy of being my kismesis  
CT: D --> Nonetheless, I still hate you on a deeply personal level  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> No, that's not right  
CT: D --> It's more like I hate you on a deeply symbolic level  
TC: Symbolic?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Put simply, you represent everything I despise about the Hemospe%rum  
CT: D --> And Alternian society in general, really  
CT: D --> And it just  
CT: D --> It gives me the deepest, blackest pleasure to so brazenly defy the only troll in e%istence who should be my e%plicit superior  
TC: Well, shit, I can't hardly deny you that.  
TC: And speakin the plain truth, you kind of represent all the shit I hate around the old Alternia too, even if you don't completely act the part anymore.  
TC: I've been waitin to show you just how much of a "proper highblood" I can be for a while now, and I ain't about to back down just because you all went and dropped it after you got some seadweller tail.  
CT: D --> I didn't drop it after that  
CT: D --> It was a prerequisite  
TC: Sure bro, whatever you say.  
CT: D --> Ugh  
CT: D --> So would it be f001ish to assume we still possess mutual animosity enough for a proper kismesissitude  
TC: Nah, I guess not.  
TC: Especially after last night  
CT: D --> Right  
CT: D --> Last night  
TC: Oh, what, are you all about to up and say you didn't enjoy it?  
TC: Cause you painted a pretty different motherfuckin picture of your feelings throughout the course of events.  
CT: D --> No, it's not that  
CT: D --> I mean, I did  
CT: D --> It's just that  
CT: D --> Well, I'm concerned that the a%ivities of the night might constitute a breach of my auspisticeship  
TC: Oh.  
TC: Right, cause I guess all three of you guys were there.  
CT: D --> E%actly  
CT: D --> Which isn't to say that their presence was 100% unwelcome  
CT: D --> Your matesprit almost assuredly contributed to things e%alating the way they did  
CT: D --> In a good way, I mean  
CT: D --> And I think, despite his best efforts, Eridan might have done the same  
TC: Hahaha, yeah, I think that brother might've chugged a little more Faygo than he could swallow on this particular instance.  
CT: D --> Er, right  
CT: D --> But regardless, I feel as though this was a transgression of some sort  
CT: D --> That with my first step into this kismesissitude, I've tarnished it with an act of infidelity  
TC: Infidelity?  
TC: With who?  
CT: D --> Whom  
TC: What?  
CT: D --> The proper grammar is "with whom"  
TC: For fuck's sake, fine, with whom?  
CT: D --> Well, with you, I guess  
CT: D --> Technically speaking, I participated in illicit ac% with two of your quadrantmates  
CT: D --> But then  
CT: D --> I'm in an arrangement with them, too, and I almost certainly violated that  
CT: D --> Ugh, 100king back, the situation is a%ually e%tremely complicated  
TC: Man, I think you're totally overcomplicating this whole motherfuckin scenario.  
TC: There ain't any motherfucker what went and cheated on another motherfucker last night.  
CT: D --> Really  
TC: Yeah, bro.  
TC: Like, if you were off doin shit with Tavbro without any of my knowledge, yeah, that'd be one thing.  
TC: But it wasn't a secret or some shit. We were both literally right there.  
TC: If you actually were tryin to go beside my back on it, then you were doing a pretty shitty job, bro.  
CT: D --> I wasn't  
TC: Yeah, I know, even you ain't that stupid.  
TC: And as for your whole ashen thing...  
TC: Well, let it not be said that Eridan didn't at least try to do his job across you two.  
TC: And maybe he failed and got swept up in the course of things, but hey, nobody's perfect, right?  
TC: Kind of a motherfuckin extreme set of circumstances on the first place. Probably ain't no auspistice in history what could stop things from playing up the way they did.  
CT: D --> Right  
CT: D --> Something about your matesprit just  
CT: D --> Ir% me  
TC: Yeah, I kind of noticed, dude.  
CT: D --> Don't get me wrong, you're still chief among those I dislike  
CT: D --> But Nitram is an e%tremely close second  
CT: D --> I 100k and I 100k, but I just don't understand what you see in him  
TC: What I see in him?  
TC: What I see in him is that he's a good dude, and he's been one of my best friends for most of my motherfuckin life.  
TC: He's creative and passionate and kind, and I know there isn't a single motherfuckin thing he wouldn't do for me, and that keeps me going.  
TC: When everything I'd lived for was falling apart around me, and I thought that there wasn't nothing I could to but give in to despair, he lifted me up.  
TC: And he's not the only thing keeping me afloat now, but he's up there.  
TC: So that's what I see in him.  
TC: Motherfucker.  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> I suppose I see your point  
CT: D --> But still, he's kind of annoying  
TC: Yeah, fuck you too.  
CT: D --> 100k, I'm not alone in this  
CT: D --> A majority of the others have e%pressed similar sentiments  
TC: Yeah, yeah, I know! I fucking get it!  
TC: Look, he went through a dark spot, alright? Has he not earned the right to do that?  
TC: Is a brother who's been the nicest, friendliest dude anybody's ever known for sweeps not allowed to actually get mad at somebody once in a while?  
TC: I've been in his shoes before. I know what it's like to have all this rage bottled up inside you and never let any of it show, and what it does is it destroys you from the inside out.  
TC: So don't come to me to tell me what an "asshole" Tavros is, because I've heard it from every motherfucker in paradox space, and I'm fucking sick of it!  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Ok, fine, I guess he's entitled to that in a general sense  
CT: D --> But some of his partic001ar behavior has 100ked utterly una%epable to me  
CT: D --> Like his treatment of Aradia  
TC: Look, the thing with the timesister is fucked up, alright? I'll acknowledge to that.  
TC: But there's all kinds of complicated history and shit goin on up in there, and I can't even begin to defuse that shit in a rational level.  
TC: All's I know is that they've both got their feelings out on the open around it, and now they've got a perfectly healthy rivalry goin down.  
TC: So as far like I'm concerned, all's well what ends well.  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> Still, I think he's und001y harsh on her  
TC: Man, why do you care around how he's treating Aradia, bro?  
TC: You still got a crush on her or something?  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No, of course not, don't be 100dicrous  
TC: Hey, if you do, I totally get it, bro.  
CT: D --> No, I just  
CT: D --> 100k, even if I did, it doesn't matter  
CT: D --> I have a matesprit, and so does she  
TC: I don't think that'd dissuade her.  
TC: Shit, I don't think it'd dissuade her matesprit, either.  
TC: If he found out you two were doin somethin at each other, he'd probably just be mad that he wasn't invited.  
CT: D --> What  
TC: You know they're both kind of like that, right?  
TC: Y'know, the more, the merrier?  
CT: D --> Um  
TC: They ended up teaming up against Tavros a while back, you remember that?  
TC: And with Vriska?  
TC: And I'm pretty sure they did that shit with your matesprit, too?  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> I really don't want to hear about this  
TC: Yo, given their whole thing, she probably wouldn't give a shit if you were to do some shit at those two.  
CT: D --> No, abso100tely not  
CT: D --> I would never engage in that sort of infidelity  
TC: Man, I don't know about you, but it looks all to me as like the whole idea of "fidelity" is gettin pretty obsolete these days.  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> You can't be serious  
TC: I am serious, bro.  
TC: I mean, we got all this shit going down, with palebros makin eyes for each other and all sorts of weird love-hate triangles poppin up, and it's all gettin pretty complicated.  
TC: But are any of our relationships really sufferin for it? Not really.  
TC: And if they are, it's just cause they're all hung up on the idea of fidelity in the first place.  
TC: Honestly, if you're askin at me, I think it's kind of horseshit anyway.  
TC: It's all based on the idea that love and hate are finite resources, and you've got to all carefully ration them out across all your different relationships.  
TC: But that ain't right, man. Love is infinite.  
TC: And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.  
TC: At least, that's what I believe.  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> Is this based on that bizarre cult your matesprit made up  
TC: He didn't "make it up," man, he discovered it.  
TC: The Way of the Flow has always been around, it's just that ain't nobody ever knew it until the First Prophet tapped into it.  
TC: And yeah, it's kind of based in that.  
TC: See, The Precepts dictate that The Flow is communication idealized, a constant stream of words and thoughts and beats that connects every living being in the universe.  
TC: And by strengthening our communication skills via slams and rhymes, we increase our connection to The Flow, becoming more in tune with its mysterious ebbs and divining from it the deeper truths of our existence.  
TC: And one glorious day shall come when the Strident (so he shall be called, so it has been forespoken) will ascend to the throne of the King of Kings of Wordtech, and unite every sentient being in Paradox Space as one, unspeakable trillions of voices rising in harmony to sing the song that gives birth to the universe.  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> This is completely idiotic  
CT: D --> Where e%actly are you going with this  
TC: Look, all I'm tryin to say here is that we need to stop letting the quadrants divide us and instead make them unite us.  
TC: Because love isn't something to be stolen or to be hoarded, but something to be shared.  
TC: And if the twelve of us were to come together in unison and let our hearts combine freely, then the synthesis of all our love and hate could shake the very foundations of existence.  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> I'm still not tr001y certain what any of this means  
TC: Yeah, honestly, me either.  
TC: Just some shit what came to me, I guess.  
CT: D --> Well, regardless  
CT: D --> I suppose your earlier points were accurate enough  
CT: D --> About none of us technically having committed any sort of adultery  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> E%cept Tavros with his kismesis, I suppose  
TC: Yeah, she doesn't care.  
CT: D --> No, probably not  
TC: So is that good enough, bro?  
TC: Are your tits sufficiently calmed at this point?  
CT: D --> I do not possess the glands you speak of  
CT: D --> But yes, that is good enough  
TC: Okay, great, kismesissitude secured.  
TC: <3<  
CT: D --> Yes, of course  
CT: D --> I apologize if that was ever in question  
TC: You're apologizing?  
CT: D --> Yes, but in the smuggest, most condescending possible way  
CT: D --> In a tone indicating you're the one who's a%ually at fault in this partic001ar situation  
CT: D --> Just to be perfe%ly clear  
TC: Oh, okay, good.  
TC: Don't want shit to get too civil across us.  
CT: D --> I'm sure you're perfe%ly capable of prec100ding that unfortunate situation on your own  
TC: I'm takin that like a compliment.  
CT: D --> I can't stop you  
CT: D --> Well, I can, but it'd require leaving my matesprit's hive, and I'd much rather stay  
TC: Right.  
CT: D --> Though I certainly could later  
CT: D --> And if your matesprit and your moirail were to attempt to intervene again, then  
CT: D --> Well, I wouldn't object too vocally  
TC: Seriously?  
CT: D --> Sure  
CT: D --> Unless you think you're capable of reaching the precedent you set last night again  
TC: Wow.  
TC: You know, Equius, I expected you to be kind of a tool around this whole thing with Tavros and Eridan. And you were and all, don't get me wrong.  
TC: But I kind of figured you'd be even even more of a tool than you're bein right now.  
CT: D --> I'm not a t001  
TC: Yes you are.  
CT: D --> Ok, fine, maybe I am a t001  
CT: D --> But I'm a highly sophisticated and comple% t001  
CT: D --> And with your primitive, clublike hands and barely adequate intellect, you're incapable of operating me  
TC: Hahaha, what the fuck ever.  
TC: But seriously, where'd all this shit come out of?  
TC: One day, you were a stuffed shirt prude what couldn't even say a naughty word without having an aneurysm...  
TC: And now you're straight up propositioning me for a foursome?  
TC: What the fuck happened?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Admittedly, I have been something of a prude  
CT: D --> I've often e%perienced 100d urges and thoughts, and I thought myself a bad person for doing so  
CT: D --> But I've come to realize that there's nothing bad or wrong about se%  
CT: D --> It's natural  
CT: D --> And it's something to be venerated and respe%ed  
CT: D --> Like the mating ceremony of two hermaphroditic erect livestock  
TC: Awwww, for fuck's sake, dude, why the fuck would you even bring that shit up in this context????  
TC: I don't want to hear around how much you want to fuck a musclebeast, bro, so please spare me your bestiality shit in the future.  
CT: D --> No, you're misunderstanding  
CT: D --> I'm not a zoophile  
CT: D --> My appreciation of fauna is purely platonic in nature  
TC: Suuuuuuure it is, bro.  
CT: D --> And even if it weren't, it would say abso100tely nothing about me as a person  
CT: D --> A person's se%ual proclivities can hardly be controlled  
CT: D --> It would only matter if I chose to act upon it  
TC: Okay, bro, thanks for that defense of zoophilia. I'll just file that shit away for a rainy day.  
CT: D --> 100k, you get my point, though, right  
CT: D --> That it's hardly fair to judge yourself or others for their "kin%," because they're not something you a%ively choose  
TC: Yeah, I get that.  
TC: I just kinda figured you wouldn't.  
TC: Seein like before, you were always such a tightass that light couldn't escape the insurmountable pull of your taut clenching.  
CT: D --> Well, I did  
CT: D --> Not without help, mind you  
CT: D --> But I've learned that for all of my kin%, there's someone very close to me who will be there to indulge them  
CT: D --> Eagerly  
CT: D --> E%tremely eagerly, a%ually  
CT: D --> It's a little worrying, but at the same time, quite e%citing  
TC: Okay, dude, I think that's more than I need to know around that particular subject.  
CT: D --> Oh, so you don't want to hear more about Feferi's and my e%ploits  
TC: No.  
CT: D --> Then I'll continue  
CT: D --> My matesprit and I have spent the past hour or so alchemizing riding crops  
CT: D --> We're currently e%perimenting with the materials, attempting to find one that will survive rigorous use  
TC: Awww, come the fuck on, dude, no!!!  
CT: D --> Hahahaha  
CT: D --> I must admit, there's something thrilling about so brazenly flouting societal conventions on subjec% such as this  
CT: D --> I can see why Feferi finds it so satisfying  
TC: Okay, you done now, bro?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> In fact, I think I'm done with this conversation  
CT: D --> We 100k to have reached a mutually satisfying reso100tion on any possible grievances either of us may have had with this quadrant arrangement  
CT: D --> So as far as I'm concerned, this di%ussion has e%hausted its usefulness, and should be conc100ded  
TC: Fair enough.  
TC: I'd rather be done within this shit, too. It's distracting me off of cleaning my hive.  
TC: And Tavros had to fuck off to his moirail on some reason, so now it's just me and my palebro workin here.  
TC: I'd order you to get your finely-sculpted ass under here and help us with this shit, but I know you'd just end up breaking more of my furniture.  
CT: D --> Hmph  
CT: D --> I wouldn't follow your order, anyway  
TC: You know, it's kind of a shame about your whole thing with the Hemospectrum now.  
TC: I was kinda lookin forward to bossin you about more.  
CT: D --> You're perfe%ly welcome to boss me around  
CT: D --> I just won't obey you  
CT: D --> I serve a higher authority now  
TC: Yeah, yeah, I get it.  
TC: Anyway, have fun with your b...  
TC: Your fish.  
TC: Have fun with your fish.  
CT: D --> Ha  
CT: D --> And you with yours  
TC: Haha, sure.  
TC: Oh, and one last thing.  
CT: D --> What  
TC: This whole thing?  
TC: Round 2?  
TC: Any time.  
TC: Any place.  
TC: Bring it on, motherfucker.  
TC: <3<  
CT: D --> I'll hold you to that, Gamzee  
CT: D --> <3<  
TC: Okay, anyway, I'm done.  
TC: See you around.  
CT: D --> Count on it  
  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]. 

*** 

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].  
  
CA: vvris you there  
arachnidsGrip [AG] is an idle troll! She may not respond.  
CA: vvris  
CA: come on i knoww youre there  
CA: look ivve got important shit to dish about here an im damn certain you do too  
CA: so come on lets do this shit already  
CA: vvris come on  
arachnidsGrip [AG] is no longer an idle troll.  
AG: Fuck oooooooo~ff.  
CA: vvris youre there  
CA: so cmon wwhats up tell me evverything  
AG: I saaaaaaaa~id fuck off.  
AG: I haven't even woken up yet.  
CA: wwell then wwake up wweve got critical shit to discuss  
AG: Noooooooo~.  
CA: ok wwhat the hell vvris wwhats wwith you right noww  
CA: an wwhats wwith that little wwavvy thing you keep typin  
AG: I'm not w8king up.  
AG: Go awaaaaaaaa~y.  
CA: wwhy not  
AG: Ugh.  
AG: You want to know why, Eridan? You reeeeeeee~ally want to know????????  
AG: 8ecause last night was the single 8est night of my life. Str8 up, no competition, gr8est ever.  
AG: And it's never happening again.  
AG: So if I w8ke up, that would mean it's over. Which would m8ke this the night AFTER the 8est night of my life.  
AG: Which would mark it as the 8eginning of the downslide.  
AG: So fuck that, I'm not w8king up.  
CA: oh  
CA: so i guess things wwent wwell for you then  
AG: They didn't go well, Eridan. They went perfect. I can't conceive how they could possi8ly have gone 8etter.  
AG: I mean, I know I always talk a8out how maroonions completely change the dynamic, 8ut I had no idea how awesome it is 8eing the m8sprit in the equ8tion!!!!!!!!  
AG: They 8asically spent the entire time fighting over me.  
AG: Well, over me, and under me, 8ut mostly just around me.  
AG: And meanwhile, I was in offal8east heaven, just sitting there 8eing t8ken advantage of with my head firmly wedged 8etween the four 8iggest 8roo8s in paradox space.  
AG: Feferi's are actually a little 8it 8igger, 8y the way.  
CA: hahaha i KNEWW it  
CA: you owwe me eight boonbucks  
AG: 8oooooooo~, 8ad 8r8k!!!!!!!!  
CA: seriously vvris wwhy did you evven make that bet  
CA: i told you they wwere bigger i kneww both of their measurements  
AG: Sometimes these things fluctu8!!!!!!!!  
CA: yeah right  
CA: wwell havve yours flucuated at all  
AG: Sh8t up!!!!!!!!  
CA: hahaha  
CA: wwhatevver just pay up  
AG: Ugh, fine, just give me a second.  
AG: God, I'm sore.  
AG: When I say they fought over me, I mean they really fucking fought over me.  
AG: A struggle of epic proportions took place here, and my 8ody was the 8attleground on which it was fought.  
AG: And it was a fucking 8lood8ath, too. I'm covered in jade and fuchsia and no shortage of 8lue either.  
AG: Of course, I'm not sure how much of this is 8lood........  
CA: oh god  
CA: ok vvris this is borderin on tmi here  
AG: What? I thought you wanted to hear a8out this.  
AG: W8, this isn't awkward 8ecause I totally hit your ex-kinda-girlfriend, is it????????  
CA: no no its not that  
CA: look im more interested in the general happenins here i dont need to hear about the specifics  
CA: if i wwanted specifics id be satisfied enough wwith the fuckin mess ivve got to deal wwith here on lotam  
AG: LOTAM? What happened on LOTAM?  
CA: you dont knoww  
CA: did you see the memo  
AG: Um, I kind of had to leave the memo. And then I was 8usy after that.  
AG: Why, what happened?  
CA: wwell basically gam an eq hooked up  
AG: Oh! Cool, I guess.  
CA: but thats not it  
CA: wwhen they did tavv decided he needed to join in too  
AG: Oh man, seriously? The three of them had a maroonion????????  
AG: 8adass, I knew Tavros would 8e into that.  
CA: it wwasnt just the three a them  
AG: What.  
AG: Well, who else was there?  
AG: Did Aradia join them or something???????? That'd 8e fucked up even for her!!!!!!!!  
CA: no a course it wwasnt ar  
CA: look im supposed to be tavv an eqs auspistice right  
CA: im supposed to prevvent shit like this from goin dowwn  
AG: W8.  
AG: Oh god, you don't mean........  
CA: yeah i wwas there too  
CA: and  
CA: wwell lets just say i didnt entirely succeed in my duties  
AG: >::::O  
AG: You mean they had a maroonion........ and you joined in????????????????  
CA: um  
AG: You did inappropri8 things with my moirail????????  
CA: looks its not like i WWANTED to do that  
CA: wwell i mean that wwasnt my intention from the outset  
CA: i wwas tryin to make sure things didnt escalate too much betwween tavv an eq but  
CA: um  
CA: they kinda ended up draggin me into it  
AG: You know what? I am too 8lissed out of my mind right now to even 8e upset 8y this.  
AG: Seriously, Tavros triggered a foursome? That's awesome, I'm proud of him.  
AG: So how'd he do?  
CA: wwhat  
AG: Well, y'know, how'd he........ perform????????  
AG: I'm his moirail, I need to know this stuff!  
CA: dear lord vvris im not about to talk to you about your moirails prowwess god givve me a fuckin break here  
CA: if you wwant to knoww so badly talk to him yourself  
CA: this wwhole thing is kind of a big deal and im kinda freakin out about it  
CA: there are serious emotions goin on ovver here  
AG: Was it that 8ad?  
CA: i nevver said it wwas bad  
CA: cause i mean honestly it really wwasnt at all  
CA: but the wwhole things just caused kind of a mess  
CA: figurativvely and literally  
CA: seriously im helpin gam clean up his hivve an it looks like a truck full of chocolate drovve into a wwinery an exploded  
AG: Oh, for f8ck's s8ke, dude, I did n8t need that mental image!!!!!!!!  
CA: come on vvris dont be such a hypocrite  
CA: you wwere literally just tellin me about the filthy jade an purple tie dye youd been reduced to howw is this any different  
AG: It's different 8ecause Kanaya is hot and Feferi is hot, 8ut you four guys are mostly just weird and gross.  
AG: Except Tavros, o8viously.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: im not wweird an gross  
AG: You kind of are.  
CA: no this is bs  
CA: im a total fuckin stud alright less than a swweep ago you couldnt get enough a me  
AG: Yeah, and then I got enough of you!!!!!!!!  
AG: It's not really a hard thing to do, Eridan. You're an incredi8ly easy person to get sick of.  
AG: I mean, I guess on a purely physical level, you're pretty attractive? 8ut you're not some8ody I'd go out of my way for.  
AG: It's like you're a perfectly accepta8le scuttle8uggy that I sold to a stranger.  
AG: Then you add pony8oy and sodapop to the mix, and you guys are just total outsiders to my circle of attraction.  
CA: ok no this is ridiculous in a really offensivvely broad an swweepin wway  
CA: not only am i a damn good lookin guy but gam an eq both are too  
CA: like if i wwere to make a list theyd BOTH be on it abovve you  
AG: Wh8t!!!!!!!!  
CA: im startin to think youvve got a seriously skewwed sense a judgment here  
AG: Okay, okay, I have to 8e honest here for a second.  
AG: This is gonna sound kind of weird, 8ut........  
AG: I think I like girls 8etter.  
CA: wwhat  
AG: I mean, man! Girls!!!!!!!!  
AG: They have all this stuff that 8oys don't! Like hips, and curves, and........  
AG: And 8roo8s! Oh god, 8roo8s!!!!!!!!  
AG: They're so much fun. I don't get why people don't understand this.  
AG: Every8ody's always talking a8out 8utts all the time! It's just 8utts this, and 8utts that, everywhere I go, it's 8utts 8utts 8utts!  
AG: Well, I'll t8ke two handfuls of rum8le sphere any day of the week!!!!!!!!  
AG: And no8ody else recognizes just how gr8 these things are, and I feel like I'm t8king crazy pills!!!!!!!!  
AG: They're just so versatile! There's so much you can do. You can jiggle them, squeeze them, ru8 the little nu8s on them........  
AG: Roll 'em around, smush 'em together, ru8 stuff 8etween them........  
AG: The possi8ilities are endless!!!!!!!!  
AG: They're like the starchy tu8er of troll 8ody parts.  
CA: um  
CA: ok vvris i see wwhere youre comin from here  
CA: but i did not want to read any of that  
CA: at all  
AG: Haha, sorry.  
AG: 8ut I just spent a majority of last night stuffed 8etween Kanaya and Feferi's pillowy mounds, so I've kind of got 8roo8s on the think pan right now.  
AG: Figur8tively, not literally.  
AG: I wish I did literally, 8ut I guess I kind of ended up just passing out on this couch at some point.  
AG: Thankfully, Kanaya threw a 8lanket over me at some point. I don't know what Equius would've done if he opened up his server program and saw me splayed out here, looking like I'd just stum8led naked out of an oil spill.  
CA: haha  
CA: hes probably a little preoccupied at the moment  
AG: Oooooooo~h, he's with Feferi, isn't he?  
CA: i think so yeah  
AG: Oh man, he's gonna have fun with her.  
AG: Speaking from experience, she is one pushy 8road, and I'm sure that's right up his weird, messed up alley.  
CA: yeah  
CA: so hey if youre so into girls then wwhats wwith you an sol  
AG: Sollux is different! He's got enough neat psionics I can toy around with that he can get away with 8eing a 8oy.  
AG: Y'know, he wasn't even my first choice for a kismesis? If it was up to me, I would've gone after Aradia.  
AG: 8ut she was 8eing all dead and apathetic and 0k with everything, so he was my next 8est option.  
CA: wwhat about ter  
AG: What?  
CA: cmon didnt you an ter havve this wwhole black thing goin on for a wwhile  
AG: Man, it wasn't even like that!!!!!!!!  
AG: I was never 8lack for Terezi! I didn't even want to 8e enemies with her. I wanted to 8e friends!  
AG: I mean, don't get me wrong, she's pretty damn good-lookin', and I'm actually super jealous that you get to hit that and I don't.  
CA: hahahaha  
AG: 8ut it's not a 8lack thing!  
CA: man vvris it almost sounds like youre flushed for her  
AG: >::::O  
AG: Of c8urse I'm not fl8shed for her!!!!!!!! That is such a ridicul8us fucking accus8tion!  
AG: I'm just saying I don't h8 her! Th8t's all!  
AG: Anyway, even if I did, I'd rather stick with Sollux. Mmmmmmmm, I can do such amaaaaaaaa~zing to that 8oy with my psionics........  
AG: 8ut Terezi's completely immune! Where's the fun in that?  
AG: Really, what's the point of even having cool psionic powers if you can't use them to do kinky things to your kismesis????????  
AG: I daresay there wouldn't 8e a point at all!!!!!!!!  
CA: yeah yeah youvve got a point  
CA: an i guess the manipulation thing is kinda all or nothin for most people  
AG: Yeah, exactly! It's a pretty distinct line that I didn't even think could 8e straddled, 8ut leave it to that wishy-washy fucker to 8e on the fence a8out literally everything!!!!!!!!  
CA: hahaha  
CA: wwell thats cool i guess  
AG: 8ut why are you even asking a8out Captor?  
AG: Do you want to trade or something?  
CA: wwhat  
CA: no i dont wwant to trade wwhat the fuck are you talkin about  
AG: Oh, come oooooooo~n, I know you used to have a thing for him!  
AG: And even if I don't really h8 Nepeta, I would definitely 8e interested in a roll in the pitch with her.  
AG: So if you want to talk, we can work something out!  
CA: no wwe cant wwork somethin out wwhat the fuck is wwrong wwith you  
CA: you cant just trade kismeses thats not howw it wworks  
AG: Aw, come oooooooo~n, don't be so lame.  
CA: vvris blackshippin is serious business ok you cant just go swwappin quadrants out wwilly nilly  
AG: You don't know that!!!!!!!!  
AG: And you never will unless you tryyyyyyyy~........  
CA: vvris no  
CA: i am not settin up some kinda kismesis timeshare wwith you  
CA: jegus im not evven interested in sol like that anymore  
AG: Oh, yeah right!!!!!!!! If you aren't still into him, then what's all this 8ullshit a8out you wanting to 8e his "friend?"  
CA: haha wwhat  
CA: you really think me wwantin to be friends wwith him is just some kinda stupid ruse to get him in a coon wwith me  
AG: Yes, it is an o8vious ploy and we 8oth know it.  
AG: You want a piece of that scrawny 8ipolar douche8ag as much as you did the first time you ever laid eyes on him, don't even try to deny it.  
CA: ok  
CA: so wwhat about all these friendship ovvertures youre makin towwards nep recently  
CA: should i just assume you wwant to sleep wwith her too  
AG: Um, yes????????  
AG: I thought that was kind of o8vious, honestly.  
CA: wwhat  
AG: Look, it's just that I can't help 8ut notice just how goddamn HOT Nepeta is l8ley.  
AG: I mean, seriously, she's a friggin' 8a8e! You'd have to 8e crazy not to want to hit that!!!!!!!!  
CA: wwell i mean i see wwhere youre comin from certainly  
CA: but vvris this is fuckin lunacy youre talkin about i mean you already havve a matesprit  
AG: I never said I was looking for another m8sprit!!!!!!!!  
AG: I just want to try new things every now and then, that's all.  
AG: Hell, if Kanaya wanted to join me, that'd 8e even 8etter!!!!!!!!  
CA: ok noww youre just gettin greedy  
CA: i mean her an fef just hooked up isnt one endless source a threesomes enough to sate your vvoracious polyamorous lust  
AG: Um........  
AG: Yeah, a8out that........  
CA: wwhat  
AG: I think I may have screwed that up.  
AG: The thing 8etween Kanaya and Feferi, I mean.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: vvris wwhat the hell did you do  
AG: Well, last night, after Feferi had left and the prover8ial dust had settled........  
AG: I fessed up.  
CA: wwhat  
AG: I came clean! I told her everything!  
AG: A8out what I was doing, and what you were doing, and everything!!!!!!!!  
CA: are you fuckin kiddin me  
CA: vvris do you evven realize wwhat youvve done youvve completely jeopardized operation fishhook  
AG: Yeah, I know that!!!!!!!! 8ut I just........  
AG: I couldn't lie to her anymore.  
AG: I mean, when it all started out, it was just a game, playing those two against each other just to m8ke them h8 each other........  
AG: 8ut it was all real to Kanaya.  
AG: And as it went on, I could see that it was actually hurting her. And it fucking sucked!  
AG: I couldn't stand the thought that I was actually contri8uting to it. I wanted her and Feferi to h8 each other, 8ut I never wanted it to go that far.  
AG: So I had to tell her.  
CA: wwell  
CA: ok maybe this isnt completely unsalvvageable  
CA: howwd she react wwhen you told her  
AG: She didn't t8ke it very well.  
CA: wwhat do you mean  
AG: She punched me in the face.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: seriously  
AG: Yeah, seriously!!!!!!!!  
AG: She just ran up and gave me a fucking haym8ker right in the jaw! Knocked me on my ass!!!!!!!!  
CA: god damnit you just completely ruined this didnt you  
AG: Yeah, my face is fine, thanks for asking!!!!!!!!  
CA: nobody givves a shit about your pain right noww vvris  
CA: youvve just set back my shippin plans twwenty thousand fuckin leagues do you evven realize that  
AG: Of course I realize that!!!!!!!! God, do you think I'm stupid or something????????  
CA: yeah i kinda think you are  
CA: considerin evven if you didnt spill the leguminous protein objects on the operation youd completely lost control of it beforehand anywway  
AG: Man, how the fuck was I supposed to know Feferi was going to catch on and t8ke control of everything???????? No8ody could've predicted that!!!!!!!!  
CA: anybody couldvve fuckin predicted it  
CA: because you wwere bein too obvvious about it an took things too far too fast like you pretty much alwways do  
CA: i told you vvris youvve got to make sure these things devvelop at a reasonable rate  
AG: Maaaaaaaa~n, I am not even a8out to hear this 8ullshit from you of all people!!!!!!!!  
AG: Aren't YOU the one whose 8lack shipping machin8tions got him inadvertently sucked into a four-way????????  
CA: wwell  
CA: ok fine you might havve a point things did kinda get out of control  
AG: Yeah, smooth move with that, dude!  
AG: Seriously, Eridan, you were their auspistice! You had one jo8! And you totally 8lew it and ended up knocking pails with all three of them!!!!!!!!  
CA: oh for fucks sake IT WWASNT LIKE THAT  
CA: i didnt fill a pail wwith ANYBODY so you can take that heinous slander an kick it right ovver the gunwwale  
AG: Hahahaha, whatever.  
AG: 8ut I have to say, it is kind of 8rilliant getting the auspistice into the mix. Like some kind of m8sprit kismesis moirail auspistice tetra master quadruple reacharound.  
AG: I wonder if I couldn't convince Feferi to try that. I know Sollux and Aradia would pro8a8ly 8e instantly on 8oard.  
AG: Heh. "On 8oard." It's a nautical pun.  
AG: Like I'm a 8adass pir8 captain and they're my two really lame crewm8s.  
CA: ok no  
CA: can wwe please just both do each other a favvor and spare both of us the awwful nautical puns  
AG: Okay, okay, fine!  
AG: I don't even like puns, it was just a stupid observ8tion.  
CA: wwhatevver  
CA: anywway id say im shocked that you wwanted to perpetuate this kinda depravvity but thatd imply that i wwas surprised  
CA: so ill just have to settle for sayin im disgusted  
AG: "Depravity????????" Oh yeah, that means a lot, coming from the guy who started it in the first place!!!!!!!!  
AG: Seriously, I wouldn't 8e surprised if this whole thing was all a part of some devious plan to 8egin with!  
CA: wwhat  
CA: no thats stupid i didnt plan this  
CA: hell its not evven my fault that it happened  
CA: if your moirail hadnt insisted on showwin his face then the wwhole thing wwouldve gone perfectly fine  
AG: Well, my moirail pro8a8ly insisted on showing his face 8ecause he didn't want some sweaty muscle8ound hoof8east-fucker accidentally decapit8ting his m8sprit with his freakish mutant strength!!!!!!!!  
CA: um  
CA: yeah thats actually the exact reason  
AG: Then can you 8lame him for feeling the need to intervene????????  
CA: yeah i can cause his fears wwere totally unfounded  
CA: for one gam wwas freakishly durable evven before he wwent god tier so hes pretty much fuckin indestructible noww an he kneww that  
CA: an second i can tell you after a feww hours of intimate physical contact wwith eq the guy wwas nothin but gentle wwith me  
CA: i mean he wwasnt nearly as gentle wwith the other twwo but he nevver like broke any bones or anythin  
CA: an meanwwhile he treated me like i wwas a dainty porcelain doll or somethin  
CA: in retrospect its actually strangely comfortin  
AG: Um.  
AG: Okay, what the fuck am I reading here.  
AG: Do you have a thing for Equius now or something????????  
CA: look its not like im flushed for him or somethin im just sayin hes an attractivve guy  
AG: Ewwwwwwww, gross.  
AG: That's pretty low, even for you, Eridan.  
CA: no you knoww wwhat dont evven eww gross at me ok  
CA: youvve been sittin here tellin me about every goddamn troll in fuckin paradox space youd knock boots wwith an noww youre treatin me like ivve got a second head the instant i say the same about somebody else  
CA: wwell thats bs and both knoww it so wwhy dont you just can it  
AG: Hey, you can have a 8ulge for whoever you want, I don't have a pro8lem with that in a general sense at all.  
AG: 8ut seriously, you completely 8etrayed your o8lig8tions as an auspistice for Equius????????  
AG: My creepy sweaty neigh8or who plasters pictures of muscle8east phalluses all over his walls Equius????????  
CA: ugh wwhatevver  
CA: youre hardly one to evven talk about the sanctity a the ashen quadrant considerin wwhat you just did wwith your auspistice  
AG: Man, whatever, that's totally different. At least Aradia wasn't there too.  
AG: Though I certainly wouldn't have minded if she were........ >::::)  
CA: oh my god dont evven think about it  
AG: Hey, if you're going to continue to make a mockery of the entire concept of auspisticeship, then I don't see any reason why I shouldn't too!!!!!!!!  
AG: Ooooooooh, may8e I could even convince Kanaya to let me into one of her little interventions with Nepeta and Terezi........  
CA: wwhat  
CA: vvris you better not get into some kinda screwwed up flushed ashen entanglement wwith my matesprit an my kismesis  
AG: Too l8! The iron has 8een firmly planted in the fire, and it's heating up at an alarming r8!!!!!!!!  
AG: I am totally m8king out with all three of those green8looded 8a8es, and there isn't a thing you can do a8out it!!!!!!!!  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
CA: uuuugh  
AG: Anyway, I have to get you 8ack for sticking your tongue down my moirail's throat.  
AG: That shit doesn't go unanswered, Eridan. Just ask your douchey new 8est friend.  
CA: ok just to be clear he stuck his tongue dowwn my throat first  
CA: if i did in fact invvade tavvs esophagus it wwas a completely justified counterattack  
AG: Don't care, still paying you 8ack for it.  
CA: god damnit  
AG: Eridan, if you didn't want me m8king out with 8oth of your girlfriends, you should've exercised a little more caution with your whole concili8tory situ8tion.  
AG: 8ut you got sloppy and ended up getting sucked into a........  
AG: W8, it's not really a maroonion anymore if an auspistice is involved. And a moirail, for that matter.  
AG: We need a new name for it. Something with, like, a darkish grayish shade of pink?  
AG: Is there a color like that?  
CA: puce  
AG: Puce!!!!!!!! Holy fuck, that's actually perfect.  
AG: W8, how did you know that right off the top of your head? Seriously, there was only like one second of delay.  
AG: And puce isn't exactly the most popular color!  
CA: look you havve to knoww these things wwhen youre a seadwweller ok  
AG: Sure you do.  
AG: Dork.  
CA: shut up  
AG: Hahahaha.  
AG: Anyway, puce........ puce........  
AG: Pucembly?  
AG: Pucedent?  
AG: Pucesortium? Pucemblage?  
AG: Pucenate? Pucynod? Pucidence? Pucyndicate? Pucelliance? Pucenter? Pucepublic? Puceley?  
AG: Pucial Parliament???????? Esprit de puce???????? Pucestra Aetate????????  
AG: F8ck, this is really hard!!!!!!!!  
AG: It'd be so much easier if it were any word 8ut "puce," 8ut that's literally the perfect color to descri8e the nasty greyish pink you get when you alamgam8 all four quadrants into a horrifying, sexy a8omin8tion.  
CA: wwhy do you evven need a name for it  
AG: 8ecause this is the perfect opportunity to own the shit out of Captor!!!!!!!!  
AG: He's always coming up with silly names for all of his polyamorous escap8des, so if I come up with the perfect name for this one, it's totally gonna wreck his shit!!!!!!!!  
CA: this is so idiotic  
AG: Look, if you're not going to help me come up with a snappy name for this puce truce, then shut up.  
AG: 8ecause this idea needs to t8ke flight, 8ut it's never gonna get off the runway with your negative attitude weighing down the pucelage.  
CA: ok i knoww thats a pun but pucelage is an actual wword  
AG: What.  
AG: It is?  
CA: yeah  
CA: its troll french i think  
AG: What does it mean????????  
CA: uh  
CA: it means vvirginity  
AG: Seriously????????  
AG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha, oh my god, the irony is too much!!!!!!!!  
CA: look wwhy are wwe evven talkin about this its stupid  
CA: wwe need to talk about wwhat wwere gonna do about the wwhole situation wwith kan an fef  
AG: What are "we" gonna do? I'm not doing anything.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: wwhy not  
AG: 8ecause it was my doing things that got us into this whole mess in the first place!!!!!!!!  
AG: Anyway, I'm not even really sure what I could do. It's not like Kanaya's gonna t8ke any more romantic advice from me.  
AG: I'm kind of in the 8ark8east hive here, in case you couldn't guess.  
AG: Kanaya was really upset a8out the whole thing. Not that I 8lame her, she's got every right to 8e mad.  
AG: 8ut........ ugh. ::::(  
CA: yeah  
CA: if you really did tell her evverything then shes probably not too happy wwith me at the moment either  
AG: Yeah, pro8a8ly not.  
CA: wwell  
CA: in that case i guess wwe cant really do anything  
CA: cept maybe givve it time  
AG: 8luh.  
AG: I just really want them to 8e kismeses, you know? I think they'd 8e really good together.  
AG: In fact, I KNOW they'd 8e really good together, 8ecause they WERE together last night, and they were fucking amazing!  
AG: 8ut I guess it was a mist8ke to try to force the issue in the first place.  
AG: In fact, you know what? Just count me out of any 8lack shipping oper8tions you might have in the future.  
AG: I want out of the game. I can't handle it anymore.  
CA: yeah fair enough  
CA: truth is i kinda wwant to wwash my hands of it too  
CA: only real op ivve got planned is for gam and thats just gettin him a feww ashen bros he can mediate betwween  
CA: an i guess theres the thing with kar an ter but i havvent evver really activvely contributed to that  
AG: You haven't?  
CA: wwell not directly  
CA: i guess i kinda contributed to it by servvin as a source a contention but thats about it  
AG: Seriously????????  
AG: 8ecause those two reeeeeeee~ally h8 each other nowadays.  
AG: 8efore those two would just am8iguously flirt with each other constantly, 8ut then you and Terezi hooked up, and Karkat got this really o8vious flushcrush on Nepeta, and now they just do nothing 8ut h8flirt with each other.  
AG: If you'd have actually done that yourself, I'd have called you a dia8olical shipping master.  
CA: nah it just kinda sprang up on its owwn  
CA: its this really bitter enmity that im pretty sure wwas alwways there on some levvel but only really got out of hand wwhen they both turned their flushed aspirations elsewwhere  
CA: so i havvent really interfered wwith their wwhole thing short a bringin the possibility up  
CA: im sure itll come to a head soon enough  
CA: hell maybe it already did  
CA: kars mia an i havvent heard from ter all day  
AG: Shit, she could've.  
AG: We already had two kismesis hookups last night, so there very well could've 8een a third.  
AG: Well, okay, only one of those was really official.  
AG: Um........ the thing with Gamzee and Equius is official, right?  
CA: yeah it is  
CA: thats pretty much all there is to say on the matter  
AG: Okay.  
AG: Well.  
AG: Ugh, this sucks! I wish there was something I could do a8out the thing with Feferi and Kanaya.  
CA: just givve it a little bit  
CA: if its meant to be itll be  
CA: no matter howw bleak things might seem theres alwways hope in some form or another  
AG: Yeah, well, it's looking pretty slim from where I'm standing.  
AG: Well, laying. Kind of awkwardly.  
AG: 8ut who knows, may8e I'll get lucky.  
CA: yeah thats the spirit  
CA: anything is possible if you just believve it so  
CA: course evven if it is possible that says nothin to ensure that its by any means probable  
CA: but youre the light player so thats kinda your thing  
AG: Hey, that's right! All this luck I stole still exists. It didn't stop existing or anything.  
AG: That's pro8a8ly why we're such an awesome team. You m8ke the impossi8le possi8le, and I use all my luck to do anything even remotely possi8le and m8ke it look easy!!!!!!!!  
CA: yes  
CA: FUCK yes  
AG: Hell fucking yes!!!!!!!!  
AG: Alright, we may have screwed up here, 8ut this is just a set8ack! That's all!  
CA: WWE didnt screww up anything  
CA: last i checked it wwas just you  
AG: Shut up, you're interrupting my inspir8tional speech!!!!!!!!  
CA: i dont NEED an inspirational speech  
AG: Well, I'm giving one, so can it!!!!!!!!  
AG: Things might look pretty dire right now, 8ut we can recover from this!  
AG: We can make those two flighty 8roads resume their snarky horseshit with each other and get their sloppy h8-m8keouts on like they should 8e doing!!!!!!!!  
AG: All we have to do is 8e smart a8out it! If we just  
AG: W8, hold on.  
CA: wwhat  
AG: Kanaya wants to talk to me a8out something.  
AG: 8R8.  
CA: 8r8  
CA: wwoww that really gets mangled by your quirk huh  
CA: i dont knoww i guess it could evven be brate  
CA: brate  
CA: is that a wword  
CA: i dont think its a wword  
CA: unless its a wweird wway a sayin brat  
CA: or maybe its supposed to be berate  
CA: but then im not sure wwhy youd abbrevviate the wwhole be sound wwith an 8 it just seems kinda counterintuitivve  
CA: yknoww if you ask me  
CA: vvris  
CA: vvris you there  
AG: Yes I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CA: oh  
CA: so wwhats up  
AG: What's up is that my day just got eight 8illion times 8etter!!!!!!!!  
AG: Man, I've never 8een happier to have to clean up a hive 8efore.  
CA: wwhy wwhat happened  
AG: It's official!  
AG: Kanaya and Feferi are kismeses!!!!!!!!  
CA: seriously  
AG: Yep! On the condition that I clean up this mess, of course.  
CA: so no then  
AG: Shut up!!!!!!!! Of course I'm going to clean it.  
AG: In fact, maaaaaaaa~y8e as a gesture of goodwill, I'll do the entire thing myself!!!!!!!!  
AG: ........Actually, fuck that, hang on.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: uh  
CA: wwait no  
CA: oh goddamnit really you just HAVVE to steal tavv awway for yourself  
AG: Oh, stop whining! You had him and your pale8ro 8oth helping you out.  
AG: Now the teams are fair. Two two two.  
AG: Fuck! I mean two TO two!!!!!!!!  
CA: hahaha  
CA: looks like somebodys got bifurcation on the brain  
AG: Shut up!!!!!!!! It's n8thing like that!!!!!!!!  
CA: hahahahaha  
CA: oh that actually reminds me i need to hit sol up for the vvideo  
AG: The video? What video?  
CA: wwell i just kind of assume he wwas recordin the wwhole thing  
CA: i saww a sparkly trail a gold dust in the sky wwhile wwe wwere relocatin things to the hivve an im pretty sure he wwouldnt pass up the opportunity to record it  
CA: im pretty sure he got a vvideo of you guys too  
AG: What????????  
AG: I'd 8e mad, 8ut........ at the same time, I kind of actually want a video of it.  
AG: In fact, I think I'll just hit him up for it right now.  
CA: hey no im hittin him up for mine first  
AG: Fuck that!!!!!!!! He's MY kismesis, I get him first!!!!!!!!  
CA: yeah wwell IM his neww best friend so obvviously I should get him first  
AG: Shouldn't you 8e talking to Terezi? You know, your m8sprit who you haven't heard from in like a fucking day????????  
CA: oh  
CA: yeah i guess i should  
AG: Yeah, that's right!  
AG: Anyway, I need to get to cleaning, so I'm gonna tell you to fuck off.  
CA: yeah same here  
CA: fuck off  
AG: YOU fuck off!!!!!!!!  
CA: haha  
CA: anywway bye  
AG: Yeah, l8r.  
  
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]. 

*** 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG].  
  
GC: H3Y  
GC: K4RKL3S  
GC: H3LLO?  
GC: 4R3 YOU GONN4 S4Y SOM3TH1NG?  
GC: 1 KNOW YOUR3 TH3R3  
GC: 1F YOU W3R3 1DL3, 1T WOULDV3 S41D SO BY NOW  
GC: 4LSO 1 C4N S33 4 L1TTL3 4NGRY SP1K3 OF THOUGHTS WH3N3V3R 1 S3ND YOU 4 M3SS4G3  
GC: Y3S MY POW3RS C4N DO TH4T  
GC: NO 1M NOT R34D1NG YOUR M1ND  
GC: YOU JUST H4V3 V3RY PR3D1CT4BL3 THOUGHTS  
GC: 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO S4Y SOM3TH1NG NOW?  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU 3V3N?  
GC: YOU JUST K1ND OF W3NT M1SS1NG 4 D4Y OR TWO 4GO  
GC: 3V3RYON3S WORR13D, YOU KNOW  
GC: 1TS K1ND OF SH1TTY OF YOU TO UNN3C3SS4R1LY WORRY P3OPL3 L1K3 TH4T  
GC: WHYD YOU RUN OFF 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3?  
GC: WH4T3V3R TH3 R34SON 1S, 1TS PROB4BLY 4 DUMB ON3  
GC: 4ND YOUR3 PROB4BLY JUST BLOW1NG SH1T OUT OF PROPORT1ON L1K3 PR3TTY MUCH 4LW4YS 4NYW4Y  
GC: BL4R  
GC: YOUR3 R34LLY NOT GO1NG TO S4Y 4NYTH1NG????  
GC: 1 DONT H4V3 TO LOOK FOR YOU, YOU KNOW  
GC: R1GHT NOW 1 COULD BE H4NG1NG OUT W1TH 4R4D14 4ND SOLLUX  
GC: 4ND W4TCH1NG 4 D4MN F1N3 M4ROON1ON GO DOWN 1N TH3 PROC3SS  
GC: BUT NOOOO, *SOM3BODY* H4S TO TR4CK DOWN OUR 3RR4NT L34D3R  
GC: WH3R3D YOU GO, 4NYW4Y?  
GC: 1 KNOW YOUR3 NOT 1N YOUR H1V3  
GC: 4ND NOBODY 3LS3 H4S S33N YOU R3C3NTLY  
GC: 3XC3PT FOR 4R4D14 TH3 OTH3R D4Y 4PP4R3NTLY  
GC: BUT 1 GU3SS YOUR3 NOT ON LOP4H 4NYMOR3  
GC: 1 *SHOULD* JUST B3 4BL3 TO S33 YOUR STUP1D TH1NK P4N GR1ND1NG 4W4Y W1TH MY POW3RS, BUT 1 C4NT G3T 4 GOOD R34D ON YOU FOR SOM3 R34SON  
GC: YOUR3 NOT ON LOC4S, 4R3 YOU?  
GC: 1T D1DNT 3V3N OCCUR TO M3 TH4T YOU COULD B3 US1NG Z4HH4KS VO1D POW3RS TO V31L YOUR THOUGHTS  
GC: HMMM  
GC: W3LL WH4T3V3R  
GC: 1 H4V3 4 F3W 1D34S ON WH3R3 YOU COULD B3 4NYW4Y  
GC: SO DONT G3T TOO COMFORT4BL3  
GC: UGH  
GC: YOUR3 R34LLY NOT GO1NG TO R3SPOND  
GC: OK4Y F1N3  
GC: 1 R34LLY D1DNT W4NT TO R3SORT TO TH1S  
GC: BUT YOUR3 NOT L34V1NG M3 MUCH CHO1C3 H3R3, M1ST3R W1LD CH3RRY V31NS  
GC: NOW WOULDNT 1T B3 4 SH4M3 1F TH4T L1TTL3 S3CR3T W3R3 TO COM3 OUT?  
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.  
CG: YOU'RE *SERIOUSLY* GOING TO THREATEN TO REVEAL MY BLOOD COLOR JUST TO BLACKMAIL ME INTO REPLYING TO YOU??  
GC: NOT S3R1OUSLY  
GC: 1 JUST KN3W TH4T WOULD G3T 4 R3SPONS3 OUT OF YOU  
CG: WELL CONGRATULATIONS, YOU GOT YOUR RESPONSE!  
CG: NOW FUCK OFF.  
GC: K4RK4T WH4TS GO1NG ON  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU?  
CG: WHAT DOES IT MATTER.  
GC: YOUR3 OUR L34D3R K4RK4T  
GC: 4ND YOU C4NT 3X4CTLY B3 4 GOOD L34D3R 1F YOU GO 4ND D1S4PP34R ON US  
CG: OH, RIGHT, I'M THE LEADER  
CG: AND EVERYONE IS JUST COMPLETELY LOST NOW THAT I'M GONE, BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL HANGING ON MY EVERY WORD BEFORE.  
CG: LET'S JUST BE HONEST HERE, OKAY?  
CG: I'M NOT A LEADER. I NEVER WAS.  
CG: NOBODY EVER LISTENED TO A GODDAMNED WORD I EVER SAID ANYWAY.  
CG: AND NOW THAT NEPETA'S GONE AND STOLEN EVERYONE'S HEARTS, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU EVEN NEED ME ANYMORE  
CG: SO JUST FUCK OFF.  
GC: >:/  
GC: 1S TH4T WH4T TH1S 1S 4BOUT?  
GC: YOUR3 J34LOUS OF N3P3T4  
CG: I'M NOT JEALOUS.  
CG: I'VE ACCEPTED MY OBSOLESCENCE WITH AS MUCH GRACE AS I CAN MUSTER.  
GC: YOUV3 4CC3PT3D YOUR  
GC: OK4Y WH4T 1S GO1NG ON H3R3??  
GC: TH1S DO3SNT SOUND L1K3 TH3 K4RK4T 1 KNOW  
CG: BECAUSE THE KARKAT YOU KNOW IS AN ASSHOLE.  
GC: OH GOD  
GC: TH1S 1SNT GO1NG TO TURN 1NTO 4NOTH3R "P4ST M3" R4NT 1S 1T?  
CG: UGH, NO.  
CG: I'M THE SAME DUMBASS AS EVERY PAST ME I'VE EVER BEEN.  
CG: THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT I RECOGNIZE I'M NO DIFFERENT FROM ANY OF THEM, WHICH MAYBE MAKES ME SLIGHTLY LESS OF A DUMBASS.  
GC: Y34H  
GC: 1 4LW4YS THOUGHT TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH YOUR P4ST 4ND FUTUR3 S3LV3S W4S PR3TTY FUCK1NG STUP1D  
CG: LOOK, WHAT DO YOU WANT?  
GC: 1 W4NT TO KNOW WH3R3 YOU 4R3!  
CG: WHY.  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW, M4YB3 B3C4US3 1M WORR13D 4BOUT YOU?  
GC: WOULD TH4T B3 SO H4RD TO B3L13V3?  
CG: YES.  
GC: BL4R  
CG: WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE HERE, TEREZI?  
CG: WHY DID YOU SUDDENLY START PRETENDING TO CARE ABOUT ME AGAIN?  
GC: 3XCUS3 M3  
GC: "PR3T3ND1NG" TO C4R3 4BOUT YOU?  
CG: YEAH, THAT'S HOW IT'S SPELLED.  
CG: UNLESS YOU'RE TRYING TO DENY THAT THE WHOLE THING BETWEEN US WAS NEVER ANYTHING MORE THAN A BULLSHIT RUSE ON YOUR PART.  
GC: 1T W4SNT!!!  
GC: GOD, DO YOU 3V3N R34L1Z3 HOW HORR1BL3 TH3 TH1NGS TH4T COM3 OUT OF YOUR MOUTH 4R3 SOM3T1M3S?  
CG: WHAT, AM I WRONG?  
GC: Y3S YOUR3 WRONG!!!  
GC: 1 W4S N3V3R PR3T3ND1NG TO C4R3 4BOUT YOU, K4RK4T  
GC: 1 R34LLY DO  
GC: OR 4T L34ST 1 D1D  
CG: UH HUH.  
CG: THEN WHY DID YOU BREAK UP WITH ME AND GO HOOK UP WITH ERIDAN?  
GC: OH MY GOD, S3R1OUSLY  
GC: YOUR3 ST1LL M4D 4BOUT TH4T??  
CG: OF COURSE I'M STILL FUCKING MAD ABOUT THAT!  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU FORG4V3 H1M FOR TH4T  
CG: YEAH, I FORGAVE *HIM* FOR THAT  
CG: BECAUSE HE WASN'T NEARLY AS CULPABLE IN THE MATTER AS YOU WERE.  
GC: TH1S 1S SO R1D1CULOUS  
GC: YOU DONT 3V3N H4V3 4 R1GHT TO B3 4NGRY 4T M3 4BOUT TH1S  
CG: EXCUSE ME?  
CG: FUCKING ***EXCUSE*** ME???  
CG: I DON'T HAVE A *RIGHT* TO BE ANGRY????  
CG: SO I'M NOT *****ALLOWED***** TO FEEL THE WAY I DO RIGHT NOW, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME??  
GC: BL4R NO TH4TS NOT WH4T 1M S4Y1NG!  
CG: NO, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.  
CG: YOU'RE SAYING THAT I DON'T HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING UPSET  
CG: BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A PURELY LOGICAL REASON TO BE MAD AT YOU  
CG: BECAUSE APPARENTLY EMOTIONS DON'T MEAN SHIT ANYMORE, AND I'M A POMPOUS FUCKING BUFFOON FOR EVEN HAVING THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE!  
CG: YOU'D MUCH RATHER I JUST SHUT MY EMOTIONS OFF AND EVALUATE EVERYTHING WITH THE COLD, LOGICAL EFFICIENCY OF A FUCKING ROBOT LIKE YOU APPARENTLY HAVE, WOULDN'T YOU?  
GC: NO!!!!  
GC: GOD, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!  
GC: 1M S1CK OF YOU TR34T1NG M3 L1K3 1 DONT H4V3 F33L1NGS  
GC: B3C4US3 1 DO, K4RK4T  
GC: 4ND YOUR3 SH1TT1NG ON TH3M  
GC: 1T SUCKS  
CG: WELL IF YOU WANT THAT SO BADLY, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP PRETENDING YOU DON'T HAVE THEM  
CG: AND MAYBE STOP PRETENDING LIKE OTHER PEOPLE'S DON'T MATTER WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.  
GC: 1M NOT DO1NG TH4T!  
CG: THEN I'LL REPEAT MY PREVIOUS QUESTION  
CG: WHY DID YOU DUMP ME FOR ERIDAN?  
GC: 1 D1DNT DUMP YOU!  
GC: W3 W3R3 N3V3R OFF1C14LLY 4NYTH1NG 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3  
CG: OH, WE WERE NEVER *OFFICIALLY* ANYTHING. WELL, THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!  
CG: I GUESS WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT A PAPER TRAIL! PACK IT UP, BOYS, THIS INVESTIGATION IS OVER!  
CG: BULLSHIT.  
CG: WE HAD SOMETHING, TEREZI.  
GC: WH4T D1D W3 H4V3, K4RK4T?  
GC: 4N UNST4BL3 S1X-SW33P-OLD COURTSH1P TH4T V4C1LL4T3D MOR3 TH4N 4 FUCK1NG PULS4R?  
CG: THAT DOESN'T MATTER!  
CG: WHAT MATTERS IS THAT IT WAS SOMETHING.  
CG: AND THEN YOU WENT BEHIND MY BACK AND COMPLETELY NEGATED THE WHOLE THING.  
GC: UGH  
CG: SO WHY, TEREZI?  
CG: WHY WERE THINGS APPARENTLY SO BAD BETWEEN US THAT YOU COULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT IT TO MY FACE?  
GC: LOOK, 1TS JUST  
GC: YOUR3 4 H4RD P3RSON TO LOV3, K4RK4T  
CG: OH GREAT, PETTY INSULTS, JUST WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR.  
CG: THANKS FOR ELEVATING THE LEVEL OF DISCOURSE HERE, TEREZI, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.  
GC: 1T W4SNT 4N 1NSULT!  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1 D1D LOV3 YOU, K4RK4T  
GC: BUT 1T W4S N3V3R 34SY  
GC: 1T S33MS L1K3 YOU OP3R4T3 ON 4 COMPL3T3LY D1FF3R3NT L3V3L TH4N 1 DO  
GC: 4ND 1 TR13D TO UND3RST4ND YOU, BUT 1 N3V3R R34LLY COULD  
GC: 4ND NO M4TT3R HOW H4RD 1 TR13D, YOU WOULD N3V3R OP3N UP TO M3  
GC: 1T W4S H4RD  
GC: BUT TH3N 1 H4D TH4T N1GHT W1TH 3R1D4N, 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG W4S JUST SO  
GC: SO 34SY  
GC: 1 JUST F3LT L1K3 W3 UND3RSTOOD 34CH OTH3R MOR3  
GC: 4ND 1TS CONT1NU3D TO B3 34SY, 3V3N TO TH1S D4Y  
GC: SO  
GC: TH4TS WHY  
CG: SO THAT'S IT?  
CG: YOU WENT WITH HIM BECAUSE IT WAS EASIER?  
GC: DONT 3V3N TRY TO S4Y TH4T L1K3 1TS 4 B4D TH1NG  
GC: 1 SHOULDNT H4V3 TO FORC3 MYS3LF TO LOV3 4NYON3  
CG: WELL, THAT'S GREAT FOR YOU AND ALL  
CG: BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?  
CG: DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK THAT YOU WERE LEAVING ME COMPLETELY OUT IN THE COLD?  
GC: 1 D1D TH1NK 4BOUT YOU  
GC: 4ND 1 D1DNT TH1NK 1 W4S L34V1NG YOU OUT 1N TH3 COLD  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN.  
GC: JUST B3 HON3ST K4RK4T  
GC: W4S 1T 3V3R 4NY 34S13R FOR YOU?  
CG: FOR ME TO PITY YOU?  
GC: NO, NOT FOR YOU TO "P1TY" M3!!!  
GC: GOD, 1TS SO R1D1CULOUS TH4T YOU 1NS1ST ON US1NG TH4T WORD  
GC: 4ND 1TS COMPL3T3LY TR4NSP4R3NT, TOO  
GC: DO YOU 3V3N R34L1Z3 HOW P4TH3T1C 1T 1S TH4T YOU COMPL3T3LY 1NV3NT3D TH1S WHOL3 1D1OT1C TH3ORY 4BOUT TH3 QU4DR4NTS JUST B3C4US3 YOU COULDNT BR1NG YOURS3LF TO US3 TH3 DR34D3D L-WORD???  
CG: I DIDN'T INVENT ANYTHING, SHUT THE FUCK UP!  
CG: THE HATE-PITY THEORY IS A WELL-KNOWN AND WELL-RESPECTED CONCEPT AMONGST QUADRANT THEORISTS.  
CG: I'D TELL YOU TO ASK THEM YOURSELF, BUT THEY ALL DIED IN A HORRIBLE METEOR APOCALYPSE, SO.  
GC: Y34H  
GC: 4ND NOW YOUR3 TH3 ONLY ON3 WHO H4NGS ON TO TH4T STUP1D HYPOTH3S1S  
GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD G3T TH3 H1NT  
GC: S3R1OUSLY, 3V3N 3QU1US GOT OV3R H1S HORR1BL3 TH1NG W1TH TH3 H3MOSP3CTRUM B3FOR3 YOU D1D, 4ND 3V3RYBODY THOUGHT TH4T GUY W4S 4 LOST C4US3  
CG: HE DID?  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
GC: Y34H  
GC: SO WHY DONT YOU G3T W1TH TH3 PROGR4M?  
CG: UGH, FUCK OFF.  
GC: WH4T3V3R, TH1S 1SNT 3V3N TH3 PO1NT  
GC: 1 4SK3D YOU 4 QU3ST1ON  
GC: W4S 1T 3V3R 34SY FOR YOU TO "P1TY" M3?  
CG: WELL  
CG: NO, NOT REALLY.  
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GET OFF SAYING YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME, WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS ALWAYS PLAYING MIND GAMES WITH ME.  
CG: I COULD NEVER TELL IF YOU WERE BEING SINCERE ABOUT ANYTHING.  
GC: D1D YOU 3V3R 3V3N TRY?  
CG: OF COURSE I TRIED!  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCUSE ME OF HERE?  
GC: NOTH1NG!!  
GC: 1M JUST S4Y1NG  
GC: 1T W4S H4RD FOR YOU TOO, R1GHT?  
CG: WELL  
CG: YEAH, IT WAS.  
CG: I THOUGHT IT MIGHT GET EASIER EVENTUALLY.  
GC: W3LL, M4YB3 1T WOULDV3  
GC: BUT WHY SHOULD 1 H4V3 TO W41T?  
GC: 4ND FOR TH4T M4TT3R, WHY SHOULD YOU?  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY HERE?  
GC: LOOK, 1F 1 R34LLY THOUGHT TH4T YOU W3R3 GONN4 B3 COMPL3T3LY 4LON3 4FT3R 1 L3FT YOU, 1 WOULDNT H4V3 B33N SO QU1CK TO JUMP SH1P  
GC: BUT  
GC: 1 THOUGHT TH3R3 W4S SOM3BODY 3LS3  
GC: SOM3BODY WHO 1TD B3 34S13R FOR YOU TO B3 W1TH, L1K3 1T W4S FOR M3 4ND 3R1D4N  
CG: LIKE WHO?  
GC: W3LL  
GC: L1K3 N3P3T4  
CG: OH.  
GC: YOUR3 FLUSH3D FOR H3R, R1GHT?  
CG: HOW EXACTLY IS IT ANY OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS WHO I'M FLUSHED FOR?  
GC: K4RK4T, 1S TH3R3 4NY R34SON FOR YOU TO D3NY TH1S 4NYMOR3?  
GC: 3V3RYON3 KNOWS YOU 4R3  
GC: JUST 4DM1T 1T  
CG: OKAY, FINE, MAYBE I AM.  
CG: SO WHAT?  
GC: SO SH3S FLUSH3D FOR YOU TOO  
GC: L1K3, R34LLY, R34LLY FLUSH3D FOR YOU  
GC: 4ND SH3 H4S B33N FOR TH3 LONG3ST T1M3  
GC: 4ND 1 S4W JUST HOW W3LL YOU TWO W3R3 G3TT1NG 4LONG 1N 4LL TH3S3 M3MOS 4ND STUFF, 4ND 1 THOUGHT  
GC: M4YB3 1 SHOULD JUST L3T YOU TWO B3 TOG3TH3R  
GC: M4YB3 1TS FOR TH3 B3ST  
CG: SO THAT'S WHY YOU IMMEDIATELY WENT FOR IT WITH ERIDAN?  
CG: BECAUSE YOU FIGURED I'D BE BETTER OFF WITH HER?  
GC: Y34H  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: YOUR3 L1K3 4 D1FF3R3NT P3RSON WH3N YOUR3 T4LK1NG TO H3R  
GC: 1T S33MS L1K3 SH3 R34LLY M4K3S YOU H4PPY  
GC: 4ND 1 H4V3 TO WOND3R  
GC: WHY COULDNT 1 3V3R DO TH4T?  
GC: WHY W4SNT 1 GOOD 3NOUGH?  
CG: IT  
CG: IT WASNT THAT YOU WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH  
GC: TH3N WH4T W4S 1T?  
CG: I DONT'T KNOW  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: LOOK, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME THIS?  
CG: WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THOSE WERE YOUR INTENTIONS THE WHOLE TIME?  
GC: WH4T  
GC: YOU 3XP3CT3D M3 TO JUST T3LL YOU TH4T YOU SHOULD FORG3T 4BOUT M3 4ND GO 4FT3R N3P3T4?  
CG: YES, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE!  
GC: K4RK4T, TH4TS 1D1OTIC  
GC: 1 COULDNT JUST T3LL YOU TH4T, 1D SOUND L1K3 4 CR4ZY P3RSON  
CG: WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO DO, ISN'T IT?  
GC: OF COURS3 1T W4S  
CG: THEN YOU SHOULD'VE JUST TOLD ME THAT  
CG: BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW STUPID AN OPTION IT MAY HAVE BEEN, IT WOULD'VE BEEN A LOT BETTER THAN JUST MANIPULATING EVENTS AROUND ME SO THAT EVERYTHING WOULD JUST FALL INTO PLACE.  
CG: BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M A PERSON WITH FEELINGS, TEREZI  
CG: AND I REALLY DON'T FUCKING APPRECIATE IT WHEN YOU TREAT ME LIKE I'M JUST ANOTHER UNWITTING PAWN.  
GC: TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG!  
CG: IT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE DOING!  
CG: SEE, THIS IS WHAT YOU DO, TEREZI. YOU MANIPULATE PEOPLE INTO DOING WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST FOR EVERYBODY  
CG: BECAUSE YOU'RE SO FAR INTO THE STRATOSPHERE ON YOUR HIGH HOOFBEAST THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE GROUND ANYMORE, AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT OR WRONG BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE.  
CG: BUT GUESS WHAT! OTHER PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS TOO, AND THEY DON'T NECESSARILY SEE EYE TO EYE WITH YOU!  
CG: AND A LOT OF THEM THINK THAT MANIPULATING PEOPLE IN GENERAL IS KIND OF A SHITTY THING TO DO!!  
CG: BUT YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT THAT, DO YOU?  
GC: GOD D4MN1T, YOUR3 DO1NG 1T 4G41N  
GC: YOUR3 TR34T1NG M3 L1K3 1 DONT H4V3 3MOT1ONS  
CG: OH, NO, YOU HAVE EMOTIONS.  
CG: FUCKED UP AND BROKEN EMOTIONS, SURE, BUT EMOTIONS NONETHELESS.  
GC: 4ND JUST WH4T M4K3S MY 3MOT1ONS 4NY WORS3 TH4N YOURS, HUH?  
GC: WH4T B4S1S DO YOU H4V3 FOR S4Y1NG TH3YR3 4NY L3SS V4L1D?  
GC: YOU DONT H4V3 ON3!  
GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 4RGU1NG FROM 4 PUR3LY SUBJ3CT1V3 POS1T1ON!  
GC: 4ND 1F YOU TR13D TO 4RGU3 FROM 4N OBJ3CT1V3 ON3, YOUD R34L1Z3 TH4T YOUV3 B33N WORS3 TO M3 TH4N 1 3V3R H4V3 B33N TO YOU!  
CG: WHAT???  
GC: 1N F4CT, 1D GO 4S F4R 4S TO S4Y YOU OW3 M3 4N 4POLOGY  
GC: YOUV3 B33N GO1NG 4ROUND 4POLOG1Z1NG TO 3V3RYON3 3LS3, BUT SOM3HOW YOUV3 N3V3R FOUND TH3 T1M3 FOR M3  
CG: YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU.  
GC: Y3S  
CG: OKAY, FINE.  
CG: I'M SORRY YOU RIPPED MY PUMP BISCUIT OUT OF MY CHEST AND STOMPED IT INTO A BLOODY PULP RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.  
CG: IT WAS REALLY INSENSITIVE OF ME TO HAVE THAT PARTICULAR ORGAN IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
GC: OH H4 H4, V3RY FUNNY  
GC: BUT YOU KNOW WH4T 1 W4NT YOU TO 4POLOG1Z3 FOR  
GC: TH4T L1TTL3 OUTBURST ON TH3 M3MO 4BOUT 4 W33K 4GO  
CG: I WAS PERFECTLY JUSTIFIED IN THAT.  
GC: NO YOU FUCK1NG W3R3NT!!!  
GC: YOU S41D SOM3 COMPL3T3LY UNFORG1V4BL3 TH1NGS TH4T N1GHT K4RK4T  
GC: YOUR3 LUCKY 1M 3V3N G1V1NG YOU 4 CH4NC3 TO 4POLOG1Z3 4T 4LL  
CG: OH, FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU.  
CG: YOU JUST BROKE THINGS OFF WITH ME, AND YOU WERE SPENDING THE ENTIRE MEMO PARADING YOUR PERFECT NEW MATESPRITSHIP AROUND FOR EVERYONE TO SEE.  
CG: I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BE AS ANGRY AS I WAS.  
CG: OR ARE YOU SAYING I DON'T HAVE THAT RIGHT?  
GC: 1 N3V3R S41D 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT HOW YOU W3R3 F33L1NG  
GC: 1M NOT TH3 FUCK1NG F33L1NGS POL1C3, NO M4TT3R HOW MUCH YOU M1GHT TRY TO P41NT M3 TH4T W4Y  
GC: 1 H4V3 4 PROBL3M W1TH WH4T YOU *D1D*  
GC: 3V3RYBODY W4S H4V1NG 4 GOOD T1M3 UNT1L YOU SHOW3D UP, K4RK4T  
GC: 4ND TH3N YOU C4M3 1N HURL1NG 3XC3SS1V3 3XPL3T1V3S 4ND HYP3RBOL1C 1NSULTS 3V3RY WH1CH W4Y  
GC: MOST OF WH1CH W3R3 COMPL3T3 BULLSH1T 4ND YOU KNOW 1T  
CG: HOW WERE THEY COMPLETE BULLSHIT?  
GC: YOU 4CCUS3D M3 OF F1LL1NG 4 P41L W1TH 3R1D4N JUST TO P1SS YOU OFF!  
GC: DO YOU S3R1OUSLY TH1NK 1D DO SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T?  
CG: I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST YOU.  
GC: D4MN1T, YOUR3 DO1NG 1T 4G41N!!!!  
GC: YOU KNOW TH4T 1SNT TRU3, BUT YOUR3 S4Y1NG 1T 4NYW4Y JUST TO HURT MY F33L1NGS  
GC: 4ND 1 H4V3 F33L1NGS, K4RK4T  
GC: YOU KNOW TH4T, BUT TH4T DO3SNT STOP YOU FROM S4Y1NG HURTFUL SH1T L1K3 TH1S  
CG: I  
CG: OKAY, FINE, THAT WAS OUT OF LINE.  
GC: Y34H, 1T W4S OUT OF L1N3  
GC: B3C4US3 TH4TS WH4T YOU DO, YOU 4LW4YS GO OUT OF L1N3  
GC: YOUR3 SO C4UGHT UP 1N YOUR OWN F33L1NGS TH4T YOU N3V3R STOP TO TH1NK 4BOUT 4NYON3 3LS3S  
CG: YEAH, WELL  
CG: YOU WEREN'T REALLY DOING MUCH TO HELP.  
CG: FOR AS MUCH AS YOU TALK ABOUT ME GOING TOO FAR, YOU WEREN'T EXACTLY PULLING YOUR PUNCHES EITHER.  
GC: SO WH4T, YOUR3 M4D TH4T 1 FOUGHT B4CK?  
CG: NO, I JUST DON'T GET WHERE YOU GET OFF ACTING LIKE THE VICTIM HERE, WHEN YOU CONTRIBUTED TO THE SITUATION JUST AS MUCH AS I DID.  
GC: YOU W3R3 TH3 ON3 WHO ST4RT3D 1T!  
GC: 1 W4S JUST M1ND1NG MY OWN BUS1N3SS WH3N YOU C4M3 1N 4ND THR3W 4 B1G F1T 4BOUT M3 "B3TR4Y1NG" YOU  
CG: LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING I WASN'T COMPLETELY FULL OF SHIT TO BEGIN WITH  
CG: BUT FOR ALL YOU TRY TO ACT LIKE YOU WERE SO ABOVE THE KIND OF PUERILE DISCOURSE I WAS ENGAGING IN, YOU ULTIMATELY STOOPED TO MY LEVEL.  
CG: RUBBING IT IN ABOUT YOU GOING OFF WITH ERIDAN, TALKING DOWN TO ME LIKE I WAS A WIGGLER  
CG: OH, AND WORKING IN A LITTLE CRACK ABOUT MY BLOOD COLOR TOO.  
CG: REALLY FUCKING CLASSY, TEREZI. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOUR ARGUMENT COULD'VE STAYED AFLOAT WITHOUT A LITTLE CASUAL CASTEISM THROWN IN.  
GC: 1 W4SNT B31NG C4ST31ST!!  
GC: YOUR3 JUST B31NG 4N 1D1OT 4BOUT TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH YOUR BLOOD  
GC: YOU R34L1Z3 NOBODY C4R3S WH4T COLOR 1T 1S, R1GHT?  
GC: 3V3N 3QU1US PROB4BLY DO3SNT 4NYMOR3  
GC: SO WHY DONT YOU STOP TR34T1NG YOUR D3L1C1OUS C4NDY R3D BLOOD L1K3 1TS SUCH 4 F3D3R4L FUCK1NG 1SSU3?  
GC: 1T DO3SNT M4TT3R 4NYMOR3  
CG: IT DOESN'T MATTER?  
CG: NO, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU OF ALL PEOPLE CONDESCEND TO ME ABOUT MY FUCKING BLOOD COLOR.  
CG: AND I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU STOPPED TREATING THE WHOLE THING LIKE IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE.  
CG: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT I'VE GONE THROUGH, TEREZI?  
CG: DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE NOT BEING ABLE TO BLEED, OR CRY, OR EVEN FUCKING BLUSH AROUND OTHER PEOPLE, FOR FEAR THAT YOU'LL BE CULLED?  
CG: DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE HAVING TO KEEP EVERYONE YOU KNOW AT ARM'S LENGTH, BECAUSE YOU KNOW IF THEY EVER GET CLOSE TO YOU, THEY MIGHT FIND OUT THAT YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MUTANT AND EJECT YOU FROM THEIR LIFE FOREVER, AND THAT'S ASSUMING THEY DON'T PUT YOU DOWN THEMSELVES?  
CG: NO, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE.  
CG: AND YOU WILL *NEVER* KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE.  
CG: BECAUSE AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE TO PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM, THAT DOESN'T MATTER, BECAUSE YOU'RE A BLUEBLOOD.  
CG: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! A BLUEBLOOD! IN THE UPPER HALF OF THE HEMOSPECTRUM! YOU'RE NOT FUCKING COLORBLIND, TEREZI, YOU CAN SMELL THIS YOURSELF.  
CG: AND IT REALLY FUCKING DISGUSTS ME HOW YOU TRY TO ACT LIKE IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, AND HOW YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN "TOO TEAL" TO BE A REAL HIGHBLOOD.  
CG: NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY TO DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM IT, YOU WERE HATCHED WITH PRIVILEGES I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE.  
CG: YOU'VE NEVER EVEN HAD ANY REAL PROBLEMS. EVERYTHING BAD THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU IS SOMETHING YOU BROUGHT UPON YOURSELF IN THE COURSE OF YOUR ARISTOCRATIC MACHINATIONS.  
CG: AND AS "DELICIOUS" AS MY BLOOD MIGHT SEEM TO YOU, TO ME IT SYMBOLIZES THE ISOLATION AND OPPRESSION I'VE BEEN DOOMED TO FOR PRETTY MUCH MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE  
CG: SO I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU STOPPED USING IT AS A FUCKING PUNCHLINE!  
CG: AND YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TELL ME THAT IT'S "NOT A BIG DEAL," BECAUSE YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE SUFFERING MY HIDEOUS MUTANT BLOOD HAS AFFLICTED UPON ME  
CG: SO WHY DON'T YOU CHECK YOUR FUCKING PRIVILEGE.  
GC: >:O  
GC: 1 W4SNT  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: OK4Y F1N3, M4YB3 YOUR3 R1GHT  
CG: YEAH, MAYBE I FUCKING AM.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, AS MUCH AS YOU TRY TO PAINT ME AS THE BIGGEST SCUMBAG HERE BY A WIDE MARGIN, YOU'VE BEEN AIMING JUST AS MANY PUNCHES BELOW THE BELT AS I HAVE.  
GC: W3LL, TH4T W4S SUPPOS3D TO B3 MY N1GHT  
GC: 4ND YOU COMPL3T3LY RU1N3D 1T!  
CG: BUT IT DIDN'T END WITH THAT NIGHT, DID IT?  
CG: YOU HAVEN'T LET UP ON ME ONCE SINCE THEN.  
CG: EVEN THOUGH IT'S PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT WE'RE BOTH COMPLETELY OVER EACH OTHER, YOU'RE STILL HOLDING A GRUDGE AGAINST ME.  
CG: SO WHAT'S THE FUCKING DEAL?  
GC: TH3 D34L 1S, YOU D1DNT JUST RU1N MY N1GHT  
GC: 1N F4CT, 1 W4SNT 3V3N TH3 ONLY ON3 4FF3CT3D BY YOUR L1TTL3 T1R4D3  
GC: L1K3 FOR ON3, YOU W3NT 4FT3R 3R1D4N TOO  
GC: 4ND H3 W4S JUST 4S HURT 4S 1 W4S  
GC: H3 W4S YOUR FR13ND, K4RK4T  
GC: 4ND YOU C4LL3D H1M 4 TR41TOR 4ND 4CCUS3D H1M OF ST34L1NG M3 FROM YOU  
CG: YEAH, FINE, THAT WAS A SHITTY THING TO DO, AND I FEEL BAD FOR IT  
CG: BUT I ALREADY APOLOGIZED TO HIM FOR IT, AND WE'RE COOL NOW.  
GC: W3LL, YOU N3V3R 4POLOG1Z3D TO M3 FOR 1T  
GC: H3 W4S MY M4T3SPR1T, 4ND H1S F33L1NGS M4TT3R TO M3  
CG: YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU FOR HURTING YOUR MATESPRIT'S FEELINGS, EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY APOLOGIZED TO HIM?  
GC: 1 W4NT YOU TO 4POLOG1Z3 FOR 4 LOT OF TH1NGS, K4RK4T  
GC: TH4TS NOT 3V3N TH3 L4ST ON3  
GC: TH3R3S TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH N3P3T4, TOO  
CG: WHAT THING WITH NEPETA?  
GC: TH3 TH1NG WH3R3 YOU PR3TTY MUCH COMPL3T3LY RU1N3D MY FR13NDSH1P W1TH H3R??  
GC: YOU R34L1Z3 TH4T W4S 4LMOST 3NT1R3LY YOUR F4ULT, R1GHT?  
GC: S3R1OUSLY, N3P3T4 4ND 1 US3D TO B3 B3ST FR13NDS  
GC: 4ND TH3N 1N ON3 F3LL SWOOP, YOU M4D3 TH1NGS D3T3R1OR4T3 B3TW33N US TO TH3 PO1NT WH3R3 W3 N33D3D 4 FUCK1NG 4USP1ST1C3!  
GC: 4ND W3 ST1LL N33D ON3, K4RK4T  
GC: TH1NGS H4V3NT GOTT3N 4NY B3TT3R  
CG: OKAY, THIS IS COMPLETE HORSESHIT. THAT IS NOT EVEN ANYTHING REMOTELY APPROACHING MY FAULT.  
CG: THE ONLY REASON NEPETA KEEPS GOING AFTER YOU IS BECAUSE YOU KEEP GOING AFTER ME FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.  
GC: YOU R34LLY TH1NK 1 H4V3 NO R34SON TO GO 4FT3R YOU?  
CG: I'M SAYING IT'S COMPLETELY MORONIC TO SAY THAT THIS IS MY FAULT WHEN CLEARLY YOU'RE THE ONE INSTIGATING IT.  
CG: NOT TO MENTION A LITTLE CREEPY.  
CG: IT'D BE LIKE IF YOUR LUSUS DROWNED IN A LAKE, AND YOU BLAMED THE FISH AT THE BOTTOM, BECAUSE THEY JUST *HAD* TO SIT AT THE BOTTOM AND LOOK SO DELICIOUS, AND SHE JUST COULDN'T RESIST!!!  
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU TRY1NG TO S4Y H3R3?  
CG: I'M TRYING TO SAY THAT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SMOOTH THINGS OVER WITH NEPETA SO BADLY, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BACK DOWN FROM YOUR LITTLE BULLSHIT FEUD WITH ME.  
GC: 1M NOT B4CK1NG DOWN UNT1L YOU 4POLOG1Z3 TO M3  
CG: AND I'M NOT APOLOGIZING TO YOU UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE TO ME!  
GC: HMM  
GC: TH3N 1T S33MS W3V3 R34CH3D 4N 1MP4SS3 H3R3  
CG: SERIOUSLY, TEREZI, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR DEAL WITH ME?  
CG: I GET THAT I FUCKED THINGS UP WITH YOU. FINE, WHATEVER.  
CG: BUT IT'S PRETTY CLEAR WE'VE BOTH MOVED ON  
CG: SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET OFF MY CASE?  
CG: WHY DON'T YOU GO BE HAPPY WITH YOUR MATESPRIT AND JUST HOP THE FUCK OFF MY BONE BULGE ALREADY??  
GC: YOU ST1LL DONT G3T 1T  
CG: GET WHAT.  
GC: F1N3, YOU R34LLY W4NT TO KNOW?  
GC: YOU W4NT TH3 R34L R34SON 1 C4NT JUST DROP TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG?  
CG: I THINK I'M ENTITLED.  
GC: F1N3  
GC: TH3 TRUTH 1S  
GC: 1M NOT OV3R YOU  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: YOU'RE NOT?  
GC: NO  
GC: 4S MUCH 4S 1 W1SH 1 W4S, 1M NOT  
GC: 1 C4NT JUST FORG3T 4BOUT 3V3RYTH1NG W3 H4D, 3V3N THOUGH 1T S33MS LIKE YOU 4PP4R3NTLY 4LR34DY H4V3  
GC: 4ND 1TS NOT TH4T 1M NOT H4PPY W1TH 3R1D4N OR 4NYTH1NG, B3C4US3 1 4M  
GC: BUT 1 JUST  
GC: 1 C4NT G3T OV3R TH3 F4CT TH4T 1 W4SNT GOOD 3NOUGH FOR YOU!  
GC: 4ND 1 KNOW 1 SHOULDNT C4R3 TH1S MUCH 4BOUT HOW YOU F33L 4BOUT M3  
GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 JUST SOM3 NUBBY-HORN3D L1TTL3 FR34K WHO 1 SHOULDNT G1V3 TH3 L34ST SH1T 4BOUT  
GC: BUT 1 DO  
GC: 4ND 1T FUCK1NG *K1LLS* M3 TH4T YOUR3 4PP4R3NTLY COMPL3T3LY OV3R 1T  
GC: S3R1OUSLY, 1M NOT 3V3N SUR3 1F YOU 3V3R LOV3D M3 4T 4LL  
CG: OF COURSE I DO!  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: I DID  
GC: BUT 1T DO3SNT M4TT3R NOW  
GC: OR 4T L34ST 1T SHOUDLNT M4TT3R NOW  
GC: YOUV3 FOUND SOM3ON3 3LS3, 4ND SO H4V3 1  
GC: BUT  
GC: TH3 F33L1NGS 4R3 ST1LL TH3R3, 4ND TH3Y WONT GO 4W4Y  
GC: 4ND TH4TS WHY 1V3 B33N SO H4RD ON YOU  
GC: 1V3 B33N TRY1NG TO PUSH YOU 4W4Y  
GC: 1 F1GUR3D 1F 1 TW1ST3D TH3 KN1F3 3NOUGH, 3V3NTU4LLY YOUD H4V3 3NOUGH 4ND G3T OUT OF MY L1F3 FOR3V3R  
GC: BUT 1T H4SNT WORK3D  
GC: 1N F4CT, 4LL 1TS DON3 1S M4K3 TH1NGS WORS3  
GC: B3C4US3 3V3RY T1M3 1 PUSH YOU, YOU PUSH M3 B4CK JUST 4S H4RD  
GC: 4ND 1NST34D OF DR1V1NG YOU 4W4Y, 4LL 1TS DO1NG 1S PUSH1NG US 3V3N CLOS3R TOG3TH3R  
GC: SO 3V3N THOUGH 3V3RY S1NGL3 FR4CT1ON OF MY M1ND POW3R 1S SCR34M1NG 4T M3 TH4T TH1S 1S 4 HORR1BL3 1D34, 4ND 1 SHOULD JUST FORG3T 4BOUT YOU  
GC: 1 H4V3 TO T3LL YOU TH1S  
GC: B3C4US3 TH3R3S NO US3 TRY1NG TO PR3T3ND 1TS WORK1NG 4NYMOR3  
CG: SO  
CG: THAT'S THE WHOLE REASON YOU WON'T JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?  
CG: BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL FLUSHED FOR ME?  
GC: TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 S41D  
CG: THEN WHAT DID YOU SAY?  
GC: 1 S41D 1 W4SNT OV3R YOU  
GC: BUT 1 N3V3R S41D 1 W4S FLUSH3D FOR YOU  
CG: WELL, WHAT ELSE COULD YOU POSSIBLY  
CG: WAIT  
CG: NO  
GC: TH4TS R1GHT  
GC: NOW YOUR3 ST4RT1NG TO G3T 1T  
GC: TH3 TRUTH 1S  
GC: 1 H4T3 YOU, K4RK4T V4NT4S  
GC: 1N TH3 L34ST PL4TON1C W4Y POSS1BL3  
GC: <3<  
CG: YOU'RE  
CG: YOU'RE BLACK FOR ME???  
GC: 1S TH4T R34LLY SO H4RD TO B3L13V3?  
GC: W3 W3R3 V4C1LL4T1NG FOR TH3 LONG3ST T1M3  
GC: 4ND NOW TH4T OUR FLUSH3D F33L1NGS 4R3 OUT OF TH3 P1CTUR3, 1T ONLY M4K3S S3NS3 TH4T NOTH1NG COULD R3M41N BUT TH3 BL4CK3ST, FOUL3ST P1TCH  
CG: BUT  
CG: GOD DAMNIT, NO  
CG: THIS ISN'T HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO GO!  
GC: TH3R3S NO OTH3R W4Y TH1NGS C4N GO, K4RK4T  
GC: NOT 4NYMOR3  
GC: TH3R3S NO CH4NC3 OF A R3CONC1L14T1ON B3TW33N US  
GC: SUR3LY YOU C4N S33 TH4T  
GC: N31TH3R OF US 1S W1LL1NG TO B4CK DOWN, TO 4DM1T TH4T W3 W3R3 WRONG, BUT WHY SHOULD W3?  
GC: 1NST34D OF TRY1NG TO D3NY TH3 C4L1G1NOUS R1FT TH4TS B33N DR1V3N B3TW33N US, WHY DONT W3 3MBR4C3 1T?  
CG: I DON'T HATE YOU LIKE THAT.  
GC: R34LLY?  
GC: B3C4US3 1 DO  
GC: 1M W1LL1NG TO 4DM1T TO TH4T, K4RK4T  
GC: 4S MUCH OF A HORR1BL3 L1TTL3 W1GGL3R 4S YOU 4R3, NOBODY C4N G3T UND3R MY SK1N QU1T3 L1K3 YOU C4N  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY 1 C4R3 SO MUCH 4BOUT WH4T YOU TH1NK 4BOUT M3, BUT 1M NOT GO1NG TO D3NY TH4T 1 DO  
GC: NO ON3 C4N M4K3 M3 F33L L1K3 4 HORR1BL3 P3RSON QU1T3 4S 3FFORTL3SSLY 4S YOU C4N  
GC: BUT 1 W4NT TO PROV3 YOU WRONG  
GC: 1 *N33D* TO PROV3 YOU WRONG  
GC: B3C4US3 NO ON3 3LS3 H4S *34RN3D* MY H4TR3D QU1T3 4S MUCH 4S YOU H4V3  
GC: 4ND 1 KNOW TH4T 1M TH3 ONLY ON3 TRULY WORTHY OF YOURS  
CG: YOU THINK YOU'RE WORTHY OF MY HATRED? YEAH RIGHT.  
CG: *NO ONE* IS WORTHY OF MY HATRED.  
CG: MY HATE IS A FINELY TUNED INSTRUMENT, HONED TO A KILLING EDGE FROM SWEEPS OF CARE AND PRACTICE.  
CG: WITH MY FURY, I COULD CARVE A HOLE IN PARADOX SPACE ITSELF, BORING A PASSAGE TO A NEW PLANE OF EXISTENCE, FRESH FOR THE HATING  
CG: AND IN THAT UNIVERSE, MAYBE, *MAYBE*, I WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO HAS EARNED THE RIGHT TO FEEL THE FULL FORCE OF MY SCORN  
CG: BUT I WON'T FIND THEM HERE, BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS UNIVERSE IS WORTHY OF MY RAGE.  
GC: R34LLY? NO ON3 4T 4LL?  
CG: NOPE, NOT A SOUL.  
CG: THERE IS NOT A SINGLE OTHER TROLL WITHIN PARADOX SPACE WHO DESERVES TO BEAR WITNESS TO THE FULL DESTRUCTIVE FORCE OF MY RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION.  
GC: >:?  
GC: NOT 4 S1NGL3 "OTH3R" TROLL?  
CG: DON'T READ TOO MUCH INTO THAT.  
GC: NO  
GC: NO 1 TH1NK 1 W1LL  
CG: WHAT.  
GC: 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S JUST 4 HORR1BL3 JOK3 4T F1RST  
GC: BUT TH4TS 4CTU4LLY WH4T 1T 1S, 1SNT 1T?  
CG: NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT IT IS!  
CG: WHATEVER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, IT'S COMPLETE HORSESHIT.  
GC: NO, 1 TH1NK 1TS TRU3  
GC: YOUR3 4CTU4LLY BL4CK FOR YOURS3LF, 4R3NT YOU???  
CG: NO!!!!  
CG: OF COURSE I'M NOT, THAT'S RIDICULOUS!!  
GC: OH MY FUCK1NG GOD  
GC: TH4T 1S TH3 MOST D1SGUST1NG, N4RC1SS1ST1C TH1NG 1V3 3V3R H34RD OF!!  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: HOW IS IT NARCISSISTIC?  
GC: 1F YOU S3R1OUSLY TH1NK TH4T YOUR3 TH3 ONLY ON3 WORTHY OF B31NG YOUR OWN K1SM3S1S  
GC: YOUR3 NOT S4Y1NG YOUR3 TH3 ONLY ON3 WORTHY OF YOUR H4T3  
GC: YOUR3 S4Y1NG TH4T YOUR3 TH3 ONLY ON3 4LLOW3D TO H4T3 YOURS3LF!  
CG: THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING!  
GC: TH4TS 3X4CTLY WH4T YOUR3 S4Y1NG!!!  
GC: 4R3 YOU S3R1OUSLY TH4T D3LUD3D?  
GC: 4R3 YOU R34LLY SO S3LF-4BSORB3D TH4T YOU TH1NK NO ON3 3LS3S N3G4T1V3 THOUGHTS 4BOUT YOU C4N 3V3R M34N 4S MUCH 4S YOUR OWN???  
GC: B3C4US3 1 C4N T3LL YOU R1GHT NOW, YOUR3 WRONG  
GC: YOUR OWN W4RP3D, S3LF-H4T1NG JUDGM3NTS W1LL N3V3R B3 4S 4CCUR4T3 4S THOS3 FROM 4 TH1RD P4RTY  
GC: 4ND YOULL N3V3R B3 4BL3 TO H4T3 YOURS3LF W1TH TH3 PUR3, 1NC1S1V3 POT3NCY W1TH WH1CH 1 H4T3 YOU  
CG: NO, YOU'RE WRONG  
CG: YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME  
GC: WHY DO YOU ST1LL D3NY 1T, K4RKL3S?  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU F33L TH3 S4M3 W4Y 1 DO  
GC: B3C4US3 1 D1D TH3 S4M3 TH1NG TO YOU TH4T YOU D1D TO M3  
GC: YOU W3R3 N3V3R GOOD 3NOUGH FOR M3 31TH3R  
GC: OR 4T L34ST TH4TS HOW YOU F33L, R1GHT?  
CG: OF COURSE THAT'S HOW I FEEL.  
CG: I WAS FLUSHED FOR YOU, BUT APPARENTLY YOU NEVER RECIPROCATED ENOUGH TO DROP YOUR SHITHIVE MIND GAMES FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS.  
GC: 3X4CTLY  
GC: BUT 1TS NOT TH4T YOU W3R3NT GOOD 3NOUGH TO D3S3RV3 MY LOV3, K4RK4T  
GC: 1TS TH4T YOU W3R3 TH3 ONLY ON3 GOOD 3NOUGH TO D3S3RV3 MY H4TR3D  
CG: I DON'T GIVE A STEAMING SWEEP'S EVE BEHEMOTH LEAVING WHAT I'VE DONE TO EARN YOUR HATRED.  
CG: SO WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND POLISH MY HEAVING BONE BULGE?  
GC: TH4T C4N B3 4RR4NG3D, M1ST3R V4NT4S  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.  
GC: D1D YOU TH1NK YOU COULD H1D3 FOR3V3R, K4RKL3S?  
GC: 1 TOLD YOU 1 WOULD F1ND YOU  
GC: 4ND 1N SUCH 4N OBV1OUS H1D1NG PL4C3, TOO  
GC: 1 SHOULDV3 KNOWN YOUD 4BSCOND TO TH3 V31L, G1V3N YOUR S3NT1M3NT4L N4TUR3  
GC: 1 H4V3NT FORGOTT3N TH3 L1TTL3 MOM3NT W3 SH4R3D H3R3, YOU KNOW  
CG: OH GOD  
CG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
CG: WHAT THE HELL, IT'S LIKE THE HIDEOUS LAUGHTER IS COMING FROM EVERY DIRECTION AT ONCE!  
CG: FUCK THIS DARK, METAL HELLHOLE. FUCK IT HARD.  
GC: WH4TS TH3 M4TT3R, K4RK4T?  
GC: WHY SO SC4R3D 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N?  
CG: I'M NOT SCARED  
CG: I'M PERFECTLY ACCEPTING OF THE FACT THAT I'M GOING TO DIE IN THIS HORRIBLE GREY LABYRINTH.  
CG: ALL THIS TIME, I THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS A ROMANTIC COMEDY, BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY JUST A REALLY SHITTY HORROR MOVIE  
CG: AND I'M ONE OF THE MINOR CHARACTERS WHO'S ABOUT TO BE KILLED OFF BECAUSE I "HAVEN'T DEVELOPED ENOUGH" OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT.  
CG: BUT FINE, WHATEVER. IT'S APPARENTLY MY FATE TO BE STABBED THROUGH THE CHEST ON THIS GOD-AWFUL METEOR BY A CACKLING MADWOMAN, SO WHY SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO RESIST.  
GC: BL4R, YOUR3 SO M3LODR4M4T1C!  
GC: 1M NOT GO1NG TO K1LL YOU, K4RKL3S  
GC: 1M JUST GO1NG TO M4K3 YOU BL33D 4 L1TTL3  
GC: 4ND 1M LOOK1NG FORW4RD TO H4V1NG 4 PROP3R T4ST3 OF SOM3 TH4T D3C4D3NT CR1MSON SW1LL FLOW1NG THROUGH YOUR FR34K1SH V31NS >:]  
CG: OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN...  
CG: YOU JUST *HAD* TO WORK IN ANOTHER DIG AT MY BLOOD COLOR BEFORE YOU HORRIBLY MUTILATED ME?  
GC: WH4TS TH3 M4TT3R, K4RK4T?  
GC: DO3S TH4T BOTH3R YOU?  
GC: DO3S 1T M4K3 YOU 4NGRY?  
GC: B3C4US3 1F YOU W4NT M3 TO STOP, YOUR3 P3RF3CTLY W3LCOM3 TO M4K3 M3 YOURS3LF  
GC: UNL3SS, OF COURS3, YOUR3 SC4R3D  
CG: OF COURSE I'M NOT FUCKING SCARED!  
CG: IF YOU'RE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A FAIR FIGHT, AND NOT TO JUST STAB ME IN THE BACK, THEN I'LL BE PERFECTLY HAPPY TO GIVE YOU ONE.  
CG: IF YOU WERE STILL BLIND, I MIGHT BE INCLINED TO GO EASY ON YOU  
CG: BUT SINCE YOU'RE NOT, WE'LL JUST SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN STAND UP TO THE FULL FORCE OF MY INFINITE HATRED.  
CG: <3<  
GC: Y3S, 1 B3L13V3 W3 SH4LL  
GC: <3<  
GC: NOW TH3N, 4R3 W3 R34DY TO BR1NG TH1S CH4R4D3 OF 4 TR14L TO 4 CLOS3 4ND 4LLOW M3 TO C4RRY OUT YOUR S3NT3NC3?  
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME TO FUCKING TRY, PYROPE.  
GC: F1N3 TH3N  
GC: K4RK4T V4NT4S, ON TH3 COUNT OF B31NG 4N 1NSUFF3R4BL3 L1TTL3 W1GGL3R  
GC: 1 F1ND YOU  
GC: GU1LTY >:]  
GC: COURT 1S 4DJOURN3D  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG]'s crabtop died of massive internal bleeding after being impaled on the sharpened end of a cane. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it isn't clear, the last part takes place before the other three parts chronologically. What the heck?! Is this some new funky directing style or what?


	30. The Hanged Man

Chapter 30

The Hanged Man

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG].  
  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Are You There  
GA: I Just Wanted To Talk To You  
GA: I Understand Youve Probably Been Under A Great Deal Of Stress Recently  
GA: Given Certain Events That May Have Transpired  
GA: But I Have Reason To Believe That The Situation Isnt As Dreadful As You Probably Imagine It To Be  
GA: Okay I Realize Im Being Incredibly Nonspecific Here But Were I To Reveal More Im Afraid I Would Reveal Myself As Being Guilty Of  
GA: Erm  
GA: Meddling  
GA: Um Regardless Your Disappearance Has Caused Quite A Stir  
GA: Everyones Worried About You  
GA: But Possibly More Important Than That  
GA: No  
GA: No Definitely More Important Than That  
GA: Im Worried About You  
GA: And Im Not Trying To Be Condescending When I Say That Or Anything But  
GA: Well  
GA: Youre A Good Friend Karkat  
GA: I Would Probably Even Go As Far As To Say Youre My  
GA: Best Friend  
GA: Wow I Suddenly Feel Incredibly Stupid For Having Said That  
GA: Look All Im Trying To Say Is That I Care Deeply About You  
GA: But Not Too Deeply  
GA: Just Whatever Level Of Depth Of Care Youre Comfortable With  
GA: Good Lord I Am Making A Complete Fool Of Myself Here  
GA: So Its Probably For The Best That Youre Not Actually There  
GA: Unless  
GA: You Actually Are There  
GA: Is It Supposed To Show Some Kind Of Message To Indicate That Youre Not Actually Present At Your Computer  
GA: I Forget The Particulars Of How This Program Functions Sometimes  
GA: Look Whether Youre There Or Not I Just Want You To Know  
GA: I Care About You  
GA: And If Theres Something Troubling You Then You Need Only Let Me Know And Ill Do Everything In My Capacity To Alleviate Your Woes  
GA: So If You Wanted To I Dont Know  
GA: Talk In Private Or Something  
GA: Id Be More Than Happy To Entertain Your Company  
GA: Ugh Really Kanaya Entertain Your Company Why Cant You Talk Like A Normal Troll Being For Once  
GA: I Mean Id Be Happy To Have You  
GA: Here I Mean  
GA: Happy To Have You Here  
GA: That Extra Word Is Important I Think  
GA: Ugh Sorry Im Done  
CG: WHERE ARE YOU?  
GA: Karkat Youre There  
GA: I Think I Should Be Asking Where You Are  
CG: IT DOESN’T MATTER, I’M LEAVING FOR WHEREVER YOU ARE.  
CG: WHERE ARE YOU?  
GA: Oh Okay Sure  
GA: Im On Loraf Right Now  
CG: FUCK, NO, THAT’S NO GOOD  
CG: THE ONLY THING ON LORAF IS YOUR HIVE, AND I DON’T WANT ANY SNOOPING SHITLORDS SPYING ON US.  
CG: CAN WE MEET SOMEWHERE MORE PRIVATE?  
GA: Why Whats Wrong  
GA: Are You In Trouble  
CG: IT’S COMPLICATED.  
CG: AND THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT I DON’T WANT TO EXPLAIN, BECAUSE I DO  
CG: JUST IN PRIVATE.  
CG: I DON’T WANT ANYBODY ELSE CATCHING WIND OF THIS, AND I DON’T REALLY TRUST THAT TROLLIAN IS THE MOST SECURE CHANNEL OF COMMUNICATION.  
GA: Youre Taking An Unusual Amount Of Precautions Here  
GA: It Makes It Seem As Though This Is A Matter Of Dire Importance  
CG: I’M NOT SURE IF IT STILL IS  
CG: BUT WHETHER IT IS OR NOT, I’M NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES.  
GA: Okay I Wont Pry  
GA: But If You Really Want To Meet In A Secure Location We Can Still Do It On Loraf  
GA: No One Else Actually Knows About This Yet But I Just Recently Figured Out How To Light The Forge So Most Of The Surface Of The Planet Is Now Available And Populated With Game Constructs  
CG: YOU LIT THE FORGE?  
GA: Yes  
CG: AWESOME, I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT.  
GA: Thank You  
CG: YEAH, I NOTICED THAT A FEW OF THESE TRANSPORTALIZER PADS TURNED ON RECENTLY  
CG: I GUESS THEY WERE DISABLED BECAUSE THEY WERE TRAPPED UNDER A FEW HUNDRED FEET OF WATER.  
GA: Transportalizer Pads  
GA: Where Are You Exactly  
CG: AGAIN, NOT IMPORTANT.  
CG: WHERE ELSE CAN WE MEET?  
GA: Well  
GA: Im Actually Currently Perusing A Recently Unearthed Iguana Village  
GA: One Of The Smaller Ones  
GA: They Have An Inn Here So We Could Rendezvous There And Possibly Even Rent A Block If We Required More Privacy  
GA: I Mean To Talk  
GA: Privately  
CG: RIGHT.  
GA: Given That This Hamlet Was Completely Submerged Only A Few Hours Ago I Doubt Anyone Will Ascertain Its Existence For Quite A While  
GA: Really Its The Ideal Location I Think  
CG: YEAH, I THINK YOU’RE RIGHT.  
CG: DID YOU CATCH THE NAME OF THAT VILLAGE, BY ANY CHANCE?  
GA: Um  
CG: IS IT LILYCOVE CITY?  
CG: SHELLDOCK ISLE?  
CG: JOLLY ROGER’S LAGOON?  
CG: GOD, THESE CONSORT VILLAGES HAVE SUCH IDIOTIC NAMES.  
GA: Kind Of Yeah  
GA: Anyway I Think Its The Second One  
CG: OKAY, COOL, I’LL BE RIGHT OVER.  
GA: How Do You Know All These Names Anyway  
CG: IT’S COMPLICATED.  
GA: Of Course  
CG: ANYWAY, I’M OFF.  
GA: Oh Karkat  
GA: One Last Thing  
CG: WHAT?  
GA: Um  
GA: Thank You  
GA: For Responding I Mean  
CG: OH.  
CG: UH, YEAH, NO PROBLEM, KANAYA.  
CG: THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT.  
GA: Of Course  
GA: What Are Friends For  
CG: YEAH, RIGHT.  
CG: ANYWAY, SEE YOU IN A FEW MINUTES.  
GA: Ill Be Here  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA].  
  
GA: <>  
  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]. 

***

In the humble inn of a small iguana village on the surface of the Land of Rays and Frogs, Kanaya Maryam sat waiting. She was seated at a table in the establishment's restaurant, though she had no intention of eating. She simply sat, attempting to distract herself with a tome of sordid rainbow drinker romance, and occasionally taking a sip of her glass of water, which her waiter vigilantly kept topped off. Instead of any of her myriad lavish dresses, Kanaya had decided to dress modestly, sporting her usual Virgo-emblazoned black t-shirt over a thin black undershirt, as well as her long, bright red skirt. She was expecting company, of course, and she was beginning to grow tired of her server expressing her sympathies at Kanaya being "stood up." Just as the iguana was filling her glass once more, she heard the hostess greeting another diner. "Someone's expecting me," he said, and Kanaya turned to look at him.

All of Kanaya's fears of being underdressed were immediately dispelled as soon as she looked at Karkat Vantas. He was wearing the same long-sleeved, high-necked black shirt he typically wore, but it was in significant disrepair. It was covered in rips and scratches, such that the grey symbol on the front was no longer even legible. The garment was too breezy to adequately cover his torso, and Kanaya could see that his grey slacks were hiked halfway up his chest. Bits of grey flesh were visible here and there, but the majority of his chest and arms were wrapped in black cloth. Most of the rest was plastered over with white bandages, though a few of those covered his face as well. His hair was a mess, and the dark bags under his eyes were even more prominent than usual.

Upon seeing the condition he was in, Kanaya immediately rose from her seat and approached him. "Karkat, what happened to you?! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Karkat assured her with a dismissive wave. He didn't seem to be impaired in any way physically, despite his heavily bandaged state.

"Well, you don't _look_ fine," Kanaya insisted, grabbing him by the arms and taking a closer look at his injuries. "Seriously, what happened? Were you attacked?"

"It's complicated." Kanaya gave him an annoyed glare, which Karkat returned with a sympathetic one of his own. "Look, Kanaya, I'd be more than happy to explain," he told her, then looked around the room, "but I'm not about to do it with all these fucking consorts around. If they're anything like mine, their lips are about as loose as a mother grub's nook."

Kanaya stifled a laugh at that. "I suppose you have a point," she admitted. The dining room was decently populated, currently holding about a dozen iguanas. And given that it was already a small village, any secrets they let slip would probably travel fast. "Well, if you really would like some privacy, then I suppose we have no choice but to... get a block."

Karkat swallowed dryly. "Yeah, of course."

The two turned to leave the restaurant, heading towards the inn's lobby. As they did, Kanaya wrapped her arms around Karkat's shoulders. "Do you require any assistance walking?" she asked, closely observing his movement.

"I told you, I'm fine," Karkat reiterated as they stepped out. "This is all superficial. I only wrapped it up as much as I did because I don't want anyone seeing the scars." He didn't appear to be limping, so Kanaya let the matter rest. She removed her arms from his shoulders, though she took the opportunity to covertly hook an elbow around his arm.

As the two approached the front desk, the innkeeper turned to look at them. He was a large, particularly wrinkled iguana wearing a pair of small, round spectacles. "Ah, yes, is there something I can do for you two youngsters?"

"We'd like to rent a room, please," Kanaya told him.

"Right, of course," the innkeeper replied. "Will that be one bed or two?"

"One," she answered. The innkeeper stared at the pair suspiciously.

Karkat glared at him. "Because it's cheaper."

"Yes, of course, of course!" The innkeeper turned to the wall behind him, grabbing two keys off of a hook with his scaly fingers, then slapped them down on the table. "How does room 126 sound to the two of you?"

Kanaya bowed. "That sounds perfect, thank you." She and Karkat both captchalogued their respective keys. Kanaya's was firmly locked in her chastity modus, while Karkat's was quickly encrypted, the resulting card vault landing on the desk with a loud thud.

"Aw fuck, I forgot about..." Karkat let out a disgusted sigh and, with some effort, pulled the cart vault off the desk, stumbling a little as he hoisted it into his arms.

"You'll find your room down that hallway," the innkeeper said, pointing to a passage behind them. As they turned to leave, he added, "And no funny business, you two!"

Karkat immediately turned back to the iguana. "Why don't you mind your own fucking business, you nookslurping sack of shit?!" The innkeeper just stared at him in horrified shock, and he marched off toward the hallway.

"I'm really sorry about that," Kanaya said to the traumatized consort, then ran off after her fellow troll.

Karkat continued tromping down the hall, and Kanaya hurried her pace to catch up with him. "Karkat, are you alright? You seem high-strung. I mean, more so than usual."

"I just don't like meddling asshole consorts sticking their snouts where they don't belong and jumping to absurd fucking conclusions," Karkat spat back, struggling to carry the heavy card vault in his arms.

"Does this have something to do with your recent disappearance?" Kanaya dared to pry. "What exactly was the reasoning behind that, anyway?"

Karkat groaned, not turning to look at her. "Look, I'd be more than happy to talk about this, _once we're in the fucking room_. Assuming we can even get _in_ the fucking room."

Kanaya sighed. "Fine."

The duo came to a stop in front of a door labeled 126. "Alright, this is it," Karkat said. "See any sign of your key?"

Kanaya glanced around the hallway. There were doormats in front of each of the rooms, and it was lit by a line of sconces on each wall, but she couldn't seem to spot a modus key anywhere. "Not immediately," she replied.

"Well, fuck. I guess I'm just going to have to try to decrypt this." Karkat dropped the card vault on the floor with yet another loud thud, then dropped onto the floor himself to work on it. "Fucking bulgechafing modus, such a pain in the goddamn..." He continued to mutter curses to himself as he worked on decrypting the vault.

Kanaya stood patiently, crossing her arms and rapping the fingers of her right hand against her left forearm. She idly rubbed her foot over the floormat, thinking she noticed a fold in it, but it seemed that something was under it. "Hm." She lifted the corner of the mat with her foot and folded it over, revealing a white key in the shape of a mother grub's skull. Karkat continued working as she bent over and picked it up, but he was distracted from his work by the loud click of tumblers falling into place.

"Found the key," Kanaya said, brandishing the simple brass key to their room. "Er, the key to the key, I mean."

Karkat rose from the floor, lightly brushing himself off. "Fine, beats the fuck out of trying to crack this thing open," he relented, giving the card vault a spiteful kick. It didn't budge, and he hissed an expletive, shaking his foot in pain. Kanaya bit her lip to stop herself from grinning.

Not wanting to waste any more time, Kanaya turned and quickly unlocked the door, pushing it open and advancing into the room. She held the door open for Karkat, who quickly followed her in, and she shut the door behind him, locking it and turning the deadbolt. "Do the chain, too," Karkat requested, and she complied, setting the door chain in place.

The room was simply adorned with blue-green walls and carpeting the color of sand, making the block feel like a little private beach. The feeling was magnified by the large skylight in the ceiling, which was pierced by one of the planet's incandescent rays, flooding the room with warm light. Against one wall was a large, flat cushion covered in sheets in pillows, which Karkat recognized as the game's bizarre slimeless version of a recuperacoon. The ensemble was completed by a table, chairs, and end tables made of palm wood and bamboo, as well as a large, clam-shaped recliner. Karkat seemed pleasantly surprised with the room, though he immediately noticed a problem. "Kanaya, what exactly is 'private' about a block with a giant beam of light pointing it out from fucking space?"

"There are a lot of giant beams of light on this planet, and the others probably won't take the chance of entering them," Kanaya explained as she made sure the door was completely shut. "I daresay that the inside of a blinding pillar of light is the ideal hiding place."

"Huh, I guess." He looked up at the skylight. "Still, I kind of wish it weren't so fucking bright."

Kanaya turned to him, a serious look on her face. "So."

Karkat looked at her. "So."

She crossed her arms. "Karkat, what happened?"

"Terezi happened," he answered, looking away.

"She attacked you?"

"I wouldn't say 'attacked,' exactly..." Karkat rubbed the back of his neck a little bashfully. "I mean, I kind of invited her to attack me. Well, she kind of took me by surprise, but after she revealed herself, we both kind of... fuck, I don't know how to explain this."

Kanaya got the idea. "This was a romantic encounter."

"Yeah," Karkat admitted with a shrug. "And not a red one."

"So, do you, um..." Kanaya trailed off, looking away for a moment. "Do you require an auspistice?"

"No!" Karkat immediately blurted out, and Kanaya let out a sigh of relief in response. "No, it's not an ashen thing. It's definitely darker than that."

"So you two are kismeses now?" Kanaya asked, raising an eyebrow.

Karkat stopped to ponder it for a moment. "Yeah," he finally admitted. "Yeah, I guess we are. God, that feels weird to say for some reason, but I can't really deny it. Not after last night."

Kanaya chuckled. "I know precisely how you feel."

That earned a confused look for Karkat. "You do? Since when?"

"Nevermind that," Kanaya dismissed him, shaking her head. "That can't be why you went into hiding. Terezi was just as confused as to your whereabouts as everyone else yesterday."

Karkat drew in his breath, then let out a long, depressed sigh. "That was about another quadrant entirely. Or at least my complete and utter inability to fill it."

She took a few steps toward him. "What do you mean?"

"Well..." Karkat crossed his arms, looking down at the floor. "I'd ask if you could keep this a secret, but apparently it's common fucking knowledge at this point. You know Nepeta?"

"You're flushed for her," Kanaya assumed.

Karkat threw his arms up in the air in frustration, his point proven. "Of _course_ you know I'm flushed for her! Everybody knows I'm fucking flushed for her! Apparently _I_ was the last one to figure it out!"

Kanaya chuckled to herself. "Well, it's an easy conclusion to draw, Karkat," she explained. "Your interactions with her have been unusually amicable as of late. I don't think I've ever witnessed you openly praise someone as much as you have her."

"Well, yeah, but..." He sighed again, head slumping down. "It's not like that matters anymore."

"What do you mean?" Kanaya asked with a concerned look.

Karkat sighed. "The thing is, a few days ago, I told her. Because I thought she might feel the same way. But I asked her if she'd be my matesprit, and she said no."

Kanaya's look of concern instantly turned to one of sympathy. "Karkat, I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Not as sorry as I am, trust me!" Karkat spat in disgust, turning away from her. "Like, that's the awful part, she was flushed for me for the longest time. Like, sweeps! And I knew she was! You knew she was too, right?" He didn't stop for a response. "But did I ever even give her a chance? No! Because hey, why should I? She's just a stupid kittycat shipper cave girl! It's not like she's a person with feelings, _you raving douche_!"

"Karkat..." Kanaya attempted to intrude.

"But now, _now_ of course, everything's different," he continued, pacing around the room anxiously and not showing any signs of stopping. "Now she's suddenly become this insane romance expert, and she's hurling people into healthy relationships left and right without even breaking a sweat! And she's smart, and she's sweet, and she just cares _so much_ about _everyone_ , and they all care about her too, and I don't know how she does it, but it fucking _awes_ me! But it's only natural that she wouldn't give a shit about _me_ anymore, because who the fuck am I compared to her? I'm just some loud-mouthed asshole who couldn't show a single positive emotion if his life depended on it!"

"Karkat, that's not--"

"I've only ever been an asshole to her," Karkat cut her off. "You realize that, right? Because it's true! She was flushed for me, _really_ flushed for me, and I treated her like she was a fucking joke! But she isn't a joke, she's a person, and a fucking _amazing_ person at that, and I might've realized that sooner if I actually _treated_ her like a person, but of course I fucking didn't!" His voice was rising to a hysterical shriek, and he clutched his hands against his head, fingers sticking into his tangled hair. "And now I'm flushed for her and I've completely sabotaged any chance of being with her and my life is over and I don't know what I'm going to do and--"

" _Karkat_!" Kanaya shouted at him, then took a step forward to firmly pap a hand against his face. Karkat froze, trembling a bit as Kanaya softly shooshed into his ear. "Just calm down," she whispered, continuing to gently pap him. He was breathing heavily as she did so, not really believing what was happening, but he felt himself regaining his composure. After he finally seemed to be calm, she leaned forward and whispered, "It's okay, Karkat. It's okay."

He stood still for a moment longer, his gaze unfocused. "Kanaya..." He turned to look at her. "Did you just shoosh me?"

Kanaya froze for a second, then suddenly withdrew her hands, gasping in horror. "Oh god. I'm sorry, Karkat, I don't know what came over me, but..." She let out a disgusted sigh and dropped her face into her palms. "Oh god, I probably just made this entire thing awkward, didn't I? I'm sorry, I should just leave." She turned and started walking toward the door.

"Kanaya, wait," Karkat said just as she put her hand on the doorknob. She stopped. "I never said I had a problem with it, but... are you really pale for me?"

Kanaya took her hand off the doorknob, looking down and taking a deep breath. She turned to Karkat. "Yes, Karkat," she answered, looking him directly in the eyes, "I'm pale for you. I'm _incredibly_ pale for you, and I have been for the longest time, and... I just want to be your moirail."

Karkat closed his eyes and sighed. "Okay."

"I understand that you might not feel the same way," Kanaya went on, "or that you might have your reservations about entering a commitment like that, so I completely understand if you don't--"

"Kanaya," Karkat cut her off, opening his eyes again. "I said I'm okay with it. And to tell you the truth, I... kind of want you to be my moirail too."

She blinked, her eyes widening a little in disbelief. "Really?"

"Kanaya, I don't know if you've noticed," Karkat began to explain, "but in the past few days, I have _completely_ lost control of my life. And it's become abundantly fucking clear at this point that I need _somebody_ to stop me from fucking things up for myself on a routine basis, and..." He trailed off, looking away bashfully. "Well, given the choice, you'd be the first person I'd ask."

"So..." Kanaya took a few steps toward him, a little hopeful smile gracing her black lips. "We both want to be moirails."

Karkat blinked. "Yeah, I guess."

"Then it's official," Kanaya said, then grabbed Karkat's right hand by the wrist and raised it in front of her. With her own right hand, she curled his hand into a fist, then bunped it with her own.

Karkat just gaped at the proceedings at a loss for words, his mouth just barely curled into a smile. "Just like that?" he eventually asked.

"Just like that," Kanaya answered with a grin. She suddenly turned serious. "Unless you're suddenly having second thoughts..."

"No! No, of course not!" Karkat hastily blurted out. "I want this as much as you do! I just..." He looked around the room for a moment, then turned his gaze back to Kanaya. "Well, what now?"

Kanaya let go of Karkat's hand and crossed her arms, letting out a little "tsk" as she leaned back to regard her newly-anointed moirail. "Well... I certainly don't want to move this relationship along too quickly," she cautioned, "but I believe that you, Karkat Vantas, are in desperate need of a feelings jam."

Karkat gulped. "A... feelings jam? What, like right here?"

"Well, the location is private enough, I think," Kanaya pointed out.

"Yeah, but..." Karkat turned to look around the room. " _Where_ are we gonna have it? We don't have enough material for a pile here, and I'm sure as fuck not having it on this..." He motioned toward the large cushion covered in sheets and pillows. "This pathetic excuse for a recuperacoon, whatever the fuck those asshole consorts call these things again."

"It's a 'bed,' Karkat," Kanaya pointed out.

Karkat sighed in disgust. "Oh, right, a 'bed.' Yeah, _that's_ real descriptive! If they're gonna make a name for this stupid thing, then why don't they have it say what the thing _actually fucking is_?" He rubbed a hand over the surface of the bed. "Something like a... lateral... reclining cushion. I swear, whoever made this fucking game..."

Kanaya cocked an eyebrow at him. "You realize beds were an actual thing on Alternia, right? They were used extensively by seadwellers. I'm pretty sure Feferi has one."

"Oh, of _course_ it's a seadweller thing," Karkat says, rolling his eyes. "That explains why they have to have such a fancy fucking name for it." He shook his head, taking another look at the bed. "Well, I guess we could try pulling these sheets off of here, maybe use one of these..." He picked up one of the pillows, looking at it curiously. "What the fuck is this thing?"

"That's a 'pillow,' Karkat," Kanaya answered. "You put under your head to keep it comfortable. Honestly, I don't understand how you don't know these things."

"Well, _excuse me_ if my crude peasant lexicon doesn't contain the highblood word for _every fucking object in existence_!" He tossed the pillow behind him, and it bounced to a stop on the large section of flooring at the foot of the bed. "Anyway," he went on, crawling onto the bed to toss the remaining pillows, "I guess we could use these to..." He suddenly trailed off.

Kanaya looked over curiously. "What is it?"

Karkat presented what it was: another key to Kanaya's chastity modus, identical to the first. "This is yours, I take it?" He hopped off the bed and handed it to her, and she promptly put it to use. "What's it for?" he asked.

He got his answer when the contents of the card were decaptchalogued. A mass of pillows in all shapes and colors suddenly erupted from Kanaya's fetch modus, tumbling over the bewildered troll and collecting in a pile at his feet. He stood dazed for a moment, then looked down at the accumulation of pillows around him. After a moment, he looked up at Kanaya expectantly.

"I, um..." Kanaya looked away, a jade blush lighting up her face. "I... may have made some preparations for this little rendezvous."

"I can see that," Karkat said, carefully stepping out of the pile. Once he'd fully extricated himself, he turned around to appraise the pile. "Yeah, that'll do, I think. Though I'm not sure about this whole 'pillow' thing..."

Kanaya smirked. "Perhaps you'd like to give it a test sit?"

Karkat considered the prospect for a moment, then bent down and picked up one of the pillows, giving it a few test squeezes. "I don't know, Kanaya," he said, twisting the pillow around in his hands. "I'm afraid if I sit down here, I'm not gonna be able to get back up."

"Well, in the unfortunate happenstance that you might find yourself engulfed," Kanaya responded in an amused tone, "I will be here should you require rescue."

"Well... okay, I'll give it a shot." After taking a moment to collect his nerves, Karkat turned around and flopped into the pile. He took a moment to settle in, letting out a satisfied groan. Suddenly, a look of horror came upon his face. "Oh fuck."

Kanaya cocked an eyebrow at him. "What's wrong?"

He shuffled a bit in the pile. "Kanaya, I was right. There's no way I'm going to be able to get out of this pile. It's just..." He strained a little more, trying in futility to rise out of the pile. "It's too comfortable!"

"Oh no! It's worse than I could've predicted," Kanaya said with mock alarm. She reached an arm down to Karkat. "Here, take my hand! I'll try to pull you out!" Karkat grabbed her hand, but instead of letting her pull him out, Karkat pulled back, yanking Kanaya into the pile. She yelped as she tumbled into the mound of pillows.

"My god, what have I done?!" Karkat shouted to the skies, shaking his fists in despair. "I've doomed us both!" He sighed and turned to his moirail. "Okay, Kanaya, we're probably gonna get hungry soon, so if it comes down to it, I volunteer to let you kill and eat me."

Kanaya giggled. "Or we could just order room service."

"Oh, right, I guess that works too." Karkat was grinning a little despite himself. It was a very unfamiliar expression for him to bear, but Kanaya thought it suited him. Suddenly he frowned. "Wait, shit, what if one of us needs to use the load gaper?"

"As comfortable as this pile is," Kanaya answered, "I think I'll be able to muster the willpower to remove myself from it if it begins to smell bad. For _any_ reason."

Karkat laughed. "Yeah, fair enough." He grabbed one of the pillows, taking a closer look at it. This particular pillow was fuchsia with an emerald trim and a large spade in the same shade stitched on each side. "Seriously, though, this pillow thing was a great idea. Did you alchemize all of these?"

"Actually, I sewed them all by hand," she corrected him. "Despite all of my romantic obligations, I've been blessed with an abundance of free time. Or cursed, depending on how you look at it."

"By hand?" He turned to look at her. "So you made all these for me?"

Kanaya bit her lip and looked away, blushing a little. "Er... yes, I suppose I did."

"Huh. Well, thanks, Kanaya, I appreciate it."

"It was no trouble at all, really," Kanaya assured him, shaking her head.

He stopped to think for a second. "But as comfortable as it is," he began, sitting up from the pile, "I'd kind of like to..." He trailed off, struggling with how he should word the next part. "Well, I kind of want to... sit in front of you."

Kanaya turned to give him a curious look. "In front of me?"

"Well, you know, I mean... I want to be in front of you, so my back's against your front, and..." He started making motions with his hands, trying to illustrate what he was getting at. "Look, it's kind of like I want to sit in your lap, but not actually _in_ your lap, you know what I mean? Ugh, I'm not explaining this right at all, am I?"

"Karkat," she stopped him, mouth curling into a wry grin. "Are you asking me to be your big spoon?"

Karkat sputtered. "What?! No, of course that's not it! Have you gone completely shithive, Maryam?! I'd never ask for something like that! I mean..." He trailed off, looking away in embarrassment. "I mean, unless... you'd be okay with that." He was suddenly glad that most of his face was covered in bandages, as he was probably blushing furiously.

Kanaya just grinned, scooting up in the pile to make a little more space in front of her. "By all means, feel free."

"Okay, cool," Karkat said, rising from the pile. "Now spread those legs so I can get between them." Kanaya laughed. "Oh, shut up, you know what I meant!" She complied, parting her legs a little, and Karkat took a seat between them, her red skirt bending below him like a pool chair. He leaned back against her, his head coming to a rest snugly between her rumble spheres. Upon realizing just where he was nestled, he turned his head up to look at her. "Kanaya?"

"Yes, Karkat?" Kanaya said, looking down at him.

"Stop being so fucking tall."

She smiled. "Sorry."

"No, Kanaya, I can't let this shit slide anymore," he responded, giving her a playful glower. "It's one thing that my moirail's gonna make me look like a gibbering asshole in comparison, but do I have to be a _short_ gibbering asshole on top of that?"

"Well, if it's that much of a concern," Kanaya played along, "I could always see about making you some heels. Perhaps a pair of shiny black pumps..."

Karkat gagged. "Oh my _fuck_ no. I'd rather be wheelchair-bound than walk a single step in those godawful things."

"You get used to it after a while," Kanaya assured him. They both sat for a moment in silence, Karkat breathing in time with the slow rise and fall of Kanaya's chest. She slowly wrapped her arms around his chest, and they enjoyed each other's warmth for a while. Eventually Kanaya broke the silence. "So how is it?"

"Hm? How's what?" Karkat asked hazily.

Kanaya stopped to think for a second. "I don't know. Just the sitting, I suppose?"

"Honestly? Better than I ever imagined."

"You imagined it?" Kanaya asked.

Karkat looked up at her. "Um, yeah? Kanaya, I don't know if you noticed, but you're kind of the ideal moirail. Seriously, if we hadn't been dragged into this game, you probably could've made a living as a pale porn star."

Kanaya snorted out a laugh. Despite how absurd the thought was, she found herself blushing anyway. "Now you're just flattering me. I can't possibly be _that_ desirable."

"You can and you are," Karkat insisted. "Do you want to know the honest-to-god truth, Kanaya? I've had fantasies about this." He looked away from her. "Dirty fantasies. Like, every raunchy pale cliche you can think of. The two of us laying in a pile, you running your fingers through my hair, whispering little assurances in my ear, maybe rubbing my horns a little..."

"Wow, um..." Kanaya's blush was only intensifying, and she covered her mouth in embarrassment. "You imagined doing... things like that with me?"

Karkat was starting to feel a little embarrassed himself. "Look, I'm only telling you this so you don't think I'm 'settling' for you or something ridiculous like that. You're a total babe, alright? In a conciliatory sense, I mean."

She paused for a moment to take that in. "Oh. Well, thank you, Karkat. It means a lot."

"Really? Because in retrospect, it just seems kind of creepy."

Kanaya chuckled lightly. "I just appreciate that you're willing to be so candid with me," she explained, then raised her hands and threaded her fingers around Karkat's horns. "And if you still want one, it's certainly possible a horn rub could be arranged..."

Karkat gulped, not moving his head as Kanaya's hands wrapped around him. "Seriously? You... we're only five minutes into our first pale date, and you'd give me a horn rub?"

"You're not the only one with fantasies, Karkat."

He shuddered. "Did things move this quickly with you and Vriska?"

She leaned down and whispered into his ear, "Even quicker." Before Karkat could respond, Kanaya firmly gripped his horns, eliciting a gasp from the shorter troll. "Now, would you like to take things slow, or can I start rubbing?"

"Um." Karkat rubbed his hands against his knees anxiously. "Go ahead."

After taking a deep breath, Kanaya began to slowly twist her hands around the bases of Karkat's horns. Karkat let out a long, low moan. "Oh, that's good," he muttered breathily. He arched his back a little, then relaxed against Kanaya, all the tension slowly leaving his body. As Kanaya kept massaging his horns, Karkat continued to make little appreciative noises, and she looked down at him with a satisfied grin. "Enjoying yourself?"

Karkat made a valiant attempt at coherence. "Mnyeh."

She just chuckled at that. Even though it was clear that Karkat was enjoying the experience a lot more than she was, Kanaya couldn't help but take a little pleasure from it herself. It was strangely relaxing, like petting a cat. She slowed down a little so Karkat could speak clearly. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that," she said in an amused tone.

" _God_ , this is good," Karkat moaned, too comfortable to be embarrassed. "I think I've needed a good horn massage for a while now."

"I know precisely how you feel," Kanaya replied. "Anything else you'd care to indulge in while we're here?"

"Yeah... talk pale to me."

"Talk pale to you?" Kanaya repeated, mulling over the idea. "Like we're talking right now?"

Karkat sighed. "No, I mean, like, whisper little reassurances and stuff to me. Stuff like, uh... 'there there, dear.'"

She cocked an eyebrow. "'There there, dear?'"

"Right, but more calming than that," Karkat said to her. "Say it... say it like your lusus would say it."

Kanaya immediately stopped rubbing his horns. "Okay, Karkat, two things. One, if we're going to have a healthy moirallegiance, then you need to never tell me to do something for you 'like my lusus' again."

Karkat stopped to think about it for a moment, then slumped his shoulders. "Okay, yeah, that was a little creepy."

"And two," she continued, slowly beginning to massage his horns again, "why would you want me to issue generic platitudes when I could give you advice custom tailored to your existing predicament?"

"That's... also a good point," Karkat admitted. He looked up at Kanaya. "So which one of my many fuckups did you want to talk about first?"

She chuckled lightly. "Well, before we go any further, I'd like to know a little more about this... situation between you and Terezi."

"What's there to tell? She blackmailed me into a conversation, we had a big argument, she professed her undying hatred for me, and then she tracked me down to the miserable corner of the Veil I'd scampered off to and we made things official." He rubbed at the part of his left upper arm that was wrapped in cloth. "And she gave me an embarrassing number of scars in the process. I had to sacrifice my backup shirt just to bandage them all up."

"I see," Kanaya said. She bent over to more closely inspect his wounds, or at least the ones she could see through his tattered shirt. "So she didn't seriously injure you? I'd ask to look over your wounds myself, but..."

Karkat let out a discomforted groan. "Yeah, sorry, that's not gonna happen."

Kanaya sighed. "For the record, Karkat, whatever your blood color is, it makes no difference to me. I would still want to be your moirail regardless."

"You say that, but..." He looked down and sighed. "Somehow I think you might be willing to make an exception."

"Karkat..."

"Look, if I wanted to reveal it, you'd be the first to know," Karkat told her. "Well, I mean, obviously Terezi already knows, but you'd be the first one I'd tell. But right now, I 'just... I'm still not sure."

"I understand, Karkat," Kanaya said, bowing her head solemnly. "But I just want you to know that the color of your blood doesn't matter to me. Whatever hue you might bleed, I love you all the same."

Karkat looked away for a moment. "It's not the hue that matters so much as the saturation," he muttered. Before Kanaya could inquire further, he shook his head. "But anyway! Um... thanks, Kanaya. It means a lot."

"Of course, Karkat," Kanaya replied with a smile. "Anyway, I suppose I'll have to take your word for it that your rendezvous with Terezi didn't get out of hand. Though if you'd like to go into further detail, then by all means, feel free."

"'Further detail?'" Karkat repeated, looking a little confused. "You mean you want me to.. describe what happened? Like, play for play?"

Kanaya chuckled. "Karkat, if our moirallegiance is to be successful, then there can't be any secrets between us. Safeguarding the color of your blood I can accept, but I refuse to allow you to withhold from me all the sordid details of your quadrant life. And I would likewise entrust you with all the travails of my own."

In a moment of painful realization, Karkat slapped a hand against his face. "Oh god, you're seriously gonna tell me about all the bizarre things you do with Vriska?"

"Ah, but that's not all, Mister Vantas," Kanaya proclaimed, "as merely hours ago, there was yet another upset in my quadrant affairs."

"What?"

Kanaya looked down at him. "Put simply, you were not the only one to be accosted by a black suitor in the past day."

Karkat blinked, taking a moment to process what he just heard. "Wait, you mean... Feferi? You and Feferi hooked up?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes," Kanaya answered with a bashful little grin. "Apparently after cementing her matespritship with Equius, she decided she shouldn't waste any time filling her last empty quadrant."

"Wait, hold on, Equius is her matesprit now?" Karkat asked, beginning to feel a little lost. "I mean, I heard he got over his hardon for the Hemospectrum, but... seriously, just like that?"

"Yes, Karkat. This was all covered on the shipping memo," she informed him. "I know you didn't respond to it, but I assumed you were at least reading along."

Karkat looked to the side for a moment, hesitating to respond. "Yeah, I thought about it, but... I couldn't even bring myself to open it."

Kanaya frowned. "Well, I... suppose that's fair. But anyway, yes, Miss Peixes did indeed recently inflict her matespritship upon Mister Zahhak. I'd express my sympathies, but he seems to take some twisted pleasure in prostrating himself to the despotic hag's every sanctimonious whim, so I can hardly protest."

Karkat couldn't help but snicker. "Wow, Kanaya, I knew you don't like her and all, but it's weird to hear you being so frank about it."

"Well, there's no use trying to hide it anymore," Kanaya rationalized. "I hate Feferi in the least platonic way possible. After last night's events, I daresay our enmity is too dark even for an auspisticism."

"Last night's events," Karkat echoed in an amused tone. "Let me guess: she pinned you to a wall and shoved her tongue down your throat."

Kanaya cleared her throat. "It wasn't nearly that simple," she said, clearly offended. "First of all, I did at least as much wall-pinning as she did. And second, the course of events was significantly complicated by the added presence of my matesprit."

"Your matespr..." Karkat suddenly lurched up, turning to face the jadeblood. "Vriska was there?! And she strongarmed you into a... a maroon whatever the fuck it's called?!"

"A maroonion," she corrected him, then turned away, beginning to blush. "And I, um... may have participated in such an event, yes. Though I wouldn't say I was 'strongarmed' into it."

He blinked. "Yeah, not buying it."

She sighed. "Look, I've never had _that_ much of a problem with the prospect in general. I simply took issue with, um... the particular participants."

"Oh, right," Karkat said, suddenly understanding. "Before Feferi came into the picture, your only other option for a third wheel was that scrawny shitlicker Sollux." He laughed. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to subject myself to the misfortune of having to watch that guy rub his hideous naked body against my matesprit either."

"That's... not the exact reason," Kanaya hesitantly asserted, "but yes, Feferi was an infinitely preferable candidate. And I must say, I can certainly see the appeal of the arrangement."

"You can?"

Kanaya continued to avoid eye contact. "It's difficult to explain," she said, her blush darkening. "All I can say is that it _completely_ changes the dynamic."

Karkat just sighed. "Kanaya, I thought you were better than this."

"Judge me if you must, Mister Vantas," she said, looking at him once more, "but I enjoyed it, and my matesprit enjoyed it, and for as little as I care about her opinion, my kismesis enjoyed it too. So I fail to see the harm in it."

He just stared at her for a moment, looking a little shocked. "Okay, sorry," he eventually mustered. "I wasn't trying to offend you or anything, I just... didn't really take you for the threesome type."

Kanaya just smirked. "Obviously, you don't know what I do with Nepeta and Terezi."

"Yeah, I guess..." He started to turn away, but suddenly stopped and looked back at her. "Wait, what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Um, nothing," Kanaya quickly answered. "An auspistice joke, that's all."

Karkat just shook his head. "Ugh, whatever." He turned around and leaned against Kanaya's chest once more, and she resumed lightly massaging his horns. "Anyway, as much as I'd love to exchange blackrom tips with you, is there any way we could skip the whole postmortem thing? Just this once? I'm still reeling from the whole thing, and I don't really want to recount it."

"And you don't want to hear about the particulars of my engagement, either," Kanaya assumed.

"Yeah, that too."

She laughed. "Yes, I suppose it's a bit of a heavy topic for our first feelings jam. But does that mean you'd rather avoid the topic of your animosity with Miss Pyrope in its entirety?"

He sighed. "I don't know. I mean... the whole thing is just weird to talk about."

"Are you dissatisfied with the arrangement?" Kanaya inquired.

"No, it's not that," Karkat quickly answered. "For all the shit I give her, Terezi's definitely a worthy kismesis, mentally and, uh... physically." He looked away. "But still, I can't help but feel like I fucked things up between us. Like this wasn't how things were meant to go."

Kanaya looked down at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

Karkat hesitated a bit before he answered. "Well, this might sound ridiculous, but... I feel like there was a way things were _supposed_ to go. With my quadrants and stuff, you know? Troll serendipity and all that. And I was dead certain she was supposed to be my matesprit." He looked down, idly picking a bit of lint off his pants. "But I guess I went and derailed that like the enormous fuckup I am."

"So you thought you were inescapably fated to be with Terezi?" Kanaya concluded.

"Yeah."

She smiled. "You sound like Vriska right now."

He groaned, scowling a little. "You realize it's pretty much the most insulting thing possible to say I'm anything like that raving gulf of shit?"

"She's not that bad," Kanaya insisted.

"Look, Kanaya, you can be matesprits with whoever the fuck you want, okay? You're entitled to that much," Karkat told her. "But as far as I'm concerned, Vriska is still a crazy manipulative bitch, and I don't fucking like her."

Kanaya considered his words for a moment. "Well, I suppose she _is_ a bit crazy and manipulative. But if she weren't, I don't think I'd love her nearly as much."

Karkat looked up at her. "Your tastes in women are going to get you killed one day, you know that?"

She laughed. "Perhaps. But if you're concerned for my safety, you needn't worry about Vriska hurting me. I keep her on a short leash, so to speak. And it's only gotten shorter since last night."

"Last night?" Karkat repeated. "Why? What happened?"

"Well..." Kanaya looked away for a moment. "She revealed that she'd deliberately been misleading me and Feferi both for the purposes of engendering a rivalry between us."

"Misleading? As in _lying_ to you?" Karkat looked up at her, scowling in concern. "Okay, no, that is completely unacceptable. Please tell me you didn't let that horseshit slide."

"I didn't," Kanaya assured him. "In fact, I, um... well, I was certain to make it clear to her that I was dissatisfied with her handling of the situation."

Karkat blinked, trying to parse just what she was saying. "What the fuck does that mean?"

Kanaya bit her lip, averting his gaze. "I punched her in the face."

He stared at her for a moment. "Seriously?"

"Well, I... yes."

Suddenly, Karkat started laughing hysterically, doubling over a bit in Kanaya's lap. "Oh my god, that is fucking _perfect_! Ten out of ten, flawless negotiation tactics." He turned to Kanaya, raising an open palm. "That deserves a high five. Come on."

Kanaya sighed, blushing a little. "Karkat, I'm not proud of it."

"Well, you should be!" Karkat shouted. "She's had a good punch in the face coming for a while. Honestly, Kanaya, I get that she's your matesprit and all, but you can't just let her walk over you all the time. Which is why you've earned a high five. Come on, give me some skin."

"Look, I just wish I'd--"

"Kanaya." Karkat waggled his hand expectantly. Kanaya just sighed, then slapped her hand against his. "There you go."

She rolled her eyes as he turned back around. "Look, you're detracting from my main point. I'm just saying you remind me of her in a lot of ways."

He groaned. "How the fuck do I remind you of her?"

"Well, it's really quite simple, Karkat," Kanaya replied as she threaded her fingers back into his hair. "For the longest time, she was hung up on her own romantic destiny as well. She was utterly convinced Tavros was fated to be her matesprit, or failing that, her kismesis. But in the end, her prediction was a little off."

"Yeah, 'a little,'" Karkat repeated skeptically. "Is it just me, or are they not really respecting their pale boundaries?"

Kanaya leered down at him. "What exactly do you mean by that?"

"You know damn well what I mean, Kanaya," he responded, looking up to match her gaze. "I know for a fact she's done inappropriate things with every other one of her quadrantmates, _including_ the other two members of her auspisticeship. So why would she draw the line with her moirail?"

She sighed. "Karkat, I'm not completely certain how this is any of your business."

"It's _entirely_ my fucking business!" Karkat shouted. "Kanaya, if I'm gonna be your moirail, then it'll be my responsibility to keep all your other quadrant shit in line. Do you _really_ think it shouldn't concern me if your matesprit is going around macking on everybody behind your back?"

"She is not doing _anything_ behind my back," Kanaya asserted. "Even if her physical affections have occasionally wandered, she's never made any attempt to conceal her actions from me. And I trust her not to in the future."

Karkat frowned. "Really? You trust her? Even after the whole debacle with Feferi?"

Kanaya let out a little groan. "That was different. She was only attempting to deceive me for the purposes of aiding me in finding a kismesis. Her intentions were pure, even if her methods decidedly weren't."

"Oh, okay, it was all for a good cause," Karkat sarcastically summarized. "So that means you're completely okay with it?"

With a sigh, Kanaya took her right hand off of Karkat's horn and displayed it in front of him, showing him her bruised knuckles. "Does it look like I was completely okay with it?"

Karkat snickered. "Okay, okay, point taken." Kanaya withdrew her hand and wrapped it around Karkat's horn once more, and he let out a little satisfied grunt as she continued rubbing. "But I'm still not convinced the whole thing wasn't just a ploy so she could make out with Feferi."

Kanaya laughed. "I suppose I shouldn't put that past her," she admitted, "but still, I gained a kismesis out of the deal, so I can't complain too much."

"Hrm." Karkat didn't sound entirely satisfied with her answer. "So you're giving her free license to mess around with whoever she wants, as long as she gets your permission first? That's idiotic."

"She simply has different needs than I do, Karkat," Kanaya replied. "I would be satisfied with her and only her, but she simply requires new experiences once in a while. Should she be punished for craving a little variety?"

"Yes."

With an annoyed glare, Kanaya gave Karkat's horns a rough tweak, making him jump a little and yelp in pain. "That was a rhetorical question."

Karkat rubbed his head, refusing to turn and look back at her. "It was also a stupid question."

"Look, I realize it's easy to see this as a great sacrifice on my part," Kanaya observed, "but really, it's not that much to ask. If she loves me all the same, it makes no difference to me." She reached her hands towards Karkat's scalp once more, but he batted her hands away. "And it goes both ways. Vriska is nothing if not fair, and I'm sure she'd extend the same terms if I wished to do anything with you."

Karkat immediately lurched up out of Kanaya's lap. "Whoa, hang on, _what_?" he sputtered, turning to look at her in horror. "Kanaya, you're not looking for a rails-with-pails arrangement here, are you?"

Kanaya quickly shook her head. "No, no, of course not!"

"Because, I mean, you're an attractive lady and all, but--"

"Karkat," Kanaya cut him off, dipping her face into her open palm. "It was just an example. And clearly a bad one."

"Okay, no, that's what I figured," Karkat mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, "but I've got my head wedged between your vestigial thoracic brucite glands here, and I don't want things to get _weird_ , you know?"

She sighed. "Yes, I get it, but it's not like that. Frankly, I'm not even interested in you like that."

For the briefest, most inexplicable of moments, Karkat took some level of offense at that, but he quickly swallowed it down. "Okay, good to hear," he said, slowly turning around and leaning back into Kanaya.

"Look, you've made us go off on another long digression again," Kanaya lamented as Karkat took his position once more. "We were _supposed_ to be talking about you and Terezi."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Right, and then you compared me to Vriska for some godforsaken reason, and things degenerated from there."

Before she resumed rubbing his horns, Kanaya took a moment to run her fingers through Karkat's hair. "All I was saying is that she was equally convinced that her romantic destiny was already predetermined."

"But that's different," Karkat protested. "She just got that idea from some dead lady's diary she found in an ancient shipwreck. But _my_ future has been actively taunting me ever since we got into this godforsaken game."

"Ah yes, your complicated relationship with your future selves," Kanaya remarked as she picked through Karkat's tangled coiffure. She could swear there was something actually stuck in it.

Karkat groaned. "There's nothing complicated about it. They're all smug assholes who take every opportunity possible to remind me what a complete failure I am, and I basically completely despise them for it."

"But have they, though?" Karkat winced a little as Kanaya picked at a snag in the back of his scalp. "I've heard remarkably little from FCG on the memos I've read recently."

"Well, no, the temporal locks are up on Nepeta's shipping memos," Karkat reminded her. "But... come to think of it, I haven't really heard much from him either."

Kanaya let out a little throaty laugh. "Really, it seems like Terezi's taken up most of the slack."

Karkat seriously considered what she was saying for a moment. "You know, you actually have a point. I've been arguing with Terezi way more than I've been arguing with myself recently."

"Well, it just goes to show you," Kanaya said as she untangled the knot in Karkat's hair, "you don't need to rely on your future self to make you miserable when Miss Pyrope can do it just fine in the present."

He laughed out loud at that. "Oh god, you're right. We _were_ meant to be together."

She smiled. "Exactly. Even if you two are fated to be together, it's up to you to determine what that means. Because fate isn't something that's just handed to you. It's something you create for yourself with your every action."

"Huh. That actually makes sense." Karkat blinked, taking a moment to synthesize everything he'd just heard. "I guess all I had to do to realize that was to stop fucking listening to myself for once."

"You mean you had to listen to someone else for a change," Kanaya corrected him. She finally untangled the knot in his hair, revealing the source of the complication: another key to her fetch modus. She flipped through her inventory until she found the card it fit, opening it with a loud click.

Karkat raised his head when he heard the noise. "What's that?" His question was answered as he felt the hard plastic teeth of a hairbrush running through his hair.

"You know, Karkat, you would have such beautiful hair if you took better care of it," Kanaya said, humming a little as she groomed him.

"Oh god," Karkat groaned, "you're gonna start taking care of my hair now? What's next, are you gonna fit me for a dress?"

Kanaya smirked. "That can be arranged, Mister Vantas." Karkat just shuddered in response. "But really, you _are_ going to need some new clothes. Especially if Terezi's going to do _this_ kind of thing to your garments regularly," she rationalized, picking at the tattered shirt he was currently wearing.

"Well, fuck, you got me there," Karkat admitted. He let out a wistful sigh. "You know, I'm okay with her being my kismesis and all, but her going black for me completely fucked up my quadrant plan. I had it all figured out, and she just completely defenestrated it."

"You had it all figured out?" Kanaya echoed. "Really?"

"Well, most of it." He picked at one of the scratches on his sleeve. "I didn't have my kismesis nailed down, but most of the rest was determined."

Kanaya's curiosity was piqued. "Who would have been your moirail?"

Karkat hesitated for a moment. "You'd laugh if I told you."

"I promise I won't," she vowed.

"Well..." He lowered his head, looking to the side. "It was Gamzee."

Kanaya didn't laugh. Instead, she simply raised an eyebrow. "Gamzee? Really?"

"I know it sounds bizarre," Karkat admitted, still looking away, "but... somehow I got the feeling that he was dangerous. To himself, most likely, but maybe even to everybody else. And I figured I'd have to be the one to pap him into line. It's a bullshit macho pale fantasy, I know, but... I just got that vibe for some reason."

"Well, in all fairness, he _did_ turn out to be somewhat dangerous," Kanaya said, gently brushing through a particularly tangled part of Karkat's hair. "But Eridan seems to be capable enough at keeping him in line."

Karkat sighed. "Yeah, Eridan. God, fucking Eridan. He stole my matesprit _and_ my moirail, you realize that, right?"

Kanaya looked a little concerned. "Are you angry with him?"

"Nah," Karkat admitted. relaxing a little. "Not really mad, just a little... jealous, I guess. It's like at some point, he switched places with me or something."

She chuckled. "You know, it's funny you should mention that. Before the two of them became pale partners, I was strongly considering Eridan for a potential moirail."

He looked a little surprised. "Seriously? You were pale for Eridan?"

"Just a little," Kanaya answered. "He would have been my first choice. Or, wait, my second choice. Well, I mean..." She stopped, taking a moment to piece together exactly what she was trying to say. "He seemed like the more... realistic choice compared to you."

"Yeah, I think I get what you mean," Karkat said. "Honestly, I think I've been pale for you for a while, but until recently, I never would've owned up to it. It would've been like admitting I couldn't function in society without a caretaker to make sure my spine didn't suddenly snap back and shove my head nine inches into my waste chute."

Kanaya laughed a little more freely than she usually did. "Of course you're not admitting to that."

"No, I am, but only because it's true."

"Oh, hush," Kanaya ordered him as she tried to stop herself from laughing any further. "Really, Karkat, you don't give yourself enough credit. You're a wonderful troll."

Karkat huffed. "Kanaya, I get that you're trying to make me feel better, but I'd prefer if you didn't straight up lie to me."

She sighed. "I mean it, Karkat. Honestly, you've been listening to Terezi too much."

"Really, Kanaya, what's so wonderful about me?" he asked, throwing his hands out in front of him in confusion. "What do I even bring to the table?"

"You bring plenty to the table," Kanaya assured him, nimbly guiding the hairbrush around his horns. "You're a good friend and a good leader."

"I'm an awful friend and an even worse leader," Karkat countered. "All I do is shout completely ridiculous orders at people and then throw a fit when they don't listen to me."

Kanaya frowned. "Perhaps your... favored command style isn't the most effective. But that's not the reason I consider you a good leader."

Karkat looked confused. "What other reason could you possibly have?"

"Well, it's just..." Kanaya stopped brushing his hair for a moment. "Even if you come off as brusque sometimes, it seems like you really care about all of us a lot. And I find that kind of... inspiring, I suppose."

"Because I care about you guys?" Karkat repeated. He thought about it for a moment, then frowned. "So what? Nepeta cares about everybody too."

"That's true, I suppose," Kanaya admitted, "but it feels different. Nepeta cares about all of us as a group, whereas you seem to value us all independently, as individuals."

Karkat sighed. "Yeah, and just look where our divergent methods have gotten us. Nepeta's the belle of the goddamn imperious ball, and I'm scampering around the dimly-lit corridors of godforsaken space rocks with only dust mites to keep me company, and even _they_ want nothing to do with me." His head slumped down a little. "I don't even know who the fuck I was trying to kid, thinking she'd want anything to do with me."

Kanaya set her hairbrush down, nestling her fingers in Karkat's hair again. "Do you honestly believe she wants nothing to do with you?"

"Well, no," Karkat admitted. "But she's not flushed for me, and that's what really matters."

"You really think she isn't?" Kanaya asked.

"I asked her if she'd be my matesprit and she said no," he replied. "Just what part of that screams anything but 'she's not flushed for me?'"

Kanaya closed her eyes, drawing in a short breath. "Karkat, there's something I must tell you."

He blinked. "What?"

"Well... before I met with you today..." She trailed off for a moment, then quickly addended, "Which is to say the other day, before I was drawn into a certain other predicament... I spoke with Nepeta."

Karkat didn't quite see the significance. "And...?"

"Well, it was in private," Kanaya explained. "In person. And we talked about you."

"You talked to Nepeta about me?" Karkat repeated, suddenly sounding concerned. "Well, what specifically?"

"Several things, actually," she answered, slowly wrapping her fingers around his horns. "For one, she told me about your confession to her."

Karkat scowled. He wanted to turn around, but he didn't want to wrench himself out of Kanaya's grasp. "So if she told you that, then why the hell did you act so surprised when _I_ told you about it?"

Kanaya let out a guilty sigh. "I just wanted to hear your side of the story first. I thought it might be different in the telling, but it sounds like it was much the same."

"Yeah, I spilled my guts to her like a complete chump, and she shot me down like an out-of-formation battleship," Karkat grimly summarized.

"'Shot you down?'" Kanaya echoed. "Did she really reject you that brutally?"

Karkat stopped to think about it for a second. "Well... no, I guess not," he admitted. "I guess she let me down about as gently as she could."

"I thought as much." She gave him a little scritch at the base of his horns, prompting him to draw in a quick breath. "From the way she recounted it, Nepeta didn't seem to take much relish in the deed either."

"Yeah, but what difference does it make?" Karkat asked. "She still doesn't want to be my matesprit."

Kanaya smirked. "She did turn you down, true, but that doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to be your matesprit."

Karkat looked up at her in annoyed disbelief. "Um, yeah, it kind of fucking does?" he countered. "If she wanted to be my matesprit, I kind of figured she'd accept the offer to _be my fucking matesprit_! Or am I just completely shithive maggots for coming to that conclusion?"

"You're just assuming she's not flushed for you because it's the worst possibility," Kanaya told him. "There exist any number of reasons why she could have turned you down."

"Like what?" he asked, shooting her a glare. "You're the one who talked to her about it, you know more than I do. Is she flushed for me or not?"

She looked away for a moment. "Well..."

He looked up at her expectantly. "Did she say it?"

"...She never said it, no."

"Fuck." Karkat's head slumped down in front of him once more.

"But she's flushed for you."

He looked up at her again. "Wait, what?"

Kanaya laughed. "She is, Karkat," she repeated. "She may not have said it, but I can tell you with absolute confidence that she loves you."

"Seriously?" Karkat asked her, voice full of hopeful skepticism. "What makes you so certain?"

"Surely you can see it for yourself, Karkat," Kanaya answered with a warm smile. "She cares a great deal about you, that much is obvious. And even though she has quite the fixation on romance, she's firmly denied any flushed aspirations for any of us... except you."

Karkat frowned. "Yeah, except she denied it pretty fucking firmly when she shot me down the other day."

Kanaya sighed. "Karkat, you're assuming she isn't flushed for you simply based on one bad experience."

"And _you're_ assuming she _is_ flushed for me based on _what_ , exactly?" he shot back, giving her a challenging glare. "Just what makes you think she's flushed for me, even though she's never once come out and said it?"

She grinned. "Sweeps of experience." Karkat gave her a confused look in response. "Karkat, I'm well-versed in all the intricacies of unrequited love. I believe I'm qualified to say I know it when I see it."

He let out a dry laugh. "Well, shit, you got me there," he admitted. After a moment, he frowned. "But it _isn't_ unrequited. At least, not on her part. I told her I was flushed for her. So if she was too, then why would she say she wasn't?"

"Did she say that?" Kanaya inquired.

"What?"

"Did she say she wasn't flushed for you?"

Karkat blinked. "Yeah, pretty much."

"I'm not asking if she 'pretty much' said it, Karkat," Kanaya chided him. "I'm asking if she said it."

He stopped to think for a second. "Well... okay, no, she didn't actually say she wasn't flushed for me. Like, explicitly or anything."

Kanaya grinned triumphantly. "That's what I thought. When I was speaking with Nepeta, she never said she was flushed for you, but she never said she _wasn't_ , either. And when I specifically asked if she was or not, she evaded the question instead of giving me a straight answer."

"Really?" Karkat asked. Before she went on, bits and pieces of the conversation came back to him. "Actually, come to think of it, she was being weirdly evasive when I was talking to her, too."

"Was she now?" Kanaya asked, rubbing her thumbs on the tip of Karkat's horns.

"Yeah. She wouldn't give me a yes or no answer either, so I was kind of pressing her on it." He recalled another significant bit. "In fact, I remember her saying something that just seems damned peculiar in retrospect."

Kanaya raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

Karkat looked down. "Well, when I asked her if she was flushed for me, she said... she couldn't say yes, but she wouldn't say no."

"Really?" Kanaya took a hand off of Karkat's horns to stroke her chin thoughtfully. "Now _that's_ an interesting turn of phrase..."

"Yeah, I guess," he replied, wondering why Kanaya was suddenly so intrigued. "Why, what do you think it means?"

"Well, think about it, Karkat," she told him. "She can't say yes, but she won't say no. That means she _could_ say no, but she won't. And it logically follows that..."

"...That she _would_ say yes, but she can't," Karkat finished. He didn't seem to follow. "So what?"

She sighed. "Don't you get it? It means she can't say yes, but she _wants_ to."

He didn't look convinced. "And why _can't_ she say yes? Because she's not a horrible person and doesn't want to lie to me?"

"If it was a matter of untruth, she wouldn't have phrased it the way she did," Kanaya said. "I believe there's something else keeping her from admitting it."

"Oh, right," Karkat groaned, rolling his eyes, "like there's a curse on her or something and the universe will explode if she says she loves me."

Kanaya glared down at him. "I wasn't suggesting anything so ridiculous."

"Then what were you suggesting?"

"Why don't you tell me, Karkat?" she challenged him. "I wasn't there when she rejected your proposal. Did she indicate why she couldn't give you a straight answer?"

With a frown, Karkat recalled the answer. "She said it was too soon. That she needed more time."

Kanaya smirked. "Then give her more time. That seems simple enough."

"No, that seems like _bullshit_ is what it seems like," Karkat fired back. "Eridan and Terezi hooked up after one stupid FLARPing game, and _that_ wasn't too soon! And Feferi's in quadrants with two people she didn't even know _existed_ a perigee ago! If it's not too soon for Nepeta to have a moirail and an auspistice and _a fucking kismesis_ , how much more time does she need before she's ready for a matesprit?!"

"Karkat, if she really isn't ready, then you mustn't rush her," Kanaya told him, rubbing his horns a little faster in an attempt to calm him down.

He sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I know. If she really isn't ready, then I can wait. But I feel like she _is_ ready, and she's just saying that she isn't out of some primal need to chain herself to a flogging jut for everyone else's sake."

She cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, she said she couldn't even think of her own quadrants right now," Karkat explained, "because she needs to deal with everyone else's first."

"Hmmm." Kanaya considered his statement. "So she wanted to wait until all the other ships were dealt with to take care of her own?"

"Kind of?" Karkat looked away for a second. "She said she wanted to handle the situation with Equius and Feferi first. I asked her if she'd consider it after that, but... well, she was noncommittal as always."

"I see."

Karkat let out a burst of air through his lips, making a sound like a musclebeast. "Anyway, that's already been dealt with," Karkat observed, "but you talked to her after that, and apparently nothing has changed."

"Maybe not," Kanaya admitted, "but I think there was another important thing on her mind. Something I think you might be forgetting."

He looked up at her. "Like what?"

She smirked. "Her task was to ship all twelve of us in both of the red quadrants, flushed and pale. And before she could be your matesprit, there was one other thing you needed."

"A moirail," Karkat answered.

"Precisely," Kanaya said, grinning down at him. "I'd mentioned to her previously that I had an interest in you, and she was quite insistent that I track you down and speak with you in private."

"Huh." he looked down again. "Come to think of it, she really wanted me to talk to you too. She was pretty much begging me to do it right before I flipped out and disappeared."

Kanaya raised her head, giving a sage nod. "Then perhaps we have our answer. Nepeta was just waiting on this one last moirallegiance, and now that it's been established, there will be nothing holding her back from pouncing into your arms."

Karkat looked up at her hopefully. "You really think so?"

"I'm almost entirely confident," she responded.

He bowed his head again, looking frustrated. "But I still don't get it. Why would she wait until after that to be my matesprit when she could've had me even sooner? I pretty much threw myself at her."

Kanaya frowned. "Does it matter?"

"Yeah, it kind of does fucking matter!" Karkat replied. "I mean, what the hell am I supposed to take from all this? Did she think I needed a moirail first because I'm an obnoxious shrieking asshole, and somebody had to pap some sense into me before I'd be worthy of being her matesprit?"

"Of course not, Karkat," Kanaya assured him, gently rubbing his horns. "Nepeta has always adored you, and the status of your other quadrants has nothing to do with it."

"Then what am I missing here?"

"She was probably just putting it off out of simple fairness," she replied. "She wanted to use her gifts to help everyone else first so that she didn't appear selfish."

Karkat crossed his arms. "Well, that's horseshit. She's done more than enough for everyone to deserve something for herself."

Kanaya bowed her head, closing her eyes. "I know. Believe me, it's a sentiment I'm all too familiar with."

"And it's one you should defamiliarize yourself with," Karkat said, looking up at her. "First the thing with Vriska, then the thing with me... You need to put your foot down sometimes, Maryam."

"I'm aware of that," Kanaya responded, "and I'm taking steps to do so more often."

He rolled his eyes up at her. "Like what?"

She chuckled. "Well, for one, I'm making Vriska clean up my hive."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," Kanaya told him. "She should be at it right now, as a matter of fact. Hold on, let me check..." She produced a huskpad from one of the unlocked slots of her chastity modus, engaging in a brief conversation. "Yes, she's still working at it. Though Equius tells me that apparently Tavros has joined her."

Karkat laughed. "Yeah, fuck him, he has to help too. He's the one who let her get away with her whole stupid 'shipping operation' in the first place."

Kanaya put the huskpad away. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

"But yeah, that's a good start," Karkat admitted.

"Well, that's not all," Kanaya informed him, wrapping her hands around his nubby horns once more. "I also demanded to speak with you."

"You politely requested to speak with me," he corrected her. "Honestly, Kanaya, you should've ordered me to drop whatever the fuck I was doing and get my haunches over here immediately."

Kanaya looked away. "Well, for certain reasons of my own, I didn't want to come off as too... imperious."

Karkat let out a dry laugh. "Yeah, fair point. But still, you should've been a little more forceful."

"Well, if we're going to talk about what we _should_ have done," Kanaya responded, glowering down at him, "then _you_ should have just come to me in the first place instead of sequestering yourself away on some distant asteroid. Did you really feel as though you couldn't trust me with your problems?"

"No, it wasn't that," Karkat quickly replied. "It was just..." He sighed. "I wasn't thinking clearly. Before I talked to Nepeta, I'd built up this whole picture of how it was going to go with her, and when she said no, it was like... it felt like my whole world was coming down around me. I felt hopeless."

She looked down at him pitifully. "You really love her, don't you?"

He answered without hesitation. "Yeah." Suddenly, he felt the need to correct himself. "Well, I mean, I'm flushed for her. I really am. And I know she probably didn't mean any harm by it, but _god_ , it hurt when she said no."

The two just sat in silence for a moment until a wry grin played itself upon Kanaya's lips. "You know..." she mused, "it's possible she _may_ have meant some harm by it."

Karkat blinked for a second, then looked up at her in confusion. "What?"

"Well, if you'll bear with me for a moment," Kanaya implored, "there remains a remote, yet extant possibility that your situation was all a deliberate ruse by Nepeta. Assuming, of course, her motives lied somewhere distinctly sinister."

"Kanaya, what the fuck are you talking about," he asked flatly.

She gave him a serious look. "Think about it, Karkat. She was flushed for you, but she knew you didn't feel the same way about her, right? So she concocted this shipping quest, and then proceeded to fill everyone's quadrants but your own. Ship by ship, she broke your will, eroded your hope, until all had been blessed by serendipity but you. And in that time, your despair blossomed into love... a love which she could claim at her leisure. She indoctrinated you, slowly fed you poison and made you grow dependent. And then, when it was done and your mind lay in ashes, only then would you have her permission to be happy."

Karkat just stared at her in horror. "Kanaya, are you serious?"

"Of course I'm not serious," she answered.

"Okay, good," he said with a relieved sigh, looking down again. "Because if you actually thought Nepeta would ever do something ridiculously evil like that, I'd say you were fucking shithive. She's not some ridiculous grimdark supervillain."

Kanaya giggled. "Yes, yes, I know. But you were looking for an explanation, and I was offering one. Even if it is absurd on the face of it."

Karkat stroked his chin, mulling the possibility over. "You know, you joke," he told her, "but the scary thing is, I think she might actually be capable of that. She _is_ a damn good Rogue of Heart, and she hasn't even gone God Tier yet."

"That's true," Kanaya admitted. "And at least when it comes to romance, you can never really be sure with Heart heroes." Karkat didn't say anything in response, so she directed a question at him. "If she actually had done all that, would it bother you?"

He paused for a second to think about it. "Is it weird that I wouldn't?" he asked in response.

Kanaya chuckled. "I don't think so. She _is_ quite the charmer."

"She's fucking amazing is what she is," Karkat corrected her. "I can't believe I didn't realize how great she is until just recently. Seriously, she's like... she's like a love interest from a romantic comedy, except actually a real person and not just an actor playing a role. She's cute and she's nice and she cares about everyone, and the most bizarre thing is she actually seems to _like_ me." He found a smile creeping onto his lips, and he turned away bashfully. "And I can't even imagine myself with anyone else anymore."

"Really?" Kanaya asked. "Not even Terezi?"

He hesitated a bit before answering. "No. Not even her. At least, not as my matesprit."

She smiled. "Well, for what it's worth, I think Nepeta would be a better matesprit for you."

"Yeah, maybe." He frowned. "Still, though, I have to be honest I... I kind of regret how things turned out with Terezi."

Kanaya gave him a concerned look. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, not the way things are right now," Karkat quickly assured her. "I'm okay with the kismesis thing. I just kind of regret everything leading up to it. I wish I'd handled it differently."

"Ah, I see," Kanaya said, her fears assuaged. She gave him a little scratch behind the horns "Black courtship is always such a tumultuous thing. In retrospect, I wish I'd been a little more thoughtful about mine as well."

Karkat sighed. "It's not even just that, though. Even before a matespritship was out of the picture, I was doing it all wrong." He looked down, crossing his arms and picking at the torn threads in his sleeves. "I didn't know what I wanted from her. It's like I wanted her in all the quadrants like a desperate fool. And to be honest, I still kind of do. But ever since I realized how amazing Nepeta is, I've wanted her as a matesprit a lot less than any of the alternatives."

She chuckled. "I think I understand."

"Seriously, it's like night and day," Karkat went on. "It's literally like that! Like, when I was flushed for Terezi, I was staring at the moon, and then suddenly the sun came up and I couldn't even fucking see it anymore! You know what I mean?"

"Karkat," Kanaya said, giving him a disapproving look, "given who we're talking about, I think that's an incredibly inappropriate metaphor."

He stopped to think for a second, then laughed heartily. "Oh god, I wasn't even thinking about that, that's perfect! Well, she went God Tier and got her eyes back anyway, so fuck her, I'm not taking it back." He shook his head ruefully. "God, I wish we'd become kismeses before she ascended. I had _so_ many great blind jokes I was holding back."

"I can assure you there's still plenty to insult her about," Kanaya told him. "For example, did you know she likes dressing up as a boy?"

"Kind of?" Karkat replied. "She showed up to our little black powwow in some kind of snazzy dude outfit. A suit, I think she called it?"

"Ah yes, the suit," Kanaya recalled. "I don't suppose it survived the encounter."

Karkat picked at his sleeve. "Only in the same sense that this shirt survived it."

Kanaya grimaced. "Oh dear. Well, I suppose she can always alchemize another one." She chuckled to herself. "I don't suppose she was wearing her lucky dragonyy'yd boxers too?"

"What?" Karkat snorted. "She has a pair of those?"

"Oh yes, of course," Kanaya assured him. "I have photographic evidence."

Karkat laughed. "Oh man, I'm _so_ gonna make fun of her for that later. Thank you."

She gave him a pleased smile. "You're quite welcome. It's my duty to ensure you stay competitive in your kismesissitude."

"Well, there's nobody else I'd rather have helping me out," he told her.

"Thank you, Karkat," Kanaya replied, giving his horns a slow, firm twist, earning a pleased moan from him. "But really, is everything okay with you and Terezi? I mean, is the situation stable?"

He closed his eyes. "Well, it's a little early to tell, but I think it'll work out. Really, my biggest problem was I never thought I was good enough for her. So when she told me she felt like _she_ was never good enough for _me_ , it all just kind of... clicked into place. And now we've got a perfectly healthy arrangement based on continuous mutual inadequacy."

Kanaya couldn't help but laugh. "Well, I suppose that sounds like a stable basis for a functional relationship. I'm glad you found a way to make it work, in one form or another."

"Yeah, me too," Karkat agreed. "As much as I don't like Terezi, I still... respect her, you know?" He looked down wistfully, idly threading his hands over a pillow. "Maybe we could've been matesprits if things had gone differently. I thought this game might bring us together, you know? Hammer down all the rough edges and make things between us smoother. Instead, it just made them even rougher. Now it's just so much easier to hate her than to like her."

"Well, if you can both continue to hate each other like civilized people, then perhaps it's for the best," Kanaya said.

Karkat nodded wordlessly. "Still, it's kind of funny," he eventually piped up. "I thought I had everything figured out, and then Nepeta came and turned it all upside down. Like, literally upside down. I thought Terezi was going to be my matesprit, and she became my kismesis. Hell, I thought Gamzee would be my moirail, so at this point he's probably gonna be my fucking auspistice or something."

Kanaya chuckled. "Now wouldn't that be something."

"It's weird, though," he went on, ignoring her little comment. "Normally, I'd be freaking out about losing control of this whole situation. Hell, I actually _did_ freak out about it. But now, I can't help but feel... okay with it, you know?"

"You should be okay with it, Karkat," Kanaya assured him, giving his horns an affectionate scratch. "Even if you don't have control, what you _do_ have are friends who care about you. And we're dead set on making you happy, even if we have to drag you kicking and screaming the whole way."

Karkat laughed. "Yeah, I guess so. It kind of feels like things are headed that way, whether I try to resist or not." He clasped his hands together for a moment, twiddling his thumbs. "This might sound a little weird, but I've always felt like there was some kind of... sentient force that had it out for all of us. Like, one guy with a huge hardon for killing kids. Except now it feels different. Like some other guy came and beat that guy over the head with a broomstick, and then took his place. And instead of wanting us all to suffer and die horribly, he... well..."

"What?" Kanaya asked, giving him a curious look.

He sneered. "I think he wants us all to fuck."

A series of snorting laughs erupted from Kanaya's mouth. "Yes, I... think I understand what you mean," she said, taking a moment to regain her composure. "I get the feeling that forces beyond our control are conspiring to force us all into a massive orgy."

"God, I hope not," Karkat groaned. "I don't want to have to fill a fucking pail with..." He paused for a second, trying to think of a name, then frowned. "God damnit, why do all of my friends have to be so fucking attractive?"

"I blame Nepeta," Kanaya suggested with a grin.

Karkat laughed. "Yeah, it's probably her fault somehow. Damn her and her stupid Heart powers. And then you've got Sollux going around spreading these ridiculous ideas about things like maroonions and salmonclaves and some other executive body jammed together with the word 'grey'... This is going to end in a twelve-way poly-quadrant clusterfuck and there isn't a single fucking thing we can do to stop it, is there?"

Kanaya sighed. "I'm not looking forwad to it either," she assured him, "but given that we're the last twelve trolls in this universe, I'm forced to wonder if it isn't a necessity for the survival of our species."

"Oh god, I don't even want to think about that," Karkat told her. "Could we just talk about something else now, please?"

"Well, what's there to talk about?" Kanaya asked.

He blinked, trying to think of something. "Well... not much, I guess. You pretty much dealt with all of my problems. Which I kind of completely unloaded on you like a selfish asshole, now that I think about it. So, um, sorry."

She smiled. "There's no need to apologize, Karkat. I came here with the express purpose of easing your woes, and it was my pleasure to do so."

"Oh." He looked up at her. "Thanks, Kanaya. You're, um... you're a really good moirail."

"Thank you, Karkat," Kanaya replied. "You're more than adequate yourself." She spread two fingers out to Karkat, and he did the same, pressing his fingertips against hers to form a diamond. He smiled, then pulled his hand away, looking down again.

"Still, y'know, if you want to share any of your problems, feel free," Karkat told her. "Moirallegiance is a two-way street, y'know."

Kanaya nodded. "A generous offer, but I have very iittle now that requires your immediate assistance." She looked down at him with a playful grin. "But in our next feelings jam, I'd be more than happy to regale you with all the specifics of my exploits with Vriska and Feferi."

Karkat shuddered, slipping his hand over his face. "Oh god, what have I gotten myself into..."

She chuckled. "But for now, I think such tales should be left untold," she reassured him. "I believe it would be best that your think pan remain as unencumbered as possible. Right now, Miss Leijon should be at the front of your thoughts."

"Yeah, I guess so," he agreed, stopping to think about it for a second. "Was she really just waiting on us? Do you really think she'll be okay with being my matesprit now?"

"I'm confident, Karkat," Kanaya told him. "Trust me."

He nodded. "Okay. Then maybe we should just tell her now."

She blinked at him. "Pardon?"

"Well, you know, why waste any more time?" Karkat asked Kanaya, looking up at her. "If she wants to be my matesprit now, then I'd just as soon..." He suddenly trailed off to partake in a large yawn. "Ugh, sorry, I was saying--"  


"Karkat," Kanaya cut him off, giving him a concerned look. "When was the last time you slept?"

He blinked at her. "The last time I slept? I don't know. When did we start playing this game again?"

She gaped at him in shock. "You haven't slept since you entered the Medium?!"

"Yeah, I don't know, I guess," Karkat answered with a shrug. "Well, maybe I did, like, a week or two ago? Who cares, it's not like I need sleep anyway."

Kanaya was not having any of this. "Karkat Vantas, you are not saying a word to Nepeta until you've gotten some sleep. As your moirail, I command it."

Karkat looked at her disbelievingly. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously."

He rolled his eyes. "Ugh, fine. But where am I going to find a recuperacoon?"

"You don't need a recuperacoon," Kanaya told him. "You can sleep right here. And if you get any nightmares, I will be here to shoosh them away."

"Kanaya, I can't ask you to sit here for eight hours while I sleep on you," Karkat said.

Kanaya covered her mouth as she began to yawn as well. "It's quite alright," she assured him drowsily. "After all this time in this pile, I've become ready for a nap myself."

Karkat let out a little laugh. "Well... still, we can't waste time on sleeping, can we?" he asked her. "We need to plan what I'm going to say to Nepeta."

She smiled at him. "We'll have plenty of time to plan on Prospit."

He wanted to correct her, to tell her that his dreamself wouldn't wake up even if somebody stabbed him in the gut, but he was to tired to even bother. "Okay, fine."

"Good," Kanaya said. "Now come here." She gently pulled Karkat's head into her chest, and he took a moment to nestle in. She smiled, then leaned down to give him a kiss right between the horns. "Sweet dreams, Karkat. I love you."

"Yeah, same," Karkat muttered sleepily. "I mean... yeah." He closed his eyes, and within moments, he was peacefully asleep, Kanaya wrapped her arms around him, nuzzling her head onto his shoulder. She just sat like that for a moment until she felt what almost seemed like a tug at her elbow, and sleep overcame her as well, visions of gold and sunlight filling her mind.


	31. Apotheosis

Chapter 31 

Apotheosis 

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.  
  
PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCA: *the rogue of heart comes in wwith a shippin update or some such nonsense only to find out too late its actually just a vvery convvincin forgery*  
FCA: *the wwax seal on it suddenly melts into a picture of the prince of hope givvin her the finger*  
CAC: :33 < *or so the prince thinks!*  
CAC: :33 < *but the rogue was actually forewarned of the princes treachery by a valiant knight*  
CAC: :33 < *and she only brought the forgery with her so she could s33 the look on his stupid face when she burned it right in front of him!*  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: HEY, UM  
CCG: NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE OR ANYTHING, BUT  
CCG: IS THERE ANY POSSIBLE WAY WE COULD SKIP ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT AND GET TO THE SHIPPING UPDATE?  
CCG: IT'S KIND OF FUCKING IMPORTANT.  
CCG: OR AT THE VERY LEAST, MORE IMPORTANT THAN  
CCG: WELL, THIS.  
FCA: wwhoa kar youre here  
FCA: wwhere the hell havve you been evverybodys been wworried  
CCG: NOT IMPORTANT.  
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 22 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: ahahahah, okay, no.  
FTA: you do NOT get two rake me over the carboniized liigniin nugget2 for tryiing two off my2elf and then 2curry your way out of thii2 one.  
FTA: ju2t tell u2 where you were, you douche.  
CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.  
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGA: Mister Captor Id Politely Request That You Refrain From Persisting In This Line Of Questioning  
CGA: Karkat Has Been Under A Great Deal Of Stress Lately And Simply Required Some Time To Himself  
CGA: I Can Personally Assure You Hes Made No Attempt To Harm Himself Nor Will He In The Immediate Future  
CGA: And Furthermore He Cannot Divulge His Former Hiding Place For Reasons Pertaining To His Personal Safety  
FTA: per2onal 2afety?  
FTA: okay, WOW, thii2 ii2 b2, how could telliing u2 where you were have ANYTHIING two do wiith your per2onal 2afety, kk?  
PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
PGC: SOLLUX JUST DROP 1T  
PGC: 1T DO3SNT R34LLY M4TT3R WH3R3 K4RKL3S W4S  
PGC: B3C4US3 NOW H3S H3R3  
PGC: 4ND H3 C4N F4C3 JUST1C3 >:]  
FTA: 2eriiou2ly, tz, you're 2tandiing up for hiim?  
PGC: 1M DO1NG NO SUCH TH1NG  
PGC: 1M S1MPLY S4Y1NG TH4T TH3R3 4R3 C3RT41N TH1NGS YOU N33D TO C34S3 1NQU1R1NG 4BOUT 1MM3D14T3LY  
PGC: 4ND TH1S 1S ON3 OF TH3M  
PGC: SO SHOOSH  
CCG: YEAH, YOU HEARD THE LADY, FUCK OFF.  
FTA: fiine, whatever.  
CAC: :33 < wow  
CAC: :33 < its weird to s33 you two agr33ing on something  
CAC: :33 < is something going on betw33n you two?  
PGC: 1 DONT KNOW  
PGC: 1S SOM3TH1NG GO1NG ON B3TW33N US, K4RK4T?  
CCG: THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW.  
CCG: WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW IS THAT THE SHIPPING SITUATION HAS CHANGED DRASTICALLY, AND ALL OF YOU FUCKERS ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF A SHIPPING UPDATE  
CCG: SO I'D APPRECIATE IT IF WE COULD SKIP PAST ALL THE USUAL INSIPID DRIVEL THAT TRANSPIRES BEFORE THE ACTUAL REVELATION AND JUST GET ON WITH OUR FUCKING LIVES ALREADY.  
CAC: :33 < yes, i agr33!  
CAC: :33 < if karkat says we n33d an update, it must be impurrtant  
CAC: :33 < so effurypawdy just shut up!  
PGC: BL4R, F1N3 >:[  
CCG: KANAYA, DID YOU WANT TO DO THE HONORS?  
CGA: Honestly I Think You Should  
CCG: OKAY, IF YOU INSIST.  
CCG: I'M KANAYA'S MOIRAIL NOW.  
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 8 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAG: Seriously? You two hooked up????????  
CGA: Yes Seriously  
CGA: We Made The Decision Just The Other Day  
PAG: Well, that's gr8!!!!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < yeah, that is great!  
CAC: :33 < im really happy fur you guys!  
CCG: YEAH, THANKS.  
PAG: 8ut seriously, this is awesome! I don't know if she told you this, Karkat, 8ut Kanaya's had a pale thing for you for a while.  
PAG: Honestly, I was trying to get you two hooked up myself!  
CCG: YOU WERE?  
PAG: Of course! I figured you'd 8e good together.  
CCG: WELL, IF YOU WERE PULLING FOR US SO HARD, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU  
CCG: OH, I DON'T KNOW  
CCG: TALK TO ME ABOUT IT?  
CCG: LIKE, ONCE? EVER?  
PAG: Um........  
PAG: Well, okay, I was 8usy with some other stuff. 8ut I was tooooooootally gonna get to after that!  
CCG: YEAH, I KNOW PERFECTLY FUCKING WELL WHAT YOU WERE BUSY WITH, SERKET.  
CCG: KANAYA TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOUR LITTLE "OPERATION."  
PAG: Urk!  
CGA: Karkat You Really Dont Have To Do This  
CCG: NO, I KIND OF FUCKING DO.  
CCG: LISTEN THE FUCK UP, VRISKA, BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR ONE AND ONLY WARNING.  
CCG: I DON'T GIVE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST IOTA OF A SHIT HOW GOOD YOUR INTENTIONS MIGHT HAVE BEEN  
CCG: THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.  
CCG: YOU DO *NOT* LIE TO YOUR MATESPRIT AND GO BEHIND HER BACK AND MAKE HER LEGITIMATELY BELIEVE YOU'RE ACTUALLY CHEATING ON HER FOR *ANY* REASON  
CCG: AND IF YOU EVER TRY TO PULL ANY SHIT LIKE THIS ON KANAYA AGAIN, I'M GOING TO PULL ALL OF YOUR IRONS OUT OF THE FIRE AND JAM THEM IN YOUR FUCKING EYE SOCKETS  
CCG: GOT IT????????  
PAG: Okay, okay, I got it!!!!!!!!  
PAG: God, it's not like I enjoyed doing it or something! I realized the oper8tion was pro8a8ly going too far, and I tried to stop it.  
PAG: 8ut then Feferi went and seized control of the oper8tion, and what the fuck am I supposed to do a8out that????????  
CCG: WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IS NOT FUCKING MANIPULATE YOUR MATESPRIT IN THE FIRST PLACE!  
CCG: THIS ISN'T REALLY A DIFFICULT CONCEPT FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVE AN IDEA OF HOW NOT TO BE A HORRIBLE PERSON. IT'S PRETTY TRIVIAL, ACTUALLY.  
CCG: MAYBE YOU'D BE ABLE TO PICK THIS UP A LITTLE MORE EASILY IF YOUR MOIRAIL WAS ACTUALLY DOING HIS FUCKING JOB INSTEAD OF FOOLING AROUND WITH YOU LIKE HE'S YOUR FUCKING BACKUP MATESPRIT OR SOMETHING.  
PAG: Wh8t!!!!!!!!  
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 9 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAT: oKAY, 1 HAVE TO SAY,  
PAT: tHESE ARE DEF1N1TELY SOME ALLEGAT1ONS, tHAT COULD ALMOST CERTA1NLY BE DESCR1BED AS "sCANDALOUS,"  
PAT: aND 1 TH1NK MAYBE, wHEN YOU ARE SL1NG1NG TH1NGS L1KE THAT AROUND, tHAT MAYBE A L1TTLE MORE CARE SHOULD BE USED?  
PAT: bECAUSE THE ACCUSAT1ONS YOU ARE MAK1NG, aRE PRETTY SER1OUS,  
CCG: ARE YOU SAYING I'M WRONG?  
PAT: 1'M CERTA1NLY NOT SAY1NG YOU'RE R1GHT,  
CCG: BUT ARE YOU SAYING I'M WRONG.  
PAT: uH,  
PAT: 1'M,  
PAT: 1'M NOT SAY1NG,,,  
CGA: Look Karkat I Understand Your Concerns But Id Really Prefer If We Didnt Discuss This Right Now  
CCG: WELL, I THINK IT'S SOMETHING THAT KIND OF NEEDS TO BE FUCKING DISCUSSED!  
CGA: Maybe Youre Correct  
CGA: But Regardless I Dont Think A Public Memo Is The Correct Place For Such A Discussion To Take Place  
CCG: WELL  
CCG: OKAY, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.  
CCG: I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR DERAILING YET ANOTHER CONVERSATION INTO "WHO PAILED WITH WHO."  
PAG: I didn't p8il with any8ody, you f8cker!!!!!!!!  
FTA: wow, that ii2 actually hiilariiou2ly not true.  
PAG: Sh8t the f8ck up, you know what I me8nt!  
CCG: WHATEVER, NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS.  
CCG: REALLY, WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE IS WHAT THE TWO OF YOU *HAVEN'T* BEEN DOING  
CCG: NAMELY, NITRAM, WHEN YOUR PSYCHOPATH PALEBRO GETS IT IN HER THINK PAN TO ORCHESTRATE SOME FUCKED UP SCHEME LIKE THIS, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STOP HER.  
PAT: 1 d1d STOP HER,  
CCG: NO YOU DIDN'T, IDIOT!  
PAT: nO, lOOK, 1 TALKED TO vR1SKA ABOUT THE WHOLE oPERAT1ON f1SHHOOK TH1NG,  
PAT: aND 1 ACTUALLY CONV1NCED HER TO STOP 1T, oR AT LEAST SER1OUSLY D1AL 1T BACK,  
PAT: bUT 1T'S L1KE SHE SA1D, fEFER1 TOOK CONTROL OF THE WHOLE TH1NG  
PAT: eVERYTH1NG THAT'S HAPPENED S1NCE, l1KE, f1VE DAYS AGO, 1T WAS ALL COMPLETELY HER FAULT,  
CCG: BULLSHIT.  
PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 17 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCC: No, it is pretty muc)( true.  
CCG: WHAT.  
PCC: Y----EP! I reelized Vriska was feeding me a line, so I turned t)(e water tables on )(er and snagged )(er and Kanaya in a lobster trap of my own!  
PCC: And t)(ey bot)( fell for it )(OOK, LIN---E, AND SINK---ER!!! >38D  
CGA: Okay No This Is Ridiculous  
CGA: You Have Absolutely No Right To Try To Play Yourself Off As Some Sort Of Master Manipulator Here  
CGA: All You Did Was Continually Harass My Matesprit After She Made It Clear She Didnt Want To Be That Close Of A Friend Of Yours  
CGA: It Doesnt Take A Brilliant Schemer To Do That  
CGA: All It Takes Is A Certain Brand Of Reprehensibility  
PCC: O)(, WAT---ER---EV---ER!!!  
PCC: T)(e only reason s)(e "made t)(at clear" is because YOU are so insecure t)(at you t)(oug)(t s)(e would MAGICALLY stop being flus)(ed for you just by )(anging out wit)( me!  
PCC: Seariously, Vriska, )(ow does it mako you eel to know your matesprit t)(inks T)(AT lowly of you?  
PAG: Whoa, hey, no, I'm staying out of this one. Don't try to drag me into your kismesissitude.  
PAG: Well, unless you're actually, literally, physically dragging me into it. In which case, feel free.  
PAG: :::;)  
CCG: UUUUUUUUGH.  
CCG: JEGUS FUCK, NO, WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS.  
CCG: VRISKA, FEFERI, WHOEVER'S FUCKING FAULT THIS IS, STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH MY MOIRAIL.  
PCC: 38?  
PCC: But we are )(er matesprit and )(er kismesis respectively. T)(at is w)(at we are SUPPOS---ED to do!  
FTA: eheheheh.  
CCG: OH, CAN IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.  
PCC: Yes, I do. I was just fucking wit)( YOU t)(is time. 38)  
CCG: GREAT, FANTASTIC. NOW PLEASE JUST SHUT THE HELL UP.  
CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND KANAYA AND ALL  
CCG: BUT THIS MEMO IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT *ME* AND KANAYA.  
CCG: YOU KNOW, ME? REMEMBER HOW I WENT MISSING AND ALL? WASN'T THAT A THING?  
CCG: NORMALLY I'D ASSUME THAT NONE OF YOU EVEN GAVE A SHIT, BUT KANAYA INSISTS THAT'S NOT THE CASE FOR WHATEVER MYSTERIOUS REASON.  
CAC: :33 < of course we care about you, karkat!  
CAC: :33 < youre our leader, we n33d you!  
CAC: :33 < or at least, i n33d you  
CCG: REALLY?  
CAC: :33 < yeah!  
CAC: :33 < i was really worried when you disappeared  
CAC: :33 < and im sorry if im the reason why you were gone in the first place :((  
CCG: NO, NEPETA, DON'T EVEN TRY TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR THIS ONE.  
CCG: I RAN OFF BECAUSE I'M A COMPLETE AND TOTAL GAPER-HUFFING, SHAME GLOBE-GARGLING, BUGFUCKING MORON, AND NO ONE ELSE CAN EVEN BEGIN TO CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT  
CCG: SO DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED.  
CAC: :33 < well okay  
CAC: :33 < anyway im glad youre back!  
CCG: WELL, THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR, I GUESS.  
CGA: Now See Karkat What Did I Tell You  
CGA: Of Course People Were Concerned With Your Disappearance  
PGC: Y34H  
PGC: 4ND SOM3 OF US PUT 4 LOT OF UNN3C3SS4RY 3FFORT 1NTO TR4CK1NG YOU DOWN  
PGC: SO STOP 4CT1NG L1K3 NOBODY C4R3S 4BOUT YOU, B3C4US3 1T JUST M4K3S YOU S33M L1K3 4 B1G WH1N3R  
CAC: :33 < terezi, leave him alone!  
CCG: NEPETA, IT'S COOL, I CAN HANDLE IT.  
CGA: Yes Given Recent Developments Id Definitely Advise That You Abstain From Intervening In This Particular Spat Miss Leijon  
CAC: :33 < recent developments?  
CCG: WE'RE GETTING TO THAT.  
PGC: 4ND JUST WH3N 4R3 W3 G3TT1NG TO TH4T?  
CCG: LATER.  
PGC: BL4R, F1N3  
PCC: So Karcrab, it is great t)(at you are back and all, but w)(ere are you??  
PCC: Kanaya is rig)(t, we )(AV---E been worried aboat you.  
CCG: IF YOU MUST KNOW, WE JUST RECENTLY GOT BACK TO HER HIVE.  
CGA: Yes  
CGA: And I Must Say  
CGA: Its Looking Spotless  
PAG: Oh, yeah!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Well, y'know, I figured since this whole mess was my fault........  
PAG: And 8y mess, I mean 8oth this whole 8ig scheme 8etween you and me and Feferi AND the actual physical mess we may or may not have m8de at your hive!  
PAG: 8ut anyway, I figured since that was all on me, I should m8ke it up to you 8y doing an a8solutely flawless jo8 at cleaning it up!!!!!!!!  
PAG: It wasn't easy, 8ut I pulled it off, and I did it aaaaaaaall 8y myself, too!  
PAT: wHAT,  
PAT: aLL BY YOURSELF,  
PAT: nO, tHAT'S BULLSH1T,  
PAG: Tavros, shut uuuuuuuup!!!!!!!!  
PAT: nO, 1'M NOT SHUTT1NG UP,  
PAT: vR1SKA, 1F YOU'RE GO1NG TO COERCE ME 1NTO HELP1NG YOU SWAB UP YOUR MESSES L1KE 1'M YOUR PERSONAL pOOPMASTER eXTRAORD1NA1RE, tHAT'S F1NE,  
PAT: 1'VE PRETTY MUCH ACCEPTED THAT THAT COMES W1TH THE JOB,  
PAT: bUT YOU DO not GET TO TAKE ALL THE CRED1T FOR 1T,  
PAG: D8mn it, Tavros, I'm try8ng to m8ke amends with my m8sprit here, and you are n8t helping with all of these fl8grant li8s!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Kan8ya, don't listen to him, he's completely f8ll of it.  
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 17 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PCT: D --> A%ually, that's not true  
PCT: D --> Tavros was indeed present at your domicile at the time of its cleaning  
PCT: D --> And he aided considerably in the aforementioned custodial duties  
PCT: D --> Though I seem to remember informing you of that yesterday  
CGA: Yes I Remember  
CGA: But Thank You For The Confirmation Regardless  
PAG: Wh8t!!!!!!!!  
FTA: ahahahahahahahah, bu2teeeeeeeed.  
PAG: Okay, okay, fine! So may8e I did enlist some help!  
PAG: 8ut give me a 8r8k here! It was a 8ig jo8!  
PAG: And I just wanted to 8e a8solutely 800% certain that it was done perfectly, so I had to 8ring in some8ody else to check my work!  
PAG: I mean, don't get me wrong, I totally could've done it all 8y myself. It would've taken some effort, sure, 8ut hey, I'm 8adass.  
PAG: Tavros was just there to m8ke sure the cleaning jo8 that I did, which WOULD'VE 8een perfect whether he was there or NOT, lined up with a multitude of definitions of cleanliness, some of which I personally find utterly 8izarre, 8ut respect as valid nonetheless, 8ecause I'm open-minded like that!  
PAG: That's it!!!!!!!!  
PAT: r11111111GHT,  
PAT: kANAYA, fOR THE RECORD, 1 ONLY AGREED TO COME TO MAKE SURE vR1SKA STAYED ON TASK,  
PAG: What!!!!!!!!  
CGA: I Figured As Much  
CGA: I Appreciate Your Honesty Mister Nitram  
CGA: And Vriska Your Attempts At Benign Deception Are Charmingly Futile As Always  
PAG: Hey! ALMOST always.  
CGA: Yes Of Course  
PCC: Yea)(, t)(e plaice DO--ES look pretty clean.  
CGA: What  
PCT: D --> She's 100king at you through my viewport  
PCT: D --> I tried to stop her, but  
PCT: D --> Well  
CGA: Ugh  
PCC: But Kanaya, I )(AV---E to say...  
PCC: You look... different!  
PCC: I mig)(t even go as far as to say........  
CGA: Dont say I Look Radiant  
PCC: T)(at you look R  
PCC: >38I  
CGA: Hahahaha  
PAG: ????????  
PAG: Kanaya, what is she talking a8out????????  
CCG: UM  
CCG: IS THERE ANY WAY WE COULD NOT TALK ABOUT THIS, MAYBE?  
CCG: IT'S JUST KIND OF REALLY EMBARRASSINGLY TIMED.  
CGA: Karkat I Already Told You It Doesnt Reflect On You At All  
CGA: In Fact I Already Knew It Was Going To Happen  
CGA: I Saw It In The Clouds  
CCG: YEAH, I KNOW, BUT STILL  
CAC: :33 < saw what? what happened???  
FTA: 2he diied.  
PAG: What!!!!!!!!  
CGA: Um Yes Thats Part Of It  
CGA: Though Obviously Im Fine Now  
PAG: W8, hold on, how the fuck did you die????????  
CGA: You Wouldnt Believe Me If I Told You  
PAG: Sure I would, just tell me.  
CGA: Okay  
CGA: Well  
CGA: Several Hours Ago Karkat And I Were In The Process Of Returning To My Hive  
CGA: When We Happened To Fall Victim To An Unfortunate  
CGA: Basilisk Ambush  
PAG: ........  
PAG: Seriously?  
CGA: Yes Quite  
CGA: Before I Knew What Was Happening I Found My Abdomen Being Gruesomely Impaled Upon One Of Their Razor Sharp Tails  
PAG: Son of a fucking 8itch!!!!!!!!  
PAG: I KNEW those sneaky 8astards were gonna get some8ody eventually!!!!!!!!  
CGA: Yes It Was Quite Foolish Of Me To Let My Guard Down  
CGA: But Thankfully My Quest Recuperacoon Was Only A Short Distance Away So It Wasnt That Great Of An Ordeal To Transport Me There  
CCG: OH YEAH, IT WAS A GODDAMN PASTRY SHUFFLE. NOT A BIG DEAL AT ALL.  
CCG: LET ME TELL YOU, THERE ISN'T AN EASIER THING IN THE WORLD THAN HAULING YOUR DISEMBOWELED MOIRAIL UP THE HIGHEST FUCKING MOUNTAIN ON LORAF AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE, WHILE STILL TRYINNG TO KEEP HER LOOSE ENTRAILS FROM DRAGGING ON THE GROUND.  
CCG: YEAH, THAT DEFINITELY DOESN'T QUALIFY AS AN "ORDEAL."  
CCG: IT WAS KIND OF RELAXING, ACTUALLY! A LEISURELY STROLL TO HURL MY DYING FRIEND INTO A GIANT BLACK COCOON.  
CCG: A++, 10/10, WOULD BE TRAUMATIZED AGAIN.  
PAT: hAHAHAHA,  
PAT: nOW YOU FUCKERS KNOW HOW 1T FEELS,  
CGA: Karkat Dear You Know that Isnt What I Meant  
CGA: I Wasnt Attempting To Denigrate Your Endeavor At All  
CGA: I Can Express Only The Utmost Of Gratitude For Your Transporting Me To My Quest Bed And I Apologize For Not Informing You Of My Imminent Demise Beforehand  
CCG: APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED.  
CGA: Well I Suppose I Cant Begrudge You That  
PCC: Ocray, so t)(at explains t)(e... AD--EQUAT--E dress you're wearing.  
CGA: Its A Lovely Dress For Your Information  
CGA: As Far As God Tier Outfits Go Id Say Its Likely The Best Ive Seen So Far  
CGA: Id Make Remarkably Few Alterations To It  
CGA: Get Rid Of The Hood  
CGA: Maybe Add A Matching Pair Of Gloves  
PCC: Give it a nice, low neckline...  
PAG: Ooooooooh, yes, I like Feferi's idea.  
CGA: In Any Case Its Certainly Better Than That Burlap Robe You Were Saddled With  
PCC: )(----EY!  
PCC: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, my Cod Tier outfit is...  
PCC: W)(ale, ocray, I )(ave to be conknest, I do not reely like t)(e colors. 38/  
FTA: ii diidn't want two 2ay anythiing, but yeah, the whole brown and beiige thiing ii2 kiind of a fuckiing fa2hiion dii2a2ter.  
PAG: Oh yeah, like any8ody's gonna t8ke color coordin8tion advice from the guy who won't wear anything that isn't slathered in ridiculous sh8des of red and 8lue.  
FTA: oh, but they'd be iinfiinitely more iincliined two take iit from a giirl iin red boot2 and a riidiiculou2ly fluore2cent orange hoodiie?  
PAG: Hey, fuck you! Don't h8 on the Light threads!!!!!!!!  
PCC: NO ON---E CAR---ES ABOUT T)(IS.  
PCC: I was not even trying to talk aboat w)(at s)(e is W--EARING.  
PCC: I'm more conc)(cerned wit)( t)(e w)(ole... GLOWING W)(IT---E SKIN t)(ing!  
FCA: wwhat  
CGA: Oh Right That  
CGA: Um  
CGA: I Believe The Mortal Wound I Received Previously May Have Triggered Some Sort Of Unusual Metamorphosis  
CGA: One Which Was Apparently Greatly Accelerated By My Subsequent Ascent To God Tier  
PAG: Whoa whoa whoa, hang on.  
PAG: Metamorphosis? Kanaya, what are you talking a8out????????  
CGA: Well  
CGA: Vriska  
CGA: What Would You Say If I Told You I Was A Rainbow Drinker  
PAG: Wellllllll........  
PAG: I'd pro8a8ly say that I'M a fair young maiden who stum8led into this old, a8andoned hive purely 8y chance, and I fear that I may 8e trapped here until sunset.  
PAG: And I would desper8tely hope that no shadow-dropping fiends would attempt to seduce me and sip the 8lood from my innocent veins!  
PAG: :::;)  
CGA: Yes Okay Good  
CGA: Now  
CGA: Lets Just Say Hypothetically  
CGA: That We Werent Engaging In Some Sort Of Roleplaying Scenario  
CGA: And That I Actually Was A Rainbow Drinker  
CGA: Like In Real Life  
CGA: What Would You Say Then  
PAG: Hmmmmmmmm........  
PAG: Well, thinking a8out it, I would pro8a8ly say exactly three words, followed 8y an emoticon.  
PAG: And those would 8e:  
PAG: Hell.  
PAG: Fucking.  
PAG: Yes.  
PAG: <33333333  
CGA: Excellent  
CGA: <3  
CAC: :33 < wait, hold on  
CAC: :33 < kanaya, youre a rainbow drinker? like, fur real?  
CGA: Well I Cant Say For Certain  
CGA: But My Skin Does Seem To Have Taken On An Inexplicably Heretofore Unprecedented Phosphorescence  
CGA: And I Do Seem To Be Experiencing The Most Unusual Urge To Sink My Fangs Into My Moirails Neck Right Now  
CCG: OH GOD  
CCG: KANAYA, NO.  
CCG: I LOVE YOU AND ALL, BUT IF YOU EVEN TRY IT, I WILL THROW YOUR LUMINESCENT ASS OUT THIS WINDOW SO FAST, THE SPEED OF LIGHT ITSELF WILL GO, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT."  
CGA: Karkat Relax Im Not Going To Bite You  
CGA: Well  
CGA: Unless You Want Me To  
PGC: H3Y, 3XCUS3 M3  
PGC: DO YOU TH1NK YOUR3 4LLOW3D TO B1T3 K4RKL3S WH3N3V3R YOU W4NT JUST B3C4US3 YOUR3 H1S MO1R41L?  
PGC: 1 DONT TH1NK SO!  
PAG: Yeah, Kanaya! 8iting is supposed to 8e our thing!  
PCC: And OUR t)(ing.  
PAG: Right, 8oth of our things.  
CCG: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, NEITHER OF YOU TWO HAS THE FUCKING RIGHT TO TELL KANAYA WHAT SHE CAN AND CAN'T DO WITH HER MOIRAIL  
CCG: AND SECOND, NOBODY'S FUCKING BITING ME. END OF STORY.  
PGC: 3XC3PT M3  
CCG: FUCK OFF.  
PGC: H3H3H3H3  
CGA: Yes Thats Fine I Didnt Particularly Want To Bite You Anyway  
CGA: Whenever I Bite Someone Things Tend To Um  
CGA: Escalate From There  
PAG: <33333333  
CGA: And Somehow Im Not Completely Certain That Thats Changed Now That It Might Be A Biological Necessity  
FCA: biological necessity  
FCA: ok this is fuckin absurd  
FCA: kan wwhat exactlys your fuckin angle here wwhats wwith the ludicrous dedication to this frivvolous roleplayin scenario  
CGA: Excuse Me  
CGA: Eridan What Are You Talking About  
FCA: you knoww bloody fuckin WWELL wwhat im talkin about kan  
FCA: all this idiotic nonsense about you bein a rainboww drinker  
FCA: youre not any manner a fuckin glowwin wwhite blood drinkin beings because there isnt such a thing that evven exists  
FCA: theyre NOT FUCKIN REAL  
FCA: its bee ess and EVVERYBODY fuckin knowws it so i dont evven knoww wwhat youre tryin to provve here but its a laugh an a half an NEITHER A THEM IS PARTICULARLY SINCERE  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Im Not Really Sure What To Say  
CGA: Except That Im Fairy Certain Rainbow Drinkers Do Exist  
CGA: Given That I Am One  
FCA: no this is a bunch a ludicrous poppycock  
FCA: wwhats next youre gonna tell me leprechauns are real too  
FCA: tell me all about their elaborate romance system an their economy revvolvvin around special stardust as though it actually wwere magic an not the wworthless glittery powwder it really is  
FCA: because as evverybody knowws magic is also FAKE BULLSHIT  
CGA: Actually Thats Not True  
FCA: wwhat  
CGA: Magic Is Real  
CGA: Like An Actual Thing That Exists  
FCA: are you serious  
CGA: Yes Im Completely Certain Of That Suddenly  
FCA: ok noww im pretty sure youre just fuckin wwith me  
CGA: If You Dont Believe Me Then Just Try It Out For Yourself  
CGA: Do You Have A Wand Youll Need A Wand For This  
FCA: no i dont havve a fuckin wwand wwhy would i keep that wworthless shit on hand  
PGC: 3R1D4N  
PGC: YOU H4V3 4 W4ND  
PGC: 4CTU4LLY, YOU H4V3 4 WHOL3 FUCK1NG P1L3 OF W4NDS  
FCA: ok ok fine so i do havve a wwand SO WWHAT  
CGA: Well If Youll Point It At Something You Dont Particularly Care For Well Begin Your First Lesson In Showmaship  
FCA: wwoww this is ridiculous  
FCA: ok ill humor this wwigglers play for noww  
FCA: this shits about as pointed as itll evver get  
FCA: teach me your secrets o mighty wwitch  
CGA: Okay Now Just Recite The Magic Words  
CGA: Accio Devotio Mahaa Kalaa Barada Nikto  
FCA: psh fine here goes  
FCA: accio devvotio mahaa kalaa barada nikto  
FCA: WWHAT  
FCA: wwhat the fuck just  
FCA: i  
FCA: oh my god  
CGA: What  
FCA: it wworked  
FCA: i just cast a fuckin spell like theres literally no other wway to describe it  
FCA: magic is actually real oh my god  
FCA: this changes EVVERYTHING  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT  
CCG: LIKE, THIS IS ALL JUST SOME STUPID PRANK YOU TWO ARRANGED BEFOREHAND.  
CGA: No Not Really  
FCA: ivve got to study this in further detail  
FCA: wwork out the exact mechanics of it  
FCA: just cause its magic doesnt mean you cant be empirical about it i mean you HAVVE to be empirical about it  
PGC: OF COURS3  
PGC: 1TS 1MPORT4NT TO R3M41N 3MP1R1C4L  
FCA: ok ivve got to start takin fuckin notes on this givve me a second here  
CGA: Um  
FTA: ahahahahahahahah, oh my god.  
FTA: 2o now not only ii2 ed a god tiier priince of hope wiith an endle22ly re2pawniing army of viiciiou2 angel2, but now he know2 how two do magiic two.  
FTA: way two go, ky, you've created a mon2ter.  
CGA: I Wasnt Even Fully Aware That Magic Was A Thing That Could Be Practiced  
CGA: In Case It Wasnt Clear Those So Called Magic Words Were Just Some Nonsense I Made Up Off The Top Of My Head  
CGA: But If They Actually Did Something I  
CGA: Well I Dont Know Really  
FUTURE terminallyCapricious [FTC] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTC: I think I might all know what it is.  
CGA: Oh  
CGA: Gamzee  
CGA: Well What Is It  
FTC: Well, clearly, there's only one explanation what can all describe exactly what took place all over here.  
FTC: And that explanation is thusly...  
FTC: It's a motherfuckin miracle.  
PCT: D --> A miracle  
PCT: D --> Really  
PCT: D --> It's tr001y astounding how casually you engage in such trans100cent intelle%ual laziness  
FTC: Okay, if the existence of magic isn't a motherfuckin miracle, then just what the mother fuck is???  
PCT: D --> 100k, all I'm saying is you're coming to that conc100sion with irresponsible haste  
PCT: D --> We don't even know if it's a%ually magic  
PCT: D --> There e%ist any number of potential e%planations for whatever happened  
FTC: Like what, exactly?  
FTC: Motherfucker just shot a lightning bolt off his hands or some shit. What could that shit be except magic, and also a miracle?  
PCT: D --> It could be some kind of  
PCT: D --> Hopey thing  
PCT: D --> He is a God Tier Prince of it, after all  
PGC: 4CTU4LLY H3S 4 K1NG  
PCT: D --> Really  
PGC: W3LL, H1S T1TL3 D1DNT T3CHN1C4LLY CH4NG3  
PGC: BUT TH4TS TH3 HONOR1F1C H3 PR3F3RS  
FTC: Well even if it is some kind of Hopey thing, that's basically all what a miracle is. A concentrated pocket of motherfuckin hope.  
PCT: D --> Yes, but still, it's a 100dicrous oversimplification  
PCT: D --> It's almost certainly more complicated than that  
PCT: D --> It cannot simply be an e%pression of his Hope powers alone  
PCT: D --> There are countless systems at work here, each more vast and inscrutable than the last  
PCT: D --> Because in case you hadn't noticed, there's something decidedly pec001iar going on in recent wee%  
PCT: D --> Beyond simply the confirmation of the e%istence of magic  
PCT: D --> I'd suspe%ed it even before I ascended, but now I'm abso100tely certain  
CAC: :33 < wait, what?  
CAC: :33 < equius, you ascended?  
CAC: :33 < like to god tier?  
PCT: D --> Oh  
PCT: D --> Um  
PCC: Um.  
PCC: Y-ES! )(e did. Just t)(e ot)(er day.  
CAC: :33 < oh  
CAC: :33 < well why didnt you tell me?  
CAC: :33 < this is kind of an impurrtant thing!  
PCT: D --> Uh  
PCT: D --> Well  
PCC: W)(ale, it was kind of a... spur of t)(e moment decision!!  
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, spur  
CAC: :33 < its a horse pun!  
PCC: )(a)(a, yea)(, I guess so!  
PCT: D --> Right  
PCT: D --> Um, a%ually, the situation was somewhat similar to Miss Maryam's predicament  
PCT: D --> With the, er  
PCT: D --> The near-death e%perience part  
PCC: O)(, rig)(t! N--EAR deat)(.  
PCC: Yes.  
CAC: :33 < :OO  
CAC: :33 < you almost died???  
CAC: :33 < what happened???  
PCT: D --> Well  
PCC: Is it R--E--ELY important w)(at )(appened??  
PCC: I mean, )(e is ocray NOW, and T)(AT is w)(at matters, RIG)(T???  
CAC: :33 < well, i guess  
CAC: :33 < but i still want to know!  
CGA: Yes I Think The Cause Of Death Is Somewhat Important  
CGA: And If You Did Happen To Have Some Reason For Wanting To Conceal It I Cant Imagine It Would Be Honorable  
PCC: O)(, s)(oos)( you!!  
PAG: Seriously, what happened?  
PAG: Were you am8ushed 8y 8asilisks???????? They're notoriously sneaky 8astards.  
PCT: D --> There were no basilis% involved  
CAC: :33 < then what was it?  
CAC: :33 < was it gamz33? was he too rough with you??  
FTC: Whoa, hey, don't try to up and pin this shit at me.  
FTC: I didn't hurt that motherfucker any more than what's all up and to be expected out of a typical kismetic rendezvous.  
FTC: Well, okay, more as a typical matesprit kismesis moirail auspistice tetra master quadruple reacharound, which as far like I know ain't really a typical thing at all.  
FTC: All I'm sayin is that I didn't all kill no motherfuckers.  
PAT: yEAH, sER1OUSLY,  
PAT: 1F ANYBODY WAS GO1NG TO BE GU1LTY OF UNNECESSARY ROUGHH1V1NG, 1T WOULD PROBABLY BE eQU1US,  
PAT: yOU REAL1ZE THE GUY WRECKED fEFER1'S H1VE, r1GHT,  
PAT: bECAUSE THAT'S ST1LL A TH1NG THAT HAPPENED,  
PAT: 1T D1DN'T STOP BE1NG A TH1NG OR ANYTH1NG,  
PCC: It was just t)(e fis)(bowl!!  
PCC: And we already replaiced it, so W)(AT--EV--ER.  
FCA: yeah an for the record he nevver really ran risk a causin any serious property damage  
FCA: though that wwas mostly cause i wwas there  
FCA: youre wwelcome  
FTC: You sure around that?  
FTC: Motherfucker broke my table.  
PCT: D --> He said serious damage  
PCT: D --> And frankly, I did you a favor by destroying that table  
PCT: D --> It was garish  
FTC: Man, I ain't about to take interior decorating advice off of some stuffed-shirt motherfucker what's got horsedicks all hangin up off his walls.  
CGA: Actually I Think I Know The Table He Was Talking About  
CGA: And Yes It Was Dreadful  
FCA: really if anybody wwas gonna engage in any wwanton property destruction it wwouldvve been tavv  
FCA: wwhat wwith your wwhole ridiculous wwindy thing schtick seriously wwhat the fuck is wwith that  
FCA: like i get you can pick stuff up wwith little tornados and shit like that but you nearly bleww a hole in the side a gams hivve the night before since wwhen can you fuckin do that  
PAT: uH, s1NCE, l1KE, aLWAYS???  
PAT: gET W1TH THE T1MES, dUDE,  
PAT: eVER S1NCE 1 ASCENDED, 1'VE BAS1CALLY BEEN, l1KE, a sUPER sA1YAN R1GHT OUT OF MY TROLL AN1MES,  
PAT: 1 AM THE LAST A1RBENDER,  
PAT: 1T'S ME,  
CAC: :33 < ugh, no one cares about this!!!  
CAC: :33 < just tell me what happened!!!!  
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAA: yes i have to agree with nepeta  
CAA: i want to hear about people dying!  
CAA: and given that the alternative is listening to tavros talk about his terrible troll animes i believe the rest of us do too  
PAT: hEY, sHUT UP, tHEY'RE NOT TERR1BLE,  
PAT: tHEY'RE ART,  
CAA: theyre terrible art  
CAC: :33 < were not getting into this!!!  
CCG: YEAH, YOU HEARD THE LADY, EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
CCG: EQUIUS, TELL US HOW YOU DIED. THAT'S AN ORDER.  
PCT: D --> Er  
PCT: D --> Do I have to  
CCG: YES, YOU KIND OF FUCKING DO!  
CCG: THAT'S WHAT AN "ORDER" MEANS, JACKASS.  
PCT: D --> But  
PCT: D --> It's kind of embarrassing  
FTA: ii want two hear thii2 two.  
FTA: ii've been wonderiing how thii2 whole fucked up 2cenariio wiith you wa2 goiing two play out ever 2iince i progno2tiicated the ciircum2tance2 2urroundiing your iineviitable demii2e iin the fiir2t place.  
PCC: Look, I do not sea )(ow t)(is is anyone else's business!!  
PCC: --Equius said )(e does not want to talk about it, and I sea no reason w)(y )(e s)(oald )(ave to!!!!!  
FTA: ff, why are YOU tryiing two cover thii2 up, ii fiigured you would want everyone two know.  
FTA: were you actually iinvolved iin iit 2omehow?  
PCC: Of course not!!!!  
PGC: SOM3HOW 1 G3T TH3 F33L1NG YOUR3 NOT B31NG 3NT1R3LY TRUTHFUL W1TH US, M1SS P31X3S  
PGC: COULD 1T B3 TH4T M1ST3R Z4HH4KS D34TH W4S 4CTU4LLY...  
PGC: 4 MURD3R????? >:O  
PCC: NO!!!!! >38O  
PCT: D --> I wasn't murdered  
PCT: D --> 100k, do we tr001y have to di%uss this  
PCT: D --> It was just an a%ident  
PCC: Y---ES, we were being a little CAR---EL---ESS, and t)(ere was an ACCID---ENT!  
PCC: And it will NOT )(APP---EN AGAIN, so can we please just DROP IT!!!  
FTA: waiit.  
FTA: ii thiink ii'm 2tartiing two piiece twogether ju2t what the fuck happened here.  
FTA: diid thii2 happen whiile you two were...  
FTA: aaaaaaaahahahahahahahahah, oh my god!  
PCC: SOLLUX, S)(UT UP!!!!  
CAC: :33 < well, what happened???  
FTA: no, ii don't thiink ii 2hould be the one talkiing about iit, ff would kiill me.  
PCC: YOU'R---E COD DAM RIG)(T I WOULD!!!  
PCC: Look, all t)(at )(appened was we were trying somet)(ing N--EW, and t)(ere was kind of an...  
PCC: Um...  
PCT: D --> A miscommunication  
PCC: Y--ES! A miscommunication.  
PCC: Because SOM--EON--E didn't say t)(e SAF--EWORD...  
CCG: OH DEAR GOD.  
CCG: NO, I'M DONE EVEN READING THIS CONVERSATION.  
CCG: KANAYA, TELL ME WHEN THEY STOP TALKING ABOUT WHATEVER HORRID DEBAUCHERY THESE PSYCHOPATHS AER UNDOUBTEDLY GOING TO EXPOUND UPON FURTHER.  
CGA: Of Course  
CGA: I Find It Equally Distasteful Of Course  
CGA: And Yet Like A Battlecruiser Crash I Cant Tear My Eyes Away  
CAC: :33 < yeah, this is...  
CAC: :33 < um ://  
FTC: Hahahaha, it's motherfuckin hilarious is all what is it.  
FTC: Hey fishsister, you know I'm the only brother what's allowed to up and kill that motherfucker, right?  
PCC: O)(, S)(UT UP!!!  
PCC: It wasn't even my fault!  
PCT: D --> Well  
PCT: D --> In my defense  
PCT: D --> It's incredibly difficult to say anything when you can't breathe  
PCC: O)(.  
PCC: Um.  
PCC: Okay, fine, I guess we BOT)( did not t)(ink t)(is t)(roug)( very well.  
CAA: hahahahaha  
PCC: >38/  
CAA: im sorry im not even trying to make fun of you guys  
CAA: its just  
CAA: people dying is hilarious!  
PAT: 1T K1ND OF 1S, yEAH,  
CCG: OKAY, IS THAT IT?  
CCG: CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS NOW AND NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN?  
PCT: D --> You were the one who asked  
CCG: WELL, IF I'D KNOWN THE CAUSE OF DEATH WAS EROTIC ASPHYXIATION, I NEVER WOULD'VE FUCKING ASKED!  
PCT: D --> Er, right  
PCT: D --> For what it's worth  
PCT: D --> Which I'll admit is probably very little  
PCT: D --> I'm fairly certain it's impossible for me to be asphy%iated now  
PCT: D --> Given that I'm no longer required to breathe  
PCC: Yea)(. Unfor-tuna-tely, t)(at kind of t)(rows any FUTUR--E attempts out t)(e port)(ole.  
PCC: T)(oug)( I suppose t)(is does open up plenty of OT)(--ER possibilities...  
CCG: EUURGHRGRHKJGGLHGKHDFG.  
PCC: O)(, s)(oos)(!!!  
PCC: I just meant t)(at )(e could breat)(e underwater now! Get your t)(ink pan out of t)(e road-perip)(eral rainwater overflow drainage trenc)(.  
FTA: iin all faiirne22, ff, you're the one who kiind of put iit there iin the fiir2t place.  
CGA: Ha  
PCT: D --> Hm  
PCT: D --> I suppose I hadn't thought of that  
PGC: Y34H, YOU C4N BR34TH3 PR3TTY MUCH 4NYWH3R3 YOU W4NT  
PGC: 1TS 4 N1C3 P3RK  
CCG: RIGHT, A PERK  
CCG: SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO BREATHE, YOU PROBABLY DON'T HAVE TO EAT, DRINK, OR SLEEP EITHER  
CCG: OR USE THE HYGIENEBLOCK, PROBABLY  
CCG: YOU'VE GOT IMMORTALITY, FREAKISH DURABILITY, SOME SET OF UNDOUBTEDLY RIDICULOUSLY POTENT GOD TIER POWERS  
CCG: OH, AND A PAIR OF FUCKING *WINGS*, LET'S NOT FORGET THAT.  
CCG: CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS, YOU JUST HIT THE JACKPOT!!!  
CCG: GIVE YOURSELF A BIG PAT ON THE BACK. EXCEPT DON'T ACTUALLY DO THAT, BECAUSE YOU'LL PROBABLY JUST END UP BREAKING YOUR FUCKING BACK.  
FTA: 2omebody 2ound2 jealou2.  
PGC: H3H3, 1 TH1NK SO  
PGC: YOU KNOW K4RKL3S, 1F YOU R34LLY W4NT3D TO 4SC3ND YOURS3LF, 1M SUR3 SOM3TH1NG COULD B3 4RR4NG3D  
PGC: 1V3 GOT 4 NOOS3 JUST YOUR S1Z3 >;]  
PAG: How thick is his neck?  
CGA: Fourteen Inches Exactly  
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, that's not even an inch thicker than mine!  
CCG: OKAY, NONE OF YOU PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT MY NECK!  
CCG: AND AS GRACIOUS AS YOUR OFFER OF ASSISTED SUICIDE IS, TEREZI, I THINK I'LL FUCKING PASS.  
CCG: I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU PEOPLE CAN BE SO BLASE ABOUT THE WHOLE DYING THING. IT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL.  
CCG: AND IT'S THE KIND OF THING I'D LIKE TO AVOID FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.  
CAA: oh come on karkat  
CAA: youre going to die eventually  
CAA: everyones doing it  
CCG: YEAH, I KIND OF FUCKING NOTICED!  
CCG: FIRST KANAYA, AND THEN EQUIUS  
CCG: AND THAT'S NOT EVEN MENTIONING ALL YOU OTHER FUCKERS WHO DIED BEFORE THEM.  
CCG: JEGUS, WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS DIE SO MUCH?  
CAA: i think theres a reason for it actually  
CAA: and i think its connected to all this other weird stuff going on  
CAA: like magic being real and people becoming rainbow drinkers  
CAA: i think these are all effects of the   
CCG: THE WHAT?  
PGC: 4R4D14 HUSH!  
PGC: TH3YR3 NOT SUPPOS3D TO KNOW 4BOUT TH3  Y3T  
PGC: 1N F4CT, YOU 4R3NT SUPPOS3D TO KNOW 4BOUT 1T 31TH3R >:/  
FTA: okay, what the fuck, how come iit doe2 the flashy raiinbow effect when 2he type2 iit, but not when ii do iit?  
CAA: its the twelves  
CAA: theyre important  
PGC: W41T, YOU TOLD H1M 4BOUT 1T TOO???  
PGC: COM3 ON 4R4D14! W3 T4LK3D 4BOUT TH1S  
CAA: i just mentioned it by name is all!  
CAA: i didnt even know what it was  
CCG: NOBODY GIVES THREE-FIFTHS OF A SHIT WHAT IT MIGHT BE RIGHT NOW, WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT LATER.  
CCG: BECAUSE IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE, THIS IS THE SHIPPING MEMO, AND WE'RE KIND OF SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING ABOUT FUCKING SHIPPING HERE.  
CCG: UNLESS THIS UNICYCLE WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT IS RELATED TO SHIPPING SOMEHOW, WHICH I HIGHLY DOUBT.  
CAA: i think it actually is a little  
CAA: we just arent really sure how yet  
FTC: Is it related at unicycles somehow?  
FTC: Cause mine's all been in desperate motherfuckin need to an upgrade ever since I up and ascended.  
CAA: im one hundred percent confident it has nothing to do with unicycles  
FTC: Oh.  
FTC: Well fuck. 0:(  
PGC: W3LL K4RK4T, 1F YOU W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT SH1PP1NG SO B4DLY  
PGC: TH3N WHY DONT YOU T4LK 4BOUT TH3 *OTH3R* SH1P TH4T JUST S3T S41L R3C3NTLY?  
CAC: :33 < what?  
CCG: OKAY, FINE  
CCG: TEREZI AND I ARE KISMESES NOW.  
CCG: AND THAT'S LITERALLY ALL THE FANFARE THAT DESERVES.  
PGC: OH SHOOSH  
CAC: :33 < wait, seriously??  
CAC: :33 < you two are hissmeses now???  
PGC: W3 W3R3 "H1SSM3S3S" TH3 D4Y B3FOR3 Y3ST3RD4Y  
PGC: 1 TR4CK3D K4RK1TTY DOWN TO H1S L1TTL3 H1D3Y HOL3 4ND G4V3 H1M TH3 DRUBB1NG H3S B33N N33D1NG FOR 4 WH1L3  
CGA: You Did Quite A Bit More Than Give Him A Drubbing Miss Pyrope  
CGA: You Also Ruined A Significant Portion Of His Wardrobe  
FTA: ahahah, niice.  
PGC: DO YOU OBJ3CT TO MY M3THODS, M1SS M4RY4M  
CGA: No Actually I Wanted To Thank You  
CGA: With A Majority Of His Apparel Out Of Commission He Had No Choice But To Let Me Personally Fashion Him Some Markedly More Stylish Attire  
PCC: O)( buoy, I just WOND--ER w)(at sort of dreadful garment you )(ave crafted for your poor, unfor-tuna-te morayeel...  
CCG: HEY, SHUT UP, IT'S NICE.  
CCG: ER, I MEAN  
CCG: IT'S ADEQUATE, ANYWAY  
CCG: SURPRISINGLY COMFORTABLE, TOO  
CCG: I MEAN, NOT THAT I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT FASHION OR ANYTHING  
PCC: W)(ale, MAYB--E I will just )(ave to sea it for mys)(ellf...  
PCC: >38;)  
CCG: WHAT.  
FCA: so wwait hold on a second  
FCA: you an ter are kismeses noww  
FCA: like proper you mean  
PGC: 4S PROP3R 4S 1T G3TS  
FCA: so uh  
FCA: did you twwo  
FCA: uh  
FCA: seal the deal  
CCG: ERIDAN, CAN YOUR MIND EVEN COMPREHEND THE VAST, INTERSTELLAR DISTANCE BETWEEN THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION AND WHAT CONSTITUTES YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS?  
CCG: NO, IT CAN'T, BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT OF GALACTIC PROPORTIONS.  
FCA: no but im just askin is it official  
CCG: YES, IT'S OFFICIAL. NOW FUCK OFF.  
FCA: FUCK yes this day just gets better an better  
FCA: first magic turns out to be real then the last a the caliginous ships gets sailed  
FCA: only wway it could get better is the last ashen one took off too  
CAC: :33 < no!!!  
CAC: :33 < nobodys getting ashen shipped with anypawdy right now!!  
CCG: YEAH, DON'T EVEN FUCKING TRY IT, AMPORA.  
PCC: O)(! I just remembered somet)(ing I need to do!  
PCC: Be rig)(t back.  
PCC ceased responding to memo.  
PCT: D --> What  
PCT: D --> Oh, um  
PCT: D --> She just left  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: WHERE THE HELL IS SHE  
CCG: OH, UM, FEFRMPRHRPRHMRLBPH!!!  
CGA: Oh My God  
FTA: what, what the hell ii2 goiing on?  
FUTURE cuttlefishCuller [FCC] 6 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCC: )(ey Kanaya.  
FCC: I just stuck my tongue down your moirail's t)(roat.  
CAC: :33 < what?????  
FCC: >3B)  
CGA: You  
CGA: Detestable Little  
FCC: <3<  
CGA: Urrrrgh  
CCG: ACK, GOD!  
CCG: FEFERI, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT???  
CAC: :33 < yeah feferi, why WOULD you do that??  
FCC: To ruffle Kanaya's gills, obviously!  
CAC: :33 < so you made him kiss you just to make her mad?  
CAC: :33 < that is awful and you should f33l bad!  
CGA: Yes This Is Well Beyond The Bounds Of Good Taste  
CGA: Does The Word Assault Mean Anything To You Miss Peixes  
FCC: O)(, come ON! It was just a kiss, t)(at's all!  
FCC: It is not like I )(URT )(im or somefin, conknestly.  
CCG: OH, SO AS LONG AS YOU DON'T DO WHATEVER YOU CONSIDER TO BE "HURTING" ME, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO ME JUST BECAUSE I'M YOUR KISMESIS' MOIRAIL???  
CCG: NO, FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU.  
FTA: hey dude, when you 2iign up to be 2omebody'2 diiamond, you're ba2iically 2ayiing you'd take a bullet for them, 2o why not a kii22 two?  
FTA: a2 far a2 ii'm concerned, iit make2 you faiir game.  
CCG: WELL, AS FAR AS *I'M* CONCERNED, "AS FAR AS YOU'RE CONCERNED" IS RIGHT TO THE DOOR OF YOUR RESPITEBLOCK, BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE YOU EVER LEAVE, YOU BASEMENT-DWELLING LOADSPONGE.  
CCG: YOU AND YOUR PSYCHOTIC SEADWELLING MOIRAIL ARE VIOLATING ONE OF THE MOST BASIC FUNDAMENTALS OF KISMESISSITUDE  
CCG: YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH YOUR KISMESIS' OTHER QUADRANTS!  
CCG: THAT IS LIKE THE FIRST RULE IN THE GODDAMN BOOK, FOR FUCK'S SAKE  
FTA: well yeah, obviiou2ly you're not 2uppo2ed two hurt them or anythiing, you ju2t fuck wiith them a liittle biit.  
FTA: let your kii2me2ii2 know you COULD'VE kiilled them, but you diidn't, and now they kiind of owe you one.  
CCG: NO, THAT'S IDIOTIC.  
CCG: SOLLUX, GET YOUR FUCKING MOIRAIL UNDER CONTROL.  
CCG: OR AT LEAST TELL HER NOT TO STICK HER TONGUE IN MY MOUTH AGAIN.  
CCG: OH GOD, I CAN FEEL ITS SLIMY, UNCTUOUS THRASHING IN MY THROAT JUST THINKING OF THE SOUND OF HER VOICE.  
FCC: )(e)(e)(e, <3  
PCT: D --> Um  
PCT: D --> Feferi, just for the record  
PCT: D --> And this isn't intended to be a criticism of you or anything  
PCT: D --> But I think this sort of behavior is beneath you  
PCT: D --> I mean on a moral level, not a societal one  
FCC: You do?  
PCT: D --> Well, it's just  
PCT: D --> I understand that you've come to embrace the fact that you're an assertive person  
PCT: D --> I admire it, a%ually  
PCT: D --> But nonetheless, I believe there are some lines that should not be %ed  
PCT: D --> And I STRONGLY believe that forcing an amorous act upon an individual without their e%plicit consent, regardless of its magnitude, is abso100tely una%eptable  
CCG: YEAH, I DIDN'T FUCKING EXPRESSLY CONSENT TO ANYTHING.  
CCG: THIS MIGHT SOUND HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT UNLIKE YOUR DEPRAVED ASSHOLE MOIRAIL, I *DON'T* WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH EVERYONE ELSE ON THE TEAM!  
FCC: O)(.  
PCT: D --> Mind you, that's just what I believe  
PCT: D --> If you disagreed, I  
PCT: D --> I might understand, I guess  
FCC: No, I t)(ink you are rig)(t. It was really not okay.  
FCC: Sorry, Karkat. 38(  
CCG: I'LL CONSIDER ACCEPTING YOUR APOLOGY.  
CCG: BUT THANK YOU, EQUIUS, FOR TAKING THE TIME TO SET FEFERI STRAIGHT  
CCG: SINCE IT'S CLEAR THAT HER MOIRAIL IS MORE INTERESTED IN ENGAGING IN SLOPPY FORBIDDEN MAKEOUTS WITH HER THAN ACTUALLY DOING HIS FUCKING JOB.  
FTA: whatever, dude, you're overreactiing.  
FTA: iif you really want two get back at her and me both, why don't you tell your moiiraiil to stiick her tongue iin MY mouth.  
FTA: ii get iif you don't want to be iin a marooniion wiith me, ky, that'2 fiine, but could you at lea2t make out wiith me two pi22 ff off?  
CGA: I Um  
CGA: Im Not Even Sure How To Respond To That  
CCG: NO, JUST STOP  
CCG: NOBODY IS STICKING THEIR TONGUE DOWN MY MOIRAIL'S THROAT  
CCG: EXCEPT VRISKA  
CCG: AND FEFERI  
PGC: 4ND M3  
CCG: WHAT, NO, NOT YOU!  
PGC: NOP3, TOO L4T3, 1M TOT4LLY GONN4 DO 1T  
PGC: OR M4YB3  
PGC: JUST M4444YB3  
PGC: 1 4LR34DY H4V3  
PGC: >:]  
CGA: No She Hasnt  
CGA: Shes Being Weird Just Ignore Her  
CCG: THIS IS SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?  
CCG: YOU'RE MAKING A COMPLETE MOCKERY OF THE QUADRANTS!  
FTA: then make a mockery back, dude.  
FTA: tz 2hoves her tongue down your moiiraiil'2 throat, you 2hove your throat down her2, that'2 the alterniia way.  
CCG: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST TELL ME TO SHOVE MY TONGUE DOWN YOUR MATESPRIT'S THROAT JUST TO GET AT TEREZI.  
FTA: hey, all'2 faiir iin hate and war.  
CCG: UUUUUGH.  
CAA: sollux i understand what youre getting at and all  
CAA: but id appreciate it if you didnt just randomly solicit me to other people  
CCG: YES, THANK YOU, ARADIA.  
CCG: I'M GLAD TO SEE AT LEAST ONE OF US IS ABOVE ALL THIS DISGUSTING, QUADRANT-BENDING HOOFBEASTPLAY.  
CAA: oh i never said i was above anything  
CAA: and if you actually did want some help in making terezi mad then i just might be willing to assist  
CAA: ;)  
CCG: URRRRGHRGKJTRHGKFJLDHGKLHFKDJGHDLKJFGHF  
CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH EVERYONE!!!!!  
PGC: H4H4H4H4H4  
FTA: ahahahahahahahah.  
CCG: SOLLUX FUCKING CAPTOR, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, ISN'T IT.  
CCG: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN SPREADING THIS UNGODLY DEBAUCHERY AROUND EVER SINCE NEPETA DEIGNED TO UNFUCK YOU FROM THE QUADRANT QUAGMIRE YOU'D FUCKED YOURSELF INTO  
CCG: AND WHAT A WAY TO THANK HER, YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.  
FTA: whatever, dude, ii'm not makiing anybody do anythiing, don't try two piin thii2 all on me.  
FTA: iit'2 not liike ii can control everybody'2 miind2 or 2omethiing, all ii've got ii2 a 2weet 2et of p2iioniic2 and ab2olute ma2tery over the priimal force of ce22atiion.  
FTA: iif anybody'2 re2pon2iible for iit, iit'2 probably np, 2he'2 the heart player here.  
CCG: OH, DO NOT EVEN TRY TO BLAME THIS ON NEPETA, YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT!  
FTC: Whoa, whoa, hey, I think we all need to settle the mother fuck out here.  
FTC: This shit's all startin to get motherfuckin rancorous.  
CCG: GAMZEE, STAY OUT OF THIS, IT'S BETWEEN ME AND THIS COLOSSAL SHITHEAP.  
FTC: Naw, bro, I don't think I can do that.  
CCG: WHAT.  
FTC: What I'm tryin to up and say at you here is that it looks like this whole fuckin entanglement's startin to look awfully motherfuckin dark.  
CCG: YOU  
CCG: YOU'RE FUCKING JOKING, RIGHT?  
FTC: No, man.  
PAG: You know, I'm kind of siding with Gamzee here?  
PAG: I have to 8e honest, Karkat, it looks like you're h8flirting with Sollux pretty hard right now.  
PGC: Y34H 1T DO3S  
PGC: 1M ST4RT1NG TO G3T 4 L1TTL3 J34LOUS  
CCG: NO NO NO NO NO  
CCG: NO, I'M NOT FLIRTING WITH ANYBODY, FUCK YOU  
FTC: Hey bro, it's cool, I ain't tryin to accuse you of up and committing black infidelity or some shit as that.  
FTC: I'm just all sayin maybe you should get some kind of conciliator what's across you two.  
FTA: yeah, ii kind of have two agree wiith gz, thii2 look2 liike iit could be a problem.  
FTA: ii mean, iif you're black for me, ii totally get iit, kk, but iif ii triied two double up on kii2me2e2, vk would probably kiill me for real.  
PAG: I don't know, I miiiiiiiight 8e willing to humor it, if it meant I could get a second kismesis of my own.  
FCC: VRISKA. >38/  
PAG: 8ut no, I'm happy with my ashen arrangement the way it is.  
PAG: So yeah, I'd pro8a8ly just kill you.  
FTA: riight, 2o ii'm 2tartiing two thiink we 2hould 2eriiou2ly con2iider an au2pii2tiicii2m, and ii'd be more than happy two have gz a2 the thiird wheel.  
FTC: Well shit, bro, I'd be more than happy to be your auspistice.  
FCA: ahahahaha YES  
FCA: FUCK YES  
FCA: ivve got this shit in the fuckin BAG noww  
CAC: :33 < no!!!!!  
CAC: :33 < you dont have anything in the bag!!!  
CAC: :33 < karkat, you cant agr33 to this!!  
CAC: :33 < i cant lose my bet with eridan!  
CCG: I NEVER AGREED TO ANYTHING!  
CCG: NOBODY'S BEING MY FUCKING AUSPISTICE, ALRIGHT???  
CGA: Karkat You Should Probably Just Go Along With It  
CGA: I Think The Thing With You And Sollux Might Be A Problem  
CCG: NO, KANAYA, YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT  
CCG: I'M NOT GIVING INTO THAT SLIMY CAPE-WEARING FUCKER'S SHIPPING MACHINATIONS AND GIVING HIM THE SATISFACTION OF WINNING HIS BET.  
CCG: WE AREN'T FUCKING TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. END OF STORY.  
FTC: Aw, bro, you're breakin my clubs here.  
FTC: And I mean clubs like in the quadrant sense, not as the clubs what I all bash at an imp or two with.  
PAT: yEAH, kARKAT, wHAT THE HELL,  
PAT: yOU'RE TEAR1NG MY MATESPR1T APART HERE,  
PAT: 1S HE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU OR SOMETH1NG, 1S THAT 1T,  
CCG: WHAT PART OF "END OF STORY" DON'T YOU FUCKING IMBECILES UNDERSTAND?  
CCG: LOOK, FORGET IT, THIS MEMO IS OVER.  
CCG: AND NOW I'M DECLARING AN EMERGENCY TEAM MEETING ON  
CCG: HMMM, SOMEBODY GIVE ME A NUMBER BETWEEN ONE AND TWELVE.  
PAG: Eight!!!!!!!!  
CCG: OKAY, EIGHT IS LOLCAT.  
CCG: EVERYBODY MEET UP OUTSIDE NEPETA'S HIVE ON LOLCAT IMMEDIATELY.  
CAC: :33 < oh! what a coincidence!  
PGC: Y34H, 4 CO1NC1D3NC3  
PGC: SUR3, TH4TS WH4T 1T 1S  
CCG: SHUT UP.  
CCG: ANYWAY, I'VE GOT A FEW IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE.  
CCG: UH, WAIT, SHIT  
CCG: I GUESS I SHOULD ASK FIRST  
CCG: NEPETA, IS NOW A GOOD TIME?  
CAC: :33 < of course!  
CAC: :33 < ive always got time fur a team m33ting!  
CCG: NO, I MEAN  
CCG: IS IT THE RIGHT TIME?  
CCG: OR IS IT TOO SOON OR SOMETHING?  
CAC: :33 < karkat  
CAC: :33 < its the right time now  
CAC: :33 < its not too soon for anything  
CAC: :33 < so dont worry about it!  
CCG: OKAY, GOOD.  
CGA: Now See Karkat What Did I Tell You  
CCG: KANAYA, SHUSH!!  
CCG: ANYWAY, TEAM MEETING ON LOLCAT, RIGHT FUCKING NOW.  
CCG: BE THERE OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU.  
CCG: MEMO OVER.  
CCG: NEPETA, BAN ALL THESE PEOPLE, WOULD YOU?  
CAC: :33 < with pleasure!  
CAC banned FCA from responding to memo.  
CAC banned PGC from responding to memo.  
CAC banned FTA from responding to memo.  
CAC banned FTC from responding to memo.  
CAC banned PAT from responding to memo.  
CAC banned PAG from responding to memo.  
CAC banned FCC from responding to memo.  
CAC banned CAA from responding to memo.  
CAC banned CGA from responding to memo.  
CAC banned PCT from responding to memo.  
CAC: :33 < done!  
CCG: SW33T.  
CCG: I MEAN SWEET.  
CCG: ANYWAY, I ASSUME YOU'RE ALREADY THERE, SO I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT.  
CAC: :33 < actually im not  
CAC: :33 < i was just out doing some quests  
CAC: :33 < but ill be there on the double!  
CCG: OH NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUSH OR ANYTHING, TAKE YOUR TIME.  
CCG: YOU'VE MORE THAN EARNED YOURSELF A BREAK ALREADY.  
CAC: :33 < oh  
CAC: :33 < well thank you, karkat!  
CCG: HEY, DON'T MENTION IT.  
CAC: :33 < anyway, ill be there soon!  
CCG: GREAT.  
CAC: :33 < okay, im leaving now  
CAC: :33 < bye!  
CCG: SEE YOU IN A BIT.  
CAC ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: <3  
CCG ceased responding to memo.  
  
CAC closed memo. 

*** 

Karkat paced nervously at the front steps of Nepeta's towering hive. Thankfully, Kanaya's space powers meant that the two of them could get there instantly, giving him a little more time to prepare what he was going to say. He turned to his attendant moirail, squinting a little as his eyes caught the still-unfamiliar glow of her skin. "Kanaya, are you sure this is gonna work?"

"Karkat, I'm absolutely confident it will," Kanaya assured him. "There's no way she'll say no."

"That's what I thought the _first_ time," Karkat replied, giving her a dour look. "And then I got rejected into last week."

Kanaya approached Karkat and grasped him by the shoulders, stopping him in his tracks. "Well, now you've clawed your way back into the present. You're not past you anymore. You're a new man with a new moirail and a wonderful new set of clothing."

He looked down at the clothing in question. His usual shapeless sweater had been replaced by a perfectly-fitted cardigan, black with a grey trim and buttoned up over a high-necked black undershirt. The grey symbol of Cancer took its place on the left breast. On his legs were a pair of grey slacks, a little tighter-fitting than his usual pair, but otherwise not very different. The only remarkable thing about them was the bright red belt holding them up; Kanaya insisted it was necessary to add "a splash of color," though he had to wonder just why it had to be that _particular_ color. But still, he had to admit it was a nice outfit.

"Yeah. Thanks again for the clothes, they look great." His eyes quickly scanned over Kanaya. "Though I feel a little underdressed compared to you." She was wearing a sleeveless black God Tier robe, though with the hood off, it looked more like a fancy dress.

Kanaya chuckled lightly. "I'm sorry, would you like me to change into something else? Unfortunately, my usual attire has a gaping hole in it, but I'm sure I could muster something suitably plain."

Karkat gave her a dismissive wave. "No, no, it's fine," he said. "If you tried to find an outfit that made me look better than you, we'd be here for sweeps."

"Well..." She gave his outfit one last examination. "As proud as I am of my work, I think you might be right."

"Whatever, it's not that important," he concluded, shaking his head. "She's not gonna turn me down because of my fucking sweater."

"She's not going to turn you down period," Kanaya corrected him, taking a moment to straighten out his cardigan. "She's going to officiate her last ship right here, and you two are going to live happily ever, and that's all there is to say on the matter."

Karkat closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath, then letting it out in a calm sigh. "You're right. Thanks, Kanaya." He opened his eyes to meet Kanaya's, but her own glowing amber eyes had wandered down to stare at Karkat's neck. He sighed. "Kanaya! My eyes are up here."

Kanaya jumped, breaking out of her disconcerting ogle. "Sorry, sorry. I'm still acclimating to the whole rainbow drinker thing." Suddenly, her gaze unfocused, and she snapped her head up to the sky. "Hold on. Someone's coming."

He tried to look up at what she was staring at, but he couldn't see anything in the chamomile skies of the Land of Little Cubes and Tea. "Huh. Is that a rainbow drinker thing or a God Tier thing?"

"I'm not really sure," Kanaya admitted. "Probably a bit of both."

Sure enough, two figures were just starting to become visible on the horizon. Each was followed by a trail of colorful sparkles, one red and the other teal. Karkat groaned. "Oh great, it's just the fucking lunatic I wanted to see," he lamented, rolling his eyes.

Kanaya chuckled. "Well, at least her moirail will be here to keep her in line."

"I'm not so sure about that," Karkat replied. "Aradia's been a little... off lately. I think Terezi's a bad influence on her. You know they're doing the salmon thing too, right? And they're completely unabashed about it, too! It's fucking disgraceful!"

A voice screeched down from the sky. "I can see you talking about us down there, fuckass!"

Karkat turned and glared up at the source. "Oh yeah?! Well, why don't you take a nice, long look at this!" he shouted, raising a middle finger up at his approaching kismesis.

Terezi increased her pace toward the group, bearing down on Karkat, and Aradia hustled to keep up with her. Kanaya bit her lip in concern. "I'm not going to have to separate you two, am I?"

"Kanaya, please, I'm on official team business here," Karkat assured her, crossing his arms, "and I'm not about to get distracted by some _psychotic broad who chugs genetic material like it's fucking Faygo Redpop_!" He deliberately shouted the last part just to make sure Terezi heard it.

The teal-winged troll fluttered to the ground a few feet away from them, resisting the urge to make a crash landing right into Karkat. She took a look at him and sneered. "Nice sweater, dork. I can't wait to rip this one to pieces, too," she said, flashing him a wicked grin.

Karkat glared at her. "You're perfectly fucking welcome to try it _after_ the team meeting," he cautioned her. "As it is, if you lay so much as a fucking claw on my outfit, I'm hanging you from this hivestem with your lucky dragonyy'yd boxers over your head."

"What?! You--" Terezi sputtered, glaring at Kanaya for a split second, then shaking her head. "I mean, I don't have any lucky dragonyy'd boxers!" A growing teal blush on her cheeks seemed to indicate otherwise.

"Terezi, calm down," Aradia quickly cut in, gently papping her moirail on the face. "We're here for a meeting. You two can work out your differences later."

Terezi groaned. "We just had to be the first ones here, didn't we?"

"Did you see anyone else on your way here?" Kanaya inquired.

"I'm pretty sure Eridan was trailing along behind us," Terezi answered, "because he decided to walk for some reason. He's still caught up with the whole 'magic being real' thing."

Aradia snickered. "Yeah, and I'm pretty sure the Lost Dorks tagging along with him aren't making him go any faster. I bet they stopped to rap or something."

Kanaya was the first to hear the indistinct chatter coming from higher up on Nepeta's hive, and she raised her head. "Actually, I'm guessing that's them."

The trio continued to converse as they descended the hive's many staircases. "...real, bro. I mean, shit, we're surrounded by motherfuckin miracles here," Gamzee was explaining.

"Yeah, I mean, look at me," Tavros said. "I, uh, died on a rock, and now my legs work, and I have wings, and also a bunch of cool windy powers. If that's not magic, then... uh, what would you call magic, even?"

"No, look, you all are usin' an overly-broad definition a' magic here," Eridan rebuffed. "All this shit is supernatural, I'm not denyin' that, but for fuck's sake, Alternia had psychics an' skeletons an' fuckin ghosts on it, that's nothin' new. I'm talkin' about magic as in the harnessin' of supernatural energy through nothin' more than verbal and/or gestural invocation, an' possibly the involvement of mundane physical components to either catalyze the reaction or be consumed in order to incite it."

There was a moment of silence. "Uh... could you repeat that, bro?" Gamzee eventually piped up.

Eridan sighed. "Y'know, wave your wand, say 'abracadabra,' magic comes out."

"Don't forget the pinch of sulfur!" Terezi cried up to them.

"Aw shit, I _completely_ forgot the sulfur!" Eridan lamented, and he hustled down the stairs to meet the other four trolls. His God Tier outfit had been modified to be a little more regal, looking something like a high-ranking naval officer, complete with a cape and matching set of epaulettes. As he approached the group, he drew a glowing white wand from his strife specibus and brandished it over his head. "Okay, accio fuckin' prestigio, everybody," he chanted, and with a flourish of his wand, an aura of golden sparkles flared around him briefly. "The _Wizard_ of Hope has arrived!"

Karkat just blinked at him. "Is fuckin' a magic word now?"

Eridan raised his nose condescendingly. "Kar, you of all people should know fuckin' is the most magical a' words."

"Well, fuck, you got me there," Karkat had to admit.

Gamzee and Tavros finished their descent and approached the group. They were both bedecked in God Tier apparel as well, though Gamzee's had been completely overhauled to strip out any clownish elements. His pinstriped violet overshirt was opened to reveal a simple undershirt with the Rage logo underneath, though it was obscured by the long, loosely-done brown necktie hanging over it. His plaid breeches terminated just high enough to reveal a pair of white socks. The beret sitting atop his unruly mop of hair completed the ensemble. Tavros' outfit, on the other hand, was mostly unmodified from its original state, the only addition being a long pair of pants in the same sky-blue shade as his shirt.

"Alright, how many motherfuckers we got here?" Gamzee asked, sizing up the group.

Tavros' eyes instantly darted to Aradia. "Oh, _you're_ here."

Aradia glared at him. "Where's your moirail?"

"Yeah, where _is_ your moirail?" Karkat repeated, looking at Tavros expectantly.

"Oh, I'm fine, thanks for asking," Tavros said, rolling his eyes. "Just another wonderful day of, y'know, being a person who's significant outside of my relation to Vriska and all."

Karkat sighed. "I'm asking because I wanted to bitch her out in person for all of this manipulative bullshit with Feferi. Unless you wanted me to bitch you out in her place instead."

"Karkat, please," Aradia interjected, "if anyone's going to bitch Tavros out, it's going to be me."

"Yeah, Karkles," Terezi chimed in from the sidelines, "try to keep it in your pants." Karkat just glowered at her in response.

"Look, she got bored, so she went to mess with Sollux or something," Tavros explained.

Aradia lowered her face into her hand. "Oh my god, seriously?"

"It's not like they're gonna destroy the planet or something." Tavros quickly surveyed the horizon. "Or at least, it doesn't look like they are, uh, currently."

"Look, nobody gives a flyin' fuck about that," Eridan cut in, walking up to Karkat and placing a hand on his shoulder. Karkat flinched back a little at the touch. "Kar, we gotta talk about this whole ashen thing with you an' Sol."

Karkat gave him an annoyed growl. "There isn't a fucking ashen thing with me and Sol!"

Gamzee approached the two. "Hey, I ain't tryin' to force anything to a motherfucker," he insisted, turning to Eridan. "Bro, maybe we should just drop this shit."

"I'm not droppin' anything!" Eridan snapped at him. "I'm not about to let Nep win this race on a fuckin' technicality!" He turned back to Karkat. "Come on, Kar, what's the problem here? Do you not want Gam as your auspistice, is that it?"

"Yeah, _is_ that it?" Tavros reiterated, giving Karkat a nasty look.

"No, it's not..." Karkat let out a deep sigh and turned to Gamzee. "Look, Gamzee, it's not that I'm not ashen for you, alright? I'd be more than happy to have you become my auspistice, _later_. As it is, I _really_ don't want to deal with this shit right now."

"It's cool, bro, I get you," Gamzee said.

Eridan just pointed a finger at Karkat. "I'm countin' that as consent. That's three for three, ship fuckin' sailed!" He clapped his hands, then raised them above his head in a victory pose.

Karkat just glared at the seadweller, trying to bore a hole in the back of his head with his eyes. "No it isn't!"

"Hey, you losers didn't start the meeting without us, did you?!"

Karkat and the rest turned to see Vriska and Sollux making their landing, two trails of yellow and blue sparks wafting together behind them. "Oh, fantastic, if it isn't my _other_ two favorite people in paradox space."

Sollux smiled and pointed at him. "Love you too, KK." Karkat gagged.

"Karkat! So great to see you!" Vriska said, coming up and throwing an arm around him. "Hey, just wanted to say congrats on the thing with you and Kanaya again! You two'll be great together, I just know it."

"Why are you touching me," Karkat asked, half confused, half terrified, and half just plain angry. "And why are you trying to be nice to me?"

Vriska scoffed. "Karkat, I'm not _trying_ to be nice, I _am_ being nice!" she corrected him. "And obviously I'm being nice to you because we're friends now!"

Karkat didn't look impressed. "Since when have we been 'friends,' and how soon can we stop?"

"Since you became Kanaya's moirail, duh!" She rolled her eyes. "Come on, Karkat, you can't expect to be in a moirallegiance with my matesprit and not be friends with me."

"She's got you there, Kar," Eridan pointed out. "You're second-degree bros now."

The bro in question sighed deeply. "Kanaya, I don't think this is gonna work out."

Kanaya frowned, then gently pulled Vriska away from her beleagured moirail. "Look, I'm sure you two have plenty you'd love to discuss," she said, "but why don't you just do it later?"

"Yeah, yeah, alright," Vriska relented, her attention drifting to her newly-phosphorescent matesprit. "Wow, Kanaya, you look really good. The whole glowy thing suits you."

"Oh. Um, thank you." Kanaya turned away, a faint jade blush literally lighting up her face.

"So what took you two so long?" Aradia asked. "Did Vriska try to start up a fight?"

Vriska rolled her eyes and laughed. "Aradia, please, if I'd decided to start something, this whole planet would be falling apart by now. We just had to slow down 'cause this loser had to talk to his moirail," she explained, pointing her thumb back at Sollux.

"Yeah, except she was getting grilled by NP," Sollux went on. "Needless to say, I didn't want to get dragged into that shit."

At the mention of Nepeta's initials, Karkat's head jerked over to Sollux. "Wait, Nepeta was with her?"

"Yeah, and EQ was there, too," he answered. "It looked like the most awkward fucking conversation in the history of spoken language, so I kept my distance."

Karkat took a deep breath in and out, breaking out of Vriska's grip and turning away from the rest of the trolls. "Okay. She's gonna be here soon, and then we can get this meeting started. _Okay_."

Terezi couldn't help but chuckle. "What's the matter, Karkitty?" she needled him. "You nervous?"

"Don't call me that," he instantly snapped at her. "And no, I'm not nervous, I'm just... mentally preparing for my speech."

"Oh god, you didn't tell me there was going to be a _speech_ ," Sollux groaned, and he turned away and gave the crowd a wave. "Fuck this, I'm out of here."

"Sollux Captor, if you take another fucking step, I'm going to hurl a sickle right into the base of your fucking spine, do you hear me?!"

He laughed. "Alright, fine, I'll stay here. God, KK, you don't have to get all ashen at me."

Karkat glared at him. "Just shut the fuck up until everybody else gets here."

"I believe I hear them approaching, actually," Kanaya said, moving over to Karkat. She placed her hands on his shoulders and gently rubbed them in an effort to calm him down.

He breathed out nervously. "You're sure this makeup is gonna hold out?"

Terezi snickered. "You're wearing makeup?" she had to ask.

"It's just grey, fuck off," Karkat responded. "Just a precaution, that's all."

"That's right," Kanaya affirmed, "and no matter how impassioned your speech may get, not a bit of flush is going to come through."

Karkat breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. One less thing I have to worry about." He heard the remaining three trolls approaching, so he shut up to listen.

"...telling you, it will not happen again!" Feferi was saying as she came down the stairs.

"It better not!" Nepeta snapped at her. "Fefurry, you have to be more careful! I mean, I don't know if it's just beclaws your thing with Kanaya befur, but--"

Feferi cut her off with a groan. "Of course it's not that!"

"Nepeta, you're being too harsh," Equius interjected. "Feferi is not even fully to blame. I am equally responsible for the mishap."

"How are you responsible for it? _She killed you_!"

A chorus of giggles erupted among the gathered trolls, bringing the conversation to a halt. Feferi hastened down the stairs to see who was laughing. "Oh, everyone is here already!" she concluded.

Nepeta let out a dissatisfied huff. "Fine, we can talk about this later," she said, and the three of them finished their descent. Equius was clad in his God Tier attire, a simple dark blue pants/shirt combo with a long hood, and Feferi was wearing her own as well. Her robotic cuttlefish Antoine hovered dutifully over her shoulder. Nepeta, on the other hand, was wearing the outfit Kanaya had made for her just a week ago: an olive leather jacket with a white fur collar terminating right in the middle of her torso, combined with an equally midriff-baring black shirt and a form-fitting pair of blue leather pants. The other nine trolls turned to look at them, and Karkat gulped as he saw Nepeta's outfit.

"Hey bro, how's the air down here?" Gamzee asked the approaching blueblood.

"It was fine, until you tainted it with your inane vocalizations," Equius answered with a sneer. "I'd thank you not to subject us all to any more."

Gamzee held up his hands defensively. "Alright, motherfucker, I'll choke it down. Don't got to all wring my neck about it." Tavros laughed, and Equius just growled at both of them.

"Alright, alright, settle down, all a' you," Eridan cut in, glancing between the three of them. "Don't make me get my wand out."

Nepeta waved to Karkat and smiled. "Hi, Karkat! I like your outfit!"

"Oh, uh, thanks," Karkat answered. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "Uh, yours actually looks really good too." Actually, it was _her_ he thought looked good, but he didn't want to say that in front of everybody.

"Well, thank you!" she replied with a wide grin. "Kanaya made it fur me. And I'm guessing she made yours, too!"

"Yes, and you both look wonderful in them," Kanaya chimed in.

Feferi wandered over to her moirail, and Equius followed closely behind. As she did, she turned to Karkat and gave him a little wave of her own. "Hi Karcrab," she said with a mischievous grin. Antoine mimicked the motion, waving a tentacle at Karkat and making the sultriest noise his vocalizer unit could make.

Karkat jabbed a finger at her. " _You_ stay the hell away from me," he ordered her, then turned his finger to Sollux. "And you make _sure_ she stays the hell away from me."

Sollux chuckled. "Fine, dude, whatever."

"Hey, speaking of Crabcatch," Feferi said, turning to Sollux, "have you settled the whole thing with him yet or not?"

"I don't know," Sollux replied, turning to Karkat. "KK, have we settled the whole thing with us yet?"

Karkat clapped his hands. "Hey! Imagine that!" he shouted. "It's time for the team meeting to start! And that means we all need to shut up and stop talking about whatever we're talking about!"

"Pfff, whatever," Sollux said, waving him off.

"Okay, seriously, people! Let's get in order here!" Karkat commanded the throng of trolls. After a great deal of jostling, the other ten had formed a semicircle in front of Karkat, with Nepeta and Vriska standing next to each other directly across from him, and the rest standing moirail to matesprit to moirail, with Eridan and Terezi at opposite ends. Kanaya remained in her position behind Karkat.

He turned to her. "Um, Kanaya, would you mind joining the rest?"

Kanaya blinked at him. "I thought you might want me here for support."

"Yeah, I understand," Karkat replied, "and as your moirail, I'm glad you're here for me, but... as your leader, I need you to take your position. Nothing personal."

She gave him a slight bow. "As you wish," she said. "Far be it from me to expect preferential treatment in matters of rank." With that, she turned and joined the rest of the trolls, standing between Vriska and Nepeta, placing the latter firmly in the center.

"Okay!" Karkat said, clapping his hands together, and the trolls fell into silence. "Now, you're probably wondering why I've called you all here today."

"Not really," Sollux said. Terezi reached a hand behind Aradia, and he gave her a high five.

Karkat turned to him. "Sollux, with all due respect, shut the fuck up."

Feferi seconded the motion with a nudge to her moirail's ribs. "You heard him."

"Anyway, _as I was saying_ ," Karkat continued, "I called you all here today for a very important reason. And that reason has to do with Nepeta's shipping duties." He gestured to Nepeta, and the rest turned to look at her.

Nepeta gasped. "Oh! Um, okay!" She bit her lip, suddenly realizing everyone's attention was on her.

Karkat gave her a sympathetic look. "Nepeta, would you mind stepping forward? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to, but..."

"No, I will, I will!" Nepeta assured him, taking a few steps forward. She looked down, brushing at her shirt and kicking a few errant cubes away from her feet, then looked back up at Karkat.

"Thank you," Karkat told her, then turned back to the group. "Now, as you all know, Kanaya and I recently became moirails," he said, gesturing to Kanaya, who simply nodded. "It's an arrangement we're both incredibly pleased with, and it wouldn't have been possible without Nepeta's help."

"Whoo, yeah!" Vriska said, clapping for the happy couple. A few others started to join her, but Karkat shut them down with a glare.

"I'll _thank_ you to hold your applause," he said to Vriska pointedly. She just shrugged and stopped clapping. "Anyway, Nepeta," Karkat went on, "I just wanted to thank you personally for what you did for us."

Nepeta smiled nervously. "Well, of course, Karkat!" she said. "I'm always happy to help!"

Karkat nodded. "Of course. And with that quadrant established, that means you've successfully shipped eleven of the twelve ships you set out to create." He swept his hand out to the other trolls. " _Now_ you may applaud." All ten of them did so, and Nepeta couldn't help but blush a little at all the attention.

As the applause died down, Eridan felt compelled to pipe up. "I've got all ten!"

"No you don't! I haven't agreed to anything!" Karkat shouted at him. "And don't speak out of line!"

"Bah! Foul!"

" _Eridan_!" Karkat and Nepeta both growled in unison. He just muttered something under his breath and gave them both a dismissive wave.

Karkat glared at him for a second longer, then turned back to Nepeta, allowing his expression to soften only slightly. "Anyway, with all that in mind, there's something I wanted to tell you."

"Oh, okay," Nepeta said, then looked away, smiling nervously. "Well, there's something I've been meaning to tell you too."

"Really?" Karkat blinked, hesitating for a second. "Well... maybe you should go first."

From the sidelines, Eridan rolled his eyes. "Kar, just tell her first!"

Karkat rolled his eyes. "And just why the fuck should I?"

"'Cause if you don't, you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life," Eridan answered.

"Hm." Karkat considered it for a minute. "Okay, fine, you're probably right," he admitted, then turned back to Nepeta. "Okay, well, I'm not really telling you anything you don't already know here, but... well, I guess I just want to announce it, just so everyb--"

"Just say it already!" Terezi shouted at him.

" _I'm saying it_!" Karkat shouted over to her, taking an extra moment to flip her the bird again, He turned back to Nepeta. "Anyway, what I'm saying is..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in and out.

"I pity you."

Nepeta stared at him blinking, not fully understanding the statement. The other trolls seemed to share the sentiment, looking at each other in confusion.

Karkat groaned. "Damn it, that still doesn't sound right for some reason," he muttered to himself. "' I'm flushed for you?' 'I have mating fondness towards you?'" Suddenly, a look of realization dawned on his face. "God damnit, I'm gonna have say it, aren't I?"

"Karkat, stop being such a tool and just say it!" Terezi ordered him.

"Fine, I'll say it!" Karkat shouted back to her, then looked Nepeta in the eyes.

"Nepeta, I love you!"

Nepeta gasped, placing a hand over her heart, and the others reacted in kind, muttering among themselves. Karkat stopped for a moment to take in the magnitude of what he'd just said. It felt so _wrong_ somehow, using that word, like it was a vast expletive more profane than any of the countless he'd uttered in his short existence. And yet, at the same time, it felt so _right_ , and he wanted to keep saying it over and over again until echoed throughout the entire universe.

Taking a moment to catch his breath, he continued. "I love you, and I have since... I don't know, it feels like sweeps now! I love you because you're strong, and you're kind, and you're brave, and you're just... you're such a fucking _good_ person that I can't believe that someone like you even _exists_! And all I want to do is make you happy, because I realize now that that's what makes  me happy more than anything else! And I just... I..." He trailed to a stop, breathing heavily. Nepeta just stared at him in shock, an olive blush burning up her face.

"I know you said you needed more time," Karkat eventually continued, "and if you still need more, then fine, whatever. I'll wait as long as it takes. But I have to know if you feel the same way about me, Nepeta. Maybe it's too much to ask, but I have to know."

Nepeta's heart raced as she continued to stare at Karkat wordlessly. This was the moment she'd been waiting for, not just for the past few weeks, but for her entire life. The boy she'd loved for ages was confessing his own love for her, and she knew in her heart it was the right time to tell him she felt the same for him. A little voice in the back of her mind told her so.

**GO FOR IT, KID.**

She intended to do exactly that.

Karkat looked at her pleadingly. "So? Do you?"

" _Yes_!" Nepeta shouted, a little more loudly than she probably should've. "Of course I love you, Karkat! I always have! And I've wanted to tell you for so long, but I just couldn't!" She looked down at the ground sadly, olive tears welling in her eyes, and the smile that had been growing on Karkat's face vanished. "And I _should've_ told you before, but I couldn't, and I know it must've hurt you, so I'm just... I'm sorry."

Karkat slowly walked up to her. "Nepeta, you have nothing to apologize for."

Nepeta looked up at him tearfully. "But I do, though! Because you deserve better than that, Karkat! After everything you've done for all of us, after everything you've given to this team, you deserve better than to have your heart broken by a girl like me!"

"It's yours to break, Nepeta," Karkat told her, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I don't know why you couldn't tell me, but it doesn't matter now. As long as there's nothing standing between you and being my matesprit, it doesn't make a difference to me."

"Of course there isn't, Karkat," Nepeta told him.

He looked her in the eyes. "Then Nepeta... will you be my matesprit?"

Nepeta's smile threatened to break her face apart, and she threw her arms around Karkat's shoulders in an enormous hug. "Yes! Yes, of course I will!" He reeled back a little, but quickly returned the hug. The other trolls broke into applause once more, and Karkat looked up at his moirail over Nepeta's shoulder. Kanaya just smiled and nodded, her way of saying both _you aren't visibly blushing_ and _I told you so_.

The two continued to hug for a moment longer until Equius took a step forward. "A- _hem_ ," he loudly cleared his throat, and Karkat nearly jumped out of his skin. "Mr. Vantas, if I might have a word with you."

Karkat immediately let go of Nepeta and looked over to her moirail in horror. "Oh god, I probably should've talked to you about this beforehand, huh?"

"Perhaps," Equius answered, regarding Karkat coolly. "Nonetheless, it would be foolish to expect you to require my permission in this matter. If Nepeta's heart is truly set on you, then there is little I could do to dissuade her."

"Uh, right," Karkat agreed, looking away.

Equius turned to his moirail. "Nepeta, do you truly wish for him to be your matesprit?"

"Yes I do!" Nepeta answered confidently.

"Very well, then." Equius gave a slight bow. "In that case, I wish you both the best."

Karkat stared at him for a second. "Yeah, thanks."

Equius turned to look straight at Karkat, his gaze lingering for a moment before he spoke again. "Of course you are aware, Mr. Vantas, that should you ever do anything to hurt Nepeta, then I will be forced to take drastic action against you. And you are doubtlessly already aware of just how _strong_ I am, so it would be foolish to speak any further of that." He glowered at Karkat, slowly walking towards him. "But recently, a significant number of powers have fallen under my purview, and with them at my command, there is nothing you could possibly do to escape my wrath. You cannot run..." He made a move to charge at Karkat, and Karkat flinched, but as soon as he opened his eyes, Equius was nowhere to be seen.

"And you cannot hide," the voice came from behind him, and Karkat screamed and turned around to see Equius standing just inches away from him. "Are we absolutely clear?"

"Yes! We're clear!" Karkat shouted, clutching at his chest. "Just never fucking do that again!"

Equius nodded. "I shall refrain only so long as you do not give me reason to do so."

"I'm certain that he won't," Kanaya vouched, stepping toward the three of them. "And while we're discussing such pleasantries, I suppose I should address you, Miss Leijon."

Nepeta looked at her nervously. "Um, of course!"

Kanaya flashed her a pleasant smile. "Nepeta. I'm overjoyed that you finally confessed your feelings for Karkat. He cares a great deal for you, and I can tell that you care a great deal for him as well. I believe you'll be incredibly happy together as matesprits, and I hope you continue to enjoy each other's company well into the future."

"Well, thank you, Kanaya!" Nepeta said with a little bow.

"Of course." The pleasant look on Kanaya's face turned to a predatory glare. "And should you ever _cease_ to be a positive part of my moirail's life, you should know that as a master of Space, there is nowhere in existence that goes untouched by me. Wherever you go, I _will_ be able to find you, and I won't even need to use my chainsaw to rip you to pieces, but I just might be forced to employ it. Because even though I despise making messes, if you make one of my moirail, then I will be forced to make one of you." With a flick of her wrist, she produced a tube of lipstick in her hand, which then morphed into a very menacing--and very bloodstained--chainsaw. "Are we clear on that, Miss Leijon?"

Nepeta just stood in shock for a moment, eyes darting from Kanaya to her chainsaw and back again. "Yes! Yes, of course!" she eventually answered, nodding frantically.

With another motion, the chainsaw disappeared, and the pleasant look returned to Kanaya's face once more. "Good. Then I wish you the best."

"Okay, are you guys done now?" Karkat asked, clearly annoyed with all the ceremony. "Can we be matesprits now? Or does anybody else have any fucking objections?" Before anyone could say anything, Nepeta gave the assembled trolls a threatening look, making it clear she wasn't taking yes for an answer. "Okay then, it's official."

"Great!" Nepeta said, clapping her hands together. "In that case, there's something I'd like to do that I've been meaning to do for a while now!"

Karkat gave her a curious look. "And what's that?"

**YEAH, WHAT IS THAT.**

She wrapped her arms around Karkat's shoulders, placing her hands on his back, and looked at him with a pleased grin. "I'm gonna kiss the boy."

**YEAH!!!!!!!!**

Nepeta leaned in and planted her lips on Karkat's, engaging him in a passionate kiss. Karkat looked surprised at first, but quickly started kissing back, sliding his hands around Nepeta and pulling her closer. From the sidelines, Vriska clapped and catcalled, and a few of the other trolls joined her as well. Kanaya and Equius simply looked on in approval (though perhaps the former did so more than the latter).

Eventually, the two broke out of the kiss, and as Nepeta beamed up at Karkat, he smiled back at her earnestly. "Thank you," he said without really thinking.

"No, thank _you_ , Karkat," Nepeta replied. "Because with this ship..." A mischievous look came upon her face, and she turned to look at Eridan. "I've got all twelve! Which means I beat you! Ha ha! In your _face_!"

"No, _bullshit_!" Eridan cried furiously. "Kar already agreed he was gonna let Gam auspistice for him! The ship is practically already sailed!"

"Well, it's not _official_ , so it doesn't mean anything!" Nepeta insisted.

Gamzee took a step forward. "Whoa now, we ain't all got to up and start strifin' around this shit right now. Maybe we should all just level."

Equius directed a look of disapproval at him. "So are you auspisticizing for them now?"

"Hey, dude, this isn't even your business," Tavros told him, taking a step forward, "so why don't you just, I don't know, stay out of it?"

"Okay, everybody stop!" Karkat yelled, and the entire group stopped and turned to him. "Don't devolve into a gaggle of screaming assholes just yet, because this meeting isn't over, and I'm not done talking."

Sollux rolled his eyes. "Oh my god, KK, seriously? How much more shit do you need to say, dude, honestly?"

Karkat glared at him. "It's an important announcement concerning team leadership," he informed Sollux, "so why don't you just shut up and listen?"

"Fine, whatever," Sollux said with a shrug. Slowly, everyone else got back into their positions.

"Okay then," Karkat said, and he took a moment to collect his thoughts. He took a deep breath, then looked up at Nepeta. "Nepeta. This concerns you again."

"Really, Karkat?" Terezi had to ask. "What are you gonna do, promote her to co-leader just because she's your matesprit?"

Karkat glared at her. "No, that's not what I'm fucking doing!" he spat at her. "I mean, you're close, but it's not a promotion so much as it is a..." He hesitated for a moment, looking down at the ground. Eventually he muttered, "...a transfer of power."

Nepeta looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"Nepeta, I think..." He sighed and looked up at her again. "I think you should be the team leader. I mean, instead of me."

" _What_?" Nepeta repeated, looking utterly shocked. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not kidding, I'm serious," Karkat assured her, slowly stepping towards her. "I mean, you've done so much for this team, bringing everybody together and sorting all of their relationships out. You've certainly done more than I ever have. And everybody here probably respects you more than they've ever respected me, so... I just think you deserve it more than I do."

Nepeta looked at him pleadingly. "But... but Karkat, I can't be the leader! _You_ have to be our leader!"

He frowned. "Why? You'd be a better leader than anybody else here. Certainly better than me."

"But you _are_ a good leader, Karkat!" Nepeta insisted, walking up and grabbing him by the hands. "And you always have been! And the whole reason I did all of this was so that _you_ could be the one to lead us!"

Karkat blinked at her. "What do you mean?"

Nepeta looked down at the ground. "Well, you were always having to deal with everyone else's relationship problems. So I thought if I dealt with everyone's quadrants and brought them all together myself, then it'd be easier for you to lead them."

"That's right!" Feferi agreed. "And now we're an unbreakable battle fleet, twelve ships strong!"

"Twenty-two ships strong," Eridan corrected her.

Karkat glared at him. "Twenty- _one_."

"And maybe that wasn't the main reason I shipped everyone," Nepeta had to admit, her Task still in the back of her mind, "but it was a big one! I wanted to make things easier for you. Because I know you'd be a great leader if all this silly romantic stuff was out of the way."

"But that's the thing. _You're_ the one who brought us all together," Karkat pointed out. "Shouldn't you be the one to lead us?"

Nepeta let out a little laugh. "I'm no leader, Karkat. All I ever wanted was for everyone to get along. And now that they're doing that, my job is done. Now _you're_ the one who has to lead us." She looked down at the ground and smiled. "It's like... all this time, I was trying to forge us all into the ultimate weapon, but now someone has to wield it." She looked up at him once more. "And who better to do that than a Knight?"

Karkat laughed. "Yeah, I guess. But..." He looked across the faces of the other trolls, each staring back at him. "Do you guys even want me to lead you? I mean, I realize I've been kind of a shitty leader in the past."

"You were under a considerable amount of stress, Karkat," Kanaya said, more to the others than to him. "Your performance was understandable. And I believe now that your circumstances have improved, there will be nothing stopping you from being a fair and equitable leader."

Eridan snickered. "Yeah, especially since Nep isn't torturin' you anymore by puttin' off all your ships until the very end."

"Hey, screw you!" Nepeta growled at him.

"Honestly, KK, I'd rather have you leading than NP," Sollux admitted, crossing his arms. "If she was in charge, she'd probably just make us all roleplay and have tea parties all the time."

"Does anyone else even _want_ to be the leader?" Vriska asked with a confused look on her face. "It sounds like it'd just be a pain in the ass, I'd rather just do my own thing."

Terezi cackled. "Well, if Karkles isn't willing to do the job, then I might be willing to _reluctantly_ take up the mantle," she said with a grin.

"Oh, like fuck if I'm letting _you_ be the leader," Karkat responded, shooting her a dirty look. "If nobody else wants to do it, then I will just to keep you out of charge."

"Fine, whatever," Terezi blew him off. "I don't have to be the 'leader' to call the shots anyway. But just keep in mind you'll only stay in that position as long as you're fulfilling it competently." Karkat just huffed.

"I think you _shoald_ be our leader, Carpkat!" Feferi said. "You have a reel passion for it, and that's all that reely matters!" Antoine hovered forward a bit in front of her, nodding excitedly and trilling in agreement.

Karkat looked at her in disbelief. "Seriously?"

She flashed him a wide grin. "Shore! I mean, _I_ don't want to do it. All that strategy stuff sounds boring _anywave_."

"Yeah, and we have quite a bit of strategizing ahead of us," Aradia said. "And it's not going to end after we beat the Black King, either. We need somebody who's willing to commit to it." She smiled at him. "And you seem to love taking up impossible causes, so you'd be perfect!"

He stared at her unnverved for a second, then glanced back and forth to the other trolls. "Do you guys seriously still want me to be your leader?"

"Sure, brother," Gamzee answered, giving him two thumbs up. "You've always been decent by all of us, so I figure you'd make the best motherfucker for the job."

"Yeah, even if you were kind of a dick for a while, that doesn't make you a bad person or anything," Tavros agreed. "Uh, as long as you realize you were being a dick, anyway. And I mean, try not to be so much? Which I, uh, guess you're doing, so yeah."

Equius just crossed his arms. "I have no objections."

Karkat looked to each of the trolls one after the other, then stood up straight, suddenly filled with inspiration. "Fine, then. I'll remain the team leader," he said authoritatively. "But just keep in mind I'm going to be taking my job a lot more seriously from now on."

"Not _too_ seriously, I hope," Vriska replied. "We're all perfectly capable of handling ourselves, you know."  


Karkat scoffed. "Well, yeah, we kind of bent this game over our knee and beat it until its skin peeled off. Obviously, ten God Tier nutjobs aren't gonna need my flawless tactical guidance to blow things to hell." He took a deep breath in and out. "What I mean is that leadership is a serious responsibility, and it's not one I'm going to take for granted. But I expect the same kind of commitment from the rest of you. Are we clear on that?"

Nepeta stood up straight, giving Karkat an attentive salute. "Sir yes sir!" The rest of the trolls mumbled in assent as well.

Karkat couldn't help but chuckle a little to himself. "That never gets old," he mused to himself, then shook his head. "Anyway, good. I know you guys are all capable individuals, so I'm not going to wait on you prong and fucking nub and dictate your every move. All I ask is that we all work toward the same goal. Because as long as the twelve of us are united in a single purpose, there isn't a thing in paradox space that can stop us."

"Yeah!" Nepeta cried, thrusting a fist in the air, and the other trolls let out a cheer with her.

"Anyway, that's pretty much all I have to say," Karkat concluded, looking rather satisfied with himself.

"So are we done with this meeting already?" Sollux piped up.

Karkat gave him a sidelong glance. "Almost. There's still one more thing I want to get out of the way." Sollux groaned, but resisted the urge to say anything further.

"Oh?" Terezi leaned towards Karkat, giving a curious sniff in his direction. "What is it, Mr. Vantas? Is there some other _flushed_ revelation you wished to make?" she asked knowingly.

He hesitated a bit before he answered. "Not exactly. There's someone else who deserves to know first." He took a step toward Nepeta, grabbing her hands in his own, and she looked at him curiously. "Nepeta, this is something I've been putting off for a while, but I'm gonna have to do it eventually. And if I'm gonna do it with anybody, I'd rather do it with you."

A few of the trolls snickered from the sidelines. Karkat and Nepeta turned to them simultaneously. "Shut up!"

Nepeta turned back to Karkat. "Well, what is it?"

"Well, it'll require you to stay here, and me to go back to my planet," he answered. "And you'll probably want Equius to be here too. But... after that, we'll be together."

Nepeta took a moment to consider just what he was suggesting. It was a daunting prospect, ascending to God Tier. But Nepeta _had_ completed her Task, and as such, she'd basically mastered her aspect already. And if she and Karkat both ascended, then it would mean that they could literally be together forever.

The choice was clear. "I'll do it."

Karkat looked a little stunned at how quickly she'd made the decision. Equius did as well, taking a step toward his moirail. "Nepeta, are you absolutely certain you want to do this?"

"Yes," she answered solemnly. "This is the right time. I can feel it."

Equis nodded. "Okay. Whenever you're ready, we shall depart for your Quest Bed."

Karkat looked at her nervously. "In that case, you might want to wait until after this to say we're matesprits," he told her. "There's something I have to show you that... might change your mind."

"I doubt that," Nepeta quickly assured him.

He didn't look all that convinced. "Well, just wait until you see it." He turned to walk over to Kanaya. "Anyway, I'll contact you when I get there, and we can... synchronize the whole thing, I guess."

Nepeta smiled at him. "See you on the Battlefield, Karkat!"

"Yeah. See you there."

***

On the highest granulated mountaintop of the Land of Little Cubes and Tea, Nepeta sat on the floor of her Quest Recuperacoon, staring at her tablet computer. Equius stood vigilant beside her, a glimmering diamond bow clasped in his hands. Beyond the walls of the enclosement, the Battlefield had just begun to dip below the horizon, setting the atmosphere ablaze in a brilliant shade of hibiscus. But even though the sky was visible from the opening above her, Nepeta didn't look up. Her attention remained solely on the device in her hands, waiting for a message from the man she loved.

Equius eventually felt the urge to speak up. "So are you truly ready to go through with this?"

"Yeah, Equius," Nepeta answered, her gaze unfaltering. "Everyone else has already done it, so I'd have to eventually."

"But you're doing it for him." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

Nepeta waited a bit before she answered. "Yeah."

Equius slowly nodded. "You really love him, don't you?"

She nodded. "More than anything." Suddenly realizing what she said, she turned to look at Equius. "Well, maybe not more than you, but..."  


"No, I understand," Equius cut her off. "I'm happy for you. You've done more than enough to earn the right to him."

Nepeta looked down at the floor, suddenly feeling guilty. "I'm sorry for not being honest about it with you before, Equius."

Equius shook his head. "You apologize too much, Nepeta, You have nothing to be sorry for. If I'd wished to pry so deeply, I would've been more insistent."

"You shouldn't have had to, though," Nepeta told him. "I mean, normally, I would've told you, but... I had a really good reason for not doing it. It'd sound silly if I told you what it was, but I really did."

"I believe you, Nepeta," Equius said. "And you are forgiven."

She bowed her head in a nod. "Thank you."

An alert noise emitted from the tablet in her hands, and Nepeta jumped in her seat, attention instantly turning back to the device. "It's him!" she said, and quickly opened the Trollian window.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC].  
  
CG: OKAY, I JUST ARRIVED AT MY QUEST RECUPERACOON.  
AC: :33 < great!  
AC: :33 < ive b33n here fur a while, so im ready!  
CG: OKAY  
CG: SO YOU’RE READY TO, UM  
CG: GO THROUGH WITH IT?  
AC: :33 < i think so  
AC: :33 < are you nervous?  
CG: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I’M NOT NERVOUS, I’M PUMPED.  
CG: I’M ABOUT TO LIVE UP TO MY END OF A SUICIDE PACT, AND I COULDN’T BE MORE FUCKING STOKED ABOUT IT.  
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < thats sarcasm, right?  
CG: NO, I’M ACTUALLY COMPLETELY SERIOUS.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, A DOUBLE SUICIDE WITH YOUR MATESPRIT IS LIKE THE MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER, THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME.  
CG: I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE IN ONE, EXCEPT FOR THE WHOLE, YOU KNOW  
CG: DYING PART.  
AC: :33 < ://  
CG: SORRY, I’M JUST BEING CREEPY NOW, AREN’T I.  
AC: :33 < no, not at all!  
AC: :33 < i think its adorable actually <3  
CG: HEY, I’M NOT ADORABLE, I’M  
CG: WELL  
CG: OKAY, FUCK IT, I’M ADORABLE.  
AC: :33 < thats right you are! h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < anyway i get what youre f33ling  
AC: :33 < im kind of excited too!  
AC: :33 < maybe not as much fur the actual dying part  
AC: :33 < but fur the part that comes afterwards  
AC: :33 < >:33  
CG: UM  
CG: YOU MEAN  
AC: :33 < lets just say i may have written a piece of fiction about it  
CG: OH.  
CG: A PIECE OF FICTION?  
AC: :33 < would you like a preview?  
CG: UH, SURE.  
AC: :33 < okay, take a quick look at this  
\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] sent carcinoGeneticist [CG] the file "requited (nl/kv) [tw: bloodplay].doc" --  
AC: :33 < i assumed you were a limeblood when i wrote it  
AC: :33 < its kind of a cliche, i know  
AC: :33 < so just substitute whatefur your real blood color is  
CG: UH  
CG: WOW  
CG: THIS IS REALLY...  
CG: WOW.  
AC: :33 < i actually wrote that one purretty recently  
AC: :33 < so what do you think?  
CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS, BUT  
CG: SUDDENLY I CAN’T DIE FAST ENOUGH.  
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < yeah, i cant wait either!  
CG: BUT, UM  
CG: ABOUT THE BLOOD THING  
AC: :33 < oh, um  
AC: :33 < sorry, i guess i shouldve told you  
AC: :33 < i kind of have a thing fur blood  
AC: :33 < like, a really big thing  
AC: :33 < that efurryone else thinks is really weird  
CG: YEAH, THIS IS REALLY KIND OF  
CG: DETAILED.  
AC: :33 < sorry!  
AC: :33 < its kind of my specialty though  
CG: NO, IT’S FINE, I GET THAT. SO YOU HAVE A THING FOR MESSING WITH PEOPLE’S BLOOD, WHO AM I TO JUDGE.  
CG: I WAS ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT, WELL  
CG: MY BLOOD SPECIFICALLY.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < well what about it?  
CG: WELL, IT’S JUST  
CG: THE COLOR, SPECIFICALLY.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < well i can tell you right now, karkat  
AC: :33 < it doesnt make a diffurence to me what color your blood is!  
AC: :33 < it could be maroon red or tyrian purple or anywhere in betw33n, and i wouldnt love you any less fur it!  
CG: REALLY?  
AC: :33 < yeah!  
CG: LIKE, EVEN IF, HYPOTHETICALLY  
CG: IT WERE SOMETHING CRAZY, LIKE PITCH BLACK, OR BRIGHT CANDY RED, OR GLOWING RADIOACTIVE GREEN OR SOMETHING?  
AC: :33 < karkat, it could be all thr33 of those mixed together, and i still wouldnt care!  
AC: :33 < the color of your blood doesnt matter to me, karkat  
AC: :33 < all that matters is that youre you!  
AC: :33 < so whatever kind of blood you have, dont be ashamed of it  
AC: :33 < because ill love you all the same!  
CG: OH.  
CG: WELL, THAT’S GOOD TO HEAR, I GUESS.  
CG: I MEAN, PERSONALLY, I STILL THINK IT’S SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, BUT AT LEAST YOU’RE WILLING TO TOLERATE IT.  
AC: :33 < karkat dont be!  
AC: :33 < i mean it, it doesnt matter  
AC: :33 < not to me, and not to anybody else, either!  
AC: :33 < not even equius, and you know how he was before!  
AC: :33 < so please dont be ashamed!  
AC: :33 < whatever color of blood you might have, its special because its yours  
AC: :33 < so embrace it!  
AC: :33 < i know i will, and i havent even s33n it yet!  
CG: REALLY?  
AC: :33 < yes, really  
CG: WELL  
CG: OKAY, I GUESS.  
CG: YOU’VE BEEN RIGHT ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE, SO YOU MUST BE RIGHT ABOUT THIS TOO.  
AC: :33 < yeah, thats right!  
AC: :33 < ill accept you for who you are, karkat  
AC: :33 < and im pretty sure everyone else will too  
AC: :33 < and if they dont, then ill just MAKE them accept you!!!  
CG: HAHA, YEAH, YOU TOTALLY COULD.  
CG: THANKS, NEPETA. FOR EVERYTHING, REALLY.  
AC: :33 < of course!  
AC: :33 < and thank you too, karkat  
AC: :33 < ive wanted to be your matesprit for so long  
AC: :33 < so youve made me the happiest girl in paradox space!  
CG: THAT’S GREAT.  
CG: NO SERIOUSLY, I’M JUST  
CG: FUCK, MY FACE HURTS FROM SMILING SO MUCH  
CG: I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A HAPPY PERSON, NEPETA, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?  
AC: :33 < h33 h33, youd better get used to it!  
AC: :33 < because im not gonna stop, karkat  
AC: :33 < im gonna make you happy for the rest of your life!!!  
CG: AFTER I DIE, YOU MEAN.  
AC: :33 < right  
CG: SPEAKING OF WHICH, I THINK WE’VE DAWDLED LONG ENOUGH HERE.  
CG: KANAYA’S GOT HER CHAINSAW OUT, AND SHE’S STARTING TO GET IMPATIENT.  
AC: :33 < oh, okay!  
AC: :33 < well, im ready when you are  
CG: I’M READY RIGHT NOW.  
AC: :33 < okay  
AC: :33 < then i guess we better do it already  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: I GUESS I’LL SEE YOU ON THE BATTLEFIELD.  
AC: :33 < yeah, ill s33 you there!  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: BYE, NEPETA.  
AC: :33 < bye karkat!  
AC: :33 < <3  
CG: <3  
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]. 

Nepeta set the tablet down. "Okay, he's about to do it!" she said, turning to Equius. "Let's get this over with already."

Equius nodded. "In that case, you should lie down," he told her, and she quickly did so, clasping her hands over her stomach. "And I would prefer to, um... perform the rite while you were unconscious."

"I don't know, Equius," Nepeta said, looking up at him. "I'm not sure if I can fall asleep. I'm too excited!"

"Don't worry. I have a solution in mind." He raised his hand, an aura of black energy rising from it. "If you would permit it, of course."

Nepeta looked at him curiously. "Some kind of Voidy thing? Well, okay, if you think it'll work." She closed her eyes and waited.

Equius bowed his head to peer down at her. "Okay. I will see you again soon, Nepeta."

"Of course," Nepeta replied, eyes still closed. "See you soon, Equius."

Beneath the darkness of her closed eyelids, an even deeper blackness crept over Nepeta's eyesight, and soon she found herself smothered in the void of sleep. She felt herself awaken in her dream body, and the white noise of Derse filtered into her ears from the window of her tower, but she didn't stir. There was no other troll to visit on the moon, and the only person she wished to see was twelve planets away, slumbering in a tower of gold. But she knew she would see him soon, so she simply waited. And soon enough, she felt an intangible force piercing her chest, and olive blood seeped from a wound inflicted a thousand miles away.

With a final breath, Nepeta Leijon was dead.

***

Nepeta Leijon opened her eyes, and she was _alive_.

The first thing she noticed was that she wasn't standing on solid ground. She looked down to see the checkerboard sprawl of the Battlefield about fifty feet beneath her. All around her were minor signs of conflict passed, but there was no one present at the moment. She looked up, and directly above her, just barely visible in the sky, was the distant moon of Derse.

Having fully taken in her surroundings, she then took a moment to look at herself. As she expected, she was clad in the pink and burgundy attire of a Heart player. The sleeveless tunic left her arms bare, though a pair of fingerless gloves climbed nearly to her elbows. Over her legs were a pair of pink tights, which terminated into a lovely pair of bright blue boots. She had a large, high-collared hood around her head, with two buttons securing it around her horns. She felt something on her face as well, and reaching her hand up, it seemed as though she was wearing some kind of domino mask as well. She laughed. A perfect item to complete the ensemble of a Rogue.

She suddenly noticed that she was bobbing slightly up and down in the air, reminding her that she now had a pair of wings as well. Two gossamer green wings extended from her back, each made of three large, concave spikes like the leaves of a tropical plant. They flapped idly, instincts she didn't even know she had kicking in to keep her afloat, and a little sprinkling of olive sparkles fell from them with each gentle beat.

Her survey of her new form complete, she had only one goal in mind: finding her matesprit.

Nepeta closed her eyes, calling upon the powers of Heart, and a cascade of lines appeared in her vision, some rising up into the stratosphere and others piercing down into the ground. They came in all shapes and colors, one solid and white, one jagged and black, two twisting together in fluctuating shades of grey, and the rest in a rainbow of other hues. But one in particular, a bright and pulsating red, diverged from the others, running forward into the horizon of the Battlefield. She was no Seer, so she knew she wasn't seeing the souls of her friends. But she'd be a poor Rogue if she didn't know where she'd kept the pieces of her own.

She swooped down, eagerly tracing the red line to its destination. As she did, she idly surveyed the state of the Battlefield. With the help of the trolls, the tide had turned in the favor of the Prospitians. White carapacians, dressed in the colors of various aspects and augmented with their powers, held their ground in a long defensive circle around the Dersites' last remaining bastion. Brigades of angels from Eridan's planet flew ceaseless patrols in the skies, and several iterations of Aradia appeared in places to help out as well, a great sphere of them visible around the Black King to hold his powers at bay. Nepeta waved to a group of them as she passed by, and they smiled and waved back at her in unison.

The golden moon of Prospit slowly dawned over the horizon as Nepeta glided on, and as it came overhead, the line she was following finally reached its end. At its terminus, standing on the ground below her, was Karkat. He too was clad in his God Tier garb, a fairly simple long-sleeved shirt and pants combo, with a long brown cape and a pair of dark grey shoes. If he had a hood, he'd since taken it off to reveal his messy black hair.

Nepeta grinned excitedly. "Karkat!" she shouted down at him, and he turned to face her, giving a nervous wave. Before he could say anything in response, she dove down towards him with her arms open wide. Karkat planted his feet firmly in the ground and just barely stayed standing as she enveloped him in a merciless pouncehug.

"Fuck, Nepeta, are you trying to kill me?" Karkat asked, still smiling despite how annoyed he sounded. "I just died once, I don't want an encore already!"

"Hee hee, sorry! But I'm just so excited to see you!" She surprised him by leaning forward and planting a kiss right on his lips. "You look great!"

"Uh, thanks, you too. Though I have to say, I think the mask is a little goofy." He gave her a suspicious look. "How do I even know you're the real Nepeta? I can't even tell with your face covered up like that."

Nepeta giggled. "You got me! I'm actually an impawster, come here to steal your heart!" she told him, clawing at the air in an attempt to look menacing.

Karkat laughed. "Well, you're too late. The real Nepeta already got it."

"That's right, I did!" Nepeta said with a satisfied smirk. "But anyway, where are your wings, Karkat?" A concerned look came upon your face. "You have wings, right?"

He looked away, biting his lip. "Well, yeah, but... they're the same color as my blood."

She looked at him sympathetically. "Karkat, I already told you, it doesn't matter to me what color your blood is."

"Well, it's easy to _say_ something like that," Karkat replied, "but somehow I think you might change your mind if you actually knew what it was."

Nepeta sighed, then released Karkat and took a step back. "Then show me. It won't make a difference. I promise."

Karkat looked at her for a long moment, then looked at the ground and sighed. "Well, I guess you'd find out eventually. Okay, here goes..." He closed his eyes, and after a moment's concentration, two wings sprouted from his back.

Two large, rounded, bright red wings.

Nepeta gasped, covering her mouth in shock. Karkat looked up at her, and a pained expression came upon his face as he registered her reaction. She eventually worked up the nerve to speak. "It's... red? Bright candy red? That's really your blood color?"

"Yeah," Karkat answered dejectedly.

She stepped towards him, gently lifting his hand with her own and raising a claw over it. "Can I?"

"Sure, I guess."

She gently pricked the tip of his middle finger with her clawtip, and a drop of blood welled up on it. Sure enough, it was the same shade of red as his wings. She raised it up to eye level, staring at it fascinatedly, then smeared it onto her thumb. "It's like a cholerbear's. No, even brighter! It's..."

Karkat sighed deeply. "Yeah, I'm a fucking mutant," he admitted. "So low on the Hemospectrum that I'm not even _on_ the fucking thing. That's why I've been hiding it this whole time, because if anybody caught wind of it, I'd be culled faster than you could say 'send in the drones.'"

Nepeta just continued to stare at the blood on her fingers. "Yeah... I can't even imagine..."

"So if you want to write me out of your life now, I understand," Karkat said. "Or hell, if you just want to cull me, go right the fuck ahead. It's not like I'd have anything to live for anyway."

She shook herself out of her trance, dropping her hand and looking at him in horror. "Karkat, I would never do that!" she nearly shouted. "I mean... this is really surprising, sure, but... it doesn't matter! It doesn't change the way I feel about you at all!"

He looked at her in disbelief. "Really?"

"Yes, really!" She looked away for a moment. "I mean, if you'd been a different rank than me, I would've been worried that you would outlive me... or I would outlive you. But now that we both ascended, that doesn't matter anymore. None of it matters!"

"I guess not," Karkat admitted. "But... you're really okay with it?"

"Of course I'm okay with it," Nepeta answered. "If anything, I'm actually glad!"

Karkat gave her a confounded look. "Why the fuck would you be _glad_?"

"Because it makes you unique!" she answered. "It just confirms that you're a troll unlike any other. And you're all mine." She raised her bloodstained hand to him. "And your blood is bright, flushed red, just like I am for you."

He just gaped at her for a second. "Did you actually just say that?"

She doubled over in a giggling fit. "Yeah, I have to admit, that was really cheesy."

"No, it was great," Karkat assured her. "It's like a line right out of a mediocre romcom. I love that I have a matesprit who says shit like this. I just..." He opened his arms, and Nepeta took the hint, quickly grabbing him in a hug. "I love you, Nepeta."

"I love you too, Karkat."

Karkat frowned over her shoulder. "You know, I hate to bring this up right now, but I have to ask."

Nepeta pulled back and looked at him. "What is it?"

"Whatever happened to 'Karkitty?'" he asked her. "You used to call me that all the time, and then one day, you just stopped."

"Oh," Nepeta said, looking away with embarrassment. "Well, you told me to stop calling you that, remember? So I stopped calling you that."

Karkat grimaced as he recalled the conversation where he gave her that order, clasping a hand over his face. "Fuck, I _did_ tell you that, didn't I." He sighed and looked Nepeta in the eyes. "Look, Nepeta, call me whatever the fuck you want, okay? If you want to call me Karkitty, call me Karkitty."

She frowned at him. "But... you think it's annoying, don't you?"

"Nepeta, nothing you do annoys me anymore," Karkat told her. He suddenly reconsidered that statement. "Okay, that's not true, there are a few things. But 'Karkitty' isn't one of them. So by all means."

"Okay then, Karkitty it is!" Nepeta declared, gently poking the tip of his nose with her finger.

He laughed. "Excellent. I'm beginning to tolerate it already." After a moment of silence, he looked around the abandoned Battlefield, then turned back to Nepeta. "So... what now?"

Nepeta grinned at him. "Well, I say now we should get out of this dump and go somewhere a little more private. So... your hive or mine?"

"Uh..." Karkat gulped at the implications of her question, but quickly began pondering an answer. "Well, if we go to my hive, Terezi's my server player, but yours is..." He trailed off, shoulders slumping in realization. "Fuck. We pretty much both picked the absolute worst troll to be our kismesis, didn't we?"

"Ugh, yeah, I guess we did," Nepeta admitted. "Well, we could always go some other place than one of our hives. No one will be able to see us then."

"No, fuck that," Karkat declared. "I'm not dragging my matesprit to some hole in the wall in the middle of fucking nowhere on our first date. I'm taking you to your hive or mine, damn the consequences, because that's the way my lusus raised me!"

Nepeta stared at him for a second. "Well, okay, if you insist. But where should we go?"

Karkat scratched his chin. "We'll go to my hive," he decided. "Terezi already knows what color my blood is, so it won't matter if she decides to spy on us." Suddenly, something struck him. "Wait, shit, I just realized something. Fuck, I didn't even think about that!"

"What is it?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to get off of Skaia?" Karkat asked her. "I mean, you can get out of here just fine, but I can't get out of here without leaving a trail of mutant red sparkles behind me. Fuck!" He slapped his palm against his forehead. "Maybe Kanaya can get me out of here. But does she even know I need the help? Damnit, I should've told her to just teleport here later. God, I didn't think this through at all!"

Nepeta grabbed him by the arm and shook him out of his rant. "Karkat! It's okay, I have a solution!"

He looked over to her. "Oh. Well, what is it?"

"It's easy! Just put your wings away," she told him. He quickly complied, and as soon as he did so, Nepeta reached around and lifted him off the ground, one arm under his back and the other under his knees.

"Whoa, hey!" Karkat cried as she picked him up. "Jegus, Nepeta, warn a guy before you do things like this!"

"Hee hee, sorry," Nepeta said. Then, with a quick series of wingbeats, she lifted the two of them off the ground. "There, see? Now I can take you wherever we need to go!"

Karkat looked at the ground below them as they ascended. "Oh. Well this works, I guess," he admitted. "Though I have to say, this isn't how I pictured this going."

Nepeta cast her gaze to the sky, finding the Land of Pulse and Haze and ascending towards it. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, it's just..." He crossed his arms. "It's not exactly a romantic comedy moment, you know?"

"Sure it is!" Nepeta insisted with a grin. "The hero hooks up with the romantic interest, and they both fly off into the sunrise. What could possibly be more romantic?"

"Well, you've got a point, but I think _I_ should be..." He trailed off as he came to a realization. "Actually, you're right. I guess you _are_ a better fit for the leading role. Which makes me perfectly cast as the hilariously unsympathetic romantic lead."

Nepeta frowned. "You aren't unsympathetic!"

He scoffed. "No, I'm pretty sure I am. I'm basically Troll Eva Mendes in my favorite Troll Will Smith movie, where he spends the entire last act trying to get back together with her, even though she ruined his career and nearly got him culled. Seriously, Nepeta, I don't deserve you."

"Sure you do!" Nepeta insured him, then turned to him with a smile. "And even if you don't, don't you think I deserve you?"

"Nepeta, you'd have to have committed some seriously heinous crimes to deserve me."

She giggled. "Oh hush, you know what I meant!"

"Yeah, sure I did." He looked down at the ground again. "So... after we get to my hive, what are we going to do?"

Nepeta gave him a sly look. "What do you _think_ we're going t do?"

Karkat gulped. "Uh, yeah, I kind of got that," he said. "But I mean, was there anything else you wanted to do? I mean, like afterwards? Or beforehand, maybe?"

"Oh. I don't know!" she answered. "I hadn't really thought about it. What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know, we could play a game grub, watch TV, maybe watch a movie..."

"A movie would be nice!" Nepeta said. "Anything in particular you think we should watch?"

He let out a dry laugh. "Yeah. Anything but a fucking romantic comedy."

She laughed in turn. "Amen to that."

**Author's Note:**

> I've changed tumblr urls like a billion times since I first created this stupid end note, and I haven't changed it once since. If you really need to bother me about this fanfiction for some reason, my current tumblr is at [crushcrawfish.tumblr.com](http://crushcrawfish.tumblr.com/).

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Imperial Horseplay](https://archiveofourown.org/works/652907) by [Desfore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desfore/pseuds/Desfore)
  * [Poise and Posturing Amongst Rivals](https://archiveofourown.org/works/697074) by [Biblioholic93](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biblioholic93/pseuds/Biblioholic93)




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